So… It’s been a few weeks since I’ve touched this journal, and there’s a really good reason for that… I’ll get to it...

Anyway, my back hurt like Hell when I heard the movers start bringing random furnishings into my flat. Of course, I didn’t know what was going on. I’m a paranoid bastard at the best of times, born from years of experience with people trying to get the drop on me, so I was on my feet with my favorite dirk in my right hand and a rather shitty throwing knife in my left. The bright orange stallion holding a nightstand in front of him met my black look with an indifferent shrug. He headed down the shortish hallway that leads to the guest room, loo, and the master- well, my room. I still have to get used to actually having a real home and a room other than an office after so long… Hell, the whole house was mine, and I just like saying that.

I stowed my knives back in their respective sheaths and took a deep breath. Erratic panting was coming from the aforementioned hallway once I could heart myself over my own heart, so I rushed over to see what the hell was going on. Apparently I’d scared the poor bastard, made clear by the wideness of his eyes and the clutching of his chest. He looked at me and we waved simultaneously, neither of us really sure what to do in the situation. I, being a socially savvy Renaissance Man, spoke up first.

“I’m… I’m really sorry about that… Need a hand with anything?”

“Y-Yeah… J-Just head outside,” He took a deep breath to calm himself, “The boss will tell you what to put where unless you want it somewhere else, I guess.”

I nodded in response and spent the rest of my morning moving shit into my place.

It was about ten in the morning when we started and close to noon by the time we finished, which meant I was going to be late for my picnic if I didn’t hurry. Thankfully, I still had enough sense and time to shower after sweating for two hours, but it cut into my time even further. That meant that I was rushing on my way into town during the mild summer heat. I really wasn't trying to sweat too much before joining a group of women that I mostly found some kind of attractive for a bite to eat, but I didn’t have the time to waste. I slowed down a bit and warred with myself over whether it was better to show up late or to show up sweaty, but I ended up picking late because I was wearing new clothes. Rarity would probably appreciate the sentiment, if nothing else than for the fact I was taking care of things she got for me.

I showed up to the one-tree-hill with a grin cheesier than cheddar, but there was already trouble afoot with Rarity giving me a look. “Really now, Max, you should have been here ten minutes ago-”

Applejack scoffed. “You mean like how you showed up fifteen minutes ago? He’s not that late, give the guy a break.”

Twilight was about to put her two bits in when I held up a hand to stall her. “Sorry, girls, I really am. I assure you, I'm a much more organized jackarse most of the time, I just lost track of time with the movers. Waking up to those guys bringing my furniture and helping them bring stuff in-”

“You helped movers bring stuff into your own house?” Rainbow asked. “... That’s kinda their job, dude.”

“Yeah, but it’s my house.” I raised a brow.

Applejack gestured toward me and nodded. “I respect that a good bit. A pony should know where everything is in their house, and with Max pitching in, I’m sure he knows better than some of us ever would.”

Twilight offered me a sheepish smile. “Celestia told me your house was pretty far out of town…”

AJ shot Rares a dirty look. “About how long would ya say, Twi?”

“Uh, it’s nearly half an hour, I think.”

Rarity blushed. “So what? Perfection takes time!”

“Speaking of, sorry again for being late. I would’ve cut the time down a bit, but I didn’t want to ruin the clothes you gave me by just sweating and getting them all dusty and stuff. Really, thanks again, Rares.” I smiled a bit.

She tittered and almost replied before Fluttershy said, “Then… At least you have a reason for being late…” She gave Rarity a playful look.

The white one’s expression spoke volumes of the betrayal. “Fluttershy! You know-”

“You just like to be late. Max had like, two or three reasons.” Rainbow huffed.

“... I see I’ll find no asylum among friends on this,” Rarity grumbled as I sat down

“Ah, don’t take it to heart yet. It’s not a big deal unless you make someone wait to eat or go somewhere, right?” I offered an out. Hypocrite bitch. You’re lucky you’re on my good side right now.

