Author's Notes:

Royal Road is making me bust this chapter into two parts, so I figured that I might as well get this one posted before moving onto the second part.

Patch Notes:Max's substance abuse gets more noticed and he makes a lot more observations about it along with the people around him. The talk with Twilight Velvet has a different tone, new scene with Applejack, altered scene with Twilight, altered parts of the mission with Crimson to fit Max's psyche better. Hopefully the overall theme for the chapter comes across pretty well <3

I’d taken a blanket outside with me to enjoy the morning. Yes, it was cold, but with a warm mug of coffee and a new pipe sitting next to me, waiting to be lit, I couldn’t help but feel good for once in the past few months. I’d struggled on a daily basis on whether to spend my time at least functionally fucked up or to just go whole hog and see if anyone was going to come over for the day. I’d missed a few events with the gals, but I’d stayed on top of my Baron stuff and had even let my beard grow back out for a while. All things said, I couldn’t complain about life, even though I was kind of forced to be friends with my ex and all of my friends were kind of difficult. Hell, even if I was talking to Applejack again pretty regularly, things just weren’t the same between us and we both knew it. There was still love somewhere betwixt our feelings of hesitation, but I… I guess we more or less decided to just be friends.

With all the down-time I’d had lately, thinking had become a pastime and I often found myself daydreaming of possibilities. Of things that could have been that I would have preferred, at least in the short term. While the sun rose over the Whitetail Woods, I sipped my coffee and got started on my bowl, soaking in the peace and quiet. A note flared into existence in front of me and I snatched it from the air. Twilight had sent for me a few hours early to make sure I was sober enough to go to Hearth’s Warming Eve and I couldn’t help but be a little offended. As long as I knew I had something to do later in the day, I usually wouldn’t get that hammered and I didn’t stay fucked up terribly long anyway.

After getting a confirmation, she also asked for my attention later that night since she was going to visit her parents for Hearth’s Warming Eve. We would spend the day in Ponyville with the girls, and then we would leave at six or so to go to Canterlot. Fluttershy had mentioned that she wanted the same thing prior to the date and I’d said yes, but then she and Twilight agreed to work it out for themselves. I wasn’t exactly thrilled since I was probably going to get the boyfriend treatment from the male members of her family, but I had agreed to visit Twilight’s parents with her at some point and I intended to keep my word. Well, kinda. Fluttershy said I didn’t have to, so it’s cool. In any case, I finished up outside, got my morning routine done, and drained the last few sips from my mug. I didn’t have to be at Fluttershy’s until noon so I had enough time to get ready and triple check the gifts that I had got each of the girls. I thought that two apiece was fair, though I can’t say all of my choices were inspired. Still, some presents were better than no presents.

I spent my morning cleaning up. Most of my spare time was devoted to either writing or cleaning in order to keep my house looking decent. I longed for the days where my entire house took two hours to clean. Unfortunately, I had a lot more house to work with thanks to Celestia and her shitty bribe. She’d apologized for the rash decision since then, but she couldn’t really kick me out of my house all over again to rectify it. I’d made my peace with the bullshit in the months since her apology, but that didn’t mean I had to be happy about six times more house to clean, if not more. Although I did appreciate Bliss Berry’s efforts whenever she stopped by, I mostly appreciated the eye candy.

She may not have been the most effective maid, but she was definitely one of the hottest, and I was almost certain that she wasn’t aware of it. I could go on for hours about that woman, but it wouldn’t do me any good. After preparing to head over to Fluttershy’s, I went and got my wagon ready for pulling. Lupa was already there, so I didn’t have to worry about getting her lazy arse in gear, so I left without a hitch. Well, there was technically a hitch on the wagon, but that’s not what I was talking about, so go fuck yourself, you nit-picky twat. Picking my nits like some kind of simian. The fuck are you looking for? I don’t actually have nits, fuck off.

Anyway, my arrival at Fluttershy’s found me greeted with a hug. I was the second to arrive, so Twilight and Fluttershy helped me put my gifts under the tree and soon a warm mug of eggnog found its way into my hands. Fluttershy had been the one concocting the brew, so my mug had a shot of whiskey in it; just the way I like it. Rainbow Dash was next to come, followed by Pinkie and Applejack. Rarity had to be fashionably late, so she showed up last, and I chewed her out for it since she was over thirty minutes late. Rarity’s lack of consideration aside, we started the exchange of gifts. I got a few sculptures and various things for my house from the girls, but Fluttershy gave me a little coupon booklet that I wasn’t allowed to read when I got it. The girls either liked the gifts that I gave them or were nice enough to pretend that they did, though I was pretty sure that their enjoyment was genuine.

Once that was out of the way, Twilight took me aside and asked, “So, Max, are you ready for our trip?

I checked my pocket watch. “We still have two more hours before we have to go anywhere. What’s the rush, Twi?

“Oh, no rush, I’m just excited! My parents haven’t met any of my friends since I was just a filly, and even then there weren’t that many.” Twilight twirled a lock of hair around a finger.

“Have you considered the fact that I intend on going as your boyfriend?” I asked sceptically.

Twilight blinked. “What?”

“Yeah, Twilight, I thought you were going to introduce me as your boy-slash-coltfriend.”

“Well, it can be either really. I don’t mind either, but if you’re going as my boyfriend, I’m going to have to warn you about my brother. He can be very protective of me!”

“It’s Shining Armor, right? If anything happens, I’ll just pull rank on him or something. Being a Baron and an Operative should give me some clout to throw around.” Twilight gave me a womanly look. “Oi, it’s not like I plan on being a prick to the guy for no reason! I’m just preparing for the worst case scenario.”

“Of course you are. Just be nice, will you?” Twilight asked.

“I’m always nice, love. Don’t be surprised if I want to show off a little, though.”

“I don’t know how you plan on doing that, but I trust that you won’t do anything too bad.”

When do I ever do anything bad?” I asked jokingly.

“Remember when you flipped Rarity’s skirt?”

“Kinda, but in my defence-”

“We were in public, Max.”

“Again, in my defence-”

“You spanked her twice in front of at least fifteen ponies.”

“She liked it!”

“... Really?” The look she was giving me told me that she wasn’t asking to confirm if I was serious so much as to confirm that I’d just said something so ridiculous.

“I mean it! Rarity invited me to do it again some time!”

“Shush, goofball.”

“I might whenever I’m not sober.”

“Speaking of, how have you been doing with sobering up? The last time we talked, you seemed to be doing a little better.”

“Eh, I only had one bowl this morning, so I’m good. Thanks for the check up, though.”

“Of course. You know I worry about your drinking.”

I rolled my eyes and told Twilight to relax before rejoining the rest of the girls to enjoy my holiday. It’s not like I had a job per se, but I did like spending time with my friends when there wasn’t anything else we had to do. Sadly, it was one of the few things that I got to enjoy in recent times days besides sex, drugs, and whatever I could find for my record player. They were new technology in Equestria and were getting more and more popular as time passed. In fact, I had given each of the girls one for not-Christmas, which is probably part of why they liked the presents I brought. The gift of giving really was rather pleasant, and the looks on their faces when they saw my presents had filled me with pride.

Twilight and I wrapped up our visit by passing out hugs, and I was told by Rarity and Fluttershy that I had other presents waiting for me whenever I gave them a chance to prepare. I was pretty excited about that, so I was struggling between being apprehensive for my visit with Twilight’s parents and being ecstatic about the surprises waiting for me when I got home. Actually, it was a pretty good reminder that I wasn’t going to get laid that night. I’d respected Celestia’s wishes and kept my hands off of Twilight, though the purple woman probably wouldn’t have let me get very far anyway. Unless she was in estrus, Twilight was actually very prudish when it came to things of a sexual nature, and I made sure to tease her about it whenever I got the chance.

Me and the actual shyest of my girlfriends headed to the train station after saying our goodbyes to the girls. She was kind enough to teleport my gifts home for me so I wouldn’t have to come and pick them up later, so we were able to get a move on and board our train at a decent time. Twilight teleported our overnight bags to us before we got on the train, and without any further delay, we were off to Canterlot. I’d seen the scenery between Ponyville and its neighbouring towns enough to know that I wasn’t missing much. I tried to strike up a conversation with Twilight, but all she wanted to do was gush about seeing her parents again, so I played the part of the attentive boyfriend and lent her an ear so she could get it all out before we actually saw her family. I didn’t know why Spike wasn’t coming with us, but I think he’d elected to stay home because he hated travelling when it was cold.

In any case, with a little practice, I had gotten rather used to being talked at, so I was prepared for Twilight’s rambling. All you need to appear as if you’re paying attention are some well timed nods, a few ‘uh-huhs’, and a ‘right’ every now and again; something I had down to a science. It worried me to a point that I had it down so well, but then again most of the people in my life were women and when I wasn’t a woman myself, it was harder to care about a lot of the things they talked about. However, I still cared enough to be able to make conversation, so I considered myself better off than I could have been.

While Twilight talked on, I gave some thought to my current situation. Long story short, I was bored, though I was a little less depressed than I had been... My life was boring, and I needed to find something to give it that spark of life once more, so I reminded myself to send a letter to Luna once I got back. Another mission would do a lot towards getting my head screwed on straight, and frankly the prospect of murdering more dudes wasn’t as repulsive as it had been before. I made my peace with the nature of my work some time ago, but now the problem was finding more of the work to do. Luna had said that she would let me know if any high profile cases were available, but she hadn’t contacted me with any details in some time, hence the need to send her a letter. I was off in my head most of the time while Twilight was talking, but I considered it time well spent.

Sorting my thoughts out was becoming more and more common, but when Twilight found a good place to stop, I breathed a sigh of relief. I’d spent most of the time in my head, but that didn’t mean that I couldn’t still be bored out of my gourd during the time I actually was half-listening. No one ever appreciates how much effort it takes to pretend that you care until you stop pretending, and no one ever cares to talk to you unless you pretend, so it kind of works both ways.

Thankfully, I was spared from Twilight getting a second wind by our arrival in Canterlot. I grabbed our shit and let Twilight lead the way to her parents house since I wasn’t supposed to know where it was. The memory was pretty fuzzy anyway, but I was confident that I could have picked the house out of a line up. We arrived exactly where I thought we were going a little after sunset and were welcomed in from the cold quickly. Twilight Velvet took our coats before leading Twilight Sparkle further into the house. I made to follow them, but I was forestalled by Night Light.

The blue stallion stepped in front of me as I went to stay by his daughter’s side. “So. It’s Hearth’s Warming Eve and you’ve come to my house with my daughter. Now, I don’t want to seem like I’m an overprotective father, but it seems to me like you’re dating my daughter.”

My eyes shifted from side to side before focusing on Night Light. “...I’m pretty sure I told you I was dating Twilight when-”

“Ah ah ah! Let Papa talk, will you?” Night Light raised a brow, so I gestured for him to continue. “You see, Twilight is my baby. She’s the youngest of my foals, and she’s my only daughter, so that means her brother and I look out for her as much as we can from home.”

“Look Night Light, I’ve kissed Twilight and that’s the sum of it. Your daughter is safe-”

“What did I just say about letting me talk?” Night Light asked quietly.

“You’ve got to learn who the fuck you’re talking to mate, because I’m sure as hell that it isn’t me. If you want to bluster and threaten, you had better be ready to make good on your promises because I could have you anytime I want, then and there, and there isn’t a soul who could stop me.” I snarled back.

Night Light’s lip curled. “I don’t know who you think you are, but no stallion is going to disrespect me or my family under my roof!”

“Then how about you leave me be? Have I ever given you any reason to doubt that I’m anything other than a decent guy?” I didn’t even pause. “Let me answer that for you; No. I’m not going to hurt Twilight, and if I do, then do as you please, but don’t assume that I’m going to let you try and cow me when I’ve done nothing wrong.”

He set his jaw and glared at me. “It’s a father’s duty to protect his children, and I know you see that. I apologize for not addressing you as a stallion.”

“I apologize for being a prick. Let’s put this behind us and have a good visit, yeah?” I extended a hand.

Night Light shook it and led me down their entrance hall, but before I could join the Twilight’s, Shining Armour came down the hall and caught my arm. I was tempted to start throwing punches when he grabbed me so rudely, but I was willing to put up with a little more before I knocked the faggot out. By the time Shining dragged me back to the front door, I was a little annoyed. He stopped suddenly and spun to face me. “Let’s get one thing straight right now-”

I was in his face in a second. “Put your goddamn hands on me outside of this house and I swear to your little pathetic cock n’ bollocks I’ll chop whatever I want off of ya until I think ya learned who you’re fuckin’ with.” He leaned back, his eyes wide as my finger threatened to jab him in the eye. “And if you’re comin’ after me ‘cause of Twilight, then you might wanna play nice. Wouldn’t it just break her heart to see us arguin’ all the time?”

“... Cross Twily and I’ll kill you myself.” Shining answered shakily.

“It doesn’t really matter what you say now, bruv. I can still have ya in a heartbeat and you can’t stop me.”

“If it means protecting my sister, I’d even go up against Celestia herself!”

I nodded. “Keep harassing me and that’s exactly what you’ll be doing. I don't know how much Celestia values you, but I guarantee that she’ll listen to me over you any day.”

Shining scoffed. “That’s a load of hot air and you know it. Are you seriously suggesting that Princess Celestia would choose a minor noble over her own Guard Captain?”

“Actually, I think Celestia would choose her former lover and friend over her Guard Captain. Especially since you started this, and I have her blessing to be with Twilight.” I shrugged. “The sad thing is that I don’t even have to go to Celestia. I could ask Luna to take care of you and I know it’ll get done. I could have Queen Elfriede trump up some charges and disgrace your entire family, Shining Armour. Don’t fuck with me over nothing, mate.”

Shining somehow got paler when he realized just who exactly he was fucking with. “If any of that is true, there’s no way you’d only be in charge of Ponyville!”

I shrugged again. “I prefer to live a quiet life, and Celestia knows that. Oh, and technically, I’m also over Cloudsdale and Sadsdale, but I can’t get up to Cloudsdale so they send me a report on the important stuff.”

“How can I be sure of anything you’ve told me?” Shining spat. “You could be full of nothing but lies!”

I smirked. “Ask your sister to confirm any of it. Or all of it. Shit, it doesn’t matter to me, I’ll send a letter to Celestia right now if you really want to fuck with me.”

Shining pursed his lips and turned around in a very manly huff. I swear, If I’d been insulted or threatened by someone else, anywhere else, blows would have been thrown. As it was, Shining spent much of the first hour glaring at me, though Night Light had apparently seen reason. I was sure to kiss Twilight in front of her brother which embarrassed her to no end. It pissed Shining off plenty, leaving me with a little smile. There were plenty of little things I did to piss Shining off as well as ingratiate me with his parents, though I was surprised that Twilight’s Mom reacted so well. While the men in the family hated me, she was far more like Twilight Sparkle. Twilight Velvet was a mother like no other and sweetheart to boot. The woman was probably as pleasant as Fluttershy, but had a mouth on her that I doubt would wear out at any point during the night, and she proved me to be quite right. I saw where Twilight got her conversational skills from within moments of Velvet opening her gob to fill the conversation with her voice and observations.

The woman droned on and on about trivial nonsense, but I did my due diligence as a potential son-in-law and listened like my life depended on any given word. I actually tried to be engaging and asked questions every once in a while to let Velvet know that I was paying close attention. If I’m not mistaken, my efforts were rewarded with some brownie points from both parents. More from Velvet than from Night Light, but brownie points nonetheless. She definitely appreciated the proof of me paying attention, though I was ready for a drink and I’m sure Purps knew it.

Things got a little awkward when they started showing me around the house. I vaguely remembered a lot of the things that they showed me, and I was still somewhat familiar with the layout of the house from the couple of hours I’d already spent in it way back when. I nearly lost it when Twilight Velvet tried to tell me that this one little statuette was haunted. It wasn't that it was funny in and of itself so much as I remembered that little statuette; it was the one I used as a centerpiece for the maze. We moved onto dinner and I spent most of it listening to Twilight talk to her parents in a rapid fire exchange that was prone to digressions. Shining and I had a staring contest for a few minutes, but we never really did sort out any kind of winner. I started making faces at him when no one else was looking, so I couldn’t tell if he was blinking, so I kind of just assumed that I won.

Gift giving was fun. Velvet liked the pearl necklace that I’d got her, even if she didn’t know why I got it or what it symbolized. Yes, I wanted to shag my girlfriend’s mum, but no, I was not in any way intending on doing so, even if kinky shit was offered to me. While thinking of showing him up to his wife, I saw that Night Light was immediately enraptured by the puzzle cube, as little as he could do with it by the time he put it down. Even Shining Armour even had to wipe the scowl off of his face when I presented him with a man bracelet that had each of his family members’ names on it. I figured that getting a soldier something to remind them of their family was a pretty clear bet, and by Shining’s reaction I was right. Twilight, Night Light, and Shining were all talking about something or other when Velvet took me aside.

The Fear gripped me and I hoped that I wasn’t about to be offered more than a drink. Then I realized she could be trying to get me drunk and I got excited for the wrong reason which had nothing to do with why she might want me drunk. I followed her willingly since she’d been nothing but pleasant to me, though I did wonder what she wanted to ‘talk’ about, if we even were talking. A big, wholesome part of me really wanted to have a clean, platonic relationship with Velvet and that vast majority of my inner being was happy to tell me to keep my distance and watch her like a hawk.

Once we were alone in the kitchen, Velvet asked, “Would you mind if I had a glass of wine? I doubt you particularly care…” She gave me a friendly wink and walked over to her wine rack, which was a good sign. There was no extra sway to her hips, though I did notice that her arse looked lovely in the dress she’d chosen.

“As long as you don’t mind if I do a little imbibing myself. This flask has been burning a hole in this jacket since the train ride.”

Velvet chuckled and popped a cork, smiling a little wider while she let the brew breathe. “Not fond of meeting your potential in-laws, are we?”

“In fewer words, that’s what it amounts to. Between some personal things I don’t want to go into and knowing that I was gonna get the boyfriend treatment from Daddy dearest and bestest brother? Not terribly incentivizing, but it’s my first Chris- Hearth’s Warming… Thing, on Equus. Sharing it with Purps and her family is pretty cool.”

Concern entered her profile in a minute dose, like she was aware of how to mask her feelings to most Equestrians. It added more depth to her than I’d seen when first we met, though I already knew she was brilliant in her field. “Max… May I be frank with you?”

“As long as you’re prepared for a blunt, sharp-tongued answer.” I chuckled.

“Well, for one I doubt you’re from another planet.”

“Eh, Celestia believes it and she can check. Legally.”

“That’s a fair point, but I have to ask if Princess Luna is of the same opinion.”

I furrowed my brows and thought about it. “Y’know, Luna and I trade a lot of barbs and I technically work for her, but I’ve never thought to ask what she thinks of me outside of, like, her general impression.”

Velvet chuckled at that for some reason, took a deep breath, and sighed, shaking her head. “And you’re shining a star’s honest light when you say that. That leaves me with two conclusions, Max, and I hope you understand why I came to them.”

I scoffed. “Luna was the one who convinced me that she and Celestia were actually older than literal dirt. Celestia is the reason I’m a Baron. If you’re gonna ask about my relationship with them and you don’t wanna be sad on a good day, then I suggest just like, not asking.”

“... Celestia built you a mansion. You seemed so… Grateful…”

I barked out a dry laugh and sipped my flask. “I can’t say anything truthful about that whole situation if that fuckin’ tells ya somethin’.”

She bit her lip and gave me an understanding look. “Then I shouldn’t dig into that… So how are you enjoying your Hearth’s Warming Eve so far? I know it can’t be easy being away from your own family.”

I pursed my lips and looked away. “Don’t remember celebrating any holidays with my parents and it’s probably for the best. With any luck, Pop’s at peace and hopefully Babs is getting a bone-deep tan.”

“Oh, you poor colt! What happened to your father?” Velvet asked tenderly.

“He got deaded to death for being a decent person.” I sipped deeply from my flask. “Cheers to Pops though, one helluva guy when he walked the Earth.

Velvet kind of just stared at me. “Your- I’m sorry, I… Probably should let my curiosity end there.”

“I’ve only ever heard of it hurting cats. Last time I checked you had funny, pointy ears and a tail, but also hooves.”

“I also have purple in my mane and I’ve never seen a purple-”

“Oh that’s bullshit!” I exclaimed, clenching my gullible fist. “Rainbow Dickhead must’ve dyed that poor little bastard!”

She took another moment to stare and erupted in laughter while trying to gasp for breath. “You- You really- You really believe there were purple cats!?”

“This planet has magic! And Manticores! And a giant super gay, really friendly river serpent!”

“Yes, but why would we-”

“Don't you even go there, you- you- short, pale thing.”

She covered her mouth before fanning her face and taking measured breaths. “Oh my gosh- Oh my gosh- I haven’t laughed this hard in years!”

“I just hope you know that I despise you now and I’m gonna cut the hooks off of all your boulder-holders.”

She giggled the entire time she requested, “P-Please don’t go through my delicates!”

I gave her a look. “Why not? I’ve already been through Shining’s and I found his vibe.”

She stopped laughing. “His I beg your pardon?”

“The little doohickey that wiggles and shudders and looks like a hook with-” Velvet’s face was steadily growing brighter and brighter. “Oi, are you alright there?”

“Yes… I think. You’re- You are joking, right?”

“Of course I am, Shining isn’t the type to have anything cool in his sock drawer.”

Her eyes went wide while she pursed her lips. “Yeah, sure…”

“I’m not gonna ask, and no, I’m not dating your daughter to get to your son.”

“Speaking of a change of topics, how did your mother take your father’s passing?”

“Uh… She did even more drugs after she murdered the poor bastard.”

“... I- That’s not funny.”

“I wasn’t telling a joke.” I sipped and remembered that I had a second one in my lower pocket. I raised my brows for a moment as I thought about birch bourbon and the pros of using it for barrels.

“... -ax? Max? Are you okay?”

I sniffed and looked back to her. “What? Sorry, was thinking of bourbon. Do you drink bourbon?”

“... Your mother killed your father?”

“Yeah, not really dinner talk, but we’re not exactly at the table right now. Sorry if I’m bringing you down-”

“No, it’s fine! I was the one who asked, it’s just… Well, from the way you act, it’s easy to tell that you’re weren’t really close to your parents and… It’s obvious why now… I almost feel bad for assuming that your interest was purely because it was expected of you.”

I scoffed. “Yeah, no, if I didn’t give a shit, it’d be a little more obvious to someone like you. Ponyville people? Not so much. Besides, who’s not gonna be interested in what the in-laws have to say at least the first time you meet them?”

“You don’t feel… Awkward at all?”

“Mm, that would be getting into the personal stuff-”

“You’ve been plenty forward, dear. I daresay if we got any more personal, we’d be hugging.”

I wouldn’t- Bad. Bad, stop. “I’ll deny the hug, but uh… Ask whatever you want, I guess. I’ve been trying to be more open for a while and I think I do a decent job most days.”

“Well, what makes you feel awkward about being here?”

