Doctor and Ditzy’s Science Theater

by Rixizu

Episode 21 - Part 4

“Rainbow Dash?” Trixie asked, looking the pegasus mare over.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Oh crap! I should tread carefully. This mare could pound me into pulp in seconds!

Rainbow Dash’s own eyes copied the movements as she took in Trixie’s appearance.

Doctor: (Rainbow)(Snorts) Nice outfit.

“Yeah,” the pegasus answered. “Who are you supposed to be?” she looked between Trixie and Ditzy Doo.

Doctor: (Rainbow) I didn’t know the circus was in town.

“Oh, and which one of you scared Fluttershy?”

Ditzy: Rudely lightly knocking on the door.

Ditzy Doo waved her hoof a little. “Didn’t mean to,” the gray-coated pegasus apologized. “Is she okay?”

Doctor: (Rainbow) The usual. Hiding under the sofa quavering. Nice going.

Rainbow Dash stepped to one side, pointing into Fluttershy’s home. It was decorated beautifully, adorned with all sorts of odds and ends that gave it a very homely, cozy appearance. However, a table and everything that had been on it were knocked over, along with a vase of flowers sitting near the stairs to the cottage’s second floor. “Does it look like she’s okay?” Rainbow Dash demanded. “Way to go, Derpy.”

Ditzy: (Facehoof) Oh come on! You were so close fic!

Doctor: One day. One day.

Ditzy Doo grimaced slightly at Rainbow Dash’s accusation and name-calling. Trixie felt a surprising amount of furor rising in her chest over that.

Doctor: She might be perfectly fine with Carrot Top losing her business by a powerhouse monopoly, but calling Ditzy Derpy? That’s going too far!

“Hey!” she exclaimed, stepping forward and placing her face right up to the pegasus’ own. “Leave Ditzy Doo alone!”

Ditzy: I’m not surprised Trixie is defending me. I seem to be the only pony in the world that has shown her any kindness in her entire life.

The cyan pegasus’ eyes widened a little at Trixie’s words, as though they had jogged a memory for her.

Doctor: Then grabbed her legs and started rocking back in forth.

After several moments of staring, she shook her head, clearing it. “Who are you?” she demanded.

Ditzy: (Trixie) I am Trixie Lulamoon! Defender of the weak and those that don’t like to be called by rude nicknames!

“Trixie,” the unicorn introduced herself.

Ditzy: With fireworks shooting around her naturally.

“Representative Trixie of the Night Court of Luna. I’m also here as the Longest Night festival overseer, so I need to speak with Fluttershy about the music she volunteered to handle.”

Doctor: (Trixie) What’s this about her wanting to play polka music?

Rainbow Dash bristled a little at that, in a mixture of defensiveness and embarrassment.

Doctor: With a bit of terror. She’s heard of the things the Night Court does to its enemies.

“She’s doing just fine,” the pony proclaimed.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) She’s only hiding in a cupboard this time. Normally we have to spend hours looking for her.

“Alright, but I need to talk to her.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No,” Rainbow Dash repeated firmly. “Not now. Come back later.”

Doctor: Someone lightly knocked at her door! Obviously she’s too shaken up to talk to anyone!

The pegasus made to close the door, but Trixie blinked, and each of its hinges were wrapped in a blue magical aura, holding the door firmly open.

Ditzy: (Trixie) I need to use the little filly’s room.

“Why?” Trixie demanded.

Rainbow Dash stared. “What?”

Doctor: (Rainbow) This isn’t how it’s suppose to go! I say ‘No’ and you go away never to return!

“Why should I come back later?” Trixie clarified. “I’m here now,

Doctor: (Trixie) And I didn’t walk two miles here for nothing!

Fluttershy is here now, provided she hasn’t run out a back door or something – ”

“Hey! Lay off of Fluttershy! You don’t even know her!”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Born in Cloudsdale in 1983, moved to Ponyville at the age of 17, hired by the Ponyville Wildlife Protection Agency to take care of Ponyville’s animal population, likes the color green, favorite food is boiled cabbage and potatoes, dislikes turnips because they give her gas, enjoys birdwatching and miniature golf, hates dentists but who doesn’t, enjoys watching cooking shows, and enjoys dancing when nopony is around. The Princess believes in thorough files on her subjects.

“True enough,” Trixie admitted, as she grinned. “But I do know that of the four ponies at this house, you’re the only one who isn’t supposed to be here.”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Oh crap! You’re right! I have a dentist appointment today!

She jabbed a hoof back at Ponyville. “You’re the weather patrol manager, right? Your team is wondering where you’ve gone. They’re practically threatening to quit.”

Ditzy: (Rainbow) I’m still on break! See! I still have ten minutes until I have to get to work!

Doctor: (Trixie) That’s just a watch drawn on by a permanent marker!

Rainbow Dash grunted, pointing up to the sky. “If those lazy bums can’t even handle a few cirrus clouds, then they shouldn’t be calling themselves pegasi.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Someday they should have a test that roots of the weaker foals and, I don’t know, grinds them into rainbows or something.

“Not those,” Trixie continued, pointing past Fluttershy’s house and into the darkening skies over the Everfree. “That. There’s a huge storm brewing over the Everfree and Raindrops said that – ”

Ditzy: (Trixie) It would destroy all of Equestria! Well, probably not, but it still looks pretty serious!

“Raindrops?” Rainbow Dash asked, then threw her head back and laughed.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Sorry, I just got a joke Raindrops told yesterday. It was about a priest, a weather pony, and a chicken.

“Raindrops worries about every little stray cumulus ‘cause of how slow a flier she is.

Doctor: (Rainbow) What kinda pegasi can’t even break the sound barrier.

And nopony should be worrying about that Everfree storm, it’s nothin’ I can’t handle.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) Those other ponies would just cramp my style and get in the way.

