My heart caught in my throat; well actually it was more like my heart leaped clean out of my throat and performed a rousing song and dance number on my head. Complete with top hat and cane. Because top hats make everything better.

'Mental note: When I assemble my next disguise, include a top hat.'

Bidding my fellow educators farewell, I braced myself for the adrenaline-fueled punch-up that would ensue between myself and whatever passed for this world's version of the Royal Guard. The first rule of survival when going incognito, 'always hope for the best but expect the worst.'. Were they there? Who could say? But it's always best to be ready.

Taking a deep breath as Celestia gestured for me to pass her by as she held the door, behind my back, I cracked my... What do I call those things in my human hooves that crack? They're all bumpy and hard and stuff... meh, whatever.

To my surprise, however, there was not a heavily armed platoon of well-equipt mercenaries waiting for me on the other side. But rather, a small and somewhat anxious, young lady. Silver Spoon.

Hmm, I don't know whether to feel relieved, insulted, or both. On the one hand, no one's on to me, but on the other... well, my ego yearns for attention.

"Mr. Dreamer. Miss. Silver Spoon here has a... small situation, that we believe you could be of great assistance with." One day here and already I'm sorting through your messes, Celestia. You're lucky I'm fond of this little one. Or else I'd introduce you to my little friends, 'cuffs and collars'. That being said, with a little persuasion and a few drinks, I still might. Bow chicka wow wow.

"Oh really? Well, naturally I'm happy to offer any assistance necessary to a student in need. Even if it is my first day here." I couldn't stress that last part more if I tried. A shame then that my added inflection sailed clean over her head.

"Wonderful, in that case, I can trust you to be," She leaned close and whispered, "Discreet." Her tone of voice convey the 'hush-hush' nature of whatever Silver Spoon's problem might be.

"I understand, Even if it is my first day." If she missed the point before, raising my voice slightly certainly hammered it home.

"Ahh, yes. We should probably talk about that later." I nodded in response; satisfied, Celestia turned to Silver Spoon, a kind smile brightened her motherly face, much like a cherry atop an already delicious brownie, or one of those small decorative umbrellas in the world's fruitiest cocktail.

"Now then, Sweetheart. Would you mind telling, Mr.Dreamer, what you told me?" Laying it on a little thick there Celestia, this girl has gotta be what? Fourteen?

"W-well... M-Mister Dreamer, it's about Diamond." I figured as much.

"You see, h-her mom tracks her MyStable account, and well, since Diamond follows Anon-a-Miss, when the picture of... the two of us... was posted..." Okay, I think I know where this is going.

"I assume mommy dearest didn't take the news well?" Silver nodded, confirming my suspicions. An abusive mother, a subject I know all too well. Celestia turned to me, her smile faltered, replaced quickly by a serious frown. Now while frowning was an all-to-common expression from my world's Celestia, this one didn't sit right with me. For the first time, I'd much rather see Celestia smile.

"Miss Tiara's mother is... somewhat of a touchy subject in this school. She hasn't gotten over being unable to buy her daughter's way into our rival school, Crystal Prep." Celestia almost spat out that last part, you could feel the venom seething just beneath her creamy skin.

Silver nodded in agreement, "She blamed our school, she said the teachers were incompetent and she was going to... umm," Celestia offered the girl some assistance. "Blacklist, dear." Silver shot Celestia an appreciative smirk. "Oh right, Blacklist the school and see the teaching staff replaced." Gotta love it when rich people don't get their way. Well, that's what they get for having more money than me. How dare they!

"That was years ago, however. Spoiled Rich builds herself up as the supreme authority when in reality there's very little she can really do." Ironic hearing this from Celestia.

"Now she's on her way here; I was trying to calm her down, Diamond I mean, but then her mom called and just started screaming at her." Oh, if not for my accursed persona, I could very easily settle this with a length of rope, a kitchen knife and a well-forged suicide note. But alas, my hunt for Anon-a-Miss takes priority.

Contrary to popular belief amongst the countless Ponies, Griffons, and others who'd hunted me down in the past, I am not, in fact, a serial killer. I am a 'Killer-for-Hire' who gets a lot of business, there's a difference. See I don't kill for pleasure unless payment afterward counts. Nor do I kill because of some pre-conceived notion of balancing the books. I have and will kill to further my own ends, to protect what little I do care about, which in retrospect isn't that much, and for that sweet chink of gold bits knocking together at the bottom of a bit-bag.

