Horse People Go Naked
Chapter 146: Chapter 145: Problems on the Horizon
Previous Chapter Next Chapter“You sure?” Thomas whispered into Moonlight’s ear.
“It’s a lovely gesture,” she assured.
“But—”
“They won’t mind,” she said with a sympathetic laugh. “Just know that I’m proud of you for taking the initiative like this.”
“If the two of you are plotting my assassination,” Luna began as the other concubines busied themselves with helping her dress, “then I must confess my disappointment in your failure to properly plan ahead.”
“Plot. Ass,” Surprise snickered.
“Riveting,” Silver added with a roll of her eyes.
Honey just smiled in silence as she waited for things to unfold.
Sharing one last nod with Moonlight, Thomas took a deep breath and marched over to Luna, hoping he didn’t look too stiff. He smacked his lips, thinking of all the different ways he could approach this. Then, when he saw Luna staring expectantly down at him, he decided the simplest approach would be to rip the bandage off as quickly as possible. “You want to go on a picnic, just the two of us?”
Luna tilted her head curiously. “I would love to, but you seem quite nervous. So tell me, what brought this on?”
With all eyes on him, Thomas let out a sigh and continued ripping the bandage. “You were my first. The first person I ever really opened up to, and not just since I came to Equestria. We were there for each other at a time we both needed someone.”
Luna nodded along as she silently listened.
“And while I know the whole point of herds is to share affection equally, I’ve been feeling like I’ve been neglecting you lately, so, well,” he trailed off, shuffling his feet. “I just thought it’d be nice if the two of us could just have some, ya know, alone time together.” With his proposal made, Thomas stood as straight as he could, too fearful of fidgeting as he awaited her response.
Then, after what felt like hours, Luna gave her answer. “That sounds splendid.”
Thomas blinked, incredulous that his proposal would be accepted so quickly. “It does?”
Luna nodded. “While you are right that herd affections are to be shared equally, sometimes a little one-on-one time can be quite refreshing.”
“Yeah, silly,” chirped Surprise. “Did you really think we’d get upset over something like that?”
Thomas just stared flatly at the pegasus until she gave an embarrassed laugh.
“Point taken.”
“Even so, I agree with Moonlight in that I’m quite proud of you for taking the initiative all on your own,” Silver offered while setting Luna’s earrings.
“Maybe we should get some alone time fer ourselves, too,” Honey suggested. “Just some nice, old-fashioned datin’ on a warm Saturday night sounds right peaceful. It’ll be like our initiations, only more fun.”
“Alright, then,” Thomas said enthusiastically. Not only was he relieved that everyone was so accepting, but their excitement was spilling over to him, making him all the more eager. “Tomorrow night, let’s pair off for our dates.”
**********
After a long night’s work and a good day’s rest, Thomas was ready to begin their date. He’d prepared a nice basket lunch beforehand and showed up to Luna’s door like he was about to take her out to prom, dressed in his cleanest loincloth. However, since they’d agreed on this being an informal outing, Thomas was relieved when Luna showed up without any of her usual regalia and dressed only in a simple red sweater with her cutie marks on the hips of her skirt.
“I trust my stud has picked out a lovely venue this evening,” she purred.
“Once you’re there, it will be.”
“Too cheesy!” Talon called from behind Luna.
“I’m choosing to ignore the jealous one,” Thomas said dispassionately, never tearing his eyes from Luna as she snickered.
“I, for one, happen to appreciate your method of romance, cheese and all.”
“Hey, your loss,” Talon said before moving past the others, taking wing, and flying off to parts unknown.
With that settled, Thomas led the way down the opposite hall, followed by a couple of guards that Thomas recognized but couldn’t name. They walked hand-in-hand, with Thomas no longer as bothered by their height difference as he used to be. They said little, but he was fine with that. It was nice just having this goddess of a mare all to himself again. After a few more minutes of casual walking, the pair finally made their way to the gardens.
Since lunch was still a ways off, the two decided to cozy up on the nearest bench and just enjoy the feeling of one another’s warmth as Luna eased her arms around her beloved human. He, in turn, wrapped his arms around hers. The view this time of night was lovely, with many night flowers in full bloom. Critters of all sorts roamed the land, chittering away without paying the newcomers much mind. The gardeners and the guards were much the same and gave the royalty and her professional lover their space.
