Alright, so the purple chick (Her name is Twilight) who is apparently my ‘wife’ thinks I should be ‘transcribing’ this bullshit for some fucking reason, but I’m not a fucking writer, and I don’t keep a damn diary like some punkass fuckboy anyway. If she didn’t-

Okay, so she was reading over my shoulder and I made her cry, which felt kinda bad I guess. She’s really been nothing but nice so far, so I guess I owe it to her to try and do this shit… I really don’t want to, but hopefully I’ll just hit a stride and stop seeing it as such a chore. Anyway, I gotta get this shit down before I forget about it, though I seriously don’t know what Twatlight- Twilight wants me to say. I guess I’ll get started with the beginning of my day or whatever, but it’s weird that I remember everything so clearly. Like, I’m good with finding places if I’ve been there once and remembering stuff about people, but I couldn’t tell you what I had for lunch on an average day. I’ll get to the other weird stuff here in a bit, but it’s whatever at this point. I’m just playing Comfortably Numb on repeat to try and stay calm, but I’ve been flipping my shit all day and here’s why:

I woke up in a bed, for starters. I haven’t slept in a legitimate bed since my Dad died, and that was years ago. I was understandably confused as fuck since Max and I have been making do with our hammocks for months now, so when I felt the odd warmth of a thick blanket and a pretty damn good mattress, I thought I’d lucked out and gotten some from this one rich Chavvy broad I’ve had my eyes on for a little bit. Imagine my surprise when I opened my eyes to see a fucking purple woman looking at me, smiling.

“Good morning, handsome.” She sighed.

I looked her her in the eyes and shrugged. “Morning, beautiful. I’ve gotta say, your bed is fantastic.” It’s not the first time I woke up somewhere I don’t remember going, after all, and she was pretty fucking hot if I do say so myself, so I was feeling myself a little bit. “Speaking of, love, don't tell me I made you sleep in the wet spot.”

Her brows furrowed and she propped herself up on an elbow. “What are you talking about, Max? We didn’t do anything last night.”

“Max? Naw, love. My name is Kaid. Max is the tall blond chap.” I sat up and stretched, though my left arm felt a little funny. I didn't pay it much mind since I was still next to a fucking stunner, even if I didn’t get to sleep with her.

She stared at me for a moment before she rolled her eyes. “It’s too early for you to be playing around, Amour.”

I raised a brow at her. “Me? Play around? I’m not the one with purple body-paint on, love.” I chuckled at her. I looked to the top of her head and saw some weird anime-looking animal ears. “How can you sleep with the fake ears? You’d think they’d fall off or somethin’.”

She blushed and her ears twitched. “Max, are you okay?”

I stared at the things on her head. “Alright, that’s fucking awesome! How did you get them to do that?” I asked. It’s not like I find the animal ear thing particularly cute, but on her, they just seemed right. I thought it was the body paint, or her general attractiveness.

“How did I get what to do what?” She asked, propping herself up. She sounded a bit worried.

“Your ears, love. How much did you have to pay to get some that move so naturally?”

They flicked again and she gave me an odd look. “Why do you keep calling me ‘love’? You haven’t called me that since before we got married.”

I laughed at her. “Look, you’re hotter than thermite, but I’m only sixteen, love, and both of my parents are long gone. I can’t get married for another two years. Nice try though, someone else might’ve gotten scared.” She gaped at me, so I rolled my eyes. “Anyway, what’s up with the body paint? If it’s not a sex thing, then what’s the deal?”

“... Max-”

“Name’s Kaid, love, and as much as I hate to admit it, I don’t really remember yours. I’m guessing I had a few too many last night, yeah?” I chuckled at the self-depri- depre- no, it’s deprecation. Self-deprecation.

“... Dear Heavens, you don’t remember me.” She said in a small voice.

My heart pounded and I looked through my stores of straight manure to come up with some bullshit story to feed her. “I do remember you, just not all the way, you know? I mean, I’m not that good with names and faces anyway, so don’t get mad, love. It’s just the way I am.”

“... You said you’re sixteen, right?”

“Yeah, so don’t worry about me not being legal. My I.D should be in my wallet, wherever I left it.” I gave her a suggestive smile. “You know, after you tell me your name, I’m sure I could make you remember mine.”

She just continued to stare at me. “Max-”

“Oi, name’s Kaid. Starting to get a little irritated her.” I made a face.

“... Kaid. I-I think I have some things to show you…”

I glanced down at her tits. “Same here. What say you and I have a go then, yeah?”

She saw where my eyes went and covered her chest. “It’s not those!” She sounded a bit scared.

“Oi, I’m not gonna pressure you into it, love. Why don’t we start with your name, yeah?” I said soothingly.

She looked like she was about to cry, so I put a hand on her arm. Then I noticed that it was wrapped up in some bandages and shit, which was weird, so I checked it out and I was wearing some pretty fucking posh rings on both hands. There was this one piece that looked like it was made from tungsten that had a beautiful emerald in it that probably matched my eyes, another that looked like white gold or platinum with two stones, one blue, one purple. They fit me perfectly, which was weird, and when I tried to take ‘em off to get a closer look, they were pretty fucking stuck on there like someone had superglued them to the top of the bandages. Shit was weird, so I started trying to get the long strip of cloth off, but I couldn’t find a seam anywhere, and when I tried to slip my fingers underneath, I got shocked every time I tried.

“What in the bloody fuck!? What is this shit?” I tried wiggling the bandages off, but they were stuck in place.

“K-Kaid, don’t do that! I’m the only one who can take those off!” The unnamed purple woman said loudly.

I gave her a look. “How’d you get the shit to shock- You know what? Nevermind. Can you get it off?”

“... You really don’t want me to do that, Kaid.” She said softly.

“I’m pretty sure I’d like to get my arm back before this shit gets stinky.” I said flatly. “I gotta say, I’ve been tied up, chained up, and rounded up, but I’ve never been wrapped up.”

She put a hand on my right arm and said, “Kaid, you reallhy don’t want me to unwrap your arm.”

“Uh, yeah, I rather do.”

“... Don’t freak out, okay? I’ll- I’ll do it, just stay calm when you see it.”

“Aww shit, don’t tell me I got a sleeve! What possessed me to get ink?” I asked irritably.

“... Ink?” she asked, confused.

“A tattoo, love.”

“... My name is Twilight.” She finally said.

“Twilight? If you’re gonna go by a false one, then just call me Geck.” I gave her another look.

“...Twilight Sparkle is my real name…” She said softly, tears falling from her eyes.

I wiped them away because instinct took over. “Don’t cry about it, Twilight. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, it’s just that those shitty movies kinda ruined the word for me and about half of Earth, so don’t take it personal.” I chuckled, trying to get her to laugh along.

She batted my hands away and cleared her tears herself, which made me feel like utter shit. “Look, Twilight, I really wasn’t trying to upset you. I’m sorry if-”

“No! It’s not that!” Twilight wailed, sniffling. “Just... Just let me show you our scrapbooks, okay?”

“Sure thing, Twilight.” I said. Fuck me for a sucker. Hot, crying women are my ultimate weakness, so I gave in then and there.

She nodded a few times and climbed out of bed, giving me a moment to look over her as a whole. When she turned her back to me, I could see that she had wings and a tail to go along with the fake horn, but the tail was what struck me as odd. It stuck out of the alluring yet modest nightwear, and I couldn’t remember having seen straps or anything for the wings either. Wearing a fake horn and wings to bed was odd enough, but the tail didn’t seem like one of the one’s I’d seen before, those being bum-plugs of course. I decided to fuck with her since I’m a prick like that and scooted across the unnecessarily large bed fast enough to grab it and give it a little tug, but when I did, Twilight jerked to a stop and I actually pulled her back a little bit.

SHIT WAS REAL.

I FLIPPED THE FUCK OUT.

“What the fuck!? Is that real?” I shouted, shocked to shit.

Twilight whirled around and covered her bum with her hands. “Max! Don’t do that!”

“Is that a real tail!?” I cried, scrambling backwards.

“Yes!”

“FUCKiNG SHITE!” I scrambled backwards until I fell off the bed and busted my fucking head on the floor like a prat.

“Amour! Are you okay, honey?” Somehow Twilight got over to the side of the bed I was on faster than I could collect myself, even though it didn’t take long.

“Fucking fuck! What are you!?” I asked quite loudly. It was in poor taste, looking back on it.

“I-I’m an Alicorn.” She said shakily.

“...” I stared at her. “... Holy fuck. Holy fuck.”

“Ma- Er, Kaid, relax. Please. I’m not going to hurt you, I promise!” She said, begging me to believe her.

I tried my best to avoid panicking again. “... Yeah… I- Yeah, if you wanted to have me, you woulda caught me while I was nappin’. Yeah, it’s all good. Just talking to another species is all.” I laid on the floor and stared at the high ceiling.

She knelt beside me. “Are- Are you okay? You took a pretty hard fall.”

“I’ve got a hard head, love. I’ll be perfectly fine…” Something clicked. “Wait, where are we?” I bolted upright.

“We’re in Castle Arcadia near Ponyville. You… We’re not on Earth right now, Kaid.” She said gingerly.

“... You fucking what, love?” I whispered.

“When I show you the scrapbooks, things will start making more sense, I promise. I’ll answer all of your questions, just come look at some memories with me, okay?” She touched my face comfortingly.

Something else clicked and I looked at the rings on my left hand before checking the ones on hers. The platinum looking one on her ring finger matched mine pretty well. “... We really are married.” I breathed.

“Yes, we are.” She said softly.

“Wow… I… Uh… “ I responded with the utmost elegance. It’s a feat only the most brilliant of mind can pull off.

Twilight grabbed my hand and started pulling me to my feet, but I always thought it was weird when a woman offered me a hand up, so I did most of the work myself until I realized that she wasn’t struggling at all. It didn’t matter once I was on my feet, but she gave me one last sad look before taking me over to a side door in the ridiculously large room. I looked around as we walked and the place seemed like a fucking palace to me. Never had I ever seen something so regal-looking, and the expensive looking paintings and art pieces around the room made my right hand feel itchy, but not my left, which was another weird occurrence. I ignored it and resolved to ask Twilight to unwrap my arm so I could see what the fuck was going on with it. Sadly, I didn't get much time to think or look around since Twilight was busy dragging me somewhere, but then I looked down at her feet to see why she was wearing such loud shoes in what I assumed to be our bedroom and saw that she didn't have feet. I made a manly noise (Very manly) and shook my surprise out of my mind, hoping that I would find some Humans soon.

Twilight took me into a room that looked like a study or something, but when she approached this one painting of a guy with a big-ass kukri-looking sword, blue and green eyes, and stylish dark brown hair, I wondered what the fuck she was doing up until she moved the painting and exposed some bare wall. Her horn lit up like it was being encased in a weird lavalamp-like glow and the wall started shifting in front of my fucking eyes! I stood there while Twilight did fucking magic like it was an everyday occurrence, my jaw on the fucking floor because I was floored! How the fuck do you respond to some shit like that!?

Wifey just told me that I’d taken it much better the first time around, but I really don’t see how. Anyway, I think I’m actually starting to like this writing thing, so I’ll keep going.

Picking up where I left off, Twilight did some magic and made a safe appear on the wall before knocking each corner a couple of times, doing the dial, and knocking the corners again. I didn’t know why the fuck she was doing what she was doing until she pulled the safe from the wall. I tried not to flip my shit as she sat the meter tall box on the big expensive-looking desk and opened it from the top, foregoing the door entirely. She pulled out two big books and set them both on the desk. She flipped through the first one and blushed brightly before stowing that one back in the safe rather expediant- expediently. After picking the other one up, she beckoned me over and I had to remind myself that I could actually move, so I took a few hesitant steps toward her.

“Kaid? Are you okay? You look really pale…” She said, concerned.

“H-How did you do that?” I asked blankly.

She glanced at the safe. “Oh, you mean the safe? Magic.”

“... You what?”

She hit her forehead with the heel of her hand. “I forgot that there’s no magic on Earth. Yes, Kaid, magic exists here, and we can both use it.”

I stared at her.

“... Too much too soon?” Twilight asked meekly.

“... Uh... “ I scratched my head. “I’m so lost right now, I don’t even know what to say to be honest with you.”

“Right.” She bit her lip, frowning. “Well, I use magic pretty frequently, so you would’ve seen it anyway.”

“... Yeah, okay. No point in freaking out about it. So when can I ask questions?”

“As soon as we look at a few pictures, I promise.”

“Alright. Let’s have a look, then.” I shook my head as I walked over.

Twilight and I flipped through the scrapbook for a little bit and I didn’t recognize a single face in the mix. She showed me a bunch of smoking hot babes that were evidently ‘friends’ of mine, but none of them held the same magnetic quality to them that Twilight had. There was this one blue Princess that had me crushing then and there, and her sister, a taller white Princess, made the willy want to wake up, but neither of them topped Twilight for some odd reason, even though I definitely saw that they should’ve been sexier than her. She also showed me the Royal Family, which I’m a-fucking-pperantly a part of, which had also blown me the fuck away. I may not have recognized the one pale Human in any of those pictures, but Twilight assured me that it was me, but I wasn’t that fucking ripped, nor was I actually as handsome as the fellow in the pictures. Well, I didn’t believe her until she brought me to the bathroom and stuck me in front of the mirror.