Killing is a means to an end, one I'm just so damn good at... and in a world devoted to friendship and harmony, that is a terrifying trait indeed.

Celestia exhaled sharply and pinched the bridge of her nose, I can understand where she's coming from, overbearing parents are the worst, especially when they work themselves into a frenzy. Not my parents of course, no their attention was more often than not focused on the bottom of a bottle.

"Mr. Dreamer, I need to mentally prepare myself and the other teachers for Spoiled Rich's arrival, would you be so kind as to go with Silver Spoon and bring Diamond Tiara to my office?" Celestia turned to Silver, "While we will need to discuss what happened in the picture in question," Silver blushed as her eyes took a sudden interest in the floor. "Please reassure Miss Tiara that we will not permit any unruly behavior on her mother's part and that my office is a safe-space." I nodded in agreement, she smiled in return and withdrew into the warm coffee scented embrace of the teacher's lounge.

Silver gestured for me to follow. As we made our way through the halls, the evidence was clear, lunch was winding down and the banshees-wail that is the school bells ring was imminent. Students loaded themselves with books and other required stationary, waving goodbyes to friends and special someponies with other places to be.

For the most part, the walk was a silent one, the obnoxious commentary in my head acting in the same capacity as a narrator for the play that is my life, its voice recounting each step I retread for what felt like the hundredth time this day. I would stop to question whether this thought itself was merely another line of awkwardly worded dialogue from my invisible brain buddy or rather my own internal philosophical ruminations, but fortunately for all involved my brain shut itself off just as my foot tried and failed to locate the ground, and suffice it to say, when one's body goes on autopilot, one must be sure that it is in a place where one knows where everything is. Take, for instance, the unexpected left turn we'd taken down a dark hallway which led to an equally dark stairway. And as you can imagine, thanks in no small part to a curse by the criminally under-worshipped 'God of Comedy', I found myself on the ground faster than a flightless pony from Cloudsdale. I mean I assume, I've never been myself, merely hearsay and conjecture from winged casual acquaintances.

What I'm trying to say is, I fell down the stairs.

As the world ceased its infernal spinning, I felt a pair of paws pulling at my forehoof, Silver's paws to be precise.

"Are you alright, Sir?"

D'Awww, how considerate. A pity she has to die to protect my reputation... No, that would contradict the very thing I was internally monologuing about before this unfortunate spill, and while I am no stranger to hypocrisy, I am not, nor will I ever be a 'self-hypocrite'.

"Quite, my dear. Now if you wouldn't mind, I would happily accept your assistance with standing..." Silver Spoon looked to me, oddly bewildered for a moment before replying.

"Ummm, are you asking for a hand?" Oh yeah, hooves are called hands here. Good thing those comparisons only manifest in my, at times, deranged mind, because that sort of reverse terminology could become confusing for any would be mind readers in the school.

"Indeed." I retorted, taking her hand in mine. Huh, soft.

Dusting myself off, I took stock of our poorly lit surroundings. The pitch black stairwell led down into the middle of another long hallway, stretching both left and right, several doors stood along both walls in each direction, all closed and presumably locked, save for one slightly ajar at the end of the hall, barely visible against the dim blue lights that hung from the ceiling.

"Say, Silver Spoon?"
"Yes, Sir?"

"Why is the lighting down here so... sub-standard?" Surely this can't be safe for students.

"You don't know?" She seemed surprised by this, if only for a moment. "S-sorry, it's just, I thought one of the principals would've told you." Evidently, they did not, or maybe they did and I just wasn't paying attention.

"I don't suppose you'd care to enlighten me?" Silver Spoon nodded and led the way down the hall. This whole area was a stark contrast to the rest of the school. Everything above ground was a pristine marble white, but down here, everything was painted in multiple shades of blue and was desperate need of a good dusting.

"About ten years back, before Diamond or I came here, Principal Luna petitioned the school board for planning permission to build this sub level, it was going to be used for after school activities and such, but the school board said 'no'. Well as you can imagine, Principal Luna didn't like that her decisions were ignored, so do you know what she did instead?"

I shrug in response. Obviously, I did not know what happened, but given that it's Luna, I think I can hazard a guess.

