Horse People Go Naked
Chapter 155: Chapter 154: The Guard, the Human, and the Dream Walker
Previous Chapter Next ChapterThomas walked down the street beside Moonlight and let his eyes wander over the traffic. There weren’t too many ponies on the pavement, which suited him fine. He’d largely gotten used to all the nudity, at least enough that it no longer made him cringe to see a naked cock on a tall body move dangerously close to his face. However, most of the ponies going about their business, barely paying him a second glance, wore a bit more clothing. “More clothing in public like this is a status symbol, right?” he asked while noting Moonlight’s minimal armor.
“Something like that. It’s also the culture in Canterlot to wear more clothes than in other provinces, but yes. More clothes outside a formal event are a way to flaunt your wealth.” Moonlight glanced down at Thomas’ blank loincloth and chuckled. “You’re putting off some pretty conflicting signals dressed like that.”
Thomas looked between his loincloth and mare. “Like what?”
“Well, it’s just so plain, so you’re clearly not showing off. If you wore the ones with Luna’s cutie mark, ponies would think you’re, at least, signaling your allegiance to your preferred Princess. However, just plain white is so… plain. Honestly, I think most of the stares are for your confusing outfit.”
Thomas snickered. “Well, that’s nice, I guess. Ponies are finally getting used to the local weirdo.”
“Yes, but not for much longer. Luna said she’s getting ready to make the formal announcement regarding your, well, origins, and rumors are already spreading in the castle that Luna’s wing will need to up its security for a while. So, I expect I’ll have to start wearing more armor on our outings.”
“Hmm. I guess it was only a matter of time.” Thomas looked around the pedestrians, too wrapped up in their own business to notice him, and imagined how they’d react once they knew he was an alien. “In the show, the Mane Six got almost no recognition for what they did. No celebrity worship and ponies would cut them in line without a second thought.”
“I wouldn’t expect the same treatment for you. Also, I doubt things are like that for them whenever they leave Ponyville. Being heroes in a small town where you sell them carrots and pay their salaries might lessen the blow, but I’m pretty sure they get a lot of attention whenever they leave town.”
“That would be logical,” Thomas agreed. “I remember fans criticized that stuff on the show. Also, the comics.” Thomas’ brow furrowed in thought. “Wait, are there deer in the Everfree Forest?”
“I don’t think so. Why?”
“Just a kind of dumb plotline that introduced some pretty cool lore, but the villain was a generic business guy who did some needlessly criminal things. The story ended in a big fight. However, I thought it would have been better if the Elements actually used their status and brought a lawsuit against the guy. It just seems like Twilight could have, I don’t know, done some research to settle what was basically a land dispute, and the others could have acted as witnesses for the business guy’s criminal acts. Also, the business guy had some chemicals that were, like, a super-growth formula. He could have abandoned his initial plans and just sold that stuff as fertilizer.” Thomas blinked in realization at his tangent. “The point is, I’m both glad that this version of Equestria is more logical about their celebrities and heroes, but also a little anxious.”
“Increased security will apply to you, too,” Moonlight assured. “Jet won’t have as many days off for a while, so you’ll have both of us to watch your back.” However, she studied her human’s expression and found he didn’t appear reassured. “Just having a couple of scary-looking guards should make most ponies think twice about approaching you with awkward questions.”
Thomas gave a soft chuckle. “Yeah, probably. And maybe it’s just me, but Jet seems way scarier than you. No offense.”
“None taken, and you’re right. Honestly, I think I’m the sort of guard they usually post in more public areas to interact with the public. Jet’s more the intimidating type. Even outside the armor, she’s just got that look that makes her unapproachable.” Moonlight clucked her tongue. “Would you call that a resting-bitch-face?” she asked, barely restraining her smirk.
“Nah, more like resting-murder-face,” he retorted, and they shared a small laugh. “Speaking of, I didn’t just break any rules with that comic talk, right?”
“Comics are still seen as more of a foal and teen thing, so I doubt anypony cares that somepony who looks like a foal is talking about a story about the Mane Six. Besides, I’d just assume there were already a bunch of books out fictionalizing their lives, so no one would think you’re talking about anything other than a regular old comic.”
“Would they get royalties for using their likeness?”
“I hope so. Oh, here we are.” Moonlight indicated the café ahead, where a familiar face awaited.
