Hello again! This time we will be reading chapters 5,6,7 and 8 ofLongest Night, Longest Day by RainbowDoubleDash. Unfortunately, we have gotten to the very slow, mostly boring part of the story. Seriously, I think these chapters could easily be edited down to two or three chapter. Luckily things pick up after this. Sorry this took so long. I have a lot to riff and I have been doing a lot more editing and revising than usual. Thank you GreyGuardPony for prereading my story and I find your advice invaluable.

If you have a fanfic recommendation, comments, or criticisms please leave a comment or PM me at my fimfiction account or my blog on Tumblr. Please NO clop or fanfiction with extreme violence. I am not going to do those. I want to do a more family friendly series and it is going to be relatively clean. Besides everyone else does them. Okay, I might do one for a special occasion. But otherwise no clop or extreme gore fics. Ok, enough rambling. On with the fic!

Special thanks to RainbowDoubleDash for letting me do his story. You are awesome!

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Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 22 - Part 1

Dinky fidgeted awkward as she guided her best friends Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon down the pathway that led to one the entrances to her secret base. She was starting to have second thoughts about telling them her secret. It was such a dangerous and crazy risk. A million different scenarios went through her head. Dinky steeled her resolve.  She was going to see this through.

        “So what exactly is this big secret you want to show us?” Diamond Tiara asked.

        “It’s right here.” Dinky pointed to a large pile of rocks that was next to a quarry.

        “And…it’s a rock?” Silver Spoon snarked.

        “You’ve dragged us this far for a rock?” Diamond Tiara said haughtily.

        Dinky ignored them and reached into a space in-between the rock and the ground. She hit a switch and the ground next to her opened to reveal a staircase. Her friend’s eyes widened and they gaped.

        “Hurry, somepony might see us.” Dinky said while rushing down the stairs. Her friends reluctantly followed.

        Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon looked around in amazement as they went down the corridors. “So, what is this place?” Silver Spoon asked.

        “I got it.” Diamond Tiara piped in. “She’s a super secret spy sent by the Princess!”

        Silver Spoon clopped her hooves together in excitement. “That, like, makes so much sense!”

        “No, that’s not it.” Dinky corrected.

        “Fine, so what then?” Diamond Tiara asked insistently.

        “Come on, don’t leave us in suspense!” Silver Spoon whinnied.

        “Just a little further then I will tell you.” Dinky replied. They went down more identical corridors for several minutes. She stopped and opened a door and inside it was the control room.

        Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon looked back and forth through the monitors amazed. Diamond stopped and pointed a one screen in particular. “Wait, is that the mail mare?” She said confused.

        “I think I’ve seen that stallion around town.” Silver Spoon pointed to another monitor. “What...is he doing?”

        Diamond Tiara turned and was equally dumbfounded when she saw the screen. The stallion in question was riding a unicycle on a tightrope while juggling bowling pins while balancing a stick on his head. The two fillies turned questionally towards Dinky for some answers.

        “Oh, he’s just practicing for a trick.” Dinky said dismissively. “He’s doing it to one up Pinkie Pie.”

        Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon looked at each and just shrugged. “So are you going to, like, tell us what this is about or what?” Silver Spoon asked impatiently.

        “Well…” Dinky tried to find the best words to explain this. “They are my future parents.”

        “What.” Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon said flatly not comprehending what they were hearing. Dinky sighed inwardly. This was going to take some time.

        “So let me get this straight, if you don’t get your parents together, you will cease to exist?” Diamond Tiara asked wide eyed. Dinky looked down and nodded.

        Dinky gave them a brief rundown of her predicament. She’s the future daughter of the Doctor and Ditzy Doo and something happened to prevented them from falling in love and now she’s in the past trying to make things right. She left out the fact her father is an alien from another world and that they are time travelers too. The two already had trouble processing the information she was giving them.

        “That’s…wow.” Diamond Tiara looked speechless for once.

        “I knew you were different, but this is incredible!” Silver Spoon interjected.

        “So, are you okay with this?” Dinky asked reluctantly.

        Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon started jumping up and down. “Come on Dinky, one of my friends is a time traveler! How cool is that!” Diamond Tiara said with glee.

        “Yeah totally the coolest!” Silver Spoon agreed.

        “So what’s the future like?” Diamond Tiara asked eagerly. “What I do? Do they have hoverboards? Who’s my future husband?” Silver Spoon looked like she was about to also ask a million questions.

        “You see the thing is, um, I’m not really from the future future.” Dinky tried to explain. Her friends just gave a blank look. “But I am from this time period.”

        Now Dinky’s friends looked even more confused. “What?” They asked in unison.    

        “I’m only from about two years in the future.” Dinky replied.

        “Wait that wouldn’t that would mean that your mother had you at about our age!” Silver Spoon exclaimed in horror.

        “Ick.” Diamond Tiara said disgusted.

        “No wait! That’s not it!” Dinky frantically explained. “My parents are time travelers too!”

        “What.” Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara said again dumbfounded.

        “Okay, it’s like this.” Dinky paused to give herself some time to think her explanation through. “My father is an alien with a time machine.”

        “Aliens?!” Diamond Tiara exclaimed.”Now aliens are involved in this?!” This is why Dinky didn’t want to tell them this.

        “But he’s a good alien!” Dinky explained quickly to avoid misunderstands. “He helps ponies!”

        “Okay.” Diamond Tiara said reluctantly.

        “You see, mom had me in the past. It was about 130 years ago. I travelled around in Dad’s Tradis, his time machine, with mom, dad, and my big sister for a few years before setting back in mom’s home time period.” Dinky explain. Her friends looked confused again.

        “You have a sister?” Silver Spoon asked.

        Dinky nodded. “Her name is Amethyst Star. She’s gone…” Dinky gave a sad look. “She disappeared when the timeline changed.” Dinky tried her best to fight back tears. She could still vividly remember when Amethyst just vanished right in front of her. She was just trying to get milk out of the refrigerator when Amethyst suddenly turned transparent before disappearing completely.

