The winter weather brought with it, chattering teeth, intermittent shivers, and a whole plethora of disease and bacteria. As such, a crowded building packed to the ceiling with sweaty, loud, hormonal and otherwise rowdy teenagers, was not the ideal place for a stallion on a mission such as myself. All around the school, students clung to their removed layers, fearful of losing said property. Whilst the cold and frost battered the outside, the inside, as well as all those within were subjected to the vile whims of that most evil of human-kinds creations... The Central Heating Apparatus.

In simple ponies terms, 'Cold makes humans dress warm, school building's heater makes humans dress down.' Leaving them lumbered with bundles of thick clothing that their lockers could not hold.

'Fucking Hot!' I guess would be the appropriate maxim. These poor apes, if only they had fur such as my fellow ponies, or their simian relatives.

Without Diamond Tiara to act as my guide, and no way of knowing which way or where she'd gone, I was left to find the teachers lounge on my own. A monumental task given the sheer size if the school proper. Already I was greeted by the occasional snickers and hushed murmurs of the Anon-a-Miss post; Rumors and hearsay spread like wildfire passing from student to student. It was fascinating to observe. As a teacher, or rather an otherworldly escaped criminal posing as one, I am privy to a first hoof exposure to the machinations of the more cynical minded students. Half truths to flat out lies were offered, like bits to an escort pony, in the hopes of continuing to be a part of the drama. Accusations of Diamond and Silver engaging in sexual activities of a group nature was a much-discussed topic from what I could hear. Another was the infuriating and often repeated, "Yeah I took the picture, then I did em' both. They asked me to..." I wouldn't have been as irritated if Every. Single. Student hadn't believed them. But sure enough, each and every time they bought it, hook-line-and-sinker. If it added to the scandal, actual facts need not apply, at least in their eyes.

"Maudie~" Well, that loud squeal effectively derailed my train of thought. I would have turned to yell if I didn't recognize the voice.

Turning back, I had precious few seconds to throw myself against the row of lockers behind me as Trixie charged passed at Mach-ten. Gleefully she flung her arms around the shoulders of a tall, plain looking mare.

"I missed you sooo~ much." Then she nuzzled her cheek. Strange, my kind nuzzles as a form of greeting and mutual affection, but with humans, it just didn't look right.

"Trixie, my darling. Every moment we are apart, is another heavy stone upon my soul, gray and many, that only your tender touch may clear."

Was that poetry? Because if so, then that was the most unintentionally hilarious poetry I have ever heard. Not because it was bad, I'd call it average at best, but the delivery, now that was another beast entirely. This... Maudie spoke with a monotone, stoic tone of voice. Everything she said sounded like she was reading from the world's most boring technical manual. Yet Trixie seemed to melt with each word.

"Oh Maudie, you're so articulate." Maudie wrapped Trixie in a tight embrace, her expression unchanged; I guess opposites really do attract. Funny, I would never have taken Trixie for a filly-fooler. Meh, I won't judge, I have enjoyed their company many-a-time... filly-foolers I mean. And believe you me, when they say 'Look but don't touch!' You really shouldn't touch. Fuck, I've still got the scar on the back of my head from the lamp they tossed on my mad dash over their garden fence. Funny how my tail didn't make it into this world yet this scar remained.

It's true what they say; Sometimes painful things can teach us lessons that we didn't think we needed to know.

Hmm, I could use that in my next lecture. Dear Celestia, one day here and I've already gone native.

Funny, this is the longest I've spent in the presence of two filly-foolers without slipping an 'I.O.U' into a G-string. They never once laughed but I thought it was funny.

"Oh, Mr. Dreamer." The sound of Trixie's voice snapped me out of my reminiscing, as is often a requirement whenever I have filly-foolers on the brain.

The show-mare dragged her marefriend towards me, arms linked as though this 'Maudie', was somepony that I just had to meet. Unfortunately, I don't have time for any more of this sweet, saccharine shit, pushing this facade is physically and mentally exhausting. Not to mention all this smiling is starting to hurt my face. And yet despite my edging away, she persisted, dragging her like arm candy around like an excitable mare introducing their special somepony to their parents. Maudie seemed as uninterested as I.

"Mr. Dreamer. Allow Trixie to introduce you to the jewel of her life, her... I mean, my girlfriend, Maud." In hindsight, I probably should have guessed that 'Maudie' was a cute pet name. That being said, 'Twinkle' is the most common first name back home, so 'Maudie' wasn't exactly eyebrow-raising in regard to names.

Maud and I held our gaze upon one another, an unspoken staring contest taking place whilst a half confused/ half nervous Trixie stood by the wayside, her eyes darting back and forth, unsure of what to do.

Seeing everything blur then descent into tunnel vision, I was forced to yield this match to Maud. I gotta hoof it to her, this mare is a staring champion , her bored expression didn't falter once. Smirking, I held out my hand to her, "Pleased to meet you, Maud." She did not respond.

