As I’d written before I got distracted by the emotional roller-coaster I've been on since I came to the damn planet, I was in the process of my creep on while barely able to see outlines of the various Ponies in the darkness. I still didn’t really have a guess as to what was happening, but I also stopped worrying about it as much. If my new start was supposed to end there and then, then it was what it was. I couldn’t blame anyone other than myself for what was to happen, and even if I could blame someone else, it was my duty to face punishment as it came for once in my life. Unless it was an interesting take on an intervention for Twilight, I couldn’t imagine it would be for anyone other than me. I slipped past multiple Ponies, keeping my breath below audibility as I tried to find a familiar face- er, well, a familiar shape. I bumped into a few people who were further away from the windows or wearing dark clothing and eventually got grabbed by a smallish hand. I almost threw a punch until they spoke.

“Hey, dude! What’re you trying to do? You’re gonna ruin the surprise, he oughta be back any minute!” hissed none other than Rainbow Dash.

… Oh. Please don't tell me this is all for me... “Rainbow? Sorry, I was actually trying to find you or someone, I guess. Is it Spike’s birthday or something?” I asked softly yet hopefully, letting my voice lay below whispers. All I got in response was a loud groan.

She groaned. “Hey, everypony! The jigs up! Max is already in here!” Someone flicked the lights on and everyone joined Rainbow in standing. Most eyes were on me, making me feel quite nervous.

“... Surprise...?” I offered sheepishly. They… They threw a party for me...? I garnered some laughs at my expense, but I still felt rather bad; someone had gone through the trouble of planning this party and I’d gone and cocked it up royally.

My guilt hit hard and I was barely paying attention to anyone, looking down and trying to shrink into the floor… Shame… It’s not something I often feel. However, I didn’t get much of a chance to wallow. “Well Max, it would seem that you’re just full of surprises” Twilight stated dryly. “I would ask how you got in here, but-”

“How did you even get in here, anyway?” Pinkie asked with a sad look on her face. She had cheeks your old Auntie would love; pinchable and plump. “I made sure Twilight locked all the windows this time! I mean, welcome to Ponyville and all, but...”

I looked to Pinkie, then to Twilight. Uh... “... Sorry, ladies... So... Why did you lock all of the windows?”

Twilight looked at Pinkie and the little one just looked so sad. "So you couldn't peek inside..."

   “Oh... So... you got the windows, but not the door to the balcony?” They looked at each other and Twilight facepalmed. That was a bold-faced lie. You just lied to them for throwing you a party. Why not just…?

Pinkie made a face. "How did you even get up there!"

“Max says Humans were descended from a species of ape, so I really should have thought of that, but... Why would you even think you had to sneak in?” Twilight inquired, furrowing her brow a second later before shaking her head. “Wait…”

Change the topic! “I wasn’t sure what was going on. Force of habit kicked in and I looked for a different route in, just in case someone was in trouble.”

Twilight tilted her head and looked at me while Pinkie just bounced and smiled “At least you weren’t trying to avoid my party! Rainbow tried to do that once.” Pinkie’s manic smile turned dark. “Once.”

“... That’s nice Pinkie, but if you don’t mind, I think I’ll introduce Max to some new ponies.” Twilight excused us from the terror that was Pinkie Pie, though I found her dark side to be admirable; being bright and happy all the time was more worrisome than the Goth chavs that hung around Garland “So, Max...” Twilight started.

“Yes, Twilight?”

“Was the balcony door really unlocked?”

… Just confess. It makes you a bigger man than a flea. “... No…”

“... Why did you lie?”

I scratched the back of my head, unable to look her in the eye. “... I… It’s… It’s a bad habit I’m trying to break. I’m sorry, Twilight. For all of this…”

She laid a hand on my shoulder, an understanding smile on her face even if she still looked a little confused. “What made you go up to the balcony in the first place?”

“... The lights were off and I had a bad feeling about it. I… I don’t really like surprises or parties, so I guess I was kinda right... I’m still sorry for breaking in and ruining everything,” I admitted with a lump in my throat. “I wasn’t-”

“Max, I don’t know what your life used to be like, and I won’t even pretend to until you tell me,” she interrupted tenderly, “but I want you to accept something for me if you can.”

