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Raptor-tastic

by Good Christian Ethesto

Chapter 41: C-c-c-combo breaker!

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Captains log: Don't judge me...
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Chrysalis looked between me and queen Hentai several times with a confused expression on her face. "Really, what's going on here?" She focused back on me. "And who the heck are you?!"

I could just answer her question normally, but where's the fun in that? Now I can test out my l337 rap skills. After all, they don't call me a 'rap'tor for nothing. "Who am I? For real? You really should know! After all, I'm the mane character of this show. You better grab some popcorn and take a seat, 'cuz what I'm about to say is real neat. I know my rhymes are cool and I don't mean to offend, but please save your applause until the end. First off, I'm the sexiest raptor that you'll ever see. It's a fact that everyone else is jealous of me. I'm a super good dancer, I got skill to spare. I only wish I had some long, blonde hair. I killed a spider once, it was real scary. It had guns on its back and its legs were hairy. I have a lot of friends, not big surprise. I even stabbed a dragon in both of its eyes. I gotta take a pee, but it doesn't matter. Steve can finish the verse while I empty my bladder!" I ran into the other room and Steve sat there confused for a few seconds before he began.

"My name is Steve and I'm a robot now. If you really want to know I'll tell you how- I became a robot, it's a cool story. I guess I'll tell ya'll that since Paul has to pee. I used to be a fish, to be exact a trout. It was a normal day and I was just swimmin' about. Then some necromancer came around and caught me, and turned me into a fish zombie. Then he left me there, all alone on dry land. I had nothing to do so it was really bland. Then Paul came along, and used me as a sword. Finally that killed me, thank the fish lord. Next thing I knew I was a robot unicorn. I had a shiny, rainbow mane and a long, silver horn. That's about it, is Paul back yet? Oh well I'll just put demonic conch on, don't fret."

"My names Demonic Conch and my rhymes are supreme. You probly couldn't beat me even in your own dreams. I walk around town wearing a pimp hat. I got some nasty cuts when I jizzed on a cat. My balls are so big they drag on the floor. They have a lot of scars from getting caught in the door. I'm a master mind fucker I do it like I get paid. Don't mess with me or I'll turn your brain into lemon-aid. Pauls back now, and that's all I have to say. I'll hand it off to him because he is gay."

"Those rhymes were in bad taste and I'm as straight as can be. I'm so classy I do bitches while I'm drinking tea. I punched a shark right in the face one time. Being as awesome as me, should be a crime. Baby geniuses was the movie that I liked the least. I'm a big huge troll so on your tears I feast. Nicholas Cage is a really bad actor. I'd like to run him over with my John Deere tractor. I smoke catnip erry day and I started a building on fire. I'm the new pony lord Celestia can retire. Elements of harmony? More like 'elements of lame'. You think I'm joking? You think this is a mother bucking game? It's not, I'll tell ya', so don't be sore. I pick up every babe in town on my manticore."

"I'm a demon lord, bitches, that means I'm the best. While you're asleep I'll burn a bag of poop of your chest. I don't like mortals, not even a bit. They can all die, I don't give a shit. I punch orphaned children in my spare time, and when I see a beggar I don't spare a dime. In the movie, Im the one that shot Bambie's mom. I convinced president Truman to drop the atom bomb. I hit dogs all the time with my car, I'm serious. I hit a golden retriever one time and it was hilarious. I may be a conch but I'm still king of the hill. Don't mess, If my rhymes don't kill you, I will."

"I'm back on the mic and I won't be long. I didn't intend for this to turn into a full song. But it don't matter, I did this all for the lawlz. My name is Paul and you can suck on my balls!"

Admittedly, that rap nonsense got a little carried away, but she asked who I was and I more or less told her. The bug pony, for her part, just stared at me like I'm a weirdo or something. She really hasn't made a very good first impression. First she barges in through a window, then she starts interrogating us with her questions without even introducing herself? Who does that? I mean really? That's just rude.

After a while she turned and looked at queen Hentai as if she was hoping to get an explanation as to what just happened. Hentai just smirked at her, so she turned back to me. Finally she said something. "Wha-what?"

I nearly face-clawed. There is no way in hell I'm repeating that...

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So yeah... That got a little out of hand. I was intending to make that maybe one paragraph long, then suddenly 800 words of it. I blame my friends... Recently, while playing games, we start typing everything in rhymes for no real reason other than that it's funny and after a few hours I start to think in rhyme. It's kinda ironic that I don't even like rap music, yet I just typed this chapter... Oh well, I hope you enjoyed it. I think maybe I should put the keyboard down for a little while...

Next Chapter: Paul makes puns Estimated time remaining: 3 Hours
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Raptor-tastic

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