        “I’m sorry Dinky.” Diamond Tiara said mournfully her ears drooping. This surprised Dinky. Silver Spoon looked on the verge of tears.

        “Dinky I’m so sorry!” Silver Spoon gave her a big hug and Dinky accepted it gratefully.

        “Thanks.” Dinky said appreciatively. She was so glad to have friends like them.

        “It will be fine!” Dinky said with forced cheerfulness. “All I need to do is get my parents together and everything should get back to normal!”

        “What happened?” Silver Spoon said after letting go of Dinky.

        “I don’t know.” Dinky said reluctantly. “Things just changed. Something must have changed the past.”

        “Like what?” Diamond Tiara asked.

        “I wish I knew. Dad has like a million enemies!” Dinky explained. “Anything could have happened!”

        Her friends reflected on this. “So, what now? What’s the plan?” Silver Spoon asked.

        “I figure if I keep them together in one place.” Dinky explained. “Eventually they have to realize their feelings for each other! And no distractions from adventures or bad guys trying to get them. It’s the perfect plan!”

        “Um, I’m pretty sure that isn’t how that works Dinky.” Diamond Tiara admonished.

        “Yeah that’s like basically what the Cutie Mark losers tried to Miss Cheerilee and Big Mac.” Silver Spoon pointed out. “I didn’t work. At all.”

        “No! This is going to work!” Dinky said defiantly. “They already really really care for each other! They just don’t know how much they mean to each other!” Her friends glanced at each other.

        “That makes sense. I guess.” Diamond Tiara said hesitantly.

        “Yes, it does!” Dinky refused to back down. “I won’t be here at all if they didn’t!”

        “Wait, wait. Why exactly are you here?” Silver Spoon butted in. “Why didn’t you disappear too?”

        “Oh that. Star Shot used a device to save me from disappearing.” Dinky moved her hair away and revealed a small round disk on her neck. “It protects me from changed in the time stream.”

        “That’s absolutely right!” A voice said out of nowhere making all three fillies jump. “The better question is why you are here?” The voice took on a dangerous tone in the last part.

        The three friends turned around to find an annoyed looking Star Shot standing in the corner. Somehow she entered and got behind them without anypony noticing her.

        “Well…” Dinky hesitated.

        “Squirt, we’ve been other this time and time again.” Star Shot gestured to the other two fillies. “We can’t have anypony knowing about this. The less ponies that know about it, the better.”

        “Well, I thought…” Dinky tried to explain, but was interrupted.

        “What do you think will happen if that busy body Twilight Sparkle or the Princesses hear about this?” Star Shot asked. “They’ll come in to the rescue and our whole operation will be a bust!”

        Dinky’s ears drooped and head fell. “I just wanted to have somepony share my secret.”

        “I know it hard, but you have to bear it Dinky.” Star Shot said with sympathy. “It’s a tough, but oh so worthy burden.”

        Dinky stayed silent. “She’s right.” Dinky thought. “This was a bad idea. What was I thinking? I’ve only known them for little over a month. I didn’t consider that they might not be able to keep my secret.”

        “Now the question is…what to do with you two?” Star Shot’s voice took a sinister tone with those last two words. Her friends visibly tensed. “We can’t have them spilling the beans.”

        “Wait!” Dinky cried out frantically. “We can trust them!”

        “Y-yeah!” Diamond Tiara stuttered.

        “We can totally keep a secret!” Silver Spoon added just as nervous.

        “You better.” Star Shot replied. She suddenly got into Silver Spoon’s and Diamond Tiara’s faces. Her voice didn’t hide the threat at all. “I don’t think you really want to know the consequences if you tell anypony.” Dinky’s two friends nodded franticly. Star Shot suddenly smiled. “Good. I’m glad that’s all taken care of. I know I can trust you two.”

        Star Shot trotted past Dinky’s friends and went out the door. “Have fun with the experiment!” She said as she was leaving. “And remember you two. I will be watching you. Closely.” Star Shot’s voice became sing song at the end.

        Dinky’s friends visibly gulped. “What the hay was that?!” Diamond Tiara demanded whispering.

         “That’s just Star Shot being Star Shot.” Dinky replied. “She isn’t so bad once you get to know her.” Her friends looked skeptical.

        “So if like Amethyst Star is your big sister, then who is that?” Silver Spoon asked. Not surprising considering Star Shot was currently posing as her sister.

        “She’s the one that helped me put this all together!” Dinky smiled as she said this.

        “And why would she do that?” Diamond Tiara inquired clearly not liking the unicorn.

        “She’s a keeper of time.” Dinky explained. “It’s her job to make everything runs smoothly.”

        “So she’s a time secret agent?” Diamond Tiara asked amazed.

        Dinky nodded. “She’s part of…” Suddenly an alarm went off. “Oh, almost forgot. It’s time for the experiment.”

        “Experiment?” Her friends said in unison.

        “Every week I make my parent read bad fanfiction.” Dinky explained.

        Her friends blinked. “Excuse me?” Silver Spoon asked.

        “Bad fanfiction.” Dinky reiterated. “It’s gives them something to do, and it gives me the perfect excuse to lock them up. It misleads the

true purpose of all of this.”

        “Huh.” Diamond Tiara said clearly lost.

        Dinky pressed a few buttons on the console and watched as her parents entered the main meeting room. “Shhh….” Her friends nodded and Dinky began her work. “Hello my little test subjects.”

        “Hey.” Ditzy said. The Doctor nodded.

        “Today we will be reading chapter 4, 5, and 6 of the Longest Night, Longest Day by         RainbowDoubleDash.” Dinky explained.

        “Finally we can get evil Celestia!” Ditzy exclaimed. “I’ve been waiting all week!”

        “I have also been a little curious what the author’s idea of evil Celestia is like.” The Doctor piped in.

        “Hopefully it will only take a chapter or two.” Ditzy said hopefully. “Nopony really cares about this boring festival stuff.”

        “Hopefully.” The Doctor puffed.

