I slept well through noon and on until five in the afternoon. My sleepy arse needed every second of that rest, and I still woke up tired and irritable, so I devoted the day to write out the previous few days journal entries. It took a lot more time than I had thought and I was up writing for twelve more hours, scribbling down as much as I could before I took myself back to bed again. After only taking breaks to eat and use the restroom all day, my hands were killing me the next morning and Lupa was going stir crazy. I had also gotten a brisk, brief reply from Velvet that said ‘We need to talk’. It wasn’t good news, nor was it anything I wanted to hear

I tried not to let it get to me too much, but when a woman says that there needs to be a discussion, it rarely goes well in my experience. I knew she was different from most, however, so I thought that she might understand the circumstances. There really wasn’t any point in hoping my honesty would get me any points, but it was only my third day in Ponyville and I still had four more left before I could go back to Canterlot in any case. I didn’t do that much in the morning aside from eat and take Lupa for a walk through Whitetail Woods, but my afternoon is when things picked up. Twilight stopped by around noon and I invited her in, praying that she wasn’t at my doorstep because of estrus or any other desire such as that. I didn’t know how I would tell Celestia that her student was coming onto me again, though I couldn’t say that I wouldn’t be flattered. In the sweater vest and blouse combo with her pink and purple striped miniskirt, she was quite an interesting one. The schoolgirl thing wasn’t my bag, but she did look cute

After making some tea, Twilight and I were sitting in my living room, Lupa’s nails echoing on the hard floor as we sat in relative silence. Twilight hadn’t said much after I invited her in and was wearing a heavy blush for reasons unknown. “So, Purps. What’s bring you over? I already talked to Applejack, so if you’re here to tell me to do that, you’re two days late.”

“Oh! I’m not here for that, though I do appreciate you talking to her. It meant a lot to all of us that you did; She’s finally starting to get back to her normal self.”

“Indifferent that I could help.”

“What?”

“Don’t mind that. You still never said what brings you over. And why are you blushing so hard? Don’t get me wrong, it’s cute, just confusing.”

“...Uh, Max? This whole house reeks of mares.”

“Blame Big Macintosh. To celebrate our newly found friendship, we bought some hookers and went to town.” I stood to open a window and let some of the late summer air in.

“I don’t know what a hooker is, and I didn’t see you in town at all yesterday.”

“I’d explain what one is, but I don’t think you’d think to highlyh of me if I did. Going to town is an expression, and that didn’t actually happen anyway. Pretty sure Macintosh still hates me anyway. You still haven’t said why you’re here.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I just wanted to ask what happened between you and Fluttershy. I talked to her yesterday after she got home from somewhere, and she said she was going to stop by here and discuss something with you. Wherever she was coming from, she stayed the night there. I’m just… I’m just worried about her, Max. Fluttershy isn’t the type to stay out drinking last night and I can’t help but wonder if she made a mistake…”

Oh, yeah, big time. “Don’t worry, Fluttershy was here, arguing with me for a good while. I offered to let her stay here instead of going out late when it’s dark and dangerous for a woman to be alone.”

Twilight’s jaw dropped. “How do you argue with Fluttershy? She’s so timid, she never argues! She’s usually right anyway, so it’s pointless.”

“She wasn’t right last night and I have no problem telling her so. You haven’t seen Fluttershy when she thinks she’s right, and she wants you to do something. I swear, that woman can nag with the best of them.”

“I can’t believe you just said that!” Twilight gasped.

“Said what? I was right, she was wrong. You can deal with it too, if you want to be like that.”

“No, you said,” Twilight paused and looked outside, “N-A-G. It’s a slur here, Max, and it’s a lot worse than just calling her a whorse!”

“When used in its verb form? That’s rather stupid, don’t you think?”

“Regardless of what you think about it, you shouldn’t say that, especially about somepony as kind as Fluttershy!”

I rolled my eyes. “I’ve called people just as good much worse before, and it’s not like I called her a ‘nag’, she just bitches and moans when she wants something done. Hell, even Rarity knew to let me talk to Applejack on my own time.”

Twilight covered her ears and sang a little song as I gave her the flattest stare of my life. “La-la-la-la-La!”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“La-la-la, I can’t hear you!”

I picked up a pen and threw it at her, accidentally getting it to stay in her shirt, the tip arcing perfectly into the top of her blouse. Twilight blushed up a storm and turned around to fish it out which made me laugh. With the pen in hand, she threw it back at me and it went way wide, causing me to laugh even harder. “Oh, Christ! That’s golden!”

“Stop it! You’re such a mule, Max! I don’t know why you feel the need to pick on everypony all the time!”

I reined myself in and tried to put on a serious face. “Mule is a racial slur to Donkeys, Twilight.”

“Max!”

“I’m sorry about that Twilight, my aim’s just the greatest. I don’t see why you didn’t use magic to get it out though.”

Twilight looked even more embarrassed before her horn lit up. Knowing what was coming, I ducked in my seat and the pen flew past my head, smacking Twilight with some force behind it. When I looked up, she had ink on her face, a pen in her hand, and tears in her eyes. “... Darn it all!”

Ah, it’s officially gone too far. “Let me get you a towel, love. I think I’ve punished you enough for now.”

Twilight didn’t reply as I got up to go grab her one of my darker towels. I had the funniest feeling that I should set it to the side, lest I tye dye some of my attire. When I returned, Twilight was still sitting there, shaking now. I knelt in front of her. “Oi, I wasn’t trying to bully you or be particularly mean, it’s just hard for me to pass up an easy shot. It’s just my way of having some fun. I’ll reel it in for now, okay? The bathroom’s the first door to your left.” I held the towel up for her. Twilight just nodded and headed off to get cleaned up. Well, I kind of feel like shite.

I pulled out the journal I had been working on the night before and made a few pages worth of progress before Twilight came back out. Luckily, the ink hadn’t stained anything other than her pride, but that too looked like it was on the mend. She had calmed down enough I felt I could talk to her without making her cry. Twilight sat down again and I asked her about a book I’d read in the library and she was quick to reply, telling me that going into the Everfree was a bad idea if I wasn’t fully prepared to go and I inquired about whether or not she’d ever been. She said that she had on multiple occasions and didn’t want to go back, so I tried changing the topic to something happier.

“So, Max…” She began.

“Yes, Twilight? You can’t darn me.”

“What- Oh, like sewing.” She giggled. “Thats kind of funny, but… If you don’t mind me asking…”

Uh-oh. “Yeees?” I asked cautiously.

“Who did you have over last night?”

“No one? I spent my day sleeping and writing, and this morning walking with Lupa and eating. You’re the first mare that’s been here for a couple days.”

“If you didn’t have somepony over last night, then why does it… Oh my Celestia, you didn't!” Twilight shouted. “Max, what!?”

“Didn’t what? Keep it down, you’ll scare Lupa.” The wolf in question had bounded out from my room and looked ready to attack, whipping her head back and forth. I gave her the ‘okay’ gesture and she went back.

“Don’t tell me you s-s-s-.” Twilight stammered.

“Don’t tell you I do what? Pretend to be a snake from time to time?”

“This isn’t a joke, Max! You had... Intercourse with Fluttershy, didn’t you!”

“Huh. That’s not a bad idea, actually.” I gotta play this carefully. If Flutters hadn’t said anything, it would’ve been for good reason. “Fluttershy is pretty damn cute. I’ll ask her if she wants a romp next time she’s over if she ever does come back. And, y’know, we’re not arguing.”

“If you didn’t have intercourse with her, then why does your house smell like mares!?”

“I remember a weird smell when she came over, but I guess I got used to it after a bit. I asked her if she smelled it, but she changed the topic. Must’ve been her, if anything else. You don’t think she-”

“Max, did you do anything to Fluttershy?”

“Yeah, I gave her a massage, worked out some knots in her back and shoulders that she had been complaining about, but that’s the long story short.” It wasn’t necessarily a lie either

“Care to say that again after I cast a lie detecting spell?”

“I would, actually. If anything, it’d be that I hate repeating myself. Why can’t you just trust my word, Twilight?”

“Because you-” Twilight bit her lip as her eyes widened.

“Because I what?” My eyes narrowed as I glared at her.

“Nothing. I-I didn’t mean anything by it, I just remembered that there’s a thing at this place that I have to go do now and not later! Bye, Max!” Twilight stood and tried to leave. I caught her arm before she went.

“Because I what? Because I’m a thief?”

“... I didn't say that, Max.” Twilight looked anxious.

I let her go. “You didn’t have to.”

“That’s not fair! I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just that you’ve lied before and it’s hard to give that kind of trust back.” Twilight pleaded.

I took a deep breath and let it out. I wasn’t angry, just frustrated. “I understand, Twilight. Just don’t say something’s nothing when it’s on your mind. It’s lying all the same.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that, it’s just that… You would tell me if you, er, had intercourse, with one of our friends, right?”

“No, I wouldn’t because it’s not your business. If I were to have ‘intercourse’,” I air quoted, “I’d feel no need to tell you about it because I’m pretty sure that you don’t want to know.”

“... What if I did want to know?”

“Then you’ll have to ask the right questions, though I still don’t see how it’s any of your business.”

“What are the right questions?”

“You’ll have to figure that out yourself. No, that’s not an invitation to quiz me constantly until you find out, so please, just leave the matter where it lies.”

“Max, who did you have coitus with the day before yesterday? And please don’t lie.”

“Princess Celestia. It was a good little time that lasted awhile.” And it’s true.

Twilight blushed and stomped her foot. “You said all I had to do was ask the right questions! Why are you still lying to me?” Lupa peeked her head out when Twilight raised her voiced. I lifted a hand to calm her.

“I’m not lying to you, Twilight. The first day I came back to Ponyville, Celestia came by to visit and Fluttershy stayed the night. Celestia and I had sex while Fluttershy was in the living room, and that’s the truth.” Not the whole truth, but it was true.

“Why don’t I feel like you’re telling me everything?” Twilight questioned.

“Because I’m not. I saw Fluttershy in a rather compromising situation, and that’s all I’ll say on the matter. Seriously, didn’t I just tell you not to quiz me? And don’t you have better things to do than try and get to the bottom of my sex life?”

“Oh!” Twilight’s face turned rosier than it had been. “I-I’m sorry, I just wanted to know what happened.” Her eyes widened when she thought of something else.

“I can’t believe you had intercourse with The Princess!”

“Believe it. You already caught us once, Purps. It really shouldn’t be a surprise.”

“I just don’t understand it, that’s all. I mean, she’s The Princess!”

“She’s a Princess, and my guess is that she shouldn’t be falling for a good-for-nothing thief like me, right?”

“Why do you always have to take things out of context? I would never say anything like that!”

“What you say and what you mean are two different things, and I know that better than any Pony. I know you don’t think I belong with Celestia, and I know you look up to her, but we’re happy with each other, even if we have our differences. I make her life more interesting, and she makes me happy, so we both fill some needs with the other. Celestia’s an amazing woman, but that’s the problem, Twilight. No pony sees her as a person, as a woman with needs. I do. No pony looks past my past, but she does. She’s a kind, sweet, generous soul and apparently I’m loyal, thoughtful, and funny. We just like each other, and that’s about all there is to it.”

“B-But she’s the Princess! I’m not saying you’re not worthy, but she’s the pinnacle of what a pony should be like! She’s the ultimate role model!”

“She’s a woman who has to deal with higher standards than anyone else, has to be so meticulous in everything she does so her little ponies don’t find flaws in her so she can keep all of you happy. She deserves something that makes her smile, Twilight, and if that’s me, then I’m fine with that. Celestia’s life isn’t an easy one and I might just make it a little bit brighter on her day to day.”

“I…”

“Never thought of her as anything other than the perfect Princess?”

“Well, yes. But that because she is the perfect mare, Max! Don’t you see that?”

“I see that she’s a kind, wonderful woman with more weight on her plate than anyone else I’ve ever met. I see that she needs a reason to be happier than she is. I see that she wants me to want her, and that’s all I should need to see in a person to want to make their life better. She’s a Sol that loves to pull pranks, and has one of the most stressful jobs on the planet. I already know I’m not good enough for her, and I probably never will be, but she wants me for who I am. You need to accept that, love. Let Celestia be Celestia.” I wonder if she'll get the reference. Many keks for me, much ink for you, yeah?

Twilight was silent for a while before she sat down in the chair next to me. “How do you see your idol as anything other than that...? How do you stop seeing her as the paragon of what a pony should be and start seeing her as another mare…?”

“I never said that she couldn’t be your role model, Twilight. All I meant was that she had certain needs and desire that anyone has. That doesn’t mean she isn’t worthy of your praise and respect. She’s still a Princess and she’s still Celestia. Maybe you just shouldn’t expect her to live such a lonesome life?”

“I know… I just always thought Princess Celestia was perfect… That she didn’t need any of that stuff.”

“I’ll be straight with you, love; she’s pretty much as close as a person can get.”

The silence grew as I thought about what I’d said and what Twilight had truly meant. No one was ever going to think me good enough for Celestia and it was apparent, even from the way Velvet had reacted when I told her I was in a relationship with her Princess. It hiurt to know that everyone was against me again and that it was pretty much my own fault, but at the very least it wasn’t hard to see where they were coming from. I mostly just wanted to leave things as they were or to otherwise feel a little better, though it wasn’t something I needed per se. Life was just starting to suck as I thought about the impending conversation with Velvet and the slap she was going to give me for cheating on her since I knew she was probably going to take it out on me and only me since that was justified. It was comforting to think of my days with her and stressful at the same time.

After some time, Twilight asked, “So you’re sure you didn’t have sex with Fluttershy?”

“As I said, I’ll ask her if she’s interested later. Lord knows her arse is magnetic and my hand might be made of metal.”

“Please, Max, I didn’t need to hear that!”

“Just gotta learn the right questions to ask, I guess.”

Twilight left shortly after and my moral compass felt a little skewed, but I hadn’t actually lied. I dodged the question as well as I could, but I still needed to talk to Fluttershy to sort out what exactly there was between us now. I could bear just being friends, but I didn’t know if I could have her like a lover; I was just too crass at times, and I didn’t want her to be miserable, even if I was still a bit salty about what she had said the other day. It was time for Lupa and me to take a field trip across town. The walk gave me far too much time to think about my life and the way it had gotten even more complicated even more quickly, but all I could really think of was Velvet and her having a hurt look on her face when we actually did see each other again. I had the red Dragon Fire in one of my pockets and decided to use it to let her know that I wanted to talk to her as soon as possible, to which she replied that she’d already tried to set something up with Celestia. She didn’t go into detail, but the prospect was scary enough as it was.

I had forgotten all about my job with Onyx Lock until I passed it in the light of day. I stopped by and saw that he had a new assistant. It was some fellow around my age who looked like he knew more about chewing rocks than picking locks. When I asked to see his boss, he looked around before heading to the back of the shop without saying a word to me. It wouldn’t have been so bad if there were more doors in the place, but Onyx had a strict policy of keeping possible entry and exit points to a minimum. That alone had already sullied my opinion of the guy's intelligence, but he had looked in the door’s direction twice before locating it. I shook my head in disbelief at some people’s stupidity and walked to the back of the shop myself, not trusting the fool to get Onyx any time within the next ten minutes. I actually had to let the poor bastard out of the janitors closet after he locked himself in on the way over. Yes, I had to pick the lock wiht some of my own stuff and when I got it open, I doubted the fellow's intelligence even further: the door locked from the inside. After sending on his way, I saw the guy I was looking for working on making a few new locks.

I knocked on the wall and he looked up. “Well if it isn’t my no good partner. Coming back to your old job? ‘Cause it’s been filled while you were gone, slacker.”

“I nearly got killed and I was being unlawfully detained by the highest power in the land. I didn’t see you and your high pink arse visiting anyone in the hospital.”

“Eh, go buck yourself.”

“I’m good. Doubt I’ll be in Ponyville too long anyways. Just wanted to catch up for a little bit, if you have the time.”

“I’ll take a rain check. Stop by after business hours and we’ll catch up over a drink or two”

“Sounds like a plan, man. Later tonight or some other day?”

“I have some extra work to do tonight, but tomorrow is fine.”

“Even better, I have an appointment with a goofball later anyway.”

“Don’t tell me you’re with Pinkie Pie.” He deadpanned

“Nope. Not really with Rarity either. She’s supposed to be helping me become more of a gentleman or something of the sort.”

“She’s a good pony for it. Right prim and proper. More of a Canterlot pony if you ask me rather than a small town mare, but you know what they say about big fish in little ponds.”

“I hear you. If there’s anyone who can help me with my manners, she’s the one. Lemme get out of your hair so you can keep working. Later, Onyx.”

“Later, colt.”

Talking with Onyx had helped my mood a little since the older man’s casual dismissal was refreshing in a way. To be treated how I expected to be treated was pretty… Well, it made sense. I could always rely on Onyx to be an ass, and as I made my way through Ponyville it made me wonder what I actually expected from the average person these days. Lupa and I got stopped a few times to let some of the kids pet her as I watched over, and as long as they played nice, Lupa didn’t seem to mind too much. I didn’t mind either and was happy to let her soak up what affection she wanted since I never really did spend all that long petting her, though I did rub her ears pretty often. However, while we were stopping and starting, I considered that I kind of expected the average Pony to treat me with some level of disdain or contempt like I did in England, but few of them ever proved me right. A few bad apples didn’t make the bunch, after all. I think Lupa was appreciating the attention more than anything, but I was grateful myself for the distraction from my thoughts. It made me think about Lupa for awhile and though I know she won’t come at me unless I do something particularly dumb, it’s still a little terrifying in the mornings. Her bright blue, intelligent eyes do a lot to help quell those fears, but seriously. If she turned on me, there’d be precious little I could do.

I let those thoughts dissipate on their own since it wasn’t something I could help, thus making it pointless to worry about. Lupa was a gentle giant most of the time and seeing her play with the… Fillies and colts, I think, just reinforced that. It’s not that I needed further assurance, but the wolf had killed people alongside me and seemed to be no worse for wear. Honestly, I was pretty grateful that she had taken to me as she had, but I also wondered if Lupa just thought of everything with meat on its bones as something to potentially have to kill. It was a depressing thought. She could take care of herself most of the time, help me out around the house when she felt like it and was there for me when I needed it. It was truly difficult to see her as anything other than a mute friend. A mute friend that killed people casually. Granted I never had thought of Lupa as a pet and couldn’t in good conscience since that would imply that she was a dumb animal, but… How do you see someone you love kill people and just accept that? It was hard to see her the same way, but I knew that I still loved my precious pupper like no one else, and if someone wanted to call her my pet, then that was something I would happily correct people on. I actually did with a few of the town’s kids when they asked me if she was my dog, stating that she was more like a companion wolf. Lupa preened whenever I said that, though I just rolled my eyes at her antics. I expected her to know how much she meant to me. As I’m writing this, I had to reach out and pet her, though I still haven’t elaborated on just how much I adore my favorite pupper. Even if I’m a little wary of her nowadays, it’s not like anything about her has changed.

Once we were clear of the kids, we got to Fluttershy's quaint little cabin unimpeded. Lupa fucked off to do whatever it is she does when she’s not around and I knocked on Fluttershy’s door. I waited for a little bit until a fucking bear opened the door. It took me a moment to recognize him as Bearett, the fellow I had napped on during my first visit to Fluttershy’s. He cocked his head at me. “I’m here for Fluttershy, you know where she is?”

Bearett stepped out and rose to his full height and shrugged, plopping down with a thud. I had been a little terrified for a moment that he was going to take a swing at me, but my fears turned out to be pointless when he went back inside and grunted a few times. I took that as an invitation to come in and wait for Fluttershy to come back, so I followed him in and had a seat. It was awkward, but there was less bear and more waiting in my future. I had been juggling knives with a small audience when Fluttershy came back with arms full of bags. I rushed over to help her and she shrieked, dropping nearly everything. Between me and some of her larger animal creatures, we managed to save everything except a loaf of bread that a blue jay had tried to carry.

Fluttershy had covered her face and peeked through her fingers when it was all said and done. “M-Max? Wh-What are you doing here?”

“Just here to see you, Miss Collywobbles.” I put the things I had caught on Bearett’s back and her gaggle of animals carried the various things to what I assumed to be the correct places.

“I-I wasn’t expecting you… How are you?” She asked, brushing some of her hair from her face.

“I’m doing well, and so’s Lupa. You know, you never did tell me if I had to wash her.”

“Oh. You shouldn’t have to. Wolves are usually very clean canines unless they roll around in something smelly, but I’ve never had that problem with her.”

“That’s what happens when you have an incredibly smart animal; they act weird. Speaking of, does she seem a bit off to you? Compared to other wolves I mean.”

“Well, she is really smart for a wolf, though Bearett and Angel are both like her when it comes to that. I don’t know why they’re as intelligent as they are.” She hid behind her hair again.

“My guess is the company they keep. Either your animals are well trained, or they’re all somewhat sentient.”

“T-That’s not really t-true, some of my animals are normal, b-but a lot of them are smart. I really don’t know why…” Fluttershy’s body language told me she was uncomfortable.

I reached out and touched her arm. “I’m not trying to grill you here, Collywobbles. If you don’t know, then that’s fine.”

“I-I’m sorry.”

“Literally just said it’s fine, so don’t worry about it. That’s not really why I’m here, anyway. I wanted to talk about that night.”

She looked even more apprehensive. “...Okay.”

“What do you make of us?”

“I-I d-don’t know…”

This is going to be like pulling teeth. “Do you want to try being in a relation-”

“Yes!” Fluttershy interjected. Oh. Never mind

I lifted my brows. “Are… Are you sure you don’t want to think about it a little more? I’m going to warn you now, I’m a right prick most of the time. I’ll probably tease you or piss you off more times than you can count over the course of a few day's.”

Fluttershy’s face fell. “... It sounds like you don’t want me.”

Don’t play that card, bitch. “It should sound like I’m trying to tell you what you’re getting into before you rush into it. I made the mistake of expecting people to accept me without telling them anything about me, and besides a few conversations, we haven’t really talked.”

“I-I don’t want to be a mare that just sleeps around with a-anypony…” She gave me a heartbreaking look, but I didn’t really want to give a shit, so I didn’t

“I’m not a Pony. And since you’ve brought it up, are we going to tell Twilight and the rest about what happened? She came over this morning and asked me some tough questions. I didn’t lie to her.”

“I feel like you didn’t tell her the truth.” Fluttershy seemed disappointed in me.

“Oi! I just said I didn’t lie! I dodged the question and didn’t give her a straight answer, that’s all. If you count lies by omission, then your perception of lying is skewed.

“It’s not skewed!” Fluttershy shook her head. “If anypony asks, I want you to be honest with them, Max. You said you were trying to be a better pony, but you’re not even trying!”

“Excuse you? I am trying! I would’ve been quite proud to tell her that we slept together, but I didn’t want to embarrass you or spread your business around. Speaking of, do you want to have sex with me?” Fluttershy gave me an incredulous look. “I told Twilight that I would ask you next time I saw you. That’s how I dodged the question, which doesn’t make me a liar.”

“... I can’t really blame you if you just didn’t answer her question but that’s still dishonest, Max.”

“Speaking of, why didn’t you tell her? She saw you yesterday and asked about what you were doing, but you didn’t tell her.”

“That’s- Well…I just-”

“You didn’t even give her an answer and made her worry about you. I covered for you by telling parts of the truth. You’re welcome, by the way, because by your own definition, you were dishonest with a friend.”

“Th-That’s- That’s not-”

“Oh, tell me how it’s not true. You straight up wouldn’t tell her and I did, so who’s wrong here? The one who continued the supposed lie or the one who made it up?”

“Why are you being like this!?”

“Because, Fluttershy, I’m pretty sure that you’re holding me to a double standard and I fucking refuse. I will not be your moral dog and you’re not going to try and browbeat me with morality. I’m well aware of the fact that what we did was wrong, and I don’t even know why I tried to help you cover it up.” Her lips quivered. “You know what? Why don’t you go and tell Twilight right now that you stayed at my house and slept with me? Why don’t you tell all of our friends, because from what Twilight said, they’d want to know.”

“You didn’t say no!”

“I was nowhere near thinking clear! Whatever the fuck kind of smell was in my house practically made me fuck Celestia to the point where it could have been a crime! The only reason your first time was even close to pleasant was because you had plenty of time to get warmed up and I was chewing my cheek so that I could think clearly with pain! I literally had to make myself bleed to not fuck you senseless! The morning after was different, but why would I sleep with someone I’d been arguing with? You tell me, because I don’t know.”

“... So you- You regret it?” The hurt on her face was unmistakable.

“Fluttershy, I cheated. I have a girlfriend named Velvet Breeze who did not give me permission to do what we did. I’m a faithful fuck, and that’s generally what I have going for me in a relationship, but I was practically drunk. Yes, I regret sleeping with you because there were better, nicer people you could’ve given your first time to. There were single people you could’ve actually gone on a date with or something. I don’t know why you chose me, but you did, and I fucked up. I don’t know if what got me got you too, but you haven't said a word to the contrary.”

