Bulk Biceps had pulled out a game of "Scrabble" from under his bed. He looked at the door that led outside of the cell, looked at you, and then carefully placed it in front of you. He sat down by the game box, and proceeded to carefully open it up, keeping very quiet.

You then look at him, confused. Had this muscly, manly, Schwarzenegger pony just smuggle in a game of Scrabble? Then you realise that in the game box, there could be a weapon. There could be a very deadly bomb that might explode the entire building. Would he destroy the building? Did he manage to smuggle something to murder you with so that he wouldn't have to get blood on his hooves?

"NOW, DON'T TELL ANYPONY ABOUT THIS. THIS IS TOP-SECRET, BETWEEN YOU AND ME, GOT IT?" said Bulk Biceps to you. He actually looks nervous. Could he be hiding drugs? Is he about to give you weed?

He slowly opens the box. You look in anticipation. He's getting really nervous.

He then fully opens the box to reveal... an actual game of scrabble. You are beyond confused at this point. Why would he be so nervous about Scrabble?

"I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE THIS, I TOOK IT OUT FROM RECESS! I'M SNEAKY, BUT DON'T TELL ANYONE OR ELSE I'LL BE IN HERE FOR ANOTHER HALF A DAY." he then pauses, looks at the door again, and turns quietly to you. "DO YOU WANT TO PLAY?"

"Uh, no thanks." you say.

A couple of hours passed, Bulk Biceps is working out with a bench press in the corner. You're sitting on the bed, wondering if this even is a prison. Can it be called a prison? You think it would be more like a very long comfortable time-out. Just as you were about to get bored, you hear the door opening. You look over to find a guard in the doorway.

"Okay colts, it's time to go have lunch!" the guard pony said. The guard then walks away from the door, leaving it open.

"HURRY, ANON. WE DON'T WANT TO MISS RECESS AFTER LUNCH!" said Bulk Biceps. He rushes out of the room, leaving you behind in the hotel ro- cell. Curious, you cautiously walk out of the "cell" and you then follow him to the mess hall. It's basically just a big middle-school cafeteria. The tables are long and they have cheap circular stools built in them, and the walls are an ugly grey. The lights seem to be just fine compared to some mess halls you've seen.

You see Bulk Biceps trot over to a table happily, and he sits by what looks like a griffin, and a few other ponies. He immediately starts chatting with them. After about 30 seconds he motions you to go over and sit with him. Since you have nowhere else to go and to sit, you slowly walk over there, getting looks from all the ponies in the room as you walk by.

"What did he do? Isn't he the nicest guy or something?"

"What IS he? Did he steal a lunchbox or something?"

"Is what they say about humans true?"

After what seemed like an hour when it was only 15 seconds to get over to the table, you finally sit down by Bulk Biceps and the griffin.

"THIS IS ANON. HE IS NEW HERE." says Bulk Biceps as he introduces you to his group of friends.

Now that you're closer, you can see the griffin clearer, and by your guess, it's a girl for sure. She has the standard white eagle head, with black fur and wings. She has a scar that runs down from her eye, signalling that she might have gotten into a fight. She has that kind of cynical look, and she looks at you up and down.

"So, you're one of those hyoomans?" she says.

"Hue-mans. Yeah, what did you expect?" you reply.

"I thought that you were smaller. Huh." she says. "I'm Helka, by the way."

"Nice to meet you, Helka." you say.

You chat for about five minutes, and you wonder why no one is getting up to the lunch line to get food.

"I'm hungry, I'll go get food." you say, causing everyone to look at you with their mouths agape. You get up and walk to the lunch line, behind a few ponies talking happily. Their talking ceases once they realize that you just went from your table. The ponies that were talking look at you like you're crazy. You didn't notice the guard coming up from behind you.

"Why are you getting out of your seat without permission, young stallion?" says an old-looking female guard pony.

"Wait, we need permission to get up out of our seats?" you say.

"Don't get smart with me, mister!" she says, sternly. Everyone in the cafeteria is looking at you now. Apparently, you caused a scene.

Everyone is looking at you, wondering what you'll do next.

"I'm not getting smart with you, I just-" you get interrupted.

"Go back to your table right now! Wait until somepony comes to set your table to get lunch!"

"Hell no, I'm hungry and you're telling me I got to wait?" you say. The guard is left aghast at your language.

"That's one more day in jail for that! Watch your language, young colt! I'll have you in here for isolated lunch if you can't have respect towards your elders!" Everyone in the room gasps. You're getting another day for that? Oh well, you assume that can't be much.

"Just another day in paradise, I guess." you say.

"P-paradise? Prison is not a paradise! Go sit down right now and think about your actions!"

You hesitate, and everyone is still looking at you and the guard. You then realize that the lunches here are like lunches in middle school. That means that you have to wait. Not wanting any more trouble, you oblige and sit down with your table. Immediately after that, everyone starts talking again, slightly louder. It seems that they're talking about you.