Trixie blinked. “By yourself?”

“Uh, yeah,” Rainbow Dash proclaimed, as though the answer should have been obvious.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Ha! I could handle a hurricane by myself. Blindfolded. While one fire! And playing a rocking guitar solo!

“I’d love to see you try and back that up.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) I can do it in ten seco-

Ditzy: (Trixie) No! This fic doesn’t need stupid memes!

The pegasus opened her mouth as though to claim that she would, and right now at that, but stopped halfway and grimaced.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Ok, you got me. I can’t alright!

“Look, I’m weather manager and I know what I’m doing.

Doctor: Frightening words from any manager.

If that storm becomes a problem, I’ll deal with it. But right now I can’t leave Fluttershy hangin’,

Ditzy: (Ditzy) I’m here too.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Shut up Derpy! Nopony cares about you!

so if you’ll just go away and take Derpy here with you – ”

Ditzy: Wait a second...Rainbow Dash turned down a chance to show off! It’s a changeling spy!

Trixie’s eyes narrowed, and her horn glowed dangerously. “Don’t say that again,” she threatened.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Don’t talk about my wai-friend that way!

Rainbow Dash grinned at how Trixie seemed to be taking the name worse than the pony it was directed at.

Doctor: That...is a little strange.

Ditzy: And I actually tolerate this?

She opened her mouth, but before she could say anything Ditzy Doo interposed herself between the weather manager and the Night Court representative, taking turns to glare at each of them, eyes focused and wings spread wide.

Ditzy: Whoa, things just got real!

Doctor: The effect was ruined when she accidently smacked Trixie in the face with one of her wings.

“Stop,” she said, her voice firm, like a mother scolding children who were misbehaving themselves. “Now.”

Ditzy: (Ditzy) I will send you to bed without dinner or a story!

Doctor: (Rainbow)(Whiny) But!

Ditzy: (Ditzy) No buts young lady!

Trixie glared past Ditzy Doo, at Rainbow Dash, who matched her stare unflinchingly. Neither of them, however, made any move to continue their argument. After a few moments, the gray pegasus turned to Rainbow Dash. “I’ve known Fluttershy since she moved here,” she said. “Nearly as long as you. So I’m going to go see my friend.”

Ditzy: Why are we even fighting? We’re both trying to help Fluttershy! We should be working together!

Doctor: I know Ms. Dash can be a jerk, but this is ridiculous.

Ditzy: Yay for pointless antagonism.

Rainbow Dash shook her head, appearing to have genuine concern for the pony who was even now cowering upstairs somewhere.

Doctor: Actually she was about to storm downstairs to yell at everyone to shut up. She was trying to watch TV.

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) I’m trying to watch the Young and the Restless! I have to know if Shining Lotus is pregnant with her uncle’s twin brother’s clone’s foal!

“No, not right now. She’s really nervous and – ”

Ditzy: (Fluttershy)(Gasps) Oh my gosh a clown! Do you think you could, um, throw a pie in your face? That’s my favorite.

“Rainbow Dash, get out of my way.”

The other pegasus didn’t move for several moments, but the unflinching, unblinking stare of Ditzy Doo eventually wore her down.

Doctor: Not surprising. She could probably do it for hours.

She backed away from the door, making enough room for the gray pegasus to step into the cottage. Once inside, she folded her wings back against her sides and turned around to look at Trixie. “What did you want to ask Fluttershy?” She asked.

Doctor: (Trixie) Tell her if she screws up her part I personally will do everything in my power to ruin her life. I’m not going to let anything else go wrong!

“Just how the music preparations were coming along,” Trixie answered, making a point of not looking at Rainbow Dash, even peripherally. “Although now I’m kind of curious about how she could be friends with a stuck-up – ”

Ditzy: That’s the pot calling the kettle black.

“No,” Ditzy Doo ordered with surprising firmness, jabbing a hoof at Trixie,

Ditzy: (Trixie)(Pitiful) Ow, that hurt!

suddenly enough to make the unicorn stumble backwards a few steps.

Doctor: (Ditzy) That’s it! You are going to the corner and think about what you did!

After a few moments, she turned around and trotted away, heading upstairs, although she spared a final glance at the two other ponies. She didn’t speak, but the glare’s meaning was obvious: play nice or I will ground you for a month. 

Doctor: Believe me. That isn’t the type of punishment you want to go through.

Trixie wasn’t certain why such a look had an effect on her, but it did.

Ditzy: I think it is called having a survival instinct.

Silence lingered between the pegasus and the unicorn that Ditzy Doo left behind for some time. Eventually, however, Rainbow Dash glanced to Trixie, looking her over again. “Nice hat,” she intoned, smirking.

Doctor: And they couldn’t even last a few sentences without sniping at each other.

“Nice dye job,” Trixie countered without hesitation.

Ditzy: (Rainbow) Nice, um, hair did you get in a stupid shop?!

The pegasus’ grin widened as she ran a hoof through her mane. “It’s not dyed,” she proclaimed proudly. “I’m all-natural.”

Trixie seethed,

Doctor: (Trixie) Why can’t I have gorgeous locks like that!?

but didn’t rise to the bait as she chose to focus on the ground under her hooves

Doctor: (Trixie) Ugh! I just stepped in gum!

and not the grin of triumph she knew was on Rainbow Dash’s face. Instead, she ran through her mental list of Things She Hated About Today.

Ditzy: At the end of this story it’s going to be about 100 pages long.

Previously, the Apple clan had been topping that list, but Rainbow Dash had managed to shoot past all competition and settle into an easy first place. Yay.

Doctor: (Sighs) The author really wants us to dislike the original bearers.

Ditzy: What next? Eating kittens? Burning down orphanages?

After an eternity of silence,

Doctor: (Rainbow) That’s it! I can’t take it anymore!