It was cognitive dissonance in a single extended moment. When I moved, the diesel fucker in the mirror moved. When I made a face, the charming fellow looking at me made a face. When I licked Twilight, she gave me a funny look, but the dude in the mirror licked her too, leaving me with even more questions and still no answers. Twilight invited me to start asking her things since she figured my curiosity had to be killing me and they just poured from my mouth until she clapped a hand over my lips and made me breathe like a normal person. I was a little freaked the fuck out, but I understood that she just needed me to slow down a little so she could actually give me some answers.

Evidently I’m Prince Max, the savior of Equus and all around charming prick, which sounds about right. The last part, not the first two bits. I wasn’t sure how I felt about being a Prince since I’m not really all that fond of nobility and Royalty in general, but Twilight assured me that I’m actually one of the most relaxed dudes she’s ever met until someone does something fucking stupid, which also sounds like me. She mentioned something about me being a lot more than just some Prince, which I thought was pretty cool, but I was really trying to figure out why the fuck I was suddenly missing five years worth of memories. I asked what the last thing she remembered happening was and she told me that I’d gone and saved one of our friends from being raped and hadn’t told anyone what I’d done to punish the would-be rapists. I knew that couldn’t be it, so she told me that I’d slept with my stewardess, and she did it so casually I had a hard time believing it, but she assured me that she’d given me permission to lay her. Still, I was fucking staggered, but asked her to continue anyway and she listed off a few things, but when she got to something about an experiment, she hit herself hard enough to leave a mark.

“It was the experiment! Just because I used chemicals innocuous to Ponies doesn’t mean that it would be okay for Humans!” Twilight groaned for a few seconds, her moans of regret turning to sobbing within moments. “H-How!? How do I fix this!?”

I didn’t know what to do, but I felt something slap me in the back of the head. When I turned around to see who the fuck was hitting me like they’d lost their damn mind, I didn’t see anyone. However, an idea did pop into my head, so I brought Twilight in for a hug and rested her head against my chest, the action feeling awfully familiar. Something told me to try rubbing her ears, so I did and she calmed down pretty quickly, going from full, thick sobs to mild sniffles and the occasional burst of sadness. Holding her was working pretty well, so I was hoping that a kiss would do even better, so I gently took her chin in my hand and planted my lips on hers.

Then shit got weird.

Images and memories flashed over the backs of my eyelids like a rapidfire slideshow, making my head feel fuzzy as the bits and pieces flooded and tried to find a place in my head to settle. It was like the memories I’d already had that were filling my head started shifting toward the back so the new ones could take their rightful place, and during the span of that one kiss, I felt like… God, it’s fucking embarrassing, but I felt… safe. I felt like I didn’t have to worry anymore, like I wasn’t gonna have to watch my back at every turn, that the woman in front of me would be by my side through the worst of whatever was about to come and would protect me from it... I really want another one…

I got another one. It was equally as nice.

Twilight was the one to pull away from the kiss, but I spoke first. “Don’t be sad, Cherry, we’ll fix this. Together.”

Her eyes shot open and a smile plastered itself all over her lips, warming my heart. “Y-You remember my pet name!”

“I think I remembered some stuff.” I closed my eyes and tried to search for what had just come into my mind. “... I remember our wedding day-” My eyes snapped open. “Some fucker tried to kill you!”

Twilight blinked. “What?”

“Yeah! I remember that some blonde-haired, blue-eyed, white fuckboy lookin’ piece of shit shot a poison dart at you just before we kissed! Celestia and I decided to… Keep that… Fuck.”

“... You kept the fact that someone tried to kill me hidden?” Twilight asked, her face growing stormy.

“Oi! Yell at me when I get my memories back so I can actually explain myself! Don’t beat up a sixteen year-old for something he didn’t know he did!” I crossed my arms, my face probably speaking volumes of how uncomfortable I was.

“Oh, when you get your memories back, we’re having a talk.” Twilight said severely.

“Ah, shit. I don’t wanna have a talk.” I said.

“Too bad. Give me another kiss.” She demanded.

“No, I feel like you might bite me or something.”

“Max.” She said in a warning tone.

I pointed at myself. “Kaid.”

She blinked. “Oh yeah… Can I have another kiss please?”

“... Are you gonna bite me?” I asked cautiously.

“I promise I won’t.”

I leaned in and closed my eyes, allowing Twilight to take my face in her hands. The kiss was addictive and a few more images came, but the longer we held the kiss, the more I felt myself slip away, almost as if she was clouding my mind with alcohol, which was funny because her lips kinda reminded me of this really expensive wine I nabbed from this one old guy with shitty security. That shit was fucking fantastic, and I’d even made sure it lasted by not getting drunk off of it at any point, but Twilight’s lips were intoxication incarnate. I didn’t even feel her pull away this time, my mind somewhere high in a tree with a book, though why that particular thing was the imagery I got, I have no idea.

Twilight gently shook me to snap me out of it. “Kaid? Are you okay?”

I shook my head to clear it. “Wow… Just… wow.”

She blushed. “What is it, Kaid?”

“That was amazing! Can I have another?” I beamed at her, unable to stop myself from grinning like a fool.

“After we have breakfast and contact Celestia. We need to figure out how to get your memories back.”

“I got a few more from that kiss. What say we keep snogging until they all come back?” I tried.

Twilight gave me a smile she really wasn’t feeling. “I don’t think that’s going to work if you only got a few memories in the first place. We’ll eat and then we’ll see about getting you sorted out, okay?”

I actually had to try to avoid giving her a look. “Sure, I guess. Can I have another after breakfast?”

“Well, I usually give you one around that time anyway, so yes.”

I fist-pumped. “That’s how I roll! That’s how I get all the ladies!” I tried to mimic the Pewds.

Twilight cracked a smile before giggling. “Alright, that was pretty cute.”

“Cute enough for a pre-breakfast kiss?” I wiggled my brows.

“Not quite, Amour. Let’s get dressed for the day and we’ll get started, okay?”

I had a plan then and there. “Yeah, let’s get dressed.” I nodded, keeping my face flat.

When I opened my eyes to look at her again, Twilight was giving me a look, her face cherry-red, which is where I assume I got the petname from. “You’re not watching me get dressed if you’ve got the mind of a sixteen year-old.”

Fuck. Fuck. How fix? “I’m still your husband and I have the ring to prove it. Isn’t it natural for a husband to be attracted to his wife?” I tried.

She tapped my nose. “Six-” She tapped me again, “-teen. Not happening.” Her horn lit up and her fur seemed to stand on end for a moment before there was a flash of light that made me cover my eyes. When I looked at her again, she was wearing a pretty posh looking dress and had a tiara thing on her head.

“That’s so not fair.” I groused.

Twilight crossed her arms and smiled. “It’s even better because I know you don’t have the capacity to even understand how to use your magic yet.”

The same thing that had slapped me in the back of the head before did it again and I whirled around, throwing a punch at thin air. “Kaid? Are you alright?”

I rubbed my head. “Yeah, I’m-” I glanced at my right hand. There was a bracelet that I’d ignored up until that point, so I gave it a look. “What is this?”

Twilight paled. “High fashion.” She lied terribly.

I fingered the bauble for a few seconds until I felt it slide. I spun it around until it stopped at forty, each click after that taking a little more effort to do. I let it settle on forty after I pushed it to forty-six, though I don’t know why it moved on its own. I looked back to Twilight and she looked rather worried. I shrugged and started to turn it back down when I realized that I felt weird. Not BAD weird, just… Weird. Something told me to tap Twilight’s nose like she’d done to me, but nothing happened other than her shivering.

“What’s wrong, Cherry? Was I not supposed to mess with it?”

“It’s your limiter bracelet. It keeps your magic in check.” Twilight answered cautiously.

“Oh. So where’s yours?”

“... You’re the only person on this planet who actually needs one.”

I gave her a look. “The fuck? Am I super powerful or something?”

“Well…” She trailed off, looking at the bracelet.

I grinned and wondered if I really could use magic, so I pointed at Twilight and flicked my finger, imagining her clothes flying off when I did it. Her dress stayed on, but a strong gust of wind did show me the pastel yellow silk or satin knickers she was wearing. I still don’t know the difference between the two, other than that silk is natural and satin is man-made. I’m pretty sure I’ve felt pants of both kinds, and they felt similar enough, so I dunno. Anyway, Twilight pushed her dress back down and glared at me adorably, which made me smile.

“I think I’m gonna have fun with this!” I beamed at her.

“Yellow means you’re not getting anywhere today.” Twilight said hotly.

I checked my memories. “Didn’t we say that you were gonna stop doing that?”

“I made that agreement with Max, not Kaid. If you’re going to play the memory card, then so can I.” She disputed.

“That’s not fair. That’s not fair at all.”

“It’s quite fair. Now go pick something to wear for the day and try not to wear anything too casual.”

“What counts as casual?” I asked, skipping the bullshit. Twilight would like me to write down that it was not bullshit. See? It’s written. Bitch.

Now that Twilight’s walked away in a huff, I can say that I would fuck the shit out of that salty little nerd and I probably wouldn’t stop until my cock fell off. I’ll just turn the page and start from breakfast so she doesn't see that and think I’m gonna rape her or something. For the record, I find rape to be something worth getting killed over, so I’m not gonna do that. The record has been written. Turning page.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

So after I caught Twilight using magic to peek on me while I was getting dressed and subsequently called her a hypocritical little scrubber (I got away with scrubber because apparently it’s only derogatory in England), we got to breakfast and the food was fucking phenomanal- phenomenal. Twilight had the cooks make me ‘the usual’, which was a decent sized steak cooked medium, three scrambled eggs with cheese and onion, and some crispy hash browns that were easily the best I’ve ever had. Everything was tastier than fuck, and when I scarfed down my food, that apparently got Twilight to lighten up a bit since she was pretty much watching me the entire time I ate. Sadly, I didn’t realize that until I had my eggs and hash browns cleared from the plate and was tearing into my steak after stabbing it with my fork. Living with the Stealy Wheelies killed my manners and living with Max pretty much keeps them dead, so I was a little embarrassed. I tried to save myself a little embarrassment by finishing my bite and eating the rest of my steak like a normal person, but that just made Twilight giggle and squeeze my shoulder, though that reminded me of my arm.

Before I took another bite of delicious, tasty steak, I asked, “So what’s up with my left arm? Is it cursed or something?”

That kinda killed Twilight’s mood. “Well… It’s not quite cursed, but when you had your memories, you only let three people see it in the time since you got it, and I’m one of them. The other two were Cadance and a woman whose name you don’t like it when I say.”

“So what? It doesn’t feel deformed or anything.” I rolled my shoulder and extended my arm a few times. “What’s the big deal?”

She sighed. “It’ll probably be easier on you if I tell you instead of show you... Here goes nothing.” Twilight took a deep breath. “The god Hephaestus cut your arm off because The Almighty told him to. Hephaestus felt pretty bad for you, so instead of leaving you without your arm and most powerful magic at the time, he attached a metal arm. You’ve hated it since you got it and whenever someone comments on it, you get really anxious and kinda shut down, so there’s a standing order for everyone to avoid talking about it around you. Only the Royal Family and our friends actually know what happened, to my knowledge, so I’m not sure if I should unwrap it for you, just in case your feelings about it are imprinted on your psyche and you have another mental breakdown.”

I stared at her. “Fucking what?”

Twilight flinched. “Yeah…”

“Well… Okay then. Nothing I can really do about it, so there’s no point in freaking out now.” I shrugged and went back to my steak. I mean, honestly, I can feel stuff with it and it’s a functional arm, so who gives a shit if it’s fake or not, though that did make me ask, “Do I have mental breakdowns often or something? You make me sound like some kinda basket-case.”

“That’s not what I was trying to do, Kaid.” She replied softly.

“I know, but I’m saying that’s what’s up. Is twenty-one year-old me crazy or something?”

She glared at me with fire him her eyes. “You are not crazy.” Her tone made me regret asking in a heartbeat. “You’ve been through a lot and you’re just trying to cope with it! Anyone who says any different doesn’t know how you struggle on your bad days or how tough it can be for you to have good ones!”

I raised my hands slowly. “Easy now, Cherry. Didn’t mean to strike a nerve.” I said soothingly.

Twilight took a deep breath and let it out. “... Sorry, it’s just a touchy subject. The few people who are brave enough to say that about you are just ignorant dumbasses anyway.”

From what she said, I assumed I was batshit crazy, but it was touching that she loved me anyway. “You’re a real sweetheart, you know that? An absolute doll.” I gave her an easy smile.

She looked at me and returned my smile with a muted one of her own. “I know what you’re-”

“No you don’t. I was saying that because I assume you stick with me on those bad days and help me make those good days better. I might be young, but I know real love when I see it, and I’m pretty fucking sure you love me. Well, twenty-one year-old me, that is. I wasn’t saying that to distract you.”

“Oh.” She blushed. “W-Well, It’s my duty as your wife to stand by you, no matter what. I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t.”

“It’s not about doing your job, and we both know that. It’s love that’s keeping you around, even if I’m not the most mentally sound guy around town. I dunno how bad I get, but I’m sure it involves a lot of drinking and drugs, if there any here.”

“The only ‘drugs’ that are really known are Manganese Salt, which is only for Ponies, and Drug Chocolate, which is only for Dogs. Other races might have their own drugs, but there aren’t really many addictive ones out there.” Twilight said factually.