Her stoic expression masked eyes that saw all. I could feel her emotionless stare, tearing away my disguise, revealing my true self, my darkest secrets on display for her to rifle through and dissect at her leisure. My breath caught in my throat as the spawn of darkness, known to the mortal plane as 'Maud' took a step forward. A bead of sweat ran down my face, the closer she approached, the more exposed I felt. And those eyes, that cold, dead-eyed stare. Like the predator's gaze of a midnight owl plunging into the dark, moments before it ends an unwary vole within its razor-sharp talons.

Another step; as she closed the gap, my hoof still dangling awkwardly in the air, I could make out each of the small freckles on her cheeks, almost unnoticeable against her otherwise flawless skin. Wordless step after wordless step brought her closer still; fear drew my mind back to alcohol-fueled stories of sailors adrift alone in the harsh unforgiving sea, and I wonder... was this the same fear they felt as the black, soulless eyes of a Great-White approached from the dark waters beneath.

She raised a hand, empty eyes shrouding her true intentions. This is it, no time to compare more animals, here it comes. One touch from this soulless reaper and the depths of Tartarus will be all I know. Flinching as my eyes clamped shut, I threw up my hooves in self-defense, if she wanted my life then she'd have to fight me for it.

However, my swift death never came.

Opening my eyes I was greeted by the blank stare of Maud, her paw held out awaiting another, like a dark specter ready to make some Faustian bargain for my immortal being.

"Pleased to meet you, Mr. Dreamer." Dear Celestia! Every word from her human muzzle is so utterly devoid of... Everything! I suppose that's what unnerves me the most. With everypony I've ever met I could read them and know all I need just from a few glances and a peek in their eyes. It's a skill that has saved my life on more than one occasion, but with this 'Maud' I was left blind. Everything about her is plain; No crumbs or stains to indicate her eating habits or bruises that might give away her behaviors. Even her stance was unreadable, I couldn't tell if she was serious or joking, she could be gearing up to tear my head off and I'd be caught completely unaware.

Awkwardly brushing off the flinching, which was by no means cowardly thanks to the universal law of 'because I said so', I wearily shook Maud's hoof. Biting my cheek, I quickly withdrew; does this Maud girl punch rocks for a living? Her grip is like a blacksmith's vice. Or those bear-traps my old crew and I set up to catch fleeing refugees in war-torn 'Her-Kuush', gotta hoof it to those Cyclops, they treat their own like garbage but they'll pay through the snout for a little expert 'Foreign-aide'.

Trixie appeared visibly relieved that we'd finally greeted one another, after what I can only assume was five solid minutes of averted gazes and emotionless stares.

"Well Trixie, Maud, as much as I would love to stay and chat, I'm afraid I have somewhere I need to be. Oh, I wonder, could either of you possibly tell me where I might find the teachers lounge?" Trixie stopped to think, but her marefriend continued to stare at me. I really didn't want to be here, not with this Maud character. Every sugar-coated word I offered whilst under her gaze made my spine quiver... its like she knew I was lying, like she could just tell.

The question was, how?

Hoof on her hip, Trixie snapped her digits together.

"Trixie remembers now, Sir." 'Sir', I will never get tired of hearing that. "It's two double doors on the top floor, down the hall from your classroom actually."

I'm swearing internally.

I clapped my hooves together before patting them both on the shoulder in passing. And with Maud watching me leave like a crocodile observes a careless river-traveler, I was quick to get out of there.

"Ah, excellent. Well then, I must take my leave. Have a good day ladies." On that note, I speed walked down the hall and stopped a few steps around the corner, releasing a breath I didn't even realize I was holding. I will forever remember this day, as the day I discovered what it means to feel fear once again.

I have seen the face of darkness, and her name is 'Maud'.

"What was that about, Maudie?" Trixie's voice echoed down the vacant hall. I'd say I don't want to eavesdrop... but I do.

"There is something... off about that man," Oh you have got to be kidding me! "I can't place my finger on it, but my 'Maud-Sense' is telling me he's bad news."

'Maud-Sense'? Sounds like something out of a creatively bankrupt comic-book. Meh, I prefer Bat-Mane anyway.

"Your families special abilities?" Hmm, runs in the family I see.

"It varies from person to person; we'd better find my sister, she might have the same vibes." Sister? Trixie audibly sighed as the sound of two sets of hooves faded into the distance.

"Pinkie Pie, joy. Just bare in mind when she tells you, the teacher made me do it." Wow, thank you, Trixie. Throwing me under the friendship express like that.

"Made you do what?" I heard Maud ask as they finally moved out of earshot. So, Pinkie Pie, the excitable pink one from my class and my worlds Element of Laughter, is related to this Maud-She-Demon. And she has extra-sensory abilities? Either that or her family were gifted people readers; for now, who could say?

xxx

The long and arduous climb to the top floor had taken its toll on what little energy I had left. The last time I'd eaten anything was two days before my arrival in this teenage cesspool of zits and almost rhythmic tapping, continuously drumming their sweaty, dirty meat claws against their phone boxes. And these young ones wonder where their acne comes from.

Perhaps I should have made base camp in the second-floor janitors closet, continued to the summit in the morning. I jest, though after tracing the length of these stairs, up and down like a yo-yo for the umpteenth time, I could do with a break, at the very least it might have improved my throbbing head. That was what you did after a head injury right? Sleep?