Ditzy: (Trixie) It’s only been thirty seconds!

Doctor: (Rainbow) Yeah I know! What’s taking her?

the sound of hoof-steps from the floor above them signaled Ditzy Doo’s return. The gray pegasus trotted down the cottage’s stairs and up to Trixie, a sad look on her face, eyes once again having wandered apart.

Ditzy: Look author. We don’t need to know every which way my eyes move. It isn’t important!

“Fluttershy isn’t going to be able to do the music this year,” she said sadly.

Ditzy: (Ditzy) There’s been a bad case of flu going around and many of the birds are too sick to perform.

“Rainbow Dash here talked her into volunteering but now she’s too frightened of being in front of so many ponies.

Doctor: (Trixie) That’s all? Just tell her to imagine everypony naked. That’s what I do.

Rainbow has been trying to convince her not to be worried, but Fluttershy’s mind seems made up.”

Ditzy: Well...shoot.

Doctor: (Trixie) Did you yell in her face and shake her violently? I find that usually works best.

Rainbow Dash grumbled under her breath as she sat back on her haunches, crossing her front hooves in front of her. “I bet I would’ve been able to if you hadn’t frightened her.”

Ditzy: So how was she suppose to approach Fluttershy exactly without scaring her?

“She seemed pretty determined,” Ditzy Doo said, then considered her words. “Relatively, anyway.”

Ditzy: She gritted her teeth and everything!

Trixie was wide-eyed, mouth hanging open slightly and blinking only slowly as she took in what Ditzy Doo had said.

Doctor: Get a chair and make some tea. This might take some time.

“What?” she asked. “No. No, it’s only two days to the festival. She said she’d handle the music, volunteered, filled out the paperwork – ”

Ditzy: Submitted a demo tape, made a contract with a major music publisher, and set up a guest appearance on a late night talk show.

Doctor: Fluttershy’s music career ended shortly after when it was discovered that the birds in her group were only beak singing.

“…actually, that was mostly me,” Rainbow Dash admitted sheepishly. Trixie’s eyes somehow managed to open even wider as she turned her gaze slowly onto the cyan pegasus,

Ditzy: Causing them to pop out.

who’s expression had changed to one of embarrassment. “I mean, you should hear her sing, and she’s really good with animals and I’ve even seen her arrange a bird chorus, and I suggested that she should volunteer and get her birds to help, and she said she’d love to, and I thought it was maybe a chance to get her to open up…but then she got cold hooves a few days ago.”

Doctor: (Rainbow) All I did was remind her that thousands of ponies are going to be watching her quietly judging and hating her if she screwed up!

Trixie’s mouth opened and shut of its own accord a few times before words managed to come out. “I’m going upstairs,” she said, taking a step forward.

Doctor: (Trixie) I have an inspirational speech for just such an occasion.

Instantly, her path was blocked by a pair of pegasi, wings spread defensively.

“No,” Ditzy Doo said.

“I don’t think so,” Rainbow Dash added.

Doctor: (Trixie) Pretty please with sugar on top?

Trixie looked between the two. “But…but…it’s the Longest Night!” Trixie exclaimed.

Doctor: (Rainbow) So what? Most of the time they are nothing but a disappointment. Most ponies barely care about it.

“The halfway point of winter!

Doctor: I highly doubt most ponies care about that one.

And we don’t have music arranged for when the Princess raises the moon,

Doctor: (Rainbow) Why don’t we just use a local radio station?

Ditzy: (Trixie) You want the Princess to raise the moon to “All About That Bass”?!

and the catering is gonna be awful, and there’s that storm coming – ”

“Are you still on about that?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Doctor: Really.

Ditzy: Apples aren’t that bad!

“ – and I’m gonna get blamed for this!” Trixie exclaimed, stepping forward again,

All: Boohoo.

but only to get close to the two pegasi as she looked between the two. “This was my big chance to show Luna that I can handle responsibility and everything is heading straight into the sun!”

Doctor: To the sun, Alice!

“Well, deal,” Rainbow Dash said.

Doctor: Yes, stop whining and actually do your job!

Ditzy: See, this is why Princess Luna doesn’t take you seriously.

Ditzy Doo rolled her eyes at Rainbow Dash’s advice,

Doctor: She should whine about her problems instead of trying to solving them?

before turning back to Trixie. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I really am. But Fluttershy is just too delicate.

Ditzy: For the love of...Fluttershy made a dragon cry! Don’t underestimate her!

Even if you convinced her somehow, she’d probably freeze on stage on the Longest Night anyway.” 

Ditzy: Simple, put her behind a screen so nopony sees her.

Rainbow Dash shot Ditzy Doo a glare at that, but the gray pegasus only shrugged,

Ditzy: Thanks for the defeatist attitude.

and after a moment Rainbow Dash sighed and nodded in confirmation.

Doctor: (Rainbow) Hey! I’ve got it! Why don’t I do it? Making those birds sing can’t be that hard!

Trixie’s head snapped between the two a few more times, before she let out a low groan of frustration. “Fine,” she spat, turning around and stomping out the door, making a point of letting the anger she felt rise visibly to the surface,

Doctor: Steam started coming out of her ears.

projecting the perfect image of a pony that nopony would want to be within a hundred feet of if they could help it.

Ditzy: Of course she throws a temper tantrum.

Doctor: And she wants to have a position of power?

As expected, Ditzy Doo didn’t follow her; indeed, the two pegasi soon closed the door to Fluttershy’s cottage. Once it was shut, Trixie stopped her angry pace, eyes narrow as her horn glowed beneath her hat,

Doctor: (Trixie) How unfortunate that a candle fell and the whole cottage and everypony in it burned to the ground.

casting a spell that was almost as familiar to her as basic unicorn telekinesis.

Doctor: Magic missile!

Ditzy: Dragon Slave!

