As I’m writing this, I can’t help but feel like I could have done something to make the past couple of days go by smoother. There were actually a lot of things that I can think of now, like being more respectful, being generally less argumentative, and being more willing to take bullshit. However, that’s not how I roll and I refuse to deal with crap I don’t have to. Regardless, a fellow has to deal with the hand he’s dealt, and I was still holding some cards. Luna might despise me, but that’s both her fault and partially my own. 'Tis the life of a criminal, even as they try to reform, though I guess you could say that about anyone… I’m way the fuck ahead of myself. Haven’t started off an entry this shittily in a while. Well, let’s start from the beginning.

  Before I start complaining about my luck, I’d like to record my impression my first encounters with the people in Canterlot. They start after Celestia teleported us into the cesspool of nobility that is the Equestrian Capital, and when I say cesspool, I mean I fucking hate them all. Any of the nobles I’ve ever run into while by myself have been arseholes to the fucking Nth degree. Celestia left me to my own devices most of the time, but on the rare occasion I was hurting too bad to walk around or was in between heavy doses of magical healing and the mundane shit, I usually sat with her in court low on one of the steps of her dais and observed. You know what I learned, me? We learned that Equestrian nobles are do-nothing bitchfests. The only one I’d even come close to having the slightest amount of respect for was this one mare with a grey coat and a purple and white striped mane. She reminded me a lot of Twilight Sparkle and was even called Twilight Helmet or something like that. It could’ve been Velvet… Or Vellocet. I forget where I heard that one from, but I might have a movie on the mind.

Anyway, the older, Milfy version of Twilight wanted some research grants for something complicated and magic-related, so when she and Celestia started discussing it, I paid more attention to Celestia than her. The Princess seemed really interested and actually appeared to love talking about the subject, so I liked the other Twilight plenty. However, the only other one I even slightly liked was a guy who joined Celestia for a lunch I hadn’t been allowed to go to, and I think his name was Fancy Trousers or maybe it was Pretty Trousers…? Fuck, I really didn’t care enough to know. Either way, I do know that Celestia wasn’t annoyed with him at any point, he was courteous the entire time, and that he treated me with at least a decent amount of respect. We’d only met since I was I’d finished my third walk around the castle grounds and was coming to find out that I wasn’t allowed into the Dining Hall only to meet him as he was on his way out. Celestia’s smile when she saw him off was genuine, and he’d wished me a good day after a quick talk about what I did around the castle with a broken arm. After I told him I was there for healing and kept my relationship with Celly quiet (As per her request), he really didn’t treat me like I was… Anything, honestly. He just talked to me and shook my hand, though we didn’t exchange names.

As I familiarized myself with the castle Staff, I realized that a lot of those bastards were polar as shit. For example, most of the night staff? Ice cold levels of straight chill. I found myself waking up later and later by the end of my first week just to get to know more of the night staff. On the same vein, the day staff? Pretentious. Racist. Cunts. A lot of them wouldn’t talk to me or wave back, just turning their nose up at me or giving me that look preppy twats give to chavs just for being a little less fortunate. Honestly, I ended up cursing out three day-staffers who thought they could be rude to me before Celestia told me to leave them alone. She evidently had an announcement made within the time I’d been there for the guards to stop… Stopping me. Seriously; Fuck all day staff.

To familiarize myself with the layout of the castle and get acquainted with my temporary home, I took regular walks. Unfortunately, I’d had no time nor the inclination to go into the city itself, but with my left arm still heavily damaged, I didn't feel terribly safe going into an unknown place without being ready for trouble anyway. By the time the sun had set on the current day, I had an adequate mental map of the place and was on my way to meet Celestia and her sister, Luna, for dinner/breakfast. Celestia had previously eaten with me in a side room briefly during the mealtimes, but always went back to her sister before we were ever halfway done. We never got that far into meals because we talked a lot, which… I really like Celestia, she’s so… Down to earth, I guess. So relatable it kinda makes no sense. We seem to think a lot alike and if that’s the case, then I was sure that we would end up in the same bed by the time a second Equestrian month passed.