Nearing the top of the stairs, an all too familiar buzzing and subsequent bird chirp sounded from within my pocket. It's a shame Diamond wasn't able to turn the damned thing off.

Removing the device from my pocket, a message was illuminated on the screen.

"User has been logged out of 'MyStableApp' due to inactivity. Please log back in to resume."

Logged Out? Damn! I had access to Anon-a-Miss's playground this whole time. Perfect! Oh well, it was only the MyStable of young Apple Bloom. Not like I'd get anything useful from her... right? Welp, too late now. Maybe Sunny could help me obtain a 'MyStable' of my own.
Speaking of Sunny, where exactly had she run off to? And Diamond for that matter. Why do most women I talk to nowadays, end with them running away in tears? I mean we ponies are no stranger to bursts of over-emotion, heck, I once witnessed three ponies incite a riot at the 'Manehatten Flower Show' because one of them misplaced their shears.

So many ponies injured; So many cash registers emptied. Sometimes ponies just invite crime.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, ponies and humans, too emotional for their own good.

The brass handle to the teacher's lounge door shifted effortlessly in my grip; remarkable things these human hooves. So much easier than opening a door with one's pony hooves, or worse, our mouths. Hoof and mouth disease, thy name is everypony. Sweet Celestia, I'm easily distracted today. Perhaps it was the prospect of introducing my alter-ego to my fellow educators, fooling two teachers and a hoof full of students was one thing, but an entire room full of trained scholars? Who knew what questions might come my way? Up until now, I've been working this Daylight Dreamer persona on the fly. Making it up as I go along.

In my youth, back when I was black-eyed, rat-tailed and always equipped with a sloppily written excuse note from my parents explaining my injuries. I often wondered what the inside of the teacher's lounge might look like. I'd usually have a good view of the door from my seat opposite, sat outside the guidance councilors office.

I envisioned large comfy chairs, buffet tables of food and a pinboard that rated each student by IQ and what you can see.

I was kinda stupid back then.

Instead, the room consisted of two dirty windows on the far wall, a sink and refrigerator on the right and a gray metal table and chairs to the left. And instead of the baker's dozen of teachers I'd expected, there was only five.
A cranky old geezer in a brown pullover and topped with a bad hairpiece stood motionless in front of the open refrigerator.
A cheerful, pink maned woman sat opposite a big burly human with a mohawk at the table, the two of them engaged in pleasant conversation.
A well-dressed man in a red fez and bow tie moved from the corner, a book labeled 'A Brief History of Time' held tight in his hooves. He grinned at me as he left, I don't know why, but there's something very... Trottingham, about him.

Although the real draw of my attention was the lovely firm rear attached to the navy blue maned individual leaning out the window, a lit cigarette in her hoof. Tight cream pants around a supple seat and a smoker? If she knows how to pour a drink, I'm hers.

Boldly striding forward I leaned out the window next to her. Curious eyes regarded me for a moment before returning to the students playing hoof ball in yonder field behind the school.

"Ahem... kinda funny isn't it?" The human raised her eyebrow for a moment but chose instead to respond by taking another drag of her cigarette. I rubbed the back of my neck and continued. "Cause, ya know... We used to be just like them, and now it's like staring into an anthill. They have their own way of doing things, but for the life of me, I can't understand what they are."

The woman turned back to me, her eyes giving me the once over before a small smile graced her lips.

"How so?" Well, she's interested in conversation, so at least the ice has been broken.

"Have you heard about all this 'Anon-a-Miss' drama? I swear, I've only been here for one day and already I've had to break-up a fight and had a student run out of class, in tears, because of something called 'My Stable'. It really makes you think. Whatever happened to simply talking? Now it's all, a few taps on a screen and 'boom' a students social standing is over." The woman exhaled a sizable puff of smoke out the window, coughing a few times before she looked at me a solemn look upon her brow.

"Ah yes... Anon-a-Miss. Believe me, Mr... um. I'm sorry, I don't believe I got your name."

"My mistake, I'm Mr. Dreamer. The substitute philosophy teacher. A surprisingly popular class I must say, not that there's anything wrong with that, its just I've never known students, teenagers no less, to be that interested in the musings of life." Neither was I actually, though I must admit the subject does grow on you after a while.

The woman's smile returned as she bumped her hoof against mine. Always refreshing to see a Down-to-Equestria teacher.

"Well... and please don't take this the wrong way. But from what I have seen and heard over 'Public' postings on 'MyStable' and hushed whispers in the halls, Philosophy is largely considered... a drop class." An awkward silence between us threatened to end the conversation as well as the promise of a potential boning in the janitors closet once the proper groundwork has been laid, but I am nothing if not persistent.

"One of many extracurricular classes the students must choose from, believe me I know. It's just that where I come from most would opt for 'Foreign Languages' or some sort of sport." Well, it was a half-truth. I didn't actually know which classes most students opted for, I hadn't stayed that long. Although given the sheer number of ponies who spoke in 'Gryphon Tongue' it was an educated guess.

"Oh really," Glad to see I've got her full attention. And wow-wee, her udders were immaculate, like two bouncy sweater melons. I mean I'm not really into dairy cows or minotaurs or really anything that needs a support bra. But I'm willing to try anything once. Plus there was this one messed up looking yellow pony from... I wanna say 'Balitmare', and unlike pretty much everypony everywhere, she had two of the biggest, dangling... "Mr. Dreamer?"

