Picking up from where I left off back in the Gardens, Twilight and I were heading back into Castle Arcadia. A few volunteer guards were posted here and there, but it’s not like they were going to be missing much on the first day of my holiday. Good God, naming three days after yourself has to be one of the most narcissistic things I’ve ever heard of, though in my defense, it was Celestia and Luna who did the naming, so don’t blame me. I didn’t even want one day named after me, but I guess I just have to put up with bullshit sometimes.

Twilight and I took the long way to our private chambers so we could spend as much time together as possible. I mean, The War is over: who wouldn’t want to celebrate in a few little ways as well? It may have taken us a good forty-five minutes to get up to our rooms, but it was worth it for the conversation and Twilight’s giggles. We agreed to dress casually for a day since it was a Goddamn holiday and we were going to do our best to blend in with the crowd. We didn’t want to wear disguises, and when the press came, I just wanted to be seen as your average everyday kinda guy. Twilight supported my decision since it would reinforce our whole ‘Everyone can do great things!’ motto, but I couldn’t really care much less about that part of the deal. I’ve long since accepted that extraordinary people aren’t born every day, however that doesn’t mean that Average Joe can’t step up every now and again and help the show along.

After Celestia’s primary announcement in Canterlot, reporters and the like were coming through Ponyville in droves to come and see Twilight and I to get our portion of the story, so we had a quick meeting before the day could get started. Everyone in the Royal Family showed up in Canterlot within a few minutes of me calling the meeting, and once we got settled in the Family Room, I got down to business.

I rapped both sets of knuckles on the round table before rising. “Alright ladies and singular gentleman, I’ve got a plan for how we all announce our involvement.”

Celestia gave me a womanly look. “I have already sent out the necessary information in dossiers. If you'd actually read them, then I doubt we would be having this meeting.”

I made a hushing gesture. “Quiet, the children are talking. As I was saying, Let’s-”

“You’re getting what you deserve, Max, one way or another.” Cadance said firmly. “It’s already enough that we have to say that we were helping when we really weren’t, but to take even more of your credit wouldn’t sit well with any of us. Honestly, it’s kinda selfish of you to not want to deal with the consequences of your actions.”

I stuck a finger in her arse and wiggled it around with my True Theft. “Tough talk for someone with a finger in their bum.”

The taffy-toned princess had lit up upon contact, but she’d only grown brighter as I’d spoken. “Max! Stop!”

I removed my finger and rewrapped the bandage. “Feel like taking some of my credit yet?”

Twilight picked me up and dropped me on my arse with Magic. “Max, stop trying to foist the results of your achievements onto others. Why can’t you just be happy for yourself for once and accept that you did the world the biggest favour you ever possibly could have? Hay, you saved the world!”

I got up and rubbed my aching arse. “Thanks for that, by the way, but I’ve never been one for hero worship.”

Twilight let me scoot a little closer to her with my seat, though she gave me a warning glance when I got a little too close. “Max, Ponies don’t usually gush all over their heros. Sure, we might send presents if we know them or there might be a few hugs from friends, but I’ve never had to worry about anyone doing more than saying hi or shaking my hand from time to time.”

I made a face. “You’re probably right, but I still don’t wanna get singled out.”

“Then you should have thrust your fate upon someone else.” Noir said drily.

“I’d rather thrust my hips into the air for shits and giggles.” I replied morosely.

“Saying nonsense with a grave tone does not make it any less stupid.” Luna bitched.

I sighed. “It makes me feel marginally better.”

Twilight touched my arm. “I don’t see why you’re so upset in the first place. You knew you were going to be the one to defeat Discord.”

“Never really thought it would happen. I was hoping I could just dump him off somewhere and no one would ever know what happened to him.”

My wife gave me a look and levitated me about a foot away from her. I scooted myself back over and said, “Don’t be rude, Cherry.”

Shining coughed. “So… The War is over and we’re just going to drop our defenses?”

“Yes.” The Princesses responded.

Noir and I exchanged a look. “No.” We said in unison.

“Like teacher like student.” Celestia droned.

“Speak for yourself.” I shot back.

Twilight blushed. “Celestia and I don’t have that much in common.”

“Neither do Maximus and I.” Noir replied. “Not that it is a bad thing.”

I nodded in her direction. “Right. So it’s agreed then?”

“What’s agreed?” Celestia asked.

Cadance gave me a funny look. “Are you just being silly?”

“No, I’m asking if we’re all in agreeance and we obviously are. We all will share the credit for taking down Discord equally.” I shifted out of the room and went back to my study before pulling out my pipe and packing it.

Having self-igniting fingers sure is handy, but I was mostly annoyed by the ‘Teleport Requests’ that I kept receiving. It was more my choice to be teleported when I kept my power level above five, which also happened to be the threshold for shifting. I decided to give in to the last ‘Teleport Request’ and ended up next to Cadance, surprisingly.

“Wotcher, Lovebutt.” I said through a plume of smoke.

Cadance waved the odorous substance away. “We are not in agreeance, Max! And why was it so hard to teleport you?”

“Yes, do tell.” Celestia said a little sharply.

I shot the bright white one a look. “I’m not digging the hostility.”

Twilight crossed her arms and pouted at me, so I shifted over and stood behind her, placing my hands on her shoulder. “It’s not like you can’t tell them, Amour.”

“I wasn’t really planning on it though.” I replied softly.

“What were you not planning on telling us, Maximus?” Luna asked, her voice hard.

I sighed. “There’s no point in making this an argument, so I absorbed Discord’s power. That’s it.”

There were stares around the table, but Noir was the first one to speak. “Maximus, I need to ask something of you.”

I sighed inwardly this time and looked at her. “What do you need, Blackberry?”

Noir met my gaze readily. “Can you purify my sister?”

“Most likely.” I replied.

“... Would you mind doing so?”

“Twilight, cover your eyes for a moment.” I requested.

She did as I asked. “Maybe you should have Cadance and Shining do it too? I think Celestia, Luna and Noir will be okay, but I don’t know about the rest of us.”

I nodded toward the Crystal Couple. “If you two wouldn’t mind, then.”

Cadance gave me an odd look. “Why would we need to cover our eyes?”

“I’m about to go full power and we don’t know how that’s going to affect you. It made Twilight fall head over heels for me moments after being furious with me, so it’s a ‘Better safe than sorry’ kinda deal.” I explained.

Shining closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. “I don’t have a problem with it.”

Cadance shook her head. “Does anything happen when you ‘go full power’?”

“He starts glowing and he just… It’s hard to describe.” Twilight answered for me.

“Then do you mind if I see for myself?” Candy Arse asked.

I shrugged and started adjusting my bracelet slowly. “I don’t mind, but we’ll have to see what your reaction is.”

Celestia chuckled. “I can’t imagine it will be that bad, but who knows? We may have to pull her off of you.”

“Auntie!” Cadance objected.

The Solar Diarch sent her a shit-eating grin. “We’ll be sure to let you have a little fun first.”

Cadance folded her arms and pouted, her face a lovely cherry red. “Is this how you feel, Twilight? With Max picking on you all the time?”

“You don’t even know the half of it.” Twilight said flatly.

I reached the final notch on my bracelet and gave myself a second to get used to the flow. Cadance wasn’t paying attention to me, but when I looked at her, she froze in place and turned to meet my gaze. She stared at me for a good few seconds, awestruck as I waved at her. She waved back numbly and I got a chuckle out of it.

“So what do you think, Candy Arse?” I asked.

“Who’s talking?” Shining inquired.

“I think it’s Max.” Twilight replied.

“H-Hello.” Cadance said meekly.

“Honey Bunny?” Shining blindly grabbed Cadance’s arm. “Are you okay?”

She paid him no mind, her eyes locked on me the entire time. “I think she’s entranced or something. She should go back to normal when I dial down my power.” I assured him.

“If you say so…” Shining said skeptically.

I shrugged and turned my gaze to Luna, who was also staring at me, though she seemed to snap out of it when I waved at her. “Are you ready to give up the ghost, Lulu?”

Luna gave me a slightly fearful look. I’d never seen her be afraid of anything. “What does that mean?”

“I’m going to take Nightmare Moon from you and wash her up a little bit, get the stains out of her soul, and then shove her in Noir.” I replied.

“... That sounds painful.” She said meekly.

“It won’t be if you relax and let me do what I need to. It might actually send you into a giggle fit if everything goes right.” I don’t know if that’s true, but let’s hope it is.

Luna seemed a bit less nervous about it after that. “I suppose that sounds fine. It really is you, is it not, Maximus?”

“It’s me, Lulu.” I gave her a gentle smile.

She returned it. “Then I am ready when you are.”

I reached through space and quickly coaxed Nightmare Moon from Luna’s soul, though whether it was easy because of my ridiculous power or because Luna trusted me to the fullest, I don’t know. Hell, by all means, it should have sucked arse in a glarse, but I was glad that it was quick, easy, and made Luna give me the sexiest moan I’d ever heard from her. She got some stares for that and Twilight told me to stop molesting people, but I didn’t fucking know that it would do that, so I told her not to blame me and to blame Luna for being weird. No one believed me, of course, but they can suck my bollocks for all I care.

All I needed to do to purify Nightmare Moon was dip her in a running river, sprinkle her with dust from the moon, and shake her around in a jar with some lemon juice and salt. I shifted around and got all of that stuff done for my soul purification ritual before going back to Canterlot and picking Noir’s sister’s soul out of the jar I’d used. There may have been some of the Local Special left over in it, so I’m pretty sure she was drunk beyond comprehension when I did get her dried off. My mentor shot me a black look when I showed up with her sister’s soul in a moonshine jar, but I think she was more surprised that Nightmare Moon had gone from a deep, lightless black to a blue somewhat similar to Noir’s altered appearance.

I stuck Nightmare Moon in Noir before either of them could object and Noir quickly shut down, nearly smacking her face on the table before I caught her. I let her down gently and powered down to the twenty-fifth notch so I could still enter her mind in a few moments. I told Twilight, Cadance, and Shining that they should be in the clear and dived into Noir’s mind seconds later, bypassing a lot of her security and gaining access from her for a few other roadblocks.

I touched down in the Old Castle with Noir and someone who looked a lot like her before she changed her face and color scheme. I assumed I was looking at NM herself, and when our eyes met, she obviously wasn’t a fan. However, she avoided looking at either Noir or myself for too long, preferring to stare at the floor and shuffle her hooves from time to time. Noir touched her arm tenderly and she flinched away.

“Do not touch the forsaken, sister. It would do you no favours.” Nightmare Moon said bitterly. Shame was written across her face and tears glistened in her eyes, threatening to fall.

Noir looked on uneasily, not sure of what she should do. I decided to take the initiative and get my thoughts out there. “You know, it’s pretty fucking sweet to have the former Diarchs of Equestria in the same place.”

Noir and Nightmare looked at me like I was crazy as shit. “Maximus, perhaps there is a better time for your observations.” My mentor hinted none too subtly.

I walked over to the sisters and stood with them. “Yeah? So?” I poked Nightmare and she started at me. “Why aren’t her tits as big as yours? She’s like a double ‘D’ and you’ve got like, H-cups.”

Nightmare coloured slightly. “I knew you were a lecher from my time with Luna, but I was sure that you would have some tact.”

I scooped her breast lazily and she let me do it. “It’s just not my style to let Noir stay unhappy for long. If I can get you two on speaking terms before I go, then I’ll consider that a victory for the day.”

Nightmare met my gaze for a second before turning her head. “I do not deserve this second chance. End me.”

I gave her a look that she totally missed. “You’re not really in a position to be asking me for shit.”

Noir gave me a puzzled look, but I waved her off so Nightmare could speak again. “... That is true, but I tell you now that nothing good will come of allowing me to exist on this plane longer than I already have. Beings such as I… Redemption is not our way.”

I rolled my eyes, cranked up the juice, and put my thumb on Nightmare’s forehead. After making my adjustments, I let her go and observed as she opened her eyes. They’d both been teal before, but now one was the same slatish blue as my Magic. I took a step back to survey my work and Nightmare just gave me a confused look, like she had no idea what I did.

“Maximus, what did you do to her?” Noir asked.

I played deaf.

“I would also like to know, but I doubt that my position is any better than it was before.” Nightmare said.

I checked my nails and whistled inconspicuously.

“Maximus.” My mentor said in a warning tone.

I looked at her. “Yes love?”

“I would like an answer please.”

“Oh? Sorry, I just lose myself in my magnificence sometimes. I’m sure you understand.” I gave her a cheeky grin.

She crossed her arms and tapped a hoof. “While my sister and I may be estranged, that does not mean that I will stand idly by as you change her however you see fit.”

I shrugged. “All I did was dial down the violent tendencies a little and bump the love and compassion bits a little. She’s not going to suddenly turn into Fluttershy or anything, but I doubt she’s going to try and take you over now.”

Nightmare lit up and glanced at Noir before turning away. Noir seemed shocked and a little hurt by the news. “Even after being purified, you were still willing to try and claim my body?”

Nightmare didn’t respond.

I shrugged. “Some people are just fucked up in the head from the get go, Blackberry. It’s not a bad thing, it just means that there are a few corrective steps that are necessary for everyone to come out happy. I’m sure you wouldn’t mind getting to know your new effectively de-clawed sister for a little while, so I’m just going to bounce, yeah?”

“Thank you.” Noir said softly.

I gave her a nod. “No problem, Blackberry.”

Nightmare watched me from the corner of her eye and I took the time to address her. “Noir’s in charge in here. You already know you’re not going to be a match for her, so play nice, please. I’ll stop by every now and again to come and talk to you, so I hope you come to consider me a friend.”

She wouldn’t look at me while she talked. “You have the power to end me for eternity, yet you deny me what I deserve. I have nothing to say to you.” Nightmare murmured.

I looked at Noir, her face wrought with empathetic pain for her sister. I didn’t want to keep changing her in front of Noir, and I wasn’t going to alter Noir’s memory, so I did the best thing that I could think of. I made myself taller and approached Nightmare quickly, spinning her around faster than she could react before kissing her with half a plan in my mind. It started hammering itself out as I eased some of Cadance’s sweet strawberry flavoured Love Magic into her (Don’t ask how I got some) and snogged her like I was trying to get somewhere with it. Nightmare hit me in the liver a couple of times, but she didn’t try all that hard to break the contact, all things said.

She gave in after thirty seconds, though whether that was due to the potency of the Magic I was pouring down her throat or the lethality of my skillz, I don’t really know. Either way, I let her go and she almost fell straight onto the stone floor before I caught her with my Telekinesis. I took a couple of steps back and stood next to Noir, who was the person that probably felt the most confused about the situation at the moment.

“What the fucking buck is wrong with you?” Noir asked.

I shrugged. “Let’s see if it worked.”

“See if what worked? Trying to shove your tongue down her throat!?” Noir hit my arm.

“Are we jealous or no?” I asked sarcastically.

Noir gave me a bollock-shriveling glare, but the boys were still good to go. “I could request a better kiss from you anytime I pleased. I’m asking why you felt the need to kiss my sister.”

I shrugged as Nightmare groaned. “Well, it was either kiss her or slap her around for a little bit, and I doubted that you would let me do the second bit.”

“I almost didn’t let you do the first bit.” Noir replied curtly.

I nodded. “Which totally would have sucked.”

Nightmare slowly rose to her feet, her cheeks slightly pink and her dichromatic eyes a little glassy. “If you kiss me again, I am biting your tongue off.” She threatened.

“If you were better at it, I’d be more disappointed.” I sighed.

She glared at me and turned to Noir. “Sister, how do you put up with this wretch?”

Noir was shocked that she was being addressed. “Um… Patience and the odd bout of sparring?”

“Any excuse to beat him.” Nightmare huffed.

“Yup, I fixed her.” I grinned.

“A simple kiss does not fix anything, no matter what it tastes of.” She spat.

“You’re not moping anymore. That’s a win in my book.” I gave her a winsome smile.

Noir touched a hand to her chest. “Nightmare Moon, sister, I can ask him to leave so we may speak.”

Nightmare suddenly seemed less enthusiastic. “... I suppose I owe you many explanations.”

Noir reached for her sister’s hand, meeting no resistance when she took it. “You do, but I would like to know how you feel more than I would like to know the reasons behind your sins.”

I saluted. “Yup, I’m out. Love you, Blackberry, and take it easy Nightmare. Maybe we’ll grab a beer next time, yeah?”

I didn’t waste anymore time in removing myself from their situation, and when I got back to the real world, I shifted Noir’s unconscious form to her bed so she could R.I.P in peace. Once she was gone, I looked at the rest of the Royal Family and took my seat next to Twilight, though she seemed a little irritated by me for some reason. I asked her if something was bothering her and she told me that I was already working on our holiday and that she wasn’t going to keep dealing with it, but I shut her up with a four second kiss and explained that reuniting Noir with her sister after a quick cleanse wasn’t working. My wife still asked me to stop fixing other people’s problems for the duration of the Grey Days and I told her that I would try to keep my hands out of it unless it was absolutely necessary.

With the reason for the meeting out of the way and everyone having their own festivities to enjoy, the Royal Family split up and got to work with doing their own things. Twilight called a press meeting for me in the Court Hall, and since everyone was already there and had been waiting for about an hour, it didn’t take long for everyone to get set up and ready for action. I took a few questions and tried to downplay my defeat of Discord as much as possible, but Twilight, of all fucking people, spun the most amazing tale of battle that I’d ever heard, making my left-handed punches sound like acts of God himself. She knew I couldn't really disagree with her without calling her a liar, so I had to accept the awe and admiration being thrown at me in waves. It was practically torrential and I really despised the feeling. The was nothing more distasteful to me than being the center of attention, and here I was: spotlight shining down on me in the midst of people hanging off every awkward word, noticing every little twitch.

I had to bail.

The first place I had on my mind was my study, even though I knew Twilight would look for me there first. Still, I wanted a drink and there was a little nook in my liquor closet that I liked to sit in from time to time when I just wanted to be left alone. I magicked myself a glass of my favourite two-hundred year-old bourbon that I only broke out when I needed a little comfort. There were other bottles, younger distillations, that I keep for when I need a lot of comfort, but that’s neither here nor there. I wasn’t trying to get drunk, just something to steady my nerves, so I took up my spot in my closet and down two glasses before idly sipping on the third.

Twilight knocked on the closet door a few minutes later. “Amour, can I come it?”

“I don’t want your damn chocolate!” I shouted back.

“Is that a yes?” She asked.

“Come on in, Cherry.” I replied.

My wife came in soon enough and located me. She’d found me here once before. “So no more big press conferences like that?”

“As long as I’m not the center of attention.” I sipped my drink.

Twilight claimed my tumbler and put a couple more shots in before sipping it herself. “You know, I’m not fond of handling the press by myself.”

“Sorry, Cherry, but you’re the one who called for the meeting. I was just going to do an interview with a few papers and let the news travel that way.”

“That would have been all well and good if people weren’t going to just clamour at the doors anyway. You’re going to have to answer to the press sometime in the next hour, my love.”

I groaned. “Fine, but stop making it sound like I did anything other than pummel Discord into unconsciousness.”

“That’s exactly how I’m making it sound, just with prettier words.” Twilight said evilly.

I gave her a look and took my glass back so I could drain half. “You suck.”

She reclaimed it and finished the rest with a shudder. “If you can make it by yourself I’ll knock a day off of your punishment.”

“Done. Deal. No backsies.” I announced.

Twilight gave me a look. “”Using Prince Mode is cheating and will get you penalized a day.”

“... Can I bring the liquor?”

If a look had tits and a cunt, it would’ve been the one Twilight was giving me. “Really?”

“It’s Prince, Pint, or Pass.” I resolved.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “You can take a single glass with you, and that’s it.”

I took my glass back from Twilight, filled it to the brim, and went to down it moments before my damnable wife teleported the contents back into the bottle. “Oi!”

“One for the road, not one for now.” She chided.

“You never let me have fun anymore.” I grumbled.

“I’m your wife. The fun ended the second you replaced the engagement ring on my finger.”

“I’m going to break you in five days. Eight hours of straight dicking. No rest.”

Twilight’s eyes widened. “... I think that would turn into a crime about three hours in.”

“Depends on if you really want me to stop or if you just can’t think of anything else to say.” I shrugged. “I’m not going to force myself on you, but I’ll make sure you remember it.”

“... Max, that’s kinda scary.”

“Fine, then I’ll just prank the fuck out of you to get even.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. I can deal with a minor prank or two.”

I shook my head and poured myself another glass of bourbon. “That’s what you say now. I’ve got one that’s going to get me put on punishment for weeks.”

“Max.” She said, her tone gaining an edge.

“You’re the one bossing me around.” I grumbled.

“I’m ‘bossing you around’ because the press thing is the last thing you actually need to do before we can cut back and relax for a little bit! This is our honeymoon before our honeymoon that we still haven't gotten to take!”

I sighed and got up. “Then I’ll deal with it.”

Twilight rose too. “Thank you, Max.”

I shook my head and shifted myself back into the Court Hall. I was immediately dick deep in reporters and paparazzi again, but I shifted myself out of the crowd and used magic to amplify my voice. “Line up! I’m not dealing with all of you jostling me about while I try to answer questions, so treat me like you would any other member of the Royal Family and back off!”

The group of arseheads got the point and I started walking around the wall of people, trying to decide how to answer as many questions as I possibly could at once. “Alright! So I defeated Discord with the aid of the Royal Family. They supplied me with Magic as I fought against Discord, often using illusory spells to help me get some distance so I could focus on the fight and not on the arse whooping I was taking.”

The crowd chuckled a little, but one voice rose out from the midst. “Why didn’t the other Prince and Princesses help?”

