So I left my last journal entry how it was because the shit was already long compared to most of my entries and I didn’t want to write at five in the fucking morning after a little event occurred that almost got Celestia killed. To explain, after my little post-coital chat with Luna, I went to bed around one in the morning. I got my little walk around the Castle Gardens in and almost had to zap Philomena for trying to land on me, but it was all good, and when I got back to my room, I had to give Twilight some more affection and snacks because she was hungry for some love. I didn’t mind at all, but about ten minutes after Twilight fell asleep, I started drifting off myself until I heard a little pop, the telltale sign of someone teleporting in. I mumbled something unintelligible and rolled over like I was sleeping, making sure to snag the blankets away from Twilight to sell the act well enough. Little to my surprise, Celestia was standing about four meters away, slowly making her way over to the bed she’d loaned us for the time being, and when she arrived, her horn started to glow.

I wasn’t fucking having it.

I made a little finger pistol under the covers and made sure I had a good shot at her before I made my thumb meet my index finger, shooting out a bolt of lightning that could probably stun a fucking Manticore long enough for it to get the Goddamn idea, but it was a bit overboard for a significantly smaller being. Celestia was thrown back further than her original starting point and Twilight jolted up as I eased my way out of bed, patting out the smoking holed in the comforter before it could catch fire or some shit before going over to check on Princess Autismo. I knelt beside her as Twilight fired off a rapid salvo of questions and lifted Celestia’s face so she could look me in the eye.

“So whatcha doin’, Celly? I really doubt you were here for anything I’d be okay with, so spit it out before I send you into the fucking Sun.” I gave her a warm smile.

Celestia’s eyes were wide open as she spasmed on the floor, the leftover electricity still fucking with her all too well. In fairness, she shouldn’t have worn metal fucking shoes if she was planning on getting one over on a guy who plays with lightning. “Max! What’s going on? Why did you shock Celestia and why is she in our room!?” Twilight nearly shouted. She was close to it, but not quite there.

“I shocked her because she was casting a spell while she thought we were sleeping. I don’t like that.” I said casually, shaking Celestia’s head for her. “That’s a real big no-no right there.”

I heard Twilight draw a deep breath and sigh hard. “... I can’t say I’m all that surprised, knowing Celestia and all, but to think that it would be on the first night! Haven’t we been really nice? I mean, you’ve been a butthead every now and then, but it’s better than your usual deal.”

“Thanks, Cherry. I appreciate that.” I said drily.

“No problem.” She sighed again. “So what do we do now? I doubt Celestia’s going to let us stay in the Castle since you shocked her.”

The mare in question coughed up a little smoke and croaked.

“Well, she still owes us a house and a lot of money, so we have that to fall back on if she’s honorable in the slightest. I mean, this was a dirty move by and large, but Sola tends to respect any agreements she makes, regardless of whether or not she actually likes someone. Let’s hope Celestia feels the same way.”

Celestia closed her eyes and took a decent breath for the first time since she got zapped. “How did- You know- I was coming?” She asked between breaths, her voice weak.

“Oi, don’t die on me now. I was trying to go for a stun, not a death.” I chastised. “And I figured you might try to pull some bullshit. I’ve known Sola for a good while and you two are practically the same person with different amounts of legs and arms. By no means am I surprised that you’d come in here to either alter our minds or to read through them at your leisure.”

She groaned. “I wasn’t trying to- Hurt you.”

“So what were you trying to do? Because the alternatives still make you a traitor, and I tend not to like traitors.” I said kindly.

“I just wanted you- To find Ponies- Attractive.” She half-truthed.

“That’s not the whole story love. Either you tell me, or I reach into your mind and take the information for myself, which is going to suck if you try to resist me.” I warned playfully.

She groaned again. “That’s the whole story.”

I dropped the Mr. Nice Guy facade. “You’ve got one more chance before I make good on that promise.”

She winced. “You do that and you lose everything.”

“I can also take the memories of this conversation from you, Celestia. I’ve wiped some minds before, but I’m not really all that good at it. You might end up forgetting Luna entirely if I have to go digging.” I lied through my teeth.

Celestia’s eyes flashed open again. “... You wouldn’t.”

“Stop stalling.” I said, my tone as cold as Naga pussy during winter.

She looked at me and I glared right back. “... I was here to browse through your memories.”

“And make changes as you saw fit.” I added blandly. “Look, Celestia, if Twilight and I were here to fuck up your life or your country, we wouldn’t be talking right now. Twilight could steal your memories right now and play your role well enough that even Luna couldn't tell the difference, and if I wanted you out of the picture, you’d be in the Sun. We don’t really know why we’re here on your planet and we’ve said as much, but we also promised to never hurt you or your people without a decent reason to do so. Coming into our room before dawn while we’re sleeping and trying to cast whatever fucking spell you were trying to is a damn good reason to make you stay dead.” I looked at her, my gaze cool and calm.

“You’re not going to kill me, otherwise you would have done it by now.” Celestia said softly.

“Damn straight. I am going to give you a second chance. However, the next time you pull some shit like this, I’m taking your Magic for myself, the bones from your legs, and your wings because I can. Once you can gather up enough strength to walk, I suggest you take a good stroll and think as hard as your ancient, wise mind can and consider the mercy I’m showing you.” I stole a pillow from our bed and laid it under her head. “Until that walk, don’t cast a spell. Don’t think about betraying us again. Don’t think about the fact that I can take your life whenever I choose, because that’s probably a terrifying prospect, but do think about what you should be doing to keep us allies and friends instead of enemies, because I guarantee you that I won’t hesitate to fuck shit up if I have to. Are we clear?”

“... We’re clear.” She replied in the same tone as before.

I rubbed her shoulder. “Good. I hope you start feeling better soon.”

“I can probably heal her, if you want.” Twilight offered.

“Nah, let the ache be a reminder.” I rose from my Slav squat (Heels on the ground, otherwise you’re a poser) and backed my way to our bed, keeping my eyes on Celestia the entire time.

I sat on the edge and stared at her, unblinking for a few minutes as Twilight draped her arms around me and rested her chin on my shoulder. “You would think that the being analogous to her surrogate daughter would get a little more trust than the average person.”

I shrugged, making Twilight’s head bob. “You would think that messing with someone who took down your sister without taking a single step would put messing with said person low on the priority list. Not everyone has a thriving self-preservation mechanism. Especially not you Ponies, apparently.”

“I’d pinch you for that, but it’s kind of true.”

Celestia started getting to her hooves and Twilight asked, “Would you like some help? I know Max’s electricity can hurt, but I don’t think he’s ever gotten me as bad with it as he has you.”

“I’m alright.” Celestia grunted, standing shakily before walking out of the room. I briefly wondered what she was going to do about the big black scorch mark on her chest, but it really wasn’t my problem anyway.

“... I don’t think I’m going to get back to sleep.” My wife said softly.

“Don’t worry, Cherry, I’ll sing you to sleep if you really want me to.” I offered.

She hummed happily. “Can you sing me ‘Something Stupid’? I really love that song, even if it is a little sad.”

“It just sounds nice, doesn’t it?” I chuckled.

“I do get the Human thing of just making music for the sake of the art these days, but it still makes me sad to know that someone really does feel that way toward a person that might not love them back.”

I held her arms. “I won’t tell you how to feel, but how about that song. I’ll try to do Frank and Nancy a little justice, but I never could get my voice to their level.”

“Your singing voice is nice, Amour. When you actually care, that is. Now about about that song?”

And so I started singing her the requested song softly, though Twilight sang along and made it a duet. It was a nice little morning full of songs that either of us remembered, softly singing to each other, and when our eavesdropper came back from reporting to Celestia, we figured out that it was a maid that Celestia had sent to have us collected for breakfast. Twilight cleaned our clothes so we could wear them again, and it sucked that I didn’t have my full suite of powers, which I could’ve used to keep us clothed and fed for as long as we needed, but alas. God’s an ass at times, and I’m not allowed to keep the nice things I have besides Twilight most of the time.

We got dressed and followed the maid to breakfast after we refused to allow her to wash us. Like, the woman was adamant about scrubbing us a good one until I threatened to send her to the Moon and let Celestia figure out how to get her back, to which she called me a mad’stallion’ and huffed about ‘ponies without personal hygiene’ until Twilight and I got out of the slightly small shower. Twilight got to enjoy the water at a normal height, but I was a little taller than the shower head, so once we got out of the loo, I was feeling a little salty about Twilight hogging the stream, so I made sure to touch her in all the right places on our walk until she threatened to not cuddle me for an hour at night. I countered by saying that I’d just cuddle up to her until she fell off of the bed if she didn’t want to give me the precious affection.

After alighting to the Dining Hall, Celestia and Luna were talking to each other about various things, but when Twilight and I had our presence announced, they stopped talking to each other and tried talking to us, which was nice. Celestia talked to me while Luna talked to Twilight and everyone kept everything civil and pleasant, so while I was talking to Celestia about the benefits of running the Guard like they were soldiers instead of actual guards, Twilight was talking to Luna about the diurnal split that we had going on with Castle Arcadia and how it worked for us since the only things that ever really happened tended to happen during the day. Celestia wasn’t fond of my style of leadership, but she understood that, as a warrior myself, that I’d prefer to run my shit through a mixture of fear and respect with respect taking up the majority of what my people felt for me. Luna didn’t really like Twilight’s suggestion that she and Celestia split things up during the day, but Twilight knew that pushing the matter would be pointless since Luna had been the Princess of the Night for thousands of years. One little conversation wasn’t going to suddenly change her mind.

After breakfast, Twilight and I asked Celestia if there was anything she needed help with and she said no, so Twilight offered to get her a schedule set up so she could get through Day Court a little quicker and I offered to use my limited supply of Unicorn Magic to show Celestia how to use Study Buddy Brain. She accepted both offers and I taught her how to use the spell, but Sunbuns was curious as to how I got Unicorn Magic in the first place. I told her that Cadance had given it to me when I’d asked for a little bit of her power and I was still working on running that veritable well dry, even after taking Discord down. With my God Magic, I just didn’t have much of a reason to use it, so I still had a little left over.

When I mentioned that I was running a little low on Unicorn juice, Twilight offered to shore up my stores so I could carry on, but I didn’t want her Magic because I didn't know the depth of her pool, but then she held my hands anyway and funneled about half of her current stores into me, which made her start yawning until I offered to go get her a cup of coffee. Celestia was shocked to see that Twilight had just poured Magic into me and called me something along the lines of ‘The perfect magical conduit’, which Twilight understood more than I did in the moment. My wife explained it as me being the perfect person to store Magic in and learn all kinds of different Magic since I’d held so many different types at different times. It was a little weird, but now that I think about it, I really have had just about every kind of Magic at different times, though I still haven’t had a taste of Uror’s Nature Magic yet. I don’t really want it, to be fair, but it’d be cool to have it at some point just so I can say that I’ve had every kind of Magic I’ve ever come across.

I ended up using some of the Magic I got from Twilight to warm up the cup of coffee I got for her, and after that, I asked Celestia how long it would take for us to be able to move into that villa. She said that it would be about three days before she could get all the paperwork finalized, so Twilight and I asked if she would mind us going to Ponyville for a couple days, and she didn’t mind at all as long as we didn't start any nonsense. I was a little offended since I tend not to start anything, but Twilight was pretty clear about her intentions, which were based off of meeting her friends all over again and finding new ways to get closer with them. Celestia thought it was a worthwhile endeavor, so she gave us five thousand of our ‘hard earned' bits and told us that we were welcome to buy a house in Ponyville too if we really wanted one, so Twilight and I agreed to talk about having ourselves a house made since we kinda wanted our own place that we could design ourselves.

Once I had a coin purse for my half of the bits, I asked Twilight what she’d done with her half since she hadn’t brought along a purse of any kind. The whacky little minx pulled a hundred bit- coin out of her mane and told me that she usually kept her money there since it was just a good place to hide it, so I looked at her like she was fucking insane until I remembered that Ponies had inborn hammer-space in their manes for no discernible reason. Twilight asked me what the look had been for, so I inquired about how many bits she could store in her mane and she just gave me a blank look, so I skipped it and asked her if she wanted me to steal her makeup kit from home so we could make her even prettier than usual. She agreed in a heartbeat since she’d missed the little bonding time we spent together when we got her ready in the morning, so we went back to our borrowed room and I helped her apply her makeup in the the restroom. I had to retry a couple of things since I didn’t get them right the first time, but I usually got it the second or third time around, though it sucked that I couldn’t really style her hair for her.

Without much else to do, I wrote Luna a note telling her that Twilight and I were going to Ponyville for a little while and my wife and I bid Celestia farewell before alighting to the train station. We stopped and grabbed some food after buying our tickets since we hadn’t eaten as much as we should have at breakfast due to the constant talking that had taken place, but neither of us were terribly upset about having a reason to grab some good food at a nice, omnivore friendly restaurant. There was a place that actually served Zhongguo food that was pretty good, though their fried rice was easily the best I’d ever had. They even served it with plenty of scrambled quail eggs inside that made the dining experience just that much better, but the bill was a little on the high side for the amount of food we’d gotten. It only ended up costing us about thirty or so bits for two full meals plus dessert, so I wasn’t exactly upset, but the weird looks we got the entire time we were there were a little off-putting.

Twilight and I took to the train station just as the train was coming into sight, meaning that my time keeping skills were still on point, so that was nice. We got a lot of stares and a few questions from some pleasant folks that had seen other races before, but no one had ever seen a bipedal race like us other than Dragons, and they rarely ever came to Canterlot. The other races were all quadrupedal, though I wondered if the Naga existed in this world as well, but I couldn’t really see whether or not they were unless I wanted to take a little trek into the Everfree to try and find them. It really wasn’t high on my priority list, so I just sat and chilled while Twilight talked to everyone and their mother to be friendly. A few people asked why I wasn’t really saying all that much, but I just said that it was because Twilight was my wife and every male we spoke to understood that. The females tended to be a little confused about it, but only one ever asked what it was supposed to mean, so I explained that Twilight did most of the talking while I sat back because she got more out of it than I ever would, but that wasn’t a satisfactory answer, so I told her that her flank looked tasty and that she should let me have a bite.

It didn’t go as I planned, but at least I figured out that Ponies still think I’m ‘cute’.

On the train ride to Ponyville, Twilight asked, “So what do you think everyone’s going to say? Ooh! We could make them think that I’m their Twilight and that I just got a spell wrong or something and ended up on two legs instead of four!”

I grinned at her. “I like the way you’re thinking, but don’t you think it’ll be a little odd if you try to fit in as their Twilight? If they don’t just up and believe you, then we’ll have a bit of a situation on our hands.”

“We can just explain it all away anyway. Come on, Amour! It’ll be a funny thing to do, and we’ll only ever get the chance to do it this one time!”

“I’m not saying we shouldn’t, but we should probably prepare for the worst case scenario. You’re really not all that good at lying, so just put on your pouty face whenever someone asks if you remember something and tell them that some of your memories must have gotten messed up when you changed yourself into a bipedal Alicorn.”

Twilight blinked at me. “I forgot about the wings to be honest with you. I remember Celestia telling us that her Twilight hadn’t ascended yet.”

“Exactly. We tell them that you found your true calling in making friends and solving problems, but that it must have messed with your head a little. It’ll explain the difference in the way you talk, and if they start pressuring you about not knowing certain things, then just cry or something.”

Twilight gave me a look. “Not everyone’s as good an actor as you are, Max.”

“I’ll shore up your shortcomings as they pop up. I should be able to piss myself off enough to bring out my Alicorn bullshit, so don’t worry about losing credibility and just go with my flow, yeah?”

She gave me a devious smile. “Who should we go after first? It can’t be Applejack since she’d know right away-”

“And it can’t be Pinkie for the exact same reason, just through different means.” I cut in.

Twilight nodded. “So that leaves Fluttershy, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash.”

“Do we even like Rainbow?” I asked.

Twilight shook her head. “Not really, but she’s not bright enough to ask that many questions.”

“She’ll put the most pressure on you out of our three options. What say we hit up Rarity first and have her lead us to Fluttershy? We can commission some clothes while we’re at it.”

“Sounds good to me, though I don’t know if Rarity likes- Nevermind, I forgot that we were on a different world for a little bit. I don’t have to worry about you sleeping around outside of Ponies who can turn into bipeds, right?” Twilight asked.

“Not at all. I really don’t wanna stick my dick in a talking animal.” I shivered.

“They’re not… Well, I guess they kind of do seem like talking animals, don’t they?”

“Yup. Which is why I gave Celestia a hard ‘No’ when it came to sleeping with her.”

She shrugged. “I get it now, but I still think she’s cute enough to sleep with.”

I gave Twilight a sidelong glance. “I’m not going to tell you that you can’t find someone to sleep with, but you heard Celestia. Good sex is practically nonexistent here.”

“... Well, I guess being mounted like an animal and just being… Thrusted into, sounds pretty horrible.”

