I slowly open my eyes and I'm met with the blurry image of my ceiling fan slowly turning above me. As my vision gradually cleared I noticed how soft my pillow truely was; wait… It’s not always this soft, in fact it normally feels like sleeping on a rock... Also, why is it so furry, squishy, warm, and...pink?
Pink…
...
Pink…..
...
'Wait a second...’

Since when have I had a pink pillow?

…

‘Hold the phone a second there buster! I know something pink AND furry’

…

Oh god no… Please don’t let it be…

I slowly raise my head and turn it to investigate this strangely soft pink pillo- it’s cadence's ass. I sit up and see her laying next to me fast asleep. My mind immediately starts to race as I try and piece together why the fuck she's in my bed- WAIT; why am I in this bed again? When I see two glasses along with an empty bottle on my dresser I start to panic.

‘Oh… Right… Depression kit.’

SHUT UP THATS NOT HELPING! Please… For all things holy, tell me I didn’t do what I think I did!

‘SEND US A SIG- wait; why am I approving I’m the polar opposite of you...’

You're not helping things here!

‘Hey...you made that assumption first pal!’

As I quietly argued with my subconscious A wavy mass of rainbow colors pops into my peripheral vision making me turn left to see Celestia laying next to me with a warm smile.

“Good morning...Derrick~” she says in a tone that was...odd. The worst part was i don't know what was odd about that tone it just...was.

“M...m...m-morning Tia.” I stutter nervosuly. She does a lighting quick movement with her wing and I'm suddenly tucked next to her. I blink in suprise and produce a high pitched yelp as she squeezes me a bit too tight.

‘Your man card… Now. It was just revoked.’

Man fuck you.

‘You first.’

“Did you sleep well on your pink pillow buddy?” She asks cheerfully.

“Uh… I guess so…” I flinch slightly as I put my hand to my head, mumbling slightly. I want to make a formal complaint; dear hangover, I hate you with a firey passion that rivals this mystical pony that now has me in her wing grasp. You can shove a spiky phallus up yours. Sincerely - Derrick.

“You're in a really good mood...for some reason” I decide to point out as I watch her closely. She giggles and gives me a loving nuzzle which was also...odd.

Red Flag Count: 1

‘Noted.’

“Yes you've given me lots of reasons… especially last night “ she says with a smirk.

“…”

‘RED FLAG, WHITE FLAG, BLUE FLAG, GREEN FLAG, ALL THE FLAGS- PANIC AT THE DISCO!!!’

“Derrick…”

“No…”

“Derrick?”

“Hell no…”

“What's wrong.”

“FUCK NO”

“No what?”

“We didn't…”

“I’m highly confused?” Celestia asks with a puzzled look.

“Tia...what happened last night? you're in an oddly good mood, cadence is here, knocked the fuck out; there are empty wine glasses everywhere… AND AN EMPTY WINE BOTTLE “ I start to say with a horrified look. Celestia’s eyes widen temporarily, then she starts to snicker behind her hoof. “And that's certainly a bigass bottle Tia!” I add.
“Oh we didn't do what you're thinking Derrick.” She assures.

“Oh thank god…” I say with relief. Celestia pouts and lightly bumps me.

“You say that like it would be the most dreadful thing...” She says with sad eyes.

“Question… Do you know what the word “Taboo” means… Not that I think I would… mind-” I pause as I realize what just did. “Ya’ know what imma just shut my mouth.” Celestia gets the most smug look I've ever seen in my entire life.
“It wouldn't?” She asks, narrowing her eyes some.
“I have to piss…” I say, shooting off the bed. I practically dive into the bathroom and slam the door shut behind me.
‘You're a dumbass’

How am I the dumbass?

‘Why would you say that?’

Because it's true! She's actually kinda sexy and…

‘...’

Oh…

‘Congratulations Derrick… You’ve reached an all time low… So low, its lower than Rock bottom. How do ya feel?’

First of all she's a pony, second-

‘Pony fucker!!!’

Hey! You technically qualify as one too!

‘...riiiiightttt.’

Thought so. Just shut the fuck up and let me drive OK?

‘Fine...we never had this conversation by the way.’

Can't hear you! Driving!

I walk to my sink and start brushing my teeth the moment the brush reaches my teeth I hear a knock a the door.

“Are you alright in there?” Celestia asked.

“Tia, its only been a minute...calm your Tits.”

“Its actually been one minute and...27 seconds and only you can do the second thing.” She somewhat snaps back.

“27 seconds… Wait what??” I blurt. She doesn't say anything after that so I just clear my throat. “Gonna take a shower.” I say. When I still get no response back I shrug and finish brushing my teeth then hop into the shower.

Why is she being so… Clingy today? She's almost set the high score for weirdness in a record breaking two-minute-window, the previous record holder being Cadence. At least she's asleep right now.

Anyways; weirdness aside… What the hell happened yesterday? I don't remember much… Just being happy about something. Celestia and I were having a good time then something happened. I'm not sure what but I feel like crushing weight was lifted off my shoulders. As long as we didn't bang I'm fine not knowing for now.

I finish my quick shower and push my curtain aside to reach for my towel, and…

… I stare square into a set of purple eyes...

‘Cadence is up!’

NO SHIT…...

“Good morning DJ!” She says with a smile. As she stood barely 3 feet in front of me.

I can feel my cheeks heat up.“Good m-morning, WAIT THIS IS BAD!… Why are you?” I start to say but she interrupts me… not with words per se… But with the not so subtle motion that she made with her eyes toward my junk. I rip the shower curtain down to cover myself as she gets the really creepy dominate look.

