After Sunbutt's little moment dinner went pretty well. I would bring up a bit of small talk, as would she and we generally spent dinner getting to know one another. On topic that I did try to bring up was her age, Mirrors, or possibly Diamond, who knew, had mentioned it earlier and I wanted to know for myself how old this Goddess really was. But whenever I asked the reply was simply 'Too old some may say.' I did bring back the 'Some may say otherwise' but she was ready and just muttered something about how gentlemen aren't meant to ask a lady's age. Personally I thought that was bullshit and she was trying to hide something. But I let it go eventually, not really caring after the first two attempts. So I had dinner with her in near on silence, eating as much chicken as I could, not knowing when I would next see this beautiful meat and made myself feel sick and ill afterwards. There was a large jug of water and what looked to be wine appear somewhere during the meal, I instantly reached for the wine and was surprised to find it was a rose wine. The brilliant mix between red and white. Now, I am not very educated in some things, a lot really, but wine has always been a great alcoholic choice for me. And the mix always my favourite, so right now, chicken in one hand, a glass of wine in the other. I didn't care if this was a dream, I fucking loved this life so far. Taking a sip the wine tasted rather strange, it was good. Very good, but it was missing something, or something had been added I wasn't sure. Maybe, like the food (usually) here, the wine was vegetarian. Although I had the idea wine was anyway. I made a mental note to ask Celestia about it later, which I will forget. Forever. I would search it on the internet, but of course ponies don't have Wi-Fi. Anyway, I drank down the wine, more than I would have liked to have drank first go and sat the nearly empty glass down on the table and leant back in the chair. Which I was surprised when it held my weight. Yes ponies, at least, Celestia weighed more than me, most people do. Just these chairs would have been used to horses on them, with their bodies with a more spread out weight compared to the human body- I just went a little bit science-y didn't I? Fuck off science, no one loves you.

"Is dinner good?" Celestia finally asked. I jumper a little, looking over to her plate quickly I saw she was done, looking at mine. I wasn't even half way. I forget what a slow eater I am sometimes. What made me jump however, wasn't the fact she spoke. No, she had been thinking of something to say for a while, I could see it whenever I looked over. A goddess horse, bewildered as to what to say to a socially awkward human. Fun times. What actually surprised me was that nobody had ever actually asked how dinner was going. Because people usually finished before me, it was always how dinner was. I'm being a little nit-picky here, but my life was pretty dull before Ponyland, so I notice these things. Fuck knows why I'm not having a heart attack at the idea of talking horses yet. But I'm sure it will come.

The question itself came as I began to chew on a piece of chicken, and the British manners I pretended not to have suddenly kicked in and I was forced to not answer that until I had swallowed the food. By the time I did, Celestia was looking rather bored and disinterested.

"Sorry Celestia, it’s a human thing. The food is lovely and I thank you for it." I replied eventually, Celestia smiled a little at that and I cursed myself for being so fucking formal suddenly. My usual reply to that question being 'yeah foods nice.' People flock to my house to meet me. Honest.

"You may be disappointed by the fact I didn't actually cook the food. The chefs did." She replied after a pause. I smiled, sarcasm, now you've entered my playing field Sunbutt

"Well in that case I'm rather disappointed and think I want to leave." I replied back with a smile. Celestia was taken aback a little bit there.

"Few here understand the concept of sarcasm my dear human. So congratulations on that." She muttered after her recovery.

"I'd say it’s a human thing. But it’s really just a British thing. Britain being the country I'm from. Thinking about myself here. I'm renowned for using sarcasm, even when not really acceptable so do excuse that." I replied. It hadn't been a day and I was beginning to get sick of royalty, my natural speech patterns were just, wrong. This wasn't what I normally talk like. Just wait till I make a friend.

"Strange. It isn't very common here. I just picked it up from my mother. My sister-" Celestia muttered quietly, she cut off toward the end and I thought she was going to go into one again. But she didn't. "Luna, not so much." She finished, the paused for a second before levitating her wine up. I had finished mine. Twice. "Now, Aron. You mentioned countries. What did you mean by that?" She asked. I looked to the goddess with bewilderment. They didn't have countries here? Well shit.

"Well I'm from the country, or more, isle, called England. Which is connected to Wales in the west, Ireland with a small sea dividing the countries, and a much. Much, darker country to the north. Nobody talks about that one. That is the United Kingdom. A country once ruled by kings and queens, now we have a diplomacy, sort of. But still have a royal family. I won't go into detail there but everyone is divided between outright love and respect or following the idea that the royal family are lizard monsters. To the south of the UK, is the rest of Europe, which is a big cluster of countries all under the same name. Spain, Germany, Italy, France. A lot of countries all together to form Europe, then there is another group, well, continent, of Asia, which has China and Japan. Then west of Europe is America. Those are the countries of the top of my head but there are around three hundred odd on Earth." I explained, most of that was wrong or inaccurate but I never took Geography, so keep the hate low. Teacher was a prick.