“... Well that sucks. I was hoping to score a quick G of some coke just to see what it’d make you do.” I chuckled to myself.

Twilight glowered at me intensely. “That’s not funny.”

I glared right back. “Do you even know what coke is?”

“Yes.”

“Well then.”

“You told me that you got yourself addicted to it when you were about sixteen and Will had to make you sober up by throwing you in a locked room for three days.” Twilight said, her voice hard.

“I’m not addicted to coke, I can quit whenever I want.” I scoffed.

“You told me that you said that when you were getting bad. I’d like to think that the older, wiser you knew what he was talking about.” She said harshly.

“Fucking shit I don't remember saying, biting me in the arse.” I muttered darkly.

“It’s going to keep biting you until your memory comes back,” She said drily, “so I suggest you listen to yourself before you end up like Babs Gadai.”

My lip curled. “Don’t fucking compare me to her, Twilight.”

“Don’t act like her.” She replied hotly. “Twenty-one year-old you said that you knew deep down that coke was your equivalent to meth, so don’t even think about going back to that garbage.”

She was fucking right and that sucked. Hard truths are still hard, and no matter how much I wanted to tell Twilight to shove it up her arse, I’d just gotten done telling her that I knew her love for me was real. “... Whatever.”

Twilight leaned back in her seat and breathed a bit more easily. “Thank you.”

“For what?” I asked, confused.

“You say ‘whatever’ when I win an argument. It means you listened to me.”

I felt my face get hot, so I focused on eating my steak because she was probably right. After my third bite, I asked, “How often do you hear me say that?”

Twilight had gone back to her fancy-looking salad. “Say what?”

“Whatever.”

“... Not terribly often. You either tend to be pretty wise about certain things or you’re convinced that you’re right. It’s usually one or the other. Actually, it’s both sometimes.” She said flatly.

I cracked a smile. “At least I win. I bet I have more points than you!”

Twilight gave me a look. “Even if we did keep points, I think the times I’ve stopped you from making mistakes would weigh things in my favour.”

“Mistakes like what?”

She clammed up about that, but it wasn’t because she didn’t have examples. Something told me that she’d meant something that wasn’t meant for polite conversation when she said ‘mistakes’. “... Twilight, what do you mean when you say ‘mistakes’?” I asked.

Wifey put her fork down and patted her lips with a napkin. “I think there are some things about yourself that you’d be happier not knowing.”

“I think I’ll pressure you into explaining yourself until I get an answer.” I warned.

She cast a sideways glance at me. “Our stewards she be coming any moment.”

“Then teleport us back to that fucking house we call a bedroom and tell me.”

“Just let it go, Kaid.” Twilight said gently.

“What do you mean by ‘mistakes’?” I pressed.

“Let. It. Go.” Her lips trembled.

I was tempted to back off, but I always have been a bit conniving. “I kill people, don’t I? You don’t save a planet without ending some lives.”

She looked at me wide-eyed, but something told me that it wasn’t the correct answer. “... I specifically left out ‘Warrior Prince’ and you still figured it out?” She asked softly.

I shrugged. “It’s a gift. So what do you mean by ‘mistakes’?”

“You told me that you hate repeating yourself.” Twilight growled.

“Must be something I picked up in that five year gap in my memory.” I said drily. “You act like I’ll flip my shit if you tell me or something.”

“Look, if I thought you could handle it-”

“I can. IF I’ve told you as much about me as I think I have, then you should know I’ve been wading in shit since I was like, eight. Life hasn’t exactly been honey and roses. Hearing about some stupid shit I do isn’t going to break me, Twilight Sparkle.”

She levelled a dark glare at me, but I didn’t budge. “... Fine. After you got your strongest magic, you were able to tally up your total suicide attempts.”

I stared at her. “... I lost count?”

“Yes.”

“... I think that's all I needed to know.” I said quietly.

Twilight nodded and stared at her food, so I stared at mine for a little bit. I really WAS batshit crazy. “... So do your lower lips taste like the upper ones?” I asked, trying to lighten the mood.

She lit up like a Christmas tree and pinched the shit out of my side. “Kaid!”

“Oi! That shit hurt!” I complained.

“Speculating about the way I taste is something you do in your head! Were you really that horny of a teenage boy!?”

“I was just trying to get you to chill out!” I protested, trying to make her stop pinching me.

She followed me as I tried to get away from her. “Bad Kaid! Ba-”

I put two fingers from my left hand into her mouth and fish-hooked her, tugging on her cheek. I tried to stand up from my chair and Twilight followed, but due to some clumsiness on her part, we both ended up on the floor. She gnawed on my fingers and I felt the pressure, but they were made of metal anyway, so I wasn’t exactly in pain on that front. However, Twilight had hooked a finger up under my rib and that shit HURT, so I poked her in the back of the throat to test her gag reflex. She suppress it pretty well, but what worried me most was how close her knee was getting to my sausage.

“Truce! Truce!” I said, my voice tight.

“Geh yah fingahs ow of wy wouf!” She responded.

I removed my fingers and she let my rib go. “Fucking hell woman! The sex better be amazing if you do shit like that all the time!”

Twilight blushed furiously and glared at me. “The snacks are just fine and I only do this kinda stuff when you’re being an ass!”

“Maybe if you didn’t abuse me, I wouldn’t be such an ‘ass’!”

“That is not funny! I do not abuse you!”

“My rib still fucking hurts! Who even does that shit to someone they like!?” I rubbed my side, glaring at Twatlight.

She would like it to be known that I was being an ass, and I would like it to be known that she was being a right twat. Two can play at this game, Twilight.

She pinched me for writing that. Abusive bitch.

Pinched again. You're proving my point

Now that Twilight got the message, I can get back on with this bullshit and stop getting sidetracked. Twilight and I were arguing when this hot, tan coloured Milf walked in with some alright-looking dude, who I assumed to be our stewards. I remembered that Twilight had told me that I’d slept with Tender the day before, but fuck me for not remembering that. The woman was seriously hot as fuck, though I’d still pick Twilight over her any day of the week. No, Twilight’s not reading over my shoulder right now, that’s just how I feel about it. I’m guessing my love for Twilight runs deeper than I can imagine, and if she’s been getting me through shit like dozens of suicide attempts, it’s really not hard to see why.

Twilight gave-

Alright, she came back and read that little paragraph. It earned me a kiss, which I enjoyed immensely. It’s a little odd that I’m getting awesome kisses from a woman who’s mentally nine years my senior, but I always did have a thing for older women. Good shit.

Anyway, Twilight gave some orders to Tender Care and Sound Digit to keep the Castle running while we made a run to Canterlot. I don’t know why she kept my memory loss a secret, but I’m sure it was for a good reason. The woman does seem to have a pretty good head on her shoulders after all, except for when it comes to me being an ass, but I daigress- digress. Tender and Digit left after asking me some questions that Twilight answered for me while I just sat back and looked pretty for a little bit, and when they were gone, she teleported us to another Castle, though when I asked where we were, Twilight said ‘Canterlot’ and that made me crack up. The reason for my laughter being that the shittiness of that horse pun was just too smelly for me to not laugh at it, though she eventually told me to act my age and we headed toward some place I didn’t remember.

When we got to where we were going, it was evident that we were entering from a side door, though when I saw Celestia in the flesh, it was… Odd. I already felt something toward the woman, but I couldn't’ place my finger on what it was. When her eyes met mine and she smiled, my heart ached for some reason I’m not aware of, so I glared at her and raised my chin. I felt kinda threatened by her very presence, and it probably didn’t help that she was supposed to be the highest power in the land. I might have wanted to dip my dick into her, but I don’t like authority figures since they’re the ones who tend to lock my mates up, after all.

“Max? Is something the matter?” Celestia asked, concern evident in her tone.

“Nah. Ain’t gotta problem here.” I replied.

She narrowed her eyes at me and turned her gaze to Twilight. “Why is his accent so thick?”

“I had Max help me test an experiment that would make something sweeter and healthier than sugar, but when we woke up this morning, he was missing about five years worth of memories. Apparently he still feels certain things, but the only memories he has of his time in Equestria relate to me, and there aren't really all that many of them.” Twilight explained.

Celestia’s eyes widened. “... Are you seriously telling me that Equestria’s greatest strength has reverted to being sixteen?”

“Sadly, yes. I was hoping that you might know of a way to bring his memories back.” Twilight said… Hopefully. Well that was redundant.

The white woman slowly shook her head. “I can’t alter Max in any way, shape, or form, Twilight. I’ll get Luna down here, but if it was a chemical that wiped his memory, we might not be able to restore it since there may be actual brain damage.”

“Oi! My brain works just fine!” I barked.

Celestia gave me a look. “I’m sure it does at the moment, but we need to see what we’re dealing with.” She teleported out.

Twilight turned to give me a look of her own. “Kaid, what’s with you? You were pretty hostile with someone who’s trying to help you.”

“Somethin’ ain’t right about her.” I said.

“And? Something’s not quite right about this whole situation! What I don’t understand is how you only lost five years worth of memories instead of all of them. It’s an oddly round number to just be coincidence.” Twilight muttered.

“How long have I even been in Equestria anyway?” I asked.

“Over a year and a half at this point, though it’s a little complicated. I dated you when I was twenty-three, but you went back to Earth and went through a temporal rift of some kind, so you lost two years of time on Equus.”

“... My life sounds fucking weird.”

“... It kinda is, to be completely honest. You’ve gotta consider that you went from what you remember yourself as to being a Prince in less than a year.”

“Huh.”

“‘Huh’ indeed.” Twilight said softly. “If it makes you feel any better, you were a complete slut.”

I gave her a smile. “I topped double digits?”

“Almost effortlessly.” Twilight nodded.

“Aw-right!” I cheered. “Kaid Gadai, lady-killer extraordinaire!”

“Easy there, someone might think you’re proud of being promiscuous.” Twilight said drily.

“I’m just glad I got charming. You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to get laid when you're a sixteen year-old no-name with a bad rap.”

“I think I could imagine well enough for you to not say anything else on the subject.” Twilight said crisply.

I bumped her with my shoulder. “Oi, just means you’re that much more special ‘cause you managed to tie me down.”

She gave me stern look. “Really? Are you sure it’s not because I let you sleep around occasionally?”

“I’m sure I let you do the same thing. I mean, if you do it for me, I highly doubt I would be a big enough asshole to tell you not to.” I defended, unsure of myself.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “You do, but you don’t give me the freedom I give you. You’re fine as long as I’m with another woman, but you’re considerably less enthusiastic about letting me try-”

Celestia and Luna teleported back in and I started backing away from the blue woman from the get go. Something deep in the core of my being told me to stay the fuck away from her, so I listened to my gut, despite my head telling me that Twilight would let me know if I was in danger. I was quite close to just bolting when Luna disappeared and I felt a hand on my head. I froze in place, moments before sending an elbow straight into my head-molester’s ribs, but they didn't even flinch as they enveloped me with magic, preventing me from moving anymore. I struggled against my bonds since I really don’t like being restrained, quickly panicking until Twilight ran over and put her hands on my shoulders.

“Kaid, calm down. Luna isn’t going to hurt you, she’s just running a diagnostic spell.” Twilight said calmly.

I practically vibrated in place. “My gut’s telling me that she’s gonna rip my innards out through my bunghole!”

“I will not do that unless you try to hit me again.” Luna said irritably. “Even then I would be hesitant to touch your entrails.”

“Hesitant, but not reluctant.” I whispered to Twilight.

She just gave me a look. “Man up.”

“Oi!”

“Twilight is right. Stop acting like a foal and clear your mind so this goes faster.” Luna barked.

I tried to make my thoughts stop racing, but I wanted nothing more that to turn around and sucker punch Luna so I could run the fuck away. Whatever this woman did to me when I had my memories, it left its mark on my psyche and I was feeling pretty fucking sketched out by the fact that she was touching me. At the same time, I found her to be quite attractive, but that didn’t matter at all since I was fearing for my anus the entire time she had her hand on my head. When she let me go, I bolted and put Twilight between us since she evidently wasn’t going to hurt my wife, though it did kinda make me look like a chicken-shit. In my defense, Twilight told me that Luna had four thousand years of experience under her belt, and I was pretty sure that at least thirty-five hundred of those years were dedicated to kicking ass and taking names.

Luna glared at me as I used Twilight as my meat shield. “Stop acting like a foal. I am not going to hurt you.”

I peeked over Twilight’s shoulder. “You can say that all you want; my gut rarely steers me wrong.”

Her cheeks coloured. “Your very instincts are telling you to fear me?”

“Uh, yeah.”

“Kaid, Luna isn’t going to hurt you unless you make her. I promise.” Twilight said.

I wasn’t moving anytime soon.

I heard someone approach me from behind, so I whipped around with a fist cocked back and Celestia raised her hands, but she was still about two meters away. “Easy Kaid, no one is going to hurt you. No one is plotting against you.” She said, her tone kind and matronly.

“That’s what they always say, then BAM! Betrayal!”

She gave me a sad look. “What can I say to prove that I mean you no harm?”

“Leave me the fuck alone and we’ll see if the trust finds its way in, yeah?” I bartered.

