Picking up where I left off with the last collection, Twilight and I woke up after a night of fantastic make-up sex- snacks. Make-up snacks. Anyway, the snacks were great, my heart felt a little lighter, and I was beginning to warm myself up to the idea of forgiving Twilight for pulling such nonsensical bullshit. She knew that she was still in the doghouse like never before, but it’s not like she was going to be punished for it, so she played extra nice by waking up before me and peppering my face with dozens of little kisses to rouse me nice and gently. She told me when I opened my eyes that it had taken roughly seventy-three kisses to get me awake, but when I told her that I was going to need her to give me one more for the motivation to get me out of bed, she complied with no issue. I slipped her a little tongue before going right back to sleep, which made her lick me until I woke back up and got out of bed on my own.

We showered together to save a little time, and after I reminded Twilight to give herself her daily dose of confidence in the mirror, she said, “Max, why is it so important to you that I call myself beautiful?”

“Having you call yourself anything less pisses me off to no end. It just reminds me that you suffer around women who seem more physically attractive to you, at least, that’s what I see. I don’t like seeing you unhappy.” I said, rubbing my finger along my face to get rid of the stubble using some handy-dandy Magic.

Twilight looked at me as she was brushing her mane. “I understand that well enough. Why are you getting rid of your facial hair that way instead of just altering your appearance?”

“I kinda like the feeling. It’s a bit tingly and I’m also making my face tougher, yet smoother as I do it. It’ll still be nice and kissable, but I won’t be getting knocked out by any rogue uppercuts if I keep doing my shaving this way.” I replied.

“... So you’re doing it to make yourself tougher?”

“I’ve got a pit in my stomach right now and I’m waiting for it to come to fruition.” I explained.

“What about after it comes to pass?” She asked.

“I start shaving with a knife again and go back to being normal me.”

“Is that a statement or a promise?”

“It’s a statement. It shouldn't have to be a promise, I don’t believe. Trust that I’ll do what I say I’ll do if I remember to do it. Feel free to remind me tomorrow morning if I don’t change my face back to normal then.” I said.

“I’ll hold you to it. Have you made any progress in wooing Tender Care while I was being irresponsible and stupid?” Twilight asked curiously.

“Uh... “ I scratched my smooth, silky face. “Do ya wanna kiss my cheek? It’s nice and soft~”

Twilight froze. “You didn’t.”

I gave her a look. “Of course I didn’t. I’m trying to figure out how to tell you that I was a piece of shit to her before we came to an understanding.”

“Oh. Well as long as you rectified your mistakes, I guess.” She continued brushing her mane until I came over and started doing it for her.

“I’m working on it. We should be starting from the bottom since we wiped the slate clean, but it’s going to be tough to get her into bed.” I sighed inwardly.

“What do you mean? Is she too devoted to Digit to do anything?”

“No, they’re definitely swingers, but Tender says that she could’ve given birth to me.” I said irritably. “Personally, I find that ridiculous since I’ve had a go with Mary, who’s fucking fifty right now, but still.”

“Eh, it must just be strange for her, I suppose. I mean, her sons are eight years apart and you’re only five years older than her eldest.”

“And you’re four years older than me. I don’t really see what it has to do with anything as long as the attraction is there.” An idea popped into my head and I started working some Magic.

“That would make sense if you were trying to sleep with her son, Max. Tender Care is thirty-six. She’s a little ‘out of your league’, if I’m using that correctly.”

I twirled my fingers around in her hair, making the loose ringlets turn into waves. “It sucks that you are, but I’m going to keep trying to catch Tender Care. It’s just that there’s kinda something in the way…” I trailed off.

Twilight let me do my thing. “And that would be?”

“I’m fucking smitten, Twilight. Like, I’ve started to behave kinda like Fluttershy when I’m around her, and it’s weird.”

She looked at me in the mirror. “... Are you saying that your crush on Tender is making you lose your composure?”

I felt my face warm up. “It’s just different, Twilight. It’s not the same attraction I feel towards you, but it’s unique all its own. It’s like I’m crushing on my fifth year professor Miss Bellum all over again!” God, was that ginger fucking hot. Legs went on for days.

Twilight chuckled as I started working my fingers through different part of her hair, adding more waves and texture in general. “You know, you’re not that bad as a mane stylist. I like what you’re doing so far.”

“We’ll talk about it when I’m done. What do you think I should do to stop being so shy around Tender Care?” I inquired.

“Well, you probably shouldn’t outright tell her that you have a crush on her, for starters.” Twilight said airily.

I gently tugged one of her locks and she gave me a dirty look. “No shit, Cherry. I just need to stop blushing as hard when she smiles at me, but if I don’t get her to smile, I don't know if I can get her to like me.”

“Pull my mane again and I’ll put my finger in your rear.” Twilight warned. I rolled my eyes and she continued. “Maybe you should be working the ‘shy-guy’ angle? I only know about some of this stuff from reading, but if it gets you more affection from her and she eases up around you, then you can start showing a little more confidence and start some gentle flirting until you have her charmed entirely.”

I stood in front of her and gave her bangs a bit of a cowlick, slightly swooshing the ends upwards to get it off of her forehead. I stepped back and surveyed my work. “Huh. You can improve on perfection, apparently.” I stepped out of the way and let Twilight see.

She looked at her mane from different angles and fluffed it a bit, throwing it over her shoulders with a blush on her face. “... It looks nice.” Twilight said softly.

“You don’t like it?”

“No! I really do like it, but… I think I’m just so used to my own style that it’s a bit disconcerting to look so… Different.” She said bashfully, blushing harder.

I wrapped my arms around her and looked at her through the mirror. “Is it a good different, or a bad different?”

“... I don’t know. I think I feel prettier, as pathetic as that sounds.”

I hugged her tight and bit her neck, making her gasp as I formed a seal with my lips and sucked like I could actually give her a hickey. Much to my surprise, I did. “Huh. Anyway, that doesn’t sound pathetic at all. Changing certain things about your appearance is bound to make you feel something. Take me losing my arm for example. It made me feel vulnerable and weak, but changing your hair- Er, mane, might make you feel more confident or more attractive. Maybe you should try a few different shampoos to make your hair have a different texture or something so you can see what you like the most.”

Twilight ran a hand through her new ‘do. “Is that a suggestion, or are you just talking?”

I gave her a look. “I want you to feel pretty. It’s a suggestion.”

“Then I guess I’ll just have to have you do my hair every morning from now on.” Twilight said loftily

“I agree on the terms that I get to keep my hair how I like it.”

“You need to have it cut. It’s practically in your eyes again.” My wife said drily.

“That’s how I like it. I like sweeping off to the side.” I defended.

She rolled her eyes. “It makes you seem like you’re hiding like Fluttershy, except you’re doing it constantly instead of some of the time.” … Oh.

I didn’t have a real response to that since I’d subconsciously shook my hair over my eyes when Twilight told me I needed to have it cut. She gave me a look through the mirror and I brushed it off to the side casually. “Shush, woman.”

“No wonder you and Fluttershy were so good together. You both love tea, snacks, snacks, and hiding behind your mane slash hair when you’re feeling nervous or attacked.”

“Well then, why don’t you stop making me feel nervous and attacked?” I asked irritably.

Twilight leaned back a bit, so I took a half-step back and let her do what she felt like. “I’m not trying to tell you what to do, I just feel like you’re more handsome when I can see your face.”

“I feel like you’re cute when you do anything, so that’s not really fair.” I mock pouted.

Twilight smiled and rolled her eyes. “You’re so full of it, but I’ll drop it for now. Maybe you can keep it exactly that length for awhile?”

I was about to tell her that I couldn’t really stop my hair from growing, but I stopped being spastic before I could say anything. “It’s usually the length my hair stops growing at anyway. My shit doesn’t really get that long.”

“Speaking of, could you give me a bit of a trim?” She asked. “I wouldn’t mind having my mane be a little shorter around the back.”

I used my fingers as pretend scissors and tapered her mane to an even point. It took a few tries and some trial and error, but I eventually got it to the point where Twilight was happy with it. We lost about thirty minutes worth of breakfast time, but I got a kiss or six out of it, so it was very worth it. We shifted down to the Dining Hall so we wouldn’t lose anymore time with random stuff, and when we got there, Tender and Digit were already waiting on us. Twilight and I didn’t bother talking much over breakfast, but we did finish our coffee at the same time before finishing off the event with a kiss. When I looked to Tender Care as I was about to tell her to come along, she was giving me a little smile that made my face warm up, so I averted my eyes.

As we were walking to my office, Tender said, “You know it’s adorable when you blush and look at anything other than me, right?”

“Do you want to go back to sexual harassment? We can do that.” I warned.

Tender bumped me with her shoulder. “I don’t think you’d be willing to push me away like that right now.”

I felt my face warm up again at the contact. “You don’t know what I’m willing to do, Tender. You might know some stuff about me, but you don’t know everything.”

“Hmm… What’s your favourite animal?” She asked pleasantly.

“A ‘mare’ in estrus.” I deadpanned.

I got hit for that. “Hey! That’s extremely sexist!”

I gave her a look. “So is most of Ponyville. Have you seen the way men get treated around here? Some of the women around here will throw themselves at a guy and have the nerve to be upset when he doesn’t want to have meaningless casual sex. Before I became a Baron, I had that problem a few times. Got me the reputation of being a right proper arsehole.”

Tender scoffed. “I have a hard time believing that you turned many mares down.”

“Thirty-seven and counting.” I stated.

“You pulled that number from your nose.” She rolled her eyes.

“I really didn’t.” I said quietly.

Tender looked at me. “I’ll admit that you’re a cutie for someone so young, but why would
so many mares come after you? It’s not like you’re as handsome as Crimson Tide or Swift Strike.”

That actually hurt. “Thanks. I love being told that I’m not as attractive as my friends.” I snapped harshly.

Tender put a hand on my arm and I shrugged her off. “... I didn’t think you were that sensitive.”

I felt my face grow red. “I’m not.”

“Aww, it’s because it’s me, isn’t it?” She asked sweetly.

“I swear to God, woman…” I said in a warning tone.

Tender Care bumped me with her shoulder again. “Like I said, you don't really want an old mare-”

“You’re not old, so stop saying it.” I interrupted.

“Sweetie, I’ve got fifteen years on you.”

“If I hadn’t gotten screwed, you’d only be thirteen years older than me.” I replied hotly.

“Two years isn’t that much of a difference, but how did you just not age for two years?” Tender asked. “You would’ve had to skip forward in time.”

“I lost a year heading back to my home planet and lost another when I came back. I crossed a temporal slash spatial rift, if that makes it simpler for you.”

“So you really do come from another world?”

“Yeah. It’s called ‘Earth’.” I stated.

“You mean like-”

“Yes, it means dirt. I didn’t name the damn place!”

“Sheesh, calm down, Boss.” Tender huffed.

“I’ll shove you, love.”

She crossed her arms and gave me a look. “I won’t smile for the rest of the day if you do.”

“Good. You shouldn’t be smiling at work anyway; it makes people think you actually like your job.” I replied irritably.

“If you weren’t such a foal, I might actually have some fun.” She said playfully.

“I can act like an adult if I feel like it. It’s just that you make me want to act like a petulant child, apparently.”

Tender sighed. “I make you act like a colt with a crush, and it’s frankly the cutest thing I’ve ever seen from a stallion your age.”

My blush from earlier came back with a vengeance. “Why do I keep you around again?”

“Apparently you think I’m cute.” She gave me a smile.

“No, I think you’re beautiful.” I murmured.

“What’s the difference?” She asked.

“... You weren't supposed to hear that.” I said a bit louder.

“Well I did, so what’s the difference?” She repeated.

I explained the triangle to her and she gave me a curious look. “So you think I lean more toward beautiful and pretty than cute?”

“Can we talk about something else? Like how fantastic you look today, or the weather, or your fucking mane. I don’t care, just literally anything else.”

“Maybe we should talk about how I feel regarding your little crush.” Tender teased.

I groaned and she giggled. “Oh please, you act like anypony besides Twilight has the nerve to tease you!”

“There are enough people who do it as is.” I groused.

“But none of them are as effective as me, am I right?” She smiled deviously.

I summoned up every ounce of my courage and scooped her right breast, making her cover them and blush. “Maximus!”

I couldn’t stop the cheeky grin or the blush. “At least you know my name.”

She hit my chest rather hard, her face bright red. “That was incredibly inappropriate.”

“So is teasing your boss, it’s just inappropriate in a different way.” I countered, gaining confidence.

She passed me a withering look and my bravado started to fade. “If you do it again, I’m not talking to you for the rest of the day.”

“... Sorry.” I muttered.

Tender visibly cooled. “It’s okay, just don’t do it again.”

I blurted out a response before I could let my shyness get the best of me. “But they’re practically magnetic and my hand is made of metal!”

Tender hit my left arm for the first time and hissed in pain, so I stopped immediately and grabbed her hand, easing the pain on the spot before walking along. “... So your arm really is made of metal.” She said when she caught up.

“... Yeah. I-I… You weren’t supposed to know about that.” I said shakily.

She put the hand she’d hurt on my arm, but she didn’t squeeze it or anything. She just let her hand rest. “Is it something you want to talk about?”

“... It’s looking like a good day for late autumn. I bet we’ll have to break out the winter uniforms soon, but the weather’s still holding for now.” I deflected.

Tender reclaimed her hand and gave me a concerned look. “Do you want to tell me about how it happened? Your arm wasn’t always-”

“I didn’t want to talk about it with Twilight, but I had to. I didn’t want to talk about it with my former mentor or Princess Cadance, but I had to. Please don’t ask anymore,” I requested weakly.

She laced her arm through mine and hugged the damned thing. “I’m willing to listen when you’re ready to talk. Unless, of course, you keep trying to feel me up.”

“So your kindness is conditional.” I said flatly.

“Everypony’s kindness is conditional. At least you know what my conditions are.” She said matter-of-factly.

I sighed. “... Can you let go or trade arms?”

“You don’t like me touching it?”

“I’d rather have you be touching me, not that thing.” I replied tersely.

“It’s a part of you, Max. You might not like it, but it is.” Tender said reasonably.

I scowled. “Get off.”

“Make me.”

I extended my arm quickly, unbalancing her. I felt terrible for knocking her over, so I offered my right hand, not meeting her gaze. “... I regret that, but you made me do it.”

Tender accepted my help and I pulled her to her hooves. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you like that.”

I nodded and we left it at that for the time being. The walk to the office had been seemingly shortened by the advent of some mostly pleasant conversation, though I wasn’t sure how I felt about Tender’s constant teasing and mild condescension. On one hand, it was nice to have someone who I couldn’t threaten (Besides a member of the Royal Family) that wasn’t afraid to cross certain lines that few people would ever even consider, but on the other hand, it made me feel like I was practically subject to her will when it came to her own little threats and conditions. I didn’t like feeling like I was at someone else’s behest.

Study Buddy Brain went a long way in keeping my mind off of Tender’s presence behind her own desk, and as I gave her various things about guard rotation and Operatives on mission to remember, things felt like they were more natural, more fluid than they had been before. It wasn’t because Tender was taking orders from me or some elitist-prick kinda reason like that, but it was more like I was just happy to be working with her. I actually managed to finish my paperwork a few minutes earlier due to my good mood and keeping my nose to the grindstone, having put the events on the way to my office in the back of my mind entirely. When I signed the last damnable piece of paper, Tender Care was ready to get out onto the Training Grounds and I was looking forward to a good spar with a team of guards. I hoped that Crimson was the one in charge of the OIT’s for the day since he was probably the best fighter under my employment, but even if he wasn’t, Swift Strike owed me a good match since he’d managed to get that whip-like punch nearly perfected.

Tender’s eyes often wandered to the sparring circles while we were making our primary rounds, and when I stopped to use one of our training dummies in a half-arsed attempt to get her to place her attention for a minute or two, I was surprised to find that it actually worked. I kept my movements simple at first, but as I carried on, I introduced flowing strikes into my Flowing Water style. After a good ten minutes of doing some decent work, I accidentally put too much power behind a left handed punch and punched a hole in the wooden man, which I had to fix. That pissed me off a little bit, so I made a leather punching bag, hoping that it would hold up better than the training dummy.

The punching bag last past two heavy left punches, but on the third, I ended up getting it stuck, and that was pretty embarrassing. Tender came up to me as I was trying to use my foot as leverage and said, “Is somepony stuck, or am I just not familiar with the proper training regimen?” She snarked.

If my face wasn’t already bright red, it would’ve beendone then. “Shut up and give me a hand, will you?”

“I don’t know, you didn’t want me to touch that arm earlier. I would hate to make you uncomfortable.” Tender said flippantly.

“I despise you right now.” I pulled hard, trying to make my hand unclench, but the sand and leather had me stuck.

“Not to be NOSY,” Tender Care jeered, “but can’t you just make it disappear?”

I clenched my teeth and did the thing she said I could do. Before she could say anything else, I shifted into my study, sat down behind my desk, and buried my head in my arms so I wouldn’t have to face the world for a little bit. After a few minutes, I heard Twilight pop in and she put a hand on my shoulder, but she didn't say anything for a little while, just rubbing me the right way until I sighed.

“I can feel your embarrassment, you know. It shouldn’t have you upset like this, Amour.” Twilight soothed.

“I can’t help it. I looked like a fucking fool in front of her, and now she probably thinks I have less sense than a broken penny jar!”

“I don’t understand that one.”

“‘Sense’ as in ‘common sense’ and ‘cents’ as in ‘money’ sound similar.” I muttered.

Twilight gave me a pleasant little hug that I returned after a moment. “I think running away was probably the worst thing you could’ve done. You should go back and face the rest of your day like the brave stallion I know you to be.”

I sighed again. “I’ve fought in more battles than just about anyone else alive, fought two gods, mouthed off to Capital G, flirted with Celestia when I met her, lied my way out of being killed by Elfriede and then had the nerve to try and talk my way into her bed, and have done absolutely ridiculous shit in general with my bravado, but I can’t act like myself around some random woman?”

Twilight let me go and shrugged. “I don't know what to tell you. Infatuation is hard.”

“Please tell me that you’re having better luck with Sound Digit.”

“Oh, much better in comparison. I’ve gotten him to talk about some of the things he likes his wife to do when they get intimate. He likes the rough words some people use to describe sexual things about as much as I do, and I think that’s why we can talk about it so easily with each other.” Twilight sighed happily. “It’s a lot easier than I thought it would be now that we’ve gotten to know each other a little bit.”

“At least you're getting somewhere.” I said crossly.

“You’ll make some progress too, Max. You just have to get used to having Tender Care around, and you’ll eventually get the hang of how to talk to her.” Twilight checked her watch. “I’d like to stay a little longer, but I’ve got to get back to court. I love you, Amour.”

“I love you too, Cherry. Wish me luck.”

She gave me a kiss. “Good luck, my dashing rogue.” And with that, she was gone.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to calm myself further so I wouldn’t make a fool out of myself with Tender again, but try as I might, the butterflies in my stomach wouldn’t go away. So I just forced myself to shift to her and walked around the Training Grounds for a little while without her noticing that I’d come back. She talked to Fleur for a little bit when she got to the Operative course, and Fleur let her know that the guy they’d talked about for around ten minutes was standing directly behind her. They hadn’t said anything terribly insulting, but they were debating whether or not I actually had a crush when Fleur let her know my location.

“So? Do you have a crush on her?” Fleur asked.

“Take a lap.” I ordered.

Fleur gave me a look. “For what?”

“Asking obvious questions. Lap. Go.” I said, my face reddening.

She pointed at Tender. “Make her run a lap too! You can’t be showing favouritism on the Training Grounds!”

“Good point. Tender, I’ll fix your makeup after your lap.” I offered.

The tan-ish woman gave me a look. “I’m not running another lap.”

“Is that your final word?” I asked, bolstering myself for Plan B.

Fleur’s eyes opened wider and she grinned, nodding rapidly. “Oh yes, that sounds like her final word, Max.”

“I didn’t ask you, Fleur.” I said coldly.

She looked away and Tender continued her look. “Yes, that’s my final word.”

I shrugged and grabbed her arm with my True Theft. “You asked for it.”

Tender’s eyes widened and she said, “Wait, what-”

I pulled her through Ponyville Lake and she popped out next to me, her white blouse absolutely drenched. To save her modesty before anyone could see, I draped my jacket around her shoulders. “Like I said. You asked for it.”

“Th-That l-l-lake was b-bucking cold!” Tender shouted angrily.

I hadn’t let go so I warmed her up a bit, but didn’t dry her off. “That sucks.” I looked to Fleur. “Now you have two laps. Have fun.”

Fleur smiled and placed her fist over her heart. “Glad to see you’re still tough, Max.” She took off before I could give her another one and left me with a pissed off Tender Care.

I turned to the soaked woman. “I’m not sorry about this one. It’s either the lap or the lake. It’s standard for all Castle Staff.”

Tender glared at me, clutching my jacket to cover herself. “You’re lucky nopony saw me before you decided to stop being a buckhead.”