I nodded. “It’s a really unattractive prospect to me, so I can’t imagine how you feel about it. Know that I’ll always ask if foreplay is needed or wanted before doing anything like that to you.”

“Thank you. I know we skipped foreplay once or twice, but it really is more fun with it than without it. I feel like foreplay is probably the third best part of having snacks with you.” Twilight gave me a shy smile.

“What are the first two things then?” I asked, returning her smile with one of my own.

“Well, the second best part is that it feels really good, and the first part is that I feel so much closer to you after we have snack time. It’s not that you don’t give me enough affection throughout the day, it’s just that all three of those things just make it seem like we’re bonding more than it does when we read or just have a conversation.”

“I don’t really feel the same way. I just like snack time because it’s time that I get to spend with you. I feel like it’s just as nice when we snack as when we sit and read, or go for a walk or something. It’s just that I like spending as much time as possible with you.” I said honestly.

Twilight hugged my arm and laid her head on my shoulder. “Are you sure I’m not the man in this relationship?”

“Nah, your boobs are too soft for you to be the man.”

“I don’t know, Max, I’ve see a couple of heavier people that look like their boobs are pretty soft.” Twilight jibed.

“That’s fat-shaming, Twilight!” I said in mock outrage.

She shrugged. “They shouldn't eat so many sweets. It’s not hard.”

“Actually, it really is hard for some people. Can you imagine Pinkie going without sugar for a day?”

“She has, but she was a real sourpuss all day. It’s hard to be around Pinkie when she doesn’t keep her sugar intake up because she gets really manic-depressive.”

“Huh. How odd.” I commented.

We talked on for a little bit about other weird things the girls did, like how Rarity wouldn’t leave the spot she was doing her makeup in until it was absolutely perfect, or how Applejack loved apples to the point where she’d pigged out on an entire bucket full one day and had to rest because she’d just eaten too many. Fluttershy still ate some of her animals food on occasion, and if she denied herself the ‘pleasure’, she got snippy with whoever she was around, and if Rainbow didn’t get to fly, then she would go stir crazy within mere hours. Twilight asked about the things that made her do weird things, so I mentioned that not being able to find something for her friendship reports to Celestia had driven her a little bonkers on occasion, and more recently, not getting off at least once a week made her a bit of a bitch. My wife denied the snacks having anything to do with her mood, but I just gave her a look and told her that there was a reason I teased and tortured her to the point where she would ask before the day was through when she started getting snappish.

The conversation turned to what we should do first when we got to Ponyville, and I suggested that we go see Mary so that we could get our house squared away before doing anything else and Twilight saw the wisdom in that. We agreed to get that done first, and then we would go about our prank so we could have ourselves a good time. When the train arrived in Ponyville, we hopped off with a couple other passengers and started making our way to Town Hall since the layout of the town was still the same, which was a little eerie. I noticed that a lot of the Ponies were significantly shorter than the ones in Canterlot. Where the one’s from the aforementioned place were about eye level with the lower part of my sternum, the citizens of Ponyville were only about as tall as my navel on average, meaning that Twilight and I stuck out like sore thumbs even more so than we already would have. The Ponies avoided us as we went along, whispering about the two strange creatures wearing a lot of clothes, and that was a little annoying to say the least.

Twilight held my hand tightly as we travelled through the analog of her home town, put off by the cold reception we were getting and the strange looks, but I talked to her and told a few jokes to get her to laugh, though I could tell that she wasn’t really feeling it. Regardless, we got to Town Hall quickly enough and Strawberry Petal was somehow holding a file, going at it with her hooves. She spared us a glance before she did a double take and gave us an incredulous look.

“Hullo, Strawberry. How’s the day been?” I asked pleasantly.

“Uh… Good?” She half-asked.

Twilight gave her a smile. “Is Mary busy? We’d like to see her about having a house built on the outskirts of town, if its no issue.”

“Uh…” Strawberry replied elegantly.

I raised a brow at her. “We’re just gonna go knock on her door and see what she’s doing, yeah?”

She blinked a couple times. “... What are you two?”

I pointed at Twilight. “She’s a bipedal Alicorn, and I’m a Human. We come from a different world.”

“Riiight.” Strawberry nodded slowly. “I’ll… I’ll go see if Mary has a little free time for you two if you don’t mind waiting a little bit.”

“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of us.” I said sadly.

“No! No no, that’s not it, it’s just…” Petal trailed off.

Twilight hugged my arm. “No’pony’ likes us…”

“It’ll be okay, Cherry. ‘Ponies’ will see that we just look different from them eventually, and it’ll be like we’re just another face in town before too long.” I said comfortingly.

She sniffled. “... Every’pony’ in town gave us those funny looks, and every’pony’ we tried to talk to gave us the cold shoulder. Just getting here was hard, Amour!”

I made her let go of my arm so I could give her a hug. “It’ll all be okay, Cherry. Maybe Celestia will announce us as personal friends of hers before too long and that will help us blend in a little better.”

I glanced at Strawberry Petal who looked like she was about to cry out of shame. “Don’t worry, you two! Everypony will accept you with a little time and some well placed words! I’ll get the word out that you’re nice ponies, so don’t you worry, okay?”

I gave her a moderate smile for being a good sucker. “Thank you, Strawberry. That really means a lot to us.”

Twilight wiped her eyes unnecessarily. “Th-Thank you.”

Strawberry gave us a warm smile. “Think nothing of it. Helping ponies is what it’s all about, after all. Now let me go tell Mary that you’re here and I’ll go start telling as many of my gossipy friends as I can that you two are okay!”

“We really do appreciate it, Strawberry. That means a lot to us.” I conjured up some tears and let them fall, so Twilight wiped them away and I went back to hugging her. “I told you it would be alright, Cherry. Everything’s gonna be alright.”

She let out a few sobs that were a beautiful mix of fake and true, so I comforted her while Strawberry trotted off to go get her thing done. When we were clear, Twilight let me go and we traded devilish smiles, both of our eyes still a little misty. “We’re fucking good.”

I winked at her. “You’re a better actress than you thought, Twilight.” I said quietly. “Mixing in the real pain with the fake is always the best way to get things done.”

“I learned it from watching you, Maxxy.” She gave me a kiss.

“I’m a terrible influence.” I chuckled.

“Absolutely awful, but it’s handy when I need it.” She gave me another smile.

I held her at arm’s length and sighed. “I don’t know how long we’re supposed to be here, but it’s probably not going to get much easier very soon.”

Twilight gave me a sad smile. “It will get easier, Max. It’ll just take time.”

“As you say, so it will be.” Even if I have to make it that way.

Her smile brightened a bit. “It’ll be great when I turn out to be right.”

I rolled my eyes. “I said it first, so you’re just agreeing with me.”

“Don’t get pinched, Max.” Twilight said drily.

“Have I ever mentioned how much I love the tone and shape of your legs?” I asked.

She blushed and rolled her eyes. “Have I ever mentioned how cute it is when you try and dig yourself out of a hole?”

“No, but it works often enough for me to keep doing it.” I gave her a kiss on her nose.

My wife licked my chin. “You’re a lot like a candy cane that’s been slobbered on until it’s pointy: Sweet, yet dangerous.”

“Are you subtly trying to call me slutty?”

“If the shoe fits…”

“Fine. Next time I catch a proposition, I’m not doing anything. You can’t watch if I just stick to you.”

“Your past makes you slutty, Max.” Twilight chuckled. “It’s not necessarily what you do now, though you don’t really help your case at all.”

That struck a nerve. “I’m probably slutty because I’ve been raped so many times. There’s a term called ‘hypersexuality’ from Earth that basically says that people suffering from it use sex as an unhealthy coping mechanism due to lack of respect for themselves.”

Twilight blinked. “... Oh.”

I sighed. “Sorry, I just don’t like being called slutty.”

She brought me in for a hug. “... You didn’t change that much when I asked you to, did you?”

“I really tried not to. I didn’t know how what I did would affect you as a person, so I tried not to do too much.”

Twilight sighed. “I guess that’s why I trusted you to do it in the first place. I knew that you wouldn’t do anything that would make me worse than what I already was.”

I gave her the squishums. “I may have taught you how to fight, but-”

She pushed me away and gave me a funny look. “You what?”

I blushed and looked down. “... I wanted you to be able to defend yourself if your Magic ever failed you for whatever reason.”

“... Thank you, but I rather wish you hadn’t done that, Amour.” Twilight said softly, her tone speaking louder than shouting would have.

“... I can take it back-”

“No, if it’s something you feel that I need, then I’ll be happy to hold onto it. Hopefully we’ll never have to see if just knowing how to fight will actually do anything.” Twilight grabbed my arms and rested my forearms on her shoulders before she put her hands on my hips.

I gave her a loving look. “I just want you to be safe, Cherry. It’s the thing I want the second most in this life.”

“What’s the first?”

I couldn’t stop the little smile that formed. “Your love. I know I have it, but just because I already have it doesn't mean that I don’t still want it.”

She laid her head against my chest. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“That’s a load of poo.”

“It’s a hot, steaming load of love, actually.”

Twilight chuckled. “You only have one load?”

“I technically have five, and they’re all for you.”

“That’s too bad, because my love for you is like a mountain that touches the sky.” She challenged.

“Oh, you only have the one mountain? I have an entire range of monolithic natural structures that scrape the Moon as Equus rotates.” I bragged.

“Just the Moon? I thought it was clear that I meant my mountain of love touches the sky on different planets.” Twilight shot back.

“I never said which Moon my love touches. I actually meant Earth’s Moon, and that’s the shortest one.”

Twilight giggled and kissed my jaw. “My love broke Earth’s Moon by growing straight through it.”

“My love endangers Equus with its gravitational pull. My love-mountains could be entire planets on their own.”

“Oh yeah? Well my love-mountain could make up a galaxy and have room to spare.”

“Yeah, but my love-mountains grow life, blossoming forth with new races and creatures you’ve never seen before, each more colorful and loving than the last.”

“Aww!” Mary and Strawberry chorused from across the room. I’d heard them come in, but I figured I could beat Twilight at the game before they said anything.

My wife spared them a glance and blushed. “Um… How much of that did you hear?”

The mares smiled. “Everything from the steaming load of love.” Mary answered.

Twilight coughed and I gave her one last hug. “Well, I hope you two at least got some warm and fuzzies out of your little eavesdropping.” I said playfully.

They blushed, but still smiled. “Strawberry told me all about your problems with the ponies in town. I’ll definitely be sure to let the town’s biggest gossip know that you two are some of the nicest ponies around.”

Strawberry nodded her assent. “And I’ll organize a town meeting so we can introduce you to everypony. It just wouldn't do to have such a loving couple left out of Ponyville's inner circles. It wouldn’t be fair to you or us!”

Twilight and I gave them winsome smiles of our own. “Thank you, both of you. We might not be in Ponyville all that long, but we’d like to think of this place as a second home away from Canterlot.”

“Oh? So you’re Canterlot ponies?” Mary asked.

“Well, I was born and raised there, but Max comes from a planet called ‘Earth’. He got teleported and lost between worlds for awhile, but he showed up on my doorstep one day.” Twilight explained.

“Tch. To tell the whole story, someone was about to beat me up for no real reason and my wife stepped in to pull me out of the frying pan and into the fire.” I joked.

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean!?” Twilight pinched me.

“Ow! I was just saying that you’re hot!”

Mary and Strawberry chuckled while Twilight blushed. “So, Cherry, Amour-” Mary began.

“Oh, our names aren’t Cherry and Amour,” Twilight interrupted. “I’m Twilight Sparkle, and this is my husband, Maximus.”

Mary blinked. “Twilight Sparkle?”

“Yes ma'am.” She said proudly.

“I know a Twilight Sparkle and she actually lives here in town. Now that I think about it, you two do look awfully similar…” Mary said slowly.

“That’s because I’m her, but from an alternate universe where every’pony’ walks on two legs instead of four.” Twilight expounded. “I think we’ll get along pretty well if she’s anything like me.”

“I think I might get kicked a couple of times, if that’s the case.” I said drily. Twilight pinched me again, so I said, “Ow! You abuse me all the time anyway!”

“I don’t abuse you!” She protested.

I sniffled. “Why must you hurt me so, dear wife of mine?” I placed the back of my hand on my forehead and swooned. “Forsooth! You wound me so casually as to-” She pinched me for being theatrical. “Ow!”

“Shush before they actually start thinking that I really do abuse you!” Twilight huffed.

I stuck my tongue out at her. “You’re just a salty little thing, aren’t you.”

Twilight tilted her head at me. “I’ve never touched salt, Max.”

“It means something else on my planet. It means something like bitter or-” She pinched me again, so I picked her up and slung her over my shoulder.

“Max! Put me down!” She giggled.

“Nah.” I replied, walking over to Strawberry and Mary who were trying to hold back their laughter. “So we’d like to commission a house to be built on the outskirts of town, if you don’t mind. We’re looking to get something done in the four thousand bit range, if it’s not too much trouble.”

Mary stopped laughing. “Four thousand?”

“Yeah. We’ll bump it up to seven or eight if that helps things get done a little faster.” I said casually.

She touched her face with her hoof. “... You could buy several houses with four thousand bits, Mr. Maximus.”

Twilight propped herself up to look at Mary. “Well, we’d like a house that we had a hand in designing. It doesn’t have to be anything spectacular, we just want a little home away from Canterlot so we can get out of the big city. Celestia says that our villa won’t be ready for a few more days, so if you could find us a place to rent with a fast close or point us toward the best inn in town, we’d very much appreciate it.”

Mary looked at Strawberry and she looked right back at her. “Well, the best inn in Ponyville would have to be The Bee and Barb, just down the street from the Pawned Prawn. It’s a lovely little place to stay, though the beds might be a little small for our poor little Max.”

I shrugged. “That just means I’ll get to cuddle up to my wife a little closer. I’m fine with it.”

Twilight passed me a look. “You know you put off heat like a furnace, right?”

“I do?”

“Why do you think I let you open the window in our chambers during winter? It’s like having my own cuddly bed warmer.” My wife gave me an adorable little smile.

“Aww! Now I want a Max for myself!” Strawberry said.

“Sorry, he’s a one of a kind.” Twilight replied happily.

Strawberry sighed. “Oh well. Maybe I’ll find a stallion I can kick whenever I want some day.”

“I don’t kick Max!” Twilight objected.

I nodded. “That’s right. She pinches me and bites me on occasion, but I like it when she bites me.”

Twilight sighed. “They didn’t need to know about the second part, Max.”

Mary and Strawberry nodded. “A good nibble can make anypony’s day.” Mary said wisely.

“I agree, but I think i like the idea of being bitten a little more than being nibbled on.” Strawberry said, nodding along.

“That’s because you’re kinky.” I said jokingly, though I fully meant it.

Strawberry blushed and Mary raised a brow. “And just how would you know that?”

“I knew both of you on Twilight’s home planet, and I’ve slept with both of you.” I gave them a predatory grin.

Mary stared at me and Strawberry’s eyes widened. “... You what?”

Twilight pinched me. “Max! That’s not information you should be sharing with ‘ponies’ who don’t know us yet!”

I rubbed my chest. “Well, Mary asked how I knew and I told the truth! It’s not like I haven’t caught her with her hooves on her desk a hundred times or anything.”

Mary blushed furiously. “I-I-I-”
Strawberry snickered. “Sounds like he’s got you pegged, Mary.”

Twilight coughed. “You don’t really have any room to talk. Max did things to you that I made him promise to never do to me.”

It was Strawberry’s turn to blush and Mary shot her a triumphant look. “At least I’m less kinky than you are.”

“Oh? Miss Sybian over here thinks she can call her equally kinky receptionist out.” I teased.

Mary shut up and Strawberry rubbed her neck with her hoof. “... So… About that house…?”

I bent down and booped Strawberry because I could. “Let’s have that chat, yeah? The sooner we get it started, the sooner it’ll be done.”

She nipped at my finger. “Aren’t you supposed to be nice or something?”

“Twilight’s the nice one. I’m generally a good natured butthead.” I gave her a winsome grin.

“He’s right. I’m only mean to him and ‘ponies’ who mess with him.” Twilight expounded.

Mary gave her an odd look. “If he teases everypony like this, then there must be a lot of ponies that don’t like him.”

Twilight shook her head. “Max is actually really charming when he wants to be. It’s just that default is usually poking fun at some’pony’ until they start laughing at themselves.”

“Oh, so he’s nice about messing with ponies?” Strawberry asked.

“I don’t do it to be mean.” I said blandly. “That would just make me an ass.”

“Donkeys aren’t that bad… Most of the time.” Mary said.

“Max isn’t that bad most of the time, he just forgets to stop talking when ‘ponies’ start getting red around the cheeks.” Twilight said, shaking her head.

I grabbed her side and she jolted. “Oi! I’m right here!”

“I can see you, Max.” Twilight said drolly.

“But can you kiss me is the real question.”

“No, the real question is whether or not I want to.”