Speaking of things relevant to time, I found it peculiar that they had such a system for ruling the country seeing as how it’s based on the day/night cycle that’s actually twenty-six hours long. With the extra hours both being in the day time in any given season, Celestia would no doubt take the brunt of any political issues and Luna would have little to do throughout the relatively calm nights. My time in Ponyville had shown me that crime was rare enough, and that malicious crime was even more so, but I digress. There was next to nothing that ever happened at night, and the one time I’d even bothered to go see Luna, I dressed up in the nicest clothes Rarity had given me and went to talk to her. Celestia let anyone come to her with anything and it showed with the usual people that walked into Day Court. After filling out a shitton of paperwork to get into Night Court, I came to Luna with a matter of the heart. It went poorly. She basically told me to shut up and get out before I was even done with saying anything, and then she told her Steward to see me out of the castle.

The conversation with the Steward was actually kinda nice. His name was Alfredo Foray and he was hella hilarious. He asked if I’d been talking about loving Luna since I’d mentioned falling for a woman who’s station was so far above mine that it was hopeless, but I told him that it was actually Celestia and he started cracking jokes about her and some day staff when I told him that we were actually in the beginning stages of courtship. We bonded over knowing exactly what the other was talking about, and he took the time to introduce me to a couple of the day-shifters that had stayed over for one reason or another. There was one maid, Heart Velour, who was scared of me from having seen one of my interactions with someone. Alfredo gave me a look and asked her what had happened, but I explained in her stead and she agreed with my summary. I don’t really remember what was said, but Heart Velour was cool and chilled out, so that was nice.

Getting back to my day, Celestia asked me to join her and Luna at breakfast/dinner for once, but I had been up all night and only went back to my room to… Uh… Study stuff. Yeah, I was fapping through pages of this really in- I fucking wrote fapping. I literally wrote fapping. Fuck. I write in ink, it’s not going anywhere… Whatever. The Royal Dining Room was easy to find seeing as how I’d ended up there three or four times during my first few strolls about the premises. I was barred entry every time by the standing guards, but the night guards were cool about it. However, at first I thought it was a servant's lunchroom or something of the like because of its spartan, smallish door. I was quickly corrected by a guard the first time I tried just walking straight in and was frog-marched away the other times I wound up there. The marching was unnecessary and I didn’t see how it mattered in any way if no one was in there, but I guess a job worth having is a job worth doing. Not that I'd ever technically had a job worth having other than The Lock Pad, which I still wanted to go back to… There was also the time I tried being a sous chef with my bogus culinary degree, but that’s a complicated story that almost got me arrested.

This time there were still silent, armored statues waiting to bar my entry. However, there was a dapper looking servant who opened the door for me. I nodded to him, glared at the guards, and stepped inside, giving a small smile and a wave to Celestia. I also waved at the midnight blue mare who was Luna. My reception was a bright smile and a scowl from both mares. Three guesses as to who delivered what, and the first two don’t count.

Don’t misunderstand, while Celestia’s warm smile just enhanced her Cougar-y goodness, Luna’s sub-zero scowl gave the impression of an untouchable yet beautiful ice queen. I’d seen her before with the same expression, and at that point I’d been able to tell that she was definitely more reasonably proportioned than her sister. With breasts somewhere between Twilight’s and Applejack’s, they were nice to observe and never touch, much like a statue in a gallery. Honestly, one could say she rivaled her sister in her own way, but the vibe of… Well, the general hostility coming from her was awfully off-putting. It didn't help that if she wasn't glaring at her food, she was actively looking down on me with plenty behind the glares. I knew disdain and hatred on sight; it'd saved my life more than once, after all. Luna wore both with little to no other emotion or adulterant to be noticed on her face or in her body language.

“Max! I see you’re finding your way about the castle easily enough. I was just about to send for you. Allow me to introduce you to my sister, Luna.” She gestured toward her. “Sorry we started without you, but this has always been our time to chat,” Celestia gave me an apologetic smile and I waved her acquisition aside with my good hand.

“It’s fine, Celestia. I imagine I’d like to speak with someone my age if I were an immortal ruler.” I sat and relaxed, pouring myself a cuppa and nabbing a scone before turning to the dour-faced Luna.

She glared at me with narrowed eyes. “... We knoweth thee…”

“Do you?” I asked pleasantly.

“... Yes, Thou art-” It dawned on her. “Thou art the foal! The foal from Night Court!”

Celestia’s apprehensive looked became pure disappointment as I shrugged. “I wanted to know what you were like. Thanks for trying to throw me out of the castle.”

“Luna!” She groaned.

