[Crisis Scar Relay]

“I still don’t get it….” Jack mused as he shook his head slowly while overlooking the Scar from atop the Relay. “Why the hell were Red and Belly so determined to hold up their part of the deal when it risked destroying the moon?”

“Jack, honor is a thing you know, even among scavs and bandits.” Wilhelm commented as he finished wiping the blood of some of the scavs from the roof off on his shirt since he didn’t want blood crusting in his diamond dog claw. “They were paid to jam all signals between Elpis and Helios, and they fought as hard as they could to keep it up even when doing so was foolish. Because they had a deal, and they upheld it.”

“Yeah, yeah, mercenary honor, pfft. What honor?” Jack rolled his eyes.

“Watch it Jack. There’s a lot more honor in it than you know.” Wilhelm warned.

“Alright, good job you two! We have resources, Fast-Travel, and the scavs around Concordia have gotten the picture that we don’t want any of their bullshit right now! Now we can just head on up there whenever, but we still need major reinforcements. Lovebirds?” John called out over the Echo as the two mercenary partners leapt from atop the relay towards the Flats.

“We’re on it John, we’ve found a Stingray manufacturing plant that also made the Dahl powersuits.” Roland reported to the sound of rapid gunfire and Lilith’s manic laughter. “As you can hear, we’re kinda pressed considering torks and scavs are all over the place.”

“Damn it, okay, good work you two, pull back until we can get more guns heading that way. Everyone else?” John asked for sit-rep.

“We’ve got all the Grinders and other stuff Springs needed, and Moxxi’s Spice shipments, as well as some...eugh...shuggurath glands she says she can use to make more Spice.” Athena reported.

“And now I have three Grinders in my Emporium, but they’re all gone to crap I’d say. I could butcher ‘em, but since ya got an Arcanotech Engineer, I want Jack to look ‘em over before I do anything rash.” Springs reported.

“Scavs have been butchered like we reported earlier, blood and guts coat a good portion of Elpis’ surface right now.” Nisha cheerfully reported.

“What I didn’t eat anyway. The little ones kick and scream on the way down~.” Aurelia growled ferally, her draconic nature shining through her bitchy exterior.

“I have been marginally useful as a pack-mule!” Fragtrap happily added on. “I’m not an exaggerated waste of space! Yay!”

“Ugh, alright, come on back, we need to figure out where we can get our hands on a military AI. No, you don’t count Fragtrap.” John tacked on.

“Aww….” Fragtrap whined, getting Jack and Wilhelm to chuckle.

“I think I can help with that, all of ya git on over to my Emporium of Stuff. Especially you Athena.” Springs demanded, getting Athena to splutter.

“W-what? Now? But we’re all in the middle of-.”

“Now.” Springs’ voice brooked no argument.

“Coming.” Athena amended sharply.

“And bring that Trixie mare too.” Springs added, getting Wilhelm to huff angrily.

“Oh~ Trixie is liking the sound of this!” However, Trixie indeed sounded excited from what was being insinuated.

“Oo~ more footage!” Fragtrap cheered, getting Athena to mutter and Trixie to laugh.

“Great...my potential marefriend is going to have a three-way with a big-booty roo and a muscly griffin. And both of them are gay so any chance of me getting in on that is zip.” Wilhelm muttered as they entered the atmosphere of the gate, stepping over the wrecked ‘corpse’ of the claptrap they murdered earlier.

“Hey buck, cheer up. You’ve still got a shot at Trixie, I can tell she’s not so shallow as to-.” Jack was interrupted by the roof of the atmosphere-contained gate-house suddenly crashing down away from them and smashing out the gate they were heading towards, breaking the atmo and jettisoning the stallions out into the vacuum of Elpis towards whatever just nearly insta-killed them out of nowhere, and they landed awkwardly into the air bubble being projected around the zoomie station. “...Ow….”

