Chapter 7: Lets go on a Trip: Pink edition.

Twilight was once again glued to the tablet, sitting on the couch and exploring this new seemingly infinite source of information. It was like having every library in existence ever at her hoof tips virtually instantaneously. Just when she thought she knew everything about something, she would find a couple dozen more websites with a wealth of information. This thrilled her to the core.

Well at least at first.

Usually when she reads, she picks a topic she wants to know about and from there will determine the next few books she would Read. She would clean out everything she had relating to a particular subject, take notes, maybe even report to Celestia on her findings, and move on. But with something as vast as the Internet; she doubted she would ever read everything about any particular subject.

In short, there was too much to read and not enough time.

She still wasn't sure what to read about, especially with so many topics. She did however learn a few things about this place from just browsing alone. So far she’d learned the following:

Magic apparently isn't a thing here,

Weather controls itself,

And animals don't talk.

As a side note she also learned she’s named after a movie that everyone seems to hate.

She sat with a flat brow, staring at the Google homepage, the command cursor blinking in wait for her to enter a search; instead it lies empty. She looked across the room to her mentor and her sister, sitting on the couch discussing belly rubs among other things. Perking her ear up, she listens in.

"Why not sister?" Celestia asked, looking at Luna sad.

"We…,” she tries to think about what she’s going to say. “We simply doth not wish to hast his appendages caressing our belly, tis all and nothing more! " Luna says with a nervous expression.

"But it feels soooo GOOD!" Celestia purred with a nostalgic grin.

Twilight smiled and shook her head, she couldn't blame Celestia for wanting her sister to experience Derrick's belly rubs. Last night when her belly was aching a little and she asked him to rub it, she was not expecting the overwhelming feeling of pleasure that came from his hands. She honestly longed for their gentle warm touch again. She started blushing when she remembered how Derrick's hand accidentally slipped a little too far below. Now that part was extremely educational.

Twilight quickly shook her thoughts away for fear of them straying into stranger places she’d rather not go.

She now wondered about their host that her companions seemed to be going crazy for. Seeing her old foal sitter; and one of the toughest mares she knew bowing and calling him "Master" really worried her. Even though she didn't see Celestia doing the same, she could see the jealousy emanating from her when Cadence told them about her date with him. What's up with that anyway? She knew that compared to most creatures that ponies were really quick to trust and make friends. Her friendship with the other element pretty much started from minute long encounters!

As far as Cadence, she's never seen a pony fall in love so quickly before. Maybe being the Princess of love sort of amplifies her emotions? Heh- if so, Celestia help him... Speaking of emotions, Princess Luna, who seemed to despise him at first now seems to have done a complete 180. Aaaannddd then finally her mentor, the one she would look up to and always seem under complete control of herself and those around her; had an emotional outburst on par of something she would expect from Rarity when she steps in mud. They were all acting very, VERY strange and that’s putting it lightly .

After some thought Twilight decided to change her study subject to something more important. Her princess friends are being weird and it seems to have something to do with DJ. Thinking about it; what is so appealing about him?

Is he giving off an irresistible aroma?

Does the fact that he's another species allure them?

Is he fun to talk too?

Is he just really cute?

Is he smarter than he looks?

Is his penis large?

All of the above?

Whatever the reason was, Twilight intended to find out. She would observe and take notes as well as an experiment to prove or disprove her theories.

ALL of them

For SCIENCE!

She liked to tell herself that to justify her ‘experiments’.

Sometimes she's not entirely sure it works.

...

"Why exactly does this matter again???" I asked as I pulled into the parking lot of Walmart.

"I just want to know!" Cadence asked with an innocent smile.

"And I’m telling you NO! I absolutely, 100% am not telling you my favorite sex position!" I barked, heat spreading across my face.

"Why not? I told you mine." Cadence says with a quivering lip.

"INVOLUNTARILY!!! You liking it doggy style is something I did NOT need to know..." I grumbled as I put the car in park. I'm honestly surprised that ponies have the same positions as humans. I'm also surprised and worried that Cadence and I favor the same position. Oh, what the hell am I thinking...

My cheeks colored crimson further, as that line of thought puts a particularly… interesting image in my head.

...

Ok! She can't be THAT flexible.

"How did you know I wasn't a virgin anyway?" I look at her with legitimate curiosity.

"Oh, I can tell…” She gives a half lidded expression that shakes me to the core. “That kind of experience always changes a pony..." She says with a seductive wink.

"Not a pony, but whatevveeerrr you say..." I say, avoiding her gaze.

"You never answered my other question." She says as she tickles my cheek with her wingtip.

"Please; Don't bring that up," I said, pushing her wing out of range of my face.

"I just want some feedback on my performance." she whines.

"It was just a kiss!" I exclaim.

"Oh, really?" She has an extremely cocky grin now.

"Yes, really, and I didn't like it." I cross my arms in complete denial.

"Well your face afterwards suggested otherwise."

"There's a big ass difference between bliss and surprise."

"I recall seeing both."

"I recall me ending this conversation minutes ago."

"Why don't you just admit you liked the kiss?"

"Because I didn't!"

"Fine. Be that way...but you're always welcome to more."

"You've made that VERY clear already..."

"Just making sure."

"I'm officially changing the subject now... Never ask me this again." I muttered as turned the engine off. The moment the car stopped vibrating, a switch seemed to flip, because Cadence's whole attitude changed. Her wings folded closed and her pupils returned to normal. After that she gave me a nervous look.

"Oh, look, we're here!" She said with a nervous laugh.

"Yes, indeed we are." I say with an annoyed look. Something about the car vibrating seems to make these ponies act funny.

"Sorry, if my questions were a bit-"

"Awkward, disturbing, dicey, thorny???"

"Heh- All of the above?" she closes her eyes and cocks her head, a blush spreading across her face.