“It’s good to see you two,” Soothing Star happily greeted with a wave as she adjusted her glasses. She wore the same jacket from before and still had no bottoms.
“It’s good to be seen.” Moonlight nearly ran ahead to greet her friend. Instead, she pushed Thomas’ back to hurry him to their table, and then they embraced.
“And it’s a pleasure to see you again.” Star approached Thomas, but he extended his hand for a handshake. What followed was an awkward dance as the two struggled to figure out how to greet one another. Ultimately, Star grew impatient and squeezed the human. “A friend of Moonlight is a friend of mine, and friends get hugs.”
Thomas less enthusiastically returned the embrace and said, “That seems to be the culture around here, so I can’t argue.”
“I’d like to see you try,” Star replied, motioning the others to sit with her. “I mean it. What’s the human perception on greeting friends?”
“Hard to say,” Thomas said as he climbed into the taller chair. “Thanks for this, by the way.”
“You’re welcome.”
“As for greetings, well, it varies. There are all kinds of cultures in my country with different views on just about everything. Some are more touchy-feely, while others are more stoic and formal. I’m also not much for touching strangers, but you guys have worn me down, so I’m not as bothered as I used to be.”
“Fascinating,” Star replied as she waved down a waiter to take their orders. She then looked around with her eyes and ears, checking for eavesdroppers. “By the way, rumor has it that the Princesses will soon be making an announcement about a certain somepony,” she said with an almost questioning inflection.
Thomas glanced at Moonlight, who shrugged.
“Rumors take on a life of their own. Although, if they’ve already spread outside the castle, the Princesses must be relaxing restrictions.”
Star shuffled in her seat and leaned forward on her elbows in anticipation. “I don’t suppose you could offer any hints?”
Thomas shook his head. “I’d rather not. We were just talking about that, and I’d rather not provoke a flash mob.”
“Agreed. Thomas has put his trust in the Princesses, so it wouldn’t be appropriate to reveal anything before they have.”
Star puttered her lips and leaned back in her seat. “Pooh, but I guess I can’t argue. We put our faith in the Princesses for a reason, and they’ve seldom let us down.”
“Seldom implies sometimes,” Thomas noted. “Were there other things besides what happened, ya know, a thousand years ago?”
“Nightmare Moon’s Rebellion?” Star asked. “It’s okay to say it. History is what it is, and I’m not the type who’ll go on a raging rant just because I’m a Luna worshipper.”
Moonlight snorted her amusement. “That’s not the Star I remember.”
“Well, I’ve mellowed out since we were little. Just don’t say anything obscenely wrong, and I won’t need to correct you,” Star smugly informed.
Thomas nodded, glad for the invitation to discuss the matter without worrying about stepping on any toes, so to speak. “I think I’ve got the basics. Luna felt neglected and jealous of her sister, gave in to her dark impulses, and… Did she have followers?”
“Some,” Star answered. “Most were conflicted about her turn and didn’t know who to side with. Some argued that she wasn’t even the real Luna, but a monster who stole her likeness or perhaps possessed her, and so joined Celestia to save their Princess. The Rebellion only lasted a few months, and most of Luna’s followers didn’t have time to make up their minds before it was over. After that, we faced deep sadness at our loss, compounded by persecution by our more spiteful neighbors.”
Thomas nodded his understanding, but kept silent.
“Celestia tried to mitigate the damage, but the blow was already struck. Luna’s flock was always smaller than Celestia’s, but our numbers were nearly halved after the Rebellion. There weren’t too many casualties, but ponies either felt betrayed or were bullied out of the faith. Luckily, time heals all wounds, and Luna’s worshippers have steadily rebounded over the last few centuries. Of course, I trust I don’t need to say there was a massive resurgence when our Princess finally returned. Many who descended from her deserters even returned to their ancestral faith.”
“How does that work, exactly?” Thomas asked. “The alicorns are all supposed to be goddesses, right?”
“Yes.”
“But you still worship one or the other?”
