I don't remember going through that portal, nor how it felt. So I won't go into detail about it. All I know is, I was standing downstairs in my house, standing next to a great white horse naming herself Princess Celestia, making strange faces and sending bright light out of her horn with some strange image of what looked like a castle appear before me. I'm not going to lie but I could see a couple of ponies standing around in gold uniform standing around. All had what looked like saddles with a long pole and a spear on. So these ponies knew war, and they knew engineering to make weapons like that. Maybe going to Ponyland wouldn't be so bad after all. As the portal grew more and more a few of the ponies began to get interested and walk, well, trot over to the tear.

Thinking of which, I suppose I should describe the thing, it had purple and black, swirl lines tearing through, reality I suppose, as the outline. Then inside the growing tear was this scene before me. A couple of ponies staring through, looking a bit concerned, again. A few of them started to bow once they saw Princess Celestia, or perhaps were bowing to the portal, I couldn't be sure. Looking closer I noticed that a good few of the guards looked the same. Either generic white coated, spear wielding horses with long feathered wings, or generic dark grey ponies with long unicorn horns on their heads. So, a guard contingent of unicorns and Pegasi I suppose. All the grey ones looked the same and all the white ones looked the same. Hopefully the normal populous wouldn't all look exactly the same.

After maybe a minute of Celestia casting the spell on the already large portal the thing was apparently a suitable size for me to fit through, I'd have to crouch down a bit, but Celestia would've had no trouble getting through, our sizes weren't that different, I was obviously taller but not by much and I think her horn reached past me. I'd certainly be taller than the pony guards though. I stared through the portal and reached out to touch it. Naturally. But Celestia coughed a little and I turned.

"Are you ready, sir?" She asked. I blinked, I wasn't sure why she paused or sounded so unsure until I remembered I hadn't given her a name. I thought for a moment.

"Aron." I gave hesitantly, she seemed to accept it as only a few microseconds passed before she nodded. It was a lie, obviously, I wasn't exactly sure what was going on still, and I'd used that name before in the past.

"Okay 'Ah-ron'. You may call me Princess or just Celestia. No need to use both together." She replied, looking through the portal at the growing number of pony clones. I nodded.

"Alright Sunbutt. Can I just go through?" I asked, Celestia did a double take and turned to me again, red cheeks and bewildered expression.

"E-excuse me?" She stuttered. I looked her in the eyes trying to read her emotions, I gave up quick enough and just replied with:

"Sunbutt. You know, you have a sun tattoo on your butt. So, Sunbutt." I explained, the Princess was a little less red after that but she still had rosy cheeks.

"The tattoo on my flank resembles my cutie mark, my special talent. All ponies get them eventually, do humans not get them?" She asked.

"We can get tattoos on our asses yes, but we don't have a natural talent or anything that tells us, we have to find out for ourselves and even then we don't get any special branding that tells us we found it."

"I see." She paused "And yes, it is ready. So, Aron. Are you ready?" She asked me.

"Of course." I replied and stepped through the portal into my new life.

I stepped forward and touched the portal. Celestia made a grunting noise and I went through. Then I was through, one moment I was on Earth. The next, I was in Celestia's kingdom surrounded by a lot of ponies all aiming spears at me. That only lasted as long as it took Celestia to come and join me, once she was through the portal shut and the guards immediately started to bow.

"Princess. You are okay. We wondered what was happening then this, creature. Ran through." One pony said without looking up, he had a very 'royal' tone to his voice. He was one of the white breed pony Pegasi for those wondering.

"I am fine Spearpoint. And this, creature, as you so bluntly put it, is my, our, guest until my student comes to take him to Ponyville. He is of no threat, or has shown no threat towards me or Ponykind. He is also sapient and will be treated as such. He may look different, but a lot of his culture and speech is a lot like our own." Celestia declared, the pony nodded to me and bowed his head to her and stepped back to what looked like a random spot in the room. A few other ponies followed in every direction but a couple stayed, spears now up not pointing at me.

Again, I suppose I should describe the place I found myself in; it was a fairly large room with marble pillars and huge glass stained windows showing all kinds of scenes, a couple had ponies casting spells or slaying creatures. The rest were mainly just patterns and artworks I didn't really get. At the end of the room was a very large marble throne with a second, darker coloured throne next to it. The second was smaller and had a crescent moon on the top of the chair, rather than the sun that was on the big one. This side throne also seemed a bit dusty and covered in cobwebs. I'd ask about that later, well. I told myself I would anyway, I doubt it will happen.

