“The best thing for being sad is to learn something." Starswirl the Bearded had said that. As true today as it was back then.

"That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics," Such as myself, but they didn't need to know that.

"Or know your honor trampled in the sewers of baser minds." I'm happy to see Sunny immersed in my speech. I'd like to say she was my most interested student, yet there was this one red-maned girl wearing a black turtleneck in the back row, hastily taking notes. I suppose I just inspire a strong work ethic in these kids... or maybe this one was a teacher's pet, either way, I'm not complaining.

"There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it." Why did that make the rainbow one laugh?

"That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.”

Turning to face my class as I finished writing the quote upon the blackboard. For the most part, my first stint as the substitute philosophy teacher was going well. The majority of the class was paying attention; Aside from the first five minutes of class in which Sunny wore a shocking expression, she soon adjusted enough to take in what I was saying. Rarity hasn't taken her eyes off me since class began, the rainbow one hadn't written anything and the constant mewing coming from the quiet girl's backpack is getting on my nerves. Every so often I'd see the small rabbit's head poke out the opening of her bag and duck back inside. I had to wonder what the protocol is for this situation. I wouldn't imagine a student bringing a pet to school being a common occurrence. Then again, you know what they say about the quiet ones.

Out the corner of my eye, I spotted the rainbow one jotting something down on a piece of pink paper. And I have a pretty good idea where and whom it came from. She'd been tossing that crinkled paper around the class for the last twenty minutes whilst my back was turned, apparently having forgotten about the large mirror in the top left corner of the class to prevent just such an incident. A few times it was passed to Rarity, hitting the girl in the back of the head. Once to the girl with the cow-pony hat and several times to the pink one.

In the middle of the back row, the red-maned girl raised her hoof.

"Yes, Miss... uh." Quickly I glanced over the student register. "Ah, Moondancer."

"Umm, Yes. That quote was taken directly from 'The Once and Future King' a classic of Arthurian legend. Do you apply the teachings of Merlin to your own career as an educator?" She wasn't wrong, except in Equestria, the story is called, 'The Great and Powerful Starswirl', as for Merlin... Well, that one was obvious.

"Why yes, indeed I do. I find a direct approach to teaching works wonders. And as for my gruff exterior I only get tough," I noticed the rainbow girl ball up the pink paper and toss it to her smiling pink-haired friend. "When the situation calls for it; A very good question, Moondancer. Positive expectations are the mark of the superior personality."

Moondancer perked up considerably after that. A proud smile adorned her face as she returned to her note taking. What saps, a little compliment here and they're eating out the palm of my hooves... damn it, I mean hands! The pink one tossed the note back, I'd put up with it thus far, but now I'm getting annoyed.

"And that in of itself is another branching path in philosophy, the positive outlook leading toward a positive outcome. Causality if you will, is derived from..." Honestly, I was just spouting off whatever popped into my head. But the important thing is, I sound enthusiastic and that in of itself made the students eager to hear more. Much like with most politicians, it doesn't matter how many valid points are made, as long as one can inspire trust and an air of authority, nothing else matters.

The rainbow one made to toss the paper ball again, but I'd put up with this for long enough. She wants to make a mockery of my class, and to a slightly lesser extent, yell at my sister? Well, I'll show her, no more Mr. Nice Dreamer. Turning on my heels I pointed directly at the rainbow girl, who had her arm raised to throw.

"Miss..." And back to the register.

Wait, her name is Rainbow Dash?! As in the Elements of Harmony, Rainbow Dash?! Oh, I'm going to enjoy this.

"Rainbow Dash. What are you passing around back there?" The entirety of the class turned to see their classmate, red-faced and red-hoofed. Rainbow sat back in her seat and mumbled.

"W-what? No! It's, uhh... My notes. I uh, made a mistake..." How indignant. Thank you, former philosophy teachers word-of-the-day calendar.