"What are you doing? Are you crazy?" says Helka.

"Since when do we have to wait to get lunch?" you say.

"Since forever! You have to wait, just like everybody else."

"DUDE, YOU'RE HARDCORE!" says Bulk Biceps. "NEARLY AS HARDCORE AS EDGE!"

"Who's Edge?" you ask.

"You don't know? He's the worst prisoner here! I heard that he stole a pudding cup from his poor cell-mate, and then slept in his cell-mate's bed! And he didn't even get tucked in!" says a random pony at your table.

"That's it? Geez, that's nothing. Why would that make him the worst?" you say.

"Dude, I knew you were hardcore, but that's crazy! I think Edge is looking at you right now!" says Helka.

She was right, you are being watched. You're pretty sure you can tell who Edge is. Edge appears to be this red/black color palette pony a couple of tables away. He's eyeing you, watching your movements.

"I'd stay away from him, he's up to no good!" says another pony at the table.

"Whatever. I'm hungry."

Later, when you manage to get to the lunch line and your table is released, you're waiting awkwardly in front of Bulk Biceps and Helka. You get to choose what you eat.

"Would you like some pizza?" says the lunch-pony.

"No, some broccoli and salad would be fine." The lunch-pony is staring at you, mouth agape.

"A-alright then." the pony says. Everyone in the line is staring at you.

"I can't stand broccoli! And he WANTS it? He's crazy!" you hear someone say. Bulk Biceps looks at you.

"YEAAAAH! I'LL HAVE SOME TOO!"

You don't get what the deal is, you just grab a bottle of water and get back to your table to eat.

The lunch period passes by normally. You and everyone else in the cafeteria are rushed out to a playground of all things.

"Finally! Recess! I get to play and hang out with my friends! Catch you later, Anon!" says Helka. You look at the playground. Your old kindergarten playground had nothing on this. There are multiple structures, about 30. Everyone is playing all over them. You are confused by this. You walk over to one of the guards that was monitoring the playground.

"Hey, why is there a playground in this prison?" you ask.

"Why wouldn't there be? Prison is traumatizing to everyone who enters. It helps keep them calm, and it also teaches them how to be nice!" says the guard.

"Aren't they supposed to be, you know, punished?"

"You're being silly. I'm gonna take a couple of good boy points away from you, Anon. Stop questioning everything, it's not nice!" says the guard. You figure that there's nothing else to say and you promptly fuck off. Looking for stuff to do, since you're not allowed to go back in and be actually punished, you go find people to hang around.

You find a couple of groups hanging around some large yellow tubes.

"And then he said, h-heck no! It was crazy! You should have seen it!" says a pony in a tube. The ponies in the group didn't notice you walking up.

"Mind if I sit here?" you say, startling everyone in the circle.

"THERE HE IS! RUN!" says someone in the group. In a blink of an eye, the entire area around these tubes is clear of pony. You are confused to why they'd run away, they're convicts just like you. But then you realize that they're not running away from you. They weren't even paying attention to you. No, they're running away from this real Edgy pony walking up to them.

"Ha! Losers! What a bunch of butt-sniffers, am I right, guys?" says a familiar red/black palette pony surrounded by a group of goons.

It seems you've found Edge, the all-feared prison ruler who apparently makes everybody his bitch. He then looks at you.

"Hey, you! Come over here!" he says.

"Me?" you say.

"Yeah you, you dummy! Get over here!"

You figure you're not getting out of this one, seeing as you're surrounded by his group, locking you and Edge in a circle.

"It seems you're trying to show who's boss in this prison! Look, pal. I'm the one who runs this prison, and I own you now." says Edge.

"Yeah, right." you say. Edge looks at you, questioning your defiance.

"I know what you did in the lunch room. You can't be more powerful than me. I won't allow it." says Edge.

"I'm not even trying to, I don't even know who you a-"

"Don't make me mad. I'll boop you right in your stoopy monkey nose!" Edge says. His gang is whispering among their selves, they're speculating on whether you're getting the boop.

"Get on your knees." says Edge. The gang hoots.

"What?"

"Did I stutter? Get on your knees."

You feel yourself being forced down on your knees by 2 ponies much bigger than you. Edge smirks, gets up to you, and gets in your face. There's now the entire prison around you, watching and waiting to see what's gonna happen. Edge reels back his hoof, ready to strike your manly features.

He releases his arm, his hoof flying to your face at a blazing fast one mile per hour. Time has seemed to slow down, his hoof approaching your precious nose. It's coming closer and closer, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. You begin to feel your eyes swell up, tears beginning to form. It's going to happen.

His hoof is now inches away from your nose.

His hoof is about to touch the precious nose.

The crowd looks on in horror, shocked at the sight. He's really gonna do it!

The hoof stops a millimeter away from your face.

"Boop."

Author's Notes:

Leading causes of death in Equestria:

1. Hurt feelings.
2. Shocking sites.
3. Booping.