We spent three more days with the Vren. I spent that time learning. Potion making from Nadene, wood carving from Varek ( he agreed quite readily after I mention the cool feature I’d found to my hand) , basic first aid from Sitka, pretty much anything I thought I’d need out in the wide world. Somehow (I’m not sure I wanted to know) Ren managed to secure us some basic equipment. No food though. According to him, I’d have to learn to hunt before we get to the Equestrian border.

That’s right, we’re going to Equestria. The plan is to hit up Stalliongrad for more supplies then head for the Everfree forest. According to Ren, the best way for me to learn to fight was to fight. And since I was still a little…concerned about killing sentients, I was going to practice on the dangerous beasts that plague the wilds. Considering some of that stuff looks tough in the show, I can’t imagine what they’ll be like in real life. I’m not as excited about the prospect as you might think.

Still, I’m going to fucking Equestria! How cool is that? So I’m seeing it through feline eyes instead of pony or human. It’s still Equestria.

Why do I suddenly feel like crap?

I am going to miss the Vren though. They were some of the friendliest people I’d come across in a long time. A little weird, but hey, I’m an alien being from a world more fucked up than the Binding of Isaac. Which is in my world by the way. Fun game.

Alas, all good things must come to an end. And so, in the early morning on my fifth conscious day in Valen, Ren and I packed up to leave. I’d been given a large satchel which I wore strapped to my lower back along with a belt covered in small pouches to hold herbs and such. Through some clever packing, I managed to fit all the potions I’d made and the supplies to make more.

We had checked everything, planned our route (actually he planned it, I just agreed since I have no fucking idea where we are), and made sure there was no unresolved business keeping us around. The only thing left now was the goodbyes.
Is there any way to skip this part?

Most of the Vren had just seen us as more of a curiosity than anything else so it wasn’t like we were getting some huge send off. It was just going to be Rakk, Sitka, and Nadene. Completely fine with me. I’m not one for crowds anyway.

Still, I hate goodbyes. Who doesn’t really? Unless it was a goodbye to someone I hate. Then I suppose I’d be excited. But there’s no one I hate here. Except for Ren sometimes, but that just cause he keeps trying to drop the M-word. God help me if he does.

“Are you ready?” I looked at Ren. He stood in the doorway holding the food bag. Outside, the sun was just starting to rise. We’d decided to leave as early as possible. There was a lot of ground between here and the land of the Sun and Moon.

“As I’ll ever be.” I strapped on the satchel and followed him outside. Even in the early morning it was hot out. Actually, I can’t recall a single moment when the jungle was chilly. Even at night it rarely fell out of the seventies. Yet I never felt uncomfortable. Maybe it was just a perk of being a native species.

As luck would have it, the chief’s hut was the northernmost point in the village. We were entering the trees right behind it. The three of them were standing there. Nadene almost stifled a particularly large yawn. It was early in the morning and, as a workweek here and ten years of being a pet owner have taught me, cats like their naps.

“All ready to go?” she managed to get out.

“Yeah.” Ren looked…uncomfortable. He’d been avoiding Rakk and Sitka for some reason. I had some…theories, but it wasn’t like I was going to ask. If he wanted to tell me, he’d tell me. It’s as simple as that.

“Well, it’s been…good,” he said awkwardly.

“Yes…it has,” Sitka said. Rakk remained silent. Nadene gave me a curious look. I just shrugged at her. Like a said, he’d tell if he wanted to. And so would her parents.

“I guess this is goodbye,” he said. “I wish you luck in your lives.” For some reason, he stared directly at Sitka while he said this. “Don’t take too long,” he whispered to me. Then, just like that, he left. Just walked off without another word.

By the Gods, he’s worse than me when I was human.

“Well…that was awkward,” I said lamely.

“Indeed,” Rakk stated. Then he held out a paw (his left, he never got it wrong after the first day). “It has been a pleasure.”

“Likewise.” I shook his paw. He was a nice guy and damn was I going to miss his cooking. Put him on Iron Chef and he’d win. Every time.