“So,” Thomas began after feeling the silence had gone on for too long. He was also fearful the soft comfort of Luna’s body might draw him to sleep. In his position, he was able to look up and take in the full, unobstructed beauty of the night sky. “What constellations are out right now?”
Luna’s ears perked in excitement as she pointed. “This evening, we have a lovely Taurus, the ancient Minotaur King. You can see him wielding his mighty hammer as he smashes the mountainside into the first maze.”
“We have a Taurus back on earth, too,” Thomas smiled as he strained his eyes to make out what was indeed a minotaur with a giant hammer. “He was just a bull, though.”
“Just a bull?” Luna raised an eyebrow skeptically. “Your people made a constellation for no other reason than to have a common animal in the sky?”
“We don’t make constellations, remember?” Thomas pointed out. “Ancient civilizations picked out groups of stars and sorta randomly decided that they looked like things. It was for navigation, mostly.”
“Ah, yes,” Luna nodded. “Your people have no real control over your world.”
“Nope,” Thomas flatly said as he looked back up into the night sky. “And it kinda shows.”
“Does it now?”
“Yeah. In my world, the sky just is the way it is. I suppose you could argue that it had a natural beauty, but I was never much of a stargazer. Here… you can really see the difference.” He paused as he gazed intently up at the stars. “Here, it’s obvious that someone made this,” he gestured to the sky. “Someone took a lot of time and effort into painting an amazing picture, and this certain someone managed to do so using the whole sky as their canvas.”
“A certain someone, you say?” Luna cocked an eyebrow.
“Yeah. A certain someone,” Thomas nodded. “Now, I can’t say for certain, but I’d think that certain someone would have to be pretty amazing to do something like this.”
Luna smiled coyly down at Thomas. “Do you intend to win the favor of the Princess of the Night with empty flattery?”
“If I said ‘yes,’ would it still work?” Thomas asked jokingly.
“Difficult to say,” Luna pondered as she stroked his shoulder. “Do you have anything to offer more than words?”
“I’m pretty sure I won our last game,” Thomas said smugly. “Does that count?”
“It could,” Luna concededly nodded before her ear twitched and her headshot in the direction of one of the trees. “But if you’re offering, there is more you could do.”
“What are you looking at?” Thomas asked with needlessly dramatic suspicion.
“‘Tis the local fauna,” Luna said as her eyes focused on her target. “They are most skittish around all but their official caretakers. You would please us greatly if you could manage to win the favor of”—she paused a moment to search for a suitable target and finally pointed—“that squirrel.”
Thomas followed her finger and found a squirrel digging a hole in the ground. It suddenly looked up at Luna’s words and seemed to be giving them the stink eye. Thomas groaned. “So you want me to go chasing down a squirrel while you sit here and watch like the meanie pants you are?”
“Well, anything can sound silly when one says it with that attitude.” Luna bobbed her head dismissively before shooing him off towards the squirrel.
With a mighty groan, Thomas began his task. He glanced backward to find Luna relaxing on the bench before gesturing for him to go on. Then, returning his attention to the rodent, Thomas slowed his pace and crouched down, not to stalk the little guy, since that would be impossible, but to make himself look smaller and hopefully less intimidating. “Hey there, little guy,” he greeted softly.
The squirrel stood up on its hind legs, eyeing Thomas carefully and confirming that it was indeed a male. Thomas sighed inwardly at not accidentally offending the critter, especially considering how intelligent Equestrian animals were. He put on his friendliest grin and picked up an acorn he found on the ground, handing it to the squirrel in a peace offering. The squirrel scurried forward, but stopped about two feet from Thomas’ hand as it sniffed the air. Slowly Thomas pressed his free hand to the ground beside him, letting the squirrel know that he had no intention to grab it. The squirrel scurried a bit closer.
“That’s it, little guy. I ain’t gonna hurt ya.” In his mind, Thomas envisioned the squirrel taking the acorn, only to sit upon his hand as he ate it. The idea of tiny squirrel claws was not all that appealing, but the thought of Luna’s reaction of completing the task above and beyond what she’d expected would be well worth it. “Come on.” He inched his way closer. “There ya g—gah!”
