“Dude! I’m an alicorn! Isn’t that awesome?!” Wanderer D said, prancing around and looking at herself in the mirror.

“Yes, D,” Luna rolled her eyes. “It is awesome indeed, now, how about–”

“Dude! You’re like, an alicorn too!” Wanderer D said, pointing her hoof at Luna and then at Celestia, eyes wide.

“Wanderer D, we have always been alicorns!” Luna snapped.

“Aw, you’re going hipster on me, Woona?” Wanderer D asked grinning at the princess.

“Wanderer D,” Celestia spoke up, “please stop torturing Luna. We have transformed you into an alicorn like you requested, hopefully this will help us stop this disaster.”

Wanderer D nodded. “Honestly, I just wanted to see if you would do it. I don’t think I really needed to be an alicorn to achieve anything...”

Luna’s mouth opened and closed several times as she tried to voice the many negative things she wanted to say to Wanderer D.

Celestia face-hoofed. “So you made me and Luna waste precious magical energy to create another alicorn just to see if we would?”

Wanderer D nodded. “But fear not, princesses... this was all for great justice! And science!”

Celestia had to physically restrain Luna for the next five minutes, which were the first recorded events in Equestrian history where the moon shot up into the sky and was actively trying to smash into Canterlot Castle only to be foiled by the Sun time and again.

It was blamed on Discord.

“So, you’re an alicorn now,” Luna spat, taking deep breaths to calm herself. “Now what?”

“Now you tell me... why am I a mare?” Wanderer D asked, turning around to the mirror and beginning to lift her tail. The mirror was crushed under a rock. Which was crushed under a sky carriage, which was crushed under a meteorite.

“Wanderer D...” Luna had a visible aura of anger around her that would have put Akane Tendo to shame.

“Yes... Luna?”

“Are you going to fix what you have caused?”

“Yes, Luna.”

“Good,” Luna said. “As to why you are a mare, it’s simple: Alicorns are all mares.”

“Wait... but... really?” Wanderer D blinked. “I guess it makes sense now that I think about it... we’ve seen a ‘Prince’ but he was not an alicorn...”

Luna raised an eyebrow. “What, no alicorn fanfiction anecdote?”

Wanderer D rolled her eyes. “Oh, don’t get me started! Alicorns are the worst self-inserts ever. Alicorns basically suck when they are a self-insert. Whenever I read an author writing himself as an alicorn, it just makes me wonder: ‘is your life really that boring that you so desperately want to be not only special, but more special than anyone else by making yourself an alicorn? With... zebra markings? And more powerful than Celestia and Luna combined?’”

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Are you saying that wanting to be special is a bad thing, Wanderer?”

“Not at all, sister!” Wanderer D replied, shaking her head and ignoring Luna’s odd glance. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be special, but the problem is when their version of ‘special’ is nothing more than wanting to make themselves cooler than everyone else for no reason. There are good stories with alicorns as characters out there, no doubt. The problem comes when you write yourself as a black and red alicorn with poor grammar, obscene language and mad skillz when in reality, you are as badass as an ikea lamp.”

“Wanderer, that’s unfair...” Celestia chided.

“I know, Ikea lamps are actually quite durable...” Wanderer D sighed. “But what irks me the most is not that the author inserts himself/herself as an alicorn as much as the fact that they are just a copy paste of all the other self-insert alicorns. They have the personality of a soggy Big Mac! The burger, not the stallion...” Wanderer D trailed off, looked at her new body and then at the princesses. “Um... hold on, I’ll be right back...”

“Wait–” Luna began, but with a flash of her horn, Wanderer D was gone. She turned to her sister, whom shuddered as the world seemed to shake around them. “Sister, what are we going to do? If Wanderer D gets lost again, we might not be able to figure out what to do in time to save everypony!”

Celestia sighed. “I fear we might have to make do without him- her...” she corrected herself and frowned. “This will take some getting used to.”

Luna snorted. “If h- she follows the same pattern as before, she’ll be dead soon enough anyway, so I wouldn’t worry too much.”

She blinked when a small sphere of energy materialized in the room and suddenly flashed into a very disheveled Wanderer D. Her mane needed a brushing, her coat was sweaty and it seemed she had bite marks on her neck. “Wow,” Wanderer D giggled. “Big Mac is a good name for him!” She shook her head. “Too bad about the stamina!”

Celestia and Luna both stared at her.

“What?” Wanderer D said, shifting defensively. “Come on, anypony would have done that if they were suddenly mares of eligible age! And if they deny it it’s because they’re just shy!”

“Somepony that wouldn’t mount Twilight Sparkle at first chance, right, sister?” Celestia asked, giving Luna an amused look.

Luna for her part stared at Wanderer D for the longest time, then turned to face Celestia. “Sister, I will marry this mare.”

Celestia’s eyes went wide. “Wait, what?! Luna! No! You cannot marry this pervert! I forbid it! He- she- Wanderer D already has Daring Do and Trixie! You cannot be serious!”

“They shall be the royal concubines!” Luna said, a smile growing in her face as she levitated the trashy novel she had been reading earlier. “Just like in my book! ‘The Royal Party that Kept On Going!’ by Butterscotch!”

Wanderer D looked at the book and blinked. “Wait, Butterscotch Sundae is canon?”

A roar interrupted them, followed by the top of the tower they were in being ripped off by a huge creature that looked like a cake. Or maybe pudding.

Celestia and Luna dove to the side as debris fell all around, while Wanderer D completely spaced out.

“Wanderer!” Luna shouted. “What they hay are you doing?!”

Wanderer D blinked and jumped out of the way just in time to avoid a piece of ceiling that would have left a nasty bruise. “Oh, sorry! I was trying to figure out if this was an ‘It's Walky/Shortpacked’ reference... but I think that was another type of pastry...”

“Wanderer D, we are not in one of your fanfics!” Luna roared.

“Oh. Right...” Wanderer D chuckled nervously.