"I don't know the details, but I heard she did some shady stuff with a cheap building company and told them to send the superintendent the bill."

"No,"

"Oh yeah."

That's it? Well, that's hardly an attempted conquest of Equestria.

"If that's the case then why is she still working here?"

"Principal Celestia begged them not to fire her, in the end, she paid for the work and the interest, in exchange Principal Luna got suspended and came back with way less pay than before."

Hmmm, Celestia reduced to begging. Not that I can blame her, we all do things we're not proud of for the benefit of our siblings.

"And Celestia? What happened to her? That sort of money doesn't grow on trees." Or does it?

"They had to move in together; paying all that extra interest cost the both of them a lot," Makes sense, although how Luna planned to get away with this was anypony's guess. Walking by, I tried my hoof at one of the doors but yielded nothing. The door was locked tight, and the viewing window revealed only darkness. "And in the end, the school couldn't even use the new space since the school board called it a 'fire hazard'."

"Obviously, I mean there's only one stairway. One spark and boom... chargrilled children. Still, seems like such a waste."

"Principal Luna was... going through some things. Principal Celestia wouldn't tell us what, but for a while, Principal Luna was a totally different person." Yep, that sounds more like Looney Mooney.

"Well, that begs the question... why is she still employed here?" Silver paused to ponder this for a brief moment before shrugging and testing the door we'd arrived at. Right at the end of the hall.

"I think the Principals have deep roots in the city. That sort of reputation and respect has a lot of weight behind it. Believe me, I know." I do believe her, the power and influence a reputation can provide is both a significant advantage and an exhausting weight to bare. It's hard to maintain and oh so easy to lose.

Well, enough with the history lesson. Silver pushed open the door and timidly stepped inside, within, the blue lights from the hall surrendered to a series of dull red safety lights emanating from the bottom of a rusty metal staircase. Cobwebs stretched across the ceiling, the red lights of the lower levels casting their sinister shadows along the stairs. Now I'm sure neither of us were awaiting a giant spider to descend from on high, or long spindly spider legs to extend from beyond the gap behind the stairs... even so, Silver latched on tight to the back of my coat.

"Nervous are we?" Silver shot me a dirty look and let go. "Can't blame you really, after all, who knows who or what could be hiding down here," I noted a weary murmur, but chose not to call her out on it. "For all we know, all the previous teachers could still here. Thriving on a steady diet of basement moss and sprinkler fluid."

The bottom of the stairs was followed by another flight of stairs, and beyond that, a door with a busted handle. From the looks of it, someone probably removed the screws, as it hung loosely by one.

"Silver, just how often do you and Diamond come down here?" I inspected the door itself, sure enough, it opened with a gently push. "And is this something I need to tell the teachers about?" Because if a kid gets hurt after I've come down here and said nothing, Celestia'll have my ass.

"Sometimes, b-but we're really careful I swear..."

"And what exactly do you do down... here..."

The door opened to reveal large dank boiler room. No actually, largely didn't this room justice... massive, was the more appropriately descriptive. From the sheer size of the place, it must extend across the entire length of the school. Support pillars extended up into the distant ceiling, surrounded on all sides by industrial piping, the ceiling itself was a stretch of rusted pipes and ironwork. Large metal boilers were scattered about the room, connected by pipes and hanging wires that would surely be considered a fire hazard, which gave the place an almost maze-like appearance. It could be so easy to get lost down here.

"Oh me, oh my... Silver, just how far down are we?" Silver wondered ahead, leaning against the adjoining wall before grabbing hold of a thin string tied to an old fire extinguisher, that from the looks of it, hasn't seen use since the heyday of human engineering, whenever that was.

"Pretty far, Diamond and I... kinda took the handle off when we were... umm..."

"Playing hooky?" I said with a smirk.

Silver blushed but said nothing. Opting instead for me to follow as she trailed the string into the metal jungle.

"Hey, no complaints here. We all need to get away from the monotony of public education from time to time."

"T-thanks, sir. I think this whole room is way under the school. The last stairway got torn down when Principal Luna had the school built, when they connected it to the new hall, someone lost the key. When Diamond heard about it, she thought we could come down here to get away from it all." Fair enough, but this hardly seems the place for underage romantic entanglements.