Celestia’s heartbreak was visible in her eyes, and though she tried to cover it up, I could still see some telltale signs in her body language that told me she’d taken the blow below the belt. “... If that’s how you feel, then I suppose there’s no sense in arguing over it.”

“... Maybe you’re not so bad.” I said softly, my heart swaying slightly.

She gave me an odd look and Twilight took my hand. “What makes you say that, Kaid? Not even a minute ago you were waiting for me to stick a knife in your back.”

I held my tongue. I don’t really like talking about how I feel unless I’m bitching, though Twilight said, “It’s okay, Kaid. It’s not information she can use to hurt you, and she wouldn’t do that anyway.”

I looked at her warily. “Why do you want me to trust her so much?”

“We’re all members of the Royal Family, Kaid, and if Celestia’s the Matriarch, then you’re the Patriarch. It’s pretty important for you two to at least have an understanding.” She explained.

I glanced at Celestia. “... When I suggested that you leave me alone, you took it to heart. You either care about what I think of you a lot or you’re a bloody good actress.”

“It’s both, but you’ve said in the past that you know how I’m feeling through my ‘body language’. I don’t think Ponies pick up on it or hide it as well as you can.” Celestia stated.

“I’d better be good at hiding that shit. Keeps me out of trouble.”

Celestia gave me a sad smile. “That’s not always enough in your case. Trouble seems to-” Her eyes shot open. “... You don’t know how to use your magic, do you?” She breathed.

“Uh… Not really? I made Twilight’s dress blow over her head earlier, but I that’s not what I was trying to do.” I said.

Celestia stared at Twilight. “We need to teach Kaid how to use Max’s magic before something happens! Max has said too many times that coincidences don’t happen in Equestria, and I don’t doubt that something going to seize the moment while his memories are gone!”

“So how did you handle shit before I got here?” I asked, a little confused.

“Mostly by my own strength or with the Elements of Harmony, but you’re the Sword of Equestria, Max. You’re the most powerful being on the planet.” Celestia told me, unease creeping into her voice.

“I’m fucking what, love?” I asked blankly.

Twilight coughed. “W-Well, after you saved Equus, you became something you call a ‘god’ with a lowercase ‘G’.”

I stared at her. “Oh. That’s pretty cool, I guess.” I said a little numbly.

She gave me a little smile. “So you’re not going to go mad with power?”

“Would you still love me if I did?”

“... I would leave you.”

“Then no. It’s not worth it.” I said.

Twilight blinked and turned to Celestia. “I guess it’s nice to know that Max is still in there somewhere, but I just remembered that I’m mad at you.”

Celestia tilted her head. “What are you mad at me for? I don’t believe I’ve done anything to recent memory.”

“My wedding.” Twilight said saltily.

“... What of it?” Celestia asked cautiously.

“The assassination attempt.” Twilight hissed.

Celestia winced. “I’m guessing that’s one of the memories Kaid got back from your kiss?”

Twilight let go of my hand and crossed her arms, glaring daggers at Celestia. “Why did you try to hide it from me? No, not try. Why did you hide it from me?”

Celestia looked at Twilight sadly. “Max and I agreed that you not noticing was a blessing all its own, so we decided that we just weren’t going to speak of it. We haven’t spoken of it since we arrested Blueblood-”

“Blueblood tried to kill me? Why!?” Twilight cried.

Celestia shifted. “He wanted to hurt Max in the worst way possible, and coming after the woman he loves the most in this world was the best way to break him. Luckily Max was adept and his reflexes were fast enough to catch the dart Blueblood shot at you before you were harmed.”

“... Max saved my life. Again.” Twilight sighed. “Is there even a point to being mad about living to see another day?”

I put an arm around her shoulders, the action feeling natural. “Honestly? I’d be kinda lost on how to feel if someone didn’t tell me that I almost died. Can’t say I’d be mad, but I’d be confused as shit.”

Twilight looked up at me. “Can you think of a reason why you wouldn’t tell me about it?”

“I’d probably keep it quiet to avoid freaking you out. I don’t know how you’d react to almost being killed, but I’ve been there a couple times and I got pretty shaken. Nearly got shot a couple times and that was bad enough.”

“... I guess I should be thanking you and Celestia instead of being mad.” She sighed.

Celestia gave her a warm smile. “It’s perfectly fine to be upset, Twilight. Just know that Max and I were only trying to look out for you.”

Twilight shook her head. “Thank you.”

I looked to Celestia. “So when do I start learning about these epic powers?”

The white woman gave me an odd look. “I don’t understand your usage of ‘epic’.”

“Neither do I.” Twilight said.

“It means awesome.” I explained.

“Ah. Well, if Twilight can take the time to teach you how to use Unicorn magic, then it should translate well enough. Max once said that powerful Unicorn Magic is analogous to his God Magic, though significantly more limited in it’s scope.” Celestia said.

Twilight sighed. “I can’t really afford to leave Castle Arcadia to our stewards and Agents quite yet, though. Sound Digit and Tender care are still training and getting the hang of the job, and I need to preside over court for the majority of the day. Fancy and Onyx can keep Max’s side of things running for as long as they need to with their combined experience, but I’m still going to need to step in and take care of about three-quarters of that paperwork.”

I pursed my lips. “What if I just fuck around and figure it out on my own? I’ve always been a crafty-”

“No!” All three women shouted.

“... Well fuck you too.” I said, my cheeks flushing.

Twilight squeezed my hand “Don't be offended, Kaid, it’s just that magic isn’t really something you should just ‘figure out on your own’. It can be highly volatile and extremely dangerous if you’re just experimenting to see what works.”

“Tch. Whatever.” I muttered.

She pressed her shoulder against my arm. “It really is for the best.”

“Yeah yeah yeah. So who’s teaching me how to do epic wizard shit?” I asked little peevishly.

“Max once said that Dark Magic and God Magic were versatile in the same manner. I believe that I could teach him well enough.” Luna said. “It’s not as though Night Court keeps me terribly busy, and it would give Kaid a chance to see that I’m not going to brutalize him or whatever it is he thinks I’m going to do.”

Twilight was still between Luna and me, but that didn’t stop me from saying, “Nah, fuck that shit.”

Luna cut me a glare and I winced. “I offer to take time out of my day to help you and you would disrespect me so casually?” She asked, her tone low.

I rather wished I was shorter than Twilight. “In all fairness, you’re either going to kill me halfway through training or I’m not gonna learn anything because I’m gonna run. No offense, but fuck that.”

Luna looked behind me and I turned in time to see Celestia nod. “I could teach you. I do have experience with all types of magic, and if Luna handles Day Court, then it would be of no issue.”

“Little less terrifying, but are we sure Twilight can’t do it?”

Twilight put a hand on my back. “I would if I could, Kaid. Besides, Celestia is the one who taught me the vast majority of the things I know about Magic, and I’m willing to bet that she’s forgotten more than I’ve ever learned. That’s not to say that her current skills are anything less than superior to just about all others.”

She and Celestia traded a look. “... Max would be furious if we brought her in.” Celestia said softly.

“... She was the one who taught Max how to fight and how to use Dark Magic in the first place.” Twilight replied.

“If Kaid fears me, then he will hate Noir.” Luna said bluntly.

“Who dat ho is?” I asked.

Twilight and Luna gave me an odd look, and as Celestia walked around to stand next to Luna, I saw she was giving me the same look as she said “‘Dat ho’ is your former mentor, if that’s what you were asking.”

“So she taught me how to be a badass?” I asked.

“I also had a hand in training you, which may be a part of the reason you fear me.” Luna commented.

“The other part is that you’re sketchy as fuck.” I said honestly.

Luna tilted her head. “How am I sketchy?”

“You’re standing like you’re ready to kick someone’s ass and you’ve been standing like that since I laid eyes on you.”

Luna shrugged. “I suppose I am always ready to ‘kick ass’.” She used some unnecessary air quotes.

“Nice to know.” I said warily.

The blue one sighed. “I never was good at assuaging fears.”

Celestia put a hand on her shoulder. “Everyone has their strong suits, sister.” She turned to me. “Since Noir is out of the question, the task of re-teaching you how to learn magic falls to me. There is no other being alive that we know of that can top my sheer knowledge of the arcane arts, so I believe you have little choice in the matter, Kaid. We need you to either regain your memories or to start getting you prepared to fill your role as Prince once more.”

“Uh… You know I’m not even an adult yet, right? I just passed the age of consent not even three months ago.” I reasoned.

I received sad looks from Twilight and Celestia and an indifferent one from Luna. “So? There have been younger members of Royalty in the past four thousand years, and they did not have over seven thousand years of combined experience to help them muddle through. As Max would say, ‘Quit your bitching’.”

I coloured. “Oi! You can’t ask me to go from picking locks and dragging my best friend out of bar fights to ruling a fucking country! I’m like, the lowest of the low on the totem pole! Murderers are higher than I am!”

Luna cut me a glare. “Like I said, quit your bitching and swallow your aliment. You don’t have much of a choice.”

My first thought was ‘The fuck I don’t’, which came out of my mouth as “You’ve got me seven shades of fucked up, mate. You can’t make me do shit.”

Luna’s glowering started to make me feel uncomfortable and I looked to Twilight for support, but all I saw was resignation in her eyes. “I’m sorry Kaid, but you’re going to have to fill Max’s shoes until we can get your memory back. It’s not as bad as you think it is, nor will it be as bad as you think it’ll be when you’re actually doing it.”

I tried subtly turning up the power on my bracelet thing and shut my eyes quickly, trying to teleport or something. I imagined the bedroom I had woken up in, but when I opened my eyes after like, five seconds, I was still in the throne room place. My shoulders slumped as Celestia sighed. “We give him five minutes to hide and then we go get him.”

Twilight looked at me intently before turning to Celestia. “I don’t think he even left the room, Celestia.”

I was pretty surprised by that since it sounded like she didn’t even see me, so I took a couple steps away from her, taking care not to make a single sound, evening out my breathing like I was tracking a mark or working another high-profiler. I kept on going, heading for one of the doors until Luna up and disappeared. I stopped and squatted immediately when I noticed that she was gone, hoping that she wasn’t gonna reach out to grab me or something.

When I turned to look behind me, I saw Luna staring at me, her eyes glowing blue. “How did you manage to turn yourself invisible while not knowing how to use magic?”

Twilight sighed. “Kaid, you’re not getting out of this, so please just cooperate. It’ll make things easier on everyone.”

My reply to that would’ve been ‘Nah, fuck that noise’, but instead, I let my actions speak for me and sent the best hook I think I’ve ever thrown in my sixteen years into Luna’s side. What I wasn’t expecting was for her to practically fold in half when I made contact before fucking flying across the goddamn room! Like fucking seriously!? I had no fucking clue I was that strong, but as I heard my shirt rip and tear from these weird contraptions that popped out of my shirt, I wasted no more time in getting the fuck outta there. I ran like my life depended on it, too busy trying not to get suckered into being a prince or some shit to realize that I wasn’t fucking going anywhere. I couldn’t see myself, but I figured I was like a foot or something (I don’t know the Imperial System. Fucking sue me) off the ground, and shortly after I realized that I was going nowhere as fast as my legs could take me, Luna teleported in front of me, blood seeping from her mouth with a look of pure malevolence in her eyes.

She grabbed my face and squeezed pretty fucking hard. “You are lucky that you have the mind of a child, otherwise I would break you.” She snarled.

I couldn't really talk, but apparently I was scared enough to make my magic stop working. Twilight ran to my side, but her concern wasn’t for me. “Luna! Are you okay? Did Max hit you with his left hand?”

“Yes.” The blue princess answered tersely.

Twilight scowled at me. “Did I or did I not tell you to never use your left hand to fight someone?”

Luna let go of my face and dropped me on the ground. I rubbed my cheeks and worked my jaw for a moment before saying, “I kinda forgot it was made of metal. My bad.”

Twilight took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose. “You’re really starting to piss me off here, Kaid. I realize that the situation sucks for you, I really do, but you’re not making friends with the way you’re acting. No one wants to make you do this, and no one has it out for you. You need to get it together fast-”

“Bitch are you serious!?” I exclaimed.

She looked at me like I crazy. “What did you just call me?”

“Fucking yesterday I just got done with a job that gonna pay for my food for the next week, and the day before that I was diving for wallets and scoping for purses! I’m a thief! I’m a fucking Human who belongs on Earth! Do you fucking understand what it’s like to fucking wake up next to a sexy alien who just so happens to be your bloody fucking wife when you went to sleep in a shitty hammock you stole, living in a house you’re gonna get arrested for if you get caught in it, and doing your fucking best not to get rolled or killed because you stepped on the wrong toes!? I’ve been trying not to flip my shit since you told me that you were a different fucking species and now you’re fucking asking me to be a fucking Prince!? Honestly, fucking honestly! You fucking tell me what the fuck I’m supposed to do with this fucking heap of bullshit that’s been tossed on my plate because I’m not fucking eating it! No! Just fucking no! I don’t give a damn about what I was when I was twenty-fucking-one because I’m fucking sixteen right now!” I was shaking throughout most of that, shaking like I was having another flashback, or like I’d woken up from another night terror. I was just about to lose my shit, already grasping at my hair like I could hold myself down, but that’s not how shit do.

Twilight sighed before she said, “I’m sorry for this,” and smacked my shit.

I may or may not have just curled on on the floor for a little bit, but Twilight still knelt next to me. “Kaid, I’m sorry I hit you, but that usually knocks some sense into people when you do it.”