"Yeah... that seems like the trend lately..." I muttered mentally facepalming.

"I should probably activate that spell now." Cadence said as her horn sparked to life. I slowly turned to look at her menacing, my eye twitching spastically at the thought of what hasn't been done...

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ACTIVATE IT?!Why in the actual fuck didn't you activate it before we left?!" I demand; my anger spiking through the car roof.

"I forgot?" She says with an innocent smile.

I roll my eyes and slap my forehead probably leaving a perfect hand print on my for head… Out of pure fatigue I slam my head on the steering wheel at how bad this situation could be… Oh god the amount of people that could have seen her… I lift my head and look at her with a blank expression.

"Never… EVER... let this happen again..." I said with a serious expression a frown gracing my brow.

"I'm sorry Derrick..." She said with droopy ears and a cute puppy dog face.

"Pfffffhhhh…. Fine… It's OK... maybe, just maybe... People thought you were a gigantic plushie." I hold my head in my hand.

"Let's hope so..." Cadence says with worry.

"OK, did you do it?" I ask as I pulled out my phone gently tapping the screen to the camera mode.

"Yes... How do I look? Cadence asked, a cute smile on her muzzle. The loading circle spins for a second before showing a clear view of my legs, I point it at her and I shit you not I jerked my knee into the underside of the steering wheel before dropping my phone on the floor board.

How the fuck do I even attempt to describe her? I swear it must be a trend with these ponies; I'm sitting in a the car with a freaking super model! Her body was elegantly curved and her… eherm proportions were dead on. She had a very attractive face, with beautifully colored hair to boot, and in her eyes, I could see this fiery spirit as well as kindness and compassion within. To put it simply… She was drop dead gorgeous

"Does this look suit your fancy?" She asked sheepishly while turning slightly red in the face.

"Uh… IT LOOKS GREAT! Fantastic even! Ok Let's go." I said quickly as I stepped out of the car. Cadence had a bemused expression as she fumbled out of the car. When she took in her surroundings, she gasped.

"Where are we, again?" She asked with awe as she looked around.

"Maybe,... and this is just a suggestion- Perhaps if you asked me where we were going, instead of how long I was; you my pink pony friend... would know" I say with a flat brow as I gently flick her ear.

"I'm really, really; sorry about that!" She reminds. I shake my head and start walking towards the store. I like to park all the way at the end of the lot because walking is good for you and...

'Nah you're just to damn lazy to hunt for a closer spot.'

Yep, that sounds about right!

"There's so many." Cadence said as she looked at all of the cars. She started to get excited when she saw the various people roaming the lot. I could understand her excitement, after all I am the only other human she's seen in person until now. I watched neutrally until Cadence suddenly went galloping off towards someone.

Oh, here we fucking go!

Before I could stop her, she ran up to these two teenage boys. They were really young, probably high-schoolers. They both stopped and their jaws practically hit the floor when they saw Cadence. For a second I thought the spell was somehow broken, until I saw how red their faces were.

"Hi there! My name is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza! What are your names?" She asked with a chipper tone and a warm smile. The boys looked at each other and shared a look that said "is this really happening?"

"Dude act natural!" I heard one of them whisper. One of them was probably about to utter some highschool freshmen nonsense, but I quickly snatched Cadence away. The boys shot me these jealous scowls, but I just ignored them. I brought Cadence to an area with no people and tried to keep myself from strangling her.

"What the hell are you doing?!" I demand with a stern whisper.

" I was just introducing myself... " Cadence said innocently, as her ears drooped in that irresistibly cute way. I slowly brought my hand to my face and took a few deep breaths. It's been 30 seconds and she's already being weird!

'Yeah, pal, just don't mention how pedo that probably looked.'

Donchu deny that you were lookin’ at dat’ booty...

"Look, Cadence before we go in, we should establish a few rules" I said, as I rubbed my chin.

"Seriously? I just said hi." She says with an annoyed look.

Yeah, and by doing so you probably accelerated their puberty by a few years to the point their balls dropped early...

"You don't just run around saying “hi” to everyone like that. It's really weird." I explained.

"OK..." Cadence said, raising her brow as I continued.

"Don't tell anyone you're a Princess either, those are rare nowadays and you attract enough attention as it is." I muttered as I noticed a bunch of people looking at us. "In fact... Just try not to talk to anyone in general, you might say something weird and blow your cover." I add; Cadence gives me this annoyed look.

"I'm not a child you know." She said, sitting down and folding her forelegs.

"Right, I forgot you’re all older than time itself or something." I say with a roll of my eyes.

"What?!" Cadence blurted with a twitchy brow.

"Aren't you all like 2000 or something?" I ask honestly. Cadence frowns and I back away slightly.

"No... Do I look 2000 to you?" She shouts, taking an angry step toward me.

"Uh… honestly none of you look 2000." I say nervously.

"I'm only 22. Being a alicorn doesn't automatically make me centuries old!" She says in a hurt tone.

"My bad." I said, holding my hands in front of me in an innocent gesture.

"Then how old are you?" She asks, narrowing her eyes.

"22." I answer simply making Cadence blink in surprise.

"Well that's weird." She muttered.

"Are pony years the same as human years?" I asked.

"365 days?"

"Yep"

"Then yes, they are."

"Huh." I say as I rub my Chin, I wonder how old Twilight and Luna are now. I guess I should ask them at some point.

"Any more rules?" Cadence asks with a flat brow.

"Just follow me and stay close alright?" I said as I started walking toward the store again. I regretted saying that immediately whenever I felt her wing wrap around me.

"Not that close."

"Sorry."

We didn't say much until we were in front of the store looking up at the glowing Walmart sign.

"Those are some big letters..." She said almost nervously.

