Carrot Top awoke in her bed with the smell of fresh blueberry muffins filling her nostrils. She yawned and sat up, stretching her forelegs before hopping to the ground and making her way down stairs. Upon entering the kitchen she was greeted by Derpy who was wearing an apron with the image of over a dozen different falored muffins on it.

"Good morning, Derpy." She said with a smile as she took a seat at the table.

Derpy's ear twitched and she looked over to her friend, returning the smile. "Good morning, Carrot." She grabbed a plate with a couple of muffins on it and placed them on the table so her friend could eat. "What are you doing up so early? I thought you didn't have to work today."

Carrot Top grabbed on of the muffins and took a bite. "I couldn't help it, the smell of your delicious muffins is always enough to get me moving."

Derpy blushed. "Oh, come on. They aren't that great."

"Don't be so modest, these are the best muffins in Ponyville." She continued. "I really think you should quit the whole mail made thing and open up your own stall."

"I would, but without me who would deliver all of that mail?" Carrot Top tried to reply, but was cut off as Derpy continued speaking.

"Besides, if they really are that good then it would take business away from the cakes and I just couldn't do that to them."
Carrot Top shrugged it off, it was her friends life after all, not hers. "Suit yourself." She finished her first muffin and quickly realized that something was missing. "Hey, where's Tumor?"

"I think he's still asleep. Should I wake him?" She answered, going back the oven to grab the next batch of muffins.

"No, I'll get him." She said, rising from her seat and walking down to the basement. "Derpy!" She shouted.

Her yelling was enough to make Derpy drop the tray of baked goods and start running for the basement. "What's wrong, is he okay?"
Carrot Top pointed to the empty makeshift bed on the floor. "He's gone."

They had been searching for almost a half hour, but to no avail. Derpy looked the most worried out of them both.

"Oh my gosh, this is so bad. He could be lost or even hurt." She ranted.

Carrot Top rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't be surprised if he was lost, but I doubt he's hurt. Even if he was, he probably did something to deserve it."

"Carrot Top!" Derpy yelled in frustration.

"What? It's not my fault that he's a loud mouth."

They were just about to pass Sweet Apple Acres, but the sound of cheering caught their attention. They made their way up the trail and through the front gate to be met by a rather interesting sight. They two empty cups slam into a wooden table just outside of the barn. One being held by an orange hoof belonging to Applejack and the other by Tumors pale hand.

"Aha, I got yah." She shouted victoriously.

"You lying bitch!"

She looked to her left side where both Rainbow Dash and Granny Smith were standing. "Granny?"

Granny Smith rubbed her chin with a wrinkled hoof. "I hate to admit it, but it was a tie."

Rainbow Dash threw her hooves up angrily. "Oh come on! Tumor clearly won."

"Y'all are just sayin' that 'cause you bet 10 bits on him to win."

Derpy and Carrot Top made their way over to the table, quickly catching everyone's attention. Tumor looked up at the two and waved. "Oh, hey. The hell you guys doing here?" He asked.

Carrot Top shot him a dirty look. "Better question: What are you doing here?"

"Getting ready to out drink this inbred mother fucker." He explained, pointing a finger at Applejack.

"Their ain't no way y'all are gonna be able to beat me." Applejack mocked.

"You wanna bet? Rainbow..." He held his hand, flipping off the rainbow maned pegasus. "I need 6 glasses about the size of my finger and I need them yesterday.

"On it." Rainbow Dash saluted him and flew off.

Tumor reached into his pocket and pulled out a flask. It had silver going around its edges and down its sides and black leather in the center designed to look like alligator scales. He unscrewed the top and sniffed the neck, letting out a pleasured hum. "Now that's what I'm talking about."

Rainbow Dash showed up shortly placing three glasses on each side of the table before going back to her previous spot next to Granny Smith. Tumor filled each glass with a clear brown liquid.

Applejack eyed the liquid suspiciously. "Hold on there partner. What's that their you just poured?"

Tumor smiled and screwed the lid back onto his flask before tucking it back into his pocket. "This, my dear, is Bourbon. A strong alcoholic drink from my world. It'll kick your strongest cup of cider ass first into next week."

Applejack shot him a challenging smile. "We'll see about that."

Tumor gave her one back. "Start the countdown, old lady."

Granny Smith raised a hoof to the air. "5, 4"

The two narrowed their eyes at each other, grabbing ahold of their first glass as granny counted down.

"3, 2"

Everyone stared with anticipation. Minus Carrot Top who was sitting their with her hooves crossed and an annoyed look on her face.

"1" Granny Smith paused for a moment before slamming her hoof into the table. "Go!"

They cheered as the two took their first shot. Applejack started choking on the intense liquor, but managed to force it did. Tumor barely shuddered as the alcohol practically flew down his throat.

"Heavens to Betsy." Applejack said. "Y'all weren't kidding when you said it was strong." She took her next shot but choked once again, not being able to handle its alcohol content. Against her own wishes, she heaved and spit out her drink.

Tumor raised his arms victoriously. "WOOO!!!" He quickly took his last two shots and slammed his fists onto the table. "Drink that, bitch!" He shouted as he shot out of his seat. He was going to walk over to to Derpy and Carrot Top, but found that the world around him seemed to be spinning, causing him to fall to his knees. "Holy fuck..."

Applejack pulled herself together and stumbled over to Tumor and held hoof out to him. "Congratulations, Tumor. You win."

It took him a second, but he finally managed to grab the hoof and shake it with one hand while flipping her off with the other. He released her hoof and lowered his arms. "You know, from down here you're actually pretty cute."

Applejack's face became flustered, whether it was from his comment or from the alcohol was a mystery to her. "Heh, you're not looking too bad yourself."