Oh shit, I drifted off again. Really living up to the whole 'Dreamer' name.

"Huh? Sorry, I was uh," Don't say checking your chest! "Distracted by... your cigarette. Mind if I bum one of those?"

The woman looked from her hand to me and casually drew one from a small silver cigarette case attached to her belt. Good, I like a mare that comes prepared. Taking the end in my lips, we connected the tips of our cig's together. So if the 'Prench' kiss both cheeks, and the Yaks of the North nuzzle their noses together, then surely in some culture this could be considered a kiss of sorts. A very urban, back street, hush-hush wink-wink sorta kiss, but still, beggars can't be choosers.

"So you're a smoker too?" A stupid question to ask in hindsight, but hey, I was making small talk.

"Was it so obvious?" She chuckled a little before taking another puff. I'm impressed, this lady has experience, she didn't hotbox it, she took that smoke down the windy valley and back again. "Let me tell you, my sister tried to get me to quit a few years back, it was a nightmare! I was snapping at everyone I saw, I gave students detention for something as small as loitering, and one time I got so desperate for a drag I tried to smoke a three-year-old, hand-rolled cigarette I found under my desk."

Damn, this bitch is hardcore!

Breathing deep I exhaled like a pro, feeling the tension fly away, along with the smoke ring I made. It'd been days since my last cigarette so this came as a much welcome relief.

"Hey, nice." I'm glad she was impressed, few ponies could make the ring last as long as I. "I'm Vice Principal Luna by the way."

Two seconds later I was coughing up a small fog. This whole time I'd been talking with Princess Luna?! Or rather her human counterpart. Honestly, I had to cough to keep from laughing. Again, in one world she controls a giant chunk of rock in the sky as well as the many stars and the tides. But here, she controls cheap store-brand coffee and the whole buildings supply of paper clips.

Although that does raise the question... Who rules this world?

But then I remember that I don't care.

"A pleasure... (Cough) to meet you, Principal Luna."

I felt a hoof rubbing my back as I turned to find it belonged to Luna.

"Please, call me 'Luna' when the students aren't around. Otherwise, I'll feel like an old fuddy-duddy." The two of us shared a laugh. You know I have to say, Princess Celestia and Luna seemed much easier to talk to in this world. I'd only met ol'Sunbutt once before I began my new life. It was... not pleasant.

But that's a story for another time.

For a good long while, the two of us conversed about all things education. Our favorite teaching methods, myself favoring the laid-back 'I'm one of you guys.' approach. Whilst she preferred the 'Tough but Fair' way of doing things. Admirable. We also shared a common fondness for the color red, an affinity for jazz music and a love for risk-taking that borders on the erotic. Oh if only I could get this woman to see my way of thinking, I can scarcely imagine the sheer length of our crime sprees as we plundered Equestria for all its worth. And when we're inevitably caught, we'll call it a crime of passion and go out in a hail of magic and explosions. Yeah, lots of lovely explosions.

Still, all good things must come to an end. The double doors opened revealing the sumptuous Sunbutt of, well, Sunbutt as she backed through the doors, two pink boxes held tight in her hooves.

"I'm back for lunch. And I brought donuts." The five of us not holding donuts voiced our appreciation as we each clamored for a confectionary from the table. Tia took a cruller, Luna went for a ring with chocolate icing, narrowly edging out the pink-maned woman by inches, and I went for one with strawberry filling...

What? There's no reason, I just like it! I don't have to have a reason behind every little thing I do, that's stupid.

Who am I talking to?

Anywho, Tia looked over at me and raised her donut into the air. "A toast, to the new sub. May his knowledge brighten the lives of our students, at least until Professor Magnet returns from Los Pegasus." Great, now all eyes are on me, thanks Sunbutt. Luna leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Sorry, she gets like this every time she goes to the bakery."

Clearing my throat, I turned to face my expectant colleagues.

"Hmm, I guess all I can say is... Here's to what I hope will be an eventful few weeks." With that, I raised my pastry into the air as the others did the same, followed by a chorus of 'hear-hear', except the old guy who merely grumbled as he took a bite of his almond-topped croissant. Did I expect to be here for more than a week? No, not really. If all goes well, I'd have Sunny back in Equestria by Hearths-Warming and my buried plunder unearthed from the Everfree Forest floor. Provided a dragon hasn't dug it up and eaten it.

"Well said, brother." The burly human male gave me a firm punch on the arm. "Nice to see some new blood around here. I can tell just by lookin'atcha that you know exercise. Right? Tell me I'm right." And another arm punch. Thankfully I felt no pain, despite my arm hanging limp by my side, devoid of feeling. I think he severed a nerve. Thank the gods I tossed my cigarette out the window or we'd have a pretty serious fire on our hooves.

"Trust me, I'm no stranger to the jogging track or the weights set, Mr..."

"Will; Coach Iron Will." The two of us clapped our hooves together in a tight hoof shake. Up close his muscles are much more pronounced, seriously, this human was build like a dairy cow on steroids, or some larger variation of the aforementioned bovine.