"Yep" I reply simply as we walk up to the doors. When we drew closer they opened automatically, startling Cadence. I stood and watched as she walked back and forth, watching them open and close, looking astonished.

"What are you doing?" I said quietly as people started to stare at her.

"How is it doing that?" She asked as she stepped forward again.

"Magic." I quip sarcastically before realizing and promptly smacking my forehead.

"But I thought you said-" she started to say with a puzzled look. I quickly grabbed her by the hoof and walked inside.

"She's not from around here!" I say to the confused spectators. I put on a fake smile until they moved away.

"It's just a sensor on the door or on the floor, there's no magic." I whispered to her.

"Oooh. Then why did you say-"

"Sarcasm my pink friend sarcasm."

She gives me a firm angry look and I clear my throat awkwardly.

When we walk in, Cadence's face lights up as she looks around.

"Wow! It's like a city in here!" She said with wonder.

"It's just a supermarket." I say with a small smile as I watch Cadence's head dart around the store. It's kinda neat to see their reactions to human things. I noticed her walking away again and I gritted my teeth.

"Ohh! What's over here!"

"Hey, put that down, I swear you are worse than a child!!!"

Heh... well at least she's not touching me right?

...

The house was quiet, Twilight was still glued to the tablet and sat silently in the armchair. Celestia was unsurprisingly in the kitchen looking in the cabinets for something to devour and Luna was sitting on the couch staring blankly up at the ceiling. The only sound was the steady ticking of a nearby wall clock.

Luna's foreleg swung lazily off the side of the couch, it swung in rhythm with the wall clocks steady ticks.

"Yummy!" Celestia said as she selected her next victim; Double Stuffed Oreos. Luna took a quick glance at her sister and rolled her eyes. Celestia came back to the couch and sat down next to her sister with an eager grin. With her magic she opened the pack and tossed one into her mouth. She chewed with a delighted look on her face until she noticed a cookie glow blue and float out of the pack. She gave Luna a fearsome scowl as the cookie gently floated above her mouth, then dropped into it in one smooth motion. Luna glanced at Celestia again with an indifferent look.

"Bite us," she quipped as she took another cookie. Celestia said nothing and just made a low grumble. Luna smirked victoriously and they continued to crunch and munch in peaceful silence. Eventually it had to be broken, because this is a story after all.

"Have you had enough time to think about your decision?" Celestia asked, keeping her face forward.

"Yes, we have." Luna replied blankly, her eyes firmly shut in denial.

"What is your decision?" Celestia asked.

"The answer is no." Luna states.

"Oh come on!" Celestia blurts.

"We do not wish to receive a belly rub from The human." Luna stated firmly before sitting on her hind legs her fore hooves crossed, muzzle in the air.

"Why not?" Celestia demanded.

"Because we art perfectly content rubbing it alone." She said. Then, as if to illustrate her point she started to rub her belly with her hoof. Celestia furrowed her brow as Luna put on a cheesy grin.

"Lulu its OK if you're a little nervous. You never did like ponies touching you..." Celestia started to say.

"WE ART ENJOYING OUR SENSATION THAT OUR OWN HOOF IS BRINGING!" Luna said loudly with a smile too wide to be real. Celestia brought a hoof to her face and sighed in frustration.

Twilight discreetly writes something down, this time shaking her head.

...

"Trust me Cadence… you don't want to go down there." I say nervously as I hold her hoof firmly in an attempt to hold her back.

"But! I want to see everything!" She pouted. "And something smells delicious!" She adds with a lick of her lips.

"I seriously doubt you want to see packaged flesh." I warn, as a gesture to the isle board, suspended above the us she was trying so badly to see.. Her resistance stopped immediately, and her fur seemed to turn blue. I look at her with worry.

"Are you OK?"

"..."

"Cadence?"

"Take me away from here now..." She says emotionlessly. I gulp nervously and pull her over to the ice cream isle. I waited for whatever Cadence had to fade before I spoke.

"I only came here for controllers, but..." I trailed off as I looked at the various ice cream products with a mischievous smile. Cadence looked at me and an adorable smile seemed to spread to her face. Before we could say anything, this cute girl started walking over to us. I blinked in surprise when I realized who it was.

"Oh, hey Kelly! Long time no see!" I said, giving her a friendly hug. Cadence's brow twitches, but she otherwise just watched silently. Kelly is one of my good friends from as far back as middle school. She's one of the few people I actually let hang around my house. She was on a really long trip out of town, but seems to be back now.

"Hi there Johnny! How have you been dude?" She asked, adopting a warm smile. I started to rub the back of my neck and smile nervously.

"Why do you always call me that?" I ask sheepishly.

"Because I can and its cute!" She says, pinching my cheek. I blush and take another look at Cadence. That's when she and Kelly locked eyes.

'The jealousy is strong with this one!'

"So who is this Derrick?" Cadence asked, keeping eye contact with Kelly a, fierce look in her eyes.

"Yeah, Johnny who is this colorful friend of yours?" Kelly asked, her eyes narrowing as Cadence's did.

"Cadence, Kelly. Kelly, Cadence." I said, pointing to them both respectively.

"Well… I see you like to lie now Johnny." Kelly muttered.

"What?" I say nervously.

"You told me you were done dating after the last girl..." She started to say.

"Oh… WAIT no, no, no, she's just a friend! " I said, Quickly waving my hand in front of me I can feel heat spread across my face.

"Uh-huh..." She said in disbelief, still keeping firm eye contact with Cadence. I sat there looking between them. What exactly am I witnessing? It's like they're having a conversation with their eyes! At first they shared the same hard stare, but eventually Kelly started to get nervous. Cadence started to smirk almost victoriously and Kelly suddenly turned to me.

"I'll catch you later, Johnny. We should hang sometime... To, you know… catch up." Kelly muttered as she started backing away. I sat there with a confused look as Kelly slowly withdrew away from us.