Tumor leaned forward and planted a kiss on Applejack's lips. She was surprised at first but fell under his spell and the area was soon filled with soft smacking sounds as they started to make out. Everyone stared with wide eyes and mouths agape. Rainbow Dash was so surprised that she had even dropped her winnings.

Before the two could even react they were pulled from their kiss. Rainbow Dash dragged Applejack away by her tail while Derpy dragged Tumor by his shirt. As they were being pulled away they reached out for each other in a pathetic attempt to continue their public display of affection.

"RD, let me *hic* go. I'm a grown mare, ah can make my own de-*hic*-cisions." Applejack demanded.

Rainbow Dash pulled her even harder. "Applejack, go home, your drunk."

"Ah am home!"

"Then go to bed!"

Tumor struggled against Derpy's grip. "Don't worry baby, I'll be back. I will fight for you. You are my Juliet!"

"Okay, Romeo, that's enough for now." Carrot Top turned her attention to Derpy. "Let's get him home before he gets into trouble.

Granny Smith stood awkwardly, staring off into space by the table with her jaw hanging low as everyone departed. " What just happened?"

They arrived back a the house, Tumor still hammered beyond belief. Derpy released him from her grasp once the got inside. Tumor reached one of his hands out in the direction of the farm. "Juliet..."

Carrot Top stared him down, her eyes mocking him and calling him an idiot. She closed the front door and walked over so she would be in the center of his vision. "Look at you, you're a mess." She leaned over and sniffed him, putting on a look of disgust as she backed away from him. "Oh, Celestia. You smell like fermented cider mixed with cat piss."

Even Derpy's face cringed at this.

Tumor just glared daggers at Carrot Top. "What's your point?"

"You need a bath and you need one now." She demanded.

"Fuck you!" He said, pointing a finger at her. "All of you."

Carrot Top stared at him in confusion. "All of you?"

"Yep. All 12 of you can go fuck yourselves." He said as his hand pointed at ponies who weren't there.

Carrot Top's features dropped as well as her ears in pure annoyance. "Derpy, we have to clean him up. The smell is just too much and he's stuck on stupid."

Derpy nodded. "Okay."

"Good, now hold him down while I get his cloths off. Celestia knows they need a good wash." Carrot Top got behind Tumor as Derpy sat in his lap and put two hooves on his shoulders. Carrot Top grabbed the neck of his vest in her teeth and pulled it off of him.

His head turned around to see why he felt slightly colder around his midsection. "The hell? What the fuck are you doing?"

Derpy reached up and grabbed his head in her hooves, pulling it back towards her and shushing him, making him look into her eyes. She knew it would catch his attention. As he was trying to process the odd position of her eyes she sneakily lowered her hooves to his pants and after a bit of fumbling she managed to get them undone. Just as she did that Carrot Top pulled off his shirt.

He suddenly took notice of the fact that he was being stripped and started struggling. "Ah! Rape! Raaape!" He yelled as he tried to escape. Derpy quickly pushed him so he was laying flat on his back. "FIRE!!!"

It took no less than twenty minutes to calm him down and they were now on the ever so impossible mission to get him up the stairs and into the bathroom. His pants had fallen off during the walk and they were glad that they wouldn't have to go through the hell of trying to get them off. When they made it to the bathroom Carrot Top gave him a shove, causing him to stumble and fall into the tub.

Tumor hit the bottom of the tub with a loud thud. "Ow, bitch!"

"You know most ponies would be appreciative that they would have friends willing to do this." Carrot Top said, rolling her eyes at him.

"Give me my cloths you fucking pedophile!" He shouted.

"Not until they're clean!"

"Bitch, I eat people!"

"You know what; How would you feel if you were trying to help me and I treated you the way you're treating us?" She asked.

"Sweetheart, that would never happen." He answered in a cocky tone.

"And what makes you so sure?"

"Well for starters I wouldn't help you to begin with."

She rolled her eyes again and exited the room. "Derpy, please get him cleaned up."

Derpy nodded and walked over to the tub, turning on a steady flow of warm water. Tumor tried to crawl out of the tub, but Derpy pushed him back in with a couple light shoves. He sat down with an annoyed look on his face, defeated. Derpy frowned for a moment before perking back up and holding out a blueberry muffin. "Here, I made this one especially for you."

He leaned over and happily accepted the treat. "Oh my God, I could kiss you."

"What's stopping you." She said with laugh.
At any other point he would be able to tell that she was clearly joking, but in his drunken state of mind she had just issued him a challenge. He leaned over the tub, catching her off guard and kissed her. Her eyes widened in shock at first. She wondered why Applejack hadn't turned away from him when he kissed her, but now she understood perfectly. As his soft lips pressed against hers she felt a sudden pulse of energy shoot through her and she couldn't help but return the kiss. It was like a thousand fireworks were going off in her body all at once.

As the two continued their kiss, they were suddenly interrupted. "Derpy, what are you doing?"

Derpy quickly broke the kiss and turned to face the yellowish made behind her. "Nothing! I'm just, uh..." She looked around and found a sponge. Grabbing it in her hoof she started scrubbing Tumor's body randomly, not taking here eyes off of Carrot Top. "Cleaning! I'm just cleaning...him." She said with a nervous laugh.

Tumor waved his hand in front of Derpy's face, quickly capturing her attention. When she turned to face him she saw that he was pointing down toward his feet. Her eyes traveled downward before she noticed something interesting. In her panic the sponge had slipped from her hoof and was down by his feet. Not only that, but she glance up at his midsection where she thought she was scrubbing him. However, upon further investigation she realized that her hoof had actually been scrubbing something just below his waist.
Derpy's entire face went beat red and she yelped, closing her eyes and running out of the bathroom. A stream of I'm sorrys being left in her wake.

"Come back." Tumor called out. "I didn't finish."