Time had flown in Ponyville and I found myself stuck in bed for a few hours just digesting all that had gone on. I’d pissed off a bouncing ball of sunshine, Lupa, and one of the kindest people I’d ever met. On a similar vein, I’d forgiven two people I’d sworn to take vengeance against and neither of them were angry at me, instead wanting something more than friendship from me. There was also the fact that I’d lost a lover, was on the road to gaining another, and was generally feeling drained as a whole. It had been an awfully busy week, even though I had taken time to go and do a whole lot of nothing at least twice. I wondered if it was just the way Ponyville seemed to work or if it was just me being complicated. Speaking of complicated, the labyrinthine nature of my choices eluded me while I laid in bed, but the confusion and inner turmoil had its upsides. One way or another, I was probably going to get a slice of some sweet apple pie once I sent that note off to Celestia, and... I had somewhat begun to recognize that I didn’t love her like I thought I did. It was a crushing realization that came along with the solemn assurance that she didn’t love me that much either. I wanted to love Celestia, but there was just more to her than I could see, even with my perceptive qualities sussing out things she already didn’t want me to know.

Hell, there was probably more beneath the mask than I could ever know.

I pushed myself out both out of my bed and my head, switching tactics to getting breakfast on. My appetite had returned after spending so much of the night with Applejack which I was quite thankful for. There were still the persisting feelings of being heavy and weary, but I could deal with that as I went along. It made me curious as to who I’d have to spend more time with to thaw that part of my heart out, so I decided to see if that person was going to be Pinkie today. While I was quite sure that she still hated me for breaking Fluttershy’s heart, I was pretty sure she had forgiven me if her off-color jokes about ‘tasting’ her friends was anything to go by. I washed up and dressed in a dark blue V-neck, some navy jeans, and the jacket I had let Applejack wear last night. Much to my pleasure, I found that it smelled faintly of apple-flavoured baked goods, which I was quite fond of. I had forgotten to add Applejack’s perpetual scent of apples and cinnamon to my list of pros last night, but I already had a few good reasons to agree to her proposition.

Lupa had left sometime early in the morning, so I walked to the best bakery in town all alone with only me, myself, and my left hand to keep me company. Wanking is so much less depressing when you think of your hand as a separate entity. Or it’s even more depressing when you’re thinking of dating Palmela Handerson. Disturbing thoughts aside, I had run through the majority of my stay and chronicled most of my thoughts in my journals, so I really had nothing to keep my mind occupied. I focused on enjoying more of the quaint little town that was Ponyville. As colorful as it was in comparison to my original home, I found myself growing more and more accustomed to the place. Due to the generally friendly nature of the Ponies, it was actually kind of easy to forget where I was until the smell of flowers on the breeze hit. Or the feeling of dirt roads beneath my feet. Even with my eyes closed, I could still hear the different conversation going on around me and that in and of itself was… Alienating. Foreign to me since the people were mostly talking about Pony related things. I needed a pick me up since I did miss my old life in a sense, but then again, the new one wasn’t going half bad if you ignored the arguing and murder. Hell, I was low-key rich anyway, and I’d earned every bit with my own two hands. I could put my homesickness behind me and deal with something that would lift my spirits instead.

As I trekked through town greeting the ponies that greeted me, I found myself quite surprised by the abrupt arrival of a mint green mare with a white stripe in her hair. “Hello!” She beamed at me and stretched her hand out to me.

I took it and looked at her. “Wotcher. Can I help you?”

“Actually, yes! My name is Lyra, and I’ve been wanting to talk to you ever since I saw you at Pinkie’s welcoming party. Unfortunately, we just never had the opportunity since then, but I sure am glad we can talk now!” She seemed like a nice enough person, even if she was a bit… Excitable.

“Right, that’s cool. Not to be rude, but what did you want to talk about? I’m not trying to rush you, but I’m not really feeling polite small talk at the moment.”

Her smile fell a bit. “Oh, I’m sorry. If you’re in a hurry we could hold it off.”

“No, no, you have me all wrong. I would be happy to talk to you, love, I’m just not going to hold back and I’m on my way somewhere. Care to join me at Sugarcube Corner? We could talk over a bite and maybe a cuppa.”

Her smile returned full force. “ I‘d be glad to! When would you like to meet?”

“If you have the time, I was heading there now.”

“Perfect!” She took my hand and started tugging me in the opposite direction. I grabbed her tail and yanked it one good time, causing her to yelp. She let go of me and whipped around with a blush on her face. “Hey! That’s innapropriate!”

“First, I could’ve grabbed the other tail.” Her brows raised. “And second, that’s the wrong way, love. Sugarcube Corner is a couple of streets that way.” I pointed in the direction I had been heading in the first place.

Lyra had the grace to look embarrassed. “Oh, sorry! I guess I just got ahead of myself!”

I gave her a skeptical look. “Mhm. What’s that direction?”

“Well, I thought it was Sugarcube Corner…” Huh. Honesty.

As we walked, Lyra convinced me to say some stuff about how my life in Ponyville and Equestria as a whole had been and I admitted that I wasn’t fond of a lot of things, but that the things I did like were worth keeping. She expressed a some sorrow at the casual comments I threw her way, so I changed the topic and told her that I’d recently taken up writing as a hobby due to Celestia’s input. Lyra was happy to hear that I had something that I actually enjoyed doing and was quick to mention her own hobby. I hadn’t taken her for much of a musician, but once I saw the pads on her fingers they told me that she had been practicing her craft for years if not the better part of a decade. When asked, she said that she had been playing string instruments for the better part of her life, ever since she could walk. However, she had found that the lyre was where her heart laid, and she had continued from there ever since. IT was no surprise to me since she was named fucking Lyra, but she didn’t understand why I thought it was fitting and assumed that it had been a soft jab.

The bakery hadn’t been far from where we were and Ponyville wasn’t exactly a big place any way, so we got there in no time. Black coffee and two bran muffins were my breakfast while Lyra got some pancakes with whipped cream, pecans, and ordered breakfast tea as her beverage. As an Englishman, I could respect the tea, but I had never been terribly fond of super sweet breakfasts. In fact, there was never a point in my life where I wouldn’t have scones and bacon over waffles and cereals, regardless of what was available to me. No, McDonald’s was not a good place to get bacon. At all. In any case, with my first muffin halfway gone and the second looking awfully appetizing, I wondered what Lyra wanted and hoped it wasn’t dick.

“So what did you want to talk about, love?” I asked, hoping to end the small talk. The conversation hadn’t lulled much before my question, but I was rather curious.

“Well, I’ve only heard legends and myths of… Well, is it offensive if I call you an alien?”

“I’m not from this planet, so no.” At least you asked.

“Great! I rarely hear anypony talk about aliens and until you came around, nopony even believed you existed! It’s not uncommon for me to get laughed off or for somepony to think I was joking the entire time, but the proof is eating bran right now! Now, the only times I’ve ever heard of the ‘Human’ species talked about was the Hyomons, but I always thought it was just a mistranslation at best. The ‘Hyomons’ are supposed to be hulking, hairless monkeys that are smarter and tougher than any pony could ever be, but without Cutie Marks. They can apparently put their mind to whatever task in front of them for nearly any result. Can you tell me how much of that is true?”

I had a giggle at that. “I’m not exactly hulking, but I’d like to think that I’m pretty smart for my education level. Probably more clever than smart, though. As you can tell with me, not a whole lot of Humans fit into the ‘hulking’ category, and the few that do get to be particularly massive have to work out constantly and be incredibly dedicated to the form they want. That being said, the bigger you get, the harder it is to take advantage of a Human’s natural dexterity. We’re not a terribly strong species for our sizes, and a lot of Humans on Earth are just fat. I don’t mean they’re blobs, I mean they have a lot of extra weight that slows them down and can inhibit some basic functions. Me being slim, I wasn’t really average. Even before having to switch to a mostly Pony diet, I was underweight for my height and age. Other than the variances in height, weight, and age, most Humans were actually somewhat well-rounded. It was considered good to be a jack of all trades rather than a master of one.” Her eyes were glued to me and her ears twitched as I spoke, smearing whipped cream on her cheek as she missed her bite.

When she realized I was looking all too amused with her antics, she wiped her face off and blushed. “W-Well… That’s certainly different from what you and your people are supposed to be like… So… Humans were bigger and smaller than you?” I nodded and took a bite of bran-flavoured deliciousness. “And… You really can do pretty much anything you put your mind to?”

Swallowing with some coffee, I answered. “Not quite. Every individual had different experiences and aptitudes because of it. For example, a rural farmer would be good at repairing basic, rudimentary stuff while a metropolitan guy could probably build you a piece of somewhat complicated tech from scratch if they watched enough ‘movies’ on how to do it. The tools were different, but those two people could teach the other and basically have the same result if they were to trade fields depending on what they were good at. People-” She squeed and beamed. “... People were generally good at whatever they really wanted to do, but if you made a person-” She started vibrating in her seat. “Are you okay, love?”

“So you’re like, a smart, light kind of Human? Tell me about yourself!”

“Well… Do you play any games?”

“I play Kobolds and Krypts with some friends every once in a while. My character is a Hyomon!”

“Uh… Right… Do you have any rogues” Like thieves or assassins?”

“Oh, my sweetheart Bon-Bon likes playing a Skummer, which is a type of rogue that steals and is really good at sneaking, lockpicking, and all sorts of brainy stuff!”

“In game terms, I’m basically a… Skummer, I guess, but it kinda irritates me that ‘scum’ is in the name.”

“Oh. You- You don't really seem like the type, though…”

“Small frame, pretty fragile, quick and dexterous, somewhat clever-”

“Oh… Point taken.” She giggled. “I don’t know what I was thinking! Most Skummers just happen to be races that don’t look anything like Ponies, and if you do play a Pony Skummer, you have a negative to stealth and-” Her eyes widened. “What are feet like!? Do you have little fingers on your feet!?”

“You are an odd mare, and I’m fond of that, to be honest with you.” I blew upwards, knocking my hair off of my face before just sweeping it with a thumb. “Anyway, yeah, I have little fingers on my feet called ‘toes’ and they’re really easy to hurt. God forbid I walk into a chair in the middle of the night.”

“Oh, then hooves are a little better, aren’t they?”

“For outright speed, yes, but not for dexterity and agility as a whole. A Ponies top speed is probably just how they run when they try their hardest, which is faster than any normal Human anyway. However, Humans have always been built for distance and can run from the heel to the toe to expend less energy per step, or they can run on their toes themselves and get a little faster. The difference is running versus sprinting. Most Humans can’t sprint very long, but most of us can run for around ten minutes if we don’t go at it too hard.”

“That’s incredible! Are the bottoms of your feet sensitive too? Or do you have some kind of protection?”

“It depends on the person. Most humans have pretty soft feet for most of their lives, which is why wearing shoes in places with paved sidewalks and roads isn’t really optional. If you step on something even as small as a pebble, you’re going to feel it and it’s likely going to hurt. Humans have been wearing shoes almost since recorded history. Before then it was probably more basic, but it depended on the civilization and what they needed shoes for.

“This is so fascinating! Are a lot of Humans cute like you?” What. “What do you do for fun? Are there any common Human hobbies? Do you have a mating ritual? Oh-Oh, are there any Pony foods that Humans can’t eat!?”

“... I wouldn’t say I’m that cute in the first place, but thanks.” She tilted her head slowly. “Anyway, when I was back on Earth, I personally would go and practice climbing buildings, making repairs to my house, and mostly reading. A lot of fuckin’ reading, to be honest with you. I just liked books…” I rubbed my neck. “Uh… What were some of those questions again?”

“Do you have a mating ritual, and is your diet different from a Pony’s?”

“Uh… Human’s don’t have a mating ritual other than typical dating, but a lot of people just look for casual hook-ups until they want to settle down. My body won’t just up and let me eat most kinds of flowers without getting sick, but I like tea. I also can eat hay, it’s just largely pointless since it’s hard to digest and doesn’t do much for my stomach. If I get anything fried, it’s going to be spinach or fuckin’ fries, to be honest with you. By fries, I mean potato or parsnip fries. Humans can eat all sorts of roots and tubers like carrots, ginger, beets and radishes, but the only ones that my countrymen actually like are carrots, parsnips, potatoes, and maybe ginger beer.”

“Well, you said you’re not that cute, which isn’t true anyway, but still. Do a lot of Humans look like you?

I didn’t really know how to take her flirtation since it was kind of factual in her eyes. “Most humans look radically different, and sometimes we come in different colors based on our heritage and the amount of sun we get. I’m considered somewhat pale, but that’s because of my Caucasian ethnicity. The color spectrum runs from paler than me to dark brown, though it’s generally more of a chocolate or woody kind of deal when you get to the darker folk. There are some people. There are a few exceptions such as people who are nearly white and people who are nearly black, but we’re all basically the same once you get past that. Our hair colors can be a rather ruddy orange, blonde, brown, or black, though quite a few of the female members of my species like to color their hair. It’s not as common for males to do it, though some do, but when it comes to bodily modifications of most kinds, it’s generally a female thing.”

“So what are the different sexes of your species called? I know you say ‘anyone’ instead of ‘anypony’, so are there more discrepancies like that?”

“The different sexes are called ‘men’ for the plural and ‘man’ for singular males. I am a man. The females are called ‘women’ and ‘woman’, and though they sound similar, they don’t mean the same thing. They are respectively plural and singular.” I thought for a moment on her second question. “I don’t know if it’s very accurate, but Humans generally aren’t as prone to touching each other as Ponies are. You people greet strangers with hugs, after all.

“Fascinating! What about your rulers? Are they like our own immortal Princesses?”

“Hell no, and thankfully that’s always been the case. Our rulers are all mortal, despite what some of them might think. No, Earth, rulers have something called dynasties that determine who takes their place when they die. That, or we have something called either a democracy, a republic, or a parliamentary system in which we elect our leaders. Rarely do monarchies last, but the monarchy that ruled my country has lasted far longer than most. We did eventually switch government types. It was stupid to have one person make all the decisions, but the system we had when I left at least managed to get things done to a point.”

“But having so many humans in power must be chaotic! I know ponies don’t always agree on everything, but when it comes to politics, I bet things are far more polar.”

“They are. In a sense, nothing ever gets done unless it’s vital to the country, and even then it’s kind of ridiculous what kind of laws get passed. What my government did on a day to day basis was sneaky as hell and they did all sorts of things that no one knew about. I’m not saying all of it was terrible, but the system we had was already corrupt from conception, so there was little anything the common man could do.” I decided to skip the part where I thought Celestia was corrupt herself.

Lyra and I talked for a while longer until noon rolled around and she had prior engagements to attend to, which was all well and fine by me. She really didn’t want to leave, but the gal was worse than Twilight in her own way since Purps had mostly been telling me useful things. Lyra, on the other hand, mentioned that she was going to create a new race for when she was Gamemaster in her groups next K&K session, which was somewhere between incredibly cool and ball-breakingly lame. At least I helped, I guess. I was feeling a bit worn out from all the talking, but I had still planned on talking to the girl who had been creepily watching me for the past hour and a half. I turned to look at Pinkie who was sitting a few tables over and waved. She waved back and came to sit across from me, nursing what seemed to be a milkshake.

“Hiya, Max! Were you on a date with Lyra?”

“No? She saw me on the street and wanted to ask about Humans since she’s a fuckin’ nerd, but she’s a sweet gal all the same. Not half bad, if I can say that. However, I was actually coming here to talk to you.”

“Yay! Can we go on a date? I have just the place, and it’s upstairs!”

”... As much as I like being desireable, I guess, I’m not really fond of sleeping around. I’m not attracted to you, Pinkie, and it’s best that I just say that. Also, fuck off with that nonsense.”

“Aww, shoot! Maybe some other time…” She pouted at me and it did very little, as compared to Twilight or even Velvet. “Would it help if I told you that I’m even crazier in bed?”

“No, it would not. You’re gonna make me get rude eventually, Pinkie.”