“He was being annoying!”

“I was asking you for your advice.” I stated plainly.

“If we had known it was our sister you were lusting after, we would have saved ourselves the trouble of this meeting,” she snarled

“Sister, you swore you would give him a chance.” Celestia admonished firmly. “You still haven’t.” Luna rolled her eyes as soon as she finished speaking and silence came weighing heavily.

“So, Princess, how was Night Court?” I asked, trying to get the tone of the conversation less… Shitty.

“It was and will always be as tedious. Especially if foals waste my time.” Luna replied with a splash of the aforementioned disdain.

Be nice. You’re trying to shag her sister. “I’m sorry to hear that Princess, but-”

“Do not offer us pity, ape. And do not presume to speak with us as thou see fit!” Luna hissed at me. Well that was rude and rather uncalled for.

I can be a dick too. “I’ve heard little about you. I didn’t even know there were two Princesses until Celestia told me that she had a sister. The populace either fears or hates you,” I said blandly as Celestia pinched the bridge of her nose while Luna’s scowl deepened, her glare intensifying. “I don’t know why, and I don’t particularly want to know. Just know that I am a foalish man who frankly doesn’t give a fuck about you. Politeness and respect work both ways," I replied evenly, shoving the conversation elsewhere.

“Then for what purpose wouldst thou bring up such a matter in the present if thou carest not? Dost thou simply believe that to reopen wounds, old and new, is to be… Poignant, perhaps?

“No, I want you to understand I don’t fuck with cunts.” I answered levelly.

“It would most certainly seem that you require far more work on both respect and politeness, curr.” Luna spat. “And thou wouldst do well to remember thine place.”

Celestia was looked as if she was about to say something before I spoke. “My point is that neither of us show a fuckin’ rat’s tail of respect unless it’s given. I tried; you spat on it. Don’t expect more when you’re a being cunt, you cunt.” I’m gonna get myself killed. I really am. Probably gonna die, but I’m also not putting up with this shite.

I need to learn to shut the fuck up. Luna’s navy blue eyes flared with anger, and I knew that I done goofed. “Thou… thou hast no sense of thine station or intelligence, plebian. Test me. Continue to do so. A petty thief does not insult Royalty! We... We have never been so-”

“Luna.” Celestia all but whispered. Luna calmed visibly, but still seemed quite furious. I, however, sat there with the exact same expression, though my eardrums rang from the sheer volume of Luna’s diatribe. “We do not shout at our friends, we do not insult our friends, and we most certainly do not burn bridges with friends before they’ve even been built.” Celestia spoke calmly. I could almost feel the torrid heat radiating from her and the frigidity emanating from the other side of the table. It didn't strike me as terribly wise to remain in such a position for much longer.

Luna seethed and I lightly fingered my dirk, held in my lap. It felt like a Mexican standoff between a lioness, a tigress, and a crippled terrier, though I suppose that would be my fault. "It's disappointing that we already have to wipe the slate clean, but if you're willing-" I started.

"Another time, Max. Let's just eat." Celestia sighed.

All in all, the food was good and the ‘scenery’ was nice. Luna may have been an unwarrantedly angry twat, but she was still quite the piece of eye candy if I do say so myself. There may or may not have been a crush developed, but her attitude willed my willy to stay down. My main complaint was that Miss Moon Moon was such a foil in almost every regard to her reasonable, respectable sister that it almost made me feel sorry for her. One can only imagine the friends you get acting like that, if any at all. Her archaic fashion-sense and colloquialisms definitely didn't do her many favors, especially since it felt like she was a blue, equine version of Bloody Mary. With a fuckin sexy voice. Yes, I thought she was hot. Yes, I would’ve kissed rings on her fingers if she’d been nice about it, but no. I was not willing to put up with her being a fuckin’ cunt.

The morning continued with breakfast and ended with Celestia casting some pretty heavy healing magic on my arm that started getting a few of the smaller shards of bone together. Needless to say, I wasn't conscious for any of it seeing as how the break was bad enough that I would've lost my arm if there was no magic in Equestria. Just writing about it... I can't help but think what would've happened had I never came here in the first place, not that I had a choice. An injury like this probably couldn't have been patched up. Full-stop.

