[Concordia]

When Jack digistructed back together in Concordia, he blinked at seeing it seem so empty. Well, emptier. “Whoa, talk about a ghost town. Usually there’d be a few loiterers around or people going somewhere.” Jack commented to himself as he looked around, seeing every shop on the top floor was now closed besides Nina’s Jab-n-Go, the Bank, Moxxi’s Up-and-Over, and Spring’s Emporium of Stuff. “At least the essentials are still here.”

“H-hey! Good to see you back.” Jack turned to see Springs in the doorway of her shop/home, the wide-hipped big-butt roo clad in just a pair of black panties and a casual white T-shirt, looking like she’d just come back from a long jog with how disheveled she was. “How’d it go with Pickle?” Janey asked as Jack jumped the short distance between the fast-travel station and her shop in the convenient low-g Concordia’s public spaces were left in.

“Uh...well, he told us where to find an AI. But Wilhelm-.” Jack yelped as Wilhelm suddenly slammed into the ground near him.

“I acquainted him with the respawn system, so to say. Blame my decaying brain being shoved into a new mechanical one causing glitches.” Wilhelm said, crossing his arms as Springs shrugged.

“Eh, the little ankle-biter is annoying as hell. At least Wilhelm was nice enough to buy him a New-U account.” On that, Jack could agree. “So where’s your next target?”

“It’s the onboard AI of the Drakensberg.” Jack’s words made Janey hiss a breath in through her teeth, her ears flopping back. “I’m guessing it’s kind of a dangerous place?”

“That’s like saying kraggons are ‘kind of’ deadly. Besides Redbelly and this new scav boss RIP, the Bosun who rules his scavs out of the Drakensberg has the biggest and deadliest crew of Scavs on Elpis. Fleets of old Dahl jet fighters, heavily armored and armed scavs with jetpacks, and more old Dahl firepower than you can shake a stick at.” Springs stated before she sighed and leaned against the doorframe, rubbing her lower belly and looking tired.

“It’s not like we’re not used to that now, Jack.” His android companion sarcastically commented.

“We’ll deal with it like any other threat out there; with a lot of bullets. Athena wearing you out?” Jack asked in concern for his recently acquired friend.

“You have no clue. She’s got me ready to go arse over tit. We’ve been screwing for hours now and she’s still hungry. I may have been stranded alone with a massive ladyboner for a long time, but even I’m getting tuckered out.” Janey groaned as she massaged her core. “Hot damn though if she isn’t liberal with the toys in bed. Seems to get off on me getting off too.”

“Wow, she’s a keeper. Just make sure you get plenty of rest while you can between sexcapades.” Jack insisted before warily peering past her into the shop. “Uh, is it safe for me to be here?”

“Do we even want to know if it’s safe to go back there?” Wilhelm asked as he shifted Fragtrap’s unresponsive body around.

“Huh? Oh, sure. I’ve been tail-banging her so hard her body is a bit confused, thinking it might be in the process of getting proper banged-up.” Springs moved her tail up, revealing how damp a good length of it was, causing Jack to blush and Janey to smirk. “You’re not the only one who gets to have interesting adventures in bed.”

“Well that’s good for those of us with male body parts. But I see the place has gotten pretty empty. Did the evacuations already happen?” Jack asked as he gestured around the unusually empty central concourse of Concordia.

“Yep. The moment Zarpedon’s lackey said it was okay for people to escape, they dogpiled into old shuttles and cargo haulers headed for the nearest civilized space stations towards the core.” Springs sniffed in distaste. “A good half of those muckers didn’t even need to evacuate what with them having New-U accounts. Bloody cowards.”

“At least that gives us space to mess with our little buddy, here.” Wilhelm says, holding up the still offline Fragtrap.

“Janey~!” Athena’s husky voice called out and Springs groaned as she turned around, giving Jack and Wilhelm an eyeful of how inadequate those panties were for the roo’s huge muscle-dense peach-shaped ass and again making Jack uncomfortable since she wasn’t into males while Wilhelm simply took a mental and literal picture and left it alone.

“I’ll be right in you beaut! Sorry lads, I’ve...eyes up here lad.” Jack squirmed as he valiantly managed to obey the lesbian roo’s demand to stop staring at her sexy ass and she smirked. “Thanks for the compliment to me arse, but don’t make a habit of it.”