Her color and form seemed to simply bleed out of reality, becoming nothing more than an odd smudge on the air, and soon afterwards not even that as her invisibility spell wrapped itself firmly around her body, hat, and cape.

Ditzy: Um, why is her most familiar spell an invisibility spell?

Doctor: The blackmail won’t get itself.

A second, similarly familiar spell encircled each of her hooves; she pranced in place on the dirt path beneath her a few times to confirm that her silencing spell had taken effect, before making a beeline straight for Fluttershy’s cottage.

Doctor: Except this spell doesn’t hide your scent. And there are a few visible cues if you are observant.

Ditzy: I doubt Harry the Bear would like somepony sneaking around Fluttershy’s house.

The closed door presented little deterrent, as it hadn’t been locked by either pegasus, and Trixie opened, passed through, and closed it before anypony inside the house could notice.

Doctor: Angel and half of the other animals in the house, however, did.

She saw Rainbow Dash in Fluttershy’s kitchen, brewing up tea –

Ditzy: A clear sign that this is an alternate universe and a rather bizarre one at that.

and helping herself to a rather ample cookie supply – while Ditzy Doo wasn’t in sight, probably having gone up to the second floor.

Ditzy: Trixie hummed her own theme music as she snuck through the house.

Trixie grimaced as she began to climb the stairs, slowly and carefully despite the sound-dampening spell that extended in a six inch radius around each hoof.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Hey! Whatcha doing!

Doctor: (Trixie) Ah! Ow ow ow ow ow! (Groans)

In just a few moments, she was upstairs, and making her way down a hall and into a room with its door wide open, in which soft voices could be heard conversing.

“…okay, Fluttershy,” Ditzy Doo said, as Trixie entered the room. Fluttershy’s bedroom was decorated much like the rest of her house; dominated by a bed with a green, thick comforter. laying on top of the bed was a yellow pegasus with a pink, thick, long mane, staring intently at her own front hooves and seemingly like she was trying to hide her face in it. Her cutie mark was a trio of pink butterflies. Sitting opposite her on the bed was Ditzy Doo, both eyes focused forward.

Ditzy: So you know she’s super serial serious!

“O-okay…?” Fluttershy stuttered. Her voice was amazingly soft; Trixie had to lean in to hear it.

Doctor: (Trixie) Excuse me, could you speak up? ...Oh crap!

“Yeah,” Ditzy said, leaning forward cautiously and gently nuzzling the yellow pegasus. She flinched initially, but after a moment leaned in to the friendly sign of affection.

Ditzy: Celestia. What happened to her in this universe.

“It was really brave of you even to volunteer.”

Doctor: (Ditzy) I particularly liked that part where you smashed a pumpkin!

“Oh, I don’t know…” Fluttershy intoned. “It was Rainbow Dash’s idea, I never would have been brave enough to even try without her, and I only did it because I never thought I’d ever actually get the position…”

Ditzy: (Fluttershy) Well, considering Snip and Snails’ rap group was my competition, maybe I should have seen this coming.

“Well, you did,” Ditzy Doo said as she pulled away. “It was a big step forward.”

Doctor: (Ditzy) You didn’t actually do anything,several ponies, including myself, are really disappointed in you, and Trixie probably hates you for the rest of her life, but it was a nice step forward.

Fluttershy looked up at Ditzy Doo, and Trixie took a step back. Her eyes…

Ditzy: She had the sharingan!

Fluttershy’s large, teal eyes were stained red from tears. “I-it doesn’t feel like one…” she said. “Oh, and that Trixie sounded so mad…

Doctor: (Ditzy) Don’t feel so bad. That pony has a deep rooted hatred of everypony and everything.

I’ve made such a mess of things, I never should have let Rainbow Dash talk me into even trying, but she seemed so sure that I could do it that I didn’t want to let her down, but now I have…”

Ditzy: Nope, not buying it.

Doctor: What do you mean?

Ditzy:  In this universe every member of the old bearers seem to be missing what them wield an Element of Harmony in our universe right?

Doctor: So it appears.

Ditzy: And what is the opposite of kindness? A serial killer!

Doctor: I think you are reaching a bit there.

Ditzy: It’s always the quiet ones right? Trust me Doctor, if you look in her basement you will find dead bodies or adult ponies in diapers or some other really messed up thing!

Trixie did not, by any stretch of the imagination, consider herself an affectionate pony.

Doctor: She gave fake money to beggars for fun.

It nevertheless took every ounce of willpower she had to not leap atop the bed and give Fluttershy a warm, tight hug.

Ditzy: Oh come on. That would be hilarious.

She looked like she needed one; then again, if she had flinched from even a gentle nuzzle,

Doctor: Actually, I think you being invisible might cause more of an issue.

she wasn’t certain Fluttershy would be able to survive such an outright show of affection.

Ditzy: Death by hugs.

The unicorn pony also wanted to let out an annoyed sigh, but practice at sneaking around held that in check, as well.

Ditzy: Years of watching Naruto taught her well.

Doctor: (Trixie) It’s a good thing I always bring my Leaf Village headband with me.

She had come up here with the intention of de-cloaking herself where there was nothing Ditzy Doo or Rainbow Dash could do to stop her from seeing Fluttershy and demanding the pony perform in the Longest Night festival,

Doctor: Maybe taking a few animals hostage to convince her.

but what she’d seen in just a few seconds of observing Fluttershy made it painfully obvious that the she was never going to be able to perform on stage, no matter what Trixie either threatened to do to her or offered to bribe her with.

Doctor: It was a shock to Trixie. That was how things were done in the Night Court.

The blue unicorn instead turned around and made her way from Fluttershy’s cottage,

Ditzy: She actually got out of the cottage without being detected? Really? How boring.

Doctor: Plenty of missed comedic opportunities.