I looked at her, finally meeting her gaze. It was warm. Inviting. “... Yeah. Yeah, what is it?”

“You don’t have to be the same guy you were in England. I’m sorry, but… That part of your life might never come back.”

“... That part of my life defined who I am.

“Are your struggles the only things that define you?”

I gaped for a moment before shaking my head and giving her a look. “Shush, Pony-Girl. You’re too wise for my ears.”

She rolled her eyes. “Ponies aren’t usually bad judges of character.”

“Usually…?” I raised a brow.

“Applejack is the best mare I’ve ever met at picking out the bad ones. Celestia notwithstanding of course, but even then they both like you. Applejack left me with you. Alone. After you said perverted stuff-”

“Oi! You were getting pretty into it this morning!” I murmured to her.

Twilight blushed and rubbed her ear. “There’s… Probably a reason for that, but I’m being serious right now, Max.” Oh… I… I thought….

“Right. Applejack doesn’t think I’m awful.” I answered, not letting it show in my voice.

“And I think you’re a good guy. You’re just… Rough around the edges.” Her expression made the difference, but her words still hurt all the same.

I put a smile on because I didn’t want her to feel bad. Guess I’m a sucker for a cutie. “And you’re short and adorable.”

Purps giggled at that, her cheeks staying a little rosy. “... Do you remember promising your assistance earlier?” Fuck, I kinda forgot.

“Oh. I’m sorry, Twilight, but I was looking for a job and-”

“Don’t worry Max. I still need your help and it’s more on your time than mine. I mean, as soon as I heard that Pinkie stopped by yesterday I knew my... experiment,” Are you trying to fuck me? “was going to have to wait until after the party, so it’s no big deal.”

“Well, that works out, as all things tend to. Do you mind if I ask what this experiment is gonna test?” Twilight just grinned at me, leaving me to wonder what she had in store.

I really hoped it wasn’t sex, because someone put a drink in my hand and that drink? It did not last. My one meal a day thing had been continuing since I’d come to Ponyville and I was well on my way to getting hammered. Twilight ended up by my side for most of the party, not that I was complaining. The only thing that even slightly annoyed me was the heavy flow of ponies whose names I had little to no chance of remembering. However, I got to introduce Twilight to Onyx since his big pink arse had only kept me so late as a favour to Pinkie. I was a little upset, but not enough to even really touch the mood the party had built. Yeah, I was uncomfortable, yeah, I had to keep putting random things I accidentally stole from people down, but it was still good. Twilight caught me putting something down once and asked where I’d gotten it and at that point, I couldn’t have told her even if I wanted to. Shit just kept appearing in my hands and she even watched me take shit from time to time, her jaw dropping as I took a watch from someone, realized I had it, and gave it back once I saw that I’d taken it. Purps was lost, I was having fun, and the party didn’t seem to be dying down, much like my libido.

Fluttershy was still nervous around me when I saw her again which was unsurprising, but Twilight, Rainbow, Pinkie, Rarity, and Applejack herself all assured me that it was just ‘Flutters living up to her name’ whenever they saw me after I’d talked to her. Apparently Applejack had thought I was a little much for the yellow mare and I couldn’t help but agree. However, my desire to be nice to her outweighed my desire to ride or otherwise torture her, so nice I was. I even got her to do a shot of bourbon with me, so I considered it a victory for the day when she made the most adorable ‘ick-face’ I’d seen since Twilight and my coffee. However, once she got a few shots in her, Fluttershy loosened up a bit and we were able to hold a real conversation later into the party. It was a good time when I was able to talk with Fluttershy since she was the kind of gal that needed some liquid courage or time to get loosened up, but when I started telling her some of my happier stories, she responded in kind and I learned that she was basically a veterinarian. It was actually pretty cool

Something I learned quickly was that Pinkie was excellent at spiking foods and drinks. There was watermelon that had barely tasted like vodka, punch that could have passed at a child’s party and even jelly (I believe Americans call it jello) that hid the burn of alcohol well. Needless to say, many people were completely sloshed by the time they left, often supporting one another on their way out. Twilight and I chose to clean up and lessen our workload for the next day, though Twilight occasionally slurped a cube of jelly or a bite of watermelon. I doubted that she was in the right state of mind for any kind of experimentation, but I’d maintained a full cup through most of the party myself, so I had no room to talk. Neither of us were going to be prepared to make a mistake like we were going to, so I resolved to turn her down and ask when sober.

