Welcome back … can you believe it’s barely been nine days? Honestly, that is some sort of record for me staying in one place, though it will be broken the next day and so on until this story is over. You know, I bet if this story was being told by someone else, it would have been over already. It would have been a simple cut and dry story, you know the type.

‘He went here, and this happened, while he met these people. All before moving on and doing something else.’ Sure it would probably be told in a nice way, lots of description, but even then they would have left out so many parts. That’s what happens when it is told by someone who wasn’t there. So consider yourselves so lucky that it is this long.

I suppose you all have questions to ask me again? It wouldn’t be a story told by yours truly if I didn’t allow some questions before we started.

You there, you first. What is my opinion on magic? It’s fucking OP and is only used by 'leet' hackers … I don’t know what I really expected from saying that. Honestly, I sometimes forget that most, if not all of you don’t know much in terms of the old culture, or memes for that matter. Anyway, I always saw magic as an extremely useful tool that of course felt like cheating because I couldn’t use it. Though I wouldn’t doubt that it had drawbacks, which I never really learned about; it still seemed like something that anyone would give their arms and legs for. I mean you wouldn’t need them if you could just float yourself …

What? Did you expect me to have some sort of resentment or worry about magic? Honestly, I could care less, for I know for a fact because of magic, they have been stunted in terms of scientific growth. Can’t have both I guess … near stagnation, one would say.

Moving on, you. Who is Faust? What … I don’t think I understand.

…

Did Luna say that? … yes … yes she did. Huh … how did I forget that so easily. Either these nanobots are starting to wear off, or my age is really catching up to me. And no, you’re still not hearing about Berlin.

Anyway, I don’t know what I can really say to answer your question because I never thought much about it. Sure I ended up hearing that name from Luna a few more times afterwards, but I just assumed it was their ‘god’ that they swore to. If I could go back and talk to her, then that would actually be one of my first topics to bring up.

You can ask your question next.

…

Wait, let me get this straight … you’re suggesting that Luna was an ‘anchor point’ for me? What would make you think that?

…

Really? My stories suggested that I needed an anchor in the first place? Huh … that’s a new one for me. Well, I’ll be frank with you, this is the first time I’ve ever heard of a such a thing. Luna was simply the closest non-family that was essentially a gender-flipped and pony version of me. I felt like she could relate to everything my life had been, which was true … actually, now that you mention it, I guess in some way you could call her that. Though that’s in hindsight, I’ve actually been really good and staying sane through all of this. Each person deals with it in their own way. You’ll learn mine through the story.

Next.

Was I surprised at how easily Luna understood western culture? At the time? No. In hindsight it is an amusing thought, but let’s be real, when everything was happening I was going with the flow of things. In fact, you could say I was sitting in a raft and floating down a river; that’s an accurate description of how I was going with the flow. Though if I were to speculate now … well I’d probably still wouldn’t be too surprised. They seemed to be developing much like any country that was included in ‘western culture.’

You … how did I decompress? Care to explain? Come here so you don’t have to speak so loudly.

…

Okay, okay, I gotcha. Let me rephrase though, for the rest. By decompress he means, take time to really absorb all that was happening and come to terms with it. So his question is asking how did I decompress in the world. That’s actually a rather interesting idea. Most of the time there was always something happening or something to take my mind off such a need, that I guess I really didn’t decompress at all. In fact, that’s what I tend to do in situations that would usually require such a thing. Take that Louisiana story, for example. Due to all of the things going on constantly, I hardly even had time to come to terms with barely making it out of there in one piece.

Only one of what you suggested was a ‘method of decompression’ for me, though. The travelling to Ponyville, it wasn’t as you implied, since that was a goal for us to reach. I’ve gotten used to walking and travelling for a long period of time with little on the mind.

Now, the second option; my iPod, can be considered my decompression method. I’ve always used my music to get me through rough times or bring about emotions that needed to be released. To give a little spoiler, I actually got some time a little later on in which I was able to just relax and listen to my music. Even then, I never really took the time to actually think about it … thinking too deeply on issues that you lack the knowledge on is a way to drive one insane. That’s my opinion, though.

Once more we are done for the Q&A today. If you didn’t get your question asked … well too bad, try again tomorrow. I might just need to take a day and answer questions at this rate …

Now, getting back to the story.

So eventually I came to, awoken by the beeping on my wristwatch that I literally only used as an alarm; the thing was loud enough to wake the dead. So I just stared up into the slowly lightening sky. It was probably very early in the morning, the sun not even having begun to crease the horizon, just the light that always heralded its presence. I guess the right term would be ‘Twilight.’

After laying there for a few minutes, my stomach let out a low growl, telling me that I was mistreating it. If you only listen to one thing in your life, let it be your stomach … never a good idea to ignore it. With a deep sigh, I begrudgingly rolled off the trailer, landing on my feet barely before stumbling a little. It’s always the toughest when you were just waking up.

As I found my footing, I remembered that my packs were still up there so I had to scale back up enough to grab them and pull them off. Thankfully, that wasn’t much of an issue, since the cart itself was barely taller that me. It actually amazed me that it could hold me while I laid on top of it, as well as the fact that the two inside actually had enough room in there.

So, with my packs back on solid ground, I decided to get a jump start on breakfast. Which, was about the same time that Gilda came out, stretching and yawning like there was nobody there. It was actually amusing that she didn’t notice me sitting by the steps, or notice the sounds of me ripping into a piece of beef jerky. My guess at the time was that she was still groggy from waking up as well. Though that idea didn’t make sense when I saw the lack of coffee in her talons.

Either way, I simply ate my jerky as I watched her do some stretches around the fire pit, as well as take a few peeks at her arm and coat.

Oh! Shit, I forgot to mention this earlier! Ha, I can’t believe it slipped my mind. Now, a lesson here, always make sure to check up on any sort of wounds as well as change the bandages for them.

Now, it only slipped my mind in storytelling; I did remember to change Gilda’s bandages every day, which ran us low on medical supplies, but that wasn’t going to be an issue for very long. I had done it shortly after eating, and thankfully she was a rather quick healer. Most of the cuts were looking good and starting to heal nicely. Her wing was still going to be an issue for her for a bit, though in my opinion she would be up and flying within a few days. The arm was a little more interesting, but given enough time it would heal.

Anyway, yeah … completely forgot to mention that. See! The nanomachines … nanobots … nanites … whatever, see, they might be failing. Hopefully not too soon …

I could have kept myself unknown to Gilda for a few more moments past her doing her stretches, but my neck was stiff and I needed to crack it. You ever crack a body part so loud others can hear it? Yeah, well sleeping tends to make my neck very stiff initially. Though just in a way that requires me to crack it, nothing worse thankfully.

So I simply turned my head with a little pressure, letting loose a series of loud pops. It relieved me immensely … and scared the everliving shit out of Gilda. Seriously, if her wings weren’t wrapped, she would have flown away in surprise. She got some good air though, before turning around sharply to see me sitting there with a grin.

“Why’d you bucking do that?!” she hissed at me, a talon clutching where I assumed her heart was.

“Haha, I didn’t do anything on purpose, cat-bird. You were just too lost in your world to even notice me,” I said with a grin. “And here I thought griffins would have a keen sense of smell at least.”

“You could have at least said something before scaring me,” she muttered, not really intending for me to hear that. “Still … shouldn’t scare a griffon like that, you twat. I could have attacked you!”

“I think I feel a little insulted that you think I wouldn’t be able to defend myself,” I said with a small pout … tough thing to do with a beard, by the way. “Still your fault for not being aware of your surroundings.”

As I made to stand, the door to the trailer flew open once more, letting Trixie walk out, a cup of coffee in her magical grasp. “It’s too early for you to be this loud!”

“And now that the gang’s all awake, let’s go!” I said with more enthusiasm than what should be allowed in the morning. Well at least that’s compared to how I used to be. Never was a morning person until I needed to be, so I guess I still kind of look down upon mornings.

They both glared at me hard before walking back into the trailer. It was a little bit amusing to me since Trixie had literally walked out and then right back in when I said that line. Apparently humour was lacking amongst the group at that point in the morning … and let me tell you ahead of time, it was almost always one sided when it came to honour being dished out early in the morning.

So I continued to stay outside and let them do whatever they needed to do in the trailer to be on our way. That meant I basically cleaned up everything by myself, which was probably faster in retrospect, because I was able to multi task and move without possible hindrance. It was during that moment that I actually re-realised that I was so used to be being alone when travelling that I hardly had any need for the other two except company … and storage.

Of course, I had to remind myself the real reason why they were with me for the trip. I had asked them if they wanted to follow me in a certain direction and they accepted. Sure, their own goals were in the same direction, but still the premise stood.

Eventually, when everything was cleaned up, minus the pillows which were stacked by the door, the other two made themselves known again. I was certain that they purposely waited for me to clean up everything; their form of payback for my ability to wake up early … and for Gilda not being aware. Ehh, whatever, right?

So with only a few words, we were on our way once again. The early morning was really getting to them as they were extremely quiet for the first little bit of the trip. Only a few words spoken though I guess that was also because they were also eating as we walked. Some things can’t really be helped, and them being unable to wake up early was one of them.

Eventually, probably after an hour of walking, I was the one to break the silence. I know! I was the one, what sort of sorcery was that?!

Haha! Ahem.

“Is there a hospital in Ponyville?” I asked to the both of them. They confirmed my suspicion was correct.

“Good, that means you need to see a doctor, Gilda. The wounds are looking good from the last bandage change, and so is the wing, but a broken arm … leg, isn’t something that you want to leave to field first aid,” I said to her, but didn’t really get a reply back. I was tempted to ask her if she heard me, but I eventually came to the possible realisation that she was still thinking about last night … that or she had nothing to add.

“Also, would you happen to know of a place where I can have a shower? I mean I can always use a river or lake …”

“Trixie isn’t sure if there is a public shower or any place that has free access to bathing … there is the spa,” she offered with a grin, hoping to entice a reaction out of me. I smiled inwardly at the thought of her trying to lure me into a trap. One that I would take hook, line and sinker … and then completely reverse on her.

“Ugh! A spa?” I said with indignation originally, but I immediately switched to sarcasm. “I mean, they probably wouldn’t be able to do my nails properly! You need a specialist for those, you know … though I guess I could use a relaxing mud bath, open up the pores, you know?”

Trixie actually pulled a full stop at my response. Of course I simply kept walking as if nothing had happened. Eventually the shock wore off and she rushed to keep up, Gilda laughing her head off at my response.

“Never try to out wit me, Trixie … or use such blatant sarcasm,” I said with a chuckle. I couldn’t flash her an evil smile since my scarves were in the way, but she could probably have felt it from under the clothes. “I’ve learned from the masters of wit and sarcasm, Trixie. It’s a skill I have honed over the many years I have lived. Even in this new world, I bet it would be tough to find one that can match me in talking stupid and bullshitting.”

“Talking stupid and … bullshitting?” Both of them asked, in almost perfect synch.

“Talking stupid … what I was just doing, and bullshitting is telling tales either in hilarious manners or making them ridiculous no matter if they are true or not. Want to know why I’m almost certain I am the master of it on this world?”

“Your swearing capabilities?” Trixie offered.

“Your inability to take anything serious?” Gilda asked while blowing me a raspberry.

“Well those are two very good traits to have, and you are both correct about them,” I said in complete seriousness. “The true reason is because of my heritage. Listen up, girls, for I have a story to tell!”

And yes, this is now a story within a story … storyception! Haha, you’ll never understand. Also don’t worry, it’s another one of those short ones.

“Back in the old land, my people were renowned at using our wit to talk the biggest bullshit anyone had ever seen. We could tell the tallest tales and people would hang onto every world as though they were scripture! And that skill was only matched by our ability to talk stupider than anyone else. When you thought you had hit the bottom of the well in terms of stupid talking … we dug the well deeper. Now, eventually my forefathers spread out, weakening their ability to utilize their group powers in such a manner, but with each of them, they took the sacred arts and skills to new lands, preaching along the way.”

“Others tried to copy and even match my forefathers’ abilities. A few came close, becoming disciples when they realised that my forefathers were pulling punches on them. So their words spread, and when my forefathers found suitable mates, the next generation was in the making. It was said that the abilities could only be passed down to those under our sacred name. Even when my forefather’s sisters married into another family, they passed on the ability. I am that generation that the sacred powers got passed to … and I am the last of said generation … possibly the last of the entire family line, so I must ensure the sacred powers are in their purest form within me!”

Let me tell you something.

Never in my life, have I ever seen a more deadpan expression than the one I got from both of them. It was truly amazing just how obvious it was that they were not having any of my bullshit. Honestly, I was actually impressed by how well they were pulling it off. Usually my fables like that got, at the barest minimum, an eyebrow raise. Trixie and Gilda? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

That’s why I laughed hard enough for them to actually put me behind them. In fact I was still laughing when they had put on nearly a hundred meters of extra distance. Sure, it doesn’t seem overly funny right now, probably because you had to be there, but trust me when I say that it was one of the best moments in my life … well, in my post-Reckoning life.

So I had to jog to catch back up to them, but it was worth it. Completely and utterly worth it.

Thankfully, it also jump-started their own conversations, which this time it was actually more Gilda listening to Trixie tell her about Manehattan. Yeah, apparently our worlds are so similar that they had a place that was like New York … or Manhattan, if you want to be specific. That got me to thinking just how close our worlds aligned with each other.

So I made a mental note there to bring that up with Luna next time I talked to her.

Right, so it was approaching probably around ten o'clock when we finished climbing this rather long sloping hill which made me ponder just how fucking long the hill went on for at its twenty degree slope. When we finally got to the top, I saw something that baffled me beyond any doubt. I was so baffled I think I nearly baffled myself out of my baffled socks!

In the distance was a massive mountain, something that one would only see in the largest mountain ranges in the world, though not an Everest or K2, but it was still massive! … And it was in the middle of fucking nowhere!

I’m not kidding, it was as if the mountain had sprung up from the ground just because it fucking wanted to. It was the goddamned random hard-on of the world! I just couldn’t believe my own fucking eyes.

I stopped in my tracks, looking over at Trixie for an explanation, but I couldn’t even bring to words what I was looking at. I held up both of my hands towards the mountain, silently asking Trixie for an answer.

“Canterlot Mountain. On the side of the mountain is Canterlot, Equestria’s Capital,” Trixie said simply.

“Wait …” I managed to get out before whipping my rifle out to look through the scope.

Now, let me tell you something I realised about the world right then and there. Sure, I had some inkling of what the world was like, but what I saw when I peered through the scope was without a doubt, the second craziest thing I have ever seen. The first being The Reckoning, but it was a solid second place.

There, on the side of the mountain, with what looked like not a single support beam that I could see … was a fucking city. I’m not talking cliff-dweller cities that are made into the rock, no, no, no. It was a fucking city that looked to be sitting on multiple overlapping platforms that even had a little stretch of pure green grass leading to it.