Ditzy: Wait, where are Fluttershy’s animal friends?

Doctor: The author couldn’t afford them.

Ditzy: Oh.

back out into the waning winter day.

Ditzy : Ah! I have it! Create a band and do the music yourself!

Doctor: Right, Trixie can play the guitar and isn’t half bad.

---

“Trixie, I’m sick of apples,” Luna said.

Doctor: (Luna) Why couldn’t they be the Strawberry Trust instead?

“Me too, princess.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Though you have to admit they make a mean apple pie. Especially if it is topped with mayonnaise and baked beans!

“Yes, but you see, Trixie, it was your job to make sure that catering went smoothly. Now, because of you, I’m going to destroy the Apple Trust and outlaw apples across Equestria. Anypony caught eating one will be hanged, drawn, and quartered.”

“I’m cool with that,” Trixie said,

Ditzy: (Trixie) You are a wise and inspirational leader

Doctor: (Trixie) I’m fine with the destruction of the livelihoods of hundreds of ponies.

Ditzy: Explains why she was fine with Carrot Top losing her farm.

beginning to seek out an apple, “but do you really want to go outside in this?”

Doctor: (Trixie) Think of your allergies!

Luna looked outside, at the massive snow-rain-wind-thunder-lightning-ice-and-acid storm that was even now destroying Ponyville. “I’m an alicorn, I can deal,” Luna remarked,

Doctor: After all, when has an alicorn ever lost anything?

opening the door to the town hall and trotting outside. Immediately, she began melting, and freezing, and being flayed.

Ditzy: She somehow got paralyzed, poisoned, frozen, and burned all at the same time!

Dramatic music probably should have been playing, but it was completely, notably absent.

Doctor: Trixie tried getting Howard Shore, but he was unavailable.

“Great,” Luna objected as her body was destroyed. “This is the last time I invest any responsibility in you, Trixie.”

“I know.”

Doctor: (Luna) I should have left you in that cardboard box I found you in.

There was a pause. As Luna was reduced to nothing more than a head, she raised one eyebrow and appraised the interior of the town hall with her one remaining eye before it was destroyed. “The decorations are quite lovely, though. Good job.”

Ditzy: (Trixie) Bwahahaha! I’m princess now!

Trixie snickered at her own morbid fantasy as she made her way through Ponyville’s streets,

Doctor: Especially the part where Princess Luna died horribly.

Ditzy: You need therapy Trixie.

looking for the building that would be serving as her home while she was living in the town.

Ditzy: If only the Princess hired a pony to guide Trixie during her stay in Ponyville.

It wasn’t particularly hard to find, being located near the center and bordering the cobblestone plaza that surrounded the town hall. It was a two-story, thatch-roofed house, distinguishable from the other residencies in Ponyville only because it was surrounded by a short iron fence

Doctor: And had walls covered in hate filled graffiti.

– only about chest-high – and a small garden, currently buried under snow, as well as a hanging sign outside of its front gate that read “Residency of the Representative of the Night Court of Luna,” the words printed over the Equestrian coat of arms.

Ditzy: Under it read “Is there life after death? Trespass here and find out!”

After the hectic day of disappointment, shocks, and nearly being trapped outside at noon,

Doctor: The worst of all obviously.

Ditzy: She nearly died!

she was severely hoping that the pantry of her new home was fully stocked,

Doctor: Only to find nothing but canned apples.

or at least contained a decent supply of potent potables.

Ditzy: I’ll take Potent Potables for 500.

She trotted inside with eyes half-lidded, finding the door unlocked and the house inside dark. She hung her hat on a stand just inside the door, but kept her cape on – the house was probably cold, and she wanted to continue benefitting from the warming enchantment woven into her cape until she could get a fire going.

Doctor: She didn’t believe in the dark sorcery known as central heating.

“Ugh,” the unicorn groaned as she made her way towards the door that, if she were designing this house, would contain the living room. “Where’s the light – gah!”

Doctor: (Trixie) Who left a roller skate there?!

Quite suddenly, someone had turned on the gas lights in the room she had wandered into – and Trixie found herself surrounded by ponies of every shape, hue, and tribe,

Doctor: Bat Ponies, Sea Ponies, Flutter Ponies, Crystal Ponies, and even a Tatzlpony!

Ditzy: And one pony was 10 hooves tall!

all of whom took the opportunity to shout surprise! at the top of their lungs. Trixie all but leapt from her coat at the sight, and nearly stumbled to the floor as a certain vibrantly pink pony was suddenly standing right in front of her.

Doctor: (Pinkie) Hello! Now it’s my turn for my character to be ruined!

“Surprise!” The pony exclaimed. “I’m Pinkie Pie and I threw this party just for you. Were you surprised? Were you? Were you? Huh?”

Trixie stared at the wide-grin, the manic look. It was, for some reason, far too easy to imagine this pony doing horrible things to her.

Ditzy: (Facehoof) Really author?

Doctor: Look, no one is going to believe that no matter how much you insist otherwise.

“You see, I saw you outside of Rarity’s, remember? You were all ‘stars above!’ and I was all gasp, remember? You see I never saw you before, and if I never saw you before that means you’re new, ‘cause I know everypony, and I mean every pony in Ponyville, and if you’re new, that meant you hadn’t met anypony yet – ”

“I’d met a few ponies, actually…” Trixie interrupted as she picked herself up

Ditzy: Ah, but only about one pony actually liked you.

and started looking for something that would destroy her liver in short order.

Doctor: (Trixie) Maybe I can find a solvent to drink.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Do you have any Acetaminophen? I was thinking about downing a bottle or two.

Pinkie Pie didn’t slow down or acknowledge the interruption, and followed Trixie as she walked. “ – and if you haven’t met anypony yet, you must not have any friends, and if you don’t have any friends then you must be lonely, and that made me so sad, and I had an idea, and that’s why I went gasp, I’ll just throw a great big ginormous super-duper spectacular welcome party and invite everypony in Ponyville! See? And now you have lots and lots of friends!”