Even if I did have the scratch to cover the costs, it would’ve been a long, slow, painful rehab to even get half the use back from my dominant arm. Hell, if I’d been lucky, someone would’ve just put me out of my misery quick and easy without rolling me for what I was worth. What good is a thief with one hand? I couldn't pick locks, I’d be easy to notice and hard to forget, and I’d have an obvious weakness at that. Even if I was more popular with some of the underground circuits, I'd still be marked as an easy target as soon as I hit the streets. Kaid Gadai didn’t have the names to back him besides Savage, and Savage only paid out if you made him real bank. I was his gofer; I was the guy who got the worthwhile shit people tried to hide during a real smash’n’grind. If someone didn't put me down for the sake of mercy before I healed up, I'd still be dead within the week because of the harshness of Wiltshire’s underbelly and the necessity to get supplies.

I’d given it a lot of thought while I was in the hospital and the only positive path I saw in Wiltshire was to go straight and move into a good part of the county. It was unlikely, especially for a cripple.

The absolute best road I could’ve been walking was the one I happened to be on. If I’d stayed in England, my arse would have been used up or too injured to continue, getting me a permanent home face down in some gutter or shallow grave. But here? Here in Equestria, with the people around as friendly, forgiving, and generous as they are? I could’ve still made a life here even if I was next to useless. On a nicer note, I could see where I could settle down and do some honest work, or maybe even learn how to do more shit with my right hand. If my left arm wasn’t going to be fixed, that is. Even though starting a blooded family might be out, I could still adopt and be… Happy… I could still have a family, a kind of peace, or something as close to it as someone like me deserves. However as I sit at a desk provided for me in the frankly all-too posh castle lodgings… my eyes water and my heart feels heavy. I know that before I can start a new life, I need to shed the pain I’ve carried for years, to reach some kind of catharsis so I can well and truly start again without the weight of my past dragging me down. My day has been alright and most of my days here in the castle have been good, but tomorrow?

Tomorrow, I tell Celestia about Maxwell. I tell her about Slim John. I tell her about Babs… As little as I want to do it, I need to get it off my chest…

How… How do you… How am I… Am I really going to tell Celestia that Babs… She… How do I tell her that I...

God, it’s even hard to right down… But Celestia’s proven that she’s worth it… I just don’t know what way would be… adequate, to tell her that my own Mum made me…

I’ll face it tomorrow. Give myself some time to get ready. This is it for now.

The next day I woke up after the usual recurring nightmares except that the severity was far worse than usual. As much as I tried to 'break' the dream and wake up, I simply couldn't. The dead and gone of my past (Namely my Dad, John, and Maxwell) kept trapping me in my own subconscious, throwing emotional trauma from years ago. I was torturing myself over my choices in life without meaning to in the slightest. It was almost as if my subconscious was trying to dredge up every negative memory I had concerning myself and my choices. Dawn had barely broken and I was already exhausted, but that was just a speedbump. The real challenge in my morning was finding the motivation to get out of bed, my talk with Celestia weighing on the backburners heavily enough to bend the grates over the flames. I somehow managed to get the required energy and use it for some mild exercise, but I was honestly ready to defenestrate myself to avoid talking about my problems.

I shaved in the shower which was not a good idea. It was like Tommy Wiseau's career as an actor; Something that was funny to watch, but awful to actually try and go through. He did not hit it big. He did not... Why do I feel claustrophobic right now? Maybe I need some Room. Ba dum- Fuck it. Anyway, I headed to breakfast feeling slightly better and thought about the conversation I was going to have with Celestia. I considered weaving it into a fine 'how-do-you-do?', but settled on just asking her for a word. Of course by now, I should’ve realized that nothing ever goes as expected. Just two halls away from the Royal Dining Room, I came face to face with some snooty looking tosser with a ridiculously kempt, superman-esque hairdo. Upon greeting the scum, he promptly informed me that his stature forbade me from speaking to him, as ponies were superior beings, and that his name was Blueblood. Prince Blueblood to be exact. To my memory, he was still pissing himself (metaphorically) over a little loogie on his leg when I arrived at the dining room. I peeked in and saw Celestia sipping either juice or wine, though Luna was nowhere to be found.

“Morning, Celestia. Did you sleep well?” I inquired

“Never use machines to do a stallions job, Max. I suppose you’ll never have the issue, though.” Celestia muttered back, her face not visible to me.