"Mirrors, Diamond, take Aron to any spare room we have in the castle and then spread word around the castle he is a guest. You are to guard him throughout the rest of the day. Get any off duty guard to watch his room tonight. I have Princess duties to attend to. So I must make my leave, I shall see you at dinner Aron. We shall talk more then." Celestia said, and then off she fucking went. Me standing here looking round the massive throne room we were in, and the two guards staring at me with fear and awe. I must've looked like a fucking retard.
After a few minutes of looking around in the spot, and a few more fake coughs from one of the guard ponies than need be. I looked down at the armoured ponies.

"Aron was it?" One of the guards asked, I nodded. He likewise had a pretty generic important sounding voice with some subtle changes to it, like someone just half ass putting on another voice. Clearly a voice actor not being paid enough. "Alright, if you could follow us we shall take you to your quarters." The pony said, I nodded and the two guards turned and walked, trotted, off. I soon followed, a lot slower than them. I was taking the fucking castle in. For a dream, it looked amazing. I sorted out my backpack a little as I walked and after a few more seconds of slowly walking through the throne room. I ran to catch up to the guards.

"So which one of you is Mirrors and which is Diamond?" I asked, they were both white Pegasi again, the grey unicorns hadn't moved since my arrival. Well, since they went back to their posts after throwing spears into my face. The two guards shared a glance before answering.

"I am Diamond." One white pegasus said, the one that spoke to me first as it happened.

"Annnd I'm Mirrors!" The other declared, much more cheerful than the other, higher voice as well. I just nodded and made a mental note to spend as little time as possible with Mirrors. Happiness burns my soul.

The corridors we went down were pretty spectacular but after a while everything began to look roughly the same. Nearly every other doorway on either side was open and was leading into a different room. Hell if I had thought up half the rooms I was seeing as we walked my gay-ass-guilty-pleasure-totally-disgusted-by Minecraft city would look a lot less barren. The only room I really took in all that much was the kitchen. I hadn't eaten anything yet and I was getting hungry. I turned to Mirrors.

"Yo am I allowed any food? Fuckin' starvin'." I asked, he looked at me and nodded.

"What do you eat? I'll catch up don't worry." He answered.

"I suppose since you're ponies you don't eat meat?" I asked, the guards face went a very fun shade of green and I looked away. Shit, no meat? They probably don't have a lot of Earth food so I was going to have to make do, at least for a while until I found out what they served.

"Alright, well if there is really a dragon in Ponyville, I'm sure he eats some sort of meat. Do you have anything in the style of bread and fruit? That'll do for breakfast." I added after watching the guards face colour shift a bit. He nodded quickly and dove into the kitchen. I stood for a second then realized I couldn't see the other pony. So ran down the corridor to catch up. It was an easy enough task. He was standing outside a closed door a couple down from the kitchen. If this was my room this fucking city was going to end up on rations with my eating habits. Which are simply, instead of eating set meals and such, I snack lots and have a lot when I do. So I eat loads throughout the day and meals shift a little dependent on the time, I barely ever made it up for breakfast, but today was clearly an exception.

"This will be your room. We shall both be outside should you need us, welcome to Equestria as well. For what it's worth, Princess Celestia told us the reason you were coming beforehoof." The guard pony declared suddenly. Opening the door to show me my room.

"I'll probably direct everything towards Mirrors, please tell me most of the guard are less... Hyper than he seems."

"Oh he is very much an exception, like I am an exception to how jaded guards are. Everypony here is a mixed bag."

"And why exactly am I being told to stay in my room?" I asked after a pause. Diamond looked me up and down.

"You can come and go as you please, just being new to Equestria and Equus Princess Celestia thought it wise you didn't go wandering about." He replied, I shrugged.

"Understandable, I suppose nobody trusts me yet either. Do you know if she did any research on my planet before, collecting me?" I asked.

"I am unsure, besides humans are sentient and you were the target in the operation. I do not keep up with information like that unless they involve me."

"Probably for the best. Also does Celestia have a sibling of some sort?"

"She does. But she is, not available right now."

"So the smaller throne belongs to her?" I asked, Diamond nodded. I saw a Pegasus holding a tray of various fruits on it coming out way, a Pegasus I presumed was Mirrors. "Where is she?"

"Nearly a thousand years ago, Princess Luna fell to a type of dark magic called Taint, she became Nightmare Moon and tried to overthrow Princess Celestia. They fought, Luna lost and was sent to the moon. Legend says that you can still see her trapped there when Princess Celestia raises the moon." Diamond replied. "Legend also says she will return after a thousand years and the stars will aid in her escape." He added.