“Wanderer, I would very much like to know how you plan on helping the Elements of Harmony defeat Discord, fight that mutant cake that is eating the castle, overthrow the ghoul that is using the invaluable and completely misunderstood Shard of Providence and bring back peace to Equestria?”

Wanderer D shrugged. “Sounds like the type of crap I usually write, I’m sure I’ll think of something.”

“Wanderer D,” Luna growled. “Fix this. Now.”

“Right... let’s see.” Wanderer D muttered, closing her eyes. Her horn flashed and soon she had two katanas strapped to her back.

Luna’s eyes went wide. “Two katanas?”

Wanderer D smirked. “You said it was serious right? Besides, a wakizashi is cool and all, but it doesn’t carry the same cliched awesome of a katana.”

Luna sighed. “Wanderer D, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Doesn’t matter!” Wanderer D said, looking towards the sky. “Let’s go outside and stop this madness!”

The three alicorns took to the air; two of them weaving gracefully around the spires, the third fumbling around and barely missing a couple of towers.

The battle was easy to find. After all, Discord had somehow made himself to be the size of a skyscraper and Twilight and Co. were trying their best to organize themselves enough to launch a counterattack.

Twilight Sparkle looked up and smiled in relief as she noticed them coming. “Princesses! I’m so glad you’re here! Discord isn’t letting us–”

“Twilight Sparkle.
“Unicorn.
“Element of Magic.
“Purple coat. Violet eyes. Violet and pink mane.
“She’s the studious personal student of Princess Celestia. She moved to Ponyville to study the magic of friendship!”

Twilight stared at the alicorn that had landed rather heavily next to Celestia and Luna. “What the hay?” she stammered, making Celestia raise an eyebrow in surprise.

“Twilight! We need to do somethin’ about–” she stopped and glared at Wanderer D. “What the HAY are y’all doin’ here? Didn’t Ah tell y’all Ah’d rip your wings next time Ah saw you?”

“Applejack.
“Earth Pony.
“Element of Honesty.
“Orange coat. Green eyes. Blonde mane.
“She’s the hardworking farmpony that hates Wanderer D because she found her messing around with her brother. It’s said that nothing has been able to wipe the grin off of Big Mac’s face since earlier today whe–”

“Shaddup!” Applejack shouted.

“Why, Applejack dear, whatever is the problem?” Rarity asked.

“Rarity.
“Unicorn.
“Generosity.
“Best pony.
“‘Nuff said.”

“Well, thank you!” Rarity smiled at Wanderer D. “I’m afraid I don’t know your name, dear, but after Cadence, I realized that trying to guess if there are more princesses is pointless! No offense,” she added.

“None taken,” Wanderer D nodded.

“Guys! We still have to deal with Discord!” Rainbow Dash shouted, circling above them.

“Rainbow Dash.
“Pegasus.
“Element of Loyalty.
“Cyan coat. Pink eyes. Chromatic mane.
“Brash and strong, she’s a pretty good racer, but has been caught cheating, most recently at a certain race when a certain Pokemon–”

“Let’s not dwell on the past!” Rainbow Dash interrupted. “We have stuff to do now!”

“Um... what’s happening?”

“Fluttershy.
“Pegasus.
“Element of Kindness.
“Yellow coa–”

“Is this really necessary, Wanderer D?” Luna interrupted. “We know who they are.”

“Well, yeah, but since we’re wasting time talking, I’m following the lead of some ‘authors’ who feel the need to reintroduce us to each and every character.”

“Well, stop it. It’s completely obnoxious and unnecessary,” Luna stated.

Wanderer D sighed. “Fine.” He turned towards Fluttershy. “Sorry, Flutters, you don’t get an intro. Blame Luna.”

“And what do we have here?” Discord’s voice echoed from the floor.

The gathered ponies looked down to see they were standing on Discord’s face. The draconequus grinned as several of the mares screamed in horror.

Wanderer D started laughing.

“This is not the time to laugh!” Luna snapped, taking flight. “We have to stop him!”

“But he’s funny!” Wanderer D whined. Her eyes widened. “And the rain!”

Celestia blinked. “What about the rain?”

“He makes... Chocolate! Rain!” Wanderer D and Pinkie Pie echoed.

“How very interesting!” Discord chuckled as he materialized, lounging on an upside down hammock that was positioned sideways and sucked a pinapple out his orange juice. “We have another pony besides the Element of Laughter who appreciates my humor!” He smirked at Celestia. “See, Celly? There’s no harm in what I’m doing!”

“Discord!” Celestia growled, flying up to stand right in front of him. “Cease all of this at once!”

Discord raised an eyebrow and looked at Celestia, completely serious. “No.”

“But–”

“Hold on, hold on!” Wanderer D interrupted, cantering up to Celestia and standing next to Discord. “That’s not how you deal with things, Celly, there are other ways.”

“Oh?” Discord flashed out of his chair and appeared next to Wanderer D. “This should be interesting, little princess. What do you expect to do, hmm? Magic me away? Ask the Elements of Harmony to trap me in stone?”

“Discord! Front and center!” Wanderer D snapped.

Discord chuckled but humored her, flashing into place in military-police uniform, saluting.

“Discord, you are becoming a cliche,” Wanderer D said, drawing an honest-to-Celestia (she was there!) gasp from Discord, whose face went slack.

“What?” he asked.

“You are becoming a cliche,” she repeated. “A reusable tool convenient only for flimsy plot lines that attempt to put humor into your words but achieve nothing other than make you an obnoxious and ultimately forgettable character,” Wanderer D stated, looking at Discord with a raised eyebrow. “In fact, the most memorable instances of your return have you turned into a common villain, interested in nothing but torture and gore... or even worse...”

“Even- even worse?” Discord choked, taking a step back, eyes wide.

“Yes, they... redeem you!” Wanderer D hissed, leaning forward and locking eyes with Discord.