“A word of advice,” I heard Sitka say. She suddenly grabbed my shoulder, pulled me in close, and started whispering. “Take everything Ren tells you with a grain of salt. He has been through hard times in the past. His worldview is not the most…pure.” She looked me straight in the eye. In hers I saw…regret? “Good luck.”

“Same to you,” I said, a little suspicious. Ren had saved my life. Several times. I was inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt. And if they had a past like I suspected, she might be a little biased. But that was a problem for another day.

“Soooo…” said Nadene.

“Yeah…” I responded back. I’m not sure, but I think she became my best friend. Which made this a little painful. “I’ll see you around?” I held out my paw.

“Yeah. Try not to lose anymore body parts.”

“Believe me, I will.” Being honest, I might have had a small crush on her. Still, some things are better left unsaid. After all, given the nature of this journey, I’d probably never come back here again.

Yeah…

I left then. Said a goodbye, gave a wave, and walked off to where Ren was standing behind the hut. I preferred to get these kinds of things done quickly. Goodbyes are like Band-Aids. It’s better to just rip it all off at once than to peel it off slow.

“You’re absolutely sure you want to go?” he asked. I looked back a Valen. It was the closest thing I had to a home in Equestria.

“No. So let’s get a move on before I change my mind.” He nodded and the two of us walked off into the trees, leaving the Vren behind.

I looked back once.

“There is something I need to do. Wait here.”

We had been walking for three hours. We were smack dab in the middle of the jungle. On the way here I had seen the tracks of several of the area’s more vicious inhabitants. So maybe you can imagine how stupefied I was at how Ren was leaving me (still untrained in the arts of combat) in the middle of said jungle.

“Well why didn’t you do it during the three days I was safely in the village?”

“Because the Vren wouldn’t like it.” When the ultra-peaceful group of healers don’t like something…I just get a bad feeling about it.

“It’s not going to get us killed right?”

“It might save your life.” Well…that sounds like a good thing.

“Will it take long?”

“Maybe an hour. Just wait here.” And hour? In a dangerous jungle? Alone?

“Well what am I supposed to do while you’re off doing…whatever it is you’re doing? Wait, what are you doing?”

“You’ll know soon enough.” Yeah, because that sentence always has something happy attached to it. “Besides, your name is Mango Jack. Go look for fruit trees or something.”

“Look,” I said with a sigh, “I don’t mind you calling me Jack. I would prefer to be called by my real name, but you seem to be ignoring my requests.”

“And will continue to.”

“But can you please not call me that? It is literally the most embarrassing name I’ve ever heard and I went through middle school. Just…don’t use the M-word. Alright?”

“Well you should have picked an easier name. Khajiit? It makes no sense! Why did you pick it?”

“Well, I would have called myself M’aiq, but then I’d be a liar.” Actually, I had thought of using M’aiq after I’d already named myself Khajiit. Hindsight is twenty-twenty. “It’s complicated. And has to do with the internet.”

“Then I don’t want to know. Just find some food. Your name is Mango so I expect mangos. Good luck.” Then he walked off.
I let out what might have been the loudest groan I’d ever uttered. Seriously, calling myself ‘Mango Jack?’ Even in private? If I could go back in time and find that bastard, I would-

Just calm down. Can’t change the past. If he ever tells anyone I’ll just rip his tongue out and be done with it. Now…I guess I should find some food.

Right on cue, my stomach went off. We had a light breakfast and trekking through the jungle’s a lot harder than you’d think. You really have to work to get through this terrain. And avoid quicksand. Nasty stuff.

On to the food. At the call of my stomach I started looking. It was surprisingly easy. Found some in the first ten minutes. Unfortunately, they were...mango trees.

He’s never going to let me live this down. I managed to climb up the tree using my blade as a sort of ice pick. Using them in conjunction with the claws on my other hand, I worked my way up to the lowest branch and sat down. The aggravating, yet tasty fruit was within easy reach.

That was the exact moment I realized I had nothing to hold them in.

“The things I do for food.” With great care not to rip it on my blade (I only realized later that I should have sheathed it beforehand…paw), I took off my shirt and used it as a sort of basket. With my blade, I sliced the fruit off at the stems and let them fall into the makeshift sack. When I had gathered enough for a small meal, I dropped down (still loving the cat reflexes). I ate half and saved the rest for Ren.