Fluttershy was about to start crying. “... W-Well, I’m sorry! I’m sorry I even came to your stupid house and accepted your stupid massage and was stupid! Are you happy now!?”

“No! Because you calling yourself a lie doesn’t change what we did! I may very well lose Velvet-”

“I gave you my first time!”

“I asked if you were sure and you said yes. You laid there and let me feel for myself without saying a word, Fluttershy. You saw what I did to Celestia and you wanted something of the sort, am I wrong? You consented in your right mind-”

“I was in estrus!”

“I don’t fully know what that means!”

Fluttershy started bawling her eyes out. “You- You knew! You kept commenting on the smell-”

“I don’t know what it was!”

She sniffled and wiped her eyes, her face a perfect picture of a broken heart. “You’re… You can’t be serious right now! You’re not even a Pony!”

“What does that have to do with anything!?”

“It means you should’ve known better than to take advantage-”

“What!? You come onto me and I’m responsible!? Hold yourself to a higher standard than that, Fluttershy, because I still know next to nothing about this planet, the people on it, or what shit does with whatever crazy kind of magic is here! I’m starting with less than a child’s amount of information to go on and I’m just supposed to know everything!? How is that fair to me?

“That’s one of the reasons I want to be with you! You need somepony to hold you accountable for your actions-”

“Oh, really? Really now? So you kiss me in the middle of arguing and I push you away. You give no reason as to why you did it and…? Then my fucking lover comes over and offers to let you get a massage from someone you’d just spent how long arguing with? When are you going to be accountable for your actions? Because, I, Fluttershy, have already been punished for most of the shit I’ve done. When I fuck up, it burns me one way or another. When I make a mistake, I fix it.”

She stood there and glared at me, tears running down her face. “... I hate you!”

“And I feel like you got what you wanted from me and expect even more. If I was in my right mind-”

“If I was in mine I would’ve told Celestia to shove her offer!”

“Then what was clouding your judgement?”

“Estrus!”

“How old are you?”

“I’m old enough to know that you’re a mareizer!”

“When you were coming onto me? I’m the abuser? When I was some kind of stoned and could barely make heads or tails of what I was doing, I’m in the wrong?”

She jabbed a finger in my direction. “Don’t look at me like that!”

I shook my head. “I’ll talk to you later, Fluttershy.” I turned to leave and she caught my arm, reminding me of the events from two nights ago. Bitch, don’t kiss me again, because you’re gonna get hit.

There was no kiss that time. “... I...” She sniffled. “... I wanted my first time to be special… With somepony I truly loved…”

“And you chose to give it to me. I’m sorry you made a mistake, but I can’t give it back.” I squeezed her hand. “I’m an asshole. I’m a liar, a thief, and a fuckin’ prick, but I’m not a womanizer. I’m not abusive nor do I have those tendencies. I’m not someone who normally would have taken that from you, but I barely remember what happened. I know you barely felt the push and I know you had a good time, but that’s about it, Fluttershy. I had to go buy a memory potion at the Tonic Shop to even get most of those memories back. Whatever was in my system changed my way of thinking, and I’m sorry that it did, but it took two of us to make that mistake.”

“... I… Max…” She sniffled and wiped away a few final tears. “... I’m sorry… But I still want to be with you.”

“Even after everything we’ve just said?” Fluttershy nodded slowly. “... Why?”

“... Because… Because I think we’d level each other out.”

“... Then why don’t we talk later and try to calm down a little more?”

“Th-That’s a good idea… I’m just…”

I gave her a hug to show that I had no ill will. “It’s okay, Fluttershy. We’ll talk it out in a bit, okay?”

“Okay…”

I actually got to walk away that time, leaving Fluttershy’s house walking as quickly as I could with my thoughts abuzz. I didn’t want to end this with a shouting match and was glad that we’d worn each other out, but I needed to know what part the smell had to play in all of the bullshit. There was a part of me that knew that Fluttershy wasn’t fully in control, but I also knew that I wasn’t myself when I’d slept with her and there was only one mare that I knew of who would answer an honest question as straight-forward as could be. My next stop was at Applejack’s and I was already halfway there by the time I realized that I’d left Lupa behind. She could follow my scent or just go back to the house since she could open doors on her own so I wasn’t all that worried about her or the bullshit for that fact.

Instead, I focused on getting to Applejack and making sure I knew what to ask when I got there because there was a reason that Fluttershy though she was faultless, and I was dead set on finding out why. However, all I could think about was the way she’d accused me of taking advantage of her when she’d been coming on to me left and right, and I wondered if I actually did. However, a little fucking thought proved that wrong. I still ended up digging my nails into my aching biceps because I wanted to reopen the wounds and bleed to take the pain and tightness in my chest away. I’d wrapped myself up with gauze, but it wasn’t enough to protect against someone dead set on causing themselves more pain. It helped to a point, but I knew that what I’d done was unhealthy and couldn’t come up with a reason for it other than my own innate desire to make it through the suffering that I was in.

When I came to Sweet Apple Acres, and old woman met me at the farmhouse door with a piercing glare before she gave me a little smile. “You oughta be Max, right?”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry to be on business and cut this short, but I need to talk to Applejack.”

Her eyes narrowed. “Now, Sonny, didn't you two just make up?”

“I’m not here to hurt her. I need an honest answer to a loaded question.”

She stepped outside and gestured to some furniture on the porch. Have a seat. I’ll bring some cider and I think we can have a talk.”

I nodded. “The wisdom of a man’s elder’s is nothing to scoff at.”

“Smart, I see.” She strode back in.

I didn’t know what else to do other than sit, so I did indeed sit in one of the wicker chairs that seemed to hold up pretty well. Perched on my elbows while my arms ached, I thought and thought until a glass of cold cider was pressed against my face. “Ah, sorry.”

I accepted my drink from her and the elder woman sat in the rocking chair I’d assumed was hers and sipped her cider. “Said your name a time or two. What’s on your mind, Maxxie?”

“Ma’am-”

“Call me Granny, Sonny. Everpony else does.”

“Granny then. Granny, how much does estrus change a mare?”

“Well, Sonny., I sure am glad ya asked me that instead a’ Applejack.” She chuckled. “In any case, I’m assumin’ you had a little romp and now somepony’s sayin’ you’re some kinda dog?”

“Pretty much.”

“Well, I gotta ask if your head was feelin’ any kinda funny? You know, a certain unusual heat wellin’ up inside ya and feelin’ like ya had-”

“Too much to drink or otherwise intoxicated? Yeah, big time. It was pretty bad. I ended up sleeping with someone I’d spent the better part of thirty minutes arguing with and I could barely even think straight.”

“Sounds like you got hit with estrus pheromones, Maxxie. I’m gonna take a wild one and say you ain’t never spent too long in a small space with ‘em?”

“There was the party for me at Twilight’s and I know there was a mare in estrus there, but nothing happened.”

“Probably because you were already drinkin’ and got whiskey dick.”

“Yeah, that too…”

“So I’m gonna take a swing and you’re gonna tell me if I hit the ball. You and this mare were arguin’, she got up in your face, and you stopped thinkin’ that hard. Then she started comin’ onto ya, A lead to B, B lead to C, and she wound up in your bed a time or two and now she just don’t wanna be a mare that’ll lay down with just anypony. How’d I do?”

“You basically hit the nail on the head, it’s just a lot more complicated in the nitty-gritty.”

Granny nodded. “Iffin’ it makes ya feel any better, that mare probably already wanted a piece of ya to begin with. It ain’t all that uncommon for a mare to get braver durin’ estrus, but don’t you feel for a second that you were in any position to make that choice. Your mind was probably worse off than hers since a mare ain’t that bad off durin’ estrus, they just happen to be more receptive to that intimate sort of thing. Now a mare’s pheromones can drive a stallion crazy; that much is why a lot of stallions avoid mare-heavy towns like Ponyville in the first place. As long as you’re out in the open, ya don’t really gotta worry about it. Inside, however, ya really don’t stand much of a chance of sayin’ ‘no’ if you’re together with a mare too long.”

“... Thanks. I needed to hear that, Granny. I was pretty sure that there was some kind of smell in the air that was practically making me drunk, but I couldn’t get a straight answer from either of the women present.”

“Any time, Sonny. Now, iffin’ ya don’t mind…” She down the rest of her cider. “Dinner’s on the table and I got stuff to do myself.”

I took a few sips before downing the rest of the fittingly cold alcohol and gave her a little grin. “Again, thanks. If you ever need anything that I can help with-”

“How good are you with them filly-fingers of yours?”

I looked at my hands. “... Filly-fingers…?”

“Ya got long, mare-like fingers.”

“Oh, fuck off!”

She cackled and came to take my glass from me. “Just messin’ with ya, Spider-Hands.”

“If you didn’t just tell me something I needed to hear, five of them would be headin’ somewhere dark and green.”

Granny just grabbed my glass and went to head inside. “Oh, and Max?”

I’d gotten up to go myself. “Yes ma’am?”

“... Guess I should thank ya for talkin’ sense into my granddaughter. I know she’s a mare who can make her own choices, but thank ya for pullin’ that filly’s head out of her rear.”

“She needed more help than I did at the moment. At least I was up and able to fuck up more. She was down for the count and was suffering.” I shrugged. “Applejack’s a good woman who fucked up. She at least deserves a chance to get back on her fee- hooves. Deserves to get back on her hooves and show herself she’s not a piece of shit.”

Granny leaned up against the door, giving me an amused look. “So what do ya think of Applejack?”

“Well, for her personality we couldn’t be much different. I admire the work ethic I’ve heard of and the protective streak in her I’ve seen. She’s a loyal one, and it doesn’t hurt that you have good genetics.”

“Genetics?”

“You passed some beauty on down the line, Granny. Applejack looks like a fuckin’ three-course meal. It sucks that she slimmed down a little, but she’s still beautiful all the same.”

“Hm? It sounds like your crush kicked your flank.”

I rolled my eyes and chuckled. “I think she’s attractive, heart and body, but she isn’t my crush. That’s either Celestia…” I thought about it, wondering who I thought of most. “... Well, it’s either Celestia or, if we’re just going by raw, unfiltered cuteness, Twilight.”

“I’ll be sure to let-”

“I’m not too sure on it, so don’t go spreading it around, you old gossip.”

“Me? Old?”

I raised a brow. “Your twenties are behind you, you cougar~”

Granny just smiled. “You got a good heart and a good eye for mares. However, I wouldn’t try and get too close to the Princess, Max. A mare that old, even if she’s the best there is, has depths you could never know.”

I pursed my lips and nodded. “... Yeah, I guess you’re right. That’s probably not advice I’m going to take, though.”

“Then I hope you’re happy lustin’ after a mare that probably won’t let ya get too far.”

I chuckled at that. “She might just let me go to places I don’t want to. Take it easy, Granny.”

“Good evenin’, and if nopony else says it to ya, good night. Don’t let no bad dreams keep ya awake.” She went in as I furrowed my brow and stared after her.

… Old woman knows too much.

With that on my mind and my heart aching because I’d practically been drugged into having sex with Fluttershy, I went home and let my heart ache for a while longer. I did something else I wasn’t proud of for the better part of an hour and made dinner, even though I didn’t feel like eating. I still choked down my omelette and fried spinach, but it almost came back up until I made some new mistakes in a different place that got me calmed down enough to finish dinner. I was fucking up left and right and it was starting to become a habit, though.. It just… It made me feel better. I was getting used to turning to it when my heart was aching and I needed to relieve the pressure, but I didn’t even want to write it down when I was doing my journals. The act itself makes me feel… Ashamed, but I used to do it from time to time in England until Maxwell found out and asked why. When I knew I couldn’t get away with it around him, I stopped and I needed to find another outlet, so I started smoking a lot of weed. That helped a little more than… The other thing, but it made me feel lile I was in a daze until I got the shit into my system and could just casually toke my day away when we had downtime. I’d traded one addiction for another and I knew that I was going to have to go into the Whitetail Woods and try cutting down one of the smelly green things I’d seen to try and stop again.

I just didn’t want to. Here’s to self medicating, yeah?

I was running out of gauze, but I got a note that told me to hurry the fuck up and I got everything done, changing clothes moments before Celestia and Velvet showed up in my house. I took a deep breath, let it out, and saw that Velvet was pissed. Celestia had a worried look on her face, but it didn’t strike me as genuine. “Hullo, ladies. I appreciate you coming by.”

“Hello,” Celestia replied cautiously.

Velvet said nothing, her body language standoffish and clearly aggressive.

“We need to talk. I shouldn’t expect you to-”

“Don’t expect buck-all from me, Max.” Velvet hissed.

I was somewhat taken aback, but I understood what I had done wrong. “Velvet, I-”

“You what? You’re gone for less than a bucking day and you go off and buck some hussy you hated!? What in Tartarus is wrong with you? How do you expect me to be okay with that, Max? How do you think you would feel?”

“I’d feel betrayed, but-.”

“Exactly! You’ve got to take responsibility for your actions and see just how much of an ass you are. I can’t believe you right now.” Velvet was on a warpath, and I deserved every word. I sat silent and listened, biting back a harsh retort in favor of being understanding about what she was saying. “What do you even want from me? What do you want from us? I know I helped you when you were down, but I can’t deal with you if you keep pulling crap like this! I know I’m already sharing you,” She flung an arm out, gesturing to Celestia,” but that doesn’t mean you can just sleep around willy-nilly!”

“Velvet, we were in here, she was in estrus. We spent hours in this one space. I could barely think straight...”

“So you’re blamin’ the mare!?”

“That’s not fair, Velvet,” Celestia began, ”You know what pheromones can do to a stallion, I just… I didn’t think they were affecting Max since he’s not a Pony… If you want to blame somepony, don’t let it be the stallion that’s not from this planet, because Max has never experienced estrus pheromones.”

“Velvet… I’m sorry…” I could hear my voice cracking as I looked down to stop the tears from falling. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just… I-”

“I’m done with you, Max. You’re a criminal and a whorse. You’re a terrible pony and as a special somepony? You’re not even going to be around that often, so why don’t we just end it here? Because honestly? Honestly You can rot in Tartarus for all I care.” She finished icily. Velvet was halfway out the door when she turned back. “Blamin’ pheromones when you’re not even a damn Pony. Despicable.”

Celestia and I sat in silence as I held back tears. Not only had I cheated on the mare who had comforted me in my time of need, but I had hurt her enough to lash out at me in the same swing. A kind soul like hers didn’t deserve to be marred by a bitter one such as me. I brushed Celestia’s hand away from my shoulder as she tried to comfort me. All I could think about was how poisonous my very presence was; how many people had I hurt since I’d been on Equus after most of them had shown me little more than kindness. The throbbing pain grew, but I couldn’t see a way to make it right, so I pressed my thumbs to my forearms, but it didn’t help.

“Max… I’m sorry, I… I believe you, and it’s… It’s my fault. I’ll make this right, I promise.” She soothed, her voice like honey as she sat next to me.

“... I don’t deserve her forgiveness, Celestia... I’m fucking toxic. Everyone here is so kind and… I’m just a fuckin’ toadstool in the middle of the garden... Everywhere I go I spread misery and that’s it. Whether or not I mean to, I do. That’s just the creature I am-”

Celestia put an end to my self-pity with a kiss. “You are not toxic, Max. You’re a noble pony who’s misunderstood, not just some spite-filled monster, and I know you’re actively trying to become better, that you’re not happily stagnating until you really do become toxic. Velvet was angry and hurt; She wasn’t thinking clearly, she said things she didn’t truly mean. With a little time-”

“You can say that, but she was right, Celestia. The only person I ever think about is me. I never should have slept with Fluttershy.”

Celestia bit her lip and put her hand on my back as little as I wanted to be touched. “I said it was okay. I orchestrated the situation that led to it, and I practically pushed you into it, Max. It’s not just your fault, I should share the blame.”

“I don’t care if you do. This is on my head.”

“... I’m sorry, Dearest. I’ll make this right.” She teleported off and I realized I was showing through the sleeves of my shirt. I took a moment to change into a T-shirt, throw on a jacket, and was preparing to leave my tarnished sanctuary when Celestia returned with a smallish box and a tender smile. “Going somewhere?

“Didn’t think you were coming back and I need to get out of here. Can we talk somewhere else?”

“You’re a better ‘man’ than you think you are, Max. I’ve done some groundwork, and we’ll get things righted in time.”

I nodded a couple of times, not caring what she meant. “Can we take a walk?”

“As soon as you take your jacket off.”

“... It’s kind of chilly out,” I answered softly.

“Do you really want to bleed in your favorite jacket?” Her voice was like cotton.

“... How’d you know?”

“I knew somepony who did the same thing a long time ago. When it hurt inside, she would cut herself to let the pain out and she just needed help. Let me patch you up, Max.”

I nodded, looking down as I shrugged my jacket off. The gauze around my forearms was thick, but even then I was still bleeding a little. The deeper the cut, the less it hurt inside. “Yeah…”

“Max… You could’ve talked to me. I would’ve understood-”

“Celestia, I don’t… I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how to put any of it into words…”

She sat me down and opened her box, pulling out gauze. “Then please; make an attempt so I can be here with you. You’re not alone, Max, and I won’t let you be.”

My lips trembled and I sat down next to her, starting from the beginning. I started with Babs beaating the shit out of me for just about anything and everything when Celestia let me know that I was going to need stitches unless I wanted to deal with incredibly itchy magic. After that, I continued and talked to her about how Babs used to do everything to Dad that she would to me and more before going on to say that she’d killed him more brutally than anyone deserved. I talked about Robert Elliot’s house and the times Babs pimped me out, whether to her friends or people just looking to get smacked up and have a tight hole. There were the times when she shot me up or made me snort opioids. I told her about… I told her that the first time I put my mind to it, I traded heroin for krokodil or desomorphine and got everyone in Robert’s house hooked on the shit. Admitted to leaving my mother to die as I went to the streets and found Slim John. Told her how I became a drunk at twelve years old. Went on to say that I’d seen Slim John catch a Pint n’ Pound until he bled to death and how I almost got the same treatment because I was his right hand. Explained how I became a dealer for a while to make some money, then turned to stealing because I was already good at it. I told her about how I’d met Maxwell and the story of us. Told her about how he’d died and I’d started cutting again, but ended up drinking the pain away until I was okay. Told her about what I used to do on the side when I couldn’t find shit to steal or catch a mark, the gigolo business. There was…

There was a lot to say.

Celestia listened and she didn’t interrupt. She let me flow from topic to topic as I laid my past out on the table and got to know what had made Kaid into Max. When I finished, she asked me how I blew through all the money I got from stealing and I admitted that I’d been saving it so I could move to a part of England that had more job opportunities. How I’d been saving up to go to college and get my life together. I told her about how I’d wanted so badly for my life to normalize and ended up breaking down entirely. Celestia held me while I wept because I’d needed to tell someone for a long time. I’d needed to get it all out, even if I’d barely covered half of it. My heart hurt and my mind was going wild, but Celestia was there for me and let me know that she accepted me and my past. She told me that she still wanted me and that she could deal with my baggage. I folded. I’d wanted to go out and not come back. To take some rope from the shed and find a tall tree, but she convinced me to stay just a little while longer and cope in a more healthy way. Celestia turned me onto writing. Not a lot at a time like I did with my journals, but she encouraged me to do happy little short stories. To do dark tales of pain and anguish. She managed to pull me out of the hole before I could bury myself and…

I needed her to do it, because even though I was trying to be a better person, I wasn’t trying to heal. I was stagnating and dying inside, but she asked me to stop with the cutting, to calm down and write when the hurt went too deep, and she told me that she would always be just a letter away. Celestia asked if I wanted to go back to Canterlot with her for the night. Then, out of the mist of misery came a knock on my door and I cleaned myself up as best I could. My stiches hurt, and my biceps burned from the alcohol, but I could get my head above water long enough for me to answer the door. It was Fluttershy she seemed to notice that I looked like hell.

Sadly, I asked Celestia to leave, but I gave her a long, appreciative hug and told her that I’d write her when I was done having my feelsy talk before I went to bed. She kissed me for a few more seconds than was polite with company and said, “Max, you are loved. I want you to know that.”

I almost started crying again but held it together as I smirked. At least, I tried to. “Is that you’re way of saying ‘I love you’?”

The Princess smiled at me and held my cheek. “I do love you, but now’s not the right time. Maybe you could still come to Canterlot when your talk with Fluttershy is over?”

I looked at the mare in question, then back to her. “... I think I just want to be alone for a little while, but I-”

Celestia kissed me again. “I understand. Be careful and keep your chin up, Max. A stallion with a heart like yours shouldn’t be suffering like this.”

I scoffed softly. “A guy with a heart like mine deserves it more than you know. Take care, my personal sun. I hope your warmth finds me better than I am right now.”

She stroked my cheek with her thumb. “You’ll follow my suggestion, right? Maybe take up some crafts?”

“Of course, Sunbuns.”

My remaining lover rolled her eyes and smiled again, muted and concerned. “Then I hope to hear from you in the morning. Let me know when I need to come back and I’ll make the time.” She looked over at Fluttershy. “Dear, please look after Max while he’s in Ponyville. If you care at all, then show that you do.”

Fluttershy nodded a few times. “I will, Princess…”

Celestia looked back at me. “... I don’t want to leave you like this, Max.”

“Then leave knowing that you’ve already touched my heart. I’ll write in the morning.” She gave me one last hug and teleported out, making me take a deep breath and look at Fluttershy. “... Now’s not a good time, Miss Collywobbles.”

“Max… I don’t mean this in a bad way, but I’ve seen some of my smarter animals with that same look in their eye… I haven’t seen a lot of them in a long time...” Her usual gentle tones were graced with disquietude and apprehension.

“Yeah. I… I just can’t right now Fluttershy.”

“... Is it my fault?”

“Partially.” I knew I should have lied, but I didn’t care. “Velvet broke up with me.”

“I’m sorry… But are… Are you okay?”

“... No, I’m not.” I gave her a smile I could put my heart behind, but I only got half of it.

“... Would you mind if I stayed with you for awhile? Maybe to keep you company or-”

“Fluttershy, what do you want out of a relationship with me?”

“... W-We don’t have to talk about that.” Her eyes told me that she really wanted to broach the subject, but her body language said that she wanted to be closer to me. “W-We don’t have to talk about anything. I just… I just don’t want to miss you.”

Seven words and she’d said a lot more than she meant to. “... I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“I’m going to worry anyway. Don’t be sorry.”

“Right. Do you want some tea?”

“I’d like that.”

The tea was made and we sat in my living room as Lupa came in through the door, about to trot onto my couch when she smelled the air. Fluttershy and I had been chatting about her animals to clear my head when Lupa started growling. I closed my eyes and sighed when she made it clear that she was growling at me. “Lupa-”

“Lupa! Stop!” Fluttershy barked louder than I’d ever heard her go. I openly stared at her and Lupa’s tail tucked between her legs. “Be nice or be out.” Lupa whimpered and put her paw on my leg, looking at Fluttershy. “I know, but he’s already hurt. His fillyfriend attacked him-”

“Velvet? She didn’t do anything other than yell, Flutters.” Lupa nudged my arms with her nose, each one aching before and after she did so. “... I did that, Lupa…” She whimpered again, hopped onto the couch, and laid her head in my lap. “I know… I’m sorry…”

Fluttershy offered me a warm, kind smile. “It’s okay, Max… But… I don’t think you should be doing that.”

“... I know. Celestia told me to do other stuff instead and I’ll give it a try. Might make a chair or something since I apparently have the tools for it.”

“Carpentry and woodworking are both very soothing. It could be nice if you’d like to sell some of your work. You know, when you get really good at it.”

I chuckled. “Yeah… I just might have to do that.” Lupa snorted, looking up at me. “What?” I rubbed her ears. “Do you want some love, pupper?”

“Yes, that’s what she wanted. Lupa knows that ponies feel better when they pet her, and she wants you to feel better.”

I bent down and kissed the top of her furry head. “Thank you. Both of you. I need this more than I need a scolding.”

“Maybe you just need somepony to be here for you when you need them?”

I couldn’t help the wistful smile coming to my face. “... Fluttershy… I don’t think we’d be terribly happy together… I’m sorry, but-”

“I understand, Max… If- If I can ask something inappropriate…?”

“Yeah? You know I don’t give a shit about inappropriate.”

She giggled at that. “Do- Do Human mares have… estrus?”

“No. Do you know what menstruation is?”

Her eyes widened. “... Oh… I thought- I thought everypony had an estrus cycle…”

I shook my head. “No. I legitimately got fucked up off of your pheromones. I had to ask, but Applejack’s lovely Grandma told me more about estrus than anyone else on this planet ever bothered to.”

“... You went to see her after you left my cabin, didn’t you?”

I nodded. “I needed to know if I was imagining things or if I really was drunk. She told me we just spent too long in too confined a space.

Her uncertainty plastered all over her face. “... I didn’t even think that you might be affected… I knew you weren’t answering some of the times I said something to you, but I thought you were… Just really into it…”

“I was so far gone that the night after the argument was almost gone before the tonic…” I gave her a half smile. “... I’m sorry, Fluttershy. You deserved more than that.”