I thought back to Celestia’s excuse. “I was the only one who wasn’t bound in any way shape or form. Celestia and Luna were chained with their Magic restrained after beating some of Discord’s Generals, Shining was defeated earlier while trying to face Discord himself, and Twilight and Cadance were only bound physically since Discord underestimated the amount of Magic they had.”

There were a flurry of questions after that, but the most common one I heard was, “How much Magic do you have?”

I lifted my hands for silence. “Before I defeated Discord, I was the weakest of the Alicorns. I’m officially the strongest.”

The fucking roar of questions was ridiculous, so I sipped my bourbon and waited for them to realize that I wasn’t going to answer more than one question at a time. I lifted my hand for silence again and pointed at a guy who was standing behind one of the people up front. I gestured for him to come forward, and when he did, I had him ask his question.

“Your Majesty Prince Maximus-” He began.

“Please, just call me Max, mate. The titles make me feel all pompous and priggish.” I interrupted.

The fellow blinked a few times. “B-B-But you’re more powerful than the mare who moves the Sun!”

I raised a brow. “I’m more powerful and a touch more humble. Celestia’s okay with people using her titles because she’s had a long time to get used to it. I’ve always been a down-to… Equus, kinda guy. I don’t really even want to be a Prince to be honest with you.”

The crowd came to a roar once more and I waved them down. The fellow in front of me just stood there, absolutely staggered because of something or other. I wasn’t paying that much attention, which was how I was getting through the ordeal so easily. I returned the fellow to the crowd and levitated myself over them before touching down to a fellette with a fiery orange mane that had a few red streaks and pale orange fur.

“Oi. Do you have any questions?” I asked.

“Yes sir!” She said excitedly.

I nodded. “Ask away.” I looked around the hoi polloi and grimaced. “You lot! Back off a little, yeah? What’s with you guys and personal space?”

There were a few awkward chuckles as they followed my demands, but they still did as I asked. I turned back to the young lady I was chatting with. “Your questions?”

She practically bounced in place. “You said you’re the most powerful Alicorn now, right?”

I frowned. “Yeah, I said that.”

She ignored my disdain. “Could you show us an example of your full power?”

I raised a brow. “Would you ask any other Prince or Princess to do it?”

“Well, maybe Shining Armour or Princess Twilight.” She confessed.

“But not Cadance, Luna, or Celestia? Actually, why did you leave Shining Armour’s title off of his name? Do you not respect him or something?”

The poor woman froze. “I- I- Uh…”

I rolled my eyes. “So why wouldn’t you ask Cadance, Lulu or Celly to show you what they’re capable of?”

She shook her head and snapped out of her daze. “Well, I guess they just seem so much more regal.” Her eyes widened. “Not to say you don’t have a regal aura too, it’s just that the Big Three carry themselves differently… You know?” She added weakly.

I patted her head patronizingly. “I sure do, love. Why don’t you run off and go grab a donut from Sugarcube Corner? They’re pretty delicious.”

The reporter looked up at me, confused. “But I have more questions!”

“Alright. You get three more.”

She blinked twice in rapid succession. “Okay, I can work with that! The first one is about where Discord is now.”

“He’s trapped in the Sun.” I replied easily.

“... Isn’t the Sun made of fire?” She asked nervously.

“It’s actually made of plasma, but the center of the Sun is where we’re keeping Discord. He’s not getting out anytime within the next ten thousand years, so don’t worry about him.” I lied through my fucking teeth.

She beamed happily. “That’s great! My second question is a tough one, so prepare yourself!”

I gave her a look. “We’ll see what it is. Have at thee, mortal.”

The reporter lady just smiled at me stupidly. “So did you sleep with Celestia to become a Prince?”

“No. I slept with Celestia because it was fun. I became a Prince because I showed her that I could lead and that my morals were pretty suitable for taking some of her workload.” I replied truthfully.

The woman had evidently been expecting me to deny the fact that I’d slept with Celestia. “Uh… So is Princess Twilight okay with your relationship with Celestia?”

“She is. Twilight and I agreed to welcome Celestia into our relationship after some time to think about it, but now’s not the time. It’ll probably happen in the next couple of decades, but no one’s in any hurry.”

“C-Celestia’s going to be in a herd with her student!?” The mare exclaimed.

“It’s not really a herd if there are only two members.” I corrected.

“I’m just surprised that you two aren’t a part of Celestia’s herd, but then again, I don't think I’ve ever heard of her having one.”

“She doesn’t.” I confirmed.

“Okay then.” The reporter lady was still blushing and now wouldn’t look me in the eye.

“Your last question?” I asked.

“Uh… Right!” She snapped back to attention. “So what does the end of The War mean to you?”

“It means no more of our soldiers have to lose their lives in a fight to the death for a world that could be kept in peace.” I replied stonily. “Having Equestria be safe is a goal of mine, but I’m looking at the bigger picture: I have the power to help the entire world. I’m not going to jump in and fix things how I think they should be fixed just because I can, but if I can help people, I will. We’ve all got to do our part as citizens of Equus, not just Equestria, to make the world a better, safer place for every child, foal, pup, kit, cub, or hatchling, and I’d like to think that I have Equestria’s support in my endeavors.” Maximus for Emperor of Equus!

Something clicked in the reporter’s head and I felt her mood shift from awe to fear. “Y-Your Majesty?”

“Yes love? Speak your mind,” I said gently, “don’t be afraid of me. I’m here to protect and serve you, not hurt you.”

She swallowed hard, the glint of dismay still there in her eyes. “C-Can I ask o-one more question?”

“I see no harm in it.”

“... What’s stopping you from taking over Equus like Discord was trying to do?” She asked.

“My wife, Twilight Sparkle. My mother, Blueberry Tart. My sisters Trixie Lulamoon and Nashoba the Wolfmother. My mentor, Noir. Celestia and Luna. Cadance. The Elements of Harmony because they’re my friends, not because they can take me down. My Operators, my Guard Captain, and my Spymaster are all good friends of mine who would talk sense into me before I could get anywhere with world domination. I’ve got a lot of failsafes in place right now, love. Trust me, the person most afraid of me is me, so I’ve taken precautions against myself, just in case I ever do go crazy and start trying to claim more than my territory as my own.”

“So you’ve got a lot of ponies looking out for you? That’s what’s stopping you?” She asked.

I shrugged. “What better reason to keep the world peaceful like it is other than the friends and family I garnered while trying to keep the peace?”

“... Right. Thank you, Your Majesty. Not just for answering my questions, but for saving Equestria and Equus too.”

I gave her a nod. “I could so I did. When you write your article, please include the fact that I came from nothing and rose to the point where I could save the world. The point I want to get across is that everyone, every Pony in Equestria, can rise up and do great things if they seize their opportunity.”

The reporter lady smiled at me warmly. “I can hear my editor now and I think he’ll agree with my headline: ‘Humble Prince Saves Equus!’.” Bland, but it gets the point across.

I returned her smile with a fake one of my own. “Thanks, love, but I think mentioning that I’m humble makes it sound like I told you to say that I’m humble.”

“Don’t be so bashful, Your Highness! Just let us tell the ponies of Equestria what you’ve told us and we’ll even skip the part where you ran away and came back with a glass of liquor!”

There were chuckles around me and I made my face heat up so I could cinch the moment. “I got nervous, okay!? How would you all feel if there were like, a hundred people clamouring to ask you questions!?”

There were a few more laughs from my reaction and I sipped my drink to hide my smile. The lady I’d chosen to talk to tapped my shoulder since I’d turned away from her. “Your Majesty?”

“Yes love?”

“Why did you try to downplay everything during the first round of questions?” She asked.

I blushed for real this time. “I don’t like being praised, alright?”

She giggled at me and I shot her a look that I’m sure was ruined by my blush. “Silly Prince! Everypony likes to be praised!”

I sipped my bourbon again and looked away. “Not me, okay? Can you put that in the paper too?”

When I glanced at her, she seemed shocked. “Y-You want me to tell ponies to not praise you!?”

“Well… Yeah?” I said eloquently.

“... I’ll put it in my article that you said so, but I just don’t get it.” She said, pulling on her ear.

“You don’t have to understand it, it’s just the way I am. I also don’t like it when Twilight spanks me for being a naughty little ‘colt’.” I commented casually.

Jaws dropped around the room and I could hear rapid scribbling all around as I laughed my arse off. When I opened my eyes again, a lot of people were glaring at me, though the reporter lady was giving me some serious bedroom eyes that made me fear for my arse like no other. I dismissed the reporters shortly after telling them that all I was going to do after cracking one joke was keep saying ridiculous things. They left without an issue, but when I saw the last of them out, I could hear Twilight’s heartbeat and particular rhythm of hoofsteps coming up behind me, so I turned around with a smile, but the look of embarrassed irritation on her face made me want to smile even wider.

“Maximus, you little sneak! Do you have to mess with the press every time you see them?” She asked petulantly.

“Hey, if I don’t keep them coming back, what are we going to do with our free time?” I let the smile fall a little bit.

“I’m not taking a day off of your punishment, just because of that one little comment.”

“Oh come on! I did what you asked!”

She tried to look down her nose at me, but I’m taller than she is. “And you did a little extra that I certainly didn’t like. Maybe you should have thought of that before you had to go and run your mouth?”

I gave her a bored look. “Alright, I’m tired of it.”

She blinked at me. “What?”

“Either keep the punishment as it is or don’t. I’m tired of it already.”

“... Four days it is.”

I nodded and gave her a peck on the cheek. “Thank you.”

Twilight looked down and ground her hoof into the floor. “You’re welcome.” She replied softly.

I sighed and gave her a hug, resting her head on my chest. “What’s wrong, Cherry? What’s aching?”

“... I just… Well, I’m just having doubts about the punishment in its entirety. I mean, I’m punishing your for saving the world, Amour, and that’s just not fair. You even said that you tried to make things end the peaceful way, but Discord cornered you when he put his filthy… things, on me… It just doesn't sit right with me, even if I am still upset with you.”

I held her for a few more moments before replying. “I don’t like being on punishment, but I kinda put myself there by lying to you. In a way, that is.”

“You broke your promise and that should be upsetting enough, but I think I knew then and there when I made you promise to never kill again that you would have to break that promise for someone. I guess I just didn’t expect it to be so soon…” She trailed off.

“I truly am sorry that I hurt you, Cherry. I really, truly am.” I murmured.

“I know, and that’s why I think I’ll just make you go the rest of today without any of the nice stuff. You’re sincere and you’re a hero, Max. I can’t stay mad at you.”

“I would hope it would be because I love you and the first thing.” I said evenly.

Twilight lifted her head from my chest and looked me in the eye. “You don’t seriously think that I’m just going to let you walk away with nothing after saving Equestria, do you?”

“... I thought you were mad at me up until a minute or so ago.”

“Well, I kinda was, but getting my feelings out in the open made me feel better…” She trailed off and mumbled, “And it’s kinda hard to stay mad at you when you smell so good.”

“I think you smell more appetizing, but if you like the way I smell and you’re feeling better, than I suppose a little more comforting is in order?”

My wife gave me a look. “You’re just looking for an excuse to get a lengthened hug, aren’t you?”

I shrugged. “Can you blame me for trying? If I don’t get one now, I might have to wait until tomorrow!”

Twilight patted my chest and gave me a kiss on my jaw. “Cute, but not quite good enough. I’m sure the present I give you tomorrow will make up for it.”

“Interest rising.” I wiggled my brows at her.

She rolled her eyes, a smile playing on her lips. “That’s all you’re getting out of me, lover-boy.”

I grabbed her hand and she narrowed her eyes slightly. “If that’s all, then I guess we’ll just have to enjoy the first day of my holiday.”

Twilight rolled her eyes once, then did it again after looking at my shit-eating grin. When she looked at me the third time, she added a groan. “You’re going to be so annoying over the next three days, aren’t you?”

“Let me hold you tonight and I’ll reign it in.” I bargained, walking toward the exit.

My wife held onto my hand and followed easily since I wasn’t exactly in a hurry. “Hmm… That’s awfully tempting, I must say.”

“What’ll sweeten the pot for you?”

“We can keep cuddling on the table, but I want you to be Roxy for it and I get to pick out the outfit you wear tonight.”

“Eh... “ I scratched my head with my free hand. “If I’m gonna be Roxy, then wouldn’t you rather it be the other way around? That’s how you usually like it.”

“Well that’s true, but if I ask to hold you, then you’re going to ask for a favour.”

“No. No favours. Just cuddles.” I replied truthfully.

“Oh. Well in that case, we could always do the thing where we face each other and sleep entwined in each other’s arms.” She sighed.

“With me as Roxy?” I asked.

“With you as Roxy.” Twilight confirmed.

“Can I ask for pecks and smooches?”

“That would be leaning toward snuggling, Max.”

“But it’s not actually snuggling though, is it?” I countered.

My wife giggled. “Clever. Sure, pecks and smooches can be allowed if you change into Roxy in the next five minutes.”

“What’s with the time limit?” I asked.

“I want to do your hair before we go out and celebrate, if that’s okay by you.”

I shrugged. “I kinda had a style I wanted to go with. Can we try that one first and then see what you wanna do?”

“Maximus, or should I say Roxanne? Roxanne, taking an interest in her hair, of all people!” Twilight said satirically.

I checked her gently with my shoulder. “I just think it might be nicer, okay?” I shifted us back into our private chambers and lead Twilight over to her vanity.

Before I sat down, I adjusted my power level to ten (Baseline for changing one’s appearance) and changed into Roxy, switching my outfit as I went. I decided to go with one of those tank tops that had the frilly layers that accentuate a lady’s bust quite nicely and a pair of jeans because I’m simple like that. Just because I could, I gave myself some navy and brown Converse to match my light brown top and dark blue trousers. The livery went with everything, of course, but it wasn’t exactly on display to my knowledge.

Twilight’s face lit up when she saw my outfit. “Oh my gosh, Roxy! Your outfit is so cute!”

I gave her an easy smile and did a little twirl, my unnecessarily long hair flaring out as I turned. It was down to my thighs at this point, and I just wasn’t having it, so I looked in Twilight’s vanity and started changing my hair up. I gave myself bangs because I’ve always found them attractive. I swept them to the side and they stayed, hovering over my left eye, a few locks of hair just waiting to be pushed behind my ear every five seconds. I took the time to shorten my hair down to where the lumbar muscles reside and played around with my hairline, pushing it forward a bit so my forehead wasn’t AS large. I moved it by just a few millimeters, but that’s all the editing I did.

I turned around and looked at Twilight with an uneasy smile. “So? Does the wavy hair do bangs well, or-”

I was silenced by the immediate application of Twilight’s lips to my own. It was nice that we were officially the same height as females, and with the little changes from my ascension into godhood, we could probably wear the same trousers now and we’d both look fantastic in them. I liked how my larger chest actually pressed against Twilight’s when we kissed, squishing together in the funnest way, and did I mention how nice it was to not be shorter than my wife?

Twilight broke the kiss after a minute and forty-three glorious seconds. “Cute. You look cute.” She said, panting.

I caught my breath and nodded. “Thanks, Cherry. I didn’t need the words, but it’s nice to hear them.”

She smiled. “You tell me that I’m beautiful all the time in a lot of different ways, so it’s only fair that I do the same for you.”

I smiled and went to brush that damn lock of hair out of my face, but Twilight swept my hand away and did it herself. “Happy you like the new look.”

“It almost makes me want to change up my own style. I was thinking I could do with a few more curls to help liven up my mane.”

I brushed a few fingers through it and smirked. “You say that like you couldn’t pull off whatever a stylist throws at you.”

Twilight blushed and gave me a little peck. “Flattery isn’t getting you anywhere anytime soon.”

“It made you blush and that’s all I wanted.” I said softly, offering my hand to her once more. “Shall we?”

My wife gave me a heartwarming smile and accepted it. “I bet Ponyville is already in the middle of preparing for everything!”

“It wouldn’t be Ponyville if they weren’t.

And with that, I shifted us to the Court Hall so we could still walk and talk a little while as we were enjoying the day. The only thing that bothered me was that my bandaged arm stuck out like a sore thumb due to the outfit I’d chosen. I tried just making it look like it was made of flesh, but I felt like people would somehow know and would ask what I was hiding and that seemed far more unappetizing that just having people stare at some cloth on my arm. I know it’s all in my head, but how about you try getting an arm cut off and just being okay with it. Faggot.

Twilight and I made it out of the Castle unharassed, but Aurum and Urana were already walking up to us the moment we cleared the door. “Twilight, Maximus. The news has traveled fast.” Urana said in her usual gruff alto.

“Sweet. So I don’t need to fill you in on the details, right?” I asked hopefully.

Aurum snorted. He does that a lot when I talk for some reason. “Fool. We can do it now or later, it matters not.”

“Later. Definitely later.” Twilight answered for me.

I jerked a thumb in her general direction. “What the Missus’ said.”

Aurum rolled his eyes and sauntered off to go fuck a cactus or whatever it is that makes him so pissy while Urana just nodded slowly. “We will speak again another time then. Take care.”

“We will. Have a nice day, Urana.” Twilight replied pleasantly.

“Good luck with telling Krel to fuck off again.”

Urana groaned as she walked away and I chuckled at her misery because I’m still a bad person. Twilight tugged me along, her tail swishing away, not that I was looking at her arse or anything. I totally wasn’t checking- Actually, fuck that noise. She’s my wife, I’m allowed to check her out whenever I want! I eyed Twilight hot arse until she stopped and I kept walking. I came to a halt by her side, however, so I wasn’t caught red-handed, but when I looked at who we were stopping for, I knew I was boned anyway.

“Hullo Mum.” I said meekly, pleading with my eyes for her to not snitch me out.

“I’m sure you were just waiting until we stopped to say hello, and that you weren’t too preoccupied with Twilight tushie to notice me.” Blue said drily.

Twilight let go of my hand to pinch my arm. The metal one. She tried for a good couple of seconds until she realized she wasn’t getting a reaction. The look of ‘Aww shite.’ on her face was golden. “Roxy, I-”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t worry about it Cherry.” I grabbed her hand and kept on being the cool guy. Girl. Whatever. “What’s bringing you to the Castle, Mum?”

“Baby, don’t you know that your holiday is happening as we speak? Shame on you for ignoring the season!” She scolded playfully.

“It’s early fall.” I replied, grinning ear to ear.

My Mum and Twilight both gave me a certain look. “Roxy, you’re too smart to play dumb.” Blue chastised.

“I smiled like an idiot, yet you still saw the sleuth in me. Damn.” I cussed like a bad girl.

“Watch your language!” Blue said. “You might be too old for me to spank, but I’m sure Twilight wouldn’t mind.”

Twilight blushed, but she still smirked. “I have some hoofcuffs we could use to keep him from running away too.”

I held up my hands and pretended like I was pushing them away. “Whoa, no. NO. No no, NO. No spanking. At all. NONE. Roxy no likey.”

“But the hoofcuffs are okay?” Blue said, giving me a funny look.

“Those are a no-no too.” I said firmly.

Twilight teleported a set into her hand. They were blue and fuzzy; straight from my collection. “You sure?”

“I will put you on the moon and leave you there for an hour to think about it.” I warned, my tone low.

The hoofcuffs disappeared. “Nevermind.”

Blue coughed. “At least my son/daughter isn’t into something as depraved as BDSM like some ponies.” She gave Twilight a pointed look.

Twilight’s face and neck were red within seconds. “I-I-I, no you- I-I…”

I threw an arm around Twilight and held her close. “The cuffs were mine. I just have a closet full of trinkets like that because you never know when you might need ‘em.”

My Mum nodded as if she were listening to my testimony. “You’re a sexual deviant.” And there’s the verdict.

“Are you trying to help celebrate my holiday, or are you here to call your child and your daughter-in-law depraved sexual deviants?” I asked, feigning irritation.

Blue rolled her eyes. “I just wanted to hear why there’s a holiday in your name now. Most ponies around Ponyville are happy to celebrate since you’re one of us, but every one of my friends is wondering what you did to get three whole days set aside for yourself.”

“I beat Discord.” I said simply.

She blinked at me. “Discord? The impossible-to-defeat-ultra-strong-magical-nightmare of a pony?”

“He was a Draconequus, but yeah. I made him stop his nonsense.”

Twilight pinched my side. “She’s downplaying it harder than you could ever believe. Roxy knocked Discord, the guy who could beat Celestia AND Luna, out in one punch. It gets violent from there, but Discord is now safely locked away in the Sun!”

I grabbed Twilight’s rear and squeezed. “I punched the guy, pummeled him for awhile, and tossed him into the Sun. It’s not that amazing.”

Blue hit me for doing something perfectly acceptable to my wife. “Max! That was not acceptable behavior for a Princess in public!”

“Is it acceptable to not notice that your daughter changed her hairstyle?” I attempted.

She denied it. “Your hair looks cute, baby. Keep your pervy little hands to yourself and stop trying to turn innocent little Twilight into somepony like you!”

I placed a hand against my bosom. “Mother! You would wound me so!?”

My Mum cut me a glare. “Shush and give me a hug before I end up in jail for foal abuse.”

I huffed and pulled her in for a hug. “It’s good to see you, Mum.”

“It’s good to see you too, baby. Do you mind if I join you and Twilight for a little while?”

I looked to Twilight and she gave a smile. “Sure thing. It’s not like we’ll be going anywhere fast though.”

“Just a stroll to enjoy the day? That explains why you’re not all dressed up like usual.” Blue took a moment to appraise our outfits. “I’ve never seen a top like that, Roxy. Where did you get it?”

“I made it. It’s some fashion from my world that didn’t carry over, and I always thought the layers were cute.” I said.

My Mum raised her brow. “It looks like something you can only pull off if you have the right amount of bust for it, and I don’t remembering you having quite so much.”