"So when you say nearly a thousand years?" I asked. Mirrors finally joined us and said nothing. I grabbed an orange from the tray and started peeling it casually.

"The Summer Sun Celebration which will mark the longest day of the year is in five days and will be hosted in a town called Ponyville. It marks the reign of Celestia, the banishment of Nightmare Moon and as I said, the longest day of the year. But also marks the one thousandth year of Luna being away." Mirrors replied. I nodded.

"And you have been prepared to defend against the Nightmare Moon's return in what way?" I asked. Mirrors paused, even Diamond looked stunned. Before he face-hooved again.

"Celestia, is going to send her student, one Twilight Sparkle. Who you will be sent to tomorrow or whenever the Princess deems you safe, to one of the most dangerous place in Equestria to look for some ancient relics called the Elements of Harmony. With those. They can defeat Nightmare Moon." Diamond asked.

"How old is this student? And why weren't the Elements used before?" I asked. This plan was sounding more and more flawed. There was no hope of stopping the two worlds colliding was there?

"Twilight Sparkle. She is in Ponyville currently, been there a few days. You will be staying there with her for a while. But, she is still a young mare. Not old enough to go into the Everfree Forest alone. And I believe they were used before. They are what sent Nightmare Moon to the, well, moon." Diamond replied.

"Alright. So a 'young' mare, alone. Is, going to be told to go to some town, go into a dangerous forest to find some ancient weapon. And instead of trying to help Luna or Nightmare Moon or whatever. Who frankly, just has a major case of Multiple Personality Disorder? I know a guy, he can help her. You are going to just, send her back to the moon?" I asked. Mirrors nodded instantly. Diamond slowly followed suit.

"Apparently that is the plan." He muttered.

"It's a fucktarded plan." I replied, truthfully. I still don't really understand what the 'plan' had been. Fuck, without me. You would all be dead. Although, you have been of use at some points. I suppose.

"I do not understand?" Diamond asked, of great. They didn't know swearing. Yet.

"What fucktarded or what I think of the plan?" I asked back, that just confused matters. With Diamond now thinking on what to say and Mirrors getting dangerously close to my arm. Yes, he was slowly moving toward my arm that was sitting by my side, whilst the other one was scratching at my face from the recent shave I had done faster than I should have this morning and was now getting a rash to show it. Fucking Celestia, always ruining my day.

"Well. Both I suppose." Diamond muttered after a time. I moved my arm that I'm pretty sure Mirrors was about to molest and stepped towards my door.

"Well the plan. Sounds stupid. And as for swearing, they don't necessarily mean anything. Some people use them a lot as insults and the like. Me? I use them a lot as filler, swearing like I do is actually a fucking habit I've gotten into and need to stop. You could argue that those who swear are less educated, but I know about a hundred ways to tell someone to go away. But I still prefer saying fuck off." I explained, Diamond actually nodded in understanding. Mirrors was now going for my other arm. Stealth really wasn't his thing.

"So what swears are there? They all seem to revolve around 'fuck'" Diamond asked, for someone. Well, somepony who seemed like a total asshole. He may become a good friend if he keeps this up. I thought about that for a few seconds, possibly a minute or so passed before I thought up an answer. Diamond just looked at me.

"Well you'd be right that most are just fuck and something extra added, at least it’s how I use swears. But there is shit like, well. Shit, which is usually a replacement for 'stuff' and sometimes used like fuck would be. There are also things like bastard, cunt, and fag. Fag I don't use, just preference. Those I guess are the main ones. You'd have to be around me a lot more if you really wanna learn. But as I may have said. Swearing is a habit I have fallen into and I should stop; especially now I've been given a second chance here. But if you really want to learn, by all means we can hang out and stuff." I explained after a moment. Diamond began to mouth the swears as I said them and when I stopped. Nodded.

"Do they mean anything? You said fuck is just filler, but what of the others?" He asked. I shook my head and laughed a little.

"Swearing is strange enough for you I'm sure. If I went into what stuff like sit and cunt meant we could be here all day, and any thoughts you had on me would become much stranger." I replied, I would rather not a pony go round telling all his guard friends how the alien human had taught him how to say poo as a filler word. Or how many times I was saying sex.

Fuck that. Fuck that hard.
See?

After a long pause Diamond just accepted that and nodded. I wasn't sure what to do after that maybe he had gone back into his asshole form and wasn't going to talk. I suppose the only way to tell ponies apart here, at least the guards, would be through their personalities. That could be fun. Just as I stepped into my room I heard Diamond mutter.