"It was nice to meet you… Kelly." Cadence said with a calm tone.

"Likewise." Kelly almost shrieked before running out of the isle. What the hell was that? I slowly turned to Cadence, who had taken on a predator like stance like she was defending her territory or something.

"What are you doing?" I ask loudly, making Cadence jump.

"Huh?" She said, straightening up her posture and grinning at me.

"What did you do?" I asked with a frown. Suspecting that magic was involved.

"Nothing." Cadence claimed, giving me a convincing smile.

"Right… nothing..." I muttered as I turned back to the ice cream.

"Why was she calling you Johnny?" Cadence asked curiously.

"My middle name is John. So I'm Derrick J. Young" I answer.

"Huh." Cadence grunts with a bemused expression.

"What?"

"It sounds weird." She says with a shrug, making me turn to her with a deadpan expression.

"OK Princess Mi Amore Cadenza." I struggled to say with a flat brow.

"What's wrong with my name?" She asks, looking a bit hurt.

"Nothing. Is it french or something?" I ask ignorantly.

"You mean Prench?"

"Prench?"

"Yes, the language they speak in Prance." She explained. I sat there scratching my head for a few seconds before it hit me.

They have a pony version of France?

Wait… Why am I even questioning the existence of an alternate version of France...

"That's unexpected..." I say, trying not to laugh sarcastically.

"I can speak a little Prench." She says with uncertainty.

"Let's hear it then." I say, folding my arms in front of me. She takes a moment to think before clearing her throat.

"Je veux être un avec vous." She said slowly. Yep, definitely sounds like French to me.

"What did you say anyways?" I ask curiously.

"Um...that's not important." She said with a blush. I raise my brow in suspicion.

"OK then..."

"Auntie Celestia is fluent in a lot of languages." She adds.

"Really? " I say with surprise. I can't imagine Tia speaking Spanish or Japanese or something. Truthfully, that would be kinda Hot-uh, I mean INTERESTING.

'Oh, don't switch now jackass!'

"What's your favorite flavor?" She asks, changing the subject thankfully back to ice cream.

"That is entirely dependent on my mood. I muttered. Cadence giggled and I rolled my eyes.

"Come on Candy. We have to get ice cream last so it doesn't melt while we're doing other stuff." I say with a wave as I start exiting the isle.

"Ok... Wait, did you just call me candy?" She asks with wide eyes.

"Yep. Problemo?" I ask with a grin.

"Not really... I was just wondering why." She said with a blush.

"Because it’s cute and I can?" I answer making her roll her eyes.

"I'm flattered. She says sarcastically with a flat brow.

"You should be Candy! " I said with a shit eating grin. Cadence said nothing and snorted.

"You look adorable when you’re annoyed Candy." I said as I ruffled her hair. She gave me an unamused glare and I laughed nervously.

"Alright then… Johnny," she said with a smug look.

"Oh hell no!" I blurt making her laugh.

"What's wrong John?" She asked with a giggle.

"You are not calling me that!" I say sternly.

"Then you must call me Cadence." She says as she tickles my cheek with her wing tip.

"Fine dammit..." I say with an annoyed sigh. Cadence snickers behind her hoof.

"You're cute when you're-"

"Oh, shut it and come on." I interrupted bitterly. Cadence snickers behind her hoof as she walks in front of me. I walk with a grumpy look until motion brought my attention to her plump... Behind. With every rhythmic step it jiggled, and with each jiggle my heart rate would increase. Eventually I stopped walking all together.

'You totally have to grab that!'

Uh, what the hell? Subconscious! What is your major malfunction?

'What's yours? You're letting a perfectly good one slip through because of some xenophobia?'

...

I’m sorry mom… There’s something so wrong with me; God forgive me...

"Derrick... My eyes are up here." Cadence says with a blush.

"Hmm? OH, yes; yes, they are." I muttered with a distracted tone, eyes still locked on her ass. It started to ripple again and I realized she was walking towards me.

"Like what you see?" She whispered in my ear.

'YES!'

Yes-er no! DAMMIT BRAIN FUCK YOU TOO!

"No, there's a spider on you." I muttered with a straight face as I pretended to swat something off of her ass. She yelped at my sudden touch and her cheeks colored.

"A spider?!" Cadence shrieked as she quickly spun around and checked herself. I watched her shake herself all over and couldn't help but snicker. "Is it gone?!" She demanded.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure you trampled it to death." I said with a smirk.

'Real Smooth there DJ; you just smacked her ass congrats!'

Well... I'm not sure what to think right now... I know what I did was bad-

'But the booty felt so right!'

...

...

...

I think my brain needs a reboot or something anyone got brain bleach?

"Woah! They sell CLOTHES here too?!" Cadence suddenly blurted as she started galloping away.

"Aaaand there she goes again… Mature one moment… Kid the next."

...

"That is it!" Luna suddenly shouted. Making Twilight and Celestia jump.

"What's the matter Lulu?" Celestia called out from the kitchen. Twilight Discreetly wrote something else down on her notepad.

"We declare complete and total boredom!" Luna said with a frown.

"Are you going to do this every time Derrick isn't around?" Celestia asked with an annoyed look.

"Tis not my fault he is not here to entertain us." Luna said with a huff.

"Well he's not here he wont be here to entertain you all the time Lulu… Till then Find something to do." Celestia muttered. Luna let out an extra loud sigh of annoyance and lazily rolled off the couch. Celestia rolled her eyes at her sisters childish behavior.

"Tia..." She said as she crawled on her belly into the kitchen. She slowly made her way over to Celestia and wrapped her forelegs around Celestia's hind leg. She took a glance down at her sister and just shook her head, continuing what she was doing. She decided to be productive and make dinner for everyone.