I shrugged. “I’ve never had anything like this. The flat I remember living in with Pops and my egg-donor was crap, the tenement Babs took me to after was shite, the streets were cold, and the abandoned building I ended up in for years wasn’t exactly five-star, if you catch my drift. Never been allowed in a neighbourhood this nice, never had a family like this, never celebrated a holiday without dope or booze, and frankly, people like your family should hate people like me. I am, or at least I was, so far beneath the radar of a family that schmoozes with royalty that if Twilight actually did get me offed, no one would know about it.” Velvet stared at me blankly, so I gave her a TR;DL (Too Rambly; Didn’t Listen). “Long story short I never thought I’d set foot into a life like the one I have and this just kinda drives home the fact that my girlfriend is a noble, I’m an aristocunt, and my life sucks on a spectrum. Like a thermometer.”

Velvet was still staring at me while I nodded and decided to empty my flask, tuck it into a pocket, and pull out the other. “... Max…”

“Oi, life’s pretty decent now. The past is the past, and I don’t really let it get to me, so-”

“Max, what the buck are you saying?” She asked softly, openly bewildered. “... Just because you don’t truly know what you missed out on doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to hurt because it was taken from you… You don’t have to act tough. If you don’t pull this crap with Sparkle, then I ask that you don’t with me.”

I grinned at her and chuckled, much to her surprise. “I’m gonna take a wild one and say Twilight gets her temperament from her old man and her mannerisms from you.”

She crossed her arms and gave me a look. “Are you trying to distract me?”

I put a hand over my heart and giggled my fuckin’ tits off. “Oi, frown a little, scrunch up your nose, and keep your eyes just like that.” She gave me an odd look. “It’s a social-scientific experiment, I promise!”

“Okay, I guess.” Velvet did what I asked until I had to clap my hand over my mouth and force a smile off of my face. “Hey, what’s all that about!? What’s with the giggles?”

“You pout like Twilight!”

“I am Twilight, and I,” I joined in with her, “assure you I do not pout-” Velvet gave me another look when I stopped. “You’re a little butthole, aren’t you?”

“What can I say? Sparkle loves a great ass, and so does everyone in their right minds.”

“Doesn’t she just have the cutest little bottom?” Velvet asked, her expression considerably less readable than most I’d seen.

Even Celestia’s mask had its cracks, and the revelation that my almost mother-in-law’s heartbeat was entirely steady scared me to a certain extent. “Twilight was blessed in a lot of ways, but she’s a little too modest to admit to any one of her blessings unless you do a little coaxing.”

“Don’t you think she’s just the cutest?”

“Twilight’s plenty cute, but don’t you think she’s got a strong dash of pretty too?”

“I just so happen to agree, but you didn’t answer my question.”

I shrugged. “Our friend Pinkie is so cute you kinda just wanna avoid her because it hurts to see something that cute, and our friend Fluttershy is demure and prettier than she is timid. That being said, Twilight shoots the middle line between those kinds of attractiveness so hard, it doesn’t really matter that she’s not hyper, super duper cutified or ‘omg’ pretty-pretty. Her style and blend works way better for who she is, even if, you know, she kinda downplays her sheer adorableness.”

“You know, every mother has a few answers she’s looking for and I can’t say I’m unhappy with yours. It’s not that you don’t think Sparkle’s attractive; You just have categories and adhere to them a little more strictly than I think you should.”

I shrugged. “If it makes you feel any better, I could cuddle Twilight for a week and just carry her for showers and food. It might make you feel worse, but I also rob her blind every chance I get.”

“Stealing kisses, maybe.” Velvet rolled her eyes.

“Oi, she’s got the best kisses! What am I supposed to do, leave her lips cold and lonely only to be kissed by someone less great and magnificent and humble as me?”

“You’re absolutely ridiculous. Don’t you have other mares to kiss?”

“Fluttershy, but her kisses are different from Twilights. She’s really good at snuggling though, I can’t lie there.”

“So you’re only dating two mares now?”

“I really don’t want to go into that one, but yeah.”

“Well, I’m sorry, buster, but I think Mama’s gonna make ya spill.” It was odd, but her Southern accent sounded authentic. She was also on her fifth glass of wine since I’d been there.

“You’re not gonna believe me, and I can’t explain very much of it.”

“... You were dating-” Her eyes widened. “She tore down your house!”

“Mhm.”

“You- You- You didn’t even want- You already had the bits to do that, didn’t you!? She just-” Velvet put her glass down and gave me a hug. “Oh you poor thing! That was your first real home, wasn’t it?”

I hugged her back because no one had ever given a shit long enough to see my side of the blow. To most, Celestia slapped me with a tin pan and whipped cream. Velvet saw that she’d had glass powder in the pie, unlike her daughter. “Yup. Bitch tore my house down and called it a favour.”

Velvet held me at arm’s length. “A diamond-studded doo-doo at best… I’m so sorry… You couldn’t even let yourself be upset because you had to play nice for the Princess’ friends…”

“We’re back on speaking terms, but it took a couple of months and a suggestion from Applejack when we started hanging out again.”

“I can understand that… You… Max, can you tell me if you were… Coerced into doing things for Princess Celestia?”

“She didn’t technically make me do a damn thing, but that’s where that topic ends.”

“Why don’t you try getting in on a conversation with Shining and Nightie?”

I shrugged. “I might, but your oldest son hates me.”

“Oh, that’s so painfully obvious, I’m ashamed to have to wait to scold him. However, he might like you a little more if you’d stop acting out of character with Twily.”

Oh shit. “Out of character? I don’t believe I’m aware of what you mean.”

Velvet gave me a wry smile. “And Sparkle doesn’t keep giving you weird looks whenever you’re touching her too long?”

“What? I’m not allowed to be physically affectionate?”

“How about ‘Wow, Max, you’re usually not so sweet!’, for instance?”

“I make an arse of myself on a regular basis. If I’m not sweet sometimes, people don’t come back to laugh at my jokes.”

“That’s funny and it hurts to know that you think it’s at least partially true.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You laugh about things that hurt, Max. I’m pretty sure ninety-percent of your humour is about laughing at the things that make you feel weak in some way.”

“... I really like how oblivious your daughter seems sometimes. Makes it pretty easy to not have this kinda conversation.”

“Has she talked to you about your drinking?”

“When it gets out of hand.”

“What proof is that liquor you’re sipping?”

“High enough to get me drunk for a good thirty minutes if I would’ve slammed it right after my first one. It’s hard and expensive for me to get drunk.” Doesn’t mean I don’t take that in stride. English Pride; Drink ‘til you don’t feel dead inside!

“I really feel like you don’t care too much about how expensive it gets.”

“Mums are truly uncanny. Haven’t we been away from the others for a while now?”

“Are you worried?”

“Oh, I just don’t want to intrude on your time together is all. I’m sure that Shining’s work keeps him busy, and I know it’s been awhile since Twilight’s been able to come and say hi, so I don’t really want to get in your way.”

Velvet patted my arm. “How thoughtful of you! You know, I’m… Well, I’m not surprised that you’re nonplussed with Night Light, but… Shining’s in a position to-”

“Do what with Celestia’s ex?”

She rubbed her cheek. “That is… A solid point… Stars above forbid you have any kind of contingency plan.” The pensive look on her face was false, but I didn’t know why. “I know Night Light and Shining already had a word with you, but my husband didn’t say how it went…”

“I checked him.”

“That is… Disappointing, but not surprising.” She shook her head. “Shining?”

“Yeah, Night Light was easier to get off of my back. I actually had to threaten Shining with Royal consequences.”

Velvet rolled her eyes. “You do know that he’s the Captain of the Guard, right?”

“I do. That’s actually how I met Shining Armour. I had Celestia do me a favour and she called him in to help get it done.”

“Right. You were dating her. She kind of… Owes you for more than just destroying your house without your consent, doesn’t she?” Her tone was neutral, but I could hear an ounce of disquietude in her voice.

I didn’t like that such a kind woman was afraid of me and my reach, so I said, “If I can’t slug your son, then I’ll get good enough to kick his arse in time. Empty threats are just words you throw in someone’s face to make them think twice.”

The sigh of relief she breathed was tinged with a couple puffs. “You really don’t care to use any of your connections, do you? A noble that truly hates what they are, no?”

“Can’t deny that. I never wanted a title, I just got one.”

“Oh dear, your life truly is measured with a vacuum, isn’t it?”

“It really is.” I chuckled.

Velvet looked at me, a familiar smile resting on her face. It was one all of the people that cared for me gave me at some point and it touched me to see Twilight’s longsuffering, ‘How do you deal with yourself!?’ kind of look echoed on her mother’s face. “You’re an interesting stallion, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told. It’s probably half of why I’m not currently dead.”

The old mare pinched my cheek patronizingly. “It doesn’t hurt that you’re just so darn cute! I was worried that Twilight was never going to get a cute coltfriend, and here you are! Polite, well connected, cute as a button, and respectful of my daughter's wishes; There’s nothing more I could ask of you besides maybe a cleaner track record… And a less complicated personal life.”

“Well, if you find anything else that I could do, let me know. I plan on making Twilight as happy as I can during her short life.”

Velvet’s smile dropped. “What do you mean by ‘short life’?”

“I mean that I’m going to live for a long time, and your life span is pretty small compared to mine. I’ve already made my peace with the fact that I’m going to outlive everyone I love right now, so I might as well try and make my friends happy in the time being, yeah?”

She crossed her arms and bit her lip.“Oh… You know, Max, I… Well, when I first met you, I thought you were just a kind heart with good jokes and a strong sense of duty for the land you live in, but… There’s a lot more to your story than I think just about anypony knows.”

“Of course there is. I’ve died more times than just about anyone else alive, survived the Everfree for a month without help, made friends with the Princesses and a Queen, and put up with plenty of bullshit from the Elements of Harmony and royalty in general. I’ve worked for what I have, though I’ll admit that some of it was thrown at me. The house was definitely thrown at me, but like you said, I could have bought it myself.”

She seized the new topic and seemed ready to back off of the hard talks for the time being. “I’ll have to bring Night Light to visit you sometime, then. Don’t get me wrong; I like Sparkle’s home, but it’s just not what I’m used to. A mare gets used to a certain lifestyle at a certain age, and she just doesn't want to deal with anything else, you know?”

“Trust me, I understand. I might not get it for the reasons you gave, but I know the feeling well enough. You’re always welcome in my home, Velvet, just don’t start calling yourself ‘Twilight’ while she’s over so we can avoid some confusion.”

Velvet laughed. “Of course! That’s why I call her Sparkle. I’m the original, so I should be called Twilight. Am I wrong?”

I chuckled. “Sorry Twilight, but Twilight is the original Twilight to me.”

She huffed playfully. “I was here first, so I should be Twilight!”

“You shouldn’t have named your daughter after yourself if you wanted to keep your name.” I jibed.

“Touché. Maybe I just need to send Sparkle off to a different town so I can be the only Twilight.”

I grinned. “Tell you what, I’ll take her with me when I go back home. I’ll keep her safe and fed, and you can keep your name!”

“Sounds like a plan to me!” Velvet beamed. “Let’s go tell everypony the great news!”

I followed Velvet back into the living room, and she actually did break the news to Twilight. She sat her daughter down, and with a very serious, rather worrisome tone, Twilight told Twilight that she was going to be sent away to a small town. Twilight was understandably confused, so Twilight clarified by telling Twilight that she was going to be living with me in a little town called Ponyville because Canterlot just wasn’t big enough for two Twilights. Twilight didn’t know what Twilight was trying to say, but Twilight was being very clear to everyone but Twilight. Night Light smothered some snickers and Shining Armour just smiled at his mother’s antics. Twilight, on the other hand, was completely lost and had missed the joke entirely, so I came over and solemnly laid a hand on her shoulder.

“It’s for the best, Twilight. We can’t have Twilight getting confused whenever someone calls ‘Twilight!’, and having you, Twilight, come with me away from Twilight is the easiest solution. It’ll be okay, Twilight. You’ll make plenty of friends where we’re going, and Twilight can write you whenever.”

“Wait, are you talking about me, or are you talking about my Mom?” Twilight asked, befuddled.

I nodded. “Yes.”

Twilight hid a grin and laid a hand on Twilight’s knee. “I hope you understand, Twilight. It’s nothing personal.”

Twilight looked between myself and her mother. “Neither of you are making sense! Am I going somewhere with Max, or are you? And what’s this about Canterlot being too big for two Twilights? We lived here just fine for years!”

“Don’t worry about it, Twily, they’re just being difficult.” Night Light said.

His wife shot him a dark glare and he tugged at his collar. After that, Twilight figured out what we had meant and chided both of us for our brilliant wordplay. She tried to stay mad at me, but with Twilight’s parents on my side and her mother distracting her while I was also doing it, she never stood a chance at denying my charms. I kept it nice and kosher, all very parent appropriate. I mean, if anything then to keep Shining ArmoUr off my arse. He’d chilled out over the course of the night, but I could still feel his eyes on me from time to time when I spent too long ‘too close’ to Twilight.

At midnight, Twilight and her mother cracked open another bottle of wine and her father brought out a bottle of something old, brown, and expensive. I had brought a bottle of bourbon that I was particularly fond of, so the men of the family tried my supply first, preferring to save the best for last. Night light drained his glass like a champ, but Shining took his like a filthy casual and sipped it. I had had the same idea as Night Light and was ready to move on to his whiskey by the time Shining was halfway through with his drink. Night Light’s liquor was pretty good, though I’d had better. Hell, I actually have better whiskey in my cellar, but it would have been rude to outdo a man in his own home, which is why I brought something middle ranged, but nice. Shining hadn’t brought anything to the party, so we kept our glasses full with my bourbon. I wasn’t offended that my decent bourbon was deemed our drink of choice without me really having input on it because, for one, Night Light’s best whiskey wasn’t that good for what he paid for it. Bit for bit, my bourbon was more reasonable since his whiskey had a sour note to it that didn’t work well with the leather in it. Two, I’d rather have been drinking my shite anyway. I’ll drink whiskey if it’s not rotgut, but Night Light’s shite was rough on the tongue and prickly on the way down. More of a smoking drink than a ‘sip n’ spell’

Speaking of drinking, the Twilights were both more friendly with a few glasses in them. Twilight Sparkle could talk up a storm after three glasses of wine and her mother was even more loquacious than she had been before. Between the two of them, Shining, Night Light and I could hardly get a word in edgewise, which was perfectly fine by me. Eventually Night Light got tired of listening to the women in his life talk about nothing and took Shining and I into his parlour to play some billiards. All of my wins were hard fought against Night Light, and I lost more often than I won. That man could make the ball spin around other balls to hit his target, and he wasn’t even using magic! It was fucking bullshit, and the only reason I ever won against him was because he didn’t always land his shot perfectly. Shining Armour was a whole different story. The guy was straight up awful, so Night Light and I took it easy whenever we played him to save energy for our next match. I’m pretty sure Shining knew that he was the worst in the room, but since he had stopped being such a massive prick in favour of being an annoying prick, I didn’t rub it in.

I can be nice, dammit.

Night Light and Twilight Velvet were ready for bed around the same time, which meant that Twilight, Shining and I were due to get tucked in as well. Night Light and Shining had been pretty adamant about me sleeping on the couch, but the Twilights had my back and argued on my behalf. After swearing to keep my hands to myself, I was allowed to sleep in the same room as Twilight. After LITERALLY HAVING MY HANDS BOUND, I was allowed to sleep in the same bed as Twilight. I thought it was a little much seeing as how all I was expecting was a kiss for my efforts, but it was worth it to be able to share a bed with someone I love on not-Christmas. It was the first time I was actually spending Christmas (Or something like it) in the arms of someone I wanted to come home to at some level. It was nice.

Twilight had given me more than a kiss that night, but we still didn’t have sex. It didn’t matter since I threw Shining Armour my most shit-eatingest grin at breakfast, though I never did tell him why I was looking at him like that. Twilight didn’t put it together, so she couldn’t say anything, but I was pretty certain that her mother knew exactly what had happened. That, or the extra whipped cream on my smiley face pancakes was just because she liked me. The knowing grin she gave me when she was putting it on tipped me off, though I wondered how she knew. I glanced over at Twilight and saw that she was rubbing her jaw.

Small wonder, right?

With that on my mind, I made sure to let Velvet see me tongue-fuck my fork clean after breakfast was over and blamed it on odd Human rituals when Twilight asked about it. She got a little offended until Velvet, with her face as red as Santa’s stockings, mentioned that I should shut up. There were giggles, but no one else had been paying attention other than the mother-daughter duo. I got a letter during the latter half of breakfast that I waited until we finished up to read. Depending on how you look at it, it was a good thing that Celestia requested my presence on Hearth’s Warming Day. I had got her a present that was special to me and a short sword for Luna, but they were in Ponyville at the moment. I would have to have one of them teleport me back so I could grab them, but it wasn’t any real issue.

Once breakfast was finished, my visit with Twilight’s family was over so I asked Twilight if she wanted to join me when I went to go visit the Princesses. She was rather interested and thus it was nice to have someone to talk to on my way to the castle. I didn’t stop anywhere while we were walking, and the guards at the gate let us pass after I flashed them the seals on the Warbling Blade, so we made some pretty good time. I didn’t know where we were supposed to be going, so I had Twilight cast a location spell and followed her to Celestia. We meandered about the castle until we came to a room in one of Celestia’s towers. I politely knocked before entering and found both of the ruling sisters in the room.

“Celly, Lulu! Happy Hearth’s Warming Thing!” I said, feigning cheer.

Celestia and Luna both stood, though Celestia was the only one who came over to hug Twilight and I. “It’s good to see you two! I’m glad you were able to come!”

“So am I. Tis the season to surround yourself with friends and family, right?” I said with a smirk.

Celestia gave me a look. “Which one am I?”

“Right now? Family.” Because you don’t get to choose family, and they tend to fuck you over.

“Aww!” Celestia hugged me again. “Thank you, Max! That means the world to me.”

“If you’re done with your… emotions,” Luna spat jokingly, “then we can get on to exchanging gifts.”

Twilight froze since she hadn’t brought anything, but I had her covered. “Speaking of, the gifts I got for you two are in my house and so are Twilight’s. Mind sending me home so I can grab them?”

“Max, I sent you a letter a week ago about this.”

“And you’re lucky I’m sober for it.”

She scoffed and Luna waved a hand. I appeared back in my living room. After a quick jog to my hemlock tree so I could pick up what I had gotten for Celestia and Luna, I sprinted up to my room and took stock of the just-in-case presents I had bought over the past couple of months. I kept them all in one of my closets, though they had started to spill over into other rooms before I caught myself. I’d gone completely overboard and had dozens to choose from, all shelved according to price and size. As much as I loved Luna for being brutally honest with me, I wasn’t picking a present that I was going to give to her. I settled on some generic jewelry for Luna when a note dropped in front of me. Apparently Twilight had already gotten a present for Celestia, but she needed to get one for Luna. I wrote her back and told her that I’d just finished up with taking care of that problem. When that was done with, I sent the necklace to Twilight via Dragon Fire (Which was cool as shit) and sent Celestia a note, telling her that I was ready to come back.

A few moments later, I was back in the sitting room. Twilight popped in a few seconds later and we both found somewhere to sit. The gift giving started immediately since Celestia hadn’t taken the whole day off, leaving us a bit pressed for time. I gave Celestia a signed, first edition copy of my book, A Single Breath. I’d found a publisher for it last month, and it was already popular among single and older mares. It was actually the second book that had been printed, which was why it was special to me. I gave Luna a short sword that I had forged myself, and the light calluses on my hands were definitely notes of pride for me. It’d taken time to get right and it wasn’t the first I’d made over time, but it was the best by far. The steel wasn’t anything special and it was still a bit wonky to be honest, though the mosaic Damascus pattern and thorough grinding had fixed most of the notable flaws or covered them up. I had engraved the handle and guard myself, and that had actually turned out pretty well. I received hugs for both of my gifts, though I did have to explain that I had already given Twilight her gift.

Twilight ended up giving Celestia a ‘summarized’ report of all the things she’d learned about friendship, love, and parenthood since moving to Ponyville. I’d read through a few pages and the damned thing read like a legal document, but all the same it was touching to see the inner workings of Twilight’s mind. It wasn’t as much of a report as it was a solid novel, but Celestia thanked her anyway and seemed genuinely intrigued about Twilight’s insights. Luna wasn’t thrilled about the necklace, but she could fucking deal with it since it had been either that or nothing from Twilight. Celestia gave me a bunch of weapon stands and things to go on said stands. I was thrilled since I had mentioned that I’d wanted some to fill in some of the empty space in my house and had even told Celestia exactly where I wanted them. I’d forgotten about it in the month since I’d told her, but the fact that she remembered was cause for some serious brownie points. She gave Luna a well crafted statuette of them sitting in their thrones, back to back, and Twilight a bracelet with each of the Galpal’s Cutie Marks as charms.

Luna gave me a bow because there’s no way I could possibly fuck that up, and Celestia received a lovely ebony comb. It was gilded and had pieces of ivory set into the handle, making for an overall beautiful piece. Hugs were passed around, and information was shared about the gifts. At this point, no one was terribly shocked to learn that everyone had made their gifts themselves save for the necklace that Twilight had given Luna and the weapon stands Celestia was giving me. With the main festivities over, Celestia had to go back to Court and be a ruler, and Luna wanted to go to sleep, so I had the blue princess teleport my and Twilight’s shit to my house before we left. I was tempted to have her just teleport me and Twilight home since she could, but I wanted to enjoy a little more time in the city with my sweet little Sugar Plum before we were thrust back into our lives in Ponyville.

I had Twilight show me around the town, but we couldn’t really go anywhere since most things were closed. We did find a nice little café that was still open, however, and had a nice cup of coffee before heading off to the station. I noticed that Twilight sat a little closer to me on the ride back home and that she was receptive when I initiated some incredibly tame hand holding, hopefully a sign that I was growing closer to her. It’s not that Twilight was particularly distant, but she wasn’t one to show much in the way of physical affection, meaning that beyond the occasional kiss or hug, there wasn’t much contact between us. Unless I needed some affection, it really wasn’t Twilight’s thing. Knowing that this little trip had gotten Twilight to open up to me, even if just a little bit, made me smile.

While I chatted to Twilight, I noticed that the odd, foreboding feeling I’d had since leaving her parents place was getting stronger. Oddly enough on the train ride home I noticed a familiar looking red mane poking out above a newspaper. I would have said something then, but I figured that Crimson Tide was concealing his identity for a reason. I left it alone until Ponyville, and when Twilight went to get off, I told her that I had something to take care of. A few moments later, I was sitting next to Crimson Tide, trying to look inconspicuous.

“Hullo, stranger. What brings you 'round my slice of hell?” I asked.

Crimson folded his newspaper. “How did you know I was following you?”

That’s news to me. Time to play it off. “I get by through attentiveness and observation, but I should’ve seen you before the station. Why are you following me, Crimson?”

“I need a favour, and you’re the only one that can help me at the moment.” Crimson turned to me. “Right now, I need to know if you’re willing to stick your neck out for me.”

“I’ve got your back, mate. Are we getting off here in Ponyville, or are we riding further?”

Crimson stopped to think about that. “We could stay for a day or two, though I’ll need to stay away from town. I think your place is far enough away.”

“Great. It’ll give me time to tell the girls that I’m leaving and I can grab my Dragon Fire.”

I rose and Crimson joined me in heading toward my house. The look on his face when he saw my abode was priceless, which made me remember that he hadn’t been to my place since before I’d become a Baron. It was amusing to see his reaction to the outside, but his reaction to the inside was less than I might have desired. Crimson disagreed with my choice in decor, so I told him to fuck right off and find another spy’s house if he didn’t like mine.

Crimson shut up.

