You are Anon. You are currently walking with Bulk Biceps to the cafeteria because for unknown reasons room service isn't available. You wonder why room service in a fucking prison of all places would even be available in the first place. Walking through the hallway, you notice Helka, the griffon from earlier a few days back, is coming up to you.

"Heya Anon, I hear you're getting quite the reputation!" she says, beginning to walk with you and Bulk Biceps. Biceps waves at her.

"I didn't even do anything all that great. What'd I do this time?" you reply.

"Are you, like, kidding? You've beaten up one of the worst b-bullies here and you exercised! I hear you survived that cold therapy they had! Man, I would have been totally uncomfortable. You're the new talk of the prison!"

"I didn't know having a backbone and being somewhat hardened would be all that impressive. This place is like a kindergarten." you say. You just walk on, leaving Helka and Bulk Biceps standing there. Why they stopped, you don't know, and you don't care. You're loving the shit out of being here, sure, but you're just starting to get annoyed. Now you see why being here for a month is so bad, the people here are like children!

"Where's a good ass raping when I need one..." you mutter to yourself. Unfortunately, a pony was right by you in the hallway when you said it. She stops, and then stares at you as you keep walking. You didn't notice how she was frustrated when you were more interested in donkeys than ponies. You also didn't notice how she puked right after when you said rape.

You make it to the cafeteria. You get to the table, where the ponies you sat with before are. You're then swarmed with mares at the table asking if you were single.

"You know, there's a nice place we can go to in the prison for a daaaate~!" says one.

"Please rut me. I'm lonely." says another.

"I heard you give these things called "belly rubs", can you give me a demonstration?" says yet another.

You try to ignore all these ponies harassing you. After 10 minutes, Helka and Bulk Biceps get to your table. They casually throw off the ponies sitting by you, and take their seats.

"THIS IS MY SEAT, SEAT HOG!" says Bulk Biceps. The pony who took his seat apologized profusely, and then found the closest seat to you elsewhere. Helka doesn't say anything, and raises her ring talon to the pony who took her seat. You looked at Helka. These damn horse people, well, lion bird people can't even flip the bird right. You wish that was a pun.

"What are you trying to do, flip the bird? I'm out of here." you say. You get a few protests from Bulk Biceps and Helka, but you say no and leave. You walk up and go to another, near-empty table where the dragon is. Maybe you can find a nice occupation as a prison bitch here, with the dragon. It would be a lot better than horses hitting on you.

"Hey." you say, trying not to get raped immediately. The dragon from earlier looks up at you, then looks down back at his dragon equivalent of hands, twiddling his thumbs.

"Hey." the Dragon replies, in a kind-of hushed tone.

"So, what are you in here for?" you ask. The dragon looks up at you, apparently he may have thought you had the mentality of a pony. Apparently, ponies don't talk a lot about prison even when they're locked up.

"Sleeping in an apple farm. Apparently I burnt half of it down, but I'm only 484 years old! I'm still a teen! I shouldn't get this harsh of a punishment," the dragon says, opening up a little. "It's only a week, though. Beats paying for a bunch of trees."

"I'm in here for cursing out a pony. Really. It's ridiculous, and I have to spend a month here for it." you say.

The Dragon looks at you.

"A month? Geez. That's a lot for just cursing someone out." the dragon says. You're relieved to find another sensible being in this ungodly world. But, something he said caught you off guard.

"Wait, did you just say someone?" you say, catching the dragon off-guard.

"Uh, yeah? What's the deal about it?"

"All the ponies here put "pony" into their words. It's odd, but they acted like it was normal and couldn't be slightly off-putting for anything else that's not a pony. I got bitched at for saying someone." you say. You'd expect the dragon to cringe when you said "bitching", but he looked at you as if nothing was wrong at all.

"It's a pony thing. All the other countries, save for the griffins, use "one" in their pronouns. Everyone in the other countries think that it's brainwashing imposed on the ponies." the dragon says.

"Odd. Back home in my world, mind control wasn't possible. We didn't have magic." you say.

"Most other countries don't, too. Equestria is really behind in technology compared to all the other places. Dragons being the only exception, we don't need it all that much."

"Huh, interesting. By the way, what's your name?" you ask.

"Name's Tiger. I was named it after about 50 years because I was a lot more dangerous than the other dragons." says Tiger.

"My name's Anonymous. People, uh, ponies call me Anon for short. I was named it because my parents didn't like stories in which humans have names because it gives away a lot of the ability for readers to relate to the main character."

"Nice. So, you can curse too without having a mental breakdown? Nobody in here likes that at all."

You spend the rest of breakfast with Tiger, enjoying some coffee. Apparently dragons are sensible folks who aren't under mind control. You wish you had your tinfoil hat, but since you were associated with your country's government to start, it was frowned upon for a marine to wear one anyways. You don't want to tell Tiger you're a trained killer because you're not sure what would happen.

Tiger apparently is a good pony ward because ponies don't like dragons all that much, so you can finally get some peace and quiet. You hope you don't look like a badass because you managed to befriend the only dragon within a 2,000 mile radius, save for that baby dragon at the library.

Breakfast eventually passes, and everyone is ushered out of the cafeteria to the first recess. You're back on the playground, and you walk over to the swings to sit on them for a little bit. You then get a funny idea.

"I'm totally going to try to do a flip." you say. Then you start swinging. You eventually get to 10 feet above ground, and a crowd of ponies have gathered around you. Sugar, your assigned tard guard, comes up and gasps at the sight of you doing this.