"Really, how wonderful. Well then please, Miss Dash, I'm sure we'd all love to hear your take on today's lecture," I do so love to watch her squirm. You're either born a talented liar or you aren't one, period! "Would you care to share with the class?" Some of the students snickered whilst others whispered amongst themselves. Was I being harsh? Yes! I know all too well how it feels to be called out in a room of one's peers.

However, she also upset my sister so, 'Bring on the Pain!'

"Oh, I get it, stage-fright? I understand. It's okay to be afraid Rainbow." That must've struck a nerve as the girl leaped to her hooves.

"Who are you calling scared?! I'm Rainbow Daring Dash, the single Most-Awesome, Most-Amazing, Most... uhh, Coolest athlete at Canterlot High and don't you forget it... Sir." Apparently, it only just dawned on this braggart that she is, in fact, talking to a teacher.

Rainbow sunk into her seat, groaning to herself. The cow-pony-girl seemed concerned but I paid her no mind, her misguided loyalty would eventually run its course as such things often do. Instead, I focused on her sly, grinning desk neighbor, a silver-maned girl wearing a stylish starry patterned cloak.

"Miss..." That's it, when I'm done with the real Mr. Dreamer tonight, I'm going over each class roster so this doesn't keep happening.

"Beatrix; That's a great name by the way. Would you be so kind as to read that pink piece of paper in Miss Dash's lap."

Miss Beatrix smiled and yanked the paper from Rainbow's clutches.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie... Would be delighted to, Sir."

The Great and Powerful Trixie, I'd forgotten all about her. Now this is a surprise, one of the most pleasant surprises since arriving in this world actually. In my dealings across Equestria and beyond, I'd occasionally come across one of Trixie's live magic shows. And I'll admit, I enjoyed them. We Earth-Ponies can't do magic, or at least not the grand slam magic of rainbow-happy-beams or weather making, so it was a rare treat to see what new tricks she had up her sleeves.

And then she did a performance in Ponyville and well... that was the end of that. Twilight Oh-so-Perfect Sparkle and her Friendship hit-squad ruined her career and I'd only heard of her through the rumor mill since.

I wish I'd talked to her at least once, she was the only performer I'd actually paid to see. With stolen money of course, but hey, it all went to her in the end. So yeah, I'm happy to see her again.

"Ahem, this is what, Rainbow Trash, has to say." I could've corrected her and told the class that her friends had also written on the note. But it was funnier this way.

"Can you believe this guy? Seriously, How. Young. Is. He?! Next paragraph." I'm pleased she added that last part in there, nice touch.

"And is it me or does he remind you of someone? Next paragraph." That was from the pink girl.

"Well I don't know about you girls," Trixie snickered and I had a good idea why. "But I find him quite charming."

The entire class erupted into a fit of giggles and outright laughter. Rarity was blushing intensely and the cow-pony-human was shooting a death glare Trixie's way. But that was nothing compared to the pure, unfiltered hate that Rainbow Dash was radiating. Whether it was toward Trixie or myself I wasn't sure. Trixie wiped a tear from her eye and continued.

"And," Trixie had to take a moment to catch her breath from laughing. "I wouldn't m-mind seeing w-what's under that fabulous suit."

The classroom lost it, there was laughter. Tears, from the aforementioned laughter. And a few cheeky blushes; Sweet Celestia, at least a few of them are over eighteen... Nope, can't afford to get distracted. Cannot afford a scandal while I'm hunting Anon-a-Miss.

Holding back a laugh of my own, I walked over and retrieved the note from Trixie. Rainbow had sunk so deep in her chair she was almost on the floor, I'd never seen somepony glow so red. Really, I couldn't tell who was more embarrassed, her or Rarity.
Sunny on the other hoof didn't seem nearly as impressed. She had this conflicted look about her, she seemed annoyed at me and yet I'd definitely seen her laughing. Meh, she'll see the funny side of it after some thought. Karma and all that nonsense.