        Dinky coughed and the two time travelers came to attention. “Enjoy.” Dinky gave out her trademark evil laugh. The alarm went off and the two went into the theater.

        “What’s with the laugh?” Diamond Tiara asked. “It was ridiculous.”

        “Ugh, it’s like a corny cartoon villain.” Silver Spoon chimed in.

        “No it’s not!” Dinky defended. She was surprised that didn’t find it was cool as she did. “It’s super cool.”

        “Dinky dear.” Diamond Tiara said in a tone that was haughty yet trying to be gentle. “It’s not cool. At all.”

        Dinky rolled her eyes. “Whatever.” She mused on how somepony could be so blind.

        “Fine. So, uh, what happens now exactly?” Diamond Tiara asked.

        “Nothing much.” Dinky shrugged. “Just watch over the experiment and laugh at their antics.” The three fillies turned to watch the monitors.

Ditzy: And now for the continuing adventures of Trixie Lou-lou-skip-to-my-Lulamoon!

Doctor: Ditzy, I’m pretty sure that joke has been played out.

Ditzy: Oh come on Doctor, it’s funny! (Singing) Lou, Lou skip to my lou! Lou, Lou skip to my lou! Lou, Lou skip to my lou! Skip to my Lou my darlin'!

Doctor: (Rolls eyes)

As a consequence of having a mad alicorn trapped inside of it, everypony in Equestria feared the sun to some greater or lesser extent.

Ditzy: (Pony) A bright and sunny day? Bah, humbug! Give me a cloudy bitter one any day!

Even the most obstinate and impious still sought shelter during the midday.

Ditzy: Right, much like in our world there’s a belief that Nightmare Moon will get you if stay out at midnight!

Doctor: Ponies waste, what, an hour of sunlight over a silly superstition?

Ditzy: It must make construction work terrible.

Still, few ponies outright hated the sun.

Doctor: After all, it’s only the thing that makes all life possible.

Trixie hated the sun, at least right now.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Why can’t the Princess destroy the sun and bring eternal night!? That would make everything better!

But not as much as it seemed to hate her.

Doctor: (Sun) Bah, who wants to read an AU about Trixie bearing the Element of Magic? It should be Vinyl Scratch instead!

The blue unicorn groaned loudly as she turned away from her window and buried her face in her pillow, welcoming the sweet embrace of darkness that allowed her to escape from the wretched rays of the tyrant sun. She didn’t remember climbing into bed.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Why I am cuddling a traffic cone?

She didn’t, come to think of it, remember much of last night at all after the contents of the first bottle of bourbon had disappeared under mysterious circumstances,

Doctor: She blamed the bourbon stealing fairies.

forcing her to find a second one. Or maybe a third. Whatever.

Doctor: Trixie thought tales of the dangers of alcohol to be a silly myth.

Trixie let out a contented sigh as she snuggled closer into her pillow,

Ditzy: (Trixie) Oh pillow! You’re my only friend!

or tried to. Her hoof was caught in something.

Doctor: (Pinkie) Hi! Good morning!

Ditzy: (Trixie) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Opening an eye – argh the sunlight – and looking down, she saw that whoever had laid her into bed last night,

Doctor: Shaved half of her fur off.

as she sorely doubted that she’d been conscious enough to do so herself, had neglected to remove her cape first.

Doctor: Which was very inconsiderate of them.

Ditzy: Trixie doubted she would ever get the smell out.

It was now tangled about her front, trapping one foreleg against her chest awkwardly. Groaning, Trixie forced herself to sit up on her bed and used a combination of magic, her hooves, and a substantial number of impolite words to escape her cape and sling it from her shoulders and onto the floor. Instantly upon leaving her person, however, its warming enchantment also slipped off of her body, and she suddenly realized that her bedroom was freezing.

Ditzy: Pinkie thought it was stuffy in there so she opened every window in the house.

With a gasp and a few additional curses, she quickly got back underneath her bed’s covers. Unfortunately, the enchantment worked by making her retain all of her body heat – meaning that none had been lost into her bed. All she had succeeded in doing was to surround herself in ice-cold sheets.

Doctor: The sheets were very thin and cheap.

“I hate my life,” Trixie proclaimed loudly, which turned out to be a poor idea.

Ditzy: A baseball suddenly flew through the window and hit her in the head!

The sound reverberated through her skull,

Doctor: Ricola! Ricola! Ricola!

attempting to shake her horn from her head from the feel of things. She groaned one more time as she climbed from her bed, threw on her cape, and tried to lie back down. It was no use, however:

Doctor: A simple string was too much of a gargantuan task for her.

she was awake now, whether she wanted to be or not.

Ditzy: She yelled at the birds outside to shut up, but they ignored her and started chirping even louder!

“Hate,” Trixie repeated, though she had the good sense to be quieter this time as she stumbled from bed and resolved to brave attempting the stairs.

All: (Hums Gonna Fly Now)

After all, the worst thing that could happen to her would be falling and breaking her neck, and then she wouldn’t have to deal with the sunlight or the pounding in her head anymore.

Ditzy: But then she would be faced with haunting this house for all eternity.

Trixie found the house empty but surprisingly clean, given what little she remembered of the party.

Doctor: She recalled one pony throwing a chair through a window.

There wasn’t an unsoiled glass, mug, cup, or other such container to be found in the whole place, but they had, at least, all been organized into neat piles in the kitchen near the sink.

Ditzy: Duh! Do you think Pinkie would leave your place trashed? She’s a professional party pony!

The pantry was stocked with only the basics – bread and hay, mostly, and a few condiments – but despite Trixie’s habits,

Doctor: She prefered chips and icecream for breakfast.

she felt that nothing more complicated than toast and butter was probably called for right now.        

Ditzy: Really? You aren’t going to top it with mustard or something?

Trixie’s stomach roiled in protest at the thought of dairy. On second thought, maybe it would be better to skip the butter.

Doctor: Trixie counted her blessings that this place had a fireplace. Soot in warm milk was an excellent hangover cure.

