Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 22 - Part 2

“Trixie?” Cheerilee asked as she caught up with the unicorn outside of the town hall.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Yes, yes, no need to thank me. I was just doing my job as representative.

The blue unicorn ignored her as she focused on her target,

Doctor: (Trixie) You! You were singing Skip to My Lou under your breath! Don’t try to deny it!

a dark blue earth pony mare wearing a brown, hooded winter cloak, though its hood was down at the moment. Trixie was holding up a small bag with magic, and with more magic was levitating ten silver bits into it.

Doctor: (Trixie) Ha! Sucker! And she never even saw it coming!

“Lyra Heartstrings,” Trixie said.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Nope! That’s not me whatsoever! I’m...umm...Glimmer L..ime! That’s it. No Lyra here!

“She’s staying with her parents at 12 Hayseed Lane.

Doctor: (Trixie) Probably living in their basement.

Find her and get her to come to the Representative’s residency at six o’clock.”

Doctor: Taking that she hasn’t been with Trixie all day, it seems like her job is over with.

Ditzy: The Princess really got ripped off.

Doctor: (Luna) I knew using Craigslist was a bad idea!

The mare stared blankly at Trixie. “Do I look like a message runner to you?” she demanded.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Does it look like I care?

In response, Trixie’s magic placed the bag atop the earth pony’s head. “Everypony looks like a message runner when I’m paying them another twenty bits if they do what I ask.”

Ditzy: Not if your name's the Doctor.

Doctor: (Nods)

The mare’s eyes widened a little. She flicked her head, and the bag fell from it, though she caught it in her mouth as it fell.

All: (Clap)

“Fohld,” she said as best she could with a mouth full of cloth and money as she trotted off, joining a couple of stallion friend.

Cheerilee blinked as she came up alongside Trixie, staring at the unicorn. “You could have just asked me,” she remarked.

Doctor: (Cheerilee) I could have used that for rent!

“No, you’re going to be busy,” Trixie remarked as she began cantering away from the town hall, towards the Equestrian Royal Bank. “You’ve got that little stand of art projects to set up. You’re welcome, by the way.”

Doctor: (Trixie) An applause won’t be necessary, but feel free if you want to.

Cheerilee’s eyes narrowed. “You know, I wanted that spot. I really did. But I didn’t want to leave Rarity an emotional wreck just to get it.”

Ditzy: Don’t worry. Some time on the fainting couch and she should be as right as rain!

“Please,” Trixie snorted derisively. “She’ll be fine.”

“That’s not the point,”  Cheerilee objected. “You don’t know how much of a perfectionist Rarity is – ”

Doctor: Ah, you haven’t seen how adaptive she is. She turned curtains and sheets into viable fashion line!

“And interestingly enough,” Trixie said, stopping and glaring at Cheerilee, looking at the earth pony for the first time since she had come outside, “I don’t care, either.

Doctor: (Trixie) Serves her right for suggesting I get into a (bleh) dress!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.”

Cheerilee matched Trixie’s glare. “If it’s anything like what just happened in there,” she said, pointing back to the town hall, “then the festival is going to be ruined.”

Doctor: (Cheerilee) It’s a good thing I have a safe house for just such an occasion.

Trixie’s lips curled into a sadistic smile. “Fine by me,” she hissed as she turned away and began walking again.

Ditzy: (Trixie) I’m fine with ruining lives and hurting ponies if it means I get what I want!

Doctor: (Sighs) Look, I get you want to make Trixie strikingly different from Twilight Sparkle, and give her a redemptive arc, but isn’t this going a bit too far?

Cheerilee stared after her for a few moments, before shaking her head and trotting off towards BonBon’s Confectionarium.

Ditzy: (Cheerilee) She’s the new bearer of the Element of Magic? We are so screwed.

Lyra may have been theoretically living with her parents, but Trixie obviously didn’t know the mint green unicorn very well if she honestly thought that she’d be staying with them for a significant portion of any given day.

Ditzy: Screw her parents! She’s getting it on all day, everyday!