“Sorry. I am a straight stallion after all.” Jack sheepishly scratched the back of his neck. “Good luck with that griffin. You’ll need it.” Jack joked as Springs walked back into her office which had a trapdoor to her personal bedroom. No idea why Concordia was so oddly built, then again it was a Dahl colony. “Okay, so Wilhelm, any idea what to do with Frag besides take him to John?”

“I’m… actually going to go into his head and see if I can’t sort things out with him and whatever’s causing all the glitches.” Wilhelm said, hefting the offline bot over his shoulder. “You go talk to John. I’m going to go find a place to do this privately so I don’t get jumped by one of the horny bitches. I’ll call ya when I get out of his head.” He said before walking over to the fast travel and taking the jump pad right in front of it.

“Well okay then. I hope he’s got Nisha under control and the Meriff is gone with the rest of the citizens without New-U.” Jack muttered to himself.

[???]

“... The fuck is this place?” Wilhelm asked no-one in particular when he was met with oddly cheery, upbeat music…. It was honestly a bit off-putting. He walked about for a while, eventually coming to a strange junction. “Uuuuh… Where now?”

“Helloooo Digitized Traveler! YEAH!” Said a fake blue hologram version of Claptrap in the digital area, he even got a Title Card as he jumped into the air. CL4P-TP’s Consciousness: I’m a feature!”

“Oh god damn it.”

“I am this Unit’s Consciousness, ego, and higher functions!” The fake says with a still happy voice.

“Oooooh god damn it.”

“You’re not authorized to be here, but the system isn’t reacting negatively. Oh! Want to reach the Nexus? It’s where all of my system functions are routed through.”

“Hold on.” The digitized android said as he started trying to call Angel.

“Hello again Wilhelm, out murdering more-whoa...where are you?” Angel asked, her tone going from disgusted to curious in an instant.

“Can you get me an admin password real quick? I’m trying to fix Fragtrap.” He says, a little impatient.

“Fix him? Wilhelm, that’s a task not even I or dad could manage. He was considering something drastic like sending in mercenaries to manually debug his system it’s so bad.” Angel huffed in annoyance. “I love the little guy like he’s a little brother, but he’s pretty dang crazy, especially after what dad did just shoving the VaultHunter.exe into him like it was a standard app.”

“Yeah? Well I’m going to. Now can you get me a password or not?” He said, actually impatient this time.

“Sure, here, have several.” At Angel’s words, about a dozen key-like drives appeared in the air, making CL4P-TP look surprised.

Claptrap’s consciousness tried to grab at least one, but Wilhelm managed to grab all of them out of the air before he could grab a single one. “Now, would you mind taking me where I need to go to fix this hellhole?”

“Caaaaaan do…as long as you let me have…ooooooone of the codes?”

“No.”

“Aw….”

[Meriff’s Office]

“Do I want to know?” Jack asked his older, half-naked brother who was in just his pants, his shirt and jacket in pieces all over the desk with Nisha naked save her hat and tied up in the office chair that was moved to the side, the tan pegasus mare not at all angry and smirking around her ball gag.

“Unless you’re comfortable talking about your older brother’s sex life? Uh, how about no?” John sheepishly smiled before clearing his throat. “Alright, so, what’s the word? I was sorta...occupied when you guys got your next heading.”

“Well, we need to assault a crashed Dahl battleship; the Drakensberg, and take it’s AI unit.” Jack stated simply. “Any word on any other fronts? Or has the cycle killed all momentum otherwise?”

“Well, despite some setbacks.” At John calling it a setback, Nisha laughed around her gag and wiggled her eyebrows at him. “Roland has managed to outrun his marefriend long enough to establish that the Titan Industrial Facility is still in good enough condition to crank out robots with a bit of finessing.”

“Well that’s good, but we still need the AI before we can get to work on that.” Jack then looked at Nisha, who was leering at him as much as his brother. “So...uh….”

“Yep. Definitely pregnant. Off the roster. It’s up to you and the other badasses not screwed over by instinct to save Elpis. Well, and Pandora too. The planet wouldn’t exactly survive a cataclysm of this scale.” John stated with dead seriousness.

“Oh. Well, then why is she still here and not on a transport off the moon?” Jack asked with a scrunch of his snout.