“You’re already rude!” She beamed at me. “What if I-”

“Maybe if you were a foot taller, had a more friendly bum and actually possessed boobs to play with-”

Pinkie gasped. “I can’t believe that! I have perfectly respectable boobs!”

“You have a washboard chest, love.”

Pinkie put her thumb in her mouth and blew, her breasts expanding with each breath. I was fucking thunderstruck until she blew too hard and they popped. I sat there, jaw on the floor, mind somewhere in France until she giggled and showed me the top of her thumb, upon which was taped a tube that I had somehow not noticed before. “I gotcha good, didn’t I?”

“You sure did. Knowing you, I thought you were using magic or something to do that.”

“No, I’m pretty sure the story just hasn’t had much in the way of comedic relief for a while, so that’s where I come in!”

I looked at Pinkie like she had found her mind and judo flipped it onto the ground before putting it in a submission hold. “You… You sure are an odd one, aren’t you?”

“I sure am! What did you want to do today, if you’re not going to treat me like the bad little filly I am?” She tried giving me the sexums with her eyes and I almost gagged.

“I could always give you a stern, platonic spanking if you want. Find me a paddle and we’ll head back to my place.” Pinkie looked very excited about that. “I was kidding. Chill out.”

“You really shouldn’t lead a mare on like that. I might like to be the giver more than the receiver when it comes to BDSM, but I’ll be the sub if I find someone who actually wants to do it. You strike me as more of a sub anyways.”

“Never say that again or I’ll fuckin’ hurt you.”

“Why not?”

“There are memories I have that are better left unspoken. How about we go…” I couldn’t think of anything for us to do. Ponyville was an awfully small town after all.

“Ooh! I know! Let's go prank our friends! I don’t think your prank was all that fun, so I’ll show you some of my favorites!”

“Sounds fine to me. Let’s do it.” Pinkie Pie offered her hand to me and I just raised an eyebrow.

“You’re supposed to shake a hand, Max!” She exclaimed.

“I would if I didn’t know you had a buzzer on it.” I turned her palm towards the ceiling.

“How did you know?” She asked innocently.

“I usually do. It’s a classic prank, and if your style is anything to go by, you need to think bigger. Today, we’re going to get Twilight good by way of a book.”

“Twilight loves books! How is that a prank?”

“Because we’re going to make it more interesting, duh.”

Pinkie gave me an odd look and I told her what we’d need for the prank. It wouldn’t come to fruition today, but with time it would be the perfect little jab. I told Pinkie what supplies I would need and she retrieved them from her stash of joke supplies, then we went to the bookstore and grabbed a blank journal. After that, I took us over to the Lock Pad and bought some supplies from Onyx. I basically just had him put an old fashioned lock on the journal. We weathered the book to make it look old, found some old gold paint that I used to write ‘Augustus Necronomicus’ on the cover, and dipped the book in dirty water to give it that aged look. After borrowing one of Pinkie’s friends magic to dry it, we took it back to Sugarcube Corner and I began my works. Over the course of three hours, I went into excruciating detail about each and every one of my exploits, filling about half of the journal with pure, unadulterated smut and some imagined gore. Pinkie filled the rest with some psychotic ramblings that I could barely make sense of, and with that, we had the perfect Twilight-oriented prank.

We began on one for Rainbow, but I didn’t know her well enough to come up with much. Pinkie, on the other hand, had found the Pegasus postwoman I had met the other day and convinced her to set off some lightning around a small, lone cloud that was hovering near Sweet Apple Acres. I had no idea what was going on, but Pinkie had assured me that I just had to wait and watch. An hour later, the strange Pegasus mare came back with a much more capable-looking friend and they had brought two dark clouds with them somehow. I had asked Pinkie why they had two giant pieces of dirty cotton with them, but she told me that they were actual clouds which surprised me quite a bit. Even more surprising was when the two Pegasi kicked the clouds and set off lighting. No, I wasn’t expecting that, and yes, I was about to shit my fuckin’ britches because it had been a pretty clear day, all things said. Once I recollected myself I heard a loud thud followed by a string of raspy Pony swears. Pinkie’s grin was maniacal and scared me a little, but when she grabbed my hand and started running, I found it best to follow/. We went over to where the sound had come from. In a small crater on the ground lay Rainbow Dash, arse over head.

“Hiya Rainbow! Whatcha doooin’? Pinkie asked brightly.

“I wasnapping,” She replied testily, “but somepony just had to come and wake me up!” She righted herself and looked at the two of us, glaring.

I waved at her. “It’s a bit early for a nap, yeah? How were you sleeping on a cloud?”

“Have you never heard of Pegasus Magic?” She scoffed.

“No, I thought Unicorns were the only ones with magic.”

Pinkie answered my unspoken question. “Nope! All ponies technically have magic! Even Earth Ponies! Pegasi and Earth Ponies just have different kinds!”

“Huh. Maybe I should start eating whatever the hell it is you guys do.”

“Silly human, flowers are for ninnies!”

“Hey! I happen to like flowers!” Rainbow objected.

“Eating them is for ninnies, didn’t you hear the ‘mare’?”

Rainbow glared and Pinkie grinned airily. “So what do you two want, other than to ruin my day?”

“Well, Max here won’t give me any, so I was wondering if you’d be interested!”

“Give you any what?” Rainbow looked confused, and I decided not to clear that up.

“Don’t worry about it. Wanna help us prank Rarity?”

She barely even had to think about it. “Sure!”

And with that, we were off to see Gandalf the White. I would’ve rather seen Gandalf the Purple, but alas, my opinion didn’t really count for shit and apparently Pinkie had an idea. It was dumb, so we talked idly about what to do when Pinkie had a very off-the-wall suggestion, and it was one of the weirder ones I’d heard from her yet. Rainbow and I looked at her like she was crazy, but since I had nothing better to do and my inhibitions were out for the day, I went along with it. Rainbow, however, talked us down to a compromise that would leave us with some modesty, so I agreed with her suggestion. Our little trio walked into the Carousel Boutique, Rainbow and Pinkie both wearing cheese filled grins, while my stony countenance remained unmoved. Rarity didn’t seem to have any customers at the moment, so we put our little plan into action once we heard Rarity call out her presence saying she would be there in a moment.

“Hello there, Welcome to the Carousel Bou-” She said stepping through the door to her back room. She turned to face us, “Oh dear Celestia!” She shouted, covering her eyes and turning away.

I replaced my trousers and my shirt, leaving my jacket off. Rarity had peeked via mirror while I was doing so, but I deemed it unworthy of a comment. Pinkie and Rainbow stayed in their respective bras and knickers, though neither of them really needed the braziers. “Hi Rares. You enjoy the eye-candy?”

“Why would you come in here like that!? Have you ponies no shame?” Rarity asked dramatically.

“No, we’re just comfortable enough with our bodies to show them off. Who did you like more; Rainbow, Pinkie, or myself?” I asked with a half-smirk.

“None! Will you two please dress yourselves?” Rarity shielded her genteel eyes from further dirtiness.

“Nope! Not until you give us an answer.” Rainbow put her hands on her hips and walked towards Rarity.

“Yeah! Why don’t you tell us what you think?” Pinkie Pie bounced along behind her. Her arse did not do anything worthy of note, so I stopped looking.

Rarity couldn’t see them because she was still looking away, but the sound she made when her shorter friends hugged her was both adorable and hilarious. “Will you two please show some modesty!? I swear you need something better to do!” She tried to push them away with her hands without touching their chests, but the task proved difficult as both of the girls were faster and nimbler than her.

“Alright, Pinkie, Rainbow. I think we’ve gone far enough.” I picked up their clothes and handed them to their owners, looking away as they got dressed.

“Dude, it’s a bit late to look away.”

“I wasn’t looking in the first place. It’s not like either of you are my friends or anything.”

“All the more reason you shouldn’t be embarrassed!” Pinkie bounced over to me and I looked her in the eyes. In the blink of an eye, she was stark naked in front of me, and Rainbow was blushing something fierce, her wings stuck out straight.

“Pinkie!” Rarity cried. “You are n-nude in the presence of a stallion! Please control yourself!”

“Or don’t. I don’t care what you do.” Rainbow chuckled at me and my irritated face. My stomach churned a little when Pinkie did a little twirl. Rainbow quickly put her shorts back on, followed by the light blue T-shirt she had been wearing earlier. Pinkie was still naked, but she didn’t seem to care.

“It’s nice to be naked! Why don’t you give it a try?” Pinkie asked me directly. Rarity turned a bit with a blush on her face and Rainbow’s eyes were still glued to Pinkie, though she did manage to peel her gaze away after a bit.

“If I do, will you get dressed?” I asked.

“Maybe, maybe not. Maybe I’ll give you a hug for being so brave!”

“Pinkie, for shame!” Rarity seemed a bit less sincere when she said that.

“Make that a definite yes and I will.”

Pinkie pretended to think for a moment. “Hmmm. What do I get out of that? Maybe I just want the hug?”

“If I hug you while naked, will you get dressed?”

“Yes!”

“Fine.” I began to undress and noticed that the other two mares had similar reactions to Pinkies. Rainbow looked mildly interested and Rarity very much so, though she tried to be discreet. Pinkie was looking at me with a hunger I had only seen from Twilight in estrus.

Once I was fully naked, I spread my arms. “Ready when you are.” Pinkie wasted no time in gluing herself to my body and I could feel her soft fur on my manhood. Luckily, I still didn’t find her attractive so I had no worries, though, after the five-second mark, I was beginning to get concerned. “Pinkie? You can let go now.” I said cautiously.

“I never said how long I would hug you!”

I rolled my eyes and pried her arms off, giving the girls the last good look they were going to get before redressing. Pinkie Pie followed suit with a sigh when she saw that I was still completely flaccid, and Rarity was sporting a good blush. “Did you perverts enjoy the show?”

Rainbow shrugged. “Meh.”

“Yes!”

“I-I wasn’t looking!” The three of us pranksters all gave Rarity a droll stare and she covered her mouth, averting her eyes. “O-Okay, maybe a little.”

“Like I said; perverts, all of you.”

“I am no pervert!” Rarity protested.

“And yet you still found it within your morals to gaze upon a man in his unclothed state. One might call you a horndog, madam.”

“I-I never-”

“We all saw you looking, Rares. There’s no shame in it.” Rainbow rolled her eyes again.

“Hey! You two got to see us naked, why don't you strip for us?” Pinkie asked playfully.

“No problem here. It’s only fair.” Rainbow began to strip once again and Rarity tried to run, but Pinkie grabbed her tail and she stopped short.

“You don’t want to be the only one who doesn’t, do you? It’s not fair to Max here if you got to look at him!

“She had no input on that, Pinkie. Don’t push someone into something they don’t want to do. Though if you want to,” I turned to a beet red Rarity, “I wouldn’t look if you asked me not to.”

“I-I think I…” Rarity looked unsure as she fingered her calf-length skirt.

“Just do it or don’t! You really need to make up your mind.” A now naked Rainbow said. I glanced in her direction as she spoke, but averted my gaze once I saw the blue planes of her body.

“What, you never saw the coolest pony alive naked?” Rainbow taunted.

Pinkie Pie’s attention was now on her. I scratched at the stubble that had grown on my chin. “Can’t say I have. If you ever see them, point them in my direction, will you?” Rainbow punched my shoulder hard enough to leave a bruise and got dressed, making sure to bend over in front of me to give me a good look. I ignored her and looked to Rarity. “Why are our friends so immature?”

“You did it too, Max!” Pinks pouted.

“And I didn’t compliment myself or glomp anyone while naked, now did I?”

“No, I suppose you didn’t.” Rarity looked off to the side and her blush grew as she fidgeted with the top button of her blouse.

I saw an opportunity to mess with her. “Here, let me help you with that, Bonny. I think you’re having far too much trouble.” It was easy to step up to her and and brush her hand aside, unbuttoning three of the fastenings quickly until her bra was exposed. I smirked at her as her breathing picked up and Pinkie along with Rainbow both giggled.

“I thought you were just going to do it for her, dude!” Rainbow laughed.

“I just wanted to help Rarity out since she seemed to be getting warm. I know what it’s like to have trouble with those pesky buttons, bonny.” I learned a bit more into my accent.

“T-Thank you, I suppose...” Rarity said softly, holding a hand over her exposed fur.

I could tell she was getting uncomfortable, so I decided to change tact. “How about we leave poor Rarity alone for now, girls?”

Pinkie and Rainbow shared a look before the blue one tried to pants me as Pinkie got behind me. Somehow, despite my belt, Rainbow managed to get my pants off and Pinkie pushed me straight into the soft confines of Rarity’s bosom. I managed to keep myself upright, but I had gotten clumsy with the placement of my hands and one of them landed on Rarity’s shoulder. The other one found a much softer target. I righted myself and pulled my pants up, willing my sausage to stay down and un-spicy.

“I’m going to kick both of your arses up and down this street.” I idly threatened. Rainbow and Pinkie made a hasty retreat, leaving me with a stunned Rarity. “Sorry about that, Rares. It was just supposed to be a quick prank.”

“I-I… Well, i-it’s no problem, I understand.” She looked at anything other than me for a good moment.

“Again, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or feel awkward. I closed the distance between us and re-buttoned her frilled white blouse for her, being very careful where I put my hands under her anxious eye.

When I finished, she took the time to steady her breathing. “Wait here a moment, will you please?” Rarity asked nervously.

“Of course.” I stood as she went into her back room and looked around. As usual, her shop was meticulously kept and I could see nothing out of order. The outfits she herself had made were color-coded for ladies attire and by size for the comparatively colorless male attire.

I waited around for a few moments and considered leaving when I heard her call out, “M-Max? Are you still there?”

“I am,” I replied.

“Could you come back here for a moment?”

I walked through the door to find bright white fur contrasted against tasteful and sexy black lingerie. My eyes immediately went to Rarity’s face as I accounted for modesty and I walked closer, avoiding looking upon her lovely figure, regardless of the implied invitation to do so. “Oi, what’s up?”

“S-So… What do you think?”

“Not a terribly fair question since you never answered my question earlier.”

“My answer should have been fairly obvious.” She huffed, crossing her arms. It raised her breasts quite nicely, though I wasn’t looking. Totally wasn’t looking.

“Implication and statement are different words for a reason.”

“Fine. I-I preferred looking at you.” Her blush grew a little and I gave her a half smile.

“And I would prefer looking at you if I was going to do it.”

Rarity looked at me and our eyes met. “Have you not… Looked?”

“I glanced before I realized. You have a lovely figure, Rarity.”

“...So you’re not going to look?”

“You’re a proper lady, unlike Pinkie and Rainbow. It would be rude without your express permission.”

“Are you sure you’re not secretly a gentlecolt? I’m rather sure calling you back here while in my undergarments was apparent, implied permission. It would be for most stallions.” She gave me a playful, bashful look. Yeah, at this point you’re trying to play me.

“I’m not a stallion. I’m a man with manners. Please don’t tell me you were coerced into stripping by those two.”

“N-No, not quite. It was a bit of an influence, but... I don’t mind so much if it’s just you.”

“Thank you for trusting me Rarity, but I believe I’ve had an eyeful.”

“You haven’t stopped looking me in the eye since you came in!”

I stepped forward and gave her a slow once over, taking in every inch of her form with a fake grin plastered on my face. I felt no real enjoyment from it, even though I most certainly did appreciate the lovely view. Once I had passed over her breasts, I looked back into her eyes and found a bit of lust there. “I’ve looked now, and my statement from earlier still stands. You’re a beautiful woman, Rarity.”

“Thank you, Max.” She shyly covered her breasts and looked at me out of the corner of her eye.

“Don’t tell me you want a naked hug too?” I asked jokingly. Rarity didn’t answer me, but she did giggle nervously. “...Is that a yes?”

“Well... I likely wouldn’t object.”

“My lover would. Pinkie Pie is one thing, but you would be another matter entirely.” I sighed.

“Why is that?”