“B-but–” Discord stammered.

“No!” Wanderer D jumped in. “There is no escape! You were beaten before you even broke out of your stone prison this time!”

Discord looked around, a truly desperate look in his face.

“You do not realize how important you are!” Wanderer D declared, wings flaring. “Don’t let the Elements encase you in stone again just so you can become a convenient device for mediocre writers! Join me and I will complete your training! With our powers combined we can bring an end to this pathetic parody of your true talent and bring fun back to the multiverse!”

Discord collapsed, raising his arms protectively as if he expected Wanderer D to attack him.

“You didn’t know your father for long...” Wanderer D said after a moment.

“I knew him enough!” Discord challenged, looking fiercely into the alicorns eyes. “I will have fun, like he said, even if he’s dead!”

“No,” Wanderer D raised her head, looking over Discord with cold fury. “He is not dead! I am your father!”

“Nooooooooo!” Discord, Pinkie Pie and Lati shouted in unison, before stopping and looking at each other, then at Wanderer D.

Then they all collapsed, laughing like maniacs.

“What. Just. Happened?” Twilight Sparkle asked.

“Trixie does not know,” Trixie said, walking up to Twilight. “But as we fought the cake monster, Lati said she felt a memorable quote coming, so we needed to hurry here... and then she teleported, leaving the Great and Powerful Trixie to deal with the cake monster.”

“Ahem,” Daring Do cleared her throat.

“...with some help from her faithful sidekick Daring Do...” Trixie mumbled.

Luna’s eyes were wide. “Did you two stop the cake monster?”

“No...” Trixie said, looking over her shoulder as the creature stomped towards them. “We did not.”

Wanderer D sat up, still chuckling and shook her head. “Hey, it’s okay! Don’t worry!”

“You have a katana?” Trixie and Daring Do asked.

“No,” Wanderer D waved a hoof at the notion. “We have Celestia! She loves cake!”

Celestia slowly turned around to face Wanderer D, and as she did, the ground around her hooves cracked and started floating up by the sheer pressure of her anger.

“...and I might have another plan?” Wanderer D cringed.

“And what,” Celestia’s voice was cold. “Is that plan?”

Wanderer D smiled sheepishly. “Discord, son, would you, uh... please put away your toy?”

Discord gave her an incredulous look. “But mom! I mean... daaaad!”

“No buts, young draconequus!” Wanderer D hissed. “Auntie Celly is about to vaporize me! We can pull them out later!”

Discord grumbled but snapped his fingers. Suddenly there was a large, but normal cake resting next to Celestia, who eyed it doubtfully.

“Wait,” Twilight spoke. “Wait, wait, wait...” Her eyes twitched. “You mean to tell me, that we fished out the elements, waded through a river of custard, fought marshmallow centaurs, built a bridge out of apple crumble pie and tangoed with drunk pelicans... for nothing?”

“No, Twilight,” Wanderer D said sternly, placing a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. “You have to think of what you have gained from all of this.”

For a moment Twilight’s coat was white and her mane flames. Just long enough for Wanderer D to gingerly take her hoof off the unicorn’s shoulder.

“And what, pray tell,” Twilight hissed, “is that?”

“...I’ll get back to you on that, I fear for my life right now...” Wanderer D said after a moment.

The world shook again and the ponies looked at each other in confusion, then turned to look at Discord.

“It wasn’t me!” Discord said, stopping cold and causing Pinkie Pie and Lati to bump onto his back.

“Discord,” Wanderer D sighed. “Why do you have maracas? Why are you wearing a sombrero four times larger than necessary and why are Pinkie and Lati dressed the same?”

“We were going to sing La Bamba?” Lati ventured.

“What?!” Wanderer D growled. “La Bamba?!”

Twilight sighed. “Finally he- she... Wanderer D is taking things seriously...”

“Without a guitar?” Wanderer D shook her head. “There are things that simply cannot be done, why, I–”

“Uh, dad?” Discord pointed at Trixie who was holding a bandolin.

“Oh... huh, that’ll be interesting...” Wanderer D muttered, horn flashing. When a xylophone had materialized in front of her, she nodded. “Anytime then!”

“Para bailar la bamba!”

“Okay, stop!” Luna hollered stepping in. “We have not solved the problem! Equestria is still trembling and mountains are collapsing!” She pointed out as a mountain collapsed behind her.

“This is true,” Wanderer D nodded, dismissing the xylophone. “Well then, where is Sweetie Belle?”

Daring Do and Trixie looked at each other. With a sigh, the pegasus spoke, “Sweetie took off after Eruth...”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie doesn’t even know how she–”

“Wait!” Rarity snapped. “Are we talking about Sweetie Belle? My sister?”

Lati, Trixie, Daring Do and Wanderer D grinned uncomfortably. “Uh... maybe?” The alicorn’s grin grew nervous.

“You will tell me right now what’s wrong with her!” Rarity growled, slamming her hoof on the ground.

“Um... nothing is wrong per se...” Wanderer D said slowly. “She, uh... might have gotten possessed by an alternate version of herself that is travelling the multiverse gathering pieces of her mentor, Twilight Sparkle, who she might or might not be responsible for technically killing.”

“She’s what?!” Rarity gasped as she summoned her couch and fell back into it. “This is–”

“She killed me!?” Twilight interrupted. “Sweetie killed me?! Why?!”

“I said technically!” Wanderer D said, motioning with her hooves for Twilight to calm down.

“So, how did she get all those weird powers?” Daring Do asked.

“What. Weird. Powers?” Rarity asked.

“Um... I’d... rather not say... in case I’m mauled by the pony with the diamonds...”

“What horrible fates has my sister suffered!?” Rarity demanded, shaking Wanderer D by the shoulders. “Tell me! TELL ME!”

“Uh... I-” Wanderer D’s eyes were wide. “Sh- she hasn’t made it to Horizons yet! I promise!”