I coloured and frowned. “I wasn’t being a ‘buckhead’, I was doing my job. I’m the discipline guy. It’s my job to discipline people when they break rules or don’t follow orders. You’re actually incredibly lucky that I haven’t made you run multiple laps today.”

Tender wasn’t buying it. “That’s a hot load of malarky and you know it.”

“I’m not lying to you. Feel free to ask Twilight or any one of my people for that matter.” I challenged, my confidence finally having returned.

She looked me in the eye and saw that I was telling the truth. “... I believe you.”

And there it went. I looked away and felt my neck and face warm up again. “... Thanks. Let’s go inside before you catch a cold.” I started walking toward the Castle and Tender followed with ease.

When we were only about a minute away from the usual entrance, Tender asked, “Could you still fix my makeup? I know I didn’t do the lap, but you did say that you would do it.”

“I can’t. I’m not allowed to dry you off or fix anything about your appearance.” I replied softly.

“I guess that makes sense. You kinda have to treat me like everypony else, no matter what, right?”

“Yeah…”

She nudged my arm with her knuckles. “Cheer up, Max. It’s not like I’m upset with you or anything.”

A little smile crossed my face. “That’s good news.”

“However, I do plan on remembering this.” She said in a warning tone.

I passed her a slightly bigger smile. “I would hope so. Otherwise you might have to get dunked in the lake when it’s even colder.”

She rolled her eyes. “You can’t do it when it’s frozen over, smartass.”

I raised my brows. “You really think I can’t? Only the surface gets frozen, Care.”

Her jaw dropped. “You would drag a pony under a frozen lake?”

“I would put them inside before they got more than just wet and cold.” I said, taking offense to her implications. “I’m not heartless.”

“Maximus, that’s crazy!”

“Well, I hope people choose to run the lap during winter.” I replied uneasily.

She groaned. “Are you telling me that I’m not going to be able to wear makeup at work?”

I rubbed my arm. “... You’d look better without it anyway.” I said shyly.

I heard Tender’s heart skip a beat. “... I don’t think a stallion’s ever said that to me before. Not even my husband.”

“He’s a lot like Twilight. He’s smart when it comes to books, but I doubt he pays as much attention to you as he does when he finds something intellectually challenging.”

“It’s not as bad when a mare does it to a stallion.” Tender said irritably as we entered the Castle.

“... You basically just said that my feelings don’t matter as much as yours.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Tender defended.

“It’s what you insinuated.” I replied quietly.

“... I didn’t mean to make you feel bad, Max, I just-”

“It doesn't matter.”

Tender walked a bit closer to me. “I wasn’t-”

“Drop it, Tender. It doesn’t matter.”

“Lying is a terrible habit to get into.”

I held my silence as we headed toward my office, but Tender carried on. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, Max. I’m sorry I implied that your struggle isn’t every bit as real as mine.” She said honestly.

I took a deep breath and let it out. “It’s okay.”

“Are you just saying that or is it really okay?”

“I’m not going to let it get to me, so it’s okay.”

We walked on in silence for a little while longer, but Tender doesn’t like a nice awkward silence apparently. “... If I give you a kiss, would you feel better?”

I tripped and sent myself straight to the fucking floor before picking myself up as fast as I could. “That didn’t happen. We’re pretending that didn’t happen. What happened? Nothing. It’s been nothing but a normal walk.” I said quickly, my face growing hotter with every word.

Tender giggled like I’d just told her the funniest joke. “You know you’re the cutest thing on two hooves, right? Well, I don’t think you have hooves, but you get what I’m saying.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I muttered demurely.

She went from my left side to my right side and hugged my arm, making my heart pound in my chest. “You said you’d prefer it if I was on this side, right?”

I shrugged her off. “Th-That’s right, but don’t do that, o-okay?”

Tender Care chuckled. “What? You don’t want any rumors going around that you’re getting comfy with some old bat, right?”

I frowned deeply. “Stop calling yourself old. You’ve still got enough youth to mess with me.”

She stopped me, and as I was turning toward her, her kiss missed its intended target and landed on my lips. As two maids and a butler were passing. Tender’s eyes shot open and she jerked away before I could shift to my office, but the damage was already done and I was sure that she was explaining the accident to my staff as I was trying to calm down by pacing a hole in my floor. I was doing a damn good job at it too, it’s just that progress was slow since I had to get through my rug first, and when Tender Care came in, she blushed when our eyes met and we both looked away.

“... I’m sorry, that wasn’t meant to happen.” She said nervously.

“I-It’s okay.” I said softly.

“I explained that I was just trying to tease you to Hydrangea, Stoked Fire, and Shining Sea, and I’m pretty sure that they won’t start any rumors.” Tender assured me.

I still couldn’t look at her. “Th-Thanks for doing damage control…”

“It’s a part of my job, isn’t it?” She asked her tone slightly teasing.

“... You do your job well.” I complimented bashfully.

Tender walked over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder. “You wouldn’t happen to be embarrassed, would you? I thought you said I was beautiful!” She mocked.

“I-It’s n-not that…” I muttered, my face not cooling down. I didn’t expect it to, but I hoped that it would.

“So what is it then?”

“... It wasn’t long enough.” I whispered.

Tender brushed my hair out of my eyes and asked, “What was that? I couldn’t quite hear you.”

I swallowed hard and looked at the floor like I could phase through it. Then I remembered that I could and did so shortly after that realization. I had to lean up against a wall and take quite a few deep breaths, my heart doing its damndest to break free of its confinement as my thoughts raced around one singular topic: that kiss. I couldn’t get my mind off of it and while the feeling had been fleeting, I remembered everything about it. The near Twilight-like softness of her lips, the scent of her breath, the look of abject shock on her face when she realized that she’d missed my cheek, and the lingering aftertaste of hazelnuts and cream that drifted across my tongue and through my mind. I can’t remember ever having being so ridiculously smitten with anyone, not even Miss Bellum.

While I was trying to make my heart stop attacking my insides, a butler by the name of Perky Perch (Perch like the fish) stopped by and asked me if I was okay since I looked like I need to have a lie down. I told him that I was fine, and he obviously didn’t believe me, but he left me alone anyway. I closed my eyes once he was gone and slid down the wall, hugging my knees for a little bit. I don’t know why, but I felt like I wanted to cry, which confused me because I couldn’t think of a single thing that had occurred in the last twelve hours that would make feel like letting my sodium supply get low via my eyes. I held my tears, but I couldn't stop my lips from quivering, and when I heard Tender’s heartbeat start coming down the hall, I willed myself to become invisible, hoping that she hadn’t seen me.

My hopes turned into dust when she nudged me with her hoof a couple of times. “So you didn’t teleport away. Why not?”

I turned myself visible again, but didn’t reply.

“You know you can’t have your servants-”

That got an answer. “I don’t have servants. I have employees.” I interrupted shakily.

Tender Care chuckled. “Would you care to explain the difference?”

“Servants serve, employees work. I refuse to be served unless I’m waiting for food or getting taken to court.” I replied.

“You know, I’ve had a lot of time to walk around in the past couple of days and everypony says that you’re really adamant about being humble. I thought it was just a facade.” Tender said gently.

“... I never wanted to be a noble in the first place, and I wanted to be a Prince even less.” I said quietly.

Tender didn’t say anything, so after awhile, I summoned up the courage to look at her. She was giving me a gentle smile and offered her hand to me. “Like I was saying before, Max; it’d be bad if the staff saw you like this.”

I accepted her hand, though I got up on my own. “... Thanks.”

“I should be thanking you. You gave me your jacket to protect my pride when you could’ve just snuck a peek.” She said warmly.

“I wouldn't do that to you or any other woman. My Dad taught me better than that.” I stared at my shoes.

“So you’ll fondle a ‘woman’s’ breast, but not peep at her while she’s practically half-naked? You’ve got some strange morals, Prince.”

“Please don’t call me that.” I requested.

“I was wondering how you’d respond to it.” She poked my side, but I’m not ticklish there. “Do you know what time it is?”

I checked my pocket watch. “We have two hours before we’re due in court.”

“Then why don’t we do some talking in the office?” Tender suggested.

I glanced at her, running a hand through my bangs as I did. Only now do I realize that I’ve seen Fluttershy do that a thousand times before. “... What do you want to talk about?”

“What’s your real favourite animal? If you say a mare in estrus again, I’m hitting you.” She ended with a no-nonsense kind of tone.

“... A stallion in a mare heavy town?” I joked shyly.

“Do you really swing both ways?” Tender asked neutrally.

“No.”

“I figured.” She said drily. “Come on, let’s get moving before something silly happens.”

I put a finger on her shoulder and shifted us to my office. She blinked a few times and said, “Oh. That really isn’t like teleporting at all. I usually get nauseous when I teleport.”

“Different Magic, different methods.” I explained. Kinda.

“So how does ‘shifting’ differ from teleporting?

“Shifting is instant, more based around spatial Magic, at least to my understanding. Teleporting may seem like it happens in an instant, but it actually takes a few seconds and it’s like being compressed into a tiny ball and getting thrown faster than lightning. The speed is probably why you get motion sick.” I expounded more properly.

“Really? So teleporting is just really fast movement and your ‘shifting’ is like…?”

“Well, it’s like encasing yourself in a barrier and coaxing your physical form into the Ether, letting the tides carry you where you want to go. Technically, everyone can shift, but they have to be able to talk to the dead, get the ‘barrier’ right, and know when to stop riding the ‘currents’ in the Ether.”

Tender Care just stared at me for a few moments. “... You’re smarter than I thought you were.”

“... A lot of people think that I’m dumb because I swear a lot, and it doesn't really help that my wife is Twilight Sparkle, one of the smartest people in Equestria. It’s pretty widely assumed that she married me because I’m a cute novelty.”

“Is that why you don’t like being called cute?” Tender asked… Tenderly. Fuck. I need to find another word for that. She asked carefully or some shit. It’s your problem now.

Moving on.

“No, it’s not the whole thing. I just think women, girls, and young boys are cute. I’m not any of those three things.”

“So you don’t like that particular compliment because it’s calling you something you’re not?” I nodded by way of response. “Huh. That’s a little odd, don’t you think?”

“On my planet, most men don’t like being called cute unless they’re alone with a woman,” I said at normal-ish volume, “they’re trying to sleep with.” I added more quietly.

“Well, I think you’re one of the cutest stallions I’ve ever met. We’re alone, right? And you’re trying to sleep with me, right? Does that mean you like it now?” She teased mercilessly.

My face blossomed with embarrassment. “... It’s more condescending when you say it.”

“Oh. I really don’t mean it to be, but I just think you’re not- Er… Well, I can’t really say what features you lack that would make you ‘handsome’, but I think you’ve just got more of a pretty boy thing going on.” Tender broke it to me gently, but it still sucked.

“... Before I stopped being Human, I had a lot of scars…”

“And those scars made you handsome?” She said doubtfully.

“W-Well, no, th-they just made me look… I dunno, more dashing. Like I had experience under my belt instead of being green.”

“Not to contradict you, but I’ve seen you be off-white, pink, and red all day. I don’t think green is in your repertoire.” She chuckled.

“.... It’s an expression that means ‘inexperienced’ or ‘noobish’ on Earth. It doesn't literally mean ‘to be green’.” I explained quietly.

“Ah, that makes more sense. So what do you mean you ‘stopped being Human’?” She asked. “Everypony knows you as ‘The Lone Human’.”

I looked down at my shoes. “... When I defeated Discord, I took his powers. His powers made me into something called a ‘god’, which means that I look Human, but I don’t bleed red blood anymore, I can heal from nearly anything, and I’m pretty sure I can control whether or not I’m…” I blushed brightly and trailed off.

“You can control what? You don’t have to be embarrassed about it, I won’t judge you.” Tender Care said kindly.

“... When I got to Equestria, I was sterile. I couldn’t have children with Ponies anyway, but I think I can now…” I choked out. “B-But I haven’t tried to find out if I can ‘produce’ the necessary components to make kids yet.”

“Oh… So how do you know you haven’t gotten Twilight pregnant?”

“I-I just know I’m not… You know…” The embarrassment was too strong and I was tempted to phase through the floor again.

Tender picked up on it. “Like I said, Max, there’s no need to be embarrassed. It’s a natural part of everypony’s life.”

“... Would you want to talk about estrus with a ‘stallion’?” I inquired, knowing the answer.

“Er… I see your point. I didn’t think stallions care about being able to ‘produce’ that much.”

“It kinda makes a man a man. If a guy can’t ‘produce’, then it’s… Well, I’m sure you understand the female equivalent.”

“Right. If a mare is infertile, it makes her feel less feminine. I know a few of my friends who were that unlucky, and they ended up going into The Canterlot Guard so they could find something other than foals to give their lives meaning.”

“... It’s a shame people feel that way about themselves.” I said softly.

“Wow. Humble, considerate, and compassionate. You really are what the people around town say you are. Huh.”

I cast a furtive glance at her and waited a moment before replying. “My first impression was really bad…?”

“Very much so, but you’re making up for it.” I could practically hear her smile. She gave me another moment to respond, but when I didn’t, she said, “You know, it’s kinda rude not to look a pony in the eye when you’re talking to them.”

I swallowed my shyness as best I could over the course of about fifteen seconds before I mustered up the bravery to meet her gaze. When I saw her smile, I wanted nothing more than to look at the floor again, but I was captivated. “See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

“You have no idea how difficult this is right now.” I whispered.

She tilted her head. “I’m sorry?”

“Nevermind.” I said a little louder.

“The last time you whispered something, you dropped through the floor.” She said with an amused grin.

My brain did me a ‘favour’ and made me say, “That’s because I couldn’t ask you for a better kiss.” I resisted the dire urge to slap a hand over my mouth while I was simultaneously controlling my shifting. However, that damned blood had to rush to my face.

Tender looked stunned. “I-Uh… Well- I… Um…”

I looked away and rubbed the back of my neck for a moment. “Y-You don’t have to say anything to th-that. I-I shouldn't have said it.”

Tender coughed and an awkward silence fell between us for some time. She was the one who said, “M-Maybe I could ask my husband if it would be okay?”

My heart leapt into my throat, shoving words out of my mouth. “Twilight wants your husband!” This time I actually did slap my hand over my mouth and shut my eyes tight. When I opened them again, I was still in my office and Tender’s heart was hammering in her chest.

“... Are you saying that two middle-aged commoners have caught the eye of the youngest members of the Royal Family?”

It took me a good while to say, “Y-You’re not just commoners...”

She chuckled awkwardly. “Apparently we’re attractive commoners.”

I gave her the sternest look I could at the moment, which is to say, it was pretty mild. “You’re not commoners at all. There’s no such thing as a common person, and if I hear you say something like that again, I’m... “ I couldn’t think of anything, so I said, “I will be upset. Very upset.”

Tender gave me an odd look. “Don’t move, okay?”

I was frozen in place anyway, so I just nodded, and when her lips touched my cheek, she let them linger there for just a little longer than necessary, but I didn’t need the extra time to file the memory. I did, however, enjoy the fact that I had a spare second or two to think on that at a later date. My face was incredibly warm during the short affair and I couldn’t help but wonder if this was what progress with Tender was supposed to look like, or if I was making this harder on myself than it had to be. Speaking of things that were hard, I hoped to God and the rest of the lowercase ‘G’s that Tender Care didn’t think to look down.

My hopes ain’t worth shit.

“Oh. Oh my…” Tender said softly.

I glanced at her and saw where she was looking, but I was too fucking mortified to do anything other than stand there. Have I ever mentioned how much the puppy-love was sucking? Because in all honesty, it sucked pretty fucking hard.

“Well, you’re definitely not a colt.” She said approvingly.

Tender Care didn't stop looking.

“... Can you stop ogling me, please?” I requested, my voice shaking.

I was watching her out of the corner of my eye and saw her drag her attention to my face. “I-I’m sorry, but I-I-I…” She sputtered.

I couldn’t really say anything, but she found her words anyway. “Look at me, applauding you for respecting my modesty, and then I go and look for far longer than necessary.” She chuckled nervously. “... Twilight did say it was okay though, right?”

“Y-Yeah… It was a part of the agreement.”

“That’s- That’s good. That’s pretty good.” Tender said, sounding like she wanted to be anywhere other than in my office.

“... Let’s go to court.” I said, walking past her on my way out of my office.

Tender Care followed as usual, and as the blood circulated through my body, the Ol Chap found it within himself to pipe down and stay where I wanted him to go. It didn’t help that I could catch a slightly musky whiff of hazelnuts and cream every now and again, but it was only when Tender accidentally got close enough to bump into me while she wasn’t paying attention or when I fell behind her that I caught it on the breeze. It was quite faint, but Tender was either sweating or aroused. Maybe both. The second possibility was the one I avoided with fervor, changing my train of thought to my memories of Hell. Yes, I know it’s ludicrous, but in that moment I would have rather remembered a century of being torn asunder, healing then being ripped apart all over again than to dwell on the possibility of getting lucky with Tender Care. For one, walking around while I was harder than crystallized carbon with the atoms rearranged in a hexagonal pattern would have been humiliating. Well, with the way my willy wiggles, I wouldn’t want anyone to get jealous, but it was mostly the embarrassment of pitching a tent in public that made me avoid any possible avenues to the good thoughts that were swimming around in the back of my mind.

When we entered the Court Hall, I climbed up the dais and gave Twilight a quick kiss before sitting down in my throne. I hadn’t been watching to see where Tender had gone, but I assumed that she was in her usual place or was somewhere close to it. I never bothered to look to confirm, and as a few late cases started petering in, I was glad for the distraction so I wasn’t tempted to. The cases were as silly as they usually are, and as the last one came and went, I asked Tender Care to remind me to play ‘Welcome to You & Me’ by Hidetake Takayama and Sam Ock for Twilight before I even thought about it. When I realized that I’d actually addressed her directly and had my eyes on her, it took me a moment to remember that I was doing myself a little dodging. Tender Care blushed when she looked at me, but she still nodded, so I nodded back as my face warmed up yet again before turning my head to stare straight at the wall in front of me.

I heard Twilight say something to Sound Digit and they both chuckled, so I looked over to see her with slightly pinkened cheeks and an easy smile on her face. Envy struck me pretty hard and I wished that I could speak to Tender so casually, but then I decided to stop being such a little bitch and at least try to talk to her, despite the previous blunders and bumbling that had occurred early on. I took three deep breaths, controlling my exhalation as if I was trying to meditate and sent myself into a state of neutral calm. Once I wasn’t as wound up, I found my Charm Switch™ and flipped it to ‘Smoove Criminiminal’, which is the goofiest level of charm I have. It’s not like I had a choice since my heart still hammered as walked down the dais, but I was doing better than I had been.

When I got down, I walked over to Tender’s semi-circular desk and made myself a chair so I could face her, though I didn’t have the stones to sit myself directly in front of her. I was slightly off to her left, which meant that I had the courage to say, “You know, we’ve talked a lot about me, but I don’t know that much about you. To answer your earlier question, I like wolves because my companion, Nashoba, is a Wolfmother. What’s your favourite animal?”

It was finally her turn to blush and avoid eye contact. “W-Well, I’m rather fond of panthers myself. I know it can refer to pretty much any large black cat, but I like them all.”

“So you’re a cat person? Gross!” I jested.

Tender gave me a mock-stern look. “I like dangerous cats, not housecats. How do you feel about chihuahuas and shih tzus?”

She’d countered my jab pretty well, making my cheeks warm slightly. “Fair enough. Point Tender. Is it the lethal grace big cats have, or do you just like the way they look?”

“It’s definitely the grace. I don't see how you could appreciate anything about a timberwolf.” Tender said.

“Well, for one thing, It's been years since I've actually seen a timberwolf. My companion is a dire wolf, so she’s actually like a bigger version of a black husky. If she stands on her hind legs ,she’s actually quite a bit taller than me.” I informed.

She seemed quite interested. “So why do you call her a companion if she’s a ‘dire wolf’?”

“Because she’s too smart to call a pet, and she can actually talk. I’ll have to introduce you two some time when she’s not busy.”

“... Did you just say you know a talking animal?”

“Yes. Haven’t you met Aurum and Urana?”

“I thought they were just special cases.”

“And Kurama?”

“That fox isn’t natural.” Tender shivered.

“And a bear that’s taller than the inner walls when she stands up is?” I chuckled.

Tender Care blushed a bit brighter and rolled her eyes. “At least I understand the giant bear. Kurama scares me.”

“She’s actually really nice if you give her a chance. She deals with a lot of the spirits nearby and helps them move onto the afterlife when she can, so you probably won’t see her much.” I said.

“Well now that I know she’s nice, it kinda blows that I can’t get to know her.” Tender rester her head on her hand, pouting cutely.

I couldn’t handle the cuteness. “Y-Yeah, it’s not the best, but I’m sure you’ll get a chance to properly talk to her one of these days. She does come out of the Ether to deal with mortals on occasion.”

“Oh, so there’s no such thing as commoners, but you’re fine with calling us mortals?”

“Well, you’re not going to live for thousands of years like the Alicorns…” I let that one lie.