Then I waited for him for three hours.

“For Pete’s sake! It’s like my dad all over again!” The man will yell at you to get in the car because you’re late, then make you sit there for ten minutes. He has no sense of time.

I wish the witch had at least let me keep some of my stuff. Like my iPod. Sinatra makes everything better. Him and the Beetles, Motorhead, Rolling Stones, Dire Straits, all the classics. Screw dubstep, if you don’t like Sinatra, you don’t have a soul.

So I waited under the tree for Ren. I would like to say that during that time I contemplated such matters as life, social structure, and the possible existence of higher beings. Sadly, I was still pretty tired from getting up at five in the morning, so I mostly just sang Sinatra under my breath.

I was hallway through a passable edition of New York when he walked out of the trees and threw something at me.

“Catch.” Unfortunately, a week wasn’t long enough for me to learn to react with my left arm. I reached out with the prosthetic and saw the object bounce off the wood.

“Dammit!”

“Right…we’ll have to work on that.” I looked at him, trying with all my might to project ya think through my face. I think he got the message since he rolled his eyes at me. I suppose it was his right. After all, he did get me…wow.

Lying on the ground in front of me was a sword. Specifically as scimitar. The handle and sheath were done in black and inlaid with silver in the same design as my dagger. I slowly picked it up and (with a little work) unsheathed it. The blade was pure obsidian with two silver blood channels running up its curve. A glance at Ren showed he had an identical sword in his hand, only it was ivory and gold like my dagger. At his hilt was a black dagger to match mine.

“Where did you get this?”

“I found it. A long time ago...” He trailed off, maybe for a look at his memories. I didn’t really pay attention. I was too busy examining the sword. “Mine is called Lux. That one is Erebus. I believe they’re either enchanted or forged exceptionally well. A friend and I carried these blades and their accompanying daggers for years. During that time they never had to be sharpened. And they are sharp. Don’t expect to be killing any dragons with it, but most armor will fall before you.”

I stared at him. If what he said was true, then he’d just given me something equivalent to the master sword. He walked a few feet closer.

“Without your arm, you are going to be at a disadvantage no matter who you fight. You need and edge. So I figure, why not give you a sharp one,” he said with a smile.

“It’s beautiful,” I said sheathing it. I gave it a few practice swings. The sword was incredibly light and easy to move. Probably enchanted, that’s usually how these things work, right? “Are you sure you want me to have this? I mean, I don’t really know how to…SHIT!”

He came at me with his held high and I just barely managed to block in time. A muffled ring rang out as both of them were still inside their scabbards. He threw a few more slashes at me which I held off by the skin of my teeth. Still, I was screwed. He’d backed me up against the fruit tree, still raining blows. Somehow, I ducked into a roll and came up to the right, responding with a swipe of my own. He deflected it easily and came in high. I moved my sword to defend only to find his blade slapping against my legs. I’m still not sure how he did that.

In the span of a few seconds, he swept my legs out in front of me, slapped the flat of his blade against my head, kicked me so I’d roll over, and placed the tip of his sword against my throat.

“You’re dead,” he said.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” I yelled, ears still ringing from the slap.

“First off, you were completely unprepared for my attack. You should always be ready in case an opponent presents itself. Second, you let yourself get caught against something solid.” He flicked the scimitar at the tree for a second then returned it to my thyroid. “Although you did get out of it, if I was really trying, you would have been cut to ribbons. Always leave yourself room to work. Third, you were watching my hands, not my chest. If you were watching my chest, you would have seen me shift to your legs sooner, giving you more time to react. Any questions?”

“Yeah, what the fuck?”

“Like I said, I want to give you an edge. Sadly, an edge you can’t use isn’t an edge at all.” He took the blade away and held out a paw. “That’s why I’m going to teach you.”

“By kicking the crap out of me?” I took his paw and let him haul me to my feet. The pain in my head hadn’t even begun to recede. “That really hurt you know.”