“I don’t find Pinkie Pie attractive in any sense of the word. She’s cute, don’t get me wrong, but she’s too childlike, too much like a filly for me to want anything of the sort from her. You, on the other hand,” I gestured to her voluptuous form, ”are quite the woman. I wouldn’t risk my relationship now.”

“... Are you saying you don’t find me desirable?”

“I’m saying that if I gave you a hug with no clothes on, it would be a precursor to other things. I would need to contact my lover to let her know ahead of time. I most certainly do not object to the idea.”

Rarity chewed her lip. “I… have mare things happen tomorrow. Perhaps you could say hello to your lover?”

“I will. I’ll let you know if she gives me the okay.” I had forgotten to ask her about Applejack to, so I needed to write Celestia anyway.

“Please do.” Rarity turned around and I looked at her plump posterior.

“Before we do anything, can I ask what it would mean to you?”

She looked over her shoulder and saw where my attention lie. “Well, it’s not uncommon for ponies in gender-skewed towns to share. I wouldn’t try to claim you for my own if that’s what you’re asking.

“I was asking if you wanted to carry on something with a bit of romance or just a friend with benefits kind of deal.”

“Well, I do find relationships to be rather troublesome with my current career, so the friends with benefits suits me quite well. Could I ask that we have a few conditions?”

“No feelings, no coercion?”

“Well, yes, basically. Have you had this conversation before?”

“With Applejack yesterday, actually.”

“Maybe those rumors are right,” She teased, “You do seem to get around.”

“Only amongst our friends, I believe.”

“Oh, Max, there’s one more thing I wanted to ask of you.”

“Yes Rarity?”

“Could we add another clause to our agreement?”

“Depends on the clause. What is it?”

“Well, as you know, I don’t really have a stallion to enjoy the smaller things with.”

“So you want a boyfriend without the obligation. I have no issue with that, but it may breed feelings that we don’t want.”

“You underestimate a mare’s power to do without love in a relationship.” She sniffed.

“That would have a lot more impact if you weren’t half naked, love.”

“Hush! Why do you keep switching between ‘love’ and ‘Bonny’?”

“Which do you prefer?”

“I like ‘love’, but I would prefer something unique.”

“So Bonny? It means beautiful.”

“... I like it!” She beamed at me.

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow, Bonny.” I couldn’t just leave without giving her something for such a treat. I took her arm in my hand gently and she whirled around, leaning forward as if she had anticipated my next move, I was rather certain that she did from the way she passionately kissed me back, slipping me a little tongue before we broke the kiss.

She seemed nervous when I pulled away. “I-I’m sorry, darling, did I take it too far?”

“No, you did not. I’ll see you tomorrow Rarity.” I copped a feel since I was still nice and close, earning a squeak for the gesture.

“M-Max! How forward!”

I didn’t want to leave without another taste of, surprise surprise, marshmallow, and kissed her again, but this time putting some real effort behind it. Once she slipped me some tongue in turn, I waited until it felt right to start feeling her up and stopped short again. “Have a good one, Bonny~”

Rarity stared after me, touching her lips as I turned and walked out of the establishment, wondering what the bloody fuck I had just gotten myself into. I still had a few hours in the day, so I went to go see Twilight. She said that she just wanted to do some reading for the day, so I joined her in doing that before I set the prank on her and she got mad at me. IT was a nice time that I enjoyed since neither of us really talked until we finished our books, and even then I’d only gottren through half of my Pony philosophy book and had to quit because it kept making me giggle. Twilight was interested in how someone would laugh at philosophy, and when I told her, she was both surprised and a little offended that I thought her people were silly and childish at heart. Other than that, I just went home and tried to soak in the lonesome road.

Celestia paid me a visit that night after I had sent her the missive about the relationships that I was going to start with Rarity and Applejack. She hadn’t said anything about it while we were making small talk over some tea that I had made from supplies she had brought. Mostly we caught up on the day to day happenings which was basically me talking about the wild week I’d been having in Ponyville and her complaining about the tedium of Day Court. Apparently she had a job for me, but wouldn’t tell me what it was until later.

“You know that prank you pulled with those brownies was evil, right?”

“It may have been, but I’m sure it was fun for you.”

“I have never been so intoxicated in modern times! They were good, don’t get me wrong, but what the hay did you put in them?

“Just a little something that reminded me of home. If it makes you feel any better, I tested the effects on myself and then Twilight once she felt like it.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better. In fact, it makes me worry about leaving my student anywhere near you.”

“You should be more worried about leaving me with her! You two might end up being pseudo sisters if she keeps hitting on me.”

“That’s not very funny.”

“It was worth a shot.” I shrugged and sipped the tasty tea.

“So, Max. What made you consider a ‘Friends with Benefits’ with Applejack? I know you forgave her, but it… Well, to be frank, it makes absolutely no sense.”

“We wiped the slate clean. We’re starting over like nothing ever happened unless someone else brings it up, but even then we try to distance ourselves from that event. Considering that I’m trying to be a more honest person, it wouldn’t hurt to be closer to her.”

“That doesn’t explain the ‘shagging and snogging’ as you so eloquently put it.”

“In all seriousness?” I rhetorically asked. “I just like her as a person. She has strong morals, a good sense of justice and a great figure. Hell, besides that event and her hatred of lying, I can’t really find a reason I couldn’t be with her. She’s rather worldwise and quite down to earth, more so than her friends. If I’m right, she backs me up and I don’t doubt that she’ll call me out if I’m wrong.”

“She and Velvet do have-.” Celestia quietly started.

“Don’t go there.” I retorted just as quietly

“You can only speak to me like that for so long, Maximus.” She warned

“Don’t pretend to be the victim. You know damn well it hurts.” And that you helped me lose her...

“I suppose that’s fair.” She sighed. “So what about Rarity? I can’t see you with a pony that strives to be one of the aristocrats you hate so much.”

“Neither could I, but then I got to know her. Honestly, I used to despise her, but she’s grown on me. She’s a genuine, friendly person who won’t push me for information I don’t want to share, nor will she bring up topics she knows I don’t want to speak on. To summarize; she’s tactful, patient, kind, and generous. The only things I don’t like about her are her ambitions, her demeanor when it comes to men, and her accent. All minor things.”

“What do you mean you don’t like her demeanor?”

“The mare acts like a whorse” Celestia’s eyes widened. “There’s no need for her to cling to me when we’re together or otherwise try to use her sex appeal on me, but she does and isn’t afraid to. I hold little respect for Rarity in that regard, but she’s still a lovely person as a whole.”

“I worry when you say things like that, Max. I know breaking up with Velvet hurt,” I gripped my tea cup, “but you weren’t this cold before, even when you came back from Gryphonia.”

“I lost the person that told me that what I did in Gryphonia was justified. Without her, it’s been taking its toll on me along with the break up. I already had a piece of my heart sectioned out for her with throw pillows and a nice little rug too.”

Celestia reached over from her adjacent seat and placed a hand on my knee. “I’m here for you when you need me, Max. You know that.” She glanced at my forearms and I rotated them to show her that the marks were still healing on their own.”

“I know that. Which is why I told you a lot more than I told the girls. I love you Celestia, but there are some things that I know I need to keep to myself.”

“You said you were going to try to be more open, Max. Now is one of those moments.”

“You really don’t want me to do that, Celestia. Let’s wait until you’re ready to leave for that. Or we can wait until February thirtieth and talk about it then.”

“I don’t know what that is, but if you want to wait to talk about it, we can. Just know that I want to do it before I go and I will not forget.”

“I know you won’t. What else did you want to talk about in the meantime?”

“How have you been since Velvet?”

“Fucking terrible. I couldn’t hold anything down for a bit, a few night or two without sleeping, and I still feel pretty under the weather. Sex means little to me now, and there’s a weight on my chest that won’t go away. It feels like I’m drowning constantly and all I desire right now is to go to sleep and never wake up, but I know life goes on. I know it’ll get better and I know this pain is only temporary, but dammit Celestia, does it fuckin’ hurt... Maybe that’s why I’ve been so fast and loose with giving pieces of myself away, but I can’t really say that I care about anything right now.” Celestia looked heartbroken and I grabbed her hand, joining her on my couch.“I still care about you, Hun, and there’s nothing that can change that. You still mean a lot to me, and I did mean what I said when I told you that I love you. Right now, you’re the reason I’m still here.”

“Max… I never would have sent you here if I knew that it was going to hurt you like this. I love you too, and knowing that you’re like this because of me…”

Yeah, low-key fuck you. “No one can see the future, as far as I know, and if you can there’s no way to predict what causes it in the meantime. I don’t blame you, and the main thing I cared about in that sentence was ‘I love you too’.”

“You’re a good stallion, despite everything you’ve been through. I don’t know what brought you to my land, but I’m glad it did; we need more ponies like you.” Celestia placed her hand on my thigh and squeezed.

“No you don’t. You need more people with my good qualities, which I’m trying to get more of.”

“You’ve got enough now. You just need to work on some of the worse ones, but that will take some time.” She paused. “Thank you for honoring our agreement about mares, now that I think about it. Although I do find it disturbing that you hugged Pinkie Pie while nude.”

“She wouldn’t get dressed unless I did. If it makes you feel any better, I was soft the entire time.”

“I would hope so. If not, I might have to cut it off.”

“Scary. While we’re in the process of switching topics, what is this job you want me to do?”

“...It’s not a job I want you to do. I really don’t want you to have anything to do with it, Max.”

“So it’s bad. What is it?”

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You can reject it if you don’t want to do it. Say the word and it’ll be like I never even mentioned it.”

“Celestia.”

She inhaled deeply and let it out slowly. “... Luna wants you to assassinate the Gryphon King. I-”

“Why?”

Celestia looked surprised. “He’s been threatening to invade northern Equestria for some time now, and it seems like he’s thinking about it more and more lately. He’s been rejecting all peace offers and refuses to comment on the raids that are becoming more frequent. His wife, Queen Elfriede, is far more reasonable, making her opposition to his goals very apparent.

“So if I take down the King, the Queen takes over?”

“Yes, and Equestria will have a much better chance of gaining Gryphonia as an ally under her rule.”

“Why not have someone else do it? I’m sure Crimson could do it better than I could.”

“The thing is that one of our nobles has been leaking information regarding our Operatives, but we don’t know which one as of today. If you can get the information from the King before you kill him, then that would go far in keeping Equestria and her people safe.”

“I’m guessing that I’m not on the list?”

“You are not. I personally made sure of that, regardless of whether you go. You have our seals on your blade and they are the only things marking you as an Operative.”

“So right now I’m the only one who can do it?”

“... In a manner of speaking, yes, but-”

“Then get me prepped and I’ll go. If it keeps you and Equestria safe, then I’ll do just about anything.” Except die. Gotta try not to die.

Celestia’s eyes glistened. “You don’t have to do this Max, it’s dangerous and suicidal! What would I do if I sent you to your death? How could I live with myself after that? I don't want to lose you because of some foalish King that doesn’t understand the might of Equestria!”

“So you would rather send thousands of your people die in a war instead of your lover?” Celestia chewed her lip and didn’t reply. “That’s not how you successfully run a country, Hun. I refuse your refusal.”

“Max, I-”

I silenced her with a long, meaningful kiss, holding her close enough to feel her breasts rise and fall as her breathing picked up.

“If I can, then I’ll do it to keep you and our home safe. If that means prying information from a warmongering King before slaying him like a kobold, then I’ll do it.”

Tears fell from her eyes. “Max… I don’t want to risk losing you.”

“And I don’t want to risk losing you. That’s why I want to do it.” I looked into her eyes and something felt wrong. I don’t know what it was, so I brushed it aside, sweeping it out of my mind like the tears I gently wiped away from her beautiful face.

“I will survive, Max. I always have, for thousands of years, and one little war will not change that. I assure you that Equestria’s might would solve the Gryphonia problem, but…”

“You can’t interfere with the balance you’ve reached. I know. That’s why you didn’t allow Applejack to turn herself in when she nearly killed me.”

“What?” Celestia was stuck.

“You put a freeze on the reasonable orders to have Applejack arrested. I know you protected her when by all means she should still be in prison right now.”

“Max, what are you talking about?” Celestia’s anxiety didn’t show in her voice, but it did in her eyes.

“Don’t lie to me, Celestia. It’s very unbecoming. I don’t want revenge or anything for it, but I do want you to know that I see you for what you are.”

“I-I-”

“And yet, for some odd reason, I can’t stop loving you.” I caressed her cheek with the tips of my fingers and gave her a small smile. “You’re not the paragon you pretend to be and you know I know that. We’re not good people and our darkness may be different, though-.”

Celestia’s eyes were wide and full as she swatted my hand away. “How dare you. How dare you!”

I stared at her. “... How dare I speak the truth? Isn’t that what you want from me, Celestia? To be more open and honest?”

“How could you make such accusations!? How could you say that!?”

Her hair caught fire and burned with an icy intensity that her eyes mimicked. It was quite the sight to behold, but I wasn’t scared. “Celestia, I still-” I felt odd until I realized something that hit me hard. “Hun… Have you been playing me all along…?”

“Do not speak of such treachery! You would never know-”

My heart dropped and tears fell down my face in rivulets. “Celestia I- I need an answer...”.

The flames that wreathed around her pulchritudinous crown lessened in their intensity and Celestia left in a pop that took her away from me without my answer, and I wondered just what the fuck I had done. I needed to know. I needed to see if she was really playing with my heart or if she actually did love me back. My heart hurt and I could feel it pounding in my chest, wondering if the last shred of love I held from her had evaporated or if I’d just sunk our relationship altogether. She… She knew that I knew she wasn’t the best person. She knew that I saw through her, but when I brought it up, she… Celestia wouldn’t even address why she let Applejack walk free, and I wasn’t even bitter about it. I just needed to know and couldn’t let it go...

My heart hurts as I write this because I might’ve been right and I could be horribly wrong...

I woke the next morning exhausted. Lupa still hadn’t returned and I was lonelier than ever. I couldn’t purge the thought that Celestia had been toying with my heart all along, using me to do her dirty work while she and Luna sat in Canterlot laughing at my stupidity. I spent hours in the fetal position trying to ward off the deep seated ache that had settled into my torso, but nothing I could do would work. After I had trusted her, loved her, given her what I could, tried to be a better man for her… It all meant nothing. She had never loved me. She had never wanted me in her life, other than to fill the role of some boy-toy that she could keep on a leash. It was a long leash, granted, but a leash nonetheless, and it hurt. It hurt so fucking bad. I didn’t want to believe that I had meant nothing to her, but it was all my mind could rest on. I was ready to go. I was ready to do anything to numb the pain.

When I stepped into my kitchen , I ate the rest of the brownies I had kept. There were only a few left, and they would take too long to do the job, so I went out back and cut off another bud from my tree and walked to the general store in town. The mare at the counter greeted me, but I was in no mood to talk, so I asked if she had any pipes available. Turns out, she had a few nice wooden ones and a box of matches to go with it, though she wasn't happy with my attitude. After paying her double what they were worth and giving her an empty ‘thanks’ I went back home and lit up until I couldn’t move. I spent four hours getting far too high, throwing up, and repeating the process until my entire room was so filled with smoke, I could barely see my hand in front of me.

It didn’t help as much as I’d hoped it would, so I went to the only liquor store in town while so high I could barely walk. I made it inside and grabbed two bottles of clear and a bottle of whiskey. The clerk didn’t want to sell to me so I slapped a hundred bits down on the counter and walked back home, ignoring every pony that greeted me or tried to help me stand when I stumbled. After drinking myself to sobriety and back into a drunken stupor, I heard a knock on my door. I stood up while enraged that someone dare disturb my wallowing, and tried my damndest to rip the door from its hinges to find that Twilight and Applejack were standing outside. The sun was setting, which pissed me off just as much as having two mother fuckers interrupt me trying to drink myself to death.

“What.” I snarled.

“Whoa now, sugarcube, we ain’t here to do nothin’. We just wanna talk to ya.”

