Chapter 6: Morning Wood

I woke up to the sound of quiet giggling. I slowly open my eyes and sat up, yawning deeply. I was in my bed and my eyes were too blurry to see what time it was.

Looking around my ears are assaulted with a barrage of giggling.

Who’s laughing? I started to concentrate my tired mind on the sounds, and realized that they were coming from my bathroom, I prop myself up as I hear a splash of water

"Oh what the hell?" I whisper, as I get out of my bed and tiptoe over to the bathroom door.

"Stop splashing Cadence!"

"Sorry Auntie!"

"We don't see the issue sister, we quite enjoy it!"

"Yes, but it's creating a mess."

"Don't be silly Twilight sparkle, we would never leave his floor in such disarray!"

Clues and common sense told me that they were bathing.

All of them.

TOGETHER.

With my curiosity now satisfied, I walked back over to my bed and laid down. I guess they really do bathe together huh? That's kinda weird; oh well, it has nothing to do with me-,

"Ouch! Stop squeezing them so hard!"

Um... OK? Just go back to sleep DJ...

"But Princess, they're just so squishy! I can't help it!"

Heh... They're getting a little adventurous in there aren't they? None of my concern.

"Hey!" I heard Twilight shout, her voice ringing in my ears.

"What? You have a cute little plot Twilight!"

"Not as cute as yours!" Twilight whines.

Ok, maybe I can multitask with my concerns. It's inefficient to just have one anyway, right? I slowly got up again and tiptoed back over to the door. Halfway there, I stopped and evaluated myself.

What the hell am I planning to do? Spy on them? That's beneath me! I shook my head at myself and slowly inch away from the door. I mean, they're freaking ponies anyway, there's nothing for me in there.

"Hold on, I have to check on something." I heard Cadence say. I stood there curiously, wondering what she would possibly have to check on. My Curiosity was extinguished when the bathroom door swung open without warning.

"Oh, you're awake!" Cadence said with a grin. I stood there completely frozen. Her fur and mane were dripping wet, she moved her hair from her face, lightly flipping it. It basically resembled every sexy hair flip I've ever seen on TV.

Time seemed to slow down as her sparkling mane flipped over her back.

"Yes, I am very much awake." I reply nervously.

"Great! You can join us!" Cadence said with a content smile.

What? NOOOOO I GREATLY DISAPPROVE!

"No thanks, I'll pass, thanks." I reply automatically, as I back away and feel around behind me for the doorknob.

"Why not? We won't bite you." Cadence said, stepping toward me with bedroom eyes.

"I'm really hungry is all." I say, as I nervously search faster. I feel around where the door was supposed to be and felt nothing but my wall.

"What the hell?" I muttered as I turned around to look. The door was gone, completely gone. I raised my brow in confusion. What kind of crap is this! Doors just don't disappear! Before I could question my sanity, or blame magic, or both, Cadence wrapped a wing around me.

"Come on DJ you need a bath!" She said as she led me to the bathroom.

"But I'm seriously starving." I claim.

"Oh, I'll make you a sandwich or something later, just come!" Cadence said with a giggle. She walked us over the door and gripped it with her hoof. I should probably make a note to ask how they do that, but now isn't the time! They're bathing in there! I can't just waltz in there and witness them butt ass nak-

Wait. They're always naked.

...

I sigh in defeat at my impending doom just behind the door.

Cadence opened the door to reveal Twilight, Celestia and Luna standing in my huge bathtub. Well, honestly, it was more of a bathtub/hot tub combo. That thought died off when I started focusing on what they were doing.

If I had to describe, it was basically every hot anime bathtub scene ever, complete with the giggling, splashing, and squeezing; but with ponies.

That last sentence somehow didn't make it any less hot, and that scares me... A lot.

"Hello Derrick!" Celestia said with a smile as she flipped her hair. Again with the hair man!

"Hi DJ! Will you be joining us?" Twilight asked curiously, her tail swishing back and forth slowly.

"Greetings... master." Luna said with a sultry tone and bedroom eyes.

OK! Let me put this out there that this has taken a strange turn Though I’m not sure I mind it; let's see what my subconscious has to say about this.

"WORSHIP THE BOOTY!"

"..."

This is not helping things here!

...

It was five o clock on the dot when Celestia's eyes opened. Her biological clock always wakes her up at this time. She stretched her wings and yawned deeply.

"Today is going to be a good day!" She said to herself with a giggle as she hopped out of bed and walked to the bathroom to freshen up. As she brushed her teeth, she hummed a familiar tune. The tune was a bit of an enigma in the fact that she doesn't recall its name or its actual lyrics. What makes it worse is she's not the only one, Twilight once wrote a report about the tune because it turned out everyone in Equestria hummed it to themselves when busy. Nopony knows its origin, but like all the unknowns in Equestria Celestia just found it easier to blame Discord.

"Hmhmhmhmhmmm,hmhmhmhmhm" she hummed with a content smile. She took a look at Derrick's shower and raised her brow before inhaling

"Oh, you're not getting away this time Tia." She said with a laugh before entering the shower. After adjusting the temperature to something acceptable she started to think.