"Why thank you, Miss Dash. But I'm afraid honoring such a request just would not be proper. Never the less, I appreciate the compliment." The fact that I patted her on the head as I turned got a few laughs in, just as the bell rang. I'll admit, for what I thought would be a humdrum hour of boredom, it was actually a lot of fun. And now to secure my place as a student favorite.

"Well class, that's the final bell, now it says here that I'm supposed to assign you homework," The room collectively moaned, and not the good kind of moan either. "That being said, I don't believe in homework. If you can't learn this stuff while you're actually in school, then clearly it's the school that's failed you." I held the door open for the students to leave.

"Now get outta here, and have a great day." The collective cheer from the students was music to my ears. Give a dog a treat and it'll roll over for ya. As the students filed out of the class, I received thanks from some, high-fives from others, a hoof-bump from the pink one, Trixie and the student I'd dubbed 'Headphones and Sunglasses'. And a hardy glare from both stetson girl and the malcontent whom I will henceforth refer to as 'Rainbow-Trash'. What can I say? I know a good insult when I hear one.

That, of course, left only one student, leaning casually against my desk. Sunny dearest had a determined look upon her brow, fortunately for myself, however, I'd already anticipated this outcome and had planned my response accordingly.

"I suppose you have one or two... hundred questions?" Locking the door behind me, I braced myself for the coming onslaught.

"Oh, really? Why would you think that? Nonono, it's perfectly normal for your peace-core serving older brother from another world to suddenly adapt to having two fewer legs,"

"Well, between you and me I always was the most adaptable one. I never thought I'd be able to go on after they discontinued 'Crystal Cola' but I survived."

"You're still going off about that? That was over a decade ago!"

"Hello, it was the ultimate cola, it was see-through. I could be walking, go to take a sip of my beverage and suddenly I'm accosted by a deranged, homicidal maniac, next thing I know... stabstabstabstabstab! But if I'm drinking 'Crystal Cola' I'll see him coming. Then who's doing the stabbing?"

It just makes sense.

"... Hopefully not you. Anyway; After only one day here, suddenly my pacifist brother is beating up two humans, two athletic humans by the way,"

"Self-defense classes, sister dearest. It's always better to be safe than sorry. Especially in Zebrica."

"And now he's suddenly standing at the head of my class, lecturing everypony about how Humpty-Dumpty tried and failed to conquer the wall that was his own ego which led to his 'great-fall'." Awww, she was listening.

"That egg built his own proverbial wall with his insurmountable false bravado. In the end, he could not best it, and so he fell. Such is the outcome of all who claim to be more than they are."

"You got along well enough with Trixie. And she's more of a show-off than anyone!" Oh, hooves on her hips, I'm so intimidated.

"She's a magician correct... O-or some sort of actress, I assume judging by her attire." Nice save dumb-ass.

"Yeah..." She gestured me to go on. Easy enough.

"So it's only natural that she'd build herself up; you know... maintain her persona."

"I... guess that makes sense. But did you really have to be so hard on Rainbow?" Walking over, I cupped Sunny's face in my claws.

"Oh, my dear sweet trusting sister. What have these human-monkeys done to your poor brain."

"W-what?" She backed up. "I told you, nothing! She's my friend, they all are, they saved me from a life of evil and..." As she fumbled to find the next word, a thought dawned on me.

I've always assumed the harmony stones simply re-wrote their intended targets mind, forcing their user's will and obstinate beliefs upon those deemed 'villainous' or 'evil'; but could there be more to it than that? To the untrained eye and the more gullible fool, the stones merely presented the target with another's point-of-view. Those of us with a trained eye who stopped to ponder the outcomes of the element bearers various conflicts, however, who refused to simply grin and turn the page like the ending of another chapter in a marked down, discount bookstore novel, knew better. One minute Nightmare Moon's ready to forever block out the sun, the next, she's tiny, whimpering and apologizing in the corner of a rundown old castle. If the elements of 'Laughter' and 'Loyalty's press interviews are to be believed.
Nopony knows where they came from, who or what made them or what their true motivation and purpose are.

