Today, you've blown your own mind. You've broken new ground. You've exceeded all of your expectations and have decided to attempt something new. Today, you're outside.

Now don't panic, it's fine. You aren't dying. You went outside completely consensually. You simply thought that some fresh air would do you some good. After all, it is a wonderful day outside. The birds are singing. There's a gentle breeze that cuts the heat of the sun just right. It's perfect T-shirt and shorts weather.

It seems like you aren't alone in your idea either. As you walk along the path around Ponyville's lake, you watch as ponies both big and small walk past you in either direction. You aren't necessarily quick to strike up conversation with any of them, but you take a bit of a guilty pleasure in eavesdropping on their conversations. In fact, you almost make it a game.

Here's how it works, you listen into the short conversation they're having. Then, after they're gone, you make a story about what led them to that conversation, and how it played out after.

In fact, here's a few ponies now.

You watch as two little fillies walk down the road towards you, lost in their own conversation. You recognize them as Rarity and Applejack's little sisters. You do your best not to stare at them like you're planning on abducting them, but try to hone in on their conversation.

"But I don't understand why there's a cucumber under the mattress though," says the white filly.

"Maybe Rarity was feeling snacky in bed, but she doesn't want to gain weight. So, she has a cucumber under her mattress for when..."

Then the fillies pass out of earshot behind you.

Well, Anon. Get your mind out of the fucking gutter. Maybe Applejack's sister is right. Maybe Rarity just gets extremely hungry at night with the lights off. After she uses that cucumber for other things.

You snicker to yourself as you continue on, until you feel a slight tug at your right pant leg. You look down in slight surprise, and then sigh in disappointment. You weren't sure what you expected, but it's that goddamn yellow pegasus.

"Anon, can you stop for a second?" Fluttershy asks.

"Why?"

"It's really important."

"Why?"

"Trust me."

You stop for a moment, as Fluttershy takes two stones from the side of the path. Then, she clinks them together three times.

"Did you just fucking knock three times on stones?"

"Don't you feel a little more at ease? Like some sort of greeting ritual is out of the way?" she asks.

You sigh, placing your hand on your head.

"No, I feel irritated. Like you've created a Pavlovian response in me to be pissed off when someone knocks."

"Pavlov?" Fluttershy asks. "That sounds like a good name for a puppy."

"You have no idea," you say, continuing down the path.

"W-wait!" Fluttershy says, trotting forward to keep up with you. "I-I have a guess for today though, D-daddy!"

You freeze in your tracks. Fluttershy stops in front of you. A mare and her colt walk by, staring at you two.

"Did you just call me, Daddy?" you ask in deadpan.

"I-is me being your little Princess your fetish?"

The mare pushes her son forward to walk away quicker.

"This is fucking disgusting," you growl. Without a need to see where this goes, you power walk onward. Fluttershy gallops beside you in order to keep up.

"But Daddy! I-I've been a bad girl. A-and I incest that you punish me!"

"NO. STOP. THIS IS NOT OKAY. THIS IS CANCER," you shout at her, trying to lose the pegasus.

"D-don't you love your little Princess?"

"DIE IN A FIRE, FLUTTERSHY."

Therefore, you broke into a run, and Fluttershy tripped and fell on her face into the lake. Now half of Ponyville thinks you're a freak. Again. Great. See, this is what you get for going outside. Fuck going outside.