Twilight looked scared. “Max, are you okay?”

“What the fuck does it look like. Fuck off.” I slammed the door in their faces and picked up the bottle I had nearly drained, finishing what was left.

I got the other one opened when they knocked again. The shaking wouldn’t stop, the ache wouldn’t stop, and I could barely understand what was going on. All I knew was that I needed another drink and to smoke a little more. My heart felt like it was tearing itself apart and I just wanted to be left alone, to have my anger be directed toward me and only me. It was eating me up inside and I couldn’t stop thinking the thoughts that cannibalize a man. Even though I knew that the new anger was misplaced, lashing out was on my mind and that made me want to be alone. I didn’t want to hurt anyone, so I had isolated myself and was happy to be in solitude. Memories of ruined corpses, people spouting blood and screaming for help hit me. The look on Celestia’s face. On Fluttershy’s. On Velvet’s. On all of my friend’s when they knew what I’d doe. In my knackered, hammered state, I did my best to poison the poison inside and upturned the bottle, reveling in the burn. That was the scene Applejack and Twilight walked in on.

“Max!” Applejack rushed over and tried to wrest the bottle from me. I threw a clumsy punch that still landed on her jaw, though she barely flinched. She got the bottle after I threw a few more punches until I realized I couldn’t form a fist anymore; I had broken at least three fingers without even realizing it from poorly placed blows. “Dear Celestia, what the hay’s gotten into ya? You’re hurtin’ yourself more than me, so stop!”

“Max, please!” Twilight cried.

I stumbled back and Applejack caught me, trying to keep me upright. “Max, Sugarcube, what’s wrong!? Just a couple days ago you were fine and dandy, now you’ve been stumblin’ round town snappin’ at everypony within arms reach! What’s goin’ on… Talk to us. You can’t keep your head in the bottle-”

“Go fuck yourself and leave me the hell alone!” I slurred, barely able to form the words. “I never asked you to come here, so fuck off!”

Twilight grabbed me with her magic before I could tackle Applejack and floated me over to the couch, forcing me to sit so she could inspect my hand. After a flash of magic, my fingers were set and healed for the most part, though itchy. “Max… Max, just… Just try to relax, okay? You’re drunk and- And just tell us what happened...” Tears fell from Twilight’s eyes and I, even then, could tell that she was in pain.

Are you really this toxic, Kaid? Are you really going to keep doing this? You’re better than this. Spill. Spill it all. Now. “Ask your fucking teacher,... She’s been using me like a fucking tool the entire time Twilight... She never even cared! She never loved me...” I tried to sit up, but magic forced me back down, the shite in my system driving me nuts as I failed to free myself.

“Wait, what?” Applejack asked, rubbing her face. I couldn’t remember if it was even the side I’d hit

“I don’t know, let me see if I can cast a sobriety spell.”

“Don’t you fuckin’ dare, Twilight. I swear to god I will hurt you if you make me go back to what that fucking cunt is putting me through.”

She was taken aback and moved away from me as Applejack stormed forward.

“You take that back, now! I don’t care what you’re goin’ through, you don’t say somethin’ like that to a friend!”

“Fucking kill yourself.”

Applejack grabbed my face and leaned down. “Take. It. Back.”

I rewarded her efforts by spitting her her face. “Finish what you started, you fuckin’ cunt. Kill me now. Do it,” I hissed. She stared at me. “Do it! I’m fuckin’ done-”

Her eyes lit up with rage and she cocked back, but the punch I wanted so desperately never came. Instead, she lowered her fist and showed me mercy that I never wanted.

“Do it you fucking coward! Nut up and hit me!”

“Applejack,” Twilight put a magic muzzle on me, “I think we need to watch over him until he sobers up…. The Max I know… He didn't mean any of that.”

“I know, Sugarcube... I know.” She wiped my saliva from her face. “I don’t know what happened to him, but this ain’t Max. He ain’t in his right mind right now, and his spit is like rubbin’ alcohol. The guy’s hurtin’ inside somethin’ fierce.”

“Then all we can do is wait until he calms down.” Twilight and Applejack were both shaking hard. Applejack from fury, and Twilight from fear, but both were shivering like leaves.

They grabbed blankets from the closet I had stored them in and placed one on me, taking two others for themselves as they sat and talked quietly. I threw up a few times, but Twilight cleaned me with her magic whenever it happened, so I could be grateful for that at least. Consciousness faded and came back with another smack in the face every time. I wasn’t okay, I didn’t feel like I ever would be again, and I’d meant what I said. I was done. It hurt to breathe. Hurt to think. Everything I did while sobering up just hurt. It was the long process of sobering up that peeled back layers of falsehoods. Every hour brought a new wave of pain that rocked me like no other. Just when I thought it could get no worse, life stabbed the other testicle and all I could do was sit there and take it, unable to truly weep, scream, or vocalize my pain...

It was torture. Pure, concentrated Hell.

Night had fallen for some time when Rarity came knocking. Applejack got up to answer the door and explained the situation to her and she joined their vigil with me barely able to focus on any of them. Their voices were too loud, my head too foggy for me to fully grasp what they were talking about all the time. I’d stopped blacking out, but I was still in pain. They sat for hours talking amongst themselves, theorizing what had made me go off the deep end, and asking me every hour on the hour if I was ready to talk. Each time I just glared and whoever asked returned to their seat and they continued talking. I was finally sober enough to get a clear word outaround five in the morning, during Rarity’s turn on watch. Applejack and Twilight were resting on the floor and I was hurting badly, wanting nothing more than to smoke myself into another coma. When Rarity asked me if I was ready to talk, I nodded and she dispelled Twilight’s gag.

“Leave.” I whispered hoarsely.

“That’s not going to happen.” She replaced the gag and sat back down, worry etched deep into her expression as she stroked my hair and spoke softly. “... We love you, Max, even if you don’t feel like it. We’re not going to leave you like this.”

Around eight, Fluttershy came knocking with Lupa in tow. When the wolf saw me on the couch, she immediately leaped next to me and licked my face which only earned her my scorn. She whimpered and laid on me, warming me up, which made me feel considerably better since I’d grown cold over the night. She stuck by me, no matter how much of an arsehole fuck-up I was making myself out to be. Rarity talked to Fluttershy for a moment and I had yet another visitor to watch over me. I should have been touched that my friends would go so far as to abandon their lives to make sure I was okay, even after threatening and insulting two of them. There was nothing more I wanted than to reach out to them and weep my sorrows out, but at the same time, I didn’t trust myself to be near them without hurting someone, so when they asked if I was ready to talk, I shook my weary head and remained gagged.

Noon rolled around and Twilight was the one who managed to get me out of the hole. She dispelled the gag, brought me some mouthwash and a drink, and said, “Max… I don’t like seeing you like this. I hate seeing you like this. There’s… I don’t know many ponies stronger than you, so why have you fallen so hard now? Isn’t it time to get back up?”

“Close the curtains.” The bright light had been bothering my aching head for some time.

Twilight did so with magic. “So… Are you really ready to talk, Max?”

“No, but I want you to leave me the hell alone.” I whispered.

“That ain’t happenin’ while you’re like this. What happened? Why are you lashin’ out like somepony just killed Lupa?”

“Celestia has been using me this entire time. When Luna sent me to Gryphonia, Celestia objected, but she never meant it. When I told her I had blood on my hands, she already knew.”

“What do you mean by that?” Rarity inquired softly.

“It was a test. It was all a fuckin’ test...”

The girls gasped collectively. “What makes you so sure?”

“I can see right through you Ponies… Not a one of you can lie for shit… Celestia asked why I was different and she already knew. Wouldn’t be a far reach to say she orchestrated it.

“Killing ponies… It has to be weighing on your conscience. Maybe that’s making you paranoid, making you think Celestia doesn’t love you.” Twilight suggested.

I barked out a dry, cruel laugh. “She doesn’t give a damn about me. She never did. I called her out on what happened with Applejack, told her I knew that she had protected her after the fight. She got angry and said ‘How dare you’ like I didn’t already know, like we didn’t already have a half-arsed discussion about it. She’s corrupt and her soul is as dark as mine, but she won’t admit it.”

“M-Maybe she got angry because you accused her?”

“Who else has the authority to stop someone from turning themselves in?”

“A lot of ponies, actually. It’s down to the officer-” Twilight began

“No, that’s not what happened, Twi. I tried to turn myself in and they told me they were on orders from higher up not to let me,” Applejack explained.

Twilight’s face fell. “It can’t be true! That’s not Celestia!”

“Even if it isn’t, she’s not the person you think she is, Twilight. I already told you that.”

“So you think Celestia doesn’t love you because she got mad when you accused her of doing something?”

“No, I think Celestia doesn’t love me because she was furious when I brought it up her. She teleported away after I asked her if she had been playing me.”

The girls looked between themselves and none of them had any answers. Applejack was the first to speak up. “Maybe you’re just overthinkin’ it? You might be goin’ to the worst case scenario for no reason like you always do when it comes to yourself. You told me a thousand times that you think you’re horrible… What if you’re just projectin’ it somewhere else?” She placed a hand on my knee and knelt before me.

“I wish I was. It makes too much sense. Can you let me lay down? It’s been a long day.”

“Yes, I’m sorry, I didn’t think of how badly you must be aching from sitting like that so long.” Twilight released her magic and Lupa hopped onto the floor next too Applejack. I stiffly laid myself on the couch.

“I’m sorry for everything, Twilight, Applejack. Neither of you deserved that.”

“Deserved what?” Rarity asked

“It’s nothing, Rares. Just let it go, it’s not important,” Applejack assured her.

“Do you want somepony to stay with you? I know you must still be hurting right now,” Twilight asked kindly.

“I’ll stay.” Applejack stated firmly. “It ain’t an option. Just ‘cause you’re talkin’ don’t mean you’re gonna be good to go.”

“... Yeah. Someone get the liquor.” I stretched while laying down before I propped myself up on the arm of the couch. Popping my joints was painful, each one hurting then giving me a bit more mobility. I started pulling my knives from their sheaths and placed them all on my coffee table. “Keep those away from me right now. I don’t need them.”

Rarity picked them up in a heap with her magic. “I’ll keep them for now. You know where to find them if you do need them, though I can’t imagine why you ever would.”

“Thank you.” I laid back down and closed my eyes.

“I’ll be right here, Max. Can one of ya go tell Big Mac what’s goin’ on? Leave out the details, just tell him Max needs a friend at the moment,” Applejack asked.

“I’ll do it.” Fluttershy offered. “Big Macintosh usually listens to me.”

“Good idea. Hey Max?” Applejack asked softly.

“Yeah, Apple Bottom?”

She and the girls chuckled at that, all of them sounding relieved. “You need anything, Sugarcube? Wanna go lay down in your bed?”

“Yeah to both. I’m gonna go get water.” I was still hungover on my way to the sink, filling three glasses with water and downing them slowly.

The restroom was the next stop, and I knew that I would be bleeding if I didn’t make the choice that I had with my knives. In any case, I pulled out my stitches and it didn’t suck that bad, the wounds mostly healed save for some scabbing that could be peeled off. I splashed some water on my face and barely recognized the man in the mirror. He was too haggard and elderly to be me. I walked out and found Applejack just outside, listening in on what I had been doing. The concern for my wellbeing was appreciated and I tried to give her a reassuring smile, but all my lips could do was twitch vaguely. She evidently understood what I was trying to do and gave me one in turn before giving me a hug that I needed. I needed it like the water and the brief time alone.

“I’m sorry, Applejack.” I murmured to her.

“I know, Max. It’s okay. We know you were just speakin’ from pain. It’s alright.” She held on and I could feel the walls crumbling.

“I was way out of line. Never had friends like you girls before. Thank you.” The dam that had been holding back the flood burst and the tears I had thought were gone came back with a vengeance. “Thank you so much.” I said through my sobs.

Applejack stood and held me while I cried, which only reminded me of the way Velvet had done. I cried harder, breaking down completely in her arms. It was something that so many people take for granted, the touch of a friend, of someone who truly cares and doesn’t judge. It helped that I knew that she’d been mad at me, that I’d been an utter shithead and she was still willing to hold me while I worked through it. It was something that I had scorned in Velvet, and swore to myself that I would never do to my friends, no matter what. If they needed me, then I would be there for them too because having that comfort meant the world to me.

I don’t know how long I cried or how Applejack managed to bear it, but when I choked down the last sobs, she held my cheeks and cleared my tears. She could tell that I was so worn out I didn’t want to move, so the lovely woman that is Applejack Apple straight up scooped me and took me to my bed, despite my meager protests. Her defense was that I was lighter than Rainbow and she could barely believe that I was a male since I was such a featherweight, and she even laid me down more gently than I’d thought a woman could do with a guy my size. Granted, I’m not large by any means of the word, but Applejack didn’t look half as strong as she was and it, though emasculating, was still nice. She took up a spot right next to me before Lupa joined in on my other side. My heart eased as I drifted off into the sweet bliss that was dreamless, restful sleep.

I woke up to the sound something frying in my kitchen. Lupa was now laying in front of me where Applejack had been with her head nuzzled into my chest. She looked up at me when I stirred and I stroked her fur, thankful that I had her. I got up and picked out some clothes, putting them in the bathroom for a shower later. I didn’t feel like doing it, but I knew I had to maintain personal hygiene if I wanted to keep my friends and my pupper around, so I set myself to the task. Regardless of how I felt about it at the moment, I would probably want the shower while I was in it. I peeked in the kitchen and saw Applejack at the stove whipping something up. I glanced outside and to my clock, seeing that it was morning again. I had already blown two days in a self-destructive spiral, but I was more surprised that it hadn’t lasted longer once I thought about it. Perhaps the power of friends who cared was stronger than I’d thought it was.

I hopped in the shower and took my time, trying to wash away the griminess that I felt deep inside while failing miserably. Focusing on the fact that I had people who could deal with me at my worst and were willing to do so made me smile to myself as I finished up, having taken one of the longest showers I remembered. There was a beautiful, strong, loyal mare in the kitchen who was hopefully making something that Lupa could eat. I wasn’t hungry myself, but like the shower I knew I needed it. After applying some cologne and shaving down the beard I had begun to grow, I exited and found Applejack, yet again, leaning against the door. She smiled when she saw me.

“You smell awful nice. You got a date or somethin’?” She joked.

“Maybe. Depends on what you cooked.” I gave her a little grin that seemed to ease her worries.

“Well, I hope ya like apple fritters, because that’s what it is.”

“You know what? I’d be more surprised if it wasn’t apple-flavoured.” We had a giggle at that. “Did you make anything for Lupa? I can-”

“I didn’t have to, so don’t worry, Sugarcube. Fluttershy dropped off some food for her while you were asleep, but she hasn’t left your side since you laid down.” The wolf in question took that as her cue too nudge my lower back.

I jumped and spun around before patting her head. “Oi, pupper. That’s a right spookin’ ya done gave me there.”

“Are you makin’ fun a’ me?” Applejack asked.

“Nah, it wasn’t the country people so much as the Minnesotans.”

She rolled her eyes. “Then let’s get down to breakfast and I won’t spit in your food.”

I popped my finger in her mouth real quick, making her raise her brows before I brought it to my lips and licked it. “Tastes like apples and cinnamon.”

“... You’re weird, Max!” Applejack just about lost her shit while I wiped my finger off.

“And you think I’m kidding.” I deadpanned.

She beamed at me. “So what? Just apples and cinnamon?”

“More like apple crumble, just… Spitty.”

She did the same thing to me at my last word, so I licked her finger and she tasted it the same way. “Hot damn, you actually do taste like chocolate and cherries… I thought Fluttershy was just exaggeratin’...” She licked her finger again. “Yeah, it’s like cherry cordial.”

“Dunno what that is, but at least I warranted a second taste.”

“C’mon, goofball, we got food to eat before it gets cold.”