Finally, everyone’s drink orders arrived, and Star took a sip as she chuckled. “That is a needlessly contentious issue. Technically, worshipping the alicorns means all of them, including Cadence. Of course, ponies have their favorites, but some are more vocal than others. I think, back in the day, it was more like allegiance to a feudal lord. However, Celestia has since worked to streamline the faith to a unified pantheon. That was a little tricky, given that she was the only goddess for the longest time.” Star snorted a laugh. “The Dream Walkers have archived certain dreams for posterity, so I’ve seen how ponies reacted when Cadence first appeared. Let’s just say that perceptions of the Princess of Love were… misguided.”
“Oh, I read about that,” Moonlight spoke up. “Ponies thought she was only the Princess of physical love, and it took a massive PR campaign to clarify things.”
“I heard something like that, too,” Thomas carefully added. “Isn’t she kinda the most powerful alicorn because she can manipulate people’s emotions?”
Star rolled her eyes. “That’s still being debated, and Cadence is wisely keeping her mouth shut. Only top-tier Dream Walkers are allowed anywhere near the alicorns’ dreams, and that’s a number I can count on my hooves, so no pony at my level has any clue. Although, personally, I’d say she’s stronger than we’re led to believe.” She took another sip. “Have you met her?”
Thomas shrugged and sipped his drink as well. “Actually, not really. I’ve seen her around a few times, but we’ve never really chatted. I’ve had a few accidental run-ins with Celestia, but we haven’t said much, either.” He looked to Moonlight.
“Celestia, a little. It’s been nice getting to know her again, but our schedules are literally night and day, so it’s hard to find the time.” Moonlight then took a loud and thoughtful slurp of her beverage. “I have no idea what schedule Cadence is on, but we should probably make the time to properly meet with her.”
“Doesn’t the guard share information between the branches?” Star asked.
“Everything is on a need-to-know basis. I have a rough idea of what goes on in Luna’s wing and the main corridors on most days, but everything else is compartmentalized to prevent leaks. The fewer ponies know something, the fewer mouths there are to blab.”
“I suppose that makes sense,” Star allowed.
“Is it different with the Dream Walkers?”
“A little. We have teams that monitor certain regions, but it’s not like different branches of the military. We can operate remotely, so most of us are centralized in a few bases, and we take our lunch breaks in the same cafeterias. Information is restricted more by rank and clearance level than anything.”
Thomas chuckled. “I love how I’m sitting with people casually discussing confidential security stuff.”
“Oh, I haven’t said anything that isn’t publically available,” Star smugly retorted. “I said we’re centralized in bases, but I didn’t say where, how our teams are organized, or anything about the archives beyond their existence, so good luck trying to plan an attack based on anything I’ve said.”
Moonlight nodded. “Same. I can show you the bulletin board where we assign general patrols. The secret board for the special patrols has a glamour, so most ponies can’t see it, and a memory charm, so I’ll only remember it when I need to, and forget immediately after.”
Thomas blinked. “Seriously?”
Moonlight shrugged. “Could be, but it sounds true, doesn’t it?”
Thomas chuckled. “Okay, that’s a good one.”
“If anypony can do that for a bulletin board, it would have to be the military or some other state agency,” Star noted. “Mind magic is some powerful stuff, and anypony with the talent is almost immediately… Well, I wouldn’t call it conscripted. Let’s just say that a few lucky foals get some pretty shiny scholarships once their cutie marks show up.”
“If this was with humans, that kind of surveillance would be terrifying,” Thomas informed.
“Why?” Star asked.
“Let’s just say that humans have a long and dark history when it comes to government overreach. Maybe cutie marks make it different, but if humans found out that a human agency was monitoring their dreams or tracking gifted kids like that, there’d be riots.”
“What about you?” Moonlight asked. “Are you more trusting?”
Thomas snickered and shook his head as a waiter came by to take their orders. “Not even. I’d say my views are atypical for humans. Honestly, I kinda just don’t care. Look at my dreams about sexy mares and giant sea monsters all ya want. It doesn’t really affect me.”
“Sea monsters?” Star questioned in mild alarm. “Luna allows such nightmares in her concu—friends?”
“Thomas’ dreams are different, to say the least,” Moonlight replied. “The Subnautica ones, right?” she clarified, and Thomas nodded. “Luna’s taken us into his dreams where we explore this vast and beautiful underwater world. There are extensive forests of seaweed, reefs taller than mountains, and endless caverns. Sea monsters are there and sometimes chase us, but the overall vibe in the dreams is more relaxing. It’s all about exploring, seeing the different sights and creatures, and avoiding the dangerous ones.”