She smiled back, partially hiding behind her mane. “My first time was with somepony who cared about whether or to it was good, and it was memorable. It’s upsetting that you don’t want a relationship, but I understand. You had to be in pain to even focus on what you were doing, and the morality of it just… Wasn’t important at the moment. I’m not mad… At least, not anymore. The more I thought about what you said at my house, the more I thought about the look on your face and…”

“What was the look on my face?”

“Frustration. Regret…” Her smile took a dip. “... Pain. You wouldn’t have gone through with it if the Princess wasn’t there and we would’ve ended the night angry in our own beds, but… I’m glad my first time was with a stallion who can appreciate what it was worth to me.”

I reached for her hand and she let me have it. “The reasonable side of you is pretty nice.”

“Max, I’m always nice.”

“... Maybe I can teach you to be mean to people other than me?”

She giggled at the jab. “I don’t want to be mean, but being nice can be kind of taxing. It still has its perks, though.”

I gave her a look I didn’t even have to think about. “Give me some time and I think we might be able to work it out. Let me try getting better on my own terms and we’ll see if I’m really worth the trouble.”

Fluttershy tilted her head. “... I thought- I thought you didn’t want to try…?”

“My heart hurts right now and I know I’m not thinking clearly. My heart hurt earlier and I wasn’t thinking clearly. I just need some time to get the noodle less floppy and we’ll talk about it again. Until then, thank you for being a true friend that yells at me.”

“W-Well…” She squeezed back when I added a little pressure. “... Thank you for asking me to come over, even if you would’ve rather I’d stayed home. I’m glad we’ve talked about it.”

Don’t say anything stupid. “So what do you want to be in the time being? Is being a friend enough?”

“C-Can I…” She blushed. “... Can I ask to be your Cuddle Buddy?”

Lupa snorted and we both chuckled at her. “C’mon, Miss Collywobbles. Your cuddles await.”

Fluttershy came over to my end of the couch, held my arm, and laid her head on my shoulder for a while. We talked back and forth about things that annoyed us, things we actually liked, and about our friends. She agreed with me that Applejack deserved a second chance with our friendship and gave me all sorts of praise about how I handled the situation, and I bore the embarrassment as well as I could. I, in turn, told her that I just thought the woman needed to get her head out of her arse and see that she wasn’t half as bad as I was on a daily basis. Fluttershy also told me that Twilight talked about me a lot and worried about me constantly, hinting at a possible crush I told her wasn’t very likely. There wasn’t anything behind her words when she acquiesced and she asked what I thought of Pinkie. For one, I wasn’t fond, even if she did throw me a party, and Fluttershy understood why. The little cunt had eavesdropped on me and spread my business around, which Fluttershy apologized for doing herself.

While we were cuddling, she asked if I wanted to lie on her lap for awhile and I did indeed since she still had great thighs, making it very easy to fall asleep on her, even if I do prefer a chillier kind of pillow. I woke up with no nightmares, no memories, and no ill will plaguing my mind, instead waking up to find Fluttershy herself knocked out. I just laid there for a while and wondered what I was doing, but the gal deserved a chance to see the me she wanted to see, even if I thought she’d hate the real Max. After closing my eyes for just five minutes more, I sat up, put a blanket over her, and wrote out notes to the rest of the girls. Flutters had been up with me until at least three in the morning and it was only eight, so after I wrote Sunbutt I grabbed Lupa and headed to her place to take care of her animals. I had to ask Lupa who got what and she helped me out, but a lot of the critters were either wary at me or chittered angrily until Lupa started growling. I’d gotten everything done in a couple of hours once Bearett got up and helped, so I considered it a favor well done when I ran into Fluttershy on the road.

“Max?” She called about as loud as she got from a distance.

“Yeah, figured I’d lend you a hand this morning.”

We let the silence fall until we were in polite talking distance. “M-Max, are you coming from my house…?”

“Yeah. I know you have your responsibilities, so I figured I’d let you get a couple more hours and have Lupa help me get stuff where it needed to be. Might’ve spilled some seeds here and there, but everyone seemed happy enough, I guess.”

“O-Oh… No… Nopony’s ever done that for me before…”

“It’s not every day you touch someone who needs a friend.” I answered softly.

She gave me a little smile. “... Is this the ass side of you? Because I don’t see any Donkey in that.”

I rolled my eyes. “I can be nice sometimes, just don’t expect me to suddenly change overnight.”

“You’re sweeter than you think you are.”

“I’m also an arse, so may I just say that your butt looks massive in that skirt. Wide-load.”

She blushed and glared at me, but it wasn’t a serious look. “Now you lookie here, Mister, my bottom is perfectly fine!”

I looked behind her, making it obvious. “Yeah, it’s pretty fine.” I turned back to see that she was an even brighter shade of pink. “What? You said it looked fine and I wanted to see if it did.”

“Butthole.” She muttered.

“Yellow.”

“I am yellow.”

“And your bum is fine, which is a compliment.”

She shook her head. “I can’t tell if you’re being difficult or flirting, so I’ll… I’ll just take the compliment.”

“I tend to be an arse when you praise me too much, so-”

“I’ve noticed.”

“You bitch!”

She smiled deviously. “Mister Arse doesn’t like to be called out?”

I just grinned back at her. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, your bum’s still nice and I need to get the girls together. Wanna help out?”

“After a change of clothes. I didn’t think you’d mind if I took another shower at your house.”

“I don’t and generally won’t care. If you want to do laundry or something and you need supplies, you can come by and do that too.”

“H-How did you know I don’t have a washing machine?”

“I kind of just guessed. It would’ve had to have been in your basement with the layout of your house and I don’t think you have one.”

“I have a cellar… I guess I could get one hooked up down there.”

“That would be cool. Shall I escort you back home, or can I go to my house?”

“I think it would be better if you wrote notes. I’ll see you there in a few, okay?”

“Don’t feel the need to hurry, it’ll take a while for everyone to make time.”

“Pssh, Applejack is still taking it easy at the farm, Rainbow can do her job any time, Rarity’s light on work right now, Pinkie’s Pinkie, and Twilight would probably jump at the chance to here you talk~” She teased.

“Why, Fluttershy, it’s almost as if you know something I don’t.”

“I’m not making any assumptions yet, but I really do think Twilight finds interesting in other ways rather than just the science stuff.”

I shrugged. “We’ll cross that moat when the drawbridge comes down. Until then, have a good shower and remember; water is horrible as a lubricant.”

“What would that- Oh. Oh…” Her face lit up and she pouted at me. “Hush, Mister!”

“Haven’t you learned by now? I never shut up.”

With that, I walked past her and got back home to write those notes out. I let the gals know that it wasn’t urgent, but I still wanted them to meet me at my place by about four. It didn’t take long to get a reply from Twilight, though I think she just waits for someone to send her something sometimes. It’s not like she does much other than mess with chemicals that aren’t the fun kind to play with. She asked if something was wrong and I told her that I wanted to have a talk, but she didn’t believe that it was just going to be any normal talk. It was true, but I told her to stay home until the alotted time. Fluttershy was welcome to come over since Celestia had already approved her, but I didn’t want to hear that Twilight really did have a crush on me anyway. It wasn’t certain or concrete, but I was pretty sure that our formerly budding romance had yet to burn out and I didn’t want to start anything.

Once the girls all gathered and I’d had some time to write a short story called ‘Love Itself’, I took the time to get them all tea and set out plenty of biscuits, which Pinkie immediately dove into. While she chewed, I opened with, I’m sure you’re all curious as to why I’ve asked you to come here.” I garnered nods from everyone except Pinkie who was making a face at my tea after chomping like, a quarter of the biscuits. “You’re here… Here because I am a little drunk off of bourbon I should’ve thrown out and some of these wounds are still fresh from talking to a confidant. If you ask, I’ll answer.”

Rainbow raised a hand and I nodded to her. “Why were you a prostitute?” She held a neutral expression when she answered.

“Cougars like their men young and experienced. I made two thousand quid from being a whore, and I put every cent towards going to college because I only went looking when I got desperate to meet my goals for the month. I’m not proud of it, but… I was trying to go to something better.”

“How did it feel?”

“Like I was being the falsest person I could be to get women to want me. I couldn’t have had lower self-esteem at the time because of it. If someone needs you to fake it every time you have sex, it’s just hollow. Every action is what you know someone wants, every reaction too. The things that make you you, is plastered onto the very back of your soul so you can get a repeat customer. It’s just being a whore for money, which I hope none of you ever have to live with.”

Rainbow put her hand down. “... Sounds rough…”

“I never liked fucking someone for anything other than sheer arousal or love. No one ever likes being a whore in the traditional sense, Rainbow. Not unless they’re knee deep in being sick in the head.”

“... I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have thought… I shouldn’t have tried to call you out over that. I honestly thought you were some rich mare’s bull and called yourself something worse than you meant. I really, really didn’t think you were selling… That.”

The shrug happened with a sigh. “It was my teenage years. I was at the lowest point after the guy I stole this name from, Maxwell, passed away on me. I was more desperate for something to fight for that I chose the to try and change my entire life.”

“What do you mean you stole the name? Do you- Are you saying that your name isn’t Maximus Gadai?”

I nodded. “I was born with Kaid Gadai. There’s another name between those to, but I’m not even going to say it because I hate that fucking name and it annoys me to hear it. I chose Maximus instead of Maxwell to both pay homage to the only madlad I ever called brother and to call myself something heroic. Maximus has a certain ring to it, right?

Applejack just sighed. “Kaid-”

“It’s Max now. It’s been Max ever since I met Stephen Magnet before I even stepped foot out of the Everfree.”

“... Max, then… What else have ya lied about?”

“.... Fluttershy, I want to apologize in advance, but you told me it was a lie.”

She took a deep breath and squeaked. “... It’s okay…”

“... The only lie I remember telling is the one I basically told to Twilight-”

“What do you mean basically?” Rarity interrupted sharply, her voice cutting in the air. “You either lied or you didn’t!”

“Do you count dodging a question as lying?”

“Well, no-”

Twilight’s jaw dropped and she gasped. “You slept with Fluttershy!?”

“Yeah.”

Applejack nodded a few times. “Any particular reason behind it?”

I looked at Fluttershy and she nodded, so I went with, “... It was my first time really being exposed to estrus pheromones.”

Rarity gave Fluttershy a pitying look. “Oh, that must have been-”

Fluttershy furrowed her brow. “Don’t look at me like that… Max was incredibly gentle…”

Rarity looked to me for an answer. “I bit my cheek with my other lover and the pain cleared my head for a few seconds. I had to bleed for it to work, but I did my best to give Fluttershy a good time.”

“I wish it was a little more r-romantic, but it was…” Flutters blushed. “It was very nice…”

Rainbow folded her arms and looked at me like I was a dog. “You sure about that?”

“Yeah? My cheek still fucking hurts.”

“So… You didn’t ravish her?” Rarity asked.

“No. I felt that it was Fluttershy’s first time and it wasn’t much of an option.”

“I said he was gentle! After a few seconds it barely even hurt!”

The white one looked down. “I suppose I should apologize, Max.”

I waved it off. “Anyway, that’s the only thing I quote unquote lied about other than my name. Everything else was true.”

It was silent for a little while until Rainbow asked, “So what are you two doing now?”

“We’re Cuddle Buddies. We’ll see where it goes from there.”

“I-I cost Max a relationship-”

“Darling, don’t you dare take the blame for Max and his choices.”

Applejack scoffed. “Uh, Rares? It was his first time with pheromones. Fluttershy got the better end of the deal if she actually had a decent time. Max probably doesn’t even remember much.”

I nodded. “I pretty much woke up next to Fluttershy without knowing why I’d even slept with her. We argued for a while, she kissed me, and my first lover came over to stir the pot and lead us into sex. My second lover didn’t take kindly to what I could tell her, so I bought a Memory Tonic.”

Rarity glared at me. “Don’t hide behind-”

“Who the fuck is hiding, Rarity? Because if I was anywhere near sound of mind Fluttershy and I wouldn’t have slept together, regardless of who was coming on to who. Are you really saying that being in this small of a room with a mare’s pheromones for hours on end, that I had any sort of mind to make that choice?”

She blushed. “It’s a stallion’s responsibility to know what he’s doing!”

Fluttershy stared at her. “... Why is Ponyville a mare heavy town again?”

Rarity didn’t answer, so Applejack leaned over and stage whispered. “It’s because them pheromones drive stallions crazy. Don’t tell me you don’t know that, Rarity, because at this point you’re bein’ a nag.”

Rainbow sighed. “It’s kinda true, Rares. My first time with a guy was after a round of Seven Minutes Inside. I was in estrus, he didn’t know, and he was going nuts. Guy was so hammered off my pheromones he didn’t even remember getting in the closet…”

Rarity glared at her friends. “Well maybe Max should hold himself to a higher standard!”

Twilight just looked at her. “This room isn’t very large, Rarity. If Max and Fluttershy were in here for hours, then he wasn’t in any shape to even be in public, let alone sleep with somepony he argued with… You should honestly be glad that Max recognized that pain cleared the fog and he didn’t hurt Fluttershy. You’re just being cruel to Max, and as much as I hate to say it, you’re making Applejack more and more correct with every word out of your mouth.”

I sighed. “Are there any more questions?” Applejack raised her hand. “Yeah?”

“What was your foalhood really like?”

I don’t want to go into it again, so I gave them a few examples of Babs being a terrible parent and she just looked at me like I’d told her… Well, my past is kind of horrific, so she just looked at me like I expected her to. “That’s not the whole story, but it’s a lot of the important shite. I didn’t have a good childhood, and I don’t really enjoy talking about it.”

AJ took a deep breath since Twilight and Fluttershy were both looking at their laps and wiping their eyes while Rainbow seemed uncomfortable and Rarity shut her fuckin’ mouth. “... Bud, I know all that’s true, but… A normal pony don’t just get beat on and drugged as a colt or filly and come out of that okay.”

“I didn’t. I’m not. There’s a lot wrong in my head and there’s a reason Celestia kept me in Canterlot so long. When I first got there, I wanted to come right back and hurt you the second I got healed up enough to stand a chance.” She bit her lip. “... Then I ended up doing her a favour and I got worse than just burned for it. It just… Hurting someone because I was in pain that faded with time didn’t strike me as something I should be up in arms about. Yeah, strike back and take no shit, but when you make the mistakes I have, at some point you learn from them. It wasn’t worth breaking anything on you just to feel better about winding up in the hospital. I just wanted to put it behind me and get better.”

“... What did ya do for the Princess?”

“I went on an Operative Mission after Luna suggested it.”

Twilight steadied her voice and asked, “What- What happened?”

“The mission itself was a little messy, but before it even really got started, my partner walked us into an ambush.”

“And you made it out alive?” Rainbow asked, interested. “That’s actually kind of badass.”

I shook my head and swallowed. “... There’s nothing ‘badass’ about killing people you didn’t have to, Rainbow. There’s no glory in bloodshed over a few bits.”

“Sugarcube…”

Pinkie smiled at me. “At least you’re still here, right?”

“Yeah, but four people aren’t because my partner wouldn’t listen to me and I didn’t want to leave him to get himself killed. I’m still warring with myself over whether or not I should break that bastard’s kneecaps for ignoring me, because if we’d walked away, the mission would’ve been a cinch. Would’ve been free of blood. In, out, gone. Instead I had to cover his arse and I ended up hurting people worse than just beating them up…” I rubbed my temples with my thumbs.

“You were stuck between gettin’ yourself killed and lettin’ your partner get hurt, Max. That pony shoulda listened to ya, but you didn’t make the wrong choice. If you woulda got beat up again, there’s no tellin’ if you’d walk away from it or die yourself. You did what you had to so you could survive, Max.”

I folded my hands and just looked down. “... God, you sound like Velvet Breeze…”

“Your fillyfriend?”

“Ex.”

“From Earth?”

“No.”

“Oh…”

Fluttershy wrung her hands. “... She broke up with him because he cheated on her with me…”

“Yup.”

Twilight looked at me sadly and tried to smile. “When did that happen?”

“Yesterday.”

“Ow…”

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Life sucks and then you die, but it’s the smiles along the way that make it worth living.”

Rarity seemed disturbed. “Max… I’m sorry you had to experience something like that. The break up and the… Other thing. Velvet seemed like a kinder mare when I met her”

“She hated you and it was my choices that put me where I am for the most part-”

“Didn’t you say you were tryin’ to do the Princess a favour? Sounds like she stuck ya with a bad, foalish partner.”

“It was Luna and yeah. He was an idiot, but still a decent sort.”

Rainbow rubbed her neck. “So how many ponies did you get attacked by?”

“Seven.”

“... Didn’t you say you took down four?”

“Yeah? What of it?”

“... You cleaned up your partners mess, dude. That guy’s an ass. Did he just walk away fine or something?”

“Yeah. He was an experienced Operative, so he knew what it was like to kill.”

“Max, I’m… I’m sorry, dude.”

“I didn’t write all of you to come so we could throw me a pity party. My life sucks, let’s just get on with the questions.”

Rarity pinched the bridge of her nose. “Max, I’ve heard enough. You’re obviously struggling and you have been since before you even came back to Ponyville. I don’t want to be cold, but why haven’t you called us here sooner?”

“Because I didn’t want any of you to know.”

“What changed?” Twilight asked.

I shrugged. “... I needed to tell you so you at least understood why if I ever start being a dick in the future. I genuinely try not to be an arse most of the time, but I can’t deal with this shite alone anymore.”

Applejack nodded. “We’re here for ya, Max. Even if ya don’t think we are, we will be.”

“... Thanks, but right now I just want some time to myself.”

“Denied,” Twilight answered firmly.

“Seconded,” Fluttershy chimed. “Why don’t you come over and have some tea with me?”

“I have coffee. I know you like coffee.”

“Could always stop by my place and grab a drink.” Applejack offered.

“God, I need a fuckin’ drink.”

“If all that’s true, your life sucked, dude,” Rainbow stated. “I can’t say I’m the best pony to talk to, but I’ll listen.”

“You wanna go grab some liquor, Rainbow?” Applejack asked.

“I can.”

I pulled out a few silver bits. “I like bourbon.”

She came over and took them from me. “Macho buckhead.”

“Raging lesbian.”

“I’d argue that, but I do like me a soft mare.” She shrugged and headed out.

The rest of us sat and talked for a while until Rainbow came back about fifteen minutes later with booze aplenty. There was a bottle of bourbon for me and Applejack and some kind of wine for the rest of the girls, but I was suprised to find that there was changed. Once everyone had a glass or tumbler filled with their choice, I toasted to a better road and friends that cared. The first sip of that bourbon burned in the goodest of ways and I recognized that I was probably less functioning drunk than alcoholic, but I just wanted my heart to stop aching and was surrounded by friends anyway. Rarity eventually gave up trying to be tactful and just straight up asked what Fluttershy’s first time was like and the gal described it in a way that made me thirsty, so I sipped and sipped until my glass was gone while the girls were either giving me looks or giggling about how gentle the tough guy was. I took my lumps and Fluttershy kept giving me little smiles until I told her to knock it off before I stuck a finger in her nose. She covered said nose and told me with a funny voice that I could pick her as my friend, just not her nasal cavities. It was funy and got a chuckle out of me.

Eventually the gals decided to leave save for Fluttershy and Pinkie, so Fluttershy headed to my room to lay down since she’d drank a lot of the wine. I’d told her to go to the guest room, but she’d paused, heard me say ‘left’, and went right. I shrugged it off and Pinkie said, “Heey, Max!”

“Yeah?”

“Wanna buck?”

“No.”

“Great, I-” She realized what I said and started pouting. “Wait, why not?”

“Because I’m not a complete slut that just sleeps with anyone who asks.”

“What if I asked reeeally nicely?”

“Pinkie?”

“Yes?”

“Get the fuck out of my house.” I rolled my eyes and shook my head before getting up. “And for the record? Fuck off.”

She pursed her lips. “... Better times, right?”

“You think?”

“Yeah, that’s why I-” I glared at her. “Going!”

Weary and worn out, I returned to my room where Lupa and Fluttershy resided on my bed. I took up a place on the opposite side of my pupper and snuggled the furry one instead of the… Yellow furry one… Lupa then got up and pushed me toward Fluttershy, who then snuggled up to me and murmured something about cherries. I let her lay her head on my chest, already aware of the fact that we were basically dating if I let her stay in my bed, but I just wanted to be close to someone who really, well and truly cared about me for a change. IT was nice to stroke her mane and get some rest in, even if I found no reprieve in the comfort she afforded me. It was a lonely feeling that lasted throughout the night into the morning and didn’t leave me during the day. I had developed heavy bags under my eyes from my shitty sleep schedule and though I wanted nothing more at that point in time than a brief nap, rest eluded me.

Fluttershy woke up a little hungover and confused as to why I was sleeping with her before she realized that she was in my room and not the guest room. Apparently she was more drunk than I’d thought and was happy to lay back down while I got her some juice and made breakfast. Fluttershy ate, drank, and left with a hug that I enjoyed for a few reasons. Lupa stayed by my side all day long, going so far as to wait outside the bathroom until I finished my business and stand next to me when I cooked for her since she’d been out and about while I was getting Fluttershy ready for the day. The cupcake Pinkie had given me last night had returned during one of my visits to the restroom and I although I tried, nothing I ate agreed with me. I was just about sick to my fuckin’ stomach all day and I felt so incredibly… Worn out, I guess. Like I’d been working all day and hated my job, but couldn’t even get an hour’s rest. Fluttershy had commented on the fact that I looked like shite. I just didn’t have an answer as to why for her.

Maybe it was because I knew that life had done a lot of changing in a short amount of time. It wasn’t a fun thought.

Celestia’s sun set and Luna’s moon was going to follow it when I got a letter from Celestia asking how I was doing. I lied and said I was making it through with my head held high, so she came to see me for a while and we snuggled. I mentioned that Fluttershy was now my Cuddle Buddy and she accepted the news, asking if I’d sorted everything out with her. It felt close enough for me to say yes, even though I wasn’t sure if I really had. I eventually took the time to tell her that I needed to get to Rarity’s and Celestia asked if I really was okay, but I didn’t have a solid answer for her and got a lengthy hug that I needed at the moment. After that, I earned a few stray concerned glances on my way to the Carousel Boutique but paid them no mind. I knew Rarity would fuss over my state, but all I wanted was to make a bit of progress, to know that I was doing something that wouldn’t cause someone pain.

I arrived at the Carousel Boutique before the night ran too long and knocked twice before entering. Rarity was inside, of course, working on a lovely ruby red dress accented in garnets and pearls that I couldn’t really appreciate at the time. “You do great work, Rarity.”

She started and whipped her head around to face me, poking herself in the process. “Oh shoot!” She hissed. “Sorry, darling, I wasn’t expecting you” She looked at the literal pinprick of blood.

“Apologies, but I did knock.” I inhaled deeply and turned on as much of my gentlemanly magic as I could. “I really must apologize in full for my error, it was quite rude of me to permit myself without your word. I do hope you’ll forgive me, dear Rarity.”

She froze, then turned and looked up at me. “Who are you, and what have you done with my friend?” She asked, a little stupefied.

“It’s the same man speaking to you now, though last night was unfortunately still quite difficult for me. Truly it feels as though my trials are nearly over, but they may just be beginning. I suppose with a fair bit of effort I could carry this facade for as long as I need.” I dropped the act. “I really just fuggin' don’t want to. See bugger all point to it right now.”

Rarity set her pin on a table nearby so she wouldn’t poke herself as she rubbed her eyes “Y-You really should consider keeping it up, but I suppose that you’re looking for more along the lines of looking the part rather than just acting it. I presume you have it well practiced past simply speaking the part, yes?” She had gathered herself once more, trading shock for her usual persona.

“I have manners, mind you, I just don’t get many opportunities to use them. Let’s focus on the clothes that make the man for now. Of course, when you have the time to make them and a reasonable estimate, that is.”

“How could I charge a friend for something so wondrous as trying to better themselves for their special somepony? No, no, I won’t allow you to pay me for the privilege of helping you,” She paused and scrunched her face up, “as convoluted as that may seem.”

“It does seem convoluted. So much so, that I’m disregarding your opinion on the matter and paying you anyway. Trust me, Rarity, I have enough to buy your shop if my calculations are correct. Speaking of, do you need any investors by chance?”

“I simply cannot allow it, Max. I will hear no more on the matter, though if you do have the wealth to spare, I could use a few bits to increase marketing.” She acceded

“Name your price.”

“Oh, I don’t know, Max. It could be a very expensive venture…” She bit her lip.

I didn’t sense that she was playing coy. “Keep it under a thousand and we’re fine.”

Rarity choked “A-A thousand!? That’s a small fortune, Max!”

“I figured. I’ve got more coming in whenever I get back to Canterlot if I ever do go back. That’s not even half of what I've had fall into my lap.”

“I’m used to being in Canterlot with the socialites and aristocrats and those are numbers they throw around! Where in the heavens did you amass such an amount so quickly!?”