I got him settled in one of my upstairs guest rooms and started putting a bag together. I was glad to have a reason to wear my casual clothes while out and about for once, and I missed the ratty old scarf that I’d worn through all of my missions. After sending out notes to the girls explaining a temporary absence so I could help out a friend, I put my Dragon Fire in the pocket of my bag and set it out in the living room. Crimson was already there, so I pulled out some wine and started asking questions.

“So what the hell is going on, Crimson? Why are you in trouble?” I asked.

“A contact burned me in Mexicolt. I was working with a cabal of dogs, trying to shut them down. Things went sour on a whole new level. Now I’m being followed by two of their assassins.”

“That’s not the whole truth.”

“The more you know, the more danger we’re both in.”

“Understandable, but not desirable. Why don’t we just wait somewhere and murderate those ass-assins?”

Crimson looked at me. “I’m a Unicorn Operative. If it was that easy to kill them, I would have done so by now.”

“Unless you’re incompetent.”

“Excuse you?”

“I’m not the jackass who walked us face-first into a fruitless blood-party.”

He pursed his lips. “... Point taken, but still-”

“Are you sure you’re not just super weak with magic? I’m pretty sure I know someone who could just teleport them wherever we needed.”

“I’ll have you know that while I’m not exactly the most potent Unicorn, I can still cast spells. If you want to wake up with an itch you can’t quite scratch in a hole you don’t want touched, keep messing with me.”

“Is that seriously your worst threat? I’ve heard worse from the Element of Kindness.” I deadpanned.

“Beyond minor teleportation, I’ve never really studied magic.” He shrugged. “I never wanted to be one of those Unicorns.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean that some Unicorns just take magic too seriously. Twilight Sparkle is the best example in existence; Star pupil of the Princess, top marks in magic. She’s actually good at magic in general, but there were a lot of times in Canterlot that she bucked up big time because she was trying things that were above her level. Unicorns like that get labelled dangerous pretty quickly.”

“Yeah, but Twilight is now probably one of the most powerful magical beings that isn’t something stupid, dirt-fossil-old, or fuck-off-and-die evil, so I can’t really see your argument there, mate. If I was a Unicorn, I would abuse the fuck out of any magic I had.”

Crimson scoffed. “Easy for you to say, seeing as how you don’t actually have magic. If you abuse your power as a Unicorn, you get sent to Tartarus, and sometimes innocuous spells can get you into deep shit if things go wrong. It’s a miracle Twilight Sparkle hasn’t been arrested by now.”

I gave him a stern look. “Why do you keep going after Twilight? She lacks common sense on occasion, but I consider her a close friend.”

His eyes widened. “I didn’t know you two were friends. I probably wouldn’t have said anything if I’d known.”

“Don’t worry too hard about it. That does make me wonder what you have against her though.”

“I just don’t like her, guy. Highborn Unicorn, Princess-Pet, super mage, groomed for success for how long? And she runs a library.” Crimson shrugged again. “I’m sure she’s a fine girl, but her status and connections allow her too much leeway and her family’s position is practically all because she just happened to be good at magic.” A dark look crossed Crimson’s face.

“Mate, don’t kill my girlfriend. If you want to get her brother or somethin’, I might lend a hand, but I do kinda love Twilight, or whatever pale simulacrum of love I can accomplish.”

Crimson shut his eyes and inhaled slowly. “I don’t hate her that much. I just don’t like her, Max. That’s all there is to it. She just represents a lot of what’s wrong with this country.”

“If you ever start feeling differently, let me know. It’s in my best interest to keep my friends both alive and free from killing one another.”

Crimson nodded. “I will, though I doubt that I’ll ever get to that point. I’m just the one guy who doesn’t like Twilight Sparkle, as is required for all people.”

“What about people who live alone on deserted islands with loving parents? If there’s only three people on one island and there’s nothing to argue about, how mad could they possibly be with one another?” I inquired.

“Shut up, Max.”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever, mate. So are you only being chased down by two assassins or-” I felt a disturbance in the force, “are there more?”

Crimson’s horn glowed softly and his ears flicked. I scanned the room. “There might be more, but I just don’t know. We should be safe here.” He said with a pointed look.

“Right. I’m going to go make some tea. Care to join me?”

Crimson rose and I led him to my kitchen. Someone was definitely in the house, but without any detection magic, I couldn’t tell where. Barring any long range killing techniques, we would be fine, but I wasn’t willing to chance our safety on hopes, so I moved our party to the parlour. Once inside, I had Crimson stand out in the open while I hid under my billiards table. After thirty minutes of waiting, the door to the parlour crept open while Crimson back was turned and I caught our assailant with my telekinesis.

Crimson spun around, confused as to why the assassin wasn’t moving. I made sure to keep my grip tight on the Dog we’d caught while I came out of my hiding place. Once I was out I inspected our friend, but couldn’t discern much more than that it was a Dog. It growled at us as Crimson and I checked it over for weapons. My unwanted house guest tried to bite me when I relieved it of its various knives, so I sprayed it with the bottle I’d started keeping in the kitchen whenever Lupa was pissing me off.

“Alright, jet-black bastard, any questions for our new friend?” I asked once Crimson was finished checking them out again.

“None that she’ll answer. Is there anywhere you would prefer to dispose of her? I’m sure you don’t want to ruin this lovely carpet with this filthy mongrel’s blood.”

I tapped my chin. “How about we just not kill her and say we did?” I loosened the tip of my tentacle and allowed her to move her mouth. “What do you say? Fuck off and start a new life or die here, in a strange land full of strange people that would have probably come to love you?”

She growled some more and Crimson scowled. “You can’t just let her live, Max. She’s trying to kill me!”

“And what happens when we kill her? More assassins come behind her-” I started.

“And she can tell them about us and our habits!” Crimson objected.

“Look, mate, I’m just saying that we should give the girl a say in her own fate. Treat others as you want to be treated.”

“... Are you drunk?” The Dog asked.

“Shut up, Mutt,” Crimson snarled. “Max, are you drunk?”

“I maintain a pretty steady buzz these days, but I’m not actually drunk right now, so go fuck yourselves, both of you. Kill the bitch for all I care, mate, I was just wondering if you’d go for it. Just do it outside somewhere in the Everfree. Her corpse won’t be there in the morning.”

“Rot in Tartarus, both of you filthy Equestrians!” The puppy yipped. “My brothers and sisters will avenge me!”

I muzzled her with my tentacle and started dragging her outside. It was slow going since I can’t really move and use my telekinesis all that well, but it got easier once I started moving the assassin ahead of us. We carried her off into the forest and I made a bunch of noise by thrashing about before crushing her head quickly. Luckily, nothing had gotten on me, however, Crimson had the pleasure of pulling a rather large chunk of skull and brain off of his mouth. I don’t know how it landed there, and it would have been in poor taste to ask what it tasted like.

Crimson seemed perturbed by the event so I said, “Just speak your mind mate. You’ve obviously got a thought on the tip of your tongue.”

“I bucking hate you and I need soap and mouthwash.”

“Ah, lemme brainstorm on where it’s at-”

“Remember when you got all broke up about killing ponies?”

“Remember when you walked me into that ambush despite me telling you multiple times that it was an ambush?”

That was not honoured with an answer, though I thought it was well warranted. I thrashed around a bit more and started to get the hell out of dodge before something came over to try and make a meal of me. Crimson followed closely and we decided that we would leave before the night was over. We went back to my place, grabbed our shit, and I allowed Crimson to take the lead from there. Thanks to God or some other unseen force, there was a redeye at the train station that we would only have to wait an hour for. We were both a little on edge, though Crimson had much more to learn when it came to wearing the mask. It reiterated just how much depth laid within Twilight Velvet since her mask was every bit as clean as mine…

In any case, I was on another mission. As much as I liked to poke fun at Crimson, he really did know his shit. He did a sweep of the premises every so often and sat in a way that would allow him to get up quickly without appearing like he could. The train came and we were on our way to Hooverton. Sadly, we couldn’t go via Teleportation Station since this wasn’t something we wanted on any sort of record and we could use fake names for the train system. The train was largely anonymous and a great way to get around if you didn’t want to be tracked, though whoever was tailing you could probably find out where you were going based on the train’s schedule and the consistent names in the logs. I chose to not worry about that and asked Crimson about his past.

Much like the last time I’d inquired about anything other than work, he wasn’t very forthcoming with information. He told me that he’d grown up in a larger town east of Slane and that he’d joined the guard when he felt the pull of the hotbed of crime in Equestria. Once he decided which side of the law he wanted to live on, he spent a few years doing that and was hand-picked by Luna when she returned to be an Operative after she saw his track record. He did not go into detail about that track record, but he did tell me that the usual training to be an Operative was gruelling and that I was lucky that I’d skipped it. I pointed out that my own training had been a whole different monster and Crimson happily changed topics and tried asking about what I’d done as a thief.

I was feeling merciful, so I launched into what I hoped was an exciting tale about some thrilling heist I’d barely pulled off. If I didn’t understand that the past was a touchy subject sometimes, I probably would have pushed him for information. Crimson told a few stories that he didn’t mind sharing, which helped the trip go by a little faster. Still, Hooverton was pretty far away and changing trains multiple times didn’t help either of us want to stay awake. I filled the time writing a sequel to A Single Breath, but I eventually ran out of motivation and saw that Crimson was knocked out next to me. I hadn’t even noticed anything while I was writing, making me immediately suspicious. There was nothing immediately suspicious, but I kept an eye peeled all the same. The only people in our car were a couple of older stallions and a mare with a child, and they were all snoozing away the midnight oil. I tried to relax, but something just didn’t seem right to me.

Honestly, the whole situation was weird. Crimson still hadn’t told me about the finer details of why we were going on the mission and I couldn’t help but feel like it had something to do with what he’d said about Twilight and the way Equestria was. I understood that it had come up in conversation and I probably shouldn’t have thought anything of it, though I couldn’t help the sneaking suspicion that Crimson was trying to sucker me into committing treason at some level. If I wasn’t so disillusioned with the utopia I’d called home for so long, I might have been offended.

In any case, my immediate worries turned out to be for nothing. The train rambled on and nothing happened. After a ten-hour trip, I was glad to be on solid footing again, though Crimson looked as if he could use a few more hours of rest. Being up for days on end tends to take a lot out of a guy, and I was well aware of the dangers of going too long without sleep. I didn’t really remember how to get to Nebula’s, so Crimson had to lead the way, which would have been fine if he wasn’t exhausted. We took quite a few wrong turns, but we eventually ended up at the right house. Crimson knocked on the door and we patiently waited for Nebula to answer the door, and when she did she snatched both of us inside by our shirts. It was fucking rude. I put aside my indignation in favour of listening to what Crimson had to say.

“Star, I need your help.” Crimson spoke quickly. “I’ve got a cabal of dogs after me and I need some of your ‘Special Sauce’ to help get rid of them. I would prefer to do this the boring legal way, but-”

Nebula’s grin was a mile wide. “Say no more! I’m always happy to peddle my poisons to a fellow Agent!”

“Got anything that would ensure a quick, pleasant death?” I asked casually.

She glanced at me and did a double take. “Oh, hey. What was the thing you asked?”

“Poison for a quick, pleasant death?”

“Uh… Probably. I could whip something up for you, but unless it’s state-mandated ‘euthanasia’, I can’t really pass it out.” She shrugged. “Sorry, barley.”

I still hated that saying. “What if it was for me?”

“Still a no-go. You’ve gotta suffer through life, just like the rest of us buddy.” She turned back to our mutual friend. “You know, Crimson, I’ve gotta say that I’m surprised at your first choice of companion. This guy doesn’t seem like the most reliable kinda pony to me.” Nebula chided.

“Hey! You know me! You even let me stay in your house!” I objected.

“And you made some pretty decent breakfast if I remember correctly. The best part was that I didn’t even have to sleep with you to get it!” Nebula fucked off deeper into her house and I traded a look with Crimson. The girl was weird on her best days, and I wondered if Twilight could have turned out like Nebula, but with magic instead of poison.

“You slept with that.” I deadpanned.

He gave me a look. “She was less crazy when we first met, and I got to rut her sister too.”

“Same time?”

“Yup.”

“Twins?”

“Different coats and manes, but yup.”

“Not bad.”

“Right?”

Nebula returned with a familiar white vial a few minutes later and a small, padded pouch to contain it with. “I’m sure you remember all the details; No touching, no smelling, no tasting. Usual agreement?”

“The usual, to be called upon whenever you so desire.” Crimson sighed.

“Great! I’d like to call it in now, if you don’t mind. Max, go see a show or something. I’ve heard there’s one going on in town.” Nebula’s eyes were glued to Crimson as she shooed me away.

I scoffed. “If all you wanted was some dick, I would have offered. I’ll be back in three.”

As I turned to leave, I heard Nebula call out, “Wait, lemme see it first!”

I looked at Crimson and he shrugged. “It’s up to you.”

“And I’m slutty enough to do it.” I whipped it out and realized Crimson was looking at my rod too. Then I remembered that he was either gay or bi. “You must have a vagina to touch, just in case the message wasn’t clear.”

“Stars above, the biggest assholes have the nicest dicks,” Nebula scoffed.

“So can I go see that show, or…?” Crimson attempted.

Nebula raised a brow. “You can have me and my sister, but I can’t have you and a friend?”

Crimson chuckled, but it was clear to me that shagging his ex was kind of like sticking his dick in an unpleasant memory. “I hope you got better at blowjobs.”

He started to strip and I followed suit, leaving me naked with another guy in the room for the first time since Graham. It was weird, but at least Nebula was decent at stripping. The alien-print, matching underwear was a great touch, even if she was a little petite for my usual tastes. All in all, Nebula was a good fuck and didn’t mind some of the more interesting positions, but by no means was she someone I could actually see myself with. A casual shag? Yeah. A romantic partner? No, and it was clear between us that we were only physically compatible. The biggest and most obvious tell was the fact that she came harder when I was insulting her and calling her all kinds of names. It didn’t hurt that I hit the peak like an ICBM when she bit me hard enough to leave a bruise after calling me a ‘fat-dicked, alien sex-stick!’. There really wasn’t much love lost between us, and the conversation with Crimson after the fact was a little on the interesting side.

After we’d both kind of half-arsed the whole thing, Nebula was still passed the fuck out and oozing seed from pretty much any hole that could fit a member. Crimson started off with, “Colt, if you were gay, you’d be really popular in Canterlot.”

I chuckled and passed him a sidelong look. “Apparently anal is your speciality, mate. She usually tightened up pretty well whenever you got the tip in.”

“And on like every third thrust, she was leaking all over me thanks to you. Nag’s probably dehydrated at this point.”

We both chuckled at that. “So what? If this Operative thing falls through, are you gonna call on me to be your partner in the gigolo business?”

“Like you don’t have experience in the field. With the way you worked Nebula, and I don’t mean any offense when I say this, but you’re either a natural or a former hooker.”

“Column A, Column B, they fucked a duck and made Column C.”

“Of course. You know, I’m not trying to suggest anything, but there’s actually kind of a market for your talents, my stallion. Mare heavy towns are an easy way to make a lot of bits while having fun.”

“So you dipped a hoof into the slutty sea yourself, then?”

He shrugged. “I was a hooker before a guard and it was good money. Made a lot more bucking lonely old mares than I ever did stopping crime or beating up idiots.”

“So what made you give it up?”

“What made you give it up?”

“My Mum forced me into it after she killed my Dad and it was the only thing I knew how to use for any sort of gain other than stealing. I fancied for about… Four years? Eleven to fifteen or sixteen, I guess.”

“Damn…”

I shrugged. “When I got better at stealing, I didn’t need to sleep around as much and I was getting out of the age range for pedo-cougars anyway, even if I kinda always have looked younger than I am. It just made sense to skip out on the dangers of the field and hedge my bets on the more profitable thing.”

Crimson shook his head. “It wasn’t the money that made me quit so much as the emptiness. Only being wanted because you’re good at sex kind of kills your self-esteem at a certain level. No one really cares about what you have to say, just what you can do for them and how good you can make them feel.”

“Ha, that’s basically all it means to be a man in this country anyway, Crimson. Few of the mares here really give a shit about what you’re saying unless they can get you to sleep with them because of it.”

“And you wondered why I was gay.”

I shrugged. “I’ve never judged you for it or really questioned it, mate. You do what you want and I don’t really care what it is as long as you’re not killing yourself or fucking me over. That being said, we probably won’t be teaming up for another Devil’s Threesome anytime soon.”

“Tch, even if we did, it’d have to be with someone a little more blessed in the tail area.”

I rolled my eyes and we took our leave around six in the morning, when it was nice and fucking cold. The time difference and the lack of sleep was leaving me feeling pretty jet-lagged, even if it had only been a train ride toward the sun as it set. Our next destination was somewhere out west, which meant more train rides in our immediate future and I figured I could trust Crimson long enough to get a nap in. I would write about some of what went on, but it got monotonous very quickly. No one really felt like talking to strangers on their way to a hardly settled land, but I was feeling pretty good all things considered. It was nice to get out of Ponyville and to feel the adrenaline rush of nearly being killed again. Being stuck in Small Town Equestria had activated some deep sense of wanderlust that had lain dormant for years, and to a certain point it was being fulfilled in my journey to help Crimson out of his bind. While I was thrilled to be in danger again, I wished that I could share the experience with the girls, as fucked up as that sounds. If they got the same rush as I did from being on missions, then I would consider taking them on one if I didn’t think at least half of them would die at any given moment.

After a long journey full of changeovers, back tracking, and confusing maps, we got to a little town called Appaloosa. Crimson had a contact there who could get us across the border without a hitch, though why we needed to be smuggled across the border, I’ll never know. Mostly because Crimson’s explanation was so asinine that I could barely call it an explanation. Still, we met up with some chap named Braeburn that Crimson had worked with in the past. The guy wasn’t an Operative or anything, nor was he even slightly related to the field beyond his contact with Crimson Tide himself. From what I could tell when they laid eyes on each other, they had plenty of contact. I don’t want to repeat what I heard. I want to forget the dirty, dirty words they used, especially since people were looking at us because of them. I considered writing Celestia a note to ask if she would delete some things from my memory for me, but I thought that would be a bit much. Still, I made it a point to leave after the second time they started shoving their tongues down each other’s throats. There are levels of personal displays of affection that should not be breached, and there are things you just don’t say around polite company.

Granted, I realized that I’d double teamed the fuck out of Crimson’s ex with him not even twenty-four hours ago and that I probably shouldn’t have cared, but I was involved during that and no one was tongue-fucking anyone while being stared at by half of the people in the same room. I’m no prude and I don’t give two shits about dudes kissing, however I don’t like being stared at and being with them got me a lot of stares, so I took a hike. I also wondered if Braeburn and Crimson were open with their relationship, but decided not to ask about that hypothesis in any way in case I fucked my friend over. Y’know, even if he was cheating on his boyfriend.

While I was doing some introspection on whether I’d ever been that… hands on, with any of my girls in public other than Rarity, Crimson came out and directed us toward the only inn in town. His boyfriend had offered to let us stay with him for the night, but I shut that shit down the moment the last words left his lips. There was nothing to do in Appaloosa, and I’d be damned if I was going to spend my whole night avoiding the sounds of raucous grunting and sex I wasn’t having a part of. I generally preferred to hear female moans if I heard them at all and Crimson sounded like a dying mule with laryngitis when he busted a nut. That is to say, the fucker made me cringe and I wasn’t down for being kept up when I could be sleeping.

Crimson did ‘sneak’ out in the middle of the night to go visit his special friend, though I would have understood and not cared at all if he’d just told me. I didn’t give a shit that he was gay and I didn’t give a shit that he was affectionate towards his partner, I just distanced myself from such flagrant acts of PDA. I’m fine with kisses and hugs in public, but tongue wrestling is off the table entirely. A good snogging? If it’s well-warranted, then by all means. Sucking your partner’s face off with an audience? Weird. Just plain weird. Shit’s just awkward for everybody involved, especially if you’re not involved. Some people might say that you should just look away if you don’t like it, but those people forget the magnetic effects of some events. No matter how much you want to look away, you can’t, and you’re forced to live through that moment. Absolutely traumatizing, it is. Just… Keep it to your fuckin’ house or somethin’. It’s one thing if someone walks in on you, it’s another to get it on with strangers in the room.

In any case, I have some downtime and I’ve already set up my room, even though I don’t really need anything other than my hearing and instincts to know someone’s coming for me. As it is, I’ve just been trying to get everything written down since Hearth’s Warming Eve and it’s been killer trying to find time to devote to my inner thoughts. The fiction stuff is one thing, but my journal is basically an auto-biography and I prefer to write in it with a little privacy. Speaking of privacy, Crimson’s done a great job of walling off my attempts at getting more information out of him. All I know at this point is that we’re dealing with La Ganga and some drug dealers, though I don’t know much more than that.

… I have to admit that if Crimson wasn’t a colleague and someone like Celestia had asked me to do the mission, I wouldn’t have bothered entertaining the idea. My Operative buddy, however, wasn’t the type to ask a favour if he didn’t absolutely need it and I accepted that I wasn’t going to know everything about what he needed me to do. At the same time I wondered why I didn’t need all the info in his eyes. I knew that I was making an uninformed decision with minimal thought behind it, but Kaid Gadai’s always been the type to do anything for a friend, and fuck me for the fool I be, I guess…

That’s all for now, I guess… Just feels weird to stir the pot when I’ve been feeling so numb for so long… Kinda hope this kickstarts something so I can get serious about stuff again.

The next morning, I hauled a noticeably stiff legged Crimson to the first stop on our actual attempt at getting the mission done. I would have taken it easier on the fellow, but he should have known better than to do something so strenuous before we had to get into Mexicolt. Sadly, when we got to the caravan/wagon train that was heading South-West, we learned that the journey was going to be made in the false bottom of a tented wagon with limited water. There would be enough to keep us functional, but there was also going to be plenty of time for Crimson and I to get to know each other if we ever sighted anyone else on the road. That being said, it meant we would be in close quarters for the better part of three or four hours at a time since the only kinds of livestock that were legal to use as burden-beasts were slow. It made sense since Big Bulls and Cornahorns were bulky animals that could pull trains, but they also were not fast animals unless stampeding.

It took some coercing and cajoling to even get the stallion in charge of the operation to let us keep the false bottom open if we were actually in danger of being seen, but uh… Apparently the guy was beholden to his wife because I managed to talk my way into not having to bother with the false bottom for most of the journey through her. The more I talked to her and gave her the flowery, sweet nothings that she wanted, the more clear it was that her husband was going to be absent for some of our wagon ride. Crimson, on the other hand, was talking to her husband at the time and I had no idea what they were talking about. During the first six hours of our journey, I couldn’t find the fucker anywhere and Peach Cobbler, the wife of the wagon guy, had been getting kind of creepy. I fucked off and searched the wagons we weren’t supposed to be on only to find Crimson pounding that stallion’s buns like he was trying to make Pita bread after adding yeast to the dough

With the image of a black bratwurst ramming bro-booty in my mind, I promptly excused myself and got a drink with that guy’s wife. She complimented me on my cologne and I eventually got drunk enough to tell her that I tasted how I smelled. By eventually, I mean I drank an entire bottle of their whiskey in under an hour and was reminiscing on Nebula’s flexibility. I’d been pumping my numbers in the past few months with Flutters’ and Twi’s blessing, and Nebula had been more fun than pretty much anyone else in Ponyville other than maybe Flutters, Mary the Mayor, and Applejack. Even then, I couldn’t bring myself to approach Applejack for that kind of thing, so my wandering had left me pretty unsatisfied.