"If you wanna go out, there is a great bar nearby a lot of the guards go to. Tell me later and I will take you to it." I didn't reply but nodded and stepped into my room. Mirrors followed me in.

The room was fairly bright, there was a rather large double bed, with four wooden posts leading up to a square above the bed, each with red curtains that could be closed and hide whatever was going on in the bed. Next to it was a chest which I suppose you could put clothing in or something. I'd use it for that anyway. There was also a rather tall, light wood wardrobe. Lighter colours than the bed's wood, and the same as the chest. There was also a table of birch wood with a single chair near it. Obviously this room was built for me; because there was no way in hell those ponies could sit down. Mirrors was about to prove me all colours of fucking wrong.
He walked over, holding the tray with one hoof and placed the food on the table. Then sat down in the chair, somehow.

"Wanna sit down?" He asked. I shook my head and walked over to the window, it too had red curtains and I began to notice the distinct lack of any colour in this room other than wood and red. Maybe it was Celestia's period room? Do horses even have those? Fuck I don’t even know how they work on women, let alone on horses. Mirrors shrugged, again. Somehow. And I shit you not. That fucker sat down on the chair like he owned the place and picked up an apple.

Then made one of the biggest mistakes a person, and now, a pony can do around me.

That fucker threw the apple at me.

I was renown on Earth to be shit at anything that had anything to do with sport. It got to a point where I went out of my way to take the piss out of anyone who thought it important. I still do to this day; there is no point to it. So obviously, with no respect and no experience with anything Sport-y. I sucked at throwing. And catching. Anything thrown at me I will panic and have a little panic attack and drop that shit, hard. Even an apple apparently.
Mirrors threw that shit and I went to catch it. My arm falling way too short for the catch. Mirrors just smiled and continued to sit there. I leant down and picked the apple up. Then began to eat it. It was alright, nothing special.

"Why are you really here?" Mirrors suddenly asked, his voice the same squeak as usual. That question actually surprised me. Out of all the guards I had met, that number being two. I would have thought Diamond would be the one to question shit. Although I did tell me I was fucking Sunbutt. Maybe that was where Mirrors was going?

"Would you hit me if I said it was magic?" I asked. Mirrors threw another apple at me; it hurt a lot more than my manliness will allow to admit.

"Go on." Was all Mirrors said. I looked at him but found nothing but a blank expression. Bastard.

"From what Celestia has told me I have some, wild magic inside me. Whatever that means, and if I stayed on Earth. My home, I would have caused the apocalypse, both here and on Earth. Celestia would explain it better. I'm just here for the free food and because everyone on Earth is an asshole." I said back. Mirrors seemed to listen with incredible intent. Until the last bit then he looked a tad angry. I wasn't overly sure why he was so fixated on that really short story. I had no idea what was going on. I hadn't even eaten yet. Give me a couple of days here and I might start realizing what's going on. (For those of you who know me now. No, I still don't know what was going on).

"So what, you're just going to stay in that form?" Mirrors asked. Fuck, Diamond and Mirrors scared me, when one was an asshole, the other was nice. What is it with the emotions of these ponies?

"What's wrong with my human form? It’s what I was born with. I could bitch about your form pony; you look exactly the same as any other fucker around here." I replied quickly. Mirrors stepped back.

"I'm not complaining about what you look like, just, it isn't a pony. Ponies will get confused, and scared about that. As for the second bit. I'm not a dog, I'm a pony. And all Canterlot Sun Guards are required to have a genetic enhancement so we look the same, confuses our enemies if they see an army of clones. Can't count our numbers." Mirrors replied.

"How many enemies does Equestria have?" I asked.

"Enough to send spies and such." He said back rather quickly, that was rather. Ominous much? I looked at the food Mirrors had brought in and walked toward it, Mirrors eating an apple, sitting somehow on a chair clearly designed for humans. Whilst I stared into the ponies green eyes. Wait, green? Weren't they blue? I took a closer look, and so I thought. They were blue, just my sleep deprived mind playing tricks on me. Bastard. I nodded and had had officially enough with Mirrors’ shit and walked out the room to the other guard. Mirrors started saying something but I ignored it and put my fist out to Diamond. Who in turn, lowered his spear.

"That's not what this means Diamond." I said, voice as neutral as possible, fist still out. Diamond looked at me in bewilderment and tilted his head, raising the spear above him again.

"Well Aron, what does 'this' mean?" Diamond asked, pointing his muzzle at my fist. I smiled slightly and Diamond backed up a step/hoof.