“... Twilight, Kaid was already making sense.” Celestia said gently. “There’s no way for us to understand just how jarring this is for him. Max may have taken the transition from England to Equestria well, but we shouldn’t expect someone who was a grown adult to respond the same as a teenager. That’s not even counting the fact that Max’s mind was already torn to pieces when he got here, which made the fact that he was stuck on a new planet marginally easier, I would imagine.”

“... Max did get,” Twilight hesitated. “hurt, before he came to Equestria. I suppose Kaid has been taking it well up until this point.”

“That is no excuse for lashing out at me.” Luna said, pissed off.

“Luna, you blew up a toaster, three alarm clocks, a toilet, and countless Nightmare Night decorations when you first returned to Equestria.” Celestia said.

“So?” Luna asked.

“Your transition back to Equestria was not unlike Kaid’s current plight, except you returned to a planet with your own species on it, your own people. You didn’t come back to find out that you were missing memories, or that you were betrothed to someone you had never met, or that you were suddenly royalty after being, and forgive my use of this term Kaid, but a ‘guttersnipe’.”

I was too busy freaking the fuck out to be offended, but I kinda appreciate her concern for my feelings now.

Twilight ran her fingers through my hair and I curled up tighter, hugging my knees to my chest like I could squeeze myself hard enough to open a wormhole and send my ass back to Earth. “I’m sorry, Kaid, I just thought you were going to take it in stride. I should’ve realized that you were putting up a facade sooner.”

An odd feeling overtook my body and I think what I was feeling was me shrinking, which was a little disconcerting. I didn’t shrink much, just down to my usual size, though I suppose that compared to the jacked, tallish guy I’d seen in the mirror, I probably looked like a tiny, scruffy kid. I felt my hair grow out and cover more of my face, though it’d been like that last night when I woke up since I like to keep my hair long. Makes it easier to look people in the eye when I don’t have to have direct eye contact, after all. My clothes didn’t fit me so well when I was done reverting back to me, but the panic attack was still happening and I wasn’t getting off the floor anytime soon.

“... Kaid?” Twilight asked softly, brushing my hair out of my eyes.

I couldn’t see her since they were shut, trying to… How do I say I was trying not to cry without sounding like a bitch?

I felt someone else lay a hand on me. “Kaid, did you alter your form on purpose?” Celestia asked, concerned.

“No.” I managed.

She stroked my arm. “It’s okay, Kaid. Everything will be okay, just try to relax and breathe. All will be well, dear.” Celestia said soothingly.

How the fuck do you tell someone to stop lying to you when you can hardly draw breath?

“Twilight, Kaid seems the most at ease with you, so take him back to Castle Arcadia for the time being and see if you can get him to calm down any further. I’m sure the love that’s imprinted on his mind will make him ease up around you faster than anyone else.” Celestia suggested.

“I will, but what do we do about-” Twilight started.

“Regarding his memories, I will accompany you so I can see what I can do. As for his magic, we’ll see about teaching him when he’s not completely overwhelmed.”

Wifey sighed. “We could’ve gone about this better.”

“Max was more mature, resilient and adaptive than Kaid, and we expected him to be the same five years ago as he was yesterday. We made an oversight that can be fixed, so let’s not waste any time in fixing it.”

Luna huffed. “At least I get to do something, even if it is the tedious duties of Day Court.”

“Thank you for taking over, Lulu. I’ll try to be back quickly-”

“Don’t bother, sister. I suggest you teach Kaid magic somewhere Twilight can be found quickly if you need her, just in case Kaid ‘flips his shit’ again.”

“Like I’m doing us much good now.” Twilight sighed before suddenly breathing in sharply. “Kaid? Would you like a kiss?”

I wanted that kiss like I wanted a jar of shine to myself while having the boys around, drinking and cutting up like usual, but I couldn’t bring myself out of the pit. I was pretty stuck, the despair and general anxiety crushing me like I was underneath a lorry with no wheels. Twilight took that as a good moment to levitate me onto my ass so she could hug me from behind, which was a great fucking move. It only took me another minute or two for the shaking to become less violent, and when I held her arms, I felt infinitely better, but all the shit I’d been ignoring was still running through my head. The disconcerting feeling of being in a body that was over twice the size of mine (Max was fucking jacked and I’m still skinny as shit) was gone, but the odd tingling I’d been feeling since I woke up was still there, seeming like it was coming from the middle of my chest. Everything was still loud, I could still smell weird scents on the air like vanilla, wine, and blue raspberries, but the first and last in that list only came around when Luna and Celestia did-

Twilight just told me that my perception in general is ridiculous. Would’ve been nice to know earlier. I’m not going to call you a bitch again, so don’t walk away, yeah? I’m writing my replies because I feel like it, don’t nag at me for getting into something you-

I got pinched for saying the N-word. Fucking gay. That’s like saying ‘corn’ is a bad word. Twilight just told me that Max used the same analogy awhile ago. I don’t know how I feel about that, so I’m skipping it.

Whatever, so I was trying to appreciate Twilight’s awesome comforting while trying to come to grips with the fact that my entire fucking world just got flipped on its head, had its ass reamed by a well endowed black guy, and had its pickle tickled and chopped off. Shit was stressing me the fuck out, but Twilight's presence and Max’s feelings for her held me down to Earth- Equus, I guess, but I just wanted to go home. I was leaning so hard toward ‘fuck this shit’ that I just wanted to curl up and wait for someone to tell me that I could just up and go and no one would miss me, but Max built a life for himself in Equestria, and I’m kinda that guy. I had obligations, responsibilities that I’d never even known were coming at me and I was so fucking discomboul- discombobulated that I was sweating from my eyes like I’d just got done looking at some hot ass from close up.

Twilight, yo, I’m not saying I cried. That’s some pussified bullshit and it’s not going in this. Skip it.

I got pinched again. I swear all this chick ever does is abuse me or hug me. This doesn’t seem like a healthy relationship, but then again, I get hit by pretty much every woman I know except Mrs. Altham. I blame that on her being old and frosty as fuck though. You need to get some chill, Twilight.

And she’s back with the abuse. She wants me to write down that she doesn’t abuse me, but she told me that I’m not allowed to lie to her. I don’t feel like lying to myself right-

Fucking. Stop. Next time I’m pinching you back with my left hand. Got it?

Okay. Getting back to the writing.

Fucking shit, I’m kinda lost at this point, but Twilight is being nicer and is suggesting that I just start with the eye-sweating. So I was sweating from my eyes, making manly grunts about railing perfect tens and steak while Celestia and Twilight made an effort to get me to stop freaking out. Yeah, I get that the last part of that sentence doesn't make any sense in context, but I know what was going on and this is supposed to be a personal journal or whatever, so I can say what I want. When I finally stopped grunting and sweating, Twilight asked if I wanted to go home and that made me start all over again because I knew she meant going back to Arcadia, but I wanted to go back to Wiltshire. She hugged me tighter and her boobs squished up against my back in the best of ways, but I couldn’t really enjoy it because I was face down in my own misery with only my arse sticking out. Shit sucked. Still does.

And now Twilight’s hugging me, which is really nice. I like it when she does that.

So when I stopped breaking down again (like a punk ass bitch. A manly punk ass bitch.), Twilight just up and teleported us back to Castle Arcadia, specifically to ‘our’ room. Instead of a clean though hard floor, we were now sitting on ‘our’ stupidly large bed. Wifey and Celestia talked for a little bit, though I didn’t pay much attention to what they were saying. The sun princess tepelorted-

Yes, I meant to spell it that way. Can I just have another hug and we’ll let that one stay there?

Score! Free hug!

Anyway, so Celestia left and went to who-the-fuck-cares and Twilight waited a while before saying, “As confusing and disorienting as it is for me, it has to be a hundred times worse for you. I’m sorry, Kaid. I didn’t mean to ignore your feelings or dump all of this on you at once.”

I took my time in replying. “It’s cool.”

“Please don’t lie to me, Kaid.” Twilight requested softly.

It kinda made me feel like shit anyway, so I said, “Sorry.”

“So how are you really feeling? It’ll help if you talk about it a little.” She reasoned reasonably.

Not gonna give me a hard time on that one? Cool beans, thanks beautiful.

“... I feel like shit.” I replied.

Twilight pressed her cheek against mine. “You might want to elaborate a little more than that, jeunesse.”

“... Was that French?” I asked.

“Jeunesse? Yes, it’s technically ‘Prench’, but the countries from Equus and Earth are awfully similar.”

“What’s it mean?”

“Youth. You’re not going to be able to distract me. I know you don’t like talking about the way you feel, but it really will help.” She said kindly.

“We can always go back to not talking.” I responded.

“... It’s pretty upsetting to have someone push you when you’re already teetering on the brink, but let me pull you away, Kaid. Give me a little trust and I promise that I’ll show you that I’m worthy of it all over again.”

I gripped her arms a little tighter, though I made an effort not to squeeze too hard with my left hand, just in case I hurt her by accident. “... I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,” I sang quietly, “you could cut ties with all the lies that you’ve been living in-”

“And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand.” Twilight sang back thickly.

“... How do you know that song?” I asked dumbly.

“Max played it for me.” Wifey replied, nearing tears.

I made her let go of me for a moment so I could turn around and give her a real hug. “I’m not going to leave.” I told her truthfully after a few moments. “I can’t. Not because I literally can’t, but… I can’t take your chance of seeing your husband away from you. These feelings might not be ‘Kaid’s’, but I would hate to get my memory back and I know that I broke your heart because I was too weak to stick around. I’ll… I’ll fucking get through it. If not for me, then for you.”

Twilight squeezed me especially hard, driving the air from my lungs. “I’m so sorry, Kaid. I never meant to make you go through this.” She sobbed once, but once the first one was out, more followed. many more. “I’m so sorry”

I returned her hug for about thirty seconds before rapidly patting her back to let her know I couldn’t breathe. How do I say Twilight didn’t give a-

Alright, I’m just going to say that she was lost in her own pit of despair and couldn’t pull herself out of it in time to stop. I nearly blacked out before she actually let me go, though that was because I jammed my thumbs into her ribs. The same thing that had been hitting me in the back of the head for doing dumb shit earlier returned when I did that, but I think that one was complete bullshit since I was on the verge of passing out. Twilight says that she understands why I did it, but I still feel like a shithead for hurting her in the first place. Still, I wasn’t trying to die or some shit.

“Oh my gosh, I’m sorry! I wasn’t trying to hurt you!” Twilight wept.

I kissed her before I got my breath back, though I had to make it short so I wouldn’t get lost in her lips again. Between panting, I said, “It’s cool. Mean it this time.” I took a deep breath of that sweet, sweet oxygen/nitrogen.

Wifey went for my hands and I let her have them. “I’ll make this right, Kaid. We’ll get your memories back, one way or another, and when we do, I’m going to give you the best snacks you’ve ever hand for a week! Probably two!”

I gave her a weird look. “I like good food as much as the next guy, but I think that might be more of a Max thing.”

Twilight blushed and looked at the space on the bed between us. “I-I don’t mean ‘food’ when I say snacks.”

“Then what do you mean?” I asked dumbly.

Her blush intensified and she said, “I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

I kinda just looked at her. “Wait, are you you saying that I’m not getting any while I don’t have my memories?”

“Well…” She trailed off.

“Oh come on!” I’m still irritated by that right now.

“W-Well, I’m mentally nine years older than you and you’re not considered an adult here in Equestria, Kaid. It’d be a bit weird if people found out I was snacking with you.” She gave me an apologetic look.

I glared at her. “I’m gonna kiss you every chance I get.”

“You say that like it’s a threat. I get some nice things from our kisses too, though the feeling is a little different from what I got when I kissed Max.”

“... Is it better or worse?” I asked.

Twilight gave me a wan smile. “You’re not as good a kisser as Max was, but don’t let that discourage you from trying to get back to where you were.”

“I’ll let that motivate me to kiss you more and compliment you on being callipygous.” I smirked at the relatively new word, hoping that Twilight would take it for what it was.

She looked at me oddly. “What does ‘callipygous’ mean?”

“It means you’re callipygean.” I teased.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Yes, but what does that mean?”

“The literal definition is that you have a well shaped buttocks.” I gave her a cheeky smile.

She blushed and rolled her eyes. “I’m almost a decade older than you, Kaid.”

“Oi, a nice bottom is still nice, no matter how far out of my league the person that bottom belongs to might be.”

Twilight squeezed my hands and gave me a little smile. “You’re still incorrigible, no matter what age you are.” She had to tell me how to spell ‘incorrigible’. Smartie pants.

“Is it charming or annoying?” I asked.

“A little bit of both. At least you still find me more attractive than anyone else.”

“It’d be hard not to, honestly. You look like the perfect nerdy girl, and if your inability to say ‘sex’ is anything to go by, then you’re also adorably innocent.”

Wifey blushed again. “Are you trying to butter me up for another kiss or to get out of talking about your feelings?”

My smile stayed on my face. “I don’t believe I understand your crazy Pony language.”

Twilight leaned forward and gave me a lovely little kiss, but when I tried to slip her a little tongue, she pulled away. “Kissing is fine, but if you want to do it like that, then I can’t keep giving them to you. People can see me give you the innocuous little kisses, but ‘making out’ is off the table entirely.”

