Chapter 10: Closer

After a lengthy battle with the cupboards, I managed to wrestle my expensive liquor and a few shot glasses with it. Curiosity getting the best of me I retrieve my twist cork remover out of the drawer and poor myself a shot. Sliding the bottle away I take a quick smell and sip of the golden liquid, instead of drinking it all down in one gulp I quietly observe Luna playing GTA V; rather terribly I might add…

‘Like you can do better…’

Oh who asked you...

‘...’

Thought so...

"We doth not understand the citizens in this game." Luna says, I lean against the counter and watch her getting her ass beat by another random citizen. I facepalm with how sad a day it is in GTA… The sad train kept on going though, It was when I saw her pull over for a pursuing cop I decided to intervene. I walked over next to the girls and sat next to Luna.

"Gimme." I mutter, as I hold my hand out to receive the controller. Luna looks at me like I'm crazy.

”Nay! We art playing. " Luna complains.

"Luna, you're doing it sooooooooo wrong." I say with a blank face.

"Maybe he's right... I don't think running around and getting ‘wasted’ is the objective of this game. " Twilight points out.

"If you haven't figured it out yet, no... Getting wasted is definitely not a good thing… Austin would scold you so bad for that; Anyways it’s the last thing you want to do in this game." I say with a shake of my head.

"Oh? Then how art we supposed to play?" Luna demands, crossing her forelegs. I close my eyes and chuckle to myself.

"Well its called Grand Theft Auto for a reason Luna..." I mutter. Luna blinks a few times with a clueless expression, making me slap my forehead. "Riiighttt… I forgot you don't even have cars." I say, shaking my head.

"From what I understand, a Grand Theft Auto is when someone steals something over a certain value, in this case being a car. " Twilight says after reading something on the tablet.

"Well, you are somewhat right; the goal of GTA is to get as rich as possible while stealing anything possible, be it cars, planes, tanks, and so on..." I say. Luna's eyes widen a bit at my explanation.

"So the objective of this game is to be a criminal?" Luna asks, giving me a flat look.

"For lack of better words… Yes." I say with a nod.

"Hm, how strange. We remember hanging ponies for such crimes."

"You just have to-wait, you did what?!" I take a double take, I look at her my jaw practically on the floor.

"The punishment for such crimes were severe in our time. Doth thou hang criminals here?" I shake my head and regain my mental state.

"Uh……” I think for a moment on how to answer this as Luna continues to wait for an answer. “No, not a lot anymore, nowadays we use sodium thiopental and potassium chloride injections, sometimes aerosol gases are used as well... That said, they are still a rare event these days and most criminals are locked up; sometimes against what should be done…” I explain, I look at Twilight who is completely baffled.

“What… I get curious too you know…” I raise an eyebrow.

"Intriguing." Luna mumbles. She focuses on the game again, walking up to a guy with a really nice car, she throws the door open, drags the poor sucker out and speeds off. A Cop was nearby, they turned on their lights and started to speed after her.

"They art after us!" Luna shouts.

"Chill out, its just a one star." I say.

"What do we do?" Luna asks.

"Get outside of that blue cone, and hide until they stop looking for you. " I explain, gesturing to the map. Luna grumbles and tries her best to escape, but it was all fruitless because she clipped a pedestrian on the way out. Making even MORE cops peruse her. After Turning the car into Swiss cheese a cop got a lucky hit on a tire, making the car flip on its side and careen into a wall. She crawled out of the totaled car and saw a cop sprinting up to her with a shotgun.

"Shoot him!" I bark. Luna awkwardly fumbles with the controller.

"We can equip guns in this game?" She says with surprise. I facepalm so hard that my hand pretty much busted straight through my forehead and came out on the other side. Once the words "Wasted" splash on the screen for probably the 10th time, I shoot my hand out again to receive the controller.

"Let me show your goofy ass how it's done." I say flatly. Luna looks at me with a twitchy brow but otherwise obeyes and gives me the controller. I smirk at the thought of the rampage that's about to occur.

...

Luna watches in awe and slight horror as I jump out of a fighter jet I stole, and rammed it into a nearby police chopper.

"Well that was a waste..." Cadence mutters.

"Don't care, I can get another if I need to." I mutter, as I dive down toward the city.

"What's your plan?" Twilight asks.

"See that tall ass building?"

"Yes."

"Well I'm gonna try and land on it." I say with a smirk.

"And how does that usually go?" Cadence asks.

"Well....haven't got it quite yet." I admit.

"Why?" Twi asks.

"Well either I miss it completely or..." I say as I near the building.

"Or what?" Cadence asks. A few seconds later I slam into the side of the building with enough force to kill me.

"That." I answer as my shoulders fall.

"Welp, you had a good run!" Cadence says as she busts out into a fit of laughter.

"Thou robbed five stores, stole seven cars, a helicopter, and a jet." Luna says blankly.

"Don't forget he killed 20 people." Cadence adds.

"We hath lost count of how much law enforcement was lost." Luna says.

"A total of 73, I counted" Twilight says.

"OK, way to make me feel like shit girls." I say with a roll of my eyes. The girls share a brief laugh as I sigh and cut off the Xbox.

"Hm, Derrick what happened to that thing you bought?" Cadence asks.

"Um....I bought a lot of things sherbert, you have to be specific about things that have to do with what things I purchased." I say with a flat brow.

"It was black and it came in a box" she says.

"There are a lot of black things that come in a box cadence." I mutter with a furrowed brow. Cadence frowns and stands up. She walks over to the corner of the room and finds a box on the floor.

"This black thing in a box." She says with a twitchy brow.

"Oooh THAT black thing in a box." I mutter as i stand up and walk over to her.

"Yes THIS black thing in a box." she Repeats, a small smile forming on her face.

"Ah, thank you for reminding me of the black thing in a box." I say as her smile spreads to my face.

"You are welcome for me reminding you of the black thing in a box."

"We should totally take the black thing in a box, out of the box made for black things."

"I agree, we should take the black thing in a box out of its box"

"Do you want to help me remove the black thing in a box from the box that holds black things?"

"I would love to help you remove the black thing from the box for black things."

Cadence and I slowly open the Box and remove the contents of it, putting it all across the coffee table. Once everything was out, I turn to Cadence again.

"Would you like to help me set up the black th-"

"IF THOU SAYS THING ONE MORE TIME!" Luna shouts as she stares death at Cadence and I. We slowly turn to each other with malicious smirks.

"Why of course! I would love to help you set up the black th-"

"WHAT THE BUCK IS THE THING?" Twilight shouts, catching the rest of us off guard.

"Uh...its a Wii-U." I answer quietly with wide eyes.

"Oh..." Twilight says, fixing some of her mane which seemed to have popped out in some places.

"OK...that just happened." Cadence mutters.

"Yes it did, help me set up this thing." I say as I pick up some of the Wii-U Stuff. I suddenly feel something wrap firmly around my neck and lift me into the air. Luna just teleported next to me and was lifting me with her mane.

"What....did....we....just....say?" Luna asks with a dark expression.

"Don't say “thing?”" I struggle to say as I clutch my throat.

"And what did thou do?"

"I said thing..."

"Um...Auntie?" Cadence says, tapping Luna's shoulder with a neutral expression.

"Yes?" Luna says with a smile, as she turns to Cadence.

"Listen, I kinda like our host a lot, so I would greatly appreciate it if you avoided strangling him to death." She says calmly. Luna glares at me before finally dropping me to the floor.

"Next time we shall squeeze the life out of a different extremity..." Luna says cryptically. I sit on the floor with my blood running cold. Cadence comes over to me and helps me up.

"Thanks... Cadence..." I say, trying to catch my breath.