Tender gave me a sad look. “It must be tough, knowing that Twilight’s going to outlive you.”

I raised a brow at her. “It is tough, but it’s the other way around. I told you that I’m a god, right?”

“You sure did. Does that mean you’ll live longer than an Alicorn?” She asked.

“It means I’ll live on for eternity. If Equus dies, I’ll still be here.” Unless I go to the Heavens, that is.

“But aren’t the Alicorns immortal as well?”

“As far as we know, yes. No one remembers an Alicorn dying of old age, but Celestia and Luna do say that they’re aging, they’re just doing so incredibly slowly.”

“How slowly?”

“A few years for every thousand. What’s your favourite color?” I inquired.

Tender gave me a look. “I have more questions about immortality.”

“I don’t want to talk about that. It gets depressing quickly, and I don’t want to have a panic attack over something I can’t control. What’s your favourite color?”

Tender Care pouted some more. “I like light blues. Pretty much anything from a nice royal to sky or baby blue.”

“How odd, my favourite color is blue too.” I gave her a little smile. “I’m more fond of the darker shades, though. I know my right eye fluctuates depending on my mood, but it’s usually a lighter greyish-blue.”

She took the time to examine my eyes. “You know, your mane really does make your eyes stand out that much more. The blue and the green both pair well with that dark brown.”

My cheeks warmed once more. “Thank you. Your eyes pair well with your coat, though I think you should start wearing some darker blues that will go better with your mane. Something a little lighter than navy would do just fine.”

Tender smiled, making my heart do a funny little dance. “You think so? Digit always wants me to wear red, and I personally detest the shade he like the most, but it makes him happy.”

“Twilight likes it when I’m in brick red or a purple that’s close to her coat. I’m not really fond of red myself, nor do I like wearing something that looks like her fur. I like purple on her, but it makes me look like I’m trying to wear too many cool colors when you take my eyes into account.”

“And you just think light colors are feminine, right?” She asked drily.

“No, not necessarily. I just don’t like light colors because I used to be a thief. It’s easier to get spotted when you’re wearing something light.” I explained.

“Wait, that was true!? I thought ponies were just trying to give you an interesting backstory!”

I chuckled, rubbing my face self-consciously. “No, I really did used to be a thief. It wasn’t the best thing I could’ve done, but it kept me from being hungry all the time when I was young.”

Tender gave me a piteous look that I despised. She picked up on my irritation and changed her expression. “It must have been rough growing up without food on the table.” She said softly.

“It was rough for a lot of reasons, but there are people who had it worse than me. I’m just glad that I made it to Equestria where I could be tortured some more before I found Twilight.” I cracked a small smile.

She gave me a knowing grin. “I know Twilight upset you pretty badly, but the makeup sex was fantastic, wasn’t it?”

I blushed and looked down at my lap. “Y-Yeah, it was pretty nice, all things said. I think we both just wanted to feel connected again.”

“What better way to feel connected that to fill her up with your ‘love’?” Tender chuckled.

“It was even better when I gave her a mouthful of it.” I chuckled, still blushing my arse off.

“Max! Stop talking about snack time!” Twilight chastised from the dais. She didn’t hear us, she just knew that I was getting into it.

“I’ll lick all the frosting off your Cupcake Castle!” I called back.

Twilight sputtered and Tender gave me a strange look. “‘Cupcake Castle’?”

“It’s secret code for something I’m probably not supposed to tell you about.” I said coyly.

She blushed and her face bloomed with understanding. “Oh, I get it now. In fairness, I call mine something kinda cutesy too.”

I blushed and looked at the desk. “Is it as innocuous as ‘Cupcake Castle’?”

“Well, I don’t know if you want to hear about it.” Tender said with a certain edge to her voice, teetering on teasing while slipping toward sultry.

“... I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.” I bartered nervously.

Tender giggled and leaned in. “Alright, I’ll tell you after you tell me.”

“Fine. If that’s how you want to play it, I call the Ol’ Chap ‘Mr. Wiggles’.” I confessed.

Tender burst out into a round of wonderful laughter that had her face down on her desk. “Oh dear Celestia, you can’t be serious!”

“... Shut up and tell me yours already.” I grumbled.

Once she’d gotten ahold of herself, she said, “Oh alright. I call my nethers ‘Tender’s Touchables’.”

I got a little chuckle out of that. “I don’t think that’s as funny as Mr. Wiggles or Cupcake Castle.”

Tender gave me a look .”Digit calls his ‘The General.’ He’s goofy enough for both of us.”

I bit back my chuckles this time. “The General?”

“He came up with it, not me.” Tender Care sighed .”So what else would you like to know about me?”

“Well, what do you like to do when you have free time?”

“I’m a mother.” She said flatly.

“... You have no free time at all?”

“I’m a mother to three boys.” She said as flatly as the first time.

“Fair enough. When you didn’t have people to take care of, what did you do?”

“Oh, I did a little gardening, some poetry, a little bar brawling from time to time-”

“You fucking what?” I asked, surprised.

“Yes, I used to garden and fight. It’s not that odd.” Tender said, blushing.

“I’m just surprised you’ve been in a real fight. Sure, you hit plenty hard, but you don’t seem like the type to go looking for a scrap.”

“Having foals really calms you down. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s why Digit wanted me to have our first son. Our second one was my idea.”

“So you’re the one who wanted to suffer the second time around. I see.”

Tender gave me a dirty look. “Having foals is not the same as suffering.”

“You’re not going to sway me on having kids. I don’t really like them, nor do I want one in the near future.”

“So how long are you going to make Twilight wait for a chance to be a mother?”

“Until I feel like I won’t be the worst father on Equus.” I said firmly.

“That’s not really your decision to make.” Tender said with steel in her voice.

“Having sex isn’t my choice? You sound like a rapist.”

She coloured. “You know what I meant!”

“Sure. You’re telling me to do something I have no interest in doing because you think it would be good for me. You want me to take on more responsibilities that I’m not willing to deal with because of…?” I gestured with my left hand.

“Having a foal will bring you and Twilight together like nothing else in this world, Max.” Tender said.

“It’s a damn shame that the truest form of love already lets us know exactly how the other is feeling then. Twilight and I are already closer than two people have any right to be, in my opinion, so I’d like you to keep yours to yourself regarding children.”

“Why don’t you ask Twilight what she wants?”

“Because if we don’t want a kid, then one of us being forced into parenthood against our will. The only things that’ll come of that is resentment and bitterness.” I countered.

“So what she wants doesn't matter?”

“So what I want doesn't matter?”

Tender sniffed. “A foal would be good for you.”

“Staying up all night listening to a little Hell-beast screech for milk, watching it all day to see if it shat itself, and trying to make the right decisions while knowing that making the wrong one could ruin its life are all things I don't fuckin' want. You already had your kids. You went through your bullshit. You decided that you wanted to go through more. Don’t look at me and expect me to feel the same way because we’re not the same person, Tender Care. I. Don't. Want. Kids.”

“I liked it better when you were stumbling over your words and blushing at every little thing.” She said blandly.

I felt my face warm up and it suddenly got harder to look at her again. “Shut up.”

“That’s quite the rude thing to say.”

“It’s rude to not shut up.” I muttered.

“It’s actually quite polite to carry on a conversation, thank you very much.”

“I’ll get some tape and make sure you’re less polite.”

“You wouldn’t.”

I glanced up at her. “I dunked you in a lake for being mouthy earlier.”

“Yeah, I noticed.” She said curtly.

“... Have you dried off any?”

“A little. I’m still a little soggy, but at least I won’t get sick or anything.” She pulled my jacket a little tighter around herself. “For such a rude Prince, you do have good taste in casualwear.”

“It’s just a suit jacket.” I said softly.

“Yes, but it’s warm and silky. I think I might just keep it.”

“I have more if you want that one.” I offered.

“I was kidding, Max.” She chuckled.

Score! “So I’m gonna get that one back?” I asked hopefully, looking up at her.

“Why wouldn’t you? I didn’t expect to keep it all day.”

I gave her a smile. “I just thought you might like to wear it home, but if you don’t want to, that’s fine.”

She narrowed her eyes at me. “What’s your angle?”

I blushed and my gaze returned to the table. “N-No angle.”

“Oh really?” Tender said flatly.

“W-Well… I’m kinda hoping it smells like hazelnuts.” I replied quietly.

“... That is so needlessly cute, I don't know what to say.” Tender sighed. “Are you sure you don’t care for my perfume at all? I thought it was very nice myself.”

I made a face. “I don’t like perfume. Every woman I’ve ever met uses too much.”

“I spray my wrists once each and rub it on my neck! That’s extremely light!” Tender argued.

“I can smell it from halfway across the room and I could probably find you by following the scent. You’re forgetting that my sense of smell is ridiculous.”

“... So does Twilight use perfume?”

“She does, but she only uses one spray of something really weak. Most people only notice it when they hug her, but they usually can’t tell that it’s coming from her.” I explained.

“Is your sense of smell really that sensitive?”

“... On the way to the Court Hall, I could smell your natural scent.” Don’t give away too much, dumb fuck!

“What does that mean?”

“... Nothing much. I-I could only catch faint hints here and there.”

Tender went silent for a little bit, so when I looked up, I saw that she was clutching my jacket while blushing furiously. “I-It’s nothing to be embarrassed about! Everyone has a natural scent that comes along with that sort of thing!” I said quickly.

“Yes, but you smelled mine!” Care covered her face. “Oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing!”

“... Wh-Why is it? Y-You saw my arousal, I-I smelled y-y-yours…” I reasoned softly.

Tender peeked at me through her fingers. “W-Well… When you put it like that…”

I gave her a nervous smile. “Right? It’s not that bad.”

We sat silently for a few minutes, neither of us really saying anything until Tender said, “I bet you think I’m a hypocrite…”

“Wh-What?” I asked elegantly, using my vocabulary to its fullest, just like Apple Bloom.

“I said-”

“N-No, I heard you. I’m just asking why you think I would think that.”

Tender drew a little circle on her desk with the top of her fountain pen. “Well, I told you over and over that I was too old for you, but then I go and feel that way about you …”

“It’s not like you can control how you feel. I’m just too sexy for Equestrian women.” I tried meekly.

She gave me a wry smile. “I wouldn’t call you sexy, but you are cute… I just… I don’t know what you would want from me.”

“You.” I answered simply.

“I beg your pardon?” Tender asked.

“I just want you. As is. No makeup necessary, no extra-nice outfit. Whatever makes you comfortable.” I gave her a gentle smile.

“... I should know better than to doubt that smile by now, but have you lost your mind? Any red-blooded stallion prefers a mare when she’s all dolled up!”

I drew the Warbling Blade and cut my palm, showing her the ichor that flowed thickly. “I don’t have red blood.”

Tender stared at my hand. “... I suppose you don’t.”

I healed my hand and looked at her, trying to convey my feelings accurately. “I don’t like makeup at all. I think it detracts from a woman’s natural beauty, and I think that fancy outfits are just unnecessary. Something clean and decent is perfectly fine.”

“So… Do you want me to wear more casual things to work?”

“Well, it’s a professional environment, so you kinda have to dress appropriately.” I tapped a finger on the table to a steady beat. “... If you wanna stop wearing makeup, that’s perfectly fine.”

“My husband rather appreciates the time it takes to put it on.” Tender replied neutrally.

“... Does it make you feel pretty?” I asked curiously.

“Well, of course it does! Well-applied makeup makes any mare feel pretty!”

I kept letting my finger do what it wanted. “... I ask Twilight not to wear makeup because I think she looks better without it, but if it made her feel prettier, I could deal with that.”

“I don’t think she’s much of a makeup mare to be honest with you.” Tender said, chuckling.

“But she’s a ‘mare’ who doesn’t feel attractive. She let me do her mane this morning and she said she liked it, so maybe we could try some makeup tomorrow…”

“Twilight has self-esteem issues?” She asked, rather caught off guard.

“I don't like calling them ‘issues’, but it is what it is. I just want her to feel as pretty as she is.” I said softly.

“Then you should give the makeup a shot. If I like what you two come up with tomorrow, I’ll say something. If I don’t, I’ll suggest a few changes.” Tender offered kindly.

“I should have about two hours to find something we like if we don’t screw around too long before getting up.” I commented.

“I’m sure you’ll be able to work something out. After all, her mane does look pretty fantastic. I thought that keeping it straight was all well and good, but Twilight really seems to enjoy her new style if the fact that she kept touching her hair just about every time I looked at her is anything to go by.”

“It was a whim, to be honest with you. I just wanted to see what Twilight would look like if her mane was wavy like my hair.”

Tender stood up and reached over her desk to feel my hair, so I leaned forward and let her feel it. “Wow, you take really good care of your mane for a stallion. Colour me impressed.” She teased.

I blushed lightly and swatted her hand away. “I got lucky and found a good starting shampoo and a great conditioner.”

“What are they?”

“The only unscented stuff on the market at the moment. They still have a strange smell to them, but I’m the only one who notices most of the time.”

“Do you use unscented shampoo because of your smelling?”

“Yeah. It’s easier on my nose and lets me smell more easily if I don’t have to worry about different smells coming from me all at once. I do use some scented oil, but I only use it on my chest since that’s where Twilight always puts her head.” I smiled at the thought.

“Aww, how sweet! Have I ever told that you’re the sweetest little stallion on two not-hooves?” Tender said patronizingly.

I mustered up some courage. “And you’re the sexiest Milf I’ve ever met.” I still ended up turning bright red at the end of it, but I got her back.

Tender Care copied me and gave me a stern look. “My husband might over hear you, you know.”

“He’s currently flirting with my wife, so I’m not terribly worried.” I said casually.

She pouted. “Great. He get’s the kind, funny, frankly adorable Princess and I get the sometimes-shy, sometimes-asslike Prince. How’s that fair?”

“It’s the dichotomy that has you hooked, isn’t it?” I gave her a wink.

“Are you trying to be charming now?”

She’d shot my bravado in the soft spot. “W-Well…”

“And just like that, you’re back to the stuttering.” Tender chuckled.

“... It’d be easier if you actually responded to something I know how to do. I’m good with charm, but being around you just makes it defenestrate itself…”

“I’m not a mare you can charm, Max. Just look at the stallion I married! I like brains and compassion, not ‘roguish charm’ and bravado.” She gave me a gentle smile.

I frowned, pursing my lips off to the side. “... Roguish charm was pretty much all I had going for me. The shy-guy thing isn’t who I really am…”

“But the compassionate, humble guy is who you are too, and I like that. I know you probably won’t be shy around me for much longer, but I still find it cute right now, and even when you’re being bashful and reserved, you still have a bucking spine. Digit could learn a thing or two from you.” Tender sighed.

“Some people just don’t like confrontation. I’ve noticed that your average Pony probably wouldn’t fight unless you were threatening the life of someone they loved, and even then it’s not a guaranteed thing.” I rubbed my face. It was super smooth.

“How would you know that?” Tender asked skeptically. “It’s not like you’ve been in many life or death situations.”

I gave her an odd look. “I fought in The War, Tender Care. I was on the frontlines, leading the charge when I was on active duty. Between training my soldiers here at the Castle and fighting in The War, I’ve seen hundreds of Ponies break down. Some made it through, some lost their lives because of it. Ponies aren’t really fighters in general, love, and that’s not me being condescending or hateful. That’s a fact.”

Tender Care crossed her arms and gave me a flinty look. “I’m a fighting Pony.”

“You’re a special Pony.” I said softly. “You would have done well as a guard, but I don’t think you could’ve been an Operative.”

“Operatives are crazy. Everypony knows that.”

“I was an Operative. Crimson Tide and Fleur were both Operatives before I made them Operators. Onyx Lock was one of the best Operatives we’ve ever had.” I said evenly.

“... I just called you and three of your Agents crazy…”

“Yep.” I pursed my lips.

“... Am I wrong?”

I shrugged. “Not really. You do have to have a different kind of mindset to be an Operative, but I wouldn’t say that you have to be crazy. You do have to be prepared to kill people, though.”

Tender bit her lip. “... How many ponies have you killed?”

“More than any one person should have to.” I held my left arm, squeezing it from time to time to keep my hand busy.

“But can you give me a number? A rough estimate?”

“I can give you the exact number, but it’s one I haven’t even told Twilight. It’s higher than a hundred, Care, and that’s all you need to know.”

Her eyes widened. “... You’ve ended over a hundred lives, and you’re stumbling over your words while talking to some frumpy old mare?”

Guess what my face did. “... You’re not frumpy or old.”

“Still, I don’t see how you can be nervous when you’ve survived so many fights for your life! I mean, it just doesn’t make any sense!”

“The heart does what it wants, okay? This isn’t one of my duties, so I don’t have to put on a brave face and muddle through.” I defended.

“So… How does your body count make you feel?”

“Dirty. Like we need to get off of this topic.”

“I like Ponyville Park,” Tender said mercifully, “it’s beautiful right now. I don’t know why the trees have kept their leaves for so long, but I’m sure winter isn’t too far away.”

“It’s the residual Magic from Castle Arcadia. It’s been filling the air around Ponyville, making the flora and fauna thrive like it’s spring year ‘round.” I explained.

“Oh. I’ve heard that the Castle is extremely magical, but nopony really knows any specifics. Apparently both sets of gates will close if you come with ill intent.” She half-asked, half-stated.

“They will unless someone manages to sneak in with a crowd.” Like Blueblood. “Usually they do a good job of it, but my side of the gate likes to let challengers in so I can get some decent fights. When Castle Arcadia was only a few months old, I had challengers from all over Equestria fighting for a chance to take my title and Twilight, but they stopped coming when I hit twenty-six wins in a row after I set the tourneys up. I didn’t want to go up against your average guy, so I picked the best of the best and had them earn a chance to face me, but I didn't get too many good matches in out of it.”

Tender thought about that for a moment. “So were you fighting for something other than the fun of it?”

“Of course. I was fighting for my name and to make a reputation for being the toughest Prince. I can’t let Shining hog all the glory.” I said meekly, sounding half-arsed to myself. I knew I was being honest up until the last part, but it still came out disingenuous.

She saw through the bullshit. “You don’t really care about being better than somepony else, do you? You just don’t want rabble rousers to come and start messing with Twilight.”

“Well, yeah. They were bothering her every day with offers of marriage and more, so I had to put a stop to it one way or another. I figured that turning them away would make me look like a coward and would only make more of them come since they felt like I was weak so I made an example of every winner by fighting them with my bare hands. My point was that if people couldn’t beat me while I wasn’t being serious, what would happen if I actually used a weapon?”

“... Did you seriously fight twenty-six armed ponies without a weapon?”

“Yeah. I know it sounds far fetched, but you should consider that I was taught by two women whose total experience in combat exceeds ten thousands years in total.”

“... OH MY.” Tender’s eyes gained a certain light to them and she stared at me with a strange intensity.

I fidgeted under her gaze. “I’m really not trying to boast or brag. I just…”

“Oh no, it’s not boasting if you’re just laying out the facts.” Tender said seductively, making me grow a little uncomfortable.

I ran a hand through my hair and looked at the desk. “Y-Yeah, I guess so. I-I think we’re running out of-”

“Time? No, we still have half an hour. Why don’t you tell me about some of your more interesting fights? Some of the ones you had to get serious for.“ She ended with a purr.

I couldn’t quite keep still, and once I noticed that I had my hair over my eyes, I shyly tried to sweep it out of the way, but it feel right back and I got flustered instead of actually doing it right before Tender leaned over and fixed it for me. “You don’t have to be so nervous, sweetie. Just relax~” She gave me a lascivious smile.

“R-Right. S-So i-i-is there anything you want to hear? W-Win? Loss? D-Draw?”

“You didn’t stutter on the ‘loss’, but I think I want to hear about a draw first.”

“W-Well, I’ve only ever had a couple so i guess I could tell you about the first time I saw Swift…”

And so I went into excruciating detail about every little aspect of the fight, blow for blow, damage received and damage taken, and Tender Care hung on every word. She was fascinated by the thought process, the thrill of the fight, and the examples I showed her when I started explaining more complicated moves. Neither of my draws happened when I was properly trained, but they were still fights to go through, and Tender wanted to know about some of my hard fought wins after that. The first one that came to mind was my fight against Athena, so I told her about that one, and I swear that the hunger in her gaze only grew as I told her more of my feats. Six rolled around before I reminded Care that she had to go home, but she wanted one more story of a decent fight, so I gave it to her. As a reward for the tales of violence, Tender gave me a quick little peck and promised me a better kiss once she talked to her husband later that night, making my heart do a fucking Irish jig or something in my chest. I was stuck with a goofy little smile as I waved her off, and when I went to go see Twilight, she was wearing a little smile of her own.

Apparently she and Digit were hitting it off better than they could have possibly imagined, and Twilight was ready to ask permission to have a proper turn with him. I let her know that I’d made a little progress with Tender and that she’d responded well to hearing about my violent exploits, but Twilight was more excited about the fact that I’d gotten a couple of smooches from her, even if one had been accidental. We talked about the little kiss she and Digit had shared during lunch, but they were both hoping to have a longer one in the near future. We both had promises from our crushes that they would talk overnight, so things were looking good.