The one orange Apple that I knew of lead the way to the kitchen and we sat down for what could have been lunch. I’m sure my food was good, but it tasted like ash in my mouth, though I didn’t say that to Applejack. I was thankful that she had made it for me, so eating all of it was non-negotiable, no matter how little I felt like doing so. As I made my way through the fritter, I both recognized that it tasted a little like her toward the end and noticed that she picked and pecked at her plate, too busy looking at me to eat her own.

“Not hungry?” I asked casually.

“Just worried about ya.” She gave me a little smile and took a bite of her fritter.

“Thank you. I don’t mean to, but I know you’ll worry anyway.”

“True. What do you want to do today? To get your mind off of it?”

I thought for a moment. “... Is cuddling or snuggling too much to ask?”

Applejack broke out in laughter and I joined her once I realized how ridiculous the suggestion had sounded. It lifted my spirits a bit and I needed that, even if I was laughing at my own oversight. “I’m sorry, Sugarcube, I don’t mean to laugh- Well, I didn’t mean to laugh that hard, but that’s the last thing I thought you’d wanna do.”

“Well, if you’re not up to the task, I’m sure I could persuade someone else.” I sniffed haughtily, not managing to keep a straight face.

“No, no. I want to, trust me. I just wasn’t expectin’ it.” Applejack started scarfing down her food in the most attractive way and only stopped when she looked up and saw the smile I had plastered all over my face.

“What you smilin’ ‘bout?” She asked with her mouth full.

“Nothing. Nothing at all.” I chuckled.

Applejack swallowed and daintily patted at the crumbs around her mouth with a blush on her face. Once she finished, we took ourselves outside and sat on my porch swing, rocking gently with the breeze. She held my hand and drew a little circle on it over and over again as Lupa sunbathed nearby. The morning was a bit chilly, but this time Applejack was clad in the warm flannel and jeans she had worn the night she came over. I wanted to bring it up in a kind way since she’d been nothing but nice to me and deserved a little tact. It’s not that she smelled bad; Quite the contrary, she smelled fantastically like apples. It was just that I knew she’d be embarrassed later if she thought about it.

“Hey, have you had a chance to shower since I’ve been out cold? I doubt you wanted to leave, just in case I woke up.” I asked.

She blushed and let my hand go, but I grabbed hers before she could get too far. “... You’re right, but I really just didn’t want ya to wake up alone and still feel like ya did yesterday....”

“Why don’t we swing by your places and grab some clothes? Or you could drop me off with Twilight or Fluttershy and take your time.”

“I guess I could leave ya with Twi for a bit. Not that I don’t trust ya to watch yourself, I-”

“Look, AJ, ‘I’ don’t trust me to watch myself right now. I’ll be fine at Twilight’s for a little while. When you come back, we can continue cuddling and you can draw whatever you want on my hand.”

“Fine. I guess I can’t win with you.” She rolled her eyes. “Always got something to say, dontcha?”

“Always, but you’ll probably win a little more than you think. It’s not just because of what you’ve done, but I still owe you a lot, Applejack.”

“I’m just payin’ back the kindness you showed me, Max. That and tryin’ to be the best friend that I can be.”

“You’re being a better friend than I was.” I stood and offered a hand to her.

She took it and stood. “You reached out first, Max. Ya gotta start givin’ yourself credit sometime.”

It didn’t take long before we were on our way to Ponyville. We walked side by side with Lupa on my right and Applejack on my left, and I honestly felt better for their company. I greeted the Ponies that were out and about like I usually did, feeling that I needed to be extra nice since I had been such a prick two days ago. The Ponies were generally quick to forgive and I was grateful for that, even if I knew there were going to be whispers about me for days to come. I didn’t worry about it very much since it it just wasn’t worth the effort. The walk to Twilight’s took longer than it did when we’d went out walking a few days before, but neither of us were ready for the other to be somewhere else. I know for a fact that I would’ve preferred it if Twilight had come with us and protected me from Macintosh, but Applejack could use some alone time and I’d happily give it to her. I was going to be fine under Twilight’s care and Lupa’s watchful eye, so neither of us were worried about me doing something ill advised.

Spike was up and cooking when I walked in with Twilight herself sitting at the table half dressed and bleary, though she perked up when I walked in. She looked down at her attire and rushed off to change while Spike and I just shared a look. “What’s up, mate?” I asked before filling my usual spot at the table.

“Not much. Twilight was gone for a while yesterday and the night before, but she didn’t say where she went before bed. You know how she is in the mornings, anyway. Fluttershy and Rarity must’ve gone to the same place, because I couldn’t find them either, but-”

“Let me save you from the curiosity; They were all at my place taking care of me with Applejack. Apparently they heard that I was being a right prick around town and came to check on me.”

“Huh. What does prick mean?”

“Jerk, or something like it. It’s not really a word you should be using at your age though.”

“Then why did you say it?”

“Because that’s what I was being at the time. It was an accurate word.”

“So why can’t I use it?”

“You’re to young to go around calling people pricks little man.” Hypocrite. He’s just better than you were. “Just ask Twilight if you don’t believe me.”

“I believe you. So what brings you over?”

“Twilight’s supposed to be watching me for the time being. The girls and I don’t think that I should really be left alone too long.”

“Dude, what happened?”

“It’s a long story that ends with me going off the deep end.” Lupa snorted her agreement.

Spike jumped hard. “Holy moly! I didn’t even see her!”

Lupa put her head on the table since she was tall enough to do that and puffed out a breath. “I don’t see how. She’s awfully noticeable, being a giant fu- fun. A giant fun wolf.”

“Were you really going to say fun?”

“No, but I’m trying to watch my language.”

Spike and I kept up the idle chatter until Twilight returned, fully dressed in a nice little miniskirt and a sweater vest over a white blouse. We had been talking about Twilight when she walked back in, so the conversation stopped and I continued it, citing Rarity as the impromptu topic. It was something I was used to, though Spike just gave me a weird look and responded as he needed to. “Hi, Max. How are you feeling this morning?” Twilight asked, seeming a little embarrassed like she usually did whenever I caught her less than dressed.

“Better. Applejack dropped me off here so she could take care of her morning routine, so hopefully, I won’t be in your hair too long.”

“Don't be silly! You’re always welcome here, Max. Even if Spike secretly hates you.” She stage whispered.

“Hey! I like Max!”

“Ha! I knew you had a crush on me!” Twilight and I laughed while Spike blushed and plated the table for himself, leaving Twilight’s plate on the counter.

“You can get your own breakfast.” He muttered under his breath. I raised an eyebrow at Twilight and she rolled her eyes, using her bullshit magic to float the plate over.

“You know magic isn’t fair at all, right?”

“It might not be fair, but it is useful.” She said as she used said magic to lift her fork to her mouth. I gave her a flat stare as she chuckled and chewed, taking the utensil in her hand.

We chatted for a bit over breakfast and I stroked Lupa from time to time. She eyed everyone’s food, which earned her a few bites of Twilight’s meal. Spike, on the other hand, was rather suspicious of her until she attacked him with her special brand of slobbery affection, distracting him long enough to nosh on the rest of his breakfast. Twilight and I laughed at his crestfallen expression. I offered to buy him a cupcake or something some time, and he looked much happier after that. Twilight seemed much less so, preferring to keep her assistant on a near sugar-free diet. With a little cajoling from Spike and I, we got her to acquiesce. Twilight being Twilight, however, managed to talk us down to a muffin and I wanted one, so I took Spike to go and get some then and there with Lupa following. Sugarcube Corner had dog treats, so Lupa got some of those, I got a banana nut muffin, and Spike got a chocolate chip one. We brought back a strawberry one for Twilight and she was happy to get my muffin all up in her mouth.

Applejack showed up shortly after second breakfast to collect me and I bid my goodbyes to Twilight and Spike, happy that she had returned. We walked back to my house and I took in her apparel: She had opted for a dark denim miniskirt and a matching long-sleeved button up that she had pushed the sleeves up on. She was taking my suggestion to show off a bit more if her outfit was anything to go by, and I definitely approved. She looked good and while we started talking, I was trying to find a tactful way to bring it up without my words being taken the wrong way.

“You’re looking rather nice today, though a nice pair of jeans worked wonders too. Did you wear a skirt just for me?”

“I might’ve.” She smiled. “Maybe I just felt like it.”

“Either way, I like it. Very southern chic.”

“Well thank ya. I’d compliment ya on what you’re wearin’, but it’s a bit late now.”

“Never too late for a compliment, love. Though you’re right in this case; it would come off as disingenuous now.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. How was your visit with Twi?”

“It was nice. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you came back, but I never spend enough time with Twilight or Spike. Not like I should at least, seeing as how they took me into their home when I first got here.”

“Well, as far as I know, you’ve been a busy little bee, Max. Don’t stay still for too long.”

“I tend not to.” I was tempted to take her hand, but I reminded myself that she was supposed to be my friend and only my friend, though I felt like I wanted more. I chalked it up to somewhat heavy dependency issues and held steady, not wanting to alienate her.

We walked and chatted a bit more, Applejack telling stories that I hadn’t heard before, and I talked about some of my crazier exploits in my past life, like the time I had been caught by a gang of old ladies. That story was a little on the strange side and isn’t worth writing down now, but maybe I’ll tell it later. Applejack told me about the time she’d caught Granny singing and dancing in the showers, the time she’d seen Apple Bloom kiss a tree, and when Big Mac got stung by bees for stealing their honey straight from the hive. Coincidentally, Lupa got stung by a bee which was pretty funny and ironic in a sense, but nothing else mentionable happened on the trip back. Still, the walk was noteworthy since Applejack and I were often shoving or pushing each other as we walked and it seemed like we were getting along famously.

We took up our positions on the swing and Lupa laid down where she had been before. The sun had started to shine with a little more warmth and the day was shaping up for a decent one for how late into fall we were. It was a good day to enjoy being outside while the weather lasted. It was a nice morning. We took the party inside and Lupa rushed over to the couch, claiming it as her own before Applejack and I could sit down. I tried to move her, but since she was so damn big, I had a hard time doing so. Eventually, I gave up and sat in the loveseat, trying to make as much room for Applejack as I could. Instead of sitting beside me, she cuddled up to me and sat on my lap, as if daring me to object. She might have been a dense Pony, but there’s never a bad time for cuddles.

“I would ask why you’re sitting on me, but that would sound like I’m complaining,” I commented lightly.

“It’d be a little tight if I sat next to ya, and since Lupa stole the couch, this seems a lot more comfortable.” Lupa huffed and rolled over on her back, stretching out on ‘her’ spot.

“That’s right, pup, we’re talking about you.” I chuckled.

Applejack grabbed my arm and laid my hand on her thigh, brushing the dorsal side with her thumb. I took the hint and remembered how she preferred to be caressed, taking the time to do so. “Have I already told ya that I like it when you do that?” She asked playfully.

“I think so, but it never hurts to hear that I’m doing something right.”

“You say that like ya make a lot of mistakes.”

“I do, I just play them off well. It’s hard to tell when you’re as good at it as I am.”

“Well, you gotta be good at it, ‘cause I can’t name that many. I’m pretty good about pointin’ out mistakes and whatnot.”

“You have to be when you run a business, love. It doesn’t take many to make the whole thing fall apart.”

“I guess you’re right on that.” She pretended to think for a moment and pushed my hand a little higher so that I was now brushing up against her skirt.

I lifted a brow and continued. “Why do I get the feeling that you’re trying to send me a message?”

Applejack played dumb. “I dunno what you’re talkin’ about. I just moved your hand a little bit.”

“Right.” I stroked slightly further, pushing her skirt. “Is it just preference?”

“Maybe. Just see what you like, and I’ll tell you if I like it too.”

I was feeling a bit frisky, so I switched it up, moving my hand in a tight swirling motion that reached into her inner thigh but didn’t dip into her skirt. “How’s that?”

“I like it, but you know you can go higher, right?”

“I don’t know, Apple Bottom… That seems like a violation of your personal space,” I joked.

“Sugarcube, I’m already in your lap. If that bubble wasn’t popped by now, I dunno what would do it I don’t think personal space is the issue here.”

“Fair enough.” I pushed her skirt up a few centimeters and kept the same motion, focusing more on her inner thigh now.

Applejack tapped her chin, kicking her hooves a little over the arm of the love seat.. “Hm, that’s a little better.”

I rolled my eyes and pulled her closer, causing her to sit up a bit as I reached for her other thigh, stroking the outside now. The musculature under her fur was enticing to say the least as I laid my head on her shoulder. “How’s this?”

“I think I like the other way better.”

I gave up trying to be subtle and pushed her skirt up, exposing more of her thighs as I went back to the one I had started on. I varied how I caressed her, going straight or circular, alternating every few strokes. Applejack bit her lip as she watched me avoid her privates. I hadn’t looked at her undergarments though they were somewhat visible now, focusing on foreplay. The soft, incredibly short fur of her inner thigh as nearly intangible, feeling more like smooth skin that actual fur. I found that much to my liking, taking my time as each stroke reached there. Enjoying myself was out of the question because I already knew that I was, incentivizing me to push things along so Applejack could have a good time as well.

“I like that a lot. Please do that more often.” She murmured softly in my ear.

I gently squeezed her thigh. “I will. I’m having fun.”

Lupa looked over to see just what the hell we were doing and rolled off the couch into the guest room. I guess she didn’t want to be present for what was to come, not that I blamed her. My hand kept swirling closer and closer to Applejack’s sex, each pass causing her breath to hitch as she anticipated the final stroke that would bring her the contact we both desired. I teased her brutally, keeping my caresses long and slow until I felt the fabric of her undergarments. I gave Applejack a little smirk and she smiled back, biting her finger. I gently rubbed the semi-moist fabric, maintaining the motion I had set. If I was going to do through with it, I was going to make sure she got the most of the experience. My circular strokes slowly devolved into rubbing her through her now damp panties, which was rewarded with a pleasant kiss from the orange mare. The kiss was so distracting along with my rigid member, that I nearly stopped, but I split my focus and kept going.

After a few moments of kissing and foreplay, I said,“You know, we can take this into my room and see if you really do taste like apple pie.”

“What’s the big rush?” Applejack didn’t move, holding my hand where it was. “I’m likin’ this.”

“No rush,” I pressed my finger against her soft lips, “I’m a patient kinda guy. Most of the time~.”

“Then be a little more patient and give me a little more, will ya?”

She ran her hand down my chest as I continued, scooting a bit so she could have easier access to my neck and face, peppering them with little kisses. I slipped my finger behind the sodden layer of fabric and felt the warm, slippery folds beneath. Applejack bit me gently as I started touching her directly which was an odd sensation since her teeth were mostly flat. Her little moans and shivers encouraged me to dip further down, teasing her entrance as much as I could with my restricted access, though I paid careful attention the little nub that was beginning to protrude a little higher. I circled my fingertip around it lazily, rubbing it with the full length of my finger when I stroked between her lips. I looked up at Applejack when she stopped nibbling and kissing my neck, seeing that she was biting her lip and gazing at me lustfully. Keeping eye contact, I raised my busy finger to my lips and licked it. I lifted my eyebrows and was shocked to find that it didn’t taste like apple pie.

“Fuckin- Apple fritters!” I asked. She looked at me like I was stupid and swung her legs off of me, taking me by the hand and practically dragging me to my bedroom. “What happened to 'enjoying the moment'?”

“I thought about it and realized how long it’s been since I’ve had decent sex, which was never.”

“Shit, naranja, that’s all you had to say.” I picked up the pace.

She looked back at me. “Wha- Oh, I really don’t care.”

Applejack was about to throw me onto the bed when I pulled her tail, making her fall in my place. She rolled over, looking rather confused as I closed the small distance between us. I put a hand on each thigh and stroked upwards until she spread her legs. I saw then that she was wearing dark red cotton panties that were darker in the middle and quickly removed them from her person, tossing them to the side.

“I don’t know what you’re doin’, but I think I like it.” She said huskily.