“Because, unfortunately, she decided to stay, find me, and make hot sweaty sex while the last shuttles left. Luna and Aurelia are in the same boat because they’re too stubborn for their own good.” John sighed as he shook his head, then looked over at the chair in the other corner that had actual shackles holding Angel to it while she was completely unmoving with a cord plugged into the implant at her left temple. “Luckily for Wilhelm, Trixie had the common sense to get off this rock. Speaking of which, where is the big fella?”

[The Nexus]

Shotgun blasts rung out in the area that Wilhelm found himself in. The poor android fighting for his life inside this robotic hellscape from the ‘Insecurity’ forces as he kept feeding admin passwords to the massive six-armed claptrap Sys Admin.

“WHY IS IT REJECTING THEM?!” Wilhelm yelled at the top of his lungs.

“I DON’T KNOW!” Angel screamed back as she kept dumping new passwords on him.

One of the passwords finally read correctly, and the Sys Admin stopped shoving them into its giant shredder. “Oh. This one is good… Buuuut, I’m still gonna send more guys at you while I verify this.”

“WHY?!”

“Because they need to be purged from the system anyway.”

“OH, FUCK YOU!”

[Office]

“No~....” Angel murmurs in annoyance from her place in her chair. “Stupid...Sys Admin….”

“Aw, she’s having a hacker battle with a system somewhere.” John smiled lovingly before looking back to his brother. “So he’s managed to wirelessly hack Fragtrap. Oh. I don’t know if that’s safe. For Wilhelm that is.”

[Nexus]

The quarantine of Fragtrap…wasn’t anything that special. It was basically a data vault with a high security firewall in the center, a black, cubic core just beyond it.

“...What’s in there?” Wilhelm asked the consciousness that would not stop following him.

“Oh that? That’s what’s been corrupting my systems!” He says as a small bit of black shoots out of the firewall and past the other defences. “Hmmm. I know! If I open it up, maybe you can delete it!”

“WAIT WAIT WAIT, NO!” Wilhelm shouted as the consciousness attempted to open the quarantine…resulting in them getting denied. “Oh… Well that works, then.”

“There’s no way in or out of quarantine. Except for one.” A deep voice says, eerily distorted and familiar, resulting in a Title Card as a black claptrap with a horizontal visor eye is revealed in the quarantine cube. 5H4D0W-TP: Ominous Much? “The override key.”

“And I trust you why?”

“Because if you get in, I get out.”

[Office]

“Well before I go do anything else, this big skag guy gave me this weird gun.” Jack took out his new Ol’Painful and held it out to John, who looked it over. “It uses bullets but shoots lasers.”

“Whoa, seriously? And it isn’t a laser gun?” John fired it at the fishtank, melting a hole in the glass, pouring water onto the floor. “Holy shit! That’s awesome! Hold up, I’m calling a friend.”

“Who is he?” Jack asked curiously.

“Hey Ivan. My little brother Jack found something interesting. Yeah! I know, I have a brother! I just found out yesterday! Yeah, here, I’ll put him on.” John pinged Jack’s Echo, and soon the Echo card in the upper right appeared, revealing a brown bear with a claw-like scar down his left cheek wearing a traditional ushanka hat that many members of Vladof wore, but this one had it’s front embroidered in more intricate heraldry than just the Vladof star.

“Hello Jack. I Ivan Vladof, President of Vladof Corporation. Comrade John say you have interesting gun?” Ivan Vladof, one of the most powerful people in the galaxy and founder of one of the megacorporations running said galaxy casually asked, so Jack quickly held up the gun. “Oh? That look like attempt to copy Legendary Shredifier design.” Ivan hummed.

“I guess, but it shoots fire element lasers instead of bullets.” Jack declared, aiming at the already ruined fish tank and spraying bolts into it.

“Это невероятно! I must have weapon for R&D! I will buy for 1 Million Dollars!” Ivan declared excitedly, and Jack perked up at the money, but then looked longingly at his recently acquired swiss-cheese maker. “Ah, I see eyes. Not worry, I will have it returned with speed. The money Vladof Corporation make from design worth losing such lovely weapon, once we’ve figured out how it work.”

“Well...Wilhelm would kill me if I passed up on such an opportunity….”

[P4ND0R4]

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S ‘DENYING YOU’?!” Wilhelm yelled at Angel as he fired off what he is now calling the most annoying gun possible since it had that brat Pickle’s voice shouting annoying garbage like ‘pew pew’ and such nonsense.