“My neck...why always the one part of my spine that isn’t robotic yet?” Wilhelm groaned as he rolled off his head and rubbed his neck. “What the fuck just happened?” He stood up before the shell-shocked Jack did since his cybernetics make him more resilient, and saw what looked like a Hyperion Moonshot Delivery Beacon at the end of a trench that ended at the ridge a good distance away from the gate. “Uh, John?”

“What is it Wilhelm?” John asked casually.

“Has Zarpedon been using the Moonshot Cannon at all?” Wilhelm asked. “I’m pretty sure this is a Moonshot Beacon.”

“Angel?” John asked his daughter.

“Getting visual...yes, it is. But...it’s signal isn’t registered on our files, and it doesn’t match any serial numbers we have...hold on, got a match, but...the one it corresponds with is in service on Eden-3….” Angel answered in perplexity.

“... Jack. You know what this means, right?” Wilhelm asked. “It’s one of those again.”

“Oh...that’s nice...that’s great...can we go home now?” Jack asked blankly and groaned as he picked himself up and dusted his black leather jacket to get the moon dust off. “Ugh...Bro, gonna be a bit, see what this dimensional/temporal anomaly is about.”

“Okay, just be careful alright? Don’t want ya disappearing on us so suddenly if you can help it.” John cautioned as the duo approached the beacon

“Yeah, hopefully this one’ll have a guy who WON’T almost die when he enters zero atmosphere.” Wilhelm commented. “Right Jack?”

“Shut up or I’ll make you implode again.” Jack growled as they approached the beacon, that somehow righted itself, and opened, creating a small air bubble.

The holographic projection above the possible token came to life, showing a classic ‘Loading’ process with what looks to be fine print below it. The background imagery showed off a very ‘foot resting on a cliff’ view over a construction project beyond presenting the Everfree Forest with the remains of the former Castle of the Two Sisters dismantled, as a mostly constructed site could be rather imposing near a hamlet village barely seen in the shot. With the one of Handsome Jack himself perhaps photoshopped in, but if you looked close enough you could read the fine print.

“If you can read this message, any and all damages done by Hyperion's Token upon entry. All responsibility of damages and/or fines is undertaken by the one who reads this message or their superior.”

“I ain’t paying squat for that stupid gate, it’s just an abandoned building anyway.” Wilhelm grumbled. “Damn corpocracy-run galaxy.”

“Yeah, yeah, we consent to blah, blah, just activate primary functions. Code: H-74813.” Jack added on a standard clearance Hyperion code to see if it would respond or whatever.

The screen flared with a menacing red color before turning neutral blue, until a feed of apparently Human Handsome Jack on via holo-screen with crystal clarity, giving them a skeptical look. “Seeing as how you are not ‘related’ to any of ‘me’, nice to meet you. Though that whole ‘voice command’ shtick has been done before by another version of me, so don’t let that bum you out if you think like a sheep. Not that i don’t mind sheep, their wool is surprisingly soft but importing it is a bitch.” He mumbled loud enough at the end while a robotic Alicorn built as one would expect coming from a ‘milf next door’ type of holo-vid in a body-fitting business suit with a mini skirt giving him a holopad.

“It was worth trying.” Jack shrugged nonchalantly. “You don’t learn things unless you try them. That code would’ve bypassed most standard security and standard protocols on Hyperion systems here, wouldn’t work on any of the better stuff though.” Jack commented.

“Great, as if it wasn’t bad enough that there’s already two Jacks here, now there’s a third one.” Wilhelm grumbled. “Nice chassis, I can see she’s hiding a lot of sweet weaponry under that come-hither appearance.” Wilhelm complimented, his cybernetic eye pointing out several almost invisible seams in her hands alone, not to mention her head. “Hm...maybe...Jack, can I get-.”

“No.” Jack obstinately denied, getting Wilhelm to pout angrily. “You’re not converting your torso or head any further until we can arrange a cerebral transfer Wil, you’re at risk enough as it is.” Jack recited as if it was the hundredth time. “So...Handsome, considering my name’s also Jack, what sort of arrangement can we come to? We can’t spend much time, Zarpedon’s trying to blow up Elpis and-.” Helios in the background, which Handsome Jack could see from his viewpoint, fired the Eye at the moon, making everything shake and Jack sighed. “Yeah, that.”