I covered my chest, my face warming slightly, though I was smiling the whole time. “I know, right? I don’t know my measurements right now, but I’m betting I’m somewhere in the middle of ‘C’.”

Blue ‘subtly’ checked out my rear and raised her brows. “So when did you make all of these upgrades, or has it just been that long since I’ve seen you as Roxy?”

“Oh, the changes came with my new powers. I was also like, six inches- Six inches is half a foot, right? Actually, why do you guys call it a ‘foot’ if you don’t have feet?”

“Your point, Roxy.” Mum said, skipping the bullshit.

“Right. So I was like six inches taller. I think the ol’ Chap stayed the same, but then again, I haven’t really checked.”

“The Ol’ Chap?” Mum asked.

Twilight disguised some laughs as coughs, though she did so rather poorly. Blue and I looked at her, then at each other. “You don’t wanna know.” I deadpanned.

“It’s your willy, isn’t it?” Blue said in the same dead voice.

We both sighed. “When will you learn to just stop talking?” She asked.

“When I stop breathing.” I replied. It’s probably true, to be honest.

“That’s not happening anytime soon. At least, not of natural causes.” Blue looked at me suspiciously.

I spread my hands. “What? What did I do?”

“It’s what you will do that worries me, Roxy.” Mum said drily.

Twilight looped her arm through mine. “Well now that The War is over, it’s not like-”

I fish-hooked Twilight gently to prevent her from jinxing us. “Peace doesn't last when you say that kinda stuff, Cherry.”

She freed my finger from her mouth and made a face. “Why does your finger taste like pudding?”

I looked at her funny and tasted my finger. It tasted like Twilight’s spit, so colour me surprised. “It tastes like wine. Maybe you’re just craving pudding?”

Twilight rolled her eyes and started dragging me along again, so I waved Blue along and we started heading toward town as a merry little trio. Twilight and I hadn’t had a chance to get breakfast, so we ate at Cuisine Raffinee, one of the newer restaurants in town, but there was the little issue of Twilight being noticed immediately and being waited on hand and foot when we were seated. Someone actually gave up their table in the middle of a meal to let us eat and that made all three of us feel like shitheads, so I ordered them to go back and finish their food as they normally would. That’s not where I stopped laying down the law, however. I didn’t even need to mention the fact that I was royalty to get people to do what I wanted. I guess it’s that inborn leadership Celestia likes to go on about in our letters.

Twilight, Blue and I waited for a table as normal people would, but when it came to getting us seated, it was just too fucking easy. Everyone had scarfed down their food to free up their table, and those who were waiting on food were offered less preferential tables nearby. It was some serious bullshit that I really wasn’t trying to deal with, but I was hungry and Cuisine Raffinee had some spectacular reviews. Hell, Blue endorsed it and that was good enough, but every time I pick up the local paper, they’re coming out with a new special that blows critic’s minds. I had to see what the hype was about, even if I wasn’t digging the Royal Treatment.

We settled on a window seat since there weren’t many people eating nearby, and the street view was pretty nice. There were a few shops across the way decorating for the Grey days, and I was rather pleased with the applications of my color scheme. Dark grey and dark blue was more common than the grey and green combination, but they were both meant to represent my eyes. I mentioned that to Twilight and Blue after we’d ordered and they looked at my eyes as if to confirm that they were different colours.

“Max, your eyes are different now.” Twilight said casually, though I could hear her heart picking up slightly.

Blue made a ‘Not bad’ kinda face. “You have little flecks of silver in your eyes now. I think it looks nice.”

“I gotta see this” I muttered. I reached through space and stole Twilight’s hand mirror from the bathroom and gave myself a good look. Sure enough, there were little speckles of silver glinting off of the light. “Huh. That’s pretty cool.”

On a whim, I added a silver streak to my hair, spanning from the inside edge of my bangs down the side for some reason. I think it looks cuter. Fuck you. “How’s that look?”

Blue blinked. “D-Did you just change your hair colour?”

I checked my bracelet. “Yeah, I’m sitting at sixteen right now.” I lowered it back down to three and locked it in.

“I’m sorry, but that doesn't make any sense, Roxy.”

“Oh yeah, I haven’t explained it to you yet. Basically, I absorbed Discord’s power when we locked him up and now,” I held up my right hand and the bracelet, “this little doohickey lets me keep my power under control. I’m rather fond of it.”

“... So what happens if you lose control of that power.” Mum asked slowly.

“I get really strong and that’s about it. I might go power crazy or something, but I doubt it’ll happen as long as I have Twilight and yourself around to keep me humble.” I smirked.

She breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness! For a second, I thought you might be been restraining the second Nightmare Moon or something!”

“Well, I already did that.” I scratched my head.

“Oh yeah, you sure did, didn’t you?” Twilight asked. She turned to Blue and said, “Roxy did something to make Nightmare Moon not evil and now she’s in Noir by her request.”

“By whose request?” Mum asked.

“Noir’s. Nightmare Moon is Noir’s sister.” Twilight clarified.

“Oh…” Blue sat back in her seat and blinked a couple times. “Well, I suppose there’s no point in worrying over anything now. If you trust Noir, then I trust Noir.”

I nodded. “I’m sure she’ll appreciate it if you ever decide to tell her that you know. I doubt it would come up in conversation, but you never know.”

“I’ll just keep it quiet for the time being, if you don’t mind.” She replied. “I don’t want to start anything by accident.”

“Wise decision from a wise woman.” I applauded.

Blue blushed lightly and chuckled. “Are you going to ask me for something, or are you just being sweet?”

“It’s been a sweet kinda day for the most part. I’m just looking forward to three days of not having to work or worry.” I admitted.

Twilight held my hand. “You do a lot of both anyway. You really could use the time off.”

I passed her a look, but Blue took over for me. “And you haven’t? Twilight Sparkle, I know you’ve been pulling your weight at the Castle too and don’t you try and tell me any different, young mare!”

“My point exactly.” I chimed in.

Twilight had the good graces to blush. “W-Well, maybe I deserve a break too, but I was implying it!”

I kissed her cheek, but before I could say anything, an extremely nervous waiter came to give us our food. I’m sure everything had looked appetizing before he shook it to death on our plates, but I couldn’t really be mad at the fellow for being nervous about serving two of the six people leading his country. I used my Spidey Sense to put two and two together before he could start pouring Twilight’s wine and grabbed his hand before the bottle could reach the point of no return.

“Look, sweetie.” He gave me his attention, his eyes wide. “Breathe. Take a deep breath and relax, okay? We’re not going to send you to jail or anything, so lighten up a little.” I gave him an easy smile and I could feel approval practically radiating off of Blue and Twilight.

“She’s right, you know. You’ve done it a thousand times, right? Why is now any different?” Twilight added.

“W-Well you’re k-kinda a Princess.” He said softly.

Twilight pointed at me. “So is she, but what she said still stands. You’ll be okay, just relax.”

He nodded once and proceeded to pour Twilight’s glass. His hand was still a little shaky, but I wasn’t worried about him spilling any on Twilight anymore, so that was nice. “There we go, lad! Wasn’t so hard, was it?” I teased.

The fellow swallowed hard and said, “I love you.”

It was hard not to chuckle. “I’m married to her, mate.” I pointed at Twilight.

His head whipped around and he looked at Twilight. “I-I-I-”

She put a hand on his arm and gave him a disarming smile. “I know, I’m lucky to have her, but she’s not just a pretty face.”

“I-I-” He started all over again.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t like me much anyway. I do a lot of teasing.” I started in on the crepes I’d ordered.

“She really does.” Twilight said flatly. “I only put up with her because she keeps putting patience spells on me while I’m sleeping like I don’t already know she’s doing it.”

“Shh! Don’t tell Twilight!” I stage whispered. “She only puts up with me for so long anyway!”

My wife rolled her eyes and patted the fellow’s arm. “She’s also ridiculous. I think it’ll be the best for both of us if you let me handle her.”

The guy nodded and practically sprinted away, his face and neck bright red, most likely more embarrassed than he’d ever been in his life. “You two sure do keep things lively.” Blue commented.

“We try.” Twilight and I answered in unison.

The rest of our brunch was interrupted by different waiters asking if we needed anything, which made me start messing with them after the third one popped. Twilight and Blue joined in because my good mood was infectious and we usually got them laughing by the time we sent them away. We accidentally sent a younger woman back in tears because she was so nervous she could barely ask if we needed anything, and why they sent her out, I don’t know. Twilight was the one who actually made her cry if that tells you anything about the mental state that poor young woman was in. Hugs were given and Twilight got her blouse wet, but it was worth it to her, so it was worth it to me.

We decided to leave shortly after because we were tired of being interrupted every three minutes on the dot, but when we tried to pay our bill, the silly manager tried to tell us that royalty eats free. I bargained with him for next time, though I left myself some loopholes. Either way, I was going to pay way too much money for not that much food and someone was going to like it, dammit! From Cuisine Raffinee we journeyed on toward Town Square so we could see what Ponyville had up so far. The further we traveled into our little slice of the Ponylands, the more prevalent grey, blue, and green were in a few different shades. They were all nice to look at since the banners held my Seal, but it was a little much in my opinion. How they even managed to get fucking banners made so fast, I don’t even know, but they did seem like they’d been made fairly well.

Posters of me were fucking plastered everywhere in ridiculous heroic poses that made me want to cringe every time I saw one of them. I was suddenly quite glad that I wasn’t ‘Max’ at the moment, because I already felt kinda violated in Roxy’s body. Twilight picked up on my misgivings and held onto my hand as we went along, but it just wasn’t doing much for me. I felt like every one of those posters were wanted posters, and now that I was a face to be recognized by fucking everyone, I felt more than a little naked. I carried along as I could until I got some tremors, at which point I decided it was a good time for another visit to the Panic Nook, as it has now been named.

This time, I skipped the bourbon all together and went straight for a bottle tequila, not bothering with a glass at first. I figured I had about thirty seconds before Twilight came to see what was up, so I spent fifteen of them chugging, five of them trying to get the lid back on the bottle, three putting the bottle back where it was, and then seven opening and beginning to pour my drink. At the thirty-eight second mark, Twilight was knocking on the door and I was preparing to sit down.

“Come on in, Cherry.” I said, my speech slurring slightly. I was sure to fix it by the end of the sentence, however.

Twilight opened the door and immediately stole my glass of brandy. “Something tells me you drank a lot before I got here.”

“In fairness, I stopped before I finished the bottle.” I defended.

She sighed. “Come here, Roxy.”

I peeked around the lip of the nook and saw that Twilight was kneeling. She patted her lap when she saw me looking and gave me the same look she always does when I’m upset and need to talk. It’s a mix of her concentration face, the look she gets when she’s concerned, and her problem-solving face, all rolled into one. I crawled over to her and she levitated me into her arms so she could hold me.

“What’s wrong, Amourette?” She asked softly. “I know seeing your face everywhere is a little weird, but it’s not that bad.”

“Everyone knows who I am.” I whispered.

Twilight stroked my hair. “You’re royalty, Roxy. It’s about time everyone learned who you are.”

“I wasn’t ready. I’m not ready. Twilight, this isn’t okay.” I shuddered and she held me tighter.

“It’s okay, sweetie, it really is. It feels like a lot to take in right now, but you will get used to it, I promise.” She kissed the top of my head.

“No, you don’t UNDERSTAND! It’s over! I'm over!” My heart hammered in my chest and I felt myself start to break down.

Thankfully she gave me a little time before calmly asking, “But why, Roxy? Why are you over?”

“They know my face! Everyone knows my face!” I wept into her chest.

“Roxy… Sweetie, you’re not in England anymore. It doesn’t matter if people know your face here.” Twilight soothed.

“But I’m still a target! Anyone, everyone who still wants a piece of me-”

“Would have known who to look for anyway. Besides, Roxy, you’re literally the strongest being on the planet. You are strong enough to keep yourself safe now. You’re not some helpless child who lived by not being noticed anymore, Roxy; you’re so much more, and you’ve always been so much more, but now’s not the time to get into that or continue this tangent, but now I’m stuck on it.”

I effectively nuzzled Twilight for a few seconds. “... That makes it feel better. I guess flying under the radar is just how I like to live at this point, and I mean, is it really that odd? I’ve stayed alive long enough to get to Equestria by being a face few people got to remember, but now I’m a household name. It’s… Jarring…”

Twilight rubbed my arm and let the last of my tears fall. “I can’t imagine since I still don’t really understand the life you lived before you came to Equestria because I’ve never experienced anything like it in the slightest, but I know you well enough to say that you won’t let this keep you down for much longer.”

“... I don’t know, Cherry. It’s… Trying to go unnoticed is a part of who I am at this point in my life.”

“I never said it would be easy, Amourette, I just said that you would make it through. We both know you will.”

“Speak for yourself.” I murmured.

Twilight squeezed me and sighed. “You’ll get there sweetie. For now, we’ll just teleport to the places you want to go, okay?”

“I just chugged the vast majority of a bottle of tequila. I’m gonna need a sobriety spell in about a minute.”

“Why do you go straight for alcohol when it’s anxiety related?” Twilight asked.

“I dunno. Why do you always go for wine instead of liquor?”

“Sometimes I just want to enjoy the flavour of my beverage. I know you understand the sentiment, so it’s weird that you’d even ask.”

“Steadily getting drunker here.”

“Right.” I’m pretty sure Twilight did some Magic since I felt my head and stomach tingle. “There. You should be okay.”

“That’s great and all, but now I’ve gotta go to the loo.” I groused, getting up.

“Yeah, the spell tends to do that. Is there anypony you want to visit today?” My wife inquired.

“When’s the last time we saw Rainbow?” I asked.

“I think she’s still in Cloudsdale for her Wonderbolt training. We could always go see Applejack and you two could start drinking all over again~” Twilight teased.

I would’ve answered, but I was in the lavatory at this point. A full fucking minute and six seconds later, I washed my hands and came out. “Yeah, we can do Applejack. I’ve been meaning to see how Granny’s been anyway.”

Twilight hopped up from the chair she’d been occupying and clapped her hands together. “Fantastic! We could walk there since it won’t take us through town, if you want.”

“Sounds good to me.” An alarm went off in my body. “Be right back, Cherry”

After two more bathroom breaks, we finally got a move on. However, it was only like, five or six since Twilight and I had gotten an early start like we usually do, meaning that we had plenty of time to get to Applejack’s. Twilight took a moment to teleport to Blue and tell her that I was okay while I walked on. Nobody bothered me. It was nice. When Twilight came back, we walked hand in hand some more until we came to the edge of Applejack’s property. We headed along the fence so we could find the damn entrance, but didn’t take too long.

When we got to Applejack’s farmhouse, I noticed that they’d recently redone the porch so that it was less shitty, though Granny’s old rocker still chilled outside along with a couple new ones. Twilight knocked on the door while I was looking around and Granny herself called for us to come in, so we did. She was doing some needlepoint in the living room to pass the time, so Twilight and I sat on the couch with her.

“If it ain’t my favourite Princesses! To what does this humble old gal owe the honor?” Granny finished with a cackle.

“Just a social visit, Granny. Gotta see if you’re still leaking dust from your- AGHH!” Twilight jammed her thumb into my ribs.

Granny just chuckled. “Glad to see you keep him under control, Twi.”

My traitorous wife patted my shoulder. “She’s a her when she’s Roxy, Granny.”

Granny rolled her eyes. “What are th’ kids sayin’ now? Whatever ‘doood’.”

“Gross. Just… Gross.” I muttered.

Twilight shivered. “That’s not even modern and it still makes me hurt somewhere inside.”

“Y’all are over-exaggeratin’!” Granny huffed, much like a woman eighty to ninety years her junior.

“No, it’s seriously that disturbing when old people use modern slang. Try ‘The cat’s pajamas’ for me, will you?” I requested.

“You can try my dried up pie!” Granny barked.

I couldn’t help but crack up as Twilight tried to bleach the mental picture she’d received from her mind. “Might take you up on that, hot stuff. I’ve got a thing for dried apples.”

It was Granny’s turn to cackle. “Sonny, you couldn’t handle this much woman!”

“Granny, I might break your hips if I try any of my usual stuff!” I said through laughter.

“Can you both please stop!?” Twilight asked, hands firmly over her eyes. “I can’t stop thinking about it!”

I wrapped an arm around Twilight and gave her a squish’ems. “Would you rather think about my hot arse or Granny’s?”

“Yours!” My wife cried.

“Hey! That ain’t exactly nice!” Granny chided playfully.

“Sorry, but I married Roxy, so I have to say I like hers better.” Twilight covered.

“So you’re saying you don’t like my arse?” I said, dropping my tone.

Twilight looked like a deer caught in the headlights, blindsided by what she should have expected. “Uh… Can I not like both?”

“Ya did good the first time at least.” Granny commended.

I gave Twilight a scoff. “You’re so in the doghouse right now.”

“You trapped me! That’s not fair!” Twilight objected.

“So? You should’ve survived, adapted, and overcame.” I turned away from her and took my arm back.

“Ro~xy.” Twilight cooed.

“Not working.” I replied firmly.

“Amour~ette.”

“Still not working.”

Twilight draped her arms over my shoulders and pulled me to her. She whispered, “If you let me out of the doghouse, I’ll order that all the posters of you should be taken off of main street.”

“Deal. Have I ever told you how much I love you?” I asked, gazing into her eyes.

“You try from time to time when you’re in trouble.” Twilight gave me a wry look.

I kissed her for the full duration of the five second time limit. “Are you sure I don’t try when I’m just being sweet?”

“I never said you didn’t, just that you tend to do it when you’re in trouble.” Twilight said casually.

Granny sighed. “What I wouldn’t give to be young again. Y’all sure do have it nice, being young forever.”

I gave Granny a sad smile. “Most people don’t wanna live as long as we’re gonna have to.”

She shook her head. “I just don’t see the downside to it, but maybe that’s because I just ain’t ready to go yet.” Granny chuckled.

“Shit, you’ll be waiting until we go if you’re sticking around because you’re not ready.” I replied.

Granny gave me a sad look. “I really wish I could, Max, but some ponies just ain’t lucky like y’all royals.”

“It’s a blacker curse than you could ever know.” I said softly, staring her in the eyes.

“... Somethin’ tells me that I should believe ya. Always did say that you were wise beyond your years. Hay, maybe mine too.” Granny sighed.

I reached for her hand and she let me have it. “At least you’ve lived a rich, full life. You have a family you helped build from the ground up, enough land to house half of Ponyville, and more interesting life experiences than the vast majority of people your age. You did pretty damn good, Granny.”

Her eyes glistened, but both of us knew she was too tough to let that first tear fall. “Thank ya kindly, Max. Now iffin’ ya don’t mind, this old gal needs a little time to herself.”

I gave Granny a quick hug. “Anything you need. Don’t hesitate to ask, okay?”

“Sure thing, Sonny.” She said shakily.

Twilight gripped my arm and gave me a worried look before I stole us to the porch. I could hear Granny gently weeping inside, so I lead Twilight out of earshot, not a word spoken between us until we were heading into the barn.

“Roxy, was Granny crying because she’s afraid of… Of the end, or was she crying for some other reason?” Twilight asked softly.

“A little bit because she’s afraid, a little bit because she feels like her best years are behind her and that she’s slowly winding down. She wanted to go out with a bang.” I murmured.

“... How do you know that?”

I gave Twilight a morose look. “Listen when she talks, Twilight. Granny Smith was the take action, fire and fury kind of strong woman. She wasn’t sensible in her youth; she was headstrong and lively. I doubt she meant to make it this far, and now that she has, she’s just muddling through the days as best she can.”

Twilight borrowed my shoulder for a few minutes, but she didn’t cry. “Roxy…”

“I know, Cherry.”

“But…”

“I know.” I murmured into her mane.

She started shaking, the first sob forcing its way out. “I don’t wanna live forever, Roxy!”

I held her tight. “Breathe, Cherry. Like we told the fellow in Cuisine Raffinee, just breathe, okay?”

“Roxy, they’re all going to die! Everypony is going to die and we’re still going to be here!”

“Yes, but we’ll still have each other. We’ll still have Noir, Celestia, Luna, Cadance, and even Shining if I can make it work, Twilight. Spike is going to live for thousands of years too-”

“Apple Bloom!” Twilight wailed.

“And we’ll help him deal with her when she passes, okay? Don’t let the future drag you down in the present, Twilight, there’s no point in worrying about what’s to come. We can only prepare for it by spending as much time as we can with our loved ones now. That’s all we’ve ever been able to do, Twilight.”

My wife did her best not to give in to her despair and I murmured encouragement to her long after Applejack and Macintosh came into the barn. They waited outside, of course, but Twilight needed a little more time to patch up the holes. I turned up the power on my bracelet so I could shift her into our bedroom and asked her to wait exactly one minute and thirty seconds. I conjured up an egg timer, set it up, and shifted in front of Applejack. I explained that Twilight was facing immortality and it was slapping her around rather hard, but then Applejack asked me why Granny Smith was feeling down. I had to go check on Twilight since I felt something tingle in the back of my mind, so I asked for a raincheck before shifting home to find Twilight staring off in my half of the room. I followed her gaze and saw that her eyes were firmly locked on Nacht, lying on one of my dressers.

I stepped in front of Twilight and looked her in the eye. “No. I forbid it. If the thought so much as crosses your mind, I- I’ll-” I was stuck for words. “... Twilight, just keep talking to me. Don’t let it build up inside like I did, okay? Let it out while it hurts the most.”

Twilight just shook her head. “I don’t wanna wait for everyone to die, Roxy.”