"Tiiiiia..." Luna pouted again.

"What is it Sister?" Celestia asked calmly.

"We art bored!" Luna whined again, louder than before, still laying there lazily.

"I'm sure there is plenty to do around here Sister. You could play on that Xbox contraption." Celestia suggested as she moved to the other side of the kitchen, dragging Luna across like a begging child.

"But we want to wait for Master to return first!" Luna complained. Celestia's eye twitched and she briefly stopped what she was doing.

"Luna."

"Yes, sister?"

"Don't call Derrick that."

"Why not?" Luna complained as she rolled onto her back.

"Because its demeaning" Celestia said with a fake smile.

"So? The princess of the night hath no shame!" Luna announced.

"Fine. Just don't address him that way."

"We shall call him whatever we like." Luna said defiantly as she crossed her front hoofs and stuck her tongue out. Celestia looked down at her sister with a raised brow. Not wanting to argue she turned back to her work. A couple seconds went by before Luna let out another exaggerated sigh.

"TIIIIA..." Luna whined. That struck Celestia's last nerve. She turned back to her sister with a forced smile.

"Luna, I know something you can do." Celestia said calmly.

"What?" Luna asked excitedly as she sat up.

"The dishes!" Celestia said with a smile as she pointed to the somewhat large pile of dirty dishes. Luna's smile faded faster than (insert something fast) as she stood up.

"Actually... We think we will just go see what Twilight sparkle is doing." Luna said with a nervous smile.

"Uh huh..." Celestia grunted with an unamused look. She watched her sister lay down and crawl like a snake all the way to Twilight's chair. Luna waited a couple moments before opening her mouth wide.

"TWIIIII-" she started, but she was interrupted when Twilight's magic suddenly picking her up off the floor. Without looking, Twilight sat Luna down, shoved the Xbox controller into her hoofs, plopped Derrick's game collection next to her, slapped a headset onto her and said one simple word.

"PLAY!"

Luna looked down at the controller with some uncertainty. It was then that she realized how dry her throat was.

"We require a fitting refre-" she started to say. Next thing she knew the refrigerator door flew open, and a can of Mountain dew floated to Luna's waiting hoofs.

"You're welcome." Twilight said simply.

"Thank thee, but we need something to munch o-"

A large bag of Doritos went sailing out of the kitchen, surrounded by Golden magic.

"You're welcome."

"We thank thou Tia."

...

"Why are you so excited? You don't even wear clothes!" I complained as I followed the excited mare around the clothes section.

"Yes, I do-oh that's nice!" Cadence said as she picked up a pink shirt.

"When?" I ask curiously.

"On special occasions." She answered.

"You can't even wear most of this stuff anyway! They're designed for humans." I pointed out.

"I'm just looking DJ." Cadence said with a giggle.

"Besides, you never buy clothes from Walmart anyway." I said as I looked at them with disgust.

"Why not? They look nice to me!" Cadence said as she picked out another shirt. I grabbed the shirt she picked up and sighed.

"You don't buy clothes from Walmart because they may look nice, but most of them are cheaply made." I explain as I lightly tug on the shirt.

"Oh I'm sure they're not that bad." Cadence says. My point was illustrated when I literally tore a part of the shirt just by tugging it. Cadence and I looked at each other with wide eyes.

"Want to look at something else?" She suggests quickly.

"Yep!" I said as I shoved the shirt on a random hanger and quickly followed her out of the area. When we were sure there wheren’t any mad employee’s following us, Cadence looked back at me.

"I can't believe you actually did that!" She whispered.

"I told you they were cheap! Besides, I didn't think it would actually rip!" I whispered back.

"You should go back and pay for it!" Cadence scolded.

"Why buy that when I can buy candy?" I said as I spotted one of my favorite sections.

"Good point." Cadence said as she followed my gaze. We both smirked at each other before charging off into the candy isle like children. "Wow! We have the same candy in Equestria!" She remarked as she looked over the chocolates.

"Really?" I say with surprise.

"Well, kind of, the names are different." She corrected as she looked closer.

"That's strange." I remark as I pick up a pack of Hershey kisses. I should probably buy these, because who the hell doesn't like Hershey kisses anyway?

"Funny... That's called the same thing in Equestria." Cadence said to herself.

"Hey, do you want a kiss?" I ask casually as I turned the pack over in my hands. Cadence turns to me with a huge smile.

"Oh yeah!" She almost shouts.

"Alright, what kind?" I ask as I look at the row of various flavors. Personally, I like the peanut butter filled ones.

"Prench." Cadence says as she starts walking over to me.

"What?" Is all I could say before she pounced on me. She wrapped her hind legs around my back and her forelegs around my neck and started kissing me with up most passion. I stumble back from her weight and quickly supported her so she wouldn't fall...by tightly grabbing her ass. She moaned in my mouth and my cheeks caught on fire.

My brain didn't fully register the situation I was in until I realized Cadence's unusually long Tongue was exploring my mouth. I tried to get her off, but the girl had a kung fu grip on me or something. This left me with only two options.

Drop her ass or…

JUST LET IT HAPPEN MAN!!! LET IT HAPPEN!.

This decision is supposed to be really easy! What was left of my mind was being assaulted by questions.

Why haven't I dropped her on her ass?

Why am I still letting this happen?

Why is her ass so squishy?

"Why don't you get a room and fuck already?!" An angry customer suddenly shouted, startling us. Cadence finally let go of me and I sat there blushing with a lifeless expression. The guy walked past us, grabbed something off of the shelf and continued on his way. When he was gone, I slowly turned to the confident pony who was looking up at me with half lidded eyes.

"Cadence."

"Yes?"

"I was talking about the chocolate brand." I stated as I sheepishly pointed to the pack, now sitting on the floor.