I gave her a look and stole a quick smooch because I could. “You know you love me and my wily ways.”

She rolled her eyes and smirked. “Only when the sky is blue.”

“So dusk and dawn are the exceptions?” Mary teased.

“Well, he’s usually kissing me awake in the morning and cuddling me before we sleep, so I can’t really say that’s true.” Twilight pursed her lips to the side.

“It’d be hard not to like being kissed awake and cuddled to sleep. Especially if you’re used to living the single life.” Strawberry said before she and Mary sighed.

Twilight smiled. “I’m sure you two will find your ‘stallion’ soon enough. Maybe you just need to get out of Ponyville for a little while?”

“It wouldn’t hurt. There aren’t exactly many opportunities around female heavy towns.” I scratched my face.

Strawberry nodded. “I’ll have to take some time off to find a nice stallion, even if it’s only for a date or two. There really aren’t that many around town.”

“If only I could.” Mary sighed.

“You can, you’d just have to play catch up during the time you’d usually spend playing with yourrr-” Twilight pinched my cheek and pulled.

“That’s about enough out of you, Mister.” She said curtly. “Mary, why don’t we go and get our house drawn up in a moment?”

Mary blushed. “I know what you were about to say, Max, and I do not always do that.”

I chose not to reply to that.

Twilight looked at me and I was looking at the ceiling. “Good job, Max. She left you an opening and you didn't take it for once.”

I chose not to reply to that either.

“... Is he going to say anything to that?” Strawberry asked.

“It’s really better that he doesn’t. I already figured out three ways he could have made it into something perverted, and I know he has more than what I thought of.” Twilight sighed, grabbing my hand. “Thank you for holding your tongue, Amour.”

“But Twilight, you’re grabbing the hand I’d usually hold my tongue with!” I said goofily.

She rolled her eyes and smiled. “That’s better than the other thing you were probably going to say.”

“Now I’m curious as to what he would have said.” Mary admitted.

“It wouldn’t be worth the blush to any’pony’ other than him.” Twilight said drily.

Mary dipped her head and her shoulders raised slightly, so I’m calling that a shrug. “Oh well. Let’s move along now, shall we?”

“Have fun, and welcome to Ponyville.” Strawberry said, walking back toward her desk.

“Thank you!” Twilight called after her as Mary started toward the stairs to the second story.

We walked to Mary’s office and she helped us get the general layout of our house down, which was nice of her. It was odd to see someone so good at drawing with a quill in their mouth, but it was even odder to see someone draw with a fucking quill in their mouth. Mary didn’t mess up a single stroke, and before long, Twilight and I had a house drawn up, complete with a spare bedroom, a sunroom facing the Whitetail Woods, a deck on the back of the house, and a covered porch on the front. It was going to run us a full seven thousand bits to have the place made, but when I asked for the rush order, it turned into an eight thousand bit ordeal that I didn't mind at all.

The currency between worlds had different stamps on it, so I had to write a letter to Celestia asking for ten thousand bits so Twilight and I could furnish our house when it was built. The money arrived while we were still hashing out the exact placement of the house with Mary, but it’s not like it really would have made a difference if it hadn’t come until the next day. Twilight and I counted out eight thousand three hundred and fifty bits from our stores and Mary recounted, just in case we’d overpaid. She said that she would let us know if she had any change to give back, but when I asked if she would let us know if we needed to pay more, she said that she’d given us a high estimate in the first place because, due to our clothes, she’d assumed that we could afford it. It’s not like she was wrong, but assumptions are bad anyway.

Twilight and I left Town Hall with plans to join Mary for tea during the upcoming weekend, so that was a nice little thing to go along with a pretty decent day, so we took to the streets of Ponyville and started heading toward Rarity’s shop. We got plenty of weird looks, but the thing that made the walk worthy of note was running into a tiny little lizard guy that was extremely familiar. Of course it was Spike, and he hadn’t really changed all that much between the worlds other than getting shorter, a little more pudgy, and seeming even more harmless than he usually did. I didn’t even notice him until Twilight pointed him out, so we made a little time to go say hi since we weren't doing anything terribly important.

We walked up to him while he was openly staring at us like he’d never seen another bipedal race, and I greeted him with, “Wotcher, mate. Name’s Max and this is Twilight.” I bent down and extended a hand to him.

He stared at my hand for a moment before shaking his head and accepting my greeting. “H-Hi. I’m Spike.”

“I know.” Twilight said playfully.

He looked at her. “Twilight, why do you only have two hooves?”

Twilight looked down and gasped in mock shock. “I only have two hooves!?” Her hands went to her face and she fluttered her wings.

“And you have wings! What the hay is happening!?” Spike cried, completely over his earlier silence.

“I became an Alicorn and I think this guy made me into a biped.” Twilight said, crossing her arms and giving me a look.

“Sorry, that’s just how it works when you become the Prime Princess.” I shrugged.

“The whosiewhatnow?” Spike asked.

Twilight continued looking at me, so I gave him some complete bullshit. “She’s the Prime Princess. It means that she’s going to be more powerful than Celestia when her Magic matures.

Spike’s jaw dropped. “Y-You mean my big sister is going to top the Princess Celestia!?”

I nodded. “As long as she doesn't make me upset enough to stop helping her, yes.”

Twilight pinched me and I gave her a look while she said, “I keep trying to get him to turn me back into a normal Pony, but he’s being a real jerk about it!”

I rolled my eyes and looked at Spike. “You’re her little brother, right?” He nodded rapidly. “Then maybe you can tell her that I don't have the power to change her back. She’s stuck like this until she gets powerful enough to alter her form through the PP Magic.”

Spike blushed. “Isn’t that… You know…”

Twilight flushed as well and gasped. “Spike! That is not what he meant and you know it! You should be ashamed of yourself for thinking like that!”

I grabbed her arse and she pinched me again. “Will you stop with touching my flank!?” She asked in mock indignation.

“Sorry, it’s just so grabbable!” I gave her a grin up until Spike blew some fire at me. “Oi!”

“Get your paws off my sister!” Spike shouted.

I raised my hands. “Oi, kid, don’t cause a scene. I’ll shock you if you do.”

My wife saw it fitting to abuse me some more. “Don’t threaten my brother!”

“If both of you don’t quit it, I’ll stop helping you entirely.” I warned.

Twilight pouted and crossed her arms while Spike glared at me. “Ya know, I don’t know you too well and you already seem like a real jerk!”

“That’s just because you’re not allowed to swear, Shrimp.” I smirked at him.

He continued glaring as Twilight let out a fake sigh of resignation. “Just be nice to him, Spike. If he can help me get strong enough to get back to having four hooves, then it’s in our best interest to keep him happy.”

Spike folded his arms and hunched his shoulders. “If you say so.” He muttered bitterly.

“Oi, cheer up, Shrimp. I’m not exactly here to hurt Twilight. In fact, I’m here to be the loving husband she’s going to need later on down the road, so-”

“You what!?” Twilight asked loudly, her shock so fake it could be a politician’s remorse.

I gave her the most evil smile I could. “Oh? You didn’t know? I was created just for you, my dear Twilight Sparkle. When we’re together, you’ll be stronger than you could ever be by yourself, and I do already love you. You could say that I was crafted from the Ether, just for your specific needs and desires.”

My wife groaned. “Don't tell me I have to marry you.”

Spike gasped. “NO!”

I passed him a smug look. “That’s right, mate. If Twilight wants to get back to four hooves, she’ll have to embrace my love and return it so that she can become powerful enough to get back to her normal form.”

He stared at me for a moment before his eyes rolled upward and he fainted.

Twilight caught him with Magic before he could fall and I was giggling my fucking arse off like never before while Wifey was doing her best not to snort while she guffawed at Spike’s suffering. It was FUCKING GOLDEN. Twilight picked up the single meter tall Dragon and held him like he was her child, which, in a manner of speaking, he kinda was. My wife chuckled some more and looked at me, giving me a wide smile before saying that we should get a move on and go see Rarity before something else equally silly happened. I didn't need any convincing, and as we walked along, I noticed that Twilight held this planet’s Spike as if he were her own baby, reinforcing my desire to get my shit straight so I could give her a child of her own to coddle and love like she so obviously yearned for.

The rest of the walk was short since Spike had most likely been coming from Rarity’s shop in the first place, and we’d caught him like, a block away. It was rather nice that we got there before he woke up, but when we got into Rarity’s shop, he started stirring in Twilight’s arms, so she rocked him gently and sang a little lullaby that made him curl up adorably and give up on coming back to reality. I thought the moment was so damnably sweet, I stole my camera from Castle Arcadia and took a couple of pictures so I could add them to my scrapbook.

Rarity eventually came out of the back of her shop, already in the process of saying, “Welcome to the Carousel Boutique, where every garment is chic, unique, and magnif- Oh my.” She stopped at the stupidest part, which I was grateful for.

I gave her a smile and a wave while Twilight continued singing to Spike. “Hullo there, pretty little Pony. How are you this fine day?”

Rarity blinked and backed away slowly, bumping into the door to the back of her shop. “... Hello?”

I tilted my head at her. “Is something wrong, love?”

“Uh, no! No, everything is just fine!” She laughed nervously.

Twilight looked away from Spike. “Hi Rarity.”

Rarity blinked. “... Twilight?”

Twilight gave her a sad smile. “Yes.”

The marshmallowy mare gulped. “I-I see you’ve done something to your mane.” She chuckled awkwardly.

Twilight looked at me and sighed. “Would you care to explain, Max? You get this a lot more than I do.”

“Can I have a kiss?” I asked.

Twilight looked away from me. “Y-You know that makes me feel strange…”

“Is it a good strange or a bad one? You never did answer me.” I teased.

“... I’ll give you one if you just explain what’s going on, okay?” She said, faking anxiety.

“Twilight, is everything okay?” Rarity asked, concerned.

“It depends on your definition of okay. Our little Twilight here just became the only bipedal Pony on the planet and earned herself a future husband.” I smirked.

Twilight hung her head and Rarity gasped. “Y-You’re forcing Twilight to marry you!?”

I raised a brow at her. “No, I’m saying that I was created for Twilight and that she’ll eventually come to love me as I do her. I was literally made with her needs in mind.”

“That’s what you say, but you keep being a jerk.” Twilight pouted.

I kissed her cheek and she stepped away from me. “Aww, don’t be so cold, Twilight. You know you love it when I tease you.”

“I rather wish you’d stop.” She pouted some more.

Rarity glared at me. “I don’t know what’s going on, but you have exactly one minute to explain before I contact the authorities!”

I gave her a look. “What are they going to arrest me for?”

She was stuck. “Harassment!” She said unconvincingly.

“I’m a personal friend of Celestia. She’s not going to let me be arrested for something as harmless as frustrating Twilight. I could always try sticking with you for a little while and we can see what happens from there. I do have to say that I like a ‘mare’ with a nice, spankable ‘flank’.” I gave her a sultry grin and a wink.

Rarity blushed and gasped. “You deviant! You will not lay so much as a hoof on me!”

“I never said I was going to, and I’d rather do this,” I reached over and grabbed Twilight’s arse for the second time that day, “than spank you.”

Twilight took another step away from me and held Spike close. “Will you stop doing that!?”

“Only when you become a quadruped again. You’d be too short for me to be reaching down to grab your ‘flank’ all the time.” I said priggishly.

Rarity marched up and pointed a hoof at me. “Now you listen here, you lecher! You will not be laying hooves-” I booped her nose. “Do not touch me!”

I booped her again. “I won’t touch you like I touch Twilight, love, so don't worry about me getting my hands on that generous ‘flank’ of yours.”

She turned around and tried to kick me, but I stopped her hoof with my foot. “That’s just not nice.”

“You’re not very nice!” Rarity huffed.

“At least I haven't tried to hurt any’pony’. You’re a violent ‘pony’, I’m peaceful.” I said condescendingly.

“I am not a violent pony!” Rarity protested.

“Then why did you try to kick me if you’re not violent? Peaceful ‘ponies’ don’t lash out and try to hurt others for mild teasing, Fat Arse.” I smirked at her.

Rarity flustered. “Did you just call me fat!?”

“Do you know what ‘arse’ means?” I asked.

“Well, no, but-”

“Then why are you offended? Are you a racist, Rarity? You should be ashamed of yourself!” I said scathingly.

“I am not-”

“You really shouldn't judge some’pony’ just because they’re different, Rarity. It’s not fair to yourself, nor is it fair to Max.” Twilight defended.

“Twilight, you can be serious! This pervert has touched you very inappropriately!” Rarity argued.

My wife blushed and looked at her. “It’s just because he finds me attractive. It’s… It’s actually kind of nice…” She admitted.

Rarity blinked and I took over. “That’s why I do it. Twilight says she doesn't like it, but I know she does.” I looked at Twilight. “For the record, your ‘flank’ is better than your friend’s.”

Twilight pouted at me. “Don’t insult my friends to compliment me.”

I shrugged. “I was just stating an opinion. No need to be upset.”

Rarity huffed. “A proper gentlecolt would never speak to a mare in such a manner!”

“A proper mare wouldn’t try to kick someone over meaningless words.” I said flatly.

Rarity coloured and Twilight took the lead. “He’s right, Rarity, even if he said it in a bad way. I know you didn't like it when a certain Prince hit you for no real reason.”

“At least Prince Blueblood was…” She trailed off. “Well, there’s nothing good to say about that stallion, but he was still better than this one!”

“You take that back.” Twilight snarled.

Rarity winced. “Tw-Twilight, I assure you-”

“No. Blueblood is scum. Max is respectable at the very least, he’s just weird. Very weird. He’s not a complete loser like Blueblood was.”

Rarity looked down. “I suppose an apology is in order then.”

I knelt down next to Rarity and put a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry about it, love. I’m not easily offended.”

Twilight sniffed. “Still.”

The white twat looked at me. “I should still apologize. Blueblood was a far worse stallion than any I’ve met before, and if Twilight says you’re not a bad Pony, then I trust her.”

I gave her a grin. “You know, you’re not half bad, Marshmallow. Maybe I will give that ‘flank’ of yours a squeeze.” I teased.

Rarity looked to Twilight. “I’m pretty sure he’s kidding or just messing with you.”

She looked back to me, blushing. “Please stop.”

“Maybe.” I booped her. “Boop!”

Rarity gave me a look. “You might not be as bad as Prince Blueblood, but you’re worse than Pinkie Pie.”

“I don’t know. Max hasn't thrown a party for a filly having her first week yet.” Twilight said.

Rarity pursed her lips. “At least Pinkie-”

“Oh, she sexually harasses ‘ponies’, just not mares.” I said drily. “The difference between us is that I know when to stop and when to keep messing with people. I’ve still got a few more quips to go before I lure you into my bed.”

Rarity huffed. “With your manners, you couldn’t even lure the most deplorable of mares into your bed!”

“Well, I plan on napping with Twilight this evening, and she kinda wants to, so thanks for insulting your friend. That was really nice of you.” I said harshly.

She blushed hard. “Twilight! That can’t be true!”

Twilight teleported Spike to a chair on the far side of the room. “Well…”

“How long have you even known this stallion!?” Rarity cried.

“Long enough to want some good old fashioned snuggles. I might not be terribly soft like yourself, but I have my perks.” I gave her a smug grin.

“He is warm when the night gets cold.” Twilight curled a lock of her mane.

“... You’ve shared a bed with him before?” Rarity breathed.

My grin grew. “Oh, we’ve shared a bed. And a couch. And kisses. So many kisses!”

Rarity fainted, but neither of us caught her.

Twilight and I looked at each other before we burst out into laughter like we had before. “Oh, Amour, this is so fun! I see why you mess with people all the time now!”

“It’s fucking great, I’m telling you! Let’s see if we can get Fluttershy to faint next!”

“Eh, that seems kinda mean when you think about it. Fluttershy would faint if you just pulled your pants down.”

“Then why don’t we see if we can get you to faint.” I gave her a devilish smile.

She gave me an odd look before it dawned on her. “Oh yes! Let’s get Sparkle next!”

We grinned and looked at our victims for a moment, chuckling some more. I asked Twilight if I could pull one last prank and she gave me the go ahead, so I levitated Spike over and had him lay on Rarity with his head on her arse, just because I knew it’d be fucking great when they woke up. Well, It’d either be a great memory for Spike or one of the most embarrassing moments of Rarity’s life, depending on who woke up first. I had Twilight in full Prank Mode, so she didn’t even think twice about leaving them like that, which I found to be great. What was even greater was the fact that she used a spell to stick Spike’s hand onto Rarity’s rear, which would only wear off after an hour. We left Rarity’s shop with persistent giggles and amused ourselves further by talking about what they would do when they woke up. Twilight was hoping that Spike would drool on Rarity and I was hoping that she’d finally realize that he had a crush on her, but it was terribly unlikely since the Marshmallow can be blind as fuck sometimes.