They haven't been away that long yet, her council could take care of things in her absence for a while, but her little ponies and the environment would suffer from the sun and moon being present simultaneously if they were gone too long. Celestia estimated it would take about 3 or 4 months for things to start falling apart...unless they already have. Thankfully, that was plenty of time for her and her companion's magic to recover enough to use the transportation spell again. It was then that her thoughts turned to Derrick.

Their introductions could have gone better, but she really did admire and appreciate his kindness. He allowed them to stay in his home, even sleep in his bed! But why? She thought that after Luna knocked him out and tied him to a chair that he would like nothing more than to chase us away, but no, he let us stay. Celestia found it hard to imagine herself doing the same if the situation was reversed.

Then she remembered what he said to her in the car.

"What? I live by myself, it’s actually nice to have company every once in a while. Even if said company is... well different."

He was lonely, he just wanted some company. Just somepony to fill in the empty void. But maybe there was more to it than that? She decided to stop wasting Derrick's water and really washed up.

...

She dried herself off and started her new morning routine. And the first part of it was to move her gracious host to his bed. She quietly walked down the stairs, making sure not to step on Tom. He seemed to like curling up on the middle stair for some reason. She reached the bottom step and slowly made her way over to the sleeping human. He was laying on his back, peacefully snoring quietly. She smiled as she watched his chest steadily rise and fall.

"How cute" Celestia thought. As she snickered behind her hoof.

"No... I don't wanna..." Derrick muttered in his sleep, briefly surprising her.

"Aw, he's dreaming" she thought with a quiet giggle. She took a deep breath and concentrated. She knew from experience that moving ponies with magic tends to wake them up. So rather than using it, she instead employed a more traditional method. She gently lifted him with her hooves and moved him onto her back. He sat on her back as if he was riding a horse and his arms seemed to automatically wrap around her neck.

She smiled contently, slowly and carefully making her way up the stairs with the slumbering human, making sure to avoid Tom again. When she got to the top of the stairs, a certain pink mare was watching with suspicion and jealousy so strong that Celestia could feel her iris burning into her fur. But like all the Princesses, she could hide those feelings behind her cute innocent smile if she desired.

"Good morning Cadence" Celestia said with a nervous grin, detecting the strong emotion emanating from her niece.

"Good morning auntie!" Cadence said with a chipper tone. She came to Celestia's side and locked eyes with her.

"So... Who do you have here?" Cadence asked calmly, running a hoof through Derrick's hair.

"Derrick." Celestia answered plainly.

"Hmm... I see. And what exactly are you doing with him draped on your back" Cadence asked.

"Nothing." Celestia replied simply.

"Oh, Ok. Nothing." Cadence says with a subtle nod as she lowers her hoof and starts pacing the hallway.

"Are you sure you weren't planning anything... funny?" Cadence asks.

"No?" Celestia says as she gives her niece a puzzled look.

"Oh, that's good... Because it looked awfully strange, with you sneaking him into his room while everypony is asleep. I just thought you were getting ideas. " Cadence says, narrowing her eyes.

"Oh, none of that, just moving him to his bed." Celestia said carefully.

"... nothing strange about that." Cadence says sarcastically. Celestia stares at her niece in confusion.

"Ok then?" Celestia said with a shake of her head, walking up to Derrick's bedroom door.

"No Tia.." Derrick muttered in his sleep, making Cadence double take. She turned to fully face Celestia in shock.

"TIA?" Cadence repeated as her jealousy seemed to spike.

"Um... He's just dreaming?" Celestia, said with her ears folded to her skull.

"Uh huh." Cadence said with disbelief. She's only gets called that by somepony extremely close, like her sister. So why is Derrick mumbling that in his sleep? She wondered. Celestia flashed a smile and walked into Derrick's room where, Cadence persistently followed. Celestia lowered Derrick to his bed.

"Where did you go last night?!" Cadence asked loudly. Celestia cringed and covered cadence's mouth with her wings.

"Pipe down or you'll wake him!" Celestia scolded with a whisper. Cadence's ears dropped and she lowered her voice.

"Sorry." She whispered with a nervous grin. Celestia tucked him in then backed away. "Why is he saying your name auntie? Only princess Luna calls you that." She asked quietly.

"It's probably just a coincidence." Celestia said with uncertainty.

"Right... Because he just happened to call the name of the pony he's wrapped around.." Cadence said with an unamused look.

"Oh LUNA..." Derrick moaned with a smile as he squeezed his pillow. Celestia and Cadence slowly turned to each other and blushed.

"What do you think he's dreaming about?" Cadence asked sheepishly.

"I don't know, but I fear whatever it is, it's being influenced by my sister." Celestia said. The two of them decided to leave. They could hear Derrick moaning Luna's name again, somewhat confirming their suspicious.

"Auntie?" Cadence called. Making Celestia turn to her.

"Yes, Dear?" Celestia said as she began walking down the stairs.

"Where did you go last night?" Cadence asked more seriously. Celestia turned to her and sighed.

"Let's discuss it over tea." Celestia finally said.

"Sounds great!" Cadence said with a warm smile.

...