"Now this here is, Miss Cheerilee. Our longtime English teacher and on again/off again librarian." He was, of course, referring towards the short, pink-maned woman. Who, from the front, was actually much younger than her mane style lead me to believe. And calling Miss Cheerliee short, is like calling Princess Celestia 'A bit bigger than most ponies.' Understatement of the year. In height, she was only an inch taller than Sunny, at best.

"It's nice to meet you, Mr. Dreamer." And she has such dainty human hooves. Like a plush doll.

"Likewise, my dear." I shook her hoof with gusto, shame she's not my type, I'll bet she's into some nasty razza-mataz. She's got that reserved look about her. "And what's your name good sir?"

The old codger didn't respond, instead, he grumbled something and returned to his croissant. Well, Fuck. You. Too old man! Rude old people, one of my top three pet peeves. Right up there with 'Standing behind a fat pony on a hot day' and 'Ponies who label those around them as Good and Evil'. I wanted to push this, but thankfully for him, Celestia intervened.

"Oh don't mind Mr. Doodle."

"It's Cranky!" The old man interrupted. And boy did he live up to his namesake.

Also, 'Doodle'. Hilarious.

"Right, right. Mr. Cranky." Was... was she snickering? Celestia you cheeky minx. Luna wasn't holding out much better, from my peripheral vision I saw her cheeks turn red as she held back a laugh. Mr. Cranky groaned and moved away to the bubbling coffee pot.

As normal conversation resumed, an all too familiar buzz vibrated from within my pocket, fishing it out I found an illuminated box that read...

New Group Text Message: slide to continue...

Looking up, I noticed Celestia and Luna conversing, about what? I don't know. However, it was enough to wipe the smiles from their muzzles so I can only hope it doesn't involve me. Coach Iron and Cheerliee seemed rather invested from their positions on the sidelines so that just left me and Doodle, and something tells me, he's not up for talking.

Gently I slid a claw across the phonebox screen. I moaned internally as a faint but noticeable claw smudge was left in its wake. Disgusting. But ultimately necessary as the screen went blank, swiftly replaced by a white screen with a large stack of boxes in three different colors. Before I could begin to read, a violet box appeared with a buzz, underneath an orange box. In fact, allot of these were mostly orange and violet with the exception of a few yellow boxes that you had to slide a claw down the screen to see.

And oh me oh my, what a plethora of juicy delights this wonderous device did reveal unto me. Starting at the top, I read down towards the latest box to appear. An interesting form of communication, these phone boxes. Each box was marked with a name and time. Was it sick reading back and forth messages from those three little brats from earlier. Kinda... but then again they did interrupt my class, and personal privacy has never stopped me before.

Scootaloo 09:34am - Hey girls, ya see Diamond Tiara bk there?

Diamond Tiara? What are they talking about? She was at the front of my class. Also 'bk' what's that supposed to mean?

Sweetie Belle 09:36am - IKR?! Can you hear what's she's saying 'AB'?

These must have been during an earlier class, given the time. But again, 'IKR'? 'AB'? Is this some sort of super sophisticated human code? Those three twerps must be smarter than I gave them credit for.

You 09:40am - OMG! Can U believe it?! She's sayin' a teacher called her a beauty queen.

Huh, I guess that makes sense. A capital 'U' can be used in place of the word 'You' to save space. And to think, my old Equish teacher used to give me detention for doing that. But here, it's an accepted part of their written language. Now, what could 'OMG' possibly mean?

Sweetie Belle 09:42 - Srsly? OMG WTF.

And now they're just writing gibberish.

Scootaloo 09:43 - Shes such a liar! We should def send the picture now.

That got me to pause. A picture, what picture?

You 09:45 - No Scoots, we said we'd save it!

Save it? Save it for what? What are they blathering about?

Sweetie Belle 09:47 - Why not, AB? After this, she'll never bully anyone again.

Hey, if you're all too weak to deal with it then get the buck outta her way. Law of the jungle ladies, history favors the strong.

Scootaloo 09:49 - Yh, we're doing the scool a favor.

For starters, that's not how you spell 'school'. Secondly, 'Yh'? I'm gonna look all this up on the inter-web computer box later. Moving the screen down, skimming through what amounted to a series of 'Should we do this?' and 'We should do this!' I finally found something different, and yet so painfully familiar.

You 11:05 - Why's the teacher banging his head?

Yeah, this was my class. Speaking of which, do I have to pay for that? The blackboard I cracked.

Sweetie Belle 11:07 - He's been doing this since we come in.

Since we 'came' in, you moron.

Scootaloo 11:12 - LOL, he fell over!

Why do I keep seeing 'LOL' today? What could it mean?
Little Old Lady? I'm not old.
Lick Orange Lollies? I hate suckers.
Look Of Love? I don't like that song... No, that was a lie, I do.

You 11:17 - YeeHaw, we get a free period.

Sweetie Belle 11:23 - Should we call someone? He cracked the blackboard.

Hmm, the time skips forward quite a ways after this. Then again, I did offer them a free period, why would they need to use these phones-boxes when they could speak freely. The next one picks up just before I sent everypony packing.