I sat down, looking across the table toward Celestia. The bags under her eyes contrasted her brilliant white coat like watered-down ink on snow. “And you should never try a task for one hand that could be done with no hands at all.” She chuckled at that, giving me a friendly, happier smile despite her apparent exhaustion. Getting off wasn’t the only thing on her mind. “Are you alright, Cels? I offer half-off hugs if you want one before I annihilate breakfast.”

Celestia gazed at me for a moment like she was sizing up prey. A vexing circumstance when dealing with an herbivore. “Amusing, but you won’t be able to say that soon, so get it out of your system. I swear, you have a kind of humor fit for a clumsy jester at times and jokes akin to a cup of black coffee at others.”

“And you have a sense of humor that’s more flavorful than spotted dick.”

Celestia looked at me like I was crazy, and I gave her a cheeky grin. “I don’t know what you mean exactly, but I’ll take it as a compliment,” She replied, looking a bit more lively.

“If you wanted a compliment, I assure you I can do better than that, love,” I flirted shamelessly. My food was piled on my plate, being pecked at by me and myself mostly.

“Oh? Do you think you can?” Bitch, I've been aiming out of my league since I turned sixteen. Wait... I really hope she can't read minds. Sounds lame as fuck.

“Of course!” I rose and sashayed over to her, going for the gold as I goofed it up. She giggled and watched with no small amount of mirth as I used the full range of my newly begotten mobility. My ribs were still bound and I was still being somewhat careful as I took her hand, kissed it lightly and looked her in her magenta eyes. Amusement gleamed in their depths with few traces of her former exhaustion. “My dear Celestia,” I paused for dramatic effect, and to modify some of my favorite compliments to fit a Pony, “Your eyes gleam like the purest morganite, your fair, creamy, snowy coat glistens in the sun as if the light were dancing across an open field of freshly laden mana from the sky! Your grace is nearly palpable in every minute move you make, with such careful, nearly effortless elegance in every carefully crafted moment of poetry in motion. Your mane is that of gossamer threads, of silk and satin in the pinnacle of their beings. Your lips, luscious and lustrous with the sheen of your needlessly applied makeup seeming ever-so kissable, so delectable, so tempting. Not to mention your sheer, unfiltered, unabashed beauty and the blessing that it is for those with sight! Your allure,” my innocent grin turned to a devious smile, “is only amplified exponentially with every cup size and every sway of that positively sinful posterior you tote around.”

Surprisingly, Celestia didn’t even blush at my naughty compliments, though I think I was more surprised when she stood and carefully held my face in her hand. I had plenty of time to prepare as she entreated me to a gentle, delicate kiss that made my knees wobble and my mind turn to static. Here I was, kissing a Princess in her own castle! Me! Of all people, I figured I had one of the worst shots, but life is strange like that. She held me in place for what seemed like a lifetime, but all I could do was place a hand on her arm and kiss back for all I was worth. There was more time down the road for an eager, passionate snogging; the first real kiss I shared with Celestia was something I wanted to last, to enjoy for as long as the moment would allow me. I may have forgotten to breath at some point when she started getting more into it, but she broke the kiss before we could be interrupted or something of the sort. Celestia caught my arms to keep me from falling as I tilted, dizzy from straight up not breathing. My eyes blurred to refocus on hers, a kind, dare I say loving smile greeting me once I could see straight. The concern in her eyes seemed to alleviate itself as I beamed at her, not really knowing what to say.

“You really are quite the charmer, but I hope you haven’t gotten your hopes too high just yet,” she quipped, still smiling

“I’m just wondering if we’re going to be doing more kissing anytime soon. I could definitely get used to that,” I rasped in return.

Granted, I was never much of a ladies man in the first place, but I’d never gotten a kiss like that. Ever. Even if I had kissed a few dozen gals in my life, most of the kisses had tasted like alcohol with no other feeling accompanying the awful smell of chick-drinks. The Princess, however, felt like kissing a wall-socket on low voltage and smelled like vanilla birthday cake. If Celestia wanted to do that again, she’d hear no complaints from me. Hell, I'd probably try to initiate one or two more in private, and speaking of…

The Daylight Damsel patted my cheek, but in a way that was more familiar than condescending before she levitated a napkin and wiped my lips for me. A smear of red came off. “It could be an activity we partake in more often, though we should likely do it elsewhere, I believe the eyeful my staff has just received will likely circulate throughout the castle posthaste.”