"Funny. Some of those countries I know of, here we have Germaneia and Amareica. Near Germaneia is Cheval, maybe that is a twin to one of your countries?" She asked, I shook my shoulders. ,"And all of these countries and groups are housed by humans?" She then asked. I nodded.

"Exactly, humanity is the only sentient race on Earth, why. Besides dragons and ponies, what's sentient here?" I asked, innocent question. Innocent enough to get a fairly short answer, which, thankfully. I did.

"Well most creatures you see around have some form of sentience, most can talk and survive like ponies, some don't talk but can communicate much like us. Rabbits are a good example. Chickens too from time to time." She answered, looking down at my meat. My chicken meat anyway. The chicken breasts on the plate on the table. Pervert. Even with the strong hint towards them, I didn't feel bad for the chickens. Yes I understood why people became vegetarians, and yes I did respect their choices. But meat be the shit man.

"I see." Was all I said, personally I had run out of questions for now, I was never very good at this question and answer crap people are so in tuned with doing. Being socially awkward didn't help. Yes it’s a real thing, fuck you.

"How are humans?" Celestia asked. She was looking to me with big eyes, with wasn't hard as her eyes were massive. She had her crown on the table and a hoof on her chin. Her body movements made her look bored, but her face and speech patterns made her sound genuinely interested so I had no idea what the fuck she was thinking.

"Delicious." I instantly answered, Celestia cracked a smile but didn't laugh, nor say anything. Expecting an answer. I didn't have one for her straight away. Shit, what did I think about humans? Warmongering corrupt destroyers or loving, beautiful race with so much potential? Somewhere in between I think.

"That actually depends on who you ask." I replied, hoping to buy more time to think up an answer. Celestia genuinely looked around then stuck her tongue out at me.

"I see no other human to ask Aron." She said, smiling again. Shit. Damn it Celestia. Damn you to the sun!

"Well it’s complicated." I replied truthfully, Celestia waited. "Fine. On one side, all humans want to do is get at each other’s throats and kill each other over petty reasons like arguments or religion. We have world ending technology that people don't hesitate to use against each other and some countries build this stuff on mass. Then on the other side, we are a people of knowledge. Of great expectation and goals. To go out into the stars and expand our way of life, we build empires and great monoliths that are outmatched by nothing. The sheer imagination of the human mind is incredible. Views on the human race are split amongst ourselves. There is the war torn race of hate and chaos, then the side of good and peace and forward thinking." I finally answered. Celestia just stared at me for a good minute and I began to eat some more chicken, a little bit cold now but I was getting hungry again. After a piece I downed my wine again. I didn't actually know who was refilling the glass, it just seemed to be refilled whenever I needed alcohol. I would be stealing a glass if it was magic.

"I see. We ponies aren't as exciting as you are. Peace reins mostly, with a few wars and battles between neighbouring countries. And insane mages and the like. Ponies know war, but they have never tasted it on a large scale. Not really." Celestia replied. She didn't seem overly fazed by my description of my race. Maybe she was judging me in her head, or was giving me a chance before making her mind up on humans. I wasn't the best candidate for human-pony relations. But I was all they got. Ponies seemed alright so far.

"Insane mages?" I asked, that could be a tale.

"Oh yes, unicorns driven by magic who lose themselves to it. We have received a few 'good' mages out of this. None you will know obviously, but we've had Septern, Starswirl, and Densyr. Then a lot of bad mages bent on destruction and ruling. Kalmor is the most famous here, as well as a self-renown King. Sombra. Who has been missing for a thousand years." Celestia replied. Septern. I knew that name, vaguely. Just couldn't put my finger on where. I'd have to ask more later, for now though:

"You say missing. After a thousand years he should be dead." I replied. I knew Sunbutt was over a thousand but this Sombra dude must've only been a normal unicorn, even with magic he shouldn't have lasted a thousand years.

"Yes he should. If he was in a natural state, during his reign over what is known as the Crystal Empire, Luna and I went to confront him. We fought him and Luna eventually defeated him. She destroyed his body only. His mind, and his horn, remained. He managed to cast two spells on himself before he perished, one, to bring his body back into a mist state, then he cast a very powerful time spell. He froze the city in time and it vanished, gone without a trace, suck in one moment like a painting on the wall. Luna and I got out. But our honour guard are still in the city. Frozen in time." Celestia answered. She didn't seem too fazed by her memories, except when mentioning this Luna chick. So something certainly went down there. Deep down, so deep even Adele won't roll in it.