Sweetie Belle 11:45 - That's it, I've had it with Diamond Tiara. Soz grlz, I'm posting the pic!

Again with this picture? What picture? Apparently, it has something to do with... Diamond Tiara... Oh, Buck! And just like that, the pieces fall into place. Applebloom and her friends...

Must have sent that revealing picture to Anon-a-Miss!

Scootaloo 11:55 - I can't believe you did that. That was so awesome, Diamond's gonna taste her own medicen. Lol XD

'XD'? Oh whatever, no time for talk of code or pointing out that 'medicine' has another 'i' in it. This is concrete evidence, I mean it doesn't prove who Anon-a-Miss is, but at least I can bust those three brats. All I have to do is show this to Principal Celestia and watch the drama unfold.

Sweetie Belle 11:59 - I can't believe the sub took AB's phone, and why'd he call the Principle 'Princess Celestia'?

Shit! Did I do that? Luna dammit! I mean I could play it off as a slip of the tongue, but damn, I should not be making mistakes like that! I can only hope they don't read too much into it. But then again, it's their word against mine. And in my experience with these things, the higher authorities within the school justice system tend to favor the educator.

Scootaloo 12:10 - SweetieBelle, this is Applebloom. Stop Texting! I left my phone unlocked!

Sweetie Belle 12:11 - So what? Teachers can't go through our phones without a good reason so who cares.

Scootaloo 12:13 - I forgot to close the MyStable page!

That's where the message boxes stop. Why would she be scared that she left her silly MyStable open? Big deal, so I won't read about the many ways these human-apes can butcher the Equish language or whatever else they put on these things, something tells me I'll get over it.

"Mr. Dreamer?" My inner damage control was interrupted by the voices of Celestia and Luna, gesturing for me to rejoin the group.

"Sorry; Little side business I've got going on." I finished my donut and returned the phone to my jacket, probably best to test the water before I commit to this, if Miss Sweetie Belle is correct then I don't wanna accidentally screw myself over due to a lack of student/teacher communication. No sense revealing myself over a phone-box device, no matter its complexities.

"I know whatcha mean. I coach baseball on the weekends." Strange, I never would've pegged Coach Iron Will as a baseball fan. He seems more of the heavy-weight, cage-match wrestling type. All within the circle of teachers, Mr. Cranky included, looked to me with varying degrees of curiosity as Celestia spoke.

"Luna tells me you've had a... less-than-pleasant morning." Her tone is serious and yet her face conveys real concern. Weird beings these humans, so much easier to read than ponies but at the same time, they're so eager to force these feelings down and throw on a false grin. Which ironically is their biggest and therefore most obvious giveaway.

"If you count breaking up a fight, interruptions from an unruly student and another having a full-blown breakdown as 'less-than-pleasant'. Then yes, I have had better starts to the day, so to speak." Best to keep things vague for now. No need to point out that I may have had a hoof in those first too. Not bad for my first day.

"I take it the last one involved Diamond Tiara?" Well, that was surprising.

"Yes, how'd you know?"

"It's all the students are talking about right now." Celestia sighed and leaned against the table. "That poor girl, things are bad enough with her home life right now without this, 'Anon-a-Miss' making things worse. I mean, outing someone's sexuality like that?"

Wow, Celestia really cares about her students. I've never known a teacher who'd do that. Also, what was that about her home life? I'll have to look into that later.

"That poor girl. I can't believe 'Anon-a-Miss' could actually be a member of the student body. How could someone be so... heartless."

You know, in all my years, even I've never been referred to as heartless. Maybe that why hearing it now really drove the point home, as well as my resolve. Anon-a-Miss must be found, but for now, I can settle for proving who really sent the picture.

"Don't act so surprised Cheerilee, we all know Anon-a-Miss is really Sunset Shimmer."

... Damn it Luna! And to think I was gonna bang you!

Celestia turned to her sister and then the teaching staff all of whom were nodding in agreement. Well, Cheerliee was more hesitant, but she still nodded all the same.

"Everyone, for the hundredth time. We can't be sure that it's her yet." But Luna wasn't having any of it.

"And I'm telling you for the two-hundredth time, sister. All evidence points squarely in Miss Shimmer's direction. Let's not forget the previous five years of drama that delinquent brought upon this school and it's students." As much as I wanted to hear more about this alleged 'drama', sounds like a good laugh, I wasn't about to stand around and have somepony accuse my sister of something she did not commit. But Celestia beat me to it.

"And let's not also forget her past six months of perfect behavior, excellent grades and..." She looked my way for a brief moment. "Her other, shall we say, services to the school." The other teachers chimed in with their own stories of Sunny's exploits, for both good and ill. But I'd had enough of standing on the sidelines and decided to throw in my two bits.

"I may not have as much experience as everyone else in this room, however, from what I've seen, Miss Shimmer has been victimized, bullied and harassed by the student body on several different occasions. I mean does she even have any friends?"

"Doubtful... she most probably lost them after she spread their personal secrets online." It's amazing how Luna can just throw my 'real' points away without so much as a brief consideration. Apparently, Celestia shared this sentiment.