That was when Spike decided to ask, “Hey Max, why do you sometimes say ‘someone’ or ‘somebody’ instead of ‘anypony’ or ‘some pony’?”

“Well, are you a Pony? If you are, you’re pretty scaly for a Pony,” I jested. I liked Spike, but an easy opportunity is the backbone of pointed humor.

“Hey! Just cause I have scales doesn’t mean anything!” … What?

I gave him an odd look. “What do you mean? I just said that you had scales and implied that you’re a Dragon… I didn’t say anything was wrong or off about you, little bruv.”

“What does that mean!?”

Rainbow raised a hand. “We had some Briddish Chucks in the academy when I went. Bruv means bro or something like it.”

“Yeah, mate, it’s not an insult or anything. It’s like saying-”

“You wanna mate with Spike!?” Twilight gasped.

Dash started cracking up. “That’s not what it means, you egghead!”

Fluttershy and Pinkie both giggled at that with the shorter one saying, “I don’t know~ Max could be some kind of foal-snatcher!”

“Why would I kidnap someone? That’s…” I gave her an odd look. That’s just rude, actually.

“We’re not callin’ ya a foalnapper, we’re callin’ ya goofy!” Applejack got her laughs in too.

“You know, Applebottom-” She blushed and glared at me, “I’ve never seen an orange apple. Maybe you should change your name to Tangerine?”

“Ah, whatever! And stop callin’ me Applebottom!”

“It is like big ol’ apple though,” Rainbow chimed in, giving her meaty seat a look.

“And yours is nearly nonexistent.” Rarity sipped from a cup.

“Better than having a couch-cushion.” The blue one drawled.

We all lost our shit when Rarity’s drink came out of her nose, and thus started the picnic in earnest. Food was doled out as Spike asked, “So why do you say ‘someone’ and ‘anyone’?”

“Listen bruv, I just say that stuff because it’s how I was raised, and I said what I said to emphasize the fact that other races besides Ponies are out there. We’re both good examples, and so are the Griffins, Dragons, Dogs and of course, whatever else I haven’t read up on. Frankly, ‘anypony’ is kinda racist if you think about it. Very exclusive.”

Spike looked like he was in deep thought, but maybe my opinion was skewed due to the smoke pouring out of his nose. Snout. Snoot? Whatever. I glanced toward Twilight and her gang of rainbow pals and they were mimicking Spike's look of cognitive labor. It looked like I dug myself out of a pit, there. High-five for me! They seemed to brush off the matter soon enough, snapping out of their stupor. They started talking amongst themselves about the subject; however, Fluttershy didn’t appear very eager to join in. I took a seat next to Fluttershy and asked her how she felt about being a racist.

“W-Well… I know Iron Will looked at me funny whenever I said anypony around him…” Fluttershy hugged herself, almost disappearing into the folds of the oversized green blazer she was wearing.

“You know I said that to make a point, right?” I whispered to her. “I doubt most of you Ponies would treat any other race differently, just a bit of nationalism in your vernacular, right?” I said a bit louder. The others turned their attention on me for a moment and sighed in relief. I didn’t know they took racism seriously in Equestria. Fitting for a bunch of American Liberal types.

That being said, the mares were appeased and the food was good, but there were personal questions abound and had a hard time answering some of them. The mood of the picnic was slowly changing as I had to dodge questions and try to sugarcoat things, but a lot of them had given me sad looks for some of my answers. I didn’t say anything about my parents, brother, or much about the things I’d done for other people, but I did mention that I spent a lot of my down time reading and drinking in my down-time. Applejack offered to have a drink with me sometime and tell some of her own stories, which was kinda touching. She gave me a knowing look when we started talking about my childhood and I clammed up a bit, not knowing what to say. We cleared the topic from the table when I accidentally said something akin to ‘Well, I got burned a lot because Mum- Er, I was clumsy.’ and it… Well, Applejack and Pinkie started helping me avoid some of the questions without lying. The rest of the picnic was going well until Rarity had to open her fucking mouth and ruin my good day.