“Good!” Rarity said dropping Wanderer D to the floor. She paused. “What is ‘Horizons’?”

Wanderer D told her.

“And you are never, ever, going to explain to anypony else what that poor filly is going through, is that clear?” Celestia said.

“Yes princess,” Wanderer D replied meekly, while Twilight and company were trying to revive Rarity.

“Now, you should go find her and help her return to her journey. It was clear she was meant to be here due to one of Twilight’s shards being around, but I fear your presence here might have complicated things a lot.”

“Don’t worry, Sweetie can handle Eruth just fine...” Wanderer D said. “I doubt that’s what’s causing these tremors.”

Celestia frowned. “I don’t care if she can, you are going to help her and that’s final.”

“Yes, Celly...”

Celestia raised an eyebrow but let it pass. “Now, get your team together and go.”

Wanderer D sighed. “Fine,” she turned around to face the others. “Trixie, Daring, Discord... Luna, it’s time to go.”

“Wait, why is my sister going with you?” Celestia asked.

“Well... she proposed, so that makes her automatically part of my team,” Wanderer D smiled.

“What?!” Daring Do and Trixie shouted in unison. They turned to glare at Princess Luna, who gave them a smug look.

“You can’t do that!” Applejack said, glaring at Wanderer D from Rarity’s side. “What about my brother?”

Wanderer D raised an eyebrow. “Really Applejack, he has a hair-trigger! Ah ain’t goin’ back to ‘im.”

“Wanderer D...” Trixie growled. “What did you do?”

“Trixie... I’m a mare... and there’s a stallion called ‘Big Mac’,” Wanderer D explained. “And I used to be a guy.”

“What?!” Applejack shouted, face going green. “What the hay is my brother into!?”

Trixie sighed. “Trixie demands some serious snogging after all is said and done.”

Wanderer D smiled. “Will do, Trixie!”

Wanderer was suddenly turned around by Daring Do, who gave her a sloppy kiss. “And I also want some attention!”

Luna levitated Wanderer D up to her and nuzzled her. “Why don’t we have fun with him/her at the same time?”

“I–” Wanderer D was interrupted when a pair of claws turned her around and she found herself kissing Lati for all she was worth. After a full minute, the Pokemon let Wanderer D drop to the floor. She smirked at the mares that were glaring at her. “Hey, I just wanted a taste, I’m not even staying in this world!”

“Dad sure is a ladies man, isn’t she, Celly?” Discord asked, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

Celestia sighed, leaning onto the draconequus. “Yes he–” her eyes snapped open and she looked up in horror at Discord’s smirk, then down to Twilight’s horrified (yet... somehow amused) expression. She quickly teleported away from him, eyes wide. “I- you- that...”

“Discord, come on, son, you can play with your fillyfriend later,” Wanderer D called. “We need to get to Sweetie!”

“Fillyfriend?!” Celestia exclaimed, shooting Wanderer D a dark look. “What the hay makes you think I’m interested in... him?!”

“Hey now,” Wanderer D shook her hoof at Celestia. “You are talking about my son, here!”

Celestia simply huffed and turned away.

“I think she likes me, dad,” Discord whispered.

“Don’t worry, kiddo, between me, your three moms, Lati, and Sweetie, I’m sure we can get her to confess,” Wanderer D grinned before he was pummeled by the mares around her.

“Your three moms?!” Trixie snapped. “Since when did the Great and Powerful Trixie agree to sharing you with anypony other than Daring-Do?”

Wanderer D blinked. “Wait, what? You’re okay with sharing me? When did this happen?”

“We... might have sorted things out before you came back as a unicorn,” Daring-Do explained as the group trudged towards where Sweetie would presumably be.

Trixie blushed and giggled. “The Great and Powerful Trixie likes Daring almost as much as she likes pinecones! Sweet... deliciously crunchy pinecones...”

Wanderer D raised an eyebrow. “I suddenly need to be a guy again...”

“Wanderer D,” Luna growled. “Mission first.”

“Oh right... so, where’s Sweetie?” she asked.

“You don’t know?” Luna looked at him.

“I was dead, remember? Ask my other waifus.”

“Wow, Sweetie, that was awesome!” Wanderer D said, looking at the filly in awe. “It’s one of those moments that so many mediocre writers simply skip or gloss over and don’t go further than mentioning at times... if I had been reading what’s happened and that whole fight happened ‘off-camera’ I would- I dunno, write it myself! I hate it when people do that, but even then, the words fail me to explain how epic that was.”

“Sure glad it wasn’t me who was on the receiving end of that!” Daring Do agreed.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie would have done a better job,” Trixie huffed and ruffled Sweetie’s mane. “But The Great and Powerful Trixie is glad she didn’t have to dirty her hooves.”

“You know, I’m sure glad we were there to see it because I don’t think the others would ever believe us,” Wanderer D mused. “I mean, imagine Rarity’s face if she ever found out that Sweetie could–”

“Wanderer,” Luna spoke. “We have yet to fix whatever it is that is destroying Equestria and there is no need for you to remind us of what we have just seen. Although I will admit it was impressive,” she nodded to Sweetie Belle, who smiled back pleasantly.

“Still,” Lati said as she followed the others. “I never thought I would see something like what happened there... it was easily on par with the battles of most legendary Pokemon I’ve heard of... and I got to see it!”

“Come on, girls,” Sweetie giggled, blushing slightly. “It wasn’t that impressive. Twilight and Luna could do it to in another world I visited.”

“Well, still, it’s one thing to write about it, another altogether to experience it,” Wanderer D sighed. “It was sublime... amazing... the forces at play, Luna, the forces at play!”

“I know,” Luna nodded. “I was there, and surely we will remember this in the future with equal awe. But for now we have to find a way to fix whatever is causing the world to shake.”

“I don’t think that will be a problem, really,” Wanderer D glanced at Luna. “But, could you tell me the date and time? In human terms?”