Surely enough, I looked around to see various Ponies quickly turn away after our little moment of passion and a slight blush crossed my face. It wasn’t that I was terribly embarrassed. No, just the opposite. A few ponies just witnessed some of the best luck I’d had in my entire life and the pride I felt made itself evident upon my face. Celestia smirked at me and returned to her seat, gesturing for me to do the same, so I did. It was a pleasant breakfast, considering the blue cunt's absence. She finished up breakfast and some of the castle staff cleared the tables, save the plate I’d barely gotten to touch. Celestia moved to leave the room before I caught her.

“Celestia, might we have a word sometime?” I asked tentatively.

“I have a moment before Day Court starts. What do you need?” she replied kindly

“It’ll take more than a moment, and I’d prefer it with some privacy. Something’s been weighing on me for years now…” Piece by piece, mate. Just give her the biggest shard and it’ll be easier. “It’s… It’s a story I have to tell. I think I trust you enough to tell it to you if you have the inclination to do a little listening."

Celestia easy smile faded as she took my right hand. Her look of mild lust and airy merriness had been replaced by a picture-perfect depiction of worry and concern. She waved her staff out of the room, and once it was cleared, we sat down. “You’ll have my confidentiality, and if you trust me enough to tell your story, then you’ll know I won’t betray you.”

Alright… Tell her about Maxwell. “Then let get me to the biggest piece. Please hold your questions until the end, I’m kind of going panic mode right now." I took a deep breath to put a kibosh on said mode. "First things first, my name… Well, I’ve gone by Max in the past, but my actual name isn’t nor has it ever been Max. My name is Kaid Gadai. I chose to give the gals in Ponyville my brother’s name because names hold a lot of power in England, despite not having Magic. It might get you arrested some days, might save your life. I borrowed my oldest friend’s name, just changing it a little to give it some flair; make it more personal and not just straight up steal his real name... His name was Maxwell, but I go by Maximus. It means 'the greatest' or something like it, if you'll forgive the arrogance behind the choice.” I paused to cast a quick glance at Celestia who didn't seem terribly surprised. I voiced my observation.

“It’s not uncommon for thieves to go by pseudonyms, I thought that Max was one of a few aliases you may go by, and you are just a little great," Celestia responded, holding onto my hand.

I couldn’t help but chuckle at that. “Thanks. To explain, once my… Once Babs, my Mum, 'passed away’, I lost hope, my reason to keep going. I met a man named Slim John who taught me how to live on the streets and he eventually… His past caught up to him, but he’s the reason I made it past fourteen. I spent a year alone and met Maxwell during a job. We’d both been assigned to the same job by some jackass who thought neither of us had the skill to carry it out. As it was, we battled towards the drop point, stealing the whatever-the-fuck we were hired to grab from each other as we made our way towards the employer. We didn’t know we could’ve worked together at the time and we rolled the ever-loving shite out of each other. It wasn’t funny at the time, but he hit me so I hard I was pissing blood for a week and I ended up hitting him with a big piece of wood.” She stared openly, trying not to smile as I grinned to myself. “It turned out that both of us appreciated a good challenge and by the time we got to the drop point, we’d agreed to split the pay.”

“How noble. I suppose there is a bit of honor amongst thieves, though I'd love to discuss your feelings about your mother sometime… You seem to despise her..."

"Soon, I promise. Moving on from her dead arse... Uh... Oh yeah! Only like-minded guys think on the same vein, and Maxwell was similar to me in a lot of ways. Ride-or-die, top-sausage, Big PP Energy type fella. After that, we took our jobs together as the indefatigable duo, shadows of the night. We eventually became known as the ‘Midnight Strollers’ in the underground and it was a well-warranted nick seeing as how as we basically strolled through Wiltshire and the surrounding counties and took what we wanted almost whenever we wanted. Things went well for a couple of years, give or take a month or two. We had enough to keep us happy and each other to make our pasts hurt less. We fought like brothers, ate like brothers and we were… Alright. We had a real house we stayed in, food in our stomachs, somewhere warm to sleep... Before my sixteenth or seventeenth birthday, Max fell ill; some kind of advanced cancer. Probably from the copious amounts of fags he smoked-"

“What,” Celestia interrupted incredulously.

“Fags, smokes, stogies; cigarettes. Whatever you want to call them," I replied evenly.