"I see, so some immortal mage is missing and stuck in time. Interesting." I replied after a moment, it wasn't really that interesting but lore was always nice to learn.

"Do you have magic in your world?" Celestia asked, I actually had an answer for this one. Coughing a little and chewing on scraps of chicken I looked to her.

"In a sense, nothing like your spells and mages. But some of the technology we have you would see as magic. Not trying to be patronizing, with either no magic on Earth, or nobody who can control magic. We focused on technology, we can go hundreds of miles a lot quicker than if we had to walk with these things called cars, just a big metal box really on wheels that is powered by a fuel. We can fly from country to country with planes, huge machines that can take off from the ground and fly above the clouds. As humans can't fly." I explained, that thing with magic was able. There obviously wasn't any magic on Earth but I've always had a fascination with fantasy and the like. Which is probably why I liked hearing Ponyland lore so much already.

"Interesting. So humans have far superior technology to use ponies but has no magical support? Not that I would ever wish that, but a war between our two races could be interesting." Celestia said. I looked to her in slight shock. That was a bit dark.

"Celestia, with all due respect, that was a terrible thing to say." I muttered. Celestia looked a little taken aback by that but eventually nodded.

"Yes. Yes I suppose it was. When you have lived as long as me, you find your mind. Wonders a bit. Excuse me, I have Princessly duties to attend to. I shall see you tomorrow Aron before you depart to Ponyville." Celestia grunted back, she sped her words up a lot towards the end of that and was already standing before she finished, various maids appeared as the Princess did and began clearing up. None dared touch my chicken and I just picked the tray up as Celestia left and stood up myself. Chicken in hand. After letting the Princess leave I noticed how all but one guard had left with her. He must be naturally posted here, the rest. Posted to the Princess.
Damn security was tight in the castle. Which actually made sense...

With the Princess gone and the maids cleaning the dining room up, and at the same time avoiding anything near me as well as avoiding gazes I was left alone to find my own way back. I was hoping Diamond, or, if need, Mirrors was waiting outside the double doors but neither were. Just two guard clones who stood at the door way in complete silence. One spared me a glance but neither said anything.

"Fuck it then, I'll find my own way back. I might find something I shouldn't but who cares." I muttered, one guard audibly grunted and stepped forward a little. He looked pissed when I gave a very sarcastic smile.

"Straight down the hall until you see the paintings, take a left. Then straight down, there are guards posted outside your room alien so you can't miss it." He grunted, I did a fake as shit bow and turned on my heel and left. Sticking my middle finger up as I did. What an asshole.

Walking down the corridor was actually easier than I thought, I'll be dammed if the fucker gave me decent directions too. I reached a cross road of sorts in the corridor and there was a wall of paintings to my left. So down I went. With nothing else to do until I reached my room I began to look at the painting a. They were definitely done by a well know painter and had been painted over a few months. The first ones were cliché backgrounds. A cloudy day with a huge grassy hill, some castle with lightning coming down on it, there was a small cliff with some ruins on it overlooking the ocean. Shit like that. These took up most of the wall, however the closer I got to my room the more ponified the pictures became. There was one of Sunbutt herself under a small waterfall stream thing bathing. That one I would ask about later. There was another picture of a dark blue pony standing on what looked like the night sky, but also water. It was a nice concept but I didn't understand it. She wore four really shiny shoes and had a small crown on. Her butt tattoo was some ink with a crescent moon in it, which looked a lot like the one above the small throne near Sunbutt. So I'm going to guess this was supposed to be Luna. Her hair looked the same colour, or near on, of her body and looked incredibly fluffy. I quickly found that I was standing still looking at this painting. Which must've looked great when Diamond turned up behind me.

"That's Princess Luna, before she was corrupted by Nightmare Moon though." He muttered, he sounded upset so for a moment, there was silence. It wasn't an awkward one but without alcohol it was borderline awkward.

"She looks very beautiful." I said. I had no idea if she was, this princess thing was a fucking horse, so who knows if she was or not. Either way, that put Diamond at ease, at least a little bit. Well, he nodded anyway.

"Indeed she is." Diamond paused. "Anyway, the Princess hasn’t given me any specific orders. So we can leave the castle at any time. However the bar won't be open until much later so I suggest getting ready." He added. I looked down on myself to see what I was wearing.

"Well I'll shower then change a top, put a jumper on then I'll be done. What about you?" I asked. Diamond laughed a little.

"Shower. Get armour off. Done." Diamond said, smiling slightly.