Star’s stare grew intent. “I don’t suppose you’d ever let me in your dreams? I’d love to see how sea monsters don’t automatically qualify as a nightmare.”
Thomas furrowed his brow and pointed with his cup-holding hand at the maroon mare. “Is this a technical thing for Dream Walkers?”
“Basically.”
“Any chance you can explain in a way the magically illiterate can understand?”
“I can try.” Star cleared her throat. “For ponies, dreams are comprised of disjointed memories, usually from recent events, especially those tied to strong emotions. Common nightmares manifest from guilt, stress, and other negative feelings. Dream Walkers are taught to observe the patterns and determine what different symbols mean when the dreams aren’t so straightforward. We’re also taught spells to weave ourselves into the dream to allow minimal disruption and more advanced spells help manage more complex emotional symbols. For example, a sea monster would most typically appear to foals learning how to swim or some seafarer dealing with internal or external issues. Do you know how to swim?”
“I do,” Thomas confirmed.
“Have you been stressing about anything water-related lately?”
“Nope.”
“Then I just really want to know how that works. I can’t think of a single instance of anything frightening appearing that doesn’t, well, frighten the dreamer. It’s so fascinating, and I’d like to study that from a technical perspective.”
“My stallion has a unique outlook on things,” Moonlight proudly stated while smiling at Thomas.
“I thought I was your human.”
“You’re the male who makes it hard to sleep when I don’t feel you on my back. Do you care about the rest?”
“In this case, no. That’s actually pretty nice to hear.” Thomas reached across the table and clasped hands with Moonlight. “And for what it’s worth, it’s noticeable whenever I wake up, and I don’t smell a certain unicorn.”
Moonlight blushed as her grip tightened.
“… It was the smell, wasn’t it?” Thomas deadpanned, and Moonlight nodded. “Right, smell’s stronger for ponies.” He then glanced at Star to confirm her cheeks had also darkened, if only slightly. “I’m not apologizing.”
Star snorted a surprised laugh. “Okay, you got a good one,” she directed at Moonlight, then sighed and looked into her cup. “You’re lucky. A guard falling for her charge is right out of a storybook. So romantic.”
“Isn’t that also a conflict of interests?” Thomas asked. “Not complaining, just curious.”
“Well, maybe a little,” Moonlight allowed. “But it’s still pretty romantic. Realistically, it just means my mistakes will have even less leniency than they usually would. I can basically keep this assignment, so long as I prove I can handle it and don’t screw up. Besides, after Shining Armor started as Cadence’s bodyguard, I don’t think too many ponies will make a stink over us.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to ponies,” Thomas remarked in resignation.
“What about you?” Moonlight asked Star. “A Dream Walker falling for a pony she saves from their nightmares also sounds pretty storybook to me.”
I should probably find a dictionary so I can look up some of these terms. There’s no way they’re the same definitions, Thomas thought as he mentally listed several reasons a human organization would strongly discourage such relationships. For ponies to not do the same most likely meant they’d never encountered enough problems to justify such protocols. Whether that was down to cultural practices or something regarding how their brains worked, ponies truly were a different species.
“You would think, but it’s different for us. Dream Walkers are more like therapists, and that kind of relationship with a patient isn’t exactly encouraged.”
And add consistency to the list of terms that definitely have different definitions from those on Earth, Thomas irately thought.
“And that sort of thing would only happen for the upper levels who deal with patients with chronic problems. I’m usually in and out so fast I barely have time to learn a pony’s name. It’s mostly foals who heard a scary story, anyway.”
Yeah, the government sending agents into kids’ dreams is almost evil by definition, yet ponies somehow make it less nefarious, wondered Thomas.
“Besides, I’m not really looking right now,” Star continued. “If it happens, it happens, but no pony at the office strikes my fancy, and I’m unlikely to meet anypony on the job, at least, not for a few years.”
That’s when Moonlight had a perilous thought. “Well, so long as you’re free, we could try hanging out?” she offered, prompting the man and the other mare to intently stare at her. “Hear me out. It doesn’t have to be anything serious. We’re just old friends catching up and inviting our new friend to join us because he needs to get out and socialize more.” She finished by fixing her eyes on said new friend.
Thomas pursed his lips. “I guess that’s fair.”