Doctor: So I guess Trixie wasted those bit for nothing then.

Ditzy: Must be nice being a Princess’s student. Being able to throw out all that money and not care about it one bit.

---

Trixie entered the post office and found it in a considerably better state than it had been when she and Lyra had entered yesterday,

Ditzy: Though for some reason all the furniture was standing straight on the side of the wall.

with no mess of fallen shelves and turned-over carts confronting her. Instead,

Ditzy: Ninjas appeared and drew swords at her!

on entering, Trixie found herself staring into the wide, yellow eyes of a unicorn filly sitting behind the counter, where the receptionist was supposed to be.

Doctor: Luna also doesn’t believe in child labor laws.

Ditzy: (Luna) Eight years old is a perfect time to start picking up a trade! Public school is a waste of time that teaches them nothing useful!

“Hello!” the young unicorn exclaimed at Trixie entered, eyes closing and offering a bright grin.

Trixie froze as she stared at the filly.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Oh crap! I know nothing about foals! If I don’t move, maybe it will lose interest and go away!

She looked like nothing so much as a miniature, wingless, horned version of Ditzy Doo.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) It’s another one of the Doctor’s crazy science accidents. Hey, at least I didn’t change species this time!

Doctor: Ha. Somehow I knew you would bring that up.

The filly was even wearing a mail pony’s cap, though it was too large for her head. Despite her ebon-hued mood, Trixie couldn’t help but feel her heart swell slightly at the sight,

Doctor: Trixie’s small heart grew 1.5 sizes that day.

most likely because her brain was failing, at the moment, to fully process what she was seeing.

Ditzy: You cannot grasp the true form of this filly’s cuteness.

Doctor: A true lovecraftian horror of cuteness.

“How can I help you?” the filly asked. Her hat almost slid off her head, but the filly stopped it with one hoof and forced it back into place.

Doctor: (Filly) Can you believe it? They won’t buy me a cap my size! Those cheap jerks! They tell me “Don’t worry about, you’ll grow into it!” What a load! Do they have any idea how annoying it is to wear a hat four sizes too big?!

Trixie blinked. “Uh,” she managed, before her brain settled into a comfortable autopilot. “I need to express deliver this letter.” Her horn glowed as she telekinetically withdrew an envelope from her cape and holding it aloft. “Same-day delivery to Cloudsdale.”

Ditzy: (Filly) Yeah, and I want to come home to a husband that won’t constantly cheat on me with younger mares. Get in line!

The filly frowned a little, closing her eyes tightly. Small sparks sprang from her horn, and a faint lavender aura wrapped itself around Trixie’s letter. Trixie relinquished her grip on it, and the envelope haltingly made its way over to the filly, though she nearly lost her grip a few times.

Doctor: Trixie turned red at the unmentionable curses the filly was spewing out in frustration.

At length, it settled down in front of her, and the filly opened her eyes again, panting heavily as she looked at the package.

Ditzy: (Filly) Hey! What are you trying to pull here? Ya think I’m blind or something! It’s 40 bits extra for packages!

“Okay…” she breathed. “Okay. Um…to Cloudsdale? Same day? That’s…” the filly’s nose scrunched slightly as she looked over a chart in front of her, and tapped out a rhythm with her front hooves to aid with basic arithmetic. “Twenty bits!”

“Twenty-two,” a voice whispered from under the counter.

Ditzy: (Filly) Thanks Bing Bong!

“Twenty-two bits!” the filly corrected herself.

Doctor: (Filly) Forgot to calculate sales tax again.

Trixie managed to last a few more moments before coming right up to the counter, peering over it.

Ditzy: Sure she wasn’t hearing voices and going crazy.

Sure enough, sitting on her stomach on the other side was a gray-coated pegasus, hat missing but otherwise in uniform and keeping one eye on the filly, while the other had previously wandered towards the ceiling but was now looking at Trixie.

“Hi,” Ditzy Doo said.

Doctor: (Ditzy) Don’t mind me. I’m just going for the high score on Angry Pegasai. .