"You bump it." I explained, nodding to my fist. Diamond stepped closer to it. Mirrors was still barking on about how Celestia would have his head if another pony saw me outside my room without her permission and seemed to have reverted back into his annoying state and was poking my ass with the wood end of a spear. If I didn't know any better I'd say Mirrors was trying to piss me off. Or was retarded in the way of the spear. How the ponies were holding these weapons I had still yet to think up. Plus I didn't get how their army/guard system worked. They seemed to have just created a cavalry army. Which isn't very balanced in strategy turn based systems. Total War would cry at this. Diamond had yet to bump it.

"Bump, it?" Diamond asked. Now I face palmed. I reached for one of his white hooves and he stepped back again, clearly disgusted.

"Give me your fucking hoof or I swear to the Gods..." I muttered, Diamond kept his hoof down. I forget how stubborn horses can be. After a pause he raised his hoof into my open hand and I lifted it up to bumping height, and then proceeded to tap it with my fist. It felt a bit strange but it was just another way of telling me I wasn't insane dreaming. Diamond inspected his hoof after I bumped it and then put his hoof out again.

"Do-, do that again." Diamond said, clearly unsure of himself, after a second I did and Diamond smiled slightly. After a pause he nodded slightly as well. "We do not do that here. Interesting prospect, you shall have to show the other guards when we head out. If Princess Celestia will allow it." He said finally. I crossed my arms and raised an eyebrow.

"How can you not do that here? Surely it would be a better greeting than a handshake, well hoof shake for you. Or a fucking hug." I declared, Diamond just nodded again. I'm already getting tired of the repeating things these ponies do. I unfolded my arms and then crossed them differently.

"Well first off, yes. This 'Bump' you have is a better greeting in my opinion, and secondly. I don't think Hoof shake means what you think it means." He replied, his voice neutral. I shuddered a bit at that prospect but said nothing. Before turning back and entering my room. Mirrors walked out and raised his hoof as he did. I fucking bumped that shit like the world was ending. I then proceeded to close the door and have a look around. First off, the window. It was pretty large, big enough for me to jump out of if need be and from what I could see it was double glazed. The glass itself was in a diamond shape pattern and had a red tint to it. Much like the colour scheme of the rest of the room. There was a smaller rectangle window above the larger one which seemed to open upwards and not sideways like the big ones. I quickly opened it only then noticing how warm I was. A cool breeze quickly entered the room and I took the jumper I had on off. Much better. One mistake I then made was to look out of the window. Surprisingly, like I nearly shit myself level of surprising, the view consisted of nothing. Like, a ton of mist in the distance and a sheer drop into an abyss of nothing. I jumped back and closed the curtains. I could hear my heartbeat without even having to touch it. One thing about me is, I hate heights. I passed out going on the London Eye once because of heights. So this random drop didn't help, especially after the idea of having to sleep over a misty abyss of fuck came into my head. Damn I hate my brain sometimes. Well, a good sixty percent of the time.
So with the little heart attack that was the window. I then began to open random draws and see what was inside them, nothing in most. Some bits of pony clothing in some. Nothing really special, one drawer labelled 'gentle-colts' had a couple suits and what many would consider 'royal clothing' another drawer with 'mares' on it had a couple pink dresses and some jewellery. Obviously none of it fit me. Not that a tried. So that was another empty road.
Next up was what looked like a bathroom, by that I mean I saw a mirror and a sink made for ponies and I guessed it was a bathroom. Stepping inside my queries were answered with a yes. The room wasn't red like the previous one which I was thankful for straight away and I was even more thankful to see they had a shower in here. It was a bit shorter than human showers but also had much more room, with the shower head on the ceiling, rather than to the fucking side like most of our showers. That was always a plus for team pony. The controls for it were fairly simple too. A rather large brass coloured lever, which to be fair was probably made of brass, with cold in blue on the left, and hot on the right in red. A lot like my own, I suppose. But fancier with the wording and the brass-ness. At least mine lit up. (One point to team human). Coming out of the bathroom and nothing else to do I wondered over to the door and opened it. To see what I hoped was Mirrors and Diamond, accompanied by some other pony. It was a unicorn for starters, had a white coat and a blue tail. As per guard I couldn't see his mane. So I guess he was just another guard, but what suck him out was his armour had tints of purple in it, as well as a purple and pink shield on the chest plate and how his tail was a different style than the other guards. This guy was probably important. Best act normal.

"Hey Mirrors, can you get me some paper, and pencils or something. There's fuck all to do here and I wanna colour." I declared, the trio turned and looked at me. The new guard suddenly had his horn lit in purple and I was pushed against the wall, not hard. But this guy was going to get a slap for it.