Luna blinked. “12:23 PM, 12th of June, year 3435. Why?”

“This is where I do the HiE thing again and show off just how smart and cool I am for apparently no reason other than to conclude a convoluted plot.” Wanderer D grinned as a screeching, whining noise suddenly echoed all around them and a blue box of some sort of design materialized in front of them. Wanderer D turned around and smirked at the flabbergasted expressions in the others. “So, who’s coming?” she asked, jumping into the box the moment the doors opened.

“My daddy’s the best,” Discord whispered in awe.

“Doctor!” Wanderer D grinned as she walked into the TARDIS. “Thank you for helping out, we have a lot to do!”

Whooves looked at the alicorn and chuckled. “I figured as much from what you said last time,” he looked at the group stepping into the TARDIS with raised eyebrows. “You didn’t tell me, however, that you would bring so many guests with you! Including Discord! That’s fantastic!”

The earth pony walked up to Discord and looked him up and down, then quickly ran up to Luna with a huge grin, then stepped up to Daring Do. “My! You’ve brought quite an interesting group of ponies! A villain, a princess, a fictional character, a showmare...” he stared at Lati for a moment.

“A legendary Pokemon,” Lati explained.

“A purple Latias!” The Doctor said. “This is brilliant! Is she shiny? Is that why she’s purple?”

Wanderer D opened her mouth and closed it. “You know about Pokemon?”

Hooves rolled his eyes. “Who doesn’t?

“Well... I hadn’t heard about Pokemon until I met a whole bunch of them...” Sweetie said. “I don’t think they are that common outside their world despite how many and powerful they are... I never expected to meet another Latias other than the one in Hoenn–”

“And- what’s this?” The Doctor interrupted as he looked at Sweetie closely. She fidgeted in place, smiling nervously at him. “There’s something about you... some sort of distortion field that confuses the senses!”

“Doctor–” Wanderer D tried to speak.

“Let me see,” Whooves interrupted, pulling out his sonic screwdriver.

“Wait, I wouldn’t–” Wanderer tried again, but it was too late.

Sweetie stepped back as the sonic screwdriver activated, cringing as the machine tried to lift her natural defenses... after a moment, she opened one of her eyes. “Is it still on?”

Wanderer D sighed in relief. “Yes, it is, Sweetie.”

“Odd that,” Whooves said, shaking his sonic screwdriver and looking at it accusingly. “That should have taken care of that field! Why didn’t it work?”

Wanderer D grinned. “Magic!”

The Doctor shook his head. “Magic. Figures. Anyway,” he turned around and faced Wanderer D. “You,” he pointed a hoof at Wanderer, “told me to be here at this time on this date because otherwise the world would end. And here I am.”

Wanderer D nodded. “It’s time to make sense of things and fix Equestria.”

The Doctor nodded and gave Wanderer D a small bag. “Here. Muffins.”

“So, here we are, Temple of Providence, year 1499,” Whooves said.

“Luna, we need to go in there and have one of the builders carve the image of the TARDIS on the first stone of the safe path,” Wanderer D said, “Do you think you could do that?”

Luna rolled her eyes. “Sure, why not? But wouldn’t that make it really easy to figure out the way?” she asked as she left the TARDIS.

“Not if you make all of them have different symbols, like when we saw them!” Lati mused, then her eyes widened. “Are you telling me that–”

“... that’s how I knew to jump onto it?” Wanderer D smiled. “Exactly!”

“But, you’d never visited! How did you know it would be there?” Sweetie asked.

“Well, I didn’t!” Wanderer D confessed. “I just happened to glance in that direction and it suddenly all clicked. There were far too many things that were too random for them to happen without reason!”

Luna came back into the TARDIS, frowning. “I have a vague recollection of an argument with that same builder about decorating the whole place because marking one safe stone would give the whole thing away and how they had to mark all of them differently and thus we had to pay more from the treasury.”

Wanderer D smiled. “Well, don’t you feel silly now?”

Whooves laughed. “I love time-travel!” He turned several levers as he ran around the TARDIS’s controls and typed away. “Where to now?”

“Son,” Wanderer D called. “A gong if you please,”

Discord shrugged and snapped his fingers. Immediately a gong with his smiling face appeared in the TARDIS.

“What do we need a gong for?” Lati blinked.

“For this!” Wanderer D shouted as she levitated the gong, opened the doors into the multiverse and threw it out.

The group followed the gong with their eyes as it drifted in the in-between worlds... until a pink, white and purple comet slammed into it, making it reverberate into the ether and sending the comet out of the way.

“Hey, that sounds familiar!” Daring Do gasped. “Wasn’t that the same sound we heard when we were floating here?”

“Trixie thinks so!” Trixie nodded.

“Was that–” Sweetie gasped. “Was that me!?”

Wanderer D grinned. “Eeeyup! Now, let’s go!”

“Where!?” Sweetie asked. “What’s going to happen to me?!”

“You’ll end up here, with us right now!” The Doctor laughed. “I thought only I pulled these kinds of stunts!”

“Where to now?” Discord asked a grin growing on his face.

“Two days ago,” Wanderer D said.

“Coming up!” Doctor Whooves announced.

“Wanderer,” Luna scowled at her. “How is it that everything is happening according to plan?”

“My dear Luna,” Wanderer D winked at her, “I’m a HiE that was turned into an alicorn!”

“What does that have to do with this?” she asked, blinking in confusion.

“By definition, I’m a freakin’ Mary Sue!” Wanderer D declared.

“I thought your name was Wanderer?” Trixie ventured. “And why are you freaking? As far as Trixie can tell everything is working out exactly as you planned!”

Wanderer D facehoofed. “It’s okay, I’ll explain later.”

“We’re here, Wanderer!” The Doctor announced. “Do you want me to land?”

“Nah,” Wanderer shrugged, opened the door once more and tossed out a muffin.

Immediately they heard Derpy’s voice reaching all the way to them. “Muffin!”