"But, I don't really like it down here. It smells funny, the pipes hiss, and one time we got lost. "

"Hence the string?" Silver nodded.

Red lights illuminated very little from their placement on the walls. Red lighting filtered through steam from cracked piping, bathing the room in a haunting red haze. Any moment now, I anticipated a movement in the distance or a figure lurking behind the steam. Steam that only seemed to worsen as we moved forward, in both thickness and heat. From up top, a drop of water landed on my forehead, and if the state of the soaked floor was any indication, a lot of the piping up top was doing the same.

"Say, Silver... I get why you'd tell Celestia about the situation, but why'd you need me to come down here?" Silver looked away and rubbed the back of her neck. Was it something I said?

"It's embarrassing, but... me and Diamond watched that movie 'Nightmare on Elm Street' a few weeks back, and... I just couldn't come down here after."

I have no idea what that is. But it sounds like something I should check out. I was going to ask where I could find this movie, but I was cut off by a drop of water in my eye. Flicking it away, I noticed the ceiling wasn't in much better shape than the floor, the ironwork holding it up there must be an engineering marvel.

"This much steam can't be good for the foundations." Noting a distinct sheen of water running down the pipes and equipment. "Last thing you kids need is the school caving in during class time." Moving on we passed under the source of the steam. A wailing pipe running up a support beam was spewing out the hot vapor, though there was nothing to be done about it at present, it would take an extension ladder to reach it, and I don't like ladders. Too many bad falls in my time, no need to add another to the list.

"I think that's why the girls locker room never has any hot water." Silver mentioned. Frankly, I was bemused that kids her age actually used the school showers, in my old school we used to just throw on deodorant and try not to sit near a fan till we got home.

"Amazing, a big beautiful building up top, yet beneath it hides a deep, dark, dank secret." I've known many a pony with that same problem.

Eventually, the steam lessened to thigh height before cascading through a metal guard rail and down to who knows where like a vaporous waterfall.

"Diamond!" Silver leaned against the guard rail and called out into the darkness below. The fact that this place went down even further was surprise enough for me, let alone how Diamond could come down here on her own. Heck, I've burned down houses, and this place is giving me the willies.

The area down below had no emergency lighting, but the faint glow emanating from the light showed that the next level was only seven feet down. The sound of scampering feet caught our ears from below, I caught a glimpse of a small figure running in the opposite direction, but the sound was silence by that of a slamming door.

"I know where she is... Diamond, wait!" Throwing any notions of anxiousness behind her, Silver dashed to the left and down a small metal staircase, a deep 'drum' of someone hitting the side of an empty metal contained reverberated throughout the place as she too disappeared. And as for myself, well it was either stay here on my lonesome, or get the future prom queens upstairs before Diamond's mom arrived.

"Leave Me Alone!" Shouting from downstairs hastened my decision. Quick as a flash, I darted down the stairs, past what looked to be a giant square vat of some sorts plus several rows of pipes before coming to two identical doors, I could just make out Silver's form leaning against the one on the right.

Catching my breath, I made to reprimand Silver but instead tripped on something hard attached to the ground. Not that Silver was paying much attention at that particular moment.

"Diamond, please come out." I could make out the sounds of someone talking, but I wasn't close enough to hear. Looking back, I found the source of my fall to be a metal bar next to a sunken metal square embedded in the ground. Curiously I knocked my foot against it and sure enough, it sounded hollow.

"She won't be furious, Dia, I promise I'll be there too..."

The murmuring from inside continued, but my interest was elsewhere. Dusting myself off and kneeling down, I gripped the handle with both hooves and attempted to pull, it moved about at inch before something halted it movement, better positioning myself I tried again, yet my attempts yielded no results.

"I will, I won't leave you I promise... and so will Principal Celestia and Mr. Dreamer and..."

"I'll do what now?" Giving up on the handle for the moment, I walked over and sat on the other side of the locked door. At least from here, I could better make out Diamond's voice on the other side.

"Mr. Dreamer? You're here too?" A shaky voice asked from within.

"Nah, I'm actually the boogeyman, I was just doing my rounds and I heard there were two victims... I mean, children down where they shouldn't be."

"Oh, haha. And we are not children!" I haha'd right back, I really couldn't care less what these two did in their spare time, though I do appreciate a firm attitude toward authority.