---

Trixie had just started to feel like an actual unicorn pony again –

Ditzy: Before she felt like a human!

she’d gotten a fire going,

Doctor: Using official documents to light it. She was too hungover to care.

eaten a few slices of plain toast, and was able to look out a window without going blind – when a series of explosions occurred at her front door.

Ditzy: Evil robots from the future have come to kill Trixie!

Or somepony knocked. Either way, Trixie supposed she should probably go and either inspect the damage, or else cause some of her own.

Ditzy: Trixie smash!

Stumbling to the still-intact door revealed that the latter was most likely going to be the case.

Ditzy: Aww. I wanted something exciting to happen!

Sliding her hat on for extra defensive against the sunlight, she opened her door, and found herself staring and an earth pony with an orange mane and three carrots for a cutie mark, wearing a wide-brimmed hat and winter cloak.

Ditzy: ...Oh right! I forgot she was in this fic!

Doctor: (Trixie) I don’t want religion or whatever you're selling. Go away!

Trixie blinked a few times as she stared.

Doctor: It seems Trixie forgot about her being in this fic too.

“Carrot Top?” she asked, then winced at her own voice reverberating through her skull again.

Ditzy: (Carrot)(Snorts) What happened to your face?

The earth pony nodded. “May I come in?” she asked, her soft voice doing considerably less damage to Trixie’s brain.

Ditzy: Come to think of it, where is Pinkie? She would want to check in to see if Trixie is ok.

Trixie stared a moment, before nodding “Yeah, yeah, it’s just…what time is it?” Trixie leaned outside even as Carrot Top entered, trying to check the sun’s position. She didn’t even come close to accomplishing her goal before he pain of looking towards the tyrant sun forced her to retreat back inside and close the door, rubbing her eyes.

Doctor: Just use a clock Trixie.

“Nearly midday, actually,” Carrot Top admitted, as she appraised Trixie. “Are you…alright? What happened?”

Ditzy: (Trixie) My stomach and bourbon had an unfortunate meeting.

“I don’t know,” Trixie explained, as she used magic to take Carrot Top’s hat and cloak, and hung them and her own hat near the door, “you’ll have to find somepony else who was at the party and ask them…” Carrot Top grinned wryly and nodded knowingly at that.

Ditzy: (Carrot) Did you do any lewd dancing on a table? You seem the type.

“So what brings you here?”

Carrot Top bit her lip. “Business,” she explained. “I had an appointment arranged with Duke Blueblood, but then he retired, and it’s sort of an emergency, so I was hoping that I could speak with you…”

Doctor: Blah! Come back tomorrow! I’m too hungover to care!

Trixie blinked a few times at that, before rubbing her head. “Uh, yeah. Okay. I probably have an office around here…somewhere…”

Ditzy: It turned out to be a surprisingly well furnished outhouse.

Had she been somewhat less hungover, Trixie might have been embarrassed that she didn’t yet fully know the layout to her own home.

Doctor: She didn’t look particularly dignified tripping over every little thing in her house.

Still, it took only a minimal of searching to find the room that would be serving as her office while she lived in Ponyville, since it was the closest one to the door. The office was small and only sparsely decorated – she’d have to change that provided she survived the morning –

Ditzy: With hundreds of framed pictures of herself.

with a desk and comfortable-looking pillows on either side for sitting at, a bookcase with various dry tomes in it,

Doctor: Not interesting ones?

probably the Ponyville legal code set against one wall

Ditzy: An act that turned out be illegal.

and a large, old-style map of Ponyville set against another.

Doctor: It even had “Here be dragons”.

There were also windows, but mercifully the curtains to them were closed over, so the only light came from the gas lamps that Trixie turned on as they entered.

“Okay,” Trixie said, as she got behind her desk and settled down, intending to give a somewhat dramatic cape flare as she did but failing due to a combination of being hungover and…well, no, actually, that was it.

Doctor: Now you’re doing the theatrics?

All she succeeded in doing was dumping the contents of her cape’s inner pocket onto the floor.

Ditzy: (Carrot) Look Trixie, don’t worry about it. I am not going to judge you or tell anypony.

Doctor: (Trixie) You better not!

Ditzy: (Carrot) But really though, do you really need to have so many cond…

Doctor: (Trixie) Drop it. Now!

“Ugh,” Trixie said, summoning up magic and lifting the three spilled envelopes onto her desk.

Doctor: (Raises eyebrow) That’s it? I was expecting more odds and ends.

Ditzy: Not even some loose change?

“Sorry, sorry…not at my best…this is sort of my first real hangover…”

All: I don’t believe that for a moment.

Carrot Top offered another knowing smile.

Ditzy: She knew Trixie to be an obvious lush.

“I remember mine,” she said, though afterwards she paused and considered her words. “Actually, that’s not true. It wouldn’t be a real hangover if I remembered anything other than wanting to just be struck dead by Luna.”

Ditzy: That feels plagiarized from somewhere.

Trixie let out a slight snort at that. “Yeah. That’s been arranged for me,” she groaned, before closing her eyes and forcing her mind to focus regardless of how much she just wanted to die right now.

Doctor: (Trixie) I am never drinking again! I mean it this time!

When she opened them again, she found herself looking at her desk. “Okay,” she said, as she used her magic to open the first midnight-blue envelope and slide out the paper inside.

“What did you want to see me about?”

“Well,” Carrot Top said, fidgeting slightly as she spoke, “it’s…it’s a difficult thing to ask. It’s just that this past year’s harvest season wasn’t as good as I’d hoped it would be…carrot sales weren’t as large…

Ditzy: (Carrot) Stupid daisies undercutting my business.

and then the weather schedule called for an early start to winter for I don’t know what reason…”

Doctor: Rainbow Dash thought some early snow this year would be fun.

Trixie nodded sympathetically, as her eyes glanced over the letter from Luna.

Doctor: (Trixie)(Sighs) Why must she still insist on writing in Middle Equestrian?