"Lulu, that doesn't make any sense. As I've told you before, why would Sunset go out of her way to hurt the very friends she's worked so hard to keep? And even then, why would she do it in a way that so obviously incriminates her? It doesn't add up." Thank you, Celestia, for being a voice of reason. Luna faced her sister, as a lioness would against a rival for dominance.

"Oh please, sister! Miss Shimmer was always a little full of herself. Parading around the school, acting like she owned the place. You'd think she were royalty with her behavior. Do you have any idea just how many students I've had to console? How many students have transferred schools, just to get away from her abuse?!" Oh Luna, if only you knew what your counterpart has accomplished! Hmm, there's a thought, what did Luna do in this world that could rival 'Nightmare Moon'?

The other teachers voiced their own opinions of sister dearest, not one of them positive. And all the while, there stands Celestia, like a soldier on the battlefield, surrounded on all sides by an enemy she cannot fully understand.

"Look, all I'm saying is I've known allot of students that fit that distinction," This is your first time as a teacher, remember! "They made us study a six-month course on what to look out for, and from what I've seen, Miss Shimmer fits the description of an abuse victim to a tee." Bravo brain, bravo.

Celestia nodded in agreement, good to know I've got somepony on my side. Although I must admit, the counter-productivity of my own actions has not escaped my thoughts. I mean my endgame is to bring Sunny home with me and 'boom' happily ever after. Yet here I am, trying to prove Sunny's innocence. I could let my sister suffer this abuse and wait until she inevitably came running back, so why don't I?

Because she's my baby sister, the one thing my parents gave me that made home worth coming back to. The same bubbly filly, who run up to me one gray autumn evening with a black eye and a big grin, who told me in flawless detail about how she'd 'finally' stood up to her bullies at school, and won. I was so proud of her that I used what little money I had left to buy us both ice-cream. We ate mint-chip atop the Canterlot wall and watched the moon rise over the horizon. Ahhh, sweet memories.

"A victim?!" Again, Luna? These interruptions are getting tedious. "Mr. Dreamer, while I have not doubt that you may have witnessed a plethora of crocodile tears emanating from Miss Shimmer's vicinity," Geez, does this woman take a dictionary to bed? "I must remind you that you don't know what Sunset Shimmer is truly capable of." If only you knew, Luna. That being said, if she were talking to someone, not in the know, that sentence would come across as poorly written and cheesy. Like a half backed writer, vying for somepony to call him 'deep' and 'powerful', when really he's grasping at low-hanging fruit.

What the buck am I talking about?

"Well, I did prevent her from being assaulted by two two young thugs outside. Or has the definition of victim changed in the last twenty-four hours? My dear~." Really drew out that last part. But why shouldn't I? Luna's being an ass. Although judging by the group's expressions, I may have dropped this proverbial bombshell, a little too soon.

The group exploded in a cascade of questions and off tangent speeches declaring the failing state of education.

Okay technically that last one was all on Cranky, but from what little I could hear, it was pretty much just him denouncing the use of technology and a decree that we should all 'Go back to the way things used to be.' so I paid him no mind.

"What happened?"
"Why is this happening in our school?!"
"Was it anyone from the football team? I can't afford to cut anyone right now!"
"Are you alright dear? And on your first day."

That last one was Cheerliee, such a nice thing to say. Whichever student she beds as a desperate break from the monotony of daily life is gonna be one lucky S.O.B.

"Quiet!" Goddamn, Luna sure has a set of lungs on her. "Now how about you 'calmly' tell us what happened." Well, I was hoping to avoid this, but alright, I'm sure I can keep my little contributions to these events on the down-low. Taking a deep breath, I steadied myself, have to appear involved but not to involved, after all, I did only start today and therefore have no bias when it comes to the students.

"Alright, now first off, the fight I mentioned took place a little ways away from the school before I technically started here. So I wasn't sure if that counted or not."

"Doesn't matter, if it involves our students we want to know about it. Please continue..." Wow, Luna's attitude is like a candle, either she's burning or she's chill, it's like there's no middle ground with her. Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing, I don't know.

"I see... anyway, I had to break-up, what I believed to be, an attempted assault by two large male students against the young girl. They grabbed her and she started screaming so a chased them away. And the whole time, these other two girls, they just stood by and watched."

A stunned silence echoed throughout the teacher's lounge. Even Cranky quit flapping his gums.

"Your joking. This... at our school!" Celestia finally broke the quiet. "What happened?"

"Well, they made a lot of threats, grabbed Sunset and raised a fist against her, then I ran up and..." Watch what you say! "I guess I must've surprised them because they dropped her and ran off towards the school. Then the two girls came over and offered to walk her the rest of the way. But I accompanied them on the off chance they tried anything themselves, I mean it's not like they were in any rush to help when she actually needed it, and you can never be too careful with matters such as this."

Celestia raised a hand to speak again but was cut off by her sister.

"Could you identify these students? I will not tolerate physical bullying within my school!" Gotta tread carefully here, word this right and I'll have earned the principles trust, both of them. Word this wrong and I'm implicating myself and inviting the possibility of a further investigation into my... outside of work activities.

"I may be able to, I know for a fact that the two males involved were wearing sports attire." All attention in the room momentarily shifted toward Iron Will, who let out a hushed, 'Damn it!'. "The other girls were members of my first class. One had rainbow hair and the other seemed rather fashionable."