That’s the best I can do to describe how it was built along that mountain … seriously, I went through a whole brain reboot at seeing that because by all means it was either the greatest feat of architectural engineering in the history of fucking ever, or physics decided to cease existing in the world as I knew it. It was right then and there that I did what any sensible man would do.

“Done! Screw this shit, I’m going home,” I said, throwing my hands up in the air and turning left … which was actually the way we were going to go anyways since the forest had cut away from us a little bit ago.

I didn’t obviously give up on the whole situation, but it was then and there that I truly threw out all my previously learned ideas of the world. My suspension of disbelief was completely shattered there … a lesser man would have broken down into a quivering mess. Me? I simply resigned myself to knowing buttfuck all about the world.

So, with my new outlook on this world, we continued walking in the direction of Ponyville once more. This time there was a lot of snickering from the two girls … mares … lionesses? I’m going with girls from here on out. Anyway, while they snickered at my new outlook on the world, I simply kept trudging along.

Now, Trixie’s guess of when we would reach Ponyville was getting damn accurate, mainly cause in the far distance I could see the outlines of a few taller buildings … including a building that was shinier than anything I had ever seen. Trust, me I’ll come back to that in a minute.

Now, to say that Equestria was beautiful was … very accurate. The reason I bring this up to you is because this was a different type of beautiful. There is the wild nature type which brings awe to people in how it’s soo different than anything they’ve really seen. Then there is the beauty in sheer perfection and symmetry, which is what I was seeing. Perhaps not the symmetry part, but it was perfection in how well groomed the landscape looked. I swear that even the grass looked the same height! Even the trees looked like they were constantly groomed, and don’t get me started on the clouds! Though that last part is because they controlled the weather … yeah, it’s still baffling to me.

Back to the main plot, enough of me speaking about how awesome the countryside looked. Now, when Ponyville started to come into view, the European-style houses, and the distant forms of ponies going about their day, Gilda and Trixie started to look a little nervous, though the latter was putting up a much stronger face than the other.

Now, I’m going to skip the few minutes to close the gap between that previous spot and Ponyville. The next part is way more action packed! Well considering that it’s either listening to me recall conversation or listening to me speak about my musing and walking.

Now, we were probably about two hundred meters from the town when a group of six ponies came marching forward as though they were trying to intercept us … which they were. They were either the town’s welcoming party, or guessing by the fact the head one was an alicorn, we were going to have trouble.

Not the trouble that required me to draw my weapons, but the type that needed my suave talking … or so I thought. Buckle up for some interesting conversation!

Though to help facilitate the conversation and ensure that you all understand one confusing point, I will mention that I asked Trixie if she was willing to give me some bits, which she did. The perfect amount to buy another bottle of Ambershine. She didn’t even question my motives!

Now, here we go.

“Oh no …” I heard Gilda mutter as they approached.

Psyche! I need to describe them first! It would have been bad story telling to describe them in between what they said.

Now as I said, the leader was an alicorn … and purple … so I was guessing that it was perhaps Twilight Sparkle as I had been told about. She was just a smidge larger than the rest, but it was made obvious that she was the leader by how she carried herself … disciplined … well, as disciplined as one could be for having their name based off a shitty book series.

Sorry, went off track there. Anyways, not much more to say about her, but I was already coming up with nicknames and insults just based off the name alone!

Kind of behind her but in the air was probably the most eye-catching pony out of the group ... blue furred and wearing the colours of the rainbow for her messy hair and tail. Yep, at first I wanted to call her skittles, but then I remembered the name Gilda mentioned; Rainbow Dash.

She definitely lived up to her name to say the least. Though Gilda didn’t mention that she looked constipated when she was trying to glare someone down.

Now on Twilight’s right was a white unicorn and a yellow pegasus. The unicorn, whose name I didn’t know at that point was … well … let’s say that my own personal judgements screamed that she was a stuck up bitch. Later experience proved otherwise for the most part, but trust me when I say that her purple curly hair style and the way she looked at me like she wanted to vomit was a good indicator of why I thought that about her.

Now the pegasus: she was the most out of place, though only because she was just barely hiding behind the unicorn. Her face showed multiple reactions depending on who she looked at. When she looked at Gilda, there was only fear. Me? Outright curiosity. Though strangely, enough there was no real reaction with Trixie. Yellow fur with a pink mane … she looked like the softest in the group.

I mean in terms of her personality, you fuckwits! Christ!

Now on Twilight’s left was two earth ponies … ones without a horn or wings. The first one, an orange-furred one, screamed that she belonged back in the setting we were previously in. Call me a stereotyper again, but the stetson on her head screamed cattle rancher. She wore a very even look, one that spoke of a true neutral character. Not ready to judge until she had heard of all the facts, though I can speak on experience, those types are also sometimes the ones to judge first.

Now the final pony of the group … pink. So much fucking pink. It nearly hurt my eyes to look at her. So much pink .... so much …

Also she was smiling like a maniac … just looking at her felt disturbing.

So there you have it, got a good picture of them all? Good because I’ll be bouncing this conversation all over the place, considering that’s how it happened. Ready? Hold on tight!

Actually it’s not that exciting in reality … haha!

“Look who decided to show her face around here!” Rainbow Dash snapped, probably at Gilda.

“Rainbow!” Twilight shot back to the blue pegasus. “Anyway, it’s good see you again, Trixie, and it seems like you have friends with you.”

“They are merely tag alongs to The Great and-” she cut herself off before giving a small cough and rephrasing. “Trixie, just Trixie.”

Twilight smiled at that, probably because she was annoyed by the title or something. “Though I am curious as to how you acquired your … unique friends.”

“Oh, oh, oh! I bet you she found them someplace when she was trying to do a show and they all decided to travel here because they all had important meetings that they didn’t want to miss!” the pink one said very quickly. If I didn’t have so much covering my face, the ponies would have seen my look of shock … one that was not mirrored by a single pony there, or griffon for that matter. It seemed like they just ignored her … rude much?

“What are you even doing here, Gilda?” Rainbow Dash asked before my side could respond to Twilight’s … or the pink one’s statements. “Come back to gloat with your friends and call me a dweeb?”

Much venom. Such hate. Wow.

Gilda looked as though she was going to respond, but Rainbow zoomed over and got up in her face, despite the fact she was still in the carriage.

“What, am I not good enough for you to even come out of the carriage? I don’t know why you came here, but you should just leave before you hurt any-” she didn’t get to finish as I grabbed the scruff of her neck (yes, ponies have that apparently) and pulled her away from Gilda, to deposit her next to Twilight Sparkle. You’d also be surprised how light she was! Though I guess that made sense for her to able to fly ...

She kicked and squirmed the entire couple of meters I carried her. When I dropped her, she simply landed on the ground in slight shock at my actions. I merely backed up to my former spot on the left side of the trailer. Every single being in the little powwow was staring at me in shock.

Eventually the reactions started to come in. The orange one got in a charging stance, the yellow one hid behind the white unicorn more, and Twilight’s face started to harden. I knew a situation would escalate unless I said something.

“If you rush to her defence over such a simple thing, than everyone here is going to have a bad time. Don’t side with the instigator,” I said simply.

“Instigator?” the orange one asked in her extremely southern style accent.

“Gilda has done nothing, and yet Old Yeller here decides to get in her face like she was being interrogated … yeah, your friend is the instigator here,” I said, folding my arms over my chest.

“Done nothing!?” Rainbow all but yelled at me, getting in my face. Like I mean way too close for her own good. “She terrorized my friends last time she was here, and ruined a bucking party for her!”

“Get the fuck out of my face before I put you in the ground,” I growled back at her.

Before she could even respond, a purple field of magic wrapped itself around her tail before yanking her back to the group. It seemed, based off their faces, that none of them really supported Rainbow on this issue.

“He’s … it is he?” Twilight asked, to which I nodded. “He’s right, Rainbow … despite his language … but you can’t do that.”

Rainbow looked completely crushed at being told that, but she didn’t leave, instead she just started grumbling and went back to her hovering. Now was my time to defuse this … and before I started up, I mentally made a note to apologize to Gilda and Trixie for bringing this up instead of letting them state their intentions.

“Right, let’s start this over with some introductions here. You’re all obviously rather well versed with each other, but the human standing here is a newcomer,” I said, noting how the six in front of us seemed to go a little wide eyed at that. Though Twilight wasn’t as shocked. “I’m Ryan, somewhat new to this land and looking to not have to resort to hostile intentions. That being said, I’m merely here because of these two beside me. Trixie needs to speak to Twilight because of a revelation regarding her career. Gilda here, has some extremely important things to talk to Rainbow Dash about. Things that should probably be done in private. Oh and if you could use your goddess-like powers to heal her injuries, that’d be great. Now, if you’ll excuse me, since I have no relevancy in these conversations, I’m going to go find the local bar, which I am sure is open if they are a decent bar.”

With that, I simply strode past them and into town. Yep. It was that fucking simple! Truly, it was a thing of beauty. Though I also felt a little bad for Gilda since I was essentially feeding her to the lion’s den. Why only a little bad?

Well the thought occurred to me to escort her and help her along in the conversation with Dash, but then I realised that if I coddled her like that, then she wouldn’t learn anything from the ordeal. It was a moment where I decided to say, tough love was indeed the answer. No matter the result, I would be there for her in the end, as long as she told Dash everything she had told me.

So I set off in search of the bar … which was way too close for my own good. Though along the way I noticed the massive shiny thing I saw prior.

Imagine … a tree. Yes, I said imagine a tree. Now, take that tree, remove its leaves, and turn it into crystal. Still following? Good. Finally, expand that tree to about ten stories tall, with branches that were house-like in thickness, and then add windows and balconies all over that tree. Got it? Yeah, that’s essentially what I saw. It was a fucking Tree Castle or something.

I simply shook my head and went into the bar. I didn’t even make it to my seat before I ordered a bottle of Ambershine. Surprisingly enough, the bar actually had some patrons in it. My guess is we arrived on the weekend, so it made sense to drink as early as I did.

Now, I’m going to skip ahead a little, only about half an hour, since absolutely nothing happened. I merely perched myself in a corner booth, kicked my feet up on the table and sipped on my bottle of Ambershine. Not a single pony decided to bother me, until the one being I didn’t want to see that early came hobbling up to my table.

“Well, that was quick, Gilda,” I said before taking a drink. “All sorted out? I know your injuries aren’t.”

“Yeah, all sorted out, can we leave now?” she asked with a slightly choked voice. It was then that I noticed the tear stains on her feathers.

“How about you tell me what happened?” I said, still in my relaxed position.

“There’s nothing to say!” she snapped at me before reeling and returning to a ‘calm’ demeanour. “She wouldn’t let me get in a word at first … and when I tried, it didn’t come out right. Just bad comments and yelling. It went … downhill from there, and turned to a yelling match. I stormed out, okay? Can we just bucking go!?”

“Sure, sure, but here, have a drink first, you look like you need it,” I said after dropping my feet from the table, before holding the bottle close enough for her grab. Though, when she reached for it, I swiftly pulled it back.

“Or, you can griffon the fuck up and go back to the mare you care about and set things right. This is on you right now, Gilda. Rainbow Dash is a douche right now, but that can change if you take charge and tell her exactly what you told me. Take fucking charge and stop hiding behind a thin veil of false security.”

She looked to make a response but I removed my glasses, set the bottle down, and reached forward to grip the sides of her head, making her look into my eyes as I gave her the hardest glare I had ever given a griffon. “Go back to the walking rainbow and say to her, ‘Look, Rainbow Dash, I was a massive dick biscuit when I was last in town. I wasn’t behaving like I should have, like you used to know me for. Things changed before I arrived and it made me bitter in all the wrong ways, and things have only gotten worse. But that isn’t a reasonable excuse for how I acted. Can you just listen to me explain this, please? Can you give me this one thing at least?’ If you say exactly or along those lines, I can guarantee she will listen. What happens after that is up to you. I’ve given you the tools to help repair your friendship … it’s up to you to use them properly.”

She simply nodded in my grip before I let go of her, letting her start to backtrack. “Oh, and one more thing, Gilda. If you actually call yourself a dick biscuit, you get my backup bottle of Ambershine all to yourself. Now, shoo, Cat-Bird. Go talk to your mare.”

With that, she made her way out of the bar. Yep, I felt proud of my little pep-talk. Proud enough that I stared the closest pony in the eye, for a good reason too, since he had been staring at me the entire time, and said, “Yeah, I give motivational speeches to griffins for fun, so either stop staring or I’ll wedge that chair you’re sitting on, so far down your muzzle, you’ll be shitting splinters all week.”

That got him to stop staring instantly. In fact, it even made him change tables. That reminds me, have you ever been asked the question, is it better to be feared or loved? I can say that I have been asked that before, and despite all of the years I’ve had to contemplate my answer, I still have yet to decide what is better; though perhaps it all depends on who you are? Some would take being feared just because they feel that it earns more respect, but at the same time others see that as a more … psychotic option. Then the ones who prefer to be loved tend to be the same that have a rosy outlook on life. If there were more options than it would be easier to choose … between those two? I can’t say.

Why did I bring this up? Well, when that stallion fled my general area, it made me wonder if I was coming off a little to brash for this place. Sure, it was who I was at times but I could also be very tactful … yet so far I had done exactly the opposite of that. So I ended up re-evaluating my approach until my watch beeped. See, I had set a timer to tell me when two hours had passed since we entered the town. Two hours, because I knew somepony was expecting mail.

Well, it was time to get moving I thought, so I got up, stretched, walked to the entrance and flipped a ten piece bit at the bartender for a tip. Sure he hadn’t gone above and beyond, but just the fact that he had served me and asked no questions was good enough in my books.

Anyways, though I mentioned I did some thinking, I didn’t want to bore you all with the exact train of thought. Instead, I figured I would skip right to the outcome of my introspection. Sound good? Good.

I needed to utilize humour … a lot more humour. I mean sure, I was already on the path to possibly baffling one of the rulers of the nation, but I still realised that I had made the situation tense earlier, despite my justified reason. So humour would be able to diffuse the whole thing … well at least in theory it would. No, that isn’t foreshadowing. For all you know at this moment I could have easily succeeded or I could have failed. Don’t try and guess what happens based on little idiosyncrasies in my storytelling method.

Also, another thing I figured that could help lighten the air around that group would be asking questions in a friendly manner. It’s always a great way to start a conversation, and make sure you all remember that. The art of conversation is on life support right now, so hopefully you can at least teach that little titbit to others.

Where were we? Oh, right! Heading back to the group, gotcha.

Now, I didn’t really know where they would be, but I had to figure that Twilight would take them back to the castle for whatever reason, so that was my first destination … and luckily my last destination.

Now, the town was rather simple in design. You had about three houses right beside each other with just enough room to have a small fence, but after that there was another street. Truly whoever designed the town was going for that perfect symmetry look that I described earlier. Either way, it made my journey endlessly easier since I nearly had a direct path to the massive crystal tree castle.

