Raptor-tastic
Chapter 6: Paul has a perfectly rational fear of having his skin eaten off
Previous Chapter Next ChapterAuthors Note: I don't know why, but the only time I end up typing this is at 8 in the morning after I didn't sleep at night... That might explain why this is so bad.
-----------
Paul continued to stare at the clock for a few seconds. "I didn't even know they had clocks here." He said to himself looking crazier than ever. Give the guy a break, his best friend in the whole universe just died!
After thinking about the clock for a few moments he decided he'd better get going to Pinkie Pie's party that she was throwing for him. Supposedly it was in the middle of town. Although Paul had hardly seen any of the town, (since he had only ever walked between the library and the forest before) he knew he was at least smart enough to figure out where the town square is. With that he promptly left through the door as is the custom in most societies. After all, that's what doors are there for.
As soon as he walked outside he knew there was something wrong. Something was so so very wrong... There were ponies everywhere! Paul looked around and saw hundreds- neigh (hehe), thousands of ponies of all different colors. They've come for me! The little bastards have finally come for me! The others must have told someone that I was an alien and now they are here to dissect me and eat my flesh!
Paul started hyperventilating and lowered to the ground. He was dead for sure this time! NO! I'm not going to let these ponies eat my skin, not without a fight!!! With his newfound resolve Paul stood up tall with his fists up ready to battle a horde of ponies.
He stood there for a moment before he noticed that none of the ponies were interested in him. in fact, they were walking past him towards what he could only assume was the center of town. Well, they haven't tried to eat my beautiful skin yet, but why are they here then? Paul decided he would get more answers if he followed where they were walking to, so he did. That is, until he came to a giant crowd of ponies.
"Mother of God...." Said Paul as he pulled down his imaginary sunglasses. There were so many ponies...
Then, out of nowhere, Pinkie Pie popped out of the crowd. "There you are!" She then grabbed his claw with her hoof and started pulling him through the crowd.
"Well, my dad is a rock farmer an-".
"I was kidding about that one." Interrupted Paul. "Anyways, why is there an army of ponies assembled here? This town can't have more than like a thousand ponies living in it at most."
"They're here for the party of course!" Said Pinkie Pie ecstatically.
Paul stared at her for a second before asking, "Why are there so many ponies though?"
"I told you I was going to invite everypony, and nopony wants to miss out on a Pinkie Pie party!"
"Wait, so you literally invited every single pony?" Asked Paul skeptically.
"Well, everypony except Celestia. She's far too busy to come to a silly old party."
Meanwhile in Canterlot
Celestia wandered around her castle alone. There weren't even any guards around right now for some reason. Perhaps Luna let them have some time off. "Sister!" She called towards Luna's room, "Did you dismiss the guards?" There was no response so Celestia trotted over and opened the door to her sister's bedroom with a hoof. "Sister?"
But Luna was nowhere to be seen. That was strange, she didn't leave her room a lot because she had no friends ever since that moon incident. Now that she thought about it, maybe Luna was still mad about being trapped there alone with no air for a thousand years. "Naw, she wouldn't be mad about something silly like that." Celestia had a bad habit of talking to herself since she has no real friends or anyone to talk to.
Perhaps Luna went down to get some food. Thought Celestia, Yes, that must be where everypony is, getting food! Perhaps she could join them and find somepony to talk to, even if it was just her sister. When she got to the dining hall she was surprised to find nopony there. Not even the janitors or cooks. Now things were just strange, where could everypony have possibly gone?
She pushed her glasses up and continued searching the castle for any sign of her servants or sister. Yes, she wears glasses, Celesia's eye sight is awful from staring at the sun so much. She just normally wears contacts, except she lost one of them that morning so she was wearing the glasses until she got new contacts. No big deal, she wasn't planning on leaving the castle so no one important would see her with glasses. Well, she wasn't planning on it, until she had finished searching the entire castle. She hadn't found a single pony.
"Where did all the ponies go?!" Celestia asked herself somewhat worried. Perhaps there are ponies in town!
She then proceeded to go out into Canterlot where she was sure to find plenty of her subjects. What she found instead was a ghost town. Not a single pony was out on the streets and every store was closed. She searched around for a few minutes before laying down on the cobblestone street, "Where could they all have possibly gone?"
Am I the only pony left? She thought to herself, No... No nonono... I can't be all alone! I can't. Who will I rule over? Is there even any point to being alive if I'm not the princess anymore? What will I possibly do?! Then she realized that she still had her books. Her books would always love her! She then ran back to the castle and into the library. to see her beautiful books. Now she had all the time in the world to read them all.
She stumbled over to the closest bookcase and read some of the books' spines. "Collected works of Dickens. Collected works of George Bernard Shaw. Poems by Browning, Shelly, Keats!" She said as she passed by them. "Great dramas of the world! Books! Books! All the books I'll need, all the books, all the books I'll ever want!"
before long she had laid out piles of books that she would read. "February, march, april, may. This year, and the next year. And the year after, and the year after that, and the year after that!" She didn't even care that all of the ponies had vanished, she had her books to keep her company for all eternity!
She turned to pick up one of the books when her glasses slipped off her face and hit the hardwood floor. She could hardly even see anything now. She reached down for her glasses with a hoof only to find that the lenses had both shattered from the impact.