"You're welcome" she says as she lifts me up onto my feet. We gaze deeply into each others eyes and move a bit closer. Cadence nuzzles me making us both emit happy hums as we close our eyes. After a few seconds we hear snickering from the peanut gallery. I nervously stand up straight and step back from Cadence.

"Um...I'm just gonna set this up." I mumble with red cheeks as I start connecting cables.

"Whoa whoa, what art thou doing?" Luna asks, sitting up in the chair.

"Setting this up so we can play the modern incarnation of my childhood?" I mutter.

"And what doth that mean?" Luna says as she narrows her eyes.

"Smash bros." I say simply. When Luna does that clueless blink, I reach into the bag and pull out the game. I feel it leave my hands and I return to my work. After a few moments of silence I nod to myself, determining that everything was more or less in order. I turn it on and start what will probably be an annoying first start up process, followed by system updates. Ah the Joy's of modern consoles. I kinda miss the days where all you had to do was set the date and time, then you could just pop the disk in.

"We will sit out in this." Luna mutters.

"Aww why?" I ask with genuine disappointment.

"It looks childish to us." Luna complains as she floats the case back to me.

"So?" I respond simply.

"We will only play games meant for our age group." Luna mutters as she folds her hoofs in front of her.

"Um… By technicality... No such games exist; they don't make them for 2000 year old toddlers like you. Sorry." I quip with venom.

"We still art not playing." Luna says defiantly.

"Kay’. Your loss moonbutt." I say with a shrug. I know as soon as I and the others start, she'll be scrambling to play.

"How about you Twi?" I ask as I start the update process.

"Hm...I think I'll watch first, I want to see what Google says about this game." Twilight says as she gets her tablet again.

"OK... Just remember tiers are for queers."

"What?"

"Nothing. Cadence do you want to play?" I ask.

"I don't think I would be any good DJ." She says, averting her eyes timidly.

"Nonsense. This game is easy as hell, trust me." I say with a reassuring smile.

"Well ok, if you think I can." Cadence says with a hopeful smile.

"Sweet." I say with a smirk. I start to walk toward the stairs, causing Cadence to give me a curious look.

"Where are you going?" Cadence asks.

"Upstairs to check on Tia, and see if she wants to play." I say as I slowly ascend the stairs. Cadence's eyes narrow for a moment before she seems to shrug and wait. I reach the top of the stairs and walk down the hall to my room door, which is slightly open. I quietly push the door open.

Celestia is laying on my bed, her back toward me, silently staring out my large window into the night sky. The moonlight illuminated her curvy equine body in the dark and made her beautiful mane shimmer and glitter. My heart started to beat faster and my cheeks feel warm. I have this feeling in my stomach... Kinda like how I felt when I was asking out my high school crush. Why the heck am I so nervous?

'Maybe that's a hint bucko...'

Fuck off woulda’ ya’ kindly...

I swallow my spit and start walking over to her.

"I was wondering how long you were planning to stand there." Celestia says without turning.

"A few more minutes probably, it was a nice view." I say with a smirk as I come next to her. I see a faint smile form on her otherwise blank face. I sit next to her on the bed and sigh.

"It’s a beautiful night..." She mutters. I look out the window briefly and nod in agreement.

"Yeah it sure is, heh." I say as I scratch the back of my neck. I look over to her and can tell instantly that something is up. "So what's wrong Celie?" I ask as I scoot close to her.

"Oh… It’s nothing..." She claims, giving me a reassuring smile.

"Uh huh. Bullshit." I say with a deadpan expression.

"Oh? And why do you say that?" She asks. With a raised brow.

"You actually let me touch your mane..." I say as I run my hand through it. Basically feels like Luna's except a lot warmer. Like weird magical jello. Celestia blinks a few times then just sighs again.

"Want to talk about it?" I ask. I scoot a bit closer. Celestia lowers her head and closes her eyes.

"Alright Celie." I say, sitting up some.

"Is there something else you wanted?" She asked, turning back to the window.

"I was just gonna ask if you wanted to play a game with us." I say with a shrug. Celestia slowly shakes her head.

"No… Not this time." She answers. I give her a bit of a sad look as I stand.

"Hm, Alright. I'll be back up here a bit later, you might be ready to talk then." I say as I lightly Pat her back.

"Alright." She responds simply laying her head flat on the bed.

"And I'll bring the depression kit with me." I add as I start walking off. Celestia turns and giggles lightly.

"Depression kit? What is that?" She asks, briefly glancing at me.

"You'll see Tia." I say with a wink as I take a left out of my room and head down the hallway.

'Depression kit?'

Cake, Ice cream, Alcohol and a nice set of listening ears, but for our equine guest I'll probably have to throw in a belly rub.

'Oh...I thought you meant....never mind'

You sir are an asshole… Ya’ know that?

'Hey! Remember we are still the same person, don’t act like you weren’t thinking about it either or we wouldn’t be having this discussion.'

I come down the stairs where the others are waiting for me patiently, which is a surprise.

"I've gotta get something started in the oven real quick." I say as I go in the kitchen and start getting out materials to make cake. I was just going to bring her left overs, but I decided to make her something extra special instead.

'Awwww.'

Ignoring you!

Like an automation, I expertly prepare the batter and unlike the last few cakes, I don't hold back with the chocolate and fudge. Cadence comes in and watches me curiously.

"Another cake?" She asks.

"Yeah." I say, setting up the oven.

"But… there's still half left of the last one." She points out.

"Yeah? And?"

"Wouldn't that be a waste?"

"Oh, Cadence you seemed to have forgotten who you're here with. No cake goes to waste… thus far anyways." I say with a laugh. Cadence puts her hoof to her face and shakes her head.

"Right...nothing survives more than 24 hours." She mutters.

"Yep." I say with a chuckle. Cadence slowly comes to my side and watches. Her wings start to twitch and she gets a somewhat creepy smile.

"You're so sexy when you bake..." She says with a lip bite. I double take and stop what I'm doing.

"Uh… what?" I say with a careful look.

"I was asking if we were still playing." she asks with a kind innocent smile.

"Oh of course, let me get this sucker in the oven real quick." I say with relief.

"OK great!" She says cheerfully.

"Yep just you and me." I mutter as I make sure everything is in order before sliding what I dub the "Fudge Lovers" into the oven.

"You and me...like it was destined to be." She says in a creepy tone. By the time I turn to face her, she's already taking her plump booty out of the kitchen.

"Huh...okkkayyyy..." I say as I set the timer with a disturbed look.

'Ok that was kinda creepy...'

Agreed.

...

After all that was said and done I walk out of the kitchen and get the controllers ready. The cake will finish baking in about 30 minutes then I let it cool for 20... So pretty much an hour to play before I head up again. The game is successfully updated and I let the intro cinematic play.

"Ah this takes me back." I say with a nostalgic grin.

"What exactly is this game about?" Cadence asks in confusion.

"It's a fighting game." I say as I press start. I go to the menu and hit the smash button. I then gasp in suprise at the large starting roster.

"Who art these strange characters?" Luna asks as she looks at the list before her.

"People from a bunch of different games combined." I mutter.

"Hm...so doth that mean the Master Chief is in this game?" Luna asks hopefully. I turn to her and give her such a blank look that I probably looked like slenderman.

"No Luna, he is not in this game." I state simply, my childhood stinging a bit.

"Oh tis a shame, we wert about play." Luna claims with a smirk.

"Don't care." I say as I immediately select Sonic.

"There's so many... Who should I be?" Cadence says, completely lost.

"Everyone is more or less balanced so just pick anyone." I mutter. Cadence stares at the screen for a good 30 seconds.

"Pick the large creature that resembles a turtle." Luna mutters with a bored expression.

"Nah...he's ugly." Cadence says.