Speaking of satisfaction, after I’d depleted their liquor stores and impressed everyone by outdrinking them practically every time I put the bottle to my mouth, Peach got a little more handsy with me and that was when I confessed to tasting like cherries and chocolate. Apparently it was well known that Lace Lance and Peach Cobbler weren’t actually married, they just hounded each other like they were and everyone basically just agreed to call them husband and wife. I didn’t bother finding that out until we made camp for the night and I got another dose of exhibitionism that I hadn’t been expecting. At the campfire that Crimson and his new buttslut, Lance, were missing from, I got a helluva fuckin’ slinger from Peach while a few people cheered her on. It was weird, but she swallowed and was none too shy about proving that a middle-aged mare has better tricks than the young ones. Mary had already checked that box off in multiple, increasingly kinky ways, though Cobbler had her own method and the audience participation/approval wasn’t half bad. There were a couple other pairings that came together after me and Cobbler, but the chesty, rather thicc woman had most of my attention.

By the time I’d got off for what I considered round two, Peach was all too happy to let someone else taste the guy who smelled great. Unfortunately, the first to try my ‘gift’ from her honeypot was a dude, but at least everyone after that was female. During the night, I had multiple visitors and couldn’t be terribly upset about it, though I did think about how the mares in the caravan had basically run a train on me and I hadn’t even given a single fuck. I was also drunk and emotionally numb, so take my consent with a grain of salt and a Zoloft.

That being said, between the litany of riders and blowjobs that flew my way, I wasn’t too concerned about the trip sucking until we found someone on the road the next day and they decided to travel with us. Lace Lance and a gal named Mint Julep stayed in the wagon with me and Crimson, but there wasn’t a whole lot we could do. Crimson and I started sweating in the Southern Equestrian heat and neither of us were pleased with it. While I like black licorice, I hate the smell and Crimson was like a steaming vat of the shite. He was none too pleased about the cloyingly sweet scent of my sweat himself, so we were both kind of miserable. However, Mint eventually opened the compartment and almost immediately told Crimson to wash his ‘smelly, reeking, beau-nasty flank’ before she got a funny look to her. We’d spent a little over eighteen hours in the hotbox and I could smell me. However, when Mint smelled me, she wiped some sweat off of my cheek and abruptly began licking my neck, which was warm. I was tired of being warm, so I told her to either let me cool off or suck the sweat off of my balls.

… I… I really wasn’t inviting her to actually do it… I didn’t let her, but it was weird as fuck that she was so keen to the idea. That being said, I had to take a bath after Crimson and the bath water was pretty gross. I didn’t want to get into everyone else’s filth, so I was glad that I’d had the foresight to bring some of my own soap collection to both use and share with my unfortunately smelly homie. Unlike my taste in decor, Crimson actually approved of my scent selection and was fond of mahogany. It was actually one of my lesser soaps, but c’est la vie and all that.

The night held less sex and considerably more singing than I was comfortable with, but I also had a Southern Belle in my lap named Rhubarb Pie, and she was actually related to the Rocksland Pies. It was a cool little titbit and I filled her in on how Pinkie was doing since the last reunion had been cancelled for some reason, and while I was casually telling her about her cousin, she was ‘trying to get comfy’ in my lap and eventually just lifted her old-fashioned skirt, unzipped my trousers, and let my length rest against her lips while being separated by silk, cotton, and little else. Her skirt splayed over my lap while the campfire songs were sung and I couldn’t help but get hammered again and cuddle her like the less annoying, equally cute version of Pinkie that she was. Hell, other than the fact that Rhubarb was more of a reddish pink than Pinkie, they could have been sisters. It was just that Rhubarb acted, dressed, and looked closer to her age than Pinkie did, though her endowments didn’t hurt. She wasn’t stacked very high, but the blocks in said stack were very nice.

Rhubarb ended up inviting me to her tent for the night, but she made it clear that she was still saving herself for Mister Right and that if I was looking for ‘conventinal stuff’, that I could take my pick of pretty much anyone else in the wagon train. I knew it for certain that she wasn’t bullshitting me on either front, and I took a moment to play with her breasts while she was still in my lap to consider if I wanted to continue our meandering conversation or if I wanted to crack a macadamia (bust a nut) inside of another stranger. Rhubarb obviously didn’t mind that I teased and toyed with her, but the more I thought about leaving her company to go dump a load inside of someone I didn’t feel any kind of connection to, the more the emptiness… Rang. Like the void deepened and let an echo through that told me that the right choice was to see what the lady in my arms wanted for the night.

We retired early and all Rhubarb initiated was some playful teasing that didn’t go very far. On a whim, I palmed her bottom and it really didn’t go beyond that for a few hours. We mostly talked about our lives and the stuff we had waiting for us at the end of the journey. Rhubarb was going to start her own quarry/rock farm, and if she couldn’t find good land for it, then she was going to try normal farming. She didn’t ask me to visit or write her. Didn’t really give any indication of wanting to continue any kind of correspondence after we parted ways. It was a chance connection that I enjoyed plenty, and as I implied earlier, we were physically compatible. I didn’t tread unknown territory, but I did learn that Ponies use seaweed to make lube and that tails make great handholds. Sex wasn’t necessary, though neither were the kisses and the tenderness in general. It was just nice to get the friends-with-benefits relationship-thing going again since there was no real obligation behind it.

There was another long day ahead of Crimson and myself whenever we met up again, so I actually bothered to ask Rhubarb if there was any kind of sexual fantasy that I could fulfil for her. She admitted that she’d always wanted to be picked up and go from there, so I obliged. It wasn’t far-fetched for me since she really wasn’t much taller than Pinkie, even if she was considerably curvier. Even with her Earth Pony physiology, it was a good time and we passed out while I was still resting in her arse. We weren’t expecting any trouble, so I figured that it was a luxury that I could afford myself for the time being. When the time came to get moving again, however, I was just drowsy for the ten hours I spent in the allotted wagon. It was better than being bored, but not by much since waking up and passing back out were regular events. It also meant that I was caught off guard while we were crossing the border.

The hour we spent with the hatch shut was a blistering, dark hell. No amount of soap or charcoal could have prevented the level of stink that occurred, and two lives were saved when we were allowed to air ourselves out. Crimson puked first and I wasn’t far behind him, our travelling companions having a fuckin’ giggle when we started arguing about what was worse. Everyone said licorice sucked when it was all you could smell and most people were fond of how strongly I was smelling. Crimson, being both metro and at least a little gay, was pissed that he was deemed smellier than the straight guy. So much so that I didn’t even rub it in and let him have the whole bar of soap that I brought as a consolation prize. He took the unneeded olive branch and told me that I smelled ‘so much gayer’ than he ever had. We had a giggle about it and got on with our search for a shower.

Once we were across the border, we met another contact of Crimson’s named Frizzy Fluff and I was shocked that she hadn’t died of heatstroke the second I met her. The woman was the fuzziest pony I’d ever seen, and her coat was probably thick enough to get her through winter back in Ponyville no problem. She was quite terse, but she did point us toward somewhere to stay for the night, so I can forgive any social inequities. From there, we made our way from the sparsely populated outskirts of town into the denser urban areas where we found ‘Tha Dawg’s Diev’, and yes, that’s how the sign was spelled. The food was sketchy at best from first glance, but when it actually got within smelling distance, I was a lot more eager than Crimson when it came to tucking in. He didn’t like his food spicy and I didn’t mind it, even if the options were pretty limited in Ponyville. Back in England, the Biplob was one of my favourite places to eat and I’d known the owner’s kids well enough for them to make my shit with a little extra magic inside.

We spent the night holed up in an old hotel room trading stories from our childhoods. Crimson was pretty forthcoming for once. It was odd to think that such a generally suave, well-kempt guy started his formative years ‘husky’ and awkward. Apparently he’d always known that he was either bi or gay, but his Dad was one of the intolerant kinds of dudes who wanted their son to fuck every dime that crossed his path while staying single. In other words, Crimson’s Dad tried to live vicariously through him and basically convinced him to be a gigolo, though he didn’t actually force him into it. Crimson was also a poet who wrote under the pen name ‘Rosen Sands’, and it was cooler than he thought it’d be. When he found out that I was the author of his new favourite romance novel, I had to open up the fan-boy gates a little to rave over how his work was some of the most subtle and insightful work I’d ever read between Earth and Equus. The guy really had a talent for speaking between the lines and he appreciated the interpersonal, more psychological aspects of my own endeavours. It was odd that we were each other’s favourite authors in our respective genres and from there, I learned even more about my part-time partner.

However, all that happened after we made sure that there was a usable shower, though the water was a very sketchy milky colour. Our accommodations weren’t the best, but we had enough space to stretch and something soft beneath our heads, so we weren’t complaining. No, we were actually bro-bonding and it felt… Well, I felt something and that was progress. I actually managed to get Crimson to open up about the mission, but what I heard can’t be repeated. However, it aligned with some of my own plans, so I agreed to help all the same and Crimson confessed that he’d thought I would turn on him prior to knowing that I was an avid fan of his work. He was also the only person outside of the royal family to learn the depth of Celestia’s wickedness toward me. The painful thing about the talk was that he wasn’t surprised about any of it. He knew what Celestia was and had a better idea of what she would do than I did. However, we ended the conversation a little early due to one of Crimson’s sensor spells being tripped.

We didn’t know what exactly it was since there was no trace of anyone inside or outside, but then I remembered Celestia’s Danger Sensor and told Crimson that we might have been scryed. He wasn’t concerned about it since we’d ceased the moment he felt the intrusion, but I couldn’t shake the unease that dwelled within.

We got a late start the next day, but we didn’t have anywhere to be until nightfall anyway, so it wasn’t very important. We stayed in the room for most of the day and my partner snacked on rations we’d brought along with us. I ordered room service and got some enchiladas that had chicken in them. They were delicious, but in the downtime we were doing little more than saying the odd word to each other. It was a very boring day, but when the Sun began to set, we were ready to move. He’d told me during the hours we’d spent in our room that this was the town that we needed to be in to wipe out the majority of the Dogs working both ends. All we would need to do is poison whatever spirits they had with Nebula’s little mix and let it work its magic since it was slow, but surefire. Crimson was pretty convinced that things would go well, but the last time he told me that we ended up getting jumped and I killed some guys.

According to Crimson’s old intel, the cabal was located inside town on the south side, so I followed him there from the rooftops while he stalked the streets. There was plenty of space to run and jump, and luckily the buildings were close enough that it wasn’t really all that necessary most of the time. Thankfully, cloaks were common among most of the people walking about, so Crimson didn’t stick out much. I, on the other hand, got stopped by a Gryphon that looked like a hawk because I was being sketchy. I told him that I was exercising for the Equestrian Triathalon for whenever I moved there and he bought the shitty accent I sold the story to. As if on cue, Montezuma chose that moment to take his revenge and I had to hold it for the foreseeable future. Life sucked and it was hot, but other than my gastrointestinal and climate problems, I was pretty much fine.

In any case, Mexicolt definitely had a different vibe than Equestria, and I wasn’t sure that I liked it. I prefer my days nice and around twenty degrees, thank you very much, rather than hot and languid. There was no sign of any relief from the heat here besides the rather cold nights. It was such a stark contrast that I found myself caught off balance by it, but I muddled through all the same while trying to avoid more Gryphons or whatever the hell the hawk-headed ones were.

Crimson didn’t pass many people on our way to our destination, and once we were there, he signalled for me to be lookout while he entered through a back door. For fifteen minutes, I watched and listened for an attack that wouldn’t come until Crimson suddenly came tearing out of the building. My reflexes had been dulled after months of inactivity, but my body still knew when to get the fuck up and go. Crimson had a good head start on me and there was no chance in Hell that I was looking back, so I skated over the rooftops of the town and found a place to rest once I knew that the coast was clear. Once I had a chance to catch my breath, I went from running to climbing, easily scaling the slap-dash brick and mortar works in various places and coming back down whenever I couldn’t bridge a gap. I didn’t have the pleasure of being able to relax, so I made my escape on rooftops until I came to a familiar part of town. From there, I crossed the rooftops and some alleys to get to our inn. Walking in through the main door was suicide at worst and unwise at best, so I ignored the ground and kept myself to the rooftops and walls. After sneaking to our room from another and having a listen at the door, I entered carefully and performed a quick scan of the room. Crimson hadn’t been by yet, so I grabbed my shit, left him a carefully worded note and climbed outside to sit on the roof and scout.

I waited throughout the night, but Crimson never came. There were a few visitors, however, and they didn’t seem like the kind I wanted to be involved with. From what I could hear, they didn’t have Crimson in their custody yet, though it was only a matter of time. They found my note for Crimson and hinted that they were falling for the false lead I’d laid, taking the bait hook, line, and sinker. It allowed me to get the fuck out of dodge guilt free. I’d considered my current situation from the moment I lost sight of my partner: I was stuck in a foreign land without a guide, my friend might be dead, and I had no way of getting out of the country. I was up Shit Creek without a paddle and hole in the boat, so I had a couple of options; I could stay and look for him, risking my life and safety, or I could trust him to be the operative I knew him to be and get out with his head on his shoulders.

It wasn’t easy and I hated the right choice. I sure as fuck didn’t like making it, but I wished that he would’ve done the same for me if the roles were reversed. After visiting every seedy bar in town, dodging dangerous looking Dogs, and trying to find the right person, I came to the conclusion that I needed to stop asking so many questions. By one in the afternoon, all I had learned was that Crimson was awfully popular at the moment, and I was as close to finding him as I was to getting a party from the citizens of the nameless town. I had far too many close calls with Dogs making the wrong kinds of inquiries while I was still around for me to keep digging, so I found another inn in another town nearby and holed up there for the rest of the day. Luckily, I’d brought plenty of travel funds so I could afford to wait to find Crimson, though I was worried that I might not find him. We had agreed that our inn room would be the rendezvous point. If he hadn’t shown up, then I was sure he would have made a break for Equestria.

It felt incredibly dumb and unwise, but I spent a few more days in town trying to find my partner, Luckily there was no sign of him, meaning that he was either gone for the better or was already dead. With that weight on my chest and the feeling of having just left someone I cared for to die, I hired a guide to get me to an Equestrian border town. I’ll skip that journey since my guide was a quiet fellow and nothing really happened besides some awkward cattle riding. Honestly, one never realizes just how boring a journey is until there’s no good company to help it along. The Big Bull I rode was an old fellow that wasn’t worried about going anywhere fast, though I really had to appreciate the wallflower-like beauty of the sub-species. They’d been bred to have soft fur and mild demeanours, so my ride was decent.

Trekking in silence sucked something fierce, so I was glad to be back in Ponyland proper. My guide got me back to Appaloosa and I replied to the notes that I had got over my journey while I was there and settled in. Twilight and Fluttershy had both sent notes expressing concern about my well-being, so I sent them replies telling them that I was alive, fine, and on my way home. I had to write Braeburn a note, asking him to meet up with me at the inn so I could ask him if he’d seen Crimson, though that did leave me with time to spare. I mostly spent it writing. In the two hours before Braeburn showed up, I found a name for my second romance novel; A Pause In The Breeze. It sat pretty well with me and I made some decent progress, so I considered the time spent pretty productive.

Braeburn showed up a little after the sun was starting to dip below the horizon. We met in the saloon area and had a drink. After getting greetings and other pleasantries out of the way, we got down to brass tacks. “So have you seen him?” I asked bluntly once Braeburn got settled down.

“I haven’t seen him, but he sent me a letter a few days ago tellin’ me that he was goin’ into deep cover for awhile. I don't know what’s goin’ on, but you’ll find him, won’t you?” Braeburn asked.

“I can’t say that I can, mate. I’ve spent the better part of a week looking for him, and honestly you were my last lead. If I could have tracked him down, I would’ve, but I’m not a typical Operative and neither is he. Crimson’s a special fuck. If he doesn’t want to be seen or heard from, he’s not going to be. As an Operative, the guy can take care of himself. He has to most of the time.”

Braeburn narrowed his eyes. “Most of the time?”

“Is that really the thing you’re going to focus on? Shut up and drink your beer if you’re going to be like that.”

Not that he was doing as I’d said, but he shut up and drank his beer like a good little Pony. After a good chunk of silence, he asked, “So how often have you worked with Crimson?”

“Not that often. I’ve only worked one job with him before and I’ve only technically met him like, three times. We just get a lot of time together when we actually do see each other.”

“Oh, are you two-”

“No, not like that. I’m straight.”

He narrowed his eyes again. “That makes no sense. Why would he come to you specifically for help, then? You’re cute, you’ve got his pretty-colt thing going for you, I know for a fact that he’s worked with other ponies more often than that. And I don’t doubt that they’re just as capable as you.”

It’s because your boyfriend was going to off me if I was a loyalist since he was scared. “Look, I don’t know either. Crimson just showed up tailing me and I had a word with him about it. He asked for my help and I gave it to him, but that doesn’t mean he told me much.”

Braeburn shook his head. “Crimson always has been a secretive guy.”

“Comes with the territory.” I sipped my beer.

Braeburn finished his drink and left soon after, meaning that I was exactly nowhere closer to finding Crimson. Since I didn’t have any leads, I only had one option I cared to take, and that was to go home. I stopped by the Appaloosa train station and bought a ticket, my heart heavier than I cared for it to be. It was going to be a long, lonely ride to Ponyville. I was frustrated about not being able to find Crimson, but I couldn’t let it keep me down, so I hopped aboard and started my journey home. The trip was boring, though I did meet a nice elderly woman that had some awesome candy during my second changeover. She was super sweet, but I never did catch her name. Other than that, I didn’t feel the need to talk to anyone, so I didn’t. The trip was quiet after the old mare got off, meaning that my trip was undertaken with a veil of guilt and silence wrapping itself around me. The only reason I’m really writing right now is to fill the time before I’m home again…

I feel like shit for leaving Crimson behind. I feel like shit for sleeping around so much and not even knowing how many women there were. Feel like shit for knowing there’s more work to do, but returning to my quiet, peaceful life all the same… I really gotta do something about the choices I’ve been making lately… Going with the flow hasn’t done a goddamn thing other than make me feel dead inside…

Homecoming was a somewhat somber event. The ache in my heart had dulled on the long ride and I was back to being comfortably numb, no longer really desiring any change in life. I had booze on command, babes to visit whenever, and money to blow for the rest of a natural life on top of connections that could make me a literal King if I kissed enough arse. Maybe Crimson was wrong? Maybe Equestria isn’t as flawed as it appears? No sooner than the thought had crossed my mind and I was in pain again. A sharp, stabbing pain just opposite my navel flared up and I felt the haze of the drink clear for a few seconds. Truly sobered up for the first time in a while. I knew what I wanted to do.

After a much-needed shower and shave, I sent Twilight a note and asked if I could swing by. It was already somewhat late, so I wasn’t expecting her to say yes. To my surprise she agreed, though she did ask me to hurry. I didn’t want to waste any time screwing about, so I got my shit together and walked over to the Treebrary. Spike answered the door with a yawn and little else. He was ready for a nap and I couldn’t blame the guy, but I needed to talk to Twilight. Spike pointed me in the right direction, leaving me to go find Twilight for myself after the general hint of ‘over there’. I spotted her in the library, reading as she usually does, which was a sight for sore eyes. She didn’t spot me, so I skirted around the side of the room until I was next to her.

Just as I was drawing breath, Twilight caught me. “Hi Max. What did you need to talk about?” She asked without looking up from her book.

“Damn, thought I had you-”

“It’s been a while since you’ve pulled an Applejack.” She gave me a little smile. “What’s on your mind, Smokey?”

“Ah… I had to leave a friend behind on a mission and it’s kind of eating at me.” I leaned on her chair.

Twilight closed her book and gave me her full attention. “Why did you have to leave your friend?”

“Things got complicated really fast and I lost sight of him while trailing from above. He should be okay, but I just don’t like the fact that I don’t know where he is or if he made it out of town,” I responded. “I should have been able to stick with him, but we could have very well got each other caught… I just hope he’s really wiser than he was in the first Gryphonia thing.”

Twilight gave me a worried look. “I don’t really know what to say. Is this a part of your Operative business?”

“It is, but it’s not really official business, so I can answer most of your questions.”

“Wonderful! What were you and your friend doing?” Twilight asked excitedly.

“We were trying to take care of a little problem Crimson ran into with some Dogs down in Mexicolt.”

“What kind of trouble are you talking about?” She inquired.

I took a moment to twist my words around to some semblance of the truth. “His cover was blown and he needed me to help smooth things out since I have a way with words. Things didn’t work out as we planned, obviously.”

“... When you say it like that, I don’t see why anypony worries about you while you’re gone. It seems like you’re just running from bullies most of the time and only have to fight when you get caught.”

“It’s cute that you think that.” I patted her head. “I have to fight before and/or after I get caught.”

Twilight used her magic to remove my hand. “So why can you talk about this, but not any of your other missions?”

“Well, this one wasn’t as dangerous for me personally and, like I said, it’s not official business. I didn’t get a missive, a dossier, or any kind of approval for the Op, so I can say whatever I want. It’s not like there’s a state seal on it.”

She beamed and proceeded to ask more questions than I wanted to answer, but I had expected something of the sort. Within an hour, Twilight knew pretty much everything I knew about Crimson that wasn’t too personal, though she was pretty bummed that he didn’t like her. I had wondered if I should tell her in the first place, but she asked if she knew him and apparently he knew her, so I filled in the blanks. Possibly not the best choice, but it's the one I made, so suck it. When I was ready to leave, I gave Twilight a kiss good night and started on my way back home, though my conscious wasn’t eased by much. However, the memory of our parting kiss danced around my mind and I was happy for the distraction, as meagre as it happened to be.

I still felt like I’d betrayed Crimson by giving up and coming home, but I just had to keep telling myself he would be fine. After all, you don't get to be a successful Operative by being bad at your job, right? When I got home, I noticed that my front door was unlocked. I was sure that I had locked it before heading out to help Crimson, so I was immediately suspicious. Carefully, I sneaked my way down dark halls and listened hard for any disturbances. I could hear the sounds of something heavy breathing in my living room, so once I got in range of the lights, I flipped them on and Lupa raised her head.

“Turn the light off, I’m busy!” She barked.

“Busy napping. How did you even unlock the door?” I asked.

Lupa licked her chops. “I didn’t unlock the door. There was a trespasser in your territory.“

“Should I ask about what happened to that arsehole?”

“It would explain the stain on the carpet. It’s upstairs, right next to your room. Can’t miss it.”

“I would be upset, but you’re too cuddly to stay mad at, so I’ll let you off with a warning. If you have to kill anything else, please try to drag it outside if you can.”

She snorted. “You Two-Legs and your material possessions. The stain is hardly even noticeable.”

“Aren’t you colour-blind? And isn’t the carpet in front of my room blue?” I took a moment to consider that. “Well, I could always just say it’s a part of the motif in my room and splotch up the rest for a funky Mod kinda vibe… Moloko the idea, methinks. Do you remember anything about the skitebird that strolled up in our domy?”

“For the last time, stop drinking and talking to me.”

That hurt a lot more than I think she meant it to because I didn’t remember seeing her around anytime I got hammered. “... Not drunk, it was just… Just some bullshit from Earth. Joke or whatever. I was asking what the trespasser was. If you remembered anything about it.”