“I did that job for Luna not too long ago, retrieving an artifact of some importance. I do wonder if it was really all that important, given how long it was gone. Oh, and there was also some monster slaying in the Everfree. Apparently I’m being paid for that as well...”

“If it paid to the sum of more than I make in…” Rarity grumbled.

“It’s unladylike to mumble.” I deadpanned.

“It’s impolite to point out another’s social inequities.” Rarity huffed.

“Isn’t the purpose of this appointment to point out ineptness in one’s manners?”

“Yes! For you!” Rarity giggled. She gave me a smile that lifted the corner of my own mouth. “You know, you can talk to me if something is bothering you, Max.” She said, changing tactics.

“I’m aware. I’ve already done a fair bit of talking if last night is anything to go by.”

“Yes, I know that, but something else is clearly on your mind. Have you looked in a mirror today? You look like you’ve hardly slept.”

“Yeah, I was hoping you’d be kind enough to not comment.”

“Being kind doesn’t mean being silent, Max. It’s hard to stand by as a friend struggles, but I know you’ll seek help if you think you need it. As much as I would love to badger you for information, I think I understand the way you are well enough to know not to push you.”

I stood and looked at her as she spoke, amazed. I had totally misjudged Rarity from the beginning, thinking that she was little more than a gossip-hound with no regard for secrecy. I realized now that she was a much better friend than the others, at least, what I considered to be a better friend. “... I appreciate that more than you know, Rarity. It takes a good friend to know when and when not to interfere.”

“Oh, believe me, darling, if you weren’t you, I would be giving you the third degree. But after seeing how much it pained you to open up I think giving you the space you need is far more prudent than sating my own curiosity.”

I rolled my eyes. “Seeing as how you’re so willing to be patient and let me speak on my own time, I might as well tell you now while I’m willing.” Rarity raised her eyebrows and rolled her hand in a ‘go on’ gesture. “I feel like shit for betraying Velvet, my girlfriend. She didn’t deserve to be cheated on less than two full days after we consummated the relation ship, I feel like there are few enough ways I could have hurt her any worse. All the woman’s ever shown me was kindness and I spit in her face for it. I only have myself to blame for it. Now Pinkie thinks I’m a slut, and I’m pretty sure Fluttershy doesn’t want to look at me.”

“I can understand where your special somepony’s coming from, but I also know that you had little choice in the matter. Is there no hope of you two getting back together?”

“Not that I see. I’m not worthy of her anyway. Not as I am now.”

Rarity tutted and pursed her lips. “Well, why does Pinkie think you’re a... a promiscuous stallion? I’m sure that’s not the case.”

“I’m pretty sure it is. I’ll be trusting you to keep a secret if I do tell you, and I don’t want you to treat her any differently afterward.”

“You should know how the nobles of Canterlot operate, Max. Prudence and austerity are the order of the day, every day. One doesn’t get far by blabbing every little thing.” Rarity winked at me and my opinion of her dropped a little bit. I wouldn't have found it odd if she used gossip to gain ground in business.

“I do know how the bourgeoisie like to do business, and gossip is a powerful tool.” I thought for a moment. “Hey Pinkie!” I shouted.

She popped out of a wardrobe she should not have been able to fit in. Don’t ask. “Yeees~?” the law-of-reality-breaking pink menace asked innocuously.

“H-How? When? What!?” Rarity stammered.

I gave the little one a certain look. “Please leave; this is a private conversation.”

“Awww, but you were just about to get to the good part!”

“Private is private, and eavesdropping is incredibly rude.” She opened her mouth and I cut her off. “I already told you no. We’re about to stop being friends if you keep pulling this shit.”

Pinkie huffed and skipped away. “Maxxie is a meanie pants! Maxxie is a meanie pants!”

“Fuck off.”

She stopped where she was and glared at me. “You can’t keep-”

“Fuck. Off.”

She turned her nose up at me and left, slamming the door behind her.

“So…” Rarity started. “That was a little rude of you, Max.”

“She needs to learn how to respect a person’s privacy. It was rude of her to even be here.”

“... How did you know she was there?”

“Long shot guess. You know she somehow broke into the Lock Pad, right? That’s how she learned about my past in the first place.”

“... Isn’t that, you know, the lock shop?”

“It is. Best security in Ponyville, if Onyx Lock’s word is any good.”

“That’s terrifying.”

“I know. Pinkie scares me most times I talk to her.”

“Speaking of, are you getting to why she thinks your morals are so based?”

“She approached me after most of you left and propositioned me.”

“She wouldn’t!”

“She did. I don’t know why telling her about the shit show-” Rarity tsked and wagged her finger. “Right, the unfortunate events of my past would put her in any sort of mood for that, but she did nonetheless.”

“I don’t know why she would do that, but it’s so unlike her! Pinkie has to be one of the most innocent mares I know if her parties and general personality are anything to go by.”

“Her get-togethers do tend to be rather childish, but if there’s one thing I’m learning about Pinkie it’s that she’s a wildcard of epic proportions.”

“That’s true. Now, did Fluttershy stay at your house last night?”

“Yeah, but all we did was sleep. She went to my room instead of the guest room when she went to lie down and I wanted to sleep in my own bed. I didn’t, but it was nice.”

“And you’re sure you just slept?”

“Quite sure.”

“So what did you do with her in your bed?”

“Well, I tried sleeping on the other side of Lupa, but the mutt pushed me over to her and I snuggled her a bit. She laid her head on my chest and I played with her mane all night.”

“... That’s very romantic.”

I shrugged. “Make of it what you will. I just wanted to sleep in my own bed, she just happened to be in it.”

“I suppose it is rather soon to hope that you two start something, but I want you to know that Fluttershy is a gentle soul that needs a bit of love to get started on that path. She might think that you want more from her than you actually do if this continues.”

“I don’t know what else to do. I want to be nice to her, but I’m a meanie pants.”

“Are you sure you want to keep going down this path?”

“No, but I really do like Fluttershy, even if she’s unreasonable sometimes. You have the same problem, you’re just not as painfully adorable as she is.”

“Fluttershy is some kind of sweet and unbearably cute, but I can’t help but wonder what the purpose of that comment was.”

“Don’t read too far into it. I’m not trying to sleep with you.”

“Well, you say that- No, no I don’t think I’ll comment on that.” She shook her head. “In any case, shall we start with redoing your measurements?”

“Sounds good to me.”

Rarity and I spent the next hour and a half going over various fashions from Canterlot that ranged from outright snobby to formal, yet humble. I have to say, the woman knew her stuff and since she already had a pretty good idea of what I would and wouldn’t wear, it was a relatively painless process. That is, it was painless until she had to do my measurements so she could tailor my items. The process was awkward and I swear she copped a feel of the gentleman’s sausage, no matter how many times she denied it. In any case, it turned out to be a productive meeting, though my mood from earlier hadn’t lessened much. I was still feeling like the shit on the bottom of someone's shoe after walking through a dog park in flip flops, but I did feel like I could actually get some sleep when I got home.

Lupa greeted me outside when I got back with a loud snorted and some circling as we walked back into the house. After writing a check for a hefty sum that covered the costs for my new outfits and my investment in Rarity’s business, I headed to bed and actually got some goddamn sleep. It was full of nightmares and life was rough, but at the very least I didn’t wake up until noon the next day when Lupa alerted me to a visitor who turned out to be some mail woman with some rather derp eyes. She was a bit of a goofball, but I wasn’t going to take a jab at her without a reason, so I politely thanked her and wished her a good day. I happened to notice that she did not fly straight in any sense of the word and just chalked it up to Ponyville being fucking weird.

My mail turned out to be a note pertaining to my bank balance which made me smile a little. Apparently, Luna thought my work with the kobolds warranted a bit extra. A lot extra, actually, since she paid me per cadaver which had been a good few. With my finances settled for the foreseeable future, I could check one worry off my list. With nothing else to do, I considered hanging out with Rainbow Dash for the day if she wasn’t still salty about me laying Fluttershy. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about her asking for my dong, and it seemed like it would be a good day to go out and do some sporty stuff. As it turned out, the liquor store sold flasks, so I bought one and a fifth of rum to help me remember Maxwell because I was missing him and male company pretty fiercely.

As it turns out, Rainbow is a difficult person to find if you can’t fly. I kept an eye to the sky and Lupa watched the ground as we searched high and low for her. We asked around town which led to us meeting a few ponies that were disturbed by my now somewhat monotone voice. I hoped that the inflection would return once I got out of the funk and over the weather, but I guess my body just felt like it was a needless nicety at the moment. After failing to find Rainbow by five, I gave up and went back to the Whitetail Woods to pick a plant that I had seen there. Lupa must have sensed my plans because she nipped the back of my calf as we neared the place I had seen it. I patted her head and gave a mirthless chuckle as we approached the tall, five-leaved plant and boy was it sticky to the touch. I’ll admit that I may have salivated at the sight of it, and keeping it off of the ground was hard. However, I got my fucking weed and made merry as we headed back to my place.

For those of you reading my journals, which you should maybe die for. No, certainly. I'll shank you. Anyway, you should understand that I’ve always preferred leaves to drinks, and that was mostly because I’ve never seen anyone throw a bar stool at someone while lit to high heaven. In fact, I don’t believe I’d ever seen anyone hurt anything other than their wallet while under the influence of the greener one, so I considered it safer for myself than a good drink. I could smoke anytime, but if I was in a bad mood when I drank, everyone in the room and neighboring buildings knew about it one way or the other. Bad moods came often and rarely got helped with the sauce, so I tended to lean toward keeping myself docile and level headed with a good smoke.

Yes, I knew that getting high wasn’t going to solve any of my problems, but at least if I got high I could keep some food down and enjoy a meal. As long as I could get something to digest with the sticky-icky-icky, then it would be worthwhile to me. I remembered what I had always thought about momentary respites and wondered if I was making the right choice, but I wasn’t trying to blind myself, just take the edge of. There was no need to keep all of the weed, so I gave Lupa instructions to carry off whatever I had later in case I became dependent in any sense of the word. Some people would say that you couldn’t become addicted to grass, but I knew better than most that you could get addicted to just about anything if you weren’t careful. Hell, just look at Americans and their various kinds of Coke. Actually, look at my countrymen and Ribena. Shit seems innocent enough until you’re chugging it by the liter on a bi-daily basis.

All bullshit aside, I hung the plant upside down in my shed and hoped that it would be dry enough come morning when I realized something; I had a Unicorn who liked to ‘experiment’ and probably wouldn’t mind helping me if I left enough details out. I rethought my actions before I left the house, deciding that I would be upfront about why I wanted it. If she asked, that is. Otherwise, I was going to conduct an experiment on what happened when you burned it then inhaled the smoke. It was going to take some doing on my part to get Twilight to come over and not know that I was just trying to get high, but I wanted to study the effects of Equestrian weed and see what exactly the shite did. Twilight liked science and it was a scientific study.

Science, bitch.

I trekked across Ponyville (again) and found myself in front of the Treebrary. I didn’t think I would ever come back after Twilight had nearly gotten me wiped off the face of the planet by Celestia, but here we were. Lupa went to open the door since she was ahead of me when we arrived, but I told her to wait and knocked thrice. A little purple friend of mine greeted me at the door. “Hey Spike, what’s up?”

“Not much. Got some chores to do, Twilight keeps giving me homework. You know, the usual. What’s wrong with your voice?”

“Twilight put a curse on me.” I wiggled my fingers at him. “Speaking of the evil homework-giver, is she in?”

“She hides in her lair on the second story of her great Athenaeum!”

“I’m usually the one who breaks out the big words. Not bad at all, little man. What’s it mean?”

“Library, duh.” Spike held up some air quotes and mocked Twilight. “Use context clues.”

I couldn’t help but lift the corner of my mouth at his impression. It was pretty accurate from knowing her so well. “Mind if I head on up? I’ve got an experiment I need her help with.”

“Don’t let me stop you. Nerd.” Spike went back to whatever he was doing.

“Little lizard!” I called after him, entering.

“I thought I was a newt?” He scoffed back.

“Too many scales.”

I walked up the stairs to Twilight’s room and heard the faintest sounds of something that a more genteel fellow would never write down. I’m a dirty pervert most of the time, so I listened in on Twilight’s moaning and the stifled noise that sounded oddly like the stirring of macaroni and cheese. If I felt less shitty, I probably would have laughed, but thankfully I held my silence and backed away from the door. Once I was sure the sounds had ceased, I waited a few more seconds until I heard her start again and wondered just what the fuck she was doing with her time since she was already finished at least once. I knocked on her door and counted the seconds before she answered.

It took her sixteen seconds to get to the door and another three to open it. Twilight stuck her head out and looked around until she found me. “Oh… H-Hey Max. Can I help you with something?” Oh, you don’t even want to talk to me right now, I believe. We’ll see how you feel ijn a second.

“Sorry, thought you were done,” I lied.

“... Done with what?” She asked, her face reddening.

“I just wanted a hand with an experiment I’d like to conduct, if you have the time. I figured it would be good to ask the smartest woman I know, right?”

She perked up, but still looked a little skeptical. “I’ll help, but… What was I apparently done with?”

“Stirring whatever it was. Dunno why you’re eating in your room, but you kept making good-food noises and I wasn’t sure if-”

“I’m done eating, yes!” She spouted, closing the door a little.

“Well, I still need your help, so if you want to come out and-”

“I-I’ll just be a second!”

I pushed the door open a little and saw that she was half-naked. She quickly drew it closed and looked like she was about to die of embarrassment. “Yeah, I get hot when I eat sometimes too. I figured you were-”

Twilight slammed the door in my face and I thought about her black brazier and the general air of cuteness she had. It was a thought I would store for another day, but then Twilight hurried up, got dressed, and stepped out of her room. “... You didn’t see that.”

“See what?”

“See- Er, I mean, exactly. You didn’t see anything!”

“Well, I was going to compliment you on your taste, but-”

“That’s not necessary!” She squeaked, her face bright and red.

“You’re adorable, you know that?”

“... You’re just saying that to be nice.” She looked down, smoothing down her dark grey pencil skirt and adjusting her blazer needlessly.

Oh my fucking God, I’m dying. I gave her a peck on the cheek at a smile. “Dear lord, I know I just… Saw nothing, but you couldn’t be any cuter.”

She tried to glare at me, but her face was too red for it to matter. “I-I just… I got hot!”

Oh. My. Fucking. God. “I’m gonna end up hugging you if you get any more adorable, I swear. It’s not even about the experiment right now; You’re too cute to exist in this realm.”

“... Fluttershy’s cuter…” Twilight looked at her hooves and shuffled them.”

“No, you’re cuter, Fluttershy’s prettier. There’s a distinct difference, but you’re plenty pretty to and Fluttershy is really cute as well. You have the cute with a dash of pretty, Flutters has the pretty with a dash of cute.”

“... So… Is- Does that mean you think I’m attractive too…?” Twilight asked shyly. “I-I mean I- Oof!” I gave her the hug I mentioned and cuddled her.

“Goddammit, Twilight, you’re just too adorable for words.” I squeezed a little and let her go, seeing that she was wearing a goofy smile. “Come on, we’ve gotg a plant to burn.”

“... What?”

“The experiment. We’re going to test the effects of this random plant I found on Pony biology.”

“... Sounds perfectly unsafe.”

“Oh, I’ll test it first.” I shrugged. “It’s my experiment anyway.”

“... As long as I can help you if we need it. The plant wouldn’t happen to have purple flowers, would it?”

“No, it’s mostly green and red. I love it, it’s so pretty!”

“Oh, that sounds like some of Fluttershy’s Nightcap Tea.”

“Then we’ll see if it is. Let’s-a go.”

Twilight nodded and I led the way out of her house, telling her about my hypotheses and what I expected to happen when she mentioned that the tea was usually just calming. The purple one said that she thought that burning it wouldn’t carry the effects as well, but I already knew that we were in for a good time when I managed to get Twilight to agree to smoke some after I did to see if it did anything to Ponies. We avoided talking about how cute she was, or at least Twilight tried to and I ignored her attempts at modesty. I let her know that she looked pretty nice in the outfit she chose and Twilight hugged herself for some odd reason, smiling a little as she thanked me for the honest compliment.

“Hey Twilight?”

“Yes?”

“Do you know if Fluttershy previously had a crush on me?”

She chuckled awkwardly. “... Well, a lot of mares I’ve talked to think you’re really cute…”

“Oh.”

We had walked for some time without saying anything when I finally broke the awkward silence. “Are you wondering how I knew what you were doing?”

“W-What?” She blushed. It was a common occurrence for her around me.

“I asked if you were wondering how I knew.”

“I heard you. Yes, I-I was wondering how you knew I was eating in my room... How did you know what I was thinking about?” She seized the opportunity.

“You weren’t eating, though. If you’re going to ask me not to lie, then I’ll happily call you out when you are.”

“... So you know what I was really doing…” Twilight’s voice was weak and she seemed more than a little embarrassed. “C-Can you… Can we just say that I was snacking?”

“In my defense, I waited to knock.”

“Oh my gosh…” She groaned. “Max, can we just not talk about it?”

“I won’t even go looking for your dirty magazines.”

“I don’t even like Playfilly! Or Ruffler for that matter!”

“Then what were you thinking of?”

“J-Just…” She wouldn’t look me in the eye.

“What do you usually experiment with?” I asked, offering her an out. “I’m sure it varies, but have you learned anything cool lately?”

Twilight perked up and ran long in her talking about the things she learned, even going on until we arrived on my property. I poked her since I couldn’t get her to shut up and she jolted. “Hey!”

“We’re here.”

“... Oh.” She looked around.

“We’ve been standing around for the past five minutes. The glowing stuff sounds really cool, though, and it’s interesting how it isn’t magical in nature.”

She smiled shyly. “... I’ve been rambling, haven't I?”

Fucking. Heart. It’s melting! I grinned back, lopsided as it was since I’d broken my jaw a long time ago and it hadn’t healed right. “It’s really nice to hear you talk sometimes. Especially about science and magic, even if I don’t understand all of it.”

Twilight hugged herself and muttered a Pony curse. “Why do you always have to embarrass me?” She murmured.

“How was that embarrassing?”

“... It was really sweet. A lot of ponies just tell me to stop talking…”

“Well, I like hearing you talk about things you’re interested in and it’s nice to know that you want to talk to me about the things that interest you.” … Kaid, you have a crush on Twilight. How did you not know that before now? I blushed myself and carried on. “A-Anyway, why don’t we go on and uh… Smoke some plant?”

Twilight just gave me an odd look. “You don’t sound very sure about that...”

“I just thought of something that I should’ve realized by now, but I have enougho n my plate as is.” I led us around back to my shed, talking all the while since I wondered how many women I was going to fall for and didn’t want to think about how easily I was falling into the polygamous aspects of Equestrian culture.

Twilight cut in and asked, “You’re being awfully chatty. Would you mind answering a question since you’re talking?”

I blushed since she called me out. “Er, yeah. What’s the question?”

“... Why do you embarrass me so much?”

“I try not to, it’s just really easy to make you blush and your reactions to some of the stuff I say are just… Yknow...”

“Funny?”

“... More like adorably, heart-meltingly cute.”

Twilight smiled a little. “You keep saying that kind of stuff, but I don’t know what you’re getting at. I’m not all that.”

“You’re cuter than you apparently think, but we’re at the important place.” I gestured toward my shed.

“Max, do you have a cr-”

“No, I don’t have a cradle in my shed, you big baby.”

She gave me a look. “That’s not what I was going to say.”

“There’s no crib for you in there anyway.”

“Oh, you ass!”

“What? I’m not saying you’re a baby, I’m just saying that you might fit into one.”

“Mhm. And you’re teasing me because…?” She tapped her hoof on the ground, lifting her leg to do so while she pouted at me.

I didn’t have an answer and opened my shed. “You see this plant here?”

“Yes…?”

“Come take a closer look.”

“I know what a Nightcap Tree-”

“Just do it. You’ll love it, trust me.”

She rolled her eyes and came a little too close for comfort, looking at me instead of the tree. “You’re avoiding half of the things I’m saying.”

“What? Are you sure?”

“Isn’t dodging a question the same as lying?”

“I don’t consider the two similar at all.”

“I’ll admit, it’s fun to a point to try and figure you out, but it’s less fun when you’re so cryptic it doesn’t make sense!”

I showed Twilight the plant. “I’m sure it is, but gaze at the plant; love the plant. Learn the plant. Be the plant.”

“I can’t be a plant, but…” She looked at it for a few second and I pushed her inside, leaning against the door to stop her from getting out. It worked for a few minutes until she teleported out. “That was mean!”

“Teleporting is cheating.” I sighed, opening the door again.

“Do you do this to everypony?” She rubbed her face. “I’m starting to feel like you’re-”

“I only do it to the cute ones.” I deadpanned.

Twilight blushed and looked at me, frustrated and a little annoyed at this point. “If you hadn’t said that in the second flattest voice I’ve ever heard, I might actually believe it.”

“I’ve been telling you that you’re adorable since we started hanging out.”

“Mhm, and I don’t think you meant any of it.” She rolled her eyes, disappointment on her face until I kissed her cheek again. “Why do you keep doing that!?”

“Because you’re so fuckin’ cute when you pout, it hurts.”

“... I don’t pout.”

“But you do and it’s painfully cute.”

“Max, what are you trying to say?” Purps’ face was red and she waited for me to say something.

I shrugged. “I’m saying what I mean.”

“... I still don’t pout.”

“You do.”

“I do not!”

“Wanna dry my plant out?”

“No!”

“How else are we gonna do the experiment?”

She was about to say something else when she stopped. “Hey! Don’t distract me, I’m mad at you!”

“I thought you didn’t pout?

“Max!”

“Christ, I wish you were less cute.”

“... I’m not that cute in the first place, so-”

“How so?”

“... Can you just lay off?” She asked exhaustedly. “You’re just being mean at this point.”

“So how do I convince you that you’re cute? Can that be an experiment too?”

“I’m telling you now to stop before I just go home.”

“... You really think I’m teasing you now? I was messing with you when I put you in the shed-” She frowned, her eyes telling me to stop. “... You’re a beautiful mare, Twilight. You shouldn’t tell yourself any different. It’s dishonest to yourself, and you’re not supposed to be a liar.”

“... Are you being serious?” Her horn glowed for a second before I could answer.

“Yes. I legitimately think you’re cute and adorable and generally attractive.”

Twilight blushed and looked at the plant. “... I’m going to dry that out now. Butthead...”

“Feel free. Shrimp.”

“I’m not short…”

“You are, and it makes you a little cuter.”

“Can we change the subject?”

“What about the dependant variable?”

She gasped. “You wouldn’t!”

“I would. But, you could dissuade me by-” She hurried and her horn lit up. The green tree began putting of heat waves and turned a darker green. “... Doing that. Yeah.” I plucked a large bud from it and smiled at Twilight. “Alright, we’ve got a specimen. Now to find a way to utilize it. I don’t suppose you know where we could get a pipe of any kind, do you?”

“I think I have a corncob one my dad gave me along with an old fashioned deerstalker.” Twilight tilted her head. “What would we need a pipe for?”

“The experiment is testing the effects of inhaling the smoke earned from combusting this,” I held up the sticky bud I had picked, “through some manner of device. If you don’t want to use your pipe, I’m sure we could use an apple, though I doubt it would work as well.” It usually went pretty poorly in my experience.

“Well,” She said, teleporting her pipe into her hand, “there’s no point to having something you don’t use, though I didn’t even know what it was for until now. I should’ve known, but I didn’t have a reason to even really think about it until now.”

She handed it to me and I blew the dust both out of and off of it. “If you like the effects, then you have something to use in the future. Let’s take this inside.”

Since the bud I had picked was rather on the large side and the bowl on the pipe was also large, I just chopped the herb like any other and filled the apparatus. I packed it a little loose and made sure the airflow was just right, the intake part of the pipe allowing for the perfect draw,.It was good I was ready to feel good, and so I grabbed some paper from the desk in my room and we sat at my kitchen table. Twilight asked about the validity of my experiment and I told her to stop being a Debbie Downer and she told me to shush. It was all in good fun, but I started off the notes and she made some of her own before we got started.

“Do you want to go first, or should I since it’s my experiment? I’m pretty sure you’re better at chronicling information that I am.” And I’m ready to get high, dammit.

“I don’t even know if this stuff is safe for smoking... I know ponies smoke certain herbs, but I’ve never heard of anyone smoking tea...”

“It probably is safe. I don’t doubt that it’ll put you to sleep if you eat it, but I want to examine the effects of getting h- it into your lungs instead of stomach.”

She gave me a doubtful look. “...Maybe you should go first?”

“My pleasure. Can you light it for me when I give you the thumbs up? A little flame will do, now. I want to keep my eyebrows.” She rolled her eyes and I brought the pipe to my mouth and gave her the thumbs up. I drew heavily, but I never expected it to hurt so much!

Maybe I was out of practice, or maybe it was stronger than what I’d had back in England. Either way, I held it like a champ before exhaling. I noticed the effect almost immediately. Twilight’s nose wrinkled. “It’s an awfully strong smell, though it’s not that bad I guess.”

