“Twilight!” Spike shouted. “Come quick! There’s some guy outside our house!”

“Just tell him we don’t want to buy anything, Spike!” Twilight shouted back.

“I don’t know if that’ll work!”

“Why not?”

“He’s naked!”

“What!?”

“And he’s dead!”

“WHAT?!”

Wanderer D groaned as he opened his eyes and looked at the blurry world around him. He had a horrible headache. Suddenly the sun was blocked by Twilight Sparkle’s unmistakable mane. But something was off.

“Twilight...” Wanderer D mumbled. “You look weird. Your horn fell off.”

And then he passed out.

“What are we going to do with him?” Spike asked.

Wanderer D sighed and tried to move, but found himself strangely unable to do so. He frowned. Why would that be?

“I don’t know, Spike, but we can’t simply let him go! He knows my name! Who is he? How does he know it?”

Wanderer D opened his eyes. “Of course I know who you are Twili–” he stared. “Oh no... no. No. No. Nope. Nyet. Nein. Laa. Meiyou. Iie. Etcetera. I did not die and come back for this. Anything but this. Please,” he pleaded at Twilight and Spike. “Please just kill me. Drop me off a bridge, or shoot me. Or behead me. But don’t, don’t let me be here. With you, like that!”

Spike ran a hand through his green hair and glanced up at the human girl right next to him. “I dunno, Twilight, he doesn’t seem stable. Are you sure we shouldn’t call the police?”

Twilight Sparkle raised an eyebrow. “Well, I still want to know how he knows my name!”

“Your name is actually Twilight Sparkle?” Wanderer D asked after a moment, taking in the decidedly ‘private/catholic school-like uniform’ she was wearing. It had an emblem that was pathetically similar to Celestia’s Cutie Mark. Except, it wasn’t half as cool as the real thing.

“Yes, it is!” Twilight looked down at him. “You have a problem with that?”

“What were your parents thinking?” Wanderer D asked.

The girl glowered at him and pulled back her sleeves as she prepared to punch him. “Okay, that’s it, no more nice Twilight!”

Spike was immediately between them. “Come on, Twi! There’s no need to kill the guy! Even if he wants to die!”

Wanderer D sighed. “Look, I’m here by sheer coincidence, okay? And I really, really don’t want to be here. So... let me go so I can drown myself, alright?”

“No!” Twilight stomped her foot on the floor. “I need you to tell me now how you got here, how you know my name, and why you were unconscious.”

“Curious little filly aren’t you?” Wanderer D rolled his eyes.

“Filly?” Spike asked.

Wanderer D ignored him, because that’s what just about everyone does, really. “So, how come you were named ‘Twilight Sparkle’?”

“It’s a perfectly reasonable name!” Twilight replied a bit defensively. “It was given to me by my parents!”

“Were your parents drunk?”

“Maybe,” Twilight growled. “They were part of a hippie commune when I was born, okay? Are you happy now?”

Wanderer D blinked. “Well... that explains a lot. Uh, another question, how well-versed are you in magic?”

“Okay, now I know you’re really crazy,” Twilight muttered. “There is nothing like magic, okay? It doesn’t exist.”

“Unless,” Spike grinned. “You’re talking about Magic the Gathering!” he proudly presented a bunch of cards to the two unimpressed people in front of him.

“Spike! Put away your silly cards!”

“Yeah, kid, don’t you know that everything after the “brother’s war” is BS anyway? I bet you’ve never even held a Black Lotus in your hands. For shame.” Wanderer D added.

“You own a Black Lotus?!” Spike asked in awe.

Wanderer D scoffed. “Of course not, but I’ve held one.”

“A Blackwhatnow?” Twilight shook her head. “Nevermind!” She grabbed Wanderer D by the t-shirt and pulled him close. “I will only say this once, weirdo, speak up or suffer my fists!”

“Black Lotus, Twi,” Wanderer D replied evenly, staring at her in the eyes. “And you don’t scare me. Give me your best Stare, Fluttershy. We’ll see how intimidating you can be.”