"Mirrors. What is this and why is it in a guest room?" The guard declared. Mirrors saluted, or Diamond? I don't know. I need a fucking pen to mark the two apart. Like. Badly. The pony stepped forward and in the squeak that was Mirrors. Said:

"This is Aron sir. Alien from another world. The Princess brought him here as a guest." The other pony looked at me for a few seconds and let me go with his magic. I stepped forward but caught the eye of Diamond who was shaking his head slowly. I backed off after that. This guy really was important. Even if the fucker deserved it, I doubt I'd be able to get out the castle alive if I did hit the fucker.

"I see. Now, Aron if that is your real name. What is it you wanted before you interrupted me." The guard muttered. I ignored that and looked to Mirrors.

"Could you kind sir, go get me some pens or pencils or even fucking crayons if you have any with paper so I can do something whilst I wait for Princess Celestia to call for me." I said, delicately, Mirrors nodded and ran off. I looked to the other guard.

"Why does the alien wish to colour I wonder?" The guard asked. I smiled and crossed my arms. Then began to turn to re-enter my room.

"And you shall spend the rest of your days questioning this. If you excuse me, I have to masturbate." I declared and closed the door behind me. Then waited for Diamond to walk in and tell me off, which, eventually he did.
After about a minute after that incident actually, he knocked on the door and I opened it. The guard walked in without a word and closed the door with his back hoof. He stared at me completely neutrally for a second before he said anything. I was really hoping for those colours. (Actually, before I progress, this colouring thing was genuinely because I was bored. I'm crap at drawing but it’s nice to try, if I didn't want to draw I could always write something, purely for entertainment purposes, not because I had a deprived childhood).

"Do you know who that was Aron?" Diamond asked. I just stared at him and stuck my middle finger up. Diamond nodded. "Moving on." He muttered. "That was the capital of the royal guard, Shining Armor. He is a bit of fucking a idiot. When he is without Princess Cadence anyway." Diamond added. I nodded.

"You swore wrong." I replied, then continued quickly. "It would be 'a fucking idiot.' I know I said swears are fillers, but you have to keep it grammatically correct otherwise you sound stupid. Obviously your learning, you shouldn't be, but you are. So I understand if you get it wrong. Secondly I can tell he is the life of the parties. Bit aggressive inne?" I asked. Diamond just nodded.

"He gets like this when Princess Cadence goes away on trips." Diamond muttered.

"How often does this Cadence go on trips?" I asked. Worried about the answer.

"Well she's the royal ambassador, so, a lot. Never for very long though. But long enough for him to get like this." Diamond replied. I nodded slowly and decided against asking more. I honestly didn't care. He was a cunt so why should I help him? Or even care. Just as an awkward silence came over us, Mirrors came down the corridor without a helmet holding a large amount of paper and pencils of different colours. I wouldn't actually colour anything I drew because I suck at drawing, why keep at something that looks like shit? The guard looked at both of us and Diamond let out a cough. Mirrors' look went straight to the other guard.

"What is it sir?" Mirrors asked. Diamond looked up at where his helmet was and Mirrors dropped at the materials and ran off down the corridor again. His face as red as my new room. Diamond let out a short, quiet laugh but stopped when I looked at him. Face going neutral.

"You must be the life of the party." I muttered picking up all the pencils and paper Mirrors had thrown down. Diamond let out a smile he didn't think I noticed and just muttered a reply.

"I try to be." I smiled slightly and let out a breath. When I looked up from the pencils on the floor. The door closed and Diamond was gone. Fucker. I then proceeded to walk over to a convenient table and placed some paper down.

I then spent the next four hours thinking of what to draw. Until the God Princess came to take me to dinner.

I was actually mid-way through drawing Celestia herself when she turned up, so you can imagine how well that went by, her walking in unannounced, me trying to draw her (It was extremely poor). Along with a couple armed guards. So I looked at her, she looked at my drawing, the guards looked straight forward. And Diamond looked at horror at the picture. Erm, it wasn't me?

“It’s dinnertime Aron.” Was all Celestia said, then turned and left. Diamond stayed behind. After all the guards had left he burst out laughing. I stuck my middle finger up but said nothing.

“What. Is. That?” He asked eventually looking at my picture. Holding back laughter.

“What, I was bored, decided to try to draw ponies, and whatever the fuck-this-is, is the result.” I replied. Diamond just nodded and turned.