“Why do you make my life suck so hard?” I sighed.

That killed her mood a little bit. “... I’m sorry.”

“It’ll be okay. Maybe we can make you younger and make some mistakes for ourselves?” I asked, knowing she wasn’t going to go for it.

Twilight lifted her hand to her mouth, pressing the knuckle of her index finger against her lips. “Well… If you’re that eager…”

“I was kidding, but that’s awesome.” I grinned.

Twilight gave me a look I’ve seen from a lot of girls. “Do you really think I’m that easy?” It was a question I’d heard from a few of them. “You won’t even open up to me and you want me to spread my legs?”

“Aw come on! I had a great distraction!”

“Max was a lot better at it than you are.” Wifey said drily. “Can you just give me a little trust, Kaid? Please? I’ll pay you in kisses~”

I was feeling pretty starved for another kiss at this point since Twilight was leading me around by the nose, so I kinda caved. Seriously, her lips are as good as, if not better than, coke. It’s a cleaner, nicer high that you have to feel to believe. “... Count yourself lucky that bribery is something I find detestable but fair.”

I received an all too brief kiss. “Glad I could tickle your morals. So how do you feel about finding out that you’re suddenly married to a different species?” Twilight asked, jumping right on into things.

“Uh… Shocked, I guess. Absolutely staggered beyond reason, I mean, it was unreal! You seem so human, but the ears, horn, hooves and tail just won’t let me ignore the fact that you’re a pony. It’s a weird thing, Twilight, and I’m kinda scared of disappointing you for reasons I’m not really aware of.”

“And learning that you were married to a Pony?”

“Weird.”

“How does the possibility of you retaining your prince title make you feel?”

“Terrified. I like power, don’t get me wrong, but I just like to have people do small shit for me like run errands and grab snacks. I can’t run a fucking country!”

Twilight gave me another hug. “If it makes you feel any better, I can keep things going until you’re ready to step into the role if your memory doesn’t come back.”

“I’d rather not think about it at all if it’s all the same to you. No point in dwelling on something I’ve been dreading for who knows how long already.” I sighed.

“I guess I see the wisdom in that, but you can’t avoid it forever, Kaid.” Twilight reminded gently.

“... You really suck sometimes, you know that?” I asked, letting her go.

Twilight gave me a little smile. “You’ve said that before in multiple different contexts. It’s gotten you in trouble, so don’t let your mouth write a check you’re not prepared to cash.”

“I still maintain that I could show you a good time, even if I am a little less experienced than I was when you last saw me.” I gave Twilight a cocksure grin.

She patted my leg. “I’m certainly not going to let you go any further than kisses, but if you can charm one of the women you’ve slept with in the past, I’ll let it slide.”

“... Did you just give me permission to-”

“Yes, I did. I’ll give you a list of your past paramours so you can pick and choose who you want to find, but keep in mind that I’ll be extremely disappointed if I start getting complaints about you.” Twilight said, laying down some law.

“I’ll keep it fun and flirty whenever I get a chance I guess. For the time being, can I just have another kiss?”

“After we get Celestia in here so we can work out you magic lessons. We really do need to get you trained as soon as possible.”

I sighed pretty hard. “I hate school. I show up when I have tests, but it still sucks arse.”

Twilight stared at me. “... Are you saying you only go to school when you have tests?”

“Yeah, pretty much. I was passing everything the last time I checked since tests are like, seventy or sixty percent of my grade in my school and I always do well on them. I like to read the textbooks when I get bored.” I admitted.

“So that’s why you have so much random knowledge about your world! You just studied everything!” Twilight beamed at me before frowning. “Wait, that also means you were disrespecting your teachers by not showing up when you had class! I bet you were drinking when you should have been at school anyway!”

“I’m smart enough to get by without all that tedious shit, Cherry. My lifestyle was perfectly fine.”

“It really wasn’t. Just know that you literally can’t cut class with Celestia. She’ll come to find you.” Twilight warned.

“... Noted. So why don’t we get her in here and get the shit show started, yeah?”

Twilight crawled off of the bed, inviting me to do so right behind her. It was a little difficult since my clothes hung off of me now and I had to hold everything in place, but it wasn’t all that bad. Twilight ended up teleporting away for a little bit, so I stood by myself and thought about the situation I was in. It sucked, but at least Twilight was willing to work with me and I hoped that I would get acclimated a little bit faster than the normal guy would. Besides the breakdown, I was taking the whole ‘transported to a different world’ thing pretty well in my book, so I was patting myself on the back as Twilight and Celestia came back.

“Hullo ladies.” I said.

“I see you’re feeling better already.” Celestia gave me a warm smile.

“Twilight got me calmed down enough to start making plans. I can’t just lie down and do nothing, so I might as well try and take this head on, yeah?”

“Don’t forget that you’re not doing this alone. You might be the only one in your particular circumstance, but you do have Twilight and I to help you through the tough times ahead. For the time being, I need to dive into your mind and-”

“Whoa, what!?” I exclaimed.

Celestia nodded. “I need to see what memories you’re missing. It won’t take but a few minutes, Kaid.”

I looked at Twilight and she gave me a reassuring smile. “... Do you just dip on into people’s brains for stuff like this all the time, or…?”

The white one gave me a patient smile. “I’ve had a lot of experience sorting through memories due to my time as the sole princess of Equestria. I’m confident that I can find us a place to start at the very least.”

“... Alright. I guess I’m gonna have to trust you on this.” I didn’t wanna trust her on that, but I didn't have much of a choice, in all honesty.

Celestia walked over and leaned down, touching her horn to my forehead. “Then let us begin.”

I felt something like a warm buzz start going through my head as Celestia started doing stuff with my brain, but it wasn’t pleasant or bad. It was a weird feeling that made me clutch at my loose clothes a little tighter, but other than that, a few minutes passed without event. Celestia backed away with a little smile and turned to Twilight.

“So we may have a hope of magically restarting his memories. If we can induce a magical seizure, then the jolt to the flow of magic in Kaid’s body should start finding ways to fix his mind, if it’s as intuitive as Max said it was. Kaid is going to have to do it to himself in order to get the desired result, so we really do need to get him started on training as soon as possible.”

Twilight looked rather worried, so I started feeling nervous. “But can’t a magical seizure cause magic to go out of control? With someone as powerful as Kaid, there’s no telling what could happen!”

Celestia shook her head. “There are badlands far west of here that could bear Kaid’s magical forces. No one lives anywhere nearby, and with the help of Shining Armour and Luna, I’m willing to bet that we could cast a shield strong enough to let us stay close enough to monitor Kaid as he goes through the seizure.”

“That sounds like it sucks a lot.” I said anxiously. “What even is a magical seizure?”

“It’s an event that occurs when a person’s pool of magic is galvanized in the wrong way, but don’t think for a moment that it’ll cause you extreme pain or something of the sort. It just so happens that your magic will try to center itself and reassert its place-”

“But what do I have to do to make it seize?” I asked.

“All you have to do is rattle your own magic supply. Once you can locate it and draw from it freely, then you can do it by accident if you’re not careful with how you use your magic. It’s a really complicated subject for being something so simple, but believe Celestia when she says that it doesn’t hurt. I’ve had a couple of magical seizures when I was younger and the worst that ever happened was that I levitated everything in my room without meaning to. Clean up was awful, but at least I didn’t start teleporting everywhere.” Twilight chuckled at the memory.

“... Alright. So how hard is it gonna be for me to learn my magic?”

“It shouldn’t be terribly difficult. Young minds tend to flex more easily, so you should come to grasp your powers within the next couple of weeks if you’re diligent about learning them.” Celestia folded her arms.

My attention dipped below her eyes for a sec, but I didn’t let my eyes linger. “I’ll try, but I always did do better studying on my own.”

“Don’t worry, I can tailor my methods to suit you perfectly, though it may take a little time to find the right fit.” Celestia tapped her cheek twice. “As long as you keep your eyes up here, there won’t be a problem.”

I gave her a cheeky grin. “I’ve got some control. Not much, but I can look and listen at the same time.”

Twilight sighed. “You’re so much of a guy that it’s weird. At least you’re up front about it, I guess.”

“It’s not my style to beat around the bush or pussyfoot around something. If I want what I want, I go and get it.” I shrugged.

“It’s nice to know that your attitude hasn’t changed on that. I hope you ‘want’ your powers.”

“It’ll be cool to see what they are, I guess. I don’t really know if I trust myself with it that much though. You two keep telling me that I’m the most powerful being on the planet and I’m just not sure if I’m ready to take on that mantle, y’know?”

Twilight and Celestia both smiled at me. “Keep that mindset, Kaid. Just because you have power doesn’t mean you should use it all the time.” Celestia said brightly.

“That’s right! Max always said that keeping his powers to himself was the best way to keep things ‘kosher’, so I hope you both know what that means and hold yourself to the same morals.” Twilight chimed in.

“... I think I’ll just keep the limiter bracelet on one for right now if it’s all the same to you two.”

They smiled at me and came in for a hug, which was great for four reasons. No, Twilight, I’m not going to explain what those reasons are because I know what they be and I’ll remember if I ever decide to read through this again. No, I’m not being difficult. Me being difficult is writing out my responses instead of talking to you like a normal person. Well if you’re going to read over my shoulder I might as well, yeah?

Twilight started to pinch me before I reminded her of my warning. Still serious about that one, Cherry.

Anyway, so Twilight excused herself to go take care of castle affairs, leaving Celestia and I to go out and about so I could start getting introduced to people. My new professor teleported us outside of the castle and I saw just how fucking huge that shit was for the first time. Seriously, I’m pretty sure it’s as tall as some of the clouds I saw hanging around, if not taller. It was really hard to judge from the ground, but Celestia shook me out of my awe and I saw that she’d changed from her usual shape to an unfamiliar one. She was still smoking hot and mostly white, but now her mane was a mauve kinda colour that looked pretty nice, in my opinion. I’d still give her a cup full of fuck if she was on the list Twilight was supposed to be giving me.

Anyway, so Celestia lead me off of the castle grounds, though that in itself was a bit of a walk since we had a lot of ground to cover. It really seemed like you could house hundreds within the castle walls comfortably if you wanted to, but that really wasn’t the issue at the moment. Teach (aka Celestia) lead me out of the castle and into the brightest, most vibrant, color-vomit place I’d ever fucking seen before in my life, but somehow all of it felt like familiar territory, like I was strolling the back alleys of Wiltshire all over again. It was a little disconcerting, but I only needed a quick fiver to get my bearings, and that was about twenty minutes into our little walk.

Celestia took me to a well-lit alley that was pretty damn clean for me to be done with my little bout of cognitive dissonance, and when I could actually breathe without gasping, Celestia asked, “What are you feeling, Kaid? Do you know why you’re ‘flipping out’?”

“I-I’ve been here a thousand times before and my body knows it, but my mind is telling me that this is all new land! I’m fucking torn right now and the fucking headache isn’t doing me any favours.”

Teach took her hand from my back and placed it on my forehead. After a moment or two, the pain in my head eased up a little bit and it got easier to think. “That should take the worst off of the edge. It will take some time for you to adjust, so I can’t make the feeling or the headache go away immediately, but I can soothe the pain and anxiety when it gets to be debilitating. Just let me know and I’ll take care of you.”

I looked up at her as I leaned against the wall. She wasn’t as tall in her disguise as she normally was, but she was still easily two meters tall and I’m not exactly Mr. Bouncer over here. “... Thank you.”

I really don’t make a habit of saying ‘Thank you’ outright. It generally means someone’s gonna ask a favour from you in the next thirty minutes in my experience, and you can’t really say no because they just did you a solid. ‘Thanks’ is a whole different story, but now I’m on a tangent or some shit.

“You’re welcome, Kaid. Any boon I can grant you is but a request away, no strings attached.” She gave me an honest little smile, and I could see it in her eyes. She had a vested interest in me beyond making the country stronger, and I could tell that she wanted to be on good terms with me.

I took a while to respond to Celestia, my thoughts racing. I wondered if she was setting me up to fall in love with her over Twilight or something, but I doubted that something of the sort would work since I couldn’t fathom hurting Twilight like that and that just wasn’t the vibe I got from her. She seemed to be trying to get into my good graces, and if the little hint she dropped at the end of the last thing she said was anything to go by, then she was willing to be with me in a tasty, sweaty way. I took a deep breath through my nose and smelled her vanilla aroma on the air and I tried to see if I could work some kind of sense into her actions. I just couldn’t understand what would make her so interested in me, especially since I wasn’t Max. Wanting to get me up to speed on my powers? I get that, but the tenderness and compassion she was showing me just isn’t something I can really wrap my head around. It was like a near total stranger was handing me a safety deposit for a flat with a steady job lined up to make sure I kept it.

“What’s your angle, Celestia? What do you get from helping me?” I asked suspiciously.

The look of patience and understanding on her face just bewildered me even more. “Kaid, the only thing I get from helping you is knowing that I’m playing an active part in making your life better. Even if it’s just until you get your memories back, I want you to have a time in your life where you don’t feel persecuted or hated, where you feel like a ‘whole’ person. Whatever it takes to see you smile, I’m willing to go those lengths, and that’s something I’ve told you before when you were Max.”

“... I honestly don’t understand. It’s not sinking in.” I shook my head, the ache coming back quickly. “Oi, could you do the thing again? Should probably add ‘please’ to that for politeness sake at least.”