Twilight pushed him back. “How do you know Fluttershy? Are you some sort of stalker?!”

Wanderer D smirked. “Nah, but I was a pony once.”

“Okay, that is weird,” Spike said blinking. “Can we send him away to prison now?”

“Spike, he could be one of Nightmare Moon’s followers!” Twilight said. “We cannot risk it.”

“Wait! Wait, hold on,” Wanderer D interrupted. “Nightmare Moon? For real? Seriously? And she’s a human, right?”

Twilight raised an eyebrow and nodded slowly.

“Oh Celestia, Discord, Luna and Chrysalis...” Wanderer D tried to face-palm but only achieved tilting over and falling on his side, face first. “...ouch.”

After they had straightened him out, he looked at the pair. “Okay, let me get this straight... there is a Celestia here, right?”

Twilight nodded.

“And you are friends with Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Applejack and Pinkie Pie, right?”

A slower nod.

“And... Spike is... your... uh... adopted brother?”

“How did yo–” Spike was interrupted by Twilight’s hand covering his mouth.

“And... Nightmare Moon came back and Celestia is gone?”

Another nod.

“Why is this all so ridiculously stupid?” Wanderer D asked. “Are they all really called that? Or are they nicknames?”

Twilight gritted her teeth. “Their parents come from the same hippie commune as mine.”

“Riight,” Wanderer D said. “And how do you explain Celestia being called Princess Celestia?”

“She was the leader of the commune until she became the principal of our high school,” Twilight replied, frowning.

“Bringing a whole new meaning to the “high” part of that title, no doubt. And Nightmare Moon was kicked out of that commune and came back because...”

“She wanted to smoke at night and Celestia and the others had enough during the day, so by night time they were too high to actually smoke anything else. Nightmare Moon left to start her own commune who would only smoke pot at night and swore to come back and get revenge... and she did! Somehow Celestia disappeared and now Nightmare Moon is the principal! Only I and my friends stand in her way!”

“Only my friends and I,” Wanderer D corrected.

“What?”

“You said it wrong, speak properly,” Wanderer D replied.

“Geez you sound like a bookworm,” Twilight scoffed.

Wanderer D blinked slowly. “Wait, you’re not a bookworm?”

Spike burst out laughing so hard he fell to the floor, clutching his stomach. “Twilight? Read a book? HAH! Priceless!”

“I have no time for books!” Twilight said, kicking her adoptive brother. “I am the fastest runner of Ponyville High!”

“So... not only are you not pony, you’ve no magic and you’re so OOC you sound like Rainbow Dash. Got it. If I ever meet the author that thought this up in person I am going to break his neck.”

“What is your problem!?” Twilight snapped back.

“My problem? You really want to know?” Wanderer D spat. “My problem is that I’m trapped in a crossover of Utena and MLP:FIM directed by Wolfgang Petersen.”

“Wolfgang Petersen?” Twilight blinked. “What’s wrong with him?”

“He took the gods out of the Illiad in his mediocre movie version of it!” Wanderer D snapped. “The gods! He took out the gods! He missed the whole point of the thing! And that is exactly what is happening with you! Whoever conjured up this whole set-up and took everything that made you you and special is missing the Celestia-damned point!”

“Okay mister, I don’t know what you’ve been smoking but–”

“I mean, just listen to yourself! All your friends were born in the same hippie commune headed by Celestia? Luna- I mean, Nightmare Moon, Celestia’s twisted sister is the evil principal of your school? And she also came from the same hippie commune! You have to act against her... or what? Are you not going to graduate? Will you only be allowed to smoke pot at night? What could she possibly do that is so bad to you?”

“I- I don’t know! She did something to Celestia!” Twilight snapped.

“She probably sent her to rehab!” Wanderer D retorted. “This is so completely stupid that it gives me physical pain! This whole world of yours is retarded!”

“Hey, we don’t say that word in this household!” Spike spoke up. “Imagine what would happen if De–”

“Shut up, kid, Derpy is not mentally challenged. She’s just muffin obsessed and I bet that’s because of the weed in the muffins.” Wanderer D snorted.