“I am not sure how the Princess will think about this but she seemed to have, noticed it. “ Diamond muttered. “I am taking you to dinner, so whenever you are ready.” He added finally, I looked at myself and got up. Apparently that was wrong because the look Diamond gave me was one of evil. “You are going dressed in that?” He asked. Looking me up and down.

“Fuck off Diamond, you’re naked but armour, this is all I brought cloth wise. Well I have a couple other tops and shit but nothing nice, plus gotta keep shit clean as long as possible whilst I’m here, not gonna get another set of human clothing.” I replied. Diamond shook his head a little.

“Sorry, too used to being around royals, anything that isn’t white, blue or purple with a lot of gems and silk is, strange, to me. I hate this job sometimes.” Diamond muttered.

“Surely this job has to have some perks? Battles occasionally, assassination attempts, that kind of stuff?” I asked, Diamond shook his head and looked a bit sad.

“Nope, nothing like that, it’s parade around on a national holiday, but no one knows who you are because of this cloning stuff, or standing around guarding random parts of the castle. It’s a pretty dull life.” Diamond admitted, I looked at the clearly sad guard but said nothing. For a moment at least.

“Why do it then? Guard I mean?” I asked.

“Well honestly, someone has to do it, might as well be me, plus the pay is fairly good. And us veterans dig up or discover a decent amount of royal secrets. Some are rather strange.” Diamond muttered, staring off into the distance like he was remembering some long ago war. I shuddered and stepped back.

“Whoa dude, I've been here a day. I don’t give too shits about that. Also, is that how everyone feels about Celestia? Just, ‘she’s there?’” I asked.

“No not at all, most are very patriotic towards Princess Celestia and Princess Cadence, just I am not particularly.” He muttered. Then opened the door to my room and waved to hoof to let me go first.

“I have no idea where I’m going, don’t wave your politeness at me.” I grunted. Diamond laughed slightly again and stepped through.

“You are a strange creature alien.” He muttered.

“And you are a strange pony, equine. Bitch you know my name. As I yours. Don’t forget that.” I grunted in return, I didn't really care what he called me, I would get worse. Diamond just nodded and said nothing, inching forward again; I shrugged my shoulders and began to follow, as we exited the room a white pony with very rainbow hair. She was wearing a very French looking maid outfit and had a feather duster in her mouth. She seemed to be muttering some song I had never heard of, which wasn't hard considering the only music I knew was nightcore or older music, I hate modern music, its shit. Well she was happily muttering her song and then noticed me. How fun that was, she looked at me, looked to Diamond with her face dropping from clear happiness to major freak-out. Then she ran, screaming. I kept walking, as did Diamond.

"What a nice girl." I muttered as we walked. Diamond gave a sideways glance and waited for his reply. He was definitely acting more buff and stronger than he was. Inside at least, I'd never pick a fight with this guy. Or any of the guards to be honest. I had no combat experience, they might just have to stand around waiting all day, but they at least had some basic training right? Right?

"Sorry about that." Diamond muttered. "Most ponies of Equestria aren't used to anything... Not, pony." He added. This peaked my interest a bit.

"Most?" I asked. Diamond nodded.

"Those born further south or even north. Near the borders of Equestria. See a lot more travellers and traders come through that aren't pony races. Usually, which is why you don't see many around, these non-ponies drop off whatever supplies they have to trade and a pony courier sends it to here or the other towns who ordered it. And any traveller or adventurer usually turns around and leaves when they find put they are in Equestria. Nothing of worth here to explore." Diamond explained.

"I see. Is this place really that dull that travellers just give up?" I asked. After a pause Diamond just nodded.

"Some stuff of interest happens, but not recently. The only thing coming up is this Summer Sun Celebration and clearly the Princess' protégé has that covered. Although a few of Celestia's personal guards will be going. Not me though." Diamond replied. I nodded then.

"They all clones as well?" I asked.

"Naturally." Was the reply. Still a dumb ass idea if you ask me. But no one has so I don't care what happens.

"Wait so, this thing is in a, couple days yeah?" I asked, Diamond nodded. "And Celestia is sending me to meet her protégé tomorrow?" Another nod. Then it clicked. "That bitch thinks I'm going to guard her student." I muttered. Diamond looked pissed for a moment.

"Is bitch an insult, I remind you I am paid to defend Princess Celestia and Princess Cadence. Both in honour and valour." Diamond muttered.