Thomas pulled back in shock at feeling something hit his eye. Rubbing it, he felt strange moisture where none had been before. Once his eye began to recover, he looked at his palm. “I-is that spit?” he asked in disgust. He looked up in time to see the squirrel had seized the acorn he had dropped and was making a break for the tree. Realization hit him like a smack in the face. “Oh, no, you don’t, you little bastard,” he snarled as he began running for the rodent. If the Disney princess method wouldn’t work, he’d just have to rely on old-fashioned force.
However, as must inevitably happen when a human chases a squirrel, the little bastard ascended up the nearest tree, well out of his pursuer’s reach. “Get back here, you little…” Thomas stopped as the squirrel began chittering angrily at him.
“Something the matter?” Luna asked from her place on the bench, not even bothering to hide how much the scenario amused her.
“Little bastard spat in my eye!” Thomas swore as he wiped the last of the spittle from his face. “And now I think he’s cursing at me.”
“Really now?” Luna asked in intrigue. “You speak squirrel?”
“No,” Thomas sighed as he glared up at the still chittering rodent. “But I don’t think there’s anything else he could be saying right now.”
Luna lightly tittered as Thomas bemoaned his predicament and muttered to herself, “This is all too delightful.”
“Yeah, keep laughing, ya little shit,” Thomas spat up at the squirrel. “I’ll have you know I’m a freaking carnivore. The moment I catch you, I’m gonna treat the Princess to a nice squirrel kabob.”
The squirrel tilted its head, as if to consider Thomas’ words, only to throw down the acorn shell and hit him square in the forehead.
“Ah! Son-of-a… That’s it!” Thomas proclaimed as he ran around the side of the tree and jumped up to one of the lower branches.
Luna leaned forward with an excited grin as negotiations broke down and war was declared.
Thomas pulled himself up and managed to find some sound footing in a groove of the tree. He continued his climb from there, taking it one branch at a time. It was slow going, given his relative size and exposed skin. However, he was able to ignore the discomfort and press on, never losing sight of his target as he ascended ever higher.
Luna, meanwhile, readied her magic in case the inevitable happened.
The squirrel continued chittering as it ran back and forth across its branch. Thomas growled at the apparent mockery of his inferior climbing and redoubled his efforts to give pursuit. The squirrel scurried up to Thomas, but stopped just out of his reach. Positioning his feet on a solid feeling branch, Thomas crouched low in a pouncing position, all the while wondering just how stupid he was for not only doing this, but doing it while knowing that it was a bad idea. He gauged the distance and their surroundings as carefully as he could. He was so close he could practically feel the little critter’s fur in his hands. Thomas lunged for the small mammal. It froze, stupefied by such a stupid action.
Then, when the little guy was just a hair’s breadth away from Thomas’ fingertips, there came a searing pain in his wrists. Thomas hissed loudly and reflexively pulled both hands to his chest. This action was immediately regretted as he started falling. Many smaller branches scraped and scratched along his exposed skin, but thankfully there were no thicker branches in his path to slow his quick dissent with rib-shattering force. Thomas plummeted down towards the ever-approaching ground. He closed his eyes and braced for impact, but nothing happened.
Thomas opened his eyes as he felt the familiar tingle of magic engulfing his body, which glowed with a faint teal color. He looked over to find Luna now standing with a worried expression, to whom he gave an appreciative if halfhearted smile.
Luna’s magic extracted him from the tree and levitated him back to the bench, where she maneuvered him into a sitting position beside her. She reached around him, but rested her hand at the top of the bench over his shoulder. Then, when she seemed satisfied that he was not hurt beyond a few scrapes, she smiled down at him. Part of her wanted to scold him for doing something so foolish in the first place, but that part was silenced by the memory of her own goading.
“What?” Thomas asked in annoyance at his failure. “I know I got carried away back there, but what’s that look for?”
“Oh, nothing,” Luna tittered. “‘Tis simply that I was once in a similar position to you.”
Thomas deadpanned at her. “That demands clarification.”