“So what? You’re just going to leave me all alone to face them by myself?” I asked, my heart aching. “What would I do without you, Twilight? What do I do when you’re not here? I know that when you go, I go, and I’m not ready yet, Twilight. We still have so many years of time with our friends and our family, so many new experiences, children! Fucking Christ, Twilight! I’m a male Alicorn and you’re a female Alicorn! Put us together and we can have a kid that will live as long as we… Will.”

My wife sighed. “Today started out so great too…”

“It can still end well, Cherry, and no, I don’t mean sex. This time.” I tried.

Twilight gave me a half-hearted chuckle. “I can’t let this keep me down. Celestia, Luna, and Noir have already been through it and you’ve already accepted it. I can’t be the only one still down in the dumps about something I should’ve faced a long time ago.”

I rocked her from side to side. “You’re so much tougher than you give yourself credit for sometimes. It can’t be easy being as great as you.”

Twilight chuckled a bit harder this time. “I know you’re just trying to make me feel better.”

“If I was trying to make you feel better, I’d offer to give you any sort of affection your heart desires, free of charge. I’m doing that now, by the way.”

“Can we go drink our sorrows away with Applejack now? I’m ready for something strong.”

“Of course, Cherry. Onward and upward.” I shifted us to Applejack again.

This time around, Twilight, Applejack, Macintosh, Granny and I all sat around the Apple Family kitchen table and took shots, told happy stories, and downed hard cider like it was going out of style. Granny and Twilight both did a fair amount of talking, drinking, and laughing, though they were mostly doing so with each other. It was odd, seeing two very different people with two very different problems handling them the same way: Good company and strong liquor. Applejack and Macintosh didn’t say much and neither did I, preferring to let those who were already drunk slur their way through each other’s stories until late in the night. I may have noticed that there was something wrong in the situation and fixed it so we could all keep being happy for a little while longer, but I really shouldn’t have. I know it was an abuse of my powers, and I’ll be talking to Celestia and Noir soon enough to combat my newfound meddlesome tendencies, but I felt as though it just wasn’t… It wouldn't have been fair to anyone for yesterday to be Granny’s last.

Maybe it was selfish of me, but if you could save a life, why wouldn’t you?
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I realize now that I left out the part where Twilight refused to be teleported or shifted home, so I had to carry her drunk arse across fucking Ponyville. Courage had it right, to be completely honest. The things I do for love are usually stupid, tedious, dangerous, or ill-advised in general, but who can say that it’s not worth it? I knew Twilight would appreciate me putting up with her stubborn drunk side, but I was mostly worried by the fact that my wife groped me during the entire trip home.

Luckily it was late enough in the night that no one was actually out and about, but I started to get annoyed when Twilight forgot that I don’t like it rough when it comes to my breasts. I actually got a little upset when she squeezed way too hard, so I dropped her on her arse and picked her up with my Telekinesis, despite her loud and incessant protests about being carried like a Princess. I’d been carrying her piggy-back style because I liked the way her mammaries felt against my back, but I’d put up with her bullshit for about an hour and my patience had finally given out. I don’t like dealing with drunk people on a good day, and dealing with hammered Twilight right after I’d made one of the most morally questionable (Not evil, just questionable) decisions of my time in Equestria sucked arse pretty fucking hard.

After stealing Twilight voice from her, we eventually got to Castle Arcadia and rarely have I ever been so glad to be home barring an Operative mission or one of my excursions during The War. It strikes me now that I’ve literally left them out of my journals entirely, but then again, I was usually only gone for a couple of days and I killed a shit-tonne of people while I’d been at it. Twilight never asked, I never told, and I don’t think now’s the time to record the battles I took part in. Hell, I was only called in for four of them in the time since Castle Arcadia was magicked up and plopped outside of Ponyville, so it’s not like they were terribly frequent or even really all that noteworthy.

Getting Twilight to lay down and stay in bed was a bitch in a blizzard. I made sure she used the restroom and had two glasses of water before I even considered letting her rest, but she wasn’t really trying to sleep anyway. My wife’s hands constantly groped and fondled whatever she could when I joined her in our bed, and while I like it when Twilight gets more physical with her affection, I really don’t enjoy it when someone throws up on me when trying to force their hand down my pants. I put my lover to sleep because I could and cleaned up her mess, making sure to get her sleeping on her side so she didn’t choke and die or something.

I’m still looking at her from time to time just to keep an eye on her for the time being. She’s peacefully snoozing away her buzz at the moment, but she’s already been ill twice and I’m hoping that there isn’t a third time.

Cheers to drinking your feelings away, yeah?
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next morning saw Twilight being ill for the third time, but that’s because she had one Hell of a fucking hangover. Through our connection, I received a piece of Twilight’s headache and a bit of her nausea, and it didn’t take the Covenant to tell me that she was fucking miserable, so I kept her company and held her hair whenever she gave something else up to the porcelain throne. After a good couple of hours, I ended Twilight’s hangover by pumping her full of water, bread, and greasy food. She had to choke down the bread, but there was no issue when it came to devouring the stir-fry I had to whip up because we’d sent all of our staff home for the holiday.

Over breakfast, Twilight asked, “What happened last night, Roxy? I don’t remember anything after getting to the barn.”

I took another bite of my meal and mulled over my response. “Well, you obviously got incredibly drunk, but so did Granny. Come to think of it, I do believe you got beaten by a woman four times older than you in a drinking contest.”

My wife groaned. “I can’t believe I’m this hungover. How much did I drink last night?”

“Seven mugs of cider, fourteen shots of applejack and two shots of Zap Apple Jack.” I rattled off the list easily.

“... What the fuck, Roxy.” Twilight groused.

I raised a brow at her. “I didn’t make you drink, Cherry. That was all you.”

“Yes, but you could have stopped me after four mugs of cider!”

“You were playing ‘How Do You Feel?’. It wasn’t my place to stop you.” I shifted some sauteed onions and mild peppers around on my plate.

“Why was I playing ‘How Do You Feel?’?” She asked hesitantly.

“Let’s drop this topic.” I replied.

“... Was it that bad?” She whispered.

“... You cried for a good hour.” I said softly.

Twilight scooted her plate out of the way and laid her head down on the dining table. “I think I’ll trust you on this one.”

I rubbed her back with my right hand. “Thanks. I really wasn’t looking forward to having that conversation.”

“... Is it something we need to talk about?” Twilight asked wearily.

I sighed and poked around at my food for a minute. “Yeah. It’s something I’ve already accepted, but I don’t think you’ve dealt with it yet.”

Twilight’s horn sparked and fizzled for a moment before it flashed and the glow faded. She groaned and asked, “Can’t you do something about this, Amourette? You should be strong enough to make this headache go away, right?”

“... I don’t want to use this power any more than I have to, Twilight.” I replied softly.

“Just this once? Please?”

I looked at my bracelet and considered it for a few moments. It would be harmless enough if I kept it below twenty, so I turned it up to fifteen since I figured that it should do well enough. I put a hand on Twilight and directed my Magic into her and I felt her headache lessen slightly through our bond as the seconds ticked by. When the pain was finally gone, Twilight sat up straight, thanked me, and devoured her meal like she’d been starved for weeks. The last vestiges of my appetite finally faded away, but I forced myself to eat so I wouldn’t be running on empty for the day.

“Amourette, are you okay?” Twilight asked as we were washing our dishes.

“I’m alright, but I’ve just got a few things on my mind.” I said slowly, as if I were testing out the words to see if they were the right ones.

I passed Twilight a plate and she started drying it. “... Is it about what happened yesterday?”

I stopped my washing. “Twilight, what would you do if you knew someone’s time was up and you had the power to change that?” I asked softly.

She looked at me, but I stared straight ahead, not meeting her gaze. “Well… That’s a hard question to answer, Max, but at the same time, you should already know that I’d choose to keep that person alive.”

“... That’s what I thought you’d say.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

“Roxy…” Twilight placed a damp hand on my arm. “Are you trying to tell me something?”

I traced my teeth with my tongue, trying to figure out how to get my words out. “Granny Smith was slated to die last night. Her liver gave out and her heart almost stopped beating before I stepped in.”

My wife gasped and wrapped me up in her embrace, but I returned it with little enthusiasm. “Roxy, I can’t believe you saved Granny! I’m so proud of you!” She gushed, pride flowing into my heart from our bond.

“Yeah…”

She let me go and held my elbows, giving me a puzzled look. “You’re feeling guilty? What for?”

“I messed with the natural order, Twilight. It was her time to go and I stuck my nose into her business.”

My wife gave me an incredulous look. “Are you being serious right now? You’re beating yourself up over saving one of the sweetest people in Ponyville?”

I shook my head at her. “Beloved, when does it stop?”

Twilight was befuddled. “I’m sorry?”

“When do I stop saving lives? When do I start keeping my hands out of other people’s business and live my own life? Twilight, who am I to decide who lives and who dies when no one’s threatening the people I love?”

“... Roxy, are you saying that you think you should’ve let Granny just… Die?” She asked.

“I don’t know. I…” I took a deep breath and let Twilight go, getting back to the task at hand.

Twilight watched for awhile as I scrubbed away at the cast iron skillet I’d used to make our breakfast. “Can I say something?”

“Your opinion will always be valued.” I responded.

“Thank you… I just… When it comes to saving lives, I think that if you have the power, then you should do it. Otherwise, letting someone die when you have the power to save them is tantamount to killing them yourself.”

I didn’t stop working as I mulled that thought over. “So I have to save every dying person I come across, or else I’m just adding more blood to my hands.” I murmured.

I sensed Twilight’s distress. “... Well…”

I handed the skillet off to her and started working on another plate. “You want me to play God, Twilight Sparkle, and that’s not who I am.” I replied, my voice quiet and level.

“I don’t think I understand what that means.”

“Back on Earth, to ‘Play God’ meant that you were picking and choosing who lives and who dies, who sees tomorrow and who breathes their last breath… That’s the kind of power I’ve been afraid of since I learned I had Magic.”

“Oh... Still, don’t you think it’s worth it to heal people instead of killing them? If you started helping people, maybe that would help ease some of the guilt you still feel from Esteril and Gryphonia.”

“I don’t feel much for Esteril these days.” I confessed.

“I beg your pardon?” Her voice was a hideous mixture of shock, disgust, and confusion.

“... I suppose I should explain how I defeated Discord.”

“... You said you just kept punching him until he stopped moving and then you threw him into the Sun.”

“I never went into detail. I used a complicated Seal slash spell combination that I loaded with Cadance’s Unicorn Magic, My True Magic, and Sombra’s Dark Magic.”

“You fucking h'wut?” Twilight nearly shouted. “Roxy, how? Sombra died way before you got your True Theft!”

“His soul was in his horn.”

“... How long did you have Dark Magic?”

“Ever since a few days before the Equestria Games.”

I felt Twilight’s shock turn to anger. “And you just what? Did you think that it wasn’t going to affect you or something?”

“The Dark Magic itself did nothing. I rarely, if ever at all, left it in my body for more than two days at a time, but that was enough for Sombra to form a link with my soul and get enough of a hold to influence some of my decisions.”

“Roxy, that doesn’t change anything ! If you hadn’t been messing with Dark Magic in the first place, then the people of Esteril would still be alive!”

I didn’t have anything to say since I figured I’d dug myself deep enough, but Twilight had a little problem with that. “Roxy, you can’t just ignore me because-”

“I’m not ignoring you. I have nothing to say.” I passed her the plate I’d finished washing a minute ago as well as the forks I’d been cleaning under the water.

“... So you just don’t think you’re at fault at all?” She asked.

“Like you said; if I hadn’t been looking for more power, then it never would have happened.”

Twilight’s lip curled in disdain. “So don’t go looking for-”

“You fuckin' retard did you not hear five fuckin' minutes ago!?” I flipped my shit several times over, but I was so pissed, I didn’t care that I’d just outright insulted Twilight. I trembled in place, gritting my teeth like I was trying to crack them myself.

Twilight recoiled like I’d turned and slapped her for no reason. “Wh-What? Roxy, I-I-I-”

I barely managed to hold my voice under control, though it shook as I spoke. “I told ya that I didn’t want no power because it’s corruptin’. I told you that I didn’t want that rubbish because I don’t trust myself with it. I told you that I didn’t wanna be the one who decides who lives and who dies, and you know fuckin’ what, Twilight? It’s not my Goddamn right to say who gets to see tomorrow, whether I save ‘em or kill ‘em. I never asked for any o' this.”

I stood there, shaking like a leaf in a storm as Twilight and I allowed an awkward silence to build between us for nearly ten minutes. I was pissed that she’d basically ignored everything I’d said about not wanting power and not wanting to be judge, jury, executioner and possibly the physician. All I wanted at the moment was to wash my hands of all of my powers, just to get rid of everything so I could go back to being me. It didn’t help that I was already torn up over playing God with Granny, or that I was going to have to help Twilight face the death of all her closest friends, and it’s not like the plastering of my Goddamn face all over town didn’t send me straight into a fucking panic attack. I was stressed out beyond belief. Might get killed again? No problem. Gotta run a city-state with no experience or back-up? Fuck it, I’ll muddle through. Worldwide war spreading quickly and ending thousands of lives weekly? Shit, lemme fight and pump those rookie numbers up. Dealing with someone else’s immortality and their feelings toward it? Fuck that. Making a life or death judgement call on one of my favourite people? Fuck. That. Never being able to go incognito with the face I was born with? Fucking Hell, that’s like shearing away another part of who I am. God forbid I get started on my fucking arm again.

After ten minutes had passed, Twilight left and I was left alone in the kitchen to wade through my own pain and anxiety along with my wife’s which was just fucking lovely. So far, the first two days of the Grey Days had been filled with either arguments, punishments, or hard truths, and fuck my luck for becoming a god. If I could get rid of the holy juice running through my veins, I would’ve slit my wrists and let it flow out, but I knew that it wasn’t going to work like that. I tried clearing my mind, but thoughts of my harsh words and Twilight’s apparent indifference toward my feelings ran rampant through my head, ricocheting off of my braincase just to damage another part of my noggin.

Once I’d gotten as calm as I was going to get, I took ahold of my necklace and focused on finding Twilight. The familiar purple trail appeared and I followed it through the oddly empty Castle, not hearing a single heartbeat within it’s walls. I was wondering why the trail was leading me outside until I figured that Twilight must have wanted to leave, most likely to either avoid pissing me off further or to escape another tirade. I figured we both had some apologizing to do, so I thought it was for the best if we hashed things out before it really became a problem.

My trek lead me to Ponyville because reasons, but my main problem was that I still had to deal with all of the posters all over fucking town. I turned my bracelet up a few notches, and as I walked, they either burned or disintegrated as I passed them. People were stuck staring at the odd occurrence, never thinking to link it to the odd woman with a bandaged hand sticking out of her cardigan. It made me feel a bit better to know that those posters were gone, but as I started heading toward the south side of town where the path to my old ‘house’ and Fluttershy’s cottage lay, I wondered if she was visiting with Fluttershy or Trixie. It got a little more obvious when the trail directed me toward Fluttershy’s, and I really rather hoped that Fluttershy wasn’t mad at me too.

I saw Krel and a few of Fluttershy’s larger animals basking in the Sun outside, but Nashoba was nowhere to be found, much to my displeasure. Still, I had shit to do and the sooner I got it over with, the better off I’d be. After knocking on Fluttershy’s door, I waited around for six minutes and forty-one seconds until she finally opened the door. I’d heard her and Twilight talking from the door and I knew that Fluttershy wasn’t happy with me. She wasn’t mad, but she wasn’t happy.

When she opened the door and saw me, I offered her a meager grin. “Wotcher, Flutters.”

She sighed. “Hi Roxy.”

“Mind if I do some apologizing for a moment or two? I assure you that it’s well warranted.”

“Well, from what Twilight tells me, it’s not like she was very considerate of how you felt.” Fluttershy said softly.

“Be that as it may, I shouldn’t have insulted or shouted at her. It was extremely uncalled for.” I pursed my lips off to the side.

Fluttershy gestured for me to take a step back and closed the door behind her as she came out. “Twilight told me that you… You killed Discord.”

“... I didn’t have much of a choice.”

“I don’t doubt that, but… He was making so much progress before he started The War!” Fluttershy’s eyes were filled with sadness.

“Poppet, Discord was a better liar than I could ever be.” I said softly.

Fluttershy nodded, her lips firmly pressed together as she tried not to cry. “I-I know that now. I should be thanking you for ending The War, but… Discord was my friend.” Fluttershy sniffled and I came in to hold her, though thankfully Fluttershy isn’t that much taller than me when I’m Roxy. It would’ve been easier if I was Max at that particular moment, but comfort is comfort as long as it’s coming from the same person.

“I’m so sorry, Fluttershy. I’m sorry Discord tricked you too.” I murmured into her mane.

She held me a little tighter and I allowed her to get her feelings out in the open. It wasn’t a burden to me at all since I’d been half of the reason she was suffering now, but there was nothing that could retract my actions and there is nothing that would convince me to be guilty about it. I tried to end things the peaceful way, but the dumb fucker just had to forsake the lessons he was supposed to be learning and keep being an evil prick. I saw a bit of Discord in myself at that point, but not enough to scare me.

I held onto Fluttershy until she stopped crying, which took a good while. It’s not everyday one of your friends stabs your entire country in the arsehole and subsequently dies for their trangressions. If that’s a regular occurrence for you, then fuck your life. In any case, once Fluttershy had said her peace and had gotten the last of her tears out, she invited me inside and offered to mediate between Twilight and I if we needed her to, but I doubted that we would need her help. My wife was sitting at the kitchen table, so Fluttershy sat in the seat adjacent to her and I took the one on the opposite side of Twilight.

Twilight had glanced at me when I sat down, but she couldn’t bring herself to meet my eyes, so I reached over the table and offered her my hand and an apologetic smile. “Cherry?”

When she saw that it was my right hand, she didn’t take it, so I switched and held out my left. She held that one, oddly enough. “Roxy… I’m…”

I squeezed her hand gently, double checking my bracelet to see that I was sitting at the third indicator. “Twilight, I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I was way out of line, and there’s no way in Hell you deserve to be talked to like you’re less than what you are.”

Twilight’s gaze flickered toward me before returning to the table. “No, Amourette, it was my fault. I-I completely ignored how you feel towards Magic and power in general, and then I had the nerve to tell you what to do with it…”

I bit my lip. “Still, no matter how stressed out I am, there’s no reason for me to be taking it out on you. I’m sorry for calling you such an inaccurate noun. Next time, I’ll be sure to call you short and pointy.”

My wife finally looked at me, but the expression on her face told me she was wondering what the fuck I was talking about. “What are you talking about? I’m the average height for a mare and it’s not like I have spikes or- Oh. I have a horn. Pointy. I get it now.”

I gave her a gentle smile and she returned it with a small one of her own. “It hasn’t been a very good holiday so far.”

Fluttershy and Twilight both nodded in agreement, though Fluttershy was the first to speak. “It’s been nice in town, but that’s because the average Ponyvillian-”

“Ponyvillian?” I asked, making a face.

Twilight tilted her head at me. “Is something wrong, Roxy?”

“I have literally never heard that word before. It’s pretty gross. Can’t we just say ‘citizens of Ponyville’?”

Fluttershy gave me a little chuckle and Twilight gave me a mock stern look. “Ponyvillians have been getting by just fine for about a hundred years saying ‘Ponyvillians’, and I don’t think some dimension hopping savior of the world is going to change their minds.”

I raised a brow. “Before we get any further, what’s the status on your forgiveness?”

My wife gave me a womanly look. “You called me a retard and shouted at me.” Wow… Hearing you say that pisses me off at myself.

I sucked some air through my teeth. “Yeah, that’s not a good.”

“Not a good what?” Fluttershy asked.

“It’s not a good.” I repeated.

“You said that, but what isn’t good?”

“It.”

Fluttershy scrunched her face up adorably and gave me an irritated look. “Are you just being difficult for the sake of it again?”

“No, I’m literally saying that yelling at Twilight wasn’t a good. That’s all there is to it.” I explained.

Twilight and Fluttershy exchanged a look, and when they looked back to me Twilight said, “I’ll forgive you on two conditions.”

“Conditional forgiveness is rarely earnest.” I said drily.

Twilight bobbed her head from side to side. “You’ll like at least one of them.” For once I’m hoping it’s not sex.

I sighed. “Is it business or personal?”

“It’s a tummy rub and a trip to Stonehenge.” Twilight informed.

“... Okay.” I said simply.

“You’re not even going to try and negotiate?” She asked, mildly surprised.

“I’m ready for the day to be over, Cherry.” I gave her a half-hearted smile.

“Oh, Amourette…”

“Let’s skip it and enjoy some tea or something.” I suggested. “Hell, why don’t we gather up the girls and enjoy some of the festivities?”

Fluttershy beamed. “That’s a great idea! It’ll be nice to spend time with everypony.”

“And we can escape our problems without drugs or alcohol, though I like the idea of getting suber baked and pigging out on some festival food.” I gave her a lopsided grin.

“What’s the term you called me when you found out that I smoke everyday? Didn't you call me a pothead?” Twilight accused.

“I’m not apologizing for that one because it’s neither offensive or untrue.” I said resolutely.

My wife gave me a flinty look. “Are you sure you’re not just saying that to stay out of trouble.”

“I’d rather be saying whatever can get me into you.” I gave her a wink.

Twilight grew a little rosy and Fluttershy gave me an admonishing look. “You can’t really be expecting to get anything when you have zero brownie points.” It was a joke, woman!

I rolled my eyes. “Whaaat? You’re telling me I can’t deride someone and anticipate the make up sex? I’d hate to see what kind of world you live in, but in Roxanne Land, make up sex is the best part of arguing.”