“So darling, what did you do before you came to Equestria? In… England, I believe you called it?” She asked with a dainty smile.‘Reflexes, don’t fail me now!’

“I… I did a lot of odd jobs, whatever paid.” That’s not a lie.

“Oh? Like what?”

“Uh… Sometimes it was just normal stuff. Helping with shopping, getting stuff for people, sometimes favors that paid in food…” And I was technically a streetwalker for a bit. Still never caught anything.

Rarity stared at me. “... Favors…?”

“Can we not grill me about my past? I’d rather not-”

“Max, were… Were you a prostitute?”

The girls all stared at my blushing face as Spike looked around. “What’s that?”

“... I don’t want to talk about that part of my life. I did what I had to so I could make it past that part.”

“Oh sweetie-”

“Oi,” I growled. “Watch it.”

“Hey, that’s not necessary!” Rainbow barked. “Besides, you’re the one who sold their body!”

I started shaking. “I didn’t sell myself. I’d shut the fuck up if I were you.”

“Fillies, why don’t we change topics?” Applejack tried, clearly uncomfortable while I glared at Rainbow.

Rainbow got up in my face. “Why don’t you leave?”

Oh… “Maybe I should.”

I got up and she followed along with Applejack. “Hey, y’all, why don’t we just cool it? Max had a hard life; that much is obvious. England ain’t Equestria.”

Rainbow spat on my shoe and went to speak when I slammed a fist into her jaw, starting the fight in earnest. We went back and forth for a second with missed punches and jabs before Applejack separated us, but she ended up getting hit by both of us while doing so. Applejack shoved me as Fluttershy shouted, “Rainbow! Max! Stop!”

Applejack barely noticed and glared at both of us in turn. “Both of you; leave. Rainbow, you need to get it together. Max? Just… Meet me at my place, alright? We’ll tal-” the blue bitched used her wings to get away from our friend, continuing the fight.

I’ve had about e-fucking-nough! In an all too well-practiced motion, I reached down with my right hand, grabbed my dirk and smashed the pommel into poor Rainbow’s chin. Her lights were out before she fell back into AJ’s arms, either trying to sneak me or yell some more... I sheathed it, though, before anything else could happen. Applejack glared at me, Pinkie looked sad, and the rest of the party all looked some kind of shocked while Rainbow was dazed. I turned on my heel and stormed off, but seconds later I almost turned around and apologized. I didn’t know… I didn’t know what they’d do. How they’d feel. I wanted to ask for forgiveness because I should’ve… Well, Rainbow shouldn’t have done what she did. Point blank. I just wished that I hadn’t tried fighting Applejack too... My heart was filled with rage and the pain of betrayal, with hurt and rejection... I just continued on my way to my home because Home Is Where The Hatred Is. Home wasn’t filled with pain, and it was where the needle-marks still on my arms would remind me of my broken heart…

How could she turn on me like that? Why… Why did they know what the favours meant? Why did Fluttershy look so damn guilty the entire time…? Thoughts plagued my mind and made me want to sit down somewhere and drink, so I stopped by the liquor store, bought some food from the market with my stolen money, and made my way back home to drink on an empty stomach because functioning drunk. I ate with the booze because the fruits went well with the chocolate liqueur I found, but even then I missed bourbon. It was just too expensive for me to get any and the chocolate stuff was only five bits for a fifth. I finished half before I even got halfway home, so I stopped sipping and kept walking, but when I got home I sat and did some stuff for a bit.

Nothing happened on my way home, which I’m very grateful for. It was bad enough that I’d clocked one of my so-called friends in the jaw with the hilt of my dirk, but… My hands seriously hurt from hitting her and Applejack to the point where they still shake even now. I’m not really all that mad at AJ for stepping in, but Rainbow…? Fuck her. To knock a stranger out because I felt like it? Not really my thing, but I wouldn’t feel guilty. However, I didn’t think it work out too well for me in the end to not go and see Applejack eventually, so I figured I’d spend the little bit of my anger I had left towards the orange one in my own home. At least no one knew exactly where I lived quite yet, so I’d have time to brood to my heart’s content.