“When Tia and I were still little fillies, our home had a garden much like this one. For some reason, I got it into my dense little head to go chasing a squirrel. Our wings hadn’t developed yet, and our magic wasn’t much better. The vile beast,” she exaggerated dramatically, “lured me up quite high, so high in fact that I became petrified when I realized how far the ground was. Tia, who was much further along in her magical studies, after she finished mocking my predicament, graced me with her generous rescue, for which she decided fair compensation would be half of my dessert for the next week.”
“Huh,” Thomas huffed with a smile. “I can actually see you doing that.”
“Can you, now?”
“Yeah. I bet you looked cute then, too.” He snorted as a tinge of pink touched the alicorn’s cheeks. “Sorry.”
“Liar,” she accused with a smirk. “However, it looked as though you flinched just as you pounced on the beast, but you do not seem to have any bruises, and I did not see you hit anything.”
Thomas’ laughter quickly faded as he stared down at his hands. “I… I’m not sure,” he said as he flexed his fingers and rotated his wrists. “It doesn’t’ feel like anything’s wrong, but I got this sudden pain in both my hands when I, ya know, jumped.”
“Pain?” Luna asked worriedly as she gently reached for his hands. She traced along the bones and joints of both his hands with her soft fingers, but sighed in disappointment when she reached the same conclusion as Thomas. “It doesn’t feel like anything is wrong. Perhaps…”
Her horn lit, and eyes glowed as Thomas felt magic press into his hand. He recognized the penetrating magic that snaked its way beneath his flesh and around his bones as a magical scan, the same that had been performed on his entire body the day he’d come to Equestria.
“Anything?”
“Strange,” Luna said as she released her magic.
“Strange?” Thomas asked as worry began to set in. “What’s strange?”
“I am not sure, which is exactly why it is so strange,” Luna explained in a scholarly manner as she continued holding his hands in hers. “It looks as though something might have briefly pinched nerves in both your hands. I cannot determine what caused this, but the pressure appears to have been applied in the exact same spots at the exact same time. I am unfamiliar with such a phenomenon, although it has been some time since I checked Equestria’s medical records. Might this be a human condition?” Her tone was hopeful for an explanation, anything that might set her worried mind at ease.
Thomas shrugged, disappointed that he could not give the reassurance they both needed. “The only thing that comes to mind is a carpal tunnel, but I don’t think I’ve been doing anything with my hands that might cause that. And carpal tunnels don’t happen in both hands at the same time.”
“Hmm, where exactly was the pain?”
Thomas pulled his left hand free and traced on his right hand from his wrist up to between the knuckles of his middle and ring fingers. “It was like, well, like something sharp cut my hand open and stabbed right through here,” he explained while tracing his finger back over the line. “It only lasted a second, but that’s about how much it hurt. Maybe a pinched nerve or something?”
Luna brought his hand close to her face as she examined the spot in his hand more carefully. “Please describe this carpal tunnel.”
“It’s where you overwork your hand by doing repetitive motions all day long. If I were using a pencil or a mouse all day, that would be one thing.”
“Mouse?”
“Those things I told you went with computers.”
“Oh, yes,” Luna remembered as she pondered. “Repetitive motion, you say? Well, in our opinion, thy hands seem to have been engaged in sufficiently varied motions to avoid this particular plight.”
Thomas gave a huffed laugh. Luna had slipped into her old-fashioned speech, meaning she was even more worried than she was letting on. “Yeah, yeah. Real cute. But if you’re right, if it’s not a carpal tunnel, and it’s not anything you know about, then what is it?”
Luna’s horn lit and materialized a paper and pen. She didn’t even bother looking at it, keeping her focus on Thomas’ wrists as the pen scribbled away. She spared only a fleeting glance at her penmanship before nodding. The paper and pen dematerialized in the same flash in which they’d appeared.
“What was that about?”
Luna gave a long sigh. “A letter to ‘Tia,” she admitted. “A fortnight ago, she spoke to me about your health. Given that it has been so long since your last medical examination, it seemed that a checkup was due. I had actually thought that tonight would be the best to broach the subject, but now I fear it may not be that simple.”
Thomas nodded. “But what about that last time I went to the infirmary? That didn’t find anything, did it?”
Luna shook her head. “No, but alas, there is only so much that can be done in the castle. For a more thorough examination, thou will need to see a specialist.” She swallowed and added, “Outside the castle.”
Thomas furrowed his brow and pursed his lips. “I mean, okay, but why does the ‘where’ matter?”