“Wait... did you say Nightmare Moon is Celestia’s sister?” Twilight asked after a moment.

“Okay... it took you long enough; listen sweetheart, why don’t you call your friends. I’m sure one of them has a brain between their ears.”

“Oh, that would be Applejack!” Spike said. “She almost never comes out since she’s reading one book or another.”

“Applejack.” Wanderer D repeated. “You are joking. Surely you jest.”

“Nope! She’s our local egghead!” Twilight Sparkle remarked as she pulled out a cell phone and started dialing.

Wanderer D turned to Spike, “Okay kid, give me the rundown, Twilight is a sporty brat, Applejack actually knows how to read, what about Fluttershy, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie?”

Spike blinked. “Well, Fluttershy works at the local factory full-time since Principal Moon kicked her out for fighting, she’s pretty competitive with Twilight... uh, Rarity works half-time at the bakery. Rainbow Dash is wherever there’s a party and Pinkie Pie helps out at the local convent, since she likes the peace and quiet.”

With each comment Wanderer D’s head lowered down a little more. “The moron that created this universe didn’t even watch the series, did he?” he muttered.

“Well, I’ve called them over,” Twilight said with a glint in her eyes. “Now, you’d better have a good story to tell buddy or I’ll–”

At that moment the door was kicked open and a young man stumbled in in the process of kissing and fondling a long-haired girl with a strangely familiar color scheme who had her legs firmly wrapped around his waist and her arms around his neck and shoulders. The pair slammed against the wall and kept on kissing and moaning until, as if struck by lightning, they stopped and opened their eyes, looking in horror at the scene before them.

Twilight was leaning, face really close to an unknown man, wearing only Twilight’s bathrobe, that had been tied to a chair, while Spike held a camera and a bat.

The group started at each other in surprise and horror.

“By John Joseco’s beard...” Wanderer D whispered. “Is that... Cadence?”

“Shining Armor!?” Twilight gasped, losing her balance and falling, face first, into Wanderer D’s lap.

“Twilight?!” Shining Armor screeched, removing his hands from Cadence’s butt so quickly he left skid marks. “What’s going on here?!”

“You’re banging my babysitter?!”

“You still need a babysitter?” Wanderer D asked.

“You’re into bondage, Twilight?” Cadence asked, more intrigued than scandalized.

Spike sighed and looked at you. “Sure, never mind how I got a camera and a bat in my hands in the first place. But who cares about Spike?”

“Hey, Shiny, can you tell your sister to get her face off my lap? I’m really not into sporty types and even less so into wildly OOC parodies.” Wanderer D called.

“Oh, shut up!” Twilight snapped, pushing herself back up. “It was an accident and you know it!”

“An accident?” Wanderer D raised an eyebrow. “Really? Are you sure? Didn’t you just invite your friends for a “group thing” just a moment ago? Too bad Shiny arrived, right?” He then turned to look at Shining Armor and Cadence, who were still in each other’s arms, with the girl pressed against the wall. “As for you two... I hate to say it, but she’s really cute. Go have fun, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Yes,” Twilight growled. “Go bang my ex-babysitter, we have business here to attend to.”

“Um... right,” Shining Armor placed his hands on Cadence’s butt and lifted her up a bit as he carried her upstairs.

Twilight’s mouth opened up but no sound came out.

“Well, really, Twilight, can you blame them?” Wanderer D asked. “You just gave them your blessing and Cadence is a sweet piece of ass... for a human.”

Twilight shook her head and glared at him. “What is it with you and this ‘human’ thing?

“It’s a long and complicated story, and frankly, in just about any other world I would tell you about it, but here you got shafted in the brain department.” Wanderer D replied.

“Oh, now you’re getting it!” Twilight growled ready to punch Wanderer D in the face.

The doorbell ringing saved her from having to wash her hands later, and Wanderer D from having a bloody, broken nose.