“Just to be clear, we’re not talking about killing homosexual stallions, correct?” The fuck would make you think that?

“How- How would you get ill from killing people? I mean, besides being sick in the head.”

“So we’re not talking about killing ponies.”

“Uh, yeah, not talking about twinks, May I continue?” She gestured for me to go on. “... It took him a couple weeks after he started slimming down. Stopped eating. He didn’t… He didn’t make it. Max died after a short a short fight and they said that it was incurable.... It wasn't pretty, it was not quick, and I abandoned him in his last days..." I pursed my lips and clapped my hands, the drama of the moment dead and bloated. "See? Takes all the weight out of it when you interrupt someone in the wrong place.”

Celestia looked at me aghast, her concern turned to disbelief and eventually a deep sadness. She being who she was, I felt no need to explain that I couldn’t look at my brother while he slowly died, that I was a coward who couldn’t let his sickness damage the only happy memories I’d had in years. I imagined that she’d understood; Almost like she’d done the same thing. “I have no words for you Max, or should I call you Kaid?" I shook my head. "Max, then... Max, we both know that… Well, you know that it was the wrong thing to do, but I know you regret this from the bottom of your heart,” she sighed and rubbed her temples, taking time to conjugate another response. “You most certainly are different from Ponies, but I know there’s goodness in you, and this story, the way you told it... If there wasn’t, I doubt you would’ve told me all this in the first place. My opinion of you has yet to change in a drastic sense.”

“Well, I'd like to think that I'm already changing for the better in my own ways. I mean, we wouldn't be talking if it was me from a couple of years ago. I guarantee that you would've had to lock me up to stop me from going after Applejack." Her face spoke volumes of her disappointment, so I tried to soften the blow. "Well, either that or... Uh... Well, I'd prolly die, but if I didn't then I'd totally just avoid her unnecessarily strong arse."

"While I'm happy to hear the latter, the former worries me, Maximus."

"Well, I can't really help who I was. All I can do is keep trying to change who I am.

"That is a very fair point. Is there more you'd like to say on your brother's passing? Perhaps words meant for him that I could hear? It does help to speak your mind, especially when the words therein have been festering for years."

"... I..."

She smiled understandingly, which was just another reason for my heart to do funny things while looking at her. I did not consider it a good sign for my mental health. "Perhaps we could speak on your mother instead?"

My apprehension morphed into bitter angst. "Hm."

"Another touchy subject, I suppose?"

"... There's a lot of history between me and my egg-donor. None of it is worth re-hashing unless I'm talking about her dying." Just not the hand I had in it.

The understanding faded to mourning and befuddlement. "Max, I simply cannot understand what in the unspeakable name of The Creator would make a colt as funny, kindly, and... well, I really don't mean any offense when I say this, but 'sensitive' comes to mind. I just don't see how a stallion such as yourself has come to be so..." She trailed off, searching for the right word.

"Bitter? Jaded? Low-key evil?"

The anger on her face shocked me. "Now, you listen to me, Maximus," Celestia pointed a judicious finger at me, making my lungs freeze in motion. "You are not evil. Dark, maybe, but by no means evil. I have met evil, and I have defeated evil. I have met you and I feel no compulsion to defeat you, nor the repulsion I feel when I inhabit the same space as a truly evil being."

"... Right. So..."

She exhaled heavily, touching her lips with her middle and index finger. "I apologize. It... irks me when my very few and very valued... friends, lie to themselves. Especially if they believe their lies."

"I'm..." Thunderstruck? Dumbfounded? In love? All three. Definitely all three.

"There's no need for an apology, but if you would like to express remorse, perhaps your mother could be the next subject?"

Really stuck on that cunt, aren't ye? I snorted softly, not waiting for a response of any kind. "... She… She was abusive long before she died. Some of my earliest memories are of being beaten with whatever she had on hand. Usually a belt she kept on her person at all times for more than one reason. Sometimes I would get the strap, most times I got the buckle.” Celestia winced, concern growing on her face. “... Babs was… She was a horrible person, inside and out… My Dad worked his fingers to the bone to make ends meet, but Mum… Mum just beat him for whatever ‘mistake’ he made around her, and he used to hold me whenever it was over, which got him a beating. Anything that man did for me, he was made to suffer for.” I closed my eyes and rubbed them, feeling drained already. “... Babs killed my dad when I was ten or eleven and she stole me away to one of her mate’s places. There… There she had me be her runner; go pick up drugs and get the right amount or… Or she…” I squeezed my hands together, my throat closing up.