“Life hurts. Anyone who says different is selling you something.” Damn that movie had some amazing quotes. “Besides, pain is an excellent teacher. You’ll learn if only to make it stop.” He walked over to the ‘fruit basket.’ It took exactly three seconds for him to break out into one of the biggest grins I’d ever seen.

“Not one word,” I warned him.

“Fair enough.” He strapped his sword across his back. He picked up the fruit and started walking. “Now then, let’s go over all the ways your stance was wrong.”

“You might want to hold off on that.”

“Why?” He turned back to me. I held out Erebus for him to see.

“I…can’t really strap it on with one hand…” I needed to find a replacement for this thing. Why couldn’t it have been my left hand? At least then I could write my fucking name. Which is NOT Mango Jack!

“Right…we’ll work on that to.”

The tapir stuck its head into the clearing seeing a small pile of berries arranged neatly in the center. Naturally it was suspicious. The jungle was a dangerous place. If it hadn’t learned this it wouldn’t be alive.

It sniffed the air, trying to find anything resembling danger. After assuring itself there was nothing in the clearing, the tapir shuffled towards the berries. It gently grabbed one with its mouth. Finding no traps, nor the taste of poison, the tapir swallowed the berry and dug into the rest of the pile.

I looked at Ren who was balanced in the tree across from me. He gave me a subtle nod.

I leaped from the tree right onto the back of the tapir. Falling from that height was enough to break its spine. I drew my blade across its throat to spare it any pain.

“Well done,” I heard him say as he dropped down beside me. I flashed him a smile for an answer and shouldered the pig like creature. Once it was back at our camp I’d learn how to skin. I never thought being arm deep in animal guts would sound exciting, but I guess times change.

“Kind of wish we had some spice,” I said as I laid another spit of meat over the fire. From the smell of it, tapir meat is a lot like pork, so for simplicities sake, pork it shall be. Ren was busy hanging up the leather gathered during his demonstration to dry. The rest of the meat we’d cut into strips and were busy smoking to make jerky. When the hide was dry he’d turn it into a backpack.

I have to say, I was picking this stuff up quick. On earth it would have taken weeks to learn even half of what I’d gotten in a few days. It might be a different make up in my brain. Or (far more likely) now I had an actual reason to learn these things. What would be a hobby there is life or death here. It’s only natural that I’d retain more skills when faced with this terrifying option.

Of course these are only theories. The answer could also be: It’s a cartoon. Who the fuck cares! I had an outline for Pete’s sake!

Anyway, I’d put the meat onto sticks along with some of the mangos (yeah, yeah, laugh it up) to give it some extra flavor. While Nadene had shown me a large amount of plants used in heath and mana potions (I had collected a lot of them so far) there really hadn’t been anything in the way of actual cooking knowledge. For some reason not even God could fathom, I had neglected to ask Rakk for cooking lessons. Honestly, I was a fucking idiot. I find what might be the greatest chef in the world and I don’t even try to-

My only warning was the nearly silent shuffling of Ren’s foot across the ground. I jumped over the fire to give myself some space. Sure enough, I felt his kick impact on my tail and hissed in pain. By the time I’d landed, he was already hallway around the fire and streaking toward me.

I used my wooden hand to block his punch and responded with a kick of my own. He jumped back and I took a step forward. I learned early on that fighting defensively just let him wail on me for a while. If I was going to have any chance at all I had to be aggressive. I combined that step with a punch and managed to give him a tap on the chest.

I received no real response so I advanced again and tried to deliver a haymaker with my prosthetic. Bad move. He sidestepped, grabbed my arm, stuck a leg out, and promptly flipped me onto my ass. As a final insult to my dignity, he kicked me in the head. Hard.

“You’re getting better. Actually hit me that time,” he said with the mirth of a man who just delivered a total ass-kicking.

“I feel so proud.” I sat up and rubbed my possibly cracked scalp. “What’d I do wrong that time?”

“You tried to put all your strength into one punch. Never do that unless it will absolutely assure you victory. Our people are built for speed. Use a series of light hits to frustrate and disorient your opponent, then go for the knockout when they’re worn down.”