Handsome Jack just sighed, rubbing his mask covered face since it doesn’t match his tanned skin. “Well there are a ‘few’ things I could do for you off the bat, but they vary from scale/intensity of what payment options YOU are willing to dish out. Some purchases, some enhancements of one degree or another. To say larger commitments, you have a large deadly Helios One ‘mining laser’ striking YOUR moon. I have a Helios One ‘mining laser’ with some ‘tweaks’ of dubious origins, that may decommission the immediate threat for you. But anything ‘I’ do would come down, sadly to a simple fact; cold hard bits pave roads or wars.” He steepled his fingers, watching them before adding on at the very end. “Or you owe me a decent favor, that depending on the timing will be collected.”

“Um...sorry, but we’re kinda broke, it’s why we took this job, and my brother may be VP of Hyperion, but I don’t think-.”

“Here’s 10 Million, see what he can do with that.” John nonchalantly interjected over Echo, and Jack watched his Echo’s bit counter skyrocket as he groaned and rubbed his face. “Hey! Other...me! I’m John, I just wired 10 million over to my little brother. If you could even slow down Helios for a few hours, that’s worth a few million bits.” John said to Handsome Jack as Wilhelm looked between the call screen of John, Jack, and Handsome Jack, even if the last one was human and not a pony.

“I swear, Jack, if you summon your copies, I will die drowning in a sea of chiseled jaws.” Wilhelm joked, getting Jack to groan again and rub his temples.

Handsome Jack from the Hologram blinked once before giving a trademark smirk. “Well ten million bits is easily chump change for a corporation like Hyperion, but to get a added bang for your bit i’ll throw in an upgrade or two for your Wilhelm.” He said pointing a finger at said mercenary. “Because he reminds me of Metal Will, he’s got a easy trigger though for being an action junkie.”

“I’m being talked about like I’m a robot...my dreams are almost coming true.” Wilhelm grinned maliciously as suddenly a portal opened in the cracked plains below, and a few pinpoint Moonshots fired directly from it, the rumble almost overriding the sound of a mare’s voice somewhere screaming ‘I came!’ and the Moonshots struck key points around the center of Helios, knocking out the center’s glow and the other ones surrounding it flickering, a few of them gone.

“No! What?! How did you do that?! Get the focusing lenses replaced!” Zarpedon howled angrily, the pretty doberman quite pissed off.

“Take that you bitch! Ha! Good one other-Jack! This buys us at least a day or two, whew, that’s a weight off my back.” John hung up in a very pleased mood.

Handsome Jack smiled, flicking his fingers to the right showing a image of the payload he sent over to their Helios One. “I’ve sent them a very interesting Aggressive delivery package, in the case the normal ones are beaten back/defeated. It’ll have likely bought time for the hack drones to chew into hard to get net hubs to spam access denial, thought of that in case my own stuff got hijacked again by one of my asshole versions.” He growled out rubbing his face before a more human size portal at the token appeared. “Your friend will get the ‘auto doc’ works so he’s back in your hands pronto, with a bit of dizziness.”

“Uh, I’m his engineer, I’m kinda supposed to-!” Jack was suddenly decked by Wilhelm, and he bolted for the portal. “Wil! Wait!”

“Not letting you stop me this time!” Wilhelm cheered before he entered the portal and it closed behind him.

“No! Hey, HJ! I’m the admin to his systems, I’ve got them on lockdown so nobody can just-.”

“We will handle it.” The ultra-sexy alicorn robot mare interrupted with a sly grin. “We can easily override anything thou may have done to secure his system from tampering. Wilhelm will be returned to thou soon. Bigger, better, stronger. There is much we have in ways of robotics that likely will make whatever thine universe has look like second rate scrap.”

“So be cool alright kiddo? Handsome Jack, out.” The beacon suddenly went quiet and closed up, leaving Jack rubbing his muzzle and his horn sparking in anger, the yellow anthro unicorn was very upset.