“Have you never had a guy go down on you before?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Then I’m glad to be your first.” I grinned and knelt between her legs, kissing my way up her thigh and around her sex before I gave her clit a lick.

I was certain now that she did not taste like apple pie or apple crumble for that matter; it was definitely apple fritters. I briefly wondered if breakfast had anything to do with that as I teased her lips with my tongue and her honeypot with a finger. Her hand met my mop of hair and gripped it tightly, mushing my face into her vulva. Continuing was harder than it should have been until I tapped her thigh twice and she let go, looking a little frustrated.

“Hold off on that, love. A man needs to breathe to truly work the magic You’ll appreciate it soon enough if you can hold back~”

“I really don’t wanna wait for ‘soon enough’. Be happy I ain’t just jumpin’ your bones!”

“I am, but just relax and enjoy the ride. It’ll be worth it, trust me.

She sighed heavily. “Fine, just stop teasin’ me!”

I rolled my eyes and went back to work, swirling my tongue around her clit as I searched for her G-spot. Once I found it, the game was on and I switched, my tongue now licking her wet lips as I rubbed and pinched her clit. She shuddered and moaned, surprising me with a small orgasm early on that only served to galvanize me, increasing my efforts. I worked happily, taking pleasure in each noise she made as I lapped at the sweet nectar she was releasing. It didn’t take long for me to figure out that regular Ponies were just sensitive in general since she had another orgasm before I could really even get started All too soon, Applejack took a handful of my hair and pressed my face against her as she rode through another orgasm.

I was happy to keep going, but she pushed my head away and closed her legs, unbuttoning her shirt clumsy with shaky fingers. I cleaned my hands and wiped her juices off of my chin, licking my fingers dry before I helped her, my deft hands making quick work of her little buttons. She shrugged the shirt off and exposed the red plaid brazier that lie beneath before she unzipped her skirt and did away with that as well. I kissed her and grabbed her hands, preventing her from undoing her own bra so that I could have the pleasure. I took my time in removing it and guided our kiss back to my pace when she tried to hurry it.

“Relax, Applejack. We’re not on the clock.” I smirked.

She looked at me, pleading with her eyes for me to get on with it, but I kept going on my own time.“Oh, come on! You been gettin’ me all hot and bothered and you’re gonna-”

I kissed her again, letting my fingers chat in sign language while her lower lips were the recipient of the message. My message was ‘Shut up and enjoy it’. “Give a mare an orgasm and satisfy her for a minute. Teach a mare the wonders of good dick and-”

My shirt was gone, and she started on my pants before giving me a look. “Talk less, sex more, okay?”

Once she was fully naked, she all but tore my clothes off of me, though she thankfully calmed down once she had my member in her hands. She was more gentle than I thought she’d be as she switched places with me and smiled down, moving between my legs to take her turn with a lesson in oral dexterity. I wasn’t expecting much at all since Fluttershy had been… Uh… Bad, shall we say, but when she licked the tip and guided it into her mouth with ease, I was pretty sure that it was going to be good. Applejack had obviously had a little experience, even relaxing her throat so she could take it all the way down to the base. I moaned my approval and ran my hand through her mane, letting her do as she pleased since I doubted that she could get me off with her mouth.

Then she really started.

Applejack bobbed her head along the first few centimeters along the tip, stroking me with her hand as she looked me in the eyes while doing it. She circled her tongue around the tip, the wide, flat muscle wrapping around my member. She either knew what she was doing, or was guessing very well, but in any case, it was phenomenal. It’s not fair to compare people on their sexual prowess, but it’s also the thing we were doing at the moment, so I think it’s safe to say that Applejack was going to be a better lay than Fluttershy. Celestia had the oral skills, but I was willing to bet that Applejack’s narrower lips and lack of a thigh gap meant that she was going to be tighter, and I eager awaited finding out for myself. However, I gently extracted my member from the warm, demanding chasm of her mouth and she pouted.

“I was enjoyin’ that,” She wiped her lips and gave me a look, even though nearly ten minutes had passed.

“Don’t you want to get to the main event?”

Her pout turned into a sultry smile and she grabbed me, manhandling me until I was on top through no effort of my own. Then, as if she’d been intending on it all along, the woman swapped spots with me like she’d been trying to pull the ol’ switcheroo and confused the fuck out of me since I’d been on top. Soon my rod was enveloped between her sodden lips, even though I was already plenty lubricated with her saliva.. In lieu of roughly jamming my member into herself as I expected, she undulated her hips, coating my stiff, throbbing member with her juices as we watched where we were soon to join, the sight arousing like no other. I was ready for her to stop teasing me now, but the mischievous smile she bore said that I would have to endure for a little longer than I had anticipated, so I reached down and gently nudged her hood back to expose it completely. At the brush of my fingertips against her most sensitive area, Applejack jolted, ceasing her grinding on my shaft as she looked at me in confusion. I grinned up at her and pinched the nub softly, causing her to shudder.

Applejack was done with the pregame show and was ready to begin in earnest, gingerly placing my tip against her wet entrance, easing down the full length of my shaft. Every centimeter was like a completely different treat, another layer of loveliness. With every twitch of her inner muscles, I felt something different. She was tight in a different way than any other woman I had been with, years of labor that would render lesser people broken had made her unique, and that alone pushed my stamina to its limits. I held on for dear life, thinking of mutilated kittens and reciting the multiplication table until I could recite it in my sleep. I loved every second. Holding her thighs as she bucked, my eyes saw clearly every minute detail; The bounce of her breasts, the sweat on her brow, the ragged state of her breath. My worries had long faded into nothing and my focus was narrowed into making the woman on top of me enjoy this feeling as much as I was.

I may have been helping along, but Applejack was having little orgasms that were taking her breath bit by bit and I knew that she was going to wear herself out soon enough. We had set a perfectly fine pace, but if I knew Applejack, she would want it faster and harder in a way that I could accomplish due to my experience and eagerness. When she set her hips and gyrated, I made my move and pulled her down, rising from the outside while keeping us connected. Her eyes wide, I lifted her leg and positioned myself so that I could use my full length, thrusting faster and deeper than she had been able to achieve from being on top. Her mewls of approval fueled me to perform. I preserved the position until Applejack let out a cry, naming Celestia as her deity of choice which I found to be in very poor taste. I chose to ignore it and pulled out once her climax subsided, giving myself a bit of much need respite as I monitored her reaction. She was recovering quickly, though she seemed done for the time being until she picked herself up and grabbed my shoulders, pulling me in for an extended, unceasing kiss as her chest heaving against mine.

Applejack pulled away but held my waist. “Most stallions just sit back and enjoy the ride, but you. You sure as hay ain’t no regular Pony.”

“Thank you, but I hope you’re not done with just that. I still haven’t gotten off yet.” Her eyes lit up and she beamed. “However ya like it, go for it. I know you won’t disappoint.”

I smirked. “You’ll like this one, then.”

I instructed her to lay face down and perch her well-toned arse high in the air and spread her legs, entering her in the oceanic. I started easily, relishing the slickened folds of her honeypot with every patient stroke. She bucked against my hips, eager to feel the bliss of another climax, so I matched her and brought my hand none too lightly down upon her firm posterior. Applejack yelped cutely and grinned back at me before I brought the other hand down on the opposite cheek. She tightened a little with every spank, which was incentive enough for me to keep it up at the same strength. It was hard to monitor, but I eventually just held onto her hips and started driving myself harder and deeper into her. It was a sight to behold as we joined and I was none too shy about slowing down when I felt like it

With no further impetus needed, I continued my pattern with her athletic, tight arse, careful not to swing too hard lest I actually hurt her, but she seemed eager for more. Applejack’s fingers flurried over her clit, causing her to shudder through yet another small orgasm as I relentlessly gave her my best at a varied, carefully considered pace. I was finally nearing my limit again, and it felt wondrous. Applejack had been moaning in a low voice for some time, seemingly never stopping, but I was about to come to my own climax. It took a few more minutes, but when Applejack came and she squeezed me harder than ever, I hilted her and released my seed deep within her welcoming walls. Her inner muscles squeezed every last drop out of me, and once she had felt me stop, she fell over on her side, bringing me down with her for fear of breaking my most important bone-with-no-bones.

“Dear Celestia, you’re gonna wear a mare out if ya keep it up like that.” Applejack weakly wheezed.

I looked up at the clock in my room. We had been going for nearly two and a half hours.

“Time flies when you’re having fun.” I realized then just how out of breath I was and relaxed into the generously soft confines of my bed. “I thought you wanted a guy with stamina?”

“I did and still do, but I’m so sensitive, I think I’d cum again if ya pulled out. It’s been way too long.”

“Maybe we’ll have to make this more of a regular thing then.”

Applejack chuckled. “We might have to. Never thought I’d enjoy gettin’ spanked.”

“Few people ever do until they try it when they’re not in trouble.” I palmed her positive perfect posterior as my member softened. I finally pulled out and Applejack twitched, moaning one more time.

“I think I need a shower,” Applejack mentioned airily. “Ya might want one too if your sweat smells like cherries~”

“Care to let me join you? I’m told I’m an expert back washer.”

“Keep your hands where I can see ‘em and I’m in.”

“That’s not fair! How often do you look at your arse?” I teased.

“Not often enough by your standards. That’s the only exception I’m givin’ ya for now.”

I assisted her out of bed and into the shower where I most certainly did not keep my hands to myself, despite Applejacks false protests. My hands wandered and she eventually gave in after I found out that what a hoof frog actually was and how it didn’t hurt when you got stepped on by it. Well, it didn’t hurt much. I may have found it odd that I often shared a shower with a woman after sex, but I chalked it up to preferring to be clean rather than smelling of sex and sweat for the rest of the day. However, I got to prove my chops as a back washer and Applejack practically melted into me when I played with her ears, which was nice. We finished up before I could find another way to tease her without dipping below her hips, which kind of sucked in my boos.

We spent the rest of the afternoon snuggling and teasing each other, though we never went to the extent that we'd gone to before. I respected Applejack’s wishes and directed my attention to leaving my thoughts behind. An odd conundrum, to direct one’s thoughts away from thinking, but one that Applejack went a long way in accomplishing. She stayed until nightfall, bidding me goodbye in favor of Rarity who was taking a couple of days off to watch over me. She said that Fluttershy had made and offer and was close to getting the spot, but something came up that she had to take care of and Rarity had gotten the ‘honor’, as she put it. I suppose I should have felt embarrassed about needing to be supervised by my friends or been more upset about Fluttershy not being able to come, butt… I was more embarrassed by the fact that I had been such a knob to them when they were only trying to help. I barely remember doing most of it and only received the information I used to complete my journals from them at a later date.

Rarity and I bid Applejack a fond farewell and settled in for the night. Her outfit was quite alluring; a black deep V-neck and a matching black knee length skirt with some kind of stockings. I made us some mashed potatoes and salad for dinner since I never kept much in the way of pony food around, and we had a nice meal, though it was on the quiet side. I had opened up the windows in my room and kept the door shut, but I still occasionally caught the warm, musky scent of apples every now and again and by the look on Rarity’s face throughout dinner, she noticed it as well.

“So what have you been up to today, Rarity? “ I asked after I had finished.

“Oh, nothing much. Working ahead on a few orders, finishing up your request. Matters of little consequence to a non-fashion oriented pony such as yourself,” She replied, not quite being curt with me, but not really being conversational.

Jealous, much? We barely even started this, you twat. “Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t care to hear what you’ve been up to. I consider you a good friend, and the least I can do is ask about your work, especially some of the finer details of seamstress...ing? Seamstressery. Clothes making, we’re gonna go with that one.” I swear, she couldn’t take a hint worth a damn. I just wanted to get to know her a bit before I laid her like a proper gentleman and she was making the task more difficult than it needed to be.

“Max, I’m well aware that you’re not interested in my work.” She stated plainly. “Though I do appreciate your consideration, I wouldn’t bore you with the drab details of my everyday life.”

“You say that like I know what your everyday life is like, Bonny. Tell me, how do you start your mornings?”

Rarity looked flattered and began speaking of her favorite subject; She herself. “Well, I start my morning by washing off the facial mask I use nightly. A mare needs to look her best, and I find that it gives my face the perfect glow! After that, I begin my morning routine, make breakfast for my sister and myself, and from there I start my workday.”

“So what does your morning routine involve? It can’t be as simple as brushing your hair a few times.”

“Brushing- Oh, my mane! My heavens, it most certainly is not!” Rarity rambled on about minute tasks that I could never remember, even if I was trying to catalog my experiences in this new world down to every minute detail. It was that boring. I may or may not have zoned out five minutes into the fifteen minute monologue. “Max? Are you listening?” She asked with a scowl.

“I got lost in thought after mascara, I think. Your efforts are truly astounding, Rarity, though I do wonder what you look like without your ‘face’ on. It must be hard, improving upon perfection, that is,” I smoothly complimented.

Her face reddened and she diverted her eyes. “Thank you, but I assure you that flattery will only get you so far with me.”

“How far will it get me exactly? Because if gets me some cuddles or maybe even a few minutes of snuggles, I would happily flatter you until you tire of my voice and beg for my silence.” I offered her a cheeky grin.

“I may start begging sooner rather than later if you keep it up. As much as I love an honest compliment, I can’t help but feel that you have an ulterior motive.”

“Besides trying to get to know you a bit better and see how you react, there’s nothing else. Believe me, I have no hidden agenda.”

“I thought perhaps you were trying to prove Macintosh correct with his assumptions.” She calmly sipped her drink.

… Bitch, you asked me. I didn’t approach you, you asked me. “... You say that as if I would sleep with anyone just because they asked. You already know better, Rarity.”

“Well, I happen to have the vaguest of notions that you performed certain acts with Applejack earlier today.”

“Yeah, I got some cuddles from Applejack and she pushed a little for something more. It’s not like we did anything two consenting adults shouldn’t. Did I not tell you that Applejack and I had a similar agreement to our own?”

“Don’t you take that tone with me, Max!”

“... Seriously? You’re just- You know what, Rarity? If you wanna be possessive, then we don’t need to have any sort of relationship outside of friendship. I already have a girlfriend I haven’t broken up with. I was already starting something undetailed with Fluttershy. Applejack asked before you did. You chose to inquire about going further. I pranked you with two of our friends and you asked for more than friendship. That wasn’t my intent. The only reason I even considered expanding the roster of women in my romatic life with you was because I thought you’d be up front and honest with what you wanted from me. You’re acting like I cheated on you. Friends with benefits can’t technically cheat.

Rarity had the good grace to look abashed. “... I suppose I have been… Judgemental… My apologies, I should have examined the situation and saw what I asked for. I had no place to snap at you.”

“What’s really going on, Rarity? You told me that you were fine with sharing. I’m not exactly going to try and sleep with you right after I’ve spent the day with another woman anyways. I’m just trying to show interest, to let you know that I care as a friend. You yourself told me that it’s what friends do, you know.”

“...I suppose I’ve just been a bit curious about what happened between yourself, Applejack and Twilight before I came over.” She found great intrigue in the grain of my kitchen table. “I’m not fond of being left out of the loop, especially when it involves the ponies I love.”

I sighed and looked at her. “If you really want to know, I was fading in and out of being blackout drunk, verbally attacking Applejack and Twilight when they came over to see why I was being such a prick in town. Then once they came inside, I got physical Applejack, broke a few of my fingers on her face, and had to be retrained and healed by Twilight. Sometime after that, I threatened Twilight and spat in Applejack’s face. I’m sure you can see why neither of them wanted to tell you.”

“Oh. Oh, my...” Rarity looked shocked.

“That’s just what they told me and what little of it I remember. That’s why you girls have been watching over me; To make sure I don’t flip the fuck out again.”

“... You’re taking this awfully well, all things considered.”

“I’ve been keeping my mind off of it by talking as much as possible, listening when I’m not. Trying to focus on the moment and not let myself get overwhelmed.”

“I always have an ear for you, darling, and a shoulder if you need it.” Rarity smiled kindly at me. Yeah, I just can’t have a real conversation with you.