"Pick the human in green with the swo-"

"Hey! Stop back seat smashing! Don't tell the girl who to pick, I thought the whole thing was too childish for you anyway." I say with a smug grin. Luna blinks in surprise and frowns.

"Tis too childish!" She shouts.

"Well okay then, hush!" I say with a shake of my head. After a while Cadence finally drops her token and selects Kirby.

"WHAT? WHY DID THOU PICK SUCH WEAKLINGS?" Luna blurts.

"Weaklings? Sonic and Kirby?" I say with a raised brow.

"Yes! Thou expects to battle with them?" Luna says with a shake of her head.

"Luna... They're both tougher then they look." I say as I confirm and go to the stage select, I'm genuinely surprised by the amount of stages.

"I just picked Kirby because he was adorable." Cadence says with a smile.

"Adorably dangerous..." I say.

"Ha!" Luna scoffs.

"Hm...let's see... Kirby can inhale enemies and perfectly copy they're abilities. He's sorta like you Luna...he destroys all kinds of hellish nightmare creatures, and stops evil spirits and shit." I explain casually.

"Huh...what of the blue one?" Luna mutters.

"Sonic? The speed of sound is his cruising speed. He regularly fights armies of giant robots and Huge fleets of battleships. He also saved the earth from like... Two gods of destruction, saved an alien race from slavery, Destroyed an entity that was eating time itself, basically some pretty important shit..." I mumble as my childhood memory bank opens.

"Huh." Luna says with a bit of a surprised look.

"Oh… He didn't save the moon though, half of it got Destroyed." I add with a chuckle.

"Tis still for children." She mutters as I select Final Destination.

"Yep… for awesome children." I mutter. Cadence and I load up onto the stage and the count down begins.

"Can you go easy on me? I have no idea what I'm doing." Cadence says as she stares at her controller.

"I honestly have no idea Either, haven't played in years." I admit as I'm doing the same. It takes me about a minute to refresh my mind, then I give Cadence a run down of the controls. They're pretty simple so that doesn't take long.

"So how does this work?" Cadence asks, as she sits up.

"You fight your opponent and try to increase their damage, the higher the damage, the farther you fly when hit. You knock an opponent off the stage to win." Twilight explains for me.

"That sounds easy enough." Cadence mumbles.

"And childish" Luna adds.

"Hey, this isn't Mortal Kombat Luna..."

"Oooh! What is that?"

"Another time..."

"So can I beat the manure out of you now?" Cadence asks.

"Yeah you can try." I challenge. Cadence jumps over to me and tries to punch me. I use Sonics speed to my advantage and Dodge her punches. This basically happens for a while until I decide to go on the offensive. I get a few combos on her and finish with a firm throw, tossing her off the side of the stage. Unfortunately she remembered what I said about recoveries and flew up until she grabbed the ledge.

"Not bad." I say with a nod.

"Thanks!" Cadence says with a giggle. She starts to finally nail some solid hits on me and I cringe. She racks up decent damage on but I still kept the pressure on her. She really insisted on using that hammer on me, because she kept swinging it like a mad man...mare.

"You're not gonna hit me with that thing..."

"Just stand still!"

"Nah I'm good"

"Please?"

"Not a snowballs chance in hell…."

"I'll give you lots of hugs and kisses!"

"I said no before, definitely not now." I quip. Cadence gets close with the hammer but I blocked it with my shield, nearly breaking it and leaving me vulnerable. She hits me with a hard kick instead and sends me flying.

"You ain't hitting me with that hammer, but guess what." I say as I land back on the stage with relative ease, my damage in the red.

"What?" Cadence says clueless.

"You can have my hammer." I say as I pick up the infamous Mario hammer. That cheesy theme plays as I Chase after Cadence.

"Oh Buck..." She says as she tries to jump away. One hit is all took to send her flying. Kirby flattened against the screen in a comical fashion. Twilight and I started to laugh our asses off. Luna got a dangerously evil look as she leaned over and whispered something to Cadence. It was when the evil smirk spread to Cadence that I got worried. The hammer expired and I used Sonics signature annoying ass taunt. The one where he does the figure eight and says...

"Sonic speed!"

...

...

...

Oh fuck you Nintendo!

Cadence returns to the stage with a vengeance and determination.

"Your still not hitting me with that fuckin- WAAAAH!" I scream as something firmly grasps my crotch. I accidentally use my up special making me spring into the air...right into Cadence's waiting hammer, knocking me into the stratosphere.

"Bye bye Sonic!" Cadence says with an evil laugh.

"You...dirty..." I start to say. Cadence just winks and blows a kiss at me.

"Love ya Johnny" she says.

"Love you too sherbet" I say with a straight face. While her brain was blue screening I threw her off the stage, jumped after her, gave her a swift downward kick then recovered as she fell to her doom. When she came too and realized what I just did she frowned.

"Two can play at that game Cadence." I say as I pinch her cheek and smirk.

"Oh really?" Cadence says with a devilish smile.

"Yes really!" I claim. Next thing I know I see her body flashing and she turns into her anthro form. She gives me this sexy look as she scoots right next to me.

"Well...we both have two lives left so lets finish....smashing." Cadence purrs.

"You're not going to let me win this are you?"

"Nope."

"Fuck."

“Yes please.”

“NO!”

...5 minutes later…

"-and the winner is....KIRBY" the TV blared. Twilight and Luna were sitting with horrified faces as Cadence sits in my lap casually.

"Thou can cease thine....whatever thou art doing." Luna says awkwardly.

"Pleasure doing business with ya!" Cadence says with a wink as she rolls off me and returns to normal.

"..."

"Is he OK?" Twilight asks, noticing how i haven't moved.

"Thou seems to have broken the human." Luna comments.

"Nah just give him a minute... He'll be alright." Cadence says, kicking back casually.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...You... cheated!" I blurt angrily after significant delay.

"It was her idea..." Cadence says pointing a hoof at Luna casually.

"Yes...but thou took our suggestion to the.... next level..." Luna says, staring at Cadence cautiously.

"Next level indeed..." Twilight agrees.

"Whatever you're both dirty cheaters." I mumble.

"You're just mad because I'm se-" Cadence starts to say but I give her ear a firm flick making her pout and stick her lip out.

"Alright, rematch." I say.

"Oh can I play this time?" Twilight asks excitedly.

"Yup gives me more ass to beat." I say as I hand her a controller. After a few seconds Twilight Selects Mario.

"Ok… not a bad selection." I say with a nod. I slowly turn to Luna after that.

"What?" She says with a raised brow.

"You know you want to play..."

"Nay"

"You're just scared..."

"WHAT?"Luna barks giving me a fierce look.

"You're scared that you're gonna catch the hands from Son-"

"GIVE US AN INPUT DEVICE!" Luna growls. She basically snatches the controller out of my hands and I snicker.

"So what "weakling" are you selecting?" I ask smugly. I watch as she selects Link.

"Though shall taste the steel of our bl-"

"Luna....I'm killing you first..." I hiss. I press confirm and the menu moves forward.

"Wait!" Cadence barks, taking us back to character select.

"What?" I ask impatiently.

"I want to be somepony else." Cadence says.

"OK..." I mutter as I and the others wait patiently. She eventually selects Pikachu.

"He's so cute!" Cadence says with a dreamy expression.

"Uh huh neat..." I mutter uncaring as I Press the A button and go to stage select.

"WAIT!" Cadence blurts again.

"What??"

"I forgot to change my color..."

"You can do that?" Luna and Twilight Blurt in unison.

"Oh for FUCK'S SAKE!"

'Nice to see that the game that Destroyed friendships is still kicking it.'

YOU SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE.

I just went ahead and picked Battlefield before they could even drag the damn cursor around like all your asshole friends/siblings used to do. When the count down started they were all surprisingly silent. I paused the game and put on a serious face as they all turned to me In confusion.

