Horse People Go Naked
Chapter 145: Chapter 144: Spats and Making Up
Previous Chapter Next ChapterThomas’ eyes flipped between the mares around him. Luna triumphantly smirked as she sat on Moonlight’s face, most likely to impose her domination over the unicorn’s failed ‘coup.’ Honey stood off to the side, looking very chill as she helped Silver stand steady. The bat mare moaned and swayed like she’d just come off an especially intense ride—specifically, Honey’s face—but was slowly regaining her land legs while clenching her thighs together. Moonlight’s face was utterly enveloped under Luna’s tremendous plot, and most of her body was obscured by the alicorn’s thunder thighs. However, judging by how the unicorn was casually fingering her sex, she didn’t hate this arrangement. Surprise contentedly hummed as Thomas sat propped up on her knees while casually pawing her mammoth mammaries with his feet. Honestly, the soft mounds of chest fat felt nice against his soles, but the pegasus’ moans suggested that she was getting more enjoyment from this arrangement. Deciding that it wasn’t worth the trouble to argue fighting moves, Thomas turned his attention to the mare between Luna’s legs. “She’s alright, right?”
Luna beamed, wiggled her hips, and moaned while biting her bottom lip. “Her licking is less enthusiastic than usual, but that is to be expected,” she tittered. “I did just wear her out.”
“Yeah, I figured that part,” Thomas allowed. “But Silver said something about tension between you two.” He gestured between the dark and light-furred mares, his question implicit.
Silver tittered tiredly. “These things happen in herds. When ponies don’t talk enough and hold things back, it creates tension, which leads to friendly spats like these. It’s perfectly normal and healthy.”
“It’s true,” Honey agreed. “Luna ‘n’ Ah had us a li’l back ‘n’ forth when we went ta the comic store. Ah was steppin’ on her hooves, ‘n’ she set me right. We jus’ needed ta hash some stuff out, ‘n’ we felt better after.”
Thomas frowned. “Fighting like that doesn’t sound healthy. It sounds like you need couple’s counseling.”
“Ah guess natural is better ‘an healthy,” Honey conceded. “‘Sides, there’s a difference between a spat ‘n’ a fight. The latter’s a problem. The first is jus’ blowin’ off steam.”
“Okay, but you”—Thomas motioned to Silver—“said that this happens when ponies don’t talk. Isn’t it better just to do that?”
“Yeah, and that’s what makes it healthy,” Surprise chipped in. “A spat lets off steam before things boil over, but it also lets others know that boiling’s happening. It’s dumb, but everypony tries to hide and ignore their problems sometimes. That’s what’s not healthy. A harmless spat is like an alert telling everypony that something’s up.”
Luna nodded. “Indeed. Something is up with Moonlight. It could be Jet, or a multitude of tiny stressors that are unavoidable in life. In either case, then it is the herd’s responsibility to help manage their mate’s stress.”
Thomas nodded and hummed thoughtfully. “Huh, and here I thought daily sex would be the ultimate stress release.”
“Oh, it is,” Surprise giggled. “It definitely is, but there’s still some stuff that boils anyway. Do humans really not do that?”
“We don’t have these warning outbursts, no. At least, that’s not how they’re treated. If someone gets stressed, they might snap and say something harsh. That might be a warning of deeper issues, but it’s not taken as nicely as all of this.” Thomas gestured around the mares in the room. “Sometimes, folks snap and get violent. Honestly, I’m trying to describe it, but the short answer is that humans have a lot of bad ideas about mental health that often either ignore problems or make them worse. We haven’t figured ourselves out like you guys have.”
*Tap-tap*
“Oh, it appears that somepony has something to say.” Luna motioned where Moonlight was tapping her inner thigh. Then, alicorn the sat up and magically extracted the unicorn from under her posterior before gently setting her on her hooves. “Can you stand?”
Moonlight nodded, and Luna’s aura vanished. Then, she turned to Thomas and sternly said, “If I’m feeling stressed, it’s because of you.”
Thomas pursed his lips and braced to be read the riot act.
“When you were taking care of me after my heat, you said some concerning things about your species. And just now, you did it again.” Moonlight wet her lips. “Thomas, do you… not like humans?”