“Twilight, take note; Vision is clearer, if a little unfocused. I feel somewhat lightheaded and thinking takes a bit more effort, but it’s not too severe.” I stood up and walked around. “Motor function seems slightly impaired, and-” It hit me hard all at once. “Oh fuck. Dude.”

“Yes, Max? Are you okay?” She looked at me worriedly.

“I’m good.” A smile worked its way onto my face and I giggled at Twilight’s outfit, thinking it was funny yet suitable at the same time. I drew the comparison of the guttersnipe stoner against the respectable businesswoman and started giggling harder. “Heh-heh-heh! Oh lordy~”

“Are- Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Side effects include giddiness,” I tried to control my chuckles, “impaired vision, and one hell of an appetite spike in a little bit.”

“Wait, are you saying you already know the effects?” Twilight seemed unhappy.

“We got something similar where I come from. I was wondering if it did the same thing.” I smiled at her. “It does the dos. I am stoned~”

“Well, you seem… Smiley. I’ll add slight slurring to the list.” She jotted it down.

“Lord, once I sober up a bit, we need to find a Pony test subject.”

“Do you think you could take notes as you are now?”

“Yeah, just give me a moment to get my fins.”

“... Why would you have fins?”

“They’re sea legs, Twilight!” I broke into another round of giggles.

“Riiight. Goofball” She nodded and jotted something else down. “Before I do anything, can I ask how you’re feeling?”

“I feel really good.”

“... Other than just good.”

“Floaty~”

She the picked up the pipe. “... I guess one little puff won’t hurt.” She mimicked me, coughing and hacking when it hit her lungs. “How did you inhale that? It hurts!”

“Because I know how to handle it and I’ve been doing it for years. Take a smaller breath when you inhale, don’t try to get all your air from the pipe.”

“Okay. I think I get that.” She exhaled and took a small breath before she hit it again, this time going much gentler. She still coughed, but not as bad as last time.

I sat back down and grabbed a pencil. “So what’s it like, Twi?”

“I see what you-” She stopped cold. “Oh dear Celestia.”

“So it hits ponies faster. Noted.” I jotted it down, struggling to make my handwriting legible.

“How? What? I…” Twilight seemed to get lost in another thought every few seconds.

“Twilight, you gotta focus through it.” She shook her head and looked at me, her eyes bright red.

“Dude.”

“Dude.”

“... This is kinda fun.” Twilight grinned.

“We might smoke some more, but we don’t want to abuse it now.” I tried to keep a straight face but we both broke out giggling.

“You’re so buckin’ cute, you know that? Just the cutest stallion ever~” She smiled at me dopily.

“And you’re the cutest purple person ever. Have I ever told you that you’re cute?”

“Yeah, but you didn’t mean it.” She sighed, still smiling.

“But I did!”

“Yeah, but… Wait, what? What are we talking about?”

I got a match from a drawer in the kitchen. “I guess I have these. Forgot about them.” When I picked the pipe up, I got a better hit in and held it again, exhaling slowly. “Fuck, that hurts so good.”

Twilight giggled and got up with me before hugging me. “It’s smelly in here!”

I sniffed her, the scent of fine wine clinging to her along with some jasmine. “Mmm, you smell really good too~”

She buried her face into my chest. “You smell like chocolate and cherries!”

“You smell like wine and tea!”

We giggled and held each other for awhile, which should have told me something, but I was fucking stoned. Twilight and I ended up on the couch somehow, cuddling and occasionally smoking whatb I’d chopped up as we said random things to each other that barely made sense, but sounded funny in our heads. She eventually kissed me and I kissed her back, but it didn’t go anywhere beyond that and we mostly just traded little pecks and smooches back and forth because it felt fucking amazing. Twilight kept touching her arms, pulling on her fingers, and occasionally just shifting around while I barely moved at all, choosing to pop my joints since it was even better than usual…

Well, eventually I got too high to do a whole lot, but Twilight took her blaze off, pushed up the sleeves on her blouse, and we started petting each other. She giggled while we touched each other’s faces and arms, me enjoying the softness of her fur while she muttered and chimed about the smoothness of my skin. Over the course of an hour, we got through half of the whole bud I’d chopped up and we got fucking hungry. I made us more sandwiches than I could count. Sometimes I just made a simple sandwich according to the random things Twilight told me she wanted on hers, but I eventually started making grilled cheese and adding stuff to those. Lupa had gone to bed after thirty straight minutes of affection from Twilight and me, but our antics didn’t stop there. While we were stoned, we went back to the couch and Twilight crawled on me, snuggling up while I held her and we passed out for an hour or so. I woke up when she did and we smoked some more, still high in the first place. After loading up one last time, I shared crucial information with Twilight.

“You know, Pony girl.”

“What hoomun?”

“You know that thing you were doing at your house when I came over?”

“Touching myself?”

“Yeah, that. That feels even better when you’re stoned.”

“I’m totally gonna go try that when I get home!”

“Do it, dude! It’ll change your life forever!”

“Can I take some home with me?”

“Go for it, just don’t put it in there!” I broke out giggling for the umpteenth time.

Twilight followed suit. “I’m gonna do it just so you have to get it out!”

“That’s so weird!” We both guffawed.

I walked Twilight home shortly after and sobered up quickly on the walk back in the cool summer night breeze until I realized that I had to see Onyx Lock for that drink. I was still feeling the effects, so I wasn’t planning on going much further than a pint or two. Mixing buzzes never struck me as terribly smart, but I never claimed to be a smart one. Clever, yes, but smart? Not so much. Speaking of smart, I caught a wise old man on his way out of work and we headed to the local bar. Trading stories of our lives, criticizing his new help, and downing a few mugs of something disgustingly cold ate up a few hours. I liked Onyx because he reminded me of my father in a sense. They looked nothing alike, but my father had a ‘speak softly and carry a big stick’ policy that applied to Onyx Lock very well. I did most of the talking, granted, but it was nice to spend time with another male that was old enough to talk about women in depth.

Spike was too young to talk to about women, but he had his crushes and they were nice to hear about. Most of the men in Ponyville were either taken or friends with Big Macintosh who had made it a point to spread rumours about me as much as he could. Onyx let me know that I might get propositioned or otherwise shunned before long and I shrugged it off. I sure as fuck didn’t regret threatening the fuck’s life since he had done so in turn, but I did want to deck him a good one once Onyx told me about how much he had sullied my name. It made me think of the fact I now had a potent gossip who was probably willing to grant me a small boon by dissuading the mares of Ponyville against soliciting me for sex and could probably charm most of the stallions into doubting Mac’s words. I hated stooping low to play his game if he even was playing, but I was dead set on getting my peace and quiet life put together. Not that I'm not a low-down dirty dog who does it sleazily anyway, but I'd rather fuck up my own name, not have someone else do it. It'd be worth it if Rarity could put an end to those curious looks I’d been getting. Onyx also told me that there were rumours that I’d been beating people up, which I didn’t understand. I didn’t beat anyone up and was kind of lost, so I asked Onyx to help out with those particular rumours and he said that he would try and do his best to quell them.

Onyx and I parted ways around midnight and I was glad that I had gotten a few things on my list ticked off. I needed another Memory Tonic because most of what I remembered earlier in the day pertained to either cuddling or petting Twilight and Lupa. I didn’t take it then, but I wanted to know if Twilight and I had done anything worthy of mention. There was a point where I briefly thought and wondered about the consequences of introducing Twilight to weed, wondering if it was addictive to ponies and resolved to see if she was still high tomorrow morning. Yes, we’d had fun, but I didn’t want her to abuse the stuff. If she was smoking when I went to visit her, then I’d tell her to lay off for a while and swallow my hypocrisy. I also wondered about what I should do with what I had left and didn’t think about it too hard. There was plenty to go around and I thought about making something with it, but it wasn’t that important. In any case, it’s not like I wanted to corrupt Twilight or any of the Ponies further than my very presence already had, and I really didn’t want to have Twilight go full pot-professor on me like a few people I had known. It was an amusing transformation, but Celestia might kill me for getting her student lit in the first place, experiment or not. I played with the notion of giving Celestia some laced brownies on my way home, and I knew just how to get them to her. That is, if she would even fall for the bait.

I picked up a few dark beers on my way back home from a general store that had been open late and let them warm up so they would actually be palatable, setting myself up for an all-nighter. I wasn’t one hundred percent sure on how to refine it like I used to, but I had the steps memorized and was confident I could pick up what I had forgotten by going through the motions. Making budder out of the stems and whatnot was my usual method, but I had plent of the whole buds to work with and made some potent, potent shit after a while. It was super easy since I already knew what to do, but I also bought some high proof alchol and decided to let a couple of nugs soak so I could fill my new flask with the result at some point. I won’t detail the steps here, and even though I did make a copy for later use, I hid it well to protect the dirty, sticky secrets that Ponies really didn’t need to know about.

Once I had my budder ready for baking, I had no idea where to go from there. I was going to need brownie mix and a fair bit of it, or I was going to be making some incredibly strong baked goods. If the effects from earlier were anything to go by, these were going to be dank either way, but I didn’t want anyone to get too high too fast, though I do wonder if I could get Luna to try some. I knew Celestia had a thing for exotic chocolates, so I could possibly melt the budder into some chocolate and bake it into a cake. Luna was going to be trickier; I knew she had a thing for cookies, which didn’t mask the flavor as well, but I could use chocolate chips to take some of the edge off. My plan was slowly coming together, but I knew that I would have to wait until tomorrow to get anything done.

After I had spent the night cleaning, updating my journal, and processing the rest of my herbs and spices by finely chopping before freezing them, I cooked the last of my groceries into a paltry breakfast for Lupa. I didn’t have much of an appetite after the weed had worn off, but I knew I still needed to eat, so I figured I would spend the morning in Sugarcube Corner to see if I could get some brownie supplies and grocery shopping. Again. I wasn’t totally opposed to shopping, but it was a tedious task that would impede the progress of my prank, so I decided to save that for last. Lupa and I strolled on over to Sugarcube Corner and I cleared my mind with the cool morning air. I tried not to think about my current sleeping habits, or rather, the lack thereof and what that meant for my mental health. I hadn’t realized just how bad losing Velvet had hurt, which made me wonder if losing Celestia would be just as bad.

A part of me wanted to give up on the prank, but I thought she might like it for a little bit. Oh well, still got plenty of supplies to use, so I may as well prank someone.

The question then was who would it be? I thought it was going to be more of a friendly prank, so I knew Rainbow Dash had to be on the list. Twilight, for certain, since she had already experienced the effects and would know what I had done. Rarity wouldn’t take too kindly to it, but I figured that if I was going to prank Applejack, I may as well get her foil in on the fun. I didn’t want to deal with Pinkie, although I was going directly to her place of work to get the prank rolling. Fluttershy and Pinkie were definitely off limits; nothing good would come of messing with them, and though I knew Rainbow would try and get me back, at least I knew what she came up with would make sense according to the laws of nature. At least, the laws in Ponyland. I slapped myself when I saw that I was thinking again, which reaped a few odd looks. I waved and half-smiled at my onlookers and entered the gingerbread house bakery.

Of course, the two women I wanted to see the least at the moment were standing at the counter when I walked in, and if Lupa hadn’t been directly behind very confident I would have made it out unseen. My luck was bone dry when Lupa’s tail thudded into the back of my knee as I stepped back which led to a very painful fall into the door. The majority of the eyes in the shop were on me as I swore at my rotten luck and aching head. Pinkie and Fluttershy were staring at me like they had just been discussing yours truly when I’d walked in. Massaging the back of my head and cursing whatever dickwad higher power lorded over circumstance, I walked over.

“Mornin’ ladies. How’s it going?”

Fluttershy smiled at me Pinkie glared. “What do you want? Meanie Pants” Pinkie spat.

“Brownie mix if you have it,” I answered mildly. “And if you don’t want me to be mean, then don’t-”

“I’ll tell you where you can shove your brownie mix, Mister!”

Fluttershy cringed. “Pinkie! I-I asked you to try and understand…”

“You should have asked me to do this! Mister Meanie Pants here told me to buck off! Twice!”

I spoke up. “I’m not apologizing. How ya doin’, Miss Collywobbles?”

She gave me a look. “Just because Pinkie’s rude doesn’t mean you have to be too…”

I looked at Pinkie. “You gonna fuck off and get my shit yet, or are you going to not do your job?”

Pinkie glared at me. “You suck!” We were attracting a lot of attention. Mr. and Mrs. Cake both seemed apprehensive, conversing in whispers a good distance away.

Flutters came to my defense “Th-That’s not true! Max is really nice sometimes!”

“I’m just not nice to people who think I’m a whore. Sss.” I added.

Pinkie threw her hands up and walked away. “I shouldn’t have to deal with this!”

“Irony is beautiful.” I drily commented, watching Pinkie walk away. I turned to Fluttershy. “I know it’s a bit early, but how’s the day going?”

“It’s been good, but I wish you and Pinkie weren’t fighting now…”

“She needs to learn to respect a person’s privacy and that’s what I’m driving home.”

“You’re just being mean to her from what I can see…”

“That’s because you didn’t see her step out of a wardrobe at Rarity’s.”

“I guess… You’re… You’re a different kind of stallion, Max. I understand that, now.” Fluttershy’s smile was genuine. “You’re not really all that mean, just dumb sometimes.”

“I’d object to that if-” A bag of brownie mix hit me square in the back of the head, coating Fluttershy and I in a fine powder. I turned around and saw Pinkie smirking with her arms crossed. Fluttershy wiped the brownie mix from her eyes and peered around me. Lupa hopped on the counter and growled.

Pinkie stopped smirking. “Oh, Fluttershy! I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-”

“Pinkie Pie, arguing is one thing, but we can’t let you waste supplies in the shop!” Mr. Cake derided her. Pinkie shrank and averted her gaze.

I didn’t care. “Hey, Mr. Cake, I love your guy’s brownies, can I buy some of your mix from you?”

“It’ll be free in a sec, sweetie.” Mrs. Cake answered. “What has gotten into you, Pinkie!?”

“Well, he hurt my feelings and swore at me!” Pinkie retorted.

I tasted the brownie mix and looked at Fluttershy who looked ready to cry. I licked her face and left a long clean streak, giving her a Braveheart-esque appearance. Fluttershy narrowed her eyes and cocked her head, her tears left unfallen. “... He also just licked your friend; Are you going to throw some flour at him too?” Mr. Cake asked.

“N-No…” Pinkie looked down.

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be too hard on her, she was just being herself. I asked for some brownie mix anyway.” The Cakes stared at me and Fluttershy was still looking at me like I had licked her face. “What? Gotta be nice sometimes, helps with getting you Ponies to think I’m not a lost cause.”

“Well, if you’re willing to forgive her, I suppose we could do the same.” Mr. Cake cut Pinkie a glare. “Stop wasting supplies!” He and his wife went back to what they were doing.

Fluttershy and I were still quite brown, and Pinkie avoided looking at me. “Since I just helped you out, would you mind getting me that mix?”

Pinkie’s hair was completely flat as she trod off.

Fluttershy tapped my shoulder. “...Why did you lick me?”

“To cheer you up. Wanna have some fun with me?”

“What kind of fun.” She brushed browing mix out of her hair.

“Want to prank our friends?”

“Is Pinkie one of them?”

“She can be added to the list upon request.”

“Then I’d be delighted.”

Pinkie returned with my brownie mix and I didn’t pay here since it was free. Fluttershy was busy scolding her for being mean when she didn’t have to be when I told Flutters to meet me at my place around one or so, and I went along with my shopping trip. Of course, I earned a lot of odd looks for being covered in delicious pre-brownie, but I hadn’t really thought about giving a fuck so I ignored the haters and grabbed the essentials, some stuff I wanted to eat, and some more sugar. I also got a chew toy for Lupa which I ended up trading for another massive bone of unknown origin. It was fake since the ponies didn’t take kindly to killing animals for their tasty, tasty resources, but it made Lupa happy despite not being the real deal. She carried the bone and used it to balance two bags of groceries while I carried the rest of our hulking load back home.

I needed a fucking shower, so I did that real quick and found out that having that crap in your hair is really annoying. After that, I waited for Fluttershy to arrive before I started on the secret recipe, though she didn’t know what to make of my budder. I had her taste some and she thought it wasn’t bad, so she went on with the prank as I’d said and got a little high as a result, though she only noticed that she was a little spacey. I assured her that it was safe as I dumped a copious amount of it into the batter and stirred it in thoroughly. Celestia had been nice enough to give me cookware so I didn’t need to head out and buy another baking pan, though I did make a smaller batch that had an even higher concentration that I planned on giving to Celestia and Luna, despite the cold feet I had gotten earlier.

It was going to be a fun time if I could get the Princesses and my friends to try them. Fluttershy had to give me a few tips on baking so I wouldn’t ruin the batch, effectively saving the prank. I had been paying close attention to her throughout her visit and she seemed to be more at ease around me than she had been in the past. Her stutter was gone after the first few minutes, and she brushed her hair out of her face more often than she hid behind it. I cracked a few of my tamer jokes and Fluttershy’s laugh forced a genuine smile on my face. I received one from Fluttershy in return and the awkwardness I had felt melted away, almost making me regret turning her down before getting to see this side of her. It was hard to tell if our current situation was purely a result from our earlier arguments and the Cuddle Buddy thing, but my thoughts were forgotten when Fluttershy and I sat down for cuddles when the brownies were baking. I was getting a better feeling from Miss Collywobbles than I ever had before, and when she started stroking my thigh, I wondered if she was trying to go somewhere with it.

She didn’t do much other than explore the mostly platonic places with her hands as I stroked her mane and touched her in turn, realizing that my love language was almost purely physical. We touched each other and Fluttershy asked if Cuddle Buddies ever spent time kissing, to which I asked that I be able to send Celestia a message before we did anything of the sort. I desribed the situation and what had led to it, but Celestia’s answer equated to ‘Go for it. I already said yes.’ and I snogged Fluttershy for a while until the stove dinged and we parted. The satisfaction in her gaze made me want to kiss her again, so I gave her a quick peck and we pulled the brownies from the even to cool.

Our goods were well baked an hour and a half after we’d started. I’d saved licking the spatula for Fluttershy but didn’t warn her about the effects it would have. She saw through my ruse and gave me a womanly look when I suggested that she have the honor. I shrugged and took it for myself, not wanting to waste good brownie batter since it was nice and chilled. It wasn’t too bad and didn’t taste like straight weed, though it was somewhat noticeable. We let our brownies cool, portioned them out, and transported them to a dessert dish I found in my cabinets. It was time to enact our master plan, but Fluttershy and I wanted a few more minutes to spend snogging, so we just sent notes that said, ‘Snack time at Max’s. Hurry up!’ and went back to what we’d been doing. Fluttershy eventually straddled me and we kept on kissing until she sat on my lap and snuggled up to me that way, which was nice for two reasons, one being the softness of her posterior and the second being that she was warm in my cold-ass house. Apparently the thermostat was set low and she didn’t tell me that I didn’t have to freeze until I started trying to kiss her again. I didn’t know why Fluttershy didn’t want to keep snogging, but she was fine with just cuddling and told me that we’d just been doing it for awhile. However, she still gave me another kiss before she ground her rear into my lap. She felt it when I got hard, gave me an uncharacteristic smirk, and fucking left me once she had enough.

Fuckin’ bitch was teasing me and it was hot.

Twilight came first and mentioned that she was happy to come back, and when I asked her if she’d dipped into what I’d given her, she said that she’d smoked one more time when she got home. There was a nervous glance at Fluttershy and she told me that she’d taken my advice and that it had worked out very well for her, which made me think about Twilight’s privates and made Fluttershy curious. Rarity knocked at Twilight said that smoking Nightcap Tea had made her feel pretty good and Fluttershy promised to try it sometime, even though she wasn’t fond of smoking herbs and thought smoking her tea was a little out there. I got the door while Twilight and Fluttershy were talking, needing to cajol Rarity into coming in since she didn’t want to hear bad news if I was going to give it. Fairweather friend that she was, I told her to get the fuck in my house and eat my brownies before I stuck something up her arse in public and she didn’t feel genuine when she protested to that. It was weird.

Rainbow and Applejack came together and Pinkie was the last to show up, though Rarity reasoned it away as being fashionably late. The brownies and some biscuits were sitting out for them but no one touched my snacks. “So what did ya call us over here for, Max?” Applejack asked.

“Just wanted to see my friends without having the mood be morbid as hell. Figured now was a pretty good time since Fluttershy and I made some brownies.” Fluttershy giggled and smiled when I spoke, helping herself to a biscuit. “Well, you should’ve taken a brownie, but the biscuits are tasty too.” I cast a quick glance around the room, grabbing one for myself and taking a bite. “Damn. They’ve got a funny taste to them, but they’re not bad. Probably should have got some icing.”

“Well now, I’ve got to see just what comes of a stallion’s baking!” Rarity grabbed one and chewed carefully. “I rather like it, though it does remind me a bit of that Ponitalian spice. It’s not too distracting, but if you know it’s there it’s easy to pick out.”

Rainbow grabbed one and ate it whole. I knew from some experience that she had fucked all the way up. The rest of the ladies followed Rarity’s example and took smaller bites, save for Pinkie. She looked me dead in the eye as she took the tiniest of nibbles, her hair still completely straight from getting reamed by her bosses a couple of hours ago. I took another bite of my brownie without breaking eye contact and made sure she could see me swallow, though that didn’t incentivize her to eat the rest of hers.

Pinkie set her brownie down on a napkin. “You can’t bake very well.”

The girls all looked over to her wide-eyed and I shrugged. “I know that. If it was up to me, we would just be eating 'cookies' and drinking tea. I don't know why you call them cookies when they're fucking biscuits, but whatever. Fluttershy’s the only reason these things are edible in any case.”

It wasn’t that I was becoming more even tempered, it was just very hard to care. Of course, Pinkie was trying to piss me off, and I saw straight through her attempts, not seeing them to be worth wasting the efforts of stirring my metaphysical coals. It helped that as I presented more apathy towards her jabs, the more she seemed to get frustrated. IT also served me well to just sit and look at her since everyone else was glaring at her and she shrank in her seat as a result.

“Pinkie, that was uncalled for. Max and Fluttershy went through the trouble of making something interesting for us, and if you don’t like it, you don’t have to eat it." Twilight scolded. Rarity and Rainbow nodded in agreement.

“Twilight, I threw a bag of brownie mix at his head earlier today, and now he’s inviting me to his house for snacks. Something isn’t right.” Pinkie maintained her distrust of me, and rightfully so. Ruin this for me and you've got something bigger coming your way, cunt. I’ll fuck your life up.

“I invited most of my Ponyville friends over, it would be a bigger dick move to not invite you. No, you don’t know what the word ‘privacy’ means, or even ‘respect’ for that matter, but maybe I can teach you.”

“Ooo, that’s rough.” Rainbow chuckled.

Applejack glared at the pink menace. “Were you eavesdroppin’ again, Pinkie?”

“Well, maybe-”

Rarity scoffed. “You were hiding in my shop while Max and I were discussing private matters. You couldn’t be much ruder.”

“Are you really taking his side in this!?” Pinkie protested.

“Eeyup.”

“Yes, darling. You’re in the wrong.”

Rainbow nodded. “It’s rude.”

Twilight folded her arms and chewed some brownie. “You don’t have a right to do that, Pinkie. It’s not just rude, it’s illegal.”

Pinkie glared at me. “Well, you’re still Mr. Meanie Pants in my book! I don’t know what your angle is, but I’m onto you.”

Fluttershy came to my defense. “I-I helped him make the brownies myself, Pinkie! The only extra thing we added was oregano, and that’s because he wanted to try something!” Tha’ts right, stick to the lie, my precious tease.

“I figured if you ponies eat plants and flowers, they must taste different to you. I wondered if it was the same for herbs and spices.” I commented casually, thinking evil thoughts.

Pinkie took a bigger bite of her brownie and chewed. “It tastes funny.”

I raised an eyebrow. “I’m sure you taste funny too with all the jokes you make.”

The girls giggled and the tension eased slightly. Everyone except Pinkie and Fluttershy were on their second brownie, and I could feel the effects of the mine settling in. It felt like an indica high, so I wouldn’t have to worry about them going anywhere and I was pretty clad with the results. However, I was quickly getting higher than I thought I’d be and they were starting to notice. Rainbow was the first to feel the effects. “Hey, what did you say was in these brownies?” She rubbed her slightly ruddy eyes. It was only the beginning.

“Oh, you know, just an extra herb I thought you might enjoy.” My face creased into a devious grin and Rainbow gulped along with Twilight.

“Max, you didn’t put that plant from last night in these, did you?” Twilight asked.

My grin grew. “Why, no, I didn’t put any weed them. If I did, you’d have leaves in your mouth, yeah?”

“I don’t know what that is, but I do feel somethin’ awfully funny. You didn’t slip us no poison joke, did ya?” Applejack seemed worried.

“Whaat? I wouldn’t do that, it’s just a little something I found in the Whitetail Woods that I thought you might enjoy.