“So, you’re not asking me out?” Star clarified.
“Just as friends. We don’t have to jump under the sheets right away. I asked you here because I thought it’d be fun to catch up, which I think it is. We can just keep doing this and see where it goes. No pressure, no expectations, and no meddlesome alicorns.”
“But, didn’t we just say we were gonna meet with Princess Cadence at some point?” Thomas reminded. “Doesn’t she, like, smell this kind of stuff?”
Moonlight blinked. “… damn.”
“While that’s probably true, I think I like this idea,” Star remarked with an intrigued smile. Her eyes crawled appraisingly over her old friend. “You’ve definitely filled out a lot since we were foals.” Then her gaze fell on the foreigner. “And there’s no arguing you’ve got a cute charm about you. Hmm, yes. We should definitely hang out more.”
Thomas then felt the weight of all eyes upon him. “Well, so long as there’s no pressure, I wouldn’t say no to hanging out.”
“Yes, definitely no pressure,” Moonlight assured as she pushed her chair beside Thomas and pulled him into a half hug. “We can just be friends without any obligations to do more.”
Although, given my track record with most of my friends, ‘more’ seems more likely than not, Thomas thought. After all, Moonlight and Talon started as just friends. Maybe that was a harem thing and wouldn’t reach outside the castle? While he wasn’t outright opposed to sleeping with yet another mare, he was wary that too much sex with too many people might make him some kind of addict. He had no concrete basis for this theory apart from a few lectures he only vaguely remembered, and bringing it up here would just be awkward. However, taking his time to get to know a girl before bedding her seemed like a good idea in general, so there didn’t seem to be a reason to make a fuss.
“So, as friends, can we talk more about your religion?” Thomas asked with an awkward chuckle. “Things I never expected to hear myself say.”
“Sure. An outside perspective sounds intriuging.” Star then looked to Moonlight. “Which are you, by the way? Do you follow Luna or all the alicorns?”
“Hmm, I have attachments to both, so I think I’m more in the middle. All alicorns, but my opinion on Cadence is still pending.”
“Most of the dominant religions in my w-country are monotheistic, but I wonder if the old polytheists ever had casual chats about their gods like these,” Thomas thought aloud.
“Possibly. Anyway, was there something specific you wanted to know?” Star asked.
“Well, most religions I know of have places of worship. Are there, like, churches?”
“There are. Supposedly, all of Celestia’s churches are meant to worship the alicorns as equals, but it’s pretty clear from all the sun imagery in the architecture who they were built for. Luna’s churches are more distinctly hers, and I think there are only a few in Canterlot. Cadence has more than Luna, but”—Star chuckled—“that PR campaign still has work to do. If you ask a tour guide for a place to worship Cadence, you’re more likely to be taken to a brothel.”
“I thought that’s how her churches worked,” Moonlight inquired. “Don’t they offer ‘romantic’ services?”
“I think it’s more like dating advice than anything sexual,” Star replied. “Luna founded the Dream Walkers to supplement her duties, and Cadence is working on an order to do roughly the same in spreading love. Although, they’re still trying to find their hoofing. Also, the lingering confusion around her reputation doesn’t help. Though, what about you? Do you worship anywhere besides between your goddess’ legs?” she asked with a chortle.
“I’m a Christian, but a little on the agnostic side. My faith says that my god is the one true god. So—and don’t crucify me on this—I kinda think the alicorns aren’t exactly”—he lowered his voice and looked around—“gods.”
Star’s brow furrowed in confusion. “You don’t think the Princesses move the sun and moon?”
“No, I’ve seen it happen enough that I’m convinced. However, the Christian interpretation is more that God, with a capital G, is omnipotent and omnipresent. He, or rather, it is everywhere and everything all at once. God is the whole universe, and not a sexy lady upon whose body I regularly commit unspeakable acts.”
Moonlight snorted a surprised laugh. “I didn’t know you felt that way.”
Thomas shrugged. “It never came up.”
“Aren’t your standards a little high?” Star inquired. “Gods are powerful, yes, but that seems a little much.”
“Hey, I already said my guy is the one true god, implying all others are pretenders, so there’s kinda only the one set of standards,” Thomas elaborated. “Although, my writer’s brain leaves me open to him only being the one true god of humans,”—or maybe even my whole universe—“and ponies have their own. Maybe all species have a deity exclusive to them?”