“Hi,” Trixie returned. After several moments of silence, she stepped back from the counter, and looked to the filly again.

Doctor: No questions why she’s under there?

“Twenty-two?” she asked. The filly nodded, and Trixie removed the bits from her moneybag. Like any good sales pony, the filly began counting them out, as Trixie once more looked over the counter.

Ditzy: (Filly) You’re three bits short.

Doctor: (Trixie) Darn it, I didn’t think you would actually count the amount.

“Little sister?” she asked the mare ‘hiding’ there.

Doctor: (Ditzy) Actually, she’s a failed clone created by the Daleks to replace me in a plot to get at the Doctor.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Wha?

Doctor: (Ditzy)(Shrugs) Stranger things have happened.

Ditzy Doo shook her head. “Dinky Daisy Doo’s my daughter,” she explained.

Ditzy: Woah woah woah! I am way too young to have a daughter that age or even have a daughter!

Doctor: You could be older in this universe.

Ditzy: Yeah, but I’m still too young!

“I’m my momma’s muffin!” Dinky Daisy Doo exclaimed happily as she closed her eyes again, using her nascent telekinesis to move the bits into a cash drawer behind the desk.

Doctor: Pocketing one for candy money.

It was slow going, giving Trixie plenty of time to take in the little filly and compare her apparent age to that of the mare who was her mother.

Doctor: (Ditzy) Oh I know I don’t look it, but I’m actually 31 years old!

The pegasus didn’t look like she was much older than Trixie, and for Dinky Daisy to be as old as she looked,

Doctor: Which is?

Ditzy: (Author) Eh, I figure out their timeline later.

Ditzy Doo would have had to of given birth to the filly when she was younger than Trixie was now.

Ditzy: I do not like these implications one bit! Maybe we are better off not knowing.

It did, at least, explain the maternal authority that she had brought to bear against her and Rainbow Dash yesterday.

Doctor: The instincts to avoid being punished by your mum runs deep.

“Why is she here?” Trixie asked.

Doctor: And why are you under the counter?

“No school today,” Ditzy Doo explained, “so she’s helping me out. First she helped with my morning rounds – ”

Ditzy: (Ditzy) And I don’t have to pay her anything!

“That was fun!” Dinky Daisy Doo interrupted. “But a lot of walking…”

Doctor: (Daisy) And getting attacked by dogs wasn’t fun....

“ – and now she’s helping out around the office. Mail mare for a day!”

Doctor: (Ditzy) And I don’t have to do anything! Nap time!

Ditzy: (Ditzy) It’s ‘Make your foal do your job’ day!

“Yay!” Dinky Daisy exclaimed, as she finished putting away the silver bits and began using her telekinesis to lift Trixie’s letter once more. Unfortunately, she tried too hard, and the envelope began crumpling up.

Ditzy:Then it burst into flames then suddenly turned into a dove and flew away.

“Ah!” the unicorn exclaimed, lavender aura instantly dropping from the letter. It fell to the desk as Ditzy Doo stood and Dinky Daisy Doo stared in horror. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I thought I had it but then I grabbed it too hard and I only started doing tele-connectics a few weeks ago and sometimes it’s really hard but sometimes I grab things harder than I mean to and this is just like the cup I broke but I didn’t mean to – ”

Doctor: (Daisy) And, um, some pieces might have flown in mommy’s muffin batter. It’s a good thing it was only for those peanut butter, hay, and pumpernickel seed ones that nopony in their right mind would eat.

Trixie held up a hoof even as Ditzy Doo placed a reassuring one on her daughter’s back. Trixie’s horn glowed, and the letter instantly began to smooth itself out. The creases remained, but the letter was flat once more. “There we go,” Trixie reassured the filly, “good as new.”

Dinky Daisy sniffed a little, but nodded and smiled, at least until she noticed her mother eyeing her.

“Cup?” Ditzy Doo asked.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) It wasn’t the floral one that was a priceless family heirloom was it?

Doctor: (Daisy) Well, I, um.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) I’m kidding. I got that at a flea market a few years ago.