"Before I unpause this... I want to make something clear."

"And that is?" Cadence asks with an annoyed tone.

"No...Cock... Grabbing." I say with a twitchy brow.

"We would never dream of it." Luna says with a roll of her eyes.

"I'm serious... Especially you Cadence."

"Aw but its so fun..." She says as she puts her hoof in my lap.

"CADENCE!" I spurt as I scoot away.

"Fine fine, I'll kick your flank manually." Cadence says.

"Can you unpause it now?" Twilight asks impatiently.

"Alright get ready..." I say.

"I'm always ready..." Cadence says with a wink.

"Why are you so horny?" I ask legitimately.

"Why is your mind so far in the gutter?!" Twilight asks.

"Why art we not playing!?" Luna asks. Ah Luna, always asking the important questions. I unpaused the game and the four of us clashed...well kind of, I ended up just catching the three of them in a combo straight out of the gate. Apparently Luna and Twilight were paying attention when I was explaining the controls to Cadence because they looked like they knew exactly what they were doing.

"Stop doing that!' Luna barks as I catch her in yet another Spin Dash.

"Step it up!" I quip making her growl.

"What is this?" Cadence asks as she stands in front of an odd floating item.

"That's one of the Dragoon pieces. Get all three and...well you'll see." I briefly explain. Luna kicks Cadence in the face and snags the piece for herself.

"Ha-ha! Tis mine!" Luna says with a smirk. I proceed to be a dick and smack it out of her, taking it for myself.

"Still too slow." I quip.

"Come hither!" Luna says as she chases after me. I run circles around her for a bit until Twilight picks up that infamous hammer of doom. Luna grabs me in a hold.

"Let go before she gets us both!" I shout.

"Nay rodent!" She says with an evil grin as she relentlessly pumbles me. Of course Twilight casually comes by and knocks us both off stage with the hammer before going after Cadence.

"Great. Thanks." I say sarcastically.

"We shall both perish." Luna claims.

"Yeah...that's what you think." I mutter as I use her head as a platform to jump up. Then as I final act of disrespect I use my spring jump, causing said spring to hit Luna in the head as she falls to her death. Luna stares at the screen in disbelief.

"Nay..." She mumbles.

"Wow. Guess you were too slow." I quip with a shit eating grin.

'You've awakened a flood gate of untold rage that will follow you for the rest of your... 3... I mean 2 lives'

It was just my luck that a nearby box opened near the edge of the stage(where I unfortunately have to land), containing nothing but bomb-bobs.

Sonic grew wings that day.

Luna snickers and leans over to me.

"Thine speed is lacking." She says simply.

"I'm gonna kill the shit out of you Luna."

"Ew."

"Hush Twi."

My death made me drop my dragoon piece which Luna promptly collected from the ground. She then started to chase after Cadence to get the two pieces she had.

"Come hither my niece!" Luna says as she uses her grapple to pull Poor little Pikachu closer.

"No! I've been a good pony!" Cadence begs. Luna hits her with her triple up slash, knocking her into the air and dropping another piece for Luna's collection. She finished off by doing that spinny...helicopter thing that link does.

"That wasn't nice..." Cadence pouts.

"Thine speed wert lacking"

"No! You can't say that!" I shout in annoyance. She's not even Sonic! When Cadence comes back She drops the final dragoon piece.

"Uh oh." Twilight mutters as Luna grabs the last piece and flies off on the completed dragon. When the targeting reticle appears on the screen, realization hit Luna in the form of an evil smirk.

Of course she aims for me.

I dodge around and flip as much as I can but I'm still pretty sure this a KO for me. Cadence uses her side special which launches her into the air and tackles me. This actually proved to be a good thing because she knocked me out of the way of Luna's attack, making it hit her instead.

"Thanks for taking the L for me bai." I joke as I smile from ear to ear.

"I'm going to hurt you Derrick." Cadence says in a tone I'm not used to. After that a smash ball reveals itself.

"What is that floating orb?" Luna asks curiously.

"If you break it you can use a special move" I say simply. The girls all pause for a moment and look at each other.

"Mine....mine...mine...MINEMINEMINEMINE!" Luna starts to say as she immediately dashes for it. I try to stop her but she drags me away from it with that damn boomerang. She slashes the thing until it breaks before turning to her new victims...which were conveniently RIGHT in range of her.

"Fuck."

"Buck"

"We're screwed"

Luna activates Links special, sucking us all in and doing a barrage of slicing attacks. The Final blow Kills Cadence but just ends up Heavily damaging me and Twi.

"Player 2, Defeated." The announcer blares making Cadence Sink in her seat.

"This is probably the part where I comfort and cuddle you right?" I mutter.

"Yes..." Cadence says with a sniffle.

"Huh… That’s a shame, tough shit!" I say with a snicker. The resulting silence makes me feel like the dick that I truly am. "Alright come here." I say with a sigh. She sniffles and snuggles next to me. "Better?" I ask.

"Mhmm!" Cadence says with a smile.

"MUHAHA KISS OUR HINDQUARTERS!" Luna bellows. I manage to land on the stage as well as Twilight, our characters smoking from the high damage.

"Alright Luna, you're about to catch the ha-" I'm interrupted by Twilight using her up special, producing an unsettling coin sound as I'm instantly knocked out. Twilight's laughter climaxes when sonic flies into the screen in a comical fashion.

"Wow..." I say simply.

"Thine speed is lacking."

"Luna would you like to keep your horn where it is?"

"Doth thou like where thine phallus is?"

"..."

"We thought so."

The first thing I do when I spawn is throw Twilight. She goes flying off the screen almost bumping into Luna on the way out. I make sure to edge guard the shit out of her by dropping a spring on her head. She of course wasn't too happy about that.

As it stands now Luna and I have one stock left each and Twilight had Two. So I decided to hang back a bit and wait for a heal item, before doing anything risky. I would dash in and out and deal a few hits before retreating to the other side of the stage. Luna picked up one of those things that freeze you. I knew to hit the Dodge button immediately since she seems to have a massive hard on for me this match. The thing sails past be and right into Twilight, who helplessly falls of the side of the stage. By the time she broke free she was basically dead.

"What?" Twi says with a confused and angry look.

"Chill out Twi" I say.

"Cool down Twilight sparkle" Luna says.

"That was cold." Cadence says.

"You know they have a special place for ponies like you... And a fiery version for you DJ..." Twilight says to us with a dark Tone.

'This game is bringing out the rage ain't it'

Yup...and its delicious.

So now were all even except for damage, Luna was in the red, I was pretty close and Twilight was fresh with none. I really don't want to lose this match because last time I lost a match to Luna she literally taunted me in my dreams. Luna seemed to be doing the same thing as me. Hanging back and firing arrows to soften us up. I gotta go FAST to dodge her ar-

'DONT BLINK! DONT THINK JUST GO! GO! GO! G-'

Huh, its actually relevant this time. Continue.

I got some strange boost in confidence out of nowhere and started to tear into them. Zipping in and out a and punishing their attacks relentlessly.

"Too fast for the naked eye!" I say as I slam Twilight into the ground and use her head as a foot stool. I jump to the highest platform and grab a home run bat.

"Hey Twi." I say with a smirk.

"Hm?" She mumbles.

"Do you like baseball?" I ask.

"Baseball? That human sport?" She asks.

"Yeah."

"Not really a sports mar-"

Twilight goes sailing off the screen at light speed as the satisfying sound of the home run bat resonates in the room.

"Player 3, Defeated!"

"Me neither." I mumble. Twilight let's the controller fall in her lap as she sinks into the chair and folds her front hooves.

"That was absolutely ridiculous." She claims.

"You're too slow"

"Thine speed wert lacking"

"Go faster next time."