She has a confident smirk, a look that sends chills down my spine, her predatory gaze suggested she was going to eat me. Her wings were now fully erect at her sides and her tail was up and swung back and forth slowly.

“WHAT THE HELL CADENCE!?” I yell as I trip on the drain plug fall onto my back and bump my head on the wall of my shower.

“Whats wrong DJ?” she asks in the most innocent tone as she takes a step towards me.

“WHATS WRONG?” I blurt as I rub the back of my now pained head, my brows practically raising to my hairline.

“Yeah… you look… NERVOUS~” she says, a malicious smirk forming on her face.

“HELL YEAH I’M NERVOUS!” I squeak. She giggles and I feel that familiar tingle as I'm paralyzed with magic. She raises me up and pulls me in for a hug which promptly makes me flush with embarrassment.

‘Right now I would be asking for that mancard to revoke it for all eternity, but then I realized that I’m stuck here with you…’

FUCK YOU!

“Oh I'm so excited for our date tomorrow DJ!” she says, rubbing against me with a friendly smile. Then she pauses and gives me bedroom eyes. “It looks like you're just as excited as I am…” she adds suggestively. When I start feeling contact that I shouldn't be feeling below I yelp and try and push her away from me.

“Ok, hey thats lovely! Glorious even!” I stand up with the curtain wrapped around me like a toga I push her chest as she slides across the bathroom floor on her ass. “Now get your pink ass out of here!” I demand with wide eyes as I stiffle a moan.

‘You ain't going nowhere boy! Her royal thunder thighs has denied thine request.’

Ohhhhhh bullshit! We'll fuckin see about that shit!

“oh...now you've gotten me excited too.” cadence says with a blush, as she pushes herself back into the bath room, loosing my footing she falls on top of me.

“Getchur’ ass off me!” I start to feel a really warm, sticky, sensation below… and I can tell ya right now it ain't me….fucking...GROSS!

“OK that does it.” I say, grabbing her horn firmly, making her yelp and her eyes go wide. I Feel her muscles relax enough for me to pull away from her and I do just that Cadence sits there with a dazed expression as I grab an actual towel to dry myself. This shit is nasty, it’s like the slime an alien excretes!

“EweweweweWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!” I repeat, quickly wrapping the towl around myself and rushing out. The first thing I do is sprint to my underwear drawer… Only to find it completely empty.

…

…

…

“Why!? WHAT THE BITCH IS THIS?!” I shout in outrage before something on the bed catches my attention. I look to see Tia sitting on my bed with a pile of my underwear. She has a pair of my boxers in her hoofs and she brings it up to her nose and inhales deeply, she exhales with a satisfied sigh and a look of bliss as her wings twitch at her sides. I stare at her wordlessly and she looks at me and pauses.

“Oh I apologize… They just smell so-” I cut her mid sentence.

“GIMME THAT!” I shout as I snatch thepair out of her hoofs to her suprise. She looks at me with wide eyes as I proceed to throw the bed cover over her face and put my boxers on in a lightning fast movement. Tia removed the cover from her head and looks at me with an expression I can't read. I'm sure that the blank look I'm giving back to her is just as unreadable because we sit there for a good 30 seconds before Cadence bursts into the room.

‘She looks pissed.’

HOW ARE YOU CALM IN THIS SITUATION?!

I feel a bead of sweat roll down my forehead as we all sit there quietly. I decide to state the obvious because I suppose it's better than awkward silence.

“Well this is awkwa-”

“Auntie! Don't hog them all too yourself!” Cadence suddenly blurts as she glares at Celestia. She frowns back at her niece.

“Mine…” Celestia practically hisses. Next thing I know Cadence pounces on the bed, and starts trying to snatch the underwear from Tia. I think it's a sad day when you have to watch a Demi-goddesses and a goddess fight over your boxers… Today has- and for once I can say 100% that this day has not gone the way I envisioned… Quickly amidst the turmoil I grab a pair of shorts and quietly slip out of my room.

When I close the door I immediately put my shorts on and lean against the wall, my legs collapse I sit to catch my breath. I quickly notice that the incoherent yelling was completely absent, replaced by what I can only describe as...aggressive whispering?

“I suppose you thought you were slick little one…Sneaking into the bathroom with him…” Tia hisses with an unbelieveable amount of venom.

“Closer than you've ever gotten…” Cadence retorts with almost an equal amount.

“...”

“And its also why I will be his first!”

“I admire your confidence my niece but I'm already several steps ahead of you... “I scramble to my feet and slowly back away from the door with a horrified look.

Th...they want to peanut butter in my jam!

‘What else is new? Shit man you are slow...’

QUIET YOU!

I put a hand to my forehead and slowly descend the stairs. Today is going to be a very bad day. I just hope the others aren't acting weird too. Speaking of the others, I notice Luna's tail sticking out on the end of the couch.

I quietly walk downstairs and walk over to see her layed out on the couch with a Wii u controller laying on her belly. The adorable sight brings a smile to my face while also confirming my theory that she stays up playing while everyone is asleep. I move over to her and carefully pick her up.

“Thou can... shove thine blue shell up thine rectum... you obese plumber…~” she mumbles in her sleep. I takes all my willpower for me to not bust out laughing right then and there. I starts to slowly make my way over to her room as she mumbles more things.

“Almost… there…” I mumble to myself out loud only to hear the sound of my front door opening making me freeze dead in my tracks.

“Yo! DJ? Where ya at? I wanted to know if you wanted to-” Austin starts to say until he sees me and stops. Only one line of thought goes through my brain.

IM FUCKED.

‘Cya next week.’

Luna's asleep! Which probably means that the disguise spell isn't in effect! Austin's grin slowly fades and he stares at me emotionlessly. I imagine I look weird being half naked while holding a blue pony Princess in my arms who's actually drooling a little bit on me. Infact, it probably looks weird regardless of whether the spell is on or not.