"No, you certainly are not my dear. Heck, I've only known you for one day and I already like you more than most of the people here." Diamond said nothing, but Silver motioned for me to continue. "So, listen Diamond. What's it gonna take to get you outta this... uh, closet?"

"It's where the old workers left their tools." Silver added.

"Leave me alone, I won't see her like this."

"Kiddo, I'm sure you can clean up before your mother gets here..."

"I'm talking about Silver Spoon."

Huh, didn't see that one coming. Silver placed her head against the door, I couldn't be sure but from the sound of things, Diamond was doing the same thing. If my head weren't spinning from, not one, but two consecutive falls in the space of ten minutes, I'd be vomiting internally. If that doesn't paint a picture, I don't know what will. Too much cutesy in one day.

"Dia, I don't care how you look. You know that, right?"

"I know, I-I just... I don't want you to see me this way."

"Diamond... she's seen me fall down a whole flight of stairs... if she has a low opinion of anyone today, it's gonna be me."

There was a noticeable pause from Diamond's side, to where I began to wonder if she'd heard me. But, sure enough...

"Did you seriously fall down the stairs?" I made to respond but was instead met with a series of giggles. Silver joined her and pretty soon the pair were laughing up a storm at the expense of yours truly. Oh, if they only knew who's shadow in which they currently dwelt.

"Silver... w-was it funny?" Silver laughed and slapped her knee.

"C-can you imagine a peacock... falling down the stairs? In look and sound." Their laughing filled the warm air once again, although my patience was growing thin. At this point, the entire situation felt like a skipping record.

"The God of Comedy is not one to be trifled with, my dears. And now that my dignity is back where it belongs, at the bottom of the basement stairs, how about we get you both outta here?"

The shuffling beyond the door resumed momentarily but was soon replaced by the fumbling of tiny hands on a metal lock. The two of us, Silver and I, took cautious steps back as the door opened. In the dim light, we could just make out the trembling form of Diamond emerging from the darkness. Tears had messed her makeup, the low lighting doing her little favor, though Silver didn't seem to mind. Quite the contrary, as she ran over and embraced her... Girlfriend? Lover? Bed buddy? Who can say?

Gently, Silver stroked Diamond's mane and shushed softly into her ear. Moments like this, however rare, remind me of Sunny and I growing up. Those uptight Canterlot snobs never could accept the girl for her genius that clearly outshined that of their uptight, trust fund banking offspring. I'd best check that she's alright when we're done here.

Eventually, Diamond's tears subside as Silver's gentle rocking of the two came to a stop. Diamond sniffled then chuckled a little as Silver dabbed the distraught filly's eyes with a hanky.

"There... you look prettier without eyeliner anyway." The two smile at one another, before slowly moving closer together, inch by inch shortening the distance between the two. Then, running on whatever romantic tension was fluctuating between them, they embraced, lips locked in a manner that would be most pleasing... if they were older. I'll do allot of things, but even I draw the line when it comes to kids.

The kiss didn't last too long, the two split after a few seconds, parting their lips whilst their arms remained firmly locked around one another.

Diamond sniffled and turned her head, although Silver was having none of it and took Diamonds cheek in her hand, resuming eye contact.

"I... We... M-my mother, she won't..." Silver promptly placed a finger on Diamond's lips and shushed her.

"We'll do this together."

"B-but she won't listen..." Diamond argued.

"Then we'll make her listen!" Silver retorted.

"She'll pull me out of school..."

"Then I'll sneak over when she's busy."

"They'll keep us apart!"

"Then we'll run away together!"

It continued like this for several minutes, before the ever pressing thoughts of Principal Celestia wormed their way to the forefront of my mind. No doubt she'd be waiting for us. Clapping my hooves, momentarily silencing the pair, I hastened to point out the obvious.

"Well, dears, whatever the pair of you choose to do is your business... And I mean that. No matter what happens, never conform to someone else's standards of what should and should not be. Otherwise, you're not living life your way. You're living life how 'they' deem fit." Yeah, I'm sure that was the gist of what Celestia wanted me to tell her.

And now to bring this emotional rollercoaster to a halt.

"No matter what happens, I'll be right behind you... now what say we get out of hee~"

I didn't get to finish that sentence as I... you guessed it... tripped on that damn lever again!