"Oh..." Cadence said as she blushed and averted her eyes. I slowly brought my hand to my face and Cadence's ears went flat against her skull. I rubbed my temples and tried to clear my head of what seemed to be voices arguing in my head. I lowered a hand to my pockets and fished out my wallet. Cadence watched curiously as I fished out a 20 dollar bill. I removed my sports watch and held it in my hand.

"Here's my watch, and 20 dollars; meet me back here in 15 minutes." I said as held it out to her. She accepted it with a puzzled look.

"OK, thanks; but where are you going?" She asked.

"I just need to think." I said as I started backing away. Cadence gave me a sad look as I slowly turned around and started walking away. When I turned the corner of the isle I heard the steady clip clop of Cadence's hoofs behind me.

"Derrick?" She called out as she came next to me. "I'm so sorry! I thought you were talking about..." She trailed off, looking down in shame.

"It's not your fault Cadence... I just... I'll see you in 15." I said as I walked faster. Cadence stopped with a sad look as I turned down another aisle.

My "subconscious" and I need to talk.

...

"This is more difficult than we imagined." Luna said as she watched her lifeless body collapse to the ground for the tenth time. She still wanted to wait for Derrick to return before playing Halo. So instead she decided to play something else until he got back. She selected this "Call of Duty Advanced Warfare" game simply because it was on top of the pile. She started it and got lost in the menus for a few minutes before finally discovering the multiplayer.

She discovered that the device that Twilight placed on her head allowed her to communicate with the other humans in the game. She found out just how cruel humans can be to a bad player. They complained about everything from what weapon she was using, to every wrong move she made. At least until Luna actually SPOKE into the headset.

Suddenly every one's attitude seemed to change. They were a lot nicer, her teammates gave her tips, the enemies complimented her gradually increasing skills. That was when she truly started to enjoy herself. Eventually the players got a little TOO friendly. Players in the lobbies started complimenting her Sexy voice or her ‘cute’ way of speaking.

Her teammates started to ask her things she didn't quite understand like what her phone number was or what her Facebook was. Their questions got increasingly strange and she had to draw the line when she heard what sounded like a child ask to see her breasts. The headset was now muted and set aside.

While she admitted she was having fun, every time she thought she was doing well, the next match someone would stab her in the back, or misuse a long-range weapon at close range and kill her, or hide in a spot that provides no tactical advantage until she stumbled upon them, or other equally annoying tactics.

"We cannot defeat him!" Luna growled. Celestia walked over from the kitchen, munching on a fish sandwich.

"What's wrong?" She asked curiously as she sat next to her sister.

"This 'Kitty|MeowT6' keeps vanquishing us." Luna said angrily. In the game, She jumped up to a roof after him, picking off a nearby enemy player. When he got to the edge of the building he jumped off and started spinning in circles. Next thing she knew a sniper bullet was flying through her head and her body was tumbling off a building. Luna growled again and gritted her teeth. Celestia took another bite of her sandwich with a neutral expression.

"Let me try." Celestia asked with her mouth full. Luna gladly set down the controller which was then lifted by Celestia's magic.

"Use these to move thine soldier..." Luna started to explain.

"Don't help me." Celestia said, swallowing another bite. Luna looked puzzled as her sister pressed every button on the controller to see what each one's function was. Unfortunately, she blew her self up with the grenade button, making Luna snicker. She thought that she watched Derrick and Luna play enough to have a decent grasp on this so, After about a minute of familiarization she could navigate and shoot decent enough.

"Now where is this 'meow' at?" Celestia asked. Before Luna could say anything Celestia's limp body was hurled into a nearby wall from a exo suit powered punch.

"He slayed thee." Luna said with disappointment. Celestia's demeanor started to change. She sat up from her relaxed position and her neutral look turned to a more serious one. She shortly encountered an enemy and dropped him and his friend on their asses. Luna's eyes widened as her sister started to pick off enemies with deadly efficiency.

"Thou art quite good at this." Luna whispered. Celestia said nothing as she stared at the screen, with fierce determination. A few kills later she found HIM, ironically tailing one of her teammates as she tailed him. She could have shot him right then and there, but she wanted to savor this kill. She switched to her knife, and slowly crept up behind him. Unfortunately, her teammate fell victim to Kitty|MeowT6, but it was a necessary sacrifice for what was about to happen.

With a satisfying click she killed her prey and watched the body of her vanquished foe fall in front of her. A few moments later the match ended with a victory. The kill replayed Her moment of triumph for all to see.

"Good job sister!" Luna said excitedly.

"Thank you!" Celestia said proudly.

"We wish to play now." Luna said, holding her hoof out to receive the controller.

"That was quite satisfying! Can I play again, please?" Celestia asked nicely.

"Hmm… fine. We will allow this." Luna said with a shrug as she sat back.

"Yay" Celestia chirped as she took a another bite of her sandwich.

...

I was in the electronics section staring at the Xbox controller I originally came to get. But rather than getting it and leaving I just stood there deep in thought. It was more like an internal argument than simple thoughts though. It was mostly concerning Cadence and the other ponies.

I'm not gonna lie, she's adorable! Really cute and cuddly, but the issue is she's slowly going from "cute like a puppy" to "cute as in Sexy". The worst part?

I think I'm fine with that.

After that raunchy dream... that time I spent with Tia, the time I'm spending with Cadence now, That amazing kiss and its heavenly follow up- I mean er... GOD DAMMIT! I'm so conflicted! I'm starting to look at them in ways that I shouldn't. I mean me dating a pony! That's fucking ridiculous! Then again... I can't treat them like animals! That would be unfair and even offensive to them. They're just as intelligent as me! Hell, probably smarter! But does that make it OK?

Regardless, I have to say that Cadence's ass is super squeezable.

...

...

...