“S...sup man…” I say nervously. Austin narrows his eyes and folds his arms.

“Not much...I see you've been busy playa hater…” Austin quips. Before I can reply I feel Luna stir in my arms and I look down to see her slowly opening her eyes. She yawns then blinks a few times before realizing I was holding her.

“Unhand us immediately Derrick…” she says with a frown.

“OK.” I say simply before dropping her right on her ass, making her yelp. Austins eyes widen and his arms drop to his side's. I've never cringed so hard in my entire life. I didn't mean to drop her THAT hard! She rubs her bottom with a frown and slowly looks up at me with pure death in her eyes.

‘Warning, Heat level critical!’

What have I done…

“Uh...are you…” Austin starts to say before a loud sickining crunch is heard. Next thing I know I can't feel my nuts. Austins eyes go wider than I've ever seen the before as he slowly backs out. “I'll…” He stutters his eyes the size of pinpricks. “I-I’ll, uh...come back later… YEAH I just remembered! THE RENTS DUE, CYA!” he slams the door. I clutch my sack in pain and fall onto my back.

‘It was at this moment Ace ventura had nothing on the scream that eminated from that house…’

“She… she punched me in the dick why… why did she punch me in the dick…?” I plead in a voice thats 5 pitch levels higher.

“Thou dare drop us!?” Luna snorts in my face.

“I didn't mean to!” I squeak. “I swear- Jesus crist… I'm going to be pissing my nuts out...” I plead, a tear of pain dropping from my eye. Luna snorts and swats me with her tail as she walks to her room and slams the door shut, I hear it lock a second later. Eventually my front door slowly creaks open and I see Austin standing there with pinprick pupils

“You OK man?” He asks as he cautiously walks back in.

“NO…. NO I AM NOT OK.” I yell as I clench the rremains of my shattered boys.

‘Rest in peace testicles. 1994 - 2016’

“Shit man… I'm sorry, you need to go to the hospital?” He asks as he offers his hand to help me up.

“No…” I inhale while he hoists me to my feet. “Admittedly, this is like the second- maybe third time. First time was almost fatal.” I say, I dust myself off my lower torso throbbing in pain.

“Huh… and here I thought my ex was a ballbuster...” Austin shivers slightly while shifting in his seat.

“Nah she's a real sweetheart when you get to know her… Trust me.” I say. Austin just shrugs and I shake my head. “They all are…” I add.

“Whatever you say man, not like I'm putting myself on the market; by the way, are you busy? Besides erm getting “busy” of course…” Austin says, a hint of mischief on his face.

“No, not really- WE DID NOT!” I say firmly.

“You're acting like it's a bad thing…” Austin says with a blank expression. His blank look spreads to my face.

“It...is?”

“Your man card…now” he says with a frown. I slap my forehead and sigh.

‘For the record, I agree with the guy’

NOT HELPING!

“Just what do ya want?” I finally ask.

“I need help getting my bike down, wanted to dust her off and perhaps cruise later if the weather stays clear.” He says.

“Oh right, that thing weighs a ton…” I say remembering his bike. It was a Ducati something…

“Actually it's around 380 some pounds...nowhere near a ton.” Austin corrects.

“You know what I meant…” I mutter. Austin chuckles and I start to walk out my front door.

“Uh...aren't you forgetting something mate?” Austin says with a flat brow.

“What?” I ask cluelessly.

“For Fucks sake man… put on a damn shirt.” He grumbles. Under normal circumstances I would have just gone upstairs to get a shirt. But considering sunspot and Cupid are still up there.

“Nah I'm good…” I say with a nervous smile. Austin gives me that cold blank stare of his.

“I swear you get weirder every time I go on leave…” he says, walking out after me, shaking his head. we both start the short walk to his house.

…Meanwhile...

Upstairs, Celestia and Cadence were quietly plotting, sitting not even a foot from each other on DJ’s bed. His boxers were now strewn across the room, some on the bed, floor, there was even one comically spinning around on DJ’s ceiling fan. the pair eventually gets thrown by the fan and ends up landing on the tip of Cadences horn. She lightly snorts and it eventually falls off her head and onto the bed.

Cadence sits upright on the bed with her tail curled next to her. she was starring at the wall deep in thought about her current predicament. her usual aggressive flirting tactics didn't seem to be working anymore, she decided to try a more subtle approach this time. she figured now that derrick is used to getting her usual undivided attention that he would notice her suddenly giving him less attention.

Celestia sat on her haunches on the other side of the bed facing the other direction. she was also deep in thought about the very same subject. she felt that her subtle tactics weren't going to cut it against someone as aggressive as Cadence, so she decided that her best course of action was to be abit more aggressive with her advances.

The mares planned in peaceful silence until they heard something that immediately got their attention. they heard the sound of something large hitting the floor followed by a loud yelp from Twilight. Celestia and Cadence’s ears perk up and they both turn to each other with wide eyes. a moment later both of them bolt out of the room and straight into the hallway bathroom, which is where the sound came from. a few moments later Twilight slowly opens the door with her tired red pinprick eyes, sheepishly holding DJ’s tablet in her magic.

“What happened Twilight sparkle?” Celestia asks worriedly.

“Yeah are you alright?” Cadence asks.

“I...I was reading and I… may have… dozed off… I didn't mean to…” Twilight starts to mumble incoherently. that's when cadence notices the screen on the tablet looks completely shattered.

“Uh oh...” Cadence says with wide eyes.

“I really didn't mean to drop it!” Twilight says with a sniffle. Celestia steps over to Twilight and wraps a wing around her and rubs Twilight's forehead with her hoof.