By the time we’d finished cleaning up, I’d forced Twilight to drink three or so large cups of water to mitigate the impending hangover. I, on the hand, drank six because sugar and alcohol don’t mix well and I’d had plenty of both. Unfortunately, this meant many trips to the bathroom for Twilight and a few trips to some bushes outside for me, but I can safely say I could still walk a straighter line than the dark-lavender unicorn. She was finishing off the last jelly shot when I came back from my latest expedition.

“Hey Twi, you good to do that experiment thing?” I slurred.

Twilight gave me a drunken smile in return and wobbled her way over to me. “Sure thing, Max. I have everything we need in the base-muh... Basemer... Uh... Basement! Yeah, downstairs!”

“What’s downstairs?”

“Muh lab~” She giggled for a few seconds, making my drunk mind well aware that I probably wasn’t going to be able to get it up for her.

It wasn’t that Twilight was unattractive. I’ve said the opposite plenty in past entries, but I just didn’t think I would be able to go through with the after-party without chucking. My stomach was a little unused to so much alcohol from almost a full week of sobriety, but I already knew that I wasn’t going downstairs with her when she mentioned it. It was mostly a matter of explaining it to Twilight, but that was a hard thing to do when I was in the mood. The prospect of turning down a healthy mistake between two adults became a lot easier to deal with when something hit me that I forgot about, though it was impactful all the same.

“Max~” Twilight called from across the library’s main area. “Are you ready to… Experi- Hic! Experime- Hic! Experiment~?

‘God, she’s so cute. I wanna cuddle her.’ “Why don’t we go upstairs? What’s downstairs?”

My drunken hostess meandered her way over to me, but when she almost fell over open ground, another part of me that didn’t… The part of me that I actually like shut down any interpersonal contact that wouldn’t be okay in public. It was harder to find her attractive when I knew we were both drunk. I didn’t want to take advantage of her and I doubly didn’t want to have a part in her giving away something that she should keep for when she was sure of it. Yes, I had prior consent, but no, I didn’t think she was in any position to give herself away in such a manner. Call me a gentleman or call me a bastard; Either way, I wasn’t going to lay Twilight.

“Aww… That’s so many stairs!” Twilight groaned.

“How many stairs are downstairs?”

She started counting on her fingers. “Te- Ten?”

“How many stairs upstairs?”

The consternation on her face abated as she wobbled off to the bathroom. I then sat on the couch, almost passed out, and was subsequently roused by Twilight. “Let’s go snuggle, Mister Monkey-Stallion!”

“Snuggles?”

“Snuggles!”

And I do remember getting some snuggles from Twilight. She stripped down to her skivvies and I lost my shirt, but kept my pants on when we joined in her bed. She’d needed two more bathroom breaks before she actually laid down for the night, but when she did, the Cuddle Creature was out in full effect. She tried burying her face into my chest for a while and that was nice. Then she wanted to hold me close to her and that was fuckin’ lovely. The last thing and the best thing I remembered was spooning Twilight with her moving my hands around from time to time. Apparently T\the ‘wood morning’ was back with a vengeance and she seemed to enjoy the feeling from what I could tell. That or she was a fussy sleeper. Either way, her soft snores eventually lulled me to sleep until there was a sharp gasp, a groan, and a sudden lack of warmth against my torso.

My eyes opened to see Twilight Sparkle looking at me with a headache and some shock on her face. “Hey there, cute-iful. I slept in your bed.” I rolled over.

“O-oh my Celestia… D-Did-Did we...?”

"No, we didn’t." I waved a hand. “Great snuggles though. Really fuckin’ great.”

Twilight took a massive breath and sighed heavily, laying back down. “... Um… Don't get mad but… Why are you in my bed?”

“We agreed on snuggles instead of sex. I didn’t want to take advantage of you.”