Despite being, officially, from her mentor, the letter was extremely formal,

Doctor: All i’s were dotted and all t’s were crossed.

nothing more than an outline of Luna’s intention to appoint Trixie to the position of Representative of her Night Court and outlining the duties and responsibilities that Trixie would be expected to uphold and carry out – nothing that Trixie didn’t know already, in other words. The formality and distance stung at Trixie. She hadn’t even received a ‘good luck…’ 

Ditzy: As far as Trixie could tell anyway. With Luna’s writing you never knew exactly what she’s trying to say.

She folded the letter back up and looked to Carrot Top even as she started opening the brown-enveloped one. “So what is your request?”

Doctor: (Carrot) Um, would you like to purchase 5000 carrots?

Carrot Top shifted uncomfortably. “I’d like to request a tax extension from Her Majesty.” She said.

Doctor: (Carrot) To about, oh, 2005 or so.

Trixie considered Carrot Top’s request. “You’re petitioning her directly?” she asked. “Shouldn’t you be taking this up with the Equestrian Revenue Service…?” Trixie’s question trailed off as Carrot Top looked away, dejected. The blue unicorn bit her lip. “You already have?”

Carrot Top didn’t look up. “Declined,” she said. “Since I run the farm practically by myself ‘til harvest season, I already receive some tax breaks.

Doctor: (Carrot) And I have used every possible cheat and loophole in the book!

But I just don’t think I’m going to be able to pay on time this year, not without some leave…”

Trixie nodded as she glanced at the contents of the second envelope. As she had suspected, this letter hadn’t been sent from Luna at all, but rather one of her many secretaries. It was directions as to how to acquire her royal stipend for the month,

Ditzy: Her...what?

Doctor: Her salary.

as well as a list of tasks in Trixie’s backlog as Representative,

Doctor: (Trixie) Scrub the toilets in town hall? Why the heck is that my job?!

which was, surprisingly, very little. Duke Blueblood must have been an industrious pony to have left her so little work…

Ditzy: I’m sure that’s it. Hey! Look on the brightside! It gives you plenty of time to take those yodelling lessons like you’ve always wanted!

Trixie offered Carrot Top a smile as she opened the last letter. “Lucky we ran into each other yesterday,” she noted.

Doctor: (Trixie) Otherwise I would have laughed in your face and threw you out!

Carrot Top looked mortified. “I’m not asking for payback for lunch or anything!” she exclaimed quickly.

Doctor: (Trixie) Please! Don’t apologize! Everypony knows that bribes are the only way to get what you want. And I expect a full course meal by tonight.

Trixie gave a friendly laugh, as she turned her attention to her final dispatch. It was a series of sheets of paper, each looking older than the last.

Ditzy: One was written on papyrus.

Doctor: The final one was chiseled on stone.

“I didn’t think you were. I’m just saying, it was lucky. I’m Luna’s personal student and I can…and I…” Trixie’s voice trailed off as her eyes glided over the paper in front of her. She looked to the next page, then the one after that, eyes widening. “…and Luna can go and join her sister in the sun!”

Ditzy: (Trixie) I’ve been arranged to marry Blueblood’s son?!

Carrot Top’s eyes widened and she stumbled backwards a little at Trixie’s outburst, which went so far past obscene that the concept of obscenity itself seemed polite and well-mannered by comparison.

Doctor: Which used rather colorful euphemisms with the word sun.

The unicorn was staring at her desk and the letter she had dropped there, breathing heavily with barely contained anger.

“…Representative?” Carrot Top asked after a moment, slowly making her way forward. “Is…is everything – ” she was interrupted at Trixie’s horn glowed,

Ditzy: (Trixie) This whole town is going to burn to the ground!

and the newest-looking sheet of paper Trixie had held onto levitated up and in front of Carrot Top’s eyes.

To Representative Trixie Lulamoon:

I am given to understand that you shall be my successor to the position of Representative of the Night Court of Luna to Ponyville. Congratulations on managing to displease Her Majesty enough to make her want to banish you from the Night Court, but not enough to make her want to appoint you as ambassador to the Griffin Kingdoms. Well done!

Doctor: (Rolls eyes)

Ditzy: This again? Why can’t anypony write Griffons right? They aren’t monsters!

Doctor: Everyone seems to have their own idea how their name should be spelled too.

Now, the hard part is about to begin. Are you sitting down? Good.

Doctor: And remove anything fragile and valuable out of the room.

That’s it. Is there a clock nearby? If so, then take a long, hard look at it, for you will come to know it well as you watch the glacial movement of its hands counting down the seconds until you can escape,

Ditzy: Silly Blueblood! Don’t you know that a watched pot never boils?

by retirement or death, the prison that is your thoroughly meaningless appointment to this nowhere town, this wasteland of Equestria.

Doctor: Didn’t this story establish that Ponyville is *ahem* “one of the largest communities in the realm”?

Well, that’s it. I have ensured that there is a good stock in the liquor cabinet; there is no reason in Equestria why you shouldn’t spend the better part of your days in a drunken stupor.

Ditzy: Yeah, don’t actually try to fix your problem.

Doctor: (Blueblood) If ponies are going to laugh at you, at least be too drunk to remember any of it.

Just make sure to clean yourself up for formal occasions.

Ditzy: (Blueblood) At least don’t wear anything with Cheeto stains!

Also, you are the deciding member in any tie vote in Ponyville’s town council. Don’t worry, it almost never happens, and if it does, they’ll call you.

Doctor: (Mayor) Representative Trixie Lulamoon! We need you help in deciding if the new town hall should be blue or green!

Do not think me vindictive, Miss Lulamoon. I received a very similar letter from the pony whom I replaced in this position, and she received one of her own, and so on. I have enclosed a sampling of them with this dispatch, but in the safe behind the bookcase you’ll find dozens more, dating back to the very foundation of Ponyville itself.

Ditzy: (Facehoof) You have got to be kidding me.

Doctor: Why would Luna instantly latch on to Ponyville of all places as a dumping ground for disfavored politicians?

