Class-holes

"Captain's log star date 2: I FIND myself in an ALterNATE UNIVERSE where ALL seem to be some form of ANthroMORphic sentient BEING! I mySELF have been TRANSFORMED by this peculiar phenominon. The DISTANCE to the NEAREST CIViliZAtion is less than a mile away. I MUST GO to resupply for my stores of food have ALL run out. I've... GOT TO MISTER!!!" I flip the log diary back into my cloak, remembering that I just dictated everything. Then strangely remembered that I got the flipbook out of nowhere... WAIT! this can only mean one thing...

"Well, that's CERTAINLY a way to make your plans known to the world." Discord glanced at his claws/paws/talons? after interupting my revelation.

"It keeps me on schedule." I can still manage to pull an awesome face, even with a large muzzle now. Which I kind of have to say, is kind of awkward to chew with, "Anyway, next stop CANTERLOT!"

"oh goodie..." Discord didn't seem to like the Idea. Which reminds me...

Questions to be answered before I die: Why is it named Canterlot and how does this portain to the pun of horses? I know it's a play on words of Camelot...

"Oh speak of the Devil..." I gazed up at the city on the side of a cliff. There it is... Canterlot... Canterlot... Canterlot...

"It's only a model..." Discord said as I realized I was looking at a poster. Wait how did he just read my mind just then?

"Eh?" I turn around quizzically.

"On another note figure it out yet?" Discord trying to apparently get back to my train of thought, that's a surprise.

"Yes actually. It's something the Internet has Dubbed, 'Hammer Space'." I emphasize my point by pulling out a comically oversized mallet, DAFUQ? I stare with dilated pupils, "Let's talk about it later."

"Agreed," Somewhat surprised and intrigued himself.

"... And we're off!" I turn around and slam into the post where the sign was. Wow... the universe itself is pulling the signpost turnabout gag. I have been officially trolled... I pry my face from the sign and walk around it...

"And Where do you think you're going, morsel?" I turn slowly and find myself face to face with a 600 foot tall dragon, strawberry flavoured. MY GOD, IT'S SKYRIM ALL OVER AGAIN! Atleast the dragons here speak english.

"Canterlot my fellow reptile of the draco family, why should you be privvy to that information?"

"Well, I haven't eaten yet, and you do look so tender and moist." Dammit I should have skipped the bath in the stream.

"Sorry big boi, I'm not an entree." I brush myself off from the rings of smoke. He raised his head blowing fumes of fire.

"Oh so you are van vith de voice?!" I say in a horrible graybeard impression. I ponder for a bit, cartoons surprisingly give you enough time to think. Since half of the laws of physics have gone to shit, 50% chance it won't hurt to try this. I start singing:

"He's regretting wearing a sleeveless tunic for this fight...." Big Inhale, "VOICE ATTACK!"

The wind erupted from my voice staggering the dragon and causing it to fall, HOLY SHIT I just pulled a big bad wolf move, except I'm crazy and and have the capability of singing Soprano and Alto Arias, don't ask.

"No time..." I look around for someone else to tell... then look back at the dragon... "r-run..."

10 minutes later, Canterlot

"DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!" I shout in one breath as I pass through the streets, being heard by the hundreds of ponies, Including the princesses.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOLF!" I hear others say I glance at one fainting at the sight of me. I stop and slide to an abrupt stop to facepaw, dragging my paw down my face to wipe the remnance of annoyance into a calm expression. Then I remember that all I'm wearing is a long cloak, and everyone else is fully dressed. They must think I'm streaking. In the few seconds that come next and in the future will probably regret and forget later, I think this was totally worth it. I turn slowly and strike a debonair pose, Pelvic thrusting twice in rhythmic succession while singing:

"I'm Sexy and I know it." A Techno bit playing me off... everymare just about faints while a few stallions barf into trashcans. That bad huh... maybe I'll do a full scale boogie to dubstep later on. Then...

'SHIT! I forgot about the dragon!' Too late, it already arrived and guess what, it started going through the windows and snatching ponies up. Then I remembered Hammerspace, GOOD OLD NONSENSE.