“I don’t know what you fillies are talking about, I feel perfectly fine.” Rarity stated. I chalked it up to Rainbow and Applejack having ridiculous metabolisms from the constant exercise they go.

“Well, ladies, welcome to the Mary Jane express. Please remain seated for the duration of your ride, keep your hands and feet inside the car at all times, and feel free to help yourselves to another snack.” I finished the second brownie I had started and just sat back in my chair, sipping my tea, feeling fuckin’ good.

Fluttershy beamed. “Congratulations girls! You’ve just been pranked!” Everyone (stroke me) just stared at Fluttershy as she giggled.

“Fluttershy?” Rainbow asked, slurring heavily as she held her third brownie and looked at it. “You’ve never pulled a prank in your life! How could you do one with Max but not me!?”

The yellow mare shrugged. “You never asked me to bake. I like baking.” I chuckled when she said so, wondering if she would’ve helped without it being something she liked to do.

“But I saw Max eat a brownie too! Why would ya go and prank yourself?” Applejack asked in disbelief.

“If Fluttershy and I both didn’t eat them, how would we sell the prank? At least one of us had to take one for the team, and I happen to enjoy the effects a lot.” I pretended to think as Applejack and Rainbow began to hyperventilate. “You girls know that I wouldn’t poison you, right? It’s harmless as long as you stay calm, so stop freaking out.”

Twilight was confused. “If you didn’t put any ‘weed’ in these, then why do I feel the same as last night?” She rubbed her face and patted it a few times, her eyes getting ruddy.

“Well I didn’t put the plant itself in there, I just made some extract of the fun stuff inside,” I explained.

“Oh. I feel like I’m about to get cuddly again.” She pouted and folded her arms.

Rainbow and Applejack were both slouched in their seats. They had eaten two and a half apiece and were probably stuck to high hell. Rarity just looked on in confusion, just about fine while Pinkie was glaring red-eyed daggers at me.

“This isn’t a very funny prank.”

“If you think so, then watch this. Hey, Rainbow.” She struggled to look at me as I walked over. I stopped at Rainbow Dash’s hooves and took her shoes off as she meekly kicked at me.

“Hey!” she garbled. “Stop it, don’t mess with my… Stuff!” I looked up at her as I grabbed her leg and started tickling her. She tried to get away, but she was so discoordinated she just fell out of the chair and howled with laughter. Even after I stopped, she had the giggles and kept going.

The corner of Pinkie’s mouth was slightly raised, and when I looked at her, her hair seemed a bit more voluminous. I moved onto Applejack, who was trying to walk away, but she often stumbled and didn’t manage to get past my kitchen before I caught her tail and dragged her back, the cowboy boots she was wearing offering no resistance on my hardwood floors. Applejack slid and everyone else was giggling while I brought her to the ground gently, starting with the tickling. She was weak and stoned, so I let her get a few more protests out before I started in earnest, but I think I was just feeling a little handsy because I was stoned out of my gourd myself.

“Lemme go! I’m- I’m gonna put ya in a headlock you’ll never forget!” She turned around and grabbed for my hands, but I was too nimble and she was too high.

I casually rolled her over to her stomach and she tried crawling away while I grabbed her sides, tickling her as she sank to the floor bellowing laughter as she tried to get away from me. I kept my eyes well above the denim skirt that went to her mid thigh she was wearing when she started laughing and struggling, but her skirt kept riding up and I had to pull it down once or twice when it got a little too high. Rarity commented on me saving a bit of Applejack’s modesty while I focused on punishing her. Fluttershy made a remark about me just being a physical kind of person and Twilight agreed, going into how we’d gotten high and been pretty physical ourselves.

“S-S-Stop it! I-I’m n-not playin’ with you, Max!” Applejack couldn’t keep the smile off of her face as I switched back and forth from her armpits to her sides. I gave her a little extra time than I had given to Rainbow because I felt like it. When I finished, she was blushing furiously and still giggled as she slowly picked herself up. “You’re the evilest stallion I’ve ever met!” She said through the aftershocks. “If I didn’t know no better, I’d say ya only pulled my skirt back down because the others are here!” She accused as she tugged her skirt down from where it had ridden up, even though I’d just finished pulling it back down.

“Glad you know better.” I offered her a hand up and when she stood, she wrapped me in a bear hug, pinning my arms to my side as she buried her head in my chest.

“Are ya wearin’ perfume?” She asked, her chin on my sternum.

“Chocolate, right?” Fluttershy giggled.

“And cherries. Don’t forget the cherries.” Twilight added merrily.

“Yeah. Do I need to ask again?” AJ looked up at me.

I couldn’t breathe too well and Fluttershy answered for me. “He just smells like that all the time.”

“Yep, he’s a smelly stallion in a good way.” Twilight sighed.

I couldn’t see as Fluttershy moved away from my line of sight and wheezed as Applejack squeezed the air out of my lungs before she put me down. I felt my back pop in a few different places, which made it rather worth the experience since my stretches hadn't been doing that lately. She honestly had a future as a chiropractor with hugs like that one. It was good for me since my back had been a little stiff and achy for awhile, but I knew that it wasn’t the purpose of the hug. I hadn’t been picked up by a woman before and I had to say I was a little terrified because of the strength I knew she had.

Applejack and I looked around and I stood up straight. “I ain’t stuck like Rainbow, I’ll get you back for that!” She grabbed my sides and I lifted my arms. The only place I was ticklish was my inner thighs, and I doubted she wanted to explore below the waist.

I quickly learned that I was wrong when Rarity picked me up with her magic and put me on the floor, allowing Applejack to straddle my legs as she searched my body for a ticklish spot. I held my laughter back and avoided looking under her skirt when it rode up higher than before. Howeve,r I knew that the red and white I saw was somewhere between poor taste and kind of sexy, but I wasn’t trying to fuck her and I had a hard time peeling my eyes away when she smirked down at me and winked. My face lit up when I realized she was mostly just feeling me up and I wondered if I’d started something I shouldn’t have, evne though Applejack was hiding her actions by trying to tickle me. I saw Rarity perch her head on her hand as she looked on with a smug smile on her face. Her horn stopped glowing when Applejack waved Twilight over and told her to try met feet, but Twilight got my boots off and froze, saying that my ‘weird hooves’ weren’t going to be touched by her. Applejack gave me a look when I just grinned at her with self-satisfation all over my face. I got up only to be caught by Twilight.

She and Rarity walked over, forming a little circle with Applejack as I floated in the air. I looked over to Fluttershy to ask for help and saw that she had a brownie in her hand, her eyes glazed over as she chewed. She looked over and gave me a cocoa-stained smile while Pinkie tried to look innocent next to her. The cotton candy like quality had returned to her hair and I was now dealing with a bunch of stoned women who had a pretty good reason to mess with me. Applejack and Rarity were doing most of the talking while I was stuck in the air, unable to move and hungry for some real food. My stomach growled as the trio of mares broke their huddle and giggled at me.

“You know, I think I saw Max laugh a little when you got his thighs, Applejack,” Twilight stated. She, Rarity, and Applejack were all wearing devious smiles.

“I do believe you’re right, Twilight. Should we pay him back for making our dear, sweet Applejack suffer so terribly?”

Shit dick-fuck balls. Shitfuck. Shit? Balls. Shitballs. Nope, not helping. “Hey now, girls, I think you’ve got the wrong idea-”

“I’m sure we do.” Applejack grabbed the outside of my thigh and started trying to tickle me. I winced at her lack of control but didn’t give so much as a peep

Rarity hummed. “Try the top, darling, I think that was where you had him.”

She did and I still revealed nothing, giving them a smarmy smirk until Applejack said, “Y’know what? I been curious about something.”

“Hmm? What could that be?”

Applejack grabbed my sausage and my eyes widened. “Oi!”

Rarity gasped. “Applejack!”

She let me go and started in on my inner thighs while I clamped my mouth shut. “Well, Max? Did I take it a little too far?” I couldn’t answer because she was working me weak spot. “Don’t say nothin’ if it’s okay to do it again.” She tickled harder and I started convulsing. “Mhm. Gotcha”

Twilight took up position on the other side of me. She herself reached far too close to my privates to be comfortable and nailed my weakest point, finally getting me to laugh and squirm. Applejack found the opposite side and they worked on destroying any sense of masculinity I had as I wriggled around, trying to get free from Twilight’s magic. It hurt to breathe by the time they were finally finished, and Applejack felt me up again only to give me a devious smile when she found that I was tucked down the side of my boxers and was stiff as a two-by-four. She didn’t comment on it and Twilight put me back on the ground gently. Laughing so hard had robbed me of my strength, so I leaned against the wall as I sat and recovered.

“Not so funny when you’re receivin’, is it?” Applejack mocked.

“You gotta stop molesting me some time. That’s rude.” I breathed through chuckles.

“And you gotta stop looking up my skirt.”

“I can see your knickers from here, love.” She cocked her head and looked at Twilight for an answer, turning to Rarity when she just shrugged. The white mare knew what I was talking about.

Rarity took Applejack’s arm and pulled her back. “Max! How crude! You may have had ample opportunity, but it’s still impolite!”

“Relax, she already felt my sausage and red stripes look good on AJ.” Applejack looked confused and Rarity just rolled her eyes.“Oh yeah, apple print? Not the best with stripes, Apple Bottom.”

She blushed and grabbed the hem of her skirt. “Don’t make me ‘molest’ you again!”

“I just looked, you’re the one who felt someone up.” I grinned and closed my eyes, my lungs had finally stopped aching.

“I don’t know if that was an appropriate response,” Twilight stated a little awkwardly. “I think he has a thing for mare’s undergarments in any case.”

“Hey! I’m a man, you can hardly blame me, especially since you were so fond of walking around the Treebrary half dressed!”

Applejack giggled and Rarity was aghast. “You shouldn’t be looking regardless! You need more lessons in respecting mares!”

“Show me some skin and I’ll consider it.” I jested. Wait, hol' up. “I mean fur, I guess.”

“Well, I never!” She began.

Applejack ruined my joke. “Stop, Rares, he’s just doin’ it to get under your fur.”

Pinkie bounced over. “I don’t know. With some of the rumors I’ve heard around town, he might just be that kind of guy.” She said in a singsong voice.

“Yeah, I’ve heard of those rumors,” I stood up and looked at Applejack. “Tell Macintosh to quit being such a dick.”

“Wait, what do you mean?” She asked.

“He’s been putting it out there that Max will rut any mare willing to spread her legs for a loser!” Pinkie beamed. “That’s where I got the idea to get some while the getting was good!”

“... Did you seriously just call Max a loser?” Twilight asked hotly.

“It’s what Mac said!”

“Pinkie, shut up.” She snapped. “For that matter, you might be the single rudest mare I’ve been around in a long time.”

Pinkie blushed. “W-Well, it’s not like I thought it was true…”

“But you just said-”

coughed to get their attention. “Yeah, those rumors aren’t true, and Pinkie? You’re a cunt. Applejack, If you could speak to him about not doing that I would appreciate it.” I turned to Rarity. “If you could help me do some damage control, Rares, that would be lovely. I know you have your hands in the gossip network around town.”

“I’ll stop him from doin’ that anymore. I knew Big Mac didn’t like ya much, but I didn’t think it was bad enough for him to start lyin’ and being a nag.”

“And I’ll let the populace know that such rumors are untrue. I am truly sorry, Max.” Rarity reached out and touched my arm.

“It’s fine. Do you know why Mac doesn’t like me, Applejack? I thought it was because we were at odds.”

“From what he tells me, he thinks you’re just another mareizer on the prowl. I don’t know how true that is, but your business is your business.” She explained.

“It’s not true at all. Hell, I’ve only slept with three women since I’ve been here and I was in a relationship with two of them.”

Rarity looked at me with some disdain. “... I’m certain we don’t want to hear of your exploits.”

“I’m sure you don’t.” I grinned evilly. “Are you more interested in hearing what Twilight tastes like?”

Applejack covered her mouth and Rarity’s jaw hit the floor. My mouth was silenced by magic as Twilight turned into a pony-shaped tomato. She hit my chest and shouted, “Shut up!” She cried.

Pinkie looked far too interested for me to actually reveal that information, so I held my tongue after Twilight removed her magic. I rubbed my where she hit. “Wasn’t going to say anything anyway, Twi. In any case, I’m pretty all you mares have different smells”

She still looked like she was on the verge of tears before Pinkie spoke up. “If I had to say anything, I would guess it’s grapes or lavendar!” Twilight looked horrified while I choked on my laughter.

"I do not!”

I said nothing and just hugged Twilight with one arm. “Don’t take it to heart, Twilight. It’s easier if you tell yourself it doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter! I don’t want anypony knowing that!”

“I’m not a pony. I wasn’t going to say anything about that, Twilight. I was teasing you.”

“Too far! Don’t do that again!”

Rarity was visibly disturbed. “I must concur.”

Applejack shrugged. “If it makes ya feel any better, I’m pretty sure I taste like apple pie.”

I died and laughed as hard as I had during the tickle attack. Applejack chuckled alongside me and Rarity shook her head. “I bet Rarity tastes like a marshmallow!” I stammered through my laughter.

The mare in question glared daggers and swords at me. “Can we please change the subject?”

“If we can move on to testing our theories, let’s do that!” The three mares gave Pinkie a ‘what the fuck’ look.

“How about we sit down and go check on Rainbow and Flutters? I think we’ve had enough fun for now,” I tried and succeeded in defusing the situation, as awkward as it had gotten..

Rainbow was actually out cold with Fluttershy right next to her on the couch. I had no idea where Lupa had disappeared to, but I was sure that she was fine. Twilight and Rarity were still blushing up a storm as we switched conversation topics, but I couldn’t help but wonder if Rarity and Applejack did taste like marshmallow and apple pie respectively. I would have to figure that out later if I ever had the chance, and it seemed like Applejack wanted to give me the chance to do so if her own methods of flirting had been any indication. I sensed that she had tastes like mine when it came to messing around and I realized that I’d probably turned her on by tickling her.

Shit. Maybe I am a slut?

I pushed those thoughts aside and enjoyed the company of the four mares while we waited for our friends to wake up. Apparently, Rarity had a few new clients, Applejack was working extra hard to make up for lost time during her depression, and Twilight was reorganizing the Treebrary for the fourth time this month. I had nothing going on in my life, and Pinkie had rambled on about something inane, so I tuned her out as best I could. I had sobered up a fair bit by the time Fluttershy woke up and she was still high enough to come and want to cuddle with me, so I let her sit in my loveseat and beckon me over, which got me hugged.

Rainbow was still snoozing away, so I pulled out the second half of my prank that I hadn’t told Fluttershy about. I had bought some fur paint during my shopping trip and wrote the word ‘Derp’ on Rainbow’s head. Rarity and Twilight admonished me for my actions, but since the paint was there and no one wanted to wake her up, there it would stay. I had the foresight to get the easy to wash stuff, and when I began on her hands, I had an audience. I saved the dickbutt for last, starting instead with water lines just above the second knuckles on her middle and ring fingers on both hands. No one got the joke, but I was sure Rainbow would eventually. I had to do the dickbutt on her face carefully so that it wasn’t obvious from the start. I was scolded by Rarity again, though Applejack and Pinkie just giggled. Rarity tried to wipe it off but didn’t even manage to smudge it. Rainbow woke up during her ministrations and brushed her off, leaving soon after to bear my art to the world. The rest of the girls followed soon after, thanking me and promising revenge for my little prank.

Lupa returned a few hours later with her bone. I had no idea where she’d been, but it’s not like I could very well ask her what was, so I minded my own business for a bit. I wrapped up the remainder of the brownies that I had forgotten about and decided to see if I could send the special, stronger batch to Celestia and Luna via Dragon Fire. After I jotted down a quick note asking her to respond if she got them, I sent half of them off as they were wrapped individually. The whole pan had made about ten of them in there, so I waited for a response before sending the other half,. The message came back and I set the rest happily, smiling to myself as the third act of the prank came to be underway. I’d kept a few for myself since they were deadly potent, and it was pretty exciting to know that I still had plenty of weed left. Celestia asked how I was doing and we kept up a correspondence until her handwriting got sloppy and she asked what had been in my little treats. I didn’t reply after that and she sent me one last message that said, ‘I’m going to’ and didn’t have anything else on it.

Applejack showed back up after dusk, much to my surprise. She was wearing the same flannel shirt and denim skirt she been wearing earlier, which was nice. I invited her in and offered her a cup of tea, but she opened the bag she had brought with her and pulled out two large jugs of hard apple cider. I moved my favorite easy chair and a lounge chair to face each other around my coffee table and gestured for Applejack to take a seat. She did indeed sit down and I wandered off to the kitchen to get glasses for the cider.

“Oi, should I be grabbing mugs for this?”

She picked at her collar and sat down in my easy chair. Dammit. “Mulled cider is for mugs, hard cider is tricky. Most of my family just drink from the jug.”

“Glasses it is.” I picked two tumblers and dropped some ice into them. “No offense to your family, but my people tend to pour alcohol in separate containers if possible. We’re nothing if not classy.”

“Classy. Like lookin’ up a mare’s skirt when you’re feelin’ her up?” She asked amusedly.

“Well, I wasn’t actually doing that-”

“Uh-huh.”

“I wasn’t!”

“Mhm, and ya grabbed my thighs, which ain’t ticklish, for what reason?”

I blushed and sat the glasses in front of her. “... You might have a point, but I was pretty high in my defense. I get touchy-feely when I’m high.”

“Y’know, for all your swearin’, ya still carry yourself with your chin up and talk like Twilight sometimes.” She poured with a hand that only comes with practice and slid one back to me, not spilling a drop.

I sipped the cider, finding that it was the same as Granny’s stuff. Still good. “I wasn’t trying to look up your skirt-”

“But you did.”

“Curiosity and opportunity. At least I didn’t molest you~” I gave her a little smirk.

“Yeah, but ya got me hot and bothered, so I figured I’d get ya back.”

“So what brings you pver, anyway? You’re not here to drag me off and molest me some more, are you?”

“Nah, not quite. I’m here to talk to you about Big Macintosh and somethin’ else depending.”

“Fair enough. Let’s talk.”

“I want you to make peace with my brother.” I raised a brow. “I know, Max. It ain’t gonna be easy, but it’s my brother we’re talkin’ about. I know you can reason with him, especially with that silver tongue of yours. All I’m askin’ is that you settle the score, bury the hatchet.”

“I can’t bury something the guy wants to throw at me. I’m not a miracle worker, Applejack, I can only do so much. I don’t really see why you want me to make peace with him if I never see him.”

Applejack drained her glass and poured herself two more before she spoke again. She slid the jug over to me and I emptied my own glass, catching up to her in a few seconds. “I want ya to be able to come over to the farm and not fight with Mac every time ya do. I’d like for my friend to be able to fetch me himself if there’s somethin’ he needs me for.”

“I can dodge a pony pretty well. I’m not as fast as you guys, but I’m a good bit more dexterous.”

“Which won’t count for Rainbow’s cookies if ya get cornered.”

“It’ll count for Celestia’s crown if I get cornered. I’ve run into Macintosh twice now, which one time too many for my liking. I know his fighting stance, I know his normal posture, and I know his reaction speed. That means I have a good idea of what I’m working with.”

“... Mac ain’t as fast as me, but you didn’t even have time twitch when I threw a punch.”

“I wasn’t expecting you to hit that hard. I thought if I took a little punishment, that you would cool off and we could actually talk.”

“... I’m sorry you were wrong.” Applejack emptied her glass once more.

I finished mine and refilled it before pushing the jug back to her. “I’m sorry you’re so strong. Skip a workout sometime, yeah?” I smiled and tried to show that I held no ill will

“No can do. The farm keeps a mare awfully busy.” We held our glasses and sat for a moment. “... I guess I should get to the other thing I wanted to talk about...”

“Is it about molesting me?”

“Do ya want me to?” She raised a brow.

“Meh, you fondle pretty well, but…” I shrugged.

“Well, there ain’t too many stallions available in Ponyville...”

“I’ve noticed. There doesn’t seem to be many at all.” I wasn’t too fond of where the conversation was going, even if I kind of wanted it to go somewhere warm and muscular.

“There aren’t. They only make up a fraction of the population here, which is why most mares around either swing both ways or are straight up lesbians. I ain’t either of those.”

“Just be you, Applejack. By that I mean be honest and say what you want.” If it’s dick, I’m not surprised.

“Fine.” She sighed and swirled her drink around. “I… I wanna be a little more than friends.”

“Takes some titanium ones to even bring that up. I know we wiped the slate, but the memories are still fresh.”

She sighed. “I know. I didn’t expect ya to say yes, but I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try.”

“It doesn’t, though it does confuse the hell out of me. Am I seriously your best choice?”

“In a way, yeah you are. It’s just that somethin’ tells me that you’d be good if I wanted a different kinda relationship than the ones I’ve had. I’m not askin’ ta be your fillyfriend here, but...”

Interesting. “What kinds have you had that make you want a different one?”

“Traditional stuff. Dates that lead to a little more, and stallions that can’t handle me at my best, let alone my worst. I ain’t sayin’ I’m a high maintenance mare; in fact, leave me alone and I’ll be happy. It’s just that…” Applejack paused and sipped her cider.

“Go on.” I rolled my hand forward.

“I don’t know if I should be tellin’ ya this, Max.”

“You’re in my home insinuating that you want to sex my man muffin,” she chuckled as she gave me an odd look, “and telling me about your past relationships. I don’t think your sex life is exactly off limits.”

“Fair enough. The stallions I’ve been with can’t keep up. I want to go for hours, but they’re one and done, and… I never really got off unless I was the one doin’ the work. I’ve heard that guys need a bit of time to recharge, but it feels like the ones I’ve been with don’t want anything after the first round. I need a couple more than just one with somepony who ain’t that big...”

“So you want my fat sausage.”

“It feels longer than it is fat, but it’s big either way.”

“Why me, anyway? For all you know, I’m just like the rest of them.”

“See, that would be right if I hadn’t talked to Fluttershy about what it was like with ya. I know ya don’t like havin’ your business spread around, but she said you were dickin’ down your lover like an animal and went on to say that ya turned around and was gentler with her than she coulda hoped for. Ya got stamina, the moves, and the chops to get a mare off without stoppin’ for much.”

“...I wasn’t aware that Fluttershy had told anyone about that. At least, not in depth.”

“She’s told most of the girls except Twilight, I think, but that’s because she already knows for the most part.”

“Fluttershy knows. Twilight just got snuggled.”

We sat and sipped. “So what about friends with benefits? We keep emotions out of it.”

“You would either have to meet my lover or I’d have to inform her beforehand. That’s if I even agree to it.”

She raised a brow and let leaned forward, not paying attention to where my gaze fell when she evidently forgot she was wearing a skirt “What stallion passes up no strings attached fun? It’s not like I expect ya to up and say yes, I just wanna know what’s goin’ on in your head.”

“... One grows a little more cautious when there’s a protective, bull-headed brother involved.”

“That’s not all.”

“... I almost died, Applejack.” Silence. We both drained our glasses after that little mood killer. Instead of pouring another glass, Applejack took a few swigs straight from the bottle and slid it over. I did the same. “What’s the proof of this stuff? Doesn’t seem too high.”

“It’ll sneak up on ya, trust me. You should be okay if we don’t empty the next one.”

“Good, I like to walk after a drink or two and not falling while doing it makes it easier. Want some water to stave off a hangover? Just in case?” She nodded her assent and I came back with two large mugs full of Adam’s Ale. We had gone through about three-quarters of the first jug, and if we kept going at the rate we were, it would be empty awfully soon.

“Say, how about we take that walk nowish? I could use a stretch.” Applejack suggested.

“Sounds good to me. Let me get Lupa some dinner real quick.” The wolf had heard her name from my room and poked her head out. I waved her forward and she came over, looking for some affection from me. I patted her head and rubbed her behind the ears the way she liked and she looked over to Applejack and snarled. “She’s here as a friend, Lupa. Play nice.”

She gave me the wolf equivalent of ‘bitch please’ and sauntered over to Applejack and stared. I rolled my eyes and started pan frying some fish as Applejack fidgeted in her seat. It took a couple of tries, but I eventually got her to knock it off and Applejack took a deep breath, her eyes widened, and she crossed her legs while blushing. A few minutes later, I had some bread and meat on a platter and set it on the coffee table. Before Lupa could eat, I took her massive head in my hand and touched my nose to hers, earning me a lick.

“Hey, Max-”

I only had eyes for Lupa. “I meant what I said, Lupa. I’ve settled things with Applejack, so you need to let go. Unless you can see that she is clearly about to hurt me, I want you to chill out. Okay?” She licked her chops and nodded slowly. “Thank you.”

“... Did you just talk to your wolf?”

“She isn’t ‘mine’ and I’m willing to bet you’ve never met a quadruped smarter than Lupa. That’s why she doesn’t like you. She knows you were the one that landed me in the hospital.”

“She was there, I remember. If she’s so loyal now, why didn’t she tear me apart then?”