Trixie frowned. “Wait, was that Derpy? Didn’t she shout the exact same thing when that muffin landed on your head an- oh...”

Wanderer D winked. “Come on, we have to move before inevitability catches up with me...”

“What do you mean?” Sweetie asked

“You’ll see,” Wanderer D sighed. “Anyway, time to jump to the past again! Specifically early morning. We need to buy a parachute and send it to me, in Luna’s bedroom.”

Luna smacked her forehead. “Of course...”

They arrived at a local market where Wanderer quickly purchased a parachute and arranged for it to be delivered that same day to Luna’s room.

“Okay, now we have to travel 5000 years into the past,” Wanderer D said.

“Aha! So that’s when we meet!” The Doctor chuckled. “I had wondered where you came from!”

Doctor Whooves galloped as fast as he could towards the TARDIS. Wanderer D was crazy, that was for sure, but the recent friendship seemed to be worth it. If anything, simply because Wanderer D seemed oddly familiar with the rules and dangers of his own travels.

The Doctor finally reached the hill where they had parked the TARDIS, but something unexpected was in the way.

The alicorn was unlike any other he had seen. Her cream-colored coat sparkled seemingly in response to the chaotic sparks of her mane. Her wing tips were colored in shades of the rainbow and her irises were a mismatched blue and green.

She smiled. “Doctor, I have come to tell you... don’t worry about Wanderer D, like you he is able to regenerate, and he will be taken into the future soon enough.”

Whooves frowned. “I am not entirely sure I should trust you on this... who are you?”

Wanderer D winked. “A visitor from the future as well, one that thought you were not canon.”

“You mean–” The Doctor stopped. Of course! Wanderer D could regenerate as well, so he could arguably regenerate into a unicorn or even an alicorn. “But, that’s brilliant!” he laughed.

Wanderer D nodded. “Now, Doctor, the world will need our help much later on... I’ll meet you at 12:23 PM, 12th of June, year 3435, deal?”

The Doctor chuckled. “Am I the type of stallion to pass a completely vague and peculiar request like that?”

A loud crunch was heard in the distance, along with a soft: “Dad!”

“No, you don’t!” Wanderer D grinned. “Now, go! We’ll meet again soon! Oh, and get me some muffins on the way, will you?”

Doctor Whooves hesitated for a moment, his eyes turning to a distant pool of lava. “See you soon.”

“So, what now?” Luna asked.

Wanderer D sighed. “Three more things...” she turned to look at the Doctor. “Whooves, what happened to make the TARDIS catch fire and spin out of control the first time?”

The Doctor frowned. “I had been traveling normally, but when I was in the time-stream something flew past the TARDIS enveloped in a magical field that disrupted the frequency the TARDIS was working on...”

“Gotcha, think we can see it happen?” Wanderer D asked.

The Doctor raised an eyebrow but nodded. Soon the group was gathered around the TARDIS’ door, looking out as another TARDIS flew at an apparently random direction. All of a sudden, a third TARDIS appeared, its doors opened and Lati flew out. She was suddenly covered in magical energy. She turned to say something towards the TARDIS before looking straight at them and waving.

Lati waved back.

The Lati that was floating outside the third TARDIS suddenly shot straight as an arrow, creating a boom that shook everything around them and smacking the side of the TARDIS that had been on its way somewhere. The TARDIS in question was flung out of the timestream. Immediately, the third TARDIS disappeared.

“Well, it seems we know what to do,” Wanderer D said after a moment. “We send Lati home through the Time Stream, with a couple of spells to help her on her way.”

“I think I know one of the spells used,” Luna said slowly. “It’s a spell designed to help little fillies find their way home if they get lost in the forest or in a city.”

“That makes sense,” Daring Do said, “The spell directs Lati to her destination!”

“How about the other spell?” Sweetie asked. “I didn’t recognize it at all!”

“That was us!” Discord said, standing next to Discord.

“Wait, what?” Trixie shook her head. “The Great and Powerful Trixie demands that Discord stops fooling around with fake copies!”

Discord looked at Discord. “She thinks I’m a copy!”

Discord shrugged. “Silly ponies are silly, and you know it.”

Discord rolled his eyes. “Don’t I know it? Well, all ponies save dad. Dad is best pony.”

“Yes,” Discord agreed. “That he is.”

Further conversation was stopped by a knock on the door.

“Weren’t we in the middle of the Time Stream?” Wanderer D blinked.

“That’s... very odd,” Doctor Whooves nodded, walking gingerly towards the doors and opening them. Only to stare straight through the small gap between another TARDIS with the Doctor, another Trixie, another Wanderer D, another Daring Do, another Sweetie Belle and another annoyed Luna, who was knocking on the door.

“Sorry, Doctor, but we came for Discord, I’m sure you understand,” she said, glaring at the pair of draconequi.

“Oh, you’re no fun, Woona,” Discord said. He turned to Discord. “I’m sorry, Discord, but mom is calling.”

“It’s okay, Discord, I’m sure we’ll meet again,” Discord said, watching Discord teleport next to Luna who gave Discord a look.

“Not you,” she growled. “The other one!”

Discord chuckled and teleported into the other TARDIS. “You caught me! You’ll have to tell me how you did it!”

“Maybe later,” Luna said, watching the other Discord step back into the TARDIS. “For now, we should go. Doctor, ladies.” She nodded and closed the doors.

The other TARDIS left as the Doctor closed the doors to his own TARDIS. “This day gets curiouser and curiouser.”

“Okay,” Wanderer D sighed. “So, what is that other spell, son?”

“Eh, it’s not even a spell, it’s something I probably did to make Lati indestructible enough to smash through the TARDIS and sent it reeling without damaging herself or deviating from her destination.”

“Excellent!” Doctor Whooves cried out, “well, not excellent, since you did damage my TARDIS, but she’s okay now... anyway, three minutes into the past!”

“So,” Lati said as soon as she flew out of the open doors. “I guess this is goodbye?”