Said path though, involved a fair amount of stares … actually now that I think about it, they were hardly stares and more like curious glances. A few ponies looked at me as I trudged through the city before turning their attention back to whatever they were doing before hand. Truly I was amazed at just how little attention I was given on my short trek to the gigantic shrubbery castle. Heh.

So to spare you as many pointless moments of me rambling about putting one foot in front of the other, I’ll just skip to me standing in front of that giant ass castle. Now, what surprised me was the complete lack of any sort of defence around the castle. No walls, turrets, ramparts, or even a moat! Truly whoever designed this thing was a moron … that or the castle’s structure was as fucking hard as diamonds.

Though I did see a pair of guardsponies … yeah it’s the correct way to say it … still weird to say as well. So this pair of guardsponies were just standing on each side of the massive doors that lead into the castle, doing absolutely nothing. It was amusing to see them holding these spears in their front legs, though … amazing and confusing.

As I walked up to the doors, I could see their eyes tracking me and trying to understand what I was there for. Though when I got a little too close, they crossed the spears over the door, barring me from where I was going.

“Princess Twilight Sparkle has forbidden visitors at the moment. Please leave the area. Court will open again tomorrow,” the one on my right said in a very even voice. So even in fact, that I was actually a little impressed, but they weren’t going to be able to hold those doors closed for long … and I would have nothing to do with it!

“How about ten bits says that within five minutes, the Princess and her entourage of guests comes walking out of those doors, greets me, and then we all walk to the train station?”

Now this actually caught them a little off guard; when you are that specific with probable events, it tends to freak others out. Their eyes widened at first and then narrowed, in almost perfect synchronization, I must say.

“I don’t know what you are implying … thing,” he said, trying to figure out what I was, “but if you’re not careful with your next words, then we will have to take you in for questioning!”

Now, the next part would have looked like complete magic to them because they were paying complete attention to me, but I actually was able to look past them and see into one of the windows by the door … yes there were windows by the main door. When I looked into the left one, I was able to catch a glimpse of Twilight walking out of a room and towards the door. So I decided to act upon the crazy amount of luck I had.

So I held up my palm. Five seconds.

Dropped my pinkie finger. Four seconds. The guards looked ready to apprehend me.

Dropped my ring finger. Three seconds.

Dropped my middle finger … giving up on a personally funny moment. Two seconds.

Pulled my thumb in. One second.

“Bingo,” I said as I pointed at the door … which opened exactly as I said that. Truly all the gods of luck were protecting me from the travesties of the universe. I couldn’t even begin to imagine just what I could get away with because of the crazy luck I was having. Want to know why I couldn’t begin to imagine? Because when you do, you lose the luck. Plain and simple.

Now, as the group of seven ponies and one griffon exited the building, much to the shock of the guards, I simply stood there. To say I had shocked them once more … well it’s correct. It seems my fortunate timing fit well with what I assumed was Twilight’s summons.

“Ah, perfect! Just the human we were going to get,” Twilight said with a smile, quickly replacing her dropped jaw. “Princess Celestia, the co-ruler of Equestria, has summoned us to Canterlot. You especially. It seems that she has been paying attention to your arrival. So let’s go! Chop, chop, or we’ll be late.”

Then she proceeded to trot past me and in what I assumed was the direction of the train station. I looked at the rest of the group, which was still standing on the castle steps. They looked a bit less confused as me, but still holding onto a small bit of confusion from the looks on their faces.

“That’s Twi for ya,” the orange pony said before moving to follow Twilight. I simply waited for most of the group to go ahead, so I could take up the back with Gilda who was trailing the group because of her limping. Of course I fixed that by going to a knee and turning away from her. I was going to give her a piggyback again.

She knew what I was doing too, and at first tried to ignore and even go past me, but I am stubborn if anything. Eventually she relented and got on. Sure it would be awkward for her to be seen like that, but I was thinking in terms of her health more than her pride. Though when she finally got on, a certain blue pegasus came swooping by … now don’t jump to conclusions. Despite her being a bitch earlier, she apparently had listened to reason.

“You’ve got it made, G! Your own personal slave!” she said with a massive grin. I couldn’t help but give a small laugh at that. It was essentially true at that point.

“Har, har, Dash,” Gilda said from above me. “Don’t give him too rough of a time … he doesn’t know anything else!”

Oh ho! They were ganging up on me! Well I can easily flip that around.

“So do I owe you that bottle of Ambershine or what, Gilda?” I asked simply.

“Wha-what?” she stuttered for a moment. Oh I had to gamble on that alone and say she used it.

“Ahh, so you did call yourself a dick biscuit, good for you! Admitting what you are is the first step,” I said with a chuckle, which drew a laugh from Rainbow.

“You bet her to say that?” Rainbow said in a little bit of an wheezing tone. You know, since she was laughing the entire time.

“Best bottle of whiskey I’ve ever given away!” I said, much to GIlda’s chagrin. She was groaning above me now that I had mentioned that. I merely laughed louder at that, hiding my mirth about her and Rainbow’s ‘repaired relationship’ with the fact that I had made a joke at her expense. It definitely came to mind that I would have to have a talk with Gilda about what happened.

What do I mean by repaired relationship? Oh! Oh … oh. Right. Yeah, I neglected to tell any of you about that didn’t I? Well you see, the previous night Gilda and I talked again and she revealed to me that she wanted to go to Ponyville to repair things with her long time friend Rainbow Dash. That’s also how I knew her name. She had done something stupid a while ago and it broke up their friendship.

Caught up now? Good.

Anyway, the rest of the trip went in relative silence for me, though the rest gossiped amongst each other. Rainbow and Gilda were talking about flying and stuff when Gilda’s wing healed, though that actually reminded me to ask her.

“So I guess that means no hospital trip to help heal you?” I asked to the griffon on my shoulders.

“Princess Purple Smart said everything looked good according to her magical scans, so I just need let them heal and in I’ll be in the air again,” she said with a fair amount of enthusiasm in her voice. Honestly, after what she called Twilight, I barely heard her say she was going to be good to go.

“Purple Smart …” I muttered just loud enough for Gilda to hear. Rainbow was too busy flying and laughing to comment.

“Oh no …” she said in response, apparently knowing where I was going to take it.

“You’ll be taking the blame for this later, I’m sure of it,” I said with a smile. If I had my way, the entire country would never have heard of Twilight Sparkle … only Princess Purple Smart. The name was just too fucking funny!

So eventually we did make it to the train station. I only use ‘eventually’ because to me it seemed longer than it should have, but I guess that’s the result of having to walk everywhere. When we did get there, the train seemed to pull up as though it had waited specifically for us to arrive first. Hell, for all I know it was waiting on Princess Purple Smart to arrive.

Either way, despite the many interesting looks that we all got, we were able to board the train peacefully and calmly, not to mention without any delays … you know … such as buying tickets. I guess that is the beauty of being guests of royalty. If I could have gotten Luna to vouch for me, I could have gotten away with so much … assuming my morality didn’t kick in first.

Now, for the entirety of the trip to the train station … yes I am talking about this trip again, I paid attention to a couple of things. The first being any conversation that Rainbow Dash and Gilda had … which was non-existent. The rest of my mind was trying to focus on following the ponies through the streets, while at the same time taking in the rather homely town. Honestly, it’s tough to describe just what the town was like … the best and probably most apt description I can give you is that it looked like any relatively small town from Western Europe. I already mentioned the design of the houses, but we happened to pass near a relatively open area that reminded me much of a few market places I had seen when I was younger, and the world still stood tall.

I just had to clarify a few things, since you all seemed to be disappointed that I hardly gave any description of the trip. Happy now? Good.

So, when we got onto the train, we entered a car that must have been reserved for Purple Smart because there was not a single other pony aside from our group. That and the carriage looked to be more of a first class type car. Where rows probably should have been, there were couches that faced into the middle, with tables and the like in between said couches.

When all the others got into the train car, they seemed to pair up and lay on the couches together as though they had a ritual or something. I mean it made sense for the other six since they were the Elements of Harmony … yeah, minor spoiler there. Trixie and Purple Smart took a couch so they could talk, Gilda and Rainbow did the same, while white and yellow teamed up and orange and unhealthy amount of pink did the same.

That left me a couch to myself … which I did not mind one damned bit. Hell, I was all but ecstatic at the fact that I was given a rather comfy couch to myself. So you can say for sure I stretched out and laid down on that thing, which luckily had pillows to keep me propped up enough to see the rest of the group. That was an important thing after all, since I felt the need to actually speak to the whole group for once.

“So … this is nice and all, but aside from those two pairs,” I said while pointing at Gilda and Trixie’s couches, “I know none of you. While at the same time it can be said you know hardly anything about me and all … so … how do we proceed?”

While that indeed broke the general silence in the train car, it also caused more since they were unsure as well on how to proceed. It looked like a job for the god of breaking the ice … though I reserved myself that time for something more tame and reasonable.

“Here’s an idea … how about we go around the room, say our names and something about yourself? Hmm? Sound decent? Too bad,” I said in rapid fire. “I’ll go first!”

So I cleared my throat decently, first of all. If you make any speech, you definitely need to do that first. It gets attention, after all.

“As I said earlier, my name’s Ryan. I’m a human … which I also said earlier, and the way to my heart is with food and whiskey … and that’s completely serious. You’d be amazed at how scarce decent food is from where I came from.”

That seemed to get everything started, though they also seemed a little taken aback by my statement. Hey, I feel little shame in telling the truth when it comes to food and drinks. Also just a heads up for the rest of you, it doesn’t work that easily. I know when I am being manipulated.

“My name is Twilight Sparkle, I’m the former student of Princess Celestia, and current Princess of Friendship,” she said with a smile that was directed to me. Hell, this whole thing was mainly for me despite any altruistic outcomes.

“Trixie’s name is Beatrix Lulamoon, and you still owe Trixie bits for your alcohol,” she said with a smirk aimed at me. It was a well played tactic, don’t you think?

“Rarity is my name, darling, and not to brag, but I am one of Equestria’s top fashionistas,” she said, definitely enjoying saying that. Though she looked like she wanted to say something more to that, but the world will never know what she wanted to add. Nor do I ever wish to know, honestly.

“I’m … umm, I’m … Fluttershy … and I … um, I …,” she couldn’t even continue. No, I’m not kidding, that’s exactly how she said it. You all will never know just how fucking adorable and yet painful it was to watch her struggle with saying just that.

Though she eventually was able to get a few deep breaths through before adding that she loves animals and takes care of them. Her nature definitely suggested that she’s good with skittish types to say the least … and her name was spot on.

“I’m Gilda … and well,” she said cautiously and quite unlike her normal way of speaking, but when she finished it made sense why she was hesitant. “I’m currently homeless.”

That caused a wince by everypony in the train car, as well as a hug from Rainbow Dash amongst the apologies from the rest. I didn’t say anything, for she knew I’d be there for her as long as I could be. Either way, after a few moments of silence, Rainbow Dash decided to speak up.

“Rainbow Danger Dash is the name, and I’m currently on track to be the fastest Wonderbolt in history!” she said with an extreme amount of pride.

Want to know how to deflate one’s ego in a split second without meaning to? Simple, ask them the one question they would never expect.

“What’s the Wonderbolts?” I asked with all honesty.

Her eyes must have bugged out so hard that she nearly fainted. I’m not kidding, not only did they expand to ridiculous sizes, but she actually fell backwards on the couch, nearly having passed out from my question.

That ended up causing a detour in the conversation, having to listen to her passionately describe the Wonderbolts. Essentially they sounded like the pegasi version of the Blue Angels or other stunt fliers from years ago. Stunt fliers are those who do intense manoeuvres in the air. The Blue Angels used planes since they were human … the Wonderbolts probably could easily pull crazier tricks, though it made me wonder how well they handled G-Force from all the manoeuvring.

Ugh, ask someone else what G-Force is … I don’t have time to explain every single thing I say.

…

Listen, do you want me to continue with the story, or start explaining what I know about physics? Good, then stop inquiring here and ask someone else instead.

So after we had cleared up that whole debacle, we moved back to the introductions. Next it was Orange’s turn.

“Ah’m Applejack, and mah family owns the largest apple orchard in all of Equestria, and that’s the honest truth,” she said with a tip of her hat. Do you understand how tough it was for me to not ask her if her accent was fake? I mean it sounded a little forced, but at the same time I felt like she would be one of those that couldn’t lie for shit. At that time I called it a feeling … the reality of it was that it was part of some natural magic that she was a part of. Sounds like complete bull to me but it's the truth, trust me on this one.

Now, this next part is … well it’s fucking tough to tell since it requires me to speak a little faster than normal. You see, I don’t think it is possible to replicate what happened with accuracy. Somehow the pink one managed to say this whole thing without taking a breath. So I’m going to break this up a little bit better so you can actually know what she said.

“My name is Pinkie Pie and I’m so glad to actually meet a human for once since Twilight has said so much about them after she came back from the other world through that weird mirror which I think that evil meanie took the Element of Magic through but Twilight saved everything and returned so she could get a massive palace and help save the day again because if she wasn’t here then she wouldn’t have defeated Tirek and then we wouldn’t have had any more parties because Tirek was a super duper evil meanie! Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I forgot to ask you but do you like parties, huh, huh? ‘Cause I’m already planning your welcome party but since we are going to Canterlot to meet Princess Celestia I wasn’t able to get a welcoming party together in time but since you’re still here I can ask you so many questions to help make your party the super dooperest! What’s your favourite type of cake? Oh do you even know what cake is? What about cupcakes? Do you like sprinkles on your cupcakes? How about your favourite frosting? Or can that be answered by your favourite flavour as well? Do they count as the same flavour? Wait, do you even have parties where you are from? Because that would be so sad if you didn’t even have parties in your world I mean the world Twilight went to had parties but it’s obvious you're from a different world because of those weird things you are carrying and you didn’t come from the mirror! What does this even mean? Are you an alien? Or was there some kind of really cool dimensional rift gate that you decided to walk through in order to meet new worlds? Or maybe some relic brought you here through crazy means because you were meant for some sort of prophecy!? I ca-”

Oh my fucking god that was painful to recite … and I was taking it slow! At most I was going like a third of the speed she was. Once again I am thankful for those nanites … remembering that would have been impossible otherwise. Now, I’m thankful in the retelling that Applejack shoved her hoof into Pinkie’s mouth to stop her from talking … though at the time I found it amusing to see that they needed to stop her from talking. Though I also thought it rather disgusting considering they walk on those hooves …

Either way, what I did was probably the second funniest thing I’d done on that trip … though you probably won’t find the other one that funny. Whatever. Anyway, immediately following that long ass rant, I sat up and looked at her for a second before answering.

Answering every single question. In order.

“Yes, I like parties. Ice cream cake has always been a personal favourite, but chocolate cake is delicious as long as it is moist. Refer to previous answer for whether I even know what cake is. Also, cupcakes are delicious as heck, like mini cakes but easier to eat with hands. I don’t mind sprinkles, but only in moderation. Anything but strawberry for frosting. It can be answered by that answer but they are different foods so it can also be it’s own question. Yes there are parties but they have changed a lot in my life, with them almost always being more about drinking alcohol nowadays. I’ve yet to answer what this all means but I’ll tell you when I find out. Alien is a broad term for all that are unknown or not of the normal habitation, so in technical terms, yes. I don’t want to know how you know about Stargate, but the answer is unfortunately no. And finally, you’re closer than you think about that relic business.”

