You sit at your computer, scrolling through the pony web. It's one of the small pleasures you allow yourself in this world. It's a guilty pleasure, mind you, because in all reality, it's a cardboard box with crayon drawings all over it, but none of the ponies have the balls to deal with whatever psychotic break is involved with the guilty pleasure. You get to happily move a stolen chalkboard eraser around like a mouse, gently giggle to yourself, and stare at the cardboard box screen.

Don't think about it too hard.

Instead, think about that gorgeous German Shepard on screen. Wouldn't that be great? A really nice pet? It's not like you have a bird or anything. You think. Maybe. Probably not. It would be wonderful to have some sort of living creature to come home to that doesn't have any cares or worries. Whose stresses and negative feelings or impressions don't rub off onto you, and instead are focused on more important things like food or walks or belly rubs. Life would be easier if there were more belly rubs. Actually that's called spa time.

Life would be easier if there were more free belly rubs.

Then, there's those three knocks at the door, and you can't help but feel mild irritation for being snapped out of your internet browsing session. You rise to your feet and approach the door. Tossing the door off the hinges and into your home, you look down at the yellow hooved mammal in front of you.

"What the flutter do you want, Fuckershy?"

"Well, somepony is in a mood today," Fluttershy says quietly, staring up in fear at the human who stands nearly twice her height and non-chalantly threw a door off it's hinges.

"Let's get this over with," you groan. "I have to figure out what sort of pet I want."

Fluttershy's eyes light up and her wings flare almost instantly at your words.

"And I'm going to figure it out from a horse that doesn't fuck her own animals," you add as an afterthought.

"Oh, come on," she says, deflating. "It was one time, Anon. Wolfie was sick and needed release."

"Wolfie?" you growl, staring down at the mare on the spot. "What kind of stupid fucking name is that? Do you come up with your own fucking nick names for your animals?"

"S-sometimes?" she says, shying away. "Do you h-have something against that name, I d-don't-"

"Do you just add some sort cutesy name to the end of an animal's name and all of a sudden that's their name? How about 'doggie' the dog? or 'kitty' the cat. Or Turtey the Tortoise?"

"Y-you leave Tank's brother out of this," Fluttershy shoots back, flaring her wings in aggression. "Are we going to do the normal fetish guess, or are you just going to berate me for the job I do that makes me money while you whisper to your cardboard box?"

You stand in silence, staring down at the pony with furrowed brows and an angered expression. You reach up a hand to try and retort, then scratch the back of your neck.

"Damn, Flutters. That was some fire."

She smiles, and then folds her wings once more.

"I have some moments," she says, sitting down. "Now then, are you ready for today's guess?"

"Sure, I suppose," you say, watching her pull out a small envelope.

"Here," she says, holding the parcel up to you.

You look down at the strange envelope, then back to her. With a shrug, you rip open the outer casing, crumple the envelope, then toss it in her face. The waste boops the pegasai's nose as you begin to look at the contents of the mail. It seems to be... a card. With pink and hearts and oh my god this is a fucking holiday themed card.

I don't have the strength to say what I want to in words. When I'm with you, my words melt together like a bunch of things that melt when they're hot.

You open the card to see the inside.

I'd like to do something special with you on Hearts and Hooves Day. I'm really open-minded about whatever you want to do, but I wouldn't mind if it also involved sex. At some point. The sex is optional. Sort of. Will you be my special somepony?'

Then at the bottom, there's a crudely drawn picture of a stick figure having sex with a pony stick figure with Fluttershy's hairdo.

You look from the card back down to the blushing pony.

"I-I made it myself," she says.

"I can tell."

"S-so?" she asks, rubbing her hooves together and ears folding over.

You hand the card back down.

With a sigh, you look back to your computer box, then back down to the pony.

"I'd rather look at porn from my imaginary computer box than make you My Special Somepony," you say.

Then, you pick your front door up off your couch and lean it against the doorframe. Then, you return to your computer box to navigate to some kinky anime waifus to jerk off to. All in all, a pretty normal day.

Author's Notes:

Now requesting all of your best mspaint drawings of Fluttershy's Card.