Twilight and I alighted to the Treebrary, both of us smiling wide like we’d just found the best joke in a thousand page book. When we arrived our destination, I had to tell Twilight to think about dead puppies to make her stop giggling, but that depressed her a bit, so I told her to think about living puppies surrounding her and licking her face, which made her smile, but stopped her short of giggling this time around. When she got a hold of herself, she straight up just walked into the place like she owned it and we went to the library part because reasons. She didn’t tell me about those reasons, but I was following her lead on this one, so I followed her in and we sat on the four-legged Twilight’s couch and started talking about the weather. It only took the quadrupedal version of my wife like, four minutes to come up from the basement to see who was talking in her house.

When four-legged Twilight saw two-legged Twilight, she froze and her jaw dropped. “Look, Max! It’s the quadrupedal version of me!” My wife exclaimed.

“Well would you look at that. So there wasn’t a spell that made everyone turn into quadrupeds and forget us. Also explains why our Castle is gone.” I commented idly.

“... What’s going on?” Quadrupedal Twilight asked.

“We’re here to raid your Cupcake Castle.” Twilight said before I could come up with anything. I had to bite back my laughter as Quadrupedal Twilight fainted then and there. Her name will now be shortened to QT, which I suggested we do while she was knocked the fuck out.

“Okay, so that was easy.” My wife remarked.

I lost my shit. “Oh my God, that was fucking perfect! Cherry, I fucking love you so much right now!” I gave her a hug and she giggled.

“You know we’re going to have to be extra nice for messing with her, Spike, and Rarity, right? I doubt Rarity’s going to be making any clothes for us any time soon.” Twilight sighed.

“Oh well. We can always torture her some more.” I shrugged.

“We could, or we could not do that. I think we’ve had our fun for the week.” She let me go and went over to check on QT.

I followed shortly after and we found that QT was fine, as we expected, so Twilight levitated her over to the couch and we sat in one of the armchairs that were placed carefully around the room. My wife nuzzled up to me as we talked about how to explain that we’d just been messing around with our victims when Twilight started to rouse from her slumber. She didn't get off of the couch for a few minutes, but she did speak after awhile.

“Wow… That was a CRAZY dream. I really need to check and see if those chemicals have side effects.” QT said to herself.

“What chemicals?” Twilight asked.

QT scrambled off of her couch and stared at us. “... You’re real.”

I gave her a warm smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Twilight.”

“... How do you know my name?” She asked.

Cherry raised her hand. “Hi, my name is Twilight Sparkle.”

“... You’ve gotta be kidding me.” She breathed.

“Nope. We come from an alternate version of Equus where Ponies are bipedal.” My Twilight said calmly.

QT’s eyes widened. “You come from another world?” I saw that fucking gleam in her eyes and knew exactly what the fuck it meant.

“Alright. Cherry, you’re answering the questions.” I said quickly.

QT tilted her head. “How did you know I had questions?”

Twilight sighed. “Sparkle, I’d like you to meet my husband, Maximus. He knows pretty much everything there is to know about us, including our intellectual curiosity.”

She tilted her head further. “I understand that you’re a bipedal Pony, other me, but what are you, Maximus?”

“Please, call me Max.” I offered her another smile. QT nodded and I continued. “I’m a being known as a Human. You won’t find another one of me on Equis or Equus.”

“You said Equus twice.” My wife pointed out.

“No, I said Equ-is and Equ-us. Didn’t you pick up on Celestia’s pronunciation when we started asking her about this planet? I’m pretty sure that this world is spelled with an ‘I’ instead of a ‘U’.”

We looked to QT who nodded. “My Equis is spelled with an ‘I’.”

“Huh. I didn’t even consider that.” Twilight murmured. “Well, I know you have a lot of questions, so please feel free to ask me anything.” My wife gave QT a kind smile.

“When did you meet Princess Celestia, and why do disrespect her by calling her by her name without her title?” QT asked.

“We met Celestia yesterday and we don’t address her with her title because Max and I are both royalty ourselves. That, and Max has never called her ‘Princess’, at least, not around me. He just doesn't care much for respecting authority figures.” My wife said humourlessly.

“... How do you not respect Princess Celestia?” QT asked, confused.

“I do respect Celestia, I just don’t like using people’s titles. I hate mine, and I know Celestia well enough to not use hers. Hell, I dated our Celestia for a few months.” I said flippantly.

“You dated the Princess!?” QT cried.

“Hey, Luna exists, you know.” Twilight reprimanded softly. “It hurts her feelings when people don’t recognize her as a ruling power. She deserves the same respect Celestia gets, and calling her sister the Princess is like ignoring her very existence.”

QT blinked. “I-I’m sorry, I just- I- Uh… Help me out here?” She asked weakly.

“It’s fine, QT. It’s not like you’re doing it to purposefully insult Luna.” I said.

“QT?” She asked.

“Quadrupedal Twilight.” I explained. “It doesn't hurt that you’re also so darn cute! A regular cutie pie, if I may.”

My wife gave me a look. “You don’t call me cute.”

“That’s because you’re more pretty or beautiful than you are cute. You do a lot of cute things, but you just fit into the other two parts of the Attractiveness Triangle better than that one. It’s not an insult, it’s a compliment to your elegance.” I covered smoothly.

I got a kiss on the cheek for that. “Way to dig yourself out, Amour. I think that warrants a favour.”

“Radical.” I smiled. “I’ll be sure to return it upon request.”

“Excuse me?” QT asked. “We’re getting a little off topic here.”

“Sorry.” Twilight and I said in unison.

“... Right. So why did you two just walk into my house if you know you don’t live here?” QT asked nervously.

“To prank you.” Twilight explained. “We’ve pranked Rarity and Spike already, but we wanted to see if we could prank you too.”

“That doesn’t really sound like something I would do…”

“That’s because you don’t have a handsome, debonair, sexy, generally amazing Human around to be a terrible influence on you.” I chuckled.

Twilight covered my face with her hand and rubbed it around in a circle. “Well, he’s not wrong, but I’m sure we still have a lot in common, like a love of owls, books, research, and friendship. My Alicorn Magic is actually based on making friends.”

“You’re an Alicorn!?” QT cried.

My wife spread one of her wings, which I felt rather than saw because she left her hand on my face. “Yes, we both are, actually. Max can’t really control when his wings and horn appear, but he’s also an Alicorn.”

“Wow! What’s his Alicorn Magic?” QT asked excitedly.

My wife took her hand off of my face so I could respond. “We don’t really have a solid answer to that, but it has something to do with lightning or electricity in general. So far it’s only good for making people moan or shocking them.”

She looked at me funny, but Twilight put her hand on my face again. “What Max means is that he doesn’t really know all that much about it because he hasn’t tested its limits. It doesn’t help at all when you take the fact that he was born without any kind of Magic into consideration.”

“So what’s his Cutie Mark, or rather, how did he become an Alicorn?”

“Max doesn’t have a Cutie Mark since he’s not a Pony, but he became an Alicorn after he died and came back to life.” Twilight expounded.

“... Ponies don’t really come back from the dead unless it’s Dark Magic…”

“On Max’s home planet, there was an evil scientist who made a serum of sorts that made Max’s life span go from seventy or so years to about three hundred. That same serum was slightly magical in nature, so when he injected it into Max, his body catalyzed it into something that wouldn’t let him die. Then Max got killed by Applejack-”

“Wait, what!?” QT shouted.

“Twilight, calm down. It wasn’t your Applejack, and she didn’t do it because she wanted to. Max was extremely frail compared to the Ponies of Equus, and when they got into a fight, Applejack didn’t know that Max’s bones were softer than a Pony’s.” My wife said calmly.

“... I can’t believe that.”

“Cast a truth spell and I’ll say it again.” Twilight challenged.

“... I… It’s just hard to… Well, knowing Applejack’s temper sometimes, I guess it’s not impossible that she could go too far with somepony who isn’t as sturdy as a normal Pony.”

“Exactly. She didn’t mean to hurt Max like that, but he forgave her anyway because he’s really trying to be a better person. He’s not doing a bad job, either.” Twilight took her hand off of my face again, but left me alone this time around.

“I wouldn’t say that. You two just up and trespassed for the sake of a prank, after all.”

“We could always raid your Cupcake Castle like my Twilight said we were going to.” I responded flippantly.

“Please don’t.” QT said quietly.

“We wouldn’t do that. Neither of us would do that, especially not without your consent.” Twilight assuaged.

“... Okay. I believe you, but that was still a mean prank.” She maintained.

“It wasn’t that mean.” I defended.

“It was actually mild compared to most of what Pinkie and Rainbow do.” Twilight reminded.

“... Fair point, but still.” QT said.

“We’re sorry you fainted, but the prank was hilarious. You should’ve seen the look of absolute shock on your face before we had to catch you.” My wife said, biting back giggles. “I only recently came to understand why my husband likes to mess with people, but now that I see that we don’t have to be mean like Rainbow or her friend Gilda to get laughs, it’s nowhere near as bad. Maybe you could help us prank Applejack or Rainbow Dash?”

“Why would you want to prank me and my friends, but only us?” QT asked, her voice hardening.

My wife sighed. “Because I’m you from a different world, Twilight. I’m only comfortable pranking people I know, and the alternate versions of my friends are like people I’ve known for years. It’s really not malicious, it’s just funny to see everyone’s reactions to me walking around on two hooves, looking kinda like you.”

“If we wanted to hurt you and your friends, or rather, if we were trying to bully you girls, we’d just say hurtful things or pick on you. We haven’t hurt anyone and the worst thing we’ve done so far was make Spike think that my Twilight was his real big sister.” I added.

“Wait, where IS Spike? He should have been home by now.” QT said.

“He’s with Rarity at the moment. He fainted like you did, so Cherry carried him to the Carousel Boutique with us. We’ll bring him home in a few minutes if you want.” I offered.

QT breathed a sigh of relief. “As long as he’s safe, it’s okay. Do you know if he’s still asleep, or is he just mad about being pranked?”

“He was snoozing away when we left. I sang him his favourite lullaby when he started to wake up, and we both know that he’ll be out cold for about thirty more minutes after that.” Twilight informed.

“... It’s weird to think that you know my brother as well as I do.” QT said.

“Well, if you want to be mean about it, you could say I know him better since I know everything you know and a few years extra since Equus is about three or four years ahead of Equis.” Twilight said.

“Oh… Can I ask more questions now?” QT asked.

“You just asked one.” Twilight and I chorused.

QT blushed. “Yes, but can I ask more aside from that one?”

“You just asked another.” We pointed out.

QT frowned. “You’re not very funny.”

“See that’s not a question, that’s an opinion.” I said, trying not to chuckle. “It’s not funny because we’re messing with you.”

Twilight looked at me. “Is this how I acted when we first got together?”

“Couldn’t take a joke to save your life.” I replied blandly.

“Don’t get yourself pinched again.”

“Don’t be abusive.” I said, pouting like a man.

“I’m not abusive! I could always be hitting you instead of pinching you.” Twilight reasoned.

“You used to do both.” I replied drily, earning myself a pinch. “Ow! Will you quit it, woman?”

“Stop saying words that get you pinched.” QT said haughtily.

“Exactly! Thank you, QT.” My wife gave her a smile and I levitated her off of my lap. “Hey! I was comfortable!”

I dropped her on the floor. “Oh, sorry. I was just wary of getting pinched again.”

QT giggled. “Okay, it’s a little funny when it’s happening to somepony else.”

Twilight and I gave her different looks, but said the same thing. “You know we can go for you instead of each other, right?”

She shut up.

Twilight hopped back into my lap and licked my cheek. “So you had questions, right QT?”

She did have questions, and she had a fucktonne of them at that. A regular metric fucktonne, to be exact. There were many fuckkilograms of questions to be sorted through, and a great deal of assloads to go through, but when Spike and Rarity came into the Treebrary, QT’s questions were put on hold and the two other victims of our pranks were floored to see Twilight and Twilight in the same room, at the same time. Spike accepted that it was a great prank, though I knew he had his own reasons, but Rarity was pissed. When she explained to Twilight that she woke up on the floor of her shop with Spike’s claw glued to her arse, we got glared at by both mares, though that was probably because we were sniggering like naughty schoolchildren. The shit was fantastic, but Rarity was still pretty mad about being double pranked and QT was mad because we kinda-sorta made her little brother molest her friend. We apologized for not thinking the last part of our prank through, but it wasn’t quite enough for Rarity.

The Marshmallow demanded that we grovel before her and beg for forgiveness or some shit like that, but Twilight cut her down hard, citing her status as a Princess as reason enough to not have to apologize for something that had caused no harm. She had the no-nonsense voice down pat at this point in her life, and I backed her up with my low and lethal thing that I knew Rarity could never stand up to. QT wasn’t all that mad to begin with since Spike had poked Cutie Marks before and nothing had ever come of it, so she didn’t really get why Rarity was all that upset in the first place. That, and Twilight was a coward when it came to people who were more pissed off than she was (As long as they weren’t outright evil, apparently) before I came along and made her grow a figurative pair. You could say she's got brass nips that keep a spit-shine.

With Rarity and QT properly cowed and well aware of the fact that we dish out the bullshit, not them, Twilight and I started being extra nice to make up for it. I gave Rarity compliments on her mane and coat, using compliments that had worked on the Rarity from Equus that were surefire ways to get into her knickers for a night while Twilight worked on QT by getting her mind off of being shut down by telling her about all sorts of magical marvels that she had come across. Within mere minutes, we had them both wrapped around our fingers, and by the time Twilight and I decided to take our leave, we had three new friends to add to our list and were invited to a picnic that the girls were having the day before we were supposed to meet Mary and Strawberry for tea.

With a fucking fantastic victory freshly notched victory into our metaphorical belts, Twilight and I walked over to the Bee and Barb so we could get a room for the night. Like Mary had said, the beds were on the small side, even for Twilight, but we made it work by having her nap on me, though it was still a little sucky. Still, we talked about how good she was getting at manipulating people, just like I do, and that scared her a little bit. It was a long, drawn out conversation in which I repeated that it was a good thing that she was learning how to work people without being evil or threatening them, but Twilight maintained her path and said it was a bad thing to do, even if we were only doing it to get out of trouble.
I was Twilight why, if she thought manipulating people was wrong, she let me do it to her whenever I got into trouble and she said that it was different because we both knew that she wasn’t ever really all that upset with me when I utilized compliments to get myself out of trouble. I told her that it was the same principel, and that talking people out of being pissed off over small things was actually something she’d been doing since she’d started making friends, and when she asked how that was even slightly similar, I gave her a real answer. I pose this question to me, future self: If you’re ‘manipulating’ someone so they’re not upset over something they shouldn’t be mad about in the first place, are you doing them harm, or are you doing them a favour? That’s the question I asked Twilight, and she actually fell asleep while delving into that moral quandary, so I stole my journal from Equus again and got this written out. It’s been hard to do while trying not to wake Twilight, but I’ve managed well enough, if I do say so myself.

Eh, even if my penmanship is a bit shit, it’s still written down. Whatever.

So the next morning was a stiff one, and I’m not talking about morning wood. Twilight and I were both a little sore from curling up on that little fucking bed, but we were good to go after some stretches that left us both feeling much better. I helped Twilight pop the important joints, and though it hurt her, it was ultimately for her own good and she’d asked me to do it, so I didn’t feel as shitty for it. Still felt like an arse for hurting her in the first place, but I felt like a wiped arse. I popped my own joints because I know how to do that shit since it was one of the things Luna instructed me on, though it would’ve been nice to have Twilight with her hands all over me. Priorities, I suppose.

Once we were prepared for the day, I asked Twilight what she wanted to do, and she said that she wanted to go see Fluttershy for a little bit, so we took off without further ado. It was pretty early since we tend to rise with or before the Sun depending on the time of year, so we were hoping that Fluttershy still got up early to feed her animals. I didn’t doubt that she did, but Twilight was unsure if the trait would carry between worlds before I pointed out that pretty much every other thing had been spot on. She gave into my powers of observation and we took ourselves a nice little walk, holding hands and talking about how we’d handle Fluttershy so she didn’t panic when she saw us.

The walk was a decent one since Fluttershy doesn’t live in town in either world, though it passed quickly enough due to the good company and both of us knowing the way there like the backs of our hands. When we got there, I hoped to see a alternate version of Lupa running around or doing whatever, but I couldn’t smell her on the air, even when we got closer to the cottage. I could, however, catch a whiff of Krel’s smelly arse. I knew that he would be close to Fluttershy since he generally wasn’t too far away from her unless he was trying to stick his nose in Urana’s arse. I followed the scent and brought Twilight along with me to the side of Fluttershy’s cottage where the mare herself was taking… Hooffuls? Hoofuls? Hooffulls? Fucking… she was feeding some Goddamn animals, alright?

Twilight and I walked up behind her and stopped a respectable distance away. Krel noticed us and came over to investigate, so I let go of Twilight’s hand and walked toward him. “Wotcher, Krel.”

He stopped mid-step and narrowed his eyes at me. “How do you know that name?”