Yep.

It was perfect. Though I made sure to thank the nanites silently for my unique ability to be able to parse that mess of a rant and remember the order of the questions. What a unique super power, huh?

Anyway, when I finished with answering her questions, I had every single eye drawn onto me. Now, I’m used to having others stare at me because of stuff I do or what I look like, but it’s extremely creepy when the ones looking at you have eyes that take up way more than what should be deemed physically possible. Though I instantly played that off to the fact that physics stopped making sense in that world. It actually helps a lot of just take things in stride like that.

It took a few seconds before the first one to react actually … well … reacted. The first one was Pinkie, who first of all took Applejack’s hoof out of her mouth before slowly making her way over to my couch.

She walked up to me for a second, before placing her front hooves on my knees to look at my face more closely. Remember, I was sitting up at the time, not lying down. In response, I took off my shades to look her in the eyes as well.

She then proceeded to wrap her hooves around me in what was probably one of the strongest hugs I had ever had; her face was burying into my stomach. I was a little surprised, but I eventually reciprocated the hug, only to finally get a response from her.

“I think I’m in love,” she said rather softly, but loud enough for the entire train car to hear.

Which caused every single being in the train car, minus her and me, to have a small aneurysm … I mean that’s the only way I can possibly explain how all of their jaws dropped past what their jaw structure should allow.

Of course, immediately after, Pinkie broke the hug before laughing incredibly loud, which only cascaded towards me and caused me to join in the mirth of the whole situation. It was beyond amusing for me, especially because I knew it was meant to be a joke.

“Just kidding! Though it makes me wonder if you have Pie blood in you! Only ones that I know that can keep up with what I’m saying are my sisters or my parents. So that was super cool!”

“Haha, thanks, Pinkie,” I said simply before she made her way back to her couch. Despite the fact she embodied the colour pink, I felt she would probably be the most chill out of all of them … and no that isn’t saying something about the colour pink. I just assumed that I wouldn’t be able to stand her because of how bad my eyes would hurt. Yeah, so I’m judgemental at first, not a single soul can say they have never judge a person based on first meetings.

Yet during all of this, the rest were still in the state of shock, before Purple Smart finally shook her head while staring at me in a different state of shock. It was the type of look that a scientist would have given if you had just walked through a wall in front of them. She even did the typical point and try and create words, but instead look like a fish out of water before finally giving up.

I think I shocked the rest enough that they just wanted to move onto anything but what had just happened because, without even acknowledging my apparently amazing feat, Rarity decided to completely switch the topic. One that led to the funniest thing for me.

“So, darling, I can’t help but … notice the … interesting style of fashion you are wearing,” she said with gritted teeth. Yep. Military fashion has rarely been something that the fashion orientated have desired. “May I ask you why you wearing such … unique clothing?”

“Well, simply put, Rarity,” I said with a smirk under my scarves, “the reason I wear this is because they are more or less my business clothes.”

“Business clothes?” Rarity asked, a little shocked that any ‘business’ would utilize such things. Of course this was merely a setup to my next joke. One that I had been waiting for a long time to use. Trust me … a long time.

“What's ya business than?” Applejack asked in Rarity’s spot.

“Killing is my business … and business is good,” I said simply. Once again, something I said brought shock to every single face in the car, though a little less shock to Trixie and Gilda. Gilda especially. She was more shocked that I was so blatant about it. How did I know that? ‘Cause she utilized the typical ‘oh god why’ facepalm that typically signals such a reaction.

Of course at the reactions, I burst out laughing. Laughing hard enough that I fell out of my couch and ended up rolling on the ground, even with my pack and weapons still attached. Sure it poked and prodded me in annoying ways, but I didn’t care at the time.

So, let me explain the joke to you, and it’s really simple. A while ago, a band named Megadeth created an album and a song that was titled exactly that. It’s a good song; here, I’ll show you.

[url=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsaoU6MT1Ts]Here it is. It’s a quick song so let’s just listen.

…

…

…

…

Yeah, Dave Mustaine’s voice is shrill, but I think it fits these type of songs perfectly. Also, the guitar work is fucking impeccable. Anyway, now that you know the song, and the fact I knew about it for years, it was tempting to fit it into something. I was originally planning to use it to intimidate someone, but honestly in retrospect, getting a laugh out of it was worth it without a doubt.

Of course, I had a lot of explaining to do for said joke.

“Okay, listen before you say anything. My world has a rather violent past, and the culture I grew up in originally often had to speak up against brutality and wars and such, but when they found out that being peaceful asking for it to stop didn’t work, they tended to make light of it in a satirical way. I personally don’t know what led to the creation of a lot of songs, but what I said was in fact a song title. It’s along the same type of music as that first song was, Gilda,” I said, to which she simply nodded in understanding.

“Now with that said, and you understand it was a joke, I’ll be serious. The reason I am dressed like this and carrying such things is because my word isn’t all hunky dory like this world seems to be in comparison. Sure, I bet this world has many issues, but on my world, when it is more or less a struggle to live each day … well, you can tell that where I came from is a veritable hell in comparison.”

“Hell?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Hell. You know, fiery pits of the underworld where evil goes to?” I responded. Of course the answer just made complete sense, considering the whole Ancient Greek theme.

“Oh! You mean, Tartarus,” replied Purple Smart. That made my eye twitch rather sharply.

“Sure! Why not!” I semi-yelled before slumping back into my couch. I took a deep breath before looking back at the group. “Anything else you want to ask? ‘Cause who knows what will happen when we get to our destination.”

“Canterlot,” Purple Smart said quickly. “The Princesses live in Canterlot, for it is the seat of power among the nation. Since Princess Celestia has summoned us, especially you, we are bound for Canterlot. It’s not a long trip, though. Roughly two hours and ten minutes of travel time with no stops along the route.”

“Right … questions anyone?” I said, quickly shifting the subject away from the trip itself. It wasn’t like the topic was horrible or anything, but talking about things only makes them take longer … it’s kind of like watching water boil. You watch it and it will never boil, but the moment you take your eyes off it, boom! Boiled.

“If you give me a few minutes, I can prepare roughly twenty questions for you to answer. Do you want them in oral form, or written?” Purple Smart asked with way too much enthusiasm. It reminded me of a professor that was eager to give out tests and see his class fail.

“Seriously? No one wants to ask a question … someone but her?” I nearly pleaded.

Thankfully, Rainbow Dash decided to step in … sure, her question wasn’t exactly the greatest one, but it did take me away from having to deal with Purple Smart’s list.

“Have you ever killed somepony?” she asked, a little too blunt in my opinion. In fact by the way she was kind of glaring at me, it looked as though she was sizing me up.

“I’ve killed many in my lifetime … many because it was either them or me … and many because it was either they live and many die or they die and many live. There has been a few that … that were done for money, but they were few and far apart. The world molded each and every survivor to be something different. Some were worse off, becoming little more than a shell of themselves, while some thrived. I am who I am now because of my world and what I’ve done to survive each day in my world. I’m far from the savior of the wastelands … but I try my fucking hardest to ensure that I only do something with a morally good purpose,” I said, taking the question farther than it was intended. They all looked a little shocked again. Honestly I was starting to get used to that being their normal faces. “So yeah. To answer your question, Rainbow: I’ve killed in the past, but hopefully here things will be different … for as long as I’m here.”

They all seemed to accept my answer to the question, but I noticed that Gilda was looking at me with a little suspicion. Yeah, she remembered that I took that one job back in Dodge City; though she was probably trying to see if I gave off any tells as to what I did back then.

“Dude …” Rainbow whispered.

“Sometimes I get a little winded and philosophical with my answers,” I said with a shrug. “it happens from time to time. Anyone else?”

This time it was the most timid one that spoke up. Though it surprised me with how calm she was with her questions. “Umm … may I ask what your … what your diet is?”

I knew what she was implying. The fact that she took care of so many animals meant she most likely had to deal with animals that were of all three groupings. It also allowed me to assume that she probably was able to tell what an animal ate just from their teeth.

“Omnivore. Though lately more carnivore because of a scarcity in edible vegetation. I was in a desert before I came here, and I appeared in a desert once I got here. Tough to find vegetables, berries, and fruit in the middle of badlands.”

“Oh … I guess that means …” she replied, looking down in sadness, but at the same time, she probably understood the whys, I mean they had griffons on this world after all. At least that was my guess.

“Yeah, though I make sure that I don’t let it suffer and I utilize as much of the body as possible,” I replied truthfully. I always liked the idea of leaving little in terms of food waste, truly living in one with the land … as much as humans can. “Though I only hunted wild animals that were usually rather numerous in population. Since humans are the only creatures that are sapient on my world, it’s easier to bring oneself to kill a wild deer or smaller game. Though tough to hunt without a dog … which is why we call them man’s best friend.”

“Oh! You have pets back home?” she perked up at the mention of a, probably, common domesticated animal.

“Yeah, I used to own a few cats when I was much younger. Never was able to keep a pet though … was always on the move too much and there was no room to carry one with me.”

She nodded at my response, apparently a little pleased that humans at least were kind enough to keep pets. Though I didn’t dare mention that some people didn’t exactly treat the animals well …

“Might as well get a question from all of you,” I said before removing my hat and scratching my bald head. It had been itchy for a while but I didn’t dare scratch it … it only makes it worse, I swear!

“Doe-” Purple Smart tried to speak but I cut her off quickly.

“Only one question per pony,” I said, much to her irritation and dismay.

“Well, ah guess ah got one for ya,” Applejack spoke up. “Ah know ‘round ‘ere, tellin the truth is a mighty big deal. So are ya an honesty type or are ya a liar?”

Now at the time I found this question to be completely random and pointless, but of course later on when I learned a little bit more about the Elements, I learned why she asked that. I’ll make sure to point that out when we get there.

“Here and home are two different places, are they not? Telling a lie can mean a multitude of things. It gets blurry when trying to determine if a lie is ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ If I were to tell you a tall story just to entertain, is that not a lie? Yet is it a bad lie since the point was just to amuse? Perhaps there was a harsh reality that someone is better off not knowing at the time. How harmful is a white lie in that case? So who’s to say that a lie is actually bad?”

I took a brief pause to let that sink in before continuing on my philosophical rant. Take notes, this shit is good … in my opinion at least. “The same can be said for the truth. If the truth is something that one cannot handle, what is the point in telling it to them? Would it not do more harm in speaking the truth in such a case? I can already tell, Applejack, that you’ve got a chip on your shoulder about something I said, it’s easy to read in your face. Yet would you want to know everything no matter what it’s about?”

“Yes, ah would, if it meant that ah learn who ya are!” she defended.

“Then I’ll tell you right now, you will only get what I decide to give you,” I said. I knew that by adding that last part I actually led myself into her side of the argument. “No matter how much I hold onto my belief of this topic, I will concede that point, Applejack. Right there it is better to have the truth … without a doubt.”

She looked a little ticked off at my statement that I wouldn’t spill the beans about myself. Though I had a solution, at least at the time I hoped it would be one.

“How about this, Applejack. If you really want to know every ounce of truth, then I will tell you … and only you. A confessor of sorts, but that means you can’t act out against anything if you are against something about me?” I offered.

She took a few moments to just stare at me, her eyes not leaving me for a moment before she finally replied.

“No.”

“No?” I asked.

“No, ah will not be a confessor or whatever ya want to call it. If ya lie, ah will call ya out on it, plain and simple.”

Yeah, she was definitely a stubborn type of pony. I grinned briefly at that response, only because I knew what it was like to just stick to your guns and not want to back down. Of course immediately after that grin, I frowned. I can’t win them all no matter how much I try … that was one of the ones I lost.

“If you wish. Next question?” I said coldly before turning to look at Pinkie, who had her front right leg waving in the air. Oddly enough, she wasn’t looking as surprised or appalled as the rest, though those also might be too strong of words to use. The only thing I could think of that could relate to how they were looking at Applejack and I is the situation of you introducing two of your friends, but you get to watch as they both essentially say they don’t like each other. Simple as that.

“Oh, oh! What’s your ideal party?! And what do you mean when you were much younger?” Pinkie asked with a fair amount of enthusiasm. Apparently she was completely fine with Applejack and I being at odds. I don’t know, I never tried to reason out some of the things that mare could do.

“Ones with alcohol. It helps to allow one’s inhibitions to take a break. Worrying about looking like a fool isn’t needed at a party. Also, I mean when I was like eighteen years old,” I said simply. Yes, I didn’t add in any major philosophy to my answer.

“Wait … eighteen? How old are you?” Trixie of all people asked. That actually made me pause since I thought we discussed how old I was.

“You know, I thought we talked about this already? I told you at least, right Gilda?” I asked to which she nodded in response. “Huh … well I’m going out on a limb since I’ve lost exact count, but I’m probably between forty one and forty five years old. Remember, it’s tough to keep track of time when it’s last on your priorities.”

“Forty-five! My goodness! You’re as old as my father!” Rarity exclaimed. Interesting … I knew Gilda was young, but if all of them were … that meant I was essentially hanging out with the wrong generation.

Yeah, funny realisation for an old man, though it also meant that I still held my youth in how I acted … that can never be taken from you, remember that.

“If he is indeed forty-five, than he is roughly the same age as all of our parents, Rarity,” Purple Smart said. “Of course that’s assuming that time functions the same in this world as it does with his world.”

“Good point, though I’m not going to bother even trying to reason that … I’m not a physicist, so I’m not qualified to understand time distortions or whatever phenomena that happens between worlds,” I replied.

Hint. Upon returning and finding out, and returning back to the last village I visited before New York, I found out that the amount of days that passed were extremely close, if not the same. I mean, I’m sure the travel shaved off a day or something.

“Alright, Purple Smart, hit me with a question. It’s your turn after all!” I said as I turned to her with a grin, hoping that she would reply like I wanted. Which never happened since the train ride apparently liked to counter my luck.

“You’re not getting me to ask a question about that absurd nickname,” she said simply before putting a hoof to her chin for a second. Probably to sort out her best question. “Since, I’m certain that I will be there when the Princess questions you, I guess I’ll ask you something regarding what you said. Why do you think you are the only sapient race on your world?”

Now, you all probably don’t think that is too tough of a question, and for the most part you would be right. The only thing is that trying to tell that to a pony, who had been raised on a planet that had at least seven races that were sapient, was rather tough. It meant I needed a justifiable argument that just didn’t sound like arrogance.