"Alright cool. Thank fuck we are both men." I replied, he nodded and turned.

"I will come back when I'm done." Diamond said and began to walk off.

"It'll be our date." I joked, smiling. Diamond turned.

"Fuck off." He said, I laughed back and began to enter my room. Remembering something, I ran out to see Diamond hadn't gotten far.

"Shit! Diamond." I called, the guard turned confused. "Tell me Mirrors isn't coming." I grunted. Diamond was about to answer when who else but mother. Fucking. Mirrors. Turned up.

"Going where?" He asked, practically bouncing down the corridor toward us. The death glare Diamond just gave me brought me to the idea that shit like this happens a lot with Mirrors. I face palmed and swore.

"Motherfucker."

With Mirrors now apparently coming to the bar with us I was taking my time in getting ready. Which as it turns out, was one of the worst things I could have done. I had just spent half an hour or so sitting around doing nothing and was now getting undressed for a shower. Just as I dropped my pants, was when Diamond ran in. He was panting slightly and looked out of breath. He didn't seem to notice me at first, but once he did. Fuck was that awkward. Diamond was naked, for whatever fucking reason. And I was too for a shower anyway. He actually looked at my crouch and I was going to fucking hit him if he made it anymore obvious. He stepped backwards towards the door.

"What." I said, no emotion. Just looking at the pony.

"Nothing, just interesting to see human anatomy" He muttered. I stepped forward and slapped the fucker, proper back hand and everything. He flinched when I stepped away and nodded. "I deserved that." He grunted.

"What do you want Diamond?" I asked. He was blushing slightly and coughed a little.

"Well I figured you would be done by now, and since Mirrors does not actually know where this bar is, I figured we should run for it. Then I will come with you to Ponyville and avoid Mirrors." Diamond muttered. His plan made a lot of sense actually. Avoid Mirrors and wait it out till he forgets. Brilliant.

It took a few seconds for that to process and then I ran for my clothes. As I began to get dressed Diamond looked at me confused.

"Do you not want a shower?" He asked. I looked at the guard with a blank look.

"Do we know the same Mirrors, Diamond?" I asked, Diamond nodded and began to gather whatever shit I had over the floor as I got dressed. Bit weird but alright. Normally, I would hate the fact anyone has seen me naked, but I honestly couldn't care less. Bitches shouldn't be running in my room without knocking. It didn't help he came out with the gay comment though. Bit embarrassed right there. I quickly got dressed in some random clothing I found. I wasn't sure what the weather was like outside so had a jumper as well as a short sleeve top, in case it was cold or hot. Inside the castle it seemed fairly warm, just over room temperature but that could just be magic for all I knew. I wasn't overly sure what to talk about whilst we walked so my mind began to wonder.

"What is society like here for stuff like racism and sexuality?" I asked, thinking back on Diamond's comment earlier, why I don't know but it scared me definitely.

"Well racism really depends on where you are in Equestria, smaller villages and towns don't particularly care what race a pony is, although some racism towards Zebra's is a small thing. Also any race that isn't pony isn't really well known to smaller areas so they hide away from anything abnormal." I was about to ask about me but Diamond beat me to the question. "Yes they will hide and be scarred of you in Ponyville, but none will actually take action against you. They have no militia to do such a thing. Anyway, so Zebra and non-ponies usually where you're going." Diamond replied.

"And here?" I asked. "Well, the big towns and cities and such?" I added.

"That's a different story. Most ponies who live up here, or in any of the major cities are either Pegasi or unicorns. The unicorns are usually incredibly wealthy and look down on any pony that isn't them. They have a major hatred for earth ponies usually, seeing them to be inferior. Some ponies are fairly decent, rich ones anyway, but most are terrible. The Pegasi don't really give or receive racism, but some hate other races which is a story that goes way back. Before the founding of Equestria." Diamond replied. "So racism is a very small factor in Equestria, but it’s only the rich and snobby that are overly. The small town ponies, usually racist out of fear."

"Yeah but fear can lead to a lot of things Diamond." I muttered, the guard just nodded but said nothing. For a time anyway.

"Sexuality is not really looked upon either way, I am sure some families disapprove of being homosexual but most accept it. The population of male to females is very broken here. There are three females to every male in Equestria, so many towns just end up becoming gay. Either adoption or magic produce foals." Diamond said, answering the second part of my question.

"You have magically created babies?" I asked.

"No. Just a lot of magic to do with sex, changing sexes here is a lot easier than you'd think. Temporarily or permanently, it happens. That is somewhat frowned upon but not as much these days." Diamond answered. I nodded, little bit creped out by that.