Star thoughtfully hummed. “Honestly, I’ve never thought too much about other faiths outside Equestria. Minotaurs, griffons, and other creatures that come here are welcome in alicorn churches, and I think a lot of them tend to favor Luna as a fellow outcast. Although, I guess I see your point about not seeing Luna as divine after seeing her as a lover.”
Thomas shrugged again and sipped his nearly empty beverage. “Gods are supposed to be perfect, and while Luna is amazing, I’ve seen too many of her flaws, but that’s not a bad thing. For lack of a better word, that humanizes her. It makes her more of a person than a deity, at least, to me. And I hope all that translates, because I’ve had enough trouble with cultural misunderstandings.”
“Hmm, I can’t say I’m entirely convinced, but I see where you’re coming from,” Star allowed. “You view Luna as a friend, not a goddess.”
“Not counting things I blurt out in the heat of the moment, yes,” Thomas confirmed and looked at Moonlight. “What about you?”
“I see what you’re saying about flaws, but she’s still an alicorn. It’s hard for me not to see her as a goddess.”
“Even after all the other ways you’ve seen her?” Thomas thought back to some of their more embarrassing games, as well as the times that Moonlight got an up close and personal look at the ‘dark side of the moon.’
Moonlight shrugged. “I guess we just have different definitions of godhood.”
“Such seems to be tonight’s theme,” Thomas remarked as a waiter finally came by with their food. Then, as he dug in, he added, “I don’t think you ever elaborated on the other ways the alicorns let you down.”
“It’s a bit of a touchy subject,” Star admitted. “Luckily, our goddess overlords are benevolent tyrants, so they don’t smite us just for criticizing them.”
“Just be careful about what you say about Celestia,” Thomas warned. “We all know what she does to those who displease her.” His words surprised both mares into giggles, and Moonlight nearly choked. Huh, so that’s a meme here, too.
“Okay, yes, but criticism and having others call out our mistakes is the only way we can learn, and alicorns are no different,” Star argued, still chuckling. “Or is that not godly to you?” she asked with more amusement than malice. “Doesn’t your god ever make mistakes?”
Thomas thoughtfully chewed before swallowing. “There’s stuff we don’t understand, but our church has a nifty explanation. God is so great and powerful that his plans go far beyond human understanding. People might criticize and wonder why God’s plan calls for so much suffering, but there’s an old saying. If you want to make God laugh, just tell him your plan.”
“Right. I suppose running the entire universe would be tricky,” Star conceded. “Every action has a reaction, and saving one life could potentially lead to dire consequences down the road. Just thinking about the calculations makes my head hurt.”
“As for the question,” Moonlight cut in. “Celestia and Luna have faced off against numerous monsters over the centuries, but didn’t always win. Sometimes the monsters had ways of getting around the Elements, forcing the Princesses to retreat and come up with new strategies. They still won in the end, but there were a lot of unhappy ponies who felt betrayed at being left behind, even if only for a little while.”
“How do you get around the Elements?” Thomas asked.
“The Elements are a single directional weapon,” Star answered. “You charge them and aim at one foe at a time. However, if the enemy has an army, the Elements become less effective if the army scatters in all directions. Some monsters figured out how to do that with themselves, splitting up their being into many to make them harder to track. The strategy was so effective that some of them still haven’t been completely eradicated, even after centuries of hunting. I know, because the whole agency had a party a few weeks back when one team vanquished one of those monsters’ fragments.”
Thomas nodded. “Ah, I see. But that’s not really a failure, though. Fighting an enemy that’s super strong and needing time to get clever about beating it seems kind of standard for any war.”
“What kinds of failures are you thinking of?” Star asked.
“Well, our government once outlawed alcohol because they thought it was a root cause of society’s problems. However, doing so just created more problems, not least of which was the birth of organized crime in the country. So the government had to majorly backtrack and undo what they did. Have the alicorns ever done anything like that?”
Star and Moonlight shared a look, to which the latter replied, “I can’t think of anything. At least, not on that scale.”