“Tough one really … never had to think about it too much. I guess the easy answer is because recorded human history has been around for roughly five or six thousand years I think. I’m not sure if it is longer than that, I could have told you many years ago, but now … not so much. Since then we have been the only species on the planet that has created civilisation and culture. The term sapience can be broken down to ‘we question why’ in the lowest of terms, and for as long as I am aware, and our entire race is aware, we are the only ones to have ever asked the question,” I replied to the best of my ability. “It’s a tough one to answer, Purple Smart, since our world has no magic that we can perceive … minus whatever The Reckoning was, so it is impossible to utilize your reality-hacking skills to answer that question for us.”

She nodded in acceptance first before stopping, picking up on something I said.

“Wait, you said ‘The Reckoning’ like it was something important … can you explain?”

“Yes, I can explain,” I said as I moved my gear around so I could fully lay back on the couch, “but I won’t. One question limit for this trip, remember?”

Of course this caused the mare to shout in frustration … and facepalm … or facehoof, whatever is the correct term for what she did. Either way, it elicited a giggle from Trixie and pretty much everyone in the train car, minus Applejack and I. Applejack was still staring at me despite everything, but could I blame her? I essentially didn’t answer her question nor did I give her a response she wanted. Ehh, win some lose some.

“Aren’t you hot in all those clothes?” Rarity asked out of nowhere. Of course she broke the one question rule. Curses, right?

“If I can wear all of this while trekking through deserts and badlands, I don’t think a train car is going to make me want to shed any layer. Besides … only two of you have earned the right to see my face. Gilda and Trixie. Those I consider friends or allies gain that right,” I said simply, waiting for backlash. Instead, I got the one question that hadn’t been asked in a long, long while.

“Why?” Which came from Rainbow Dash.

I laid there for a little bit, wondering how they were asking questions that actually required me to gather my thoughts. Eventually, I responded to her question with one line. “One’s identity is something sacred to all … if I gave mine away so easily, could it be considered mine anymore?”

Cryptic and vague … and to be honest it didn’t make much sense. Hell, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense now.

I’m going to level with you all on that last line. I pulled it completely out of my ass; yep, total bullshit right there, and it somehow got past the living lie detector. I’ve actually lost the real reason as to why I wore all of this. I mean, I’m no longer wearing my scarves as you can see, so even somedays I wonder why I keep them bunched up under my chin. When I answer that for myself, I’ll let you all know … if I’m still here when I do.

“Anyway, I’m going to listen to my music until we arrive. Flick me in the head or something when we arrive. Ask Gilda about the music,” I said before stretching out across the couch, tilting my hat down over my already sunglass-covered eyes, putting my earbuds in my ears, hitting the little play button, and taking a nap in peace.

Want to know what I listened to? No? Darn, I had such a great playlist lined up! Oh well, you’re loss, honestly.

Though at the same time there were about ten other songs I don’t remember. I mean I remember the first four and then the last song I had on when I got woken up again, which was actually a flick from Gilda.

Hold on, let me get something to wet the throat, then I’ll start back up on the whole Canterlot part. I mean, you’ve all been here for awhile now, and there is no good stopping point, why not just continue on?

…

…

Ha, I remember back when I was younger, companies used to try and sell bottled water to people and they would drink it up like crazy! I understand that at times the only access was bottled water, I truly do, but they tried to pawn it off as ‘purified water’ when you could get the same stuff from a tap in your own house.

Honestly, nowadays the water is cleaner and overall better for you. It’s actually amusing that at one point, the land we live on used to be in the same state it is now? Well, not the exact same, let me explain. Back before the mass droves of people came from across the seas, it is said that the water and land were so fresh and fertile that it was a paradise in ways … though the winters were complete bitches … not to mention wildlife. Anyway! My point is that the water you are drinking everyday now is purer than what I used to drink.

Right, that’s some damn good liquid. Let’s continue, shall we?

So, as I mentioned, Gilda decided to flick me to wake me. She was the only one with a finger like appendage … aside from me, so it made sense that the one to flick me had to be Gilda. Of course she didn’t need to flick me in the head more than once. I was up instantly with the first one, and by up I mean I was sitting up. So you can imagine that for her to flick me again was more than a little out of her way.

I knew that I had asked one of them to rouse me when we reached Canterlot, but I still jumped when I was woken up abruptly. You learn to be able to wake up immediately when something wasn’t right. It was and is so ingrained in me that even if I knew I was safe and away from danger. I would still be ready to go in a moment’s notice. That’s why I had a hand over my pistol despite knowing that I was still in a train car.

Hmm? That’s a good point actually. That nap was the first time in a long time that I decided to forego trying to build a dream, instead I just allowed myself to slumber peacefully and quietly.

I let my hand lower from my holster as Gilda made her way back to her seat before the train decided to break and possibly send her tumbling. The rest of the occupants in the train car were chatting among each other with regards to stuff I really didn’t care about, so I figured that it wouldn’t be a problem if I left a headphone in. I mean, my favourite song was on.

Nah, I’m not going to show you … today at least. It’s nine minutes so I don’t think you all want to listen to it right now. The name? Soldiers of the Wasteland’ by Dragonforce. Haha, it’s amusing to think how that is my favourite song despite the fact that it is hardly hard in comparison to almost every other metal band in my music.

Getting back on track, I turned to look out of the windows of the train, only to spot white walls and the train platform quickly coming up. It was then that I had a sneaking suspicion that Canterlot was going to blow my mind with its design; I prefer older architecture compared to all of that new age bullshit that was being passed around in my time.

So long story short, the train came to a stop at the station, which just held more ponies wanting to get on while there were also many ponies that were just milling about, probably waiting for the train. It was right there that I saw the most ponies in one place at one time in my life on the planet … which wasn’t that long so it made sense. Hell, even the trek through Ponyville brought less ponies to my eyes than the train station did. Apparently the train was a very popular mode of transportation in Equestria.

So the entirety of our group slowly exited the train car, and onto the train platform, much to my dismay. Here I was hoping for a way to not be seen in public by hundreds of ponies. I mean sure, there was a solid number of them that didn’t give a rat’s ass about me, but have you ever felt the collective stare of around a hundred people at once? No? Well you can imagine it was uncomfortable beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Though on the flip side, my music helped me from saying something that could have gotten us in trouble. Though I wouldn’t doubt the presence of Princess Purple Smart helped them all understand that it was not polite to stare. She has a rather mean glare when she needs to.

Now, here’s something that confused me and I’ve still never gotten an answer on it. As we crossed the train platform, a group of ten, what I assumed were guards because of their equipment and weapons, surrounded our entire group and proceeded to escort us. Now, I understand that since there was a leader of the nation in our midst, it made sense to have a guard escort with us, but the fact that they were purposely waiting for us is what bugs the hell out of me. I mean, I had assumed that they didn’t have cellphones or the like, which turned out to be true mind you, so they didn’t have long distance instant contact. So it only made me wonder what the hell had happened during my time asleep.

Yeah, I never brought it up afterwards … sometimes it’s better not to ask questions.

Well, I guess it’s time to talk about the walk through the city and the city itself. Hmm, how can I explain this without going either overboard or completely neglecting everything? I guess I’ll break it down into parts.

Let’s start with the physical description of Canterlot.

Now, to say it was a major difference from Ponyville would have been a massive understatement. It seemed, despite the cobblestone roads, the rest of Canterlot was rather new or at least it was designed to be cutting edge for whatever cutting edge could be called in Equestria. The buildings we a little too uniform for me though, but I guess that was simply just the section that I was seeing. Sure you had a fair amount of buildings that had designs that were unique but for the most part, they all looked like apartments of office buildings that were once apartments. Rectangular shape, coloured white with gold trimming, and slanted rooftops.

Though when you found buildings that were businesses that had a customer base, service industry type, they looked unique and didn’t always follow along with the whole white and gold style. It actually made me sick of white for the most part.

Now, there were aesthetic things to be seen during our brief ten minute walk. I mean, they had old timey gas lamp posts which I found oddly fascinating … though when I mean gas lamp posts, I just mean in design. The fucking flame inside was magic of all things! Yeah, when I was told that after making note of the lamps, I was shocked and appalled. The nation was a bunch of cheaters.

Oh, and we passed a park! It wasn’t something large, but at least it was beautiful in design. The trees were all trimmed and kept in great shape, and the bushes followed suit. The grass was a lush as natural grass but it was kept in trim to make it look proper and inline with the rest of the scenery. Though, I was glad that the little river and lake flowing in the park didn’t have the same cut and dry look. That part actually looked natural … as natural as one could be for a city that was basically floating alongside a mountain.

Got a decent idea what Canterlot looked alike? I mean, aside from the castle. That’ll come later when I get to that part. You do? Good. Moving on to the next section of interest during the walk. The ponies I saw.

Now, you all know I am one to judge based on first look but then change my outlook upon actually conversing with them. Well I could tell from at least half of the ponies I saw that Canterlot was home to those who considered themselves above the rest. I mean, I never had seen a pony don a suit, but at least a couple dozen were wearing suits! Well, ones without the pants, but still! The most facepalming part of them were how high they held their noses in the air, as though you were all below them and not worth their time to look at you. Though apparently I was worth their time.

Many of those stuck up pricks looked at me with shock and curiosity, not to mention hoof points and a few chuckles. It was probably the guard escort that brought on those last two; they probably thought I was some creature being paraded down the street. Ehh, let them think what they want, right? Prove them wrong when the time came, but until then they can stick their heads up their asses for all I cared.

Though this isn’t to say that I didn’t see normal ponies. Hell, I saw a lot of non-posh ponies, more so than the previous group. Though they didn’t catch my attention too much, if you don’t count the sheer amount of colours I was seeing. Seriously, I bet they had at least one pony for every colour in existence! Just in the city! Though I noticed there was a surprising amount of unicorns and very few pegasi or earth ponies.

Racism within your own country, kids, is even prevalent in a land full of colourful ponies! Well, I actually didn’t know that at the time so I just assumed that it was coincidence.

Okay, we’ve done the scenery and we’ve cleared the ponies … oh right, next is to tell you about the conversation and anything that happened.

Now, for me it was rather boring aside from the street lamp part and the constant looking around with interest. The walk wasn’t too long in itself, but we slowed down for Gilda, who this time refused to let me carry her. I frowned deeply at that but there was little I could really do about it. She was her griffon, and despite what I could say and tell her, the ultimate choice was hers. Though I didn’t mind since it allowed me to actually talk to Rainbow Dash for a second without her being right there to hear.

“Rainbow, can I talk to you for a second?” I said before falling back a little, which undoubtedly caused a little bit of annoyance for the guards who had to keep us together.

“Sure, but can you call me Dash? It’s much cooler than my full name,” she replied as she hovered around my head level.

“I could call you skittles if you want,” I offered with a snicker. Of course she just looked at me all weird, which answered a question I didn’t even really know I wanted answered. “Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that at some point I would like to sit down and have a … serious talk with you.”

“Oh?” she asked before crossing her forelegs all the while still flying. Apparently she realised that I was not joking, which was exactly how I wanted to come across. “What about?”

“About her,” I said while pointing to Gilda.

“Gilda? If you’re saying what I think you’re saying, then buck off,” she said with a little venom. Loyal to the last drop when she chose to be loyal, it seemed. “What me and Gilda talked about stays between us!”

“That wasn’t a request, Rainbow,” I said coldly. She just stared at me for a few moments while I kept walking. Apparently she can fly backwards … yeah, she got in my face, not from my side, but instead from right in front of me. She didn’t say anything but eventually she simply turned around and went back to slowly hovering around the rest of the group.

I merely just sped up my pace to get closer to the group; for the guard’s sake.

Honestly that was the only thing of note during the entire walk to the castle. Oh and let me tell you right now, that said conversation will not be retold. Yeah, I know I am leaving out whole sections of the story, but they have no real point for you all. You don’t need to know Gilda’s full reason for going to Ponyville, nor do you need to know what Dash and I talked about with regards to Gilda.

Though I don’t doubt some of you are starting to piece things together. If you are, then please keep it to yourself and not speak it out loud? Okay? ‘Cause I swear, if you do … there will be an imprint of my knuckles in your skull.

Good?

Good.

Now we get to the climax of this point in the story! Arriving at the castle or palace … whatever.

Well to be honest it wasn’t anything spectacular despite that entrance. You see, I do enjoy architecture, that is true, but with regards to the castle .... well it wasn’t anything spectacular. I mean there was a fair amount of massive towers and the whole thing was fucking huge, don’t get me wrong. Unfortunately there was no inspired design to it and trust me, I’ve seen enough castles to know that this thing on the outside was rather dry in its appearance, though it had an Arabian feel with how the roofs of the towers were designed. Kind of a rounded bell that had a little tip. Tough to describe since I’ve only seen such a design on palaces from the Middle East and India.

Honestly, I think I was more interested by the fact that it had a massive and welcoming entrance, but outside of the entrance building it had some fucking high walls. Yep, a walled-in palace within a walled city that seem to levitate on a mountain. An attacker’s worst nightmare, really. I could only imagine having to try and take the city with weapons that didn’t have explosive charges.

So, we walked easily through the entrance building that was surprisingly not white on the inside! In fact it had a slight blue tinge to it, though you could see it was a blue and white mixing. Possibly with regards to both of the princesses who lived in the castle? That was my guess and still is.

One thing I had to give those who made the castle … they didn’t make it out of fucking crystal. Honestly I preferred it to lack that ‘natural’ beauty of crystals, since when it’s used in over-abundance it makes it horrible to the eyes.

Right, moving on because I’m already rambling and grasping on strands to describe the castle.

When we cleared the entrance building, we entered a very neatly trimmed outdoor area that kind of resembled the park but it was obvious that it was meant to be purely for show, because there were stone pathways that winded around the grounds from what I could see. Not to mention I caught a glimpse of a statue garden to the west of the building … assuming we were heading north, I kind of lost track because I just wanted to get to my destination already.

Finally we entered the main palace which looked more like a massive cathedral from the front, but the insides were anything but. You see, in a cathedral you immediately enter an open hall that encompasses the majority of the building. The room we entered was a second fucking entrance hall! Though it was different because it had a massive set of stairs that separated at what would be deemed the first and a half floor before having some more stairs on each side leading to dual second floor doors.

“Princess Celestia is in the Throne Room, Princess,” one of the guards in our escort said before tailing away and returning the way we came. Apparently we were so safe in the palace that we didn’t need a guard escort anymore. I almost wished I could have met the idiot that made up such regulations … or at least smacked that guard upside his head.

So we took a right upon walking up the stairs and decided to take a few winding hallways before we reached the Throne Room. I guess before I talk about the third round of introductions, I’ll tell you about what I saw in the hallways.

Art. So much motherfucking art. I mean, I have nothing against art and often believe that it helps rejuvenate the soul, but having a bust, small statues, vase, or painting every three feet was overkill. Didn’t they have a museum to house all those pieces in? Seriously, it was like I was being swarmed by art.

Of course I held my tongue for the time being, waiting for the right moment to speak up.

So when we were in front of the doors to the Throne Room, Purple Smart turned around and looked at me with her best serious face. It was pretty damn serious. Seriously.

“Alright, now there are a few things that you should know when talking to a Princess. First off-” she started before I held up a hand for her to stop.