Twilight blushed furiously and Fluttershy herself started to get a little pink. “There’s a good part to arguing?”

“Yeah, the make up sex that I never get and just mentioned twice.”

“I-Is there supposed to be make up… Make up snacks?” Twilight sputtered.

Fluttershy and I both looked at her, but I didn’t expect us to say, “Aww!” at the same time.

The most purple of the Alicorns turned into the reddest one by far. “What? Stop looking at me like that!”

I squeezed Twilight’s hand again and gazed at her adoringly. “I love you, Twilight, and all your little quirks.”

“I love you too, but I don’t think I want to sleep with you as much as Roxy does.” Fluttershy said with a shit-eating grin.

Twilight took her hand back from me and crossed her arms. “No one answered my question.”

I chuckled. “Sorry, we were too busy being put into a sugar coma from your inability to say the word ‘sex’ in a sentence. It was ridiculously sweet and terribly innocent.”

Twilight pouted at me hard. “I might be sweet, but I am not innocent.”

“Guilty!” I shouted suddenly, standing from my seat and startling the ever-loving fuck out of the other two women in the room along with quite a few animals.

Twilight flipped me off. “That was wholly unnecessary.”

Fluttershy nodded her agreement. “Very.”

I shrugged and sat back down. “It was worth it to see you two jump a foot out of your chairs.”

I received two very womanly looks, but I could conjure up meaner looks without trying. Fluttershy tried to use The Stare on me to cow me into submission, but without Dark Magic, it just doesn’t affect me like it used to. Now it’s more like a vague feeling of shame, and I’ve dealt with plenty of shame, so I can handle it to a certain degree. Once I made Fluttershy back down, I moved onto Twilight, but she had something to say.

“You’re not going to intimidate me.” Twilight said flatly.

“Take your loss or I won’t kiss you for the rest of today and tomorrow.” I threatened.

“Who says I want to kiss you today?” Twilight challenged. What about tomorrow?

“You think I’m playing.” I said, my voice dead.

Twilight swallowed hard and looked away. “Thank you kindly. Now, who do we pick up first for our little tour around town?” I asked.

Fluttershy still wouldn’t look at me and Twilight just looked irritated. “I don’t think I want to walk around town with you anymore. You just held my precious kisses for ransom!”

“Would it make you feel any better if I told you that you literally do it to me whenever I say something you’re not fond of?” I replied wryly.

“I do not!” Twilight protested

“Two weeks ago, third day, seven thirty-eight in the morning. I said that Celestia and Luna should trade their Court hours and you protested, despite my reasonable arguments. When you got frustrated, you told me that I wasn’t allowed any hugs or kisses for the rest of the day, and we just finished breakfast.” I said rapidly.

I could see that she remembered the event. “Th-That’s one time!”

I held up four fingers. “I can list off the dates and times of three more similar occurrences and I can list one that you caved on. That is, for the past two months.”

Fluttershy shrugged. “I’m sure you deserved it most of the time.”

Twilight pressed her index fingers together and found particular interest in the grain on the table. Fluttershy looked at her. “Twilight? She did deserve it, right?”

“W-Well, I know what she’s talking about and I was wrong for two of them and just stubborn for another.” Twilight admitted.

I spread my hands. “See? Turnabout is fair play.”

“... I can’t really argue on that one. Sorry, Twilight.” The buttery fluttery one patted the tasty wine flavoured one’s arm.

Twilight played with her fingertips anxiously for a minute or two before she said, “I’m not that good of a special some-”

“Oi.” I said, my tone low and lethal.

Twilight flinched, so I carried on. “You’re the best woman I’ve ever met, and I thank God every morning I wake up next to you, so don’t you go spouting nonsense about yourself like it’s the truth. I’ll pinch the fuck out of you next time.” I huffed. I was and currently still am a woman, so I’m allowed to huff. It’s really just not a thing anyone who calls themselves a man should do while being serious.

“Roxy is right, Twilight. Well, I don’t know how right she is, but I know you two work very well together, even if you do have your problems. It’s not like you two don’t try to work through them for the sake of your love for each other.” Fluttershy sent a warm smile in Twilight’s direction.

Twilight blushed and peeked at me. I gave her a pleasant grin and she looked over to Fluttershy. “I guess I’m not that bad.”

I gave her a mild look. “You’re really not, so stop trying to take hugs and kisses from me like you are that bad.”

Twilight had a little devious smile playing on her lips. “Or else what?”

“Or else I tickle you until you really do tinkle.” I grinned.

Fluttershy and Twilight had a giggle at that and Fluttershy decided that it was a good time to make some tea while Twilight and I invited the girls over since I could just hand them the letters with True Theft and Twilight could just teleport them. We talked about lighter subjects after that and I finally explained to Twilight why make up snacks were so good, and once Fluttershy had added in her own little take on it, I was willing to bet that I was going to get laid if I was in the mood for it. Getting Twilight there isn’t hard since I know her so well, but my nether regions may as well have been a fucking desert as far as I was concerned.

The girls arrived one by one, and once we were all assembled, I just had to ask Rarity if she had any snacks when she did her makeup, which made Twilight give me a look. However, Rarity did actually keep a bowl of lime and cherry flavoured jelly beans nearby since it usually took her a fair amount of time to get it done, which leads me to a fun fact that I want to remember, so I’m going to write it down. Jelly beans were invented in America and didn’t come across the pond until the nineties. That is, the nineteen-nineties, not the eighteen variant, though they were actually created around eighteen sixty. It took a little over a hundred years for them to become readily available, and I don’t really care for the things, but Will was fucking nuts for the coconut and popcorn flavoured ones. I just don’t like many fruity sweets to be fair.

Once I’d asked my silly question and had received a surprisingly legitimate answer, Rainbow got impatient despite being the last one to arrive, so we took off without further ado. There wasn’t anything I was looking for in particular, but I was kinda hoping that there would be a place with some funnel cake or something. I’d only ever had it at Sugarcube Corner because Pinkie had convinced Mr. and Mrs. Cake to let her take over the bakery for a day so they could take their kids out and go do something fun. I liked it because it wasn’t too sweet if you went easy on the confectioners sugar, but Pinkie liked it because she enjoyed snorting the sugar off of the plate.

I think she was a coke fiend in a past life. It would explain some things.

After awhile, Applejack noticed that posters on walls were winking out of existence as we went along and said something about it to the group, so we stopped for a moment and the first thing out of Twilight’s mouth was, “Roxy, people worked hard on those posters! Burning them up is really disrespectful!”

“How do you know it’s Roxy?” Applejack asked.

Twilight looked at me, so I sighed and said, “I got a lot more magically potent a couple days ago.”

“Isn’t that when you totally whooped Discord?” Rainbow asked.

“Sure is!” Pinkie said brightly.

“Roxy stole Discord’s powers from him when he defeated him.” Twilight explained. “Right now, Roxy is more powerful than Celestia and Noir.”

“I didn’t steal Discord’s powers.” I said softly.

Twilight put a hand on my arm. “Sorry, Amourette.” She turned back to the girls. “Roxy doesn’t really know why she got his powers, but she knows that she got them.”

Rarity put a finger on her cheek. “Now, please don’t take this the wrong way or assume I’m being treasonous, but what’s stopping you from simply toppling Equestria and taking the world for yourself? If you’re stronger than Noir and Celestia-”

“Stronger than them put together!” Pinkie chimed in.

Everyone besides myself was wide-eyed at that news. “Is that true, Roxy?” Rarity asked incredulously.

“Well… Yeah? Discord wouldn’t have been a threat if the Royal Family could have taken him down all together.” I said like a fucking idiot.

Jaws dropped. “... You’re stronger than me, Shining, Cadance, Celestia, and Luna all put together?” Twilight inquired softly.

I sighed. “Yeah. That’s the reason I wear the limiter bracelet,” I held up my right wrist and showed them the simple bronze accessory, “though I suppose I should call it a bangle since it’s a solid piece and won’t come off anytime soon, barring me losing another hand.” I said like a bigger fucking idiot than I was being previously.

I felt five sets of eyes shift to my left hand and I tried to slip it into a pocket, but girl pockets are bullshit across both worlds. “Uh, Roxy? I’m pretty sure ya got both hands. Ya might have one all wrapped up, but I’m still seein’ a left one and a right one.” Applejack said, her voice full of doubt.

Twilight took some action and held my left hand with her right one, using her arm to block mine from view. “It’s not a happy story and she really doesn't like to talk about it, so why don’t we pick up where we left off.”

My wife received nods from most of our friends, but Rainbow and Applejack just looked at me. “I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s not like you have a fake arm or something, right?.” Rainbow ‘jested’, chuckling.

“Rainbow, please drop it.” Twilight requested kindly.

“What? I’m just asking some questions! Besides, everypony knows that once you lose a limb it’s gone unless somepony else-”

“Drop it.” Twilight seethed. I fucking love you. Can I marry you twice?

Rainbow swallowed hard and Applejack finally took her eyes off of me. “Really Dash, ya just gotta glance at Roxy to know she couldn’t be much less okay with talkin’ about it.”

Rarity nodded. “We shall never speak of it again. At least, not until Roxy herself is willing to speak on the matter.”

Rainbow frowned. “I kinda feel like you guys are gangin’ up on me now.”

Pinkie gave her a hug for reasons unknown. “Don’t worry Dashie! The only pony who might even be a little upset with you is Twilight!”

My wife nodded. “You did talk about the thing I asked you not to talk about.”

Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Look, if Roxy wants to be all sensitive about a few scars, then I’ll happily let it go if it means-”

Twilight was in Rainbow’s face in an instant. “If you don’t stop talking, I swear to Tartarus I’ll make you stop. Push me, Rainbow Dash. Push me to that point.”

I could feel Rainbow’s heart hammering as Applejack slid her arm between them and got Twilight to back off. “Easy there, Twi. No need to hurt nopony, right? Dash is just talkin’ from her tail, it ain’t nothin’ to get mad over.”

“No, mild insults are nothing to get mad over. A soft jab isn’t something to get mad over. Spilt milk isn't something to get mad over. Trivializing Roxy’s suffering isn’t something to be mad over: it’s something to be fucking livid over.” Twilight said, her voice softer than felt, yet clearly indicative of an entire septic tank worth of shit being prepped for its trip to the world’s biggest fan. I was proud.

“Twilight, nopony knows what’s goin’ on with Roxy’s situation, so isn’t it understandable that Rainbow just said the wrong thing at the wrong time? She didn’t mean nothin’ by it, so just let it go and we can all enjoy the rest of the holiday as FRIENDS.” Applejack reasoned.

Twilight stared at her for a moment before turning to me, waiting for my go ahead to NOT move Applejack and drop Rainbow for me. I took the two steps needed to come and take her hand, lightly tugging her away from Applejack. The cowgirl gave me a nod that I returned and I avoided looking at Rainbow just in case she wanted to keep talking about my arm. Come to think of it, I’m pretty Twilight’s the only one who was upset by Rainbow’s careless words between the two of us. Rarity thought it was distasteful, Fluttershy thought Rainbow should have dropped it when Twilight asked instead of told, Pinkie scolded Rainbow for being thoughtless, and Applejack still wanted to know why my I kept my arm in bandages, but she knew better than to ask.

We continued on with our day and we all decided to let the event stay in the past where it belonged, though Rainbow was stupid enough to keep up some mutterings about me being a wimp, which got her hit in the clam by Pinkie of all people. I would’ve found it hilarious if I hadn’t been listening to everything Dash was saying, though I really tried not to. Twilight was gripping my hand furiously because she knew I was still on the verge of freaking out. It didn’t help that she cast a spell on her ears so she could hear what the technicolor cunt was saying too. Applejack chastised Pinkie for hitting Rainbow, but that shit wasn’t about to fly with Pinkamena.

To take it from the top, Applejack said, “Pinkie! Why the buck would you hit Rainbow THERE of all places!?”

Rainbow was stuck on the ground with her hands firmly between her legs while Pinkamena glared at Applejack, her hair as straight as an arrow. “Did you seriously not hear any of the things she was saying about Roxy? I’m honestly surprised that it wasn’t her or Twilight who stepped in, and I’m absolutely shocked that you’re still willing to defend Rainbow!”

Applejack squared her jaw and met Pinkamena’s gaze readily. “Some mean, insensitive words ain’t no reason to hit nopony, Pinkie.”

“They are when you’ve already been warned twice. Third strike: She’s out.” Pinkamena said, her voice dipping into her lower register.

Applejack scowled at her. “Look, I get that comments about Roxy’s situation makes her uncomfortable, but it’s not like she’s upset or anything! Hay, she hasn’t said a word since she showed us her bracelet!”

“Do you want to talk about your parents, Applejack?” Twilight asked viciously.

“Don’t you go there Twilight. Don’t you dare.” Applejack said, her voice already trembling with a vengeance.

“We’re not going there because I know it hurts for you to talk about it! That's the point! You of all people should understand that some things just shouldn’t be talked about.” My wonderful wife said.

Applejack swallowed hard, calming herself down as best she could. “I get it.”

Twilight nodded at her and looked to Rainbow who was picking herself up, and boy was she ever irked. Downright irritated. Quite moody, if I do say so myself. The first thing she did when she was back on her hooves was throw a punch at Pinkamena that was caught with ease. Rainbow didn’t waste anytime with a follow-up left hook that Pinkamena caught with the same hand after letting go of Rainbow Dash’s right one. The Pink Devil shook her head slowly at Rainbow’s sheer idiocy, but sadly, the blue Pegasus still saw Pinkamena as ‘Pinkie’, the harmless little party Pony that everyone either loved or was annoyed by. Pinkamena stepped into the slightly taller woman’s guard and shoved her back about a meter and a half, though she didn’t take any kind of fighting stance that I was familiar with.

Applejack started to move, but she just shook her head and took a couple steps back. Rarity and Fluttershy took her place. Rarity stood in front of Pinkie and tried to reason with her while Fluttershy did the same for Rainbow, but Fluttershy got straight up shoved out of the way and Rarity got picked up and put in a nearby barrel that I have my qualms about. It sure as fuck hadn’t been there when we stopped, but Pinkamena is still Pinkie after all. Once the ‘mediators’ were out of the way, Rainbow charged Pinkie, using her wings to speed up her lunge, but Pinkie sidestepped the Superman Punch Rainbow had tried to lead with and countered by way of grabbing her throat and slamming her on the ground.

Rainbow got the best of the exchange when she went to kip up and bucked Pinkamena right in the face, but my Operative wasn’t one to let it keep her down. No, Pinkamena took the blow with aplomb, having taken a step back to avoid getting the full effect from Rainbow’s buck. She still caught some of it, but she was only staggered for a couple of seconds while Dash was regaining her balance and shifting into a karate stance. It looked awfully similar Wado-Ryu (I was a martial arts nerd, okay?), but when I saw Pinkamena shift her weight from side to side while waiting for Rainbow to make a move, my suspicions were confirmed.

Rainbow slowly came closer to Pinkie while Fluttershy and Twilight helped Rarity out of the barrel, but I knew everyone’s attention was on the fight. The ‘Fastest Mare Alive’ and the ‘Party Pony Supreme’ had garnered some attention and people were standing a good distance away to avoid getting caught up in the action, but not so far that they couldn’t see. I suppose fights always attract interest, no matter where you go. Howbeit, the crowd wasn’t the important part. Rainbow finally managed to get within a meter of Pinkamena and threw a swift front kick that wasn’t half bad, but Pinkamena just slammed her fist down on her hoof and sent it right back to the ground where it belonged. She took a long step and threw the meanest hook I’ve ever seen a woman throw straight into Rainbow’s stomach. Pinkamena actually lifted Rainbow from the ground. Yes, that’s fucking right. She hit Rainbow so hard, she actually picked her up with the fucking punch and used that to her advantage, slamming Rainbow on the ground yet again.

A wise person would have just surrendered when they got slammed the first time. Your average person would have stayed down, even after they caught their breath. Even an idiot would’ve ran or flown away the second they could get to their feet. Rainbow Dash must have a disability of some sort that simply won’t allow her to know when she’s beat if it’s not by me apparently. Dash got to her hooves again, despite Fluttershy and Rarity begging her to let it end there, and I have to applaud her sheer willpower because the woman was wobbling like mad, her breathing shaky and uneven. Pinkamena wasn’t even sweating.

Rainbow staggered toward Pinkamena unsteadily, and that’s when I stepped in. I caught Rainbow around the waist and threw her over my shoulder. I looked to Pinkamena and said, “It’s over.”

Pinkamena shook her head. “This has been a long time coming, Roxy. Put her down.”

I turned my bangle up to fifteen since it was the baseline for medium-distance shifting and sent Rainbow to the hospital. After that, I quickly powered down and locked myself in at three again. “I know you won’t hurt her too badly, but Rainbow won’t forget losing to you.”

Pinkamena’s lip curled. “So? She obviously forgot that other ponies have feelings, so why should you of all ponies care what happens to her?”

“Because I don't want to see you ruin a friendship over something I don’t take offense to, Pinkamena. It’s not worth it.”

“Rainbow Dash isn’t your friend.” She replied sharply.

“And? She’s one of yours.” I countered.

“Roxy, I haven’t considered Rainbow a friend since before you and I even met.”

“... Oh.”

She crossed her arms. “Do you think that Rainbow only became a violent, bullheaded nag when you got here or something? Because I assure you, she’s been like this for the seven years I’ve known her as a friend, and even before then she was still an arrogant ass.”

“So why pretend to be friends with her for like, three years? If you didn’t like her, you should have kicked her to the curb.”

Pinkamena rolled her eyes. “Oh trust me, I’ve shown the girls just how mean Rainbow can be on multiple occasions, but Twilight only gets mad if somepony’s messing with you, her family, or her experiments, Fluttershy is too shy to say anything and was foalhood friends with her, Applejack likes her tough girl attitude, and for obvious reasons, Rarity actually agrees with me. I think Rainbow’s officially done enough to get the metaphorical and the literal boot.”

I looked at each of the girls as she spoke and saw Rarity nodding along, Applejack shaking her head, Fluttershy looking down, and Twilight seemed like she wanted a piece of Rainbow for herself. “Alright. Then we take a vote. All in favour of keeping Rainbow around, raise a hand.”

Fluttershy raised her hand and it stood alone.

Pinkamena gave me a bored look. “Do you want to do the second part, or is the answer clear enough already?”

“I didn’t do anything to you, Pinkamena.” I replied calmly.

She pursed her lips and nodded. “Right. I apologize for that.”

“Thank you, apology accepted. Let’s move on with the rest of our day, yeah?”

Pinkamena shrugged. “I can do that.”

I looked to Twilight and she shrugged. “I go where you go, Amourette.”

Applejack was next. “I need a drink.” She said bluntly.

I reached through space and grabbed her a fifth of some decent whiskey that I wasn’t all that fond of. “Luckily for you, I’m the Liquor Lass, not unlike the Candy Man.”

She accepted it gratefully and down half in one go, so I turned to Rarity. “How do you feel about continuing our little walk?”

“As far as I’m concerned, Rainbow Dash never came to Fluttershy’s cottage.” The seamstress replied crisply.

I gave her a nod and finally gave Fluttershy my attention. Twilight was already hugging her, but I thought that she could use some extra love, so I got up in there and gave her my best comforting hug. I usually reserved it for Twilight, but it was a special occasion. Fluttershy ended up getting a group hug in the middle of the street, but it wasn’t exactly uncommon for the girls to be seen doing it. Fluttershy decided to go home shortly after and Applejack offered to walk her there, leaving Pinkie, Rarity, Twilight, and myself to get hit on occasionally by the odd new fellow that came into town. Rarity and I got hit on the most since apparently I’m attractive too, and Pinkie got a few invites to go on the odd date or two, but Twilight’s face was well known. There aren’t many Ponies with the stones to flirt with a married woman, let alone a married Princess, but there was this one dumb fuck who wanted to try his luck, and into his arsehole his dick I did tuck. I wouldn’t have hit him if he wasn’t so damn pushy, but then again, it’s not like Twilight was telling him to fuck off or anything. She tends to get flustered when someone compliments her and it isn’t someone she’s familiar with, which is why I took it upon myself to remove him from the situation.

After Rarity got done applauding me for doing something she’d wanted to do, but didn’t have the courage for, we got some funnel cake and I forgot about the thing that’s attached to my left shoulder for a little while as the four of us laughed and joked around for another couple of hours. I even managed to get Rarity to tell her bawdiest joke, which was still tame compared to the majority of mine. However, it had her and Twilight blushing and giggling like children while Pinkie and I were waiting for the punchline. I don’t even care to remember it, to be honest with you. It just wasn’t that good, in my opinion, but then again, I’ve got some weird standards for comedy.

Twilight suggested that we all go bug someone and we settled on Trixie since none of us had gotten to see her in a little bit other than Rarity. I don’t know how they ran into each other, but I wasn’t terribly concerned about it anyway. I just needed an excuse to go see my sister and that was all well and good. My wife chided me on the way there because I’d turned the juice up on my bangle-bracelet thing and started changing the posters around town to feature the two of us in various triumphant poses. She had a giggle at the one where she was carrying me Princess style, but she still didn’t like the fact that I didn’t want any manner of recognition for my heroic deeds. However, she fuckin’ dealt with it after I pointed out that I wasn’t destroying the posters anymore and that having her by my side in them made me feel better.