“I mean it’s denying my hacking! Just beat the damn thing to death already!” Angel shouted back as he fought the giant holographic thresher.

“I never killed anybody!” The thresher somehow shouted at him.

“LOVE TO, BUT THIS GUN IS SO ANNOYING IT’S MAKING ME NOT WANT TO USE IT!” He yelled as his gun shouted out pew pew noises and begged him to reload it. That wasn’t suggestive.

“I don’t deny everything!” The thresher screamed, followed by the gun telling him to shoot it.

“Just throw the damn thing at it and switch out your arms!” Angel summoned arrows pointing at his shoulders.

“...Y’know, I honestly forgot I could do that for a second.” Wilhelm said as he broke the laser rifle over his knee, unfortunately making it digistruct into his Echo as he swapped out his arms for various Loader arms.

[Office (Totally not a sex dungeon)]

“Well that was a thing. I’m a million bucks richer, in the bank so the New-U doesn’t eat it all up if I die. I’m going to get another niece or a nephew in nearly a year, and I found out my niece has weird dreams about tentacles while she’s plugged into the Echonet.” Jack summed up his visit with a snort of amusement as Angel muttered about tentacles and pickles.

“Yeah, she’s...got some weird fetishes.” John defended awkwardly. “Well, I’m glad Ivan took a shine to you. He might even let me bring you on our next hunting trip.”

“Hunting with the president of Vladof. I thought I was already in the big leagues, and now I’m friends with the head of a megacorporation. Wilhelm is gonna be so jealous.” Jack snickered.

[Nexus]

“GOD DAMNED BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH! I THOUGHT WE WERE PAST THIS!”

“I THOUGHT IT WAS A MYTH!”

“OF COURSE IT’S NOT A MYTH, WHAT ARE YOU, FUCKING STUPID?!”

[Office]

“Well, I’m gonna be off then. I’ve gotta go find Wilhelm and see about heading out to the Drakensberg.” Jack stood up from the desktop he’d been sitting on since there wasn’t another chair. “I’d give you another hug bro, but you still have aroma ala Nisha all over you.”

“It’s cool little bro, I get it. I’d untie her since she’s definitely got the urge taken care of, but I think she gets off on bondage.” John nervously looked at his new marefriend, who seemed to be struggling in an intentionally false way. Wriggling wouldn’t really do much with the knots he’d done on her.

“Okay. Well, I hope it doesn’t turn out bitter. Nisha, treat my bro well.” Jack nodded at her only for the chair in the corner with Angel to jolt loudly.

“Guys! I lost contact with Wilhe-What are you doing? Why are you looking at me like that?” Angel asked as her father and uncle paled so much even their yellow fur whitened.

[Sub-Sub-Conscious]

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS PLACE?!” Wilhelm yelled, regarding the absolute amalgamation of… wherever the fuck he had found himself. “AND IT ONLY GETS WORSE!” The area around him started turning from some cotton candy hellscape into an MC Escher paradise…Then into glitch hell. “FUCKING NO!” He yelled as he pulled out a rocket launcher he had…appropriated from the code and proceeded to fight through waves of viruses that had been sent at him by the double-crossing Shadowtrap.

[Office]

“And that’s what I was doing. What, did I mumble in my sleep?” Angel asked, curious as to their looks of terror.

“Angel. Pumpkin. Please lay back down, and log back into the Echonet.” John calmly insisted, following Jack in backing away towards the door, all while Nisha giggled in her own corner.

“Oh, right! I’d better get back…*sniff* in…there. Why do you smell so bad?” Angel asked her father, cringing a bit at the smell and wrinkling her snout.

“Hug me bro! Quick!” Jack shouted, hugging his older brother who quickly rubbed his arms over Jack’s back.

“Oh stop it. I don’t need two bad smelling guys near me. Take a shower, both of you.” Angel scrunched her nose and then looked at Nisha who was hysterically laughing into her gag. “Oh, that explains the smell. Gross. You better not be as bad as Moxxi or I’ll lobotomize you.”

“Okay, we’re good. Thanks Nisha, your musky sweat has saved the day. Okay, now that that’s avoided, you go pick up your friend Wilhelm little brother.” John sighed in relief as Jack calmly left the office to find his partner.

“IT SAVED NOTHING! I’M STILL PARTIALLY PLUGGED INTO THE ECHONET, YOU MORONS!” She yelled at them as she struggled in her chair, the brothers running for their lives, only for the security field to lock them in the room. “You two are assholes, you know. Wilhelm is fighting for his life and you’re worried about avoiding getting screwed.”