“The facility We had in mind is the Canterlot Royal Science Academy, particularly their medical wing. It has received much praise for being state-of-the-art, boasting machines unlike any other in the world; machines, alas, that would be obscenely difficult to move to the medical ward here in the castle.”
Thomas nodded along. “You were thinking about this place before”—he shook his hands in Luna’s grip— “this.” It was more of a statement than a question.
Luna nodded and smiled softly. “They and other medical professionals have grown increasingly insistent about examining you. We have since sent agents to these various groups to determine if they had any ulterior motivations.”
“And you were going to tell me this… when?”
Luna’s ears twitched, almost folding against her head. “Some of our agents reported less-than altruistic intentions,” she strained to admit. “We saw no reason to worry you, especially given how such facilities have since been dismantled and their personnel placed on a variety of watch lists.” She wet her lips. “The Canterlot Royal Science Academy, however, has always owed its express fealty to the crowns. Accordingly, applicants are heavily scrutinized, and a code of ethics and moral conduct is strictly enforced.” She pulled Thomas’ wrists close to her chest. “Thou hast our word that they can be trusted.”
Thomas stared up into Luna’s eyes a moment before letting his gaze drop. He felt her tense. “I trust you,” he began. “If you say you’ve done the research and made sure this place is safe, I can’t think of a reason to argue.”
Luna relaxed, but not completely.
“And I get why you didn’t want me to worry about that sort of stuff. Hell, Moonlight’s been dropping hints that I’m due for a checkup, too, so this was basically inevitable, but...” he trailed off.
Luna nodded. “Thou hast our word that We had every intention of telling thee everything tonight,” she assured, “regardless of thine tree-climbing ability.”
That startled a laugh out of Thomas, and he sighed. “That’s all I needed to hear.” Even if you still felt the need to tiptoe around my feelings again, he thought, but swallowed his annoyance. There was no need to pour salt in the wound.
Luna sighed in relief, finally releasing the human’s wrists before wrapping her arms around his back. Then, with a practiced motion, she pulled him in close, angling her arms so that, while Thomas’ little body was engulfed between her vast cleavage, his head remained out in the open and in prime position for cheek rubs. “You’re so patient with me,” she cooed.
For a while, they just stayed like that. Luna hugged Thomas with both her arms and bosom, and Thomas simply basked in her comfortable softness. But alas, the moment was cut short by a gurgle from the mare’s stomach, signaling that it was time to set up the picnic and eat.
“I’m probably going to regret this,” Thomas began, “but now that you’ve mentioned it, I’m suddenly curious what these now-defunct groups had planned. Ya know, so that I know what to look out for,” he added after preparing his ham sandwich.
“Very well,” Luna acknowledged. “Since you have agreed, I feel safe in assuming that dearest Moonlight will be going with you, yes?”
“You plan to tell her not to?”
Luna chuckled. “A fair point.” She gave a more relaxed hum as she started preparing her own double-decker sandwich. “In that case, it should go without saying that there really is no reason that she should not be by your side at all times. If you are asked to separate for any reason, no matter how seemingly benign, I would advise caution.”
“Noted,” Thomas said through his mouthful. “But what about what those bad guys wanted?”
Luna grimaced. “T’would seem that I have been misled regarding how far culture has advanced in my absence,” she began. “The same baseless superstitions and unscrupulous vermin are as plentiful as ever.”
Thomas swallowed his bite. “For some reason, poaching comes to mind.”
“In a manner,” Luna agreed with a growl, staring at her meal as though it had just kicked her puppy. “‘Tis most fortuitous my agents investigated when they did. Only now are the crowns aware of the seedy, black-market demands for”—she hesitated—“human organs.”
Thomas sighed. “Pretty much what I expected,” he admitted before taking another bite. “Baseless superstitions, huh?”
Luna nodded. “I would prefer not to go into further detail. But suffice to say that, now that we are aware of these rumors, a concerted effort is being made to stomp them out.”
“Alright,” Thomas agreed. He was familiar enough with poaching to imagine the horrendous things people would do to meet some wealthy douche’s ass-backward demands. Besides, this topic was getting too grim for his liking, anyway. “Aside from that, any new political developments?”