She snorted. “If I smell the wood sauce on you, I’m leaving again.”

I held my hands up. “Sorry, Lu.”

Lupa snorted again. “Well, whatever came in here wasn’t after your precious sauce. It also wasn’t a Pony, I can tell you that much. It smelled like a Dog, but walked on two legs like one of you, so make of that what you will.”

I took a deep breath and wondered if I wanted to poach the elephant in the room. Instead, I focused on the dead thing that might still be in my house. “It was probably another fucking Dog assassin then. When were they here?”

“A few days ago. I never bothered relocking the door since I can’t use your stupid Two-Leg keys.”

“Fair enough then. What did you do with the body?”

“I dragged it into the Everfree. If it had looked tastier, I might have eaten it,” Lupa idly commented. “You smell better, but it would likely taste better.”

I puffed out a little chuckle and tried not to let the numbness grip me again. “You’re a sick little puppy and I love you for it, Lupa. I’ll let you get your beauty rest. Good Night.”

“Sleep well, Max. Surely something else will require your attention tomorrow.”

“Of course. This place could never run without me.” I replied sarcastically.

“... Of course,” She replied after I’d taken a few steps. I stopped cold and came back to sit next to her. Lupa lifted her head when it was clear that I wasn’t going to pet her. “... What are you doing?”

“Lupa, how many times have I got hammered enough for you to leave?”

“More than a few, less than a lot. Numbers irritate me.”

“What do I do that makes you leave?”

“You don’t recall?”

“... I drink to the point of blacking out a lot, to be honest with you. I don’t remember a lot of the past few months.”

“Figures. Other than being careless with your appreciation of my coat, there is little else that makes me leave. However, seeing you in a state in which I cannot communicate with you… It is shameful. You need to stop.” Her tone had gone from tender to sharp after the pause and I knew that it was because the gentle corrections still hadn’t worked.

I patted her hind leg. “... It’s gonna take a while. I’ll slow it down for now.”

“... You should.”

I got up and hesitated. “I don’t mean to make you worry.”

“... At least when you’re drunk, you only use the knife that won’t cut you.”

I puffed a breath through my nose. “Why do you think I drink so much?”

“... I’ll never understand you Two-Legs. But I do love you, Max. I don’t want to miss you.”

“I’m immortal for the next two millennia, Lu. Doesn’t matter if I die. I’ll come right on back.”

She got up and sat on the floor. Lupa had grown a little more, evidently. She was bigger than I remembered. She could look me in the eye, at the same level when she said, “No one dies a thousand deaths and calls themselves whole.”

“I never claimed to be, Lupa. I just have to pretend or else I don’t get the peace I wanted so fuckin’ bad…”

“... I’ve yet to sleep in your new bed.”

“You’re welcome any time.”

“I know. It’s just been a while since I could ask.”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“It was easier when we could just play or walk our days away… Your jokes were usually decent.”

“I know. Things get complicated, Lupa. There’s… There’s no telling when the good times stop rolling. All that means is that you have to get them started again.”

“You’ve waited a while.”

“It’s about time then, huh?”

Lupa put her head on my shoulder and I gave her a hug that I needed more than she did. She’d already eaten, but it had been awhile since I had anything, so I made some basic macaroni and hashashasha’d my way through the first few incredibly hot, cheesy bites. Lupa and I lazed around in bed until I finally fell asleep, but the nightmares weren’t really afraid of anyone anymore. They weren’t as bad with Lupa or Twilight, but it still wasn’t really restful sleep. Waking up at three meant that I spent my morning writing. It wasn’t anything new; I had been filling the wee hours of the breaking dawn with some writing and drinking for some time now, though drinking before the Sun is up isn’t really the best habit. Still, I found it to be mildly therapeutic and it really did help with the boredom of being the only person active, but I’d promised my pupper that I’d slow down. I settled on a bowl of weed and made some breakfast for myself and Lupa before heading over to Fluttershy’s cabin. It had become something of a routine for me to offer her some help with the animals in the morning when I was up, so I went ahead and got started with some of the nocturnal creatures. For some odd reason the bats didn’t like me very much, so I just set their food on the holders and let them come to it. The little bastards had never been cooperative whenever I tried to feed them by hand, though I never knew why. In fact, a lot of the rodent creatures weren’t terribly fond of me, but I never did get a reason from anyone I could understand. Squirrels, chipmunks and rabbits were all fine with me, but mice, rats and bats detested me something fierce. I blamed it on my cat-like grace.

I got most of the animals fed by the time Fluttershy came out, which was fine by me. If I could get some of her work done for her then it was for the better in my opinion. I was happy to help, though that did beg the question of why I was so reluctant to help Applejack with farm work. I suppose I just don’t like the idea of working on a farm at all, and it doesn’t help that I’m not strong enough to kick apples out of trees. Seriously, that shit makes no sense. Somehow, the Apples make it work. With the feeding and stuff out of the way early, Fluttershy had some time to spend with me and was quite eager to give me my Hearth’s Warming Day present. Fluttershy gave me some freedom in the bedroom and wore some very alluring lingerie for me. Gotta admit that I was very grateful for such a wonderful gift and the new trick she pulled out of the Wild Blue Yonder. I can’t go into detail about what I did with said gift, though I can say that I very much enjoyed it. Fluttershy is fun on average, but she was something else entirely for the duration of our time together, which made me excited for the next holiday.

Flutterbutt and I decided to make a day of it and went on a date, though it was pretty much limited to walking around town and talking. It’s always nice to spend time with Fluttershy, though I do wish that there were more to do in Ponyville. It also reminded me of our first walk around town. Specifically the time I got drunk off of a single shot and threatened a teenager for picking on my friend’s little sisters. Weird times. In any case, I still had a good time spending the day with Buttershy even if I did wish that there was something more beyond sex and walking to life in Ponyville. Being on the road with Crimson only drove home the fact that my life was more monotonous than your father’s sex life after your Mom discovered BBC; Big British Cock.

When we finished with our date, Flutters and I went back to her cabin to pass out some extra winter provisions to her animals, and after that we spent some time on her couch cuddling. Whenever I spent time with Fluttershy, one way or another we usually ended up cuddling. By no means could I say that I was bored with that, however. Slowly but surely, Fluttershy was getting better at teasing, and it really did make a difference when we cuddled. It doesn’t always lead to more, but it is nice to have a more physical relationship with jokes and jibes in between the gentle caresses. I liked the mental connection I had with Twilight, but nothing could replace good old-fashioned contact and Fluttershy was always happy to give me plenty of it whether or not it was platonic or romantic. It was something that I appreciated immensely. As much as I like a battle of wits or intelligent conversation in general, I have a soft spot for skinship. Maybe I was just never hugged enough as a child, or maybe it’s a kind of emotional crutch. Either way, it feels nice and it makes my life suck less, so fuck you.

I parted with Fluttershy around six after multiple prolonged kisses that I probably could have done without, but I wanted them, so I got them. On my way out, Lupa let me know that she was going to stick around for a little while and would catch up with me later in the night. I told her to avoid getting pregnant by Bearett and she essentially told me to fuck off. Fluttershy and a few of her more intelligent creatures got a giggle out of that, though Lupa found it less amusing since, for one, it was possible in the Everfree, and two, there were more than mutterings about the time they spent together.

There wasn’t much that I needed to do after parting with Fluttershy, but my options for hanging out with someone were limited and I was aching for a sip of something. If I went to the farm, then I knew Applejack or Granny would cut me off and keep me kosher. However, if I was drinking with Macintosh, no one gave a damn if I got too hammered to walk. It was a dangerous gamble and I decided on asking Applejack to come to my house so I could talk to her. Well, once I got home and found my damn Dragon Fire. Shit was under my bed for some reason and the only reason I saw it was because of the encroaching darkness when I turned the lights out in my room.

It was a little late, but it was also winter and too cold to do farm shit, so I had tea ready and was steadily puffing on my sixth bowl while trying to curb my cravings when Applejack showed up looking… Well, a little chilly, but kind of better off for the rosy tint to her cheeks and nose. It was as obvious as it ever was to me that Applejack was gorgeous, but I didn’t need to bust a nut so much as I needed her to be a better friend than I really deserved. She hung her coat before I could take it and gave me a hug before I could say much more than ‘hullo’.

“Buck, it’s good to see ya, Twinkle.” She let me go and held my arms, giving me a worried smile. “Are ya alright? Ya seem awful shaky, Sugarcube. Is everything okay?”

I stared at her for a second, fully aware that the awkward air between us was missing in her version of reality. “... I need help.”

“What kinda help? You know I-”

“I don’t know Applejack. At this point, I just really don’t know…”

“Talk to me, Twinkle. You… You were there for me when I had that look in my eye. Maybe I can talk some sense into you?”

“... Celestia fucked me over. The mansion was a bribe to shut up about what the shit she pulled. The Baron bullshit was to leash me to Equestria. If I don’t drink, I don’t sleep. If I don’t smoke, I drink twice as much. Feel like I’m living underwater most of the time. Haven’t had a drink since I got to town yesterday and this is the longest I’ve gone without it since I became a Baron. If I’m not holding back tears, then I don’t give a shit about the world around me. I know I love my friends, the people around me most often, but it gets harder to say that every day. It feels like pieces of me fly away and I don’t even know if this is me anymore or if I’m just crawling down the easiest path because I gave up on doing better.” The pain in her eyes echoed a lot of the pain in my chest. “... How do you keep moving when your sight is fading and the apathy swallows you whole?”

“... You can feel every claw from that pit, can’t ya?”

“Yeah.”

“The hollowness that feels like a funeral bell…”

“Yeah.”

Applejack paused for a while and hugged me again. “I love ya, Max, but… This one is your mountain to climb. You gotta lead the way. All I can do is follow and watch your back.”

I wrapped my arms around her and felt warmth on my cheeks. My throat tightened, but just as soon as it came, it faded and the emptiness came back. It wasn’t the first time I’d toed the line between catharsis and the same old dull ache, and it was every bit as frustrating as the first time. “... Yeah… There’s nothing to do about it other than keep moving forward.”

She hugged me tighter. “I hate that you’re in the pit, Max… I’m sorry I don’t know how to drag you out…”

“Some ropes just aren’t long enough. The stairs get in the way.” I chuckled.

Applejack cupped my face in her hands, a pained, concerned look on her face. “I love ya, Max, and you know I’d cross Tartarus ten times to get your head above water.”

“I love you too, Applejack, and…” I’m sorry we’re afraid of us.

“... I don’t think we’re ready for that one, Twinkle. Maybe when your heart’s not achin’ quite so bad.”

“I’m not feeling much these days, Applejack. Just that ringing on occasion.”

“Well… Drinkin’ always makes me feel a bit better, and if that doesn’t work, then gettin’ busy alone usually helps.”

I held her hips while she let her hands grasp each other behind my neck. “A drink does sound pretty nice… And a good stroke never hurt too many guys.”

She smiled. “I got a fifth of Zap Applejack in my coat, and… I might be able to help ya with the second part, but these hands a’ mine are awful cold…”

“Fuck, I’ll say. You’ve been giving me goosebumps since you walked in and your hands made them worse.”

Applejack chuckled a little and I came in for the kiss that was obviously on the table. However, it didn’t stop when we parted. The distance closed and I picked Applejack up, carried her over to my recliner, and got scolded for forgetting the booze. She got up and grabbed it, then came back and snuggled up to me while we drank from the bottle like savage barbarians. We traded a few stories we’d held onto, more kisses than I could count, and rekindled the benefits that had been tabled during our distancing. I’d missed being so close with Applejack and just being able to drink with her was nice. However, having her in my arms, laughing along with me and peppering my face with kisses whenever I made her laugh too hard? Worth far more to me than a drinking buddy, and I was grateful that I had both in Applebottom.

We didn’t end up ‘getting busy’. Other than some Rated 12 touching, flirting, and smooching, there wasn’t much going on. Applejack kind of blended the best of Twilight and Fluttershy, but with a spirit that I couldn’t help but relate to on another level. It was just another pain to the pile when I thought of how I’d never be able to put a ring on her finger, but I accepted that we were especially close friends and was content with our time together. In fact, I wasn’t even buzzed when I fell asleep on her shoulder and I’d fallen asleep before her.

The next morning had me waking up to an apple fritter-flavoured kiss and a smile from one of my dearest companions. Applejack had made breakfast and the food actually tasted good for once, though that’s no comment on Applejack’s cooking. Most crap I ate was just so I didn’t have to deal with starving to death, and even then I could see my ribs with my current diet. Applejack didn’t comment on it per se, but she made a fucktonne of food and chided me for drinking too much juice while I was eating. It was obvious that she was trying to put some weight back on me and it was appreciated.

Applejack didn’t have much to do in the day, so I asked if she wanted to join me for a trip to Rarity’s for a fitting. I needed a nice suit for some gathering of nobles that I had to attend for some reason or the other, but Applejack was kind enough to tell me that she kinda thought Rarity was one of her worst friends ever. I agreed wholeheartedly, though we had our own reasons, intersecting though they were at times. I bid Applejack fond farewell with a kiss, a hug, and a lingering look that left us both wearing little grins. Honestly- Er, I mean… To reword it, it’s uncanny how easily I could’ve seen myself with Applejack if our past wasn’t in the shape that it was. There were so many ‘if’s’ in our history that it kind of sucked that she had decided to re-distance herself. The spark was there again, but along with its return came that longing ache.

… It was a more familiar pain. A friendly shoulder that had a studded jacket on. It didn’t really matter since it made me smile all the same and get ready to depart from my place.

The first thing Rarity said to me was that I couldn’t keep going without another sizing and that we were doing one if I planned on asking anything of her. She was then kind enough to tell me that I didn’t own anything fancy enough to attend one of Fancy Pant’s parties and that I was on rather short notice to ask for a custom order elsewhere. I would have been offended if it weren’t for my general distaste concerning upper class attire, and I would’ve chided her if it didn’t make her go through the whole ‘Opalneria Says’, though the look I gave her shut her up long enough for me to tell her what I was there for. Dealing with Rarity was a lot easier when I didn’t give a damn how she felt about being shut up. It was a little more beneficial for me to shut her up lately, but I didn’t go there looking for sex.

I wasn’t rude about it per se so much as quietly intense and she, like most Ponies, don’t like direct, purposeful eye contact accompanied by silence. I didn’t really blame Rarity per se because the last time she got off on a tangent and rode my arse, I was drunk and spanked in her public. In any case, her bitchy-sub thing wore on me from time to time and the moment she started talking about the party again, I just up and asked if she wanted to be my plus-one to forestall her beating around every bush in Ponyville Park. She agreed and I wasn’t surprised, mostly because I vaguely remembered her dropping hints about wanting to go. I would happily follow her lead if it meant that I didn’t have to deal with aristocunts alone, and I considered it an added plus that Rarity had wanted to go but hadn’t been invited. She’d been bothering me ever since I became a noble to go to one of the events held in Canterlot, but I never really felt it. I’d doubted that I would feel like it when I had to go to one and I’d been right. My attendance was directly requested by Fancy Pants this time, and not showing up after getting a handwritten invitation? Social suicide and likely a lot more bullshit than any one man should have to deal with.

Once we were finished with the fitting, Rarity needled me until she got me to sit for a cuppa. The small talk was pissing me off, so I cut in with, “We’ve checked up on each other. You know I know the last two things you just told me about Sweetie Belle and we both know you have no intention of building off of what you’ve said until you get to your actual lead in.” I levelled a calm look at her.

Rarity tucked her chin to her chest and raised her cup with both hands for a sip. “... Max, can I ask you a personal question?”

The mild brew was good enough for a slow savouring. “Of course. You know what I will and won’t answer.”

Rarity pursed her lips. “Right... I was just curious if you’d spent much time with Spike lately.”

“I’ve been teaching him some guy stuff every now and again. Twilight doesn’t let me into his schedule very much, but I try to keep things interesting when she does. I know that his time with Big Mac is a little lacklustre.”

Rarity eyed me and steepled her fingers, finding a spine since she had a point to bring up. “You see, therein lies the problem. I think some of the ‘guy stuff’ you’ve been teaching him might be a little... Much, shall we say?.”

I raised a brow and her lower lip twitched. “Like what? I’ve been giving him the most important things like protecting your loved ones and keeping a cool head, but I don’t think those are really detrimental in any way shape or form.”

“No, no, no! All those things are fine! I’m talking about the advice you’ve been giving him about fillies!”

I blinked and prepared for some bullshit. “What about it?”

“From what Sweetie Belle tells me, you’ve turned Spike into a mareizer!”

“A fucking wha-” Genuinely confused, I sussed it out for myself. “What? Bitch, come off it. Like,” I gave Rarity a ‘what the fuck. look. “What the fuck? Do you really think Spike is that kinda guy? Do you think I’m that kinda guy?” Mate, you kinda are. Wait, shut up, me. Arsehole.

“I’m just going by what my sister has told me, Max, and I believe her!”

“I get that she’s your sister and all, but don’t you think that there might be more to the story? What if she just has a crush on Spike and saw him talking to another girl? She’s still young, something like that would get to her.”

Rarity tapped her lips with a finger. “... That actually seems to align itself with what Sweetie Belle told me pretty well.”

The dull look I gave her was received with a squeamish smile. “If you would quit ignoring the character of your friends and jumping to conclusions, that would be great. Thanks.”

“Well… I really have no excuse.” She sighed. “I should have paid more attention to the situation. I’m sorry for coming after you when you didn’t do anything.”

“Apology not accepted. Give me a kiss and we’ll talk about some forgiveness.”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “I believe I’m fresh out. If you would be so kind as to help me find one, I might be persuaded into giving it to you.”

I kissed my middle finger and flicked it at her. She rolled her eyes again. “There’s one. Now give it back plus a hug.”

“What? I thought you said you just wanted a kiss!” Rarity protested with a chuckle.

“That was before I had to lend you one, after you molested me, and during the time when I was considering taking one anyway.” Really rather have Twilight, but I’m feeling the heat.

Rarity got up and gave me what I’d asked for. “You’re simply insufferable sometimes,” I grabbed her arse and she rolled her eyes yet again, “and other times you make me wonder about you. Namely about just what you think you're doing, hm?”

We were in the kitchen, so I had no problem with lifting her skirt and slipping my hands under her panties. “Like you haven’t let me coerce you before.”

“When you’re actually being-”

“Lovable and handsome? Always, Bonny” I let the smouldering gaze speak for itself.

“If I told you that it was true your head would fill my kitchen, so I think I’ll pass.” Rarity said drily.

“That would mean that more people would get to see my lovely, huge face.” I gave her an Eskimo-kiss because the hate-fuck was welling up and I was ready to make her scream.

“Breaking news! Mass blindness plagues citizens of Ponyville!”

I gripped her a little harder and she gasped. “That was just mean, and you know it.”

“If you were in my position, you would have done the same.” She bit her lip, looked away for a moment, then moved my hands.

“If I were in your position, I wouldn’t be wearing that blouse with that hairstyle. Simply horrendous!” I jested.

Rarity was not amused. “Don’t get me started on appearances, Maximus. I can find far more faults with your attire than you can mine.”

“That’s true. The only real problem I have with what you’re wearing is that you’re wearing it.”

“Would it kill you to be less crude?” Rarity said, rubbing her temples.

“It would not, though it would take some fun out of messing with you. That, and I like your physique a lot. It’s not as good as your personality, but it's close, and that’s saying something,” I flattered, lying like a shag carpet.

Rarity wasn’t buying it. “Which would you prefer to spend your time entertaining? My mind or my body?”

I surveyed my options. “Both would be preferable, especially if it’s a combination like some good old-fashioned snuggles paired with some light conversation.”

“Well played. Most stallions would have defaulted to saying one or the other.” She complimented.

“I’m not most stallions, Bonny. I’m the charming rogue who steals your heart and plays its strings like a finely tuned viola. I would say violin, but I like violas better.”

“Isn’t a viola just a large violin?” Rarity asked.

“Pretty much. On the same train of thought, I also like cellos.”

She shook her head. “And I imagine that basses are your favourite?”

“Eh. I prefer a good cello, but bass has its place.”

“Perhaps you would be interested in joining me for a symphony some time? There’s going to be a performance by one of my favourite orchestras, the Equestrian Harmonic, a week and a half from now in Canterlot.”

I didn’t need to think about that too hard. “Orchestras always have been a guilty pleasure. Count me in.”

“Splendid! Should we ask the girls to go?”

“I don’t know. I think the only ones who would enjoy the trip would be Twilight and Fluttershy. I don’t think Applejack is one for high society events-”

“Isn’t the same true for you?” Rarity interrupted. “I was under the impression that you only begrudgingly accepted your title as a noble. You certainly seem to treat your station with little esteem.”

“Yeah, I kinda barely give a shit, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t enjoy good music performed by great musicians. As long as I don’t have to do it alone, I don’t really mind the aristocratic lifestyle. I don’t want to be a part of it, but I don’t really have a choice in the matter so I’ll make do.”

Rarity reached over and patted my shoulder. “There there, you poor colt. Being gifted a title, land, and wealth must be so difficult for you.”

I looked at Rarity. “Sounds like someone’s a little envious. May I remind you that I prevented a war to earn what I have?”

Rarity waved a hand. “I know, Max. I was just teasing you.”

“It’s weird to think that I’ve rubbed off on you girls so much. Well, mostly Fluttershy, but still.”

Rarity missed the double entendre. “It’s a result of proximity, darling. Hopefully we’ve rubbed off on you just as much.”

“Fuck that shit. Imma go bully some kids and eat Opal.”

“I swear by Celestia, if you touch my widdle puddy cat I will ruin you!” Rarity threatened.

“What does a shaved Pony look like?”

Rarity looked at me. “Where did that question come from?”

“Just curiosity. I was thinking about shaving your cat and the double meaning to that just ran through my head and coughed up the thought equivalent of a hairball.”

“Double meaning? How many ways can there be to shave a cat?” Rarity asked.

“I don’t know how many ways there are to shave one, but I know that skinning one has plenty of avenues.”

“Skinning does not sound like a nice word. What does it mean?”

“You know what? Don’t worry about it. It’s better off this way.” Just let me be Passive about this one.

“Whatever you say, Max.” She sighed. “Could I tempt you with a little information about your Hearth’s Warming Day gifts?”

“Gifts as in the plural form of ‘gift’?” I asked. Didn’t Fluttershy- Wait, nope. Rares looks good naked, Max. Shut up.

“Well, that would be the implication of saying ‘gifts’, now wouldn’t it?”

“Fair enough. Go ahead, tempt me!”

“I’ll only say that the first one is finished, though the second one needs some more work.” Rarity grinned deviously.

“The information you have given me is insufficient. Tell me more, please.” I asked politely.

“I’m sorry, darling, but that’s all you’ll hear from me for now. However, you have given me a thought for another present for myself.” Rarity’s eyes slowly slid up to the ceiling and she appeared to be deep in thought.

I waved a hand in front of her face. “Earth to Rarity, we need you back on sea level.”

She snapped out of her reverie. “Ponyville’s technically in a valley and as for what I was thinking about… Well, you’ll see!”

I nodded. “I hope I will.”