And yet the Princesses and element bearers command them like a child commands a lit torch. The sense of strength and safety that accompanies fires light can often blind those to its natural destructive power, and a lit match when held in idle hooves can swiftly become a raging inferno. The Princesses follow the elements every beck and call, all of them mere puppets on strings, strings that only a rare few can see.

"The word you're looking for, Sunny, is 'Freedom'." Sunny shook her head, waving her arms awkwardly in front of her.

"No! I... Look, they took me in when no-one else would. They care about me." How assertive, that being said my back and forth was going nowhere fast. Sunny was wrapped around these humans hooves tighter than a Manehatten virgin on prom night.

"Then where are they now? If they cared that much about you, why abandon you at the drop of a hat? Were they your friends... or were they honoring the requests of a magical pony princess that arrived on their doorstep?"

Hard questions.
But no answers.
At least none that could calm the waves of anguish that spread about her face.

As the tears rolled down her cheeks, I realized I'd gone too far, too fast. It may have been the truth. But too much of anything at one time can have serious repercussions.

"Y-you don't understand..." I moved forward to hold her, but she ducked under my arm, sobbing as she unlocking the door and dashing down the hall.

"Sunny, wait..." Too late.

Perfect. Just perfect!

Jackass!

xxx

(STOLEN) From the Journal of Princess Shining Armor (12/17/03:AN)

Dear Journal: This has been quite a day.

The move to arrest the corrupt officers has not gone unnoticed by the general populous. Even now, reports are flooding in regarding the internal investigators, their purpose unknown to my citizens as they moved to apprehend the four corrupt guards. Unfortunately, this means a public announcement will have to be made if only to alleviate their concerns.

While I am not at liberty to disclose the names of those possibly involved in Daylight's escape, I can reveal that the investigators sent by the Princesses are all 'Thestral' by race. 'Batponies', as they are more commonly known. However, they tend to see that particular moniker as a derogatory slur.

They arrived via train several hours ago. The presence of Bat Thestrals within the city, armed with purple nightguard armor and crystalline tipped swords, (Centuries old weapons specifically built for conflict with the Crystal Ponies). These Crystal Ponies to be precise! What was, several lifetimes ago for the ponies of Equestria, was a mere year and a half ago for the Crystal Empire. Old memories to the world are still burned fresh in the minds of my citizens.
If intentional, then this is a great offense to the Crystal People, myself and Cadance. If not, and this is merely an oversight, then this is still something the Princesses will have to answer for.

I am, Worried Concerned uneasy with Daylight still on the loose. As such I have placed Cadance and my unborn foal under the watchful eye of Private Flash Sentry. My wife is in the early stages of her pregnancy but I'm not taking any chances, and while she was adamant that we contact Twily and her friends, I'm still against it. If that deviant's still somewhere in the Empire, I don't want him getting within ten hoof steps of my sister, especially considering his venomous opinion of her.

His words still bite at me...

"Your kind deems yourselves as the way 'things are supposed to be' and anypony who doesn't embrace friendship or meet your worth must be evil and there for persecuted until they change. Without ever considering that we like who we are. No, if your kind says we're evil for being ourselves then we must change! And what you fail to realize is that your kind needs my kind as much as we need yours!"

What did he mean? What possible good could come from criminals? Why do ponies who follow rules, need those who break them?

Why do heroes need villains?

Cadance had more than a few things to say about, Shimmer. But that can wait until later. For now, the final interviews should be wrapping up, and Cadance and I have a public announcement to prepare for.

Hopefully, our Crystal Ponies will listen to reason.

xxx

How many times did I knock my head against the blackboard? Well, when I finally snapped out of it, the room was rotating at an alarming speed and the ground was rushing to meet me.

Also, I hadn't actually wiped off my teachings from the previous lesson, so my usually fabulous mop now had a dusty white streak on the front. Perfect, as if I have time to shower with my already packed schedule.

Also, there's an old lolly-pop under the desk.

And allot of dust. Gross.