“DAMN IT WILHELM~!”

On the other end of the portal, was a rather large and empty sterile white room with a ringed gate on the wall facing the entrance shutting off after Wilhelm arrived. Wilhelm blinked at being greeted to the sight of three types of Anthro Claptraps, one of each pony species, with medical tones of white and red painted on their chassis and dyed into their choice of doctor smocks, waiting with a patient gurney to have him lay in. “Greetings alternate-” Gazes at a naming prompt before continuing. “Wilhelm! We ask that you disrobe, then proceed to lay on the gurney and be informed of benefits and downsides that may need to be kept present in your mental state under personal review as a copy will be sent to your handler after. We’ll start by medical history while you are being prepped with drug treatments on the way, also a personal thumbprint as proof that this is by your consent.”

“So standard procedure, got it.” Wilhelm nonchalantly tossed his clothes off at the earth-pony claptrap mare, and felt a sort of buzz in some of his cybernetics. “Geez, I know I’m attractive, but could you tone it down?” Wilhelm asked, getting the fully-robotic mares to avert their gazes a little. “Yikes, your boss lady wasn’t kidding, you outclass our universe’s robots by all standards.”

“Apologies subject Wilhelm.” The unicorn responded as she held up a datapad as he sat in the gurney and they began wheeling him out of the room while he filled it out. “But Mother does not believe in suppressing natural instincts, even in us fully mechanical models.”

“Good to know, I was looking at eventually becoming an android so I could still feel at least some things.” Wilhelm mentioned as the pegasus took some scans of him with her eyes, and she tsked.

“His augmentations are causing neural and tissue damage. We’d be better off going the whole way than trying to save any of it. His engineer did a good job of preventing the advancement of it though.” The pegasus commented as Wilhelm finished filling out the datapad, and handed it to the unicorn as he shifted into laying down under the provided modesty sheets.

“Sounds like Metal Will all over again, at least his designs weren’t so slapstick as this one’s.” The earth pony mare commented with a scoff as she carried the clothing and Echo.

“Alright, enough banter. Who’s my doctor?” Wilhelm asked before they entered a pair of doors at the end of the pristine white hall.

“That. Would be us.” Wilhelm quirked his eyebrow at the large cubical box at the center of the room they’d entered, and around turned a smaller version of the mare that was standing next to Handsome Jack in the beacon’s screen, the number 47 on the left side of her head. “The auto-doc may be able to perform the physical procedure, but this isn’t going to be all gears and oil.”

“Oh, so...you’re going to be putting me in a chassis outright?” Wilhelm asked in surprise. That sort of thing would cost at least 50 million back home. “I don’t believe we paid for that, especially with what you did to Helios already.” The cybernetic unicorn stallion commented with wariness. “Then again I already signed, so I don’t have much choice in the matter by this point.” Wil then looked the alicorn up and down, appreciating her near-flawless design, hoping his new body would be anywhere near her, or even the three nurse’s craftsmanship.

She canted her head with a knowing motherly smile, tugging down on her one-piece skin-tight business suit teasingly, even if he simply snorted in amusement. “We see thou art a composed stallion. We appreciate that. But consider this an...investment.” The mare answered. “For reference, our name is Faust. Before thou asks, yes; that Faust.”

“I get remade by the Pandoran Goddess of Creation. Well, isn’t that poetic.” Wilhelm chuckled before he relaxed into the gurney. “Alright, chop away.”

She nodded softly, even as her form split in ways that seemed less than anything remotely beautiful. The gurney formed clamps onto his wrists and ankles to his neck and waist, dragging him towards the device with indented lettering of ‘Hyperion Auto Doc, a new you TODAY!’. Lifting the gurney with ease to slide him back into the opening receptacle, with surgical arms and needles at the ready until the first one jabbed into his neck.

“Oh~ this is going to be fun.” Wilhelm chuckled and Faust tittered at his earnest excitement before the box sealed.