Doctor: (Pinkie) Yes, I know that is word for word what I said in the other universe, but the author got lazy!

Ditzy: (Trixie) Friendship is a lie. Life has beaten that truth into me long ago!

Trixie had found a table laden with glasses and bottles that contained vibrant warnings about their contents.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Danger corrosive? Keep away from children? Harmful if swallowed? Pansies.

Checking a few labels, she chose one with the largest number on it and began pouring it into a glass,

Doctor: (Trixie) WD-40? Sounds good to me!

while turning to regard Pinkie Pie and the party. “Everypony in Ponyville?” Pinkie Pie’s head bobbed up and down rapidly as Trixie finished pouring and took a swig of what she’d poured for herself. It burned pleasantly on the way down her throat.

Ditzy: (Pinkie) Wow! And here I thought I loved hot sauce!

“There’s maybe two dozen ponies here.”

Doctor: (Pinkie) Nope! Twenty-five to exact!

Pinkie Pie didn’t deflate at all from Trixie’s remark. “A party is still a party even if everypony doesn’t show up!”

Doctor: News about Trixie spread quickly I see.

She exclaimed, bouncing happily in circles around Trixie. “Besides I don’t think your house could fit everypony, not that I wouldn’t mind trying!

Ditzy: (Pinkie) I once fit 50 ponies into a one room apartment!

And there’s still plenty of ponies here!” She smiled as she dragged several into a group-hug, which they went along with surprisingly easily. The mugs of something foaming held in their hooves may have had something to do with it.

Ditzy: Root beer always gets me in the mood of a hug too.

Trixie blinked a few times, remembering Lyra’s advice about Pinkie Pie’s parties. The pink pony was genuinely enthused and seemed intent on making this Trixie’s best night ever. And she’d just had an awful day and could use any excuse to just forget it. Tomorrow might be worse, after all,

Doctor: Life had also taught Trixie that hope is a lie.

what with having to find a new music venue on such short notice,

Ditzy: Snips and Snails it is then.

not to mention that meeting with Rarity –

Ugh.

All: We get it!

The blue unicorn drained what remained of her drink in one fell swoop, and then began pouring herself a new glass. As she did, an old earth pony salute came to mind: eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow we die!

Doctor: And have terrible headaches in the mourning.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Wha-Why I am in Saddle Arabia?!

---

Lyra and BonBon passed through the front gate of the residency of the Night Court Representative

Ditzy: They just had the most intensive session of hugging you have ever seen!

 with trepidation, especially giving the volume of music that was coming out of it – and above that, on occasion, the voice of Pinkie Pie.

Doctor: Lyra really didn’t want to get into one of Pinkie’s musical numbers.

“Do we have to?” Lyra asked as they stood outside of the door. Lyra was once more in her wool cloak and Gatsby, while BonBon was bedecked in a cloak and wide-brimmed hat of her own.

Doctor: After all, it keeps the horrible evil sun away.

Ditzy: (Bon-Bon) We shall march into the forbidden zone!

With the sun having settled beyond the horizon, the night’s temperature was plunging rapidly. A chill wind answered her question as it cut through their garments, driving both of the ponies inside quickly to get out of the cold.

Ditzy: It was thirty degrees out! Thirty degrees!

“So what’s Trixie like?” BonBon asked.

“Kind of a jerk.” Lyra admitted. “But I think she’s under a lot of stress.”

Doctor: I think the creepy grin and messy mane gave it away.

“Hmm. Maybe this party will do her good, then,” BonBon observed as the two shucked their hats and cloaks, leaving them in a pile that had been formed near the front door.

Ditzy: Just toss them on the floor whatever.

Several ponies had escaped from where the main party seemed to be going on,

Doctor: A game of pin the tail on the pony went out of control and they barely escaped with their lives!

standing in the hallway; they politely greeted BonBon and welcomed Lyra back from Canterlot.

Doctor: It was, after all, a silly place.

“But we have to be in the same house as Pinkie Pie…” Lyra objected.

Ditzy: Pinkie Pie is the worst pony ever! Am I right!?

Doctor: There, there.

“Hush, she’s easily my best customer,” BonBon responded,

All: (Gasp)

Ditzy: A pony that doesn’t hate Pinkie’s guts?

Doctor: It’s a miracle!

gently knocking her flank against Lyra’s own.

Ditzy: Knocking her over into a doorknob, breaking her skull, killing her instantly. The end.

Doctor: Isn’t that going a bit too far?

Ditzy: No.

The unicorn put on a suitably mollified-looking face as the two ponies approached the main room.

Doctor: Lyra hated joy and happiness.

Ditzy: (Lyra) And what kind of pony actually likes playing pin the tail on the pony anyway?!

Before they could enter, however, a certain blue unicorn in a purple cape came stumbling out, no fewer than three different glasses, each containing liquids of different color, grasped in her telekinetic aura.

Ditzy: Looks like Trixie found Blueblood’s secret Gatorade stash.

Doctor: Hey! The Glacier Cherry one was for special occasions!

Lyra and BonBon froze as Trixie’s violet eyes looked in their direction.

Ditzy: (Bon-Bon) Oh crap!

Doctor: (Lyra) Remain calm. She can sense fear.

They were glazed over, at first, but came swiftly into focus as she saw Lyra. “Heartstrings!” She exclaimed. Something seemed…off…about her voice, and not simply the slur it had picked up from the concoctions held in each vessel she carried.

Ditzy: It was deep and sounded like a stallion’s voice.

“Y’all made it!”

“Y’all?” Lyra echoed, as Trixie stumbled forward and gave Lyra a tight hug, which the mint green unicorn returned if only to increase her chances of it ending quickly.

