Authors Note: Wooooo it's typin tyme!
-----------

When Paul got back to the library everything went better than expected. Mainly because Twilight was asleep so she couldn't interrogate them on why they were completely covered in blood. He just assumed she tired herself out from the fit of rage she no doubt experienced after she found out he reorganized the library. Either way, they were able to wash themselves off so now she would never know. By this point it was getting dark and Spike went to get some sleep leaving Paul alone to sleep on his mattress.

Paul wasn't going to sleep though, sleep is for idiot heads. Besides, he was hungry and now that all of the ponies were going to bed he could go out and get himself a proper meal. He briefly wondered whether or not the ponies would even care if he ate meat, they never said anything about it. Whatever, he would just go out into the forest and rustle him up some grub.

"Hoo!" Came a noise from outside the window.

Paul looked out the window to see a big brown owl flying around outside of the library.

"Hoo! Hoo!"

Now it was just being annoying. Then Paul got an amazing idea, why go out to get food when there was food here? Of course, now he had to catch it. That would hardly be a problem for someone as skilled in all things as Paul.

He quickly snuck out the door making sure to make as little noise as possible so the owl wouldn't know he was coming. Once he was out he climbed into a bush that was growing next to the library tree. The owl had perched itself on a branch next to one of the windows. Perfect, from his position Paul had a good vantage point on the owl and it didn't seem to have noticed him there. Now he just needed to take the shot.

Luckily, Paul is really good aim. After a few seconds of checking the wind speed to make sure he would hit it, he fired an economy laser out of his mouth and hit the owl dead on. It wasn't a very powerful laser but it was enough to kill the owl causing it to fall to the ground in a heap of feathers.

"Thanks for standin' still!"

Yes! Paul would eat like a king tonight! The laser may have cooked the corpse slightly, but Paul wasn't about to eat such a glorious meal without cooking it properly. He simply went inside, scraped off all the feathers with his claws, and tossed it into the oven.

Cooking is easy. Thought Paul.

It only took about an hour till it was finished and he was able to enjoy his meal. There wasn't a whole lot of meat on it, but Paul wasn't picky. Now that he was satisfied he cleaned up and disposed of all the feathers and bones in a hole that he dug in the backyard, no one would ever know.

Ok..... Now what? Paul realized at this point that he now had nothing to do. Even after catching and cooking some food it was still early in the night. He could just sleep, but where's the fun in that? He had a lot of hobbies, but most of those had to do with controversial genetic experiments or building super weapons. Perhaps he shouldn't do those while he was living there.

After thinking about it a little bit, Paul decided to just go for a walk, maybe something interesting would happen.

Then something really interesting happened, unfortunately it's not going to be featured in this story. You'll just have to use your imagination.

Paul got home early in the morning before anyone would wake up. He was in the mood for waffles (as always) and decided to make some using Twilight's kitchen. It didn't take him long, as Paul clearly stated before 'cooking is easy'. He had just finished making a batch of them when he heard some footsteps coming down the stairs. No... Not footsteps, it sounded more like a horse. Or, not a horse, more like a small pony. Perhaps purple and with a horn. Then Purple guy walked into the room confirming that it was in fact a small purple pony with a horn.

"What are you doing?" Asked Twilight. She looked like she had just gotten out of bed, which she likely had, and her mane was all messed up.

"Just making some waffles."

Twilight's ears perked up after hearing this. Did he say... waffles? Twilight loved waffles, it was probably her favorite breakfast. "Ummm can I have some?" She briefly forgot how much she hated Paul.

"Sure." Paul stated while grabbing another plate and stacking several waffles onto it before setting it down on the table.

Twilight walked up and sniffed the waffles to make sure they were ok. Well, Paul was eating them, they probably weren't poisoned. But maybe he had built up an immunity to a type of poison so only she would die from it! No, that's just ridiculous. He's not trying to kill me. I'm just being paranoid. Despite her dislike for Paul she decided that waffles are worth death anyways so she took a bite. It was good, but a little dry. She looked up from her plate to see Paul handing her a bottle of syrup.