Dinky Daisy offered a guilty laugh, rubbing behind her head with a hoof. “Um,” she explained.

“We’ll talk about it later,” Ditzy Doo promised as she looked over Trixie’s letter to Cloudsdale. Her eyes widened a little. “A weather-for-hire service?” she asked.

Ditzy: And here I thought you couldn’t sink any lower Trixie. I was wrong.

Doctor: Weather-for-hire?

Ditzy: They’re a bunch of jerks that get in the way of ponies that actually know what they are doing! What do they know about weather and subtleties of an ecosystem?!

Doctor: I can already tell this is going to get ugly.

Trixie decided not to wonder how the pegasus knew where the letter was going from nothing more than a cloud address.

Doctor: More postpony sorcery!

“Yes,” she confirmed. “That Everfree storm is getting worse from the looks of things, and the weather patrol told me yesterday that they’re going to be completely at a loss without their captain.

Doctor: Ms. Dash isn’t actually gone.

Ditzy: Is she really just going to abandon her job the entire time?

So, weather-for-hire. A dozen pegasi ought to equal one Rainbow Dash, right?”

Doctor: Well let’s see, rounding up two decimal points, twelve pegasi equal 1.39 Rainbow Dashes.

Ditzy Doo made a face at that. “Raindrops isn’t going to like that.”

“Why not?” Trixie asked. “She’s the one who was complaining about the storm and not having Rainbow Dash. Besides, it’s not her decision. It’s Cloud Kicker’s.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) And she’s too interested in teasing Blossomforth and banging to care!

Doctor: And you know this how exactly?

Ditzy Doo stuck out her tongue at that. “Cloud Kicker just goes along with anything Rainbow Dash tells her to do.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Cloud Kicker jump off this cliff and no flying to avoid hitting the ground.

Ditzy: (Cloud Kicker) Ok! Weee!

Doctor: (Rainbow) Dang, I never thought she would actually do it...

Raindrops is the pony who actually keep the patrol together during bad times.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) Especially during the odd alien invasion!

She completely, honestly loves her job…and she hates weather-for-hire services.”

Ditzy: I like this Raindrops! She’s the best character in the fic!

This wasn’t precisely news for Trixie. Even from her brief interaction with Raindrops, she felt she had a pretty good bead on the pony’s personality. In point of fact, to an extent, she was counting on it. “Well, she’s just going to have to pony up and deal with it,”  Trixie retorted, drawing a glare from Ditzy Doo. Trixie didn’t relent. “Princess Luna is coming tomorrow. Those skies have to be clear for the festival, and if Rainbow Dash isn’t going to lead her team like she should and the pony who is supposed to lead the team isn’t going to be of any use, then as festival overseer it’s my job to get outside help to make things run smoothly.”

Ditzy: So, why don’t you just appeal to the Weather Control Office? They would send somepony in a jiffy to handle this mess. Then you won’t have to consort with (bleh) weather-for-hire ponies!

Doctor: Are they really so bad?

Ditzy: Oh, you’ll see.

“I think it’s a bit more likely that Raindrops will start a fight with the weather-for-hire ponies.”

All: Mortal Kombat! (Hum Mortal Kombat theme)

Trixie managed to conceal both her grin and a response of I hope so. 

Ditzy: (Trixie) Maybe I should distribute weapons to make this more interesting!

Trixie was either going to fix this Longest Night festival or completely ruin it for everypony,

Doctor: It was Trixie’s policy that if she can’t be happy, no one can.

and at the moment she was finding it hard to care which happened,

Doctor: Why not? It wasn’t like her future was on the line or anything.

even with two hopeful participants in front of her. “We’ll just have to risk that,” she said instead, then looked down to Dinky Daisy Doo. “So I need this letter to be sent as fast as possible, okay?”

“Okay!” the filly exclaimed,

Doctor: (Daisy) Time to test my new rocket powered skateboard.

taking it in her mouth – apparently she wasn’t trusting her telekinesis at the moment despite Trixie’s re-assurances – and scampering off through a door, out of sight.