Ditzy: Trixie forgot to put on deodorant this morning.

As it did, Trixie turned to regard BonBon.

Doctor: (Bon-Bon) Can I get a rain check on that hug?

“You!” Trixie exclaimed, then paused, eyes squinting a little as she stared at BonBon. “Ah’m afraid ah have not yet had the pleasure.”

Doctor: (Trixie) I’ve never met sixtuplets before!

Lyra blinked a few times, realizing the problem with Trixie’s voice –

Ditzy: It...had an accent!

her accent had changed, not quite to the country drawl that was common to the rural parts of Equestria, but similar. The Canterlot lilt to her accent had completely disappeared, however. “Uh,” Lyra said. “Trixie – ”

Ditzy: (Lyra)(Sniffs) I don’t think I even know you anymore!

“Trixie?” The unicorn asked incredulously, looking insulted. She put a hoof to her chest. “Ah’m wounded! Ah thought we were on better terms, mon amie Heartstrings! Je m’appelle Lulamoon!

Ditzy: Hello Jemappelle Lulamoon! That’s a pretty name.

Doctor: Actually she said, “I am called Lulamoon.”

Ditzy: Oh. Shame. I really liked that name.

Lyra’s eyes grew larger than any plate found outside of the Griffin Kingdoms at that demand.

Ditzy: ...Because plates are a big export of the Griffin Kingdom?

“Lulamoon?” she asked.

“Oui!” Trixie drew Lyra into a deep hug, again, as BonBon stared with a mixture of .confusion and mirth.

Doctor: Especially when Lyra started flailing about in a desperate attempt to get away.

“Ah’m so glad you’re here, Heartstrings! Come on, come on, come on, y’all have to see this!” She stumbled away and back into the main party room.

Ditzy: (Trixie) Pinkie Pie made chocolate covered pinecones!

BonBon blinked a few times, then looked back to Lyra. “She seems very friendly,” the earth pony remarked. “I don’t know what you were worried about.”

Ditzy: (Lyra) Trixie is happy! Tartarus must be freezing over!

Lyra was actually growing quite a bit beyond "worry" as she and BonBon made their way into the living room,

Ditzy: Where is the bitter and hateful Trixie we all know and love?!

where the music was loud

Doctor: To Lyra’s shock it was Skip to My Lou DJ-PON3 remix.

and the ponies were dancing, or recovering from long dancing sections, or just talking to each other.

Doctor: Well, yelling at each other while half hearing what the other is saying at best.

A pink blur moved between them all,

Doctor: Pinkie Pie is the Flash!

making sure that neither glass nor mug remained empty for very long. Once inside, Trixie took them both by the hoof and dragged them over to a wall, on which a beautiful, stylized mural had been painted.

Ditzy: Of Princess Luna sitting on a toilet seat.

“Regardez! Look!” Trixie said, jabbing a hoof at the painting.

Doctor: (Lyra) No, my name is Lyra, Lyra Heartstrings.

“It’s the story of – of – well, Ah don’t want to say her name in polite company, Heartstrings, but you know.”

Ditzy: You mean... Voldemare?!

Lyra blinked, inspecting the mural. While done in gentle, story-book quality – and ending with Luna standing triumphant, sun and moon balanced on either wing –

Doctor: The fact the sun was slightly uneven with the moon ruined the effect a little, but it was still quite beautiful.

the mural clearly depicted the story of the fall of Celestia, the former alicorn princess and Luna’s elder sister, and her transformation into the fiery, wrathful, and greedy mare known as Corona,

Doctor: (Corona) It’s mine, you understand? Mine! All mine! Mine, mine, mine!

followed by the epic battle between Luna and Corona for the fate of Equestria.

Ditzy: Over a game of checkers.

It featured Luna’s victory prominently,

Doctor: Propaganda at its finest.

but Lyra nevertheless felt a shiver go down her spine at the sight, even in storybook fashion, of the alicorn that to this day was trapped inside the sun.

Ditzy: And ponies don’t think this is just a myth because?

Trixie nodded as Lyra looked over the mural, a wide-grin on her features. “Story of Corona,” she said, apparently forgetting her earlier concern.

Doctor: (Lyra) Doesn’t the author believe in continuity?

“Oui. Somethin’ like this is in every royal appointment in Equestria, mon amie. Reminds us to do our jobs n’ such.”

Doctor: Luna wants all her subjects to hate and fear her sister so her night would never go unappreciated again!

Trixie drained one of the glasses she held, then turned to Lyra and BonBon. “Do you know what Corona said, just before Princess Luna trapped her in the sun?”

Doctor: What a world. What a world?

Ditzy: Next time Luna. Next time?

Doctor: From Hell's heart, I stab at thee. For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee?

Ditzy: With my last breath I curse Zoidberg?

She put a hoof to her chest as though stabbed. “Ahh!”

Ditzy: (Snorts) Hey! That’s pretty good!

The unicorn laughed at her joke and drained her second glass, but quickly noticed the mortified looks on the faces of Lyra and BonBon. “Ne me regardez pas comme ça!” She exclaimed,

Ditzy: It was Prench for “Tough crowd”.

stomping forward and jabbing a hoof slightly to Lyra’s left. “C’est un boum! Y’all are supposed to enjoy yourselves!”

Doctor: (Author) Finally my French class in high school came in handy!

Lyra stared, having a very, very difficult time reconciling the pony in front of her – who was draining her final glass – with the pony she had left earlier in the day. “Are you alright?” she asked.

Doctor: (Lyra) And why are you speaking foreign?

Trixie glared at Lyra, before her gaze softened noticeably and she stumbled forward, tapping Lyra on the nose.

Ditzy: Boop.

“You know,” she said, “you are very cute for a musician. Or because y’all are a musician. Whatever.”