"You don't eat waffles without syrup..." Said Paul as though it was obvious.

She then levitated the bottle of syrup out of Paul's grasp causing him to jump back.

"Dafuq?! Now you have crazy mind powers?" Yelled Paul.

"Huh? You mean magic?"

"No, I'm talking about you using your witchcraft telekinesis to levitate that syrup!"

"First off, it's not witchcraft. Second, it IS magic, every unicorn can do it, that's why we're the master race." She said.

"Ok, so you're telling me that every unicorn can do magic?"

"Yes." Twilight stated bluntly.

"And this makes you superior to the other ponies?"

"Obviously."

"Then why haven't you enslaved or killed off the other races of ponies yet?" Asked Paul.

Twilight was somewhat confused by the question, why hadn't they done that? It would make sense. "Well, I guess it's because friendship is the most important thing in the world and part of being a good friend is overcoming your differences with others." Said Twilight satisfied with her answer.

"Woah, wait a second. So this is a super happy colorful world filled with super happy colorful mythical creatures and ruled by super happy mythical unicorn birds that, after being alive for thousands of years, want nothing more than to spread the idea of friendship?" Asked Paul. It was all starting to sink in.

Twilight didn't understand where this was going. "Umm, I guess so."

"And you can do 'magic'?" Asked Paul.

"Yes, every unicorn can, and even pegasus and earth ponies use magic unintentionally. In fact, everything runs on magic!" Said Twilight as though it was fact.

"Despite how stupid that sounds, I'm inclined to believe you only because I don't care enough to argue about it. But that's not what I'm getting at. Colorful talking ponies, perfectly ideal world with magic, terrible writing... Oh God! I'm in some kind of horrible fanfic aren't I?!" Shouted Paul.

"Ummm.... What?" Asked Twilight. This conversation was starting to sound very reminiscent of the ones she's had with Pinkie Pie.

"Oh, nothing. Don't worry about it, I'm sure that's not the case anyways." Paul looked around to make sure no one had noticed his outburst. "Anyways, how are you liking those waffles?"

He was obviously changing the subject, but Twilight didn't want to question him any more, he just seemed crazy."They're pretty good, where'd you learn to cook?" She asked more to start a conversation than to actually learn where he'd learned to cook.

"Cooking is easy, I'm lvl 99 and I have a skill cape and everything. No big deal. I learned to cook on the sun when I had to eat my children to survive." Said Paul.

"Here we go again with this sun nonsense, how could you possibly have lived on the sun? It's a big ball of fire!"

"Wait a second. You believe in magic, yet you can't believe that I lived on the sun?" Asked Paul through a mouthful of waffles.

"Well, at this point I'm pretty sure you're just making all of this up and you are actually just from another place outside of Equestria where we have never been before. Your story doesn't make any sense, how could anything possibly live on the sun?!"

"Well, you can believe whatever you like, I don't care. But the sun is only 10,000 degrees fahrenheit on the surface, I could live in twice that many degrees!"

Twilight wasn't buying that, 10,000 degrees was enough to melt just about anything. "Ok, prove it." Now she had him, he couldn't take that kind of heat, either he would have to back out making him look like an idiot, or he would kill himself. Yes! This was perfect!

"Alright, this doesn't sound like a poorly thought out plan to make me kill myself, so I'll prove it to you since I have nothing else to do." He walked over to the oven pulling out the metal trays inside to make it more roomy.

"What are you doing now?" Asked Twilight once again confused by his strange behavior.

"Well, I had no plans for today, so I'm going to sit in this oven. Go ahead and turn it on as high as you want, I don't care." With that he crawled into the oven.

Twilight was slightly confused as to what to do, it's like he wanted her to kill him. That oven could go up to over 500 degrees! There's no way he would survive, besides, he would run out of air after a little while. I suppose Pinkie will just have to go without her party. She'll be upset but she'll get over it. Besides, this is perfect, I can just say this was a cooking accident, technically he is the one who went into the oven. Besides, only my friends and I even know who he is, no one will care if he dies. Twilight wore a devilish grin as she closed the oven and set it to its highest temperature.