“Only for now, Lati,” Wanderer D said. “I’ll keep track of your adventures.”

Lati chuckled and nodded, turning briefly to say hi to them in the past. “Well then, goodbye, and good luck!”

With that, Lati turned around and, following Luna’s spell’s guidance, shot off at top speed, smashing into the side of the very first TARDIS and sending it spinning out of control without missing a beat.

“There she goes.” Sweetie sighed. “I’ll miss her.”

“We all will.” Luna nodded.

“Let’s go!” Daring Do shouted. “We need to fix the world, remember?”

The Doctor was already at the controls and soon they were moving through time.

“Wait!” Trixie facehoofed. “The Great and Powerful Trixie can’t believe we forgot!”

“Forgot what?” Wanderer D asked.

“Discord!”

After picking Discord up, the group turned to look at Wanderer D.

“You said three things,” Daring Do pointed out. “The TARDIS and Lati would count as one, I would guess, what next?”

Wanderer D sighed and looked at Sweetie. “Well, it’s time to send Sweetie on her journey... she still has some worlds to visit before its conclusion.”

Sweetie rolled her eyes. “And you have yet to tell me how you know so much about them!”

Wanderer D hesitated, while Luna raised an eyebrow, interested in seeing how he handled this.

“I- I’m a storyteller,” Wanderer D said after a moment. “My gift allowed me to look into what was happening to you and put it in words... all you have achieved and will is really your own doing.”

Sweetie bit her lower lip. “I really want to know more.”

“I know,” Wanderer D said. “But you can’t... if I told you, or if you forced it out of me, it could really mess things up for you.”

Sweetie nodded as she levitated the purple shard she had fought Eruth for. “Will it be a happy ending?”

Wanderer D looked away.

“Oh...” Sweetie cringed.

“It... it’s up to you, but–” Wanderer D took a deep breath. “Sweetie, you are amazing, I’m sure you can get that happy ending. And... you’re not alone.”

Sweetie chuckled. “I hope so...” she still hesitated. “But... a hint? For the next world?”

Wanderer D thought for a moment. “If I remember correctly... yeah... Spike will be pretty big and a bit obsessive about protecting his territory from other dragons, so, don’t take it personally.”

Sweetie facehoofed. “That’s pretty vague.”

“Oh, it’ll make sense when you get there,” Wanderer D promised, drawing the filly for a hug. “Be good, okay? And Sweetie, it was a pleasure to meet you, however briefly.”

“It was nice to meet you as well Wanderer–” She blinked. “Wait, I just remembered something...”

“Yes?” Wanderer D cocked his head.

“Luna and Firewall asked me to say hi to you when I met you,” Sweetie said. “I had forgotten about it with all the crazy stuff that happened.”

Wanderer D facehoofed. “By the gods that’s so meta.” She stopped. “Wait, they knew this was going to happen?”

Sweetie shrugged and smiled. “Luna did. Anyway, I should go.”

Levitating the shard, Sweetie closed her eyes and let the magic envelop her. There was a sudden flash and suddenly the crystal shard was gone and Sweetie was collapsing, unconscious. Luna’s magic quickly caught the filly.

“Is she okay?” Daring Do asked, rushing to check the filly.

“She’s fine,” Wanderer D said. “She’ll wake up not remembering much of what happened, if anything at all. It depends on the world.”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie would like to point out that Sweetie Belle’s cutie mark is gone,” Trixie said.

“What?” Daring Do asked. “But how? That’s... that’s impossible, right?”

“Well, that wasn’t the local Sweetie’s cutie mark,” Wanderer D explained. “So when interdimensional Sweetie left, she took her cutie mark with her.”

Luna chuckled. “I guess it makes sense... especially with what her cutie mark looked like.”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie did wonder why it was a–”

“Wanderer,” Doctor Whooves interrupted. “The tremors haven’t stopped and Equestria seems at the verge of destruction, whatever is missing, we need to do now!”

“Well then, there’s only one place left to go...” Wanderer D said.

“I am not comfortable with this scenario...” Luna whispered.

“Why not,” Wanderer D asked. “You set it up!”

“What is this place?” Discord asked. “It looks... a bit too real.”

Daring Do rubbed her hoof on her foreleg. “I don’t like it here... it’s as if we were not supposed to exist here and this world... it’s pushing at me, somehow...”

Trixie spat out a pinecone. “The pinecones here are vile! Trixie refuses to eat another one until she is back in Equestria!”

“So... what are we doing at your place, Wanderer D?” Luna asked.

“Well, right now I am getting some soup to eat, as you are well aware, Luna,” Wanderer D said.

“Yeeeeessssss....” Luna looked nervously at the others. “Do we really, really, have to see this?”

“Why? What’s happening?” Daring Do asked.

“Well, Luna is going to poison my soup, but–”

“What?!” Trixie cried, turning to the princess. “Why would you do that?”

“I- needed a test subject?” Luna cringed.

“Oh... very well then,” Trixie turned to look at Wanderer D’s laptop.

“Wait, that’s it? No real outcry? No accusations?” Luna looked from Trixie to Daring Do, who shrugged.

“Hey, he dies all the time, we’re getting used to it,” Daring pointed out.

“This place is the origin of the time disturbance that is threatening Equestria,” Doctor Whooves said after a moment. “Why is it?”

“We’ll find out!” Wanderer D said. “Everyone, inside the TARDIS, I don’t want myself to see us!”

“That sounds so weird,” Daring muttered as she stepped into the time machine.

Just as Discord jumped into the TARDIS the door opened and Wanderer D walked in. Unlike what Luna had selected for him to wear in Equestria he was simply wearing jeans, slippers and a t-shirt that read: “Enthropy: It ain’t what it used to be.”

He set down his wonton soup and turned on his laptop, not noticing that the soup flashed with a deep blue aura for a second. “Okay, so, where was I?” Human!Wanderer D said to himself as he scrolled down a doc. “Aha... here we go.”