“Awrite! is anyain haem? Ah speart a' fowk tae come ower as suin as Ah coods!” A voice called from the outside as the door opened once again. “Twilecht? is everythin' okay?”

Wanderer D turned to look at Spike. “What the fuuuuu–”

He never ended the sentence as a beautiful long haired beauty stepped in wearing an apron covered in flour. Her blue eyes scanned the house quickly until they settled on them. “Och! thaur ye ur! Who's th' bloke that's tied tae th' chair? Anyway, Ah brooght tablit, anyain caur fur some?”

Wanderer D’s eyebrow twitched. “What’s with the accent?” he asked Spike.

“Hm? Oh! Rarity speaks with a Scottish accent. We don’t know why, since her parents are Jewish.”

“But... that doesn’t even sound ‘Scottish! It’s worse than when people say she has a ‘British’ accent!” He turned to glare at the sky. “Are you insane?!”

“Oi, wa is thes bloke screamin' at th' lift?” Rarity asked Twilight, who proceeded to kick Wanderer D in the stomach.

The misplaced non-pony-who-was-a-pony-but-wasn’t-really fell back.

“Hey! Twilight! Don’t do that!” Spike shouted, hastily hurrying to put the chair (and Wanderer D) back up. “Remember what happened when you kicked the last person we tied up? We had to buy new chairs with our allowance!”

“Th' bairn is reit, Twilecht. Ye cooldnae gang tae th' movies wi' us either,” Rarity added. She put the tablet down and cleaned her hands on her apron. “Th' others shoods be haur suin.”

As if invoked by Rarity’s words, the doorbell rang again just before the door opened and a girl with short, pink hair, black leather jacket, spiked, fingerless gloves and wearing steel-tipped motorcycle boots stepped in.

Taking a final drag of her cigarette before using her tongue to extinguish it, she quickly found them with her eyes and walked up to the group.

She leaned down and pushed Wanderer D’s head up by the chin until he was glaring at her eye to eye. She smirked. “Okay, I’m game,” she said. “I want first dibs though... and sloppy seconds. Who’s havin’ him first?”

Wanderer D’s eyes widened like plates.

“We’re not having sex with him, Fluttershy!” Twilight growled.

The streetfighter blinked. “What? Then why does Spike have a bat and a camera?”

Wanderer D whimpered. “I hate, I really hate human worlds.”

“Ah wooldnae min' havin' some fin wi' heem either, Twilecht. Hoo lang dae ye hink afair th' others arrife?” Rarity asked, leaning in to take a closer look at Wanderer D, who didn’t seem to find the human world that annoying at that precise moment. Even if the accent was weird and the personality all wrong.

The bell rang once more and a nun stepped in.

“Och, heel. It's Pinky. Nae a scuttle the-day either.” Rarity sighed, her hands leaving Wanderer D’s body.

Fluttershy snorted. “She needs to get laid, that’ll get her out of the convent fast enough. Feeding little animals, what a loony.”

“Hello everyone,” Pinkie Pie said smiling placidly at the group. “Isn’t it a glorious day the Lord has blessed us with?”

Fluttershy took a glance out the window. Then she spat. On the carpet.

“Eww!” Spike groaned, running to the kitchen for a paper towel.

“Oh, my!” Pinkie gasped delicately as she approached the tied-up Wanderer D. “Twilight, have you been kidnapping hobos again? I’ve told you before, the Lord does not look kindly on those that prey on the weak.”

Wanderer D snorted.

Pinkie Pie lay a calming hand on Wanderer D’s shoulder. And squeezed. Hard. Very hard. “Isn’t that right, Mr. Hobo?”

“D! My name is D!” Wanderer D gasped. “And I’d show the little girl who’s weak if she let me loose instead of kicking me when I’m incapacitated!”

“Oh, you want a piece of me?” Twilight growled. “Fine! I’ll let you loose and–”

“Um... is everything okay here?” a meek voice interrupted, making the whole group turn to stare at the rainbow-haired girl in the summer dress. “I- I’m sorry for interrupting, girls, but, well... Twilight texted me and, and I have to go back to doing my deliveries and...”