“I…” Thomas looked around and met everyone else’s eyes. He was the center of attention, and not in the way he liked. It was like the ponies had spontaneously sprung an intervention on him. Given what Surprise just explained, this was probably normal for herds, but it still left him feeling awkward. As such, Thomas had the feeling that even if he found a way to weasel out of this specific instance, there was no escape from his mares sticking their big noses in his personal issues. And honestly, as uncomfortable as it made him, he was grateful that they cared enough to do so.
Moonlight soon caught on to Thomas’ body language. “I’m sorry if this isn’t ideal for you. I only know how to talk about these things the pony way, but I’m pretty sure they need to be talked about. If there’s something that you prefer, we can do that, but I’m not letting you bottle things up so they can boil over.” Moonlight’s tone brokered no argument as she folded her arms. Then, lightening the mood, she softly added, “If I let that happen to my stallion, Luna would paddle me.”
“It’s true,” confirmed Luna as Thomas snorted a surprised laugh.
“My dad taught me how to give somepony the silent treatment, but really loudly,” added Surprise in a light-hearted threat.
“Me, Ah’d jus’ sit on ya both ‘til ya agreed ta confess,” Honey casually informed.
“This is how it goes with herds,” Silver started. “Your problems are hers, and hers are yours. It was cute how worried and determined you looked when you were concerned about Moonlight’s stress. Well, that is how she feels, now. So, for her sake, let us help.”
Thomas chuckled weakly. “Alright, I guess I’ve got no choice. But, first thing’s first.” He gestured down to where his feet had stopped kneading Surprise’s boobs. “Is this awkward for anyone else, or is it just me?”
“It’s awkward for me,” Surprise whined. “Why’d you stop? That felt nice.”
“Okay…” Thomas tiredly huffed and resumed squishing his soles to the bottom of the mare’s breasts. Admittedly, this did feel pretty nice. Then, looking at Moonlight, he said, “In answer to your question, I don’t know. Human history is a mixed bag of pretty much everything, good and bad. If it’s possible, or even impossible, someone somewhere has tried it. There’s lots of people with big ideas and bigger personalities that’ve shaped the world. At the same time, a lot of them have had either poor morals or mediocre planning skills. I could go on, but I like to think I’ve got a realistic outlook on humans. There’s good and bad in everyone and everything. It’s just that”—he paused to look around—“from what little I’ve seen, I might just be bummed that the pony world is a much nicer place to live.”
Moonlight frowned, her face displaying skepticism. “Is that it, though? So you’re envious that Canterlot seems nicer than anywhere on Earth?”
Thomas shrugged nonchalantly. “Eh, I guess it could also be my depression acting up.”
“Oh, you mentioned this before,” Surprise recalled. “You get really down on yourself for, like, no reason, right?”
“More or less,” Thomas allowed. “I think my case is high-functioning because some people get so down that they can’t even get out of bed. There are pills for that, but I’ve never taken any. Mostly, I’m just a natural pessimist. My default view is to look on the dim side of things.”
“I thought we agreed that you’d tell us whenever those moods sprung up,” Moonlight interjected, trying to keep her voice even and not too accusatory.
“Yeah, I know, and I’m sorry. I fully agree that talking things out with friends is the healthiest way to deal with it,” Thomas submissively explained. “However, this is my default headspace. If things get bad, I’ll tell you, but I’m not about to go blabbing every time I get a bad thought. Even I’d get sick of me after that.”
Moonlight pursed her lips. “You know I’m only asking because I’m worried about you.”
“I do, and I appreciate it,” Thomas acknowledged and once more motioned around the room. “As I said, I’m high-functioning, so just having you guys around is a big help. It’s definitely better than medication; I can tell you that.” However, despite his words, the mares remained dissatisfied with his explanation. So, he tried something else. “I’m still sticking with Team Love. Hugs are the best, so if you agree to keep an ear out, I’ll try to speak up more if my moods start acting up, and we can just cuddle a lot in the meantime. Is that fair?”
Moonlight exhaled, walked across the room, and knelt over Thomas. Stroking his hair, she said, “As far as stallions go, you are incredibly vexing. I hope you understand that.”