"Anon! You're not allowed to swing more than 4 feet above ground! Stop that now!" she frantically says.

"What are you going to do? You're not my mom!" you shout, a little more childish than you intended. Sugar backs down, muttering something about those cursed sexy beasts. The ponies that are gathered around chant and cheer for you, as you hit the 15 foot mark.

"WATCH THIS!" you scream as you make one more stressful push, and you swing to the 180 degree point, and you successfully make the loop. Everyone is going batshit crazy as you did the loop. You then stop the swing from swinging, and get off.

"That was fun. I used to do that at elementary." you say to yourself. Sugar comes up to you, tears in her eyes.

"P-Please don't do that ever again! You could've went to sleepy land forever!" Sugar sobs into you, as she hugs you. The ponies, now bored, then go off to do more horse things.

"Sugar. Look at me." you say. She looks up to you, hesitantly.

"I ain't afraid of death." you say. She is completely shocked, and is frozen stiff as you position her to give her a public belly rub. You only rub her for about 30 seconds, and then you walk off. She was limp, and lied there for 5 minutes.

You wander around the playground, looking for something to do. You get multiple invitations to play with a bunch of ponies, but you declined them. You're looking for underground shit that may be going on. Sadly, you don't find anything going on so you decide to go sit in one of the odd yellow tubes they have lying around for people to go in and just sit.

You crawl in one, to find a rather "pretty" looking pony. By pretty you mean make up slopped across the pony's face.

"Hey there, stud. You looking for a good time?" says the girl pony.

"What do you mean?" you say. You hoped there would be some prison action going on, but you were let down day after day.

"Let me show you." the pony says. She then shuffles over to you and hugs you.

"You like that, big boy?" she says. You only laugh in her face.

"What was that?" you say. "Are you trying to sleep with me or something?"

The pony looks at you.

"Is that an invitation? I know a lot of ponies who are willing to give away their complementary cupcake to get with you." she says. Not sure what she's going to do, you just sit there to see what she'll do.

You get out of the tube. You didn't imagine that the pony equivalent of prostitution was cuddling with someone for 10 minutes.

"Come back any time, stud! You're always welcome with me." says the prostitute-pony. You sigh.

You wonder what there is to do other than illegal cuddles. You then notice a group of ponies playing truth or dare. Deciding to shake things up, you go over there.

"Hey, mind if I join?" you say. The ponies then make a spot for you in the circle.

"Glad to have you here with us, Anon!" says Helka. Apparently she likes to play truth or dare.

The game goes by, ponies asking stupid stuff and rarely ever doing dares. Then it comes to you.

"Anon, truth or dare!" says Helka. Everyone looks at you.

"Truth, I guess." you say.

"Um, alright. Who do you like?" she says with a shit-eating grin. The ponies make some "ooo" noises. You look at her accusingly.

"Really? I've been here for a few days. I'm not sure if I like anyone yet." you say.

"No! I mean, uh, like like." she says.

"Oh. I'm not sure." you say.

"Then, who would you cuddle with?" she asks.

"I'd totally do some inappropriate cuddling with the guard called Sugar, if you know what I mean." you say without hesitation. Everyone blushes, apparently they're way too innocent. Time to ruin their innocence.

"Alright, Helka. Truth or dare?" you spout. Helka was surprised at this, and hesitated.

"Oh sweet Celestia! We got a bounceback!" says a pony.

"U-uh, d-dare!" says Helka.

"OH CELESTIA! HERE WE GO!" says another pony.

"I dare you to touch me, inappropriately."

The ponies are shocked. They look at Helka, expectantly.

"Come on, do it! I had dreams about this!" says a pony. Helka is shaking.

"I-I um, o-ok."

She shuffles awkwardly towards you, and puts her talon on your shoulder.

"Lower." you say. She gulps, shaking and blushing profusely. Her talon is now on your chest. Her breathing gets heavy as she stares at her talon.

"Lower." you repeat. She is trembling by now, her talon feeling your belly.

"I-it's so defined." she says, sperging out.

"Lower." you repeat yet again, and she stares at you as if you were crazy.

"I-I-I uh," she sputters out. You lean into her ear, while the ponies are staring in anticipation.

"I know you like this. Now lower it down so we don't have any trouble." you whisper. She is beet red by now. She stares at her talon, and it's shaking too. She slowly begins to lower down right above your nether region.

"Do it." you whisper again. Her talon briefly brushes little Anon, and then she leaps back to her spot in the circle, and curls up in a ball of eagle fluff and cat. The ponies are all breathing heavily and laughing nervously.

"Amazing." you hear a pony say. You put your arm back to support your weight because sitting criss-cross was getting tiring. Sadly, your hand feels wet and you don't even want to think about it. You visibly show disgust as you wipe your hand on a pony right by you. You question whether it was worth it to fuck with Helka.

"What did you just wipe on me?" says the pony.

The game goes on for another couple minutes. After the game of truth or dare, you hear whistles going on in the distance.

"Everypony back inside! We're going to do one of the activities planned today!"

"Hell yes. Teamwork time." you say to yourself as you jog over inside. You leave the group of ponies and one mortified griffin in your dust, disregarding any goodbyes. You're put in a single file line as you go inside.

"We're going to be playing dodgeball, so everypony play nice!"

Author's Notes:

Ponies are going to get pummeled next chapter. Stay tuned! I'm rolling out updates as fast as I can before my break ends, and then you'll get yer weekly updates.