She was so happy, she just couldn't help it. "YES! YES!"

Then Spike walked in and ruined her amazing moment. "Jeez, I was trying to sleep but you kept making a ton of noise. What are you cooking? It smells good." He asked as he walked into the room and over to the oven. He opened it only to see Paul sitting there looking at him.

"Sup." Said Paul.

Spike simply closed the oven and walked over to the table grabbing some waffles for himself. "Do I even want to know what that's about?"

"Well... He ugh... Wanted to prove a point, he said that he could live in the oven or something even though it's like five hundred degrees. " She said awkwardly.

"And you didn't believe him? He's a dragon isn't he? I can literally swim in lava without being hurt at all..."

Twilight face hoofed, she completely forgot that dragons can live in such high temperatures. Paul is practically a dragon so five hundred degrees is nothing. She cried a little inside when she realized that he wasn't going to die. Oh well, maybe he would suffocate. Besides, she had things to do today so she left the table after finishing her waffles. Spike would clean up the mess, he only exists to serve her.

Seconds turned to minutes, minutes turned to hours, and hours turned to several hours. Twilight had finally finished all the stuff she needed to do and was heading back to home tree. It was just a bunch of stuff her friends needed her to do, no big deal. She got home and walked in the door to see Paul sitting in a chair reading a book.

He sat up when he heard her come in and he put the book down on the table while pulling off his reading glasses. "Now where have you been all day young lady?" He asked in a stern voice.

"Ummm, I was with my friends."

"And you didn't think to tell me that you were going out all day? I was worried sick! What if you got pony napped!" Asked Paul.

"What!? Why would that even happen?! Besides you aren't even my father!" She yelled.

"I thought we were past this. I may not be your real father, but I don't see him here now, do you?!"

"No.. I guess not."

"Exactly!" Said Paul satisfied that he had gotten his point across.

"Wait... What are we even talking about?" Asked Twilight.

"Honestly, I have no idea, I just went with it." Said Paul.

Then there was a very awkward silence as they both just stood there avoiding eye contact. It was awkward to the point where Twilight knew that she had to do something to keep it from going on any longer. "So... How was the oven?" She asked hoping to break the tension.

"Meh, it was boring. I tried reading some books but they just burst into flames after a while."

"What! You destroyed my books?!" She asked now angry at the prospect of her books being burnt.

"No, the oven did that. Maybe if someone hadn't told me to go into the oven in the first place they would still be alive today!" Said Paul.

"WHAT! Don't try to blame me, I'm not the one who put books in the oven!" Said Twilight.

"Well, either way, those books are gone now. No reason to cry over spilled books." Said Paul as he put his reading glasses on and started reading again as though nothing had happened.

Twilight just sighed, arguing with him was pointless. At least he didn't burn down the whole library... Then she remembered something. "Hey, did you see Owlicious last night? He's a brown owl that comes by sometimes to help around the library. I told him to come over last night but I ended up falling asleep after I cleaned up YOUR MESS."

Oooooh shit! It looks like that owl that Paul ate was Twilight's helper. It even had a name! He couldn't tell her that he killed it. Oh well, he disposed of the evidence, she would never know. "Oh, I heard some owl making noise outside but I just ignored it because I thought it was just a random bird. It flew away after a while." At least Paul was pretty good at lying.

"Oh, well I'll have to apologize to him." Said Twilight as she walked up the stairs to her room.

Yes! Crisis averted! Paul got up and did a fist pump. She would never suspect a thing, who would blame an innocent little sex raptor for something like that?

-----------
So yeah, no new chapters for like 6 days. I've been playing lots of Diaplo 3. Don't judge me, it's a good game and I don't regret wasting hours of my time playing it. Besides, no one cares if I don't update. So yeah, maybe some more stuff will happen next time, stick around for that!