Ditzy: Doctor, do you think that filly was a little too cute?

Doctor: Maybe, why do you ask?

Ditzy: Beep the Meep has put me guard on somepony that cute.

Doctor: I’m sure she’s just a normal filly. The author was just trying too hard to make her lovable.

Ditzy: You’re probably right.

“Leeroy Wingkins is doing the express today,”

Doctor: Cute.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) Oh, and you may have to pay for any property damage he causes while delivering your package.

Ditzy Doo explained as she watched her daughter go with one eye. “It’ll be in Cloudsdale in no time.” She turned to look at Trixie again. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

“‘Course I do,” Trixie lied – sort-of – as Dinky Daisy Doo came back and got back up on the box that had allowed her to be at the desk. She looked to the filly, and found herself unable to resist doing something memorable – like Luna, she loved foals.

Doctor: Really? You wouldn’t think that looking at her.

Ditzy: Doesn’t she hate joy and happiness?

The blue unicorn reached over and rubbed the filly on her head, nearly knocking her hat off and tossing her mane. “And thank-you, Dinky Daisy Doo.”

“Hey!” Dinky Daisy objected, though she giggled a little too. “Stop that!”

“Okay, okay,” Trixie relented. “It’s just that there’s something caught in your hair, under your hat.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) It’s a snake!

Dinky Daisy blinked a few times, then took off the cap and checked her head – and found a silver bit falling out. She – impressively for her age – caught it with telekinesis, eyes wide as she looked at Trixie,

Doctor: (Daisy) I can use this to invest in the stock market! The DOE is down and this is the perfect time to buy!

to her hat, which she hadn’t noticed leaving her head at any point. “How’d you do that?” the young unicorn demanded.

“Magic,” Trixie responded.

“But your horn wasn’t glowing!”

“That’s why it was magic,” Trixie responded knowingly,

Doctor: That was memorable?

Ditzy: Oh come on. That was the oldest trick in the book. My uncle did it all the time!

turning around and trotting from the post office in a slightly better mood than when she had entered. Seeing the sun’s descent across the sky, however, towards the horizon, turned her thoughts dark again.

Ditzy: Night already? That was quick.

It served as a potent reminder of how little time remained before the Longest Night festival began tomorrow – and how Luna had exiled Trixie to Ponyville, though not before setting her up with a no-win scenario.

Doctor: (Trixie) I don't believe in the no-win scenario.

Regardless of whether the result of the day was a saved or ruined festival, though, Trixie still had work to do. Grunting, she set off for her residency.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Phew I’m beat. Time for bed.

---

“So, Lulamoon – ” Lyra began. Trixie’s glare at the name could have frozen the sun from its coldness. “We’re back to wanting Trixie, then,” the unicorn observed.

“Back?” Trixie demanded.

Ditzy: (Lyra) While you were drunk you legally changed your name to just Lulamoon.

“Last night. You insisted I call you Lulamoon. You might have been slightly very drunk.” She paused a moment as she considered. “About half of everything you said was in Prench too, I think.”

Doctor: (Lyra) For some reason you only peppered you speech with it instead of talking fluently in it. It sounded like you took Prench phrases from a dictionary to sound cool.

Trixie stared a few moments, before letting out a groan. “No it wasn’t,” she objected hopefully.

Ditzy: (Trixie) It was...um...Japonese! Lyra-san! NAN DESU KAN? Domo Kawaii arigatou Mr. Roboto!

“It was,” Lyra responded, nodding sadly. “Also fell back into what I can only guess is a Neigh Orleans accent. And you called me and BonBon cute.”

“BonBon?”

“My mare-friend. I’d feel threatened, but again: drunk,

Doctor: (Lyra) Try anything to my marefriend sober and you will be found in an alley in pieces.

and you’re not her type anyway.

Ditzy: Right. She’s into lazy jerks.

Plus you thought everypony was cute at the time, even yourself.”

Doctor: (Lyra) Because Luna knows you have a face only a mother could love.

She leaned forward. “But in purple, you’re stunning. Apparently.”