I didn’t get much time to myself, to my chagrin. I’d thrown myself onto a big navy blue loveseat and calmed down enough to think rationally again when I heard a throaty bark ring out against the door to the porch that faced the woods. I had the funniest feeling that I already knew the mammal who could have timed their arrival so perfectly. Lo and behold, Lupa was waiting patiently for me to get off my angsty bum and welcome her in. When I opened the sliding glass door, however, I realized that it may have been enough time for Fluttershy to relay the afternoon’s events to her animal pals. Lupa was one of those animal pals. Lupa knew the girls better than she knew me.

And I had a snarling she-wolf on my chest before the door was all the way open, which made me wonder why the fuck I hadn't thought of that before I got tackled. Well, I say snarling, but she actually just knocked me over and laid on me, looking at me with those beautiful blue eyes that I couldn’t help but love to see. I got licked once or twice and rubbed her sides. Her ocular-orbs seemed to glimmer with sentience or maybe it was the fact that canines were smart animals in the first place, but I could swear that she was saying ‘I don’t care. I like you, you smell good. You should feel as good as you smell.’

“Thanks, Lupa. I really needed a hug.” I kissed her nose because I could and got another lick for it. I’m going insane. That or I turned into one of those weird folks who talked to their pets.

She stopped laying on me, but she started dragging me out of my house and I figured I’d better follow her. I needed to apologize to Applejack, first and foremost, so I started following the pupper and told her what I needed to do. She looked back and nodded. It was going to be a long day, I could already tell. I still had my knives on me, but I resolved myself to taking whatever punishment AJ was gonna dish out. After hours of asking around, I found out that Applejack ran and worked at one of the local farms, Sweet Apple Acres. Luckily, it was only a few kilometers from town. Unluckily, Applejack had a big brother who lived there and he was notorious for being protective...

Did I say it was going to be a long day?

It took me a negligible amount of time to get to Sweet Apple Acres. I walked down the dirt road leading to the farm itself when I was intercepted by a tall red stallion, who looked like he could rip me in half with few to no problems. We looked at each other and I got real scared. He lumbered towards me, hands curled into fists, ready to bring down the pain. ‘Does it count if I use my knives to stab this guy? He looks like he hurts people, and I don’t like getting hurt.’ Against my better judgment, I left my knives where they were and didn't throw one at his leg.

“You the one who was whackin’ on AJ?” The Red Hulk stated.

“Came by to apologize.” I replied. Lupa stood beside me and growled for a few seconds

He was silent for a minute, looking at her. “... Ya know if I don’t get ya, AJ will.”

“No offense, but I’d rather take my chances with Applejack.”

“... They’re in the farmhouse. You pull any funny business…” He ground his knuckles together, driving his point home.

I walked ahead of him so he could keep an eye on me the entire way to the farmhouse. I wasn’t really okay with that, but my opinion didn’t really matter on the issue. Lupa looked on the situation with some amusement and I made a mental note to slip some chili’s in whatever I fed her. All too soon, I knocked on the rickety farmhouse door with the big red guy breathing down my neck, drilling holes into the back of my head. I really just wanted to get it over with as soon as possible, but patience is a virtue I have to muster from time to time.

Applejack answered the door. She looked at me for a few moments before she cocked her arm back and threw a rocket punch straight into my ribs.

Now, I’ve broken bones before, but I don’t believe I’ve ever felt them shatter. I wobbled back and collapsed to my knees, unable to draw breath through the Hellish blazes of pain that rampaged inside. I didn’t stand a chance at blocking or dodging the kick she threw next, breaking my left arm like a twig, but with a she didn’t stop. However, her eyes widened and she was prepping for a punch when the darkness started clouding my vision. The last thing I did was throw up blood and try to move my ruined left arm, but I couldn’t. Applejack’s panicked face filled my gaze as she said something or other to me, but I could make out, ‘Max. Max, wake up. Max, what-’. Someone must have been looking out for me in heaven or maybe had just taken pity on me, seeing as how I blacked out moments later.