“Twilight as your teacher and close friend, might I suggest taking a break from the Internet?” Celestia says with a raised brow.

“Not like she has much choice now…” cadence points out as she brings the tablet close to her and cringes at the damage.

“But Princess… “ Twilight starts to pout.

“You look absolutely exhausted dear. The Internet will still be there waiting for you after some rest.” Celestia says Calmly.

“But what about DJ? I have to tell him that I broke it…” Twilight starts to say with worry.

“Don't worry about him...I'll explain what happened.” Celestia says with a smile. Twilight seems to calm down some as she lets out a long yawn.

“Yeah don't worry your pretty little head About it Twilly we'll take care of it” Cadence says. “Right auntie?” Cadence says, glancing at Celestia.

“Indeed. Now get some rest.” Celestia says. Twilight nuzzles them both and has a tired smile.

“You two are the best! I'm going to go bed in the sleep now…” Twilight says as she tiredly walks into her room and closes the door. Cadence giggles quietly and Celestia just rolls her eyes with a light smile. Something in the bathroom then gets their attention and the two alicorns find themselves curiously walking into the bathroom. On the counter next to the sink was Twilight's notebook…

You know the one where Twilight has been taking notes about DJ for the past month or two?

Yeah that’s the one…

Cadence picks up the book and has an uncertain look as she turns to Celestia, who was sharing the same look.

“We should give it to her...right?” Cadence asks carefully. Celestia thinks for a moment before answering.

“Yes it's the...right thing to do afterall…” Celestia says with a nod.

“Then again… She is supposed to be sleeping right now…” Cadence says, a slight grin on her face.

“You're right...we certainly wouldn't want to disturb her…” Celestia says, the grin spreading to her face.

“One quick peek wouldn't hurt...right?” Cadence says next.

“Temporary truce?” Celestia asks.

“Yep!” Cadence says with a malicious grin. The two alicorns immediately sprint into DJ’s room and lock the door. They jump onto the bed and giggle excitedly as they place the book on the bed. Between them. They pause just before opening it to look at each other. Cadence starts to get a nervous look.

“What is it?” Tia raises a brow.

“Maybe we shouldn't do this...it could have negative consequences. “ Cadence starts to say. Tia gives cadence her signature “Are you kidding me?” face and Cadence turns back to the book. “You're right...buck it, here goes nothing.” Cadence says, her malicious smirk returning.

The two mares open up the book and stare closely at it, their tails slowly starting to swing back and forth behind them. They skipped the first couple pages because for the most part it was stuff they already knew about DJ, but as they got to the later pages things got much more…interesting. By the time they finished they both had wide grins and their wings were twitching at their sides while their tails swung back and forth a bit faster.

“Knowledge is gold my bekoved Neice...” Celestia says.

“Indeed it is auntie…” Cadence agrees. Cadence was about to close the book but Celestia stops her.

“There is more…” She says.

“Oh you're right.” Cadence says, skipping a few pages and arriving at a new section.

“This section seems to be about DJ’s Friend…” Celestia says. They both take a brief glance at each other then turn back to the book.

“We may as well take a look...who knows...this could become useful in the future.” Cadence says with a shrug.

“Indeed..” Celestia agrees. The two princess’s decide to read on, their tails still swinging back and forth behind them ever so gracefully.

…

“I told you not to lift it like that dude…” Austin says with his hand on his head shaking it back and forth.

“I thought I had it!” I grumble as I rub my back in pain. Austin facepalms and slowly shakes his head while looking directly at the ceiling.

“You idiot… You're lucky you didn't break your back right then and there..” he says.

“Getting a huge deja-vu from this.” I grunt.

“How so?” Austin asks curiously.

“My back was fucked up before Tia healed me” I say then I instantly smack my forehead, I could hear the audience in my head applauding.

‘Nailed it’

“Excuse me?” Austin says, his pupils barley visible and his brow practically on the ceiling.

“Uh...I mean...I uh..” I start to stutter.

“Ohhhhhh wait! I see! she gave you one of those sexual healing session things, huh?” Austin starts to say with a surprisingly straight face.

“Oh for fucks sake…” I facepalm.

“Hey! Your secret is safe with me…” he says.

“Dude it was a fucking MASSAGE!” I blurt. Austin looks up from his bike and gives me a look of disbelief.

“For it being JUST a massage, you're being quite defensive there pal…”

“I'm serious!”

“Kay’ whatever ya say buddy.”

I grumble and start to pinch my nose.

“So is there anything else you need help with?” I ask.

“No, not really… What you can't hang?” He asks before getting that smug look again. “I forgot you have to go back to your Bai” Austin says.

“Oh God just fucking kill me now..” I groan.

“Hey! That could be arranged ya’ know!” He pauses with a smile on his face. “Oh alright, i’ll stop; but know that I have way too much fun with this.” Austin finally says, chuckling too himself. I roll my eyes and fold my arms.

Sighing aloud. “ANYWAYS… I was thinking of stopping by the mall to pick up some shit, kinda overdo…” I mutter as I lean on the wall.

“Let me guess...the latest call of duty and or halo with just a pinch of Sonic 2006?” He asks raising his brow.

“We do not speak of that game…” I flat brow completely before leaning on his bike.

“Ah you know I'm kidding… But knowing you I nailed your tastes.”

‘You know, hes got most of that totally accurate.’

“Uh...no…?” I say with a sheepish smile.

“Get what you gotta get mate, I've got work to do Anyway. It's been a while since I've started her up.” He says, going back to examining his bike. As I look at it again I remember that it's a custom ducati 848 evo.