“She couldn’t get an order from me to do so, and she’s not violent towards Ponies all the time. She can be, but you have to have her loyalty. I’ve earned it since then, so now I can argue with Fluttershy and she won’t eat me.” Lupa nipped my ass and I yelped, swatting her on the side.

“Bad canine!”

“Good dog, Lupa,” Applejack chuckled. Lupa and I both glared at her.

“First off, she’s a wolf and you said that. Second, what were you going to ask about?”

“Fair enough and…” She rubbed her nose with the tip of her thumb. “When I leaned forward…”

“Yeah, I was looking up your skirt.”

She sighed. “I’m just gonna try and-”

“If you want to take it off when we get back, I’ll look all you want.”

Applejack blushed furiously. “... Well, d’you like what ya see?”

“Stripes look good on you and I can’t help but wonder if you really do taste like desserts.”

“... Well… “ She got up. “How bout we go on that walk?”

Lupa snorted and was already trotting back to my bedroom. “Let’s go.”

We walked around town for a bit and I took in the brisk night air. Luckily, I had brought a jacket with me, but poor Applejack only had her short-sleeve flannel shirt. I thought her fur would make up for the difference, but it clearly didn’t. She rubbed her arms from time to time, and I, being a gentleman at heart, draped my jacket across her shoulders. “Ya didn’t have to do that, Max. I ain’t no fragile, lily-pickin’ mare.”

“I know, but England is colder than most places most of the year. I’m no stranger to a little chilly weather, and I’m kinda hot-blooded anyway.”

Applejack blushed. “Well thank you. You’re… You’re generally a lot sweeter than ya give yourself credit for, you know that, right? Even if ya are a bit of a perv.”

I shrugged as we passed Twilight’s place. “I would’ve done it before I made my mind up anyway and you were practically inviting me to look. I have no problem with being nice sometimes, I’m just trying to be nice more often.”

“You’re not doin’ a bad job of it then.” We walked in companionable silence for a while before she asked, “What do you even get out of lookin’ at panties, anyway?”

I couldn’t help but blush, though the moonlit night let it go unnoticed. “Well, it’s just… I dunno, enticing for there to be something covering such a private place. There’s some left to the imagination, but I just like looking. Why feel the Ol’ Chap with your hands instead of inside?”

“... I guess I get that. It’s just somethin’ ya find… Incensing.”

She closed ranks and our arms brushed. I gave her a little side-eye and wondered if my earlier assumption about her type of flirting was correct, but then I had to go and think about whether or not I even wanted Applejack in such a way. Yes, I’d forgiven her for pulling the bullshit that she had, but I didn’t know if she’d accidentally hurt me if we did get together. I decided to let myself see if anything was going to happen, so I nudged her with my shoulder and Applejack looked at me. We stayed quiet and she nudged me back. I did it again and she shoved me a little. Our circuit was being completed as we shoved each other until Applejack threw me over my shoulder and gave me a spank as we both laughed our arses off after being silent for so long. She then swung me around and carried me like I was a fucking Princess, grinning at me evilly as she carried me the rest of the way to my house, despite my protests. She asked whether I was thinking of giving Fluttershy a real chance.

From her arms, I reached up and pulled on her ear until she threatened to drop me on my arse. She let me down and we stood around just a little ways from my house, the trip likely concluding with my answer. “I’ll admit, I gave it some thought earlier, but it’s tooearly to decide per se. I like Fluttershy when she’s not bitching at me and I don’t want to play with her heart, telling her I don’t want her one moment, then telling her I do the next. It’s hard to know what I want from her, but I think she just wants to support me.”

“You don’t seem like a guy who changes his mind often. What made you want her after y’all were arguin?”

“... I was in a bad place a couple days ago and she was there when I needed a friend. Then she eased up around me when we were baking. No stuttering, no barely audible whispers. Her smile seems a lot less forced lately and being around her feels more natural, like it’s been how it was really supposed to be. I guess I should’ve waited to see before turning her away in the first place, but I’m glad I’m giving her a chance.”

“What do ya mean you were in a bad place?” Applejack asked, looking concerned.

I shrugged. “I was about one more bad day away from killing myself.”

“... I’m sorry to hear that, Sugarcube, but I’m glad Flutters was there to help out… You know I’m just a note away too, right? I always got a drink to soothe that ache and a few stories to take your mind off it.”

Chuckling, I just let the words flow. “Shit like that is why I forgave you. You’re a better person than you thought you were.”

She rubbed her nose again. “... A better mare wouldn’t have hit you in the first place…”

“We all make mistakes. It’s how you react to your shortcomings that make you who you are.”

“... Sweet little bastard.”

“Don’t be so sexy and I won’t be so sweet. It’s that easy.”

Applejack laughed at the implication. “So what? If I was ugly, you wouldn’t have forgiven me?”

“Mmm…”

“I was kiddin’.”

“And you really think I care what someone looks like more than who they are?”

“Ya had me on that path for a sec, not gonna lie.”

“Ha, then I guess I’m not as good as you thought I was.”

“And ya didn’t cop a feel when I was gettin’ closer to ya, didn’t do it when I was holdin’ ya, and despite what I said earlier, ya kept pullin’ my skirt back down whenever it got a little too high. You’re not even that perverted, ya just got some dirty tendencies.”

… You know what? I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her to me. “So what about this?”

“... What’s it supposed to be?”

“The contact you were evidently trying to ask for. Am I mistaken or,” I let my hands drift down her back, “am I getting closer to what you want?”

Applejack maintained the intimate distance, but stopped me from touching her inappropriately. “Max.”

“... Am- Am I misreading this?”

“No, but it’s not just about what I want. If you’re not into me like that, then it’s not a big deal, Sugarcube… You’re vulnerable right now, and I think I’m startin’ to see that. I might not mind if ya wanna be physical, but-”

“It makes me feel better. I guess I’ve just been… Trying to ease the pain.”

She wrapped her arms around me in a platonic kind of hug. “Why don’t we go grab a seat?” I grabbed her seat. “... Well, you’re gentle, I’ll say that much.”

I let her go and gave her a little grin. “Applejack, I’m not responding well because I’m hurting; I’m giving you leeway because I wanted to fuck your brains out before we even technically met. When I first came to Ponyville, that sweet, quote unquote ‘little’ arse of yours caught my eye. Yes, I like a nice bum more than a full bust, and yours?” She pulled on her ear as I spoke. “One of the nicest I’ve seen in a while. Also the firmest. Like… Damn.

“I guess I just bring out the honesty in ponies.” AJ grinned goofily before she straightened up and let me go. “... Seriously, though. If I’m takin’ advantage of ya, then say somethin’. This isn’t gonna work if you’re just blindly rushin’ in.”

I shook my head and started walking back to my house. “Then I’ll put some more thought into it.”

And so I did. We went back inside and I put some brainpower into the matter, thinking of the cons of Applejack first. The main one was that she’d happily call me out on my bullshit, even if I didn’t want her to. There was also her temper, her strength, and her general attitude of ‘quit buckin’ around’ that she carried with her wherever she went, and I fuck around a lot. However, I had a feeling that there weren’t many more loyal, kind, compassionate women around that could beat Applejack in any of those categories. There was also the fact that she was a kind of hot that only comes around in small towns and I truly appreciated the concern she had for me and what would be best for the road I was on. At some point while I was thinking, I realized that I wouldn’t mind being with Applejack in a more traditional relationship, and even though I thought fast, it had been some minutes that we sat quietly, starting on the second bottle of hard cider before I came to the conclusion that I wouldn’t really have minded if things had gone differently in the beginning and I’d ended up with her instead of Celestia. It made me… Well, I doubted my love for Celestia because of it since Applejack…

Well, the more I thought of it, the more I realized that Applejack was a half of the Velvet coin. Whereas Velvet was modern, dressed in the new trends, and was generally gentler than AJ, the country mare I knew was old-fashioned, usually wore country-style clothes, and was more physical with her affections. Velvet would go on and say all sorts of suggestive things and actively invited me to keep an eye on her and her assets while Applejack was subtle with her verbiage and wasn’t fond of being… Well, ogled. As we sat, I eventually started looking at her without realizing it and she squirmed under my scrupulous gaze.

“Applejack, what makes you so straightforward? Why are you as honest as you are?”

She rubbed her neck.”W-Well… I just always have been, and being the Element of Honesty doesn’t hurt. I guess that’s why I was behind ya when ya told me about… Your old life. You were honest. You well and truly wanted to leave all that crap behind and get a fresh start. The guy I met wasn’t a bad one in the first place, then Pinkie was a nag and snitched you out to me… You yourself wanted to change. It goes against every fiber of my bein’ to tell a lie, but you never lied. Ya hid the truth nopony really asked for and ya had good reasons. Equestria ain’t a place where lives like yours get lived every day, where ponies have to struggle and fight tooth n’ nail to get their heads above water.” Applejack gave me a shy smile, her gaze holding an expression holding something I’d seen given to other people, but never aimed toward myself.

“... So what?”

“Max, I admire the stallion that ya are. From what I know, ya ain’t the type to up and betray somepony since you hate it yourself. You’re honest when somepony asks ya a question, you just don’t say everything. Ya ain’t afraid to tell somepony somethin’ they need to hear, and you’re more than willing to lay out a hard truth, if what Fluttershy and Twilight say are anythin’ to go by. You’re your own kinda honest, your own kinda loyal, and some buckin’ kinda tough. When you get knocked down, you keep fightin’ from the ground until ya get back up and knock the bastard who put you in the dirt right out… But you also got a kind heart. You trust with everythin’ ya got, even though your own Mom, the mare who was supposed to teach you how to love, didn’t show you a lick of it… Ya still have somethin’ inside that makes ya want to be a good stallion, even if ya never really had a reason to become more than what you were.”

I couldn’t meet her gaze. “... I’m still not half as decent as you think I am, Applejack-”

“Get your head out of your flank and look in the mirror. You’re a good stallion, and if you’re not, then I ain’t a mare worth lookin’ at twice either. You pulled me out of that pit, Max. The stallion I know forgave a mare that started a fight over a misunderstanding, forgave a mare that stabbed him in the back, and forgave a mare that nearly buckin’ killed him. If there wasn’t anythin’ to love inside that silly, skinny little chest of yours, do you think Fluttershy of all ponies would want anythin’ to do with ya? One of the most quietly judgemental mares in Equestria wants to love a stallion who thinks he’s a piece of trash.”

I rubbed my left arm and couldn’t stop blushing. “... I’m still a former thief, AJ. I still started that fight with Rainbow, I’m a cock to Pinkie, I yelled at Fluttershy after taking her virginity, I cheated on my girlfriend who did nothing other than help and support me, and I didn’t want to forgive you… I let it go because I learned what killing someone was really like. What causing the level of pain I wanted to actually felt like on the giving end. If I didn’t kill people on that mission, I may very well have held the fight against you for the rest of my life.” I looked at her, wondering what the fuck I was even saying. “... I forgave you because I just wanted everyone to stop suffering, whether it was your own fault or not. Seeing that you were slowly killing yourself just…”

“You had compassion for a mare that hurt you bad enough to make you have to go to Canterlot to get patched up. You’re not baselessly mean to Pinkie; She kinda needs someone to wake her up to the crap she pulls. You didn’t know ‘whorse’ was a slur. Fluttershy’s pheromones drove ya crazy and you knew you were about to lose someone you loved, so ya lashed out at the cause. All you see is the worst in yourself, Max. Ya gotta wake up eventually.”

“... I don’t even like sleeping that much in the first place.”

“... Do you not see what you’re doin’? Because it’s the same shit I was puttin’ myself through. What do you even see in me, Max? What makes me worth forgiving if not you?”

“You’ve got better morals than me, a better heart, and you just wanted to knock me around a bit in the first place… Applejack, I still remember the look on your face when you realized I was going down and wasn’t gonna get up. There were tears in your eyes. When I straight up killed four people, I went to an inn and got something to eat.”

She laughed. “Yeah, because attackin’ someone without a real reason and tryin’ to save your own life are so similar, right?”

“... You’re a lot kinder than you have any right to be, and you make more sense when you speak than even Celestia does. Pretty face, sweet heart, nice arse, solid morals, brutal honesty, loyal to a fault… Why did you think for a second that I needed to put more thought into giving you what you wanted?” Her brow raised. “... You deserve something for backing me so readily, and I could’ve been with you if there weren’t more women in the way than grains of sand on a beach. I already find you attractive. I already know you’re a good, kind soul… You and I have a lot in common, and if you wanted to start something before that fight, it would’ve taken a slow course, but I can’t say that we wouldn’t have gone somewhere with it.”

It was Applejack’s turn to blush. “... We’re supposed to be keepin’ love out of it-”

“Aren’t you supposed to love the people you call friend?”

“Ass.”

“Bitch.”

“Shithead.”

“Cocksucker.”

We looked at each other and laughed at the same time. Applejack was the first to get herself under control as we both wiped our eyes. “Dear Celestia, there aren’t too many ponies you can insult and laugh with in the same set a’ seconds.”

“We’re both the rough and tumble type. I’m street, you’re country. No, I don’t wanna work on the farm, and I doubt you want to learn how to wheel and deal or climb a building, but we really do have a lot in common.”

“You know... I actually tried to turn myself in after I hurt ya. Apparently, the cops around Ponyville were under orders from up high not to take me in.”

“I know. It was Celestia.” I shook my head.

“... You okay, Max? I know I shoulda been tried for somethin’ or other, but it won’t do ya any good to dwell on it now. You told me that yourself. We been sayin’ it to each other for how long now?”

“I know, I wasn’t dwelling on it, just thinking of what was going through her head when she wouldn’t let the law take its course.”

“... I dunno, but… I don’t really know what to say about it. Still feel like a nag.

“Isn’t that a naughty word? Twilight told me when I said that Fluttershy was nagging me to see you the first day I was back in town.”

She giggled. “Fluttershy? A nag? The mare’s a little mean when she’s passin’ judgement, but she’s usually a sweetheart.”

“Meh.”

“Just so you know, it’s fine for me to call myself a nag, but you probably shouldn’t go around sayin’ it. It’s offensive in general, but Ponies call themselves all sorts a’ silly things in the heat of the moment.”

“That’s pretty fucking stupid. Why not just make it a mean thing to say period? If it’s offensive when a nonpony says it, it should be just as offensive regardless. Makes no sense to me.”

“It’s just something that most ponies don’t like. Some of us don’t even say it period, while some of us call each other nags for fun. I don’t really care who says it; it’s just a word.”

“That’s rather wise of you. Take no offense when you don’t have to.”

“Most ponies don’t see things that way. Nag is still something to get your mouth washed out over.”

“So what makes you use such foul language around me?” I lifted a hand to my forehead. “Oh my heavens, I don’t know if I can bear it!” I leaned backward in my seat and Applejack rolled her eyes at my antics.

“If ya haven’t said things far worse than that, I’d cull it a bit. I guess I’m just getting comfy around you. If ya can’t tell, we ain’t really been holding much back.”

“I guess I just feel like you don’t have the same delicate sensibilities our friends do.Feel free to speak your mind around me and I’ll be sure to do the same with you. Just make sure to learn if you really do taste like apple pie sometime.”

“Well I offered to let you find out but somepony doesn’t want a free piece of tail.” She huffed playfully.

“I don’t think I ever said no, per se, just that it was odd that you’d choose me.”

“It is, but we been through it a time or two now. Plus, if I don’t want anypony to know, I can trust ya to keep it quiet. If anypony asks, I still expect ya to tell ‘em, but I know for a fact that you ain’t gonna up and offer the info up like it’s tea and cookies.”

“Biscuits, but fuck yeah, you’re right. People’s business should be their own.”

“Would ya mind if, and this is a big if, we told our friends when they decided to go ahead and ask? I might not think Rainbow would be happy that you bedded two mares she’s had her eyes on for a while, but who cares what other people think?”

“So Rainbow wants you too? I thought she looked jealous when Fluttershy and I said that we got together, but... I didn’t think she’d go for anyone else in the group.”

“Yeah, Rainbow’s a whorse. Gets around town like a buckin’ rumour.” Applejack rolled her eyes.

“... That hypocritical cunt!”

“Eeyup. I gotta ask somethin’, though, Max.”

“Go ahead.”

“What does she taste like?”

“Who?”

“Fluttershy. And Twilight too, if you don’t think she would mind.”

“I don’t think either of them would appreciate it if I told you, but I’ll say that Fluttershy smells literally sweet and I thought Twilight was an alcoholic when I first smelled her.”

Applejack was acting a bit strangely. “I think Twilight would understand my curiosity, at least.”

“She might, but she made it pretty clear she wants me to keep that information to myself. No one said anything about smells, but taste? Different story. Hell, you smell like apples and cinnamon, but I don’t know if I’d tell you that information even if I didn’t think they’d both cry about it. Literally, not metaphorically.”

“I’m glad you respect ‘em enough to keep quiet then. That, and you just proved what I said about being discreet. You sure I can’t persuade ya to some sort of agreement?”

“No, and I’m not even really wavering on it. I don’t want to jump into something that might get me killed without at least thinking about it first, though.”

Applejack looked hurt. “... Really?”

“I’m talking about your brother, not you.”

She breathed a sigh of relief, appeased for the time being. “Thank Celestia. Trust me, I’ll handle him if I need to. Mac might be stronger than me, but I’m meaner by a mile.”

“... I can see that.”

As the conversation lulled, I pulled Applejack to the couch and thought about what she was asking of me and… It was even more attractive than it had seemed. Add in a few conditions about breaking it off should feelings ever come into play, and it would be a perfect match, not unlike what I had with Celestia just without the romance. I pondered if meaningless sex with Applejack would serve to piss Pinkie off, but that didn’t hurt in the slightest. I really just didn’t want to sleep with someone who was basically a child. It rather grossed me out, and her timing when she asked was simply terrible. My heartache was still there, mind you, but it had numbed considerably and instead of actively hurting, it only throbbed when I thought about Velvet. I saw a lot of Velvet in Applejack when it came to their demeanor and willingness to help a friend, but they truly were different halves of the same coin. It brought me to the same thought of disregarding Applejack, but I liked her too much to just throw away a good chance.

It hurt to know that they were similar. Even their accents were close, though Velvet’s was lighter. Where Velvet had been simple due to her strict life as a guard, Applejack's simplicity was organic and free. It was odd to think of them as being different versions of the same woman, but even their bottoms were somewhat similar from a glance. Yeah, Velvet was a fat-bottomed girl and she made the rockin’ world go round, but you could slap Applejack’s arse and break your hand. I smacked my face with both hands and startled Applejack, though when she looked upon my ‘cute’, contemplative expression, she remained silent. I couldn’t expect Applejack to be Velvet, nor would I try to make her into a replacement; It wouldn’t be fair or just to any party involved. If I was to be with Applejack, it would be because of the mare herself. I already thought of why it was a good idea, but it was hard to think of why it was a bad one.

I broke out of my reverie. “So if I don’t manage to dissuade Macintosh from killing me, would you still consider the friends with benefits thing?”

“I told you I would handle him anyway, didn't I? You won’t come to no harm from him if he wants to keep his tender bits.”

“In that case... I think we could give it a shot, on the condition that we break things off if we either of us can’t keep feelings out of it.”

“Max, plenty a’ feelin’s are already in it.”

“Shit, you’re not wrong.”

“... I’d still prefer casual, if ya don’t mind.”

"And if either of us just wants to stop, we end it.”

“What? No meaningless sex if we don’t both consent?” Applejack rolled her eyes as if it had been obvious. “Well don’t that just take all the fun out of it.”

“I don’t find it that funny. I’ve been stalked and raped before, though they don’t have anything to do with each other. Still regrettable events.”

Applejack stopped dead in her tracks. “... Mmm, that ain’t a joke and that’s… Why wasn’t that a part of what you told me and the girls?”

“I know, I...” My stomach churned as I remembered the Chief’s efforts. “I don’t want to talk about that. Not now, probably not ever.”

“... You know I’ll always listen whenever you wanna talk. I can’t make ya, but I can be there for ya when you do. It can’t be easy carryin’ that on your shoulders.”

“It’s easier than killing, that’s for sure. Let’s change topics before things get any grimmer.”

“Sure. What do ya think of my outfit?” Applejack stretched her arms out and leaned back.

“Didn’t take you for the vain type, but you do look awfully cute in a sickeningly American way.”

“I ain’t much for vanity, but it was the first thing I could think of. What’s an American?”

“A person from a country that my people once ruled. They’re not too bad unless you meet one of the ones that have never been outside of their own country. That being said, that skirt makes your legs look fuckin’ tempting.”

“I ain’t exactly an art exhibit.” She hinted.

I placed my hand on her thigh below the hem of her skirt, squeezed, and raised a brow. “Damn.” I brought my hand a little higher and applied a little more pressure. “Damn… They don’t make sculptures this sexy in England…”

“Sculptures? Ya keep talkin’ about your country and stuff that makes no sense.”

“Once I get all the girls together, I’ll take some questions. I hate explaining things multiple times, it’s tedious as fuck.”

“I guess I can be patient… But what did ya mean?”

I let my hand drift up and down her leg because she’d invited me to do so. “It means you’re the right kind of firm.”

She snorted and blushed. “Don’t suppose I’m getting any tonight either?”

“Good lord, woman.” I chuckled, shoving her with the hand I’d been stroking her with. For the record, I moved more than she did. “So eager for a piece of me?

Applejack spread her hands. “Of course! There’s not much to go around, and what little competition you have here gets cuffed soon after showin’ up. There might be a lot of open relationships, but not every mare wants to share her prize.”

“I understand that better than any pony. Where I come from, most relationships are monogamous.”

“That’s kinda strange. I’m guessin’ there’s more of each gender to go around?” Applejack started feeling me up, but… I usually feel weird or negative in some way when women just do what they want with me and my body. Even with Celestia it wasn’t a positive response inside. However, with Fluttershy, Applejack, and Twilight, I didn’t mind at all. I welcomed it…

Which say a lot about the relationship I have with Celestia, but now’s not the time.

“About half of each. It’s not terrible,now that I live in a place where the ratio is skewed. I miss seeing more male faces around, even if I wanted to punch a good number of them.”

“I can’t imagine what that would be like. Seein’ the half-and-half or wantin’ to punch strangers. Most places it’s one way or the other since mare pheromones can be overpowering if multiple estruses sync up. I’ve seen stallions from male towns turn into little more than animals just from bein’ in the same room particularly heavy-scented mare too long.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty mind-numbing, though I still don’t understand how Fluttershy’s affected me. I’m not even a Pony!”

“Yeah, I don’t get it either, but at least you gave her a good time, right?”

“That ‘good time’ cost me a relationship that made me happy. Don’t tell Fluttershy, but I think that may have been the second or third biggest mistake I’ve made while I’ve been here. Even if we are getting closer, I still can’t stop regretting it.”

“...That’s rough. I won’t say nothin’ if she doesn’t ask, but you know how I am.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to lie.” I nudged her with my shoulder and she squeezed thje inside of my thigh. “Oi!”

She smiled evilly. “What?”

“Who are you tickling?”

“Ah, I’ll give it a rest. For now.” The devilish expression on her face stayed.

“Can I compliment you, or are you gonna be weird about it?”

“As long as it’s not about my chest or rear, I can’t say nothin’.”

I looked at both briefly. Her chest was quite sizable, though not as large as Fluttershy’s, still at least a D-cup. I then looked to her generous hips and caught her giving me a droll stare. “Oi! If you hadn’t said anything, I wouldn’t have looked! They weren’t even about that stuff anyway!” She rolled her eyes. “I was just going to say that you’re good company when you’re not wiping the floor with me. That, and your legs are fucking lovely. In fact, I don’t think I’ve seen nicer thighs on a woman in my entire life.”

She blushed adorably. “Thanks, but I’m sure ya have, and I’m sure it’s just the skirt that makes ya say so. And I try to be good company. You’re a pretty pleasant fella to talk to.”

“Trust me, if I had seen nicer legs, I wouldn’t have said what I did Your thighs are so well toned, I’m pretty sure I could bounce a bit off of them and catch it dented! I like some muscle in a woman, shows that they aren’t fragile and well-toned women don’t usually expect to be pampered.”

“I don’t expect much from nopony, just the same respect and honesty I give to them.” She had ignored my compliment, but I could see from her rosy complexion that it was still on her mind.

“You know, with legs as nice as yours, you should wear skirts more often. Showing off a little wouldn’t hurt, especially with a figure like yours.” I let my hand rest on her leg again and gave her a firm squeeze.

“Flattery won’t get ya far with me, Max, but thank ya again. And ya might wanna stop that if you ain’t tryin’ to start somethin’. It’s real appealin’ to a certain mindset.”

“But you’re so touchable!”

Applejack chuckled at that. “Mares like me don’t get admired like that too often… It’s kinda odd, y’know?”

“That’s because you don’t show off.” I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close.

Applejack started to pull away, but she softened as I pulled her chin towards mine and gave her a pleasant little kiss. Her lips were soft and tasted like some kind of lip gloss, but she was solid and barely had ‘squish’ to her in the usual places. I let the kiss turn into a short bout of snogging that was nicer than I thought it’d be and soon realized that she was the third mare I’d kiss in as many days, which kind of gave credence to Macintosh’s bullshit. However, it wasn’t until the urge to explore hit that I pulled back. When I finally let her go, her eyes were still closed and she was leaning in.