“I choose to take it as a compliment,” Thomas replied as he returned the favor, running his fingers through Moonlight’s mane. “So, does this mean you won’t get stressed so much anymore?”
Moonlight grinned and said, “Not even close. In fact, considering that this is just how you are, I might get into more spats than ever.” She sat up and looked around. “Sorry, guys, but my stubborn stallion has an incurable condition, so I’m gonna take it out on all of you. Nothing personal.”
“Oh, Ah take it personal, alright,” intoned Honey. “Next time ya get in the mood, ya’d better let me know. Ah’ll help ya relax like no pony’s business.”
“Yeah,” Surprise cheered. “Poke her right in the teat, so she doesn’t misunderstand.”
Silver rolled her eyes. “Honestly, as fun as this was to watch, it was terribly tedious for its function. If you need my help, just pull me into a wrestling match. We can roll around until we feel better.”
“Boo, boring,” Surprise jeered. “Also wrong. Smiles trounce frowns, so fun spats do better in pushing through the bad stuff.”
Thomas raised his hand. “For the record, am I allowed to spat, or is this a sex discrimination thing?”
“Generally, males and females do not spat together,” Luna confirmed. “Though, admittedly, it can be difficult to distinguish between a spat and playful wrestling.”
“Sometimes, ya jus’ feel like puttin’ yer stallion in a headlock,” Honey agreed. But then, her grin turned broad and mischievous as she added, “Want me ta show ya?”
Thomas shrugged while continuing to recline against Surprise’s legs. “So long as we’re here, might as well.”
Honey’s expression turned sour. “Yer not s’posed ta agree. It ain’t no fun if ya don’t fight back.”
Thomas chuckled. “Seriously? Me fight back against you? I saw what Silver was doing to hold you back, and I’m not that limber. So against me, I don’t think you can do anything that’s any better than pity.”
“Sorry, Honey. Looks like your super beefy biceps disqualified you,” Surprise cheerfully informed. “Does that happen a lot?”
Honey puttered her lips in exasperation. “Too often.”
“She’s right, though. It’s better when it’s spontaneous,” Moonlight added as she resumed petting Thomas’ hair. “You need a haircut.”
“I don’t know. I kinda like it when it’s all long and scrappy,” Surprise said while lightly bouncing her knees.
“The look does suit you,” Silver allowed, “but I think you can do better. Human manes are so unruly; perhaps you could try for a more dignified look.”
“Don’t listen to ‘em, sugar. Long manes are the way ta go.”
“Is there a reason everyone’s suddenly obsessed with my hair?” Thomas asked.
“They are trying to provoke you into a confrontation,” Luna informed. “You said that you wanted a spat, and this is how they often start, with mares goading each other into cutting loose.”
That’s when Thomas got a devilish idea. “In that case, since I don’t really care about my hair, I’ll leave the decision up to whoever’s got the nicest boobs… who isn’t Luna.” After a second of silence, he added, “Also, I forfeit the right to act as judge. You guys can decide among yourselves.” A moment of intense silence followed.
“Oh, he’s good,” praised Surprise.
“Indeed. You are most diabolical,” agreed Luna. “Is an inclination toward wicked ideas part of depression?”
“Nah, that’s just me.” Then Thomas looked down and amended, “Better idea. Winner gets the next turn with my feet.”
“Well, that is hardly fair,” Silver scoffed. “Obviously, you are biased towards Moonlight. Her teats might be plumper, but it is discriminatory to simply dismiss the appeal of a leaner body,” she said while running her hands down her chest.
“I said I’m not the judge, remember. You guys have to decide who has the nicer chest.”
“Surprise might have softness, but everypony knows firm beats soft every time.” Honey folded her arms behind her head, pushed out her chest, and flexed her muscles to control her boobs’ bouncing. “These girls ain’t just fer show. Ah know how ta put ‘em ta work.”
“Tricks might be fun, but if I’m feeling down, I know what I’d rather run toward to feel better,” Surprise said as she pressed her hands to either side of her chest and squished her teats together. “Mmh, that’s nice.” She looked around with a mischievous grin and added, “Tell me you don’t want to use these lovely ladies as a pillow right now. Go on; I dare ya.”