I'm insane. Completely fucking insane; SOMEONE SHOOT ME NOW!

Unsatisfied, I decided to just drop the issue for now and get what I actually came for. My old controller is kinda worn down so I think I'll buy two. But that would leave me with three controllers....

Nope. Have to get four, because even numbers are the shit. Damn while I'm at it I should probably get new PlayStation controllers too. Damn... All of this could get me a Wii U! I walked over to the Wii U section and a game caught my eye. Well two games actually.

Super smash bros U and Mario kart 8.

Every time I fucking come here I find myself starring at the only reason I would get a Wii U and I wonder why I haven't purchased one yet. Was it money? No its the cheapest console. Oh wait I remember now.

I have Nobody to play it with.

I had fond memories of playing Smash bros and Mario kart with friends, hunched around a small screen, teasing and taunting each other. Boy Those were the days! I set aside my nostalgia and sat there bemused. A funny image of me playing the girls in Smash bros popped into my head making me snicker. That would be hilarious, wouldn't it? You know what?

Fuck it! Buying this shit right now!

...

Walking away with a fairly bulky bag of things, I made my way back over to the candy section where I told Cadence I would meet her. I wonder what she bought? Maybe a shirt? or that ice cream? Eh, doesn't matter anyway. When I turned the corner to the candy section I paused. Cadence was there already, carrying a bag which meant she already bought some stuff, but the thing I was really focused on was the guy standing next to her.

Who the fuck is that guy?

He was standing there with a cool smirk on his face and I could tell from Cadence's blush and posture that he was trying to hit on her. At first I thought nothing of it, hell, maybe she'd go crazy for him rather than me. But as I watched Cadence giggle nervously and the guy press on for the digits something sparked inside of me. Something I've never felt before.

Before I could identify the unfamiliar feeling, said feeling forced me to walk over there.

I stopped a few feet behind “Casanova” and folded my arms. Cadence was sitting on her haunches, nervously blushing and looking up at the guy.

"You have beautiful eyes." The guy said in a smooth tone.

"Um.. Thank you..." Cadence said, scooting away and blushing slightly.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" The guy asked.

"Um..." Cadence said with an uncertain look as she averted her eyes, shifting uncomfortably.

"Because if you're single you and I could, you know… go to dinner..." The guy trailed off. Cadence's eyes widened and she backed away again.

"Uh... no, that's alright..." She said timidly.

"But I insist." The guy said as he stepped closer. This fucker isn't taking the hint! So I decided to make my presence known. So I fake coughed.

Twice.

"Derrick!" Cadence said, lighting up when she saw me. The guy slowly turned his head and we locked eyes. My eyes narrowed with his as we sized each other up. If things go south I think I could take him.

"Who are you," he asked, his smooth tone replaced with a hostile one. Cadence mouthed the words "help me!" Behind him, which determined my next answer.

"I'm her boyfriend." I said with a straight face. The guy visibly deflated, especially whenever Cadence came to my side and I wrapped an arm around her.

"Oh..." He said. When Cadence wasn't looking I shot the guy a look that told him to fuck himself sideways. "I'll just go..." He muttered as he turned his back to us and left the isle. When he was gone Cadence looked up at me.

"Thank you DJ! That guy couldn't take a hint!" Cadence said with relief. "I didn't think you'd actually pose as my boyfriend." She added with a giggle.

"Who does he think he is? All i saw was a Fucking extra terrestrial, mouth breathing flake of ass dandruff! " I grumbled. When I turned down to Cadence, she had a surprised look on her face.

"What?" I say with an innocent look.

"No way..." Cadence whispered.

"WHAT?" I demanded with a clueless expression.

"You were ACTUALLY jealous of that guy weren't you!" Cadence accused with a shit eating grin. I sat there blankly as Cadence proceeded to laugh her ass off and point at me. I can't really retort because I honestly don't know what else I did would be called.

"Oh, that's so cute!" She giggled. I removed my arm from her and started walking away. She followed close behind, still giggling at me as I walked with a deadpan expression.

"We're leaving." I stated.

"Aww... It's OK to be jealous DJ" Cadence said as she poked my side.

"Leaving!... NOW"

"Jealously is nothing to be asha-"

"EXITING THE BUILDING!" I start walking away.

"OK, but can we get one thing before we go?" Cadence said as something in one of the isle's caught her eye.

"Fine." I state simply as I follow her into it. She was staring at a large bag of horse feed.

"Can we get a bag of this?" She asked.

"Sure." I say with a shrug as I drag a conveniently empty cart that was left nearby. As I was lifting the bag up Cadence started to look around puzzled.

"This is the pet isle?" She asked.

"Yep." I say simply as I put the my bag in the cart.

"So humans have horses as pets?" Cadence said with a bemused look.

"Yeah. Humans ride horses" I explained. Cadence sat there creeped out, probably because ponies are basically just small horses.

"That's… interesting." She says with a twitchy brow.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to stick a saddle on you or something." I say with a laugh.

"Uh huh." she grunts with a flat brow.

"Besides I bet Celestia would be the only one big enough to carry me anyway." I added.

"Oh please. I could fly with you on my back just as easily as she could!" Cadence stated confidently.

"Oh, I would love to see that." I joke. Whenever Cadence spread her wings and lifted me up with her forelegs I squirmed.

"Hey, I was joking!" I blurt.

"Oh." Cadence. Said as she plopped me down. I kinda forgot the whole "super strength" thing.

That probably looked strange on camera...

"Alright, lets head out" I say as I push the Cart. Cadence follows closely next to me as we walk back toward the front of the store.

...

"Why are you so upset?" Cadence asked as she noticed my grumpy attitude.