"This is the most potent rage I've ever felt in the entirety of my life." Twilight says with a twitchy brow. We all laugh and focus on the game again as salty Twi seethes quietly.

"Welp just you and me Luna."

"Nay, tis just us." She claims.

"But that's what I just said- oh wait." I say with a facepalm. Luna briefly shakes her head before sitting up from her relaxed position.

"Tis thine move." She says as we stand on opposite sides of the stage.

"Come here so I can knock you out of the park" I say.

"Nay we art very much satisfied being within the battlefield's boundaries."

"But this bats got your name on it friend."

"We do not want it friend."

"Too bad friend"

"We art not friends"

"Why not frie-wait seriously?"

"Nay."

"Oh… Just making sure. ANYWAYS, come taste this wood Luna." I say. Before Luna could respond Cadence starts to laugh hysterically out of nowhere.

"Wow...your mind has reached the point of no return in the gutter huh?" I say to Cadence. She just ignores me and continues laughing.

"Let us settle this human..." Luna says.

"Kay moon pony, time to die" I say menacingly. Next thing I know the hammer of doom spawns RIGHT in front of Luna. Like the gods of fucking smashbros were blessing her. Luna snatches it off the ground with an evil laugh. To make matters worse a smash ball decided to start existing right in-between us.

"Victory is assured." Luna says as she's about to use the hammer on the smash ball. Instead of destroying the thing, the hammerhead just falls off completely and flops harmlessly to the floor.

The gods abandoned yo ass.

‘Ass Kickin Time…’

Agreed!

"WWWWHAT??!" Luna screeches. Twilight and Cadence absolutely lose their shit right then and there.

"Right...it kinda does that sometimes." I say as I casually toss the bat aside and pick up the hammerhead.

"Nay....nay....nay...nay." Luna says as she vigorously shakes her head.

"Yup....yup....yup...yup." I say, nodding with a mischievous look. I throw the hammerhead at her and it knocks her completely clear of the stage. Assuming she's dead I casually jab the smash ball making it break. I notice Luna floating back over and frown.

"Who said you could come back?" I say, quickly grabbing the bat I discarded earlier. I use the thing as a projectile as I often do and knocked her back away from the stage. Then I jump off after her and finished her off with a homing attack. "GAME" appears in big letters and the match concludes. Sonic does his little run across the screen thing and I slowly turn to a demoralized Luna. She stares at the screen with a flat brow.

"Hey.....hey....Luna....hey...Luna....Hey...hey....hey...Luna" I start to say, poking her obnoxiously.

"What..." She mumbles turning to me finally.

"You're. Too. SLOW."

"I'm going to hurt you...badly" Luna says completely dropping the old English, seething in the pool of rage that just surfaced on her face.

Thus ended my smash bros career for the night, maybe even my life too.

...

I grumble in annoyance as I rub my left wrist in pain. I probably deserved what she just did to me but that doesn't stop this shit from hurting. Why does she have to be a sore loser?

'Why'd you have to rub it in like a dick?'

Because I'm a Dick? Also she does the same exact thing.

'Good point.'

I open the oven with my good arm and briefly inspect the cake. I get a toothpick from the cabinet and stick it in the middle of the cake. When it comes out clean, I know that it's ready. Its still pretty hot, but it will have to do for now. I get a tray out and lay the cake on it along with a tub of ice cream, and a bottle of champagne. I get out two champagne glasses, along with two bowls and spoons, then slowly and carefully head up the stairs. Cadence eyes me suspiciously as I go up but surprisingly doesn't say anything.

...

I get to the top of the stairs and with a light grunt of pain twist open my door. I find Celestia in pretty much the same spot that she was in last Time, but she was sitting upright like an elegant cat. She turns to me slowly and gasps in surprise.

"Derrick..." She says trailing off as she looks at me with a faint blush. I smirk and sit down in the bed next to her, carefully placing the tray down in front of us.

"Well this is the depression kit you were curious about.”

"I...I thought you were joking..." She says as she looks between me and the tray with an astonished look.

"Nope! Enjoy!" I say with a warm smile.

"I don't know what to say." Celestia says as she covers her muzzle.

"Just say thanks I guess." I say casually. Next thing I know I'm basically being crushed by her wing.

"Thank you so much Derrick, you shouldn't have." She says happily.

"It's cool Tia, ow ow ow" I say as she squeezes a little too hard.

"I'm sorry." She says, nervously letting me go.

"Its cool, just eat it before it gets too cold." I mumble.

"Derrick... Your wrist..." She says with concern.

"Tia just eat please. Don't worry about me." I beg. It's no use though, because she almost snatched my arm off.

"Let me heal you Derrick." She asks.

"Seriously... It's just a bruise Tia." I mumble.

"I don't like to see you in pain..." She says with a serious look.

'Come on man you need your wrist...for things...'

I'm right handed jackass.

'I was talking about games jackass'

...huh woops.

‘perv.’

"Well... I guess it's alright for something small like this." I say with a sigh. Celestia's warm golden magic instantly washes over my wrist and a moment later it feels functional again.

"There, all better." She says with a smile as she runs her hoof across my hand.

"Thanks, eat the cake now." I say, laying back. My low grunt of pain makes her ear twitch.

"Is something wrong with your back?" She quickly asks.

"Cake, now." I say flatly.

"Oh...right " she says with a giggle.

"I'm surprised you didn't tackle me for the cake when I walked in."

"I almost did, but not because of the cake"

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Why didn't you just bring up the left over cake?"

"I don't know. I just wanted to make you something special." I say with a shrug. Celestia's cheeks warm up as she gazes at the cake and licks her lips.

"It looks and smells absolutely Divine." She says. She sits there looking at if for a few moments and I scowl.

"What do you need a manual? Just eat it." I quip.

"This is all for me?" She asks.

"Yep, fudge lovers, all yours. Feel free to save me a slice though." I say with a light chuckle. Celestia uses her magic to cut me a fairly hefty slice, then proceeds to murder the cake.

"Um....you were supposed to eat it with the ice cream Tia." I say with a blank face as she virtually inhales it.

"What did you say?" She says with food in her mouth, her lips covered in chocolate.

"Nothing… never mind" I say after blinking a few times. She shrugs and continues to kill the cake. I can practically hear it screaming in agony as she chews in a very unprincess like manner.

...

I put a couple spoons of vanilla ice cream in a bowl and look back over to Tia. she's laying on her back next to me, rubbing her swollen belly with a hoof.

"Oh that was delicious. Thank you Derrick." She says cheerfully.

"I can't believe it's gone already..." I mumble with wide eyes. I pat her fat tummy and shake my head. This will be gone in like an hour thanks to her crazy fast alicorn metabolism.

"That's the best one you've made yet!" She claims.

"I swear you say that every time."

"But its true!" She says with a grin.

"Thanks I guess." I say as I taste it for myself. Wow...that's really good, its like I have double XP for my Baking skills. "Yeah, definitely true." I say with a nod. Celestia giggles and lets out a long satisfied sigh. I glance at her and shake my head, chuckling lightly.

"So what game had you all screaming at each other?" Celestia asks.

"Oh we just played Smash Bros, it's this crazy fun fighting game."

"It didn't sound like fun from what I was hearing...."

"It really is though. Sometimes it really brings the rage out of you, heh"

"I could practically taste the tears."

"Those were probably Luna's tears you tasted."

"Oh?"

"Yep. I decided to mouth off after her defeat. A horrible decision, really."

"She made you regret it huh?"

"Yeah...its not my fault that she's too slow."

"Ah. That's why your wrist was swollen. I thought it was from-"

"- From what?" I say, raising my brow. Celestia pauses for a moment and blushes. "Did you seriously think that I...." I trail off. Celestia's smile gets wider and her ears droop down.