"Uh, Mr. Shimmer?" Allowing momentarily for my eyes to adjust, I placed a shaky claw on the sturdy desk and heaved myself up, wobbling on shaky legs before falling back into the deathtrap that was the swivel chair. A chair that spins? What new spawn of high-speed madness is this? I tried sitting in it before, spun around several times and was nearly flung across the room.

My head fell to my shoulder, as my gangly body went limp like a ragdoll tossed into a corner. Allowing my eyes a momentary respite to adjust to the wider scope of the classroom, the various swirls and blotches of color gradually took the form of twenty or more students, each of which bore expressions ranging from concerned to feigned-disinterest. The students themselves appeared younger than the previous occupants of those desks. Specifically, my attention fell upon the seat warmer currently filling Miss Rarity's place.

Miss Diamond Tiara seemed worried as she stood, trying to peer over the desk at my limp form. Dawww' how sweet.

Funny thing is, I don't remember this class coming in.

In fact, how long had I been hitting my head?

"Oh yeah... I'm teaching a class. Ha, lost the plot there." Surprisingly, my lame joke had no effect on the students. Everypony's a critic.

Several of the students exchanged confused glances amongst one another as I got my bearings, taking note of the small but noticeable crack on the blackboard, as well as the throbbing in my head.

"Umm, Sir. Are you alright?" Diamond's a good kid. I'm gonna give her an 'A' for... I don't know, politeness? I guess.

Shrugging, I reached up and massaged my temples.

"Huh? Oh, yeah sure... Umm, free period. Do what you want." I waved the students off as they stared with anticipation, wondering whether or not this was allowed. Diamond, however, took this in stride, standing and strolling over to my desk, casually leaning against it like some sort of obedient secretary. Her bold display prompted her fellow classmates to chat and mingle amongst themselves. I'll say this, the mood certainly lightened once doing actual work was off the table.

"Hey, Teach... Why were you banging your head?" Looking back over her shoulder at me, she offered me a stick of pink gum. Which I was grateful for.

"Thanks; Nothing major, not really." I shrugged and leaned back, coolly blowing a pink bubble.

"Must be sorta major... you were hitting your head for five straight minutes when we came in." Diamond moved back, taking a seat on my desk. "Come on, talk to me."

I sighed and rubbed my eyes. An irritating pinging sound filled my poor throbbing head as a red haired girl fumbled with her phone-thing nearest the door.

"Hey... Uhh, Diamond, what's her name?" I gestured at the girl who promptly tossed her phone into her bag, smiling apologetically.

"That's Apple Bloom, she and her dweeby friends are always causing trouble," Diamond leaned back, crossing her legs and tilting her head all the way back to meet my gaze. "Real bad types, those 'Crusaders'"

"That's. Not. True!"

Both Diamond and I turned our attention to the tomboy, boldly making a stand in an ugly puke-green pair of three-quarter-lengths. I might've taken her more seriously if she weren't sporting the ghastliest t-shirt I'd ever seen. Really? The Rainbow Dash fan club? These truly are dark times.

"Yeah, she's the troublemaker!" Another girl rose from her seat, a petite little thing with a clear eye for fashion. Around the class, others began to take notice.

"Sweetiebelle and Scootaloo, the other... Crusaders." Diamond groaned at that last part.

I shrugged and threw my arms behind my head. That 'pinging' noise filled the air again, although this time, it came from three separate locations. Ironically, from all three of these, 'Crusaders'. Ignoring it for now, I turned back to Apple Bloom.

"Apple Bloom. Miss Tiara here isn't the one assaulting my ear-tubes with that obnoxious noise that seems to be emanating from your persons." Diamond shot the girls a coy grin, but I ignored it. My head hurt, and that 'pinging' wasn't helping.

"I don't know what ya'll are talking..." The 'pinging' sounded again like some techno chorus from the depths of Tartarus. "... About." She chuckled nervously, her mits fumbling around inside her bag.