I have no clue how, but they convinced me to actually get in the tub with them... Well, if being dragged over by magic counts as "convincing". Now I'm in the far corner of my tub with nothing but the boxers I refused to take off. The girls were on the other side of the tub, whispering and watching me. Eventually Celestia teleported next to me.

"Hi." I say awkwardly.

"Hey there." she says as she casually wrapped a wing around me and brought me close to her. The warmth of her body combined with the hot water to make me sweat profusely.

"It’s really hot in here.." I say, wiping my forehead. The others just watch silently as Celestia giggled.

"Yes, it is Derrick. Very hot indeed." She said as she slowly moved to rub my chest with her hoof.

"Uh huh..." I say as my eyes widen. Under the water I felt Celestia's soft tail slowly coiling around me waist. I started to shiver nervously, but she held me tighter.

"You know Derrick... I can raise more than just the Sun." She said suggestively. I bit my lip when I felt the tip of her tail slip into my boxers. My cheeks caught on fire at the sensation and I stifled a moan.

"Taxes" I suddenly replied. Celestia reeled back slightly and gave me a puzzled look.

"What?"

"Taxes. You can raise taxes." I say sheepishly. She then proceeded to smack her forehead at mach 3.

...

Cadence and Celestia were sitting at the kitchen table, sipping on tea. While it certainly looked peaceful at first glance, what was actually happening was more along the lines of an interrogation.

"How did you get Derrick to let you leave the house?" Cadence asked, her eyes locked on her aunt's.

"I just asked him." Celestia replied with a shrug.

"WHAT?!" Cadence blurted, practically spitting her tea out.

"Yep." Celestia says as she nervously taps her hooves together.

"How come every time I ask he says 'sure if you want to be dissected'!" Cadence imitated with frustration. She refused to believe that Derrick was picking favorites, or that Derrick didn't like her.

"No no no! It can't be that simple! Something must have changed his mind!" Cadence stated firmly.

"Well, he did say no until..." Celestia said, trailing off and staring into her cup.

"Until? Until what auntie?" Cadence said, leaning closer.

"I used a certain spell" Celestia admitted.

"Aha! I knew it! Mind control!" Cadence said triumphantly.

"What? Of course not! I would never do such a thing!" Celestia said, looking offended.

"Then what did you do?" Cadence demanded.

"At first a transfiguration spell." Celestia admitted.

"What? You turned into a human? Do you have any idea how much magic that requires?!" Cadence gasped.

"No, I wasn't’ entirely human." Celestia said.

"Oh." Cadence said with relief.

"Yes. Right after I used the spell, Derrick seemed to say yes without even thinking..."

"Really?" Cadence said as she rubbed her chin, intrigued.

"His reaction was somewhat strange, his nose started to bleed and he seemed to lose his balance." Celestia said.

"Interesting..." Cadence said with a mischievous smile.

"What are you up to young lady?" Celestia said with a flat brow.

"Oh, nothing auntie!" Cadence said with an innocent grin.

"Good. Now is that everything you wanted to discuss?" Celestia asked, leaning back.

"Not even close! I want to know EVERY, SINGLE, DETAIL!" Cadence said, narrowing her eyes.

"Well, I'm going to need a lot more tea, then" Celestia said with a giggle.

"I also want to know more about the spells you used." She Added with emphasis.

"I'll start brewing the tea!" Celestial said, getting up and grinning.

...

I'm certainly in a pickle now. Celestia is on my right, Twilight is on my left, cadence somehow managed to slip behind me and Luna was on top of me. The worst part was how all 4 of them were using their tails underwater to sneakily tease me.

"OK, you can stop now?" I squeak as I shift uncomfortably.

"We all wish to thank thou for thy kindness with a gift. " Luna cooed as her face gradually got closer to mine.

"I'm... Not ready for that gift!" I exclaim nervously.

"Oh yeah? You feel ready to go to me!" Twilight whispered in my ear as her tail curled around a particularly sensitive area. I quickly turned to her.

"Are you even old enough for this kind of gift!?" I ask as I attempt to stall the inevitable.

"Definitely." She said mischievously, as her tail's grip tightened.

"Right..." I say, shivering and tensing as Celestia nuzzles me.

"Art thou ready to receive thy gift?" Luna asked as she rubbed my cheek.

"Yeah, but there's a problem." I say, desperate for an excuse.

"What?" She asks with worry.

"I'm gay." I say with a straight face.

"..."

"Yep, totally gay!" I say louder to emphasize my point.

Please work, Please work, Please work, Please work, Please work… dear god, please for the love of all things holy work!

"Nice try Derrick." Luna muttered with an unamused expression.

"God Dammit..." I say, lowering my head and accepting defeat.

...

After explaining the spells she used to Cadence with painstaking detail, she told Cadence, everything about her trip, making sure to leave out the cuddling, licking and the fact that she ate a cheeseburger.

"And then you gave him a particularly snug hug and tried to kiss him." Cadence finished for her with a flat brow.

"I did no such thing!" Celestia claimed with a light blush.

"It's OK auntie, I know what I saw." Cadence said with a smirk.

"How long were you watching?" Celestia asked.

"Pretty much as soon as you got back." She answered with a twitchy brow.