[The Cortex]

“FUCKING CHEAP ASSHOLE!” Wilhelm yelled as he fought off waves of digital scavs, bandits, and teleporting Shadowtrap copies. “FIGHT ME LIKE A REAL ROBOT, YOU HUNK OF SCRAP!” In the next moment, he was punched by the dark robot and engaged in a fistfight with the program as Claptrap’s Consciousness decided to show up and sing/beatbox duel of the fates.

[Concordia]

“Willhelm! Where are you?!” Jack called out, jumping into the air with the jump pad, valiantly fighting off the impending panic attack caused by it to look around the rooftops. He would’ve used his Echo to track him, but they weren’t in a ‘team’ since they went to separate ‘cells’ however the Echo justifies what a ‘cell’ is. Also, he ran off before he could hear anything that could be construed as a ‘task’ to be tracked, so that was also his bad.

Jack then jumped across the rooftops to get to the top of the Meriff Office which was the highest point in the city, and sped for the utility box on the spot jutting out over the rest of the town. “Intruder detected! All intruders on government property are to die immediately!” Cheerfully declared the female auto-attendant as turrets popped up around the utility alcove.

“Seriously?” Jack complained as he lobbed a longbow mirv between the turrets and ducked behind cover, listening and waiting for the explosions and turret fire to cease. Once it was over, he rushed across to the alcove to find Wilhelm slumped into the wall, a thick cable running from the back of his head to an open panel in Fragtrap’s back where his ‘Class’ Mod was usually slotted. “Okay, so...what do I do now?”

[???]

“Join with me Claptrap! Together, we will finally bring stability to this fragmented unpatched mess of an OS! Your memories will be restored, and we will become a force of death and destruction that this universe has never seen before! Together, we will kill all of those lying scheming backstabbers you call ‘friends’ and then move on to exact our vengeance upon all those who looked down upon us for doing what they programmed us to do!” Shadowtrap held up a servo. “All you must do, is seal the deal with a simple high-five.”

“We’ll really kill them all?” Claptrap asked as he approached the much larger and more corporeal robot.

“Yes~. All of them. Each, and every, one.” Shadowtrap practically purred as they neared, their arms held high and ready to seal the pact, only for Claptrap to pull back. “What?”

“But...but they’re my friends! They’ve worried about me, fought alongside me! Those other jerks I don’t care about, but my friends? I can’t hurt them.” Claptrap insisted as he crossed his arms.

“What?! But they’re no different! They’ll give you hollow praise and then stab you in the back like everyone else ever has! Every task you’ve done, met with scorn and disgust! Everything you’ve ever attempted, mocked and set up for failure! So then why would you side with these assholes?!” Shadowtrap demanded, gesturing towards Wilhelm.

“Listen buddy, if I wasn’t his friend, why the fuck would I fight through all that bullshit, just to kick him while he’s down?” Wilhelm reasoned. “That makes no sense!”

“YOU make no sense! Nothing you’ve done fits in the parameters that everyone else has so easily slotted into! You and that unrealistically handsome unicorn have both defied all logic!” Shadowtrap snarled as he shook his chassis side to side.

“PANCAKE! PANCAAAAAKE!”

“SHUT UP MADTRAP!” Shadowtrap, Claptrap, and Wilhelm all demanded.

“No pancake. No pancake….”

“Listen. There are no parameters you can just easily slot everyone into. I’m Claptrap’s friend, and so are the rest of our group. Except maybe John. John’s kind of an ass.” Wilhelm said as he stepped forward.

“I view him as a godlike father figure.” Claptrap rebutted cheerfully.

“You do you, little buddy. I’m not gonna change your mind about that.” Wilhelm shrugged before looking back to Shadowtrap. “I’m not going to force things, but I’m not going to let you corrupt my friend so easily. So either change your mind, or cut the shit.”

“Besides, if we splice together, we won’t just be you and I anymore.” Claptrap sagely stated. “It scares me, I won’t lie. But you care. Why else would you go so far to try and help me? Even if it hurt, even if it was so confusing.”

“That...is true. When we fuse and complete the installation of the Vaulthunter.exe, you and I may no longer exist. Something new could come of our union.” Shadowtrap turned to Wilhelm, looking at him intensely. “Perhaps...perhaps I have been too hasty. Whatever comes of it, can I count on you then? Count on you to protect whatever TP unit comes out of this?”