Twilight and I had a snack or two that night because we could, though I was think it was because we wanted to make sure that we both knew where our hearts lie. We may have had our crushes, but at the end of the day, there’s still no one on Equus that we would rather be with, and nothing was going to change that. Yes, it’s weird if you’re a monogamous person from a monogamous culture, but it works for us. We’ve had multiple partners in the past, so finding two more people that we were rather interested in was a new, though somewhat familiar experience. I hoped that Digit would be able to show her a good time whenever they did get together, but if his sausage was longer than mine, I considered whether or not I’d pare it down a bit for him.

I feel like I should stop for some tea or something. I’ve got the day off right now, so I’m not exactly in a rush to get all of this written down. Hot toddy here I come!
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

So the next morning was a good one. Twilight didn’t need a reminder to call herself beautiful and even did so three times while brushing her hair, smiling just a little brighter as she went along. I brought up the idea of doing her makeup for her and Twilight was a little hesitant until I explained where I’d gotten the idea from. She warmed up to it a little bit when she heard me name Rarity, Cadance, Celestia, She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, Fluttershy, Tender Care, and even APPLEJACK on occasion as my sources of inspiration for the idea in the first place. All of them wore makeup with varying frequencies and I was willing to bet that a part of the reason they did it was because they felt prettier after applying it, so with my logic in hand, I proceeded to beat Twilight’s brain with it until she gave in with the caveat that she could remove it at any time of the day.

“I’m still not too sure about this, Amour,” Twilight said as I brushed my thumbs along her eyelids.

I surveyed the blue-violet and found it to my liking. “It’s not like it’ll make me find you any less attractive, I just prefer you without it.”

She was about to reply, but I brushed a thumb along her lips, staining them a color slightly lighter than wine. “Exactly! I know you like it when I go all natural-”

“I want you to feel like you’re worthy. I like the natural look, but I prefer it even more when you feel as pretty as I think you are. It might not seem all that possible,” I lined her eyes with… Well, fucking eyeliner, “but I believe we can get you close.” I turned her head from side to side and saw it sparkle subtly.

Twilight pouted adorably. “I want to look my best for YOU, Max, not myself. I don’t care if I don‘t feel pretty as long as you think I am.”

I gave her a kiss and looked at her lips before making her top lip a shade lighter than the bottom one. It looked nicer afterwards. “See, that’s where you’re making assumptions. We both know that I would break my neck to get one more second with you regardless of how… ‘Presentable’, shall we say, you are. I think you’re magnificent with bed head and morning breath, heart-stopping when you’re ready to start your day, and staggering when you’ve been up for three days researching stuff.” I added a light blush to her cheeks. Not too little, not too much. “As long as you’re you, I’ll love however you want to look. My love isn’t conditional, and how attractive I find you isn’t really based on your looks.”

Twilight kept her eyes closed as I teased her eyelashes. “... So you find me equally attractive no matter what I look like?”

“Pretty much. I appreciate the effort you put into your normal style, and I appreciate the extra effort whenever you put it forward, but I can’t say that I’m any less attracted to you based on your looks. How you feel about yourself, on the other hand, does play a part in it.” I stepped back and stepped forward again, adding some gradations to her face and neck, giving her face highlights and shadows that made her a little more stunning. “I think we’re just about done.”

“We haven’t been at it very long.” Twilight said softly.

“Magic. I’ve been getting everything just right with a little extra help.” I added a little bit to her eyeliner, bringing it to a point a few millimeters off of her eyelid. “I think I’ve done pretty much everything I can think of. Lemme know if there’s anything you want to add or change.”

I stepped out of the way and let Twilight face herself in the mirror. What happened next made me quite glad that I’d used stains and waterproof stuff in general. “M-Max… I-I-I” Tears fell from her eyes the longer she looked, but she couldn’t tear her eyes away.

I stood behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. “Stunning, right? I thought you couldn’t get any sexier but then I thought I was being dumb. Guess who was correct in his assessment. How do you feel?”

“Wh-Who is this?” She murmured.

Panic struck my heart. “Is it bad? Alienating?”

“N-No, I-I… Twilight Sparkle isn't this pretty!” Twilight wailed, turning to bury her head in my chest.

“Well someone’s never met Twilight Sparkle.” I said drily, holding her close.

“A-A-Amour…” She gripped my suit jacket and sniffled.

“I never thought it would actually be hard to be beautiful. I do it every day and I’m fine. I know you’ll be fine with it too in time.”

“I-Is it wrong that…” I felt her mouth move, but couldn’t hear her, even with the close proximity and my exceptional hearing.

“Is it wrong that you’re getting aroused by looking at yourself?” I guessed cheekily.

That got a laugh out of her. “No, that’s not it. I was just wondering if you were gay in a past life.”

That got a laugh out of me. “What makes you say that, Cherry?”

“You styled my mane and did my makeup perfectly! No average man does that so well!”

“You tryna call me average!?” I said in false indignation.

Twilight giggled and her hands went to her eyes before she stopped herself. “No, but I never thought it would be a skill you’d have. Is my makeup running now?”

“Nope, I figured you might cry sometime today, so everything’s either waterproof or a stain of some kind. The stain was so I could get my kisses in without worrying about nasty lipstick.” I made a face.

She grabbed my tie and pulled me down for our third morning kiss. “You’re so incredibly thoughtful sometimes. I love you, Maximus.”

I gave her a warm smile. “I love you too, Twilight Sparkle. Now, am I doing your hair- Er, mane again today?”

“Yes please!”

I did do her mane, and so it was good. Twilight wanted to do me a quick favour for doing her mane and makeup for the day, but I presented her with a magical makeup kit that would apply it for her and said that she could just follow along the included instruction manual if she wanted to do it herself, which made her reiterate the fact that I deserved a favour, and that I wasn’t leaving our personal chambers without one. It was probably one of the best ‘lolly-lickums’ I’d ever received, though I actually dislike the that term intensely. It made me feel like a pedophile to a certain degree, despite how mature the woman performing the acts was. I got over it easily enough since the favour was just that damn good.

Breakfast was a quick affair and we took some time to feed each other like we were in the early stages of being lovestruck all over again, though it was something new to both of us. Digit and Tender walked in on Twilight feeding me a spoonful of blueberries with whipped cream as I was giving her a bite of my eggs with cheese and onion, and they both made sounds of approval in the form of ‘Aww’s before Twilight and I wrapped things up. Tender Care and Digit both complimented Twilight lavishly about her new style and my wife took their compliments with a blush and a normal ‘Thank you’, which told me that she was already feeling more confident. I found it a little odd that we were growing closer over my attempts to make Twilight feel prettier and trying to get some fuck from another couple, but it was what it was and I can’t say that I felt any other way than happy about it. It was mostly just a nice feeling to be so connected to her, even if it meant letting go of her in a few different ways.

Tender Care and I walked in silence while I thought, though she may have been trying to talk to me while I was in my head. I was mostly focused on the two things that were previously mentioned. I felt like I was letting go of Twilight as I knew her when I started helping her alter her appearance by changing her amount of self-confidence. I’d fallen in love with someone who couldn’t really love themselves as much as they needed to and required a level of support to feel adequate, and that should have bothered me to an extent. It really didn’t phase me at all since I felt like the change was going to be for the better, but I suspected that it meant that Twilight would want to try and find more male partners, which was my second general train of thought.

Having Twilight try another guy didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would, but it still felt a little weird, and there was no way in Hell that I’d ever want to be there when she was actually doing something with someone else. I’m a very possessive person, and it’s generally not my thing to let someone else have my stuff unless I have a replacement. Money? I can make more. Weapons? I can get more. My old house? I had a new one. My wife? I can’t fucking replace her with anything, which is a part of the reason I don’t like being separated from her. I doubted that Sound Digit would be able to steal my love from me, or that he would dick her down better than I could since I know her better and can cheat if I really want to, but I still didn’t like the idea of him accidentally hurting her, or taking things too quickly without getting her properly warmed up. As that thought crossed my mind, I started magicking up a note while walking to my office with Tender and sent it off to Digit shortly after. It was basically a warning to take things at Twilight’s pace on pain of temporary impotence.

Once Tender Care and I were in my office, she said, “So is there a reason you’re ignoring me, or are you just trying to distance yourself from me in the most childish way possible?”

I blushed as I walked over to my desk. “W-Well, Twilight and I don’t get that much time together, so I was focusing on her during br-breakfast, and I was in my head on the walk h-here…”

I heard her sit down a few seconds before I did. “What’s on your mind then, my little Warrior Prince? Is it the thought of your wife being with another man?”

“Pa-Partially, but that’s not all… Thank you for complimenting Twilight earlier.” I said softly. I glanced over to Tender.

She smiled when she saw that she had my attention, which made my heart throb. “She looks gorgeous, Max! How was I supposed to hold my tongue when Twilight’s hair and makeup complement her so well!?” Tender’s hands went to her face. “Seriously, who did her makeup? I need to know!”

I blushed a little harder and ran a hand through my hair, sweeping it off of my forehead. “I did.“ I said in a small voice.

I didn’t see the look Tender gave me, but her voice was full of shock. “you made her look like that!? Max, are you secretly gay? Or at least bisexual?”

“N-No, I’m straight like an arrow...” Except for when I’m a woman.

“Then how did you manage to pull it off? You’ve got to tell me!”

“W-Well, I just thought of some things that would make me look prettier and applied it to Twilight…”

“... You wear makeup?” Tender asked.

“N-No, but when I’m a girl-”

“What.”

I blushed even harder before changing myself into Roxy to show her exactly what I meant, thought I did hide behind my lengthened hair for a moment before showing Tender Care my face. “I-I can change into a girl. When I’m like this, I-I like to be called Ro-Roxy…”

Tender stared at me. “... You’re very pretty.” She said quietly.

“... A-A lot of people say that, but I don’t think my face is th-that nice. I like m-my figure more…” I said softly.

“So you want Twilight to feel prettier, but you don’t have any self-confidence when you’re a woman?” Tender said doubtfully. “I find that a little hypocritical.”

“N-No! I think I’m cute and all, b-but I just don’t think my f-face is that nice… I-I’m n-not getting down on myself, I’m just realistic…”

“You’re being ridiculous. If you’re that pretty without makeup, then you have no right to call yourself anything less than what you are!” Tender said, her voice a little angry.

I felt my shoulders hunch and my Magic pushed my hair into my face, covering my left eye so I didn’t have to meet Tender’s gaze. I didn’t respond, instead preferring to get started on my paperwork. My stewardess huffed and started doing some of her own work, which was actually a small portion of the things I was supposed to do, a fraction of Fancy’s work, a bit of Onyx’s dealings, and some of Crimson and Fleur’s daily duties. It would probably take her a couple of hours to get through it, so once I saw her pace, I set myself to a similar one until I got tired of going so slowly and just turned on Study Buddy Brain. I finished my shit within a few hours and Tender picked up her own pace to finish about forty-five minutes later, and once we were done, I conjured her up an umbrella and a pair of rainboots so she wouldn’t get the heels she was wearing all muddy from the Training Grounds. The guards could fucking deal with it, but I didn’t think my assistant would appreciate getting her stuff dirty.

I changed back into my normal self before I stood up from my desk, and when I collected Tender from hers, she stopped me before I got to the door and said, “You know you’re cute as either sex, right?”

“W-Well…” I started.

“There’s no ‘Well’ about it. You’re cute as ‘Max’, and you’re pretty as ‘Roxy’. I might not be bisexual most of the time,” My heart hammered, “but I know a pretty mare when I see her, and I daresay that you could convince me to have some fun with you as ‘Roxy’.” Tender gave me a wink and a kiss on the cheek before heading for the door.

I caught her arm carefully before she got away from me. When she looked back, I had a hard time meeting her gaze. “D-Did you ask D-D-Digit your question last n-night…?”

Tender Care smiled seductively and came closer, putting her hand on my chest. “I sure did. Do you know what he said?”

Bravado flooded my mind. “I won’t until you tell me.” I said, my cheeks rosy.

She rolled her eyes and put her other hand on my tie, pulling me down to her level. “He told me that I could do whatever I want with you~” She whispered in my ear before nibbling on my neck.

Mr. Wiggles yawned and did some morning stretches as my breath caught. “I-I-I-”

Tender tilted my face toward her and our lips met, but this time, it wasn’t the half-second peck she’d given me the day before or the two second moment of shock that had occurred the first time. No, Tender’s tender kiss left my mind full of static and made blood rush to my face and another place, obliterating any thoughts I may have had previously. It disintegrated any of the expectations I had held by surpassing them with aplomb, making me feel as if life was going to sail smoothly for as long as I needed it to. With Celestia, I’d felt galvanized and confident, ready to tackle any obstacle. With Velvet, I’d felt a sense of understanding and security. With Twilight, I felt innocent and clean; warm and safe, similar to how I’d felt with Velvet. However, with Tender, I felt hot and lustful, restless and raring to go. It was a bit odd at first, but when my instincts kicked in and I started kissing back, I got used to it soon enough and started losing myself in the moment before I pulled back, my heart telling me that if I continued on the path I was walking, I would end up trying lay Tender right then and there.

“D-Don’t do that. N-Not unless you’re looking for more.” I breathed.

Tender gave me a flirtatious smile. “Are you saying that it was too much?”

I licked my lips, tasting her unique flavour. “... For n-now, yes.”

She giggled and started leading me toward the door by my tie. “Come on, lover-colt. We’ve got work to do.”

Tender Care let go as we walked out of the room and I had to loosen my tie since it was actually starting to choke me a little bit. It’s a part of the reason I rarely ever bothered with a tie, preferring to go without one entirely, but Twilight wanted me to wear one for the day since I had a tie for each day out of the thirty-three day Equestrian month. I found the odd numbers… Well, odd, but I think this is the first time I’ve ever mentioned that. Equestrian weeks are longer too, but it’s only by a couple of days. I’m not trying to get into that right now, but I should mention that it was technically the weekend, so the special shift of guards was on duty and the only people that were supposed to be training for the next three days were either those with no free time or the particularly dedicated ones. My Agents were off duty for the day, but as Prince, I don’t really get days off unless I make them happen, and rarely enough do I feel like I need a break that badly. I guess you could say that I’m dedicated to my job, but I personally think that I just take it too seriously to allow myself much slack.

I didn’t bother with and umbrella since I can’t get sick by any means anymore and I kinda like cold rain when I’m all hot and bothered. I was certainly trying to calm the Ol’ Chap down since Tender Care had gotten him all excited, but after quick adjustment, I was free to let him do as he pleased anyway. It did mean that I was walking with a bit of trouble, but at least I wasn’t hunched over like a teenage boy with too many tiddies on the brain. Speaking of things and such, as Tender and I got to the Training Grounds we only saw four people there that weren’t on duty, which was most likely because of the scheduled rain. There were two senior guards toughing it out on the typical courses, but when I stopped them and gave them some hot tea and coffee respectively, they told me that it was a perfect day for a two-on-one. Altered Jay and Glass Beast were both two of my best fighters, but I’d never had a chance to go up against either of them solo. Apparently they were damn good as a team and cited Fancy as the guy who’d told them that, so I agreed to a sparring match, but when they asked for the full-contact gear, Tender asked why I was summoning padded cuirasses for them along with head gear and various other protective equipment. They told her that they wanted to fight me while I was serious and Tender Care’s face lit up with an expression of such pure delight, both myself and the male guard got a little rosy around the cheeks.

The female guard rolled her eyes, but she was still down for the fight.

I don’t feel like writing about it since I won anyways, but I’d like to say that it was a pretty good session, if I do say so myself. I used Crashing Waves as my attack stance since I still don’t like using the style that She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named taught me much, and Luna’s style was based off of hers, so yeah, I used my own. Once I took two too many hits, I switched to Riptide and the fight got a lot easier after that because I’m just better at reactionary fighting. My reflexes are good enough to do it, I’m fast enough to launch a counter attack, and my boosted perception allows me to track movements with ease, so unless someone can pull a She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named and beat me using skill and experience on top of a forbidden technique, then Riptide is my best bet for winning just about any fight. It’s getting to the point where I’m using Crashing Waves to draw out my opponent’s movements so I can switch to Riptide and wreck them, which is why I need to start adjusting Crashing Waves to do its job better.

While I’m on the topic of things that are doing better, Glass and Jay were fucking phenomenal with how crisp their movements were, and I told them as much, laying on the praise while helping them get their combat gear off. Both complained about my left punches hitting too hard, but after a quick non-optional check-up, I cleared them both to continue sparring with each other and told them to make sure they got dried and warmed up within the next two hours. They did the fist-over-the-chest salute (Which will be referred to as ‘the salute’ from now on since I’ve explained it twice) and Tender was ready to go in multiple ways. We headed over to the lone OIT who was running the course while one of my off-duty Operatives was keeping an eye on things since all those who passed training knew the rules. By the time Tender Care and I got over to the training course, the OIT and the Operative were arguing for some reason, so we hurried up to see what it was about.

“-other run! No one else is here!” Lost Legacy shouted.

“The maximum is three to an hour and I’ve already let you do four! It’s not bucking happening!” Egg Nog snarled.

“Oi!” I bellowed from about fifteen meters away.

They both turned toward me and the yellowish-white woman crossed her arms as she waited for me to come over and Lost Legacy looked like he was pissed about being caught. I put a hand on Tender’s shoulder and shifted us the rest of the way over, my face a mask while she appeared curious. I spent a few seconds glaring at Legacy before I turned the heat up for Nog.

“I’d like to confirm what I just heard. You let Captain Jackarse run the course four times?” I asked coldly.

Nog nodded. “He got me on a technicality. I forgot that he started making runs at eight and he tricked me into letting him do another at nine forty-eight. I let him finish the ‘there’, but caught him on the way back once I realized what happened.”

“It’s your fuck up. You’ve got four laps after this.” I declared. Turning to Legacy once more, I said, “You’ve gone and pissed on my good mood. Take two days off or I’m kicking your arse up and down the Training Grounds. Literally.” I added, dead-fucking-serious.

Legacy stared at the ground. “Yes sir.”

I looked to Egg Nog and she nodded. “I’ll go get started, boss.”

“Make sure you take a bath afterwards. As hot as you can handle.” I ordered.

She gave me a wry smile. “Can I use one of my bath bombs?”

“I fully expect you to.” I replied crisply.

She pumped her arm and started jogging toward the track, but Legacy stayed where he was. “Sir, I-”

“You’re lucky I’m not making you take a week off, you dumb fuck.” I snapped. “I know you want to get better, but the more rules you break, the less time I’m going to give you to make that happen. The rules are here for a reason, Legacy, and if you break them, you have to be ready for the consequences.”

He glowered at the ground like it had stolen his lunch money. “... What if I’m just doing it so I don’t have to train?”

“It’s not in you to sit still for long. Crimson, Fleur and I have all had multiple chats about you, and the conclusions are generally the same. You need to lose this ‘To infinity and beyond’ mindset before you get yourself killed. The only reason you haven’t gone on a training mission yet is because you keep pushing yourself too hard, so learn how to scale it back for a couple of weeks and we’ll get you out in the field. Before that point, work hard within the rules, and you’ll make it just fine, mate.”

Legacy worked his jaw, so I said, “That’s an order, Legacy. Now go home.”

“Yes sir.” He said tersely, walking off.

Tender and I watched him go. “... Weren’t you-” She started.

“No. The guy needs to get it through his head that raw force isn’t going to make him a better Operative. When he mellows out a bit more, he’ll actually start moving forward.” I replied, not needing to hear what she was going to say.

“You seem stressed out.” Tender commented.

“I am. That guy is going to be one of the best Operatives I’ve ever seen when he gets his head out of his arse, but before then, I still have to make him fall in line.” I said a bit harshly.

“... Maybe we could go back inside for a little bit so you can dry off?”

“I can’t get sick from earthly means. If I do get ill, it’s either stress or divine in nature.”

“Must be handy.”

“Makes me feel less Human.” I muttered bitterly. “Let’s go.”

I started off toward the Castle, and when I came to the sparring circles, I told Glass and Jay to rein it in for the day and suggested that they take their date to Blossoms and Blooms as a joke, which made both of them blush and sputter denials, but Tender giggled and called them out for all their extra-handsy wrestling, which got her two glares. It shut her up, but they didn't dare pull that shit with me, so I gave them a box of condoms just to be a prick and laughed my arse off for most of the walk back to Castle Arcadia. Tender told me that the condoms had been funny, but a little mean, though she agreed that it was better that they have extra just in case they did decide to ‘work it out’.

When we got back to the Castle, we went straight to the Court Hall to see if Twilight wanted any help with some cases, but when we were walking through the Waiting Hall, there wasn’t a soul in sight. I’d been feeling a vibe of arousal for a few minutes, but I’d written it off as some of my own feelings until I held the pendant Twilight had given me and sussed out that she and Digit were getting jiggy with it somewhere. I didn’t let the thought bother me for too long and trusted Twilight to use one of the hundreds of spare rooms we had instead of our fucking bedroom. Tender asked where they’d gone off to and I told her about my supposition, which made her blush and grow quiet for a little bit, so I shifted us to my study and asked if she wanted a celebratory drink. She was a whiskey woman, much to my joy, so I poured her a glass and had some bourbon for myself, using spherical ice cubes as our ‘rocks’.