We took our time in getting to Trixie’s house, but she wasn’t home. Orchid, however, told us that she was going to go grab them some festival confections since they were both fond, but were waiting until the last day to make a date out of it since the final day was shaping up to be the best one where they got the games and stuff put up. As it was, the Grey Days had been set up on such short notice that only food vendors and certain kinds of artists had their booths out. Twilight and I agreed to a double date since it seemed like a fun thing to do, but shortly after Trixie got back home, we had to reschedule our date due to a little note Celestia sent me. She wanted me to make a speech and give it at the three Castles tomorrow, so I sent her back a note telling her that I really didn’t want to do that. Sunbutt, Trixie, and Twilight ganged up on me. I didn’t stand a chance, especially after Trixie threatened to tell our Mum that I was being Roxy to avoid being stared at, though I asked her to keep it quiet, but she’d already opened a can of worms I REALLY didn’t want to get into.

After Trixie’s threat, Twilight asked, “Is that true, Roxy? Have you been avoiding being Max so you don’t get noticed?”

I blushed and looked away while Trixie answered for me. “Of course it’s true, Twilight! We both know that Max has major issues with being the center of attention for anything, and being the Hero of Equus makes him the biggest thing since sliced bread!”

My wife hugged my left arm and kissed my cheek. “Do I have to ask again, Amourette?”

I couldn’t meet her eyes, too ashamed of my own cowardice to face her. “... No. Trixie’s telling the truth.”

She squeezed me a bit tighter and looked over to Trixie and Orchid who were sitting together on the loveseat. Twilight and I had taken the couch (which I missed), Rarity was on one of the gliders, and Pinkie was sitting in Trixie’s favourite lounger that she asked me to let her have for her birthday. In fairness, I’d left her most of my things except for the art I’d brought with me from my first house and the stuff that I’d gotten as presents.

Trixie looked over to me and just shook her head. “How you could hate the spotlight is something that Trixie just can’t understand.”

Orchid threaded her arm through Trixie’s and made a bit of a face. “I think I get it pretty well. I would hate to have everypony in the world looking at me for something I did, even if it was one of the best things I could have possibly ever done.”

“Didn’t you get married? A lot of ponies had their eyes on you then!” Pinkie exclaimed, having gone back to normal some time ago.

Orchid blushed gently. “W-Well yes, but Trixie was there with me…”

Trixie blushed too and smiled before kissing her wife’s temple. “Trixie loves you, Sweet Flower.”

The pale pink woman’s blush grew deeper. “I love you too, Turtledove.” She replied quietly.

That warmed my heart a little bit, but before I could say anything, Twilight said, “You two are so sweet together! its almost like the room is filled with Pinkie’s favourite icing!”

Pinkie got a dopey look on her face and started drooling, so I stole a handkerchief from the dozens I’d collected from Twilight’s suitors and cleaned Pinkie up from across the room. She snapped back into reality and gave me an odd look to which I gave her a nod.

Rarity tittered and looked between me and Trixie. “You know, I find it quite odd that Roxanne just so happened to introduce you two and that you get along so well.”

My sister shrugged. “Trixie does not know why Roxy was so good with picking a mare for her, but she is grateful that her sister had such a keen eye for good mares.”

Orchid turned bright red. “Trixie!”

My sister gave her a look. “What? Trixie only said that you are a good mare. Do you want Trixie to say that you are the best mare? Because she will happily do so.”

“Oh my God, the diabeetus! It’s so strong!” I laughed.

Twilight giggled, but the rest of the women in the room looked at me funny. “What’s ‘diabeetus’?” Rarity asked. “It sounds simply dreadful.”

I shrugged. “It’s a disease from my world that can make you lose limbs if your not careful about your sugar intake. I don’t think it exists here in Equestria, but if it did, Pinkie would be six feet deep as of infinity ago.”

Pinkie paled. “W-Wh-What?”

I gave her an odd look. “You’ll be okay, Pinks. Just don’t keep eating every sweet thing in sight and take the time for some normal Pony food at least two meals a day and you’ll most likely be fine. Hell, if your intake hasn’t been a problem so far, I doubt it will be.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. “Whew! I thought I was a goner!”

“Did you just sigh and say ‘Whew’?” Trixie asked.

Pinkie looked at her. “I sure did!”

“Isn’t it usually one or the other?” Orchid asked.

“It’s Pinkie.” Rarity, Twilight and I chorused.

“I sure am!” The Pink Menace announced proudly.

The other couple in the room giggled and took the news as it came, and as we all sipped on our tea, we talked on about some other stuff for a while until Pinkie said, “Hey Rarity!”

The white Unicorn swallowed the load in her mouth and gave her a little smile. “Yes Pinkie?”

“What would it take for me to convince you to go out on a date with me?” Pinkie asked out of the blue.

Twilight choked on her tea and I rubbed her back while she coughed, listening intently for Rarity’s answer. Trixie and Orchid seemed interested as well, so when Rarity said, “Well, all you have to do is ask, Darling, though I must request that you act like a lady should we actually go on a date.”

Pinkie beamed. “I’ll even straighten my hair and do something fancy to it! What do you say, Miss Marshmallow? How about we join our friends and make it a triple date?”

Rarity sipped her tea calmly, obviously giving it some thought. “A group of six mares all on a date?”

I chuckled. “I’ve never heard of something quite like it, but it sounds kinda fun. It’s got my seal of approval.”

Trixie nodded. “The more the merrier, as Mom always says.”

Twilight and Orchid exchanged a look. “Well… I guess it couldn’t hurt to try.” Orchid said nervously.

Twilight touched her face. “Pinkie, I don’t mean any offense, but I don’t think Rarity would be a good match for you.”

“Opposites attract, Twilight! I mean, look at you and Roxy! You were a pacifist before you fell in love with her and she was always ready to knock somepony out for something!” Pinkie said cheerfully.

“Oi! I resent that a lot! The only person I knocked out until I went to Gryphonia was Rainbow and that’s because she was coming up to sneak me!”

Orchid tilted her head. “What does that mean?”

“When I say Rainbow tried to sneak me?” I asked. She nodded, so I said, “She tried to attack me from behind as I was walking away, so I smacked her in her gob with the hilt of my dirk.”

Pinkie whipped my gift to her out of her hair. “I still have it! I was so happy when you gave me this particular one out of all your other knives!”

I smirked and shook my head. “You should’ve broken things off sooner if you despised her that much.”

The Pink Menace shrugged. “Oh well.”

Rarity gave her a look. “Really now, Pinkie. You should at least pretend to be a little upset.”

“Eh, whatcha gonna do?” She replied easily. “I didn’t exactly see you crying when we took the vote.”

“Excuse Trixie, but it sounds to her like you all have some news that seems rather important.”

“We took a vote and now Rainbow is no longer one of our friends. If you want to be friends with her, then no one here is going to say anything unkind toward you in the slightest.” Twilight said.

Trixie got a worried look. “... You would simply take a vote to kick one of your friends out of your group?”

I don’t feel like writing down the list of things Pinkie rattled off that Rainbow has done to her over the years, nor do I feel like recording Rarity’s list. Twilight’s list consisted mostly of being crashed into, having windows broken, and the times Rainbow fucked with me and still hasn’t apologized for. Trixie and Orchid took the news in shock, asking why we’d bothered to be friends with the rainbow runt for so long if she kept pulling bullshit like the stuff we mentioned. Twilight said it was because Rainbow wasn’t a bad person, just brash and arrogant. Rarity said that she just wanted to keep the Elements of Harmony together and that Rainbow was the only one who didn’t fit the bill. Pinkie said she didn’t want to risk getting kicked out herself by making a big deal out of it, but that she’d finally gotten fed up with her when she kept running her mouth about me.

“Wow… Rainbow sounds like a pretty bad friend.” Orchid said softly.

“She was.” I replied blandly. “I thought that the girls must have seen more redeeming qualities in her than I could, but I never considered that they saw way more flaws than I ever would’ve had the chance to.”

Twilight sighed. “I’m not happy about losing a friend, but Rainbow rather deserves it. I hope she comes back and tries to be a better person, but I don’t know if she’s willing to make the changes that I want to see. I don’t know about you girls, but there are a few things I need to confirm before Rainbow has a hope of being my friend again.”

I shrugged. “Rainbow and I are cool, we just weren’t friends in the first place. No matter what happens, I don’t think I really give a shit to be honest.”

Rarity gave me a look. “While I disagree with your coarse language, the spirit in your words is the same as mine. I never did like Rainbow and she was never too fond of me as far as I know. The last time we spent time together alone, she tried to get me drunk and sleep with me.”

I stared at her. “Did you slap her for it?”

The seamstress held her head high. “I should have, but I restrained myself. I did, however, tell her not to return to my home unless she was accompanied by somepony else.”

Pinkie nodded. “That was a little before Roxy left for Earth. I remember the conversation we had about that.”

“Did she ever try to ignore your request?” Trixie asked.

Rarity set her jaw. “Three times. The last time she did, I did not restrain myself.”

“Was she propositioning you again?” Pinkie asked.

“The suggestion was evident. Rainbow apparently only finds me attractive during spring estrus’.” Rarity replied blandly. “She even went so far as to try slipping a ‘Love Me Rose’ into a bouquet to trick me!”

The ladies gasped, all except for me. “I don’t know what that is.”

The modest ones in the room lit up bright red and stared at the floor while Pinkie explained. “You see, Roxy, when a mare gets really desperate, she gets a rose that hasn’t bloomed yet and she does a certain thing with it to coat it with her pheromones. If she does it right, then you won’t even be able to notice the smell, but Rainbow was always a little heavy handed.”

My blood ran cold. “... Rainbow tried to date rape you?” I asked, directing the question toward Rarity.

She tilted her head. “I don’t believe I understand what that means.”

“Date rape is when you drug someone or otherwise impair their judgement so you can have sex with them. It’s usually done with alcohol and some kind of heavy muscle relaxer.” I said, my voice ice cold.

Rarity’s eyes opened and her jaw dropped. “... I almost did the same to you with the Lover’s Tea!”

“Now you see why I was so pissed.” I said drily.

“I do indeed. Again, I would like to apologize for that.” Rarity said sincerely.

“It’s water under the bridge. It’s not like you tried to slip me Love Poison-” I cut myself off before I could say ‘again’.

Everyone besides me shuddered. “Love Poison when paired with estrus is impossible.” Pinkie said, giving me a knowing look.

“Luckily I don’t recall ever having experienced such a combination.” I said carefully.

Twilight perked up, sensing something in my words. “What do you mean by that, Roxy?”

“I mean that if something like that ever happened, then I most certainly don’t remember it.” I replied truthfully.

Twilight gave me a look. “You’re hiding something.”

“That’s because I’m not trying to expose another secret that should stay secret.” I said pointedly.

I could feel Twilight remember what I was talking about. “... Oh yeah. Let’s not talk about that.”

Rarity huffed. “It’s quite rude to keep secrets in the company of friends.”

“It’s best that the secret is kept because we’re friends. It would be terrible if Roxy slipped up and told everypony that you-” Twilight silenced Pinkie.

Rarity stared at her. “Pinkie, I assure you that I only had the one incident and I have apologized multiple times for it.”

“Yup. Let’s leave it at that. Rarity only had the one trespass and there’s no need to make waffles out of pancakes here.” I said sagaciously.

I got weird looks from everyone, including Pinkie, who asked, “How do you make waffles out of pancakes?”

“I don’t know, but I batter figure it out fast, huh?” I replied.

I received groans from everyone while I chuckled at their reactions rather than my own terrible joke. I let another one loose and everyone forgot about the secret, instead focusing on trying to tell their own bad jokes. Pinkie even broke out a few that made sense but were just sub-par, and Orchid was actually funnier than fuck. Her joke went as such:

“How do you get a bird out of a tree?” She asked.

“I don’t know.” The other person would reply.

“You get good with a slingshot.” She answered.

After everyone other than me got over their shock, I tried a sexual joke I’d come up with recently that went as such:

“What did the bull say to the echidna??” I asked.

“Why, I don’t know.”

“It’s quality, not quantity.”

And that was received with blushes and a few giggles from Trixie and Twilight who understood the implications, but Rarity, Pinkie, and Orchid were all lost until I told them a fun little fact about echidna genitals.

Pinkie had a great joke about Dragons and their lack of threesomes, but without knowing that Dragons had two dicks, the humor was lost on Orchid and Rarity. Twilight wasn’t fond of the joke because her brother was a Dragon, but when I told her that he’d done well in his first threesome, she pinched me hard enough to leave a small bruise. It was totally worth it, of course, though Rarity chastised me for insinuating that Sweetie Belle had slept with Apple Bloom, but I had to ask if she knew for a fact that the three of them hadn’t tried something of the sort. Twilight cut the conversation there and we moved onto something else, but it was about time for us to get going anyway so we could leave Trixie and Orchid to their snacks.

I gave my sister and sister-in-law a hug, happy that Orchid and I were still on good terms. We’d hashed things out some time ago and our peace was holding strong, especially since she acknowledged that she wouldn’t be as happy as she is without Trixie around, and that since I was the person who paired them up, I rather deserved the credit. I would’ve debated that and called it sheer luck, but even if it was just luck, the result couldn’t have been much better anyway. In any case, the afternoon had gone well and now Pinkie, Rarity, Twilight, and I all had to go find something to do. We sent notes to Applejack and Fluttershy asking if they wanted to have a slumber party, and they both said yes, though I was surprised when Rarity suggested that we go back and get my sister and her wife so they could join us. I was down for that.

After collecting my Trixie and Orchid, we went and grabbed Fluttershy and I started feeding her shots before we could even get to the Castle. Fluttershy’s not a lightweight: she’s a featherweight, so I had to stop after four shots when she started to get a little uneven with her steps. She was feeling better about the whole Rainbow thing after I cut her off though, so my mission was done for the time being. Applejack was buzzing pretty good when we came by to see her, but she said that she’d be over in a little bit. Apparently Granny had just made dinner for an army for no reason other than the fact that she was feeling better than ever, so Applejack asked her if we could help get rid of some food. The crazy old bat was hype to have seven more mouths to feed, but when we got inside and saw the spread, I figured that I was going to have to actually try in order to put a fucking dent in the amount of food Granny had made.

Apple Bloom came in with Spike a few minutes after we’d all taken a place at the table with Applejack, Granny, and Macintosh, so we had plenty of seats filled and a lot of appetites to sate. The meal was a wonderful event that I don’t need to record since Twilight and I teamed up to make a memory spell that would allow everyone to remember the night for as long as they cared to. The atmosphere was just that good, and when Applejack put on her favourite bluegrass album, the dancing began and there were a few more drinks being passed around. Spike and Applebloom were encouraged to have a few shots themselves by Granny, and since she was the Matriarch of the family, they were obliged to do what she said. I think Apple Bloom might have gotten a little buzzed, but she was a funny drunk. Spike was pretty much unaffected, though he liked the taste a lot. Apparently Dragons like alcohol for the flavour because it doesn't affect them at all, though different kinds of liquor can turn their flames different colors.

Granny, Twilight, and Trixie all pushed Spike to try a few different kinds of alcohol such as brandy, bourbon, whiskey, vodka, moonshine, applejack, apple wine, gin, rum of many flavours, and a few shots of Zap Apple Jack. He easily had over fifty shots, but he didn’t so much as slur a single word, though he did like to tap Apple Bloom’s shoulder from time to time just so he could touch her. It was an incredibly sweet tic that only started happening after his twenty-fifth shot, though Apple Bloom eventually got tired of it and just held his hand to satisfy him.

When Applejack’s music came to an end, I turned up the power on my bangle and did something I would normally never do: I concentrated the ambient Song Magic around the farm into the farmhouse and let it find its targets as it pleased. Twilight sang a wonderful original number about friends, family, love, and tough choices that weighed on her. It was a bit melancholy, but it ended happily with the phrase ‘But tomorrow isn’t promised, and today isn’t perfect, yesterday is in the hay, but this love will surely show the way!’ I thought it was sweet. Everyone had something on their mind and it’s not really my place to say what those things were, but as was the norm with Harmonious Synchronization Events, nobody said a damned thing about the lyrics and complimented each other on their pitch, tone, and flow. Spike actually fucking rapped, though, and that was mad dope. His flow reminded me a bit of Talib Kweli, and I found that to be absolutely sick. He was confused as to why I lauded him so readily, but I was feeling pretty good by this point and I wanted everyone to be smiling along with me, so I passed out a great many hugs, a few platonic kisses, and more than a few dances. It was a damn good time that I wouldn’t have traded for much.

Apple Bloom had to have a seat after she had a few too many drinks, but there was plenty of sobering food for her to snack on while she and Fluttershy got off of their hooves for a little while. That is, they got off their hooves and into a room before someone could catch them, but luckily I wasn’t too drunk to notice that they’d slipped off in the same direction after having a long talk full of blushes. I took a quick break from the party and said that I was going to use the loo and caught them hugging and dancing around in a little circle up and down the hall; no funny business having been present. I really did need to use the loo, so I did that before taking Fluttershy aside to warn her against doing much more than dancing with Apple Bloom. She said that she would keep her hands and tongue to herself, and when I talked to Apple Bloom, she definitely needed more snacks before she ended up doing something embarrassing.

The night ended a few hours before dawn with everyone grabbing one of the many spare bedrooms in the farmhouse. The party was supposed to have been at the Castle, but I don’t think anyone was upset with the end result, especially since every couple got to sleep in the same bed, including Spike and Apple Bloom. My little brother was well aware of the fact that Twilight and I were in the room next to his and quietly argued with Apple Bloom for about twenty minutes regarding the topic of sex. He finally won when I came into their room and told them that I would hear every. Single. Thrust. Apple Bloom told me that only a pervert would listen in, but then Applejack made her presence known and told her little sister that she would plug both holes with apples if she tried anything.

Is it wrong that Applejack and I high-fived when we were through cock-blocking and beaver-damming? Naaaaah.

Once I rejoined Twilight in bed, she asked me to be her little spoon so she wouldn’t get all riled up under her friend’s roof and I agreed, though that meant that I was a little moist come morning since I could feel Twilight’s breath on my neck and her breasts on my back. It was also nice that she didn’t have a dick to grind against my arse, but that’s not really along the lines of the sweet shit I’ve been writing down for the past hour or two. Oh well. In any case, Twilight and I slept until nine and we were only a few minutes behind Applejack and Macintosh. Granny slept in a little bit since she’d worn herself out, though she didn’t drink at all last night as per my request. I knew her liver could take it, but I warned her that her heart wouldn’t take to kindly to it and she saw some wisdom in my words. Spike and Apple Bloom were the next ones awake, followed by Fluttershy about fifteen minutes later, then Orchid and Trixie about an hour after that.

When everyone was finally up and ready to get on with their day, it was about eleven or so. Twilight teleported Fluttershy back home and I shifted Trixie and Orchid home after Applejack, Spike, and I made breakfast. Spike headed out to go spend his allotted day with Sweetie Belle shortly after giving Apple Bloom a parting kiss on the cheek, and the Apple Family had to get back to harvesting, though I may have given them a little boost to their energy and stamina to make their tasks a little less sucky. Twilight and I walked home because we could, and we showered together to save ourselves a little time because we fucking could. We didn’t have that much time since I was supposed to give an address at one, and we’d only finished up at twelve fifty five. There were already all sorts of people gathering outside the Castle, the thrum of ‘our subjects’ audible even from the ridiculous height of the balcony/branch where announcements were supposed to be made.

We finished up completely with little time to spare and I had to change back into my usual self. I was glad to have the Ol’ Chap back, but if Twilight hadn’t been feeding me kisses for the last three minutes before the address, I probably would have shit myself for fear of flubbing the whole damned thing. Still, I had to get it out of the way, so after Twilight cast her evil little spell that basically made a giant screen so everyone could see us from a distance, I kept an arm around her waist and took a few calming breaths.

“Are you sure I can’t just bail on this? I mean, yeah I beat Discord, but won’t people understand that I don’t want the attention?” I tried one final time.

Twilight rested her head on my shoulder. “Amour, the ‘ponies’ of Equestria want to see their hero! It’s almost like your responsibility as that hero to at least say something.”

I didn’t like that one bit. “I get it, Cherry, I really do, but why!? Seriously, can I not just be the guy who saves the world quietly?”

She gave me a patient, yet patronizing look. “Let me tell it to you this way: Your story is one of the most inspirational things I’ve ever heard. You came from nothing. Your parents died before you could even fend for yourself, but you had to live on the streets and pave your own way, and you did that for years. You spent your formative years without a soul to rely on, without a friend, and when you finally did find a friend, he passed away to. Your life on Earth was tough, and then you came to Equestria after being raped and tortured, but you still gave ‘ponies’ a chance when you had no reason to trust any'pony’. You fought and struggled your way into accidentally becoming a Baron, which you hated. Then you struggled even more and became a Duke, which you also hated, but still dealt with, and after you were stolen from the home you made, you made the place you were forced to go into a happier, safer place. Max, you’re not just the Hero of Equus, you’re the Hero of Earth too, and I think it’s about time you got the recognition you deserve for the actions you’ve made.” She paused for a moment. “That’s not even mentioning how hard you fought against becoming a Prince, and even after some terrible training that made you want to curl up and leave Equestria alone for the rest of your life, you still came back and lead our ‘ponies’ because it’s just the ‘stallion’ you are. You might have been a thief when you had to survive, but you’ve always been a hero at heart, Maximus. Believe in your heart and address our subjects as the amazing stallion you are instead of the bashful, shy colt you’ve been acting like.”

“The last part was completely unnecessary.” I said irritably.

“Did it get my point across?” Twilight asked, smiling.

I rolled my eyes and gave her a little smooch. “If you weren’t so cute, I’d toss you off this balcony.”

“Too bad I’m cute and have wings.”

“Damn shame is what it is.” I said wryly.

Twilight pinched me and pointed up at the screen. “You know every’pony’ just heard you threaten to throw your wife, right?”

I could feel my face heat up like someone had a handful of hot coals on either side of my cheeks. “You suck sometimes. Like, beyond normal levels of suck.”