Fluttershy walked up to her and slid her arm around her shoulders. “If it isn’t Rainbow Dash,” she grinned. “Nice to join us, sweetie, do you happen to have some cat’s pee on you?”

Rainbow Dash nodded meekly, pulling out a little bag with white crystals in it. “It’s the standard market value,” the girl whispered.

“But I get a discount, right?” Fluttershy said, grabbing the bag and giving Rainbow Dash a wad of money.

“I- I guess..”

Wanderer D groaned. “Why, why, why are things like this? Why was I sent here? Is this punishment for my crimes? Weren’t they content with letting me die a sixth time?! Why do they torture me?! If I still had my horn I would so wreak this place!” he shouted. A pale blue aura seemed to emanate from his head and the whole room shuddered.

They all heard a faint cry from above them. “Ooooh Shiny! I think I could feel my whole world shaking with that one!”

“M-me too!” came the muffled reply.

Fluttershy looked down at the bag. “On second thought–”

“What the hell was that?!” Twilight asked, eyes wide.

“It appears there’s more to Wanderer D than we originally thought,” Applejack said, patting Wanderer D’s head from her position, standing right next to Spike.

“THE FU[Censored]?!”

Applejack blinked, looking around at the terrified group that had jumped several feet away from her. “What?”

“You- why do you do that?!” Fluttershy gasped, pressing the little plastic bag of crack back into Rainbow Dash’s trembling hands.

Applejack shrugged. “Efficiency. Anyway, let’s see... this person, Wanderer D, what’s his deal?”

Twilight shook her head as she approached Applejack. “Spike found him passed out outside our door. He knew my name–”

“You’re not Twilight... not the real one...” Wanderer D mumbled, then grimaced when Twilight kicked his shin.

“...and he keeps talking about how things are wrong and we shouldn’t be humans and other nonsense.”

“I see,” Applejack nodded, taking notes in her Ipad. “Anything else?”

“Well, he seemed to know everyone so far,” Spike spoke up. “But he only seems to know our names. He didn’t know that Twilight was a runner, or that Celestia is the rightful Principal of our school... he also called Twilight a filly.”

“And he said that he had been a pony once,” Twilight added. “And then he said he had died several times before.”

“Aha,” Applejack finished taking notes. “From this information I can only surmise two possibilities. One, that he’s absolutely bat-shit crazy, and two, he’s actually from another dimension. Given how he seemed able to produce some sort of telekinetic pulse, I am leaning more towards both.”

“But... he's actually a pony frae anither dimension whaur we aw exist as ponies an aw? Hoo did 'at happen?” Rarity asked.

“I don’t know,” Applejack stated. “But as personal disciple of Principal Celestia, I will find out!” she swore. “For science!”

“Wait... does that mean I still have my magic?” Wanderer D asked, grinning as he concentrated. Sure enough the ropes tying him down fell down, useless. Wanderer D stood up, laughing. “Mwahahaha! The Power! It’s mine! I shall- oof!”

He bent over and fell to the floor, clutching his stomach.

“And stay down until I say so!” Twilight growled, she turned towards the other girls. “So, what are we doing with him?”

“The most logical thing would be to contact the authorities and have them take him to a lab to be examined,” Applejack stated. “But, that presents its own set of problems. Since he knows us, chances are we would also be taken.”

“We could... kill him and throw him in a ditch somewhere,” Fluttershy suggested with a shrug, taking out a butterfly knife.

Rainbow Dash whimpered behind her, but nodded and took out a .45 semi-auto from her purse.

“Yes... do that,” Wanderer D groaned as he stood up with a helpful hand from Pinkie Pie. “Free me from the misery of being here.”

“Cannae we hae some fin wi' heem? He looks yummy,” Rarity asked.

“And if he was a pony before and he kept his magic... you think he also kept other pony traits?” Fluttershy asked in awe as she lowered her knife and gave Wanderer a considering look.