“Trust me, I’ve got this,” I said before striding forward to throw open the doors, striding in with the confidence of a man who was prepared to die and was not going to be scared anymore.

I barely even made eye contact with what I assumed was Celestia and who I knew was Luna before I belted out my line in this great piece of shenanigans. “The word you’re all looking for is human. No, I’m not going to explain it. Yes, this is your first time meeting one. No, there is no more. Yes, I will take on all drinking challenges, even this early in the day!”

I think I could hear jaws drop, as in I actually heard them hit the ground. That, or it was the face palms or face hooves from every single being behind me. Perhaps it was also a faint or two. Either way it was all part of my plan.

I saw Celestia’s face actually look completely baffled at me, even she had an open mouth. That was Luna’s cue, which she executed perfectly. With a deliberate purpose, she slowly trotted off her throne beside her sister, and descended the stairs towards me. She had an evil glare on her face, while I kept my neutral look and stance … though none of them could see my face anyways.

As she neared, I heard a frantic scramble behind me. Yells that were trying to plead with Luna to have mercy were cut short with an even louder yell of silence by the blue alicorn. She then looked me in the eye and spoke exactly what I was hoping to hear.

“You’re on!” she said while pointing a hoof at me before her magic flashed, and we were both deposited on chairs in front of a small table that had three rows of eight shots in front of each of us. Luna had a smirk of victory upon her face before downing the first shot. I simply pulled down my scarves before returning the smirk.

Of course, despite whatever was happening around us, I was not going to lose my first drinking contest in Equestria. Being born into my family as well as years of drinking hard probably caused my liver to grow a manly beard and start smoking cubans within me. So I slammed back my first shot. Vodka. Luna had made a horrible mistake. I lived in Russia for three years … there isn’t water in Russia … only vodka.

She took her next shot easily.

I followed suit, slamming the glass back on the table upside down before giving her a shit eating grin while flashing my teeth. “Step up, puny pony princess.”

Let’s just say that we had both been through about six shots a piece before someone finally spoke up at what was going on. It was Gilda and it was absolutely perfect.

“What. The. Fuck?!” she said, not even caring to censor herself. Though when I looked around to see what was going on, I was greeted by an amusing sight. Actually, screw amusing, it was downright fucking batshit insanely hilarious.

A few feet away from the table, on my left, Celestia and four guards were watching eagerly, Celestia floating bits out of the guard’s hooves while they were chattering about bits. Even Pinkie had gotten in on the action as I watched. This was my type of rulers.

While the group I had arrived in Canterlot with was essentially paralyzed with insane amounts of ‘what.’ The two Princesses who ruled the country were willing to partake in the situation.

“Your turn, or are you going to give up so quickly?” Luna said as she slammed another glass down.

“Don’t worry … I’ll hold your mane back later when you are bent over a toilet,” I said before slamming my seventh back.

Back and forth we went, and it was around our twelfth that I think it finally kicked in with the rest that this was actually happening. Sure Gilda had understood rather early, but I think this whole scene broke Purple Smart and Rarity, especially the part about Celestia taking bets from the guards … which had actually doubled in number after a guard detail walked in.

Now, this whole event was me taking a chance that despite Luna being thousands of years old, and essentially immortal from what I gathered, she would have a normal liver. Even the hardiest of people I have met usually had an issue around the fifteenth. Of course many had gotten past it, but by then they were sitting on the cusp of passing out.

The part about living in Russia and drinking vodka? Not that far from the truth. Three years living there had actually given me three years of nearly killing my liver only for it to come back stronger and stronger.

So when the magic number fifteen hit, and the flush on Luna’s face was extremely noticeable despite her fur, I knew that I had a great chance to win. So much so that I decided that I would make a wager with Luna. “Say, Luna … if I beat you, what do I get?”

The burp was somewhat artificial, helping to pass it off to Luna that she might win. Her answer … not what I was expecting from an immortal alicorn … or anyone really.

“Heh, hic, if you win … I’ll … I’ll suck you off!” she declared, and punctuated her statement by throwing her hoof up in the air. “But … but! If I win … I get to hic … get to ride you! Like a fucking horse!”

Behind me three thuds happened, and a boisterous laugh came from Celestia. Hell, I almost fell off my chair from the statement, which would have meant I lost, but I managed to hold my balance before nearly choking on my turn to down a shot.

Apparently Luna abided by the fifteen rule, though by the faces on the guards when we reached fifteen, not many ponies could reach that number. Either way, when Luna took her sixteenth shot she wavered with putting her glass down before looking at me straight in the eyes … and slowly, almost comically, tipping backwards and falling to the floor.

I let out a deep laugh before downing my sixteenth with relative ease. Then a seventeenth and eighteenth for good measure. Of course immediately after my drinks, I walked over to Celestia.

“First off, don’t worry about Luna’s statement. Not going to happen. Secondly, how much of that bit collection you going to give me? Finally, you are a horrible sister for betting against your own sister,” I said with surprising clarity. Like I said, Russia does miracles for your drinking capabilities.

“Despite her being family and her drinking skills, I can judge character very well based on appearance, and you reek of a being that knows the bottle,” she said with a serenity that surprised me. I decided that to stand and converse, despite the fact she was right at head level with me, was not going to be wise for me. So I took my chair, swung it around, and rested my chin on my arms which rested on the chair’s back rest.

“What else can you guess about the human known as Ryan?” I asked. Of course after I said that, I shook my head. Talking in third person left a bitter taste in my mouth.

“Well, based off your attire and your general attitude, I can guess your life back in your home is very tough and not something that you would willingly have if you could change it. The lack of shaving also implies that you either lack the necessary means to keep tidy or that it is meant to show off and appear hardened,” she said as she tapped her hoof on her muzzle while inspecting me. The guards had cleared out and returned to their posts, Luna was snoozing on the floor of the throne room, and the rest of the group was either still trying to comprehend the past twenty minutes or was taking interest in what Celestia was saying.

“There is nothing to deny in what you say, though the latter is true about the beard,” I said, to which she smiled.

“Can you remove your glasses?” she asked, to which I complied. Yeah, I was being a hypocrite about the identity thing, but like I told you all, when I said it I hardly believed my own words. I simply did it. Nothing more than that. So when I put the glasses on my hat, I looked back up at her with my normal look.

She hummed and hawed as she looked at me, while I simply followed her eyes.

Eventually she let out a little bit of a sad sigh before scootching a little closer to me, close enough to whisper to me and ensure that nobody else heard. “Your eyes speak of many hurtful decisions and events. Ones that have made you jaded about certain things. As to which things, I cannot tell, but they are obviously very hated by you. They also speak of one that follows a moral compass despite your hard life, as though it was a legacy of someone you once knew … or once were. Your eyes tell tales that are not for me to learn unless you speak of them … in your case they truly are the window to the soul.”

I felt a small tear roll down my cheek. Only one, but it was enough for Celestia to understand that she was more than spot on. Thankfully my back was turned from the group, so not a single one of them saw. They didn’t need to see me soft … especially not Gilda. I had been the rock that broke the waves for her … she couldn’t see me fall.

Celestia’s horn glowed just a faint glow as she grabbed one of my scarves and used it to wipe the tear away before letting it fall. Immediately after, she gave me that serene smile before taking a few steps back and laughing. Not at me mind you, no it was a laugh that was meant to be for me. One aimed at what I had done for her in creating this drinking contest.

“I must say, that this has been the most unique and entertaining first impression a guest of Equestria has ever made,” she said before getting up and trotting past me to engage her student. Though she kept speaking to me. “Though I have a feeling that this wasn’t exactly spontaneous, was it?”

“Haha, not a single bit, Celestia. Been talking to Luna for a few days in my dreams. Wanted to make this memorable,” I said as I spun around on my chair. The faces that I got were once again priceless.

Gilda had her non-injured arm’s talon covering her face, trying to hide a smile. Trixie was straining to hold back laughter, so much in fact that her face was going red. Purple Smart’s face showed a mixture of shock, confusion, possible insanity, and anger at what happened … though amazingly enough it quickly switched to a small smile and a few giggles. Rarity looked as though she had met the devil and he said he created fashion or something like that. Rainbow Dash was following suit along with Trixie in trying to keep in her laughter. Applejack had that disappointing look that was levelled at me. While surprisingly enough, Fluttershy wasn’t cowering or doing anything negative, in fact she had a small smile but at the same time was looking over at Luna with some concern.

Then there was Pinkie. She was bouncing and smiling. Simple.

Yep, it was a hilarious prank and when Luna awoke from her alcohol induced coma, she would never be allowed to live down what she said. I was going to hang that over her head for as long as I could; though I restate, it was never going to happen and it never did. A little too weird for my tastes, and I have much deeper reasons anyway.

“It seems, Twilight,” she started but I immediately cut in.

“Purple Smart!” I semi-yelled. Celestia turned her head to look at me for a second before giving me a smile that smelled of horrible things to happen. By horrible, I mean horrible for Twilight … I mean Purple Smart.

“Well, it seems,” she said before taking a pause. At first Purple Smart was eager to hear the rest, but the longer the silence went, she started to key onto what was going to happen. Eventually she let out a deep groan of resignation. “It seems you have found a one of a kind being, my dear Purple Smart.”

That was the little bit that broke Trixie’s and Rainbow’s composure. Within a split second, they were rolling on the floor laughing. If I was to die that day, it would have been a perfect end to my life. Going out on a high note like none other.

I know you don’t exactly believe me that this all happened, but it’s completely true. Apparently something that I was learning then and there was somewhat of a national secret. Despite the outward appearance of being ageless rulers of a nation, the two sisters were actually fun-loving pranksters.

...

No, that doesn’t mean it’s over. Just, that it happened the next day and this one day has gone on longer than it rightfully should have. Still, there was a few more things to be finished before the day actually ended. So back to the story it is.

Now, after the situation slowly died down and we were all calm, and Purple Smart was no longer wishing to have her life ended right then and there, Celestia decided to bring back her serious side for the time being.

“I should rouse Luna before we head to the dining room. It is nearly supper after all,” Celestia said before walking over to the still comatose Luna. “Though I guess it is a little forward of me to assume you are staying for supper?”

I simply shrugged before replying, “Got nowhere better to eat.”

The rest of the group had that whole range of emotions thing going again. Apparently only two of them had ever gotten the chance to eat with the Princesses, though that hunch was based off the fact that Rarity and Purple Smart were the most calm-looking ponies of the group. I’m not going to bother to list their faces, it would be extremely boring to go through that again.

It seemed that Celestia was pleased enough by the response, though. “Well then, I guess it’s time to rouse Luna.”

Now, I had originally thought that I would have indeed needed to hold her mane back as she upchucked into a bucket or something. That, or I would have had to help her walk back to her quarters. Instead, the white alicorn used even crazier reality hacking powers.

She touched her horn to Luna’s horn as it lit up, causing a rather bright but not blindingly bright light. Still, damn close to having a flashlight shined in your face. Anyway, the light flared a little brighter before it died completely and Celestia lifted her head away from Luna.

Smart move, considering that Luna shot up like a spring loaded … spring loaded something. I don’t know, she just stood up really quickly. Seriously, sometimes similes can be fucking hard to properly write. Anyway, Luna was on her hooves extremely quickly as well as too quickly, for she stumbled and almost fell over.

“Ugh, I hate that spell,” she said as she sat down and cradled her head in her hooves. “Yet I don’t think I could live with hangovers all my life.”

Yeah, you heard it right. The ponies had a spell to magically remove hangovers. I’m going to let that sit for a second before I get to spoil it for you.

…

Good? Yeah, they had a hangover removal spell, but it also only works on alicorns. Only alicorns could be affected by the spell. It dashed many of my hopes and dreams right there. Well, not really, but it did stop me from downing the rest of those shots immediately. How did I know this? ‘Cause that’s the next part.

“You have a spell … a fucking spell to remove hangovers?” I asked, staring at Celestia as though she had grown a second head that decided to eat the first head, only after putting tartar sauce on it first.

“It is very useful for our monthly free night. Though I wouldn’t ask us to cast it on you; it only works on alicorns,” Celestia stated with a smile before starting to trot off to the doors on the left behind her throne. “Now, if you all follow me, we can finally partake in supper.”

Of course I waited for a few seconds, just watching the group start to leave. Why was I watching? Well I was still in shock from that statement. Why wouldn’t I be?

Also remember that despite my ability to handle drinks, I was in that state of tipsy where everything was a little more fluid in its movements than usual. You know the state? You can remember everything but as you are going through it, everything feels weird? Yeah, you older guys know it.

So it was the shock that kept me seated for a little bit longer. That, and I had an ulterior motive to bug Luna as she was also lingering behind. As I said before, I was going to ensure that she would never live down what she offered as a prize. Well ... never live it down as long as I could constantly bring it up.

“You going to be alright?” I asked as we made our way behind the group, which included a limping griffon. So we were going at a fairly slow pace.

“I’m … I’m fine. Sometimes I forget that despite our ages, we are still rather normal ponies,” Luna said, obviously meaning her sister and her.

“I can understand why. So much time would probably bring about a few presumptions that stick. Though I have to say that I am impressed by the amount you drank. I have a positive win/loss record back home for a reason,” I said with a grin. Yeah, I still kept my scarves off. At that point I barely cared about the whole identity thing.

“I am truly impressed by the amount, though I think it was around twelve that things started to get fuzzy for me,” she said casually, though a little blush did permeate her cheeks. It was truly a sight to see a tinge of red through that darker blue fur.

“Oh, so you don’t remember what you told me after the fifteenth shot?” I said. Luna looked completely lost; I thanked many a deity for the lack of memory despite the removal spell. “Well it was at the fifteenth shot, I asked what would I get if I won the drinking contest.”

“Ahh, so you are going to reap your rewards, I assume?” she asked, completely oblivious to what she was implying, though how could she have known? Either way, I was struggling to not laugh at that.

“Well, you see I would … but you’re a pony and while I don’t doubt you are easy on the eyes, I don’t think you’d like the salty taste too much,” I said with my best attempt at a poker face, which mind you can either be extremely hard to read, or easy as hell.

“Wha-what?!” she stuttered with a semi-yell.

“Well, you said if I won, you’d suck me off so … I mean, I guess if you really desired to there is little I can do against magic,” I implied, leaving it open ended on purpose to mess with her. The response was beautiful. Her eyes went extremely wide, her jaw flopped open and closed a few times before she bolted forward, through the air mind you. Though that was before she yelled out.

“‘Tia!” she shrieked in a tone that spoke of disbelief and pure shock, a type of shock that not many like. Well, I felt great about myself … that was slightly sarcastic. I mean it was funny at first and if she was anything like the one I compared her to, she would just try and get me back, but at the same time I felt horrible because of how her scream sounded.

It was around that time that I noticed Gilda had slowed down to keep pace with me. “First, my leg is starting to get sore so can I get a ride, dweeb? Secondly, you’re a dick.”