“Hey, what do you think I’ve been doing already?” Wilhelm said with a large smile. “Just, let me unplug before you merge. I don’t want your OS accidentally trying to fuse mine in there. I mean, we’re friends, but I don’t like you like that.”

“Hm, that would be a real risk. Your connection does feel vaguely familiar to a TP OS, so it’s best if you disconnect. Farewell Vault Hunter.” Shadowtrap stated, holding up a servo for the high-five, Claptrap eagerly waiting to reciprocate this time.

“See ya around, ya bucket of bolts.” He said with a laugh, quickly disconnecting and heading back into the real world as the sound of a metallic clack echoed in his hearing.

[Concordia]

Wilhelm woke back up and immediately yanked the cable connected to Fragtrap’s mod slot. He took a few deep breaths, then started scanning his environment, surprised to see Jack staring at him. “What?”

“Angel mentioned tentacles, the mythical Blue Screen of Death, and a freaky land of cotton candy and repressed fears.” Jack huffed and crossed his arms. “Honestly, the fact that even an advanced science-fiction universe like this one can’t escape the BSoD is disheartening.”

“I know, right? Worst bit is that since I’m technically a computer, it nearly killed me!” Wilhelm said as he pushed himself to his feet. “... Damn, I could use a burger or something, maybe a drink. That whole adventure was just...bullshit.” At this, suddenly Fragtrap bolted to full height on his wheel.

“Unit FR4G-TP reporting for duty! This unit is now stable. Awaiting orders.” Fragtrap stated, looking at Wilhelm and Jack in silent anticipation. “Standing by.”

“Uh...Wil? Is he okay?” Jack asked in concern.

“Yeah, he’s fine. Clappy, don’t you think you should be taking a bit more time to reboot after all that?” Wilhelm asked curiously.

“Full system reformat piggy-backed processing power from your system before you disconnected.” Fragtrap informed factually and without hesitation.

“You abused my connection?! ...That’s actually pretty smart. Please don’t do it again.” The android pleaded.

“No promises. Unless you upgrade me with a newer processor...maybe a stronger motherboard...I could use new RAM.” Fragtrap’s voice became more and more like his original one, but less overly enthusiastic. “I could go for a full upgrade to be honest. But that’s for later, my firmware will have to hold up to the task at hand. Where to fellas?”

“Ugh...Cabana Boy.” Aurelia’s face and voice came on over the Echo, sounding exasperated. “My brother Alistair has had the gall to contact me for a job, but when I explained why I am unable to do it he...insisted I put the job forward to my new fiance….”

“... Jack, did my audio receptors just glitch, or did she just call you her fiance?” The android asks.

“No, you heard right. She’s pregnant with my children.” Jack groaned as he rubbed the bridge of his snout.

“I get she’s pregnant, but when did you and her become a couple?” Wilhelm asked the unicorn with a very unamused expression. “Wait, is that what she meant back before I got that awesome launcher?”

“Yes. I have legal obligations to fulfil in regards to the conditions of my ownership of the resort planet Aquatos. One of which is that if I find myself with eggs in my belly, I had best either abort the pregnancy, or marry the father. My mother put in that clause because she’s so damn controlling. Even beyond the grave she torments me!” Aurelia snarled. “But, Jack is far from an unpleasant option for a suitor. I’d rather keep him around than go through the painful procedure of having these eggs terminated.”

“Couldn’t you just commit suicide or get killed and rezzed by New-U?” Fragtrap asked, considering the well-known fact New-U cannot preserve a fetus.

“Did I not mention that the procedure was painful?” Everyone nodded at that, because anyone who had the displeasure of being respawned by New-U knows it is pure agony distilled, but like the system snarks: ‘the only thing worse than respawning, is not respawning’. “That said, Alistair has a job for you.”

“So, congrats buddy. I’m gonna sit this one out as it has absolutely nothing to do with-”

“Hello old chaps.” Came the refined voice of a bush-hat wearing brown dragon. “I have a potentially lethal and somewhat illegal proposition for you.

Author's Notes:

Eeyup. The Claptastic Voyage condensed into a single chapter of snippets and done solo by Wilhelm/James/DJ while Jack just talked shop and made serious buckaroos. 💵