Diamond turned to me, her small smile and batting eyes gave away her morally dubious intent. I wouldn't have been as annoyed if it hadn't worked. But I couldn't resist, she's like a young me. Except with udders.

"Sir; usually teachers confiscate phones when they ring in class." It's the eyes, I can't resist those batting eyes.

"What a good idea... Apple Bloom!" I said, leaning up in my chair, catching her by surprise as she fumbled with her bag, clearly trying to find something. "Your phone please." I held up and expectant hoof, gesturing her to hoof it over.

"What?" Why she sounded surprised, I'll never know. When I pulled this sorta crap in school, I got a detention, a psychiatrist recommendation, and a beating when I got home. Granted, the beating was a given anyway, but still. One of the minor gripes that spoke legions of the sort of world Equestria had become, was how something as minor as standing up to a teacher, was seen as something that required professional help. Admittedly it wasn't the first time I'd done such a thing but... they were asking for it. I had to laugh at myself, I couldn't think straight with this constant ringing in my head.

"Hey, you can't do that... y-your just a sub!" Scootaloo quickly clapped a hoof over her mouth, realizing whom she'd just insulted.

Diamond gasped, as did a number of the observing students, their mutual conversation winding down to an uncomfortable silence.

"Did you hear that? Ohh, she insulted you, Sir!" Diamond pointed an accusing hoof Scootaloo's way. The 'pinging' resumed once more; I couldn't take much more of this.

"Scootaloo, go... I dunno, sit in the corner. And Apple Bloom, phone, now!"

Begrudgingly, Apple Bloom fished out her phone and walked past a smirking Diamond, dropping the peculiar device in my waiting hoof. "Come find me at the end of the day and you'll get this back." I placed it flat on the desk, groaning as it not only pinged but also vibrated, rattling slightly across the solid wood counter. While Apple Bloom was respectful enough to quietly return to her desk, Scootaloo, was less inclined.

Out the corner of my eye, where most interesting things tended to occur, I sighted Sweetiebelle tapping at her own phone in her lap, occasionally shooting Diamond a dirty look. I wonder why? What was she up to?

"B-but you can't just..." The tomboy looked back and forth between her friends, hoping for some form of support. Finding none, she sighed, dragging a chair over to the corner, nearest my person and sat facing the wall.

When the rattle sounded again , pounding the inside of my skull like a great many sledgehammers, followed by a birds tweet that sounded across the room, I hoofed the phone to Diamond. Other students phones gave off similar bird noises, although after Scootaloo had been made an example of, others were unwilling to risk the same.

"Hon, can you turn this thing off?" Diamond smirked as we each blew a pink bubble, both of which popped once contact was made with the other. Winking, she took the device and repeatedly tapped the screen. This alarmed the Crusaders for whatever reason, but I wasn't too concerned. I'd made my authority known, if they had a functioning brain between them, they'd remain quiet. The class resumed their idle chatter, several students occasionally snickering in Scootaloo's general direction.

Diamond's tapping stopped; leaning across the desk slightly to get a look at her face, she sat staring, mouth agape at the phone screen.

"Diamond?" I questioned. "Something the matter?" Her face turned a steadily deepening shade of red. "What? What is it?"

Don't mistake that little, panicked wording as me caring. I merely wanted an end to this meaningless teenage melodrama that was, one adult attempting to placate a room full of loud brats, plus one Diamond.

"That, Bitch!" she muttered to no-one. "Look." She hoofed the phone to me.

Barely making out what she had to say, I gripped the phone and took a look at the screen.

Diamond Tiara & Silver Spoon: Hot and Heavy in the Homeroom.