Celestia blushed and stared into her cup silently. Meanwhile, Cadence was doing some careful planning in her head. She filed away the information regarding the transformation spell for later use. She had to admit that she really didn't know Derrick that well, in fact none of them did. But that would very soon change.

...

I woke up sweating like a dog and panting heavily. I just had the worst dream ever! It was absolutely horrible! I started to climb out of bed until I felt one of the most intense cases of morning wood that I've ever had.

"Talk about a wet dream..." I joke to myself. The thing I'm worried about is the fact that my dream was about my four equine guests. Definitely weird, very weird, beyond weird; and why was it so vivid? I've never had a dream that clear before! Wait...

What if it wasn't a dream?

I sprung out of bed and sprinted over to my bathroom and practically threw the door open. Nope. No wet ponies in here. I sighed in relief and started to freshen up. My thoughts turned to that erotic dream again. I seriously wonder if they can do those things with their tails? Whoa, wait a second, what am I saying! That dream was disgusting! They're ponies for crying out loud!

Wait, calm down... It was just a dream. People dream about all kinds of messed up things right? I just find it odd that my dream was about, well you know. I finished washing up and came out of the bathroom, changed my clothes and left my room. Right as I was leaving I saw Twilight's tail slip into the hallway bathroom, she promptly shut it with her tail. A blush came to my face as I thought about what she did with her tail in my dream. I shook the thought away and walked toward the stairs. Let's go see who else is up.

I started going down the stairs quite fast, unfortunately a certain cat was on the middle stair again, forcing me to jump the rest of the way down to avoid him. With a loud thump I managed to barely land on my feet, only stumbling slightly. When I regained my balance, I looked over to the kitchen table where Celestia and Cadence were sitting, blinking in surprise.

"Just had to avoid the stupid… gah, you know what… never mind!" I say with a shake of my head. I walk over into the kitchen, their eyes following me the whole way. "Hey Cadence, hey Tia." I said with a wave.

"Good morning Derrick." Celestia said with a warm smile.

"Good morning Der-" Cadence started to say before frowning and slowly turning toward Celestia. She cringed and avoided her niece's gaze. I wonder what that is about?

"Did you sleep well?" Celestia asked, a smile across her muzzle.

"Kind of." I say simply as I look through my drawers for some Pop-tarts. I looked at them again and Cadence was giving Celestia's cheek the death stare and she was trying with all her might to avoid it. I raise my brow and continue the Pop-tart prepping.

"Did you have a good dream?" Cadence asked as she turned to me with a gentle smile. I paused and my cheeks turned red at the thought. When I didn't respond for several seconds Cadence got worried.

"Are you alright?" Celestia asked.

"Um... yeah... The dream was... interesting" I say with a nervous smile. Cadence and Celestia share curious glances before slowly getting out of their chairs. Next thing I know, with a flash of magic they're both on either side of me. My heart skipped and I jump because I'm still not entirely used to them doing that.

"Are you sure you're alright? Celestia asked again.

"Yep! Do you girls want some Pop-tarts?" I ask. They both give me confused looks, making me sigh and point to the box. Cadence brings it over with her magic and they both look over it.

"It looks delicious!" Celestia said with a nod. Cadence on the other hand just shrugged, but continued to study me carefully.

"So that's a yes?" I say as I look at Cadence with a flat brow.

"Sure." Cadence says, not breaking eye contact with me.

"Yes, please!" Celestia said, licking her lips as she teleported back to the table leaving Cadence next to me. She narrowed her eyes and I just smiled nervously. Why is she looking at me like that.

"Derrick." She said In a serious tone.

"Yes?"

"Could I speak to you for a moment?" She asked.

"Sure Cadence." I say with a shrug as I fold my arms. We sit there for a few seconds until she clears her throat.

"Alone." She added.

"Oh, you want to talk alone." I whisper. Cadence nods, getting slightly annoyed.

"Tia, we'll be right back." I said to her. I noticed Cadence's eye twitch whenever I called her that, making me raise my brow. She started to walk up the stairs and I followed behind her with a sigh, walking with a blank expression until something caught my eye.

The booty... It jiggles...

I spent the next couple seconds wondering why they all had such cute butts. Then I spent the next few seconds scolding myself for looking at them that way. When we reached the top of the stairs she turned to face me. I can read her and Twilight's expressions a bit easier because Celestia and Luna seem to put on some emotionless mask on sometimes.

"So... what did you want to talk about?" I ask as I lean against the wall. Before Cadence could say anything, Twilight seemed to burst from the bathroom. She walked over to us as radiant as ever.

"Good morning Cadence, DJ!" She said happily as she nuzzled Cadence, and hugged my leg.

"We're trying to have a..." Cadence started to say.

"That belly rub you gave me last night really loosened me up! Thanks!" Twilight said with a warm smile.

"Uh... you're welcome..." I say with a sheepish grin, avoiding Cadence's looks. She giggles, then trots down the stairs. When I turn back to Cadence I could tell that her mind was being fucked by a giant, spiked, mind fucking dildo.

"Belly rubs..." Cadence whispers. Completely dumbfounded.

