Authors note: I was playing halo with some of my friends earlier, and they picked up two big machine gun turrets and stood on top of my mangoose (while one had a sniper on the back) and we drove around really slowly killing people like that. I only tell you this story because I had no idea what to type about in this 'authors note' and it was fucking hilarious.
------------

Twilight followed Paul into the forest for a little ways before she finally lost him. She underestimated how fast he was, and it was hard trying to follow someone from a distance in the woods.

"Gagh, this is so frustrating!" All that she wanted in life is for Paul to die, is that so much to ask for? Now he had gotten away. She wasn't going to give up that easy, though. She was still going to (pause for dramatic effect) kill Paul!

Meanwhile, Paul was walking through the forest, blissfully unaware of the pony that wanted him dead. That wouldn't matter to him anyways, nothing could ruin this moment. He was so happy! He walked into the small clearing where he kept the project he was working on and set down the ice chest. It was time to bring Steve back to life!

That's right, over the past few days he had been constructing a new robot body for Steve, the fish. Apparently things can only be revived in a body once, so he has to transfer Steve's soul into a new body. Thankfully the necromancer showed him exactly how to do it, so it wouldn't be any problem.

It really wasn't too hard to do, Paul was surprised that more ponies didn't pick up necromancy. It might have something to do with the fact that it's illegal, but Paul doesn't give a shit about the rules.

He took Steve's corpse out of the ice chest and placed it next to the robot and drew a little circle on the ground with some chalk. He then drew some random shapes around the circle that the necromancer had shown him. They are runes or something like that. Now all he had to do was channel some 'magic' into the circle and it was done. Of course he replaced magic with economic energon, same thing. He sat there for a few seconds doing the 'spell' until he was satisfied that it was probably done. There wasn't really any way to tell, and Steve wouldn't revive instantly. The longer something has been dead the longer it takes to revive it, so it would probably take at least a full day.

Now satisfied that he had not only finished his project, but also hopefully revived his only friend, Paul decided to head back to Ponyville. Maybe he could get some food with his leftover money.

Meanwhile, not very far away, Twilight was trying to track down Paul. She was literally having no luck as she had no idea how to track anything. She was just kinda' walking in the general direction she thought that he had gone in. Then she stopped as she heard the sound of bushes being rustled a little ways off. She crouched down into the foliage and looked for what had made the noise. Good thing she's purple, that doesn't stand out at all in the forest (sarcasm).

Then, she saw none other than the sex raptor she was looking for walking a little ways off. He was whistling and had a bounce to his step. He seemed happy about something, but she was going to fix that. Now wielding a huge mischievous grin, Twilight set her plan in motion. 'What is her plan?' you ask, it's simple. Kill the batman... I mean Paul.

She simply waited till he was close enough before she picked up a big rock that was laying nearby in her magic and rammed it into the back of his head as hard as she could. There was a loud cracking sound as the rock impacted his skull and he fell to the ground. Twilight stood there shocked for a few seconds. She did it, she just killed him... He was finally dead and he'll never annoy her again. She started to laugh and dance around in circles until she heard some groaning coming from Paul. She looked over and saw him laying there clutching his head.

"Ouch, fuck! My head!"

She just stared at him for a few seconds while her eye twitched, that rock should have easily killed him. No matter, she would simply have to finish the job. She once again picked up the rock and slapped him in the head with it again. Then again and again and again. She started laughing as she struck his head repeatedly with the rock. A few minutes later she finally stopped when she noticed that the rock was coated in blood. There's no way he survived that!

At this point, she just couldn't stop giggling. She was like a school filly again. She didn't care though, this was the happiest moment of her life, even more so than when she was accepted as Celestia's apprentice or when she met all her friends.

Several hours passed and she was finally able to control her giggling for a while. She would need to dispose of the body. It was likely that no one would even look for it, but it was better to be safe. She dragged the corpse a little ways away and then used her magic to dig a hole. It was only a few feet deep, but it was good enough. She then unceremoniously dropped the body in before covering it in dirt.

Now that that was done, she felt like she should celebrate this victory. Perhaps she could go spend some time with her friends in Ponyville. She hasn't seen them much lately because she's been obsessing over killing Paul.

Twilight skipped all the way back to town. She wasn't afraid of the Everfree forest anymore, she learned a while ago that she could just maim any creature she sees with magic. Once she was back at town, she decided to visit Rarity's Boutique first, mainly because it's closest.

She walked up to the door of the large white building and clopped her hoof against it loudly while yelling, "Rarity, get your fat flank out here!"

After a few moments the door opened, but instead of being confronted by the fashion pony like she expected, she was met by Sweetie bell.

"Oh, hi there Twilight. What are you here for?"

"Hey there... Ugh... Small Rarity." She's not very good with names. "Is adult Rarity home right now?"

Small Rarity (Sweetie Bell) bit her lip a bit and looked around before answering. "She is, but she's feeling pretty sick."

"Well great, I'm like the best friend ever. In fact, I have like a black belt in friendship. I'll come cheer her up, Rarity loves my jokes."