“Sure, and at least I’m not a dick biscuit,” I said before bending down to allow her to get on my back once more. “Though I agree … probably went a little further than I should have.”

So we trudged on behind the group, that now had Luna at the front, who was having a rather animated discussion with her sister, that included multiple glances back to me. Though I had my glasses on again, so if they were looking for a response they didn’t really get one. I needed to take a minute or two to think about how I was going to diffuse the situation and calm things over between Luna and I.

In fact, I would have the entirety of supper to do said thing. When we reached the dining room, I set down Gilda where she wanted to be seated, which was surprisingly next to me and Dash. In fact, I was a little bit lucky to not be seated across from Luna. The head of the table was apparently reserved for Celestia, while she had Luna on her right and Purple Smart on her left. I also sat on the right, mainly to even things out a little. So on Celestia’s right, the seating order went Luna, Applejack, Dash, Gilda, and finally me. The other side’s order was Purple Smart, Trixie, Rarity, Fluttershy, and finally Pinkie. So it was neatly balanced … perfectionists and OCD people rejoice.

The dining room was nothing overly spectacular, but the table was indeed a beautiful and ornate thing to look at. Gold coated, goddamned the ponies were rich! The sides and legs were designed meticulously and included embedded gems alongside designs that seemed to have been shaped from the gold itself.

Eventually the waiters came around, passing out menus while also taking drink orders. I was the last to have my drink order taken, but I was the first to make my order. I noticed that on the menu, there was a section for Omnivores, probably because of griffons, so I ordered a salmon dish with roasted mini potatoes for the side, and a mixed bunch of steamed vegetables. It was a simple order but it had been a long, long time since I had salmon, not to mention the roasted mini potatoes … I had to see if they were even as good as my mom’s.

Oh and I had a water.

I think the waiter was a little surprised that I was ordering already. Hey, when you see something you want, you get it as soon as possible. I was never one to mull over choices for long if I could. Besides, I was fucking hungry!

Now I, thankfully, was not part of the topics discussed prior to our meals. In fact, most of it was Celestia and Luna catching up with their subjects, even with Gilda and Trixie. I was a little surprised considering that it made sense for Luna and Celestia to be relatively close with the friends of a fellow princess … or so my logic at the time thought so. Still, it was nice that the two went out of their way to help two out of the three oddballs feel included. I was of course the third, but I didn’t need them to help me with that.

I’m at home wherever I go. It’s my way of living.

Eventually the food arrived, which was kind of unfortunate because despite the fact that I ordered my food ahead of time from the rest, it came along with every other dish that was being served. Still, when it made it to the table I dug in a little greedily, but at the same time with enough restraint to remember my table manners. Thankfully this land didn’t have a grace or anything that was said before meals … at least I think they don’t. I never heard one spoken in my time there.

The meal itself was very good and filling, though I was saddened … yet relieved when the mini potatoes were as I assumed. Good, but nowhere near my mom’s. I mean, roasted potatoes with certain spices makes it taste as though you were eating steak … just in the form of potatoes. The ones in Canterlot Castle were decent, but didn’t have that same exotic and required taste. Now the fish though was superb, cooked so perfectly that it seemed to melt off my fork when I tried to pick it up. Just how I liked my salmon.

Truly a great meal to have before the resulting after dinner conversations. I knew they would be directed at me because I could see Purple Smart and Celestia looking at me every once in a while between bites. I knew that eventually Purple Smart would get her question and answer session whether I liked it or not. Unfortunately since I know you all at this point well enough, I know that you’ll all want to hear the questions and answers.

Yeah … figured so. We’re definitely going to be here longer than I originally wanted.

Alright, let’s get this all over with.

As everyone finished up, I saw some eager twitches and motions from Purple Smart, as well as the fact that she was staring at me, that told me I was not getting away from any conversation unless I completely walked out, which was not going to happen. I had better manners than that.

“Fine, get it over with,” I said before slumping in my chair briefly. The only reason I changed my posture was because I knew that I would get a back cramp if I kept myself in the position for too long.

“Excellent! Now let’s begin with formal statements,” Purple Smart said as she levitated multiple sheets of paper and what looked like a fountain pen out of nowhere. Hacks. “First, may I get your name, date of birth, age, and gender?”

“I didn’t realise you were writing a goddamned biography on me or something,” I said as I pinched the bridge of my nose.

“It’s important to take organised notes when it is in regards to something foreign. Now, please answer the question,” she stated all too formally. I really wanted to plead for my life with Celestia, but I figured that after embarrassing Luna like that, I would have been forced into the predicament no matter what.

“Name: Ryan. Born on the eleventh day of the fourth month of the year nineteen ninety three if that means anything to you. Age … let’s go with forty-four. As for gender … I’m not going to bother answering since you know it already,” I said with a deep sigh. It wasn’t a sigh with regards to giving away personal information, nah I had no trouble with that. You all know why I was sighing.

“That is true …” she muttered before shuffling her papers briefly. “Alright, then can you please describe your world for us?”

“I can,” I said. If I was going to do this Q and A stuff, I wasn’t going to do it without being snarky as fuck.

A few moments past in silence as I took a sip of water and waited for them to figure it out. Eventually Purple Smart figured it out, because she face-hoofed ... hard. “Fine, will you please describe your world for us?”

You know, I’ve always wanted to turn that around on someone. Though my original aim was to use it on a teacher … Purple Smart was the closest I had to such a target.

“My world … my world,” I started off slowly. “Well, the most apt and shortest description would be that my world is essentially fucked up. Completely and probably irreversibly Fubar’d.”

“Right … umm, Fubar’d?” Purple Smart asked, more than a little flustered by the ease of the swears. I thought she would have figured me out by now, or at least realised I swore a lot. That pony needed to pay better attention to others.

“Fubar. Stands for ‘fucked up beyond any recognition.’ Apt description for a world that was nearly completely blown up before it decided to reclaim the entirety of the land for itself. I’ve told this a few times now, and it’s starting to get easier with each explanation. The world used to be populated by humans to a degree of overabundance. Eight billion people living on the same world? Far beyond the sustainability of the planet. We had created means to keep everyone reasonably well off … some far more than others, but we were on borrowed time. A world war broke out for horrible reasons that consumed many parts of the world in fire … though there was even more of it just left in ruins. From there the world, a world that had been devoid of magic that we knew of, somehow decided that we had had our run as the ‘rulers’ of the world. Cities were swallowed up in a three day mass climate, vegetation, and overall shift in the world. Areas that were once farmland? Mass jungles or deserts. Cities? Swallowed up by the earth or in a swarm of vegetation. Coastal regions? Either expanded by the retreat of oceans or completely engulfed by the exact same oceans,” I said before I took another sip of water.

“What was once eight billion … now maybe a billion? I’m not even sure. Countries and any form of government collapsed completely. It was back to the days of city states and every person for themselves out in the new world. That is my world. A Post-Reckoning world … oh and that’s the name of the event. At least, that’s the name I use.”

There was no real response to that answer. Three had already heard the basics before, and no one really wanted to touch on that subject, instead leaving it for Purple Smart to ask. “You mentioned a world war … is that common for your race?”

“Depends on what you consider common. Now, I like to consider myself a realist and sometimes we come off a little misanthropic … is that a word here?”

“Yes, it essentially refers to a being that strongly dislikes their own race,” Celestia answered first.

“Ah, see back home it just refers to humans. Anyway, I’m a realist so you’ll get a double-sided answer. First off, we’ve had three ‘world wars.’ Ones that were given that title and they only happened in the past century and a bit. Now, it’s not an all encompassing war, just large enough that people deem them world wars … minus the third one which was all encompassing. Prior to those rather modern wars, societies and countries often fought over lands or certain beliefs. I hate to say it, but it is in human nature to desire more and more. We are greedy. Though it’s only a certain few that show the levels of greed that are required to start a war … unfortunately too many leaders in history had that flaw. So to put it simply … yes, conflicts and wars were extremely common for our society.”

Purple Smart wanted to say something, but I cut her off. I was going to say my peace.

“Now on the flip side of that, in between and during those wars, people were also as generous and caring as we could get. Everything that you could think of … minus any magical stuff, we did it to help our fellow humans. Despite the many wrongs that marred our history, and the many corrupt and evil people who made those times the most prominent, we still kept dealing out the kindness, generosity, and selflessness that we had come to know was in us. Humanity as a whole? A two sided coin, without a shadow of a doubt. Corrupted and morally debased on one side … and on the other, what humans are capable of when we display the right values.”

“Though that’s assuming you subscribe to the whole two-sided assumptions. I mean at one point it was probably something rather accurate, but now? A gray cloud. The higher parts of the cloud are what could be considered good, while the bottom of the cloud is the worst. Why is it grey? ‘Cause even those at the top can be horrible with the right context. It’s all about context.”

I took a pause, sipping on my water once more. I was tempted to reach into my bag and produce the bottle of Ambershine I had still in there, but I stopped myself. I had enough drinking for awhile.

So, that’s my view on humanity by the way. Though who am I to judge where each person sits, or for that matter if it is even correct? I could be full of the biggest shit you have ever heard and humanity is exactly black and white. Who knows! That’s what’s great about individual opinions, isn’t it? Wouldn’t have it anyother way, really.

Their reactions? Contemplative to say the least. Celestia and Luna looked to be calculating something based off what I said, while most of the rest, minus Gilda and Trixie seemed to be rather unsure of me. Applejack was actually a little smug in her look, as though I had just proven to her that I was horrible or something. Ehh, who knows, she was by far my least favourite of the group. Purple Smart had to cough into her hoof a few times to clear her throat or something. Though in that brief moment, Celestia spoke up.

“So are you a misanthropist? You never said yes or no,” she asked.

“Ha, no a million times. I love being who I am, and I love people for being who they are. Sure there are fucking idiots, psychos, dicks, and bastards, but that doesn’t mean that I would ever betray my race or forfeit it. Despite the flaws, I would never condemn us … we’re like cockroaches; no matter how hard you try, we’ll live.”

“Right … let’s see … that answers those questions,” she muttered as she moved her pen around the page before flipping to another page. “Ah yes! Tell me about your world’s technology and how it compares to what you’ve seen here.”

“Even after the break down of society, we still are miles ahead of you in technology. Sure you have magic, but from what I’ve seen … you can’t compare.”

“Oh, do go on …” Purple Smart said with a cold stare. I guess she didn’t like the fact I was dissing the ponies.

“Motorized personal carriages … or cars. You don’t have them. Weaponry: you’re still at spears. I’ve seen no radio equipment, nor have I seen electrical wires, though on the flipside they could be buried. Still utilizing coal burning trains … I can’t think of much more off the top of my head, but I bet I can get back to you as days go on. Though I think the easiest way is to show you all my music device … did you tell them about it, Gilda?”

“Nah, they didn’t ask,” she replied nonchalantly.

“Right, perfect,” I said before reaching into the specific pocket that held my iPod. After a few moments of pulling it out of my layers of clothes, I put it on the table before sliding it to Purple Smart to take a look at, headphones still attached. “The frogs of your hooves should be able to work the touch pad. If not then slide it back and I’ll just put it on speaker.”

“What … what is it?” she asked as she looked at it, while suspending it in her magic.

“An iPod. It utilizes a miniature but powerful battery to send electrical pulses through micro wiring that is connected to microchips and a specially designed CPU to light up the screen and allow programs to be ran,” I said as simply as I could put it. Trust me, I might have been an electrician and a little bit of a computer nerd, but I never really desired to look up the specifics on how an iPod functioned. That was just the general way any sort of mobile device functioned.

The entire group just stared at me blankly as though I had been speaking some foreign language to them, which I might as well have been. Jargon like that was at times even beyond people who owned them! If people from the race that created them couldn’t comprehend it at times, I doubt that they would but hell, I had to take a stab in the dark.

“Do you have computers here?” I asked.

“Oh, oh! Purple Smart used to have a computer in her basement that she used to run tests on things!” Pinkie said while being completely oblivious to the loud groan Purple Smart let loose after hearing her friend use my nickname. She recovered quick enough to answer my question fully.

“There are two computers in the world. One of them is at the University of Canterlot and the other is at MIT in Bitton.” I’m not touching those puns. “They are quite impressive compared to mine that I built from spare parts, though they have often said that their ideas are based off of mine. Theirs are so much larger though, and much more capable of storing information.”

“Right … well what unit of measurement do you use for storing information?”

“Bytes,” she said simply. Sure, let’s continue to have things cross over worlds … seriously, it was getting ludicrous.

“So do ours, I’m going to take a wild guess here and assume your computers can’t hold nearly as much as that iPod,” I said, to which she looked like I had mocked her once more. She initially moved to refute my claim, but before she said anything I finished what I was going to say. “Thirty gigabytes.”

Jaw drops from her and Luna. The rest were still rather confused on what we were talking about.

“Yeah, that far ahead in technology,” I said before doing a few twists on the chair to pop my back. When I faced forward once more I decided to move the topics forward. “What’s next?”

It took Purple Smart a few moments before she collected herself, floated my iPod over to me, and brought the pages back up in front of her. “Yes … umm, since it seems we’re not going to need roughly a full page of questions here, I think we’ll just skip to another one. Can you describe cultures from your world?”

“Can you describe all the cultures of yours?” I asked back.

“No?” she replied with confusion.

“Likewise. Too many that I have no clue about, not to mention that I’d butcher the ones I do know somewhat. And don’t bother asking me about mine, since it was essentially a mishmash of cultures,” I said bluntly. Some questions I literally couldn’t answer. “Let’s just say that there are more cultures in my world than there are countries. Or was.”

“How many countries are there?” she transitioned smoothly.

“Over two hundred before The Reckoning … I think there are only two countries that are still semi-operational. Australia and New Zealand. Though they have their own problems to deal with …”

“That is ...that’s horrifying!” Fluttershy said of all beings in the room.

“Yep, that’s my world for you,” I said simply. Why put it lightly for them if they wanted to know about it … better for them to have to slap them in the face once, rather than slowly stab them. “Next?”

“Ugh! Nearly every time you answer, you negate a bunch of questions!” Purple Smart said before throwing out another sheet of paper, though she quickly picked up another. “I’ve got one that can’t possibly have the same outcome. “Can you tell us about your family?”

Ever get one of those moments that despite everything you try, a single thing sets you off? Kind of like a switch being flipped? I know that ‘people’ back in my time used to use the word triggered, but those ones … well they were the same that wanted to censor everything because they were afraid to hurt someone. I’m definitely jaded on that because I never experienced these moments of sheer shock or whatever. Whenever I was, quote unquote, triggered, I would simply get over it and move on or find a coping method before dealing with the issue.

This time, well I don’t know what, but her bringing up my family just did that whole flip switch. Not violently mind you. I’ve always been the one that just walks away from the issue if it was something I couldn’t deal with at the time. Walk away and recuperate before heading back and dealing like I just said.

Though looking back, I bet the whole ‘had just done eighteen shots’ part was a major factor in the reaction.

I think Gilda saw that switch flip … and Luna for that matter, because even before I reacted, I heard them both say my name lightly as though they were trying to calm me or something.