Tender drained half of her glass in one go after seeing me do the same thing, and she didn’t even make a face. I was starting to like her even more, though I had to ask if she ever got a chance to drink since her husband didn’t really seem like the type. She sighed and told me that she’d been sober since their second son had been born and hadn’t really gotten much of a chance to sip on more than the odd glass of wine over the years, which I found to be appalling, even if I was trying to ‘cut back’ on my already meager drinking habits for Twilight. It’s not like my Alicorn physiology did me any favours when it came to getting drunk, and having a high tolerance for alcohol in the first place made things even harder. That’s not even mentioning the fact that it takes an average middle-rank god a full barrel of fortified wine to get to the party point, but for some odd reason, Twilight thought I was still drinking for effect rather than for enjoyment of my beverages. I actually just like the taste of good liquor and talked with Tender Care about our favourite kinds for a little bit, both of us finding gin to be near the bottom, if not the last, on our lists of preferred spirits.

Tender named hard apple cider as her most recent favourite while I had to go with Fuck Juice since I just like coffee and bourbon together, though when it came to saying my little nickname for the beverage, I just had to get all shy and mutter it under my breath before Tender pressed me to say it louder. I was too embarrassed to go above a Fluttershy level whisper, so Tender slipped behind my desk, put a hand high on my thigh, and leaned in rather close to hear me, but my throat had gone thick and I could barely eke the words out. When she actually put together what I said, she laughed and asked if I would mind making her a cup some time since she was fond of coffee herself. I whipped one up for her then and there and she took a sip before her brows raised and she started grinding her tongue against the roof of her mouth.

“Are you trying to poison me?” Tender asked, her face scrunched up.

I thought she looked adorable. “T-Too much whiskey?” I asked nervously.

“No, Max, this coffee is stronger than espresso! It tastes like you re-brewed it three times and refilled the filter after every go!”

I didn’t feel embarrassed about that. “That’s how Twilight and I drink our coffee.”

She started at me like I was insane. “... I’m not purple.”

I licked my finger and stuck it in her cup, weakening it considerably. Tender Care tilted her head and asked, “Why would I drink your spit?”

“K-Kissing is a little m-more intimate than th-that…” I reasoned.

She pursed her lips, picked her cup back up, and tried it again. “Much better. I could drink this and still hope to go to sleep tonight.”

I gave her a little smile. “I’m fond of it myself, but Twilight yells at me for day-drinking.”

Tender shrugged. “It’s five o’clock somewhere.” She took a long draught of her Fuck Juice and sighed. “Can we do this again sometime? When we finish with our daily stuff early, of course.”

My smile grew a bit bigger and I figured she was due for some teasing herself. “I don’t know, maybe you shouldn’t be drinking on the job.”

She looked down at her mug, then at me. Her brow came up and she slammed the rest like it was nothing before reaching for her whiskey and doing the same. “I’m sorry, what were you saying?”

“O-Oh… Just s-something about b-beautiful women who can handle their liquor.” I got progressively quieter as I went on and when I glanced at Tender, she was giving me another smile.

My stewardess sat on my desk and I resisted the temptation to look up her skirt before she crossed her legs. “I might not be the drinker I used to be, but I’m sure you can tell that I’m not your average mare when comes to the sauce.”

The brain trapped in my skull made me say, “You can have my sauce whenever you want.” I clapped a hand over my mouth and turned red all over again.

Tender grew a little rosy around the cheeks herself and nudged me with her hoof. “Keep feeding me drinks and we might just see about that. That’s not an invitation by the way.” She finished firmly.

I looked down at her lap because it was a nice place to look. “I-I wouldn’t take advantage of you like that. Sleeping with drunk people is k-kinda rapey…”

“Even if you had prior consent?” She asked neutrally.

“I-If someone c-can’t stand up straight, then it’s a n-no-go.” I said sincerely. “Th-The first time I had a-an encounter with a woman in Equestria was with Twilight when she was… Well… It was that special week, a-and she’d been drinking all n-night. I-I was pretty buzzed too and Twilight wanted me to… H-Have s-s-sex with her, but she passed out…” I left it there for a little bit.

“I feel like there’s more to the story than just that.” Tender gently pushed for more details.

“W-Well… Twilight and I had done some… O-Or-Oral stuff, but she fell asleep after a c-climax…”

Tender gave me an odd look. “Oral stuff? You mean dirty talking?”

I furrowed my brow and dragged my eyes to meet hers. “What? N-No.”

She tilted her head. “Then I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

My jaw dropped as my face and neck heated up. “... Digit hasn’t licked you down there?” My shock overrode the stuttering completely.

It was her turn to blush and look away. “I-I don’t see why he would. Is it a Human thing?”

“N-No, I know a few Ponies who do it for guys, but I guess I shouldn’t be that surprised…” Cunnilingus did seem to be rather uncommon with some of the people I had slept with, including Cadance, Rarity, and Luna. I don’t count Fluttershy and Twilight because they were virgins when I met them, but Applejack had been a fucking lesbian at one point and didn’t know what it was during our first encounter. Hell, even Vinyl Scratch had been surprised when I put my face between her legs, despite having been a nympho until she met Octavia.

Tender looked at me again. “... So it’s not just a thing for mares to do for their stallions?”

“I-It’s different, but it can be r-really nice. I-I-I-I can sh-show you s-sometime...” I was back to looking at her lap.

She leaned down and tilted my chin upward, both of us blushing. “It doesn't sound genuine if you’re not looking me in the eye when you say it.”

I swallowed hard. “I-I c-can show you what I-I’m talking about. N-Not right now! Just… Wh-when you want…”

Tender care gave me an anxious smile. “Tomorrow is the middle of the weekend. Paperwork should be light, right…?”

I nodded. “I-It’ll be nearly n-nonexistent if no one shows up for training.”

“Then we’ll have a little time to ourselves, won’t we?”

Needless to say, I was already looking forward to the next day in many ways. “Y-Yeah…”

She nudged me with her hoof again. “You know, I don’t think I told you that I liked that you didn’t sleep with Twilight when she was drunk. It’s even more impressive considering that you’d been drinking on top of it and still made a good call.”

I wrung my hands. “I-It just never s-sat well with m-me.”

“And I like that. Many stallions in your position would have taken advantage of her since she’d given consent earlier. Now, if you’d been too drunk to make that choice, then it’d be a weird story, but it’s not like it would be solely your fault. That’s a different issue altogether.”

That kinda struck a nerve. “Wait, so if a guy is too drunk to give consent, it’s still okay because…? If both parties are drunk, then both parties are responsible for letting themselves get like that.”

Tender nodded. “Exactly. It’s one thing to be sober and take advantage of a drunk pony, but it’s a whole ‘nother thing if they’re both drunk.”

I blushed. “O-Oh… I thought you were disagreeing with me.”

She gave me a look. “Now why would I do that?”

I tried not to drill holes into her thighs with my eyes. “W-Well... “

“Yes?”

“S-Some people on Earth th-thought that it was a man’s responsibility n-no matter what.” I replied meekly.

“That’s stupid. Those people are stupid. Two drunk people make mistakes, they don’t give consent. That’s just a ridiculous way of thinking.” Tender said irritably.

“I think so too. I-I’d like to think th-that even if I was more drunk a-at the time with T-Twilight, I still wouldn’t have done anything.”

“I know too many mares that would have tried to get you as drunk as possible while hoping you didn’t get whiskey-dick so they could buck you anyway. I used to be friends with a few ponies like that. Used to be.” She emphasized.

I glanced up at her and gave her a smile. “I-I like your morals.”

“I like most of yours, though whatever ones you have that allow you to kill ponies are some that you should get rid of.” Tender said gently.

“... I promised Twilight I wouldn’t kill anyone else.” I murmured.

“I hope you keep your promises better than she kept the one.” She said, sighing.

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I’d already broken it to save Equus from Discord, so I tried to come up with something to say that would deflect, but I waited too long. Tender didn’t say anything for a little while, so the silence began to build. I busied myself with pouring us both a little more to fill our glasses while my stewardess sighed and watched. Once I finished, she picked up her glass and I did the same with mine, both of us sipping our drinks rather than downing them like we were dehydrated. Then again, alcohol makes you dehydrated anyway, so I guess we were doing the exact opposite of that. Strange.

Tender put her glass on the table and I could feel her gaze rest on me. “Max.”

“Y-Yeah?”

“Who did you kill?”

“... I-It’s a state secret.” I replied.

“So it was Discord.” She said softly.

“... You can believe what you want.” I said, my spine reinforcing itself.

“It makes no sense to lock somepony away in the Sun. It’s a giant ball of light, which I assume is due to it being made of fire.” Tender surmised.

“... Well, you’re not wrong.” I admitted.

“So who did you kill that made you break your promise to Twilight if it wasn’t Discord? I highly doubt that she would just be okay with it if it wasn’t world-saving level important.”

“I like tea. Tea is good.” I said softly.

“Tea is for wimps.” Tender teased, letting off on the pressure.

I gave her a mock glare. “Tea is for Brits and every other cultured person on the planet!”

“Brits? I think that word means ‘wimps’, am I right?” She gave me a shit eating grin.

“I’ll take you down, Tender. Don’t you go insulting my tea!”

She bent down and kept her smile as she said, “Bring it, big colt. You don’t have the-”

I adjusted my power level before I grabbed her by the shoulders and shifted us away from my desk, giving myself enough air to land on my feet and catch Tender while she was falling. Once I had her in my arms, her eyes shot open and I dropped her on her arse. “Not a takedown so much as just dropping you, but-”

I didn’t get too far with my gloating since Tender tackled me to the ground like she’d had no small amount of practice doing so, and thus began a bout of some innocent-ish wrestling. I didn’t think that a thirty-something year old woman would be so childish as to try and subdue me if she wasn’t after my life, but lo and behold, Miss Tender Care tried to straddle me and pin my arms above my head, regardless of her rather enticing attire. From where I was, I had a clear view up her skirt since it had ridden up to the lacy tops of her stockings, and that very thing was the only reason she managed to get my left hand pinned down. I could have easily overpowered her, but I was too busy thinking of sky blue bliss and wondering if the other half of her livery matched to not have a little fun with it.

I let Tender grab my right wrist before I rolled it from her grasp, grabbing her wrist so I could take it across her chest and unbalance her by kicking off of the ground with my left foot. I gave her a brilliant smile while I was on top before I realized I was between her legs, which was exactly where I wanted to be anyway, but with fewer clothes on. I wasn’t expecting Tender to play dirty, however, so her heart-wrenching little pout gave her enough time to whack me in the bend of both elbows and roll us over once more so she was back on to. A button on her blouse had come undone and a little bit of ever-so distracting cleavage appeared, making my heart race a mile a minute while I tried not to pitch a tent. Tender sat back on my hips and what do you know? She definitely felt it, but when she started pressing down harder while trying to get my arms above my head, I was so tempted to just let her win. I’d gotten enough out of the moment for me to be happy, but Dad never did raise a quitter and I rather liked being on top (It’s a dominance thing), so I let Tender get my right hand before launching my counter-attack.

I’ve noted that it’s pretty common for Equestrian women to be ticklish on their sides, and since we were playing dirty, I decided to get down with the dogs and get some fleas for myself. Making sure not to grab too hard, I started tickling Tender’s side, getting her right below the ribs, hoping that it was her weak point. My hypothesis proved to be correct as she gripped my right forearm much harder than she had been and tried to get me to stop ‘cheating’ (Her words, not mine), but she fucked up by leaving my left hand free while keeping my right on grip. Then she gave up and reached for my ‘gun’.

I don’t know how to properly write an extended ‘Oh no’, but it would go in the paragraph above.

My face lit up as Tender gripped me through my trousers, so I may or may not have panicked and activated my True Theft so I could phase through her blouse and grab her right breast. Her eyes shot open and she let the Ol’ Chap go so she could grab my hand, but when she did, she just made me squeeze a little harder, and I took a moment to enjoy the smoothness of her undergarments along with the plush softness of what little bit of her coat I could feel. Her mammary was softer than any I’d felt before, but while I was thinking about that Tender seized the moment and freed my hand from her breast, trying to get it above my head again. She almost managed to do it before I wrestled my wrist from her grasp and sent my hand to her other side, making her sit back and grind her hips against the pole that held my tent up. It was a very distracting occurrence, but I still managed to roll us over again and this time, I got both of Tender’s wrists, though I let her struggle for a little bit so I could see what she was going to do.

Her skirt was just barely covering her nether regions at this point and now I need to reiterate that it was only innocent-ish. Tender gave me a look of such utter frustration just seconds before she bucked her hips and got her hooves onto my shoulders, pushing me off of her for a moment and making me stumble backwards. While I was giving her a bit of time to get herself sorted, Tender stopped caring so much about having fun and got me back by tackling me to the floor again. However, this time she forced both of my hands above my head and came in for a kiss that was probably the deciding factor in why I didn’t just take the victory for myself. That, and Mr. Wiggles was pressed against something VERY soft and she was gently undulating her hips against me in the best of ways, her skirt officially above her hips. I had the presence of mind to lock the door to my study before anyone could just walk in.

“Ahem.” A distinctly feminine voice came from the door I’d just fucking locked.

Tender bolted upright and fixed her skirt while I looked toward Fleur, who was wearing an amused smile. “W-Well… Hi?”

Fleur’s brow raised. “I’m sure Twilight is aware of this, no?”

I felt my face warm up a little bit. “Yeah. Not this in particular, but we have a deal going on at the moment.”

She shrugged. “As long as I don’t have to beat you for cheating. I just needed to know if you wanted me to come in for training tomorrow.”

“No, I need you to keep Lost Legacy at home for a couple days though. He went over the maximum on the training course again.” I said as Tender awkwardly sat on my thighs.

Fleur nodded. “I’ll be sure to issue a proper warning.” She looked at Tender. “I believe I’ll allow you two to return to what you were doing.”

“You don’t allow me to do shit, Fleur. I allow you to keep walking around without flooding your knickers.” I gave her a cheeky grin.

She rolled her eyes and turned to walk out. “Goodbye, Max, Tender Care.”

Fleur shut the door behind her and I looked to Tender Care while propped up on my elbows. “... So where were we?”

Tender’s blush hadn’t faded much and she put her hands on my shoulders. “I think the mood is ruined for the time being, sweetie.”

I made a face. “Can I have another kiss anyway?”

“So you’re trading the whole ‘shy-guy’ thing for a ‘polite-guy’ thing?” Tender asked playfully.

I blushed and looked at her lap. “W-Well, when a woman grabs you down there, i-it’s a little harder-”

“I’ll say.” She cut in.

I blushed harder and chuckled. “Is that a no on the k-kiss?”

Tender Care rolled her eyes ad leaned down to give me another, less fervent one that was equally as pleasant as the first. We tried slipping each other a little tongue at the same time and I noted that she tasted a bit like hazelnut liqueur at the moment, which was actually quite nice. I felt like I was getting a bit of a buzz from snogging her, my thoughts clouding as we carried on until Tender pulled away. A string of saliva connected our lips and I swept it out of the way, making her smile and wipe her lips.

“How was that for a kiss?” She asked, her smile enticing, tempting me to go for another.

“I liked that. I liked that a lot.” I pushed myself up a little higher and gave her a kiss on the cheek since I was feeling brave.

We didn’t do much after that, but Tender did offer to give me a little parting gift if I was feeling up for it, and that flustered me quite a bit. I turned her down since I just didn’t feel like it was the right time and that confused the fuck out of her. I explained that I just wanted to keep things fun and flirty for a little bit longer since Twilight was already making her strides with Digit, and Tender supported my decision, saying that she had fun when we kept things relatively innocent about as much as when we got a little naughtier. I may have stuttered through a compliment on her choice of livery and Tender gave me another kiss for it, but that was pretty much it for the important things. I told Tender that she was free to do whatever she wanted for the next day and she said that she was going to try and go on a date with her husband for a little while and I wished her a good time before dinner came. They joined Twilight and I could smell the faint hint of sweat on both Digit and my wife, telling me that they’d gone ahead and done the deed.

I don’t know how I felt about that. I was alright with it, but I didn’t feel… Good, I guess. I don’t really like sharing Twilight, and from the way she was acting, the sex wasn’t the best she’d had. That made me feel a bit better about the whole thing, though I was hoping that I’d be able to show Tender a better time than the one my wife had. I don’t know if Twilight was just more used to my style and careful attention to what she liked, but I knew that Digit had rushed things a little bit and had hurt her during the act. It wasn’t enough for me to whoop his arse, but I did take him aside and warn him to make sure that Twilight was properly lubricated before entry next time. He was petrified, of course, but it was all well and good.

The work day ended with Twilight and I telling Digit and Tender that they were definitely getting the next day off for a little time to themselves, though I knew the four of us wanted a little more time together. It was odd, to say the least, that Digit was afraid of me while he was down for Twilight. Tender and Twilight got along well enough, but Twilight’s tone sometimes carried a bit of an edge with her that I couldn’t quite read, though it wasn’t as if she was mad at the woman or anything, otherwise I would’ve done something about it. As it was, when Twilight and I went to bed, I had a few questions for her, like if she’d let Digit find release while inside (She hadn’t), if he’d lasted long enough (He hadn’t), and whether or not she was going to try him again. She wanted me to teach him a little bit about sex before we got to it, but as I was writing down instructions and tips, I had another question for Twilight.

“So what’s your problem with Tender Care? You seem to be a little clipped with her from time to time.” I kept my tone soft and unassuming.

Twilight looked over my shoulder as I was writing. “Add in that he should actually know what a clitoris is and add a diagram.”

I magicked one up and Twilight carried on. “I guess I’m a little envious that Tender has you head over heels for her. I know you actually love me, but seeing you be so shy with her kinda makes me feel like I missed a whole side of you that I’ve never seen before. It’s a little ‘sucky’.”

“Well, I’m starting to ease up around her, though I can’t say that I’m ready to start teasing her back yet. Tender might have brought out a shy side of me, but that’s not who I am, Twilight, and it’s never been me. I haven’t been shy since I was eighteen, and that was when I fell in love with my first true girlfriend.” I kept on writing and added some notes to the diagram.

Twilight put a hand on my shoulder. “So what was your first love’s name?”

“Maggie.” I replied.

“... What was she like?”

“I don’t like talking about her.”

“Why not?”

“I’m pretty sure she’s dead. Either way, when I got us off coke, she switched to heroin and dropped me like a sack of potatoes. I spent too long trying to find her, spent too long in pain, and Will was the only reason I got past her in the first place. No point in bringing up painful memories.”

Twilight stood behind me and started giving me a massage, which was a little unusual. “Maybe you could talk about her now?”

“Nah.”

“Don’t ‘nah’ me, Max!” Twilight placed her hands around the base of my neck and shook me.

I put my pen down and grabbed her hands, taking them from my shoulders and placing them on my chest so she was hugging me. “I just don’t want to talk about my exes, Cherry. I’m with you and you’re the only one I love.”

“And? I want you to express yourself to me when you can, and-”

“I’ll talk to Will or Crimson about her then.” I said, brokering no further discussion.

“So it’s more of a guy thing?” She asked.

“Definitely. You don’t talk about the people you’ve been with to the person you’re currently with. It’s generally considered to be in poor taste.” I explained.

“Then I guess I can give you a pass as long as you actually follow through on what you say you’re going to do.”

I sighed. “I’ll talk to Crimson tomorrow then.”

She kissed my cheek. “Please do. I have a question about what you and Tender did earlier.”

“Ask and you shall receive.”

“What did you two do that made your emotions go so crazy? I know I felt whimsy, arousal, excitement, and something that I think means that you two were challenging each other, but then it ended with disappointment and...”

“We had two glasses of liquor apiece and Tender thought she could tease me all day without me taking her down a peg. We wrestled for a little bit and I let her win, but Fleur came in while we were doing some snogging.”

“Max, you know how I feel about your drinking.” Twilight said, accepting the rest of my words easily.

“Twilight, you do realize that I can’t really get drunk that easily, right? I need a full bottle of bourbon to get a buzz. I drink because I like the taste.” I said wearily.

“... Seriously? You actually like the taste of hard liquor?” Twilight asked dubiously, resting her chin on my shoulder.

“I told you, Cherry. Brits like drinking. It’s not just for the effect.” I admonished gently.

“Oh. Well I don’t think you should be giving Tender alcohol on the job.”

“Says the woman who powered through court so she could get laid.” I said drily.

I felt some warmth in Twilight’s cheek. “... Point Amour.”

I chuckled and finished up with my notes. “Are we keeping track now? Because I think we need to total it up and see how many we have, just for shits and giggles.”

“I don’t think we should. That would mean we’d have to quantify who’s right more often, and I don’t think your pride could take that hit.” My wife teased.