“Earth to Applejack. I’m ready to take a step outside.” I gestured to my back porch.

“Dear Celestia, if you ever do that again, you better be ready to back it up.” Her face was flushed and she looked ready for action.

“Maybe next time, for now, you’re going to have to put up with a bit of teasing.”

“Don’t tell me you’re one of those types.” She glowered at me, but there was no heat to her gaze.

“Only when it comes to revenge. Teasing is fun platonically, but it’s just cruel when it comes to more intimate matters.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. We still have an awful lot of cider left.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re trying to get me drunk for that little romp in the hay.”

“No, I wouldn’t take advantage of ya unless I had permission beforehand. It’d be wrong to trust a drunk pony’s judgment, but...” She started viciously attacking me! Applejack became a wild animal and assaulted me like all of her sense had left her mind! “Never said I wasn’t gonna tickle ya~”

“Fuh- Fuckin’ quit!” I guffawed, squirming as I tried to dislodge her hands and blushing when she copped a feel. I wasn’t mad in the slightest, but she climbed on top of me and kept her hand between my legs, pushing me down with the other. She didn’t let me get a good breath in until the second kiss, and it was every bit as sweet as the first.

I cupped her cheek with my hand and she slipped me a little tongue, massaging my member for a few seconds before she pulled away. There was a minor reaction before she smiled down at me smugly. “I can tease too~”

“Lord, I wish more people from my world thought like we do. Wish more messed around in the same vein as well. It’d save quite a few awkward mornings and talks.”

“You’re tellin’ me. I’ve got a story for ya if you can keep it quiet.” Applejack sat back down and I sat up as she grinned with a certain light to her eyes.

“No one will hear anything from me.” I bumped her with my fist. “Still, don’t tickle me. It’s incredibly gay.”

“Yeah, whatever. As for the story, that also means no writin’ it down and leavin’ it somewhere.”

I rolled my eyes. “In no way, shape, or form of communication, will I, Maximus, expose any secrets that you, Applejack, trust unto me at any time. Happy now?”

“You sound like a lawyer. Save your fancy talk for Rarity, Cherry Colt.”

“Cherry- Do you know what popping a cherry is? Because my cherry is long gone.”

“Fine then, Hot Chocolate.” She leaned closer and whispered in my ear. “Big Mac woke up with one of our cousins after a long night.” I said nothing because I was too busy trying not to laugh. “The worst part is that it was a stallion.”

I failed at holding it in any longer. “You’ve gotta be fucking with me! That macho bastard?”

“Eventually, but not right now. He made me promise to never tell another pony, but last time I checked,” She looked me up and down, “you ain’t a pony.”

I let out a mirthless chuckle that didn’t do the amusement I felt much justice. “C’mon, let’s head to the back porch.”

I got us moving while Applejack grabbed the cider and I got the glasses, taking our party out back for a good cool-down. It was cold out, so I had Applejack grab a blanket or two and she asked if I had a spare coat instead, to which I replied that I only had two and neither were clean at the moment. She expressed some disappointment and I told her that she could have something I’d cum on if she wanted to smell me, and she asked if I really felt the need to masturbate and I admitted that I hadn’t done it in a while. AJ let me know that she wouldn’t mind if we did some mutual sometime before I chuckled at her and led us to my padded porch swing.

We sat and I asked, “So… Is Macintosh gay?”

“Oh, not really. He might swing both ways, but he ain’t gay. Pinkie tried gettin’ with him, but I threatened to throttle her. After that, all the girls left him alone. Come to think of it, he only really talks to me and you, now that I think about it.”

“If by talking you mean threatening, then yeah, he talks to me.”

“Be that as it may, I think we’re the only two that can get more than two words out of him at a time. Even the mare he’s sweet on, Ms. Cheerilee, doesn’t get much when she tries to talk to him in depth.”

“I think it’s because I piss him off. You sure he doesn’t hate me because you secretly want to coitus all over me?”

“Ya know, he asked about that and I told him to mind his own darn business. That might be why he’s callin’ you a whorse, now that I think about it.”

“Sounds like we should talk to him together then. When is good for you?”

“Tomorrow, actually. How long are you staying in Ponyville? I don’t remember if you said you were sticking around for good.”

“Tomorrow's fine for me too, nothing else to do. I think I’ll stay in Ponyville a bit longer than I originally planned. I don’t think I want to head back to Canterlot quite yet.”

“Oh, so you have a place there?”

“Not yet, but I have enough to buy one if I felt like it.” I swung the swing a little and let my blanket stay draped across my shoulders. Applejack did the same and poured us some cider before she scooted a bit closer. I didn’t comment on it as we swung gently, though I did open my blanket enough to encompass her and her own.

“Must be nice to have the bits to spare. I know I complain about money a lot, but it’s more like we just don’t have the time to fix anything unless we have family over. I mean, we have one of the largest farms in the family, we just don’t have the pony power to do as much as we need to when it needs to be done. Money issues are few and far between, but the fixin’ stuff thing is tough.”

“If you or Macintosh take a break to get some things fixed, it means you’re not getting the field work done, and once you get the field work finished for the season, you only have so long to fix it in the fall.”

“Exactly. A few more bits and we wouldn’t have to spend as much on those vultures at the end of the season who slap together whatever they fix. If we could get the right ponies to work the fields, we could do it ourselves or hire somepony else before harvest.”

“What eats up most of your money? I can’t imagine taxes are that high.”

“They’re not, it’s just that most of the stuff you can make with an apple rots or goes stale long before ya can sell all of it. That, and the animals we got need to be fed, and their pens cleaned.”

“What about jam, jelly, and syrup? Preserved apples last longer, and dried apples can be rehydrated later. Also, why the hell do you keep animals?”

Applejack facepalmed. “I shoulda thought of that crap! My parents used to have so much time on their hands when they made jams and stuff, but they never passed down the recipe! I’m sure Granny Smith has it somewhere, and from what I remember, it sold pretty well. The dried apples could work too, just leave ‘em in some hot water a while and you can bake with ‘em just the same!”

“And what about your animals? Why do you keep them?”

Applejack looked confused. “Why wouldn’t we? It’s a tradition to keep animals on the farm.”

“...But you don’t eat them, and the only things you can do with them is show them off at fairs and pay to feed them.”

“Why would we eat them?” I pulled back my lip and showed her my canines. She seemed confused. “Well ain’t those just pointy.”

I let my lip fall. “Livestock in general tend to be delicious. Ponies may not eat meat, but quite a few other races like Dragons and Gryphons do.”

“I ain’t never seen Spike go after one of my livestock...”

“That’s because he’s been raised to think like a Pony. Most Dragons eat meat, and save their jewels for special occasions if Twilight’s bestiaries are anything to go by. Why she feeds Spike the crap she does, I’ll never know.”

“... That’s unsettlin’. I don’t know if I want Applebloom around him anymore.”

“First off, you’re trying to fuck an omnivore yourself. Second, that’s racist as hell. As I said, Spike thinks likes a pony. He’s not going to hurt your sister unless she pushes him to do it, and if someone could push Spike of all people to violence, I’d say they deserve the consequences.”

“You callin’ out my sister?” Applejack frowned, gripping her glass tightly.

“I can’t say much about her, Applejack. I don’t think I’ve ever met her.”

Her grip loosened. “I was wonderin’ where you were goin’ with that.”

“Trust me, Apple Bottom, I don’t make it a habit to pick on kids.”

She shook her head. “Never mind that. What about when you called Spike ugly?”

“I said he was ugly for a Pony! He doesn’t even have fur!” I poked her side and tickled her for a second.

“Hey, stop it!” Applejack chuckled. I let her go and she took the time to make sure we were touching side to side. “Y’know, I wish I was more like Fluttershy or Rarity sometimes.”

“What? Squishy and easy to bruise?” I searched for a polite way to say it.

“Yeah, I guess. I’m happy with what I got, don’t get me wrong, but I wouldn’t mind bein’ a little softer around the… Well, just softer in general.”

“Why do you want to be squishy when you have solid and sweet? Being the same kind of attractive as everyone else is boring, and toned and terrific is how you are.”

“You know, you could probably be quite the charmer if you actually thought about what you said. That wasn’t half bad, but you’re a nut.”

“I’m not trying to be charming. I’m just saying what’s on my mind and finding a way to put it that’s not offensive.”

“How would tellin’ me that I have a nice figure be offensive?”

“Well, I was going to say that you’re in such good shape, I’m scared to go down on you because you could squash my head like a grape. It’d be worth it for some sweet apple pie, but I like my head how it is for the time being.”

Applejack laughed. “Glad you didn’t put it that way, or I might start gettin’ a complex about my legs.”

“Believe me, they’re nothing to embarrassed about.” I laid my hand just above her knee and stroked the soft, short fur with my thumb.

The ponies barely classified as being furry, seeing as how it was barely a few millimeters long. The follicles were fine but dense and they were quite sleek. If it weren’t for their coloration, ears, tails, and hooves, they would pass for humans with ease. I suppose that helped with finding them attractive, especially with attractive mares like Applejack. When I started letting my hand drift up and down her thigh again, she just chuckled and looked down to my hand, drawing a little spiral on it, looping back around and down again and again.

“You don’t find them... Gross?” She whispered.

“Why would I?”

“Some stallions don’t like mares with too much muscle…”

“Those stallions lack self-confidence. A woman with muscle is hard working and dedicated, someone who’s been tempered for the worst when it comes, but still looks great in a tight dress or a miniskirt.

“You could have said that better, but I think I understand.” She took my hand and started stroking her thigh with it, stopping a handful of centimeters below an intimate place. “I like that better.”

I continued after she let go and made longer passes to still feel her fur. AJ hummed her approval. There had been a little space between us but now there were only a few precious centimeters. “I wasn’t expecting your fur to be so soft. It’s pleasant.”

“I wasn’t expecting my legs to be so cold!” We both laughed at that and I draped my blanket over them. “Max, I know you’ve gotta be a little chilly. You don’t gotta do that. I ain’t some fragile flower.”

“Call it the instincts of a half-assed gentleman. If you’re cold, we can go inside. I just figured that a little cool air would do us both some good.”

“I’m fine now, but if you're cold we can go inside. I won’t think any less of ya.” I rolled my eyes and grabbed her side, causing her to jump hard. “Hey!”

“Hay is for ponies.” Applejack reached for the inside of my thigh and missed. Kinda. She blushed when she squeezed something hard and left her hand there for a moment before taking it back.

“I didn’t mean to do that. Well, that time.”

“Sure you didn’t.” I laid my hands in my lap and continued to rock us gently.

“... You know, my legs ain’t that cold now. I wouldn’t mind if ya kept doin’ what you were.”

“They’ll be cold in a moment, trust me. The breeze is about to pick up in a minute or two.” I slipped my hand under the blanket and she gave me an odd look.

Applejack followed my eyes to the treetops. “You’re right.” She sighed.

I stroked a little higher than she might have expected since she raised a brow at me. Mimicking her sigh, I gave her upper thigh a brief grope, caused her breath to hitch, then stood. “I’m cold, let’s take this inside.” I grabbed my glass and drained it quickly before offering Applejack my hand.

She took it needlessly and drained her own glass. We took the blankets inside and sat on the couch as closely as we had been outside. I didn’t need another hint to know that she wanted me to continue caressing her. I think she liked it more, but I enjoyed it plenty as it was. Her fur was softer than Lupa’s and she could talk so that was cool. “I’ve never had a stallion do that and not want to go a little higher constantly.” She idly commented.

“Good thing I’m not technically a stallion. You might’ve been in trouble otherwise.”

She grabbed my hand once again and held it, drawing a square this time.

“I ain’t complainin’. What’s it like? Not havin’ fur?”

“Well, I’m a lot less friendly to people randomly touching me” She stopped and looked at me. “Not like this. I can see you while you’re doing that.” Applejack continued.” I’ve just noticed that Ponies are fond of surprise hugs and various other forms of affection that I’m not necessarily comfortable with.”

“Yeah, Ponies tend to be on the huggy side. Don’t nopony mean no harm, of course.”

“Of course, I’m just unused to it. Makes my skin crawl when I think about someone trying to surprise me. I don’t think it’s a good idea to spook an armed and paranoid man.”

“I suppose with what you’ve been through it’d be hard not to be jumpy. You always seem calm whenever I see you, though.”

“You learn to choke down any social anxiety after a bit and focus on what you can rather than the things you can’t control.” I took my hand from her and decided to try something. My hand went up to her ear and I rubbed it softly, marveling at how fine the fluff was.

Applejack gave me a strange look when I started, but then her eyes closed and she leaned her head against me, sighing her content. I took that as permission to continue with my shenanigans and kept going until I realized that she was asleep. Gently, I extricated myself and laid her down on my couch, fetching our blankets from earlier to cover her when I got her upright. As she peacefully snoozed, I began turning off lights before I heard three savage poundings on my door. Applejack started and fell off the couch clutching her Stetson while I drew my dirk and the Warbling Blade.

“What the hay-” Applejack

“Shh!” I held a finger to my lips in the low light.

I paused and waited to see if my rude visitor was going to knock again and crept toward the door. There were a few seconds where I wondered if I should flip the porch light on to see who it was, but I realized I was overreacting and that it was probably just someone come to yell at me for something or other. I sheathed my dirk but kept the Warbling Blade in hand as I smoothly slid the door open. A big red meathook nearly met my face, but I had been assuming the worst, despite my self-assurance. From the look of him, Macintosh was pissed like no other and I had the vaguest feeling he was looking for the woman currently on my floor. I stealthily swapped the knife between my hands and opened the door a bit wider.

“Can I help you, mate?” I asked politely.

“Where is she?” He sharply responded.

I pointed over to Applejack who was still half covered in blankets on the floor. She waved sheepishly and collected herself, throwing the blankets on the couch. AJ fit her Stetson back onto her head and scratched her ear. “So uh… When did I fall asleep?”

I shrugged. “A few minutes ago. You looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to ruin it.”

“Mighty kind of ya.” Applejack tilted her hat in my direction, a little blush on her cheeks.

Macintosh audibly ground his teeth. “You touch her and I’ll break you.”

“You threaten me and I’ll kill you.”

“Max!” Applejack exclaimed, her eyes wide.

“Shit, nevermind. Forget I said that. Pretend I said ‘let’s talk like men’ or something.”

“I really don’t wanna talk with you.”

“Big Mac! You told me once that if a pony offers you an olive branch in good faith, that I should take it. Practice what you preach.” Applejack scolded.

“I don’t wanna hear nothin’ from you right now! Did you forget what this fool put you through?”

“Did you forget what she put me through? You need to stop being such a victim, mate, it makes you sound like a little wanker.”

“I know you could have said that another way,” Applejack leveled a glare at me, “but he’s kinda right. I hurt him worse than whatever he put me through. Hay, you really can’t even say he put me through anythin’ because it was my actions that caused it!”

Macintosh fumed his massive chest heaving. “He hit Rainbow, put you through hell, and you want me to forgive him?”

“Yeah, that’s the whole point. Rainbow forgave me for knocking her out, I forgave our apple-flavoured friend here for damn near killing me. At least two of the three parties involved are happier for it. What’s holding you back?”

“I don’t forgive nopony who hurts my family!”

“He didn’t hurt nopony!”

“Yes, he did. He turned ya into some kinda zombie!”

Applejack and I shared a look, both of us shaking our heads. We were on the same page about everything, but Big Red was miles behind the curve and acting like a little bitch at that. I was mildly annoyed by the red fucker’s thick headedness and ran some ideas through my head about how to handle the situation. The same solutions to the irritating problem kept coming back to me time after time and I didn’t like that. Either I had to wait this out and talk to him when he was calm, which seemed to never happen while I was around. Or, I could take him out back and fuck his cherry colored arse with a sharp object. I leaned towards the latter, but I knew Applejack would come after me for that, so I opted for a less murderous version ad went with the devious option.

“You know what? Why don’t we just fight it out after we have some brownies?” Applejack looked like I had slapped her.

“Skip the brownies and I’m happy.” Macintosh gave me an evil smirk.

AJ started with the negatories. “No, no. No, no, no. No.”

“Applejack is right. We either have a few brownies, or we don’t fight. I’ll never let it be said that I didn’t feed a man before handing his arse off to him on a platter.”

“Fine. Bring ‘em here so we can get it over with.”

“Will do, partner,” I said in a terrible southern accent. The siblings both glared at me as I walked away.

Normally, I’d never fight that massive bastard unless I was armed, but if I could get him stoned, I’d say that would put us on about equal footing. I was about to retrieve the brownies from the batch I had given the girls earlier, but something struck me once I had them in my hands: I had three of the batch I made for Celestia. Three from the smaller batch that I had added twice as much budder to. This just got easier. Instead of being a jackass, I put the two I wanted to give to Macintosh on a separate, decorated plate so I could tell the difference and put a few weaker ones on a plain plate keeping the pthers for myself. I returned to the living room choking on a smile and handed Big Mac’s plate to him. The poor fellow inhaled both simultaneously, barely even stopping to chew. I had mine at a much more reasonable pace, chewing slowly.

“These brownies are pretty good, right? Do you want a couple, AJ? I should’ve asked before I came back out.” Applejack just stared at me. I winked and gave her a thumbs up. “No problem, must be watching your sugar. Or something, I guess. Can’t say I’d turn down free brownies, but not everyone can be Pinkie because Pinkie’s already Pinkie. I really do wonder how that girl gets along with as many cavities as she must have.”

Understanding blinked onto Applejack’s face for a moment. “... I guess Pinkie just has one heck of a sweet tooth. There isn’t much she won’t eat if it has sugar in it.”

“Really now? We’ll have to get with Twilight so we can conduct an experiment some time. I’m sure between your skills, my ingenuity, and her organizational prowess, we could find something edible but sweet that Pinkie won’t eat.”

“Are we gonna fight or what?” Macintosh asked, his voice a little distorted. My guess had been correct; His metabolism was high enough to get the process going. Now I just had to stall a little longer so I wouldn’t have to on the field. That or I could try and talk to him now.

“How about we just have that talk, yeah? We both know you’d go to prison for murder if you landed a solid punch on me, and I’m none too fond of dying or killing people.”

Macintosh rubbed his eyes. “No, we said we were gonna fight… Right?”

“That was before you cooled off a bit, big bro,” Applejack interrupted sweetly. She was giving him a heart-wrenching, incredibly adorable look that I doubted many people over the age of eight could pull.

“Y-Yeah. We can talk. Fightin’ never solved nothin’ noways.” Macintosh slurred. The red fellow wobbled over to my recliner and I wondered how long he would be conscious.

“Hey, why don’t we talk over a nice glass of hard cider? Your sister brought some over so we could talk, only seems right that we do the same seeing as how it feels like a tradition of sorts for you two.”

Applejack smiled. “It is: Whenever two Apple Family adults gotta talk, we say it over some hard cider.”

“Then let me get some more glasses, I’ll be right back.” I fetched a few tumblers from my glassware cabinet and placed all three in front of Applejack who poured masterfully, not spilling a drop. After doling out the sweet cider, she stole my easy chair again and I took up the lounge chair. We both looked at Macintosh who seemed to be having trouble staying upright.

“So, Macintosh. Why do you hate me so much? I’ve never done anything to you personally, besides that time with Lupa.”

“Y’know little guy? I don’t really hate ya,” He garbled, “I just don’ like the competition. Used to bein’ the only available stallion in town, and here comes along this one who my sister doesn’t like. I think you two been doin’ stuff behind the scenes.” He pointed two fingers at myself and Appajack.

“Is that why you’ve been calling me a slut around town?”

“... Is that why I can’t seem to keep a stallion very long?”

“I’m jus’ tryin’ to protect you, sis.”

Applejack’s face set into a scowl. “I appreciate your concern, but I’m a grown mare now, Big Mac. I don’t need ya to look over my shoulder at everything I do anymore! I mean, I work half the farm just like you, help manage the business, and even Granny Smith says I’m mature for my age and you know how little she compliments anypony!”

His lower lip trembled and a pair of tears fell from his eyes. “I know all that, Applejack, but you’re my little sister! I don’t want ya to get hurt and I hate seein’ ya unhappy. I don’ wanna be stuck standin’ around while you make the same mistakes other ponies have… I jus’ wanna… I jus’ wanna uh...” He stared into space and AJ gave me a look.

Applejack rose and pulled the sappy stoned stallion out of his seat for a hug. “I know, big bro, you just wanna protect me. I know it’s hard to watch somepony you love as they mess up again and again, but we had this same talk about Applebloom and how we were gonna let her make her own mistakes. You gotta let me be my own mare, Mac.”

Macintosh said nothing and just hugged her for a few more minutes. I suppose the display should have been rather sweet, but I already had a sneaking suspicion that his hatred of me didn’t have much to do with myself. Elder siblings usually have trouble breaking away from that protective mindset from what I knew, and I think drugging him to high hell just removed the inhibitions he had about doing it. I was feeling meh about the whole ordeal; I still didn’t know whether or his revelation would stick, or how he would take learning that I was probably going to nail his sister like a stubborn piece of hardwood.

“So are we okay now, Macintosh? I don’t want to fight with you for something I didn’t really do. Yet.” I added the last part in a low murmur.

He stood up somewhat straight and rubbed his eye with his massive mitt. “As long as ya don’t break her heart or hurt her, we’ll be okay. I just don’ want her to be a notch on your belt.”

Applejack looked pretty uncomfortable with that, so I spoke up. “As she said, she’s her own woman who can make her own mistakes. I won’t actively go after her, but if she comes to me, I know we’d both appreciate it if you respect that.”

Macintosh looked like I had just recited the first seventy digits of Pi. “Why would she go and do that? Why would who go and do what? What are we talkin’ about.”

“Big Mac, how many male friends do ya have?” Applejack asked.

Macintosh’s eyes glazed over and he counted on his fingers. He got to seven after five minutes and gave up. “I guess there ain’t that many. Why do ya ask?”

“Well, ya… Ya ain’t got many and a lot of them are some of the few stallions in town. Your friends don’t wanna get with your sister, right?”

“Hm? I don’t think so.”

“Right? So why don’t I just get with Max when the mood strikes since he and his fillyfriend are open like that?

The cogs in his mind worked slowly until anger etched its way onto his countenance. “I knew y’all were up to somethin’! Why didn’t ya tell me!?”

“Hey now! I approached him, and we still haven’t done nothin’, we’re just laying down some ground rules about it, doin’ some… Well, nothin’ really.”

“That’s pretty much it. Little to no inappropriate contact, just some mild flirting and some ‘getting to know you’ type stuff. You should have more faith in your sister, mate, she’s a wise woman.”

Macintosh turned and fell over the recliner as he tried to walk away. He picked himself up and looked back with a blush on his face, stumbling towards the door before Applejack caught his arm. “I ain’t askin’ for your approval! You should know I was gonna tell you, I just couldn’t because we didn’t do anything!”

“But… Wait, what are we talkin’ about?”

“I’m gonna sleep with Max because he can give me what I want out of a relationship, but without all the nonsense that comes with it. He’s frustratin’ and a bit of a smartass, but he’s also kind and funny. He’s a challenge and I like that.”

“Whaaa? Why can’t ya just wait for the right stallion to come along instead?”

“Maybe I am the right guy for her, neither of us could know what Applejack wants,” I interjected.

“I don’t know what we’re talkin’ about, but I don’t like your tone,” Macintosh grumbled.

“We already made up, Mac. We’re supposed to be cool.” Fuck, I’m high too, man. Chill out.

“Oh. How did that happen?”

Applejack and I shared a look, but I was foggy on the details myself so I had no room to talk. “You know what? The gist is that you said you would let me be me. That’s all you gotta worry about.”

“Yeah, sounds okay. Just don’t buck the furless thing,” Macintosh reminded her.

“I’m gonna buck the furless thing. Deal with it.” She rubbed her temples and turned to me. “I’m gonna take him home. It was a nice evening, we’ll have to do it again sometime.”

“It was for the most part. Next time, no siblings.”

“Agreed.”

Applejack lead her brother out of my house and I put away the party favors and blankets that been left out before heading to bed myself. I had to get Lupa off of my spot, but it was no surprise that she had been there. Now I just had to worry about what would happen if Macintosh realized that I drugged him before what was supposed to be a ‘fair’ fight, but considering the difference in physiology, it was shitty of him to accept in the first place, so I didn’t feel that bad about it. That night, I counted apples as I tried for my forty winks.

Author's Notes:

This took. So fucking. Long to. Rewrite it. Was like. Pulling dicks. Off of. Bigger dicks.
In brighter news, I guess this went from 30k to 40k and I changed a lot. Max and Fluttershy are cool now without having to not be together, Applejack is a little more playful, and there's just a lot more supportive tendencies in the Ponies. Other than Rarity. Had to add a tag because of some content and was all too annoyed by it. Oh well, better than having it pop in out of nowhere. That bit also got fleshed out.