"Dammit Twilight..." I say as I cover my face in embarrassment. Cadence tries to speak, but she just couldn't seem to find the words. Eventually she sighed and cleared her throat.

"Let's talk in your room please." She finally says with a strained voice.

"OK..." I say as I walk into my room and sit on the edge of my bed. Cadence walks in, closing and locking the door. She walks over and startles me by plopping down right next to me. She stared silently at the floor making me nervous and impatient.

"What did you want to talk about?" I ask. She gives me a sad look that instantly makes me feel guilty even though I don't know what caused it.

"You give Twilight a belly Rub... You take Celestia out to eat and you moan Luna's name in your sleep." She starts in a hurt tone.

Oh, THAT's what she wants to discuss.

...

...

...

Wait a second… I fucking moaned Luna's name?!

"Auntie told me you said that she was attractive." She added with a sniffle.

Oh lord please no... MAYDAY!!! ANYONE HELP PLEASE!

"You seemed uninterested in us when we first got here but now all of a sudden something changed!" She said with another sniffle.

Don't do it...

"You never offered me a belly rub!" She says with watery eyes.

Don't you dare...

"Am I... ugly to you?" She asks, bursting into tears. Guilt instantly plagued me and drove my next few actions. I wrapped my arm around her in an embrace and rubbed my other hand through her hair.

"No cadence, I don't think you're ugly at all." I assure. Her sobs pause for a moment and I thought I saw a thin smile on her muzzle. But a second later she was back to crying.

"You don't?" She asked as she looked up at me, tears streaming from her eyes. If she keeps this up I'm going to cry!

"No, it’s just you girls are a different species; here on this planet, it would be considered taboo to go on a date with you guys. If it makes you feel better I can date you, it has nothing to do with appearances." I started to say. Cadence's eyes suddenly lit up and she smiled at me.

"Who said anything about dating?" She asked, staring intensely at me.

"Um... I..." I stuttered, my thoughts now scrambled and my face completely flustered my conscious practically saying “You’re on your own pal!”.

"So does that mean you'd be willing to give dating me a chance?" She asked excitedly.

"Yeah, I just..."

Cadence proceeded to give me one of the most adorable gleeful smiles I've ever seen in my entire life… until it was somewhat ruined with that mysterious "Squee" sound that seems to accompany a pony’s joy.

"Yay! I knew you liked me Derrick!" She basically squealed, jumping up into the air.

"I didn't... Wait! Hold on a second!" I said with wide eyes.

"Oh, this is going to be so wonderful! Thank you so much!" She said with her musical voice. Before I could clear up this massive misunderstanding, she ran over to me, basically hopped into my lap, then proceeded to close her eyes and plant a firm wet kiss on my mouth.

ON MY MOUTH!

With a loud smack she ended the kiss and nuzzled me. I couldn't brain at that moment, so I just ended up looking like some weird confused tomato head. She gave me a snug hug. After a few moments she let go then started skipping away.

DJ.exe is not responding, would you like to troubleshoot?

"You're the best!" She said with a giggle before swiftly exiting the room. I sat there, waiting for my brain to start responding again.

Am I sleeping again?

I raise my hand to my face and slap myself to confirm this theory.

Nope! Pain confirmed! Definitely awake! I need to review the last minute of my life.

So I just agreed to take Cadence on a date... and I kissed her.

No no let me fix that.

I just agreed to take a TALKING PONY on a date... and a TALKING PONY kissed me.

There we go!

Now, before I go down there and fix this potential shit storm, I have to admit that Cadence is a damn good kisser. It’s too bad she's a pony and everything; she also has dat booty too! It’s a crying shame she's a pony and everything; Wait, I said that already didn't I?

Let's just fix things before they escalate further!

I jumped out of the bed and ran over to my room door. I threw it open and rushed down the stairs. Twilight and Celestia were sitting at the kitchen table, enjoying tea together. They both shared a look like deer in headlights as Cadence stood next to them blabbing on about our date.

It's escalated… A lot… God give me strength I’m gonna need it now.

"Oh, there he is! He will tell you!" Cadence said when she noticed me.

Before I could retreat upstairs, I felt the familiar warmth of magic drag me over to her. When I was next to her, she tightly wrapped a wing around me, preventing my escape.

"Tell them about our date DJ!" She said with a wide grin. Twilight and Celestia's blank stares drifted to me and I smiled awkwardly. I could tell them it was a mistake, but Cadence seemed so happy and I would hate to make her cry again, especially in front of Tia and Twilight. I sighed and took a deep breath.

"Yep Cadence and I are madly in love or something." I muttered with stealthy sarcasm. Twilight and Celestia's brows raised as they glanced at each other before looking at us again.

"Seriously?" Twilight asks.

"Yep." I say with a sheepish smile.

"And you're not being forced into this?" Celestia asked.

"Nope." I say, my expression, not faltering a bit. Celestia and Twilight look at each other again, then back to us.

"Ok... Well... I think its a bit sudden, but love is love! So I want you to know I'm happy for you!" Twilight said with a genuine smile.