“I feel like I’m at a disadvantage here,” Moonlight admitted. “My teats are in a middle ground without any real specialty.” Frowning, she then added, “Do I need bigger breasts?”
“No, your boobs are perfect as they are,” Thomas assured. “Everyone has preferences, often for the different extremes, but I’m actually partial to vanilla. By human standards, you’re the most realistic. I’ve never been a fan of anything too extreme.”
Luna cleared her throat.
“You know I didn’t mean you,” Thomas hurriedly defended. “You’ve got a body that keeps things proportional. If Moonlight started walking around with your boobs, that’s the kind of extreme that turns me off.”
“Speak for yourself,” Surprise giggled. “I wanna see that now.”
“I do not. My back hurts simply from thinking such a thing,” Silver said in dread while looking down and cupping the air around her chest.
Honey nodded. “Same. Ah love mah girls, but they ain’t light. Ya’ll’d need some kinda wheelchair fer teats like Luna’s.”
“I saw that in a cartoon, once. It was like a nightstand with wheels,” Thomas contributed.
“So, there is a way to make it work,” Surprise said in a low-key eureka moment. Then, she turned to Luna and clapped her hands. “Make it happen.”
“Weren’t we competing to see who had the nicer teats?” reminded Moonlight. “I’m fairly certain that natural teats were implied.”
“Oh, right,” Surprise conceded as she went into deep thought. “Uh… Luna, do it anyway. Outside interference is grounds for disqualification. I know I’ll win anyway, but it never hurts to take precautions.”
“I am comfortable not cheating, thank you,” Luna politely declined before facing Moonlight. “Also, Thomas is right. Your chest is perfect for your body type, and having a chest like mine would be ridiculous.”
“But that’s what makes it funny,” whined Surprise.
“Surprise, quit steerin’ us off-topic,” Honey chided. “We’re tryin’ ta have a serious discussion here.”
“Well, excuse me for trying to make talking about boobs more fun,” Surprise indignantly huffed.
Thomas pursed his lips. “You’d think that talking about boobs would be fun by default. Although, if we’re doing a comparison, that’d at least be passionate. Also, you can’t blame Surprise for getting us off-topic. I already did that when we were talking about spats.”
“If I might, I have a solution to our dilemma,” Silver began. “First, we concede that, together, we are terribly easily distracted. It is not so bad when there are only two or three of us, but altogether, we are a frightful mess.”
Everyone nodded their agreement. “Fair ‘nough.” “Yeah, I guess.” “I suppose that’s true.” “Huh, I never noticed that before.” “Verily!”
“And second, our teats are too different, and the judges are too biased. So, I propose we scrap the teat contest and play rock-paper-scissors to determine who gets to enjoy Thomas’ feet next. All in favor?”
“Aye!” sounded the mares.
“All opposed?”
“Nay.”
Silver frowned at Thomas. “Did you truly want to see us bicker so badly?”
“Nah, I just felt like being difficult.”
“In that case, I have a third proposal,” Silver continued. “Somepony sits on Thomas’ face so that he cannot interject anymore wicked human chaos into our civilized”—she melodramatically stressed—“pony discussions. All in favor?”
“Aye!” the harem announced unanimously.
“But only if Silver spats me,” Thomas interjected. “We kept talking about it, so now I’m curious, and you’re probably the only one I stand a chance against.”
Silver good-naturedly rolled her eyes. “Well, if I must.” With an unnecessarily drawn-out sigh, she lowered her stance. Then, a heartbeat later, she rocketed forward, snatching Thomas from his soft Surprise recliner, and slammed him into the almost-as-soft bed. “Know your place, colt,” she intoned with a playful smirk as she sat on his waist. Her knees planted firmly to either side of him to secure her position on top.
“Oh, you mean”—Thomas stabbed his fingers under Silver’s pits—“here!?”
The bat mare clenched her arms to her sides, but it was already too late. She roared with laughter and nearly doubled over. “S-s-stooop! Tha-tha-that’s not faaair!”