“Got it.” It’s been like this for the past three days. Turns out what Ren calls 'Training' could be more accurately translated as 'kicking my ass.' Every night and morning (after dinner and breakfast respectively) we’d spar with the swords. Then throughout the day AND night, he’d attack me unarmed. He said it was to let me learn my own style and sharpen my reflexes, but I think it’s also just to fuck with me. Walking around with the constant possibility of attack wears on you. I’d never felt so tense, not even on my Spanish final when my grade for the class was a sixty-nine.

At least the advice made sense. I have never seen a fat member of my kind. Nearly all of them are lean, though the height can vary. Some of them are tall in a sort of elven look, while others are more like gymnasts in that…wait a second.

I had never heard Ren once call our species anything other than cat-people, our people, or a tribe name. I’d been here almost two weeks and I had no idea what I was.

“Ren, what are we?” He looked up from the drying wrack.

“What do you mean?”

“As a species. What is our kind called?”

“Oh. We don’t have a name.” Wait…what the fuck?

“How can our species not have a name?”

“We had one once, but it was lost.” This sentence was followed by five minutes of me staring at him while he dried leather. “I suppose you want me to tell you the story.”

“That would be nice.” He sighed. Heavily.

“Let me start out by saying I don’t actually know the name. No one does. Barely anyone even knows what happens.”
“And you just happen to be one of those people.”

“Yes, and even then it’s only a theory.”

“How do you know?”

“I found it in the same place I found the swords.”

“So Sitka knows to?"

He hit me with a glare so fierce it could make Kratos shit himself. He turned back to the leather and stopped talking. That children is what we call a fuck up.

“Look, I’m sorry…”

“Save it. We’re done talking.” Without warning he brought out the sticks we’d been using to spar with and threw one to me. They were curved in a way similar to the scimitars and were a real bitch to find. Still, I was slowly improving in my sword fighting from that first awful attempt.

Didn’t help at all since Ren was out for blood.

He came in fast, stick held low. I’d seen this trick, so I brought mine up high. They met with the dull clack of wood hitting wood. He followed up with a series of fast swings to all areas of my body. I blocked some of them, but he had more speed, more skill, and was far too angry to treat this as anything other than the beat down it was. Plus, I was still wonky with my left hand. I was on my way to becoming somewhat ambidextrous, but it was still a long way off.

Eventually, he got bored or figured I’d had enough. Ren swept my legs out from under me and broke his stick over my head.
“Never bring up my past. EVER. Don’t speculate about it, don’t think about it, and don’t ask about it. If I want to talk, I’ll start talking. Then you shut up, listen, and forget everything I tell you. Got it?” I nodded from my position on the ground. “Good. Your meat is burning.”

He walked back to the leather while I pulled myself up and tended the food. We ate in silence, skipped anymore training and went to sleep. Despite his warning, I thought about it. I came to one conclusion. Whatever he’d gone through to cause that reaction, it was much worse than I’d imagined

“Get up.” I felt Ren’s foot nudge me. I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. “Come on. We’re still four days from the border.”

“You kicked my ass yesterday. I deserve to sleep in.”

“Alright fine.” Far too easy. IT’S A TRAP! “Don’t know why you’d want to cuddle with a snake, but whatever.”

“Snake?” Sitka already used that trick dumbass. Just to humor him (and in no way out of fear) I sat up and looked around. All I saw was Ren putting the finishing touches on a backpack he’d been making with the-

*Hissssssssssss*

“Snake!” With the speed of Hermes, my gaze snapped down to my legs. There, just hanging out on my feet, was a viper. “SNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAKE!”

With a kick that would have made an NFL player green with envy, I sent the snake flying off into the trees and backed up in the most undignified manor possible. That was by far the worst wakeup I’d ever had. Period.

“Soooo…you’re afraid of snakes?” I heard Ren ask.

“Terrified.”

“Why? Snakes aren’t that scary.”

“Well, you get locked in the garage with a rattler at six years old and see how you feel.” It was an accident mind you. I should not have left my room during naptime. Scariest fucking hour of my life.

“Hmmm…” I did not like that sound. I don’t know why, but I just knew that that sound and the smile that followed would be the death of me. “I think I can help.”

FUCK!