[Concordia]

“Damned idiot...always ignoring me...won’t listen to his engineer...go fucking RUST already!” Jack growled as he was hanging with his plot out in the air, his soft and shiney brown tail twitching in agitation as he rooted around the innards of one of Springs’ Dahl Grinders, having removed the input racks to see about fixing it without butchering the other two Athena, Trixie, and Fragtrap managed to haul back to Concordia from the hands of Scavs.

“Ah...there we go….” Jack sighed as he removed his hands from the rear mounting of one of the newly fabricated and installed parts. “AH!” Jack yelped at feeling two big, strong hands grab his plot, and squeeze. “Who’s touching me?!”

“Who else, cabana boy?” Jack was yanked out of the Grinder by his flanks, and soon felt himself being pressed back-first into a powerful female form, the stench of blood and meat on her breath and the way her huge breasts compressed into his back was, admittedly, quite arousing, even given who it was. “I’m feeling rather playful, pet. Come.” The dragoness held Jack to her body, hooves clear off the floor due to the much-taller female’s stature and strength making picking up the average-height stallion easy.

“Damn it Aurelia, I’m not interested!” Jack struggled against her stone-firm grip, and got nowhere. Wilhelm could easily overpower him, and he was only barely half a head higher than Jack. What hope did he have against a dragoness that towered almost a whole foot and a half over him?

“Too bad.” The ice-blue dragoness cooed as she leaned down and pinched one of Jack’s ears in her teeth, getting him to hiss, but the way his pelvic area twitched told her that he indeed liked it. “You don’t get much of a choice.”

“Help! Dragon-napping!” Jack shouted, hoping the age-old call for help would bring him assistance, but it actually caused most of the pedestrians to flee inside. “No! You’re supposed to help me!”

“I don’t think they want to mess with this~.” Aurelia cooed as she pressed her powerful hips against his plot, and Jack shivered at how her wide pelvis completely covered his tight rear. “I...am randy. And you. Handsome. Are going to help me with all this pent-up frustration.” The rich bitch growled ferally before they neared the spaceport colony’s hotel a level down, and she slammed the door with her tail.

“It is time to wake up, son.” Wilhelm jerked slightly at Faust’s voice, feeling...off. “Do not rush it however. Going from organic to synthetic is a very sudden change.” Faust spoke in cautionary tones, the curved doors of the Auto Doc opening up with the light outside momentarily blinding to his optics.

“The fact that I can feel my back again is really new...why remove the cannon?” Wilhelm asked drowsily. "And what's with that whole 'son' shtick?" Wilhelm asked as Faust wheeled Wilhelm out of the auto-doc and he raised his left arm to blink in surprise. “That’s new… Well... Old… How the hell did you give me back my arm?! I cut it off to swap it for a robot arm!”

“Oh, but it is a robot arm our silly young colt.” Faust chided gently as she softly entwined her hard metallic fingers with his seemingly soft ones, and Wilhelm shivered from the sensation of touch. “Biomechanics are easy for us. The entirety of thine body is like this now.” Faust stated, before leaning in. “Everything.” Faust then grabbed Wil’s new bicep, and his collarbone, before twisting in a specific pattern, and suddenly the numbness of a missing limb returned to Wilhelm’s perception as she literally unplugged the whole thing from shoulder down to reveal that while it seemed to be organic, the plug on the end proved otherwise.

“This… This is freaky good.” Wilhelm said, shocked and amazed. “Any more improvements I should know about?”

“Certainly. Thou has various less-sophisticated spare limbs for more combat or utility purposes that the new Echo panel replacing thy back-mounted cannon can digistruct for thou straight into thine limb ports. Not to mention we...enhanced thine already impressive pelvic region.” Faust mentioned as she plugged his arm back in. The painless action was actually quite odd to the stallion, beings he was used to utter agony with reconnecting prosthetics to nerves.