"I am also... happy for you two... as well..." Celestia said a bit distracted, staring down at her tea and putting that emotionless mask on again. Only god knows what she is thinking right now. Eventually Cadence calmed down enough for me to breath and I went to work on the Pop-tarts. My grumbling stomach isn't helping with figuring my way out of the hole I just dug myself into. I gave everyone else some Pop-Tarts, even saving some for Luna. I sat on my couch with the TV on to enjoy them.

Now, about this "date".

Part of me just wanted to cancel it, while the other is saying suck it up and do it. I mean it can't be that bad right? A date doesn't mean I have to do something crazy like mating with her, it would basically be like last night with Tia, except I get to know Cadence (which is honestly something I meant to do). When she’s not trying to hit on me, which is rare, she actually seems like a decent person... Er pony. It could actually be fun!

Famous last words...

Yep, this didn't turn out too bad if I do say so myself! But back to what Cadence said in my room. Did I seriously moan Luna's name in my sleep? Speaking of Luna, why isn't she up yet?

Oh, never mind...

"Good morning my friends! " She announced loudly. As she came out of her room. The others said good morning to her, I was still in the middle of chewing, so I simply smiled and waved. Luna hopped onto the couch next to me and started rubbing against me like a cat. I gave her a confused look.

"Good morning master!" She said loudly. The whole room fell dead silent, I started choking on my food. Twilight's face was frozen in surprise, Cadence looked like she'd been shot and Celestia's tea cup suddenly dropped to the table, as her eyes were pinpricks. All eyes were on Luna and I now. Twilight's surprise soon faded and she observed with a neutral expression.

"We will help thee master!" She said as she gave my back a firm Pat, dislodging the food from my throat.

"There! Is that better master?" Luna asked as she nuzzled my cheek.

"Yeah. Luna you can't run around calling me-"

"Good! Because we would be devastated if thou perished!"

"Luna you-"

"How was your dream master? " Luna said with a wink.

"Pretty um- good." I said without thinking.

Right when she said that I heard one of the kitchen chairs scrape across the floor. Celestia suddenly stood up so fast that the chair fell over. I took one look at her face, it didn't take a genius to read this expression.

I am so going to die.

"Master when art thou going to PLAY with us again? We quite enjoyed the last time despite the explosive conclusion." Luna said in a sultry tone. At that moment I heard the sound of magic and something whizzing through the air. I barely ducked to avoid Celestia's tea cup, which crashed into the wall behind me.

"Derrick, you and I have some IMPORTANT things to discuss." Celestia said calmly as she started to storm out of the kitchen.

"Um Tia, it’s not healthy for your eye to twitch like that." I squeak as I roll off the couch and back away toward the stairs.

"Sister! Please Do not upset the master, or he won't reward us by playing tonight!" Luna pleaded. Celestia snorted angrily and started to scrape the ground.

"COME HERE!" She shouted loudly. Then her wings popped open. When I realized she was LITERALLY after me, I got up and sprinted up the stairs. Thankfully Tom was smart enough to move out of the damn way because Celestia tailed me with no regard for where she was stepping. I dove into the bathroom and slammed the door behind me, locking myself in.

"You come out of there right this instant!" She barked.

"Not until you calm your tits Tia!" I responded with my back against the door.

"THEY ARE CALM!" She yelled. As she bumped against the door. I let out a loud breath, then I heard Celestia force herself to take a few calming breaths.

"OK... OK.... Derrick here's what's going to happen." She said in a calmer tone.

"Yeah?" I respond, my heart beating out of my chest.

"I'm going to count to 5, and if you're not outside explaining why my sister is calling you 'master' and why you're suddenly in love with my niece, there will be extreme consequences." She stated firmly.

"And if I don't?" I ask.

"Then I WILL come in there." she says simply.

"You... you can't come In here!" I state as I quickly grab a bottle of shampoo.

"I can and I will." She states like fact.

"But I'm taking a leak!" I lie as I pour the shampoo into the toilet, simulating the sound of urine.

"Oh..." Celestia says with genuine surprise. She says nothing for several seconds until I heard a sound that sealed my fate.

I can hear her inhale through her nose as it briefly goes to an awkward quiet.

...

A moment later I was blinded by a golden Light, then next thing I knew I was pinned to the floor by Celestia.

"You LIED." She breathed with a frown.

"It was worth a shot." I say with a smirk. Celestia gives me an unamused glare, making me swallow my tongue

"It hasn't even been two days; and you've taken my little Luna's innocence?" She says, staring into my soul. I stare at her in surprise and she continues.

"And you’re trying to rutt my niece too?" She says. Tightening her hold on me and narrowing her eyes.

"WHAT?" I exclaim.

"Are you going to go after poor little twilight's innocence after you've had your way with Cadence?" She added as she looked at me with disappointment.

"Tia! Just pause for a second, this is a huge misunderstanding." I said with a chuckle. She gripped me tighter.

"Playing with our emotions is no laughing matter." She said with a deadly serious tone, so close to me that our noses were touching. I took note of the fact that she said "our" emotions and not "their" emotions. Which means there's definitely some jealousy fueling this out of character burst of rage. I say that because Celestia is the chill one, right?