"Because that asshole kept sneezing and coughing on my back like I was his goddamn tissue!" I complained as I put my seat belt on. "I swear I'm going to catch a cold because that prick couldn't keep his microbes to himself!" I hissed. "Oh, and lets not forget that heavy ass bag of horse feed hurt my back even more!" I add.

"That's what you're mad about?" Cadence asked with a snicker.

"Hell yes!" I grumble.

"I can fix your back with magic." Cadence offers.

"No. No more healing magic!" I say nervously. It always gives me a huge hard on for some reason.

"I thought you were upset because of what the cashier said." said. Cadence said with a snicker.

"Oh don't remind me..." I muttered with a shake of my head.

"What? It was just a compliment." Cadence said with a smug grin.

"I don't take us being a 'cute couple' as a compliment." I say bitterly. Cadence snickers again and I sigh. I was searching my pocket for my keys when Cadence looked like she forgot something.

"I forgot to give this back. Thanks by the way." Cadence said as she floated the 20 I gave her earlier into my hands. I stared at it in confusion then turned back to her.

"Did you steal those things?" I ask worriedly.

"No, the cashier paid for it." Cadence stated. I turned back to her with a unamused look as I slowly stuffed the 20 back into my pocket.

"What the hell did you get anyway?" I ask, raising my brow. Cadence's eyes widen and she looked down to her hoofs.

"Nothing..." She says nervously. I stare for a few more moments before shrugging and starting up the engine. The moment I start up the engine Cadence's wings flop open. Oh, here we fucking go again!

"You're a good kisser DJ..." she says with a sultry tone and a half lidded expression. I make a mental note that I'll probably get a few speeding tickets from driving these mares around.

...

When we got home, I had to wipe pony saliva off of my cheek. Cadence's apologizing didn't make me feel any less violated.

"I'll get the stuff out in a minute." I say as I start to unlock the door. Cadence comes next to me and waits. When I opened the door and walked in I paused with a flat brow.

This isn't what I was expecting.

"What is it?" Cadence says as she walks in behind me and pauses, sharing my surprise and confusion.

The moment we walked in Twilight started writing things down and staring at me in a stalker like manner; Celestia was sitting on the couch with a few crushed mountain dew cans and an empty bag of Doritos and orange fur in some areas I'd rather not have seen.

"Boom head shot!" She said with a smirk as she quick-scoped the fuck out of someone with deadly accuracy that suspiciously resembled an aimbot… I swear if I get banned for that she’s paying for a new account.

OK...moving on...

As if that wasn't weird enough, I heard a clip clop of hoofs above me making me look up to see Luna… standing on the ceiling.

Yep; this is a thing now… You know what… I don't even care anymore.

"Greetings!" She said with an upside down smile.

"Luna?" I cross my arms and raise my eyebrow slightly.

"Yes?"

"Why are you on the ceiling?"

"We were bored." she replies casually. I turn to Cadence and point a thumb at Luna.

"How did she-"

"Gravity spell." Cadence answers with a flat brow.

"OK... why is Tia on the Xbox? " I ask next as I witness Celestia quick scope another victim.

"She helped us vanquish a rival and has not given it back since." Luna explained as she laid down on the ceiling.

"OK... the laws of physics don't apply to Ponies." I say out loud to myself.

"Want to join us master? It's quite fun."

"I'm fine on the ground-"

My body goes crashing to the ceiling.

"Ow...-thanks anyway." I finish with a cough as the wind has been knocked out of me. Cadence cringes while Twilight writes something else down.

"Isn't this fun master?" Luna says as she nuzzles my cheek.

"No... No, it is not." I complain as I stand up and try not to lose my lunch. OK, this actually is pretty cool, everything looks so different up here.

"Can you put him down, please?" Cadence asks.

"No! No, wait-"

My body goes crashing to the floor.

"Ahhhhgggg… Fuck my life! Thanks a lot!" I bark as I rub my back in pain.

"Sorry." Cadence squeaks as she retreats over to the couch.

"Fuck..." I moan in pain.

"What is the meaning of this 'Fuck'" Luna asks curiously.

"It means a lot of things. Just come down from there." I complain as I lay flat on my stomach.

"OK." She replies simply. Next thing I know Luna comes crashing to the ground.

Right on my back.

“GAHHHHHH!!!” I raise my head before face palming the floor.

"We miscalculated." Luna said as she looked down on me.

"No... shit." I reply bitterly as a tear runs down my cheek; my back feels like it’s been shattered into a million pieces.

"I got this for you." Cadence said as she gave Celestia a bunch of bananas.

"Oh, thank you!" Celestia said. She then proceeded to un-peel one, stuff it lengthwise completely into her mouth, then swallow in one gulp without even choking.

Dirty thoughts...

Dirty thoughts!

DIRTY THOUGHTS!!!

"This is for you." Cadence said as she handed Twilight a book. It was hard to see from here, but the cover art looked vaguely like a gray tie.

I swear to god if that's what I think it is..

"Oh! A romance novel!" Twilight said with a huge grin after looking it over.

"I want to read it when you're done." Cadence added. Then she walked back over to Luna and I. "This is for you" Cadence said as she gave Luna a magazine.

"Huzza! Thank thee!" Luna said as she almost snatched it. I couldn't read the title, but the cover had a bunch of shirtless guys.

"Cadence what else did you buy?" I ask as I see the outline of something disturbing in her bag.

"Nothing!" She says as she quickly goes up the stairs. I try to get up to go after her, but Luna is sitting on me.

"One could knock out somepony with THAT" Luna said with a giggle as she held the magazine sideways and pulled out a long page.

"CADENCE!" I raise my fist before resuming my meeting with the floor.

Author's Notes:

Notes: references everywhere!!! Gotta catch em all! Anyway, I might add a sex tag to the story because of how naughty its getting and will get, but not necessarily clop levels of naughtiness.

Yes, they're going to play smash bros ;)