“Mhm… And how do I activate the new systems?” Wilhelm questioned. “That’s kind of important.” Wilhelm asked, imagining his diamond-dog forearm, only for his whole arm to suddenly glow with blue-white digistruction light, and vanished before being replaced by a brawnier, beefier, and stronger diamond-dog robot arm that was blatantly robotic with outer armor and everything. “Whoa...jacked up. So...is this how operating systems work with AI? How did I summon the new arm?”

“Thou has various spare limbs, mostly they are spares we had lying around that no one had need of. For instance, imagine thine arm being like a standard loader’s.” Faust suggested, and Wilhelm did so, the arm then digistructed again and was replaced by a standard loader arm, which, for his size, was a bit oversized. “Thou also has matching leg types for thine arms and also various back-mounted accessories. Otherwise thou is purely a biomechanical android.”

“So I can kick ass, even if one of my limbs gets blown off? Awesome.” Wilhelm grinned, and the arm turned into a purely robotic pony arm. “Oh, OH! I have to try something!” Wilhelm sat up, and his legs and hips vanished, before being replaced by the tall, powerful, reverse-jointed loader legs. “Rocket feet! Sure, Fix loaders weren’t made for military, but dang the design is solid.”

“Well son, we hope thou enjoy thy new body, and also thy daughter.” Faust commented idly, getting Wilhelm blink as he paused in turning his legs into full-robot pony legs, since he wanted to save his biomechanical limbs for special occasions.

“Daughter?” Wilhelm’s curious question was answered by a powder blue and silver surveyor flying out of the auto-doc and hovering around him.

“Daddy~!” The oddly cute little flying robot cheered as it’s blue optic actually formed an emoji of a big smile. “It’s so nice to meet you!”

“W-what?! Daddy?! I mean...I’m used to Wolf and Saint calling me that rarely, but what?” Wilhelm balked as he stood up, his pants being easily put on due to the smooth and seamless design of his new legs.

“I’m a personality profile created by blending together the scan data of both your original organic brain, and the mare who matched the DNA of some hairs that were on you, Trixie. So in that sense, I’m your little girl.”

“... How? Just… How?!” Wilhelm asked, confused as all hell. “And what does this mean for future children?! AM I INFERTILE?!” Wilhelm then devolved into his primal state and started to panic, whinnying and bucking around, much to Faust and the surveyor’s amusement as he sent the gurney flying across the otherwise empty room.

“Grand Momma Faust sent a probe to scan momma Trixie’s brain, then took the data and blended it with the data taken from your former brain. This way I can have both the necessary knowledge for your universe, as well as be familiar with you.” The surveyor explained.

“As for thy ability to reproduce? Tis actually enhanced. Any offspring thou has will be partially biomechanical as a result of our conversion of thine reproductive organs. They will be healthy, just have nanites helping their health along.” Faust said to the hyperventilating Wilhelm, who was not willing to give up reproduction despite his desire to be mechanical.

“Oh...that’s...that’s actually badass. Sweet. So uh...daughter? What’s your name?” Wilhelm asked as he calmed down, and began putting on his shirt, which was backless over his Echo

“You can name me whatever you want, but I would prefer Sharlet.” The blue and silver surveyor answered.

“Well alright Sharlet. What do you do? Wolf attacks enemies, and Saint heals and shields me.” Wilhelm explained as he reached into his pocket and found his drones storage spheres were untouched, good.

“I have all of yours and momma Trixie’s memories, and momma is a master illusionist. I can create decoys that will make attacking any of us harder, or even render us invisible. I can’t hold spells for very long though, my magic core can only do so much before needing a cooldown.” Sharlet answered. “You’d be surprised how tiring illusion magic can be, it isn’t as easy as fire-and-forget, you have to focus really hard on it.”

“Alright, but do you have an auto-repair storage sphere or cube? I don’t want you just hovering about and getting hurt.” Wilhelm asked and the silvery-blue surveyor danced about in the air.

“Sure! I can take a nap right now if you want. In fact, I’ll do so. Later daddy.” Suddenly, Sharlet digistructed and condensed into a sphere similar to Wolf and Saint, and Wilhelm caught it before it fell.