Now, waking up in hospitals sucks bollocks. Disorientation, realization, then blinding pain once you try to move out of panic. It’s really just one of the most unpleasant scenes one can find themselves in. Of course, with my luck, I got to skip the latter two of the ‘Waking-Up-In-The-Hospital-Triumvirate’ as I was heavily sedated and could barely understand the nurse who was speaking to me. As it was, I understood that I had all ribs broken on my right side, a fair amount cracked on my left, a useless arm unless it could be fixed by powerful magic (It could only be healed so far by any of the Unicorns at the hospital), a damaged femur, and two fractured fingers on my left hand. My right hand had a knuckle that’d had to be put back in place, which was kind of the most amazing thing to me. In other words, I’d had my arse handed to me on a platinum platter covered in satin doilies. I could only wonder what would have happened if the big red chap had gone to town on me as well.

I used the week I was incapacitated in the hospital to do some serious thinking about the events of that day. In fact, I started back on my journal, catching up on previous days with my good hand, despite it not being the dominant one, and even wondered if I should apologize to anyone. I decided that I didn’t have anything to apologize for, but even when Twilight came to see me, I wanted to know if Applejack was arrested or anything. She told me that she’d tried to turn herself in while in tears and had been turned away, told that no one was going to be going to jail for anything. Apparently she was taking her assault harder than I was, even though I was plenty livid. I wanted to break her every bit as bad as she broke me when I could think straight, and when I couldn’t, I filled my mind with horrid images that made me feel better so I could be properly mad again.

However, Twilight brought something up during her last visit, she said, “Hey Max, can I… Can I ask you something?”

It had been close to two weeks since I’d been in the hospital and she was the only one who’d visited. “Of course. I’ll answer as best I can.”

“... Were you… Were you really a thief before you came here…?”

I stared at her, shocked. “... Who told you that?”

“Were you?”

“Who said it, Twilight?”

“... Fluttershy.” She rubbed her arm, the visit having been loaded from the get go.

“... Did she say how she knew?”

“She said she eavesdropped on you… When you told Pinkie and... Applejack…”

I couldn’t stop the grimace coming to my face. “... Fluttershy… That cunt!” I snapped, my heart monitor going wild.

Twilight seemed exceptionally startled. “Max, it’s okay-”

“The fuck!? The fuck do you mean it’s okay!? I fuckin’ begged AJ and Pinks to keep that shite quiet and- That rotten cunt!”

Twilight put her hands on me, her horn glowing as I felt myself calm down, the pain flaring as I’d been getting upset. “... You shouldn’t be so upset, Max,” the monitor stopped going as wild with the contact, her magic soothing some of my pain, both from the heart and my body. “... We… We all knew at the picnic… We just wanted you to tell us yourself…”

“... I didn’t want to, Twilight… Why… Why couldn’t you respect that?” I asked softly, my heart still feeling like it had been pierced from behind.

“Because we still accept you. We accept the stallion you are because all you’ve shown us… All you’ve shown us is that you’re a good one. You might be a little sketchy or quick-tempered, but your heart is in the right place… I know you were confused when I let you stay with me, but Rarity said that you nearly cried when she gave you those clothes, and that you promised to pay her back for a gift. Rainbow said that you apologized and started the friendship between you that she spat on.” Her frown was evident and disapproving. “She’s sorry for that, but knowing that you’re the one who ended that fight meant a lot to all of us. Fluttershy said you had a breakdown at her house and cried for almost ten minutes straight… Some of her animals do that when they’ve been traumatized… And… And then Fluttershy told us what she’d overheard and Pinkie confirmed, but… We… We just wanted to help you… We just wanted you to feel better…”

“... I should’ve known all of you would talk about me at some point.” I sighed.

“Max… Celestia…” She blushed brightly. “... Celestia told me that… That you didn’t take my offer because you didn’t want my first time to be with someone I didn’t love…” She looked at me from the corner of my eye, my right hand holding onto hers as she let her magic stop flowing. “... A bad stallion doesn’t take his debts as seriously as you do, especially if there aren’t even any debts to think about… We all helped you because we get a good feeling from you…”

“You’re not gonna feel good about me when I get up and deck Fluttershy.”