Luna smiled gratefully at the change in topic. “A grand reopening here, a ratification of changes in verb tense of old laws there, managing Blueblood’s latest scandal off to the side, and topped off with a growing aggravation at the never-ending sea of paperwork, not to mention my desire to see just how high a single stack can reach.”
“You could probably ask Attentive to do the measurements.”
“Bah! And miss out on the chance to stack the worthless kindling myself, followed by the sheer satisfaction of”—she held up one hand and lightly poked at the air in front of her—“tipping it over. Surely you jest?”
“Point made. Point taken,” Thomas agreed and took another bite. “I missed this.”
“Pardon?”
“This,” Thomas said, gesturing vaguely between himself and Luna. “I love the others, but sometimes I miss when it was just the two of us, ya know.”
Luna nodded. “I do. Having you as my only… it put me in mind of when I was still young and so full of ideals. Now I’m old and grumpy about seeing those ideals shattered by the unstoppable juggernaut that is the lack of common sense in the masses.”
“I’ll drink to that.” Thomas offered up his glass bottle of juice. He gave it a shake until Luna held out her own bottle, tapping them together with a soft clink.
“To the eternal dim wits of the mob!” Luna cheered.
“May it forever be a source of frustration and entertainment.”
And with that, the two downed their glasses.
“Speaking of the ignorant masses, there was one other matter of import I had hoped to discuss,” Luna continued. “It is a matter I have been considering for some time, something that I have yet to even discuss with ‘Tia. And as it pertains to you, I wished to pick your brain, as it were, before making any further plans.”
“Okay. Shoot,” Thomas agreed. Although his tone was dispassionate, he was glad to be brought into the loop early for a change.
“Simply put, in spite of some rather unsavory findings while investigating safe medical facilities, it may be time to declassify your origin.”
Thomas regarded Luna in silence for a moment. “Really? Finding out about bad guys, who I’m assuming are basically poachers”—he waited as Luna nodded—“makes you think it’s time to make the rare anomaly even more rare and interesting?”
“Now that we are aware of these unsavory sorts, we know what to look for. The Dream Walkers have already made considerable headway in tracking several common themes in ponies’ sleep, and even Blueblood has compiled quite the list of buyers and sellers of ‘rare creatures’ in the black market. Of course, it will still be a matter of months before these organizations have been properly extinguished, but there is another reason I believe it time Equestria learn from whence you come.”
“And that is?”
“Because the lie is failing,” Luna admitted through pursed lips. “Now that they’ve had the time to think things through, ponies have begun asking questions that the CEI can no longer deflect. Just yesterday, I had gone over a lengthy and eloquent report by a professor. He explained in great detail why, not only is it impossible for a non-magical being such as yourself to have appeared in my chambers as you did, but also how the odds of an entire nation of beings like you existing on Gaia are statistically null and void.” Luna took a long, deep breath. “If the truth is not revealed soon, we run the risk of a more dangerous lie taking root.”
Thomas nodded. What Luna said made sense, but after learning about these bad guys who were still out there, he was more hesitant than if he’d been asked last night. “What about that professor?”
“Nothing harmful,” Luna assured. “He was simply approached and asked politely not to publish his findings until expressly allowed by the crowns. He was also adequately compensated for his silence.”
Thomas smacked his lips together, holding his tongue from making some uncouth remark about corrupt governments. All of this was being done for his protection, and to keep the masses from needless panic. “How will this work, exactly?”
Luna smiled softly. “In stages. I will need to talk with ‘Tia about the particulars, but part of it will involve the crowns commissioning of academics, such as the fore mentioned professor, to publish such works. Then, once the scoundrels have been rounded up, we will ease the masses into the idea of other worlds and benign visitors therein. Knowing sister, she has already lined up a group of writers ready to take her commissions for such stories.”
Thomas’ inner cynic thought propaganda, but he managed to keep that side silent.
“This is far from an urgent matter,” Luna assured. “In addition to waiting until after the vermin have been rounded up, I imagine, if we were to begin now, the earliest we would be ready to make such an announcement would be after the passing of one year, and that is only with your consent.”
Thomas sighed and looked down. “If it’s really down to my choice”—he paused and licked his lips—“then I say it’s simpler just to tell the truth.”