I sat overlooking Canterlot, watching the spring morning come in. "Two months...come on, hurry." I rubbed my eyes. "Please."

"Able?" Celestia's voice chirped from behind me.

I swung around to meet her, beautiful mare that she was. "Hmm?"

She smiled. "Twilight sent word. It's done."

I took a deep breath and looked down at my boots. "...It's time, isn't it?"

Celestia walked over and put a hoof on my knee. "It is. I'll show you the way whenever you're ready."

I stood up and walked to her. I planted a quick kiss on her lips and nodded. "I'm ready."

I walked down towards the basement of the standard Canterlot home. A purple unicorn and a few assorted mares were standing around a glowing doorway. The swirling white surface looked like mercury dripping down and forming a solid wall of glistening white. "Cool." I walked over to the one mare I recognized. "Rarity, hi."

The white mare spun around and looked up at me. "Ah, there he is. Welcome." She smiled and walked over, leading with a hoof held out to me. "Feeling better?"

I rubbed the back of my neck. "Not really, still fucking tired."

Rarity's smile faded. "And still vulgar, but I suppose you're not screaming, so that's a start."

I shrugged. "Who's this all?" I looked around the mares. One caught my eye. "Who the fuck has the pride flag on her head?"

The mares looked towards the one mare we all knew I was talking about. The mare coughed. "What?"

I walked over and stared at her mane. "That, that's a brave move."

The mare narrowed her eyes. "Are you making fun of me?"

I shook my head. "No, seems like you did it well enough before I got here." I laughed and turned to face the purple one with the wings. "So, this takes me home?"

Twilight smiled wide and hurried over. "Yes! I mean, yes." She pranced in place. "I think I got it too! I went out and looked and I think I saw someponies walking around like you!" She pranced in place. "I hope I did--"

"Calm down spazz." I put my hand on her head. "So it's safe?"

Twilight nodded briskly. "It should be!" She walked around me. "I used the book you had and tried to get it right--"

I snapped down to look at her. "You looked through my journal?"

Twilight stopped and backed into my view. "Oh, was I not--"

"It's rude, but considering the circumstances I'll chock it up to necessity." I ran my hand over my rifle and adjusted my vest. "God, it's been a while." I tried to calm down, my heart thumped like mad despite my breathing. "So, I can drop back through, right?"

Twilight nodded. "I made it out of a door frame, so it should be a lot more sturdy than before." She walked up and pushed her hoof through into the portal. "See? No--"

I reached out and pulled her back. "Don't tempt fate...." I pushed her behind me. "We don't need a severed leg involved in the day. Fucks sakes...." I rubbed my chest and stared out into the void. "Uh...so, time to head home I guess." I walked towards the light. I took a deep breath and looked back to the ponies. "Hey, so if I don't come back...thanks for everything."

Twilight smiled and nodded. "I'm glad I could--"

"I said calm your shit!" I pointed at Twilight and took hold of my rifle. I looked amongst the other ponies. My eyes till caught on the rainbow mare. "I--" I stepped back and looked around. "Does anyone want anything? Like, bullet casings, mud, blood? A severed head or something?"

Twilight coughed. "Books?"

I shrugged. "I think most were burned, but okay. Anyone else?"

The pink one started laughing. "Anything sweet? Candy, something nice and--"

I reached into my backpack and pulled out an old ration packet. "Try this." I tossed her the bag, smacking her in the face with the preserved food. "Might be a bit bitter, but there's chocolate in there." I looked around at the mares. "Anything else?"

The orange one laughed. "Yer' stallin' partner."

I flipped her off and turned to the door. "Fine, I'll just go...prick." I stepped into the doorway. The hair on my neck stood on end as I started to step through. "See the first time I fell through and--"

"Oh get in there!" A raspy voice shouted out. I felt something slam into my back and send me stumbling forward. I tripped on the door frame and tumbled forward, slamming into a wall opposite the door.

"Jesus, what the fuck!?" I pushed off the wall and turned around. The rainbow mare was standing before me, a bit dazed from the slip through dimensions.

The rainbow mare shook her head and looked around. "What happened?"

"You fucking shoved me into...this." I waved my hand at the alley we'd landed in, solid brick and condom wrappers surrounded us. "Oh Jesus...this is gross." I could feel my boots trying to stick to the ground. I looked out towards the end of the alley, I could see a few people walking, normal, human people. "Oh shit...she did it." I looked down to the rainbow mare. "She fucking did it!"