"Crowbar, no, rubberduck, no, bass cannon?!, I'm keeping that, lolkitty, ADORABLENESS! PACIFY THE BITCHES!, Diamond Sword, HELL YEAH!"

I slowly walk up to the dragon draggin the sword along the ground, making badace sparks, I grasp the rune of the blade parallel to the ground, Dammit this would be 20% more badace if I had sunglasses. With The bass cannon ready, and Discord on the Electric Guitar, let the show begin:

Do you like my sword, sword?

Sword, my diamond sword, sword

*raise sword*

You can not afford, 'ford

Ford, my diamond sword, sword

Even if you could, could

I have a patent!

*poke dragon's foot*

No one else can make a sword

Exactly in this manner, manner

Welcome to my manor, manor

I ca ca ca canna canna

*grin*

Swing, swing, swing my sword, sword

Whenever I get bored, bored

I can swing my sword, sword

I can swing my sword, sword!

*shaves dragon scales*

Once I hit the floor boards *breaks pavement*

But I had it restored

And it was expensive *Guy hands me the bill*

But it was a write off!

Swinging is my business

And by that I mean swinging swords

Please do not ignore

Do you like my sword?

Ha!

That was rhetorical

You know I am the oracle

I know you like my sword

It's made of freakin' diamonds *drool on the sword*

If you don't you're lying

But that would be fine

Because it is awesome

And you're probably jealous! *dragon looks jealous*

I can swing my sword, sword

'Cause I am the lord, lord

Lord of diamond swooooorrrrrddddssssah!

HA HA HA HA HA!

"You know all you really did was shave his scales off right." Discord pointed to the reality.

"Husshhshshshshshshshshhshshshhhhhhhhhh" Start spitting in Discords face, "Now," crack my neck, "We fight dragons." I put the diamond sword and bass cannon away and pull out a katana, OMG they friggin have them, don't have the hamon though probably because it wasn't animated, lol.

Misinterpreted Lyrics:

Dovakiin! For the Win! *High Jump*

For the sake of Skyrim! *Slow fall*

Go and Fly, all of you! *Slash against the Horn*

But your all so dumb! *parry Oncoming Chomp*

But I know your all dumb

Although DON'T Eat those socks *That was a Close Bite*

Dovakiin, FTW! *Hammer to the Face*

Total Awesomedom! *Slash to the eyeball*

Trumpent Ensembly *Drop as the blood pour out from the eyeball, land softly and go around to the back as he flails, Dashing Up the spine from the tail*

We all just want to have fuuuun and siiiiiiiing: *Halfway up*

rah rah rah *dragon head smashes into overhead bridge*

rah rah rah *Almost lose my grip*

the big bang was a decent SIIIIIIIIIIIT COOOOOOOOOOM! *Damn right it was*

(I'm gonna stop now...)

The exposed flesh was still too thick to hit a vital organ, so I keep traveling up the spine of the Dragon, toward the head of the beast. The dragon tries to smash his back into the wall, I take a deep breath and try to counter the momentum,

"FUS RO DAH," It worked as it pressed me right up against the spine. Thank you cartoon physics. I almost reach the top and try to secure myself in place by stabbing the sword in the dragon's spine, apparently I hit the spinal cord because the dragon started to careen.

'Well I'm right fuqed aren't I' I start to descend as the dragon's neck falls, one thought crosses my mind that I simply must put to words....

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!" Discord Facetaloned on the way down. The dragon started to regain consciousness but then collapsed due to the strain, and the neck toppled into the ground segment by segment, the head being the last to make contact with the ground, bringing up dust and dirt covering all of the ponies around us. I stand slowly to a crowd of cheering finding sunglasses in hammerspace, I slowly rise, katana in one hand, sunglasses in the other. 'AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!' I step a few steps forward, sheathing the katana.

"A mean old dragon," I adorn the sunglasses, "slain by the big bad wolf." Definitely going in the one-liners list.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Thanks Discord.

Then the moment that kills it all, Princess Luna enter stage left