“Oh, I might have one,” Star added. “In the Rebellion, a lot of corrupt nobles flocked to Nightmare Moon. They hoped to use her to expand their influence. Then, when she failed, they all claimed to be under mind control, but Celestia didn’t buy it. Equestria doesn’t usually employ the death penalty. However, while their cases were being investigated, authorities found evidence of numerous other crimes. Death seemed like the most expedient way to cut out the cancer, and make an example to the other nobles, so Celestia personally administered the sentence and swung the ax.”
Thomas frowned. “Okay, I’m not saying it’s good that they died, but you could still make an argument why it was necessary, so it’s not exactly bad either.”
Star thoughtfully hummed as she sipped her beverage. “I see what you mean about his unique outlook,” she said to Moonlight. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around half the things he’s saying. It’s no wonder they’re studying your ideas in university.” She chuckled and added, “Honestly, I always thought you’d saddle up with a more athletic type, not a thinker.”
“Thinker, huh?” Thomas wondered aloud. “I guess that fits. I always try to be careful and think about what I say. Even outside the cultural misunderstanding thing, it’s really annoying when I start overthinking stuff, so I don’t step on any toes.”
Star softly chuckled. “Step on toes. Does he say stuff like that a lot?”
Moonlight faced Thomas and beamed. “Not often enough.”
“Oh, I’m already excited for our next get-together.”
“Why? What’s that mean?” Thomas asked. “Are you conspiring in front of my face?”
Moonlight chuckled. “I guess you’d call it your humanisms. It’s hard to describe, but there’s a charm in how you say stepping on toes instead of hooves. I like it.”
Thomas straightened a little. “I didn’t know you liked that stuff.”
Moonlight pursed her lips. “That’s both part of the charm, but also annoying. We’re still trying to understand each other. See, if you were a pony, you probably would have picked up on something like that by now.”
“That’s assuming a lot,” Star added. “Maybe you’re just being coy.”
“We can agree to disagree,” Moonlight countered. “The lesson we should take away is that I enjoy these foreign sayings.”
“What about Talon? Doesn’t she have griffonisms?” Thomas asked.
“Yes, which are nice, but she’s a lot more, well, Equestrian.”
“So my charm is that I’m a foreigner?”
“Hey!” Moonlight pointed an accusing finger in Thomas’ face. “You’d better not be looking for an excuse to feel doubt and put yourself down. Surprise told us to start imposing consequences for mistakes like that.”
Thomas snickered, his mood’s downward trajectory already lifting. “Okay, fair enough.”
“While that was cute, does somepony want to share?” Star invited.
Moonlight stared at Thomas until he nodded his permission. “Thomas is a little sensitive and has self-esteem issues, so we have to be on guard so he doesn’t think himself into a miserable mess.”
“Ah, so you’re one of those,” Star remarked.
“One of what?”
“Ponies, or, I guess I should say creatures, that are their own worst enemies. Recognizing your own weak points keeps you humble and healthy. However, if you ignore your strengths, you get the opposite of an inflated ego, which can be just as bad. We deal with that all the time in the Dream Walkers.”
Moonlight’s ears stood to full attention. “You don’t say.”
“I do. For example, you said something about consequences for mistakes. What’s that about?”
Again, Moonlight checked for Thomas’ permission, which he gave. “The other night, Thomas was on a date with Surprise, another mare in the harem. He made a mistake, so to help him feel better, she sat on him for over an hour when they got back to the castle.”
“Hmm, now there’s an idea,” Star pondered in interest. “Some ponies get stuck on their mistakes, no matter how minor, and feel the need to punish themselves. So having somepony else do it for you sounds like a more fun resolution to help the afflicted pony work through their self-loathing, at least, in that instance. Plus, having friends who are willing to indulge in such punishments sounds like a healthy support system. Not bad.” Star then noticed Moonlight begin fidgeting and realized she wasn’t the only one excited for future interactions.
“Huh. So having a giant mare pin me under her giant butt is keeping me healthy?” Thomas wondered aloud. “Man, I must have some serious problems if that’s my treatment.”
Star looked concerned at Moonlight. “Was that not an issue?”
“No, that’s what he calls his dry wit. Self-deprecating humor is his thing.” Then Moonlight caught Thomas smiling at her. “And now, he feels even better knowing that I’m getting better at reading his cues.”
“On the other hand, I want to make a smartass remark, but I’m frustrated that nothing’s coming to mind,” Thomas added.
Star hummed in amusement. Yes, I think we’ll be having many more lunches like these.