Originally his first motorcycle was an old Honda Magna- as I recall he called it the most Retro thing on two wheels. Over time and each time he got his leave he'd put a bit of money to a new bike; when it came the day he finally had enough he sold the Magna, I remember the day he originally got the 848; the first thing he did was custom paint it, and spent his remaining time off- and many other days off customizing it from some thing as small as the throttle grips to things like an entire engine swap. Never had I seen a wider grin on that guys face. The guy loved thst bike like it was his child. A smirk comes to my face as I remember when he tried to get me to ride the damn thing…

“Uh...DJ?” Austin says looking at something behind me. I blink a few times and quickly realize someone very warm is holding me.

“Hello there~” Celestia swoons her voice. I feel a drop of sweat drip down my forehead as she wraps her arms around me.

Arms…

Arms?

…

‘She's in her anthro form you tw-’

SHES IN HER ANTHRO FORM! WHY!?

“Ahrrrm” Austin clears his throat rather loudly… “Morning you two…” he says politely as he looks at me with wide eyes. What's with that look?

‘Look up mate, there's a storm overhead- 100% chance of tits.’

I slowly look upward and I'm blinded with the two huge gigantic squishy melons that were Celestia’s tits.

“Sup…” I say with red cheeks and pinprick pupils.

“Oh, not much…” Celestia says casually. I feel her hand lightly grip my belly and I start to shiver.

‘Fan service here is top notch…’

“Hi Austin!” I hear Cadence say from behind Celestia. I raise my brow slightly when I notice how distant she was, I wonder why…

“Hey Cadence…” Austin replies, turning back to his bike.

“So uh...what brings you two here?” I ask as I tightly grip Celestia’s arm and attempt to move it but I always forget the whole fuck you I'm an alicorn thing.

“Oh we just wanted to check on you..” Celestia says rubbing her hand across my abs. I get a twitchy brow and I start to pinch Celestia’s arm. Instead of letting me go her grip tightened making me shiver even more.

LET ME GO DAMMIT!! I scream in my head slowly turning to glare at Celestia. She just looks down with that sexy smirk of hers. What happened next will most likely scar me for life.

“No Derrick…” I hear Tia's voice ring in my head. At that point I turn completely pale and my pupils are so small that they were practically nonexistent.

‘Uh….you heard that right?’

NO SHIT!

“Oh who is this?” She says in my head.

‘She can hear us! No...sudden...thoughts’

…

…

…

You know I would be enjoying this if she wasn't marehandling me in front of my best friend…

‘YOU HAD ONE JOB! ONE JOB DAMMIT’

“I think you're forgetting something auntie..” Cadence says calmly. I'm surprised she's not the one rubbing on me right now, what the hell is up with these two-” I stutter for a moment as Tia pulls me tighter for a moment. “FOUR MELONS AHOYYYYYYY OWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!”

“Oh right…” Celestia says, suddenly letting me go. I take a large step away and let out a sigh of relief. Austin just simply shakes his head and continues what he's doing. Cadence appears to be hiding something behind her back.

“Alright, what happened?” I ask folding my arms and raising my brow.

“Well...ya see…” cadence starts to say.

“Twilight damaged one of your devices…” Celestia says bluntly. I blink in suprise and slowly lower my arms.

“Uh...which one?” I ask nervously.

I swear to god if it's the Xbox I'm gonna flip a shi-

“Your tablet…” Cadence says as she moves it from behind her back and shows me. The screen looks completely and utterly shattered.

‘Probably should have invested in a otterbox case..’

I see that…

“Is that your subconscious speaking?”

GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HEAD TIA!

Tia covers her mouth with her hand and starts to quietly giggle to herself. I roll my eyes and walk toward Cadence. She holds the tablet out to me and shrinks slightly.

“Welp this thing is fucked…” I say, turning it in my hands carefully.

“You're not mad right?” Cadence asks sheepishly.

“Eh, I've been meaning to replace this old thing anyways. I can probably do that today when I'm at the mall.” I say.

“Do you mind? Lemme see that…” Austin says, standing up and holding his hand out. I shrug and give it to him, he pushes the powerbutton the startup logo appears on screen. “Eh, It’s only a broken touch sensor... I could just fix this you know...it would be a lot cheaper..” Austin suggests.

“Nah.”

“Mate, just because you have plenty of money to spare doesn't mean you have to blow it all… Way we were trained in the marines is if it still works; even slightly use it till it doesnt...” Austin says with a deapan look.

“You can fix it if ya want, but I'm getting a new one anyway…” I say.

“Whatever bro… I’ll fix it up and change the ROM.” Austin says shaking his head and setting the tablet down on top of his workbench.

“You're planning to go to the mall?” Cadence asks.

“Yeah…” I say with a flat brow.

“Can I come?” She asks next, forcing a sigh out of me.

“No…” I grumble. the face Cadence gives me next makes me feel like I nuked every single cute and cuddly creature on this planet… one nuke per animal.

“Please?” she asks me her eyes slowly starting to water. come on DJ… you can do this...you just have to BE STRONG ARMY STRONG, oh… wait; Shit! Nevermind… All ya gotta do is just tell her there is no way in the firey depths of hell that she is NOT going to the mall with you!

…

Wait that doesn't seem right…

‘you fuckin pussy, seriously… You motherfucking pussy… you cheap ass h-’

I GET IT ALREADY AND HOW CAN I NOT SAY NO TO THAT FACE! LOOK AT IT!

“Sure why not... “ I say with a sigh. I feel a set of arms wrap around my waist tightly and suprisingly they did not belong to the pink menace but to princess sunspot herself. She snatches me up in a hug which put my face in the perfect position to-NOSE BLEED!