Most looks of worry, aside from Celestia and myself, were immediately replaced by relief, 'Are you kidding?' expressions, and dull surprise.

"Ah, I think I see what's going on." Luna walked up to my left and placed a hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry to tell you my friend, but the most likely instigator of this violent act would be Miss Shimmer herself."

"Wha..." I made to say, before a slap on the back cut me off.

"Whoo, you had us worried for a second there, my friend." Now I see why the coach is a fan of baseball, with his strength I have to wonder why he's still teaching gym class. Guy damn near knocked the wind out of me and everything. Cheerliee walked over and helped me regain my balance.

"Mr. Dreamer, those girls you mentioned are Miss Rainbow Dash and Rarity Belle. They're both very gifted students." So that's an excuse?

"And while you may not be aware of their... shall we say, history at this school, believe us when we say, they would never be so petty as to allow another student to be harmed. Even one who has hurt their trust." Well, at least now I know where Cheerliee and Luna stand on this.

"Ladies, I know what I saw!" Again, Luna made to cut me off.

"And I'm telling you, you don't know the full story. I do believe that Miss Shimmer has done enough to incur the fury of her classmates, but I'm sorry... I refuse to believe that Miss Dash or Miss Belle would stand idly by and watch a student..."

"And I'm telling you, I know what I saw..."

"No, it's what you think you saw, but in reality..."

Thankfully this conflict of belief vs fact did not come to blows, thanks in large part to Celestia's timely intervention. Turning her sister by the shoulder to face her, Celestia's normally calm demeanor was replaced by the stern seriousness that her princess counterpart was known to wear. At least when non-conformists are around.

"Sister, you cannot judge one student on pure speculation whilst ignoring claims against others for the exact same reasons. We have no proof against Sunset Shimmer aside from personal history, most of which has been punished, redeemed and forgiven. Meanwhile, we have the testimony of a new teacher, with no personal bias and a witness. I believe we should call Miss Belle and Miss Dash in and hear their side of the events in question and make an informed decision."

Now that was a mouthful. Bravo Celestia, bestill my beating black heart, I think I'm in love. Luna slapped a hoof to her face and groaned in frustration.

"Sister, if we spend much longer just 'gathering information 'Anon-a-Miss' will either delete the account, eliminating all the evidence. Or she will continue her fear-mongering and more physical confrontations will occur, both on and off school property, if Mr. Dreamer is to be believed." Although it was clear from her tone of voice that, no, she did not. "Let's call in Miss Shimmer, deliver punishment where punishment is due and be done with it."

"I'm telling you, Luna, without actual proof, I will not hop aboard the 'Sunset is guilty bandwagon'."

That's good.

"However, in regards to this 'alleged' fight, unless one of the students in question comes forward, I'm afraid there isn't much we can do."

That's bad.

"What?! Why? Isn't my testimony enough. I saw what happened with my own eyes." What kinda school is this?

"Yes... but by your own admission, it did not take place on school grounds. We can give them a stern talking to and a lengthy stint in detention if it involved another student. But aside from that, I'm afraid our jurisdiction ends at the sidewalk outside."

Oh, you have got to be shitting me! Really? You're gonna do nothing! I take back what I thought about this place, this world is more like Equestria than I gave it credit. Giving praise to the deemed, 'Good' and 'Very gifted' whilst those of us who actually need help are thrown to the wayside.

Who has time for a student being repeatedly harassed because he doesn't have a cutie-mark? When one of the attacker's parents is on the school board.

Why should the city guard believe a ponies parents are abusing him and his sister? When the accuser swore at Princess Cadance one time. And got him detained for it!

Why should a Princess tell 'ANYPONY' that her student has disappeared? When she can just lock her means of escape away, find a new student, days later and act like she never existed!

Do I have issues? Yes, but I should just accept that by now.

A knocking rapped at the Teachers Lounge doors, drawing everyone's attention away from the ethical debate of 'Circumstantial Evidence v Probable Intent'. Celestia poked her head out the door for a moment; words were exchanged, followed by a startled exclamation of concern from the other side.

"Mr. Dreamer. Could you step out here for a moment?" And all eyes on me again. Now, what have I done?

"Now please!" Oh shit, she's serious.

As I approached the door, I had to wonder... What does Maud sound like during sex?

And on that note, time to face whoever's beyond that door.

Will this day never end?!!

Author's Notes:

Fuck me, that took a long time! But finally, we have another chapter done and dusted, I'll update sooner next time. Really should have added a 'Maud' tag, (And one for Diamond Tiara actually.) Damn this five character limit. As for the lack of a Stolen Diary Entry, you'll see why, next chapter.

A word to the wise my horned, winged and/or earthbound bros, with regards to my previous A/N about Protagonist-Centered-Morality, don't expect things to always go my guy's way. (I'd hate that as much as you.) Also, you're gonna see why I've built my guy up as the villain he really is. (Remember: Up until now... He's been playing nice!)

(And now for something to lighten the mood. Because Derp )

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZqD0447SHiM

Has nothing to do with anything. I just thought it was kinda funny.