“But… You were drinking all night too… RighT?” She sounded kind of surprised.

I looked over my shoulder, seeing her florid blush. “I’m a functioning drunk. I think you might just be an alcoholic, no offense meant.”

“Al-Alcholic…? What… What does that mean?”

I sniffed and rolled out of bed, stretching as I did. “... Oi, when’s the last time you had a drink? Before the party?”

“Um… There was the time with you and Celestia, but… I don’t really drink often…”

“Then why have you been smelling like-” I looked back, clambered back onto the bed and took a whiff of her.

“Uh…”

“You still smell like wine. It’s a little stronger if… Anything.” I tilted my head and backed off, rubbing my chin. “... You didn’t have any wine last night…”

“It wasn’t really a wine party...” She trailed off quietly.

“Then why do you smell like wine?”

“Why do you smell like cherrywood?” Twilight asked in turn, getting a little defensive.

“... What?”

“You always smell like cherrywood…” She sat up, bringing the covers with her.

“... Huh. You know, I think Celestia smelled like vanilla when I got a hug from her…” I tapped my chin. “I think we have signature scents. At least when it comes to the aliens in our lives.”

“Oh. That’s pretty interesting.” She perked up and almost let the blanket fall.

I looked away, glancing around for my shirt. “Careful, don’t let me see anything you don’t want shown.”

“Th-Thanks…”

“Can you see my shirt? It’s kinda drafty in here.”

“Oh, it’s on the nightstand.”

I put a hand against my eye and looked before grabbing it, turning again, and putting it on. “Thanks, love. I’ll-”

“Max?”

“Yeah?”

“... What are all those lines on your… chest?”

I looked down, seeing a couple cuts and gouges, a slit here and there as well as a gash or two that had long since healed. “... Bad memories of a place I didn’t want to be.”

“... Are they scars?”

“Yeah. Are you a virgin?”

I looked back to see her hiding under the blanket, her eyes barely visible. “... Well, you see…”

“Yup, virgin.” It wasn’t really a question. The blush she wore from her cheeks to her forehead was all the answer I would have needed anyway.

“W-what? O-of course not! I-I’m over twenty! How could-”

“You don’t have to lie, Twilight. You act like I’d judge you for remaining pure.” I’ll never understand why so many virgins are so eager to give that away.

“Just… Can you not tell anypony? It’s.. It’s kind of embarrassing to be the only one who hasn’t been with a stallion.”

“What about Fluttershy? Or Pinkie for that matter”

She pulled the blanket down a bit. “...I’m not sure, but… Probably.” Twilight cracked a little smile that faded all too quickly for my tastes. “... Are you sure we didn’t do anything?” Her eyes were asking me a different question.

“We snuggled and that was it, but I won’t lie and say my hands didn’t wander a bit. Above the waist, mind you.”

“We… We didn’t kiss or anything?” Her eyes flicked downward from time to time, not quite meeting mine from time to time.

“No, and we're not going to until you rinse. I'll grab you a cuppa mud and some water in a sec, yeah?”

Recognition dawned upon her face along with another blush. "Um..."

I saw where she was looking and stuffed it down the leg of my boxers. "Bad Twilight. Don’t you know that’s rude?"

“I’m sorry, it’s just…”

“It’s just what?”

“... The first- Ow…” She rubbed her temples.

I excused myself while she was groaning about her headache and went downstairs to busy myself with making breakfast for us when a thought crossed my mind: What the bloody hell was I even doing? Ever since I arrived in Equestria, all I’d been trying to do was try and be a good guy… And it was all for the life I’d wanted to live on Earth. I wasn’t happy with where I happened to be, but I had a start and at the very least I was surviving the best I could. It’s always been my greatest achievement. I was just worried that I was so... accepting, of the whole situation. A world full of talking Human-esque Ponies? Well, yeah, they looked Human, but there goes any desire for having a kid. Not that I cared. Gay river serpents? Fucking sure, I guess. At least it wasn’t trying to eat me. Immortal Princess who moves the sun? I believe most people would be at least perturbed or even disturbed by what the Equestrians called a simple fact of life, but I’d pretty much just shrugged it off immediately. I had to do a double check while cooking to see if I was really feeling alright or if I was worried about making a new life…