“May I accompany you as well derrick?” Tia asks in a musical tone.

“Y...you can do whatever you want princess…~” I mumble as I start to get a stupid grin on my face as I feel drops of blood flow from my nose.

“Oh, For fucks sake I'm.Right.Fucking.Here.Dude!” Austin flares his arms in the air to no avail. “HEY YOU’RE BLEEDING ON MY GARAGE FLOOR!” Austin snaps.

“Maybe we should get going…” Cadence suggests.

“Indeed…” Celestia says, letting go of me making something amazing slide past my lip. I stand there in a trance as a stream of blood slides down my chin and to the floor.

“Oh come on man! Really...?” Austin complains, pointing at the pool of blood on the floor. Cadence sighs and starts to walk out followed by Tia...and my ey-LOOK AT THEM CHEEKS, SWIGGITY SWOOTY COMIN FOR THAT BOOTAY!

“DJ…”

“...”

“DJ!”

“...”

“HEY!!! HORNDOG!” Austin shouts in my ear making me jump.

“Finally… welcome back from magical pixie land...” Austin says with a bone melting scowl.

“What happened? “ I ask cluelessly.

“You’re a perv... That's what happened. I swear if you don't stop eyeballing the goods you'll be bleeding to death on my damn floor.” Austin quips.

“Ah fuck off…” I grumble as I locate a box of tissues and clean the mess on my lip and the floor.

“DJ…” he looks at me briefly for a moment. “We’ve been over this before...You know I dont swing that way…, now then joking aside, before you run off with them and get your wallet murdered, what did ya do with my toolbox?” Austin asks raising a brow.

“The wha?” i ask with a flatbrow.

“You heard me…I need my toolbox which has my torque wrench and keybolt for my bike.” Austin says getting that look of annoyance every time I do something stupid. I start to slowly walk out of his garage and I feel his irisis burning into the back of my head.

“It’s uh...in my garage...somewhere…” I say with a nervous smile.

“Somewhere… Please tell me you didnt lose it; did you?” he asks his eye twitching slightly.

“Well ya see...”

“Dont even start with that shit!” Austin says firmly.

“Look I just havent seen it in a while” I admit, he sighs and slowly brings his hand to his face before sighing aloud.

“Whatever, just leave your garage open and go, I’ll find it myself...” Austin says.

“Ok captain!” I say with a smirk.

“Not a captain, and dont forget your box of magnum condoms mate...”

“Oh my god…”I grumble, I hear Austin laughing from his garage and I roll my eyes.

“AND A SHIRT!” I hear him call out next.

“THANKS MOTHER!” I shout back.

“YOUR WELCOME JOHNNY!” Austin shouts at the top of his lungs, I pick up the pace and continue to walk down the block to my house. I open my front door and duck to avoid a pair of Tia arms attempting to snatch me into another hug.

“Are we going now ?” Cadence asks.

“Yeah just let me get a shirt…” I say as I run up the stairs. Tia makes a pouting sound as I go into my room and quickly select a shirt. I also slip on one of my thin hoddies incase mother nature decides to be bipolar later. Making sure I have my keys, wallet, and a pair of shades I pause on the last step when I see Luna poke her head out of her room. We give each other blank stares as I calmly walk away like I never saw her; quietly I open my front door and walk out.

I close the door and lock it behind me, then walk over to the driver side of my car. I reach my hand out to open my door but a weird grunting sound makes me stop. I look at the passenger side to see Tia and Cadence wrestling for the front seat.

“I called it!” Cadence whines.

“That may be so but, I declared the front seat territory long before you stepped hoof in this vehicle!” Tia says back. I adopt an emotionless look as I fish a quarter from my wallet, promptly I tap the roof of my car getting the girls attention while holding the coin between my index finger and thumb. The girls stop and watch me curiously as I roll thr coin over my knuckle flawlessly and lay it flat on my thumb; pausing for effect I suddenly flip the coin and slap it on my palm. I move my hand and see that the coin landed on heads.

“Cadence, sit up front. Tia, get in the back.” I say simply before putting it back into my wallet.

“HA!” Cadence shouts triumphantly as she squeezes into the seat leaving Tia standing there with her mouth agape.

“That's not fair…” Celestia says with a frown as she looks down at me, her wings twitching at her sides. I say nothing, I just stand with my arms folded giving her a firm glare. At first she just glares back at me but her look soon collapses, she starts to get a nervous grin as her ears fall flat.

“Now tia…” I say calmly. She sighs in defeat and I open the back door for her to step in, she does so quietly. I walk around the car and open my door and quickly slip inside, closing it behind me. When I'm inside I see Cadence blowing raspberries at Tia who sits with her arms folded.

“Nyaaaa!” Cadence teases.

“Cadence…” I say calmly.

“Hm?” She pauses.

“Keep rubbing salt in the wound, and soon enough you'll find your candy ass will be right beside her… Permanetly.” I Say. She raises her hoof to protest but stops midway when she sees my stern look she shrinks in her seat. I take a deep breath and put the key in the ignition.

‘wow…’

What?

‘You should do that more often! I'm impressed!’

At this rate, its like trying to bail the ocean; I give it five minutes before they start their shit again… I just hope my remaining shreds of sanity will be intact by the time we get back- at least enough to where Austin won't notice…

I start the engine and pull out of my driveway when I see Austin casually walking toward my house I remember to press the button on the garage opener, I see my garage start opening I give him a thumbs up before I start heading down the street. I glance at Cadence and she's red in the face trying not to make eye contact with me a bubbly smile on her face, I look back at Tia has the same look as Cadence.

Huh....

This is going to be a weird day at the mall…

…Austin’s P.o.V...