I stayed and talked to Rarity until night fell. The tea was good and the company was nice, so I stayed a little longer than I should have, though I still made it home before midnight. On my way home, I thought about my relationship with Rarity and considered how strange it was. I didn’t and don’t like Rarity. I have few enough reasons to actually enjoy the person she presents herself as, but the real Rares that comes out when she’s not gossiping or full of shit? Somewhat worth getting to know, and doubly worth fucking. She wasn’t the best in bed since she wasn’t terribly active, but her kegel control was on par with Celestia and that was about it.

There were times when I wanted nothing more than to smack her into February thirtieth, but for the most part, Rarity wasn’t awful. Most of the time. She could do with a little ‘stop’ before she started thinking and the sex could use some work, but other than that I got what I wanted from her and she got what she wanted from me for the most part. The difference was the crap we asked for. Sadly, Rarity is not terribly ‘fair-minded’ when asking favours, so I don’t ask her for shit. Also, dealing with her when she’s spacey or drunk is like looking at a living doll. It’s a really good looking doll mind you, but it’s still kind of creepy when she just lays there and doesn’t move. It’s like she’s not real, if that makes any sense.

Disturbing thoughts aside, Rarity wasn’t terrible. She could use some work on where she places her blame, but other than that, she was fine in small doses. I let my mind wander from Rarity and found myself thinking of Pinkie because she was another one best taken in small doses. Night was falling and I offered to get back with Rares on her tea order whenever I got confirmation and she thanked me before I took my leave, my next destination being Sugarcube Corner. It was already seven or so by the time I’d fucked off from Rarity’s and there wasn’t much for me to do other than try and write the night away. Lupa hadn’t come back and it felt like a night alone, so I gave into the temptation and had a sip of the batch of weed tincture that I’d made. I kinda-sorta may have poured five or six shots into a mug and chased it with a glass of wine, but it was less for flavour and more for effect at that point.

Hungover and achy, I began my day with some meditation so my healing factor could kick in. I’ve never mentioned it before, but the healing thing was a major boon when it comes to drinking. I could easily out-drink most ponies, and my hangovers were usually gone within a few hours of conception. With a little bit of mediation, however, my healing factor sped up even more and allowed me to get shit done the next day if I wanted to go a bit wild the night before, as I often did when I put too much thought into trying to understand anything about Pinkie Pie.

I was feeling particularly masochistic that morning, so I wrote Pinkie a note and asked if she wanted to spend the day with me before I got my morning routine done. It was too early to go help Fluttershy, so I walked to my living room and started sorting out my not-Christmas presents like I’d meant to last night. After I found places for the art I’d got, I started copying my journals into the magical book Twilight gave me. The book was enchanted so that it would hold as many pages as I needed, and with the hundred or so pages I had on hand from earlier journal entries, it was something that would keep me busy for a while.

Looking back on my earlier entries, I realized that they kind of read like a concurrent autobiography. It was interesting and I found myself laughing more than once at some bullshit that had occurred. Life sucked early on, but as I read through more of my journals, I saw that there were definitely peaceful tides. It had almost been a year since I’d been in Equestria with spring marking the date. It also meant that I was either twenty-one or twenty-two at this point and had missed my birthday. Instead of dwelling on something I didn’t really care about anyway, I read on with my own life until I found a good place to stop.

When I’d settled on a goal I managed to get back to copying my first few entries. They seemed to be a little slimmer than later entries, so they passed rather quickly. By the time I heard a mysterious knock on my door and someone was more officially announced by a magical chime, I was ready to move on to the first Gryphonia mission. I placed my materials on my desk and exited my study. Once I got to the front door, I opened it to reveal Pinkie. I hadn’t expected her to be up before the Sun, but that’s the risk you run when you try to hang out with extra dimensional beings.

“Hullo Pinks. I wasn’t expecting you to be up for a few more hours.”

“This party never sleeps, Max! You should know that!

“Right. Well, what do you want to do today?” I asked.

“Weeell~” Pinkie sang. “We could always do some baking! You never bake with me!

Well shit. That’s pretty tame. “Sure, sounds like a plan to me. Want to stop by and help Fluttershy with her animals before we get started?

“That sounds great! But, if we help Fluttershy, then we’ll have to clean up before we get baking, which will waste time!

“I don’t mind taking a shower before we get started.” I remarked.

“Neither do I, but I would mind even less if you let me shower with you!” Pinkie beamed.

“Not happening, love.”

“Aww! Can I touch it anyways?”

“No.”

“Can I see it?”

“No.”

“Can I lick it?”

“That would be touching it, which is covered by the earlier no.”

“Can I smell it?”

“What would that accomplish?” I asked, crossing my arms.

“Nothing! I just wanted to see if you’d let me.” Pinkie smiled some more and I knew that I was going to be in for a long one.

“What would it take to get you to stop sexually harassing me?”

“Well, you’ve never actually asked me to stop.”

I blinked. “Oh. Pinkie, would you please stop harassing me?

“Nope! I’m going to bother you until the end of time!

I rolled my eyes. “Lovely. You know, I have another gift for you from Hearth’s Warming Day.”

“Really!?” Pinkie asked, her eyes going wide. “Whatisitwhatisitwhatisitwhatisit!?”

I let her ramble on and left her in my doorway. She followed me into the living room asking what her present was the entire time. I had her wait there while I fetched it from the closet I kept my spare presents in until I returned. Once I did, I handed her the box and said, “Here you go, love. This one can be a little secret, just between us.”

Pinkie beamed some more and tore the wrapping off of the present. She reached into the medium sized box, dug around a little bit, and pulled out a remote control vibrator.

I did not mean to give her that.

I could feel Pinkie’s spirits soar. It was as if someone had poured honey on me, and boy was it sticky. There was already an incredibly gross feeling in me, but Pinkie’s thousand watt smile made me feel even grosser. Seriously, I had just given a loli a sex toy and I was willing to bet that she was expecting to use it. “Pinkie... that’s the wrong present.” I tried to tell her. “That was a gag gift meant for Luna whenever she pisses me off.

Pinkie’s smile disappeared and the honey turned into sludge. “... Are you saying I can’t keep it?

“... Does it really mean that much to you?”

“It would make my month!”

I sighed and regretted my choices in life. “... Then by all means, it’s yours.”

Pinkie dropped the box, though the toy was still in her clutches. She wrapped me in a tight hug. “Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!”

“You’re welcome, just-”

“Are you gonna help me use it? Is this your kink? Do you like watching other ponies get off in public? Are you an exhibitionist or a voyeur? Where should I put it first? Can I wear it to Fluttershy’s? Are you gonna get one for her too? Why do kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch? What was my original present?”

I blinked a couple times and backtracked hard. “In order; I wasn’t planning on it, it’s not my kink, I do like watching other people get off, though doing it in public is something new for me. I’m more of a voyeur, I suppose, though I like to think of myself as somewhere closer to the middle. I don’t care where you put it first, decide on your own. You can do whatever you want with it, I might, I don’t know how you know what that is, and your original present was a dildo.”

“Will you please handle the controller for me? Pretty please?” Pinkie asked.

“... I really don’t want to.”

Pinkie held the vibrator fast in her hand and tried to pass me the wireless controller. I simply looked at her hand and tried to get her to take the hint, but after three minutes of nothing, I took the controller from her with a sigh. “Pinkie, why are you trying to force me to do something I don’t want to do?”

Because nopony else ever makes you do anything!” She grinned innocently.

“People make me do shit all the time. I just agree to do it because I know I don’t really have a choice.”

“You just say that because you feel obligated. You don't actually have to do anything,”

I tried to give the controller back to her, but Pinke put her hands behind her back. “I don’t want to play this game, love.”

“You can either play ball or you can watch me put it in.” Pinkie threatened cutely.

“Penalty kick. Hike. Kickoff. Play ball.” I muttered darkly.

Pinkie Pie grinned and bounced off to one of my guest rooms to… Ew. I don’t even want to think about it. Once she came out, she was wearing the silliest grin, so I turned the little machine on and her smile evaporated into a sultry look. I set the controller on my couch while Pinkie wasn’t looking and led her to Fluttershy’s. The buttery mare was happy to see us, though her animals were less thrilled to be dealing with Pinkie,. It was a sentiment I could understand. While Pinkie scared off some of the animals, Fluttershy and I got the one’s the Pink Menace wasn’t bothering quieted down and fed properly. Once the job was done, Pinkie started talking to Fluttershy about going shopping for something or other, and when I went to scratch my face, I noticed that I was holding something that I hadn’t been previously.

The controller was back in my hand and I had no idea how it had got there. I cast a quick glance at Pinkie, but she just sent a devious smile my way and mimicked making adjustments to the
controller. Thoroughly sickened, I turned the knob on the controller up a notch and Pinkie’s eyes shot open. I turned it up a few more and heard her voice begin to quiver. I tried messing with the controller some more to see what would happen, and eventually Pinkie’s face became so ruddy Fluttershy invited her in to have a seat. Pinkie walked on shaky legs into the cabin and sat down gratefully.

I turned it up to full blast and Pinkie had to put her head down. She shook and shivered as I played with the dial some more, and Fluttershy hovered over Pinkie the entire time. I got a sick sort of pleasure from torturing Pinkie, however, it was well tempered by the disgust I was also feeling. I was torn between enjoying myself and being horrified, so I gave up on my emotions and just gave Pinkie what I assumed that she wanted, sipping from my flask to make sure I was well lubricated for bad decisions. I kept the vibrator on while Fluttershy tried to see what was wrong with her, though I didn’t turn it up to full strength again. Pinkie eventually sorted herself out when I lowered the vibrations and told Fluttershy that she’d just been feeling a bit under the weather every now and again. Fluttershy helped her out of her seat unnecessarily and I saw that there was a wet spot left behind. Pinkie gave me a quick glance as Fluttershy was leading her to the living room, so I grabbed a napkin off of Fluttershy’s table and wiped it away. I couldn’t help but smell the sugar-floss in the air. I don’t like candy-floss anymore. Forgot what it was actually called. It’s candy-floss, just haven't had any in a while.

I followed the girls into the living room and turned the controller up as Pinkie went to sit down. I doubted that it was a coincidence that she had sat in just a way that would allow me to see up her skirt, but I didn’t comment on it. Fluttershy tended to Pinkie Pie for a bit longer before I turned the knob all the way up again. I could swear that I heard a faint hum while I was next to them, though I can’t say for sure. Pinkie shut her legs and squeezed her hands between her thighs. Her eyes were shut tight, and her body shivered and shook while she was in the throes of her orgasm. I manipulated the controller skilfully, if I do say so myself, and I think Fluttershy was beginning to clue in, so I escorted Pinkie from Fluttershy’s domicile and took her back to my place.

The moment we were through the front doors, Pinkie embraced me and smiled. “That was so fun!” She exclaimed. “We have to do that again!”

“It was kinda fun, though it does feel kinda wrong.”

“That’s half the fun!” Pinkie let me go and her hands found the hem of her skirt. “I think Fluttershy would have started to notice after much longer, though.”

“Which is why we’re here and not there. Do you want to get started on baking, or do you want to visit somewhere else?”

Pinkie gave me a half lidded look. “I want you to turn it up a notch.” I held the controller up and complied. Soon enough, Pinkie Pie was on her knees, moaning and gasping. I turned it off before she could have another orgasm and walked past her so I could get upstairs. Pinkie followed behind me once she could walk again. “Why’d you stop so soon?” She asked when she caught up.

“You’re wearing a skirt and I don’t want to have to clean up after you,” I replied casually.

Pinkie Pie ran in front of me and lifted her skirt up. “You’ve already done the damage, so finish me off already!”

I averted my gaze and tried not to vomit. The strawberry pattern hadn’t helped the gross feeling of borderline pedophilia I was currently coated in. “How about I pass you the controller and you can do that while I go wash up?”

“How about I help you wash up and we see what happens from there?

“Nope. Not happening.” I skirted past Pinkie and she let her attire fix itself with gravity.

“Come on! Just give me a shot won’t you?”

“Look, Pinkie, it’s nothing against you personally, it’s just that you feel like a kid to me.”

But I don’t look anything like a baby goat!”

“No, that’s not what I mean. I’m saying you remind me of a child, so the thought of having sex with you makes me feel like a pedophile.” If that doesn’t make it clear, then I don’t know what will, Pinks

Oh.” Pinkie blinked. “What’s a pedophile?

For fucks sake- “Someone who has sex with kids or underage people in general.”

“What’s underage?” Pinkie asked, her brows furrowed.

“It means that someone isn’t sexually mature, i.e. they haven’t gone through puberty or become an adult. I guess the equivalent around here would be preying on children who don’t have their Cutie Marks.”

“Really? I’ve heard about mares snatching up colts before they get their Cutie Mark, but it’s not like it’s illegal or anything. It’s not something everypony does, but it’s not really bad.”

I gave Pinkie my most befuddled look. “Pinkie, how old are you?”

“It’s obvious, isn’t it? I’m twenty-three!”

“What the shit? How am I younger than you!?”

Pinkie Pie gave me an odd look. “Because you were born after me, duh. You know, you can be pretty silly sometimes, Max.”

I shook my head. “That’s not important, though we’ll talk about it later. Do you mind if I ask when your first time was, Pinkie?

“Well, I still haven’t really had it!” She answered happily. “I took my own virginity because I wanted it more than anypony else, and there hasn’t really been a stallion in my life that I want to pursue”.

“That’s actually pretty surprising. We’ll talk about that after we get this whole pedophile topic worn out. Are you seriously telling me that some women go after foals here?”

Pinkie Pie tapped her chin. “I guess so, but most ponies wouldn’t ever accuse me of being serious. I don’t see what the big deal is.”

I just sighed and shook my head. “It’s a disgusting, barbaric practice, Pinkie. I know you Ponies don’t feel the same way, but to a human in the time period I left, going after someone underage is despicable and is very illegal.”

“Wowie! Maybe we should tell other ponies so they don’t get in trouble?”

“If it’s not illegal here, then there’s no reason to. I might find the idea fucking disgusting, but if it’s not illegal, then I can’t really- Hold up, I’m friends with Celestia. Why am I being retarded? Nepotism, here I come.”

I quickly gathered up some materials to write with and sent Celestia a carefully worded letter about the dangers and sickness of pedophilia. She sent me back a note asking why I cared, and I told her that it was something left over from my world. Celestia told me that she would talk to Luna about establishing an age floor for sexual activity, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Granted, I despise children and child-like beings with a passion, but that didn’t mean that I wanted to see them be taken advantage of by some creepy older fuck with boundary issues. Statutory Rape is still rape in my book, and I wouldn’t, nay, couldn’t allow others to go through what I had if I could help it. Come to think of it, I suppose Equestria is the best place to be a child if there are pedophiles creeping and crawling about. Most people I’d met in Equestria were nice, at least, though I doubt that it would matter that much when you’re under some freak that thinks it’s okay to nail an eight-year-old. Maybe I was just blowing it out of proportion, making a problem where there wasn’t one, but I truly felt that I had just done some good in the world.

After my little exchange with Celestia, I had Pinkie stay put in my living room while I went to go wash my hands and face. I would have taken a shower since I like hot water, but I was pretty certain that Pinkie would have had a peek or two while I was busy, so I decided to avoid giving her the opportunity. When I came out of my room, I saw Pinkie in the living room doing something that I should have warned her not to do. Since I had something else I wanted to forget (bringing my total for the day up to an even dozen) I opened up my icebox and produced a bottle of vodka. I poured ten shots into a mug and slammed it down because fuck my esophagus, larynx and tonsils. Pinkie Pie watched on with mild interest while I played ‘Eraser’.

“Max, why are you drinking so much?” Pinkie asked calmly.

“Because fuck you, that’s why.” I answered politely. “Want some?” I asked, holding the bottle up.

“Sure! I’ll take a couple shots!”

It was not just a couple shots. Pinkie and I ended up turning my kitchen into a hellscape while we were hammered, though I was sure to keep myself under control, just in case Pinkie tried something funny. Of course, I didn’t have much control after ten more shots, but I remembered enough of the few hours I spent with Pinkie to know that I didn’t sleep with her. We sobered up around seven and got to cleaning, despite us talking about spending the rest of the day drunk because we could. Cleaning was a bitch, so I’ll skip that bullshit. Pinkie was a clumsy drunk, so I spent a fair amount of time recleaning what she cleaned, but I wasn’t terribly upset about it because it provided plenty of distraction from her advances. More than a few times, I had to physically remove Pinkie from my side, though I was relieved all she wanted were hugs. I was happy enough to give them to her, but it was a completely different matter when her hand dipped below the belt. That almost got a bitch slapped. Once I was finished cleaning, Pinkie and I tried to eat what we’d made. Long story short, the cookies were completely inedible, so we took our party outside and grabbed a bud off of a plant that I had prepared ahead of time. We had the bud, but my pipe was long gone. I asked Pinkie if she could find it for me, thinking that one of two things would happen: either she would find it, or she would tear my house apart. Luckily, Pinkie pulled it and a small bubbler with an interesting… Slide? Bowl? Bucket? In any case, it came out of nowhere. Unluckily, that nowhere happened to be from under her skirt. And her hair.

The pipe came from her hair and was the only thing I was willing to use. Pinkie Pie got to keep the one she found.

My usual was a nice number made of mahogany. Think of your classic tobacco pipe, and you have it in your mind. I rarely used it because it was so nice, so we decided to use the bubbler instead. There was no logical way to use the tip that Pinkie had on it, but then she told me to go get my iron and we’d make something cool. That’s basically how I learned to make dabs, and I have to say these were the most desperate of times. I suppose it said a lot about how much I valued my time with Pinkie, but in my defense, the girl grated on your nerves faster than an automatic cheese shredder. I was also still reeling from the fact that she was two years older than I was, but that wasn’t the important bit. Also, a goddamn Pony taught me how to hit a dab.

I was kind of embarrassed.

We sat down in my parlour to smoke since I liked the view of the forest that the room provided. The floor to ceiling windows were Hell to keep clean when I had people over, but they also provided me with a literal window into the forest behind my property. Technically, the Whitetail Woods were mine as well as the Everfree, but I wasn’t about to claim the latter any time soon. We chatted idly and the conversation was considerably more relaxed than it had been all day. With my magic mini gas torch, I hit dabs with Pinkie and that was pretty cool.

Three dabs apiece later, Pinkie Pie suddenly switched topics from what she had been talking about. “Hey, Max?

“Yes love?” I answered pleasantly. Just because I didn’t want to be bothered with her questions didn’t mean I had to be rude.

Pinkie hesitated and her hair visibly straightened a bit. “... Why don’t you like me?

I blinked and puffed on my pipe since I still had flat weed to get rid of. “You know, I think it’s just you being you. You make and keep friends pretty easily, you always have a smile for someone, and you’re generally happier than I am.”

“... You don’t like me because I’m happy?” Pinkie asked.

“Well, kinda. You have an easier time being happy than I do. The other bit is that I can’t get a read on you. I don’t know what you’re going to do next, and you seem to be pretty damn magical, so you kind of scare me. In short, you could say that I dislike you because I envy you and I don’t understand you.” I shrugged.

“...So it’s not because I’m annoying? Or because I keep coming after you, even though you keep saying no?”

“I’ve met more annoying people than you, love, believe me. And the constant harassment is basically the most annoying thing you do.”

“Oh.”

I patted her shoulder and passed her the pipe I’d just lit. “I wouldn’t let it get to you, Pinkie. There are more things that I like about you than things I don’t, so don’t worry over it and just take a puff of the magical plant.”

Pinkie looked at the bowl for a moment before setting it aside. “Max, we need to have a talk, and it’s one that’s been coming ever since we met.

I sighed and leaned forward in my seat. “Alright then, let’s hear it.”

Pinkie’s eyes glided over to the window and I joined her in staring outside for a minute or so. “I know you don’t find me attractive like you do Fluttershy or Rarity, but I still kinda hope that you’ll change your mind one day.” She said, turning her head back to me. “It’s probably pretty foalish for me to think like that, but you’re the first male friend I’ve ever kept for more than a few days. I guess I just want something more from you.” Pinkie folded her hands together and started making strange gestures. “I don’t think it’s fair that I want to be more than friends after you’ve already made it clear that you don’t want me, but I just want what I want, and I want you.”

“I’m sorry, but you already know how I feel, Pinkie. This isn’t a surprise.” I said softly.

“I know, and it’s not, but…” Pinkie frowned deeply, appearing as if she was ready to cry. “Sometimes I think that you’re the only chance I’ll get at having a husband.”

“Trust me, love, I’m not the only fish in the sea. You live in Ponyville, where the gender ratio is so skewed, most guys get propositioned at least twice within their first few minutes of getting into town. If you get out of this small town and into a larger city I’m sure you’ll have more luck with love.”

Pinkie’s hair poofed up a bit. “Wait, so you’re saying it’s just because I live in a mare heavy town that I can’t find a special somepony?”

“I’m saying that it’s most likely a huge part of it. If you take anything from this conversation, let it be that love is hard to find most of the time, and that a larger sample size always helps.” I replied.

Pinkie beamed at me and her hair returned to normal. “I think I get what you’re saying! Just because you’re not the stallion for me doesn’t mean that there isn’t one out there!”

“Bingo, though I thought that was pretty clear anyways.” Pinkie shrugged and I rolled my eyes. “Does this mean that you’ll hop off my dong and let me be?”

“Not a chance! Messing with you is fun!” Pinkie responded gladly.

“Didn’t I just tell you like, five minutes ago that the sexual harassment makes me not like you?”

“You did, but you also said that you have more reasons to like me than to dislike me!”

“Completely disregarding my wishes is a pretty fast track to getting sworn at thoroughly. If you ignore my feelings, I’ll ignore yours.” I warned.

Pinkie popped up and hopped into my lap, which made me very uncomfortable. “You know I still have that toy, Daddy.”

Pinkie Pie went home after I apologized for slapping her and things were pretty much cool between us. I made sure that she was well aware of the line that she had crossed, though that didn’t exactly remove my handprint from her face. I felt pretty terrible about slapping her in the first place, but it had been a knee-jerk reaction that I couldn’t really control. It also felt great to do what I’d wanted to do all day, but let’s keep that between me and these pages, yeah?

With Pinkie out of my house and time left to burn, I went over to the local joke shop and had a word with the clerk. He escorted me into the back of the shop, and I made a purchase or two that I was sure would thrill... Well, someone. With Celestia, I could have got a lot of fun from the wireless vibrator I bought, but with her off of my list, there were only three women I knew that I could give it to. Honestly, if I’d put more thought into it I probably wouldn’t have got another one since I didn’t have anyone to use it on. I doubted that Fluttershy was into exhibitionism with her level of shyness. Twilight was out due to the nature of our relationship, which only left Rarity, who would most likely believe herself above such base activities. I wondered if Applejack would be interested in some hands-free fun, but she didn’t really seem like the type to me unless she was controlling my pleasure for herself.

All of that meant that I now had a vibrator and no one to use it on. I could always just shove it up my arse and see where that took me, but I didn’t feel like walking around, going from a regular dick to a dick with a vibrator up his arse. Would that make me a dildo? Anyway, Sunset came early as it tends to do during winter so I was walking around in the dark at eight in the fucking evening. The cloud cover that had persisted all day made it even darker out, so I was glad when I spotted Twilight’s house. I knocked and waited for a little bit until Spike opened the door.

“Oh, hey Max! What’s up dude?” He asked.

“Not much, just looking for Twilight so she can turn me into Roxy for a day or two.” Don’t ask why, mate. I beg of you. “Have you seen her?”

“Not since she went over to help Applejack with something. She should be back soon if you wanna wait for her.”