Ditzy: (Lyra) You couldn’t be more wrong.

“Never again,” Trixie swore as she regarded her purple, star-studded cape.

Ditzu: (Trixie) I knew I should have gone with polkadots.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

Doctor: True, considering she’s in the negative scale of fabulousness.

“Meh,” Trixie objected.

Ditzy: Oh hey! That’s my review of this fic!

The two were sitting in Trixie’s office, Trixie behind her desk. She had just, in fact, poured herself a glass of something amber-colored to see if it could steady her nerves or at least brighten her mood,

Ditzy: Trixie, you really need to stop drinking any random thing you find in a bottle.

but after Lyra’s revelations she was thinking water would do just fine.

Doctor: Ah, being called Lulamoon was more of an incentive not to drink than some nasty hangover.

The blue unicorn began pouring her drink back into its bottle as she eyed her mint-green counterpart.

Doctor: Unfortunately causing half of the glass’s contents to fall on the desk.

“Anyway. Lyra. First, I want to thank you for showing me around most of Ponyville, and leaving me in capable hooves before ditching me.

Ditzy: And when she says capable, she means ‘actually competent’.

Which I’m not mad about, I swear.”

Doctor: (Trixie) And most certainly won’t have words with the Princess about this.

“No problem.”

Ditzy: I suppose we have to forgive her. Lyra intends to make up that time she was gone from Bon-Bon all at once.

“Which brings me right to why I just paid some random pony thirty bits to get you here. I need your help.”

Lyra grimaced slightly. “Cheerilee warned me about that. Said you were wandering around town today basically on the warpath.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Roaring while shooting lasers out of your eyes.

Conning Carrot Top into opening a stall on the Longest Night, making Rarity freak out about her decorations, ordering weather-for-hire ponies and using up just about your entire monthly stipend on them…” Lyra blinked a few times.

“What are you going to eat, anyway, for the next month?”

Trixie shrugged. “I dunno. I’ll think of something.

Ditzy: What? You just spend you’re entire allowance every month and have nothing saved up?

Doctor: I guess her unique taste in food can’t be cheap.

But that’s not important right now. What’s important is that Fluttershy is refusing to do the music,

Ditzy: (Sighs) So I bet we aren’t going to have Fluttershy steel her nerves and do the music.

Doctor: No, that would detract from how awesome Lyra supposively is.

so since you’re a musician – ”

Lyra’s eyes widened a little as she realized what Trixie that going to ask. “No,” she intoned.

Ditzy: Yeah, get somepony that actually is trained for this sort of thing.

“Is that a ‘no, I’m not going to do it,’ or a ‘no way, I can’t believe it?’” Trixie asked with a smile on her face, sure of the answer.

“No, I’m not going to do it,” Lyra responded evenly.

Doctor: Next scene. (Lyra) Stupid Trixie! How was ever able to talk me into this?!

Trixie’s smile dropped. That was not the answer she had been expecting. “What?” she asked.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Perhaps I misheard you. What was that again?

“The festival is tomorrow night. I’d need more time to prepare. A set list at least – ”

Doctor: Improvise.

“Just play the anthem!”

“For the raising of the moon, sure, but what about the rest of the night? And besides, I’m spending the night with BonBon.”

Ditzy: Celestia! Is that all you care about?

Doctor: Family, responsibilities? Whatever, she needs snu-snu!

Ditzy: I’m pretty sure that’s not the right term Doctor.

Doctor: Really?

Lyra matched Trixie’s hard stare without effort. The two unicorns were silent for some time, before Trixie whickered in annoyance, trotting around from behind her desk and horn glowing as she took a letter from her cape’s pocket – the letter from the former Baron Duke Blueblood, which she shoved in front of the mint green unicorn. “This is where I am, Lyra,” Trixie intoned after giving her a few moments to read.

Doctor: (Lyra) Doesn’t seem so bad to me. You get a sweet stipend every month and nopony expects anything from you.

“I have one chance, one, maybe, of getting back in Luna’s good graces, and that’s saving everything from going straight into the sun!”