A new life… Can I really... Could I actually start something here? Like, a real, true shot at having a life that was, dare I go out on a limb and say kinda normal? Even if it wasn’t ordinary by my own standards, life was seeming… Well, no one had told me that life was out of whack or anything… I didn’t… Goddamn, I didn’t think it would be this hard to admit, but after what Graham did… I never want to go back to England. Yeah, I want to see some Humans with the usual skin tones or normal hair, but I don’t want to go back. What did I have there besides sketchy people trying to fuck me over at every corner? Even my closest friends would shank me in the back if Savage bid quid on me and that wasn’t me being pessimistic; some pusher had put a hit on me and I’d in Bristol and I’d had to lie low for months. Cut my hair, wore the fake beard I kept just in case, always had a hat… England was...

Could I even ever go back to England? Celestia had already put that to rest as far as I knew and it was for good reason. She wasn’t the type to give me false hope when I didn’t need it, and I highly doubted that she would have broken the news to me so quickly if there was a chance. Celestia’s the type of woman to sugarcoat it and hold you while you cry. She was not one to crush your hope for no reason, and having an alien stay with the young woman she obviously doted on? It would’ve been a good enough reason for me to send that fucker packing the second I figured out what he was and where he was from. While I cooked, my heat started hurting and I just hit such a fuckin’ wall...

With my appetite well and truly obliterated, I left Twilight a note before going on a walk. I remembered passing a bakery on my way to the Lock Pad yesterday, so I decided to make that my first destination, hoping I could force something down before work. SugarCube corner was a gingerbread house made of non-gingerbread materials, and it was also the place Rarity had recommended to me most highly. As delicious as it looked, I still thought it was kind of gaudy. it’s not like I had to go there every day. The second I walked through the door, however, Pinkie was in my face and I took a step back. Unfortunately I fucking fell.

She stood over me and rattled off her sentences faster than I could really follow. “Hiya Max! Didja enjoy the party? What about that experiment with Twilight? Ohh! I know! You need some cake to celebrate after a good party!” She said something I missed. “Wait, what do you want?”

“Uhh... Do you have any muffins...?” I asked ever so eloquently.

And then there was muffin.

I don’t even remember sitting down, but there I was, with Pinkie sitting across from me.

Holy… Holy shit. Holy shit! Fucking how!? “Do you like a muffin? Do you like a muffins? Do you like muff?” What. “It’s the muffin, right?” I saw a green, pink, and yellow blur in my periphery as she spoke. Pinkie gave the person a quick smile and wave, but I was too scared to see who it was.

I took a bite out of straight fear. It was like eating a fag before it got stubbed out. I didn’t want the muffin. I didn’t need the muffin. “... It’s good…. Pinkie, why am I sitting in a booth?” .

“Because you’re not standing silly! And now that you already took a bite-” Pinkie’s expression changed. “Imma need you to pay up. You ain’t stealin’ that”

I handed Pinkie ten bits out of shock, though she only took two. She passed the rest back to me. “Glad to know you’ve changed from your thieving ways!” She stated cheerfully, back to normal.

Wait, what the fuck? “Wait, what the fuck!? How do you know about that!?” I tried to keep my voice low, but the panic was still evident.

“I heard you and Mr. Daisy talking about it, silly!”

The 'WTF' got stronger and my heart beat harder. “We were inside a shop with the best locks in Ponyville.”

“So what was it like being a thief? Was it fun? I bet it wasn’t fun for the ponies you stole from! You should apologize!”

“Pinkie, I’d really rather not talk about my past, especially not here. That shite needs to stay in my past. I have job. I’m trying to get better. Please, I’m begging you; Keep what you heard to yourself. I got a fucking second chance here and I swear to God I will never forgive you if you ruin this for me. I just want to start over, get a new lease on life. I just want boring and normal for fucking once in my life...” Desperation was hitting at that point. Pinkie was too crazy to count on.

“Well, I guess I can promise not to tell anypony else... You should still give the stuff you took back to its rightful owners!” Hold up, anypony else?