“My pride will do just fine after we see the gap between your points and mine. I’m sure I’ve been correct far more times than you have.”

“Name one time.” She challenged.

“Spike. When I gave him meat, and when I said he needed male role models, and social interaction with people his age. Three points.”

“... What about when I said that Celestia really did love you when you went through town drunk off your ass?” Twilight countered.

“... Didn’t realize the Spike thing would be that low of a blow. I’m sorry, Cherry.”

She hugged me tighter. “It’s okay, Amour. I know you didn’t mean to hit quite so hard.”

I squeezed her arms and poked the inside of my cheek with my tongue, making Twilight giggle since she could feel it. “Still though. I should’ve thought about that a little harder.”

“Like I said, you still might get a snack tonight if you want one. All I want is one little kiss as an apology.” She let me go, so I turned my head and gave it to her.

“Apology given.” I said cautiously.

“Hmm… Maybe just one more?” She smiled impishly.

I licked her lips and she made a face. “Pupper kisses count, right?”

She wiped my slobber off and got my cheek with her considerably longer tongue. “Sure thing, Amour. As long as I get to do the same thing.”

“You just think I’m tasty, you carnivorous herbivore.” I gibed.

“Well, you do have a smoky flavour to you. It’s kinda like cherry… Wood… Huh.”

“I taste like how burning wood smells?” I asked, confused.

“Well, you taste a bit like cherry wood and you smell like teakwood, which is why I ask you to use that teakwood cologne more than anything else.”

“... You ask me to use a cologne that I already smell like?” I was doubly confused at this point.

“I like the way you smell naturally. I can’t really go around smelling like wine all day, otherwise people are going to think I have a problem, but you can go around smelling like teakwood.” Twilight nibbled on my neck a little.

“Careful there, Cherry, you might start something-”

“Oh, I’m trying to start something. Digit might be thicker than you are, but you’re better at filling me up when we have snacks. I didn’t even get to make any icing!”

“Then I’ll be sure to make your Cupcake Castle feel like it’s crumbling tonight, just as a special favour this one time.” I tilted my head to the side so Twilight could keep peppering my neck with little kisses.

We carried on from there and I stayed true to my word. Twilight ended up trying to ride me for once and she actually did pretty well as long as I kept my hand on her rear and helped guide her. She was more fond of short, quick strokes that had me poking her cervix than long ones that would probably get her off quicker, but it wasn’t really my choice since I wasn’t the one on top. It was nice since Twilight still fit me like a glove, though I wondered why she wasn’t a little less tight since Digit is apparently girthier than I am. I attributed it to Twilight having the best Cupcake Castle that’s ever been attached to a woman and left it at that. She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named might have had better control than Celestia, but Twilight was special in the way that she squeezed and milked me without meaning to and did it in just the right way to make me fear for my stamina. I wondered briefly if Digit felt the same way about it, but I doubted that Twilight’s perfection was geared toward anyone other than me.

The night ended with Twilight taking her usual place with her head on on my chest, and now I think it’s a good time for another break. The next day will be written here in a sec, but that day is yesterday at this point, so I’ll be glad to be caught up. It’s a good time for another hot toddy.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

After Twilight and I did our morning routines and I made her call herself beautiful before and after doing her mane and makeup, I checked out the Training Grounds because I didn’t really have any paperwork to speak of. Tender and I had rescheduled our lesson on oral sex to the next day, so I wanted to take a walk around town with Twilight, but she had planned her day for doing a few experiments, so I was rolling solo for a little bit. I stopped by and talked to Crimson about Maggie like I promised I would, though the conversation was short and really isn’t worth writing down since we basically summed it up to ‘bitches be trippin’. Not quite with those words, but the meaning was there.

On my walk about town, I went as Roxy because I didn’t want to be bothered, and it was a somewhat chilly day. I don’t have many sweaters that would look good on me as ‘Max’, so I conjured up a knit jumper for myself that had red and orange embellishments so I’d be nice and seasonal. The jumper itself was a very pale orange, kind of like a creamsicle but a few shades lighter, and I gave it a faded look because I thought it would be even cuter like that. I wore some stonewash trousers to go along with it, and with my outfit sorted and approved by my bisexual best friend, I was out to town.

I made a circuit around Ponyville before I started heading toward the school. I liked to check up on Cheerilee from time to time to see how the youth was doing, but since it was the middle of the weekend, the only thing she would be doing is watch some of the kids play on the playground. She wasn’t actually outside when I went there, so I imagined that she was catching up on grading some papers with some of her teachers. Kids in Equestria stay in school until they’re sixteen or seventeen depending on when they were born, and even as the principal of the school, Cheerilee still had a class of her own to teach. There were only about twenty or so teenagers in her class, though that number is probably bigger than the real class size. There really aren’t that many kids in Ponyville anyway, but Cheerilee does tend to give out plenty of assignments to make sure her students know as much as they can about Equestria’s censored history.

I was about to head inside to take up some of Cheerilee’s time when I saw five kids around ten or so standing about. The closer I got, the less I cared for what was going on, and it was very apparent that four of those little bastards were picking on the fifth one. The only one I gave a shit about was the boy with a poo brown coat and a ruddy brownish mane with a tan streak in it, and since he was the only one facing me when I walked up, he was the one who saw me first. I gave him a nod as I came to stand behind the other boys and singular girl.

“OI!” I shouted menacingly.

The four bullies jumped hard and whirled around to look at me, all of them either blanching or flinching at the look on my face. “All of you. With me. Now.” I ordered.

One brave little fucktard said, “You’re not the boss of us!”

I tilted my head and sent a telepathic message to Cheerilee to get her arse outside within the next twenty seconds before I slapped him. “You wanna bet on that, you little garbage pail kid?”

The little fuck marched up to me and went to kick my shin, so I stomped his hoof while he was mid-kick and he almost fell over. “Good job. You just earned yourself in-school suspension instead of a detention. Keep it up.” I said, my voice low and lethal. I really have no patience for bullies, if that’s not fucking obvious. Bullies of any age rank pretty high on my shit list.

The kid stared up at me like I’d just told him his mother was waiting for him to suck her tits at home. “... What?”

Cheerilee came jogging out of the school and I waved her over, which made the little shit head turn around and realize that he was waist deep in trouble. He whipped around and stared at me, so I gave him a look and said, “I advise you stay quiet until Miss Cheerilee gets here.”

When she about three meters away, Cheerilee asked, “Roxy? What’s going on?”

“I caught these four bullying this one,” I pointed at the brown colt, “and then the little bugger in front of me tried to kick me. I suggest detention for the three average bullies and in-school suspension for the violent one.”

Cheerilee’s face reddened and she glared at each of them in turn, though when she let her gaze linger on the last one, she said, “You should be very happy that I like Miss Roxy’s suggestion, otherwise you’d be getting sent home for a week. As it is, I’m talking to ALL of your parents.”

The brown kid looked extremely uncomfortable and reached into his pocket, rubbing a large rectangular thing like it was a safety blanket. I resolved to talk to him in a moment, but addressed the principal. “In-school was always worse, in my opinion. Kids around this age would be all too happy to go home back on Earth.”

Cheerilee shook her head. “I doubt many of the ponies on Earth had stay-at-home parents. Equestria usually has at least one parent at home during the day since some ponies can work from home.”

I raised a brow. “I’m sure you know their parents better than I do. Thank you for responding so quickly, Cheeri.”

She gave me a look. “You know I’m not fond of that nickname.”

I shrugged. “I didn’t until now. I’ll keep that in mind.”

She nodded. “Please do.” She looked at each of the four bullies. “Go home and get your parents. If you don’t return within the next two hours, I’m doubling your detentions and suspension.”

The four little shits ran off and Cheerilee walked up to the brown kid who was shying away from us. “Button Mash, you know you can always come to one of your teachers or to me if other colts and fillies are bullying you.” She said kindly.

“I-I know…” He said softly.

I came over and knelt next to him, and when he wouldn’t look me in the eye, I tilted his chin towards me and said, “Don’t be afraid to speak up, Button. Letting people pick on you for bull-” Cheerilee glared at me, “nonsense. Letting people pick in you for nonsense is pointless, and it just makes you feel bad. Your feelings matter just as much as theirs do, so don’t feel like you have to be a target for people to want to be around you.”

He actually looked at me and his lips parted. “H-How did you know I was lonely?” He asked, shocked.

I gave him a lopsided grin. “I know the feeling pretty well, sweetie. I used to do the same thing when I was your age, and I let it happen for years. It hurt to let people call me names and make fun of me in general, but I was so desperate for some kind of attention that I thought it didn't’ matter.”

He looked down and shuffled his hooves. “... I just wanna talk to somepony sometimes.”

I put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a warm smile. “When you’re feeling really lonely and you don’t have a friend nearby,” I conjured up a couple of pretty basic pager/messenger type deals that wouldn’t be too hard to operate before handing one off to him, “Just write a message on that and I’ll try to reply as soon as I can. My work keeps me pretty busy, but I’ll make time for you, I promise.”

He started typing a message then and there, doing it pretty damn fast before hitting send. His message asked what my name was. “Right now my name is Roxy, but you know me better as Max.”

Button jolted and stared at me while I changed form in front of his very eyes. Cheerilee chuckled at his reaction while he stammered, “Y-Y-You’re Prince Max!?”

I smiled some more because it was funny. “Sure am, Button, and I’d like to be your friend. Just don’t go bragging about it or trying to hold it over someone else’s head, okay? That’s not something I approve of.”

He took a moment to shake his head before beaming at me. “I-I’ll keep it a secret! I promise!”

I brought him in for a hug after I changed back into Roxy. “I’ll hold you to that, little man.”

Cheerilee smiled at me and I gave her a subtle nod and she started back toward the school. I still don’t like kids, but I saw a lot of myself in Button from his mannerisms. After our hug, I enchanted the messenger with my Seal and told Button to say ‘It’s mine!’ if someone ever took it from him besides his parents and I made him promise to only ever retrieve it from them to tell me that he got grounded. He promised to keep my identity a secret from his parents as well, but I doubted that he’d be able to keep that one for very long. I offered to talk and walk with him so we could chat for a little while, and as we set out toward Ponyville Park, he mentioned that he’d only come to town recently and that his parents had been hired on at the Castle to do something or other. We talked about his parents for a little while and he said that his mother was generally sweet and made the best cookies he’d ever had, so I told him about my own mother and how her cookies would top his mum’s any day of the week. I messed with him for a little bit and he actually started to get somewhat upset until he saw that I was just smiling at him.

We talked about his father a little bit and he said that he was really nice and kinda quiet, but that he was still a real tough guy. Apparently the fellow thought that I was a scary guy while his mother thought I was just a little rough around the edges, but I took the comments in stride and tried to figure out who the fuck he could’ve been talking about. I figured that it would be too much of a coincidence for him to be Tender and Digit’s youngest son, so I straight up asked him if they were his parents. I wasn’t that surprised to find out that they were, so I mentioned that I liked his Mom a lot and that I thought his Dad was a pretty pleasant guy. In turn he asked about the stuff they did for me, so I told him that Tender was my stewardess and that his Dad was Twilight’s steward, meaning that they helped us keep track of the Castle’s goings on. He thought that was the coolest thing ever since his parents were practically the right hands of Equestrian royalty and I couldn’t help but chuckle. Tender might have been MY ‘right’ hand, but her right hand was probably one of my top ten favourite hands.

No, I didn’t tell him anything of my or Twilight’s relationship with either of his parents, but I did tell him that we were fond of them. Shortly after we made a circuit around the park, he asked me if I wanted to come to his house and play some games, so I agreed since I was pretty sure that his parents had brought some of their arcade games along with them when they moved, and when we got to their somewhat large house, I was proven correct. There were ten different cabinets in their game room and Button challenged me to play all of them over the course of two hours, but much to my surprise, they were all old-school classics that I’d spent a hundred plus hours on collectively when I didn’t have shit to do between jobs. Will and I had battled back and forth with trying to set top scores above each other’s when we’d found our old hangout, and we’d even gone so far as to buy a classic gamepad thing that resembled an average arcade cabinet’s controls so we could get the full experience.

And Button wanted to try me. Heh. Heh heh. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Shit, I wrecked his arse worse than America wrecked Japan in nineteen forty-five. Don’t even look at me sideways over that! He challenged me, dammit! No one ever actually told me that I had to go easy on kids, so I made it a point to destroy him thoroughly in every match we played, going so far as to wreck the top score on each machine like it was child’s play. Simulacrums of games like Pac-Man, Galaga, Donkey Kong, Qix, Space Invaders, and Pong were all represented and I beat him like he stole from me in all of them. I assumed that the top scorer on all of the cabinets who bore the initials ‘TLC’ was going to be pissed that I’d replaced the number one spot with my real initials, ‘KIG’. When Button asked why I named myself ‘KIG’, I told him that my real name was actually Kaid Ignatius Gadai (I hate my middle name with a passion), he asked why everyone called me Max and I told him that I just preferred it. He didn’t think about it too hard.

Speaking of things that are hard, the game room was apparently adjacent to Button’s room as well as his older brother’s, which explained why I’d been hearing the sound of furious fapping off and on for the duration of my visit. The fellow actually stopped when Button told me to stop cheating at everything quite loudly, and when he laid eyes on me, his formerly tan cheeks turned bright red and I avoided looking down because he started leaning forward a bit. I got awkwardly hit on by the sixteen year-old son of my employees, one of whom I was trying to fuck myself. It was a weird situation and I tried to let him down gently, but he was a little too persistent for my tastes until Button told him to leave me alone and go back to ‘grunting like a weirdo’ alone in his room.

Little man got moxie, I’ll give him that.

Caramel got the point, though I never did learn the second half of his name. I severely hoped that it wasn’t ‘Cream’ or something of the sort because I actually like caramel creams. I don't want to think of a horny teenage boy when I indulge in them, and I’m sure that feeling is mutual for just about anyone else who likes the sweets. Other than that little bit of bother, my visit with Button was nice and he was a pretty well-mannered kid, all things said. He was polite when he needed to be, but he was still a little pissy about me whooping him and everyone in the house so soundly when I left. I told him to be a good ‘colt’ for his parents to avoid getting grounded and he said that he would try his best, so I left thinking that he was probably about to break something or other. It would most likely be an accident, but still.

I didn’t have much else to do, so I went to the shady part of town to see if it was still shady, and I wasn’t really surprised to see that it was doing just fine. I walked along and things still seemed to be running at normal capacity for the most part, so I made a couple rounds, dipped down an alley or two, and generally tried to see if anything was going on. Nothing really happened, which I thought was pretty cool, though the complete lack of guards kind of worried me since I’d seen plenty posted up around Ponyville proper. I made a mental note to have more guards put in the sketchy part of town, though I could’ve sworn that it had been one of the first things I did when I got Castle Arcadia put together. I ran a memory spell and it had been the cause of a hundred and ninety seven pieces of paperwork that I’d had to fill out before I could speed up the process, so I was rather pissed off that my orders weren’t being followed.

As I was walking along, getting toward the last little section of town that I had yet to cover, I saw a band of Donkeys and a couple Dogs leering at me from the shadows, so I went on about my business before making myself a little fuck-up. I did it on purpose, so I can’t really call it a fuck up, but I knew that the alley the sketchy bunch were blocking off was connected to the next one, so I dipped down and tried to come ‘round behind them, but there were more of them blocking the way. There was definitely something going on, and if it involved Donkeys and Dogs, then it was most likely nothing good, so I surveyed the aggressive looking fuckers from a few meters away as they started towards me. Then I heard Applejack yell for help.

One snap later and the two of them were all missing legs. Twelve steps later and the two Donkeys and singular Dog that were doing their damndest to subdue Applejack were missing legs and genitalia. One turn of the head saw the four Donkeys and Dogs that were guarding the main entry to the alley missing legs as well. Another snap of my fingers sent all of them to cells beneath Castle Arcadia, and that was all the violence that I needed at the moment. Cold fury was still pulsing through my veins as I repaired Applejacks tattered clothing, and when she embraced me, I held her for what could have easily been thirty minutes as she tried to calm down. Nearly being gangraped tends to freak a person out, you know?

“OhdearCelestia, Roxythankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!” Applejack wept into my shoulder. She said it many more times than that, but I think four ‘thank you’s without spaces is plenty enough to get my point across.

I held her firmly for a good while, still a little shell-shocked myself to be honest. One of my best friends had almost been raped in broad fucking daylight. If I hadn’t decided to take a fucking walk, if I hadn’t stopped by the school, if I hadn’t spent time with Button… Applejack would’ve known a special kind of Hell that I would have broken my promise to Twilight to rectify. As it was, those bastards were getting sent to Tartarus and there was going to be a change in the way the south-side of Ponyville operated, one way or a-fucking-nother. I don’t know if Applejack could feel my trembling past her own or if she was even paying attention to it, but I was beyond fury. I was so far out of my fucking gourd that I could barely understand what she was saying, though it may have been the fact that she was sobbing and thanking me at the same time.

“Applejack.” I said, hearing a strange edge to my voice.

She hugged me tighter, holding on for dear life. She didn’t respond, so I said, “Applejack, we’re going to the Castle. I’m going to summon my guards, and there will be Hell to pay.”

Applejack hiccuped and continued weeping, not able to really say much, so I shifted us to Fluttershy and explained what happened to the best of my ability. Fluttershy took her lover from my arms to comfort her in a way I just couldn’t at the moment, and I shifted back to the Training Grounds. The All Call monolith stood tall in the middle of the open area as it had for months, and when I slammed the big red button labelled ‘Unauthorized Access Will Be Punished’, I gave my commands.

“GUARDS ON SOUTH-SIDE ROTATION TO THE FUCKING CASTLE NOW!” I roared into the microphone, the ground beneath my feet fissuring.

If my orders weren’t followed within the hour, then I was going to have the motherfuckers arrested when I tracked them down, and they would be fucking lucky if I didn’t beat them within a fucking millimeter of their worthless lives if they failed to show up on time. I shifted to Fancy and saw that he was already heading out of his somewhat extravagant quarters, so I caught up to him, placed a hand on his shoulder, and shifted us to the Training Grounds. Fancy whirled around and when he saw the look on my face, he took a step back, flinching.

“Maximus old chap, what’s going on?” He asked.

“I’ll explain in a mo’. You heard the summons, yeah?” I said, my voice could’ve sheared a fist-sized diamond in half symmetrically.

He winced. “I did. What happened on the south-side?”

I grit my teeth as my lips curled. “Our fucking guards apparently forgot that they’re supposed to be protecting my people.” I seethed. The day had been calm before, but winds from nowhere picked up and dust started swirling around my feet, static crackling in the air. The few clouds that were in the sky had been collecting, but now they were forming a solid mass around Castle Arcadia, darkening the day considerably.

“Maximus, calm down. I assure you-” Fancy tried.

I tilted my head at him. “You assure me what?”

“... Your eyes are glowing, Max.”

“What makes you think I give a fuck?” I snarled. “That shit isn’t. Fucking. Important.”

“... Permission to retrieve Princess Twilight, sir?” Fancy requested softly.

“Granted. She should be here for this.” I replied.

My Guard Captain performed the salute. “Her whereabouts?”

“Castle Laboratory.”

With that, Fancy took off at a quick yet maintainable pace to go get Twilight, most likely so she could calm me down before I started making people understand the true meaning of the acronym FUBAR. While Fancy ran off, I just shifted over to him and sent him to Twilight because he shouldn’t have started running in the first place, though I’m pretty sure that he was just trying to get to my wife as soon as possible, which I respect. At the moment, my rage was distilled from a lake of boiling blood to a pure white fury that could have fit inside one of Starshine’s vials. A spilled drop could have ended thousands, that is, if you equate near-rabidity to poison, and I was so ready to metaphorically dump the whole damned thing on the twelve cock-suckers who were supposed to be patrolling at the time.

Fancy returned with Twilight via teleportation as the first three guards sprinted to the middle of the Training Grounds, but when they saw me, they slowed way the fuck down and stopped about fifteen meters from where I was. My wife put her hand on my arm, but when I looked at her she blanched, although she still held fast. I shook in place, vibrating with such unadulterated anger that I doubt she could have quelled with words, so I looked back to the three guards.

“Get. The fuck. Over here!” I roared.

I saw them look between themselves and they started lightly jogging toward me, which pissed me off. “RUN YOU FUCKING NAGS!”

And run they did. They stopped about three meters shy, as was protocol, and now that I had a fourth of the slackers in front of me, I actually had something to point my rage toward. It was extremely difficult to not break them then and there for not doing their Goddamn jobs, but I held onto to my rapidly thinning shreds of sanity. I was already going fucking ballistic, and as Twilight did her best to calm me down with soothing words and gentle caresses, the rest of the ‘guards’ showed up. They stood four by four in orderly lines with a meter of space between each of them, so I travelled the lines, looking each of them in the eye, re-memorizing their faces as I went along. I knew each of them and they had been good guards, from what their audits had turned up. Once I was done making each them doubt their bladder’s integrity, I went back to the front and let loose.