"The way I used it just then. No. And that's very noble. I'm so glad I have you as a guide through the corridors. If you protect the Princesses surely you protect their invited guests?" I quickly replied. Diamond looked lost for a moment but nodded finally, shutting up. He did, however, only do that because we had reached a set of two large doors. A couple of guards stood outside. One was white with a pair of rather small wings, wearing armour and a noticeable saddle with a crossbow in it. The other was a grey pony with wings and a spear. So there's what? Four types of guards so far? Original.

"Through here. I'll await for you to return to your quarters. I'm sure Mirrors will show you to your room. He is usually on duty by the time you've finished." Diamond said. Then walked off.

"You won't actually stand outside my room like a perv whilst I eat will you?" I asked, Diamond didn't reply. Fucking hell man. Also, he knew what a pervy was. He definitely knew what a fucking perv was. With Diamond gone and the two armed guards staring at me, I just pushed open the left door and stepped inside. I found myself in a rather large room with tables are over the place and a long one with white coverings on the end, chairs had been stacked already on the rounded tables but the main one had all the plates and chairs still out. Food aplenty. Celestia was sitting alone. Staring down into a bowl of food, possibly soup? She looked depressed and I wasn't sure how to take that. So I just walked up to her, sat down next to her. And did the manliest thing I could think of. Started eating because I have no idea what I am doing with people like that, never have. So I just ate and hoped Celestia would enlighten me. She did eventually. (I did think about hugging her or some crap, but I had only just met the women).

"Luna is coming back in a few days." Celestia muttered, staring at her (yep, I guessed it) soup. I looked to her but she made no move to look back. I shrugged and took a bit of the vegetables in front of me. I was surprised to see chicken on the table and would probably eat all of it. Having not eaten much all day. Plus it was fucking meat!

"Isn't that a good thing?" I asked, having no idea who Luna was. Oh wait. Was she this Nightmare Moon person? Or this so-called protégé I am meeting?

"If only. Almost a thousand years ago Luna found herself to be corrupt. She turned against the ways of the world and tried to make it eternal night. She was, changed, into something... Something else. Nightmare Moon she called herself. I had no choice but to banish her to the moon, she would have destroyed us if I hadn't." Celestia explained, still not eating.

"So how come she is returning?" I asked, honest question.

"There was a prophecy, I left. That said when a thousand years were up, the stars would aid in her escape. After a thousand years I am hoping that Nightmare Moon is weak enough to be defeated and my sister comes back to me." Celestia muttered. I nodded.

"She's going to be damaged. Inside I mean." I grunted. Celestia finally looked at me.

"So-sorry?" She asked, almost offended.

"Well I knew a guy once, who believed he had failed the world. So he went away, secluded for ten years. By the end of those ten years. He was hearing a voice in his head, contradicting everything he said and trying too hard to get the man to kill himself and give up. I don't have experience with this kinda stuff, but Luna might be like that. A thousand years is a lot more than ten." I explained. The truth was that I had read a book about that story. I never knew him, the guy was just there. A pretty fucked up character from the start and definitely a proper asshole. No excuse for his failure and I'm glad he finally died. (Spoilers). Celestia sat for a moment and sipped some soup, the steam from it had stopped, provably some time ago. I had probably pulled a nerve with that last remark. She finally stood. I stopped her.

"I should go Aron." She muttered. A couple guards were converging on us. On me.

"You need to eat. Luna will be fine. Your protégé will make sure of that. And I'll be there to make sure your trainee is safe. I'll need a weapon or something though." I replied. That one definitely hit a nerve. But she sat down.

"So you know why I am sending you to Twilight?" Celestia asked. I nodded.

"I figured it out alone. Guard duty right?" I replied. She nodded. "I would have done it if you'd just asked, no need for secrets." I added. Celestia nodded and began to eat/drink her soup. I tore a chicken leg off the corpse and ate. Perfect behaviour around royalty. The guards stopped inching closer when Celestia sat down again. Celestia didn't say anything for a while so I started a conversation.

"How come there is meat here? Do ponies eat it?" I asked. Celestia shook her head and began to speak.

"No ponies don't, but when I came to your world to get you. I did some research, your people like meat. So I spoke to some griffon embassies and they sent this for me. They don't know who it is for but it isn't unknown for a meat eater to travel in Equestria." Huh, Diamond said nobody comes through Equestria. Or maybe not nobody, but still not many.

"I see. Well humans do eat meat but we don't need it to survive. So if it is too difficult to transport or trade." I began, then realised what I had said. No meat? A lot of it I could live without, but chicken, or ham? Shit son. If the worst came to the worst I would just hunt for my meat.

First though, learn to hunt.

I was probably gonna end up as a vegetarian then. Or dead.

Or both.