“Max…”

“She had no right.”

“... I know. I know and I’m sorry… But I wish you would’ve just told us yourself…”

“Pinkie and Applejack confronted me when they found out… Have… Have you ever had someone hate you for what you’ve done, Twilight?” The pain in her eyes wasn’t for herself. “... They barely even gave me a chance to explain myself, Twilight… I didn’t want all of you to look at me like that…”

“I… I understand… The chance was just too much to risk, wasn’t it?”

I squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry for stirring things up so much.”

“Applejack wants me to tell you she’s… She couldn’t be any more apologetic, Max…”

“I don’t really care. If that’s the next topic, then I think you might want to save what portion of your day that you can.”

She nodded. “I understand that too.” Twilight gave my hand a squeeze and ended the visit as she had the last two; with a kiss to the temple and a sorrowful grin. “I’ll be back, okay Smoky?”

“Lush-Plush.” I rolled my eyes.

“I’m not fat!” She groaned pitifully. “Will you stop calling me that?”

“You smell like a lush and you’re the right kind of soft. I’m not taking it back because it’s not an insult.”

She blushed. “You’re talking about my bottom!”

“It’s probably still rather nice, in my defense.”

Twilight just pouted. “I-”

“Have I ever mentioned how pretty your eyes are? They gleam like amethysts when your upset or interested in something.” Her blush intensified. “If you’re gonna stay to let me flirt, at least give me a real kiss~” I grinned deviously.

I wasn’t expecting her to give me a quick peck and dash away, but it was cute. Between writing, coming up with apologies, and feeling the pain before I could get doped up again, I spent my time talking to Lupa who never seemed to leave my side for long. However, when Twilight stopped by they seemed to have a mutual respect for each other and Lupa trusted her enough to leave for a little bit and come back after she was gone. I'd always like dogs, but could never have one due to lack of a true home for the past decade or so. I looked forward to the end of my magical treatment so we could relax in my- well, our home. Even if I knew that Fluttershy was the one to sell my secret, Lupa still wouldn’t let me talk about being mad at her for too long. I usually got a growl or nipped at when I mentioned doing something to her, so I had to sit and stew on that one. However, a nurse did tell me that there was a rumor around town of Lupa peeing on the Apple Family’s porch and on their chairs basically every day. Pretty much anything they owned got pissed or shat upon by Lupa at some point, and she’d even torn down one of their stalls at the market. I told her to stop when I heard about it and I think she liked me enough to actually do it.

Early on Starday morning of the third week I spent laid-up, they told me that I wasn’t going to lose my arm, but that they were getting a ‘specialist’ in to take a look at it instead of just keeping the fragments from migrating. Still hurt like a bitch, but that’s how I got a visit from the best Princess I know. I would have given her a lovely, gratitude-filled hug, but with my left arm out of commission, I had to settle for a pleasant enough one-armed hug. Celestia gave me a sad smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes, though the light of the afternoon sun made her seem like an angel with the way the light filtered into the room. I sat up and stretched as much as I could as she spoke, having taken most mornings as time to rest and let the healing magic do its thing.

“You won’t be here for much longer, Max. Twilight told me that you’re still thinking of hurting Applejack and now Fluttershy, of all ponies...”

“I feel justified in my actions. Most of them, at least.” Let’s not cover my thoughts and what I want to do. “Also, how did Applejack manage to do so much damage so fast? Rainbow hit me and didn’t do much of a damned thing!”

Celestia sighed and rubbed her temples with both hands. “... To answer your question, your bones are about half as dense as the average Earth Pony's, give or take a point here or there. Rainbow Dash’s bones are technically hollow because she is a Pegasus and has less power to put behind her blows. Applejack is strong for an Earth Pony and would likely be able to kick a small tree in half... You’re quite lucky she stopped when she did or I would have a ‘Willful Slaughter’ case on my hands…”

“Sunny, why are you here? Are you gonna arrest me?”