“You do realize,” Wanderer D said after a moment. “That you are all underage, right? I’m not touching you.”

“Nae we're nae!” Rarity snapped. “We're twintie a body! Perfectly legal an' perfectly able! An' perfectly willin'!”

Wanderer D blinked. “What? Then what the hay are you still doing in High School?!”

All the girls looked down with slightly ashamed expressions.

“Uh... our parents... the hippies?” Twilight said after a moment. “They... tried to home-educate us... it- it didn’t work out.”

Wanderer D nodded. “I see.”

“It was a sad affair,” Applejack said after a moment of awkward silence. “Finding out that our parents had little to no understanding of... well, anything. I have to tell you, I had to study really hard to get to where I am today.”

The others mumbled and nodded.

“So...” Wanderer D started a bit awkwardly. “Uh, if you girls don’t mind, can you tell me what you’re going to do with me?”

While the girls pondered this question, Spike noticed that the hallway mirror had started glowing. This not being a normal thing, he cleared his throat, trying to draw everyone’s attention.

“I say we look at the commune’s documents,” Applejack suggested. “There must be something there about situations like this.”

“Why would there possibly be something like that in there?” Twilight asked.

“Remember how Celestia predicted that W. Bush would be president?” Fluttershy spoke up.

“Yeah, after the fact,” Twilight pointed out. “It’s BS! She just said ‘I told you so’...”

“Are you doubting my teacher, Twilight?” Applejack whispered and the house was suddenly silent.

“Um... n-no,” Twilight stammered.

“Good. Good. We wouldn’t want doubt to cause trouble... would we?” Applejack smiled sweetly.

“N-no! Of course not!” Twilight chuckled nervously. “Why don’t we...”

“TWILIGHT!” Spike yelled.

“What?!”

“The freaking mirror has been shining for the last five minutes, I’ve been trying to tell you, and you all have been ignoring me!”

There was a collective “Oh.”

Spike brought the offending object to the group.

Twilight grabbed the mirror and shook it. “It’s still glowing.” She glared at Wanderer D. “What did you do to it?”

“I didn’t do anything!” Wanderer protested. “Can I take a look?”

Twilight handed him the mirror. The surface was immediately replaced by a view into a room-full of cartoon ponies. “Wanderer D!” One of them shouted in glee, causing the rest to rush and cram around, trying to take a look.

“Back! Back I say!” Luna shouted, until Trixie, Daring Do and Doctor Whooves stepped away. “Now,” she cleared her throat. “What is it that you’re wearing?”

Wanderer D looked down at himself. “I’m wearing a pink and purple bathrobe. And nothing else. I think I pony-fell into this place and they took me in! But that doesn’t matter, Luna, you have to get me out of here!”

Luna sighed. “We’re working on it, D. Sadly there’s some sort of interference preventing the TARDIS from landing there.” She locked eyes with the human-turned-earth-pony-turned-pegasus-turned-unicorn-turned-alicorn-turned-human. “You have to be careful though, I fear that, although mostly gone, you might still have lingering Mary Sue effects working on you.”

Wanderer D sighed. “Well, there goes the thought that it was my sheer animal magnetism.”

“What?”

“Nothing! I’ll try and control it, or maybe use it to get you girls here. I’m really glad to see all of you, by the way!”

Luna was pushed out of the way by Trixie, who looked at Wanderer D with big, teary eyes. “Trixie thought she had lost you again!” she sniffed. “For real, this time! Trixie wants you back here with her!”

This drew an ‘aaaaaaaw’ from most of the girls, and a disgusted snort from Fluttershy.

Wanderer D’s eyes watered. “Trixie...”

“Just so Trixie can kill you!” Trixie snapped. “How dare you make Trixie suffer again? What kind of imbecile kills himself with two katanas?! Oh, wait, Trixie knows! The ‘Wanderer D’ kind of idiot! When Trixie gets her hooves on you, you’re so getting it!”