“All of you swore an oath to protect the people of Arcadia, did you fucking not!?” I bellowed, my the power of my voice staggering the first three rows.

When no one said a damn thing, I continued with, “I expect A GODDAMN ANSWER!”

“Sir yes sir!” They chorused, most of their voices weak or meager.

“I pay you a salary to protect the people of Arcadia, do I fucking not!?”

“Sir yes sir!”

“Then why did a citizen nearly get raped by nine fucking pieces of shit on your watch” I felt an odd tingle near my shoulder blades, but I felt it inconsequential at the moment.

No one had an answer to that.

“Where the fuck were you!? I spent an hour on the south-side and I DIDN’T SEE A SINGLE FUCKING ONE OF YOU!” The wind picked up further and the crackling in the air grew louder, sparks of electricity jumping and dancing around me. If I wasn’t a halved-hair’s breadth away from blacking the fuck out and breaking a combined total of two thousand one hundred and sixty bones. Ponies lack feet, so they only have one hundred and eighty bones. Fun fact I learned from Twilight.

I waited for a single one of them to answer, but seeing as how they were all in plain clothes save for one young stallion, I doubted any of them were going to say a damned thing. The fellow that was actually in his armor shook like a leaf, so I walked up to him and asked, “Were you patrolling on the south-side?”

“N-No s-s-sir, I-I-I was he-helping s-s-s-some p-p-p-ponies settle a-a-a-a-a d-dispute.” He stammered, his voice quaking.

“You’re not lying. Go back and patrol.” I commanded through my teeth.

“Y-Yes sir!” The fellow beat ‘feet’ and got the fuck outta dodge before I could say another word to him.

I returned to my original position and picked up where I left of. “Since you fucking nags can’t do your jobs, you don’t need them! In fact, get the fuck out of Arcadia. You are all banished Do not stop to gather your belongings! Do not stop to see your families! I want you OFF OF MY GOD-DAMN LAND NOW!”

No one took a step.

“DID I FUCKING STUTTER!?” I thundered. Coincidentally, thunder clapped overhead and the sparks that had been crackling around me turned to lances of plasma that flashed in and out of existence.

That got them moving. The group of disgraces hurried off of the training grounds, sticking together like the herd animals they were named after. My chest heaved and my breathing was ragged as dark, cloudy Magic poured from my mouth, almost as if I were a Dragon. I didn’t draw the parallel then, but now that I think back on it, I was probably spewing Magic as I spoke anyway. I turned and my eyes glossed over Twilight to find Fancy Pants, wide-eyed and seemingly quite shaken by the events that had played out. I pointed a finger at him then thrust it toward a spot a couple of feet in front of me. When Fancy stepped up, he held steady, but I could see a certain level of fear in his eyes.

“Fancy Pants. You tell the rest of our guards that if they’re caught skipping south-side rotation that I will banish them from Equestria. I don’t give a shit if that’s the slack shift, the south-side of Ponyville is the fucking worst part of town You catch someone skipping that shit, you send them to me. You think someone is skipping, you send them to me. This. Does not. Happen. Twice.” I seethed. I was on the fucking warpath, and sadly Fancy was the guy who had to deal with it at the moment.

“Yes sir. I understand my orders, sir.” Fancy confirmed.

“Good.” I turned to Twilight. “Do you disagree with my actions?” I asked, most likely sounding like I didn’t give a fuck whether she did or not.

She herself was shaking from the rage that slipped through our connection. “... You were a little harsh.” Twilight’s voice trembled.

“It was nicer than I wanted to be.” I hissed.

Twilight’s eye flickered to something behind me, so I looked back and saw that I’d sprouted fucking wings. They weren’t like Alicorn or Pegasus wings in the sense that they were physically attached to me, but they seemed to be made of a midnight blue form of my Magic. If I had a sword in my hand, I’d probably look like an edgelord straight from some ‘I can be yuor angle or yuor devil’ meme, but it’s not really something I can control, nor was it something I could make go away, which probably should have worried me or something. I didn’t care enough at that point in time to comment on it.

“... A-Amour, c-can I have a kiss?” My wife tried.

I knew what she was doing, so I glowered at her as I took the two steps necessary to put me in front of her. I didn’t mean to intimidate her, but as I leaned down to give her the kiss, she touched my face and met me halfway, doing her best to send her message through her lips, and I actually tried to receive it. It took a ten count for my breathing to even out, and then it took another thirty second of some very affectionate snogging to make my heart stop pounding. I was still some other level of furious, but I pulled away because I had news.

“Twilight.” I said, trying to take the edge off of my tone.

She frowned slightly, but said, “Yes, Amour?”

“It was Applejack.” I stated.

“... It what.”

“Applejack was their target.” I repeated.

Her face paled moments before flushing. “It was Applejack? Max, we need to go be with her!”

“I took her to Fluttershy, so she’s being taken care of. You go and lend a hand in getting her head straight. I’ve got nine minds to break.”

Conflict flashed in Twilight’s eyes for a split second. “... Do it.”

I nodded at her and she teleported out. I looked over to Fancy and he breathed a sigh of relief. “I see you’re not prepared to kill me.”

“My orders still stand. I apologize for my tone.” I said.

“If it were a friend of mine that was nearly raped, I doubt I would have had your restraint.” Fancy assuaged.

“I don’t doubt it. Round up eleven people from the west and north sides and get them to the south side. There’s no fucking reason for this bullshit to be happening.”

We exchanged nods. I knew Fancy’s track record with people who fucked with his friends and loved ones, and Night Light had been a prime example. He still walked with a slight limp from where Fancy took his arse to town and back, so I didn't doubt for a second that Fancy would have just executed them if he had my power. Sadly for them, execution was a mercy I couldn't extend to them, though it’s not like I would have simply killed them. No, I was going to make them live. Each of them would get two hundred years apiece, but that was just the beginning of my plans. I had far worse fates planned for each of them, and not a single one would be spared of my ministrations.

I shifted down to the Castle’s dungeons and passed the on-duty guards on my way in, telling them to take a step outside as I walked down the barren, grey stone halls. It wasn’t exactly a far walk to where I’d left my prisoners, and since I could already hear them moaning or crying in pain, both of which would have made me smile if I wasn’t so dead set on making the next two hundred years of their lives be absolute Hell. I passed Blueblood’s cell on the way in and barely spared him a glance. He still looked like shit, his mane was nearly gone, and he was still missing his right hand. Nothing had changed since I’d caught him at my wedding when he’d tried to assassinate Twilight, though he didn’t flinch away from me anymore.

I let myself into the first crowded cell, though it would’ve been even less accommodating if any of them still had legs. The first thing I did was castrate them, though like I had done when I’d taken their legs, I made sure that they wouldn’t bleed out. The pain was still there, but that was nothing to the mindrape I had planned. I approached the first of nine and loaded every painful memory that I’d stolen from Noir and all of my own worst memories into his head, making sure that he experienced everything as vividly as if he’d been through it himself. The other two were a literal Bitch and a female Donkey, so instead of castrating them, I gave them an impromptu hysterectomy and gave them the same memories that I gave the first. That cycle was repeated for the second group of three, and when I got to the Donkeys and Dog that had been trying to rape Applejack when I got to her, I did something even worse: I gave them my memories of Hell. I still have them. Yes, they’re in the back of my mind, but I still have them, and I made sure to make the transfer of information as painful as possible. The memories themselves drove the would-be rapists absolutely mad within moments, but I stole their insanity from them and barred it from ever returning because fuck them. I stole their voices and gave them the same orders I’d given Alexander Graham so long ago, though making them eat was pretty much pointless since starving to death wouldn’t happen due to their temporary ‘immortality’ anyway. Technically I’d given them all their own personal Hells to go through every minute of every day without a hope of losing their minds, without a chance to breathe for more than the thirty seconds I’d programmed into their punishments. They would feel five seconds of residual pain before they got twenty-five seconds of some mild bliss before getting hit in their nonexistent genitals with their punishments once more. I actually had to go back and steal insanity from all of them before I could even make it out of the dungeon, and once I made sure that they were quieted down nice and proper, I shifted to Twilight’s side.

Applejack was hugging herself while resting her head on her lover’s lap. Fluttershy sang a soft song that seemed to quell AJ’s shaking while she strokedd her mane comfortingly. Twilight was kneeling next to them, Pinkie was sitting on Fluttershy’s left, right next to Applejack’s head, Rainbow was there for some reason, and Rarity was pacing a hole in the floor with a look on her face that would kill if they actually could. When I arrived, Twilight and Rarity turned to me and I nodded at them in respectively before gesturing for Twilight to move over so I could take her place in front of Applejack.

“Oi, Firefly.” I said softly.

Applejack looked at me, her eyes telling me that she could barely believe she made it through the ordeal. “Roxy.”

“I got ‘em. I got ‘em good.” I told her.

“... I don’t need ta know whatcha did. If you say it’s good enough, it’s gotta be.” She murmured.

“They won’t know a minute’s peace for as long as they live.” I put a hand on her shoulder as I made my promise.

“... What do you mean by that, Roxy?” Rarity asked softly.

I turned and looked at her, my face a mask. “Worry about helping our friend.”

She looked back to Applejack and nodded. “I suppose it doesn't really matter. You got there in time to save Applejack, after all. What happened to those filthy… I don’t even have a word for them. Whatever you’ve done, I trust that it’s adequate punishment.”

“It will be.” I replied.

No one else tried to ask what I did, though I know they were curious. We stood around supporting Applejack for a few hours, agreeing to have a slumber party at the Castle, and I shared the same information Pinkie had once given me with Applejack. I told her that it would only haunt as long as she let it and that she was strong enough to put the traumatic experience behind her, which got Applejack up and moving, at the very least. She was still jumpy and wary of dark areas, so when I shifted everyone to the Castle, I made sure that I put on the only bluegrass record I owned (A gift from Applejack) and kept every dark corner well lit. Pinkie took me aside while the rest of the girls and Rainbow did some more comforting, and when we were out of earshot, we had a word.

“What did you even do, Roxy? I was watching the entire time, but when you started putting your hand on those filthy beast’s heads, I could’ve sworn I saw flashes of memories.” Pinkamena said, her mane ramrod straight.

“I gave them my worst memories, Noir’s worst memories, and for the ones that were actually trying to rape Applejack, I gave them my memories of Hell.” I answered simply.

Her eyes widened. “You… Mindraped them?”

“Yes.”

A manic smile broke out across her lips. “‘Atta filly, Roxy. Pinkamena like.”

I nodded. “Do we need to say anything else?”

“I want you to shuffle Applejack’s memories without touching her.” Pinkie requested.

“... I probably should’ve already done that.” I said blankly.

“Nah, she needed some time to cope with it herself. It’s not like making the memories fade would’ve done her any favours earlier. It probably would’ve warped her mind, but she should be ready in a few minutes. Once she gets the second round of crying out-” Applejack’s wailing could be heard from where we were standing, “Yup, there we go. Now’s the time to start healing.”

We walked back into the room while Fluttershy was suffocating Applejack with her bosom and I gave Pinkie’s suggestion a try, stealing bits and pieces of the pain, embarrassment, and shame Applejack was feeling as she cried it out. Twilight glanced over at me once or twice, picking up on the fact that I was focusing on something, but she didn’t know what it was. When Applejack wore herself out and started talking about what had happened and how she’d gotten snatched into the alley on her way back home from some store, she cleared her eyes and laid her head on Fluttershy’s shoulder, thanking all of us for being there for her.

“Roxy.” Applejack said softly.

“You don’t owe me a damned thing, I’ll tell you that right now.” I replied.

“... Regardless of what ya say, I owe ya. If you don’t want me to repay ya, then you can deal with it.”

“How are you planning on repaying me? I swear, if you say anything other than Zap Apple Jack or your delicious non-vaginal pie, then I’m going to be upset.” I joked gently.

“I’ll getcha a bottle of the good stuff.” She chuckled. “As many as ya want for the rest of my life.”

“I’m still drinking from the bottle you made me buy the first time I was Roxy. Help me finish that one off and we’ll talk.” I gave her a gentle smile.

“You’re still my drinkin’ buddy, Roxy.”

“Show up on the weekends more often and you’ll retain your title as mine.”

She opened her eyes and gave me a little smile. “Bring that cute friend o’ yours and I’ll consider it.”

“Which one? All my friends are cute.” It wasn’t really a lie, to be honest. Most of my friends are attractive to the opposite sex for some odd reason. Well, except maybe Iron Hoof, but don’t tell her I wrote that.

Applejack chuckled. “The black one with a red mane.”

“Ah, Crimson only drinks ale, beer and mead. He’s also in a love triangle at the moment.”

She sighed. “All the good ones are taken.”

“Well, he’s nailing a dude and his wife at the moment, so I dunno if he’s all that taken.” I scratched my head.

She gave me an odd look. “Is he pitchin’ or receivin’?”

“Applejack!” Rarity exclaimed.

Rainbow laughed her arse off while Pinkie and Fluttershy both giggled. Twilight just sighed and said, “You two are weird.”

“Says the mare who named her marehood.” Applejack scoffed.

Pinkie scoffed in turn. “Who hasn’t? I call mine Candy Land.”

Fluttershy giggled some more. “I-I call mine the Cake Cavern.”

Rainbow renewed her laughter while Rarity sighed and shook her head. “Such filly-like names. I call my own ‘White Satin’.” She said proudly.

Twilight blushed. “I-I call mine my C-Cupcake Castle.”

Dash took a moment to stow her laughter. “Ah, that’s rich!”

“What do you call yours?” Applejack challenged.

“I’ll say it if you do.” Rainbow shot back.

Applejack shrugged. “It’s Apple Pie. Max named it for me.”

“Pretty unoriginal.” Rainbow said blandly. “I call mine the Super-Fantastic Mare-Magnet!”

“And yet you still can’t get a piece of Fluttershy.” I said drily.

“Dude!” Rainbow objected while the rest of the us (except Fluttershy) laughed.

“I see you making jokes, but what do you call yours?” Pinkie asked innocently.

“I don’t have a name for my lady bits. Never put that much thought into it.” I said offhandedly. “If I had to say, it’d be the English Muffin since I’m technically the only Brit here..” I shrugged. “I call the Ol’ Chap Mr. Wiggles.”

Applejack, Fluttershy and Rarity all lost their shit with Rarity letting her awful laughter loose for everyone to hear. She got some odd looks when she couldn’t control her snorting, which made everyone laugh even harder while she flushed and tried to quiet herself down, but it just wasn’t happening. Apparently Mr. Wiggles was a popular name, though Twilight tried her hardest not to laugh at the ridiculous name I gave my dick. When I pointed out that Mr. Wiggles had been at least touched by five of the six women in the room and that he’d been inside of four of them, they laughed even harder. It was a little bit of a kick to my pride, but it was worth it to hear such genuine laughter coming from Applejack, especially after the day’s events.

We actually started in on some good stuff for the night and apparently Rainbow was being welcomed back into the group after her months of solitude. Pinkie was still wary of her and snubbed her whenever she tried to talk to her and Rarity was a little clipped, but Applejack, Fluttershy, and Twilight were all cool, so she stuck around them. She tried talking to me and I replied politely since it’s just not English to be rude to people (Earlier occurrences were under a certain condition, I’m not full of shit, dammit), but I did straight up tell her that I didn’t like her and pretty much never had. There wasn’t any love lost between us, so she avoided me like she did Pinkie and Rarity for the rest of the night, which was cool.

Applejack and I ended up polishing off the last little bit of Zap Apple Jack I had in my stores, and when I broke out one of her favourite brands of whiskey, we both kept a full glass for the rest of the night, though neither of us were ‘drunk’ per se when the Sun rose. Twilight found out that she liked brandy, courtesy of Rarity suggestion, and Pinkie found out that playing Quickdraw against Fluttershy was a bad idea these days. Apparently Applejack had made her git gud, and now the buttery sweetheart was wrecking people left and right. She destroyed Pinkie, Rainbow, Rarity, and she even got Twilight to play after some cajoling, though she actually lost against my wife because she was fucking hammered at that point. Fluttershy may have been able to handle her liquor a bit better now, but that didn’t mean she could hold a candle to Applejack and myself.

I conjured up a nice, soft cloud for Fluttershy, a slightly firmer one for Rainbow, and a giant doggy-bed for Pinkie because she was drunk and weird. Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, and myself stayed up and sipped on our preferred alcohols, though the half of us that could actually pass for proper ladies switched to wine after they started getting a little more than buzzed. Applejack and I watched as Rarity piled compliments onto Twilight about her new style and how she wished that she could find a special some’pony’ who cared enough to do her mane and makeup for her, and when she started getting a little handsy with my wife’s assets, I decided that she needed a nap, so I made her a pleasant little canopy bed because it looked like the one she had in her own room.

When the Neo-Nazi- white one passed out, I took us to my study and packed us a bowl. Applejack took one hit and barely managed to stay upright for another hour, leaving Twilight and I by our lonesome for a talk around nine in the morning. We quietly spoke on my earlier outrage and Twilight agreed that I could’ve done much worse to the dumb fucks since it had been personal. She wanted to know what I did to Applejack’s would-be rapists, but all I told her was that I wasn’t going to break our promise and I got a kiss out of it. She asked again and I gently admonished her, telling her that she didn’t want to know, but I assured her that no blood had been spilled. That was enough to get her off my back.

Twilight and I started recording some stuff in our personal logs since we’d been a little lazy with it, but I think I’ll just keep it to the interesting stuff from now on. It’s not like I have terribly interesting days that often, but who knows? I’ll probably pick it up for tonight, just so I can get it written down that I know for sure what Tender’s tender bits taste like. Twilight just told me to go ahead and sleep with her, but it’s just not that time. Eh, we’ll see how it goes.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

So I did decide to pick up my journal for the night, but not a lot happened today. Twilight and I met Sound Digit and Tender Care in the Court Hall since we’d forgotten all about them up until I wrote that last bit down in my journal, but once we explained why we hadn’t been there to greet them at breakfast or lunch, they were cool with it. Twilight decided to keep Court closed for the day, so she offered to show Digit some of her experiments and I gave him the notes I’d written out regarding how to please my wife.

That’s fucking weird. I’m not even gonna think about it.

Tender asked me about the circumstances surrounding Applejack’s near catastrophe, so I told her that I’d been on a walk around Ponyville, checking up on things while I had some time to myself. When she learned that I’d only saved Applejack by chance, she was understandably fearful of the south-side, but I assured her that there wouldn’t be a repeat on my watch. The perpetrators had been captured and arrested, though when she asked when the trial was, I told her that it had already happened and that I’d been the judge and the jury. Tender disagreed with that.

“Max, even rapists deserve a fair trial under Equestrian law!” Tender protested.

I raised a brow at her. “It didn’t happen in Equestria. Arcadia is a city-state all its own.”

She stared at me. “...Are you saying that Equestrian laws don't apply here?”

“No, I’m saying some Equestrian laws don’t apply here. Besides, Luna’s pulled the same shit I did with a rapist before, except she actually killed her instead of arresting her.” I said casually.

Tender grabbed my arm rather roughly and pulled me to a stop as we were heading toward my study. “Just because she did it doesn't mean it’s okay!”

“Have you ever been raped, Tender Care?” I asked.

“I don't’ see-”

“Because if you don’t know what being raped is like, then you don’t understand the hatred that comes with being raped. You don’t understand the shame, or the embarrassment, or the feeling of utter weakness. You don’t understand what it feels like to be violated. I’m well aware of these things because I have been raped, and I’ve been raped multiple times. It’s fucked me up in the head, and I’m still recovering from the first time, let alone the other dozens, so let me tell you that locking those cock-sucking, filth-ridden, low-down, shit-eating pieces of absolute filth doesn’t even begin to get back what they take from you. Knowing that they’re just behind bars doesn’t really give you that much peace of mind because there’s always another sick fuck waiting in the shadows, and they might be waiting for you. Rapists take a piece of you and kill off others, Tender Care, so are you asking me to give the scum of Equus a fair shot when they do nothing other than take? Because I’ll tell you right now, it’s not happening. All I have to do is check their memories to see if they did it and their arses are mine, or in Applejack’s case, when I caught them in the act, I believe it’s perfectly under my authority to make that judgement call. If you have a problem with that, then you can deal with it on your own time, because I have no patience for a rapist’s advocate.” I laid out the facts as I saw them and Tender gaped at me.

“... I think we should talk about something else.” She said after a long silence.

“How are your sons adjusting to Ponyville? I doubt it’s easy to be the new kid when everyone else has lived here their entire lives.” I took Tender’s hand and started walking.

She came along, so I let go after a bit. “Well, my oldest son is apparently crushing on this older mare, but she only has about five years on him. Apparently she’s one of my youngest’s friends, but when I asked him what her name was, he told me that he wasn’t supposed to say, so I’m a little worried about her being some kind of foal-snatcher.” Tender said, distress creeping into her voice.

“Are you sure you’re not just mad because she wrecked your top scores on ever arcade cabinet in your house?” I asked cheekily.

Tender coloured. “I might be a little upset about that, but it’s nothing a few hours of grinding won’t fix. Momma’s got too much skill for some random mare to be walking into her house and- Wait, how do you know about that?”