She gave me an odd look, raised a brow, and tilted her head. “I suppose you could call it being arrested, but you could also call it ‘relocating’. I think you would heal much faster under my care than here since you’ve shown little progress…”

“What’s on your mind?”

“... We think alike, Max, but we do not act alike.” Celestia gave me a sad look. “I understand that you wished to keep your past of larceny in the past and that Fluttershy disrespected that wish-”

“I’m still wondering how she could even do that...” All thoughts of bone density were cast aside. “... She knew how I felt… She knew how Applejack and Pinkie approached after they found out…”

She sighed heavily, laying a hand over mine. “I know what you’re thinking. Nothing good could ever come from that, Max.”

“It’d make me feel better. Even if it was only for a few minutes, it’d be worth it right now.”

We both glanced at the cast that encased my left arm and dominant hand. Moving was troublesome to say the least, but I never used my left arm after the first three times I’d passed out after trying to do stuff with it. At the very least, my leg and ribs were in better shape, allowing me to be more mobile. God bless magical doctors. “As I’ve said, you’re not staying in Ponyville with that mindset. I will not allow you to throw your progress away, so you’re coming to Canterlot with me for the time being to heal and… Maybe develop our relationship a touch?”

I blinked at her expectant look. “... You- Celestia, you’re a Princess… Aren’t there some kinds of laws or traditions that you have to keep in mind?”

Apprehension was on her face, but it didn't seem quite right. “I used to take consorts from time to time before my sister was sent away. It has been many years since then and I would like to take the mindful, stoic, kind stallion I know as my first of the common era.”

“... It’s an honor, but what about your sister? What if she hates me?”

“Luna can suck a hoof. You have the rest of today to make a list of what you need from your home; You’re still coming to Canterlot, regardless...” She seemed disappointed.

Hey, I’m looking forward to it, sweet-cheeks. “So… We’ll be able to flirt and see more sights than what tiny little Ponyville has to offer?”

She cracked a little smile, her brow furrowing. “In Canterlot, we’ll be able to largely do as we please as I ensure your recovery. I could probably fix your arm after a few weeks if we go slowly. Lupa will be coming with you of course; We can’t have her scaring the medical staff any longer, nor terrorizing poor Winona any further. The poor pup will barely go out of the house to potty.”

“Winona.”

“Applejack’s dog. Big Macintosh had to stop Lupa from attacking her. Macintosh is now very afraid of Lupa.” I smiled and she frowned. “That’s not funny.”

“He threatened to fuck me up too. It’s great!”

She rolled her eyes. “Get your list together-”

“You just want me in Canterlot to look at my ass, don’t you? You’re such a Cougar, Celestia,” I replied sarcastically. I was already reaching for the journal I’d been given by Twilight when Celestia floated them to me. Already being resigned to going to Canterlot meant that it wasn’t going to feel like being ripped away from my house, and having Lupa there with me would be quite the boon.

Celestia rolled her eyes again at my shenanigans, giving me a warm smile. “Of course. You have quite the muscular bottom, and your butter-sharp wit is a plus”

“I’ll have you know my wit is at least as sharp as Jurassic cheddar!”

“Yes, yes, you are quite cheesy.” She grinned like she was a Demon that had just tricked me. “Gather your things; we leave at seven”

It was about three, so I had plenty of time to do my errands. I took my time because I felt like it and my leg and ribs still hurt from the half-assed healing, but I was still going close enough to my normal gait despite the jarring pain that flared from time to time. Yes, I was pushing myself when I had five hours to do what I needed to, but I never did like sitting still and the only reason I’d been let out of the hospital was to get my affairs in order. They never let me do much other than physical rehab while I was there, and they also wouldn’t let me drink. Apparently I’d been having withdrawal symptoms and they’d assumed I was on salt, so they kept feeding me water. It wasn’t until the second week of my stay when I almost got a shot of pure ethanol down my gullet when they realized what it really was. There weren’t many alcoholics in Equestria, but they had a cure-all the same and I’d been feeling… A little off, I guess, but sober wasn’t the word for it. I might have gone further into the town for my stash of cash, and I may or may not have gotten a fifth of bourbon.