“What do you mean you won’t tell 'anypony else’? Have you-” I was interrupted, but not by Pinkie.

“She told me, partner. And I think ya should know that I ain’t too happy with you hidin’ stuff from us.” Applejack made her presence known and things weren't looking good for me.

I stared at Pinkie, stricken and hurt “... What did I ever do to you?”

Pinkie Pie rubbed her neck and Applejack popped her knuckles. “Oh, don’t you go guilt trippin’ honest ponies-”

“Tell me one fuckin’ lie. Tell me one Goddamned lie I’ve told.” I hissed, my voice shaking somewhere between panic and anger. “... I just got on the right fuckin’ path…” I buried my head in my hands, the foundations crumbling before I could even get a fucking brick laid. “Fuck... “ I turned to Applejack, seeing the steel in her leer. “You… What are you gonna do with this, Applejack? Turn me into the cops for shit I did on another planet? Hang me for-”

“Woah. Woah…” She raised her hands and I realized I was trembling like I’d railed a stupid amount of blow. “... Max, we just don’t wantcha to hide it…”

“... The fucking look you came at me with is why I never said a damned word about it, Applejack,” I murmured, my voice sounding a little frail even to me. I shook my head in tiny motions. “... The fuckin’ way both of you treated me when you knew… Didn’t even let me say anything…”

“Because what you did was-”

“Wrong, yes! But it was I survived! It’s how I bought food and clothes! It’s how I was trying to save up for a real education! I… I was already so fucking tired of it…” The strength left my body as I btook a deep breath to calm myself “You will never understand what it’s like to never trust and adult. You’ll never understand what it’s like to do dirty deals with dirty cops. You will never understand what it’s like to dig through the fucking trash for your next meal.” I didn’t know why I was pouring my heart out, I just knew that I was doing it for reasons I didn’t fully understand.

I didn’t want to be that close to a breakdown, and I didn't want to be there for the bullshit, magic rubbish… I couldn’t leave because Applejack sat next to me. “Sugarcube… Where were your parents when you were struggling?”

“Dead. Long fuckin’ dead.”

“... Why didn’t you get a job?”

“Applejack, full-grown adults couldn’t get work in England. People lived with their parents or grandparents until twenty-something just to save up enough for four walls and enough to make ends meet. I didn’t have any fuckin’ family. Babs…” I rubbed my eyes, though I wasn’t very close to crying. I just felt tired. “... My own Mum… She took everything from me. She took my Dad, she took my home, she took my safety, my happiness, my peace…” I took the deepest breath I could. “... I was twelve. The last thing I had left was that fuckin’ whore and she up n’ killed herself with junk… I lost everything, Applejack… I had to steal… No one was gonna fuckin’ buy it for me, the fuckin’ foster system was a Goddamn glorified rape factory in action…”

She put her hand on my shoulder and I shrugged her off. “... We’ll keep it quiet… Max-”

“I don’t need yer fuckin’ pity. It’s the past. I was tryin’ ta leave it there…”

Pinkie excused herself but AJ… She wrapped an arm around me and held me firm when I tried to shove her. Fuckin’ leggo. I swear to God if you fuggin’ don’ leggo- “It’s okay to hurt, Max… I just want ya to know that.’ She let go. She got up and she gave me some space. “... Thank you for bein’ honest with me.”

“Jus’ fuggoff…” I wasn’t calming down and… I didn’t know what I needed. I didn’t have a fuckin’ clue, but I knew that it did hurt. I knew that acting tough would only work so long, even if I hadn't told her the fuckin’ half of it.

“... I don’t know what there was back on your planet… But ponies here don’t wanna see ya strugglin’ alone Max. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I’ll be at Sweet Apple Acres if ya wanna talk some more, okay?” I was about to shout something at her when I saw that she was walking away, my chance gone.