“Max… Did your mother... Did she hurt you worse than you’ve said?”

“... If I cried, she’d shoot me up with the junk she was on. Even if I didn’t, she made me smoke a cigarette like the shit that killed my brother… It got worse sometimes…”

“Max… Did she make you sell your body?”

I couldn’t answer that. I just nodded.

“... You… I do verily wish I could meet her. If anything then for the purpose of ripping her limb from limb myself.” Celestia growled, her knuckles popping as I refused to meet her gaze. Her hand found mine and I almost wanted to pull away, but I’m glad I didn’t. “It’s taken its toll on you. I know this much from the way you interact with ponies. I’m glad you chose to tell me, but I am deeply sad for the loss of your innocence, stolen as it was.”

“It’s… It’s in the past,” I whispered. Can we stop now…?

Celestia saw straight through my pain for what it really was. "... It must be taking its toll on you, having to lend your trust to so many souls so quickly, especially with your own mother being so untrustworthy."

I could trust her. I could trust her to let me down every time. "And for some odd reason, I don't feel like it's the wrong choice..."

"That may be due to the nature of my little Ponies." She seemed to be trying to lighten the situation. Her wings shuffled and her feathers rustled softy. "We Ponies are a very kind and very-"

"Punchy. Very punchy people."

"... You have bad luck?" Her obvious attempt at humor was so cute that I almost learned what diabetic shock was like. God, you’re almost as bad as Twilight!

"I do. That being said, how about I walk you to Day Court?" C'mon…

"Well, that sounds lovely, but I really only did have a moment my little Human. I’ll have to see you tonight.”

“Oi, I ain’t little! One hundred and seventy-five centimeters doesn’t strike me as little; you’re just too damn tall!”

“You’re still thin, and be that as it may I still have to go.” Celestia wrapped me in a tight, glorious hug and gave me a peck on the cheek before she left me to poke and pick at my plate.

After I’d poured my soul out to Celestia and had her respond, I felt… I felt a little better. I felt a little like I’d gotten the weight off of my chest, but I still needed to talk about Slim John and most of the shite that Babs had pulled, but I still felt better for it. I spent my day meandering about the castle once more, walking through the maze just outside of the castle once or twice (the patented right-hand right-wall trick saw me through when I got lost) and I visited the guards’ training ground. Now, I’ve little love for authority on a good day, but since these were effectively my favorite Princess’ people it was more interesting to watch them go about combat and drills. Well, that and I wasn’t on their bad side yet. My stroll took me the better part of the afternoon because cripple and though my bones were mostly healed, I was still in pain. However, that left me with a good chunk of the evening to do nothing with, so I began reading some choice literature. My finds included somethings that I’d already read about that, with context, kind of explained why Luna was so grating. It didn't make me feel bad for her in the slightest, but it did give me some insight.

After opting to skip the evening meal in lieu of continuing my literary endeavors (Not that I was avoiding anyone in particular), I brushed up further and delved deeper into Equestrian history, which oddly enough turned out to be eerily similar to some of the American history I’d read in my off time. Celestia’s true age kinda rang home once I realized that she’d been alive and prevalent through all of the book, and the few descriptions of her that there were basically nailed her mask perfectly. I was in the middle of glassily staring out into the ether when I heard a knock on my door. It ruined my debate on whether the ruler or the lover was the real Celestia, but I welcomed the interruption.

I called out as I made my way over, wondering who exactly would interrupt me in my wallowing and who would dare stop me from doing stupid things. My visitor turned out to be one of the castles butlers, who then offered to take me to Celestia’s private chamber. I couldn’t help but wonder if I was going to get to lay a Princess, but that would've been ludicrous. I'd only known Celestia for a couple of months at that point, and Luna didn't seem like she hated me enough to assassinate me yet so neither option was likely in my eyes.

Author's Notes:

And here's a few hours worth of work. In this chapter, most of the differences lie in the length and 'subtext' shall we say. A lot of the shit added was Max's daily dos and the shite in between his periodic idiocy, but I feel like it turned out better than the original.
Enjoy the extra 4k added to this shit. Goddamn, that's an entire early chapter just... Written into this shite. Yikes.

As Always, Stay Cool, Kids