I wave to Derrick as he drives off toward the mall. I have a slight grin on my face when I think about the chaos that is going to ensue at that mall. Dealing with those two seems like a headache. Speaking of those girls…

“Rest in peace ya’ poor S.O.B…”

‘I swear… The more I begin to think about what DJ said and how he met these girls the more concerned I become; how and when did you meet them DJ..? Where are they from, aint no place I’ve been deployed has women that perfect… More importantly, why is Derrick even letting them stay at his place…’

The last time I’d come back Derrick was having serious financial difficulties from which he needed assistance from me for a while… due to rather unforeseen- obscene events with his ex that changed him forever. I sigh aloud.

“So many questions; So little time to process them.”

“Eh… perhaps I am just overthinking things again…” I pause for a moment. “There’s nothing wrong with opening his home to a “friend”... And her sister... and her niece… And another fri- Yeah ok-; Yeaaahh No matter how I’m putting this, this sounds fishy as fuck… there’s no denying that.”

Something’s not right here; I’m getting a weird gut feeling about this crap, but what could it be, perhaps they are blackmailing him, nah… DJ isn’t that kind of guy… GAH WHAT COULD IT BE!? Shaking it off and recollecting my thoughts I walk up Derrick's driveway my thoughts slowly drifted to yet another thing I’m suspicious about… That Celestia chick seemed awfully attached to DJ, in a way that seems to encourage my thoughts about possible blackmail. Nah… That’d never happen, in fact Celestia made it pretty obvious that she’s into him… Her body language was flawlessly giving it away, albeit DJ is oblivious as hell, as per usual- I wonder if they’re dating… then again, oblivious DJ… Scratch that.

Once again, yet another dilemma that doesn’t link up with the situation, DJ hasn’t exactly been in the dating scene for a while, that and he acts like he doesn't even want to be in the same room as her, which I find oddly strange considering how attractive she is. She seemed pretty fun to be around too, if yesterday was any indication; and then of course there was that one thing... DJ’s WEAKNESS per say.

His weakness is a nice pair of melons and boy howdy does Celestia have a nice pair of those in stock. He was practically eating out of her palms earlier! Although my time in the Marine corps got me front seat access to a few fly by flashes, I do appreciate a nice set at times, Although, I’m more of an ass man.. Which Celestia also has…

Shaking my head to shake my focus back to finding the toolbox; looking around at first glance at the nearly barren shelves there’s no obvious sign of it which warrants me to search further into the garage. Pushing DJ’s weight set out of the way of some shelves, my thoughts once again drifted to the girls he’s taken in…

I have to simply admit they all have nice set(s) with cute faces and asses galore to boot but I still can’t help but wonder how the others he's seen less of as of late, Twilight and Luna seem like they behave and respect his rules, well... minus the instant vasectomy DJ received earlier from Luna. Hmmm, Luna seems like the strong silent type, I continue to think about it as I hear the door creak open I immediately freeze; slowly I turn my head to see that Luna has opened the door.

“G...greetings.” She says nervously, blinking in slight surprise I wave slowly before smiling and continuing my epic quest for my torque wrench within a sacred red toolbox… that has been missing for … 6 months... Luna slowly steps out from the doorway and walks next to me and tilts her head slightly.

“What art thou doing?” She asks me I stop instantaneously, looking up to her with a completely confused look. Luna’s eyes widen slightly and she cringes. “We- I mean, What are you doing?” she quickly corrects herself. Seeing no alternate way of going around this awkward situation, I blink a few times while coughing into my fist to clear my throat.

“Just… uh… Searching for my lost toolbox… DJ said it was in here somewhere...” I grunt while pushing a shelf out of the way before pausing again. “Then again considering this is DJ we’re talking about… It’s likely to be anywhere from this very room, to the dark side of the damn moon.” Luna raises a hand to her face and giggles.

“That is true… he does not seem to be the organized type...” Luna says as she casually sits beside me.

“Honestly, I doubt that word even exists in his vocabulary…” I quip with a wide grin. Luna starts to get into another fit of laughter as I sigh aloud. “Well shit, I don’t see it…maybe it’s in the house for some ungodly reason…” I say with a rather annoyed tone.

“I could assist you in your search...” Luna offers. I think about it for brief moment before saying the figurative ‘Fuck it’ I offer my hand to help her to her feet; she takes it happily before turning a bright shade of red… Well then I definitely know where she stands on the food chain…

“Nah… I think I’ll just wait until DJ comes back.” I say before dropping my arms and turning on my heel to walk out of the garage.

“Where art thou going?!” Luna blurts making me stop dead in my tracks, I turn around to face her once more, I believe I now have the worlds most confused expression on my face, I flatten my brow, she flashes a sheepish smile. “What I meant to say where are you going?” She corrects herself, I stand there, blinking silently for a few moments before pointing my thumb back towards to my place.

“You… talk weird; and I’m heading home...” I say sheepishly before folding my arms once more. “Is there something you need?” I tilt my head curiously

“Actually…” Luna starts to say, looking back to the garage door and rubbing her chin. “I could use your help with something.” She says, opening the garage door and going back into the house. Sighing aloud I drop my arms and begin to follow after Luna; that is, before I almost ran my head into the doorway, being tall sucks... what can I say.

“With what exa-” I ask; as my foot loudly collides with something metal, instinctively I would’ve sucked it up but the other side of me said this.

“HOLY FUCK JESUS CRIST THAT HURTS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER.”

I cringe before reaching down to my foot, I stop before I touch it to look straight at my big red tool box, my eye starts to twitch. Luna stops and turns to me.

“Is something wrong?” she asks.

“Right here…”

“Wha?”