Applejack and Pinkie… They held a lot in their hands. Even when the women left me to stew in my thoughts, I knew that one slip of the tongue could land me as a pariah, get me ostracized by everyone in the small town. I’d have to pick up and try again. There was… There was no room for hope in my realm in the past and now was no different. Empty time has always been a bad thing for an active mind, and my mind was anything except sluggish while I considered just telling Twilight and her group of friends everything. Just getting more of it out than I had, spilling the whole truth and… I don’t know. I bitched about my childhood to Maxwell all the time. We’d gone back and forth with horror stories and bonded over them. The girls weren’t cut from the same cloth like we were. They were friendly and caring to be sure, but they could never understand…

For some reason Fluttershy kept popping up in my mind, making me wonder how she’d react to learning that I was a piece of shite. I wondered how Twilight would look at me… The only one I felt would actually accept it and even have a hope of understanding was Celestia, but she was a fuckin’ Princess. She might’ve gone slumming from time to time when the days grew lonely, but she was royalty. My problems probably wouldn’t matter to her and she’d likely lay that out in the nicest way possible because that’s just the vibe I got from her... I didn’t even really want to think about the looks I’d get in the beginning, then when I would have to explain every little reason.... Something told me that I should be wary around the girls for a while, but I didn't know if that was just my uncanny sense for danger or if I was just being paranoid. After all, the girls had been nothing if not pleasant to me the entire time I'd known her, but… Applejack and Pinkie looked so… They hated me… Didn’t even know if I did anything on Equus and they hated me for being a thief.

I tried to clear the negative thoughts from my head, deciding upon The Carousel Boutique as my second destination of the day. Silently I prayed that I wouldn't have to deal with more trouble on my way there. My disappointment was immeasurable and my day was ruined beyond obliteration. Walking with an aching head was doing me no favours, I was on edge and jumping at shadows, and all I could think about were those last two years with Babs… The look on my Dad’s face when she stuck him the first time, the smell of a rubbish bin with ‘fresh’ food, the sight of mildewed, moldy walls and junkies riding their highs, the feeling of that shite in my own fucking veins, the shite I had to do to get a meal, the jobs I had to pull to clear debts, the sound of… The sound of Max’s final breath when I lost him to cancer…

‘Things like this are why I’m agnostic’ I thought, staring down some sketchy looking fellows I’d never seen. I’d fallen into old habits and took alleyways as shortcuts on my way across town and ran into The Three Stooges, but I wasn’t in the mood for slapstick. I wish I were kidding about the Stooges comment, but one was an Earth Pony with a curly mane, one was a Pegasus with a bowl cut, and the last looked different from any Pony I’d seen before. Its coat was light brown, though its head seemed feathery and white. It also had a beak. If I had to call it by name, I would guess that it was a Griffin or something of the like.

“So, buddy,” started Larry

“We heard ya done ticked our client off,” said Moe.

Curly Joe finished with, “Sorry pal, but we gotta rough ya-” He didn’t get any further before I drew my dirk, rushed him, and rammed that cunt in his his liver, sending him straight to the ground as I stood over him.

“You bruvvas picked a bad time.” My voice quaked with the opportunity to make someone hurt. Give ‘em a chance. That one’s down, you can take two. Don’t add bodies to the count. “Walk away and I let you walk away.”

They hesitated before looking at each other and just going for it. Dumb-Fuck Larry charged me at the same time Shit-Brain Moe did, so I only did what was natural while in the middle of a classic pincer; I stood between them and waited for the right moment to duck. My appreciation for being faster than I was strong seemed especially well-founded as I heard the nasty smack of two empty skulls trading knowledge in the field of pain. I rolled away from where they fell and stared at my handiwork. I wasn’t proud. I wasn’t thankful. I just… I wished they would’ve just walked away… The fight wasn’t worth the time, but at least the Griffin got up and flew away. He didn’t seem hurt too bad since it wasn’t like he was gushing blood, but I knew that he’d need attention and quick. There was some silver lining to the encounter after all, but I shrugged it and the trouble that might follow off of my shoulders. Whatever court in the land had to have ties to Celestia and if Twilight was still on my side, then… Then that was a big if. I turned to leave when I saw the fringes of a grey mane turn a corner. Three guesses as to who it probably was, the first two don’t count. Once I wiped my knife clean on Moe’s shirt, I was out of there.