Celestia put her hand on my forehead and the pain receded once more. “You don’t have to understand it, but I would like you to accept it. You’ve said that you’ve always been an excellent lie detector. Have I lied to you, Kaid?”

I couldn’t look her in the eye as I said, “You’re thousands of years old. I’m sure you’ve got your tells sealed up by now.”

She placed a hand on my shoulder. “That’s true, but I know for a fact that Max caught me lying multiple times and just let it go. If you have any doubts about my intentions, please ask me anything and I’ll answer you honestly.”

I only had one terribly important question at the moment. “What’s your cup size?”

Teach rolled her eyes and chuckled. “‘F’. Don’t worry about the rest of my measurements.”

“I wouldn’t know what they’d mean anyway.” I decided to leave that topic there since I didn’t really want to continue down that path. “Look, it’s real hard for me to just up and trust someone’s word. I just don’t geddit.”

The patient look returned, though it was tinged with some amusement this time around. “Like I said, you don’t have to understand it. Just accept it for what it is and come along so we can get you some clothes that actually fit.”

“Followin’ you, Celly.”

And so I followed her for like, five more minutes to this little shop. Celestia definitely knew who the woman behind the counter was, and I was damn sure that Max knew her too. The mild blue coated, light brown maned woman’s very presence demanded that I give her a hug, but before I could give into my instincts, Celestia squeezed my arm and tilted her head in the direction of some men’s apparel, but it was hard to take my eyes off of the clerk. However, Celestia made me focus through it and actually start trying on clothes so we could find my size. There wasn’t much for someone my size in the trousers department, but what we found worked well enough and we got a lot of shirts to go along with it. It was clothes shopping, so it was boring as fuck, but Teach still found a way to make jokes and generally try to be pleasant. She was honestly starting to get past my defenses and that scared me a little bit because I don’t like it when people get too close too quickly. It’s just too touchy-feely, but I shrugged off the worst of my anxiety on the matter by saying that I already trusted Twilight with my life and I’d barely known her for a day, and since she trusted Celestia, why shouldn’t I? It felt like a dangerous line of thought, but as we went to go ring up the ludacris- ludicrous amount of clothes we’d gotten, Celestia started talking to the woman behind the counter.

“Hello Blueberry Tart, I trust your day has gone well so far?” Celestia said conversationally.

Blueberry furrowed her brows, though she smiled warmly. “It’s been going rather well, ‘Soleil’. I’m surprised to see you away from Canterlot at this time of day.”

“I’m having ‘Moonlight’ look after the business for me while I’m taking care of a special friend. Blueberry, I’d like you to meet Kaid.” Celestia placed a hand on my back.

I waved. “You look like you have amazing biscuits.”

Blueberry blinked a few times and stared at me for a good while. “‘... Max?”

“I’ve been called that a few times today, but that’s not really me at the moment. I’m Kaid. Sixteen year-old plucker, if you know what that means.” I extended a hand over the counter.

She did some more staring. “... What?”

I don’t feel like going over Celestia’s explanation because it was boring. However, when she was done, Blueberry came away from the counter to look me in the eye for a little bit. “This is very, very odd.”

I gave her a hug because I wanted to. “Yeah, but I’m learning that you just gotta go with the flow sometimes if you wanna make it work.”

She hugged me back awkwardly. “Not that I don’t appreciate the affection, but why are you hugging me?”

I let her go. “I’ve wanted to do that since I saw you. I’m guessing Max likes you a lot.”

Celestia coughed unnecessarily. “He should. Blue is your adopted mother.”

I stared at Celestia for a little bit and then had a looksee at Blue. It really did explain why I was so fond of her, and I could see myself listening to her if she told me to do something. “Huh. I guess I needed one more than I thought.”

“Everypony needs a mother, Kaid.” Blue said firmly. “Even if you don’t remember our time together, you’re still my son, and I’d like you to keep calling me ‘Mum’ while your memory is gone.”

“Sure thing.” I said a bit blankly.

She gave me a concerned look. “Are you okay? You seem unbalanced.”

“Found out I had a wife earlier and now I have a Mum. Never thought I’d get married before thirty and never thought I’d actually get over the piece of shit me birth-giver was. The fuck-”

“I let you get away with the S-word, but the F-word doesn’t fly.” Mum cut in.

“... Weird. Fu-” She gave me a look. “Uh… Yeah, just weird. I’m gonna go with that before I get grounded or something.”

“Remember that well, Kaid. You may not live under my roof, but I can still have Twilight help me enforce punishments.” Blue warned.

“God, this already sucks. I miss my freedom.” I groaned.

Blue gave me a hug and chuckled with Celestia. “We just want you to be nice is all.” She held me at arm’s length. “Take care not to cause any trouble, dear. I know you have a penchant for finding it even in the best of times, but do try to keep your nose clean.”

That made me want a bump, but I pushed the feeling aside. “I guess I’ll try being good for once…”

“You gave in easier than I thought you would.” Celestia mused.

I was quiet for a little bit. “Is there a reason for that, Kaid?” Blue asked, her voice full of motherly kindness.

I found the right words after a few more moments. “... It’s all just… It’s weird seeing people care so much about someone they don’t really know. It’s like I know in my heart that you guys want me to be happy, but it just makes no sense. I mean, aren’t you afraid that I’ll fuck up or something? You don’t know if I’ll stab you in the back whenever I get a chance, and-”

Celestia cut in. “Kaid, Equus is a very different planet from Earth and Equestria is a very different country from England. Love and Harmony,” I was told to capitalize that, “are the order of the day for the most part. You don’t have to be so paranoid, though I’ll never tell you that you should lose your skepticism. No, I’m telling you to trust yourself enough to trust us. I know you’ve been waiting for us to lie to you in one way or another so you can feel justified in being suspicious, but I also know for a fact that you’ve found nothing because there is nothing. We just want what’s best for you, Kaid, and it’ll be easier for you if-”

“I just accept it, yeah. I know.” I said, rubbing my head. “I’ll… I’ll try to get used to it, I guess. It’d suck if I disappointed you guys.” I admitted with a manly blush. It was odd to have people put so much faith in me after only having just met me, so I felt more than obligated to try and do well by their standards, which is pretty much the polar opposite of what I usually felt when people tried to get close to me. There was always an alterior- ulterior motive, but they just didn’t give off the signals. It baffled the fuck out of me.

Blue squeezed my arms. “If you ever need anything, just ask, dear. I’ll always lend a hand or an ear, depending on what you need more at the moment.”

“If you could convince my ‘wife’ to stop holding out on me-” Blue gave me a stern look. “... Nevermind?”

“You shouldn’t be worried about sex at your age anyway. I know the desire is there, but holding back makes you more of a stallion than just diving into the first mare you see.” She chastised.

“I haven’t even done anything and I’m getting nagged-”

“Don’t let me hear that word come from your mouth again, young stallion.” Blue pointed a judisious- judicious finger at me.

“Ah fuck-”

“And what did I say about the F-word?”

“Come on!”

Celestia chuckled at my misery, so I shot her a glare, which made her break out into melodious little giggles that made my face heat up. “Don’t look at her! You need to watch your language, Kaid!” Blue nagged. Fucking do something Twilight. She was nagging, that’s how I feel about the matter. If you don’t-

Twilight just popped a fucking bar of soap in my mouth. Fucking bullshit. I got a handful of dat ass though, so I’m not going to be mad about it for long.

“Ugh, can we skip the ‘clean up your language’ bit?” I asked.

Blue tapped her hoof on the floor, which was odd because she had to lift her leg to do it. “I think we’ll stay on the topic as long as we need to, thank you very much.”

I groaned. “I’ll try not to swear so fucking much.”

“That was on purpose.” Blue said, her voice hardening.

“Yeah.” I replied.

“Keep giving me attitude, young stallion. I dare you.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes ma’am. I’ll be sure to follow your instructions to the letter.”

Blue huffed. “I hope you weren’t planning on sharing a bed with Twilight tonight.”

“Seriously? Why would Twilight listen to you?”

“She’s my daughter-in-law and we happen to have a very good relationship.” Blue said drily. “I’ve punished you through Twilight before, so don’t think these are empty words.”

If you haven’t caught on by now, I wasn’t digging the whole ‘I’m your boss, do what I say’ deal. “I’ll guilt trip her if I have to. It wouldn’t even be an issue.” I barked out a laugh.

“I know what you’re doing, even if you don’t.” Blue said blandly.

I rolled my eyes again. “And what am I doing, Mummy dearest?”

“You’re trying to push me away so I get tired of dealing with you. I’ll tell you now that it’s not going to work.”

“No, I just don’t like the way you’re talking to me. You were being a real twat about my little slip ups.” I replied flippantly.

Blue lost some of the heat behind her gaze. “Why didn’t you just tell me that, Kaid?”

“You were pretty dead set on na- Er, chiding me. Plus it didn’t really strike me to.” I confessed.

Blue sighed. “If you have a problem, just talk to me, baby. There’s no point in turning things into an argument.”

I felt like a dumbass. “... Yeah. Guess it was kinda my fault too.”

She gave me a little smile. “I’ll try to keep my mothering pleasant, but do try to clean up your language.”

“I will. Can’t promise anything, but I’ll give it a shot.” I shot her a lopsided grin.

Celestia sighed. “And just like that, you’ve come to an understanding. It seems like you two are off to a good start.”

I gave her a look. “We just had an argument.”

“And you resolved it without resorting to insults or copious amounts of swearing.” Teach said proudly. “It’s a good start, so take your victory.”

I looked to Blue. “She’s weird.”

Mum gave me a stern look, though she kept her tone in check. “Let her be proud. We’ve had some real arguments before and that was comparatively nothing, so I think we’re already making progress.”

I shrugged. “I’ll take your word for it. So do you actually make biscuits, or nah?”

“I make cookies, but you’re not getting any today-”

“You know, Twilight told me the same thing, just not about cookies.” I blurted like a jackass.

Blue sighed. “Really?”

“You opened the door, I just stepped through! You can’t expect me not to take easy shots!”

“I don’t know why I expected you to be more mature than when you were twenty-one. I really don’t.”

“Agreed.” Celestia chimed in.

“Both of you can go f-” Blue set her jaw and stared me down, “go have a fun time in Candyland.” I adjusted my words to avoid getting in trouble.

“Uh-huh. That’s what I thought.” Mum said.

Celestia just sighed. “Such a foul mouth on such a young ‘stallion’. It’s a shame you can’t wash his mouth out with soap at this age.”

“Oh?” Blue raised her brows.

“Shit, no, we’re not going there. I’m not about to-” Celestia’s horn lit up and there was a smallish seashell shaped bar of soap in her hand. “No.”

Teach passed it to Mum. “Keep it up, Kaid, and it’ll happen.” Blue warned.

“I’m being good!” I said, exasperated.

“I heard you slip the S-word in there like I wouldn’t notice. You’ve got one more slip up.” She said calmly.

Celestia patted my back. “It really wouldn’t hurt to have you stop swearing so much.”

I glared at her. “You’re a despicable being. I hope your fur gets glued to your undergarments.”

“Now that’s just not nice.” Celestia said, disappointment in her voice.

“Keep saying things like that and take a wild guess at what’ll happen.” Blue reminded me of the imminent threat of a soapy mouth.

“This isn’t fair! What the-” I groaned loudly. “Someone find me a velvet revolver and a silver bullet. Please.”

“What is a ‘velvet revolver’? Teach asked.

“A band, but it’s also something I’d like to press against my temple right now.” I rubbed my face. “Can we ring my clothes up so you two can stop double teaming me like a dirty simile?”

Blue and Celestia looked at each other. “You can just have the clothes. I’m not going to charge my son for necessities.”

Celestia shook her head. “I’ll reimburse you one way or the other, Blue. I’m sure you’ll find the sum I put into your savings to be fair.”

Mum gave her a longsuffering look. “You’re going to reward me for doing what a mother should do anyway?”

“Well, you could consider it a reward for the opportunity to watch you mother young ‘Max’. That was both amusing and heartwarming.” The evil white one gave the sadistic blue one a hug.

“Great. If you’re done bonding over messing with me, can we get back to the whole ‘love and support’ thing? I’d rather have a headache from trying to grasp that than deal with you old bats-” Blue popped the seashell shaped soap straight into my god and closed it with magic.

“I told you what would happen.” She said evenly.

I flipped her off because I couldn’t talk and she regarded my fingers coolly. “Uh-huh. Can you feel the bad words and meanness being washed out yet?”

I added my other hard and flipped her off some more. “You know I’m just going to make it stay there longer if you keep doing that.” Blue said in the same tone she’d been using.

If it were anyone else, I woulda decked ‘em, but she’d literally just given me a stack of clothes, so I put my hands down and glared at a wall for a little bit because I really do try not to fuck with people who do me favours. I could let the humiliation slide for the time being.

Celestia shook her head. “It’s a work in progress, Kaid. You’ll get there.”

I wanted to flip her off too, but the soap tasted like lavender and that shit’s disgusting, so I decided to hold off on adding more time to the bullshit. Twilight’s saying that I deserved it, but she’s a dummy butthead anyway, so her opinion on the matter is invalid. She sighed when I wrote that, but didn’t abuse me, so we’re making progress.