“I’ll do that. I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you about something. Mind if I step in?”

Spike stepped out of the way and let me in. I led him into the kitchen and had him have a seat across from me. “So what did you want to talk about?” He asked once I sat down.

“Someone thinks that I’ve been teaching you how to pick up chicks,” I said morosely.

“...So I’m overdoing it?”

“No shit, mate. I taught you how to pick up girls so you could land a solid girlfriend, not so you could flirt around.” I crossed my arms and levelled a glare at him.

Spike squirmed under my gaze. “I-I didn’t mean to! It’s just that Diamond Tiara started talking to me and she was so nice-”

“Mate, I’ll tell you right now that Diamond Tiara is one of the worst people in town. Don’t get involved with her if you can avoid it.”

“How do you know that?” He asked.

“Because I’ve seen her bullying Apple Bloom, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle before and she was a right proper twat when I met her. Just because she’s nice to you doesn't mean that she’ll be nice to your friends.” Worthy of being eaten alive, I guess. Kinda overkill there, but I don’t regret it. Normal teen would’ve thrown a punch.

“... Well, I guess you’re right. You haven’t really steered me wrong yet."

“And I won’t if I can help it. Why don’t you just go after Sweetie Belle like we originally planned? Hell, if you wanted, I’m sure you could get Macintosh’s permission to date Apple Bloom if you wanted.”

Spike didn’t answer immediately. “I guess I just don’t want to make that step yet. Flirting is fun and nopony gets hurt-”

“Except for Sweetie Belle. She came to Rarity the other day about you.”

“Is that why we’re having this talk?”

“In a manner of speaking. It’s partially because I don’t want you to use the powers I’ve given you for evil, and I think you’d make a good match with Sweetie Belle. She has a lot of the qualities that make Rarity pleasant, but she’s closer to your own age, cuter-”

“Hold up, dude. Sweetie Belle is not cuter than Rarity.”

“Bullshit mate, and you know it. Rarity is beautiful, not cute. How many times have we gone over the triangle? There’s pretty, cute and beauty. Fluttershy is pretty, Rarity is beautiful, Pinkie is cute.” I opened my mouth to continue on with my well-worn lecture, but Spike raised his hands.

“I know, mate! I think my triangle is just different from yours.”

Hearing ‘mate’ from Spike was gross. I was tempted to tell him to never say that word again, but instead I said, “It might be. I have no idea how you could ever classify Rarity as cute.”

“It’s because she’s cute!”

“Fine. I’ll let you have that one, but my point about Sweetie Belle still stands, and I have another point to go along with it; Sweetie Belle is still pretty young. When she grows up a bit more, she could be even better than Rarity.” I pointed out.

“… Maybe I should be investing in the future.” Spike muttered.

“That’s the ticket. Consider the present, but keep an eye looking ahead of you.”

Spike was about to respond, but I heard the front door open, so I changed topics. “And if you want other men to respect you, you have to show respect first. It’s earned, not given.”

Since I’d done it multiple times in the past, Spike knew what I was doing. “But what about who gives respect first? Is there any precedent for that?”

Twilight popped her head into the kitchen and gave us both a bright smile. “I’m glad to see that you two are bonding!”

I rolled my eyes and Spike followed suit. “Men don’t bond, we become more solitary together.”

“Yeah! We’re like islands in an archipelago!” Spike added.

Twilight just shook her head and smiled. “Whatever you two want to call it, it’s nice to see you guys doing it. What are you going over now?”

“Right now? Respect and when to show it. As I was about to say, Spike, usually the younger man shows respect to the older man first, or whoever has the higher station. For example, I showed Twilight’s Dad respect when I visited, but Shining Armour can eat a bag of dicks.”

“Hey!” Twilight objected.

“Oi, you don’t know how your brother acted when you weren’t around. The fucker actually tried to threaten me!”

“He’s just being a good big brother, best friend forever!” Twilight huffed.

“He was being a prick, and you know it. Your Mom is awesome, though. I like her.”

“Really? I thought you wouldn’t get along with her at all since she talks so much.” Twilight commented. I gave her a flat stare and she shrugged. “What?”

“You really have no room to talk, Twilight.” Spike answered for me. “Between you and Twilight Velvet, you guys could fill the day with nothing but observations.”

Twilight blushed. “Okay, so I might be a little guilty of talking more than my fair share, but-”

I waved her words aside. “You were meeting up with your family for the first time in months. I’m not surprised, nor am I accusing you of talking too much, I’m just saying that you can talk a lot when the situation calls for it.”

Twilight’s blush began to fade. “I was about to say. There are plenty of ponies who talk more than I do!”

“I doubt there’s one who asks as many questions as you do.” Her little brother muttered under his breath. I kept a straight face, though it was somewhat difficult.

“There sure are, Twilight. Let me finish up with Spike here and we’ll have a word.” I mopped up my chuckles and made my voice steady.

“Sure thing! I’ll be in the library if you need me.” Twilight said before leaving.

I waved her off and turned my attention back to Spike. “Remember; Stick to the plan, man. Macintosh and I have given you the tools, now you just have to use them while not appearing to use them. Do you think you can handle it?”

Spike looked at me with fire in his eyes. Literal fire, mind you. It was odd. “I know I can handle it! I’ll ask Sweetie Belle out tomorrow!”

“Atta boy, now just keep it down, alright?” I whispered. “If Twilight finds out that I’m teaching you this kinda stuff, she’ll stuff me.” Spike nodded and we parted ways. Well, we left in the same direction since the kitchen was its own separate room and only had one exit, but you get the idea. I saw Twilight relaxing in an easy chair, so I pulled up the only other one in the room and sat next to her. “Whatcha doooin’?” I asked after a moment.

Twilight looked up from the paper she had been reading. “Proofreading my report before I send it off to the Princess. What did you want to talk about, Max?”

“I need you to turn me into Roxy for a day so I can make something up to Pinkie Pie.”

“... What did you do?” Twilight asked slowly.

“I may or may not have... slapped the everloving piss out of her for calling me Daddy.”

“Oh, Max.” Twilight facepalmed, “Why would you do that?”

“I didn’t mean to! It kinda just uh… Happened.”

“I believe you, but what does becoming Roxy have to do with making up with Pinkie?”

“Oh, we’ve already made up. I just feel bad for slapping her, so I’m going to let her do to me what I did to her earlier today.”

“You mean you did something worse than slapping her?” Twilight asked cautiously.

“Define ‘worse’.”

“Causing more harm than slapping her.”

“In that case, no. You don’t really want to hear about what we did. Just know that it was totally against my morals, and it’s a new kink of mine.”

“What do you mean by ‘kink’?”

“It’s sexual lingo, love. I don’t think you want to hear more than that.”

“Well maybe I’ve decided that I should know more about… Sex,” Twilight cringed a bit, “than I currently do.”

“... Right.” I pulled the toy I bought from the Joke Shop from my pocket and laid it on Twilight’s leg. “If you can tell me what that’s for, I’ll tell you what I did with Pinkie.”

Twilight picked up the little ovular thingy. Besides being silver and having a clear line of symmetry, there wasn’t really much to give her any kind of hint. “... I guess I don’t know. Can you tell me what you did with Pinkie anyway?”

“It involves one of those things. Not that particular one, mind you, but one of those.”

“...I’m going to guess that this goes inside?” Twilight half asked, half stated.

“You would be kinda correct.”

“But why? I can’t imagine anypony getting anything from just... sticking it inside of themselves…?”

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the controller. Once I had it in clear view for Twilight, I clicked it on and she dropped the vibrator onto her lap in shock. Her thin, lovely tights offered little protection against the vibrations, and thanks to some quick thinking and some recently greased reflexes, I was able to turn it up a notch. Due to its location, Twilight quickly understood why someone would shove it up their nether regions. Much to my surprise she left it where it was for a good ten seconds, just staring at it until I lowered the ‘volume’. I clicked it off and Twilight’s eyes unstuck from the toy and she looked at me, her face a deep, rosy red.

“... So that’s what it does,” She commented after a moment, her voice feather-soft.

“It sure does do that.” I nodded sagaciously.

“... C-Could I ask you a question?” Twilight asked tentatively.

“You just did.” I replied.

“Can I ask another?”

“Second verse same as the first.”

Twilight figured it out quickly enough. “... Max, can I borrow that some time?”

My eyebrows raised, and I’m sure there was a twinkle in my eye. “I’ll let you have it right now on one condition.”

She bit her lower lip and looked off to the side, calculating. “... What’s the condition?”

I grinned. “Let me handle the controller.”

Twilight’s eyes widened slightly before narrowing in determination. “Okay. Deal!”

“You know you have to be within a certain range for it to work, right?” I asked skeptically.

“... I may not have taken that into consideration.” Twilight admitted. She bit her lip again and dove into thought for a good fifteen or so seconds. I let her have her time because I knew her well enough to know that she was working out a compromise, and I was willing to bet my fortune that I would be totally fine with whatever she came up with. I’d call that one 3:4 odds, wouldn’t you? A seventy-five/twenty-five shot?

Just as Twilight broke out of her brainstorming session, I got my two bits in. “Look, Cherry, we’ll take this at whatever pace you want. I’m just enjoying the journey with you at the moment. We don’t have to dive into the bedroom stuff; let’s just take our time and mosey along, see what you’re comfortable with, yeah?”

“One moment. Did you just call me ‘cherry’?” Twilight asked, bewildered.

“I’m trying out a new pet name for you. It’s because you’re usually cherry red whenever I’m around.” And you’re a virgin. She’s my cherry pie!

She smiled and rolled her eyes. “Moving on. Thank you Max. I think I’m okay with you seeing me like… That…” She paused to gather some words. Twilight drew a deep breath and closed her eyes, exhaling slowly. “I believe I’m fine with you seeing me... climax, but I’d like to add the condition that I be allowed to keep my clothes on.”

I just doubled my fortune. “I’m totally fine with that. I kinda expected you to keep your clothes on anyway.”

Twilight breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m glad that it’s okay with you. I hoped that it wasn’t going to be a deal breaker.”

“Never. Like I said, we’ll go at your pace and find out what you like when you feel like it.” And I meant it, too. I wasn’t in any hurry to have sex with Twilight because I had other outlets for my sexual desires. Would I like to lay Twilight someday? Absolutely. That day didn’t and doesn’t have to be today, however. If Twilight wanted to take things slow, we’d lag behind snails.

She smiled and leaned in to give me a peck on the lips. We had barely parted when she came in for a second, longer, much more passionate kiss. I felt my mind go a little fuzzy at the touch of Twilights lips and I revelled in the contact. A kiss from Twilight always takes me to a happier place, to a more innocent time. Back to when I never thought I’d actually have blood on my hands. It was a moment of relief. One that I never knew that I needed until I had it. Kisses on Equus were a strange and magical event if there was any kind of emotional connection, and Twilight… She made me feel like a real person again whenever I locked lips with her. Yeah, while I kissed Celestia I felt thrilled and electrified, but with others there were considerably different, more wholesome feelings.

Twilight’s embrace came with warmth and safety, innocence and a sensation of caring. Fluttershy felt like I was burning up on the inside and that I needed to be closer to her to feel relief from the heat, like an addictive fixer for her own induced intoxication. Applejack… Applejack was like a cool autumn day with mulled cider in the air and football on the telly at the pub, your best mate walking through the door to top off the night. As I kissed Twilight, I felt lost in her affection, but I couldn’t pretend to know for certain whose aura I preferred. I tried to exhale my melancholy emotions, but had to settle for shrugging them off as I usually do. I’ve heard that compartmentalizing your problems is dangerous, but fuck dealing with that bullshit. If there’s anything I’ve learned from multiple manslaughters and some straight up homicides, then it’s that not dealing with your problems is the best way to deal with your problems.

Sure, it might make you a cold, nearly emotionless prick who barely gives two shits about whether or not they see tomorrow, but it was easier than looking your loved ones in the eyes and telling them that you’re a fucking monster, and that you’ve done horrible, terrible things just so you can maintain your standard of living. I understand that it’s a gross oversimplification of what really went on, but it's how I feel about myself and what I’ve done. I’ve come to accept it for what it is.

Depressing bullshit aside, I was having fun in Twilight’s company. Good Lord, the contrast between this paragraph and the last one are astounding. I would scribble that shit out, but it’s there now, so fuck it. Why am I writing about all of this? Maybe I’m going crazy.

Maybe I need to get my fucking shit together. Journal entry; Go!

Twilight broke our kiss and caught her breath. “What was that…?”

I shrugged. “You’ve got the best lips.”

“... Thank you?”

“It’s a compliment, and not a backhanded one anyway.”

“Right… So… When do you want to use… The thing?” She asked shyly.

“Whenever you want, wherever you want. I’m just glad that I get to share this moment with you.” And for the most part, it was true. There were few things I’d rather have been doing than pleasing Twilight in a new way.

“Oh, Max!” Twilight held her arms vertically against her chest, resting her chin on her hands. She looked like she wanted to hug me. “When you’re sweet, you’re the sweetest! And this… Thank you.”

“Just don’t tell anyone, okay? I don’t want them to think I’m actually a decent guy.”

“I’ll be sure to tell everypony, as per your request!” She beamed.

“You’re evil sometimes, you know that?” I chided playfully.

“Don’t act like you wouldn’t do the same.” For you…? Yeah.

I checked Twilight’s lap and saw that she had set the toy between her legs, though not as high as it had been last time. I used my telekinesis to nudge it a little higher and turned the controller up to the last notch. Twilight jolted hard and pressed her hands down onto it, instinctively trying to stop the vibrations, though all she managed to do was arch her back. Twilight’s hands were stuck in place, so I scooted them down her legs and the vibrator went along with them. I shut it off and Twilight shakily sat back down.

“That was mean and you know it.” Twilight said once she caught her breath.

“Don’t act like you wouldn’t do the same.” I parroted cheekily.

She picked up the little ovaloid and held it in her hand so I wouldn’t get her again. “Do you think we could use it soon?”

“If we go to my house, we won’t have to wait for Spike to go to sleep.”

Twilight closed her eyes and a moment later, we dropped onto my couch. She beamed at me and looked around. “I see you’ve put some of your Hearth’s Warming Day gifts up.”

I leaned back on my couch. “Yeah, I thought I’d better get them set up before I got tempted to leave them where they were.” I answered jokingly.

She smiled and stood up. “I don’t know whether or not you’re being serious, so I’m going to assume that you’re kidding.”

“I am. I like what got, helps perk up the room a bit.” I watched as Twilight took a look at the wooden wolf statuette that Applejack made me. She’d made it in the general shape of Lupa and I had to say that it was a pretty well-crafted piece, though there was some marring from a few bad shaves against the grain of the wood.

“I wouldn’t say that, but it is nice that you put your stuff where everypony could see it.”

I shrugged. “I want people to see them. My friends are a big part of my life, and if I don’t represent that in some of my choice in art, then what am I doing?”

“You know, I never really took you for an artistic kind of person… Or sentimental for the most part,” Twilight commented.

“... ou know I’m a writer, right? And… Well, you know how the thing with my old house was.”

“I know that!” Twilight blushed. “I meant that I never took you as one for the visual arts, and I should’ve thought about Rainbow’s dumbness…”

“Meh,” I shrugged it off. “It’s in the past, and when you steal things that look like this stuff for a living, you start developing a taste for it,” I chuckled. “So many pieces of art like the ones I have right now have passed through my hands, I could probably curate my own museum of stolen goods.”

“That’s probably not something you want to brag about, Pumpkin.” Twilight scrunched her face up. “Pumpkin sounds terrible.”

“Absolutely atrocious. Let’s leave that one where it is, Cherry. Moving on to the other thing you said, I’m sure there are worse things to brag about.”

“Let’s get you a pet name before we broach that subject.” Twilight requested. “It’s not fair that you have one for me, but I don’t have one for you.”

I sighed. “Do you want some help coming up with one, or do you have this under control?”

I’ve got this! How about Sugar?”

“Too generic, and I’m not sweet that often.”

“... True. Booga?

“Don’t flick me, baby.” I chuckled.

“Okay, that one’s bad too. What about... Amour?”

“That means love, doesn’t it?” I asked.

“It does. I didn’t know you knew any Prench.”

“I don’t know Prench, but I have some experience with French. I’m guessing that France in this world is called Prance?”

“That depends. Are your French famous for their cuisine and culture?”

“Well, yeah, but they’re more famous for being smelly, stuck up pricks.”

“That doesn’t sound like any of the Prench ponies I’ve met, but I guess it might just be a difference between the worlds.”

I started playing with the vibrator and Twilight jolted again, though the toy was in her hand. “That’s probably it. That, and I’m sure you met nobles. I met some commoners with a bone to pick.”

“I think that would do it. Well, it might, or you’re just putting words together for no reason.” Twilight said with a blush. Her eyes flickered between me and the toy.

“I don’t usually do that, but I understand where your concern is coming from.” I grinned. Twilight just smiled and held the toy. She stopped talking, so I said, “Let me know when you’re ready to use that. I’m going to go grab something to drink. Do you want tea, wine, whiskey, juice…?”

“I-I’ll take some wine if you don’t mind. Whatever you pick is fine.”

“I’m sure I have something you’ll like. Red or white?”

“Red please.”

I nodded and headed off to the kitchen to grab a couple glasses that I set down in the living room. Once I had that set up, I went down into my cellar and browsed through bordeauxs and pinots until I found a nice cherry wine that I had a few bottles of. I had no idea if it was any good, but it smelled nice, so I went with it since I already had the damn thing open. It took me a moment to really think about what I was doing, but I was convinced that Twilight wouldn’t try to take it much further than it was meant to go. However, I also knew that I was going to get blue-balled unless I made a request, but it didn’t seem fair since we were already even as far as favours went and there was the one time when she came over and I was a little too fucked up...

Shaking it off, I came back upstairs to find Twilight studying the toy some more. Instead of closing the distance immediately, I took a moment to study her. A familiar feeling was welling up from my gut to my heart and I was slowly warming like I had a couple nights before. I could search for all the answers I wanted in Fluttershy, but Applejack and Twilights were the ones with the wisdom and smarts to close my inquiries. A small smile crossed my lips and the warmth grew fuzzy, urging me to interrupt her inspection with a glass of wine. She jolted and I snatched the glass away since I’d been able to pour while she was lost in observational wonder. The wine reminded me a lot of some Cheerwine that I’d gotten from a friend overseas. The only difference is that the wine wasn’t carbonated and it was a dry selection, which only made me thirstier as I drank. It was also alcoholic, but I usually drank Cheerwine with maple bourbon anyway. I ended up going back to the kitchen to grab some juice.

When I came back with two more glasses, Twilight said, “Max, I think I’m ready.”

I passed Twilight’s glass off to her and we both drained our drinks. Seriously, that wine was so dry. “Well, I’m ready when you are.” I sat down and waited for Twilight to do something.

“O-Okay…” Twilight held the toy up, letting the light reflect off of it. She kept it in the air for a little while before she asked, “So… What do I do with it?”

I blinked. “Alright, so there are a few ways we can do this. You can let it stay on top of your clothes, or you can put it between your coat and your clothes. You could also try leaving the room for a bit to... Find a place for it,” I answered tactfully.

Twilight lit up bright red. “I-I think…” She bit her lip.

“Take it easy and breathe, Cherry,” I reminded.

Twilight took a deep breath and exhaled. “Right. Thank you. Can you turn around for a moment?

I turned around and covered my eyes because I’m sweet sometimes. “Not looking. Definitely not looking.”

“Jeez! When you say it like that, it makes me think you’re looking!” Twilight murmured nervously.

“I’m not looking, Twilight. That would undermine the whole ‘take this at your pace’ thing”

“... Right.” Twilight was quiet for a few more seconds. “Alright, you can turn around now.”

I turned around because I felt like it, not because Twilight said I could. When I looked at her, I noticed that she wasn’t looking at me and that her blush was still there in full force, so I reached over and gently took her chin in my fingertips. She offered little resistance and eagerly accepted the kiss that I gave her, calming down rapidly. I guess we both got something more from locking lips. It took a minute or two for me to have my fill, and even then I wasn’t quite satisfied. All the same, I broke the kiss and went for one last peck.

“How are you feeling now?” I asked when I pulled away.

Twilight was still leaning forward with her lips puckered until she realized that my face wasn’t there to be kissed. “Oh! Sorry, did you say something?

“Just asking how you were feeling.” I grinned.

If she hadn’t already been blushing, I’m sure she would have done so now. “Oh… Fine, I guess. Why do you ask?”

I laid my arm across her shoulder and Twilight snuggled up to me. It had taken some time, but we had learned that Twilight was more comfortable being next to me than on me when it came to cuddling. “You just seem really tense, though if that means I can steal another kiss from you, it might not be such a bad thing.”

She grabbed the hand over her shoulder and held it. “Thank you for noticing, Max. It’s just that I don’t really have much experience in stuff like this… You know?”

“Which is perfectly fine.” I grinned deviously to myself and rolled the controller around in my free hand. “It’s normal to be nervous when you’re stepping into new territory.

“You’re right. I should just re-lax~” Twilight voice caught when I turned the toy on. I kept it nice and low for her, though Twilight’s shivers made me want to crank it up immediately. If it were someone else I would be tempted to give them a quick orgasm so I could take my time with the following ones, but since this was Twilight, I was going to have to slow my roll and dial it down a notch.

“Sorry, what was that, Twilight? You were saying?” I questioned cheekily.

“Max, that was not funny!” She mewled in response, pouting at me with a cuteness that was unmatched.

“What was that you said about relaxing?” I gave her a kiss on her forehead and Twilight reached up and pulled my arm from around her, preferring to hold onto my arm. I let my hand rest on her outer thigh and it was a little awkward.

“I said I would, but… It feels weird with your hand there.”

Her breasts felt quite pleasant against me and her occasional trembling put a smile on my face, so I was willing to appease her whims. “Put it where you want it and I’ll mind my manners.”

“... D-Do I have to…?”

“You can do it yourself so you don’t have to say it, or you can say it so you don’t have to-”

“I-I… I always l-l-liked it a lot when you… W-When you would squeeze my th-thighs…”

She was on my right side, so I adjusted my hand so that my fingers were nestled between her legs around the middle of her quadriceps. As soft and warm as Twilight was, there wasn’t much that could have prepared me to have her slide my hand closer to the source of a sodden heat. When I turned to her, I couldn’t help but quip, “A little bolder these days, aren’t we?”

Twilight bit her lip and looked at me pleadingly as I clicked the dial off and on, only going to the first notch. “... It just feels… More right, I guess.”

I left the dial on the first setting and leaned in for a kiss full of breaks for my girlfriend to breathe. She was having quite the time of it so I took it easy on her and accepted the control she’d offered me to press the vibe against her a little more firmly. Twilight moaned in my mouth and I alternated the points where I applied pressure to see where she was most sensitive. When it was clear that a kiss was a little much for her, I turned the thing off and held her head to my shoulder while she tried to decide what she was feeling.

My little Sugar Plum caught her breath and eventually said, “That was… Well… I didn’t- Well, you know, but…”

“Riding the waves was like nothing else, right?”

“... Your kisses are really special, Max… They make everything so much better.” She looked away, her legs spreading slightly as she wove her fingers into mine. There was a request in her eyes and I sensed that she was too afraid to do what she wanted.