Fluttershy turned around, but I continued to address the bear. “I know you from a different planet. Would you happen to know of a wolf named Nashoba or Lupa?”

He tilted his head. “You understand me?”

“Yes, I can communicate with you as I need to. I can talk to all Zgon, Krel.” I informed.

“Strange. Do you know the Naga?”

“Not the ones of this world, but I do know of them. Their Hizketan Baia are the reason I can speak to you, though they killed me when I drank a potion made from them. Horrible experience.”

He snorted. “Stop exaggerating. It makes you seem like a whiny cub.”

“No, Krel, I literally died from those berries. I came back to life. I was dead for twenty minutes before I was resurrected from the grave.”

“... That is strange. You are strange. Do not approach the Broodmother.”

“I’ll approach whoever I damn-well please, you smelly fuck.” I snarled. “I may not be as physically strong as you, but i have my ways of making sure you’re not one of my few problems. I’m not going to hurt Fluttershy, so feel free to escort me to her side and introduce us.”

“If you know her, why do you need to be introduced?” He shot back.

“Because I’m from a different world, you oversized oaf. You never did tell me if you knew Nashoba, by the way.”

“I know of Nashoba, though she comes and goes as she pleases. She may return, she may not.” He grumbled bitterly.

“Loving her will only end in pain for both of you. I know you can’t help it, but she’s most likely staying away to stop from growing attached to you.” I said softly.

He snorted again. “She has told me as much. I dispute her claims, but it is ultimately her choice. It is strange that you know of this.”

“Like I said; I know you from a different world. I know a few of your struggles, and one you can do something about is the way you smell. If you go roll in poison joke, you’ll actually start smelling like flowers. That’s how the Krel from my world got rid of his odour.”

“Only a fool would do that.”

“If Nashoba asked you to do it, would you.” My done didn't really make it sound like a question.

“... You talk too much. It is nicer to not be understood.”

“Don’t act like a cub.” I chastised.

“Takes one to know one.” He replied.

“You might think that response actually has meaning, but it really just makes you seem like you shouldn't be mating yet.”

He growled. “I will eat you.”

“I can send you to the Moon with a flick of my wrist. Don’t test me, Krel.” I said, my voice dipping.

He turned his head and walked away, so evidently he got my point. I looked away from him to give Fluttershy a gander and she was openly staring at me, so I waved. “Wotcher, Flutters.”

“Hi Fluttershy!” Twilight called from behind me.

“H-Hi…” Fluttershy waved back meekly.

I walked forward slowly so I didn’t spook her and heard Twilight as she caught up to me. “You know, Bearett’s very protective of you. He essentially told me to ‘buck’ off.” I chuckled.

“O-Oh… Th-That seems rude…” Flutters replied nervously.

“Ah, it’s fine. We came to an understanding. How are you and your animals doing?” I asked kindly.

She perked up. “Oh, you know. I’m doing pretty well and my animal friends still argue over small things from time to time, but that’s just how animals are sometimes.”

“The Kendani never really get the concept of sharing. Maybe you should try calling a meeting and naming all of the animals under your care as a part of the same pack or herd while they’re with you? Members of the same group still have disputes, but it might help.” I said pleasantly.

“That sounds like a wonderful idea! If I tell them all that they’re a part of the same family, they might get along better!” Fluttershy said happily.

I gave her an easy smile. “There you go, Poppet.”

She beamed brilliantly. “Thank you! I should call that meeting soon!”

“You’re welcome, Flutters. Is there anything else I can help you with?” I asked.

She thought about it for a moment. “Um… I don’t think so, though…” She hid behind her mane. “I-I don’t think I remember your name.”

I came closer enough to offer her my hand. “My name is Max and the purple ‘pony’ behind me is my wife, Twilight Sparkle.”

“I-I know a Twilight Sparkle too…” Fluttershy said, looking at my hand.

“I know. We met that Twilight and Rarity yesterday. They invited us to your picnic.” I let my hand fall.

Fluttershy looked at me. “O-Oh, that’s nice.”

“Will I be seeing you there? I’d like to make your acquaintance again, if that’s okay.” I said gently.

She gave me a little smile. “That’s okay.”

“Would you mind if my wife talked to you for a little bit? I was excited to meet you, but she was looking forward to it even more than I was. It’s not everyday that you get to meet one of the nicest, toughest mares around, after all.”

“O-Oh, I’m r-really not that tough…”

“You are when it comes to your friends.” I gave her another easy smile.

“... Are you an omnivore?” Fluttershy asked.

“Yes, I am. Was it the teeth?” I asked my smile dipping a bit.

“Well, yes… D-Don’t worry, I-I know that everypony needs to eat…”

“I usually go into the Everfree if I need to find something to snack on, so don’t worry about your animals. As long as they stay away from the fruit trees where I like to hunt, they’ll be just fine.” I assured her.

“I-I’ll tell them to watch out for you…” Fluttershy’s eyes flickered down to my feet.

I looked down and saw that Angel was glaring up at me. “What’s up, little bunny? Am I taking up too much of Fluttershy’s time?”

He stomped my foot repeatedly, so I loosely grabbed him by the ears and shook his head around. “Don’t do that. It’s very rude, Angel.”

When I stopped, he was dizzy as shit and couldn’t quite hop in a straight line. Fluttershy seemed mildly concerned. “W-Well, I-I suppose that’s better than hurting him…”

“Tell me, Flutters; does Angel eat the food you give him or does he only eat carrots like a bad little bunny?”

“H-How did you know?” Fluttershy gasped.

“I know you from a different world, Poppet. The Fluttershy from Equus, not Equis, was my ‘filly’friend for a good while. I know a lot about you from her.” I gave Fluttershy a warm smile. “Say, let me talk to Angel for a moment and I’ll convince him to behave. I won’t hurt him, I promise.” I picked him up with some handy Telekinesis and started petting him, much to his chagrin.

“W-Well… If you say so…” Fluttershy said, blushing.

I nodded and gestured for Twilight to come over, and so she did. “Hello, Fluttershy. It’s nice to meet you. Would you mind introducing me to some of your animals?”

Fluttershy beamed. “A-Are you looking for a pet?”

Twilight and I traded a look. “Well, we don’t really have a home to call our own quite yet, but we’d love to have a little animal to share some of our love with. Do you have any that are immortal?”

Fluttershy blinked a couple times. “Um… No? But I have some turtles and a tortoise! They’ll live for a long time!”

Twilight gave her a sad smile. “Maybe you have a fox or a wolf? I know Max likes smart animals, and foxes along with wolves are some of the smartest ones out there.”

“W-Well, I DO have fantastic little Mr. Foxy, but as for wolves, the only one I’ve ever met was Lupa and she doesn’t come around all that often…” Fluttershy said in her usual hushed tones.

“Oh, well that’s okay, Fluttershy. Once Max is done talking to Angel, he can come and talk to Mr. Foxy and see if he wants to come live with us.” Twilight said gently.

“Wh-Why can M-Max understand my animals better than I-I can?” Fluttershy asked quietly.

“I’m sorry?” Twilight asked.

“She asked why I can understand her animals better than she can, and the answer to that lies with Zecora, most likely. Ask her if she can get you some Hizketan Baia and you should be good to talk to your little friends.” I informed.

Fluttershy flinched. “Z-Zecora’s kinda sc-scary…”

“No she’s not, Fluttershy. She’s just different, like Max and I. She won’t hurt you.” Twilight said soothingly.

“... If you say so…” The margarine mare murmured.

“I do say so. Now let’s get us introduced to your animals!”

I teleported to the other side of Fluttershy’s house as Angel was trying to bite my hand. I held him by the ears when I got sick of his shit and raised him up to eye level so I could give him a black look. “Listen here you little piece of shit. I don’t care what Fluttershy tells you to eat: You eat it. If Fluttershy tells you to eat the pellets, you eat them. If she tells you to eat Krel’s shit, you. Eat. It. Otherwise, I come back and I cut one of your ears off. If you disobey her twice, I cut one of your legs off. Disobey her a third time and I cut your fucking heart out. I have no patience for those who bite the 'hoof' that feeds them, so if you don’t wanna play by Fluttershy’s rules, then that’s fine. You know the consequences now.” I drew the Warbling Blade and held it up to his face, pressing the edge against his fur hard enough for him to get the point, but not hard enough to break skin. “If I have to come back here, I’ll make you regret it. I will make you regret every little thing you’ve done in your entire, worthless little life, so you remember my words or you start losing things that are attached to you. Am I clear?”

Angel pissed himself.

“That’s what I thought.” I dropped him and he cowered away from me. “Now go. Eat.”

He sped off like a bat out of Hell and I made my face nice and placid, but I heard familiar footsteps coming from my left, so I waited for her to come around the cottage. Lupa strode over and sat in front of me. “Bully.”

“Angel’s a little shit. If he pulls anymore nonsense with Fluttershy, I expect you to let me know, Nashoba.” I told her.

She tilted her head. “How do you know that name?”

“I know you from a different world. We were companions there, members of a pack.”

“I feel no such connection to you.” Lupa huffed.

“I wouldn’t expect you to. Your companion lies elsewhere here. Who knows? You might find them on your path to ascension, Wolfmother.”

“I am not the Wolfmother yet. Asena still lives.” She snorted. “I prefer that she lives as long as possible.”

“Her time is coming to a close, and you know that.” I said softly.

“... You speak the truth. I do not want to hear it at the moment.”

“Just because you don’t want to hear it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be heard.” Triple negative! Suck on that, English!

“Fair enough.” Her tail drooped.

“Would you prefer that I call you Lupa or Nashoba?” I asked politely.

“Lupa. The Broodmother and those like her call me Lupa. You may not be a creature I am familiar with, but I sense that you are more like the Broodmother than you are myself.”

“Well, I’d like to think that we have similar thought processes, it’s just that you’re a wolf and I’m a Human.” I shrugged. “Oh well.”

“It is odd that you know me better than I know you.”

“What can I say? I’m amazing!” I gave her a grin.

Lupa snorted. “You’re full of dirt.”

“And you’re full of fur, my little floofball.” I stuck my tongue out at her.

“I’ll eat you.” She said blandly.

“I wouldn’t even taste as good as Krel. Why don’t you go mate with him for a little bit?” I teased.

She gave me a dog-eat-dog look. “I really will eat you.”

“I can kill you long before you even get off of your haunches. Don’t test me, pup.” I smirked.

“Stupid Magic.”

“It’s pretty bullshit, but I could kill you without it too. I fought you when you were a Wolfmother, you know. I may not have won, but I got closer than you liked.”

“... You took on a Wolfmother and came close to winning?” Lupa asked, astounded.

“I did. I’m an Alicorn, so it was pretty much a must do, in my books.”

“Books are the little things that Ponies ‘read’, correct?”

“Yup.”

“Why am I in your books?”

“Because I like you and your tail is mesmerizing. I like watching it wag.” I said casually.

Her tail wagged. “That is odd.”

“I’m an odd guy. I mean, who talks to animals?” I made a face.

“You, odd one. That much is obvious.”

“I see you don’t understand sarcasm quite yet. You’ll get there, bitch.” I smirked.

“... Why do I feel like that was supposed to be an insult?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I quelled my grin.

“Right. I’m going to go see if the Broodmother has more food.” Lupa cantered away and I followed her.

Fluttershy was still happily introducing Twilight to her animals when I arrived a few steps behind Lupa. My wife already knew all of them by heart because she’d memorized them back on Equus, but she played the part of the attentive stranger and ‘met’ them all with a closed-mouth smile and often gave the friendlier ones a caress or two before giving them a compliment. I noticed that Angel was trying his hardest to avoid the fuck out of me, but the guy had few enough friends among Fluttershy’s animals, so no one really felt sorry for him in the slightest. It was mostly because he used to treat her like shit before I came along and set his ungrateful arse straight, and now that I had him acting right in this world too, I was pretty glad to see that my way was working.

Twilight and Fluttershy struck up a conversation about different types of animals while I just stood off to the side and didn't really say much, though I did hope that Rarity would hurry with the clothes she was supposed to be making us. She said it would be done within a few days, but then again, Twilight and I were supposed to have two houses by that time, so at least we would have place to keep our stuff. Then the most obvious fucking thing struck me and I started praying for a moment, walking off to be alone so I could hear the Almighty voice in my head. God told me that I had five minutes total to go and grab as many clothes as I could from Equus, so I made a quick trip and timed myself, making sure to rifle through every drawer and wardrobe Twilight and I had, memorizing both of our sets of clothes to the best of my ability. I’m pretty sure Twilight’s knickers stood out in my mind a bit better than anything else, but other than that, I was pretty sure that my two minutes had been well spent when I came back to Equis.

Twilight and I took our leave from Fluttershy’s place after awhile and agreed to go get breakfast since both of us were tired and desired a nibble more than Equus’ Fluttershy hungered for sex. We got to Blossom’s and Bloom’s around lunchtime, which meant that the service wasn’t going to be great since they only had three waiters working the lunch rush, but it was fine since Twilight and I were planning on ordering two meals apiece. We didn’t know how quadrupedal Pony servings were going to be, but when we got our first plates, it was hard not to stare. Unlike the Zhongguo restaurant we’d visited in Canterlot, the servings in Ponyville were fucking massive, and they were an absolute steal for the amount we paid. It was only about fifteen bits between the two of us for twice as much food, so we devoured our respective meals. Twilight had gone with a garden-fresh flower salad that had marigolds, lavender, blue bells, and was garnished with Rose petals while I went with my usual fettuccine alfredo. Both were delicious, and Twilight ended up stealing a couple bites out of my salad bowl of pasta, but my meal was far more substantial and calorically dense than hers was, so I happily let her have some of my food so she could keep her energy up.

After dessert, we left a fifty percent tip for our waiter because Twilight’s a generous tipper and we were pretty satisfied with our meals. I wasn’t really feeling it, but it’s how my wife has always been. Even when I take her out to eat on Equus, she still adds more to whatever tip I leave because she’s just charitable like that, though I guess I’m just stingy when it comes to tipping. I think fifteen percent is more than fair most of the time, but there are rare occasions when I just feel like being nice because I can afford it. It never happened in England because I was a bitter arsehole who clung to his pence with a passion, and shillings were marked with my grip. My pounds often came with indentations because I was just that damn miserly with my money, dammit, and I’d like to say that it was well warranted. I’m not cheap, I’m thrifty.

Twilight and I decided to walk around town to burn a few hours, not saying much while we walked before I suggested that we go to QT’s house and read some books to fill the time. We’d probably be the only people who actually came to check out books in the past couple of months, though when I pointed that out to my wife, she sighed and said that it was all too true since the people of Ponyville rarely ever read. There were actually a surprising number of illiterate people in town since they’d just never wanted to bother with school, which I found odd. Twilight informed me that being educated was a choice in Equestria, and that sometimes children didn’t start school until they were in their teenage years. I thought that shit was weird and said as much since school was mandatory in England and most of the first-world countries I knew of, but Twilight just shrugged and said that Equestria believed in choice, for the most part.

I wanted to ask about Equestrian views on abortion, but I didn’t really want to go there since it was a tender subject on Earth and it wasn’t something I agreed with anyway on most levels, so potentially pissing us both off sounded like a bad idea. If only some people thought the same way, there would be a lot less pointless arguments, but not everyone likes to keep their opinions to themselves. I asked Twilight her opinion of tofu bacon because I felt like that was a easy enough thing to talk about, and we both agreed that it was awful, but for different reasons. Twilight didn't like it because of the texture while I didn’t like it because I’d had real bacon and I knew what I was missing out on: Tasty, tasty pig fat.

When we got to QT’s house, Twilight knocked this time around and Spike answered the door. “Oh, hey guys. What brings you over?” He asked pleasantly.

“Well, I’m here to find some books and Max is here to talk to you about sticking your hand to Rarity.” Twilight said.

He blushed and tapped his index claws together. “Oh- Uh… Well, feel free to look for your books I guess.”

Twilight bent down and gave him a hug. “I will. Have fun talking with Max!”

“Right.” He chuckled nervously.

When Twilight walked in and got out of earshot, I gave Spike a severe look. “Did you wake up before Rarity?”

“W-Well, Yeah…” Spike fidgeted.

I nodded. “Did you give her a squeeze?:”

He blushed brightly. “Wh-Wh-What!? I-I-I-”

“So you did.” I beamed at him. “Atta boy, Spike!”

The little Dragon stared up at me. “Uh… I thought that was a bad thing?”

“Oh, it is to everyone except me. I think it’s a great sign of you being a young ‘stallion’ with good morals. If you think you shouldn’t have done it, then you’ve got a good head on your shoulders.”

“Well, thanks I guess. Why are you complimenting me for doing something naughty?”

“How was Rarity’s rear?” I asked deviously.

He looked behind him and closed the door, stepping out to talk to me. “Dude, it was so soft!”

“I know, right? The Rarity from my world had a fantasstic posterior as well, and I was willing to bet that Marshmallow was the exact same way. Glad you got to find out for yourself.” I grinned.