I replied with a melancholy one of my own. “There’s only so much talking can do, bonny.”

“I know, but I think you could do with a bit more of it. Not about the topical matters, mind, but about what’s really weighing on your heart. I know you feel that the Princess betrayed your trust and love, but perhaps that isn’t the case.”

“I can only fool myself for so long. I’d rather deal with it now than turn it into a drawn out affair that only aches that much longer.”

Rarity took a deep breath. “I doubt that you want to hear this, but you should talk to her. You can’t avoid it forever.”

“Who said I was avoiding anything? I haven’t talked to Celestia because she hasn’t returned to correct me. That’s why I think I’m right, Rarity. No one gets that mad over bullshit that isn’t true. If she really meant it when she said she loved me, then wouldn’t she have offered some kind of explanation?”

Silence fell for a while and we both picked and poked at dinner. There was no such thing as salted butter, and the salt available in the Ponyville market tasted a little strange, so I only added so much of it to my potatoes in the first place. Apparently it wasn’t real salt since Ponies got high from real salt, but either way I thought it was decent enough and added a little bit of the corn I’d made to my correctly creamy potatoes. Rarity giggled at me for mixing them like Applejack did and I asked if there was any other way to have them. The mood had abated, but Lupa was still pacing around in the living room snorting from time to time and generally making herself comfy, then getting up to do more pacing. I think she knew that I was just trying to get my head out of my arse. At least I thought so until she let out a low, menacing growl that raised in volume until she was somewhere between a growl and a bark

I rose and went to grab for the Warbling Blade, but it wasn’t on my hip like I’d preferred. Somewhere in my regret, I sauntered over to Lupa and put a hand on her back, but her focus was on the door. There weren’t many things that would piss Lupa off without even being able to see what it was and I doubted that anything good was waiting to walk through. A knock sounded. It was gentle as if Fluttershy were on the other side. Then when it came again and was a little louder, Lupa started stalking forward and the air seemed to freeze in my lungs. I felt like I was suffocating; unprepared and helpless. Rarity looked between myself and the door, deciding that I needed a friend more than the door needed answering at the moment. Her words were like she was whispering through cotton and rubber, dull and soft.

Lupa’s growling turned into thunderous growling-barks, scaring Rarity to the point she hid behind me, distancing herself from the apex predator that seemed to grow even larger. I shook like a leaf as I stood and tried to regain control of my senses, my movements awkward and jerky. Lupa calmed somewhat as I passed her and patted her head numbly, though she followed me to the door with her thick coat swishing against me. I opened the door and the person I wanted to see the least stood there. The luster in her once glorious mane had faded a bit, completely stilled as though the intangible breeze that once blew through it had stopped dead in its tracks. Her fur seemed muted and dull rather than the brilliant, radiant white I had known, and even her choice in apparel seemed to speak of faltering confidence. She was just wearing normal clothes. A cardigan and a white dress. We stood and stared, neither of us daring to so much as breathe in the presence of the other lest our respective toxicities mingle and become a whole new poison.

Lupa started forward, but I held her back by the collar she’d been so proud of. I know she looked at me, but Celestia and I were too busy taking each other in and making our decisions before we could even speak. My heart hurt and I knew that what I’d said had wounded her too. She’d once held the truth from me and it had burned me in the harshest of ways. I gave the truth to her and it had been like a brand. She and I were in our own world, our own dimension as we took in and digested the appearance of the other, but we couldn’t speak. It felt as if breaking the silence first would make our words worthless to both the other and ourselves.

“Princess?” Rarity called out from behind me.

We both looked at her with an emptiness that made her back into the kitchen and out the door to my porch. I turned back to Celestia. We looked into each other's eyes and I had to know. “Celestia… Are you using me? My love for you?”

“... At first... At first it was gentle pushes, but I truly did not want you to hurt over your deeds, Maximus… I thought you were already a murderer… I thought your soul had already weathered that storm, and with your eagerness to do the mission… I lashed out at you because I thought I’d been right about you, that my burning questions had been answered. Rarely have I ever been so wrong… the look in your eyes when you came to see me again… Such-” Her eyes welled with tears and my heart ached as I knew that I had been right. “Such pain wasn’t due to my words. It was my negligence. You told me why you wanted to go to Gryphonia and I didn’t believe you, evne though I knew you were telling the truth. Maximus, I… I am so very sorry for abusing you like that…”

“... I’m glad you cared enough to help me pick up the pieces… At least I have that.”

“Max... “ She was already crying, but it seemed like her tongue was waiting to be cut off by her own hand as hesitant as she was to speak her own question. “... Did you truly mean what you said? That I’m a being of darkness?” She asked, her voice thick with emotion.

“Yes. I already knew that you were. I thought you were ready to accept it. You already knew that Celestia. A woman like you would know herself better than a funny-looking alien would… I’m not sorry for saying it, and I’m not sorry for bringing us to this point because all I did was talk about it.”

“... I suppose I deserve it then.” She hung her head, still taller than me.

I embraced her, seeking to do a little healing of my own since she’d been kind enough to correct her mistake. Wow, you little cunt. You’re more fucked in the head than you thought. You’re going to console the woman who made you kill people...? “I love you, Celestia. I love you, and I don’t care.” I whispered into her ear.

She wrapped her arms around me after a minute of silent sobbing and began again in earnest. “... Max… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry for- For everything! I… I have no excuse…”

“We aren’t normal people, Celestia. We don’t do normal people things, and when we do, it’s a delicacy to us because it’s not our usual… I love you with my whole heart, but I genuinely hope we don’t come to this point again…”

We held each other as she said, “If we do… Then we have to stop this, Max… We have to…”

We stood in the threshold as she wept in my arms as I had with Applejack, and I held her for what felt like hours. I didn’t mind. I had felt the honesty in her words and seen it in her eyes; seen the woman who actually did give a damn about me instead of the utilitarian that just wanted a means to an end. I owed her some comfort and she owed it to me, so I gave us both the opportunity. When she finally stopped, she looked up at me.

“Max…?”

“Yes, Hun?” Attila and her sex pet. Ha.

“How can you love me if you know I’m… I’m wicked?” She asked, the misery nice and mutual for all that it was worth.

“Because,” I wiped the tears from her face, “I’ve told you a dozen times that I’m wicked too. That people like us aren’t saints... There’s still good within people like us, Celestia, we just have to work harder than anyone else to show it. It’s due to that wickedness that I see behind your mask; see who you truly are. I see you, Sunbutt. Not the facade you put up for your subjects but the woman behind the Princess persona. I see the prankster and the liar. I see the kind soul and harsh taskmaster. The iron fist beneath the velvet glove.”

Celestia broke out into tears again. “... Why do you have to be so honest now? Why didn’t you just lie? I would have felt so much better for it...”

“You wouldn’t have believed me if I lied. It would’ve built us back up from a falsehood peeled away the next time we fought and it would hurt that much more… It seems cruel right now, but it’s like what I wanted from you. Honesty. A straightforward truth. A reality check that makes a person want to change their mind...”

She held me tight and I stroked her mane, singing the lullaby I had learned for my brother while he was in his coma. It wasn’t a happy song, but it fit the tumultuous relationship we had. I brought her inside and took her into the guest room, the only place that hadn’t been soiled by argument or sex in my home. We sat together for a long time, trying to make sense of what in the bloody fuck we were. I still felt that I was poisonous to the surrounding Ponies that entered my environment, infecting them with my darkness. We talked about our feelings and I explained that to her and she called my anger an acid that ate you to the bone and Celestia felt as if she were a fire that burned anyone who wasn’t cautious enough. I likened her to the sun during a day in water. Pleasant and warm until it turned your skin red and gave you cancer that ate you from the inside out. In essence, we felt the same way about ourselves, and without speaking on it further, we both just knew.

“We’re a fucking mess.” I chuckled mirthlessly

She sighed out one of her own. “We are... Love is hard.”

“It is, but aren’t the good moments worth it?”

“...I’m going to miss you when you die.”

“What the fuck!?” I whipped my head to Celestia and her eyes widened.

“I meant of old age! I didn’t mean that I was going to kill you or anything!”

“You worry me. You say things like that and I feel my lifespan shrink and my heart weaken.” I rubbed my chest.

“Don’t joke about that.” She sighed. “I’m sorry I left before I said anything. I just…”

“I know… But it was something you needed to hear. Something I needed to say…”

We both sighed.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you. And I'm sorry for protecting Applejack, but she's...” Celestia apologized.

“I’m sorry I verbally walloped you. As far as Applejack goes; why?”

"The Elements of Harmony are some of the most vital figures in Equestria. They give hope to the common pony..." She looked at her hands and I shrugged.

“So she’s a celebrity with a reputation to uphold.”

“... In essence.”

“I understand that, but you can’t protect people who fuck up and not expect the person who suffers from it to lie down and take it.”

“I suppose I should’ve known you would say something eventually… Are we okay, Max?”

“No, we’re both fucked up individuals, but we’re fucked up individuals that love each other, so of course we clash now and then.”

“Right... I want to make this work, Dearest… I don’t want us to be at war with each other.”

“I wouldn’t win, and it would be very unfair of you to fight me. You’re taller than I am and have magic. It’s not fair,” I jibed, trying to smirk at her with my usual arrogance.

“Don’t be like that. What if we were to just wrestle a little?” She grinned back, recognizing it for what it was.

“You can wrestle, I’m just going to hug you until you poo yourself. Or find a way to tickle your hooves again.”

“So no leglocks. Understood.”

We glanced at each other awkwardly. I reached for her hand, and she allowed me to hold it. “I’ll think twice about what I say from now on. I didn’t mean to take jabs at you, but you know that protecting Applejack was warped. You know that manipulating me can’t happen again.”

“The latter will not, but the former?” She gave me a playful look, tinged by the pain we were both holding onto. “This is from the stallion who agreed to buck her after she nearly killed him?”

“She’s good in bed, what can I say?” I shrugged.

Celestia giggled. “So it’s her that I’m smelling... How was she?”

“Never doubt the tightness of a muscular, semi-naturally fit woman. She can squeeze in all the right ways…” I chuckled along with Celestia. “Other than that, she tends to mess up the pacing and rush things or draw them out longer than needed, but she was fun.”

“Huh.” Celestia squeezed my hand a little. “Is she better than me?”

“No. You’re still number one, Princess Snow-Panther.”

She actually laughed at that. “Aren’t I a cougar?”

“Actually, yes, but panther is just another name for cougar.”

“That’s why you really want me, isn’t it?” She pretended to be offended. “You just have a fetish for ancient mares!”

“What can I say? A matronly figure is attractive to a young man. Not too slim, not too plump, not too soft, not too toned. You’ hit every node in the attraction circuits.”

“Thank you, every mare loves to be complimented on her body and her body alone.” Celestia rolled her eyes.

“Hey now, you just haven’t given me the chance to say anything about your fun personality!”

“Just fun?”

“Well, I could say that you’re impish, sly, artful, and compassionate, but I don’t know if I could fit all of that into a few succinct words.”

“You could always try instead of being lazy.”

“You could always do it yourself. I swear, having all those servants waiting on you hand and foot has turned you into ta sloth of royal proportions.”

She huffed. “Better a sloth than a monkey! At least sloths are cute!”

“Oi! Some monkeys are cute too, they just don’t grow algae from never moving!”

“Sloths do move! They just do so when they feel the need to rather than bandying about for no reason.”

“Unless those reasons are cake, cock, or court, I don’t see you move too often.” I poked her side and she scowled at me playfully.

How rude! And you didn’t need to alliterate at that!” I shrugged, grinning at her. “I don’t see you doing much either unless it’s for cuddles, coitus, or conniving!”

“I take walks!”

“Strolling for your next lay, perhaps.”

Celestia and I went back and forth for a while longer, patching up the holes we’d made in our hearts piece by piece with more jokes and jibes. We really needed to stop giving ourselves reasons to do that, but it was just the process we seemed to go through. It wasn’t a healthy relationship by far, seeing as how we could only speak half of our minds to each other, but I wasn’t with Celestia for the freedom she gave me. I just couldn’t find it in myself to break the toxic bonds we shared and get us out of the loop of pain, healing, and pleasure we seemed to fall into. We were awful for each other. Celestia was manipulative and a mastermind that had most likely engineered our sweetest moments and I saw too much of her to fall for the traps she set. We worked in a way, but it wasn’t good enough for our relationship to be any kind of wholesome, and we both knew that. However, we both wanted each other...

While we were talking and trying to get the good vibes going again, I asked, “So where do you think Rarity went? She’s been gone for awhile.

“I believe she’s right there.” Celestia pointed at the window behind me and I turned around, catching the other white mare off guard. She meekly waved and I gestured for her to come in.

I snorted and shook my head. “You know, I have some pretty decent friends, even if they are nosier than anteaters and hold their double-standards like gold and gems.”

“That’s the way most mares are. You struck diamonds in that aspect when it comes to me.” Celesta primped her hair, a little of its luster returning.

“Right.” I gave her a droll stare. “Before Rarity comes in, have you managed to find someone else for that Gryphonia job?”

“Yes.” She looked away.

“You answered that far too quickly. I’ll talk to Luna on the details if you don’t want to be involved.”

“That is most definitely not a good idea. She’s very upset with you, which is why I came over. She told me to either suck it up and talk to you on my own before came to deal with you herself.”

“Oh, angry sister. Right. Well, if you can convince her to not kill me, I’ll get the job done asap. Nothing like a quick trip to a land that hates me, right?”

“I don’t believe anyone in the Gryphon lands hates you, but I forbid you to do this task.” Celestia looked resolute. “I have struck an agreement with Luna and she will infiltrate Gryphonia. She is far more capable of the task than any of our Operatives.”

“If she could have done it in the first place, why did you even ask me? And what changed your mind about me doing it?” I ignored the fact that she said ‘anyone’ instead of ‘anypony’, though I did find it odd.

“It was Luna’s suggestion that you do so, and we both thought it improper for a Princess of a peaceful country to assassinate a king from a neighboring country. I may have given her an ultimatum regarding whom would complete the mission.”

There were two soft knocks at the door and I turned to Celestia. “If I need to, I’ll talk to Luna myself. It would hurt you more to lose a sister than a lover you’ve known less than a year, and I refuse to put you through that kind of pain.”

Celestia huffed. “Don’t underestimate Luna in such a way. She may be rusty, but she’s still quite capable.”

I stood and opened the door with Celestia following me. Rarity smiled sheepishly and ran a hand through her perfectly coiffed mane. “So… Are you two…?” She asked tentatively.

I looked back at Celestia who was quite unhappy with me. “We’ve been better, but we’re getting through it.”

“We are not. I meant what I said, Max.” “And so did I.” Celestia glared at me and I shrugged. “It’s safer for you my way.” She brushed past me muttering dark things in a language I was unfamiliar with and put her hand on my easy chair.

Rarity and I looked at her. “What are you doing?” I inquired, uneasy with her implications.

“Say you won’t or I’m turning your favorite chair into a decoration for the moon. It’s one of a kind, Max. You won’t find another like it, and Lupa can join it for a while once I sequester the food for her.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“What?” Rarity asked, looking between us.

“I would. I would and I will.”

“I’ll sic Lupa on you before you can manage it. I swear to everything you hold dear.”

Celestia narrowed her eyes. “I’m an Alicorn, Max. I could swat her across town without trying.”

“I would be more upset about that than the chair. A lot more, actually.”

“Then I suggest that you stay put in Ponyville to make sure I don’t do that.”

I folded my arms. “Are you seriously threatening my puppy booper-snoodles? Because that is not the way to get anywhere with me.”

“And doing something I forbade you to do is no way to get anywhere with me. Why can’t you just respect my wishes? I’ll even give you a boon for doing nothing. Don’t you like being rewarded for doing nothing?”