"I'm Right handed Tia...and I don't even do that..." She gives me a smug look of disbelief. "...Often.....and especially not recently." I correct.

"I was simply talking about playing video games so much that you hurt yourself, whatever were you implying? " she asks with her trademark smirk.

"Uh....that's what I meant too! Hahaha" I say, folding my arm back and scratching my neck.

"Funny... I'm right hoofed..." She mumbles.

"Huh." I say plainly. We both sit in silence for a few moments, then I slowly turn back to her.

"WAIT A MINUTE! Ponies do that too?!"

"Well of course we do." She says, turning to me and furrowing her brow.

"Oh..."

...

...

...

"So...do YOU do that?" I ask bluntly. Celestia turns red with embarrassment as I slowly bring a hand to my face.

"OK, OK I'm sorry... Let's change the subject." I say.

"Please..." Celestia says nervously.

"Yep moving right the hell along." I say with a nervous laugh.

"Indeed we are...moving along." She says as she scoots right next to me. We briefly look at each other and share a steady laugh. We get in our usual cuddling position and relax our bodies. I scratch behind her ear and she purrs quietly. Celestia gets a spoon and starts to eat the remaining ice cream. I put the last spoon of delicious cake and ice cream in my mouth and let out a quick breath.

"Alright Tia." I say, setting my empty bowl aside.

"Hm?" She says looking at me from the corner of her eye.

"So are you going to tell me what's bothering you, or do we have to open the bottle?" I ask. Celestia's face falls a bit and I start to run my hand through her glistening mane. I still find it odd that's she's finally letting me touch it, she seemed to be uncomfortable with it being touched.

"I'm worried Derrick." She says in a melancholy tone.

"Worried? About what exactly?" I ask curiously.

"A lot of things are bugging me… The biggest thing weighing on my conscious is how Equestria is doing in our absence, Whether our magic will return to full strength so we may return...if we can at all." She says grimly. I look at her with a sad expression, remembering their failed attempt at returning from earlier in the week.

"It'll be alright Tia, I'm sure you girls well be back at 100% soon." I tell her in a reassuring tone.

"Even so...the spell failed and quite literally blew up in our faces." she reminds. A small smile forms when I remember. The four of them were standing in a circle and they all started beaming their magic into this huge swirling mass above them, then it all just went "pop" right in their faces, their manes looked like they tried to jet dry them.

"Hey it was just a fluke, I'm sure it will work when you're at full strength." I say.

"And even if we do return, I'm afraid we'll find Equestria in ruins.." She says. I can feel her heart beat pickup as well as her already intense heat getting hotter.

"Don't you have people that would take over in your absence?" I ask.

"Yes...my council. But I've never been away this long, not to mention Luna and Cadence being gone as well." She says.

"Heh, well there's a first time for everything right?" I say, scratching behind her ear again.

"I suppose..." She says with a sigh.

"You shouldn't worry and stress yourself out about things, especially when they're not really in your control. I'm sure you're kingdom will be fine, and if for whatever reason it isn't, I'm sure you can fix whatever they screwed up." I tell her. She takes a moment to consider that and lets out a small laugh.

"I suppose you're right." She says.

"See? Nothing to worry about... Well not yet anyway." I say. Celestia raises her head and looks at me. I gently pet her head, she smiles warmly. I smile back and grab the champagne bottle to examine it.

"Guess we won't be needing this huh?" I say with a smirk. Celestia glances at the bottle and furrows her brow.

"Were you saving it?" She asks as she gently floats it closer to her.

"Kind of. I bought it a while ago and kept it for a special occasion." I muttered. Celestia nods and gives it back to me.

"Would this be a special occasion? I've never had human Champagne before." She says.

"I don't know what would qualify. I haven't had this particular brand before either." I say. We both look at each other for a moment and smirk.

"Well I suppose we could celebrate friendship, and being alive and what not." She says with a giggle.

"Heh, It sounds super cheesy… but I'll take it." I say with a shrug as I open up the bottle. I pour a generous amount into each glass then Celestia and I lift them into the air. Celestia looks down at her glass and twirls it slightly, getting it to swirl around in the confines of the cup.

"So what made you come up with this?" She asks.

"What? The depression kit?"

"Yes, that" she says with a giggle.

"Well everyone gets down in the dumps sometimes, Friends, family, me, girlfriends...EX- girlfriends. I just combined all the things that seem to help." I explain. "Although... Pretty much everything in the kit isn't good for you, but neither is being depressed." I add.

"Incredible" Celestia says, shaking her head slowly.

"Hey it works!" I defend.

"I have to admit that I feel a little better." She says with a grin.

"Really only a little?" I say, lightly pinching her cheek.

"There are some...other things bothering me." She says, a faint blush on her face.

"Ok, feel free to share when you're ready, but first a toast." I say, raising my glass into the air.

"A toast to..." Tia says, giving me a curious look.

"Um...I dunno. A toast to friendship?" I say with uncertainty.

"How about a toast to... "Chilling" as you call it." She suggests.

"Yeah a toast to chilling with a close friend." I say with a warm smile.

"To friendship" she says, raising her glass.

"And chilling" I add, tapping her glass with mine. We both went bottoms up after that. I stopped halfway through and coughed a little. Celestia drinks all of hers and looks at me with a flat brow.

"Are you alright?" She asks, a faint smirk on her face.

"Yeah...that's some strong stuff." I say, clearing my throat a few times.

"Amateur..." Celestia mumbles with a smug look.

"Yeah whatever you say marshmallow." I grumble, making her giggle.

"Hmm... Not bad. However nothing beats the taste of Equestrian wine." She comments.

"Is that so?" I say, sipping on my drink.

"Mhmm" Celestia says with a nod. I raise the bottle to her cup, and she acknowledges with a nod, so I pour her some more. She thanks me and starts to sip on her drink.

"You know... That's gotta be the lamest thing I've ever toasted too."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah right up there with 'To Having fun with puns' and 'To smashing and dashing' " I mumble. Celestia blinks in surprise and starts to laugh.

"That second one is so relatable." She says.

"SAY WHAT?" I blurt making her laugh harder.

"I could never date without the entire country finding out so..." Celestia admits with a shrug.

"Understandable..."

"What about you?"

"Well... I kinda went through this phase once, where I basically had sex like my life depended on it...." I answer awkwardly. Celestia blinks a few times and averts her eyes.

"Oh, um that's very...interesting, she says her cheeks turning a faint shade of red.

"Yeah...it was strange, especially when the girls kept trying to talk to me after the dash part. I think I was good at it." I say, more to myself.

"Huh." Celestia says giving me a blank look as her wings extend ever so slightly. I chuckle and kick back a bit.

"So I have a question for you oh powerful sun goddess." I say, looking down into my glass.

"Shoot." She says, resting her head on my chest and looking up at me.

"So if you raise the sun in your dimension and Luna raises the moon... Who is doing it now?" I ask curiously.

"Hmm....I can only think of one who could." Celestia says, raising her head and tapping her chin.

...Meanwhile in Equestria…

Atop The sun Princess's balcony Stood the Captain of the Royal guard, With her signature purple armor and a 1000 yard look as she stares off at the horizon. The complete disappearance of Equestrian leadership was a horrifying disaster. Everything was disorganized and hectic for almost an entire week. Not to mention the fact that the sun and moon were no longer following their routine, instead just sitting there motionlessly in the sky. It was a mess… A mess that was now resolved thanks to the captain's efforts.

Everything has since calmed down, the council is running things for the time being and the Citizens are no longer speaking of the apocalypse or claiming that the worst has happened to the lost princesses; although some are still more worried than others... Namely the 5 remaining Elements of Harmony.