Ditzy: Would raising the moon in silence really be so bad?

Lyra shook her mane. “If that’s true,” she asked, “then why does it seem like you’re trying to ruin everything? You’re going to start a fight between the Apple clan and poor Carrot Top – ”

Ditzy: In an epic food fight war that will engulf the entirety of Ponyville.

“Not just her!” Trixie objected quickly, sliding the letter back into her cape’s pocket. “I’ve actually arranged for a few other stalls, too,

Doctor: (Trixie) One is selling my favorite! Rice and bananas covered in whip cream and chocolate chips!

spent most of the afternoon. But there won’t be a fight because they’re not selling on festival grounds.”

“That’s semantics and you know it. You think the Apples will care?”

“Of course they’ll care! But they can’t do anything about it.

Doctor: Well...I don’t know about that. They could block anyone from entering the festival ground if they try to come in with outside food.

And it’ll give Luna more to eat than just apples.”

Doctor: (Trixie) And I don’t care about the possible fallout this might cause for participating farmers.

“And leaving Rarity as an emotional wreck?” Lyra asked.

Ditzy: Of for...she’s not going to be an emotional wreck! She’ll be just fine really! And how many times do you have to state this?!

Doctor: Half of this story is just repeating the same things over and over again.

“She’s still at the town hall, you know. She’ll probably be working her hooves off until right before the festival’s to begin, and it looked great and you know it. But now the decorations will probably end up looking like they were done by a school filly.

Doctor: No, that’s just the new theme.

And weather-for-hire ponies? You’ll be lucky if the weather patrol doesn’t break in here and kill you in your sleep.”

Doctor: Don’t get our hopes up please.

Trixie rolled her eyes. “Raindrops herself said that she couldn’t promise anything. If that storm over the Everfree is as bad as she said it was going to be, can I be blamed for wanting to hedge my bets?”

Ditzy: I prefer to furn my bets instead.

Lyra sighed, conceding the point. “It’s going to end poorly, that’s all,” she promised.

Ditzy: And that isn’t counting on Celestia’s return… wait. What was her evil name again?

Doctor: Corona.

Ditzy: Oh right. Corona’s return!

“And you want to add me to all this?”

Doctor: (Lyra) I would rather not be lynched by a mob thank you so much.

Trixie shrugged. “Know any other musicians living in Ponyville? Ones that are good enough to play for the princess herself?”

Ditzy: Well, there is DJ Pon-3 of course, and I am honestly surprised you didn’t just go with her, Octavia, Bluenote, Meadow Song, Fiddlesticks, and the Pony Tones! Wait, did they exist back then? I forget.

Doctor: And Marealyn Mansion. Luna would adore that.

Ditzy: That would be awesome! Anyway, you have way better options than somepony out of music school!

The unicorn took a step forward. She was playing her entire hoof here, faster than she normally would, but if that was what it took… “If you do, for the love of the stars tell me now. Otherwise, I’ve heard you play that harp – ”

All: Lyre.

“Lyre,” Lyra interrupted, with the same kind of force that Trixie put behind her demands about her name.

“ – lyre, sorry, that lyre of yours, and you’re good.

Ditzy: (Trixie) And think of all the record deals you will get! Publishing companies will trip over their hooves trying to get to you!

And you’ve just graduated from the magic school so I’m guessing you know a lot of spells to enhance your playing.

Doctor: In other words, trick people into thinking it sounds good.

Imagine how that must look on a music résumé.”

“Music résumé?” Lyra asked, one brow raised. “You have no idea how being a musician works, do you?”

“I know that ponies with more consistent jobs would never pass up an opportunity like this.”

Doctor: (Trixie) After all, you survive off of coins thrown in a hat when you play on the side of the street right?

Lyra’s brow arched higher. “More consistent jobs?” She echoed. “You don’t think very much of me, do you?”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Do you really want me to answer that?

Trixie blinked a few times. “No! Wait…yes. No – whatever! I think you’re just fine. I just…well, it’s just that you’ll be totally depending on the…goodwill of ponies for an income.”