“But you love me, right?” She asked playfully.

I pretended to think about it. “I dunno. Did everyone hear your little summary of my life story?”

Twilight gave me a shit-eating grin and I pinched her with my nails. “Ow! Max, that hurt!”

“It was supposed to! Stop embarrassing me in front of the citizens of Ponyville!” I pleaded rather loudly.

“You’re doing a pretty good job of it yourself.” Twilight replied drily.

“I really will throw you off of this balcony.”

She pushed me toward the railing. “Shush and get your address over with. I know you’ve been hearing all the laughter coming from every’pony’.”

I muttered some garbled nonsense and stood with both hands on the railing, my voice already being transmitted down below. After one more deep breath, I got started. “Alright, so all of you just heard my wife exposit all sorts of things about me that she probably shouldn’t have. The next time you see her, please tell her that her arse looks bigger than usual-” Twilight pinched me in a visible place. “Ow. Anyway, I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say here, and I don’t really want to say anything… I guess I could tell you guys that I beat up Discord in a different plane of existence and then threw him into the Sun so he’d never hurt anyone ever again, but I thought that was already common knowledge… Uh… I really got nothin’, ladies and gentlemen. I mean, I hope you enjoy the final day of the Grey Days and have had a good time so far, so please have some funnel cake or a pecan tart in my honor or something. Actually, can we make those the official treats of the Grey Days? They’re like, my favourite sweets, and I actually had some funnel cake yesterday that was pretty good. I think I got it from a vendor on Maple Street, so swing by there sometime and get some, I highly recommend it.” Twilight pinched me again, but harder this time. “Well, OW. Twilight, why the fuck do you keep pinching me?”

“First of all, stop swearing during public addresses. Second, are you really telling ‘ponies’ to go get funnel cake right now?” Twilight asked, her arms crossed.

I blushed and looked toward the massive fucking crowd as they laughed, hooped, and hollered. “... Yes?”

She rolled her eyes and shook her head before addressing the crowd. “Okay every’pony’, just because Max tends to be silly doesn't mean he isn’t effective and efficient at what he does.”

“Oi, I’m terribly inefficient at sex! It takes at least thirty minutes just for foreplay!” The crowd roared in approval, though it was mostly female voices that could be heard.

Twilight’s blush was a deep red and she coughed a couple times. “That might be true, but that’s not important right now.” She said dismissively, making the crowd roar once more. “Anyway, have a happy holiday every’pony’, and don’t let my husband’s silly words make you think any less of him. He’s really just trying to be humble-”

“He’s doing a great job!” Pinkie said with some kind of voice amplifier. I assume it was a megaphone.

Twilight chuckled and shook her head. “I told you that he’s good at what he does, didn’t I?”

The crowd clapped and cheered my name, which made me want to go back inside and hide in the liquor closet, but Twilight lifted my hand as high as she could and I waved with the other one, half-heartedly. We didn’t have much time to spare since we still had two more venues to attend, but it was still pretty alright. Twilight teleported us to Canterlot first since we were supposed to be there a few minutes ago and Celestia quickly shuttled us off to the Address Platform that I’d given my Prince speech at. There were even more people at the Canterlot Castle, which choked me up a little bit until Celestia and Twilight stood on either side of me. My speech wasn’t much better and I got pinched twice as much when I slipped up and said a ‘bad word’, though that just meant that I had to do twice as much pinching myself.

After the speech, we actually had a few minutes before we were supposed to head to the Crystal Empire, so we took a moment to have some tea. Well, Celestia and Twilight had tea. Luna and I had hot toddies because I needed a drink and she was my designated drinking buddy for the time being. She was actually quite fond of it, but she said it would be better with coffee, so we asked a random staff member (I refuse to call them servants) to either make or grab us some coffee and so they did. Luna loved Fuck Juice more than she liked the hot toddie, though we both continued drinking both beverages. Twilight chided me for day drinking, but when I reminded her that we were Alicorns with a high alcohol tolerance, she acquiesced and asked if she could try my hot toddie. She liked that well enough, but brandy was more her speed and I’d just used whiskey because Luna wanted to use it. Celestia put some gin in her tea like a weirdo, and I got Twilight some of my expensive brandy so she could enjoy herself. I sipped on my bourbon-ized Fuck Juice calmly while we talked until we were slated to be in the Crystal Empire.

When we got there, we’d teleported to the Throne Room and the distance had drained a bit of Twilight’s power, so I shifted us to Cadance and we saw some stuff. She had a wall of ‘toys’ that she was looking at casually, and when Twilight realized what she was looking at, she gasped and covered her face like it would bleach the image from her mind. I chuckled and Cadance whirled around, her eyes wide. She wasted no time in teleporting us back to the Throne Room, completely flustered and muddle-mouth to the point where she was just chaining syllables together. I chuckled and shook my head at her before calming her down.

“... I really didn’t mean for you two to see that.” Cadance said once she’d gotten over her near-hysteria.

“As Rarity might say, ‘Let us never speak of this again.’.” Twilight said firmly, her blush having not completely faded yet.

“Were all those toys just for you?” I asked, faking incredulity.

“Of course not!” Cadance exclaimed in a heartbeat.

“And yet they were in your private chambers… The implications.” I gave Twilight a shit-eating grin to beat all others.

She almost hit me for that one. “Max, my brother does not use that kinda stuff! I refuse to believe it!”

I bit back giggles as Cadance glared blunted daggers at me. She’s really just not that scary. “That was an evil trick, Max.”

I gave her a winsome smile. “It sure was, wasn’t it? Why don’t you go and tell all of your racist shitbag plebeians just how evil I am so they have a real reason to not like me.”

Cadance gave me a dark look. “I can deal with the ‘racist’ part, but my people are not ‘shitbags’.”

I nodded. “I stand corrected.”

Cadance turned her gaze to Twilight who flinched before Cadance realized she still looked like she was ready to rip someone’s throat out. “Sorry Twilight, that look was only meant for Max.”

“... I’ve never seen you give anyone that look…” Twilight said softly.

Cadance’s face grew a little rosy. “Well, it’s not something I just do for fun. It only holds so much meaning because I don't use it that often.”

“I’ll say. I thought you were about to teleport me to the top of the Castle and drop me for a few moments.” I replied.

The look returned to her face. “You’re still in deep shit, dumbass. Stop talking.”

I pursed my lips and Twilight held my hand. She knew that I was debating on whether or not to tear Cadance apart for going the extra mile. “I’ll stop talking when I so choose, Cadance.”

She set her jaw and glared at me, her look intensifying. “It would be wise to stop now.”

I stuck my tongue out at her and started making silly faces until she rolled her eyes and looked to Twilight. “You’re married to a potty-mouthed foal.”

Twilight winced and looked away from her. “He’s not that bad…”

Cadance’s look softened again. “I’m sorry Twilight, I’m not trying to upset you, it’s just that Max crossed a line and I’m not very happy about that.”

“It’s okay…” Twilight sniffled.

“Oh sweetie, don’t cry! I’m so sorry!” I let go of Twilight so Cadance could come and give her a hug. Over the taffy-toned Princess’ shoulder, Twilight gave me a smile and a wink, so I passed her a smile of my own and made the universal gesture for cunnilingus and pointed to her before raising three fingers. Twilight’s smile grew wider before she made herself frown and sniff a few more times.

“I’m okay Cadance, I’m just… I’m just not used to you giving people a look like that. I thought you were about to punch my husband.” Twilight murmured softly.

Cadance let my wife go and cupped her face in her hands before giving her a quick kiss. “I wouldn’t do that, Twilight. You know I’m not a fighter, and I know that would upset you a lot more than it would help anything.”

Twilight gave her a weak smile. “Thank you, Candy Arse.”

I couldn’t see her face, but I could practically hear Cadance blink. “I beg your pardon?”

“W-Well, you always seem to like it when Max calls you that…” Twilight lit up bright red and I excused myself from the room because I couldn't stop laughing about it.

Once I came back, Cadance was giving me a mildly irritated look, but at least she wasn’t glaring. “We’re already late for the address, so let’s go.”

I shrugged. “I’ll keep it quick.”

Cadance gave me a look. “Just because we’re not a part of mainland Equestria doesn't mean we don’t deserve the same amount of respect.”

Twilight came to stand next to her. “That’s not what he’s saying. In fact, Max tends to ramble and swear if you make him talk for more than a few minutes.”

Cadance blinked. “Oh. Well then, I suppose quicker is better.”

I nodded. “Just like your sex life.” I said quickly. “Now let’s get this show on the road.”

“Wait, what did you just say?” Cadance asked.

I tilted my head. “Let’s get this show on the road?”

“No, before that.”

“Just like life?” I technically said those words.

Cadance’s face fell and Twilight rolled her eyes at me since she’d heard me the first time. “Max, that’s… That’s really worrying if you think like that.”

I shrugged. “I’m going to live forever anyway, so it’s not like it really matters. I’d prefer my life to only be like, seventy years long, but you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit unless you know that throwing a fit is going to get you what you want. Well, then you look like a petulant child and I still need to go find Shining.” My train of thought switched randomly.

Cadance looked at me funny. “So you don’t want to be immortal?”

“Who really does? Just ask Celestia, Luna, or Noir- Well, you’ll have to wait until she’s done fucking Uror silly, but they’ll all tell you that being immortal kinda sucks. It’s not a topic I want to get into right now, but I’m sure you’ll hear the wisdom in my words soon enough. Now, like I said, let’s get this show on the road, Taffy Tits.”

Cadance cracked a little smile and blushed. “I think I like that nickname better than ‘Candy Arse’.”

Twilight and I chuckled at that, but we did get a move on and I gave my speech. No one clapped or anything and the crowd was pretty small in the first place, so I basically told them to enjoy the holiday and to keep being happy and cheerful. Cadance wouldn’t look me in the eye since Twilight had described the reception I’d gotten at the prior Castle's, and I figured it was because I’d been proven right. The Crystal Ponies still don’t like me even after I saved their arses for a third time, and as we walked towards one of Cadance’s preferred tea rooms or what-the-fuck-ever it was supposed to be, I noticed that she gave Twilight awfully clipped responses, though it wasn’t as though she was being rude per se. Otherwise we would’ve had a fuckin’ problem.

Once we arrived, I told the ladies that I had to use the loo and shifted out for a moment before returning. My business left me feeling a little better about certain things, but who wants to hear about that anyway? No, I focused on my tea for a little while, though this time I didn't make it into a hot toddie and now I was waiting on Cadance to say something about the general rudeness or indifference of her people.

“You know, it’s pretty much just me that your people don’t like. I wouldn’t worry about it that much.” I said casually.

Cadance stared into her cup and sighed. “... It’s hard to see that my people can be such incredible ingrates. I mean, they cheered for you when you defeated Sombra, but when you stopped the iceberg-cloud from destroying the stadium, nopony from the Crystal Empire said anything to you, though I think that may have been because of that weird Magic you used…” She trailed off and glanced at me.

I shrugged. “It was Sombra’s Magic after all. I got rid of that toxic bullshit, but I needed it to defeat Discord. Oh yeah, thanks for the Magic again.”

Twilight had been giving me a stern look before it turned to one of confusion. “Say what now?”

“I gave Max some of my Unicorn Magic some time ago. I never did learn what you used it for.” Cadance explained, her question unspoken.

“I used it to defeat Discord.” I said easily.

My fair-weather lover and ride-or-die wife both stared at me. “What? I needed Dark, Unicorn, and True Magic to cast a time-stopping spell that basically allowed me to use Absolute Berserk and both of the physical enhancement techniques I’ve learned to pummel Discord to unconsciousness. Hell, it probably wouldn’t have worked if I… Didn’t…” I stared at my left arm, only now realizing just how pivotal the thing had been in my fight against Discord. It could put a dent in a Dragon made of godly metals, so it wasn’t a surprise that it was strong enough to knock out one of the lower gods.

“Max? Why are you looking at your arm?” Cadance asked.

“It’s the reason I was able to beat Discord.” I said softly, the pieces finally falling into place. “Twilight, we need to have a private conversation.”

Cadance looked mildly offended. “I’m sure you have your reasons.”

I nodded. “I do, though you’re one of the only two people I would be willing to show this to.”

Twilight beamed. “Why don’t you try letting Cadance see? We’ll lock the door and ward the room so no one can teleport in while you’re exposed!”

“Can we get Noir here so I don’t have to do it again? I think she’d like to know and I’m starting to get a little anxious already.”

Cadance looked between us. “Please don’t tell me that Max is about to take his pants off.”

“No, he’s going to take his shirt off.” Twilight said happily. “Oh Max, I’ll be so proud of you if you can go through with it!”

“You’re not proud of me now?” I jested half-heartedly.

“I’ll be proud of you for the rest of our lives, Amour, but for now, I’m just waiting for you to take the second step. After this, do you think you’ll be able to muster up the courage to show Celestia and Luna or our friends?” My wife asked.

“... Mum first, then we’ll see. Nashoba won’t care one way or the other since I can still hunt with her.”

Cadance fidgeted in her seat. “Well now I’m anticipating some kind of surprise. Did you get a scar or something from your fight with Discord?”

“It’s a little worse than just a scar.” Twilight said softly.

I sighed and rubbed my arm. “I’ll go see if Noir is done trying to taste Uror’s health and bring her here if she is.”

“What does that mean?” The purple one asked.

“You remember the song I played for you? The one with the lyrics ‘Lick her heart and taste her health’?”

“Oh yeah, the one about the birds and the lonely view!” Twilight snapped as she recalled the song.

“It’s actually about a life-destroying drug, but you know. Birds.” I couldn’t help but chuckle.

Cadance shook her head. “So what does ‘taste her health’ mean?”

“Why would you be tasting another woman?” I asked.

That was all it took for them to get it, so I juiced up and shifted out into the Everfree outside of Uror’s tree. I could hear Noir and Uror relaxing as they had been since I returned from defeating Discord, though I was just glad that I hadn’t caught them at a bad time, namely sexy time. I didn’t actually know for certain, but their hearts sounded normal so I asked for Noir’s presence for a little bit. I think she was just enjoying her special vacation time, but I was prepared for her to get back to business for a moment and let it be known through the branches of Uror’s tree. When she didn’t come out, I shifted my way in and shocked the shit out of both women. They were naked at the time, but I’ve slept with both of them, so it didn’t matter.

“Maximus! Why would you intrude after we so dutifully ignored you?” Noir asked irritably.

“What happened to always having time for me?” I replied more softly.

“... Fair enough. I suppose it is an important fight, is it not?”

“It’s not a fight at all. In fact, it’s not even business. It’s news.”

Uror lifted her head from Noir’s chest. “News of The War?”

“Yeah. It’s over.” I announced.

The ancient beings looked at each other and rose quickly, both of them adorning their clothes in seconds. “If you are joking, then I will break your arm. The left one.” Uror threatened.

“First, you couldn’t if you tried your damnedest. Second, it helped end The War, so you should be worshipping this arm. Third, I killed Discord using your Violent Temporal Arrest spell, Noir.”

Uror gasped. “Y-You slayed Discord yourself?” She asked in hushed tones. “You did not receive help?” Noir didn’t tell you I already killed him?

“I used the Magic I’ve borrowed up until this point, but yeah. I soloed the toughest boss in the game with the craziest stats.”

Noir swept me up in a hug, squeezing me rather tightly. She spun me around in circles, and as I struggled to breathe, she lead us outside with Uror coming close behind, cheering and creating all sorts of delicious looking fruit bearing trees in her glade.When I was about to blackout, Noir put me down and I had to stay on the ground for a little bit until I caught my breath, but when I did, I got up and got squished by Uror too. Noir joined in with a little less enthusiasm, though I feel it necessary to mention that both women were babbling incessantly and crying at this point, both of them having known Discord to be the threat that he really was. I guess Noir had been holding back her true elation so she could share the moment with Uror or something, I don't know. Once they let me go, I’d already changed into Roxy because I just didn’t feel like being Max at the moment and had only stayed as Max to deal with the speeches.

“This is truly the most glorious day that has been on Equus! Tell me, when did you slay him? Was the fight worthy of legend? Did he suffer for his crimes?” Uror asked. The last one came out dark and venomous as one might expect, just not from Uror

“Uh, I slayed him like, three days ago, it was actually kinda easy, and when he was conscious he was suffering. I ended up throwing him into the Sun.” I said awkwardly.

Uror blinked. “How did you change into a female?”

“I inherited Discord’s Magic when I killed him.”

They stared at me for a moment. “... I know my breasts got a bit bigger and the arse looks nice, but you don’t have to stare.” I murmured, the joke sounding weak even to me.

“... So you are now the most powerful being on Equus?” Noir asked slowly.

“Kinda. It depends on whether or not one of Discord’s kin ever decides to come down and say hi.” I answered.

“... There are more of him?” Uror breathed.

“Yeah, a lot. Most are weaker and a few are stronger, but I rank in the lower-middle area. Discord wasn’t really all that powerful, his stuff was just incredibly versatile. Oh yeah, Uror, the gods exist attached to Equus.”

Uror stared at me.

I told them the full story of what happened and the events over the past few days in a few minutes of conversation. Twilight asked why i was taking so long and I told her that I was explaining the situation to Noir, so I hurried up and asked if I could borrow Uror’s sweet ‘little’ lover for a little bit. Uror gave her up and told me to watch over her while she was ‘in my care’, so I promised her that I would, despite Noir’s insistence that she was a proud blue woman who don’t need no man. Still, I brought Noir to the Crystal Empire and explained to her why I’d brought her there real quick before sitting down in front of Cadance and Noir.

“Alright, what I’m about to show you doesn’t leave this room until I give you the go ahead. Speaking of, don’t expect that any time during this generation.” I warned.

Noir gave me a look. “You are one of the most mentally resilient men I have ever met, even if you do stumble from time to time.”

Cadance nodded .”I have to agree. A lot of what you’ve been through would’ve put most people down for the rest of their lives.”

Twilight stood behind me and squeezed my shoulders. “I married a real tough guy, didn’t I?”

“Ooow!” i said in the whiniest voice I could conjure up, making all three women flinch. “Twi-light, that huuuurts!”

Twilight pulled on both of my ears. “I swear, if I ever hear you talk like that again, I’m divorcing your for a week. I’ll go live with Spike if I have to.”

“That just means I get to marry you again.” I said with a smile, rubbing my ears.

“As sweet as that is, why don’t you just hurry up and get it over with? I’m sure Cadance and Noir are ready to see your arm.”

I sighed and started undressing, getting a little ‘Woo!’ from Cadance and a ‘Ten out of ten’ (It was sarcastic, but still) from Noir, both of which gave me a little more confidence. I got my jacket off and the jersey style shirt I was wearing followed soon after. I was left with a brazier and my bandages on my upper arm, but as I went to unravel the cloth, my hand started shaking and I had to take a few deep breaths to steady myself. I managed to expose the join where my flesh met metal, though when Noir and Cadance gasped, I started shifting uncontrollably around the room until Twilight managed to grab me and calm me down.

Noir and Cadance came in to hug me and I let them, not noticing that Twilight had teleported the rest of my bandages off. When I finally had my breathing under control, I realized that they were gone and I stared at the multi-coloured monstrosity for a moment, but Twilight had me tethered down, having lowered the power on my bangle while I was busy doing other things. Mind you, Twilight, Noir, and Nashoba are the only ones who can alter the bangle besides myself and the fucker who made it in the first place. Once I realized that I was exposed, I panicked hard until Noir grabbed my hand and started feeling my arm like she didn’t have a care in the world.

“This is a machine, is it not? This is far beyond whatever means Equus or even Earth has. At least, to my knowledge.” Noir said quietly. “How did your arm get replaced by this?”

I told her shakily. I don’t want to write it down again, so I’m not going to.

Cadance immediately gave me another hug. “Oh Roxy! You’re always the person who suffers the most, even if you try and make other people happy! You’re such a strong woman! If you’d been born a mare, I can only imagine how many fillies would look up to you!”

Twilight beamed. “I talked to a colt the other day and he said that he wanted to be just like Max. I think us mares have enough role models: it’s about time the stallions got one too.”

Cadance squeezed me tighter. “Whichever!”

I hugged her back with my right arm since the only person I really want touching the left one is Twilight. “Thanks.”

Cadance held me at arm's length. “Can I give you a kiss? I don’t think I’ve ever had the pleasure while you were a woman.”

“... Can I get dressed first?” I asked nervously.

Cadance’s eyes flickered down to my breasts and she blushed. “O-Of course! I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking too hard.” She gave me an apologetic smile.

I had Twilight help me re-wrap my arm, and once it was properly covered again, I breathed a sigh of relief and finally relaxed, my muscles a bit sore from being taut for so long. I gave Cadance her kiss and asked if anyone had unlocked the door before Shining Armor started beating on it like a madman, shouting about something or other in single syllable burts. Noir let him in and Twilight and I dispelled our wards while Shining Armour raced in.

With wings on his back.

I blinked a couple times and Twilight stared with her jaw on the floor, while Noir looked fucking hungry like she was waiting for a moment to steal him away and devour him whole in the sexual of senses. I thought it was amusing, but I was mostly interested in what Shining was saying.

“I’m an Alicorn! I-I-I oh my gosh this is huge, Cadance! I’m the first male Alicorn! Shining practically shouted.

Cadance’s eyes filled with tears of joy and she embraced him as though they would never see each other again. Celestia and Luna came into the room shortly after, having teleported there. Celestia wasn’t surprised and I figured she wouldn’t be since she was the one who’d probably seen Shining become an Alicorn first and Luna just looked staggered like she couldn’t comprehend the fact that there was an actual male Alicorn (That was a Pony. I don’t count on this one). Shining and Cadance cried and wailed about how they would finally get to spend eternity forever and how happy they were that they didn’t have to worry about Shining dying long before Cadance ever would. It was a good moment, which is why I made it happen in the first place.