Blue let her magic go after about a minute and I spat the soap on the floor. “That was petty.” I said harshly.

“Maybe soap can wash out that tone too.”

I chose not to reply to that.

The rest of my visit was spent in a sullen silence since I was pissed off at being treated like a fucking child by someone I didn’t even know, but once I changed into some decently fitting clothes, I felt a little better. Not much, but a little. After Celestia teleported my stuff to the castle, Blue said, “I know you’re angry right now, but I still love you, baby. I only did what I did to let you know that my rules are to be followed. Not to upset you.”

“Sure thing.” I replied flatly.

She sighed. “Come back to visit and we’ll have a better time. Once we start getting a feel for boundaries, I’m sure we’ll get along better.”

I ignored the fuck outta that and turned to Celestia. “So where are you dragging me next?”

She gave me a sad smile. “Would you like to meet some of Max’s friends? They might make you feel a little better.”

“... Fine, but we should probably just write down the explanation of how I lost my memories instead of going through it with every new familiar face.” I suggested.

“We can do that if you believe it would be easier.” Celestia said patiently.

“Radical.” I started heading out of the shop when Teach caught me. “Can I help you?”

Celestia gave me a warm smile. “Would you like to give your ‘Mum’ a hug before you go? I’m sure you-”

“I can still taste the soap. I’m good.” I replied curtly.

Blue came up and spread her arms. “Please, baby?”

I glared at her. “What makes you think I want a hug from you?”

She hugged me anyway. “However you may feel right now, I still love you, baby.”

I hesitantly hugged her back, though it was because I could hear the honesty in her voice. She really did love me and as weird as that was, I felt like I owed it to her to return her feelings. “It’ll be okay.” I murmured, my headache building.

“Exactly.” She squeezed me a little tighter. “Come drop by soonish, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” I said a bit tersely.

Celestia put her hand on my head and eased the ache. “We’ll be going then. It was good to see you again, Blue.”

“Likewise, ‘Soleil’. Please do give Kaid a break so we can get acquainted, if it’s no trouble.” Mum requested.

“I will. I won’t be teaching him all day, just in until about four in the afternoon, so he’ll have some free time.” Celestia promised.

Blue beamed. “Thank you!”

A few more pleasantries were exchanged before Celestia took me out of the shop and out of town all together. I asked her where we were supposed to be going and she mentioned that we were going to be visiting someone by the name of ‘Fluttershy’, one of the people Twilight had shown me in the scrapbook. I asked a few questions about how I should handle her, but Celestia just told me to try and be as nice as possible since Fluttershy’s name said a lot about her personality. I took it at face value and resolved to try and not be a shit head, but it does kinda just slip out, even if I’m trying to be nice. Twilight tells me that it happened when I was Max too, so I guess I should keep being like me and stay true to myself.

So Fluttershy lives in this decently sized cottage outside of town with a bunch of domesticated animals chilling out and about the place. A lot of them could fucking talk, which blew me fuckin’ mind, mate. Like, there was this bear that walked up to me and told me that I should go away, but Celestia’s presence made it dip out after a few moments, and when she shifted out of her disguise, we were left alone at the front door. Celestia had me knock for some odd reason, and when Fluttershy came to the door, she hid behind her hair.

“He-Hello, Princess.” The light yellow woman said bashfully.

“Hello, Fluttershy,” Celestia greeted warmly, “how are you?”

“O-Oh, I’ve been fine. Doing the same old thing.” She gave her a little smile.

“Well, Max always did say that boring was best.” Teach chuckled. “Speaking of Max, I’m sure you’ve noticed my new friend, yes?”

Fluttershy glanced at me and nodded. “Y-Yes…”

I extended a hand. “Name’s Kaid. I’m Max minus about five years worth of memory.”

Fluttershy hesitantly took my hand. “Oh… Okay.”

I gave her a little smile. “You’re taking it awfully well. You seem like a very reasonable woman.”

“I-I try…” She paused for a little bit. “S-So you don’t remember me?”

“Not really. I remembered some things about Twilight after I kissed her, so I might remember some things about you if the same thing happens.” I tried smoothly. In my defense, something was telling me to turn the charm up to nine thousand plus one, and it didn’t hurt that Fluttershy was fucking stacked.

Fluttershy brushed some of her hair out of her eyes, blushing. “Y-You’re a little young for that, a-aren’t you?”

“Not back in England.” I flirted. “I can’t say that I get around, but I’ve learned a thing or two that’ll make the experience worth your while.” I gave her a winsome grin. I looked up the definition for winsome not too long ago, so I like the word pretty well.

Fluttershy’s eyes flickered to Celestia who must have given her some kind of positive response. “W-Well… I-If you think it’ll help get some of your memory back…”

I offered her my hand and her slender fingers grazed over my palm when she found the courage to put her hand in mine. Since I just wanted one quick little smooch, I took a step toward Fluttershy and leaned up for what I wanted, though she was apparently a lot more eager for the kiss than I was. Her lips met mine rather quickly, so I decided to press my luck, but when about three seconds passed, I really did get more memories of time I spent with Fluttershy, which surprised me. A lot of those memories involved cuddling, walking or talking, but there were a few arguments in there that usually ended with sex. Come to think of it, there was a lot of sex. That’s probably why I slipped Fluttershy a little tongue when the pieces started finding their places, though It might have been because she was responding well.

Fluttershy returned my intrusion with a little of her own before I found it pertinent to pull away, though I really didn’t want to. Fluttershy gave me a naughty little smile before asking, “Did you get any memories back?”

“Quite a few, poppet.” I said easily. “I must say that most of them were quite pleasant.”

“What all do you remember?” Celestia asked curiously.

“Well, a lot of it is cuddling, asking random questions, and rather intimate things. There was this one time with Twilight in this one huge house that was pretty fun if you know what honeypotting is.”

Celestia chuckled. “You’ve told me before that you find it arousing.”

I felt my face flush a bit. “Wasn’t really expecting you to know what that was, but it is hot.”

“I-I don’t know what that means, but I’m sure it’s interesting.” Fluttershy said softly.

“I could help you give it a try some time. I’m sure it’ll be quite fun for both of us.” I winked at her.

Fluttershy blushed and her eyes flickered to Celestia once more. “... If Twilight says it’s okay…”

I grinned like a fool until I got it under control. “Well my day just got a thousand times brighter.”

Celestia chuckled and Fluttershy giggled nervously. “W-Would you two like to come in for tea? Max did say he was fond of tea from a young age.”

“Yeah, good tea with pleasant people is to be treasured, poppet. If you don’t mind a little company, I don’t think we have anything too terribly pressing on the itinerary.” I gave her an easy smile. Fluttershy smiled back and stood aside to let us in, so I strolled in like I owned the place and let my feet carry me to Fluttershy’s kitchen table.

I could practically close my eyes and get there, so it was pretty cool. While Butterbear (aka Fluttershy) made tea, Celestia and I gave her the whole story on my memory loss and Fluttershy accepted the news readily, vowing to do whatever it took to help me reclaim the rest of my memories. I asked her if she was willing to let me see if licking her nose would do anything and that just made her giggle, so I figured I gained a point there. Fluttershy was pretty easy to talk to once she warmed up to me, and having Celestia chime in from time to time with a new topic when Fluttershy started getting off track was pretty cool, though I didn’t need the assistance. If I just treated Fluttershy like I wanted to know more about her, then I could easily wiggle and worm information out of her without really even trying since she was so up front about it.

Sadly, Celestia turned the tables on me and started asking some personal questions that I felt obligated to answer honestly since Fluttershy hadn’t lied to me. Things like why I liked to keep my hair long, which side I dangled on, and my favourite sexual position were all on the table, as well as things like my greatest conventional fear, my feelings about heights, even though I’m a pretty decent climber, and my feelings toward birds. I fucking hate birds, but I didn’t really need either of them to know about that.

Still, the conversation was nice, even if it did get a little bawdy from time to time, so I’m not complaining. The tea was awesome, the biscuits were decent, and I had to keep my eyes above chest level, which was difficult since Celestia and Fluttershy are both nice to look at.

No, Twilight, I’m not trying to say that you’re not equally nice to look at. You’re callipygean, remember? It’s not important that you have a lot to show off like them, it’s more important that what you have is well looked after, and I have a feeling that you take care of yourself. No, I’m not trying to butter you up so you’ll let me cop a feel. My feelings are hurt. Pay me back with a kiss.

Guilt trip kiss! Alright!

Twilight pulled on my ear for that, but it was worth it.

Anyway, so Celestia and I finished up with Fluttershy after an hour or so and we just teleported back to the castle since Celestia wanted me to do some training with my magic. We were going to start off by studying theories and typical ways to utilize or wake up your magic, and when we got to the castle library, Celestia assigned me four books to read in the next week and told me that I had to write a report on each of them. It was kinda bullshit, but it was a pretty relaxed way to get thing started since none of the books were really all that thick. However, when I started reading some of them, I actually got interested and started leeching knowledge like I was a sponge and tried to work out as many things as I could for myself before even finding a proper place to practice. Teach didn’t let me actually try to do anything, but she did let me turn up the power on my bracelet so I could get used to the thrum of energy without having to do it sporadically.

I sat and read the books at eighty percent of my full power and things just made sense in a way that I didn’t feel the need to understand. I eventually started asking Celestia about casting spells, but she said that I didn’t need to cast spells to use my magic, just know what I was trying to do as intimately as possible. I asked what I could do and she told me that I usually used my power to create things or augment my body, so I tried creating a simple obelisk in the library. It shouldn’t have been much more than a meter tall and fifteen meters thick, but it easily doubled my expectations. I still ended up doing what I wanted to do, I just didn't get it right, which seemed like what Celestia and I would be focusing on.

After a few hours of reading and deconstructing random things I tried to make that ended up a little wonky, Celestia let me know that it was time for dinner, so we went to the dining hall and met up with Twilight for a bite or two. I was feeling pretty ravenous since I hadn’t eaten since going to Fluttershy’s and I’d held back on her biscuits, so I was thrilled with the alfredo whatever-the-fuck I got. The noodles were perfect, the chicken was tender, and the sauce was to die for, so I tucked in while Celestia and Twilight chatted in the background. Once I finished up, I realized that they were talking about my day and that they were specifically talking about my first meeting with Blue.

Twilight was giving me a dirty look the entire time I was eating and when I actually looked at her, I had a hard time meeting her gaze. “Kaid.” She said, her voice low.

“Aw come on! The woman was trying to boss me around within minutes of meeting me! How was I supposed to react!?” I complained.

“With poise and rationality.” Twilight said drily. “The only saving grace is that you didn’t cuss her out.”

“See? I held back!”

“You’re still not sleeping in our bed tonight.”

“That’s such bullshit!”

“You really do need to clean up your-”

“Go fuck yourself.” I said harshly, rising from the dinner table. “I’m gonna go study some more, go do whatever the fuck. I don’t care.”

Twilight grabbed my arm with magic. “No, you’re going to write in your journal for a little bit and then you can study. It won’t take long to fill out, so you might as well get it over with.”

“You’re not the fucking boss of me, so mind your own business.” I spat.

“I’m not your boss, but I am your wife.” Twilight replied.

“So? Do you want a fucking biscuit or something?”

“You’re being very rude and quite hateful. I would appreciate it if you stopped.”

“Roll over, Rover.” I shot back. Twilight’s still asking me what that meant, but the only reason I got away with it is because she doesn’t understand it. Points for creativity.

I tried to walk off again, but Twilight kept ahold of my arm. “Journal first, study later.”

“It’s best to just give in before it becomes a big deal, Kaid. Sometimes you lose a battle to win one for tomorrow.” Celestia said gently.

I took a deep breath. “Whatever. I don’t even care anymore.”

“Don’t say that-”

“What, I’m not allowed to say anything now!?” I snapped.

Celestia raised her hands. “I mean no harm, Kaid.”

“Sure thing. Where do I write this journal bullshit?”

Twilight put a hand on my chair. “Let me finish eating and I’ll show you.”

I grumbled a few curses under my breath and sat back down, simmering in my own soup stock while Twilight pecked at her meal. Celestia ate like there wasn’t a problem, but Twilight eventually gave up and asked if I’d rather walk or teleport, so I said walk. I chose wrong. Our walk sent us up many flights of stairs, but we eventually got to the top floor of the castle and Twilight took us to my study, which was the room the safe had been in earlier. She pulled my journal out of my desk and flipped through it to find the last page before setting it on the desk and grabbing me a pen.

That pretty much brings everything up to date. Can I stop and go read some more now?

Radical.

Author's Notes:

And so begins the Amnesia mini-arc. This one wasn't as fun to write as the crush arc, but it did give me a handful of things that I'll not discuss here. I considered doing a complete wipe of Max's memories so I could let him build his way up with Equestrian ideologies, but that would have probably turned the story into something else entirely.

As Always, Fuck The Nerd.

Stay Cool, Kids.

Alright, it's been like, two weeks since I've edited this chapter, and I really didn't plan on doing so many releases over the course of so few days. Shit barely put a dent in my backlog, but still. The release schedule isn't going to change or anything, I'm just happy I had the padding for a couple extra chapters.

Enjoy this one a day early because I, (like you fuckers) got shit to do and parties to go hard at. To all you horse-humping fucks and Friendship Loving dorks, have a safe, non-lethally interesting New Years.

Stay Cool x2