Oh, shut up, I only drank a quarter of it… In one go. That’s better than what I used to do! Get off my fucking back… Book? Well, I hope no one’s reading this other than me. If someone does get their hands on this… I’m gonna fuck you up. If you’re not me and you’re reading this, you might want to kill yourself before I get ahold of. I’m actually watching you right now. Having fun…?

Knife in the ribs!

Dumb bullshit aside, it wasn’t as if the Treebrary was terribly far from the hospital or the liquor shop, but the liquor was more important to me at the moment. I might have downed a shot when the Treebrary came into view, though, so I was feeling a little heavy of heart about talking to Twilight. I didn't want to tell her about me and Celestia yet, but I also didn’t really want to give up on charming her for my own… I only spent about fifteen minutes on my walk. Upon arrival at the Treebrary, I had just laid a hand on the doorknob when suddenly there was door. For the umpteenth time, I staggered back from getting hit, but this time, I was winded and in immense pain.

So much for that leisurely stroll I was hoping for.

“Oh buck, Sorr- Max?” Came Rainbow’s tomboyish rasp.

“Pain. Arm. Dying.” I gasped out through the tears threatening to burst from my eyes.

“Oh yeah, AJ broke that pretty bad, didn’t she? I’d feel worse, but you cracked a few teeth, you buckhead. Colgate’s creepy as crap.”

“Fuck you,” A gasp, “Banter later.”

When I got my breath back, Rainbow escorted me inside where I sat and talked to her and Twilight, relaying the entire story to them without interruption. Pinkie and Fluttershy had already given them most of the details and they’d been there when Applejack explained at her place, but my half filled in some key details that were mainly insight as to why I was so mad about the ordeal. Once I finished, I was gently hugged by Twilight and received a brofist from Rainbow, both promising to not judge me for my past life. However, Rainbow took the time to explain that her Mom was from a bad part of Equestria and had been kidnapped by a pair of hookers. I didn’t give a shit. I just glared at her until she apologized, then glared some more until she said she was sorry for the door thing and trying to pick the fight all over again.

I was… touched, I guess, Twilight’s reaction to the bits that I’d told Applejack and Pinkie. She didn’t look at me with pity… It was… It was pure respect and admiration. I didn’t know how to take that, but then I was told that Onyx Lock had fired the fuck out of me for missing so much work, though the position would be open to me once I’d healed up. Honestly, I couldn't even be that mad at Rainbitch since she was, like, truly sorry for starting everything. She offered to help me out for the next couple of weeks with whatever I needed until I said that I was going to be ‘relocated’ to Canterlot. Twilight seemed a little sad but accepted that I was going to go get healed and I… I didn’t have the heart to tell her that our bond was going to go to waste… Cowardly, yeah, but when it doesn’t come to fucking someone up or stealing something, I can be a puss. Get off me, faggot. I really just didn’t want to let her down at all, so I thanked Twilight for coming to see me while I was down and made her blush a time or two. It was nice.

I left after a few sips of tea and was followed back to my home by none other than Lupa and Foxy the fox, both trotting on each side of me like an honor guard of the furry variety. Nothing eventful happened on the way to my house where I gathered my miscellaneous shit. Foxy waited outside to continue his escort which made me smile, but Lupa came inside to help me grab a bag of clothes that I couldn't really carry too well… What else have I forgotten since I’ve left this bitch unattended for so long?

Oh, there was a dentist who did hospital visits, so my jacked up teeth were looking alright. She’d said something about not being able to get them all the way straight and made a comment about me being gay simultaneously, so that was memorable. And the fact that she- She was Colgate! I knew she was a creepy bitch! And now that I know people agree with me, I plan on telling Celestia that she felt me up while messing with my English Trademark. Although the day had been nothing but bright and full of good things, for the most part, I couldn’t help but feel like there was a dark cloud looming over me on my way back to Celestia.