You close the door to your home after a long day. Extra hours at the office are a fucking bitch. You aren't physically exhausted. Hell, your muscles ache from being in one place all day long. But your mind is just wrecked. You don't want to think. You don't want to think about thinking. You don't want to think about trying not to think, you think, but you aren't sure. Bottom line is you're tired.

You throw off your coat and let it lie on a kitchen table chair before heading your way upstairs. You know what? Fuck cooking. Fuck eating. Fuck showering, jerking off, shitting, shitposting or fucking. That's right. Fuck fucking. Tonight is a night of going to bed early. Because tomorrow will probably be just as shit as today and you need to be ready for that shit. You walk into your room, close the bedroom door because it makes you feel safer, and quickly cast off the throes of the establishment. The world becomes aware of your particulars. In other words, you're nakies.

Tossing open the bed sheets, you snuggle yourself into that soft embrace of covers. It's almost like the blankets are holding you tightly, whispering to you that everything is going to be okay and that somebody loves you.

Shit, Anon, that was fucking dark. Go to sleep.

You close your eyes and patiently wait for sleep to come, somehow managing to stave off the thoughts about how when you were 7, there was that fucking Kyle kid in class. Kyle was a fucking asshole. He never picked you for his team in baseball, even though you tried to be nice to him and would give him your gummies at lunch. Then he punched you in the nose once and laughed at you while you bled, and you cried like a little girl. Then you kinda were the asshole later on when his dad died and you didn't sign your name on the 'sorry for your loss' card.

Woah, holy shit, Anon. Go the fuck to sleep. You are literally in another world. Fuck Kyle.

Except, then there was that one time when you applied to that frat and Kyle was there and-

"One sheep!" you say aloud to the room. "Two sheep! Three sleep!"

Soon enough, sleep manages to come to you, and you find yourself enclosed in a bright white space. The world feels fuzzy at the edges and things are calm. Things are peaceful. You open your eyes, and smile to yourself.

This is one of the best parts of Equestria. The lucid dreams. While lucid dreams are normally reserved for really shitty horror premises, in Equestria, you get to become god of your own little domain for a little while. With a wave of your hands, you find yourself in a large field of white flowers.

"Now then," you mutter with a smile. "Now for some... companionship."

With another toss of your hand, a tall dark blue Alicorn with a long, flowing, starry mane steps into the meadow.

You look down at your hand with some surprise.

"Well, I mean. This works. I was trying for the pink one, but sure."

The Princess of the Night scans the meadow herself, and then turns her head to you. A light smile forms on her lips as she trots forward towards you. You can't help but stare as her hips sway with each of her steps. You bite your bottom lip and casually shift your footing to hide the growing erection in your pants. Your dream pants. Because you have clothes in your dreams.

However, hopefully, not for long.

"Why hello, Anonymous," says the gentle tone of Princess Luna. "You realize this isn't the real me, correct?"

You take a step back and pause.

"No. Wait a minute. That’s the sort of thing a real Luna would say. I-I don't want to make this awkward and fuck a real Princess."

"Oh, Anon. You really think I would play games with somepony in their sleep? Especially in such a pleasurable dream?"

"OKAY!" you scream. "TOO REAL!"

You snap your fingers, and the deep blue princess is replaced with her sister. She smiles, before casting you a coy look. As Celestia opens her mouth, a different voice comes out.

"On the other hand, I suppose I do owe a few debts. Forgive me, Anonymous," Luna's voice says as the Princess disappears into thin air.

You turn around, trying to get away from the Princess, only to collide headfirst into a door. Then, the familiar three knocks.

"No. Fucking. Way."

You pull the door open, and sure enough, standing on some sort of solid ground in an invisible black void, is Fluttershy.

"Are wet dreams your fetish?"

You open your mouth, and then close the door tightly. Snapping your fingers, nothing happens. You open the door, and Fluttershy still stands there.

"There's a long, detailed explanation for this," says the mare. "But the long story short is that this is my dream now."

When you open your eyes, you groan as if you didn't get a single ounce of sleep. You reach down in the covers and feel a sticky mess all around your midsection.

"Oh, mother fucker," you murmur.

You sit up in bed, fully naked, and can't help but feel a throbbing headache. You reach your head up to your ear and feel a weird plastic tag near your right ear.

"OH MOTHER FUCKER."

As you trace the object with your fingers, you find it's easily unbuttonable, and now it just looks like you have gauges. Honestly. That could have gone much worse. However, you aren't sure you're going to feel comfortable going to sleep for quite awhile. Mostly so you can stay away from fucking Fluttershy.