Wanderer D turned the mirror around and slowly put it down. “Okay,” he said, turning to look at the gathered girls. “Apparently I won’t be taken home for a while yet. And if the TARDIS cannot land here, it usually means there’s something that needs to happen... so. Is there any big event about to take place?”

The girls thought for a moment. “Well...” Applejack said after a moment. “Starswirl the Bearded wrote down a prophecy foretelling the dethroning of Nightmare Moon.”

“Wait, an ancient mystic from ages past, made a prophecy about debunking your school principal? Like, in the middle ages or something?” Wanderer D asked.

“Well, he’s old, but he’s not ancient!” Twilight snorted. “He lives just down the street. He’s cru-hay-zee.”

“Twilecht! He's yer grandfaither! Shaw some respect fur th' auld rockit. Shure, he rrrambles a lot an' has a shotgin, but that's nae reason tae caa heem a bampot!” Rarity gasped, clearly irritated.

“What?” Wanderer D asked.

“She says Twilight should show some respect for her grandfather, even if he’s crazy.” Spike provided.

“Thanks Spike,” Wanderer D said, nodding in gratitude. “It almost makes me regret not using you more often in stories instead of simply ignoring you.”

“You’re... welcome?”

“Anyway,” Applejack cleared her throat. “The prophecy goes like this:

*hic* One o’ these days some *burp* idjit will drop by an’ shoot th’ bieatch in th’ ‘ead. *hic*”

Wanderer D frowned. “Your definition of ‘prophecy’ leaves much to be desired.”

“Hey, it was Princess Celestia that called it a prophecy,” Applejack said, lifting her hands in a pacifying motion. “I personally think they’re just the ramblings of an old man suffering from a series of psychological problems and the result of too many drugs when he was young.”

Wanderer D sighed. “And that’s all we have to go on with? Seriously?”

“Geez, what the hell else do you need?” Fluttershy growled. “Nightmare Moon offed Princess Celestia and took her place as the school’s Principal! She has a personal vendetta against us!”

“What, trying to get a bunch of young women out of high school? Gee, I can certainly see why you would be offended!”

Wanderer D woke up when he was hit with a bucket full of water.

“Fluttershy! You’re supposed to throw the water on his face! Not the bucket with the water!”

“I’ll try to remember that next time,” Fluttershy shrugged. “Anyway, it’s not like that will do much more damage after the pummelling you all gave him.”

“Ye ken we're aw terribly sensitife abit 'at, Fluttershy! Thaur was naethin' else tae dae than voice uir displeasure. Wi' uir fists.” Rarity crunched out.

“W-what happened?” Wanderer D asked.

“Let’s keep it simple,” Twilight growled, palming the baseball bat. “Don’t mention us still being in high school, and you will not need to wake up with a bucket full of water in your face.”

“Or, if you’re lucky, just the water,” Pinkie Pie interjected helpfully.

“Anyway, we’ve decided that since you clearly have supernatural powers given to you by cartoon ponies, you will lead us to victory against Nightmare Moon.” Applejack supplied.

“That... makes sense, I guess,” Wanderer D said, wincing as he slowly stood up. “Now, is there any chance that I could get some clothes?”

Twilight sighed. “Sure. I think some of Shining Armor’s old clothes will fit you. You’re skinnier than he is, so they might be a bit big.”

Wanderer D rolled his eyes as Twilight left, only to return a minute later with said clothes. “Here,” she sighed, dropping them next to the tub.

“Are you going to give me some privacy?” Wanderer D asked as he grabbed a towel to start drying himself up.

“Nope,” Fluttershy grinned, grabbing Rainbow Dash’s belt to prevent her from walking out. “We’re staying here. We don’t trust you to not try to escape.”

Wanderer D shrugged. “Okay then.”

He took off the robe.

In the next WD: THiEE:

“Why are you all girls all blushing like that?”

“Wait... you mean this is what we needed?!”

“I will deal with you FOALS!”

“Why do you call them foals? Is that some sort of speech impediment? Can’t you just say ‘fools’ like any other normal human?”