He typed in silence, occasionally repeating something he had written or reading aloud some of the stories he was referencing for effect.

“Wow, some of that stuff is horrible...” Trixie whispered. “Is that what you were telling me about?”

Wanderer D nodded. “Eeyup, and some of them are damned proud of that crap.” He sighed and then perked up. “Hey, I think this is it!”

The gang piled up on her to take a closer look, threatening to roll out of the TARDIS.

“Hey, calm down! We don’t want to mess this up! Trust me!” Wanderer D muttered.

“... and that's why if you use the groups, correct grammar, and the tag-system correctly, you can achieve inner peace.” The Wanderer D in front of the computer said aloud as he typed down the last sentence of his latest guide.

“He’s so pretentious,” Luna rolled her eyes. “Seriously, Nirvana from fanfiction?”

“No,” Wanderer D scoffed, rolling her own eyes. “Pony fanfiction.”

The human Wanderer D scrolled up and re-read what he had written, making corrections here and there as he sipped the last of his soup. “Hm... not enough sarcasm here... ugh... should I really leave the author's name on this? Meh, if they were ballsy enough to send that stuff they can own up to it being used as an example.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Oh well, time to publish this.”

“Waiiit for it...” Wanderer D whispered from inside the TARDIS.

Human!Wanderer D pushed the ‘enter’ key on his keyboard and suddenly collapsed, smashing his head onto the laptop.

“DAD!” Discord shouted, jumping up and sending everyone into the room. Trixie’s leg hit one of the tall ikea lamps in the room and it fell forward, slamming onto the computer and causing it to explode, sending something flying straight into Human!Wanderer D’s chest.

Everyone was silent in the room, when suddenly, like a pulsating heart, the gathered ponies and draconequus felt a sudden, heart-lurching pain and collapsed in place.

“W-what’s happening?!” Luna asked, gasping as she struggled to stand up. Another wave of pain hit the group.

“W-why is Trixie’s leg... turning trans-” she gasped as another wave hit them. “Transparent?”

“We’re... disappearing...” Doctor Whooves growled through the pain. “But... why?”

“I-is it because, we killed Wanderer?” Daring Do asked, leaning against the bookshelf.

“No...” Wanderer D sighed as she walked up to her human ‘corpse’. “It’s because I’m not dead.”

“B-but...” Luna groaned as she slowly started fading. “What? How?”

Wanderer D shrugged. “I don’t know, but... I can see myself breathing and... with each breath, you guys suffer.”

“We- we have to get out...” Luna gritted her teeth as she pushed herself up. “G-go back to Equestria...”

Wanderer D shook her head. “That won’t help, I think... there’s only one thing to be done...”

“D-don’t do... something... stupid!” Daring Do gasped.

“S-silly pegasus!” Trixie groaned with a smile. “Did you forget who you are talking to? Wanderer D always does something stupid!”

“Haha, girls. Really, I’m dying of laughter here,” Wanderer D rolled her eyes.

“M-maybe not,” Discord groaned. “But we are!”

“Oh, right...” Wanderer D coughed. “Don’t worry everypony, I can deal with this.” Her magic flared and the two katanas unsheathed. “I have TWO katanas!”

She turned to face her old body and hesitated.

“W-wanderer...” Luna growled. “D-don’t do it!”

“Sorry, Luna,” Wanderer D shrugged. “If I don’t you die, and if my old self dies here, then I am stuck where I was, right?” With a resolute look in her face, she turned around and slammed both katanas through human!Wanderer D’s chest, and the chair.

Immediately the ponies went back to normal.

“No, you idiot!” Luna cried. “If you kill your past self completely, you are severing the link I used to keep you alive!”

Wanderer D blinked. “Oh.”

And then she died.

Again.

The gathered ponies looked sadly at the five graves in front of them.

“Dear friends,” Celestia spoke, addressing the ponies and Discord, who were all morosely looking at the graves. Several ponies from Ponyville had also come to show support to Trixie, Daring Do and Discord, as well as friends of the Doctor and the Mane 6, all of which sat at the front. “We are gathered here today to bury a good friend of ours; Wanderer D.”

“But...” Mayor Mare spoke up. “Why are there five graves then, your highness?”

Celestia sighed. “Because there were five of him.”

“Oh...” many ponies looked confused. Five looked annoyed. Discord chuckled.

“In any case,” Celestia continued. “He came here with a mission... to find out if humans and ponies could co-exist in peace and harmony... the experiment pretty much spiraled into uncontrolled chaos that directly caused all of us to actually exist as we do today. As odd as it seems, I cannot, in that light, call it a failure.”

“The Great and Powerful Trixie should mention... Wanderer D had a way of making things work in the end...” she said sadly, leaning into a comforting hug from Daring Do.

Celestia nodded. “And as annoying as he could be, I believe he was deep inside a loving, caring and helpful individual who wanted nothing but our happiness, even if he had to sacrifice his life to help us.”

She sighed. “To say goodbye to Wanderer, I shall let his friends and partners share a few words with us...” Celestia stepped back. “Starting with my sister, Princess Luna.”

Luna stepped onto the podium and regarded the gathered mourners. “Sister, my fellow wives, adopted son and friends...” she said, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. “I...” her eyes opened and she grinned. “...have a new project! I have figured out how to bring back Wanderer D once more! It’ll take some doing and lots of adventuring, but I am getting my husband-to-be back! Who’s with me?”

Celestia grimaced as she watched Daring Do, Doctor Whooves, Discord and Trixie jump to join Luna. With a sigh, she turned to look at the gravedigger. “Better dig up another one. I don’t expect him to last long even if he *does* come back.”

“Yes, ma’am,” the gravedigger whispered and turned to go do just that.

“Sorry for the extra work,” Celestia called.

“Don’t worry ma’am,” the gravedigger grinned. “I have a katana.”