"So what about this Ponyville? How's the ratio there?" I asked. Diamond thought about that for a second and looked around, for what is anyone's guess.

"It’s about five to one. Maybe more. So I hope you are into mares." Diamond muttered. I smiled.

"I haven't been here even a day yet and you're trying to get me to be a xenophile. I'm barely a woman fucker on Earth, let alone a pony fucker here. I'm too damn shy." I replied. Diamond looked confused for a second.

"Yet you speak to me so easily?" He asked.

"It’s complicated, if I generally don't feel comfortable with people I get bad pains in my stomach and can't talk very well. I’ve got a very minor case of dyes, dyes-something. Dye-seem-ee-ah or something like that. And social anxiety, from my own faults nobody else's. But since I'm still in the phase of thinking I'm in a dream here, I can talk fairly well. If I'm still here tomorrow then ask me about it again, although I may be comfortable enough with you to talk fairly well. But going to Ponyville will put me into shock." I explained, Diamond looked genuinely concerned then but I raised my hand. "Figure of speech, I just won't be able to talk to anyone for a while and will need a lot of food to keep myself from throwing up."

"Was, was that a lie too?" Diamond asked.

"No, I need food to not throw up, it’s really weird and I don't fully understand it, nor care. But I have it so gotta deal with it I suppose." I replied. Diamond looked worried again for a second before going back to his neutral face.

After about a minute of silence and walking, I noticed we had now reached a large room. There were two stair wells leading up slightly to my left, and a hide open door to my right, the light of a setting sun poured through the open door and four guards stood watch at the entrance. In front of me was another corridor with another guard and there was also one directly to my left. Who coughed a little when we walked through the corridor entrance. The room was tall, much taller than the hall way behind us and had paintings huge all over the place. Even a painting of a small naked pony laying down on its back with a hoof outstretched- nope. Not describing that. Ponies tracking stole that human touching god picture we made! Bastards. Actually I didn't care that much it looked pretty cool. Diamond paused for a moment and muttered something to the guard, I caught a nod, a salute and Diamond continued. I followed, shrugging. Diamond began to walk out of the huge doors and I followed.
Outside the sun was incredibly low in its cycle, with the sky lighting up in various oranges and reds like back home. There were few clouds in the sky and the ones that were seemed very low and small. I didn't really question it, nor did I make a mental note to ask Diamond later. They were just clouds, nothing major. The castle seemed to be on a slight rising, or a hill or something, because the city seemed to be on a lower bit. There was a bridge connecting the castle to the main city. It was made of light grey cobbled stone with some pink wall around it to stop people falling off. Although it was obviously built for ponies as I could easily climb it. I didn't want to, and definitely wouldn't, but the height wasn't designed for humans, I didn't expect it to but you know. I was surprised at the showers though, the levers for control were at a right height. But the shower head was perfect height. Which I did want to ask about.

"How come the showers are so high up here?" I asked. Diamond looked confused as we began to cross the bridge, two banners were connected to the pink wall about half way across with two guards either side all holding spears. I couldn't see what was on the banners as they faced the other way. But no doubt they had the sun on it or something. I didn't look back to see as we walked past and continued onto the cobbled streets.

"They are for all creatures. The rooms in Canterlot Castle usually host a number of diplomats and merchants that come all over the world, usually they aren't pony. So the showers, as well as the beds and such, are designed for a bipedal creature. Like Minotaurs or Naga. The room you are in is actually for children or teenagers. Most Minotaur are much taller than you and require more head room. The Naga prefer baths anyway. Obviously ponies can and do stay in these rooms but struggle with showers sometimes." Diamond replied. I nodded.

"Celestia is into her diplomacy." I muttered. Diamond nodded then.

"Indeed. During, and a short time after Princess Luna's uprising there was a certain, tension, in the world. Many of the older races, Griffons for example. Began to question Celestia's leadership and there was even talk of war by some races. So Celestia tried her hardest to stay sane and deal with the loss of her sister, as well as send the best diplomats across the world to keep alliances fresh and growing. I suppose that habit never died down." Diamond replied.

"Well she needs to sort that shit out cuz Shining Armor won't get his shit together without his Princess wife." I muttered, Diamond let out a small chuckle but didn't say anything, for a while anyway.

"Oh they aren't married." He muttered. I paused in my stride, emotionless expression on. My mouth was agape a little.

"Well shit. Diamond. If you only take one other thing away from me besides the swearing. Never. Ever get fucking married." I said, putting my hand on Diamond's shoulder. He shrugged it off.

"I told you where the fuck am I going to get a mare as a pony who guards the royal toilets with a crossbow and spear all day." He replied sharply.