"That's not fair... That's not fair at all..." Said Celestia as she started to cry.
(In case you didn't get the reference, it's from Twilight Zone.)
Now back in Ponyville
"Literally EVERY single pony?" Asked Paul.
"Yeppers, I invited every single one." Responded Pinkie Pie excitedly.
"And how many ponies are there exactly?" Paul asked. He was starting to get scared, there could be billions of ponies!
Pinkie rubbed a hoof on her chin and looked deep in thought as she pondered that question. "Like, three-hundred thousand."
Paul was about to sigh in relief when he realized that that is still a huge amount. "And you invited ALL of them?" Asked Paul somewhat skeptical now.
"Well duh, they didn't invite themselves silly!"
"Alright, but how did you possibly invite that many ponies to this party? It's been like two days since you decided you were going to throw it to start with."
Pinkie leaned in really close and whispered in Paul's ear hole. "Magic!"
Paul just about slapped his face at that answer. He hated the concept of magic, of course he wouldn't be surprised if that's how she did it at this point. Besides, there were definitely thousands of ponies here, perhaps she had invited every single pony. "So where are we going?"
Pinkie grabbed his claw again and started pulling him through the sea on ponies. "Well to the stage of course! Where else would we go? I have to introduce you to everypony. This is YOUR party after all."
Paul just sighed, he had agreed to having a party so there was no worming his way out of this now. Hopefully my skin doesn't look too tasty in the stage's lighting. I don't want those ponies getting any ideas.
After pushing through the crowd for a few minutes they finally got to a big wooden stage that was seemingly built just for this occasion. It was covered in lights and speakers and it even looked like there was a table set up for a DJ. Pinkie pulled him up some small stairs built into the stage and over to a microphone. All of the ponies around stopped their conversations and turned to look at the pair on stage.
"Hey party ponies! Are you ready to get this thing started?" Pinkie yelled into the mic. She was met by a huge cheer from the crowd. "Alright, let me introduce to you, PAUL!" She then slid the mic across the stage somehow so it was now standing in front of him.
SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! Yelled Paul in his head. he hadn't even though of what he would possibly say. Now there were at a hundred thousand ponies starring at him. After a few seconds Paul cleared his throat and finally decided to say something. "Umm, hey. I'm Paul. Ugh... I'm a sex raptor." He had no idea what to possibly say at this point. He looked out at the sea of ponies filling every available street and was met with blank stairs and a cough from some random pony in the audience. This was extremely awkward.
Then some pony out in the crowd got the bright idea to start chanting. "Speech! Speech! Speech!" Before long every pony joined in and started yelling for him to give a speech. He'd have to find out who had started that chant and hurt them later.
Paul was not prepared for this, not even a little! He couldn't give a speech, he didn't even know what to give a speech on. Maybe he could just quote the speech from 'Independence Day', No, that would never work, the ponies weren't even getting attacked by aliens.
Besides, I've already stolen lines from one thing this chapter...
Even with his hesitation, the chanting just grew louder. The ponies really wanted a speech at this point. Then Paul got a brilliant idea, perhaps he couldn't give a speech, but he could entertain them some other way. This plan was flawless. "Hey hey ponies! So ugh, I'm not very good with speeches and I didn't prepare anything. So how about I just tell you a funny story instead?" Paul didn't wait for a response from the crowd before he continued with his 'funny story'.
"So I was in the thick jungles of space south america armed with nothing but a machete and half a pack of chewing gum. I was also completely alone because the rest of my group had been devoured by thousands of mosquitos. Now I don't mind being alone most of the time, I'm kinda' a lone wolf, but when I heard a loud noise to my right I wished they were still there. It sounded somewhat reminiscent of a golden retriever trying to give birth to a full grown space African white rhino. I knew exactly what that sound was, it was the mating call of the male lobster scorpion. They are one of the most viscous creatures in all of space south america! Before I had time to run the thing burst out of the foliage a few feet away and locked its big black eyes on me. The thing looked pissed to say the least, it turns out I was on its land and it wasn't too happy about that. Apparently they mark their territory with urine much like white-crested grizzledons. Anyways, before I had time to think it slapped me across the face with one of its raptor head claws. So i was like 'Girrrrl. I know you dint' just slap me like dat!' as I waved a finger with all the sass of a teenage girl on sass day."
The story went on for several more minutes before Paul finally wrapped it up.
"Wait it gets better! When the patient woke up, his skeleton was missing and the doctor was never seen from again! Anyways, that's how I lost my medical license." Said Paul. The ponies clearly weren't impressed with his story and he was met with nothing but blank stares and the sound of a cricket somewhere. "Tuff crowd..." He said before handing the mic back to Pinkie.
She rolled her eyes before screaming, "It's party time!" As soon as she said that a white unicorn with a blue mane and cool purple sunglasses showed up and put a record on the DJ table. Suddenly there was music and all the ponies cheered and started dancing while Paul was led off stage by Pinkie.
"Cool story bro." Said Pinkie.
"I thought it was pretty good." Said Paul with a shrug.
-----------------
Alright, i'll wrap the chapter up there. Lol if you didn't get the 'meet the medic' quote than you should go watch it before you continue with your life.
I could have called this chapter a lot of things... But I liked that one.
Here's a picture that I drew of Robocop protecting a mouse from a lobster scorpion with his trusty combat knife...