I simply looked at Twilight for a second before pushing the chair out, stood up, and walked swiftly yet with heavy feet out of the room. I just went back through the path we took, leaving them all and my pack in the dining room, despite the calls for me to come back.

It took me no time at all to find myself in that in between spot where the entrance building and the entrance hall of the castle gave way to open air. I just stood on the pathway for a moment before looking up and running my hands against my hat rather forcefully, nearly pushing it off before turning right and heading in the direction of that statue garden I had seen earlier.

It was only then that I noticed how late it was. The sun had already started falling behind the horizon as the night sky started to shine in, and the moon rising to its place in the sky.

I needed to distance myself a little and just take the time to calm myself down before returning.

I’m not going to bother going over what I was thinking. No, the most is that I will skim it and say what the general topic was; my actual thoughts were more of me being stupid … though with a whole bunch of f-bombs being dropped. A ratio of one f-bomb per three words or something like that crazy.

Thankfully I was going to get something in the way of a distraction.

Now, when I entered the statue garden, I felt a little weirded out because it felt like some of the statues were following me with their eyes. The artists that sculpted them did a hell of a job at making them look as realistic as possible. Though some of the artists must have been off the deep end or something to come up with some of the statues I saw. I mean, who would have thought to make some thin chimera-like creature doing a powerslide on its knees while strumming on a guitar, head tilted back in a rock type yell? The creative mind that somehow developed such an idea was one to be commended.

Well at least if it had been created by someone not completely insane.

See, as I was admiring it, a voice came up from behind me. One that was far too familiar. Let me explain, you see countless amounts of people from the generation just before mine knew about a character named Q from Star Trek. I knew of him because my mom used to love Star Trek and it got me curious when I was younger. Not my show really, but I happened to watch an episode with this godlike character named Q who did whatever the fuck he wanted. It stuck in my head because it was a cool concept for a show, among other things.

The voice behind me … sounded exactly like the character or the actor that played Q.

“It is quite a marvelous piece of work if I do say so myself! So … expressive! It makes you want to … rock out!”

I groaned hard at that pun, despite the fact that I was wondering about the whole voice thing. Sometimes it’s tough to not react to very well placed puns, especially ones that are puns on top of puns.

So when I turned around to see the one who spoke, I saw the exact same creature as the statue I was looking at. Literally, exactly the same creature was standing in front of me, except said chimera thing was wearing a beret on its head, a scarf around its neck and those half glasses that hipsters liked to wear back in my day and age. Though admittedly the white goatee helped pull off the whole ‘elite artist’ look.

“Should I even ask who sculpted that?” I asked while pointing a thumb over my shoulder, aimed back at the statue. “You know, don’t even bother answering that. How about you start with what the fuck you are?”

“How rude! Not even going to critique my marvelous piece!” He said with a pout before he snapped his fingers and disappeared, only to pop back into reality behind me, on top of the statue. “Well if you must know, I am a Draconequus, specifically the Draconequus of Chaos! Or God of Chaos for short, your choice really, though the first does have a nice feel to it now that I think about it.”

“Sorry, I don’t know of Draconequui or whatever. Especially not one of Chaos. You worship Tzeentch or something?” I said with a smirk. Utilizing human references was always amusing in a world that never got them. Of course it had to backfire sometime.

“That old has been? He wishes he was as successful as I am. Can’t even see his own Heresy through!” he said in reply before floating down in front of me. “Don’t even get me started about the rest!”

“I … I don’t even want to know how you got those references,” I said before walking past it and instead farther into the statue garden. I could just feel that it was following me, so I decided I might as well introduce myself. “Ryan, by the way.”

“Oh, I already knew that, but if we’re introducing ourselves then I say, ‘tis a pleasure! You may call me Discord,” he said in response.

“What about Bedlam?” I responded.

It actually stopped him for a second, his face scrunching up in confusion before a light bulb literally appeared over his head … one that he pulled to turn on, which apparently caused a revelation.

Now before I go on, I’m going to give you a disclaimer. The following scenes involves excessive amounts of pure unadulterated ‘wat.’ It may also cause you to stop thinking because of the impossibility of the acts and what he did. I mean, I was already giving up on the world making sense, so it didn’t affect me as much … that, and I had a conversation to focus on.

Right, continuing.

Once the light bulb turned on, it disappeared before he grinned. “Oh, that’s clever. I can’t believe that in all my years I never thought of that. Oh, I’ve got to write that down!”

Much like Purple Smart earlier, a note pad and a pen appeared out of nowhere. Only with Discord, the pen was one of those giant ones, bigger than the note itself … and it had rainbow-coloured feathers sticking out from the top … not to mention it was made of chocolate. See, I warned you!

When he was done, he actually came down to the earth, instead of floating like he had been. Now, believe it or not, immediately after that weird act, he got completely serious.

“I’m going to get this out of the way because I know that Fluttershy would chew me out if I didn’t clear it up now. I knew you had arrived on this world, the moment you hit the dirt. It would be appalling if I didn’t sense such an ancient flux in magic! Oh, and no, I didn’t bring you here. Just an FYI so you don’t FTFO, okay?”

I had no clue what FTFO meant, but I simply gave him a half-hearted stare before shrugging my shoulders and walking over to another statue, this one of Princess Celestia shaking hooves with a minotaur. I simply didn’t care at that point, since I was going off the assumption that anything the ‘God of Chaos’ said was either completely made up or completely insane.

“Soo … whatcha doing?” he asked.

“Calming my thoughts before I return to the dining hall … or wherever they went off to,” I said, not stating who I was referring to. It was more than likely that Discord knew who I was talking about.

“Did they push the wrong buttons?” he asked before a wall of forty or so buttons popped in front of me, all of them labeled ‘wrong.’

“More like inadvertently flipped a switch,” I said before walking around said wall of switches, which promptly disappeared.

“Geeze, tough crowd,” he mumbled before pausing. “This is boring, come get me when you decide to be fun.”

With that, Discord disappeared in an audible pop which also left confetti all over the ground. I think at that point I was far too exhausted to even think about making a reaction at that.

It was also around that time that I started to feel the weight of everything that had happened. Despite it being not nearly as rough as some days in my life, the fact I had come to a different world, and had to deal with drama issues and such so early made it feel like I had been carrying a three hundred pound weight across my shoulders. Yes, I do know what that actually feels like … kind of. I mean, when I was young I max squatted a little more than that when I was training for baseball, so it’s essentially the same.

I ended up slowly making my way over to a tree that was discreetly placed behind some shrubs and out of the way of the rest of the yard. When I reached the tree, I leaned against it before slowly sliding down to the ground. Hell, even the trees in this world were perfect in their shape, cause there wasn’t even a single root underneath me when I sat down, just cool grass.

From my spot, I got a partial view of the side of the castle and the mountain in the background, it was better than the other side. Far too close to the wall for anything more than just a slab of white in front of me.

The lights from the rooms in the castle made it look rather nice, warm and inviting. It made me wonder just how many ponies or whatever lived in that building, because it could probably house thousands easily.

So I sat there for a few moments, just staring at the castle before I closed my eyes, looking to get a start on the sleep I had been needing. I didn’t want some fabricated dream at that moment, instead I just wanted to fall into a subconscious-created wonderland of whatever.

I didn’t get that wish granted right away though, for I felt a poke on my arm, which annoyed me just enough to open my eyes and look at what had poked me; finding a griffon staring at me.

We just stared at each other for a few moments before she finally broke the silence.

“Took me a while to find you. If I wasn’t a griffon, I would never have noticed the small flicker of light off those glasses of yours,” she said as she sat down next to me.

“Wish I had eyes like yours … would make things a lot easier,” I said with a small chuckle.

She laughed lightly at my joke before it became quiet once more. She looked like she wanted to ask a question that she feared would be answered horribly, I could tell by the fact that she kept avoiding my eye contact.

“Go ahead,” I said as I sat up a little bit more.

“Why did you leave so suddenly?”

I sighed a little. My fear that I would make it so I was no longer Gilda’s rock had become a reality quicker than I thought it would. I always knew that eventually I would show myself as simply being a broken man that only portrayed a rough exterior.

I mean, that’s what I am isn’t it? Isn’t that what we all are when we try to push through the pain of life yet keep a strong face? It only takes one time of that feeling to understand that sometimes we just put faces on for others. The one I put on for Gilda had cracked quickly.

“Despite what I show you, Gilda … and what I show others … I’m still the same man I was a few weeks after The Reckoning. The same man that had to watch as my parents died slowly from wounds that I couldn’t heal. The same man that had watched all he knew crumble before him, mocking his inability to help things. I’m not the only one that feels like this or has these scars, but I know that I am one of the only ones that chose to run from everything and never stop running.”

I took over my hat, and shades, laying them down beside me before running my gloved hands across my bald head. I looked forward for a second before turning to look at her once more. “When I was young, I ran from problems I couldn’t solve right away. Ran to find a place where I could think it all out and if I couldn’t fix it, I ran more. So what happened back there … that was me running from something I couldn’t handle. Yet I should have handled it. The strong face that I put on broke with a simple pebble being thrown at it,” I said with a sad chuckle.

“You must think I’m weak right now,” I said immediately after I finished laughing.

“No … no I don’t. Despite you being a dweeb and a dick at times, you’ve taught me more than a few things that I would have never figured out by myself. You’ve helped me more than anyone I’ve ever known … everything you’ve done for me? I could never think that you’re weak,” she replied as she got closer to me, to lean against me.

“And here I thought I only taught you to not bottle up your feelings,” I said as I pulled her closer with my arm, wrapping her in a small hug.

“It seems every time you talk you’re teaching me something,” she responded.

“Corny,” I snickered out.

“What?” she asked in confusion.

“That was corny, Gilda,” I said before laughing.

She took a few moments to think about it before laughing as well, “Yeah, I guess it was corny, huh? Don’t tell anyone though, or I’ll kill you … or something.”

“Heh, yeah, ‘or something.’ Don’t worry, no one will ever know that you’re the corny one in this travelling family,” I replied with a smirk.

She laughed before settling into me as we just sat there for a bit. Just sitting under the tree and watching the night work wonders on displaying the Canterlot Castle with its glimmering starlight and faint glow of the moon. It was a beautiful sight indeed.

“Are you going to sleep out here?” she asked, not moving from her spot.

“Yeah … I’ve spent nearly half of my live sleeping outside. It almost feels wrong to sleep indoors … or in a bed for that matter.”

She just hummed in response before laying her head against my side completely. She hummed a few more times before finally talking again. “Mind if I stay?”

“Don’t you want to be with Dash?” I asked, a little surprised.

“We’re still working everything out, so I wouldn’t be with her anyway. Besides, they showed us the rooms we were going to stay in … they were too large and empty for my liking.”

“And here I would have thought they would have been out creating a search party for me instead of showcasing rooms!” I said with a laugh.

“Nah, I told them you’d come back begging for forgiveness soon enough,” she replied with her own laugh.

“Definitely sounds like something I would do, you know,” I replied with mock seriousness. “Don’t go being a dick biscuit now, Gilda … oh wait …”

“Har bucking har, jerkwad. You still owe me that bottle by the way,” she replied before giving me a half hearted jab in the side.

“Yeah, yeah I’ll get it when I get my pack back. Where is it anyways? Hopefully not in the dining room still.”

“Nah, they gave it to me … sort of. It’s in my room.”

“And you didn’t go through it to get what you wanted? I’m truly surprised!” I said in mock shock. Yeah I was getting some practice in acting out emotions.

“You truly are a dick,” she replied with a laugh.

I just snickered a few more times before the lull in our conversation came around again. It’s a common thing mind you, since there is rarely a person that can take a conversation and make it flow constantly. Those that do are blessed.

Eventually Gilda broke the silence again. “Do you have anything to remember your family by?”

“Yeah,” I said in a voice that was more somber than it should have been. It had been twenty years, so I should have been over it.

…

No, I’m not over it even to this day, though it’s better now. I’m learning to accept it day by day. It’ll probably take till I die, but one day I will fully come to terms with it and revisit where I buried them.

…

That’s a good point, one that I never really considered. Perhaps it was the way that they died that caused such a deep wound … it would have been better to have them live out a full life and not die when they were but halfway through life. Yeah … yeah, you’re right. Thanks.

Right.

I eventually replied to her after a rather long silence, finally deciding to bring out that photo album that I kept on my body wherever I went. I mentioned it all the way back at the start of the story, back when I was in New Jersey. It would be the first time that I ever showed anyone that photo album. “Yeah … some pictures … and a bunch of memories.”

“Can I see?” she asked as she turned around so she was looking at me instead of out at the castle. How could I say no to my own cat-bird?

The album itself was one in the design of one of those old multiple CD cases, though smaller so that each tab held a singular photo on each side. Though the amount of tabs made sure that you could hold hundreds of photos. Hundreds of photos that I scavenged through still working technology and my old house.

“Sure,” I replied softly before shuffling to pull it out. When I finally managed to get it out of its nook in my clothing, I started from the beginning of the photos. From the very first one I told her everything I could remember of what lead up to the picture and anything I thought was important.

I don’t know how long I flipped through the album before Gilda was fast asleep, her head resting on my right leg. Light snores that sounded more like purrs coming out of her mouth everytime she breathed. It was truly something to behold.

It was also something that helped me sleep easy.

Fin.

For today! Yep, after all this time spent, we finally reached the end of this portion! I hope you’re building up fortitude and a tolerance to me talking, because we still have a long way to go before this whole saga comes to a close. Don’t worry … later portions often have a lot of time off in between. One day we’ll cross the threshold from telling a day at a time to … well to multiple days I figure.

So, have a good sleep … I know I will after all that.

I’ll leave you with one more thing, a little bit of advice to those that have someone in their lives, be it family, friends, or spouses. Always cherish them, for you never know when they might one day disappear forever.

Author's Notes:

Ho boy that was along one, huh? If you haven't noticed by now but each chapter more or less represents a days worth of events. Sometimes more happens in a day than others, and this one was one of those. Sure I could have glossed over parts but then you wouldn't get the full experience!

Now to shed light on some stuff.
1) I don't know if it was mentioned, cause my memory is not as good as his, but if Ryan explained the vodka in this chapter then there ya go! If not and it comes up in the next chapter ... well ... For the sake of the character in this story, the shots number is a little higher and the lack of hangover due to enough conditioning over the years. In reality, my cousin's top number that I know of was twelve shot, though that made rather drunk :P

2)Yeah, I obviously had to do a question seminar with Twilight, clichéd I know but it has to be done because you know it would be done.

3)The Princesses in this are from my own personal headcanon :P

4) Finally, if this chapter feels all over the place with random emotions, then just think about a regular human being when presented with many different stimuli. Are they always calm and rational in their thoughts, are they always just one feeling during a day? It's an emotional rollercoaster I say!

And I think that's it. If there is something else that needs to be cleared, just leave a comment.

Title song is ... Through the Looking Glass = Symphony X

See ya next week!