He smiled back shyly. “You won’t tell my sister about this, right?”

“Oh no, I’m never speaking a word of this to anyone. This conversation stays between us.”

Spike sighed in relief. “Whew! I thought you were tricking me into saying stuff for a second!”

“Nah, I wouldn’t do that, mate. I know what it’s like to be baited, and I hate it with a passion.” I said truthfully. “So let me ask you something else, yeah?”

“Sure thing.”

“Did you sneak a peek at the goods while you were stuck to Rarity?” I asked softly.

He blushed. “I-I really didn’t try to, but Rarity started bucking when she woke up and it was just there!”

“Does she know?” I asked, holding back a smile.

“I-I don’t think so.”

“Good. Keep that little tidbit to yourself and stop sleeping in QT’s room.” I said wisely.

“Well, we do have a couple extra rooms, and my basket is getting to be a little small…” He pondered my ‘suggestion’.

“You’re a young ‘stallion’, mate. You shouldn’t still be sleeping in your sister’s room at your age.” I said kindly.

“... I guess I wouldn’t mind having my own room, but I think-”

“I’ll talk to QT about it too, mate. We’ll get you your own place to sleep.” I gave him a reassuring smile.

Spike smiled back. “The more I think about it, the nicer it sounds.”

“Right? You don’t have to worry about waking her up, you can hide your comics more easily, and you can touch yourself without worrying about being caught if you lock your door. On the same vein, you won’t have to worry about hearing the wet sloshy noises anymore.” I bit back more giggles.

“How do you know about the sloshy noises?” Spike asked, ignoring the rest of the sentences.

“I know my Twilight, so I know your Twilight. They used to be very similar before I started influencing my Twilight.”

“Ah. So what are those noises?”

“Things you’d rather hear from Rarity while she’s yelling your name than from your sister.”

“I don’t get it.”

“You will when you grow up, and you’ll probably have to have an awkward talk about what QT’s been doing when she thought you were asleep.” I sighed.

“That’s weird.” He said blankly.

“Everything is weird, mate. Everything.” I nodded sagaciously.

“If you say so, dude. I’m gonna head on inside now.”

“And I’m going to see if I can find something interesting to read.”

He nodded and lead the way inside, so I let him do his own thing and went to go find my wife. She was browsing like she hadn’t read every book a thousand times before, but she had a floating stack of books that told me she was going to be reading for the long haul, so I picked up a couple of books for myself and we went looking for QT. She was downstairs of course, so Twilight and I popped in to let her know which books we were borrowing, though QT was just surprised to learn that we actually read for fun. Twilight told her that she should have expected the alternate version of herself to love reading and I said that I was more of a writer, but liked to read anyway. QT asked about the genres I write for and I told her that I spanned Romance, Adventure, and Tragedy, which confused her since she thought that I would have gone for ‘stallion stories’, which were either full of nonstop action or had many love interests and horribly written dialogue. I stole my spare copies of The Lover’s Days Trilogy and asked her to give them a read some time and to let me know what she thought, and Twilight backed me up by saying that the only book she didn't love out of the three was the last one, but that was because she hated the epilogue. That was enticing enough for QT to want to get cracking right away, so Twilight and I took our leave and headed back to the Bee and Barb to read.

We sat in the lobby/dry ‘bar’ area and had some juice, though the only things they had on tap were apple cider. I asked if they had any cider that had gone bad recently and the mare manning the bar said that there was a keg of cider that had a funny smell to it and I offered to buy it off of her, so she agreed to let me have it for five bits and I tapped it myself after asking to use one of the inn’s spigots. Like I’d been expecting, the cider was fermented well enough to probably get someone a little buzzed if they had a few glasses, but I just stole a bottle of whiskey from my closet back on Equus and got to spiking my drinks. Twilight asked if I could grab her a bottle of wine, so I did and we sipped on our drinks, cuddling on the sofa in the lobby for a good while. The mare that ran the inn asked us why we weren't out and about, trying to make new friends or something and we started talking to her.

The mare’s name was Blowing Wind, and she seemed like a real airhead, to be honest. She was pleasant and all, but she was as dumb as a box of granite with sand poured in it. Wind was a bit gossipy, but she was really friendly and quite the pleasure to talk to, so we asked her to pull up a chair and shared some wine with her. She admitted that she liked the sweetness, but that the taste of alcohol was weird. It wasn’t unwelcome, but after two glasses, she was slurring her speech slightly and started coming on to both of us, so Twilight cut her off and told her that we were married to each other, so no hanky-panky was going to occur.

Blowing Wind fucked off to go be tipsy somewhere else after a little while, so Twilight and I went back to drinking and reading for a little while. The Sun set before too long, so I asked her if she wanted to go to Canterlot so I could make good on my promise to get this world’s Traitor out of Luna. Twilight agreed and we used my True Theft to teleport since Twilight wanted to see the space between the dimensions for a little bit, and when we were floating through the Aether, she asked how I’d gotten Noir’s body out of the Alicorn Amulet in the first place, so I told her that story and she gave me a hug, which made it hard to catch my footing when we popped out of the… Well, I’m going to start calling it Betwixt. I should’ve named that place a long time ago, but fucking whatever. We almost fell when we came out of Betwixt, but I had enough balance to keep us from toppling over.

Celestia and Luna stared at us for a moment while we balanced ourselves, but I was here for business. “Hey Lulu, are you ready to have an ancient being coaxed out of your chest?”

“... What?” Luna asked.

“Ah! I forgot about your offer, Maximus. Yes, I’ll retrieve the Alicorn Amulet in a moment. Let us finish with dinner and we’ll get right to it, though you’re welcome to join us for a little while if you’d like.” Celestia said warmly.

I looked to Luna. “Would you mind at all?”

“We- Er, I would not if thou- Er, you were to explain what you meant by ‘coax an ancient being’ out of my chest.”

“Oh, that’s easy. You have two six thousand year-old Alicorn souls inside of you. One doesn’t wish you any harm, and the other is Nightmare Moon.” I said casually.

“... We beg thine pardon?”

“Yeah, I just need to get the Alicorn Amulet and I can get them out of you. It’s not really a big deal.” I shrugged.

Luna touched a hoof to her head, wincing. “Something is going rampant in our mind. Feelings of joy and impatience that are not our own are overtaking me in waves.”

“That’s because the woman in your head is practically dying for release. Oi, since I know you’re listening ancient Alicorn, I suggest you change your name, voice and appearance before you come out, otherwise I might kill you. It’s less of a might and more of a probably, but I’ll explain once you’re out, so stop hurting Luna and calm down. I suggest you pick a colour other than blue for your coat and mane.” I said to the Traitor’s analog.

Luna winced again and put her hoof down. “The ache is subsiding, though we can still feel the impatience. Mayhap Night Court should start later than usual this night?”

Celestia nodded and her horn lit up, the Alicorn Amulet appearing in front of me. I snatched it out of the air and got to business. “Alright, this ought to be a quick little endeavor. Lulu, I need you to relax as much as you possibly can, okay? Just let me take her from you and don’t fight me, otherwise this is going to suck.”

Luna gave me an odd look. “Sir, my body is for thine uses. I will not resist.”

I blushed and scratched my cheek. “Well isn’t that lovely. I’m just going to reach inside of you now, so…” I stepped on over to Luna and turned on my True Theft before entering her, searching around for my former mentor’s analog. I felt a hoof grasp my hand in the weird way that they do, so I started gently easing it out of Luna and she winced.

I made the task a slow one, and it certainly looked uncomfortable, but I’d learned my lesson when it came to ripping souls out of people. The only time you should ever do that is if you’re trying to fuck someone up, and I really wasn’t trying to hurt Luna. The look of mild discomfort on her face told me that she was probably in a little pain, but not enough to make her ask me to stop, so I continued until I felt my hand slide free and I held a little dark blue orb in my hand. The orb slowly changed into a Pony that looked like she could bite your dick off and not give two shits about it, but I wasn’t terribly worried. No, I still had to reach into the Alicorn Amulet, so I thrust her soul into the piece of overpowering jewelry and let it take before pulling her body out along with her soul. When I got her out of the amulet, the mare I retrieved had a slate coloured coat and bluish grey mane, and she looked rather majestic, if I do say so myself. She was a fair bit taller than Celestia, as I expected she would be, and her piercing grey eyes stared into my soul as I held her hoof in my hand. I felt like she was examining me for any ulterior motives, any ill will toward her, and when she found that I had none towards her, she took her hoof from me and touched her nose to the floor, bowing low.

“As per your wishes, savior, I will alter my name. Name me as Nyx, and know me as your most loyal companion.” Nyx said clearly, her voice middling between alto and tenor. It was lower than it had been on Equus, and it was even fucking sexier than it had been before.

I knelt down and lifted Nyx’s face, gently holding her chin. “I would ask two things of you, Nyx.” I said softly.

“Your requests will be fulfilled, no matter the price.” She oathed.

“My first request is that you swear to never betray myself or Equestria, barring either causing you physical or emotional harm too great for you to bear. Even then, I would like you to speak with me so that I can help you work your way through your troubles.” I put my hand on her neck.

Nyx’s horn lit up and she closed her eyes. “I, born of another name that shall not be spoken, known now as Nyx, swear an oath of fealty unto Maximus the Human and to Equestria, the country I once ruled. I do swear to uphold and to protect both of my wards, no matter the danger to myself.”

I kissed her nose and she gave me an odd look. “It’s a gesture of affection.” I explained.

“... You are very forthcoming with your affection.”

“I knew you on a different planet. You were my closest confidant. You were my best friend, comparable to my wife. You were my Mistress and mentor. You were my guardian, my shield and sword. You were also the most painful betrayal I have ever experienced in my life.” I said quietly.

Nyx used her horn to make me lower my head and touched her nose to my forehead. “I have sworn to never betray you, and I am bound by my own Magic upon pain of that which no being has ever experienced and stayed sane to speak of. I will not make the same follies that your former mentor made.”

She took her nose away and we looked at each other for a little bit. “I’m trusting you with my heart once more, Nyx. It may not be you who betrayed me, but it was another who bears the same sins and triumphs that you do that did. If you break your oath, your word, I cannot promise that I will have mercy a second time.” I said softly, though firmly.

“I would expect no mercy from you, savior. Should I break my oaths, I would hope that you would allow me to die the death I deserve for such ingratitude.”

I wrapped my arms around her neck and hugged her because my heart was aching. “Thank you, Nyx. Your words are nothing but the truth from your heart, and I appreciate that more than you may ever know.”

She hugged me back with a hoof, keeping her balance with the other three. “It is I who owes gratitude, savior. Four thousand years I have been little more than a shade, my efforts in assisting Luna futile. You have brought me back to the world from which I was born and have given me another chance at life when you owed me nothing. Now I may begin my penance and start my life anew.” Her voice shook. “Thank you, Maximus. I swear to serve you as your most devoted companion-”

“You will not serve me.” I interrupted, letting her go. “As friends, there will be no servitude. There will be favours that can be repaid, but no debts to be held. There will be hugs and tokens of appreciation, but I will not stand to have you think yourself as anything other than my equal.”

Nyx touched her nose to my forehead again. “A humble Prince was rare in my time as Queen, and even now it is still uncommon. You have earned my respect in minutes, my admiration in moments, and a piece of my love, as paltry as it may be, in but a few words.”

I touched her neck with both hands, her warm breath tickling my face. “Your love is worth as much as anyone else’s, Nyx. Do not forget that, no matter how little you think of yourself.”

She touched my face with her hoof and looked me in the eye. “Such kind words are not so easily given from a warrior. You are a unique being, Maximus.”

I smirked at her. “This from the Warrior Queen who conquered much of Equestria’s mainland by herself with but a single battalion of elite soldiers?”

She gave me a smile, those familiar sharpened teeth flashing as she did. “Perhaps we are both more than the eye would perceive.”

I rubbed her neck. “It would seem so. I do have to tell you, however, that I promised your service to Celestia.”

“If it is your request, then I will not deny it.” Nyx said, looking to Celestia. “It will be an honor to work for the Princess who ruled alone for a thousand years. Even I had my sister and my advisors to assist me.”

“Speaking of your sister, I can take her from Luna and put her inside of you. It would be for the best since Nox can’t corrupt you with Dark Magic.” I informed.

Nyx’s eyes lit up. “I would have asked for this favour if it were not for the boon you have already granted me. If it is for the sake of Luna as well, I feel less shameful for asking this of you.”

“You’re not asking anything of me; I’m making you an offer.” I smiled gently.

“Ahem.” Luna cleared her throat. “If you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to get it over with.”

I gave her a look. “Don’t ruin the mood. I’ll spank you until that arse of your is bright red.”

Luna blushed and coughed again. “Please, Sir.”

“That’s what I thought.” I said flatly. I turned to Nyx and said, “I can take the malicious intent from your sister as well. If I correct the imbalances of her mind, she may well return from being Nightmare Moon to being your brother, Nox.”

Nyx licked her lips. “Could you truly?”

I nodded. “My True Magic allows me to steal anything. Things, people, concepts, and emotions are all possibilities.”

She tried to bow to me once more, but I held her head up. “I have so-called servants that I won’t allow to bow their heads to me. You are a friend, so that goes double for you, got it?”

Nyx smiled some more. “Again, your kindness is touching.”

“What can I say? I’m awful handsy when it comes to arse and emotion.” I said cheesily.

“I agree.” Twilight nodded along as if I’d said the trees change colour during autumn.

“Hush woman, I’ll fondle you, one way or another.”

My wife blushed. “If we weren't staying in that inn, that might actually mean something.”

I rolled my eyes and looked at Luna. “Are you ready, Moon Moon?”

Lulu tilted her head. “Art thou addressing me?”

“Who else has two Moons on their ‘flank’?”

She flushed. “... We are ready.”

I reached into her because I could and fished around until I felt something bite my hand. Luckily it’s made of metal, so I just had to drag her out by the jaw, though Nightmare Moon wasn’t too happy about that. It didn’t hurt Luna at all since she wasn’t the one struggling and her soul now had a hole big enough to pull another weakened soul through, so I got Nightmare Moon out, held her in my right hand for a moment, and reached into the little orb before it could form into a proper little Alicorn. It wasn’t hard to find the ‘evil’ and pluck it out, so I tossed that into the Sun real quick and put Nox into Nyx when I had everything squared away. Nyx closed her eyes for a moment, so I figured she was off into her mindscape to find her brother/sister.

“Well, that was easy. Let’s have dinner, yeah?” I said casually.

“Max…” Celestia trailed off.

“Yes, Dear?” I said patronizingly.

She gave me a look before asking, “Just how powerful is Nyxr?”

“Well, she could take you down without breaking a sweat, so she’s probably stronger than Sombra by a wide margin. Tirek gave her a lot of trouble though.”

Celestia blinked. “Oh…”

“Yeah, it’s a little weird. She’s incredibly powerful, but she’s a real sweetheart when she wants to be.” I shrugged. “It all depends on how you treat her.”

“... I suppose it would be in my best interest to treat her as I treat you?”

“Yup.” I answered simply.

She sighed. “Great. Now I have two beings that could topple me like a domino just hanging around.”

“It’s okay, Sunbuns. I’m not going to double cross you, cough cough, and Nyx isn’t going to turn on you either since she swore to serve Equestria.”

“Didst thou just say ‘cough cough’?” Guess who said that.

“Well, your sister did try to betray me, but I shocked the shit out of her before she could do it. I consider it a lesson.” I said casually.

Luna looked at Celestia then back at me. “... We are not surprised that you were able to defend yourself. We do apologize on Celestia’s behalf.”

“Apology accepted, forgiveness given.” I nodded toward her and grabbed a seat with Twilight following me shortly.

It took Nyx five more minutes, but she came out of the mindscape and joined us for dinner, telling stories of her time as Queen and generally helping Celestia and Luna get to know more about her since she was technically going to be working for them when they needed her. Celestia said that she didn’t need a former warmonger at the moment, but Nyx and I assured her that having one at her beck and call would be more beneficial than not. Twilight backed us up by saying that our world’s Nyx had been by my side during most of the skirmishes I fought in during The War, which interested Luna and Nyx greatly, so I told them about some of my travels, though I left out the details of the battles since the other two people in attendance would’ve most likely preferred that I keep that sort of business to myself.

Near the end of dinner, Nyx asked if she could copy my form and I gave her permission to do so, though when I asked why she wanted to do it, she said, “It is simple, Maximus. I have lived for six thousand years, honing my style and efficiency until I became the best at what I do. There is not a being from Equis that could hope to challenge me, barring the extreme minority, and I do mean extreme. Through my time as a warrior, I have learned to recognize traits and body types that would allow certain people to be better at their craft. Muscular tone, flexibility, dexterity, and grace all play into this, and I have reached the pinnacle of my craft.”

“Humble, aren’t we.” Celestia said drily.