“Don’t care. Too fun,” Thomas countered as he took advantage of Silver’s distraction to flip her over. He leveraged his position to press the attack, but seeing Silver’s happy face left him feeling playful. While spats sounded a little more aggressive, Thomas couldn’t help but drop his head to kiss along the bat mare’s muzzle.
However, this was precisely the distraction Silver was waiting for. In a single motion, she forced his fingers out of her pits and stabbed her slender digits under his smelly arms. “Ha, take that!”
“Ha-ha, nooo! S-stooop!” Thomas laughed as he struggled to stay on top. That task grew extra tricky when he felt a third hand caress his bottom. He turned to see Moonlight had climbed next to them on the bed while smiling like no one yet realized that she’d unleashed a deadly fart. “Wh-wha?”
“All’s fair in love and war, and this is both,” Moonlight said before pinching his rear.
As Silver rolled the human onto his back, she hurriedly sat up to pull out of his range. The pair threw hands in the sloppiest, most disorganized game of patty cake ever. Then, as they struggled to establish dominance, the other mares assembled around the spatting pair, and unanimously agreed that personal space was for losers. Luna jabbed her fingers under Silver’s arms, almost making the smaller mare flail like a landed fish. Likewise, Thomas was no better off as Honey attacked his feet, sucking his right big toe and tickling his left sole. Surprise came around from Thomas’ left, grabbed his and Silver’s left and right wrists, respectively, and forced their hands onto her nipples. She alternated the pressure to mimic Thomas’ earlier pawing, and her expression suggested that she liked it. That just left Moonlight to cuddle Thomas’ right like he was a body pillow. She turned his face so that her lips met his, while her free hand idly fondled Silver’s boob.
What started as a roughly even and honorable match between the harem’s shortest members had swiftly devolved into an utter slaughter as the big mares imposed their dominance. Silver had it the worst. Luna’s tickles were relentless, and the big mare worsened the little mare’s plight by pressing her titanic titties into her subject’s back. Silver was torn between laughter and moaning, especially with Surprise’s soft breast added to the mix. She cried happy tears all the same.
Moonlight’s lips felt pleasant, and Thomas tried to give her the serious kiss she deserved. However, Honey’s dual tickling and sucking attack made his efforts impossible as he repeatedly laughed around her mouth. Moonlight countered by grabbing the back of his head and more forcefully pulling him into the kiss. On top of that, not only was Surprise’s boob soft in his palm, but Silver’s cry-laughing, while Luna loomed behind her, was frightfully eye-catching.
Thomas wondered if the spat was still going. He didn’t have any real issue with Silver, but maybe the other mares did with him. Maybe the mares were taking their stress out on him for making them worry? It was just as likely that they were taking revenge for him making them compare their boobs, which they handled with remarkable maturity, in his opinion. Honestly, if this was how his loves wanted to take their frustrations out on him, if this was what they needed to maintain their mental health, then he was happy to help.
Eventually, the big mares silently agreed to let up on their attacks. Silver collapsed atop Thomas while he used his now free hands to stroke her back. Her soft fur felt nice, and the way she nuzzled under his chin felt nicer. The big mares sat around their smaller counterparts, their great sizes casting immense shadows.
“Are you ready?” Moonlight asked with barely restrained anticipation. “We played when you two first started, so my turn is next.”
“Just one thing,” Thomas began as he shifted atop the covers. “If we ever open a portal to Earth, you guys are gonna need to establish some strict border control. Once the humans figure out what this place has to offer, they’ll be coming by the droves, cuz this place is awesome.”
The big mares laughed and descended upon their prey. Moonlight might have gotten Thomas’ coveted feet, but the others weren’t content to idly sit by. Instead, they used their favorite human as a communal seat. Surprise and Honey each got a hand, while Luna had to turn around to get his face, and even then, her gargantuan booty enveloped most of his upper torso. Silver saw no need to move, content with hot-dogging Thomas’ man meat while worshipping Luna’s mighty moon. As Thomas surrendered to the pleasure of the moment, it occurred to him that the mares weren’t fucking him. Their movements were too slow and tender for that. Instead, this was more like casual love-making. The spat was to let out any excess aggression, and now comes the aftercare.
Seriously, that border better have a big ass wall, gun towers, and landmines, because nothing less would keep the desperately lonely out of this paradise.