"I wasn't trying to mess with your emotions Tia." I say sincerely. She growled and slammed me harder against the floor, making me cringe in pain. Great, my back is going to hurt for the rest of the week after that.

"Don't call me that! I am upset with you!" She ordered.

"Oh, you're mad?" I say with sarcasm.

"Very!" She says, flaring her wings and snorting.

"Ok! I've had enough of this Tia..." I say with a fed up expression. Celestia gives me a flat browed look and I take a deep breath. "Alright. I'm just going to say this once Tia. Get off me." I state casually.

"No! You’re not in a position to make demands!" She says angrily.

"Fine, be that way; but in about 5 seconds, you're going to be apologizing." I claim confidently. I have a crazy plan that just might work. You see, I learned a few things about pony biology that might just come in handy.

"Derrick I'm not playing with y-WAAAH!"

...

"What have we learned today, Tia?" I asked calmly. I was sitting on her back, one hand gripping her horn firmly and the other, scratching that spot behind her ear.

"Do not yell in your face." She says submissively. Her ears were down and her face was flustered, her entire body shivered to my touch. Her wings were stiff and fully extended.

"Good... What else?" I ask with a gentle smile.

"D-don't slam you into things." She stuttered.

"Good girl. Now, I just need you to do one more little thing for me." I said as I rubbed her ear.

"What do you request... Senpai?" She moaned. I paused with a bemused expression and blinked a few times.

"Don't call me that." I say nervously.

"I'm... sorry... senp-DERRICK!" she corrected as her muscles tensed and her hind legs twitched.

"Now. All you have to do is apologize and I'll let you go." I said as I tickled her horn, making her shiver and groan. Her face was one of frustrated pleasure. She angled her head towards me and tried to focus.

"I'm sorry." She says simply.

"Ah ah ah! Sorry for what?" I say, tickling her horn again, making her eyes close tightly, and a moan escape her mouth.

"I'm… Sorry for hurting your back." She says shakily.

"And?"

"I'm sorry for yelling in your face." She added.

"Apology accepted." I said, letting go of her horn, making her whimper quietly. She didn't move, but her wings started to fold closed again.

"Now, since you've been such a good girl, I'm just going to forget the fact that you weaponized a tea cup and tried to break my face with it." I remind, as I gently scratched her ear.

"I'm sorry Derrick." She says with shame.

"It's alright Tia. I owe all four of you an explanation." I admit.

"Derrick?" Celestia says, turning to me with red cheeks.

"Yes?"

"You're not going to tell anypony about what I called you right?" She asked. Looking away.

"Not a soul."

"Thank you!" She says with relief.

"Anytime"

"Could you get off so I can stand please?"

"Aww... and I was just getting comfortable too!" I joke as I stand up and get off her. Whenever I did she shakily has to regain balance. I snickered until I noticed how wet the floor was between her legs. At first I thought it was sweat, but soon I put two and two together. Celestia wondered what I was looking at until she followed my gaze. When she realized, her cheeks colored again. Her horn flashed for an instant and the suspicious sticky substance disappeared. Then our eyes locked onto each other. I didn't dare say a word about it, I'll just forget what I saw.

"Let's go." I said calmly, turning and opening the door.

"Ok, but Before we go, I must ask you something." Celestia said, avoiding my gaze.

"What is it?" I ask impatiently.

"You weren't really planning on going on that... Date were you?" She asked timidly.

"Nope." I answer plainly. Celestia brightens up at that and I stare suspiciously. "Was a certain pony JEALOUS?" I ask with a smug grin. Celestia's eyes turn to pinpricks and she blushed. "You shouldn't be jealous since we sorta went on a date last night already." I joked.

"I am not!" Celestia says as she smacks my shoulder with her wing.

"Ow! Watch it jeez, you ponies and smacking me!" I blurt as I wince and clutch my shoulder.

"Sorry!" She says with a nervous smile.

"Sheesh are you trying to kill me today? First my back and now my shoulder!" I complain. She giggles and looks at me again. I shake my head slowly and turn to walk out the door when a wing hits me over the side again this time less painful.

"Tia! What was that for?"

"That dirty shampoo trick."

"Hey, it worked!"

"For 5 seconds"

"Whatever. You're the dirty one for teleporting inside when I could have actually been taking a leak."

"..."

"Yeah, got you there, didn't I."

"That's coming from the individual who probably had an erotic dream about one of us. "

"No clue what you're talking about!"

Touché Tia. Touché.

We came down the stairs and everyone was pretty much exactly where we left them. Luna was sitting on the couch, confused, Cadence was on the floor, looking like she was shot and Twilight was just sipping her tea and looking bored. When Cadence saw us come down the stairs, she rushed over to me.

"I can be submissive too!" She said as she bowed at my feet.

"No, that's ok Cad-"

"I will obey your every command Master." She said as she looked up at me.

"Stop please..." I say covering my face In embarrassment.

"Thou art unharmed master!" Luna said with relief.

"Yes, I'm fine! Mostly. Now stop Calling me that!"

Oh, I’m never going to hear the end of this...

...One short explanation later…

"So to answer your questions; no I'm not madly in love with Cadence and no I didn't rutt Luna, whatever you that means." I explained to them. Happy that everything was more or less clear and that I wasn't going on a date, I leaned back and relaxed.