“You know, this reminds me. Did you do anything to Wolf and Saint, like improving how long they can be out?” Wilhelm asked.

“Certainly. It was just shameful that they had such weak power cores, we can understand that finding such cores must have been difficult as it was, so we replaced them with the same core Sharlet has. They can be active for even hours at a time before needing only a minute to recharge in their inert state.” Faust informed as she began walking out of the room, Wilhelm following.

“Sweet.” Wilhelm said simply.

“Yes, sweet.” Faust mused as she guided her new child down the hall. “Now son, thou can return to us if thou ever need any repairs or updates if we don’t inform thou ourself of such available services.” Faust said as they returned to the portal room where Wilhelm had arrived. “Farewell son.”

“Thanks mom...what...whoa, where did that come from?” Wilhelm asked as he scratched at his synthetic mane, his HUD bringing up a quick file that informed him it was trimmable and could even grow if he devoted ingested food sources to it.

“The process is literally one of rebirth, so, in a fashion, we art thine new mother. We don’t deny it, and do not begrudge any of our numerous children the right to call us such.” Faust opened her arms a little, a knowing smile as Wilhelm visibly resisted outright giving her a hug. “Come now, don’t be shy.”

“I...I never really had good parents….” Wilhelm admitted as he slowly approached the mare and gently hugged her as if he might hurt her, and she giggled as she squeezed him lovingly, and Wil sighed in a previously unknown feeling of relief and happiness. “Wow...deep.” …. “I just realized my voice isn’t heavily distorted now.”

“Of course, thy voice was gritty and hard to understand. We made thy new voice box clear and with a proper amount of grit. Now be gone, and go make some foals.” Faust urged, making Wilhelm burst out laughing as he turned and walked through the open portal.

[Concordia]

Jack laid in the bed of the hotel room, staring at the metal ceiling, naked under the covers and with a naked ice-blue dragoness curled up against his side. The Baroness had actually been a an incredible lay, despite his misgivings to the situation, Jack had to admit…. “That was great...she’s still a total bitch, but damn that was good.”

“I am awake, just so you know.” The dozing huntress mumbled as she hugged him a little tighter to her. “Mmm...damn...haven’t been driven into lust by a good fight in a long time. I forget how good it is to let loose. Being so rich has pampered me too much perhaps.”

“So what did you fight that made your draconic instincts kick in?” ‘And how can I get you to lose it like that again? You’re way less of a bitch when you’re excited.’

“It wasn’t any one fight really. Nisha and I slaughtered the local scavs across the flats and over at the refinery. But the one that just got me so riled up was this one Swagman that just kept shrugging off my bullets. Somehow, headshot after headshot, he would not go down, and he was managing to keep Nisha on the ropes, while also fending off blowflies and torks. He was a true badass. When he finally went down and I had almost run out of bullets, I realized I needed a good lay, immediately, and that denying myself could even send me into heat if I wasn’t careful.” Aurelia explained, purring her draconic rumble as she hugged Jack a bit tighter. “And I couldn’t get your fine flanks out of my head.”

“Well, that’s certainly flattering. But you also know I despise you right?” Jack rolled his eyes but couldn’t keep the grin off his face or out of his voice.

“You only know my haughty and bitchy side. This evening you glimpsed something rare.” Aurelia cheekily replied, reaching down into the covers and getting Jack to hiss. “Want another go?”

“Jeez slow down you greedy dragon! Can’t I have a few min-?”

“RELEASE OUR STALLION!” A blisteringly loud voice declared as Princess Luna literally kicked the door down, and stormed in, looking haggard, and smelling in a rather suspicious manner that Jack had scented just a short while earlier in Vash’s universe. “That precious tool between his thighs is OURS!”

“Excuse me?! But I grabbed him first! I’m not about to-!” Aurelia was treated to a faceful of royal hoof, the power of it knocking the strong dragoness for a loop, and off the bed, while Luna used her magic to repair the door and lock it, straddling the scared and worried Jack’s sheet-covered pelvis.