Nyx raised a brow at her. “There is not another Pony who could hope to defeat me. Through Luna’s eyes, I have seen Sombra, and through my techniques, I have fought him thousands of times out of boredom. Not once have I ever lost in physicality, Magic, or mentality. No, the only beings that would defeat me are Tirek due to his ability to devour Magic, and Discord. Even then, I would have won my battle against Discord should he have not held my foal hostage.”

“You had a child?” I breathed.

“I do not wish to speak of him.” Nyx said sharply.

“Then we won’t. Please, continue with the other thing, Nyx.” Twilight said tenderly.

She nodded. “I apologize for my tone, but to continue with my subject, I have examined you closely, Maximus. My Magic allows me to reset time in five minute intervals, and I have fought you hundreds of times. Not once did I survive long enough to make you use your full capabilities, and that is because you are far more dexterous, far faster, and far more capable of using all four of your limbs to attack. This quadrupedal form is inferior, and this is my conclusion after a full month of contemplation. I accept this fact, and wish to be worthy of being by your side, even if it means trading the body I was born in for a form unfamiliar to me.”

“... So you want to be a better fighter?” Celestia said slowly.

Nyx nodded sharply. “Yes. A being of multiple millennia should not be losing to a boy who has yet to see his first century.”

“Oi! I’ve seen two millennia, two centuries, three decades, and a retarded Prime Minister or two!” I protested, chuckling.

Nyx passed me a look. “Being born in the last years of a millennium does not mean that you are thousands of years old.”

“Hush mare, I’ll spank you.” I warned playfully.

“You could not spank hard enough to phase me.” Nyx said foolishly.

“Then how did I defeat you hundreds of times?” I challenged.

“You used some sort of magic to reinforce your left paw and your kicks were quite sharp and varied”

“No I didn’t. It’s naturally that hard and most of those kicks were based off of things my former mentor taught me, in all likelihood.”

“Tell me, how did the other version of myself train you?” Nyx asked.

“Draconian methods that would have gotten her executed by Celestia if she could have won against my former mentor.” I said casually.

“Celestia is a sweet mare. She would not have the heart to execute me over making you stronger.” Nyx scoffed.

“The Traitor threw me into a pond full of broken glass and salt and has done far worse.” I said drily.

“So?”

“I would send you to Tartarus over that.” Celestia said harshly.

Nyx blinked. “That is not execution. That is giving me time to conquer another piece of land.”

“She also beat me with a glorified stick that had rusty nails and shark teeth sticking out of it whenever I got a move wrong. That doesn’t include the times she electrocuted me for messing up a piece of Dark Magic, or the time she made me swim through melted rubber, only to rip what stuck on me off slowly.” I said, my voice encrusted with salt.

“... Max…” Twilight placed a hand on my arm.

“It’s fine, Cherry. I made it through already.” I gave her a smile.

Nyx chuckled. “Good times.”

“I would actually kill you for doing that to a person.” Celestia said darkly.

“We second the motion.” Luna said. “Our own training methods were harsh, but that is inponane.”

Nyx looked at both of them in turn. “It was similar to how I was trained. I do not see a problem.”

“That’s because you were trained into being a tool of war and slaughter and precious little else. It took you thousands of years to heal from those emotional scars, and even now there are things you’ll never talk about.” I said softly.

“... That is quite queer. Quit your nonsense.” Nyx huffed.

“Is it a lie?” I asked.

“No, but it is unnecessary information.”

“Someone needs to get some snacks.” Twilight chimed in.

“I’m not giving them to her.” I replied.

“What role doth food play on the topic of Nyx's dark history?” Luna asked.

“I doubt that they are speaking of food. My supposition is that Twilight uses ‘snacks’ in place of ‘sex’. I would like sex, but I doubt that there is a stallion alive who could satisfy me.” Nyx said flippantly.

“I’ll be sure to get you the biggest dildo I can find.” I rolled my eyes.

“While it would be appreciated, this body has not known a stallion in five thousand nine hundred and at least seventy years.”

“The last time you got laid was when you were still under fifty?” I asked, surprised.

“I became an Alicorn when I was around Twilight’s current age, and I gave up on sex when I was a few years older than her. Perhaps once I copy your form, I will find pleasure in it as Luna did.”

Lulu blushed. “It certainly was better than we have ever had, though we doth believe that to be due to Max’s skill in pleasuring a mare.”

“It was an odd sight to see. I’ve never witnessed a stallion licking a mare’s nether regions before.” Celestia added.

“It was even stranger to watch through Luna’s eyes.” Nyx commented.

“... How much of our life have you seen?” Luna asked slowly.

“All of it.” Nyx, Twilight, and I all answered.

Nyx looked at me in surprise. “How did you know that I have witnessed Luna’s entire life?”

“My former mentor was once trapped inside of my own body when Lunaris tried to resurrect me with Dark Magic. She saw all of my memories, and knew me inside and out. I know the same is true for your and Luna’s relationship.”

Luna made a strangled noise, blushing furiously. “Thou- Thou knowest everyting?”

Nyx nodded. “And I shall speak of nothing I’ve witnessed. Your secrets shall stay between us, Luna.”

Lulu set her chin on the table and tried to process that while Nyx turned to me and said, “May I copy your form now?”

“I suggest you make your skin tone a little lighter than you might want to.” I said.

Nyx nodded. “Your wish is my command.” Her horn started glowing and soon enough, so did I.

Like Luna, Nyx grew darker and darker until her form was indistinguishable from a three-dimensional shadow, but unlike the blue Princess, Noir’s form took but a few seconds to come together. She stood up on her back hooves, and as the process commenced, we could see the changes as they occurred. Nyx’s hooves shifted into feet and her legs became slimmer and longer, her calves looking every bit as enticing as her thighs. I skipped looking at her sex because I wasn’t trying to be a pervert, but I couldn’t help but notice the ripple as her teats became tits, rolling up her barrel-turned stomach until they settled on her chest. They drew until they were generous F-cups, though they weren’t as large as the Traitor's. I think Ponies are just more endowed in general than Humans, come to think of it. Anyway, Nyx’s fore-hooves grew into arms, long, sturdy looking fingers forming from the keratin and her neck shrank as her body body grew until she was easily two hundred centimeters tall. She wasn’t my mentors height, but she was still quite the giant for a woman, beating Sola by a good margin. I was sure that she was almost seven feet tall, and when the darkness began to fade from her body, I could see that she’d gone for a olive skin tone that suited her well.

I pursed my lips and turned to Twilight. “I hate it when they look better than I do.”

Twilight gave me a look. “How do you think I feel?”

“You look better than she does, so I don’t really know.” I said bitterly.

That earned me a kiss. “You’re a real sweetie sometimes and I love you for that.”

I gave her a look. “You already know that you’re the hottest thing on the planet, Cherry.”

“Oh? So I don’t even compare.” Nyx said, chuckling.

“No one compares to Twilight in Max’s eyes.” Celestia sighed contentedly. “Such devotion is rare, even among the most loving of Ponies.”

Twilight gave me another kiss and smiled at me before looking over my shoulder. “You know, I wouldn’t mind if you gave Noir a little of what you gave Luna.”

“Why don't you try her first and let me know how that goes? Or let me watch so I can see how it goes.” I suggested hopefully.

My wife blushed, but Nyx spoke before she could. “I wouldn’t be opposed to the idea, but how do two mares engage in intercourse?”

“There has been a little invention called a ‘strap-on’ that I’m rather fond of.” Celestia said helpfully.

“Oh, I’m nearly as skilled with my tongue as Max is. I’m sure I could snack with Nyx well enough.” Twilight smiled shyly. “Well, if Max is there to help out, of course.”

“Why would Max be there to help?” Nyx asked, confused. She tried to take a step forward and nearly fell, but everyone else in the room caught her with Magic in some form so she wouldn’t hit the table.

I rose and got Nyx steadied. “You’re going to want to take it slow, and we’re probably going to have to get you some clothes. I’m sure you’re a little chilly.”

“I have faced greater challenges than a slight nip in the air, though this form does feel a little… Vulnerable.” She said hesitantly.

“That’s because Humans aren’t as sturdy as Ponies, love. I might be a force to be reckoned with, but if a Pony were to get a good buck on my ribs, I’d be down for the count until I healed myself.”

“That’s true for Ponies as well.” Luna said. “We’re plenty strong, but we do have our weak points.”

“Which Maximus was fond of taking advantage of whenever I fought him. Many times did he launch a kick only to change direction and turn it into a buck.”

“They’re called thrust-kicks unless you’re drop-kicking someone. I guess I’ll have to train you in my style.” I said, scratching my head.

“What is your style called?” Nyx asked.

“Flowing Water. It comes in two main forms, though I was working on a third when I was still on Equus. I’ll start teaching it to you when we get you something to wear.”

Nyx’s horn lit up and she was covered in bluish grey hair from head to toe. It didn’t work out too well for her. “Why am I so itchy!?” She cried, rubbing herself wherever she could get her palms.

I focused my Unicorn Magic and cast a hair removal spell everywhere on her except the top of her head, her eyelashes, and her eyebrows. “Growing hair itches. I’m sure growing new fur itches too.”

“It does not unless you use cream.” Celestia informed.

“Huh.” I remarked grandiloquently.

Nyx rubbed her arms and I threw my jacket over her shoulders like I’d done for Luna. “Why don’t you just cast a warmth spell? Growing hair is significantly itchier than just doing that.”

Her slitted teal eyes told me that she had forgotten she could do that. “... Be quiet.”

I felt my lip curling. “Would you mind changing the colour of your eyes?” I asked more harshly than I wanted to.

She tilted her head, but she still closed her eyes and her horn lit up. When she opened her eyes, they were independence blue, which is to say, they were a dark, muted shade that I was rather fond of. “How do you like them now?”

I let out a breath. “Much better. I’m sorry, but your eyes reminded me of having a knife between my shoulder blades.”

Nyx nodded. “All is well. If there are any other changes you would like me to make, please do not hesitate to let me know.”

I looked at her thighs and back up to her eyes. “Stop being so damn attractive. I know my wife just said I could sleep with you, but you make my naughty bits tingle.”

“She makes my Cupcake Castle feel like it’s been freshly frosted.” Twilight added.

I looked back at Twilight with a brilliant smile on my face. “That was fucking adorable.”

“What is a Cupcake Castle?” Luna asked.

“Well, tis a pseudonym, mostly.” Nyx replied, slipping into Luna’s archaic manner of speech.

“Ah. It is cute.” Lulu nodded.

“Quite, though I don’t like hearing about it.” Celestia said.

Twilight blushed. “Well, it’s nice to know that the little nickname is cute, at least.”

“You’re cute too, not just the things you say.” I complimented.

Twilight gave me a look. “I thought you said I was more pretty and beautiful than cute?”

“Why can’t you be all three?” I asked. “I never said you weren't cute, I just said you fit into the other two categories better. You’re still my cute little Cherry Pie.”

My wife blushed some more as Nyx said, “Ah, young love. I trust that you two are already promised to each other, if not betrothed?”

“We’ve been married for about half a year now.” I replied.

Nyx smiled. “That is good to hear, yet it is odd to know that you have an open relationship. You are both royalty, are you not?”

“We don’t exactly sleep around, no. We’ve only had a little fun with one person outside of the Royal Family since we’ve been married, and even then they were our stewards.” I informed.

“Ah, so you keep yourselves close. Wise choice.” Nyx nodded her assent.

“Well, we’re really just possessive of each other. If I didn’t let Max have pretty much any woman he wanted before he came back from his home planet, I doubt he ever would have been okay with me trying another man.” Twilight said.

I grimaced. “She’s not wrong. I don’t like letting someone else have my Twilight unless I trust them with my life.”

Nyx’s eyes widened. “You have known me less than a day and you would trust me with your life?”

I nodded. “I know how deep your loyalty runs, and you’ve sworn a magical oath to never betray me. Hurting Twilight would get you killed since that’s the worst way you could possibly do so.”

“I will be sure to give Twilight plenty of tender affection then.” She smiled, showing off her incredibly sharp looking canines.

“We’re gonna have to find a source of protein for both of us.” I grumbled.

“I am familiar with hunting, though I would have to do so in my Pony form.” Nyx said.

“Don’t worry about it too much. I can hunt too and used to do so with a Wolfmother. We never had too many problems with finding or catching prey. You should probably know that my senses are better than-” I dropped my sentence. “You… Might wanna change into a Pony when your cycle comes.” I continued slowly.

I was stared at by every woman and mare in the room as I looked at my lap, twiddling my thumbs, my lips pursed and my face red. “Maximus, why would you advise me to do that? Nyx asked slowly.

“Humans don’t have estrus.” I said, my voice a little high.

“... So what do they have?” Celestia asked cautiously.

“Pain, bloating, and bleeding from down there.” Twilight cleared her throat and joined me in looking down.

“... Humans bleed for estrus? How… How does that make any sense?” Luna asked.

“It’s… Look, I just know that it happens once a month for about a week and it has something to do with the shedding of the uterine walls. I’ve heard from a lot of sources that it sucks, so you might want to take that into consideration.”

Nyx chuckled. “Then I suppose it is a good thing that I made myself infertile after my third war. You worry for nothing.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh my fucking God, I was seriously worried about that. Human women can be absolute, and I do mean this in the worst of ways, nags when their cycle comes.”

“Max, you know that I don’t like that word, and you know that they can’t help it!” Twilight objected.

“Oh, that’s why I used to buy my girlfriends chocolate and feminine hygiene products whenever their cycles came if I had the money for it. It was so much easier to deal with them then.” I sighed. “I’m so glad my wife is a Pony though.”

“Well… I guess that’s a nice thing to say. I don't really know how to feel about that, though.” Twilight rubbed her cheek.

I kissed the one she wasn't rubbing. “Feel good about being born as something spectacular and beautiful that only gets wild once a year.” And I can fuck that right out of you if I need to.

“We feel as though thou art going to enjoy that time of year more than thou shouldst.” Luna giggled.

“Oh, it’s going to be awesome. Twilight’s finally going to be able to keep up with me, and I can keep on going past the point where her legs won’t work-” She pinched the fuck out of my cheek. “Ayyeeyore.”

“You need to learn when to stop talking!” Twilight increased the pressure.

“Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.” I said as she pulled me toward her by the face.

“Please stop.” Nyx said lethally.

Twilight stopped.

I rubbed my face. “Dearest love, why must you bring me so much face-pain?”

She gave me a look. “You know why I did it, so stop being a butthead.”

“Butt I love you!” And I wanna make love to you!

“I know you wanted to add something to that.” Twilight said, rolling her eyes. “If you showed that much restraint all the time, I wouldn't pinch you.”

“I should’ve plucked the pinching out of you when I had the chance.” I joked, chuckling.

My wife giggled. “You could’ve, but you didn’t and I love you for it.”

“I doubt Maximus would alter you so freely in any case. To change the one you love would be akin to striking yourself in the face with a hammer.” Nyx chuckled.

Twilight looked at me and I looked at the ceiling. “Would you look at that architecture? Simply marvelous!”

“Max…” She said softly.

We garnered attention. “You didn’t.” Celestia said softly.

“Thou wouldst not.” Luna said, her voice shaking with anger.

Nyx put a hand on my shoulder. “Please, explain yourself, Maximus.”

“Max doesn’t have any explaining to do. I suckered a promise out of him and made him change me.” Twilight confessed, her voice laced with guilt.

“Oh.” The three other females said rather blankly.

The was a short silence before Celestia asked, “Why would you make Max change you?”

“... I did a lot of things that hurt him more than I knew. I… I pressured Max into doing things that were against who he is and was as a person through our love, and I almost forced him into having a child with me when he wasn’t ready.” Twilight took a deep breath and sighed heavily. “We had an argument and Max couldn’t hold back his feelings anymore, and that was when I learned that I’ve been emotionally abusing him since before we even got married… I couldn’t... “ I reached out and grabbed her hand as she took a shaky breath. “I couldn’t let myself hurt him anymore, so I made Max promise to do something before I told him what it was, and when he refused to do it, I told him that I would go to Sola and make her do it instead.”

“... That was absolutely-” Nyx started.

“Finish that sentence and you finish your life.” I felt my wings pop from my back. “I will tolerate many things, but insulting my Goddamn wife on any level will get you killed faster than you can fucking blink.”

“He electrocuted us when we called Twilight a whorse.” Luna reminded.

“... It was a bad move.” Nyx said, her words less harmful than what they could have been.

I still sent a black look her way and she met my gaze calmly. “I will dull my tongue, but I will not hold it. That would not be true to myself.”

Twilight squeezed my hand. “It was a despicable thing to do, Amour, but I can’t say that I regret it. If that’s the last time I hurt you in such a way, then I can live with myself.”

“I still shouldn’t have said-” I began.

“Holding your tongue to protect Twilight’s feelings was a noble act, but you were destroying yourself from the inside out.” Nyx stated plainly. “The more you hurt inside, the worse Twilight would have treated you due to the fact that you would have become less and less like the you she married. It was a good thing that you shared your feelings, even if you accidentally hurt her in the process.”