Captain Gleaming Shield has settled in with her new routine Between her normal duties, dealing with politicians, and making executive decisions, THIS part of her day was always somehow the hardest... A small spec in the horizon started to grow as it rapidly got closer to her. Gleaming sighed and shook her head, taking a deep breath and preparing herself for the coming mental assault that usually follows.

Discord, The Lord of Chaos finally lands behind her, using his horns like helicopter rotors slow down and return to normal as he dusts himself off.

"You're late...again." Gleaming says calmly.

"And a good evening to you as well Captain." Discord says with a frown as he crosses his arms.

"Stop being late. Ponies schedules depend on this you know." Gleaming scolds.

"Okay, okay, sheesh; You're such a nag you know that, If you didn't make me come all the way over here I could do it a lot sooner you know..." Discord whines as he pulls out a tissue out of nowhere and wipes his eyes off dramatically.

"Yeah...last time you did that the sun was literally smiling at me, and the moon had a big fat plot." Gleaming mutters with a twitchy brow.

"What, I can't have a little fun?" Discord says as he tosses a multitude of objects in all directions, toys, cards, rubber chickens the whole deal, all the while snickering at the memories.

"We have very different ideas of fun Discord." Gleaming says with a flat brow, he snaps his finger and the objects clean themselves off into another dimension.

"Oh?" Discord says, coming next to her and leaning down.

"Having it rain chocolate milk is fun, giving citizens three heads is not fun." Gleaming says with a glare.

"Wait… So I can make it rain chocolate milk?" Discord says, his beady yellow eyes lighting up and rubbing his hands together with a malicious smile.

"No..." Gleaming says with a blank look.

"Aw." Discord says, his head literally deflating. Gleaming rolls her eyes and clears her throat.

"Anyway, Can you get on with it?" Gleaming asks stepping aside.

"Right...the whole move the giant ball of fire and the huge cold lifeless rock thing." He mutters as he cracks his fingers and sticks his tongue out with a determined look. Gleaming watches with a bemused expression as Discord cracks the rest of his body, making her question his bone structure . After that he slowly raises his hand and snaps his fingers. The sun and moon instantly swap places and everything was immediately shrouded in pitch black.

"Sheesh… You could at least make it gradual." Gleaming mumbles with wide eyes.

"Meh." Discord says In a disinterested tone.

"Well guess that's it then...thanks again" Gleaming says with a relieved tone.

"Glad I could be of assi-" Discord starts to say before his ears twitch and burst into flames. Gleaming watches with wide eyes.

"Uh...is there a reason for that?" Gleaming asks sheepishly.

"Somepony is talking about me." Discord says as he puts out the flames with his fingers in a comical fashion.

"Huh." Gleaming says, staring at the lord of chaos wordlessly.

"And I think I know who." He adds, narrowing his eyes.

"Who then?"

"It has gotta be Celestia, because whatever is being said isn't good." he grunts.

"Celestia..." Gleaming mumbles as she stares out at the horizon silent. "So far nopony has seen any sign of them, nor did any of my search teams turn up with anything... They're definitely not in Equestria anymore, hay, probably not even on the same planet." Gleaming says grimly.

"Or dimension." Discord adds. Gleamings heart sinks slightly and she turns back to Discord.

"If that's true... Then it's going to take a lot of magic to get back." She says worriedly.

"Indeed it will, but I have faith in the Princesses, we just have to hope they didn't get transported to the dimension of tentacle monsters or something." Discord says with a snicker. Gleamings eyes go wide and she shudders at the mere thought of it.

"Hey do me a favor Discord." Gleaming says seriously.

"Hm?" He says raising his brow.

"See if you can find out what dimension they may have landed in" she asks.

"But...there's literally an infinite amount of-" Discord starts to say until he looks at Gleamings hard stare

"I'll start searching..." He finally says.

"Thank you...Discord." She says facing back toward the horizon. Discord sighs and like a balloon he starts deflating and flying around in circles around Gleaming and exploding into a ball of light leaving Gleaming alone on the balcony.

"Twily... Where ever you and the others are...I hope you're alright. I miss ya sis..." She says out loud with a half sobbed sigh and teleports down from the balcony into the courtyard below. She heads back to the barracks to clean up and turn in for the day night.

...

Now laying parallel to each other on our stomachs, Tia and I were about halfway through the bottle now. It's definitely hitting me harder then it is her, she looks 100% sober and she had more than me! Bearing in mind it's a big ass bottle.

"Woah woah so...this fucker made it rain chocolate milk, turned the clouds into bubble gum, made all the corn..."pop", gave all the rabbits freakishly long legs, turned the ground into checkered tiles... And... And just wow." I say, my mind completely blown.

"Yes, that was him before he was reformed." She says, giggling at my reaction.

"Wait so When he took your tail..." I started to say but I stopped when I saw her pouring herself ANOTHER round.

"Uh...shouldn't you slow down?" I ask worriedly. She raises her brow and stares at me.

"What? Are you a lightweight?" She asks.

"Uh...no. I just think you may have...had a bit too much." I mumble.

"This drink isn't very potent, I'm not even buzzed." She says with a flat brow.

"Oh...heh" I say, looking back at my drink.

"You on the other hoof." She says, smirking at me.

"What..." I say, half laughing.

"How many hoofs am I holding up?" She asks as she raises one hoof.

"Two." I answer. Celestia uses her hoof and pushes my face away, making me roll on to my side.

"You're drunk Derrick." She smiles, shaking her head.

"Tia I was kidding." I say, laughing as I roll back.

"Sure you were..." Celestia says, sipping on her drink again.

"You were holding up one… I ain't no light weight… This shit is just stronger than what i’m used to." I say.

"To you." She says, taking a large gulp.

"You definitely aren't a lightweight though." I say, patting her back. She looks at me with a furrowed brow.

"So you’re saying I'm fat?" She asks, eyes narrowed.

"Oh, no, no, no of course not." I say, with a smirk as I rub her back. Her brow raises slightly and her eyes soften. "You're not "fat" per say, but you certainly do have a certain... thickness to ya." I say in a smooth tone that makes Tia blush. "Especially around here." I say as I slide my hand down to her thick ass. I squeeze it hard and my fingers easily sink into her flesh. She lets out a loud yelp and snatches my hand away with her magic.

'Bruh, you... totally… have to hit that shit'

If you were a physical extension of my body I’d slug you right now...

"Derrick...that was..." Celestia says trailing off, her cheeks crimson.

"I… oh shit I'm sorry Tia." I say as I realize what I just did to her. "It was stupid of me to just...grab....I'm really sleepy and..." I sputter, trailing off with flushed cheeks.

"It's ok..." She says quietly. I do a double take and look at her with pinprick pupils.

'Jackpot. Jack....fucking... Pot'

SILENCE YOU!

"It is?" I say in shock. Celestia slowly nods her head and averts her eyes.

"Remember when I said there were still some things bothering me?" She begins, staring at her glass.

"Yeah...what about it?" I ask, my attention fully on her.

"Well...while I do hope we return home to Equestria, there is a part of me that dreads that day."

"Dread? Why?" I ask. Celestia closes her eyes for a few moments then turns to look at me.

"If we leave...I may never see you again." She says grimly. I blink a few times and stare into my glass. She wraps her wing around my waist and gently pulls me next to her. "I've grown quite fond of you Derrick, its taken a while for me to fully realize that." She says.

"Exactly... How fond..." I ask carefully. Celestia blushes again and looks me in the eye.

"I'm... Not quite sure to be honest..." She says, gazing deeply into my eyes. I can see her kind , benevolent spirit almost... Calling out to me?

"Well...maybe we'll find out in a few minutes." I say as a raise my hand to her cheek and start to rub it as I stare into her bright and beautiful magenta eyes.

"Wha...what do you mean?" She asks, her ears slowly flattening.

"Well I have a bit of a confession too." I start to say.

'What? What confession?’