"Bitches could get off to that. Human girls, and guys, are into some freaky stuff." I said, thinking out loud really.

"I'm not into dogs. What did you mean by 'freaky’?” Diamond said, his monotone voice back slightly.

"Okay, when I say stuff like bitches or whatever. Think about me using it as a swear. Bitches, or bitch or whatever term you want to use, basically means a women you don't really like." I explained. Diamond really react, just had a blank expression on, he eventually muttered something which I'm sure was:

"Either bitch I don't really want, I want a pony who I like." I smiled but said nothing, deciding to go back to the scenery again. The city hadn't really changed that much, except maybe the cobble looked darker and the houses were closer together, the city walls were obviously closer and I could almost make out the guards on top of them patrolling, if they were ants anyway. There were a few bigger buildings around, since everypony but royal guards and night goers were out at the moment, most of the shops were closed, or closing. But luckily they all had wooden, medieval-like signs hanging from the doorways. Some were fairly clear as to what they were. A blacksmith was nearby, a cobble building with some smoothed stone and black glass. It was dark inside, with no lights on, but the fire of the anvil was still dying so various weapons and metal mechanisms lay about the store, door handles, window frames. All kinds of things, this blacksmith was very skilled.

"Toyar's Smithing." Diamond said, looking at the building I was unknowingly staring at. "One of, if not, the best blacksmith in Equestria, he provides the royal guard with all our armour and weapons, and we used to have a royal blacksmith. We fired him when Toyar moved in." Diamond added.

"Why don't you hire him as the Royal Smith then? You seem to use him a lot if he provides all your gear?" I asked. Diamond just shook his head and fucking neighed.

"He refuses the offer. Shining Armor has offered this guy four times as much as he would ever own as a public smithy but the guy refuses, says that if ponies really think he is the best, then why keep that skill private? Which personally I think is a good idea, we get the gear, and the public get whatever they need for a beggars price.” Diamond replied, I didn’t want to reply, still stuck on the fact that he neighed at me. Yes he’s a fucking horse but sweet mother he didn’t have to neigh.

“Whatever he wants I suppose, a man for the people I guess.” I muttered and laughed slightly, Diamond nodded again.

“He could probably make you something if you wished, armour for you or a weapon. Celestia may not be happy but you never know.” Diamond said after a pause. I let out a laugh again.

“Was that a hint for me to join the fucking guard? I would get bored and end up killing Shining Armor or something.” I grunted, that guy was such a prick.

“I would be obliged to stop you if you tried, he is the captain.” Diamond muttered, with his monotone voice I wasn’t sure if he would actually jump in to defend Shining, but I would never, ever, want to find out. My logic behind that was Diamond seemed like someone who was bored and dull normally, but fucking crazy in battle and stuff like that, hence why I wanted to go drinking with him, see if he was fairly outgoing.

The city seemed to get less and less fancy as we walked through it and the massive size of Canterlot really hit me, it had taken us about ten, fifteen minutes and weren't even at the bar yet, with houses and buildings all over the place, the city was very condensed but beautiful. The sun was still setting so slowly getting darker, less and less ponies were wondering the streets and Diamond looked a little shifty which seemed pretty odd to me, the big bad guard was afraid of the dark? I didn't ask.
We kept going for about a minute before Diamond lead me into an alleyway, at the end was a stairwell leading down into what seemed like the back of a building of some kind.

"Here we are, mind your head I suppose." Diamond muttered and walked forward, going down the stairs and stopping just short of the door. He raised a hoof and knocked once, then waited and knocked again. About a minute passed and he did two in a row, what a secret knock right? I heard a mutter but it was too quiet to hear.

"The moon and sun are beyond distance." Diamond muttered. Another whisper from the door. "Lieutenant Diamond, Solar Guard." Again, a reply. "Two, myself and Sir Aron of Earth." There was a long pause, really long. Diamond reached his hoof up to knock again but the door opened quickly and two ponies walked out quickly, armed. One was a typical white Pegasus, and the other was a grey unicorn. Fucking cloning again. The unicorn had a sword next to his head with a green glow and the Pegasus had a spear saddle on like the castle guards, neither had any armour on which was weird and their tails seemed too covered up their butt tattoos.

"This is the alien we've heard so much about?" One of the ponies questioned.

"How have you heard anything about me? I've been here less than a day." I muttered back. The first guard stepped forward towards me.

"Oh, it talks, I've heard about you like every other guard has heard about you, you ran out of a portal with our princess and was instantly drafted away to his room to colour." The guard replied, I didn't like him. At all.

"I drew your Princess and she seemed pretty happy with it. Too happy." I muttered, using the same tactic I used on Diamond when he was an asshole.