"Well she's not really awake right now."

"Then wake that fat whore up, she'll be happy to see me."

"Umm, that's the problem. I can't."

"You can't wake her up?"

"Ummmm yeah..."

"Care to elaborate?"

"Well I've tried poking her and calling her name and pouring water on her and everything, but she just keeps sleeping."

Twilight was kind of shocked, it was starting to sound like Rarity was dead. So she had to ask, "Is she dead?"

"What?! No, she's still breathing and stuff."

"Alright, I'm gonna' go see her for myself." Twilight pushed past the small version of Rarity and walked into the main room of the boutique where Rarity was laying on a couch in a pool of her own vomit. She walked up and started poking Rarity's prone form with a horn and sure enough, she wasn't waking up. "What happened?"

"Well..." Sweetie Bell didn't want to reveal that Rarity had gotten hurt while they were out fighting crime, it was kinda' a secret after all, so she made something up. "She tripped and fell down the stairs. She must have hit her head."

"Probably, it looks like she's in a head trauma induced comma. Must have hit her head pretty hard. So she hasn't woken up at all since last night?"

"She woke up for a few minutes several hours ago..."

"Well what did she do when she woke up?"

"Not much, she just counted to potato."

Twilight smiled, this was good news. "Good, if she was smart enough to count to potato than she must not have hurt her brain too badly. I have no doubt that, given time, her brain will make a full recovery. Luckily she has a friend as good as me to come over and diagnose her. Just tell her when she wakes up that I'd appreciate some kind of compensation for all my hard work. And by that I mean cash. Just leave her alone and she'll undoubtably be fine." After saying that she walked out of the building. I'm like, the best friend ever.

Her next stop was sugar cube corner to see Pinkie Pie, once again because it's the closest place. Then she could see Rainbow Dash and Applejack and... Who was her other friend again? Whatever, that's not important.

She walked into sugar cube corner and saw Pinkie working the cash register. Thankfully there didn't seem to be any other ponies around that needed food at the moment.

"Hey Twilight!"

"Hey Pinkie Pie, how's it goin' all up in here?"

"Pshh, it's pretty boring. No ponies are coming in right now. But now that you're here we can have fun!"

"Yep. That's why I'm here. To have fun, because I'm such a good friend."

"I'll say! By the way, have you seen Paul around at all? I haven't seen him in days and I thought that maybe you would know where he went because he lives with you."

She almost wanted to say something about how he no longer 'lives' anywhere, but she thought better of it. No, it would be better if Pinkie Pie didn't know what she did. "Uh, um. No, I have absolutely no idea where he could be. Nope, not the slightest idea!" Good thing Twilight is really good at lying.

Pinkie Pie didn't respond right away though, instead she narrowed her eyes and moved in closer. "Are you sure you don't know where he is?"

It sounded almost like Pinkie knew something, but surely she hadn't seen through Twilight's lies. "No, of course not. I wouldn't know anything about where he is." She gulped and started to sweet a little bit as Pinkie edged closer.

"Oh really...?" She moved her head extremely close to Twilight's and stared right into her eyes. She was sweeting profusely now. "Then what were you doing following him into the forest this morning?"

Twilight's eyes widened and she tried to break eye contact with Pinkie. "Oh that, it was just a, umm. It was a walk... Through the forest. Yeah that's it! And I certainly didn't see Paul while I was out there. Well, would you look at the time?!" Twilight made a gesture as though she was looking at her watch (even though she wasn't wearing a watch) before turning and sprinting out the door.

Pinkie just sat there before whispering to herself. "I'm on to you Twilight..."

Twilight kept running until she got back to her library. "That was close, it's almost like Pinkie Pie knew something." It looks like she wouldn't be visiting her other friends today. Oh well.

"Hey Twilight." Said Spike as he entered the main room.

"Hi Spike, no visitors for the rest of the day. I'm going up stairs."

Before he could ask 'why?' she had trotted up the stairs to the bedroom. She was able to finally calm herself now. Pinkie would never find out what happened, no pony would. She looked over to a sheet of paper on her desk and realized that she hadn't written a friendship report in a long time.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today my friend, Rarity, suffered a severe head injury. I was pretty worried for a while that she wouldn't be ok, but after talking to her sister, I found out that Rarity had awoken at some point and counted all the way to potato. I realized at that point that she would be perfectly fine. and that my worries were for nothing. I learned that head injuries happen and they are just a natural part of growing up. It may be hard to see your friends twitching in a puddle of their own vomit, but in the end, you need to have hope that they can deal with it on their own.

Sincerely,

Your faithful student

Twilight Sparkle

PS: I started to bleed out of my no no zone yesterday, is this normal?

-------------
I really wanted to call this chapter, 'Rarity counts to potato'. So I did... Kinda'.
Oh man, Paul died?! What now?!?!?! Will Twilight Sparkle be the new main character? Will Rarity heal from her grievous head wounds? Will I learn how to type better?
You'll just have to wait and find out, now won't you?