"A confession?" Celestia says in a distracted tone, her eyes still firmly locked on mine.

"Well I have to admit I'm a bit fond of you as well Tia." I say.

'Um...wait a second.'

"You're the most beautiful and elegant creature I've ever seen. And I think I'm already past the whole pony thing, in fact....I don't care anymore." I say, grabbing her hoof tightly. Celestia's wings twitch and she covers her face with her other hoof.

'Am I hearing this? Hold on a second?'

"Your personality shines brighter than the very sun you control, and you have the voice of an Angel." I say, rubbing her soft cheek as a wave of heat emanates from her body.

'Who are you and what have you done with Derrick?'

"Although I'm not sure how far my fondness for you extends, But..." I admit.

"But?" Celestia almost chokes as her eyes water.

"Remember when we were in the car and you claimed that I wouldn't be... up to a kiss" I say with a half lidded expression. Celestia stars at me her hoof shaking slightly as I inch closer to her face.

"Yes? What about it?" She asks timidly.

"Well...what would you say if I...WAS...up to it?" I ask. Celestia and I stare at each other wordlessly for a few moments.

'You were kidding right? You're not ACTUALLY up to it… WHERES THE DAMN BRAKE HANDLE?!'

"I would say...lay one on me." She answers in a sultry tone.

I closed my eyes and pulled Celestia to me and our lips finally met. Her lips were warm to the touch, as was the rest of her body which was rapidly heating up the entire room. I ran my hand through her sparkling mane as we tasted each other for what seemed like an eternity until we had to break away to breath.

'What the actual- you know what? I'm done for the chapter, fuck it. Bye, Nice knowing all you readers!!! CYA! Internal Narrator checking out now!'

We pant Heavily as I collapse next to her on the bed.

"You are SO drunk..." Celestia says between breaths.

"I guess so, regardless, you're pretty and nice. I say.

"Thank you Derrick..." She says, her cheeks warming up again.

"No thanks required marshmallow." I say with a long breath. We lay next to each other in silence for a while and I start feeling drowsy.

"Derrick?" Celestia calls out.

"Hm?..." I mumble tiredly.

"There's something else you should probably know."

"Huh?"

"You see...there's this...phase... That every mare goes through."

"Mhmm..."

"And this...um phase...will be..erm.. happning soon for me"

"K."

"I was wondering if you'd maybe... Help me with this...phase when the time comes."

"Sure whatever..."

"Thank you Derrick"

"..."

...

...

...

"I love you Derrick."

"..."

"Derrick?" Celestia says, looking over at her human friend, who she quickly realized was fast asleep. She smiled and shook her head, kissing his forehead gently. She watches Derrick's chest rise and fall steadily with a happy smile. She wipes the tears from earlier off her face and lays her head down. She slowly closes her eyes... Only for them to snap open again when she hears the sound of hoofs behind her.

She turns her head to see Cadence walking over, she lays on the bed on the opposite side of DJ and nods slowly.

"Cadence?" Celestia says, looking at her niece in confusion.

"That was really cute and adorable auntie." Cadence says as she picks up Derrick's unfinished glass and downs it without a flinch.

"How much did you see?" Celestia asks, narrowing her eyes, As Cadence starts to rub her hoof through Derrick's hair in an oddly calm manner.

"Oh I saw plenty Auntie. I saw Derrick go out of his way to cheer you up, I saw you two talking and genuinely enjoying each other's company." Cadence says calmly. Her neutral look hardens slightly when she continues. "I saw you two finally admitting to each other that you're a bit more than just friends..." She says, her eye twitching dangerously. "And finally... I saw you two pucker up and-"

"-Kiss..." Celestia finishes for her, giving Cadence a hard look that wasn't getting returned.

"Yes, I saw you two... Suck faces, and I must say that you have much to improve on Auntie." She says calmly. Celestia could feel herself heat up a tad from that comment. "And might I add a poor attempt at informing Derrick that you'll be in heat in a few days, as well as the rest of us." Cadence adds harshly. Celestia's eyes narrow as Cadence laughs.

"Ah...I saw a lot of things Auntie, and you know what? I'm actually proud of myself for setting aside my feelings to allow genuine Romance to happen!" Cadence says as she stops stroking Derrick's hair. "But no more...I've come with a warning." Cadence says in a dark tone.

"A warning?" Celestia asks, eyeing her niece cautiously.

"Yes. A very simple one." Cadence says, a cruel smile curling onto her lips.

"And what would this simple Warning be?" Celestia asks, bits of anger slowly rising.

"Back off now, and it won't hurt as much to have your heart crushed when he chooses me over you." Cadence says with a straight face. Celestia blinks in surprise at the nerve of the pink princess.

‘I only just came back for something I forgot, thought I'd see how things were going and woooowwwww this escalated quick.’

Fuck you...

‘HEY I TOLD YOU TO STOP!’

Fuck… You.

‘Good luck with that bro.’

"I'm not backing down Cadence, I love hi-" Celestia says defiantly before being sharply interrupted.

"SO DO I!" Cadence snaps, her calm composure melting away. "You see...you and I are going to have some problems..." Cadence states. Derrick has a stressed look on his face as he starts to sweat in his sleep. Cadence runs a hoof across his face and makes a gentle hushing sound. He stirs a little and Cadence leans closer to his face. She makes sure Celestia is watching before letting her tongue snake out, slowly licking upward across Derrick's cheek. Derrick moves his hand to his face and sluggishly opens his eyes.

"Cadence?... What are you....did you just lick me?" He asks in a groggy tone, as he rubs his wet cheek. Cadence gives Celestia a look that says "Watch and learn" before pulling Derrick in for a passionate kiss. Celestia was feeling a very intense mix of emotions she wasn't familiar with, as she stared down her niece who was sending Derrick to another universe with her kissing ability. Rage? Jealousy? Greed? Whatever it was, it certainly wasn't being helped by Cadence staring into her eyes as she kissed Derrick. When she pulled away Derrick sat with red cheeks and complete confusion.

"Um...what's even happening?" DJ asks, completely clueless.

"Go back to sleep Derrick." Celestia says with a calm smile.

"Yes Johnny, go back to sleep." Cadence says, sharing Celestia's smile. Derrick looks between the mares in confusion until he gives up and plops his head back down on the bed. The mares wait for his sleepy breaths before speaking again.

"You do realize this means war my young niece" Celestia says, glaring at Cadence seriously.

"Yes. And I say, bring it on auntie." Cadence says with a confident smirk.

...

Notes: Surprised to see this? Heh funny story...

I originally said I was going to work on a rewrite for my other story and that there wouldn't be a new chapter of this for a while.

We lied. - Fusion

I had the idea for this chapter in my head so I just rolled with it. - Solid Poison

I planned for this to be short and told my editor it would be around 2000 words.

I lied...

Damn right you did… - Fusion

I also stated that Shining Armor didn't exist or never met cadence. - Solid Poison

I lied...

Kind of… Not really. >_> - Fusion

My editor brought up a while ago that having him be rule 63 would be better than just not having him in the story at all. So I rolled with it :3

This chapter is a whopper and is definitely put fuel in the fire if you ask me, revealing alot of good and bad stuff to come.

There will probably be more smash bros another time don't fret. (Writing it was honestly a pain tho, because of how much bullshit actually goes down in a match of smashbros so no promises)

As for a Halloween chapter... I originally wished to have one come out in time but I know that ain't gonna happen, just know that I'm still doing one, it will just be a bit late. Same goes for Christmas as well.

Sorry this chapter got delayed but my editor and I have been really busy (him more than me). In the time in-between I entertained some story ideas that I've had in the vault for a while so don't be surprised if you see 2-3 new ones pop up eventually. I still plan to focus on this one though. Until next time!

HELLS YEA! - Fusion