The message was followed by a picture of Diamond locking lips with another girl, a girl from this class as a matter of fact. One sitting at the front of this very class actually, looking up at Diamond with concerned eyes.
This 'Silver Spoon', in the picture, was dressed in a pink dress and lilac sweater, sitting at her desk with Diamond Tiara sitting on top. One hoof was up Diamond's shirt, an outline of her hoof clearly visible over Diamond's chest area whilst the other cupped her cheek.
Appearing equally passionate in the image, Diamond had one hoof holding the back of Silver's head whilst the other delved inside the top of Silver's dress, repeating Silver Spoon's motions. Adding to the already voyeuristic feel of the picture was the fact that it had clearly been taken through a window from the opposite side. Ahh memories.

Celestia, I wish I had a copy of this. But what really got my attention, was the little box and name that came after the words 'Posted by...'. The little box showed a stylised swirl of colors, Sunny's colors. My colors!

And the name... 'Anon-a-Miss'.

"Holy..." I started, before Diamond leapt to her hooves and sprinted out the door. "Diamond?" Myself and Silver Spoon said in unison. Looking over at her, she looked at me then at the door and once again back to me. Confliction spread across her face as others in the class took notice of Diamond's swift exit.

Nodding my head in the direction of the door, Silver Spoon shot me a grateful smile and dashed out after her... marefriend? Or whatever they call it here.

The device must act as some form of communicator between other phone owners. Beneath the picture was a steadily rising number of human claws pointed up, as well as growing amount of lewd messages, including, but not limited to...

See, I told you she was a rug muncher. LOLZ

She deserves it, #just-desserts

Aww, two stuck up bitches found love. JK XD

I'd still do em'. And they'd let me. #pimplife

Which ones the man in this relationship? lol :-p

I could go on and on, it certainly didn't stop there. Moving my hoof across the screen, the things it presented moved beyond the screens borders, revealing more slanderous tabloid trash similar to the Diamond and Silver story. In fact, there were a lot more like this, some 'posted by...' Anon-a-Miss, others by various humans.

I looked up from the phones, gazing around the awkwardly silent class, students all looking to me expectantly. All except Apple Bloom. The young red head stared straight forward, hooves gripping the edges of her desk as a nervous bead of sweat descended down her face. Momentarily her eyes darted to me before retreating forward once she caught my gaze.

Why was she so nervous out of everypony else?

Rising from my seat, I took five steps towards the door, each step a break in the stiffening silence. The hinges on the door emitted a long drawn-out squeak as I held it open.

Looking up at the clock, I noted that another five minutes were left in the lesson.

"Class, go do... whatever! I need to go see Princess Celestia about... something. Go!" The students didn't need to be told twice as they hurried out the door, to go where? I didn't know or care actually. I needed to know more about these phone message communications and how to do them myself. Anon-a-Miss was here, in the school. If I could fathom the infinite complexities of this device, I could use the information available to find the true identity of Anon-a-Miss. Or at least narrow it down to which class he/she's in.

Mental Check List
- Learn how to use a phone.
- Check on Diamond. (Not because I feel bad, just because I feel like it.)
- Make up with Sunny.
- And dispose of a Substitute Teacher.

Soon I'd have Anon-a-Miss at my mercy; the phone buzzing once more in my human claws.

Author's Notes:

You know what folks, something that's occurred to me recently.
No joke. Why do the Main Six judge others so harshly so quickly? Aren't they supposed to be the good guys?
I'm serious, in 'Boast Busters' Trixie says one line (promoting her own show btw) and suddenly the main six are acting like she's the second coming of Tirek the Destroyer. And by the end, she gets her home, her reputation and lively hood ruined, while the real villains get either moustaches or no blame at all. And when she comes back both times, they never try to apologize. Or accept some form of responsibility.
Then there's Iron Will, the guys running an honest business, but when one of their friends acts like a jerk, they blame him instead of the one tossing out personal insults.
Same for Rainbow in Mare-do-Well, her friends didn't even try to talk to her before they ripped the rug out from under her hooves.
I wouldn't complain so much except it seems they haven't really learned from their past mistakes.

In case you haven't figured it out, my most hated trope is (Protagonist-Centered-Morality). Just because they're the main characters, shouldn't mean they're automatically in the right, no matter what they do.
(Apologies for the great wall of text.)