The rainbow mare scratched her head. "You thought she wouldn't?"

"Fuck no!" I hopped in place. "She fucking did it man! Fucking, go through and tell her!"

The rainbow mare shrugged and sauntered back into Equestria. I was left standing on a dank Canadian alleyway. I reached down for my radio. "This should work now, right?" I looked at the display, it read no signal all the way across. "Huh, that's not...great." I scratched my head and walked towards the end of the alley.

A few passing people in jeans and leisure wear were walking around, and a car slowly rolled down the street. "Oh fuck...this isn't right." I looked down the street. Everything was neat, cars were parked, pedestrians were walking, and there was no smoke in the air.

A passing group of girls stopped as I stepped out onto the street. "Whoa, sweet costume!" The group of girls walked around me and one pulled out a pda. "You mind?"

I just stared as she jammed herself against me and held her pda out. A quick snap and the girl pulled her phone away. "Really cool costume...what's it for?" She started poking her pda and smiling. "Some kinda game or something?"

I held my rifle back to keep it from falling towards the gaggle of dumb ass kids. "What the hell are you talking about?"

One of the girls started tugging the one with the pda away. "Come on Cindy, cosplayers suck anyways."

I pulled my hood off and held my hand up. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

The girls wandered off leaving me standing on the sidewalk like an idiot. A few other pedestrians hurried down the street. They looked too normal, no guns, no armor, no scars or tattering to their clothes. I grabbed a man in a hooded sweatshirt and turned him towards me. "Hey man!"

I held in him place and shook him softly. "What time is it?"

The guy looked down at me. "Dude, you have a phone, just--"

I shook him hard. "What year is it!?" I shook him and dug my boots against the concrete walk. "What year is it!?"

The guy held his hands up. "Twenty-thirteen you fucking weirdo!" He shoved off and walk away in a huff. "Jackass!"

I grabbed my head and turned back to the alley. "What the fuck?" Last time I checked the date, I'd left at twenty-eighty-four. "Fucking...seventy years." I moved my hand to my chest. "Twilight, you fucked it up!"

A loud whirl came from behind me. "Hey!" A car with flashing lights rolled up and parked next to the sidewalk. "You lost?" A man in a dark blue uniform stepped out and walked over to me. "You know you can't have toy guns out on the street." The brown haired man looked me over. "Some kinda dress up party somewhere?"

I looked him up and down. "You tell me."

The man put his hands on his hips. "Nice, well I think you're gonna have to come with me and we can sort out--"

"Yeah, no." I jabbed his gut, knocking the wind out of him. The pedestrians on the street scrambled away as I shoved him towards the car. "Other way around jackass!"

The man reached to his hip. I gave him a quick knee to the balls to straighten him out. He kept trying for whatever weapon he had hanging despite the pain. "Help--"

"Shut up." I put my hand on his throat and held him against the car. I set my other hand on his hip, feeling the back end of a gun sit in my palm. "Really shithead!? Gonna shoot me?" I felt around his belt, yanking out a pair of metal cuffs. "You're a terrible MP."

I tied off one of his hands and pulled him around. I bound his right hand to the left side of his belt and swept his leg. "What the hell!?" He huffed as I grabbed him by his collar and started dragging him into the alley. "What the hell are you doing!?"

"Kidnapping at this point." I dragged the hobbling man towards the alley door. "You get to go on a ride!" I made sure the man was left hopping along before me. "Twilight! Get a rope!" I started shouting at the glowing alley door as I shoved the cop towards the door. "Someone, get a rope!"

The cop mumbled and sputtered as I forced him into the glowing door. "What the hell is going on--"

I stepped back through the glowing door and watched as the huddle of ponies watched me guide the cop into the room. "Get a rope! Someone get a rope!"

The orange pony walked around to my side. "Uh...partner...who's this?"

I shoved the cop down onto his knees. "I don't know!" I pressed my fingers against the back of the man's head. "What's your name!?"

The man looked around like mad. "What the heck!? Talking horses--"

I pressed my fingers hard into the back of his head. "What's your name!"

"John!"

I coughed and pressed my hand against the back of his head. "Alright...John...welcome to Equestria." I patted his head. "Uh, got some questions for you." I looked out at the confused looking mares. "Ponies...this is John." I sighed lightly. "Uh, where's Celestia?" I shoved John over and walked towards the stairs out of the Canterlot basment. "Celestia...something went wrong...again."