"Are you implying what I think you are?" Before I could answer, Diamond stepped in.

"Private Lightfall, stand down. We are entering the bar and you won't stop us. Do you want me to report this to the Princess? How you turned away and insulted our guest?" Diamond growled. "That's exactly how you lost your rank the first time, don't let it happen again." He added, oh burn. He then stormed past the second dude into the now open door and I followed, the glare of 'Lightfall' on my back.

Inside of the bar was basically just a generic medieval bar scene, tables all over the place with one big wooden table at the back with loads of bottles of wine and beer on various shelving units. There was a white unicorn with a red and white shirt on, he had green hair and looked fucking ridiculous, guard clones sat all over the place talking, drinking and eating, none seemed that fazed by my entry which was good, I was beginning to believe this place was real, so my anxiety would return soon. Better start drinking.

"Welcome to The Guards Rest Aron. Drink whatever, it's free for guards and knights." Diamond muttered, pointing a hoof towards the bar.

"That why you said I was fucking, sir Aron to the magic door?" I asked, he just nodded.

"They would've let you in had you not been a high rank like that, obviously we had trouble anyway but Lightfall can fuck off so still technically nothing big." Diamond replied.

"Alright, well, let's go get smashed." I muttered, smiling and walking to the bar, this would be a night to remember, my first night in a strange world. Here we go I guess.

"Eat a dick!" I shouted.

"I fucking will! Come at me!" A reply sounded.

I have no idea what happened last night, I remember the bar, some shouting at some point and then nothing. I hurt all over and the sunlight dripping into my room was blinding, with the curtains drawn and the lights all off, fuck knows how it was so bright in here but at the moment, I really didn't care. I had a killer headache and felt sick, and very dehydrated. I turned to my table hoping for that water glass crap to be there from films, luckily there was. A large glass of water with a note with really shit handwriting saying 'drink up, me'. I shrugged and grabbed the glass and downed the fucker.

...

Then proceeded to run into the bathroom to throw up, it was fucking vodka. I hate myself sometimes.

When I excited the bathroom with an empty glass after filling it with tap water and downing that a couple times, a very hungover Diamond stood before me, without armour and with a black eye. He had the same mundane look on his face but said nothing.

"Motherfucker." Was all I could muster, Diamond flinched and nodded.

"Princess Celestia wants to see you." Diamond grunted. I smiled slightly.

"Remember anything from last night?" I asked. He smiled slightly.

"I know you're the most light weight drinker in the world, you're a chronic alcoholic and the bartender is asking us to pay for damages, fuck knows what and fuck knows how I got this black eye. But nothing else. You?" Diamond asked.

"I think we got into a fight, or at least I did, and drunk me is an asshole. I gave myself vodka instead of fucking water last night." I replied, Diamond nodded.

"Well I'm coming with you to Ponyville, Princesses orders, and I suppose that was why you were in the bathroom?" Diamond said eventually, I just nodded and wiped my mouth again. "Shit." He muttered, I laughed slightly.

"Shame I don't have any sunglasses." I grunted, looking at the blinds for a second.

"Sorry?" Diamond asked, tilting his head.

"They are like glasses, you guys have those right? Anyway, it's just protection for your eyes, best to wear during hangovers cuz everything is dimmed out." I replied, Diamond nodded and smiled.

"Those would be helpful, so. SO helpful." He muttered and turned to lead me to Celestia. Obviously I followed.

The corridors looked a lot brighter than they seemed yesterday, and with considerably less activity for some reason, I guess it was still early. We both made our way to the same wedding meal like room as yesterday and again it was just Celestia, in a huge room alone. Diamond muttered something I didn't catch and closed the door behind me. The table cloths were the first thing I noticed. Yesterday they were a white cream colour, this morning they were crimson red. I walked over to Celestia and sat down next to her. Not saying anything for a while as I bit into an apple.

"Good morning Aron." Celestia said, a lot louder than she intended. I hope. I groaned but smiled at her.

"Mornin’." Was all I could muster. Shit, my anxiety. But I spoke to her yesterday damn it!

"Have a fun night?" Celestia asked, still smiling, immune to my social awkwardness. Thank fuck, it’s actually really annoying when people try to help.

"I think so. Most of it I can't remember." I muttered back. "Diamond got into a fight I think." I added. Celestia dropped her smile, but only for a second which was actually pretty terrifying. She came across to me as someone who was quietest when angry. Never shouted or used violence. But damn did you know when someone like that is pissed. Someone I'd like to be weirdly, but too much anger apparently. No subtly to me on that level.