"You're not?" Cadence said with watery eyes. Everyone at the table cringed.

"I just kinda said that since you looked so happy." I admitted. Cadence sniffles and the others looked at me with disappointment.

"I should have known..." Cadence said sadly. I couldn't take the combined might of all their disappointment and my own guilt.

So I caved.

"Look Cadence, I'll make it up to you." I said with determination.

"You will?" She said with hope.

"L-look, I'll take you out somewhere sometime." I said as I scratch the back of my head nervously, instantly I feel a pair of hoofs wrap around my waist.

“YIPE.” Is all i can say right now, because she is squeezing the life out of me; not even a second and she’s already hugging the life out of me.

"Oh, thank you DJ!!!" She said happily.

"I-I guess I'll throw in a belly rub while I'm at it." I said with a sigh; Celestia and Twilight immediately sat up.

"C-can I have another one?" They said at the same time while looking at me sheepishly.

"I'll think about it..." I say with a flat brow as I tried to pry Cadence off of me.

"What about Luna?" Twilight said. Luna blushed and smiled nervously.

"That is alright, Twilight sparkle. We will be fine rubbing our own belly!" She said quickly.

"Sister! Trust me, it is a must have experience." Celestia said with a nostalgic grin.

"You gave her one too!?" Cadence suddenly exclaimed.

"I kinda sorta did..." I admit nervously. She raises her brow making me laugh nervously.

"Well, at least I get one too... and a date!" She says with a content smile.

"It's not a date Cadence!" I remind.

"You just won't admit it!" Cadence said smugly.

"Don’t quit your day job Cadence..." I say, Rolling my eyes.

"Speaking of dreams... What did you dream about Derrick?" Celestia asked, Bringing every one's attention to me. Luna had the dumbest grin on her face for some reason.

"I, uh… made a cake… and it was- uh... delicious; UH yes VERY delicious!." I lied. Celestia and Cadence gave me this look that said they weren't buying my bullshit. Heh… guess they’re allergic.

"No you didn't." Luna said with a giggle.

"How would you know?" I ask, folding my arms.

"Because we saw it." Luna said casually like it’s an everyday occurrence.

...

...

...

"Oh, that’s cool…,” I stand there completely oblivious for a moment. “OWWWWWWHAT?" I blurted in surprise, my arms dropping lazily to my sides.

"Prince Luna is the guardian of dreams. She's able to enter dreams and can also eliminate nightmares." Twilight explained. After that we all fell silent as I slowly turned to Luna. Who had on that face that Sponge Bob made when Squidward was caught eating crabby patties after he claimed to hate them..

"So...Luna you saw everything huh."

"Everything..." She says with a very malicious look on her face.

"Oh… heh, that's nice." I said as I got up from the table. I need to step out, I can't take the embarrassment.

"Where art thou going?"

"You wanted to play Xbox right?" I say, quickly grabbing my keys.

"Yes, we wished to learn..." Luna says as she gets up.

"Well, I have to buy new controllers!" I say nervously as I scramble to open the front door.

"Where are you going again?" Cadence asked as she teleported in front of me.

"I have to buy a few things," I said as I moved around her.

"Can I come?" She asked with a cute smile. Dammit, she's doing it again! Do these ponies do it on purpose? Or is their cuteness innate?

"Please?" She asked, her ears folding back.

Say no, say no, say no say-

"Yes."

You fucking softie you go dig a hole and bury yourself...

"Yay! Thank you DJ!" She said, hugging me again.

"Yeah, yeah. Stop touching me!" I shout with a blush, making her giggle. She lets me go and I open the door. "We'll be right back, just getting some stuff from the supermarket." I said.

"But you still didn't answer my question!" Celestia states with a frown.

"Let's go Cadence!" I said, quickly pulling her by the hoof outside.

...

"He really doesn't want to share what happened in his dream." Twilight commented.

"It must have been really embarrassing." Celestia said as she restored the shattered tea cup.

"Yes, it must have." Twilight agreed.

"I'm just so curious..." Celestia said with a frustrated look.

"I am too." Twilight admitted.

"Sister, what was his dream about?" Celestia asked.

"I don't think she's just going to give out information like th-"

"T'was about the four of us bathing and behaving in an aggressive flirty manner." Luna said casually. Twilight and Celestia blushed and looked at each other awkwardly.

"I think I was better off not knowing princess."

"Me too.." Celestia turns slightly red.

Author's Notes:

Notes: Hmm… all I'm going to say is ponies are making moves in the dark.

A huge thanks to NLR_DE_Fusion for making this chapter shine! Google docs came in handy!

Anyway, you probably won't get the senpai thing if you don't watch anime so just replace it with "Master" or "Daddy".

As far as the Sponge Bob face... I'm sure you all had good childhoods(or Google skills) and already know exactly what face Derrick described.

The next chapter doesn't count as Cadence's bonding trip, but it should score her some points. As for Twilight, I'm going to give her more screen time or whatever.

Funny thing is I originally planned to end the chapter after Tia and DJ left the bathroom.