Ditzy: Wait a minute. Ponyville isn’t even a hundred years old. So why would there be dozens? Unless Princess Luna being in charge would somehow cause it to be found sooner, but it was only founded in the first place because it was part of Princess Celestia’s elaborate plan to..oh nevermind.

Doctor: Best not to think too hard about these “For want of a nail” situations.

The town has always been used as a site of exile for those who have fallen out of Luna’s favor but were not so unfortunate as to elicit her hate.

Doctor: And why exactly? Isn’t Ponyville an important farming community? With the Apple Trust being big and important?

Yours sincerely,

– Duke Blueblood, retired.

P.S.: One more thing. Should a crisis strike Ponyville,

Ditzy: Which is every other week.

you technically can override any decision the town council makes. Princess Luna looks poorly on such abuses,

Doctor: On the grounds that might actually solve something.

 however, and doing so haphazardly is a sure way to get an appointment to that ambassadorship I mentioned. Still, if the tedium becomes too much to bear…

Doctor: (Blueblood) You could always start pin collecting!

Ditzy: (Blueblood) P.S., P.S.: Do you think you could perform for my grandson’s birthday party next week?

Carrot Top blinked a few times as she read the letter, before Trixie pulled it away. She swallowed a few times as she looked over the other letters. Each one followed much the same pattern, a depressing legacy of ponies who had realized the mediocrity of their position and, out of a sense of solidarity, had seen fit to warn their successors.

Ditzy: Except for a pony called Cinnamon Dasher that loved this position and had a grand old time doing whatever he wanted.

“The Duke wasn’t lying…” Carrot Top observed.

Doctor: (Carrot) Come to think of it, we do have a high suicide rate for representatives. The one before Blueblood used a toaster in a bathtub! And the one before that used a nail gun and…

Ditzy: (Trixie) I get it, no need to finish that sentence thank you.

“Baron,” Trixie corrected absent-mindedly, though from the look on her face, she was doing so almost subconsciously. “Duke is his name. Baron was his title before he retired…”

“Oh. I never knew that…”

Doctor: Carrot Top felt so embarrassed right now.

Trixie blinked a few times. “Exile,” she said softly. “I’ve been exiled. I was exiled. I knew Luna was furious with me, but I didn’t think that…”

Ditzy: Don’t worry. It’s all part of an elaborate plan to get her sister back!

Carrot Top bit her lip as she regarded the unicorn. “I’m…I’m sorry,” she said, stepping forward. “But Ponyville isn’t so bad. We’re the site of the Longest Night festival this year!”

Doctor: (Trixie) Yes, but when it leaves Ponyville will be a worthless town nopony cares about!

Trixie glanced up at that, eyes wide. “N…no!” she exclaimed, taking several rapid steps towards Carrot Top. The earth pony backed away, but Trixie kept advancing. “Don’t you get it? I’ve been banished! And Luna hated me enough to send me here! Here, where everything was heading into the sun already! She’s an alicorn, she must have known about the Everfree storm,

Doctor: (Rolls eyes) Here we go.

Ditzy: Here Trixie, use this tin foil hat to protect yourself from the Princess’s mind reading magic!

somehow knew that Fluttershy couldn’t perform! She knows the Apple Trust runs the festival, knew that the food would be nothing but apples and she knows she’s a picky eater, always said it was her one vice,

Ditzy: Wait, considering this is Trixie, does ‘picky eater’ mean eating things that are actually sane?

Doctor: (Trixie) You don’t want rice covered with presto, green beans, and peeps? What a weirdo!

which means she knew that the catering was going wrong too, and then I don’t even know what’s going on with the decorations but there must be something awful…”

Doctor: I suppose it isn’t too early to drag Rarity through the mud.

Carrot Top had been backed against a wall by the desperate-looking unicorn. “Representative – ” she began.

“And I’ve been exiled here!” Trixie exclaimed, backing away from Carrot Top and turning around. “She’s still mad about the argument and the ice palace and so decided to punish me by sending me here and making me suffer for a little bit before trapping me in this position for the rest of my life!”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Why couldn’t she be kind and smother me in my sleep or something?

Carrot Top blinked rapidly. “This…this seems like a bad time,” Carrot Top ventured, as she began making her way to the door. “I’ll come back later…”

Trixie turned in place at that, eyes darting back and forth over Carrot Top, the map of Ponyville set onto the wall, and her desk, where Blueblood’s and his predecessors’ letters lay. After several moments, her eyes narrowed. “No,” Trixie commanded,

Doctor: (Carrot) Please don’t hurt me! I’ll do whatever you want!

her voice dropping several octaves from the high-pitched panic it had been at. “No. Stay. I’m going to need your help.”

Doctor: (Trixie) Carrot Top grab a jump rope, a walrus and one of those round sticky things and meet me where I'm going.

Carrot Top grimaced. “Help?”

Trixie snickered a little. “Oh, I know what you’re thinking,” she said. “I’ve fallen out of Luna’s favor. I can’t help you with your tax problems anymore.”

Doctor: (Carrot) Well, if you put it like that I do think you are a washed up loser.

Carrot Top shook her head. “No,” she said. “Well…I mean, it’s on my mind, but really I think you need to be alone – ”

Ditzy:(Carrot) In a padded cell.

“No,” Trixie repeated, stepping forward. “No, I need your help. I need to know how fast you could put together a vending stall of carrots for tomorrow.”

Doctor: (Carrot) Well, it depends on what type of stall you want. How large will it be, will it be mobile, how many ponies will be staffed in it, will it be selling only carrots or will it have other goods like soda...

Carrot Top blinked a few times. “What?” she asked.

“Carrots. Tomorrow. How fast?”

“Well…if I work through the night…but I heard you weren’t able to convince the Apples to let me set up a stall at the festival – ”

Ditzy: (Carrot) They had a good laugh about it at the bar last night.

Trixie grinned. A plan was forming in her mind as she trotted up next to Carrot Top.

Doctor: Trixie got an idea. An awful idea. Trixie got a wonderful, awful idea!