"Oh I see." Celestia replied. "Are you fit for travel? You must meet my student today. It won't be a particularly long flight. But rough." She asked. I looked to her but said nothing for a while.

"When you say travel? And flight?" I asked carefully.

"Well Sergeant Foaly and Brandhay are going to be flying a chariot to Ponyville with you and Diamond. Diamond is to be your guide and guard as he has no doubt told you. And you are to observe my student and learn the ways of this world." Celestia explained.

"How long has your student been in this town? Surely you would want your student close at hand. Or hoof. So why so far away?" I asked.

"She did live her, in the castle for a while. But I sent her to Ponyville three days ago to make some friends. Plus the Summer Sun Celebration will be held there so I want someone like her to oversee the preparations." Celestia replied.

"The Summer what?" I asked.

"It celebrates the longest day of the year. The sun is kept up for the longest time."

"So a celebration, for you?" I asked. Celestia thought about it and nodded. Well that was a bit big-headed of her. Yeah she's the Princess and all, but a royal sends a royal student to oversee a project for said royal so it is of a high enough standard for them.
Celestia and the English monarch should get to know one another holy shit.

"So, when am I leaving?" I asked. Finishing my apple finally.

"Well as soon as you are ready." Celestia replied, I nodded and picked up some fruit for the trip and drank some more water.

"I shall get ready. I take it Diamond is waiting for me?" I asked.

"Indeed. As well as his friend, Mirrors I believe. They will take you to the chariot docks." Celestia replied smiling her smile. My face went pure white. Fucking Mirrors would be waiting? I did not envy Diamond right now. I just nodded and began to walk out. I hated the thought of seeing Mirrors, especially after we ditched him last night. But it was better to get this over with.

"Aron!" Celestia called. I turned.

"Don't get too close to Diamond, he won't be staying with you forever." She added, I wanted to face palm. He was my closest friend, already, in Equestria, but I wasn't gonna go gay with him if that's what she meant. I'm fucking straight as a whore's pole. Maybe more if said whore uses it a lot.

The journey to the chariot stand wasn't overly interesting, Diamond was waiting at my room with fucking Mirrors, who didn't say a word, but kept in the middle of Diamond and myself glaring between us both. I didn't have anything to say and still had a killer headache, Diamond seemed in no condition to be guarding anything. But I suppose it was his job so who am I to question it.

The chariot stand was outside, well on a huge balcony at the back of the castle. Six white chariots were lined up with two ponies saddled up and ready to leave, and one, in the corner of the balcony, away from the edge and in a state of disrepair. A blue and purple one, with moon crests all over it. Luna's chariot most likely. I wanted to ask to go on that, it looked cooler and it was freaking blue. But I said nothing, after a pause Diamond and I got onto the chariot, Mirrors didn't follow, nor did Celestia come by to say good bye, not that I cared too much. The two stallions saddled up and looked to me and Diamond, I only just noticed the spear saddle Diamond was wearing, as well as his obvious guard getup, how I missed that I don't know, but here I was, missing this crap.

"Are you ready sir?" The stallion asked, looking to me. I wasn't really sure what to say to that, fucking anxiety.

"Err, yep." I replied, not thinking, fuck knows if I was ready, though I'm prone to answering like that, people ask me if I want a drink with that order and so I don't have to talk so long, I say no. Then five minutes later buy a drink somewhere else cuz I done fucked up. The stallion nodded, but before he turned I found myself saying: "Why did you say sir?" I asked. The stallion looked confused.

"Would you prefer ma'am?" He asked, smiling slightly.

"Well no, I am a guy, just, I ain't no knight or lord or whatever my stature would be to make me a 'sir'." I explained.

"The Princess has put you in temporary command over protecting her protégé Miss Twilight Sparkle, giving you the title of Temporary Defender of Harmony." The stallion replied, Diamond instantly fucking saluted.

"What does that mean?" I asked, not wanting this responsibility. Whatever it was.

"One of the highest honours a princess can bestow upon a pony, err, alien. Well, if you weren't temporary. Though you still get the perks, like commanding us guards, except the captains, only full Defenders can do that." The stallion answered, shit.

"Brilliant, Diamond if you don't stop saluting right now I swear to the gods." I muttered, oh yeah, another thing about me. I say gods, not cuz of religion, because I read a lot of fantasy books and actually (try) follow some of the lore and rules certain Elven religions say. I'm such a fucking nerd.

"Of course sir." Diamond muttered and stopped.

"Don't start with the sir crap, I guess it's just a title so people don't ask questions, move on." I grunted, Diamond nodded. The stallion up front nodded too and we began our journey to Ponyville, me a fucking hero of Equestria and Diamond about to start a war with someone he shouldn't have. Me.