Diamond's laughter had slightly more volume than I had first anticipated, though that was understandable given that before we'd had a solid wood door between us. But, to reiterate, she was indeed laughing at my expense... hoo-ray.

Tiny feet tapped against concrete, as two pairs of hands helped pull me to my knees.

"You were right Silvy... he does sound like a peacock." Oh hardy har har,

"Are you okay sir?"

I rubbed my face and absentmindedly brushed off my jacket, a wet patched confirmed that I had, in fact, landed in something. Something that would, most likely, leave a stain.
...
On my one outfit!
...
Terrific!

"Okay, Diamond, Silver... Before I break this confounded lever off its hinges, I gotta know, where does it lead?"

Silver and Diamond looked at each other for a second before Diamond reached down to the hinge and pulled out a small metal rod that I hadn't spotted before.

"Oh, that's easy." Unimpeded by the metal piece, Diamond effortlessly yanked the handle back as the hatch opened, stopping at a vertical angle. Diamond tossed the metal piece somewhere behind her and pulled out her phone, a few taps, and swipes brought forth a light from the device. Gripping the edge of the open square hole, I dipped my head inside. Illuminated by the phone light, the darkness surrendered the room's contents, it was a sizable space, wider than the hatch itself, perfectly shaped. The whole place was barren aside from a busted water pipe in the corner spraying a loud deluge of water into an open grate, leading to who knows where. And in at the other end of the room, a large metal door stood rusting on the wall, looking like it hadn't seen the touch of a living being in many years.

"Diamond... what is this?" I struggled to ask.

"Nothing important really... It's just an old storage room from back when the school was built. The door doesn't open though," she said, pointing to the second of the two doors where we'd previously stood. "I've tried. I think there used to be a wood crane for lowering things down, but I guess it was removed over the years..."

Diamond had more to say, and was clearly knowledgeable about this school's history, maybe her ancestors attended this fine institution? But whatever factoid she spouted off, sailed clean over my head.

I peered down into the depths, and I saw... opportunity.

Wicked ideas took hold, wicked, twisted, naughty ideas.

And suddenly, my problems seemed like a distant memory. For here, in this under-underground, four by four space... I found inspiration.

Inspiration... for revenge.

"S-sir? Are you alright? What's so funny?" How queer, I hadn't even realized I'd been laughing.

"Oh, no reason child. Now how about we close this up, before somebody gets hurt." The girls nodded in agreement and placed the lever and hatch cover, back into place.

As we made our way to the exit, plans began to form. Wheels within wheels. To protect my sister, my identity, and a fitting end to Anon-a-Miss.

But first...

As we exited the dim red stairwell and into the darkened blue corridor upstairs, I stopped the girls at the exit.

"Now girls, I just want you to know, no matter what happens, with Celestia, your parents, and whomever this Anon-a-Miss clown is... I'll be there for you, both of you. But in order for me to do that, I need you both to do something for me," The girls both asked what it is they could do, and I knew I could count on them for what lies ahead. "I need you two to promise me that you'll never go down here again,"

The pair seemed hesitant, fortunately, lying to children was a skill I'd mastered what feels like a lifetime ago. Kneeling down to their level, I told them in a hushed tone...

"I'll let you help me track down, and expose Anon-a-Miss. So, what do you say?"

Any ounce of trepidation the girls may have had faded instantly, bright smiles replaced their previously glum demeanors.

With a high hoof, or whatever it's called here, we sealed our pact. "We're in!"

If my smile were any wider, I'd be institutionalized.

It wouldn't be the first time.

Diamond's mother would hardly be an obstacle, more of a distraction than anything. And the girls were eating out the palm of my hand, how much I'd involve them in all of this could be decided later. For now, my gaze looked ahead, far ahead, to a time yet to occur. To an unsuspecting substitute teacher, to a rainbow haired girl, and to a troll with no clue as to what nightmares they have wrought!

Author's Notes:

Well, it seems my plan to freeze myself until Christmas backfired royally... oh well, time for easter I guess. Gimmie a little time (just a smidge) to get back into the swing of things, and well be back on schedule.

Also, the Armor Diaries return in three chapters time. So there's that.

If I've made any grammar mistakes, be sure to let me know, I'm editing these myself at the moment. So, that should say it all.