“Hello Jack. You have the honor of pleasuring a goddess on her own object of power. How do you plead your situation?” Luna almost sweetly asked as she began untying her dress, making Jack gulp nervously.

“I need an adult?”

“You are an adult.”

[Spring’s Emporium of Stuff]

Wilhelm stepped out of the portal’s exit, his new eerily life-like mechanical eyes taking in the crowded room, and realizing everyone there was staring at him. “What? Never seen an android before?”

“No.” Roland calmly admitted.

“I’ll admit, really badass.” Lilith grinned.

“Welcome back Wilhelm, you’re looking better than before, and I don’t just mean in the mechanical sense.” John said from a seat next to one of the three Grinders that occupied most of the wall-space in Spring’s main shop.

“Please oh master of robots! You humble this pathetic mobile scrap pile with your presence! Might I someday achieve your level of awesomeness?” Fragtrap prostrated.

“No.” ‘You have to find your own kind of awesomeness little buddy.’

“Okay!” Fragtrap rebounded, as if his query into his potential wasn’t just burned with fire.

“So where are the others?” Wilhelm asked, seeing that only John, Fragtrap, Roland, and Lilith were in attendance.

“Athena, Trixie and Springs are all still in her office. They haven’t come out in hours, and the windows are thankfully covered so they’re not giving us a show.” John informed with an amused grin on his muzzle.

“... So they’ve been doing it like rabbits. Where’s Jack, Aurelia and Luna?” Wilhelm asked.

“Last I heard, little bro was dragon-napped by the rich bitch to a hotel, and nobody here really has the muscle to stop her. Not to mention she was giving off ‘fuck me’ pheromones and nobody was going to get between that ass and my brother, so yeah. But then Princess Luna finally woke up, from multiple orgasms out of nowhere, which were synchronized with those moonshots the human me fired at Helios. She immediately went into heat and Nina tried to quarantine her until the rest of the mares and dogs in Concordia went into it too in, I’m afraid; about a day. But she broke out, hunted down my brother like a heat-seeking missile, and now she, Aurelia, and my brother have been in that room since.” John chuckled, apparently not at all worried for the safety of his brother between two possessive alpha females.

“Do I need to go rescue him?” Wilhelm asked. “I really hope I don’t. I don’t know about you, but I sincerely don’t want a dragoness and an alicorn fighting me… Then again, it’d give me a good test of my new features.”

“That won’t be necessary.” The group turned to Springs’ office door to see it open, and a rather frazzled-looking Athena was leaning into the doorframe, wearing nothing but a bra and her pants. “Knowing how such a situation can go between one male and two alpha females, they’d sooner rip into each other than him.”

“Not to mention-whoa-ho-ha~! Wilhelm! What...oooo~....” Trixie instantly lost her train of thought as the already skimpy-clothed mare exited the room with her magic tending to her mane, and she closed in on the reborn android with awe and hunger. “You look...fantastic. Almost completely organic.” She ran a hand over his smooth robotic bicep, grinning. “Since we have some time...want to finally go have some of that steak?”

“Yes. Very much so.” Wilhelm stated happily.

With that, Trixie practically tried to drag the tall robotic stallion out the door for a good meal as Springs managed to apparently fit her huge butt into her shorts and hop into the room, but looked confused at the low turnout. “Well, I know we kinda stretched time a bit, but this is really important.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll spread the word, it’s getting late according to standard galactic time, so we’re all going to sleep soon anyway. Just tell us and we’ll get things in order.” John said placatingly to the group’s supply/info source.

“Well alright then. I don’t know where we can find a military AI, but I know someone who sure as hell does.” Springs informed as she leaned into Athena, the griffon quietly purring at the contact.

“So who is it?” Lilith asked, eager to drag Roland to bed herself.

“A little ankle-biter by the name Pickle.”

Author's Notes:

And now...things get...complicated....

This story, it gon' be interestin'.

Handsome Jack and Faust are from Handsome Jack's Return