“I do, but-”

“I’ll give you three bottles, all different, of the finest bourbons available in Equestria. One of a maple barrel that’s held hundreds of gallons,” I licked my lips, “another from a distillery known for their unmatched smoothness and rich flavour,” my mouth started watering against my will, “and the last will be from a two-hundred year-old oak barrell that was four-hundred before it was cut-”

“Sold at maple barrel. I want that booze.” I touched my lips, almost able to taste the quality already.

“And you’ll have it within the next three days.” She took her hand off of my chair.

Lupa cocked her head from the couch and Rarity looked more confused. “Max…?”

“I’m glad we could reach and agreement. I’ll visit again soon.” She lifted her hand and prepared to snap off.

“HOLD UP!”

Celestia jumped hard at the sudden shout. “What?”

“Walk out the door, don’t just teleport. That shit bothers me.”

She gave me a long suffering look. “You’re an adorable idiot.”

I grinned at her. “I’m your idiot. Get used to it, Hun.”

Sunbutt rolled her eyes but still did as I asked. She left the door open and made sure I was looking at her before she teleported.

“... Did you just have an argument with the Princess?” Rarity asked incredulously.

I went over to shut the door. “I did. She’s the lover I had to ask before we entered our agreement. Really charming, isn’t she?”

I heard a thud and Lupa skittered off of the couch. When I turned around, Rarity was on the floor and Lupa licked her face. She only did so once, and promptly went through the open bathroom door. I’ve never heard a wolf vomit, so that was interesting I guess. Her makeup was now smeared and I could either move her, grab a pillow and a blanket, or do silly things to her with the fur paint I had left. I couldn’t just leave poor Rarity where she was, so I painted a peace sign on her forehead and dragged her unceremoniously to the guest room. Somehow my skinny self managed to get her heavy, heavy arse on the bed. I’d never been one much for powerlifting, so it took a few tries, but I succeeded. The Ponies might be around my height, but dear God are they fucking dense. Rarity was shorter than me, but she was also somewhat on the thick side, so I wasn’t complaining. No, I did not cop a feel because that would be creepy and detestable. Her breast being in my hand was because I almost dropped her while getting her into the bed, and that’s the truth because she’s fucking heavy.

I went back into my living room and caught my journals up while Rarity was working on coming to. I was petting Lupa when she came out rubbing her head and her waist. She also tenderly touched her breast when she knew she had my attention, glaring at me. “Why does most of my body hurt? Especially my right breast? And how did I get into that room?” I snickered a little. “Maximus! Did you-”

“You fainted and I tried to carry you.” I rubbed my nails on my shirt and inspected them. “Emphasis on ‘try’.”

“That may explain why my head hurts and how I got into your room, but why do my waist and breast hurt?”

“Ponies are heavy and I needed a better way to carry you. Your waist was easier, and when I put you on the bed, I dropped you. I didn’t want you to hit the floor and I just grabbed the first thing I could, which happened to be on your chest.” I shrugged. “I could’ve left you there.”

“Well, I never! I would’ve preferred if you’d have just left me if you’re going to make such a fuss about carrying a mare! You’re likely heavier than I am!” Rarity huffed bitchfully. I rolled my eyes and walked over to her, jumping into her arms in one smooth motion. She panicked and caught me easily. “... Oh.”

“See what I mean?” I gave her a peck on the cheek and she dropped me on my arse quite rudely. “Well, ow. You could’ve just put me down!”

“Oh, I’m sorry darling, but you were just so heavy.” She sniffed.

“It’s literally a difference in our physiology, you pudgy twat.” I got up rubbing my coccyx and flipped her the two finger salute.

“I am not pudgy!”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’d say you’re more chubby than pudgy.”

“You take that nonsense back right now, you brutish fondler!”

“I would consider it, but the pain in my bum is rather distracting.”

“You’re simply insufferable! How anypony manages to tolerate you is beyond me. To think, I even allowed you to gaze upon my physique as I was undressed!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever you say Bonny Beluga. If I tell you that you have a slim, lovely figure, will you shut up about it?”

“I most certainly will not! How is this the stallion that was so charming before?” She asked no one in particular.

“Well, before you so kindly dropped me, I felt like being nice.”

“I will apologize for dropping you if you apologize for dropping me and calling me fat.” She huffed.

“First of all, you’re literally more physically dense than I am! Your very bones are heavier than mine! And I guess I’m sorry for calling you fat.”

“Then I guess I’m sorry for dropping you.” She turned her nose up and huffed.

“I dropped you because I couldn’t hold you! I jumped in your arms and you caught me no problem, and you don’t exactly work out to my knowledge. If what Celestia told me was right, then to me, of course you’re heavy. However, I’m sure that to your average stallion, you’re as light as a marshmallow.”

“That sounds like a paltry excuse and a back-handed compliment.”

I rolled my eyes. “Sorry I’m not as strong as one of your Rainbow Brite bastards, but that’s just the way I am.”

“... Are you saying I’m stronger than you?” There was a touch of something I didn’t like in her voice.

I also really didn’t like the look in her eye. “... Yes? And...?”

“I don’t believe I’ve met many stallions I could overpower.” A smile grew on her face, and I remembered that she was in estrus for a few more days.

“Try it and I’ll cut you.”

“With you and what knives, Darling?”

Fuck. “... Let’s talk this out like adults, yeah?”

“I believe you lost that option when you called me chubby.” Rarity walked towards me slowly and I waited until she was about half a meter away before bolting towards the door. It took me a bit too long realize that I was running nowhere fast, a few inches off of the ground. The Fear gripped my arse and the Fear was white with an indigo mane “Where are you going, Max? I just want to show you some affection.”

“Magic is cheating!”

“It’s not my fault you don’t have it. Blame fate instead of me.” She said sweetly, floating me off towards my room.

I was suddenly very glad that I had washed my linens so that I wouldn’t be laying in a wet spot from earlier, but I couldn’t help worrying that Rarity was going to do something to me that I didn’t want. I didn’t take her for a rapist and that held true for the Ponies in general but estrus was supposed to make mares do things they wouldn’t normally do. Estrus had made Fluttershy come onto me while my lover was around and Rarity hadn’t even so much as flirted. It was very possible that a ‘snuggle’ with more struggle than one would consent to could take place and my heart pounded as I thought of the lack of control I had over the situation. Being with Applejack had been a little scary, but the mood had been completely unlike the one Rarity was giving to me. She knew I’d been forced in the past and I held hope that she was just going to toy with me for a bit, let me go, and we could have an awkward laugh about it later.

Rarity gently placed me on my bed and hopped on top of me, releasing her magic when she had my arms above my head.

“R-Rarity, I-I’m not cool with this-”

“Oh, relax! We’re just going to have a little fun~”

Oh God, no… Don’t beg… Don’t make it worse, Kaid, begging makes it worse. “... Please tell me you’re not going to hurt me.”

“Just your pride, darling.” She grinned devilishly and started peppering kisses all over my face, leaving a bit of her lipstick where her lips made contact.

I scrunched up my face and tried to free myself, panic growing in my chest as my vision started going dark. I was unable to do much since she was sitting on my hips, meaning that kicking myself free wasn’t going to happen. She then gave my face a long, slow lick that was even weirder and creepier because of her wide tongue. It made me shudder involuntarily, bad memories surfacing as she giggled at her own little teasing. I just hoped that she would stay true to her word, that she wouldn’t actually. She held my hands in place with one of her own and rubbed my chest in a way that made me certain that she wasn’t experienced in being on top, bolstering my hopes for escape when it would get worse.

“I’m having so much fun!”

“I’m really not, Rarity. I’m not consenting to this. I am not okay with this…” My voice shook lightly, but it trembled all the same

“I could stop at any time.” She said casually, but she did start tickling me. It was awful and… It felt horrible, but not as bad as I had been expecting. I just couldn’t find it in myself to laugh.

However, My worries were abated until she grabbed me. I felt the blood rush to my face and her smile widened. “Rarity, stop.” I growled, finding it in me to fight dirty. God forbid she try to get another kiss and have her nose bitten off. Friend or not, I was done giving her chances to back off.

“Oh relax, I wouldn’t go any further if you were uncom-.” She didn’t remove her hand.

“I am very fuckin’ uncomfortable.”

Rarity rolled her eyes and moved to give me a peck, jerking back as I tried to bite her. She leaned away as I bore my teeth at her, letting my hands go as she moved back a little to sit on my thighs. Her hands raised in a gesture of defeat. “... I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean-”

I sat up and calmed myself. “That wasn’t… That’s not okay, Rarity. I’ve told you that I’ve been raped before. It wasn’t usually by men...”

“I’m… Max, I am...” The look on her face was enough to earn her a hug. “I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories, Darling. I won’t push you again.”

“... That was a terrifying experience, Rarity. I don’t like being powerless… Knowing that you’re in the middle of your cycle and that you might not be thinking clearly...”

She hugged me back gently. “I would never do such a thing, Max. Not even in the worst of my times would I ever hurt you in such a way. I apologize for ignoring you… I’ll learn from this… Please don’t be afraid of me.” She let me go and let her arms rest on my shoulders, her eyes misty

“It’s okay… If you want to be in control, just ask next time. I don’t have to have you in the palm of my hand to have fun, but I hate being pinned down...”

Rarity seemed to hear my words “I didn’t… I didn’t know mares had hurt you in such a way...”

I gave her a brief kiss. “It’s okay... Just remember that I’m not much of a sub. I wouldn’t mind if you took control every once in a while if we set boundaries, just don’t try to spring it on me... It’s just something I need to be prepared for.”

“I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You make me uncomfortable in my pants every time I see you turn around, bonny”

Rarity blushed and lightly smacked my shoulder. “Do you ever say anything that isn’t perverse?”

“I do, it’s just more fun my way rather than the proper way. Is this the cuddling that you wanted, or did you have something else in mind? Because I’m rather fond of it.”

“Well, I did have something else in mind, but I’m enjoying myself as well.” She had a pensive look on her face.

“Do you have a question?”

“Well, I was just wondering…”

“Yes?”

“How many mares are you in this sort of relationship with?”

“Just Applejack, kinda Fluttershy, and yourself. I really don’t want to add anyone else to that list, I’m not sure I could handle it.”

She perked up a bit. “Well, it would be perfectly acceptable for you to do so, if you wanted. Most stallions who engage in these kinds of things often see mares numbering in the double digits.”

“Again, not a stallion. I’d prefer to keep the list small with women I actually like, rather than sleeping around with near strangers.”

“How well do you really know myself and Applejack?”

“I know a good bit about Applejack now since we spent a lot of time together when she brought it up, and we’ve spent most of the day talking. You weren’t terribly receptive when I asked about your personal matters.”

“So that was you trying to get to know me?”

“It was a start. I wouldn’t mind talking to you some more if you don’t mind. You’re an interesting person when you’re not being heavy-handed.”

Rarity preened. “I’m aware of that, though you didn’t seem to think so when I started talking about my morning beautification.”

“I don’t really care much for makeup. I’d prefer to see you in your natural state so I can tell what you look like without being dolled-up, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate the effort that goes into it.”

“I suppose that’s reasonable, but I’ve not allowed a stallion to see me without it since I was younger than Sweetie Belle.”

“Maybe you could give me the honor of being the first?” I wondered who Sweetie Belle was, but I guessed it was the younger sister she had mentioned earlier. Or maybe she mentioned her awhile ago? I’m bad with names that I haven’t met.

“I’m not sure about that, Max,” She answered nervously.

“I won’t pressure you to do something you don’t want to, but the option’s there.” I smiled at her.

Rarity replied with a little one of her own. “I just worry about what you might think. I have a certain image I would like to maintain.”

I rolled my eyes and licked her nose, causing her to scrunch up her face in the most adorable way. “If I can’t accept you without some goofy face paint, then you need to find a better man.”

She wiped her face off. “I need to find one who won’t lick me!”

“You did the same to me!”

“Yes, but it was more fun when I was giving rather than receiving!”

“I really hope you don’t feel the same way about the sausage.”

She hit me again and I laughed. “Simply insufferable!” She said with a smile.

“I keep telling people it’s one of my better qualities.”

“I suppose it just takes some getting used to.”

“See?” I put my hands on her hips. “Just an acquired taste. Like coffee!”

“The problem with that is that I actually enjoy coffee.” I squeezed her sides and she started. “Not funny!”

“You’re right, it’s more amusing than funny. I swear, sometimes it’s too easy to mess with you.”

She huffed playfully. “I would save it for somepony who can’t overpower you.”

“If I did that, I would never get to mess with Ponies in general. Or most of this planet, actually.”

“Is that a bad thing? Perhaps messing with ponies stronger than you isn’t such a good idea?”

“Eh, ill-advised things are best when it’s harmless.”

Rarity pushed me down and hovered over me. “You say that now, but what if somepony hurts you because of it?”

My hands were free since hers were on my chest. I used my freedom to grope the glorious globes that hung above me, and she jerked backward. “I guess I’ll just molest whoever’s hurting me. It kinda worked with Applejack if you think about it. The only males I’ve pissed off since I’ve been here is Macintosh and a few twats in Canterlot, so it should be fine for most situations. That being said, I’ll squish a dong if I have to”

“You should warn a mare before you do that! I swear, your manners deteriorate further with every word!”

“This from the woman who molested my gentleman’s sausage not even five minutes ago?” I let my hands rest on

“... Fair point.”

“How about we take this elsewhere? I’m sure a few open windows and a candle haven’t done much to get the smell out of here.”

“I wasn’t giving it much thought until now. Thank you for that.”

“What else and I for, Bonny?”

“Clearing my mind of my worries and maybe speaking about things I don’t know of?”

“Well, don’t worry, and kangaroos can’t hop backwards.” I grinned cheesily at her.

“You are single-handedly the most difficult stallion to describe- Oh wait, no, you’re just difficult and goofy.”

“Watch it there, Bonny. You might stroke my ego or hurt my feelings.”

“Can I not do both?”

She got off of me and I lead the way back into the living room. Lupa was still occupying her space on the couch, and since Rarity was still rather fearful of her, she chose the furthest seat away from her until Lupa padded over and sat her head in her lap. Rarity was petrified. Lupa stayed there for a minute or two, looking up at Rarity, but when it became clear that she wasn’t going to move a muscle until she was clear, Lupa came over to me in my easy chair and I gave her the affection she was looking for. Rarity stayed silent and I ended up talking to Lupa for the next thirty minutes or so. She eventually let herself out of the house and Rarity eased up, walking around to calm her hammering heart. I stole her seat while she was doing so, and when she returned, she just gave me a womanly look before sitting on me and cuddling up differently than Applejack had done earlier.

I grinned evilly before I pulled the lever, nearly tilting the recliner back onto the floor, but Rarity had panicked and sat up straight, balancing us. After that little surprise, she lay her head on my shoulder and pinched me, though I wasn’t complaining; I had a lovely woman resting on me without a care in the world. The biggest challenge I had to face now was keeping my hands away from her enticing bottom, which proved too difficult to do. She pinched me when I did it, but it was worth the momentary ache. And the giggle I received didn’t hurt at all either. I may have just let my hand rest on her bum for awhile as we talked, not quite squeezing but holding her all the same. Rarity seemed to enjoy herself and I was enjoying her when she calmed down and didn’t try to nag or molest me against my will.

All in all, it was a pleasant way to spend the evening, though I spent much of it wrapped up in my own mind. I pondered the situation I found myself in with Celestia and found that the more I inspected the night’s events, the more I wanted to see her again. Toxic relationship or not… Well, we just weren’t half as good together whenever we disagreed, and I was beginning to think that Celestia was a control freak of national proportions Being apart from her took a small toll on me, and I felt that if we could spend more time together and actually get deep into knowing each other, that we would be much happier for it. Compared to the time I had spent with Applejack and the time I was going to spend with Rarity in the next couple of days, Celestia and I had spent nowhere near that amount of quality time. I would have to bring that up the next time she visited.

Pushing those bothersome reflections aside to be dealt with another time, I directed my attention to the woman that was snoozing peacefully on my chest.