“Forget the Apple Trust,” she said in a voice that was probably intended to be warm and inviting, but came across to Carrot Top as having a cold center to it.

Ditzy: Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Trixie Pop?

She guided Carrot Top back over to her desk. “You need money, right? Why pass up the opportunity of the Longest Night?”

Doctor: (Carrot Top) I value my legs not being broken.

“I don’t have any of the paperwork filled out for – ”

Trixie chuckled slightly, tapping the side of her nose with one hoof. “I think you’ll find,” she said, “that the paperwork is strictly for food that is intended to be sold on the grounds of the festival. But if you were to, say, use my front lawn, which just so happens to border the town center, where the festival will be happening…”

Ditzy: (Trixie) And those ponies will be too full to buy any apple products! It’s a win win!

Carrot Top stared. “That could make the Apple Trust mad – ”

Doctor: (Carrot) The last pony that did that found a decapitated teddy bear in their bed.

“Forget the Apples!” Trixie repeated, although louder this time. “Why should they get all the benefits of the Longest Night and leave you out in the cold?”

Ditzy: (Carrot) Well, they did give me a fruit basket.

Trixie leaned close to Carrot Top. “It’s their fault, you know. That gigantic apple farm of theirs. Probably snap up all the good workers during harvest season too, huh?

Doctor: (Carrot) No, actually they quite accommodating and perfectly willing to share workers with me.

And they don’t struggle. You know they don’t struggle no matter what that Applejack claims.”

Doctor: That is until economic turmoil severely hurt apple prices.

Carrot Top opened her mouth to object, but then shut it as she considered. “Well…”

“You’ve got to take a stand!” Trixie exclaimed,

Ditzy: Until you die, take a stand. In my grave, take a stand. I'll never give in, take a stand.

a manic gleam to her eyes. “Show her you’re not just going to lie down and take what she’s trying to stick you with! It’s her fault you’re stuck here! Her fault you needed to ask for a tax extension!”

Doctor: (Trixie) I bet she secretly poisons your crops, hogs all the rain and sunshine, and blocks ponies from buying your carrots!

Carrot Top blinked, as Trixie trotted around to the other side of her. “This way,” Trixie observed, “you won’t need a tax break. You’ll be able to make enough bits during the festival to stay on your own four hooves. You won’t need anypony’s help!”

Ditzy: Well….

Doctor: I really don’t think it will be that simple.

The earth pony blinked a few times, thinking deeply about what Trixie was saying. “I don’t want to antagonize the Apples, though…”

Trixie blinked a few times, then shrugged. “Fine,” she proclaimed. “Let them trot all over you. But you can forget the tax extension.”

Ditzy: That’s just playing mean.

Trixie walked around to the other side of her desk, but didn’t break eye contact with Carrot Top. “Even if I could convince Luna to entertain your request, which after this I doubt I could,” she magically waved Blueblood’s letter in the air, “I’m not sure I’d be willing to do so for a pony who’ll just let other ponies have their way with her.”

Ditzy: I think you could have worded that a bit better.

Carrot Top blinked. “Wait, you won’t even send in my petition?” she demanded.

“Why should I?” Trixie asked. “Her Majesty needs to know that a tax extension wouldn’t be wasted on you.”

Doctor: Our hero. Bullying a pony into doing what she wants.

“But – ”

“However, if you do what I said, then I’ll send in the request. But by then you won’t even need it! You’ll have the money you need to pay your taxes from the sales on the Longest Night!”

Doctor: (Trixie) You will be able to afford to eat more than just ramen and carrots everyday!

Carrot Top stared, wide-eyed, at Trixie, who had a grin that wouldn’t leave her face. “I…” the earth pony began to object. “but…the…” Carrot Top continued sputtering for a few moments, before her expression changed from one of shock and betrayal to one of anger. “Fine!” she shouted, with surprising volume given how quiet her normal voice was. “Fine. I don’t know what you think you’re doing, but congratulations, your blackmail worked.”

Ditzy:(Trixie) Just as planned.

Trixie beamed. “Good,” she said. “Now go. Go! You’ve got a lot to do and only a day to do it!”

Carrot Top glared at Trixie for only a moment more, before turning around and stomping out of Trixie’s office. The unicorn let her go, and in fact ceased to even look at her as she folded up the letter from Blueblood and tucked it back into her cape’s pocket, then quickly reviewed how to acquire her royal stipend. She was about to spend just about all of it.

Ditzy: She wanted to buy the new Pony Station 3.

---

Trixie entered the town hall’s auditorium to the sound of ponies arguing.

“No means no means no, Miss Cheerilee!” Rarity’s voice objected

Ditzy: (Rarity) Pink and orange simply do not go together!

as Trixie approached the stage upon which Princess Luna would be making her initial appearance.

Ditzy: Fitting Princess Luna, it was black and had skulls and bats all over the place.

Standing upon it right now was the cream-white unicorn and the magenta earth pony, the two of them glaring daggers at each other.

Doctor: Not even two sentences and we already have the old and new bearers pointlessly bickering with each other.

Ditzy: (Sighs and shakes head) Is this going to be the whole story?

Trixie took a moment to take in craftsmanship, and found it exactly in-keeping with the drawing Rarity had shown Trixie the previous day.

Ditzy: Rarity duh.

Neither of the other ponies noticed Trixie as she approached. “Miss Rarity,” Cheerilee said, “the students worked hard on their art projects – ”

Doctor: (Cheerilee) This swirl in the macaroni noodles shows the meaningless spiral of our everyday lives. 

“You’ve said that before – ”

Ditzy: (Rarity) I don’t believe you. I think those foal just phoned them in. This one is just a few black splotches. This will not do.

“I was promised a spot in the festival right there – ” Cheerilee pointed to a point on the wall that would be the first part seen by anypony coming in from backstage

“By the mayor, but she gave me final say on all decorations – ”

Doctor: (Rarity) And by Luna I am going to abuse that power!

“Your own sister has a piece!”

“Yes, and it’s very lovely,” Rarity said with a flick of her mane.