Instead of giving it to her immediately, I initiated another kiss, and unlike when she was in estrus, Twilight was all too happy to let me take the lead. She barely offered much ‘competition’ and was more cooperative to however I wanted to take things. It was far too easy to push Twilight out of her comfort zone and freak her out, ruining the moment, so I’d had to garner apropos with reading her twitches and mannerisms by feel rather than by sight. Stroking Twilight’s thigh, guiding our hands to more plantonic regions and gradually approaching the erogenous zones, was by far the best approach I could think of.

When my fingertips rested against the toy, I asked, “Do you want to contiune with the toy, or…?”

“... Is the ‘or’ your fingers?”

“Good guess.”

“I-I… A-Amour…”

I let a small smile rest on my lips, amusement and adoration sparking in my heart. “Not yet. Whenever you’re ready for the toy, just tell me.”

“... Thank you for understanding…”

“It wouldn’t be fair of me if I didn’t.” I gave her a little reminder of what else there was to do while in such close quarters.

She was spacey again when I left her lips and took a moment to gather her thoughts. “... Max?”

“Yes, dearest?”

“... Alright. I’m rea~dy!” Twilight’s voice hitched as I turned the toy on again. “S-Stop t-turning it on w-while I-I’m talking!”

I grinned and turned it back down. “The sounds you make are too adorable to miss, though. It’s absolutely, unequivocally so fuckin’ cute, Twi.”

Twilight swatted my leg, so I gave her another kiss and turned the vibrator back on. Twilight clutched my arm like she was about to fall off of the couch, but I wasn’t done yet. I turned it up another notch and her hand gripped mine, pressing it against a patch of wetness and moisture that was less ‘patch’ and more ‘how did I not see that on my couch?’. My sweet little glass of fine wine had spilled plenty of her scented syrup on my furniture and had evidently either climaxed more times than I thought or was just… A gusher? I didn’t know, didn’t care, and had fun playing with the first three settings on the remote while Twilight gave increasingly breathless directions.

Oddly enough, there was a bit of a pattern to her preferences and I’d picked up on it well enough. When she was climbing, she liked gentle gyrations with an elliptical pattern at a low speed, and when she was on the ‘incline’, she preferred max speed and minimal, y-axis movement. As she was climaxing, it tended to alternate between one and two, then finish with a little rest. Learning Twilight was like a career I’d been trained for my entire life, a field of study I was born to enter. When her breathing got ragged and I got worried, there was a break and I was incredibly concerned with whether or not I’d gone too far.

“Is it me, or have you been having a good time?” I asked, hoping that I wasn’t wrong. When she didn’t answer, I continued on with. “If we need to-”

“... I-Is it…”

“Hm? Is everything alright?”

She nestled her head under mine, her hand wandering into mine, letting me guide us away from her privates. “... Is it naughty of me to say that I… That I liked it?” Twilight inquired adorably. She lifted her head from my chest and gazed into my eyes.

“Probably, but that’s not a bad thing.” I leaned in for another kiss, and Twilight responded rather positively. She was beginning to loosen up a bit, if the tongue she slipped me was anything to go by. I think Twilight tried to assert dominance during our kiss, but my experience overshadowed her enthusiasm by miles, despite me trying to take a more relaxed role.

As our tongues danced to an unheard tune, I wielded the remote with as much skill and care as I could manage. Twilight allowed me freedom to do as I pleased as she let my hand go and held onto my tricep and the crook of my elbow. It was fun to feel her surge and gush against the fabric of her tights, but she eventually felt for herself and let out a whimper when she realized that, for one, her half of her body below the waist was wet and thanks to the finely woven material of my couch, she was sitting in a small puddle. Her arse and tail were wet when I gave her a hand up, but her legs were shaky and she needed some help.

When Twilight looked back and saw that there was an actual puddle in the soft, extravagant material of my sectional, her hand covered her mouth. “I-I’m so sorry!”

I’d followed her gaze and chuckled. “It’s pretty arousing if you ask me. And I’m pretty proud to be doing so well with your pleasure, so don’t apologize to me, goofball.”

Twilight tried to get a little bit of distance between us, but I held her close. “M-Max… I’m…”

“If we’re done, just shake your head. If I’m allowed to tease you on our way to clean up, then just give me a little nod.” She bit her lip, holding onto my arm as she was. I pivoted and brought her to my chest, smiling while I looked down at her. “I have to say, I’ve had a lot of a different kind of fun while exploring this… Subject with you… It’s like I can never hear enough of your sweetest voice, learn enough of your little buttons to push…”

“... Are you trying to convince me to keep going?”

“No, and I’m sorry if it feels like I’m pressuring you. I didn’t mean for it to sound like that, and-” She nodded slowly. “... Well, I have to ask if you’re sure.”

“... C-Can we use something else? The… The toy is a little much…”

“Well, I’ve been known to have magic fingers~”

“... O-Okay…”

Instead of rushing things and being an arse, I scooped Twilight up and started heading toward the stairs. “I don’t know why it feels so perfect to carry you like this. Maybe you’re secretly a Princess?”

Twilight giggled and let her head rest on my shoulder while she held onto me. “... Max…?”

“Yeah, Cherry?”

“... You’ll be gentle, right?”

“As gentle as I have been, or a little more tender?”

“... You’ve been pretty gentle so far.” She smiled to herself as we climbed to the first floor.

“And you’ve been pretty receptive to this sort of thing. What’s gotten into you, Twi?”

“O-Oh… I don’t know…” She kissed my cheek and let it lie there until I set her on my bed. Twilight’s apprehension was obvious, but I was only going to go so far.

“Your trousers are pretty wet… And in the way. May I have the honour?”

She giggled and held a hand to her chest. “Just my ‘trousers’... Right?”

“I swear by the moon and the stars in the sky.” Is that Boyz II Men or All-4 One? Shit, either way, thanks guys.

Twilight was propping herself up, giving me the nod. I had a lot of options. I could rip them off and have fun with it, but it would scare her more than arouse her. I could lay kisses on her tummy, but that wasn’t the right lead-in for what she’d given permission for. With her desires in mind and a need to balance my own with them, I crawled onto the bed beside Twilight and settled on helping her get a feel for it as we kissed. It was through her trousers that I felt just how soft her lips truly were, and the wetness clinging to her. To get Twilight motivated to take them off herself, I made sure she knew how wet she was, then stayed her hands since my little trick had worked. I climbed between her legs to pull her tights off and was welcome with what was by far my favourite set of lips I’d never seen.

I didn’t look long, but the image of Twilight’s striped knickers were burned into my mind, stained with her arousal as they were. Not only were her lips perfectly silhouetted from the dampened cloth, but the scent of her arousal was intoxicating, enchanting all its own. As calmly as I could, I took a place next to her and let my hands drift up her thigh, restarting the process of what was essentially main-event foreplay. Locking lips with Twilight was lovely and feeling her form unabated was absolutely wondrous. Whereas Applejack’s physique was special because she was so toned and sculpted, Fluttershy’s boons came from her softness and squishability. Twilight, meanwhile, had a heaping helping of both, despite rarely doing more than hauling books or walking.

Her thighs were plenty soft and felt amazing to my fingers. I could’ve spent the night doing nothing else but devoting time to exploring every inch of her coat with my hands and been content with not finding release for myself, but I knew that she had certain expectations that she hoped to be fulfilled. There was no reason that I cared to come up with to deny her what she wanted as I lost myself in the lips that spoke with such intelligence and precision, occasionally being halted and filled with the hesitation of doubt. The petals of her flower and every curve that could be felt over her sodden undergarments were burning themselves into my mind with every moment of contact between us. It was a moment I never wanted to leave, an intimacy I’d only felt on such rare occasions that I knew the moment was special.

While enraptured in the bliss of kissing Twilight, I’d somehow lost my own trousers and found that she was stroking me directly. I had no idea how it’d happened and wasn’t paying attention to anything other than the woman in front of me until we broke the connection due to both of us being a little short of breath. Twilight’s gaze was smoky and pensive, her mouth slightly hanging open as we both came to breathe a little easier. My entire hand was slickened with her nectar and it seemed like such a waste to just... Wipe it off. I’d only used my middle finger to tease Twilight’s entrance and pearl, and though I’d yet to go past her panties, there was no shortage of her on my hand to sample. Much to my surprise she tasted far better than I remembered her smelling.

Apparently the shock registered on my face, but by the time Twilight opened her mouth wider to speak, I was already cleaning off my second finger. “Oh… That’s… Oh…”

She licked her lips as I worked on my pinkie, snapping out of it when I realized I wasn’t really tasting anything. “... “Okay, Twilight… I have to be honest with you here.”

“... Yes?”

“You smell like dry red wine and taste…” She bit her lips. “Fuck, Twilight, I think the only wine I’ve ever had as sweet as you is muscat. It’s like having a slightly alcoholic shortbread biscuit.”

“... I’m a boozey biscuit.” She stated slowly.

“You’re the sweetest, most complex wine in your calibre.”

She smiled a little until I felt something touch my mouth. It was my finger and I was swallowing twice as often as I normally would be. “Um… I-If you’d… Well, if you’re interested…” She squirmed a little, nibbling on her lower lip as she looked down. My throbbing member was the perch for her fingertip. “... I-I’ve been having a lot of fun and- And…”

“You don’t have to if-”

“I want to!” She cried. “I-I mean… I-It’s for the sake of l-learning, right?”

As much as I generally would have loved to take her then and there, as much as the moment felt ripe for it, I just didn’t give a shit about my own pleasure. “You can learn while being a little distracted, can’t you?”

Her fingers ghosted down the length of my shaft and she swallowed hard. “Wh-What kind of distraction…?”

“A little twist on what I’ve been doing is all.”

“I-I… I just want to take care of you too…”

I smiled warmly, cupping her cheek for another kiss. “Then I’ll let you work your magic, Cherry.”

Twilight smiled back and crawled between my legs much like she had for Hearth’s Warming Eve. However, when she wrapped her tongue around the tip and made sure her teeth didn’t touch whatsoever as she applied pressure with the aforementioned muscle, I wondered what the fuck had happened to the novice blowjob I’d gotten a week and a half ago. Twilight suddenly had skill and it made me melt and relax, the tension I hadn’t realized I’d been feeling unwinding the second I felt myself hit the back of her throat.

There was nothing in particular that was special about Twilight’s efforts other than the fact that it was her performing the intimate act, and that was honestly all I needed. The act of oral sex had never seemed so… Loving, I suppose, until my most adorable lover took it upon herself to show the others what making love was supposed to feel like. It didn’t matter that she didn’t have Celestia’s bag of tricks or Fluttershy’s on-the-fly experimentation because it was obvious that Twilight put thought and consideration into every movement. Every little twitch of her tongue, unsure as many of them were, was a clear indication that she was learning as she went, becoming more sure of how to make me moan and what made my voice quiver.

I don’t know… It… It was really good, and I can’t say anything to the contrary, but it was so… Different. The only thing I knew to compare Twilight’s fellatio to was showering with Applejack in the farmhouse. It hadn’t been sexual with Applejack, just intimate, and that’s where the magic of the moment came from. We’d both been naked and hadn’t initiated anything. However, with Twilight it wasn’t her heart and family that she guarded so much as her privacy and intimacy. While I thought about it, everything started to make more sense. Applejack had met me in the middle and Twilight was too, just to hilarious effects. Firefly had bridged the gap between the way she herself and Twilight made me feel and Cherry had crossed wires with Applejack’s affectations.

Even while while having Twilight fellate me, I couldn’t help the wandering of my mind while I swam in a stream of bliss. I could see a future with her and it made a lot of sense. Oddly enough, there was a white dress and a kiss in the vision I saw before I came to the crashing conclusion that I was about to erupt and Twilight had no warning. Although my breath caught in my throat as my climax arrived, Twilight was quick to realize that something was different about the flexing of my rod. Instead of bobbing her head like she’d been doing, she stimulated the helmet with the entirety of her tongue and there was no chance in hell that I could have held back. A weak gasp was all the fanfare my orgasm came with, but it was fucking great all the same. Twilight’s continued efforts made my climax last considerably longer than it could have and even when I finished she saved swallowing for when she’d collected every available drop.

She then proceeded to not swallow, frozen in place with my tip on her lips. Breathless as I was, I let her know that swallowing was optional and that I didn’t expect her to. I saw her throat flex and Twilight licked her lips. “... You…”

“Taste good?”

“... Have an amazing voice,” Twilight commented bashfully.

“I’ll have to sing you a song of pleasure another time. Is it your turn, or-”

“Oh my gosh, I have to walk tomorrow!” She giggled, though she sounded a little worried.

“Oh, at least let me clean you up a little~ It’ll be worth your while~”

“Well… I am pretty sticky. What did you have in mind?”

“Mm, you know how you’re deliciously sweet, right?”

“... According to you, yes.”

“Right. Also according to me, it’s going to take warm water to unstickify you, but I don’t wanna go to the bath and I don’t think we’re ready to bath with each other yet.”

She giggled a little awkwardly and I felt her cheek on my member. “Um… Before we tackle that, can- Can I ask why I um… Why I tasted you, but you’re still… You know…?”

“Because some guys are one and done and some guys will make you wonder if the male orgasm is a real thing.”

“Oh. So some stallions just last longer?

“Kinda. As for cleanup?”

“I… Well, Roxy and I are close to the same size…”

“Yeah, so you have your pick of her stuff.”

“... Would you be mad if I just wanted to take a shower?”

“I wouldn’t even be a little miffed if that shower was alone, Cherry.”

She started coming forward in the darkness and thought better of it. “Guys don’t like tasting their own stuff, do they?”

I chuckled. “No, we generally think it’s not really with the effort, but if you like it, then it’s not a bad thing.” I could barely see her shoulder, so I hit the lamp on my nightstand, blinded both of us, and kissed her cheek when I could fucking see again. “I can get your shower supplies ready if you want to relax for a moment.”

“... What about after we shower?”

“Ah, um… There’s an entire other bed worth of bed just in this bed alone that we don’t have to sleep on, or we could do some reading. I know my collection’s not really much of a library, but I’m sure some of my foreign books would be new to you.”

“Wow… I- Well, I’m sorry, but I expected you to just want to sleep and cuddle…”

“Why are you sorry about that?”

“... E-Everypony says that stallions aren’t usually in the mood to do much after… intercourse. I-I know we didn’t do it, but still…”

I chuckled. “Honestly, Twilight… Every moment with you is a moment well spent. This was a new experience in its own right.”

“It was that bad…?”

I started snickering like I’d lost the last marble in my jar. “Bad? Twilight, I came harder with you than I have since practically getting on this planet! And you have like, no experience at that!”

She giggled and rubbed my leg. “So… You weren’t faking?”

“I don’t know many, if any, guys that can ejaculate on command, so no.”

Twilight breathed a sigh of relief. “I was so worried that I wasn’t going to be able to learn from Hearth’s Warming Day… I’m glad it was good for you too, even if-” She giggled. “Well, it was pretty amazing…” Her voice trailed off, growing softer.

“I’m glad to know that I didn’t go too far too fast.” I sat up and collected her in my arms, eliciting a happy noise from her. “... I was really worried about scaring you, or ruining the trust you put in my hands, to be honest with you. It means so much that you’re being more physical with me.”

“Well…”

My heart froze. “Oh, Cherry, I- I… I didn’t mean to pressure you into-”

“What? No, you didn’t pressure me into- Well- No, no, you just showed me the toy too, so… How did you pressure me into anything? All you’ve said since you came to ask for that favour was how we were going to take things at my pace… Right?”

“Yeah, but I’m sure there’s something in the night-”

“Max.”

“... Yeah?”

“I’m a grown mare. I know you think Ponies are naive, but… I’ve always wanted more… Quality Time, in our relationship, it’s just that… I get so nervous and balk and the mood passes and… And I know you don’t really need me-”

“Twilight… I love you. I loved you as a friend and now I love you as my girlfriend, and at no point since I’ve started loving you has there ever been a time where I thought you should hesitate to ask something of me.”

“Well… You did say that… Something like this was unlikely…”

I thought back and clued in on what she was talking about. “If you mean when Celestia came after me for snuggling you, then I said this wasn’t going to happen if you were drunk. You’re sober, right?”

She giggled merrily, making me smile as I imagined she was doing. “Stars above, Max, even if I was, I would’ve sobered up after the second time!”

I kissed her because I could. “Then all we were waiting on was a signal from you. I guess we just needed a little help on the path, huh?”

Twilight stole a peck. “Just a little nudge…”

“If you’re sticky-”

“I am so sticky. “ Twilight got up, but she only took a single step away. “... Max?”

“Yeah, Cherry?”

“... I’m glad I got to share this moment with you… There’s never been another pony to hear… Well, or really even see…”

“I figured, and it’s… It’s more than touching that you trusted me with this, Twilight.”

“Who else would be worth it?” She asked, not waiting for an answer as she walked away.

I was thoroughly floored. Enough said.

As luck would have it, Twilight was also thoroughly floored about halfway to the bathroom when her unsteady hoofsteps stopped and she fell. Instead of laughing or poking fun at her, I was instantly worried. She’d fallen on open ground while I was busy being blindsided and I raced over to get her back onto her hooves, the ever-embarrassed nerd grateful and anxious about the state of her current ambulatory capacity. I didn’t mind helping her to the bathroom, but once we were there and the light was shining, my little Sugar Plum was all too bashful and didn’t want to be seen as exposed as she was.

Giving her privacy was natural and I took the time to pick out some options for her to change into whenever she managed to get out of the bath. She’d been wearing plainer knickers when she’d come over, so I searched through my panties and considered how fucking weird it was that I had women’s clothes available to lend out whenever. It was also downright odd to me that I’d worn every piece of that feminine clothing in a different body, but it would be strangeer to most people if I’d been a guy in the shit, so I took my victory where I could. I settled on some simpler choices for Twilight since I figured she wouldn’t want to go sexy. I’d just gone with some shorts and a t-shirt myself, but I picked out three different sets of nightwear for Twilight and hoped that she liked one enough to pick it. Then I realized that I was being weird and considered tossing half of the crap back. The damage was done, so I picked up the stuff I’d gotten for Twilight and made sure she was hidden in the shower before entering and laying the stuff out on my spacious sink.

It took Twilight a while to finish up in the shower and I’d been listening the entire time, though it wasn’t like there was much else to do. I’d put on a record and everything, but I could still pick up what Twilight was saying to herself and it was somewhere between adorable and hilarious. She was giving herself a pep talk to come back into my room and woo me, though her terminology left me giggling my head off. Sugar Plum wanted to ‘sashay’ back to me, give me a ‘snack-time smile’, and get another taste of my ‘sweet sauce’. It was a moment I shouldn’t have been privvy to, but little went on in my presence that I didn’t hear.

All her bluster turned to whispers in the breeze when she flung the bathroom door open, took two shaky steps, and went right back to the ground. There was a deep breath and a little sigh. “Darn it.”

“Loving the enthusiasm. Makes me wanna hurry up with my own shower so I can show you how enthusiastic I am to-” I checked her out, very much enjoying the shorts she’d chosen. “Huh, I could’ve sworn you’d go for the gown, but anyway-” I paused again. “Damn, clean Twilight, clean clothes, and I probably shouldn’t tease you and get you sticky again.”

“That and a hand would be appreciated, if you wouldn’t mind.”

“If I help you, I m kissing you.”

“... Is that supposed to be a bad thing?”

“Tch, no.” My clothes were in my lap and I was sitting in one of my chairs close to the bathroom, so it didn’t take me long to get over, make her hold my crap, and scoop her up all over again. “Okay, Cherry-Berry. We can go wherever you want.”

She nuzzled me and hummed happily. “I haven’t ever really gotten to browse your books before.”

“To the study?”

“Won’t you have to come back upstairs to shower?”

“No, and I have soap downstairs anyway that I like.”

“Then if it’s not too much trouble…”

“Mm, about that. It’s a little too much trouble to just go walking around my house for no reason. I mean, if I were to get some kind of reward for my efforts…” I grinned at her and she puckered up for my price/prize, giving me proper motivation to not throw her back on my bed and ruin the panties she was wearing.

Twilight settled in with a couple of books while I went to go shower, but the moment I found myself alone with my thoughts, I couldn’t help the true, genuine smile on my face. The fading scars on my arms and thighs were invisible in the light of the night as it was. Honestly, if I didn’t need to wash my hair and make sure my conditioner was taking before I washed it out, then it would have been the fastest bath I’d ever taken while naked. Coke-binge baths were generally fast affairs, and I guess Twilight’s company was like coke when I knew that I was going to get to cuddle her.

My hair was still dripping when I rejoined her and Twilight was shocked to see me so soon. Her eyes were wide and she laughed at me. “Max, did you even have time to bathe? That couldn’t have even been ten minutes!”

“Honestly, I washed my hair first and put my conditioner in after so I could wash up and have time to let it soak in before washing that out too.”

She looked less amused and more ponderous until a blush warmed her cheeks and a little smile came across her lips. “... Did you save time in the shower just to spend a few more minutes with me?”

I threw my arms out. “I can spoon you while you’re sleeping, but you have to be awake to cuddle.” I let my arms fall. “What was I supposed to do? Risk you going to sleep before I could finish up?”

“... That’s really touching, Max… And I think you deserve a little treat for being so thoughtful all night.” She tried to wink and mistimed a blink.

“You are the treat, goofy. C’mon, where do you want to read?”

Twilight picked the living room and I carried her there again, but before I set her down, I asked if I could hold her while she read and Twilight got all flustered, so I backed down. However, she admitted that she though the idea was nice, so I sat in the corner of my sectional and had her drape her legs over my lap. Twilight wasn’t sitting directly on me, so she wasn’t uncomfortable, and I could snuggle up to her as I pleased. There wasn’t a bone in my body that wanted to push my luck, even if I knew that Cherry would either give me a signal or tell me if I was going too far.

That being said, I fell asleep with my head on Twilight’s shoulder and woke up with a sticky finger nestled between her thighs. Not wanting to be in an awkward position when she woke up, I adjusted myself to allow my hand to rest on top of her thighs and for the first time in a long time, I went back to sleep without having had a nightmare wake me up.

All in all, it was… It was magical to have Twilight trust me with her body and have faith in my restraint. I could do without the Pinkie thing, but if Twilight wanted to ruin my furniture, then she was allowed to whenever she wanted, although… I think I’ll end this one here. Thinking back on everything that’s happened up until now… Hearth’s Warming Eve was nice, but my Hearth’s Warming day and the week after… I just hope Crimson’s okay. Fuck that guy for not responding to my letter, but I genuinely hope that he’s alright and that nothing bad happened to him… I can’t help thinking that he got burned worse than we thought.

Coming back from the mission was nice and all, but I think the real shit I’m worried about is how I’m starting- Well, how I’ve been feeling towards Twilight and Applejack. The shit with Rarity is fun and Fluttershy is always good for a physcial touch, but Firefly and Cherry are just so...

… Dunno what else to say other than I feel bad for Fluttershy… It’s getting obvious where my affections are weightedm, and I know I love the woman, but she doesn’t have that sparkle in her spirit like AJ and Twi… That being said, Twilight left a few hours ago and now I’m just enjoying my day as I can in my house. The next thing I have to do is Fancy’s party-thing with Rarity, which, if she gets bitchy, then I can just do what I usually do when we’re alone and get some peace and pleasure out of her company…

… It’s only noon and I really want that fuckin’ cherrywood brandy right about now… It might be a spiced rum kind of day though. Spiced rum it is.

Until next time.