“Uh,” Lyra responded.

Doctor: (Lyra) And for the love of everything holy stop wiggling your eyebrows like that.

“She’s taken,” BonBon said quickly, stepping forward defensively between Trixie and Lyra.

Ditzy: (Lyra) Bon-Bon put down the cake knife! She’s just drunk!

Trixie regarded her, and beamed. “Ne vous inquiétez pas! You’re very cute too!”

Ditzy: (Trixie) We could have a three…

Doctor: (Lyra) This conversation is over!

She stumbled backwards a little, as Pinkie Pie arrived and re-filled her drinks.

Doctor: (Pinkie)(Whispering) Don’t tell Trixie that nothing she’s had to drink tonight is actually alcoholic.

Trixie looked to the pink earth pony and smiled widely. “And Pinkie Pie, you’re cute too, in an annoying sort of way…”

Doctor: (Trixie) You’re ears are just too big and don’t frame your face well. That drives me crazy!

“Thanks!” The earth pony exclaimed.

Ditzy: Ponies keep saying Pinkie is annoying in this but…

Doctor: She isn’t really that annoying?

Ditzy: Exactly! Actually, this is pretty toned down compared to normal Pinkie.

Trixie laughed. “Everypony’s cute!” she exclaimed as she began walking/stumbling towards the nearest table and climbing it.

Ditzy: (Pony) Take it off!

“Everypony’s cute! Even I'm cute, non?” Trixie stood atop the table, rearing up on her hind legs and throwing her forelegs wide, telekinesis seizing her cape and causing it to billow as though in a strong wind. “But in purple? Ah'm stunning!”

Doctor: (Pony) Ummm….well….

Ditzy: (Pony) Don’t quit your dayjob.

With that, the unicorn collapsed, falling from the table and onto the floor, grin never leaving her face.

Ditzy: And unfortunately bleeding from the head.

Her eyes were closed, but she was still breathing, so Lyra assumed she was alive and mostly unharmed.

Doctor: It didn’t look like she was breathing, but Lyra assumed she was just asleep.

Pinkie Pie smiled widely at the sight. “She’s become one with her inner self!” the party pony exclaimed.

Doctor: (Pinkie) Who would have guessed that booze leads to enlightenment?

“She passed out,” BonBon remarked.

Pinkie Pie nodded at her fellow earth pony. “That too.”

Ditzy: (Lyra) Anypony have a sharpy?

Doctor: Well, that was certainly interesting.

Ditzy: I didn’t think it was possible to make Trixie even more unlikable!

Doctor: Generally an unpleasant pony to be around.

Ditzy: Give me Twilight anyday!

Doctor: I really hope she develops out of this.

Ditzy: Maybe friendship will save her...hopefully.

Doctor: The spark is already there. The story version of you showed her kindness remember?

Ditzy: That’s right. I guess I’m the spirit of kindness! Thanks! I’m flattered! Hey, why do you look doubtful?!

Doctor: Well, I am not sure it fits you.

Ditzy: Hey! I’m plenty kind!

Doctor: I doubt the spirit of kindness would be so quick to throw a chainsaw into a Sontaran’s face.

Ditzy: He was threatening Berry Pinch! I had to do something! Besides it isn’t like it killed him.

Doctor: If you say so.

Ditzy: Whatever. You’re overthinking it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ditzy grabbed her toothbrush from its holder and placed in her saddlebag along with a tube of toothpaste. Dinky did a mental checklist and concluded she had everything she wanted to bring to the sleep over. She left her house to meet up with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon at the malt shop for a quick snack before going to Tiara’s house.

As usual, Star Shot disappeared without a trace and failed to tell Dinky where she went to. Dinky was really starting to get frustrated with that mare. She really wanted to tell Star Shot off for that stunt she pulled about Spike. Dinky spent most of the experiment thinking about it and concluded that she would never do anything like that to Spike even at the cost of her life, family, and future. The cost wasn’t worth it and Dinky didn’t think she could look her parents in the eyes ever again after doing something that.  

When Dinky first met Star Shot she hoped that they would become friends and become like real sisters. Unfortunately, Star Shot had a blatant disregard for her and her feelings, and she would often showed a rather irritating enjoyment in Dinky’s failures. “Why did I think it was a good idea to team up with her again?” Dinky thought to herself. “Of all the ponies in time and space, why did she have to end up being the one that saved me?” Star Shot was about warm and inviting as sandpaper bed sheets.

She sighed. “Would it kill her to be genuinely nice to me for once?” Dinky thought in irritation. She hated how patronizing Star Shot could be towards her. She was glad to have good friends like Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Dinky felt she might have gone crazy without them. Dinky sped up her pace to get to the malt shop faster eager to meet up with her friends. She never wanted to face that crushing loneliness again.

Dinky suddenly froze in place. She got an idea. It was crazy and reckless, but she wanted to do it anyway.  She was going to tell them everything. They were her friends and deserved to know the truth. She wanted, no needed to tell them. It would be so much easier to deal with everything if somepony else knew. It wouldn’t be easy, but it felt right somehow. Star Shot wouldn’t like it, but she didn’t care.

“If she doesn’t like it, well that’s just too bad!” Dinky thought defiantly. Star Shot was not the boss of her, and she would tell her friends the truth if she wanted to and that was that. Dinky trotted happily to the malt resolved to show her friends the truth during the next experiment. Who knows? Maybe they could give her some good advice on how to get her parents together.

The final envelope bore no seal at all, instead simply being addressed to her in elegant, flowing script – most likely a unicorn’s writing, as earth ponies and pegasi, lacking telekinetic magic, rarely had the mouth-and-tongue dexterity necessarily to write Equestrian with such elegance.

Next Chapter: Episode 22 - Longest Night, Longest Day - Chapter 5 Estimated time remaining: 9 Hours, 16 Minutes