Ditzy: (Rarity) Though the pentagram and pony sacrifice part freaks me out a little.

“Truly, it is, but to even think that the Princess wants to come up on stage and have the first thing she sees be crayon and macaroni and construction paper thrown together by school foals…

Doctor: You could always claim it’s modern art.

oh, Miss Lulamoon!” Trixie winced at the sound of her second name as her fellow unicorn at last noticed her. She saw the Rarity’s eye twitch slightly as she took in Trixie’s appearance.

Doctor: (Rarity) Do you only own one outfit?

“I’m so glad you arrived, I was just finishing with Miss Cheerilee here…”

Trixie nodded to Cheerilee, who returned it, though the grimace didn’t leave her face. “What brings you here?” she asked.

“Oh, you didn’t know? Miss Lulamoon, here, is the Representative of Luna’s Night Court to Ponyville.” Rarity said as Trixie opened her mouth to respond. She closed it, and grimaced. Strike two, Trixie thought, counting the usage of ‘Lulamoon’ as strike one due to having made clear the previous day that she hated the name to Rarity.

Ditzy: ...Did she? I don’t remember that.

“I knew that,” Cheerilee pointed out.

“– And, she is the official Longest Night festival overseer.” Rarity looked Trixie over again. “And darling, I am so glad you’re here. I realize I was perhaps a little…insensitive…yesterday about your…” Rarity waved a hoof over Trixie’s body, indicating her hat and cape. “…ensemble.”

Doctor: (Rarity) I got you a wig, a fake rubber nose, and clown shoes to complete your outfit!

Trixie blinked. She hadn’t been expecting an apology. “Um…that’s alright,” she admitted. “Now, I’m kind of – ”

“So I stayed up all night working on this!” Rarity exclaimed, horn glowing as she grasped something that had been carefully hidden behind the stage’s curtains, withdrawing something long, frilled, and looking distinctly like a dress. It was probably beautiful.

Doctor: Unfortunately, Trixie considered overalls to be the height of fashion.

It had taken Rarity all night. But Trixie didn’t wear dresses, not even to the Grand Galloping Gala.

Doctor: Because?

Ditzy: Is this some sort of ‘real mares don’t wear dresses’ thing?

“Much more fitting, don’t you think?” Rarity asked.

Doctor: (Rarity) And you’re less likely to get rotten fruit thrown at you!

“You can keep the clown suit if you wish, darling, but I simply insist on seeing you in this tomorrow night!”

Ditzy: Yikes. You must be like -100 on the fabulous scale for Rarity to comment about this twice.

Strike. Three.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Touchdown!

Doctor: (Trixie) Checkmate!

Trixie saw, here, an excellent opportunity to get back at Rarity and Luna both.

Doctor: Pettiness my name is Trixie.

She looked at the dress and put on a false smile. “I love it,” she lied.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Put me in a frou-frou dress will you. I’ll show you!

“Though I came here to inspect the decorations, like I said.”

Ditzy: Have you ever thought it might do you some good to get out of that bargain bin magician outfit once and while?

“Oh, of course,” Rarity said, settling back onto her haunches. “Inspect away, darling, but I’m sure you won’t find – ”

Doctor: (Rarity) I was so worried you won’t like it! Darling, I have to show you the twenty other dresses I made for you!

“There’s a problem,” Trixie interrupted.

Rarity sputtered slightly at that. “P-problem?” Rarity demanded.

Ditzy: (Rarity) It’s the tassels isn’t it? I knew in my heart of hearts they didn’t work. This is a disaster! The.worst.possible.thing! The festival is ruined!

Trixie nodded solemnly. “It’s a good thing I was here, too, to overhear what Miss Cheerilee wanted. See, Princess Luna? She adores children. She’s always regretted not having foals of her own, but between running Equestria, raising the sun, lowering the moon, seeing foreign envoys

Ditzy: Playing whatever random game on Steam she bought on sale and still hasn’t gotten around to playing yet.

…there’s just never been enough time.

Doctor: (Trixie) And no, the rumors about me being Luna’s illegitimate daughter are not true!

Not to mention that she’s most active during the night, when foals are asleep.

Ditzy: She works when most ponies are asleep?

Doctor: You have a petition for the Princess? Sorry, but you need to wait until 3 a.m. at the soonest!

So she rarely gets to see any. But she loves them. In fact,” Trixie grinned, “she has an entire room of the royal apartments dedicated to pictures and letters that foals have sent her.”

Doctor: Much to the annoyance of the tenant.

Rarity blinked rapidly at Trixie’s words. “W…well, I see,” the unicorn said, “but I don’t understand what that has to – ”

“Being able to see crayon and macaroni and construction paper made by foals?” Trixie asked. “That would make her night.”

Ditzy: Because Celestia knows a thousand of these would get tiring after awhile.

Most of what Trixie had just said was a lie. Luna did love foals, that much was true,

Doctor: Few politicians love kissing babies as much as Princess Luna.

but everything else had been more-or-less a complete fabrication.

Ditzy: The Princess has been married twice since Trixie has known her and has five foals!

Still, Rarity didn’t need to – and never would – know that.

Doctor: Unless she checked up anything about the princess on the internet.

The white unicorn’s eyes were wide.

Ditzy: (Rarity) Idea! I have a perfect way to combine both into something fabulous!

“So,” Trixie said, smiling, “as festival overseer, I have final say over the decorations. And I say that there’s going to be a spot set aside for Luna to admire the art projects of the foals.”

“But – ”

“End of discussion.” Trixie interrupted, as she turned and trotted off, leaving Rarity and her dress behind.

Doctor: Now that was rude. She went to a lot of trouble to make that dress for you.

She thought she heard an overly dramatic cry of frustration, and couldn’t stop herself from letting out a contented sigh at the sound.

Ditzy: Trixie mysteriously disappeared the next day and was never seen again.

Doctor: If only we were that lucky!

Next Chapter: Episode 22 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 6 Estimated time remaining: 8 Hours, 40 Minutes