“Goodwill here being synonymous with charity,” Lyra growled.

Doctor: (Trixie) Come on! We both know you will end up on the street with a sign saying ‘Will play for food’.

“No!” Trixie objected, stomping a hoof on the wooden floor. “Look, the point is, you’re just out of the magic school on a music scholarship and your first job would be playing for Princess Luna!”

Doctor: (Trixie) And if you fail, well that gives everypony a good laugh. I’m sure you will have the Princess in stitches.

Lyra’s glare didn’t drop for several moments, but eventually she did look away, tapping a hoof to her chin in thought. Trixie was silent, though she shuffled from hoof to hoof in anticipation. At length, Lyra looked back to her. “The national anthem only,” she acquiesced. “And only for raising the moon.”

Doctor: (Raises eyebrow) That’s it?

Ditzy: You might as well get me with the musical saw!

Trixie blinked. “What about midnight, or the drawing down of the – ”

Lyra stood up and turned for the door. “See you tomorrow night, Trixie.”

Doctor: Ah, you aren’t exactly going out of your way to make this something special I see.

Ditzy: Lyra, you are so lame.

“Wait wait wait!” Trixie objected, dashing forward and in front of Lyra. “Okay. Fine. Just the moon – and the stringing up of the stars. They’re part and parcel, you can’t do one without the other. It’ll be all of five minutes.”

Doctor: (Lyra) Five minutes! What a chore!

Lyra waited a moment, before nodding her head once. “Deal,” she agreed,

Ditzy: (Trixie) Oh, and for Luna’s sake don’t wear that ugly hat.

and watched Trixie let out a sigh of relief.

Ditzy: With bargaining skills like that she won’t last five minutes in the Ponyville market.

 After a moment, Lyra leaned in. “But only because this really is a once-in-a-lifetime gig.

Ditzy: So why not really apply yourself to this job?

I don’t like you basically calling me a jobless bum.”

Doctor: You can’t deny that you are jobless.

Ditzy: And the bum part might be questionably true.

She didn’t wait for Trixie to apologize before pushing past the unicorn, heading for the residency’s door.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Bon-Bon’s bed must already be getting cold. Time to go change that.

Trixie let her go. Had Lyra waited around, Trixie was certain she would have apologized – or said the words, anyway. Her heart would hardly be behind it, as after all she did end up with what she wanted.

Ditzy: I still think you should have gone with DJ Pon-3. She would have made this a rocking party!

Instead, Trixie trotted back to her desk, running over a mental list. Catering – saved, at least to her own satisfaction. She had just enough bits left for a decent meal tomorrow.

Doctor: Then pinecones and grass for weeks.

Music – saved, the most important part, anyway. Weather – still iffy, but at least the matter was now in hoof, if volatile; Raindrops seemed far too professional to do anything more than complain about the weather-for-hire ponies. Decorations – well, admittedly, Trixie had possibly ruined them, but if that was the case it was so worth it to get back at Rarity for the dress and her shallow behavior.

Ditzy: Oh for…(sighs) You're absolute right Trixie. If only we could all be as stylish, interesting, and thoughtful as you are.

Speaking of getting back, Trixie still had one particular pony she needed to lash out at. Trixie was certain that come tomorrow, Luna would see that Trixie was capable of bringing a festival back from the brink of disaster, that she was more than ready to handle the more demanding responsibilities of the Night Court and to finally put both her sociological studies and her magical knowledge to practical use.

All: ....(Burst out laughing)

So the final step, then, was to show Luna how Trixie would waste that talent

Doctor: By growing fat and spending most of her time in front of a TV.

- and all the long years of teaching that the shepherd of the moon had invested in her - if the princess really did intend to simply dump Trixie in Ponyville like so much trash.

Doctor: And she was not biodegradable.

Ditzy: Please remember to recycle your Trixie Lulamoon and throw her in the right bin.

Next Chapter: Episode 22 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 7 Estimated time remaining: 8 Hours, 16 Minutes