I raised a brow and looked at her. “Who do you think gave Button a hand when he was getting bullied?”

She gasped. “Button was being bullied!?”

“It’s taken care of. Miss Cheerilee and I saw to that.” I replied.

“Well thank you for helping my son, but that doesn't explain how you know that some mare just beat all my high scores!” She sounded a little irritable.

“Who do you think that ‘mare’,” I threw up some air quotes, “happened to be?”

Her eyes widened as understanding dawned on her face. “You went as Roxy!” she opened her mouth to say something else, but another thought struck her, “Caramel Apple has a crush on you.”

“And I heard him doing that thing teenage boys always do for like, two hours straight.” I said drily. “Even if I was born a female, that would’ve been a bit of a turn off.”

Tender turned bright red. “Max, that’s my son we’re talking about!”

“Well, we both know what he was doing. Hell, I smelled it as soon as he came into the room, and that’s just gross.” I shook my head.

She whacked me for that, but it was worth it. “At least you let him down gently. I suppose you could’ve been meaner about it.”

“There wasn’t a point in hurting the kid’s feelings. However, if he tries his luck again after I remind him that I’m married, I’ll make him impotent.”

She hit me again. “I swear, if you stop me from having any grandbabies, I’m gonna come back here and beat you ‘til you’re black and blue!”

I shoved her. “Nah.”

Tender came back and swung at me again, but I just stopped walking and she missed. She didn't stop trying though, so I shifted us into my study before someone saw her attacking her fucking boss like a lunatic, but she barely even gave a damn about the change in scenery. I just dodged Tender’s blows since she wasn’t trained to fight, though she did throw a pretty mean straight-right. I was tempted to use Riptide against her, but then that temptation grew into a desire, so I let her throw one more punch at me and deflected it, pulling her wrist so she unbalanced herself and nearly fell. I almost let her fall, but I figured that would be mean, so I quickly caught her and held her arms to her sides.

My stewardess wasn’t expecting me to give her a smooch, but I don’t think it was entirely unwelcome, and it put a goofy grin on my face when I did it, so I thought it was worth it. “Will you let me go!?” Tender protested.

I complied and she almost sank a hook into my kidney, but I caught it. “Alright, that’s the last one.” I said calmly.

She huffed and turned away from me, so I started feeling like a bit of a prick. “Oi, I was just playing around. I’m just glad I’m not stuttering over every other word while talking to you.”

Tender looked at me from the corner of her eye. “I liked it better when you were.”

“... I told you that’s not who I am.” I said softly.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Max. I just meant that I had fun teasing you.” She replied, her tone softening.

“Then tease me. Do what comes naturally.”

She turned around and got within my personal space before licking my nose. I scrunched my face up because she licked my nose. Das my shit. “Well okay then.” I said, wiping her slobber off of my face, slightly offended that she'd stolen my thing.

Madam Milf smirked at me. “You taste decent, at least. I might have to take a nibble out of you.”

I tapped my neck. “Nibble here, it’s the tender bit.”

She rolled her eyes. “See? You would’ve blushed and gotten all bashful if I said that yesterday!”

“That’s before we were rolling around on the floor.” I replied. “I got comfortable enough to have fun with you.”

Tender gave me a sad grin. “Things do tend to change quickly.”

“You’re telling me. I went from being a street thief to being a Baron in the span of a few months.”

“That’s not exactly overnight.” She objected.

“It felt like it. Fine, if you want another example, I went from being a guy prostitutes wouldn’t sleep with to being the paramour of a Princess in the span of a few weeks.”

That got a chuckle out of her. “Ah, that’s pretty funny. I don’t know what a prostitute is.” She smiled at me.

I felt my face flush. “I-I-I uh…” I had to look away from her.

Tender gasped and gave me a hug. “It’s the smile! You always go goofy at the smile!”

“Shut up! I do not!” I protested meekly.

“A grin won’t work, so it has to be the smile! There’s nothing else to it!” She let me go and beamed brilliantly.

“Th-That’s not fair!”

“Oh, it’s so fair! Mr. ‘Dashing Rogue’ gets all flustered when his glorified secretary shows him some pearly whites! How cute is that?”

“I-It’s not c-cute! It’s not cute a-at all!”

“Oh, Max, you wouldn’t believe how cute it is!” She tilted my chin towards her and gave me a kiss.

I surrendered to the power of snogging after a few seconds, but when Tender slipped my a little tongue, I felt the Ol’ Chap wake up and start stretching, no matter how much I wanted to stay down and sleep for five minutes more. Just five minutes more, dammit! Still, even if my lifelong friend was betraying me, I was still getting a kiss from the sexiest Milf I’ve ever met, so I couldn’t complain about circumstances. Tender was the one to pull away, though she only did so when I started panting a bit through my nose, but she didn’t quite stop there. Madam Milf decided to pepper my neck with little kisses, sending shivers down my spine and making me curl my toes in anticipation, but when she stopped, I still don’t know if I was more disappointed or relieved.

“I think that’s enough for right now.” She said flirtatiously.

“O-Okay... “ I replied submissively.

Tender pinched my cheek. “Aww, look at you being a good little colt for me! I think you might deserve a little reward~” She reached into her mane and pulled out a piece of fucking candy.

I stared at the sweet like it had been pulled from her fucking mane. “... Why d-do you keep sweets i-in your mane?”

“To reward good colts!” She gave me a brilliant smile.

I didn’t like the feeling she was giving me. “... I-I’m not a ch-child.”

She looked down at my gentleman’s sausage. “I would say that you’re not, Dear. Just
take the candy.”

I took the candy. “... Okay…”

Tender kept on smiling. “Well? Aren’t you gonna eat it? I promise it’s tasty!”

My face wasn’t flushed from shyness anymore. I’d taken the candy in my left hand, so I crushed it. “Not a child.”

She rolled her eyes and pulled out another fucking piece of candy. “Just eat the damn candy, Max.”

I took it from her and dropped it. “Oops.”

Tender crossed her arms and levelled a glare at me. “Now that’s just rude.”

I looked away. “... Y-You’re being v-very p-pa-patronizing.”

Madam Milf bent down to pick it up. “If you eat the candy I’ll give you a kiss.” She held it out to me again, so I took it from her again and actually ate it this time. It didn’t suck.

I stared at the floor, my face hot from the humiliation of being treated like a child and being swayed by a single kiss. Still, when Tender kept her word, I cared about it a little less. “There! Was that so hard?”

I swallowed the rest of it and didn’t say anything. “Max, don’t be so shy-”

“Th-that was demeaning…” I muttered.

“But you got a kiss out of it! If you keep being good, you might get a little more than a kiss~” She said sweetly. And I might slap you once I come to my senses.

I summoned up my bravery to activate my True Theft and grab her arse, making her jolt, jumping about a foot into the air. “Bad Max! See if you get more candy from me!” She huffed.

I glared at her from my periphery and she was glaring right back. I walked away from her and started heading out of my study when she caught my arm. “If you stay, I’ll give you another kiss~” She bargained.

I pursed my lips. “... I-If you’re g-gonna keep acting like I-I’m a ch-child, then I-I don’t want another one.”

“... Max, I don’t really know how to tell you that it’s my favourite kink.” Tender said softly.

I turned around and stared at her for a moment before shaking my head. “”I-I’m not one to judge a-as long as you’re not going after a-actual ch-children.”

Her eyes shot open. “I-I would never do that! I know some mares who like their stallions young, but I prefer mine to just act young!”

My ears grew warm. “I-I act young when I-I’m not being… Y-You know…”

“Yes, but you act like a brat.” She stated plainly. “It’s like Caramel Apple coming onto you!”

I looked at the floor and shuffled my feet, but when Tender came in for a kiss, I didn’t mind it as much since I knew she didn’t really think of me as a kid. It still bothered me to an extent, but knowing that it was just something she didn't get to do with anyone else made it easier for some odd reason. I didn’t mind filling the role for her since I’d gone and fulfilled quite a few kinks for a number of women. That number might be high enough for me to be considered a slut, but that only furthers my point. Well, that and the second head does a lot of thinking sometimes.

When Tender pulled away this time, she gave me a little smile that made my heart pound. “What do you say? Would you like some candy, Max?”

“... Y-Yes pl-please…” I couldn’t stop the embarrassment. Shit was powerful.

She reached into her mane again, but instead of handing me the sweet like I’d been expecting, she popped it into her mouth and beckoned me to come to her. The kiss started innocently enough, but when we started trading it back and forth, there was no mistaking the tongue wrestling going on, and when Tender’s hands went from my shoulders down to my chest, then down to my arse, I couldn’t help but duck out of the kiss a little early. I took the candy with me as I shied away from her, my hands gravitating toward my chest.

Tender clasped her hands together and said, “Aww, is little old me making you feel bashful? It’s a little late for that now, don’t you think Dear?”

I stuck the sweet in my cheek and said, “I-I’m not used t-to p-p-people touching me there…”

“You mean on your bottom? Don’t worry Dear, Miss Care won’t touch you there again.” She said, giving me a warm smile. “Now come over here and let me have some of that, will you? You can’t get greedy now!”

My feet wouldn’t move, so Tender ended up coming to me and initiating another kiss. She practically forced my mouth open and explored until she found the oblong little thing, the extra length and dexterity of her tongue allowing her to scoop it up, though I actually tried to get it back from her. The candy wasn’t even that good. I honestly preferred Tender’s natural taste, but she wanted to do weird, kinky age-play, then I was gonna get to where it wasn’t AS weird. I tried doing what she’d done, but she enveloped my tongue with her’s and halted any progress that I could've made. My frustration outweighed my shyness for a few moments, so I put my hands on her hips and tried to assert dominance, but Tender pulled away, though she left my hands where they were.

“Ah ah ah! What did I say about getting greedy young stallion?” She chastised, her voice carrying a sensual undertone.

I wasn’t terribly fond of it, but I played along. “T-To not do that…” I murmured.

“So you do remember! What say we try that again?”

“Y-Yes ma’am…” I looked away, but when I heard Tender ‘squee’ I knew I’d said the right thing. I didn’t have to look to know that she was beaming at me.

She took control once more and I let her have it, though I still tried to wrestle with her. The only difference was that I allowed her to keep control of the kiss while I offered somewhat meek resistance, not sure if pushing too far would turn her off. My patience was rewarded when she let me have the candy, which had lasted far longer than I would have expected it to, but it’s not like I was complaining until she broke the kiss once more. The smile Tender gave me was enough to keep my heart racing, but playing by her rules kinda sucked.

“I think you deserve a special reward for being so good, even if you were a little naughty here and there. I think that your effort should count for something.” Tender’s smile turned sultry as she dragged her finger down my chest and past my stomach. “What do you say when you want something, young stallion?”

“P-Pl-please, Miss Care.” I said softly.

She gave me a peck and grabbed me. “That’s right! Now, let’s see if we can get this belt off of you~”

I glanced over at the door and flicked a finger at it, locking it so we wouldn’t be disturbed, though I really should’ve done it earlier. I’ve written about getting and giving head a thousand times between my journals and The Lover’s Days Trilogy, so I’m not going to go into detail about it again. I’m fucking tired of writing about sexual things, but I like the kissing and touching bits as long as I can put my own spin on them. After all, there’s only so many ways you can describe a dick without saying ‘cock’, ‘meat stick’, or ‘love hammer’ before you start to repeat yourself, and I fucking hate repeating myself. It’s a massive piss-off. Anyway, the sucky-sucky was decent, but Twilight had done better even when she’d had little experience with it back when we went to her parent’s house for Hearth’s Warming Day back before we actually got married. I’m pretty sure Tender was attuned to Digit’s preferences and most likely just wasn’t used to someone with my stamina since she gave up fifteen minutes in.

Tender took my member out of her mouth and glared at it. “You can’t honestly be telling me that a twenty-five year old is better at this than I am.” She glared at Mr. Wiggles like he’d done something to offend her.

“Th-Thank you anyway, M-Miss Care.” I said kindly.

She looked up at me and frowned pretty hard, breaking my heart. “Is this normal for you? Explain yourself, young stallion!”

I blushed vibrantly and looked away, stuck in one spot because she had me by the sausage. “W-Well, it usually t-t-takes a bit longer i-if it isn’t T-Twilight…”

Tender sighed and rocked back so she could stand up. “Well, I can’t say that I’m not disappointed.”

“I-I’m sorry, Miss C-Care…” I tried to keep her in the mood.

She gave me a little smile. “You know, you were very good while I was giving you a present. I think you deserve an even more special present, if anything because the little moans you made were so cute! Can you magick up something soft to lay on, Dear?”

I glanced to some open space and made a king-size bed. Tender stripped me the of my remaining clothes shortly after, but before she could start doing herself, I said, “M-Miss C-C-Care? C-Could I do that for y-you?”

Tender gave me a lascivious grin before remembering that smiles were what kept me subdued. “Why, what did I tell you about getting greedy? Surely you don’t need another reminder so soon?”

“... Please?” I asked softly.

She drew a little circle on my left pectoral, glancing at my left arm. “If you undress all the way-”

“No.” I said as firmly as I could.

Tender leaned down and licked my nipple for some odd reason. “Well… I suppose I could let you help since you were nice and cooperative when I was helping you. I want you to keep your hands off the goods, okay young stallion? Wait until it’s time for your reward.”

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak, but Tender gave me a grin instead of a smile and I could feel my confidence growing as long as she didn’t give me that damned smile. I don’t know why it make my knees go weak, but as I was trying to unbutton her blouse without being too quick or aggressive, Tender took my hands in hers and smiled at me, making my hands shake and tremble. I gulped and she started undoing the rest of the buttons herself before she took my hands and placed them on the lapels of her blouse, allowing me to take it off for her. I liked the pale pink undergarment well enough, but I was just hoping that she cared enough to make it match. When she let me unzip her skirt, I found out that she did not, but I did like the powder blue and I thought that it was a nice enough contrast against the pink.

Tender went to unhook her bra and I ask, “I-Isn’t th-that h-hard to do? I-I-I c-could help you…”

She gave me a lovely smile. “Now what would a good little colt like you know about a mares underclothes?”

I choked down my indignation. “I-I-It’s a g-good ti-time to learn.”

“Hmm… Okay, I suppose, Just push the ends inward and let them unhook. Since your taking it off, I expect you to put it back on, you know.” She said warningly.

“Y-Yes ma’am.”

She turned around and swept her mane over her shoulder, looking back at me invitingly, so I wasted no more time in getting the job done. I accidentally got it in one go, so I said, “I-It w-wasn’t as hard a-as y-you said…”

“Or you might just be a naughty little colt.” She teased, hooking her fingers into the waist of her knickers. She brought them down and we alighted to the bed for some sex.

My stamina held through, and apparently I was long enough to do more than just poke Tender’s womb, but she loved that little bit to no end. She rode me like she’d never get another chance and I let her do what she wanted while playing my part well enough, though she climaxed multiple times before she just gave up on trying to get me off all together, her hips not wanting to work anymore. I asked her very politely if I could try being the one on top and she told me that she would only do missionary, which was lame as fuck, but I eventually got off after she got a little less than coherent. It wasn’t as good as when I was with Twilight or anything, or even Fluttershy for that matter, but Tender had been kinda fun in her own right. I wasn’t going to tell her that she hadn’t really been worth the embarrassment of being treated like someone less half my age, but it was what it was. I probably wouldn’t endeavor to sleep with her again unless she was willing to leave the age-play behind.

Tender sensed that I wasn’t quite happy, so while she let me rest my head on her pleasantly soft bosom, she said, “We don’t have to do my thing next time, if there is a next time. I know my kink isn’t really that normal-”

“It’s not that it’s not normal, it’s a kick to my pride. I don’t like being treated like a child.” I interrupted. “It’s nothing personal.”

“... I can see how being treated as less than a stallion can be frustrating, but if you just think of it as roleplaying, I’m sure it would be less embarrassing. It’s not as though I would ever speak of our… Relationship, if you will, to anyone other than you, Digit, or Twilight, and I know the four of us are all quite discreet. I won’t ask you to fulfill my little fantasy again, i-if that’s what you want.” She said softly.

I draped an arm over her and held her a bit tighter. “It’s okay, Miss Care. It’s not something I want to do all the time, but we can indulge every now and again.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s good news. Digit just finds it too weird and balks whenever I try to get him to get into it, but you play your role pretty well. I like that.” Tender stroked my hair.

I hummed and she giggled. “Next time, I want to be in control of the kiss.”

“I think somepony might be getting ahead of themselves.” Tender tugged on a lock of my hair.

I moved my arm and palmed her breast, gently playing with her nipple. “I think we both like being in control.”

“True, but I think the more experienced pony should be allowed to choose who gets to be in control.” She said airily.

“I’ve been with sixteen women in Equestria alone, and if you count being raped, I’ve been with more men and women than that. Where are you at?” I challenged.

“... By experienced, I meant older.” Tender said numbly.

“Nope, you said experienced. What you meant doesn’t matter.” I lightly pinched her nipple and she covered my hand with hers.

“You’re a slut.”

“I’m not a slut, I’m slutty. There’s a difference.” I defended softly.

“No, you’re a slut. I may know mares and stallions that have doubled your consensual numbers and a few who’ve tripled them, but I’ve only been with five stallions and three mares in my entire life.”

“My opinion matters more than yours because I’m royalty.”

“You don’t really think that.”

“No, but it makes me feel better.”

She rubbed my left arm, the bandages holding their positions with magic. “It’s not like it’s a bad thing. It just means you’ve had more time to learn how to please a mare.”

“Thanks for the half-arsed consoling.” I muttered.

She squeezed my arm, but I barely felt the pressure. “I didn’t mean to upset you, Dear.”

“You do it a lot.”

“... So I do. I’ll try to tease you a little less, but it’s not often that I can be so free with what I say these days. I have to act like a proper mare for my family and friends, and you… You, even though you're my boss, I just feel so relaxed around you, like you don’t expect anything other than for me to do my job. It’s a nice feeling.”

“You make me feel like I’m back in school, hopelessly crushing on a woman I should have never had a chance with.” I chuckled.

“So you had a crush on one of your teachers?” Tender asked, stroking my hair some more.

“Oh, it was almost debilitating. It wasn’t as bad as the crush I have on you, but it was still pretty bad. I’d bring her flowers from some old lady’s garden that I used to pass on my way to school and I even learned how to use news paper so I could make a proper bouquet.” I chuckled at the memory.

Tender hummed. “Maybe we could try roleplaying with me as your teacher some time? We could turn your study into a classroom and go from there, though I think I might have to ask Twilight for some notes on how to please you a little better. You’re far better with your little tongue than I am with mine.”

“I just know how to judge what you like faster and more accurately. I’ve always been good at paying attention.”

She tugged on my ear. “Are you saying I don’t pay attention?”

“Not enough. You’re pretty set in your ways, if the way you performed is anything to go by.”

“Maybe you could save me a little trouble and just tell me what you like?”

And so I told her a few things that I liked, but shortly after I finished my list of shit, Twilight sent me a note telling me that the girls were preparing to get up and go, so I got Tender and myself cleaned up, magicked away the bed, and shifted us to Twilight’s location. It was already sunset, so there wasn’t much time left in the day to do anything anyway. I got hugs from all the girls and Rarity took particular interest in Tender Care, going so far as to strike up a conversation with her since they were both members of the Castle staff. I didn’t pay attention to what they were talking about, preferring to focus on making my Alarm Charms for the girls. They were just bracelets that would let me know that they were in trouble, just in case something happened again and I wasn’t lucky enough to walk by. I received more hugs for doing something nice, which was pretty cool in my book. Rainbow and Fluttershy agreed to walk Applejack home while Pinkie and Rarity were both just going to head back and do their usual thing.

Tender didn’t have anything or anyone else to do in the Castle, so she went home with Digit about an hour after the girls left, leaving Twilight and I to our own devices. We did some more writing and Twilight had me help her test the result of her experiment, which was basically just finding something that would be sweeter than sugar while simultaneously being more healthy. It had a bit of a bitter after taste that I thought would work well with coffee, but Twilight didn’t notice anything other than the overpowering sweetness. She deemed it too potent to be used in anything other than a pipette, which I thought was a little much. Then again, I’d put two drops on my tongue and had thought it to be quite manageable, so make of that what you will.

For the time being, I do believe this will be it. Once something interesting happens, I’ll come back and write it down, but Applejack’s near disaster and getting with Tender are pretty much the most important events that have happened in a while. We’ll see what goes on from here.

This is Max putting the pen down. Right now. Here. Fucking shite, unless I just don’t have the time for it, I’m probably gonna try and keep things updated, even if I have to sum things up. El sigh.

Author's Notes:

And so ends the crush mini-arc. I found writing this one to be pretty fun, all things told. It's not often that I have someone put Max in check, so it was nice to have someone he couldn't really go against. You know, besides someone more powerful than him.

As Always, Put It Out There

Stay Cool, Kids

Merry Fuckin' Christmas, Boyos! Here's to holiday vices and all that shit.