The rest of my way to Rarity’s was void of any noteworthy happenings, thankfully. No one stopped me, no one waved, and I didn’t even see a soul on my way over. I’d thought I arrived in a timely manner, but it would seem that I’d taken longer than I guessed as it was nearly noon if the sun was anything to go by. I walked in to see exactly what you’d expect in a boutique. There were clothes that I wouldn’t be caught dead in and dresses that seemed nice. Steps came from a room I’d barely noticed and I tensed up, still feeling my instincts from the fight earlier, even if I was biting them back.

Rarity walked through the door I turned to with a brilliant smile on her face and plenty of cheer to go around.“Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where every- Oh, hello Max! How are you this fine day?”

Keep it cool. Mask on, Kaid. "Doing just fine.” I grinned. “Ran into some trouble on the way over, but it's not like I couldn't handle it." I shrugged.

"I'm sure you're quite the capable stallion," She teased.

"I don't know about the stallion part, but- Wait, actually, I totally do. I'm one Hell of a stallion!" I gave her a cheesy grin, though the true meaning was lost on her.

I spoke to Rarity for a while, trying to get something out of both her company and the opportunity to drink good tea. She really was a beautiful mare, less so on the inside than out, but beautiful regardless. She was nice to look at and made sure that I had plenty to keep my attention busy while I was there. After being sized and having her mention that I smelled like I’d spent a long while next to a smoker, Rarity asked if I’d ever had something specifically made for me before. It took a moment to realize that she was talking about clothes specifically and I told her my boots were custom. They were still in good shape, though she was quick to point out that they’d been worn for a while. I shrugged that off to and I left before long, but not without a ridiculous collection of new clothes Rarity had made and collected for me since we met. The volume was completely ridiculous for the time allotted and I had no problem speaking that truth to her. She gave me a weird look when I said something about it and explained that a fair amount of them had been made for another client that had wanted late-season casual-wear. Apparently the guy had bailed on the order after paying. I’d been right to doubt that she’d made everything in the bags explicitly for me, but I was still touched by the show of generosity. However, there was the fact that everything fit near perfectly when she had me try stuff on. It was an eerie experience to say the least. I asked if I could borrow her shower before I made any real attempt at wearing any of the clothes and she said that I could, so I got clean and wore some new clothes. It was a nice feeling.

A lot of things went through my mind while Rarity was just up and giving me- as in Kaid-fuckin’-Gadai, hundreds of quid worth of free shit without expecting anything in return. I knew because I asked, and I didn’t stop when she initially told me that I owed her nothing. I tried needling Rarity for a price and she wouldn’t give me one, telling me that seeing me with my head held high as I walked through the streets was enough. Me? I damn near cried because I was wrong about my assumptions. A part of me knew that I’d made an ass of myself and I thanked her. I thanked her from the bottom of my heart because there was nothing that made her do it other than her own generosity. I held myself together with willpower and trudged my way back to Twilight’s, though my own dark ruminations pounded away at my mind. There was the fact that I felt like I was changing in ways I didn't understand, influenced by the notions of the new land I found myself in. For the oddest reasons, I trusted the people around me to do right by me…

I trusted them... That just... It made no sense whatsoever. Kaid Ignatius Gadai is not one to trust people that don’t prove themselves, but… What had they done other than show me kindness? What had a single fucking one of them done except try to get me set up? Twilight put a roof over my head, Applejack gave me the benefit of a doubt, Pinkie threw me a party, Fluttershy had helped me find a job, low-key fuck Rainbow, but Rarity had just given an entire wardrobe… And not a damn one of them asked me for anything other than reciprocation when they were nice... People I barely knew… People who owed me nothing had given me something to start with, and that just made the ache in my chest so much worse. All I’d done was take; All I’d done was accept what they gave me… But how long would the generosity last? How long would their kindness hold? How long was it before Pinkie and Applejack spilled, or I myself fucked up? Worse than I’d already done, that is. I still felt the dissonance in my mind, eating away at the logic I'd built so soundly over the years. People fuck you over if it helps them. People don’t give shit away unless they have spare, and even then you owe them. It was all I could do to keep my mind in order, but even then it was more difficult than it had any right to be. To end the struggle, I decided to try and trust my gut. It rarely steered me wrong, but...

Sometimes thinking just sucks.