“I don’t like the way she said it, but Nyx is right, Max. You can only protect the ones you love for so long before you break entirely.” Celestia comforted.

Luna took a deep breath. “Take it from our experience and wisdom, Maximus. If only we would have spoken to our sister of our feelings, Nightmare Moon could not have ruled our mind and body. For someone as powerful as yourself, that could have meant the end of your world.”

Twilight and I stared at her. “You fucking what, love?”

Luna nodded. “Should a being as powerful or more so than Nightmare Moon been hiding inside of thee, then they could have ruled thy world. Thou may not beith as versatile in thine Magicks as Celestia and ourself, but thou art certainly stronger. Thou hast proved this through your subduction of us without so much as breaking a sweat.”

“... Well shit.” Twilight and I said in unison.

We looked at each other. “That could have gone very badly.” Twilight said slowly.

“I’m sure Pinkie would have taken me down before I got to that point.” I said uneasily.

“Pinkie Pie?” Celestia and Luna asked.

“Yeah.” I said.

“... That mare might be insane, but there is no way she has the heart to kill another living being.” Celestia said doubtfully.

Twilight looked at me expectantly. “Max…”

“We had an agreement.” I sighed. “If either one of us got too dangerous, then the other would take care of business.”

“... Pinkie? Take you down?” Twilight asked.

“She could do it.” I said softly. “She’s one of the few beings that could actually put me down for good.”

“Pinkie-bucking-Pie could take down an Alicorn. Max, are you on Salt right now?” Celestia asked.

“No. I know you know that Pinkie does impossible things on a day to day basis. She gets away with a lot of things that you should never dig into unless you want to be partied until you lose your mind and forget why you were even going after her in the first place. Trust me, Pinkie is far better as a weird ally than she is as an angry enemy.” I replied, meaning every fucking word.

Sunbuns broke out into laughter. “Max, Pinkie is a headache in Pony form, but she’s harmless Yes, she knows things she shouldn't-”

“Oh my bucking gosh.” Twilight breathed.

I closed my eyes and Celestia addressed Twilight. “What? What’s wrong, Twilight?”

“Pinkie was Max’s Operative. She was the one who gathered intel for him during The War.” She said numbly. “She was Death’s Wind. She was the one who wiped out those battalions, wasn’t she?”

“I will neither confirm nor deny any of that.” I said blankly.

“Holy shit. Heavens above. I’m going to be sick.” Twilight teleported out.

I could feel the eyes on me. “Max…” Celestia said slowly.

“Don’t ask because I’m not telling.” I said sharply.

“... I need that mare-”

I sent a vicious look her way. “You try to arrest Pinkie and you waste lives over nothing, Celestia. Pinkie is harmless to the good Ponies of Equestria, so don’t make that mistake. You will regret it.”

She stared at me. “ Are you asking me to let a Pony who-”

“Yes. Don't go after Pinkie. If she asks you to attend a party, do it. If she gives you a gift, accept it. That woman is insane and the only things keeping her in check are her morals, smiles, and her friends, so don’t fuck it up for everyone. You keep Pinkie happy and you keep yourself annoyed, but alive.”

“Buck me sideways…” Celestia breathed.

“... Even you are afraid of Pinkie?” Luna asked.

“Not scared of, I’m aware of. Pinkie stopped scaring me when I became powerful enough to warp reality.” I replied.

“You can warp reality?” Nyx asked. “... That sounds like-”

“I got my powers from killing Discord. He was a god on Equus, and he’s the one who started The War. He was the only one who could push the entire world into chaos like that.” I said.

“... I have spoken to Discord recently.” Celestia said slowly.

“On Equus, he wouldn’t have talked to you unless he was threatening you. He went years without saying so much as a word to Sola, but when he did speak to her, he was putting The War into her head.” I assured her.

Celestia breathed a heavy sigh of relief. “Oh thank the Heavens. Fluttershy’s doing her work well.”

“I would still kill him. I will kill him.” Nyx said casually.

“I’ll help you do it, if you want. I don’t think you’ll be able to do it solo.” I said, scratching my face.

“No, I got close. My son has long since passed, so there will be nothing stopping me from rotting him from the inside out this time.” She shrugged unevenly. “Time heals all wounds, but this grudge has not faded.”

I really wanted to ask about her son, but I felt like dredging up painful memories would suck pretty hard, so I left it alone. “Well, if you think you can handle him by yourself-”

“Could the No- Uh, me, from your world hope to topple him?” Nyx asked.

“There wasn’t a snowball’s chance in Hell.” I shook my head. “Discord was stronger than six Alicorns put together.”

“Six!?” Celestia nearly shouted.

They all stared at me as I nodded a few times. “The only reason I was able to take him down is because a being more powerful than Discord gave me two gifts that allowed me to defeat him, though one of those gifts was a curse in disguise. I can’t get rid of it, even with Magic as strong as Discord’s.” I sighed and clutched my left arm.

Nyx took notice. “Is that why your paw was so hard?”

“My left arm was cut off and replaced by a metal abomination by a being more powerful than Discord, but not the one I was talking about. Hephaestus was the one who maimed me, but he did it because he didn't have a choice in the matter.”

Nyx smirked. “Your wife is gone, so please: tell us how you slayed this ‘Hephaestus’.”

I looked at her. “Hephaestus didn’t have to replace my arm. It was entirely his choice.”

She blinked. “... So you defeating Discord… Was not necessarily guaranteed?”

“Nope.” I sighed again. “It was up to chance. If Hephaestus had just taken my arm and left me without my True Theft, Discord would be ruling Equus right now.”

“... That’s… Bleak.” Celestia murmured.

“Quite.” Luna concurred.

“At least our Discord is not that powerful. He only ruled a portion of Equestria during his reign.” Nyx said.

“Really? Our Discord ruled the entirety of the planet from northern Equestria.” I said.

Twilight popped back in and had a seat next to me, levitating herself closer to lay her head on my shoulder. “Are we still talking about Pinkie?”

I put my cheek on her head. “Nah, we moved onto the differences in the Discords. Apparently the one on Equis is pretty much just an overzealous prankster.”

“... I don’t really want to take the risk of being wrong on that, Amour.” Twilight said quietly, scooting just a little bit closer.

“Neither do I, which is why I fully intend on letting Nyx get her revenge first, and if she can’t handle him, then I’m sending him into the Sun.” I checked my nails. They were clean, just for the record.

“How would you get Discord into the Sun?” Celestia inquired. “Even I have some trouble spanning that distance without some powerful runes reinforcing my Magic, and even then, those runes would have to be crafted by either an ancient Dragon or an Alicorn.”

“I’m not as versatile as most Alicorns, but I’m a lot more potent with what I can do. I trade the area-of-effect type Magic for the single-target sure-kill type deal.” I explained.

“... So you can-” Celestia started.

“Max is incredibly powerful, even without his strongest Magic. There’s a reason he’s narcissistic.” Twilight interrupted.

“Oi!” I objected. “I’m not that bad!”

“You call yourself the greatest at least once a day.” She said drily.

“It’s because I have to build myself back up when I tear myself down! It’s not like I do it because I’m just that conceited; I do it because it helps me feel better.” I finished softly.

Wifey hugged my arm. “That sounds awfully similar to you making me call myself beautiful in the mirror every morning.”

“That’s because it is similar. I thought that if it worked for me, it might work for you.”

Twilight hummed happily. “Thank you for trying to help boost my self-esteem.”

“Is it not working?” I asked gently.

“It works better when we can do my makeup and my mane, but the makeup alone helps. Your words of affirmation never hurt either.” She said sweetly.

I leaned away for a moment to kiss her temples. “The gestures of affection don’t do anything for you?”

“I’ve always preferred to let words do the talking.”

“Thou art sickeningly sweet.” Luna said drily.

“Oh hush, sister! It’s nice to see them change the topic from something so grim.” Celestia reprimanded.

“Whatever thou sayest, ‘Sunbuns’.” Lulu replied.

Celestia sighed. “I hate that nickname.”

“Is it because your flank is equivalent to two Suns?” Nyx asked innocently.

“I’ll buck you.” Celly said menacingly.

“Turn into a biped and I’d pay to see that.” I said before Nyx could reply.

“You know that’s not what I meant.” Celestia chided.

“It’s not my fault that word has two meanings. Blame the language, not the lad.” I said smugly.

“As interesting as it would be to lay Celestia, I believe I would prefer a stallion.” Nyx said bluntly.

“I disagree, but that’s because I don’t like the D.” I said unnecessarily.

Nyx looked at me and raised a brow. “I would be worried if you did.”

“What, you don’t like gay people?” I jested.

“I do not.” She replied evenly.

I blinked. “... Why not?”

“They do not procreate. What is the point in entering a true relationship if not to sire a foal or several to carry on your legacy?” Nyx huffed.

Twilight joined me in staring at her. “... The person you were in the most devoted relationship with on Equus was a woman named Uror.” My wife informed gently.

“That is asinine.” She replied frankly.

“... Right.” Wifey put her head back on my shoulder.

“To think I would fall for another mare.” Nyx scoffed. “Simply disgraceful. My former paramour would attempt to abuse me if he knew of such a thing. I do mean attempt. Sleeping with one is another matter all it's own.”

“I’m pretty sure everyone else here is cool with twinks, so…” I trailed off, pursing my lips.

“I did not say that I would not tolerate ‘twinks’, I simply do not understand why they exist.”

Celestia cleared her throat. “Moving on. How about we finish up with dinner? Once everyone has their fill, I’m sure we’d all like to get to our own business.” Tactful.

“Yeah, let’s do that. Do you mind if Twilight and I borrow the room from the last time we visited again? The bed at the inn we’re staying at is tiny, though it’s not exactly a brick.” I requested.

“Feel free. I’m sure you can find your way back when you feel like it.” Celestia said warmly. “Nyx, you’re welcome to a room if you’d like. I know you must be eager to rest your head.”

The tan woman nodded. “I have not slept in nearly five thousand years. It would be nice to be unconscious.”

“I’ll be sure to wake you up in the middle of the night with a glass of cold water.” I smirked.

“... I would appreciate it if you did not.” Nyx said.

“I’m fucking with you. I did that to Equus’ version of you and she gave me a black eye for it.”

“... Did you not free her as you have done for me?”

“Sure did, though I had to rip her off of my soul. Shit hurt.”

“... And she hit you?” Nyx asked incredulously.

“You agreed with her torturous training methods, so why does that surprise you?” I really didn't understand why it mattered.

“Training is another matter all it’s own, but to strike you for something so small as a single glass of water when you were her savior is beyond ludicrous!”

“The punch to the eye hurt a lot less than the training, and I’m pretty sure I got her back for it by sticking a wet finger in her ear.”

“That is not equal punishment at all. If I could traverse the worlds, I would happily teach your version of myself a lesson in how to treat your savior with proper gratitude.” Nyx growled.

“Scary.” Twilight said.

“I know, right? The two biggest Alicorn badasses going at it sounds like it’d be fun to watch if we didn’t already know Nyx would get her arse handed to her.” I replied.

“What makes you say that?” Celestia asked.

“Nyx’s alternate was my mentor. She taught me everything I knew about fighting until I created my own style, and yet I could never hope to hold a candle to her, even when she wasn’t being serious about a fight. The only reason I got any manner of vindication against her for tearing me apart was because I had Discord’s God Magic.”

“Then I would sacrifice my honor to catch her by surprise.” Nyx huffed.

“Thank you, but she’d still probably kill you. She has the same powers that you do, only she was born in the so-called ‘superior form’. The fight would eventually have to come down to who’s more creative with their Magic or hand-to-hand combat, and I don’t think that being in a body you’re unused to would help you at all.”

Nyx huffed again, but didn't say anything to that. Luna, however, had a question. “What didst thou do to earn thy vindication? Surely you did not fight her by conventional means.”

“I trapped her in one spot and raped her mind with the worst memories she had by making her relive a few terrible moments that she's lived through.” Her punishment still doesn’t make me any happier.

“... That…” Nyx trailed off. “That was cruel, but deserved.”

Twilight sighed. “Can we talk about something else? My husband’s ruined relationship doesn’t exactly bring a smile to anyone’s face anyway.”

“I agree.” Celestia began eating again, which was the signal for the rest of us to dig in as well.

The last bit of dinner passed without event, and the night ended with Nyx staying in the room next to the one my wife and I were staying in, but we weren't exactly worried about keeping her up with snack time. Twilight spent a lot of time combing her fingers through my hair to comfort me since my mood was well and truly ruined, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the Traitor… I… If I hated her that much, I would’ve left Nyx to rot, regardless of the magical oath. I know that to be a fact. It’s… It’s hard to admit that I still want her in my life, that I still love her dearly, but I’m afraid of her turning on me again, and it’s not as though I’m on Equus at the moment. I could just bring her here, but I still can’t even write her name down without a wave of anger and anguish rolling over me. I miss her, but I can’t bring myself to see her again. Not yet. When Sola’s words come true, and I know in my heart that they will, then I’ll talk to her. Until then, the wound is still scabbing over, but I think that Nyx is helping it heal just a little bit faster.

To explain that, she reminds me of the old days. She takes me back to when the Traitor and I were getting to be close, but without the fear and anxiety that came with her knowing every one of my deepest, darkest secrets. Nyx is like her, but different in enough ways that they don’t necessarily feel like the same person, but I can’t help but wonder about why Nyx is the way she is. I mean, was Uror really that important in the Traitor’s life? Did she have a kid she just never told me about, or was that something that only Nyx had? There were a few more questions running through my head, too many for me to ignore any longer. I had to know. I had to hear from her, but I couldn't bring myself to waste the last two minutes and fifty-one seconds I had left to spend on Equus to talk to her since she could hate me. Twilight’s asleep right now, so I can’t ask her what I should do...

It’s Max… I’m… I’m on a different planet right now, but… I can’t stop thinking about you. I can’t stop thinking about what happened between us, and I’m sorry. I… I hurt you, but you hurt me first. I hurt you worse in the moment, but I’m still feeling the burn from what you did, and I don’t doubt that you’re still aching from my reaction, but… I don’t know what to say. I miss having you nearby. I miss hearing you laugh at my stupid jokes. I miss you chastising me over doing silly shit. I miss talking to you about whatever came across my mind. I miss sparring with you. I miss being around you… I don’t know if you’ll read this since it’s me who’s sending it, but I want you to know that I’m working on being less bitter about what happened, and I hope that you’re trying to forgive me as well. What we had was above and beyond what either of us have had with anyone else, and we’ve both said that too many times for it to just be some lie.

I went too far, but I was hurt, and I’m still hurting. I’m sorry, and I don’t know what else to say, but I don’t want things to end like this. I don't want to hate you anymore. I’m sick and tired of feeling this way about you of all people. I know it’s going to be hard for us to trust each other again, but we’ll start from rock bottom if you want. When we’re ready, we can pick up where we left off or we can try doing things some other way, I just know that, in my heart, I don’t want to be bitter about it. All it’s doing is eating me up, and that’s… It’s not how I want to live. I’m already on the path to forgiving you, and I hope you’re walking a similar path, but I want you to know that even if you never want to see me again, I’ll still love you. Even when I think I hate you, I know I still love you, and…

I don’t know. I don't know how to feel anymore. I don’t want to forget about what happened, but I want to put it behind us. I want us to move on and let the past be in the past so we can continue what we had. Feeling this way… It’s not worth it. It’s not worth the pain, or the anger, or the tears anymore. It never was…

I miss you. I’ll… I’ll understand if you don’t want to be… Well, we were more than friends. We were a lot more than just mentor and pupil… I mean fucking Christ, we fought side-by-side for months! If you count the time in the mindscape, then we’ve known each other for fucking years! I want you back, Noir. I miss you. I miss you, and it hurts more than the betrayal, because I know you had your reasons for it, even if I don’t understand them. I don’t know if you feel the same way about any of what I’ve said, but… I just hope that we can get back to the way things used to be.

If you hate me for the rest of your life for what I’ve done… I’m sorry. Just know that I’m sorry, Noir.

And that was the letter I felt her take from my hand, stained with the occasional tear. Rarely will I ever rewrite a full fucking letter, but I want to remember that. When I look back on this and reread it, I want to know that I got my feelings to her. Even if she doesn't want to see me again, at the very least she knows how I feel about her, and that’s… That’s what I have to tell myself what matters… Man, fuck Prince for being all reasonable ‘n shit, putting the idea of contacting her in my head. Fucking shithead.

Author's Notes:

Welcome to Ponyland, now with 100% more legs! WOOOOOOOO!

This was originally going to be a DMT trip that Max took after a visit with Zecora, but this was supposed to happen before The War started. Shit's been a long time coming, and I for one am glad that it's finally here. Well, I've already ended this arc at the time that I'm finishing this final edit, so there's that. I'm glad you're reading, dammit.

As Always, Clop Clop Clop
Stay Cool, Kids