“Are you kidding me right now, seriously?” My eye twitches wildly.

“I don’t...follow...” Luna has a concerned look on her face.

“FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY IS IT-” My voice increases in volume as I begin to shout I stop short, instead I facepalm and pinch my nose. I inhale slowly and turn to Luna whose eyes are now pinpricks. “Sorry about that...but this is just… ugh. What exactly did you need help with?” I ask in the calmest voice possible all the while sighing loudly, Luna enters the living room with me in tow and stops in front of the TV.

“I want to play the Xbox instead of the Wii-U but I don’t know how to set it up...” Luna says pointing at the blank TV screen.

‘Oh how cliché, a girl who doesnt know how to fix technology… Joy...’

“Hmm...” I walk over to the TV and lean my head to the wall pressing it so I can get a clear view behind it to look at the cables running into it, I pull myself away from the wall and begin rubbing my chin. “Ah, this is a simple switch, just swap the HDMI cords from the Wii to the Xbox.” I mumble quickly before going to work.

“HDM, whatsit now???” Luna says, her head tilting in utter confusion.

“Just a sec…” I begin to twist the TV’s on its stand allowing me full access to the cords in the back, a quick swap of the cable outputs from the Wii and the Xbox followed by a switch of the audio jack connections, in a matter of minutes I’m done. “All done and ready to rock.” I say with a confident smile, admiring my handy work.

“HUZZA!” Luna exclaims before immediately covering her mouth with a weak yipe. I’m taken aback slightly as I turn to Luna with slightly wide eyes.

“Jesus calm your tits…” I say making Luna giggle. Luna picks the controller up and uses it to turn the TV on.

“DJ was telling me that you were quite skilled in this…” Luna says as the GTAV loading screen spins as the loading screen snapshots roll by slowly. “Could you give me some… Pointers?” Luna asks. I cannot help but scoff slightly before shaking my head.

“Unfortunately, no; Consoles were never really my thing, I was more of a desktop gamer.” I say with a semi-proud smile. Luna gives me a puzzled look and squints some.

“So you don’t use this to play?” Luna asks, pointing at the TV.

“Nah, they stopped updating content on that particular console-; oh.” I realize That’s the style of the Xbox isn’t curvy like the 360. “Uh, belay that, That’s one of those newer Xbox’s, heh stupid me. ” I reply with a sheepish smile. “You know… Now that I think about it, I loaned my laptop to DJ...” He adds as he looks around. “You wouldn’t mind helping me search for it would ya’? I kinda want to login and play now..” I say with a slight smirk.

“Can I watch you play?” Luna asks.

“Sure, I don’t see why not.” I watch as Luna jumps up and down with a whole lot of excitement. When she smiles she makes that “squee” sound, my jaw drops slightly and for the umpteenth time I end up blinking in an emotionless glare. I look around with a combination of confusion and worry. “Uh...did you hear that or is my hearing going- or am I going cra-” I start to ask-.

“HUZZA!” Luna exclaims again, catching me off guard again. I sigh.

“Where did you find these girls DJ...” I mumble to myself as Luna catches me off guard and runs over to me and LITERALLY dragging me by my arm.

“LET US BEGIN THE SEARCH!” Luna declares loudly.

“OW! OW, OW, OW, OW!!! I am in desperate need of a drink!” I exclaim in pain before being forcibly dragged away on an adventure to find my laptop…

Author's Notes:

HI GUYS/GALS! Sorry I kinda’ fell off the face of Earth. No really, it was insane what I (WE- Fusion) had to do to get back-AHEM anyways…
I said that chapter 10 was going to be the last chapter I’d released before I started writing/releasing some of my other projects including my OC’s story and the Misadventures of DJ rewrite (which I might rename.) as well as some other things. But of course this happened albeit very late this chapter happened.
So for real this time, next thing I release will probably be the things I listed above or something completely new (HE’S SERIOUS GUYS! – Fusion). That doesn’t mean I’m stopping this of course. (I won’t allow it. – Fusion)
the reason this one took so long is a combination of my life things(work), my editors life things(harder work), my maybe playing video games instead of writing, and me writing a BUNCH of other stuff in the background simultaneously. I mean seriously… combined… I’ve written a lot of shit. Hell, I paused in the middle of writing something just to write this note! (Hey bro, it was a nice thing to do for the readers! – Fusion)
Besides the Misadventures rewrite and my OC’s story,( Which I have at least 2/4 solid chapters for...EACH) I have my rule 63 one shot story that I’m going try to finish. On top of that I’ve been playing around with the idea of a sonic crossover but after at least 5 different concepts, I’m just not sure about that...let alone if anyone would even want to read that shit (mostly that - Nos). I also started writing down some of the ideas that I’ve had floating in my head for a while, some of which go somewhere and some just go *fart noise*. Long story short… if I release some shit out of the blue… then this is why. I don’t want to go into too much detail with my side stuff because I’d hate to get someone excited for something that i just end up dropping.
Oh right...and there is that other thing that might happen soon. I’m supposed to be joining the Military so I will likely disappear from the writing scene for quite a while... It all just depends on what happens after basic but for now I plan to continue when I return to land the interwebs. (GOD SPEED MATE! – Fusion)

I swear, I never know what to write here but then I end up with a wall of text. I suppose y’all deserved some sort of explanation after all this while...then again… ya’ probably just forgot about me anyway :p I’m not keeping my side stories exactly classified, feel free to ask if ya’ want but for now, until next time.

Oh and a HUGE shout out to my editor on this one. I thought this shit was funny before but, as per usual he came and bumped the comedy up to 11! References everywhere! Can you catch them all?
Fusions side note of a side note: I’m always watching you… Everywhere.