Yeah, I meddled again. So fucking sue me. In my defense, I’d told Shining that I would look into making him immortal some time ago, and I was honestly just keeping my word, though it wasn’t as if I was going to say that I did anything. I didn’t want the credit and I didn’t want anyone to know that I could make Alicorns, but from the look Celestia gave me, she’d already figured it out. She gave me a smile and a wink before opening her mouth, but I put a stop to that.

‘Don’t say anything. Just let them think Shining found his best shield spell or whatever.’ I requested telepathically.

Celestia didn’t say anything to that, but she did give me an odd look before nodding. We were probably going to have words about it some other time, but for now, I was in the clear. Cadance and Shining eventually let Twilight get in on the hug and happy moment, but the other four people in the room kinda just backed off and let them have their moment. I thought it was incredibly sweet. After like, ten minutes of nonsensical words and stuff, Shining finally noticed me and I waved.

“... Not to kill the mood, but who are you?” He asked hesitantly.

“I’m Max, but I go by Roxy when I’m female.” I replied airily.

“Oh… Congratulations on being the Hero of Equus.” He said sincerely.

“Thanks, mate. Congratulations on joining the club.” I gave him a little smile.

He beamed. “You know, you’re really pretty as a mare. Not as pretty as my sweet Honey Bunny, but still attractive.”

I gave him an odd look .”Someone’s in a good mood.”

“Well, I just learned that I’m going to get to spend thousands of years with the love of my life, so…” He shrugged and smiled like a fool.

I chuckled. “I’m sure you two want to celebrate. If anyone needs anything, I’ll be drinking in Castle Arcadia.”

Shining made a face. “Why don’t we have a few celebratory drinks here? I mean, it’s not like you’ve got anything better to do right now, right?”

“Actually, Twilight and I have a triple date in about two hours. I’d love to stay and celebrate with you, but maybe we can do it when I don’t have plans with my sister and some friends.”

“A triple date?” A few people chorused.

“Max’s sister Trixie and her wife wanted to go on a double date with us and then Pinkie asked Rarity out, so we all agreed to meet up today to celebrate the last of the Grey Days.” Twilight explained. “I really want to celebrate with you, BBBFF, but we did kinda promise that we would be there…”

“They Grey Days only come around once a year, Twily. I’ll be an Alicorn for thousands of them.” Shining chuckled.

I sidled closer and closer to Luna until I could finally whisper in her ear. She grinned and agreed in a heartbeat, making Shining Armour into Shining Aegis in but a few seconds. ‘He’ noticed the changes after Twilight and Cadance did, but both of them were just giving ‘him’ funny looks while they appraised ‘his’ new appearance. I gave ‘him’ a look and saw that he wasn’t as pretty as Cadance, but was still pretty cute, if I do say so myself. ‘He’ was a good blend of the two and you could definitely see some Twilight Velvet in his face, though ‘his’ chest was just fucking ridiculous. She was just a little smaller than Celestia in the bust department, but she had a severe case of no-arse-at-all, just like when she was a dude.

“Well suck my dick and swallow the load, Shining Aegis is born!” I announced.

Cadance gave her another once over. “I like that name. Shining Aegis…”

Twilight gave her sister a brilliant smile. “At least you’re really cute! You might give Cadance a run for her money if you put a little makeup on.”

Cadance rolled her eyes. “Please, Twilight, she’s pretty enough as it is.” She gave her wife a certain look that promised interesting times ahead.

Aegis coughed. “Well, it’s nice and all, but can somepony change me back into a guy? This shirt is really tight.”

Celestia changed her clothes for her and I recognized the outfit as one of the ones Celestia had tried on when she’d first changed me into Roxy. “Personally, I think you should give being a woman a shot for awhile. Who knows? You might enjoy it more than you might think~” Her implications were pretty clear to everyone except Twilight, for some odd reason.

Shining sighed. “Do I have to beg?”

I changed him back because I could, but didn’t bother with the clothes. “Courtesy of your savoir. That’ll be your entire kingdom, your wife, and your mother’s hand in holy matrimony, thank you.”

Shining Armour rolled his eyes at me. “The only thing you’re getting is gratitude and maybe a hug.”

“Make that ‘maybe’ disappear and I won’t change you back into a girl.” I said.

Shining gave me a dull look, but he still gave me my hug. “You’re a bully, you now that, right?”

“I’m the nicest bully you’ve ever met.” I jested.

Twilight came over and hugged me. “If you try to bully me, I’ll take away your kisses.”

I hugged her back with one arm. “If you don’t let me bully you, I’ll take away your kisses.”

Noir gasped. “You barbarian!”

I stared at her. “You, of all people, have no room to talk about barbarians.”

Noir gave me a look. “Am I not allowed to joke?”

“No, of course not.” Celestia answered. “Jokes are for those under a thousand years of age. Pranks are for people our age.”

Luna nodded. “That they are.”

Noir huffed. “I am no good at practical jokes. I would like to debate this.”

“Sorry, Blackberry, but you’re just going to have to deal with the fact that you’re not allowed to be funny.” I shrugged. “Too bad, so sad.”

Noir came over and threw me onto her shoulder casually before giving my arse a hearty smack. “There will be spanking for the all of those who are allowed to tell jokes in order to make things fair for those of us who have outlived the average Pony lifespan.”

Twilight teleported out, Cadance just stood there, and Shining looked like he couldn’t decide whether or not he should run or if he should stay and take his punishment for fun. I shifted out of Noir arms, powered up, and shrunk her down to a meter. When Noir realized that I was almost twice as tall as she was, she tried Shadow Diving away, but I locked her down by warding off the room and picked her up before spinning her around in a circle.

“Look! It’s a little person!” I announced.

Noir struggled against my hold on her, kicking and flapping her wings. “Put me down you insolent cur!” She yelled in an adorably squeaky voice. “I will beat you until you turn as dark as the night sky!”

I hugged her and buried her face in my mammaries, but when she bit me, she actually drew blood, so I threw her across the room because that shit Fucking hurt. “Oi! That was completely un-fucking-necessary!”

Noir picked herself up and stormed over to me. “Change me back!”

Celestia coughed. “Roxy, she most likely bit you because you took things too far.”

I glared at Noir. “Give me one good reason not to punt you back to Equestria for biting my tit.”

“I am your Mistress!”

“I’m stronger than you.” I replied.

Noir looked pissed, but she let out a breath and said, “I do not like being short. It makes me feel helpless.”

I rolled my eyes and changed her back into her normal self. “Bite me again and I’m permanently changing you into a dude with a small dick.”

“Noted.” She said crisply before Shadow Diving out.

Celestia shook her head. “She shouldn’t have messed with the strongest person on the planet, to be fair.”

Luna nodded her agreement. “It was a foolish decision.”

Cadance gave me a look. “You didn’t have to throw her into the wall, Roxy.”

I showed her my bleeding tit and she winced. “How about I draw blood on you and see where that goes?” I said drily.

“Not necessary, but why is your blood gold?” Cadance said asked.

“My thoughts exactly. My blood’s gold because I killed Discord and became a god. I’m gonna go get Twilight so we can go on our date. We’ll all have to get together and celebrate Shining’s wings when Noir isn’t mad at me anymore, which shouldn’t take that long in all honesty.”

Shining had a doubtful look to him. “I don’t know, Max-”

“It’s Roxy right now, mate.” I corrected.

He rolled his eyes. “My point is that Noir seemed pretty upset, though I thought you’d be more mad at her for biting you.”

“I threw her across the fucking room. I got mine just like she got hers, so as far as I’m concerned, we’re even and the only thing that we need to do now is hug and apologize.”

“You say that like it fixes everything.” Luna snarked.

“It does with Noir and I. We try not to stay mad at each other for too long.”

“True. It does us no favours.” Noir said from behind me as she rose out of my shadow.

I didn’t bother turning my whole body around, but I did step back and put my head under her boobs. “Sorry I threw you, but you have sharp teeth.”

“I am sorry I bit you, but I was not fond of being three feet tall.” Noir wrapped her arms around me and I held her hands.

I shifted Twilight back into the room and she fell on her arse since she’d been sitting down. Pretty much everyone started to give her a hand up, but I was her wife, so I got first dibs on her sweet, sweet digits. Once I had them in my grasp, I pulled her to her feet and explained what had just went down, though Noir had to explain that she’d only left to get the taste of my blood out of her mouth since it tasted too sweet. I was mostly upset that I now had golden ichor leaking from my titty until I realized that I could fix it. I kept the jersey because I like the way the sleeves only went to my elbows, though Twilight asked if I could change into something a little more feminine. I really didn't want to, but everyone one else chimed in and I started feeling pressure to do so, which made me put on a normal grey V-neck with a useless black breast pocket. I also changed my livery to match, but that’s not terribly important.

Once I was changed, Twilight asked me to shift us home, so I asked Noir if she wanted to come along. She said that she would be heading back to spend more time with Uror, but that she appreciated the offer and Shadow Dived shortly after passing out hugs to the people she liked. Twilight and I gave hugs to everyone before heading back home to prepare for our date, and my fucking God, was Twilight indecisive about what to wear. I suggested that she go with her favourite outfit, but she told me that she couldn’t fit the blouse anymore, so I made it a little roomier in the bust area and fixed the rest of it without needing to be asked. Twilight commented on how cheap and cheatsy my Magic was, so I locked my bangle in at ten and told her that I wouldn’t touch it for twenty-four hours. She called me out and said that I was already touching it since I was wearing it, which made me give her a certain kind of look that women are better at giving than men will ever be. It actually worked due to the power of my vagina, and if Twilight tells you any different, don’t fucking believe her.

Once we were prepared for the day, we got a move on, though Twilight complained once or twice about having to walk across town when we could have just met up at Rarity’s since it was in the middle of town, meaning that Trixie and Orchid would have had a walk similar to ours if we had gone that route. Instead, Twilight and I were stuck meandering through the streets and she got stopped a few times by some of our subjects. They were mostly asking about where I was, so I told them that ‘Max’ was taking care of some loose ends and that I (As Roxy) was escorting Twilight around in his stead since he trusted me with his wife. I usually kissed her immediately after that just to fuck with people, but Twilight kissed back because she was feeling the mirth as well. A few people asked how I managed to get such a great job and I told them that I’d worked to gain my own trust and had proven myself worthy on the battlefield a few times, which was why I kept my arm bandaged up. Telling people that it was an injury from The War pretty much always earned me respect or admiration, and I found that to be rather nice.

Most people left Twilight and I alone on our walk, though there was a pair of kids, a girl and a boy, who gave Twilight a present meant for me. She promised not to unwrap it and that she would give it to me herself before she just handed it off to me. While I was Roxy. The kids looked betrayed like no other before I showed them my Signet Ring and explained that I was just going around as a female so no one would bother me. Oddly enough, the boy totally understood that and swore that he would never tell a soul about my alternate identity while the girl wanted to spread the news far and wide so everyone could come and give me praise. I threatened to tell on her if she spilled my secret and that was the end of that, though Twilight wasn’t sure how to feel about me tattling on a well-meaning child. I reminded her that I’d threatened a child’s life before and she caved, saying that I’d been incredibly nice when compared to that event.

Rarity and Pinkie were already at Trixie’s house when we got there, so after a quick cuppa, we all got started on our business. I took the time to examine everyone’s attire since I felt like I was a little underdressed for the occasion, though I was assured that it was supposed to be a casual event anyway. Trixie wore a light grey sundress with matching tights, and Orchid wore a purposefully faded red V-neck similar to mine along with some nice black denim trousers. Rarity had opted for a tasteful royal purple blouse and cardigan combo with a nice pair of trousers while Pinkie surprised the fuck out of me by dressing like she was an actual adult for once, going with a mild yellow camisole/dress that made her look like she actually had boobs. We all looked pretty good, if I do say so myself, though Twilight still looked the best with her sweater vest and blouse combo with her magenta skirt and… Socks? Leg warmers? I don’t know which one they are, but I know Twilight looks nice in them.

We took to the town and started off by getting some corn on the cob, and I really gotta say that watching Ponies eat corn on the cob is fuck-in’ weird. They eat the cob. I’m still fucking weirded out by that shit, but when Twilight pointed out that it was weird that I ate living creatures, I couldn’t really say shit because our versions of normal were just that different. I still found it to be quite strange, but I held back my shock and we continued on with our afternoon. There were quite a few games out and about ready to be played, but the first thing Pinkie wanted to do was challenge me to the strength test that had been set up the day before.

We each took two swings, but I wasn’t really into it for the first swing until Pinkie got way too close to ringing the bell for my tastes. I had to show her up for my gal, so I made sure to put some extra arse into it on my second swing, leaning in and using the power of my left arm. When I swung the hammer, I actually dented the fucking bell and I found that to be amusing until the dudette who ran the game demanded that I pay for being too strong. I gave her a few bits and she tried to give me a stuffed monkey, but I thought that was racist as fuck, so I asked for something else. She ended up giving me a four foot tall dog that I was down for and I handed it off to Twilight since it’s the butch lesbian’s job to win stuff for her more feminine mate.

Speaking of, Twilight fixed the bell and the woman gave me my bits back before Pinkie got her second swing in. She rang the bell too, but it wasn’t as ear-shatteringly loud as my strike had been. Pinkie ended up getting a stuffed cat that looked way too much like Rarity’s evil little shit of a feline, though Rarity was pretty happy about it. Trixie took a swing at the game, but she was weak as fuck and barely managed to get the weight halfway up the thingamabob. Orchid took pity on her and nailed the target with poise and power in spades. I blame her Earth Pony strength bullshit, but it was nice that she won Trixie the monkey that had originally been meant for me. I had to ask if monkeys were one of the established races, but I was assured by Twilight and Trixie that Orangutans, Gorillas, and Chimpanzees were the only sentient Ape races, and they were pretty damn isolationist. They generally lived in jungle-like places and tended to be quicker to anger than most races, so it was really for the best that they stuck to themselves.

Twilight and Rarity didn’t want to try their strength, so we moved on and meandered about for a little while. We chatted back and forth about inane things, though I was surprised that Pinkie was flirting with Rarity in a calm and controlled manner that the white mare obviously appreciated. It didn’t hurt that Pinkie actually looked good with her hair curled into loose ringlets rather than the messy style she usually went with. Hell, if Pinkie went around looking like she did today all the time, I probably wouldn’t be as averse to sleeping with her, but that’s neither here nor there.

“Hey Rarity, how do you get your mane to transition so subtly from such a rich purple to milder tones? I’ve seen your mane for years and I’ve been asking myself how you do it, but I still can’t figure it out!” Pinkie said quietly. Well, quietly for her, that is.

Rarity smiled and ran her fingers through her mane carefully as to not mess it up. “I would love to tell you that I have some sort of secret, but I can’t tell you why my mane is the way it is. I believe it’s always been like this.”

Pinkie groaned playfully. “That’s so unfair! I’m stuck with boring pink and you get gradations that just look fantastic!”

Rarity tittered and held out a hand. “Oh please, Pinkie. You act like your mane isn’t ten times softer than mine at the least! I don’t know how you manage to get your follicles so thick and luscious, but I’m sure you have some sort of method to your madness.”

Pinkie smiled shyly and took Rarity’s hand, curling one of her ringlets around a finger. “I don’t know, I think I’d rather have my mane shine like yours than feel like mine. Everypony just has to look at your mane to see the quality, but ponies have to feel mine to do the same.”

Rarity let go of her hand for a moment to feel Pinkie’s mane. “It’s a shame that the gesture is seen as too intimate for most ponies. I believe most of us are missing out, Darling.”

Pinkie blushed and held Rarity’s hand again. “Oh, you’re just saying that.”

Rarity hip checked her as we were walking along. “Surely you don’t think I would lie to you, do you?”

Pinkie looked away, smiling like she was smitten with her. “You might bend the truth a little bit to be nice.”

Rarity giggled. “I assure you, Pinkie, that I mean every word I say.”

While they were going back and forth with their compliments and mild flirtations, those of us who were already married were trading silly grins at their sweetness. I was (And still am) willing to bet that Trixie, Orchid, and Twilight were all thinking along the same lines as myself, remembering the times where we said similar things to our wives. I didn’t know if Pinkie and Rarity were going to take it much further than a couple of dates, but I could tell that they were growing closer by the minute, and that made me happy for obvious reasons. The married couples observed the trial-pairing as we searched for another fun game to play, and once we found one, it was on.

It was decided that we would split up into teams of three, and the teams were a little obvious. Those of us who’d won stuffed animals for our dates were on one team and those who’d received the plushies wiere on the other, and the game was a simple ring toss. We could have competed as couples, but there were plenty of people around and we didn’t want to take up too much time by going in thirds. Team Dyke went first, and I carried us pretty damn hard. Pinkie didn’t have much in the way of finesse and Orchid didn’t have good aim, but my hand-eye coordination has always been the cat’s pyjamas. We each got five rings to toss and Pinkie flubbed it completely, landing a whopping zero ring on any of the pegs while Orchid managed to get one. I landed four of my five, and I only missed the last one because Twilight told me to throw with my non-dominant hand, which was pretty cheap, in my opinion.

Team Femme took their turn and I was turned into a being of pure salt when Trixie landed all five of her rings without using Magic, but that wasn’t the worst part. Twilight managed to match me by herself, though she only missed her last one because I told her to hold herself to the same rules she made me commit to. Rarity almost pulled a Pinkie, but she managed to bounce a ring off of a peg and land it on one that was like, a foot away by some miracle. It still counted, but even without it, Team Dyke got destroyed and we were the recipients of our own stuffed animals. Orchid got a medium sized dolphin because Trixie had landed all of her rings, and I got a little blue puppy that felt like it was full of pellets while Pinkie got a small stuffed squirrel for Rarity’s efforts. My team didn’t get anything to give away because it was a head-to-head competition, but I don’t think anyone was bothered by that at all.

While we were searching for a vendor with pecan tarts, we found Applejack and Fluttershy strolling about town, hand in hand. I took the initiative when we got within conversation distance and asked, “Oi! You lovely ladies wanna join us and make this a double double date?”

Applejack blushed and almost said that they weren’t on a date, but Fluttershy cut her off by saying, “We’d be delighted! Applejack and I were just going to play a few games, but it’ll be even more fun with friends!”

Twilight gave her a brilliant smile. “That’s great! Are you two going as a couple or as friends?”

The cowgirl stayed bright red, allowing Fluttershy to speak for her. “Well, ‘friends’ is in the title of what we label our relationship as…”

“Is ‘benefits’ included in that?” I asked glibly.

Fluttershy’s cheeks grew a little pink. “Well…”

Twilight pinched me. “Stop messing with people and find your darn tarts already!”

“I’ve got seven tarts around me already.” I replied smoothly.

I got weird looks from everyone. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Applejack asked.

I tilted my head. “It’s a compliment in England. It usually means ‘pretty woman’.” Well, some ladies don’t like it too much, but whatever.

There was a chorus of ‘Oh’ from my fellow ladies and a few blushes. Trixie told me to stop trying to steal Orchid away from her and our group got some chuckles out of that until my sister tactfully pointed out that I’d slept with half the women present. I pinched the fuck out of her and Orchid was on my side since Trixie had just made things awkward for no reason, and the look of betrayal on her face was delicious. Twilight got us moving again and we searched for something else to do, though we did eventually find my pecan tarts. They were fucking dope and I inhaled a quarter of the vendor supply by myself, though the guy told me to save some for ‘Prince Max’, should I decide to stop by. Twilight promised him that she would tell me about his stall and once we were out of earshot, she kept her promise and I went back as Max to get a couple more since I fucking love those things.

After another quick trip to a back alley to change again, we found a weird game that was based on balance. Basically, you had to walk up this ladder that had thick planks so Ponies could actually get up it and ring the bell. The trick was that the ladder would twist and wobble as you climbed, easily throwing off all comers , regardless of the techniques they tried to use. Everyone got a shot at it and all seven of my companions failed miserably, though Trixie was the one who got the furthest. She didn’t quite make it to the bell, but by using her hands and hooves, she’d gotten further than anyone else.

Except me of course.

I walked up that bitch like I was strolling through Ponyville Park. The planks were so broad that I didn’t have to be careful with my steps, and since my feet had more surface area to use, my balance was easier to find. To top it all off, since my center of gravity was near my hips instead of my chest due to the whole being a woman thing, shit was like walking up a set of stairs. I fucking kicked the bell because I could and walked back down the ladder, wearing the shit-eatingest grin I could possibly manage while the rest of my group was glaring at me. I got a fucking MASSIVE stuffed phoenix that was easily taller than Pinkie, and it’s wings would extend and everything. It was actually pretty dope, but I ended up giving it to Twilight and she teleported it home because it was such a hassle to carry around. She kept the stuffed dog, though.

“That just ain’t right!” Applejack complained as we were walking away. “Nopony even got close, but Roxy just up and strolls her way up that darn ladder like it was nothin’!”

Fluttershy giggled. “I think somepony’s just jealous.”

“I do believe you’re right, Darling.” Rarity chimed in.

Applejack huffed. “It just don’t make no sense!”

Trixie chuckled. “Trixie thinks you might want to go back and show Roxy how it’s really done.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “It’s pretty obvious that Roxy rigged the game.” She jibed.

Applejack whirled around and looked at me. “Did you really?”

I gave her a look. “Hell no. Games like these aren’t fun if you don’t run the risk of losing.”

She nodded. “I thought ya might be too good to do somethin’ like that, but ya can never tell sometimes.”

A thought popped into my head. “Oi, AJ.”

“Yeah?”

“When it comes to dick, do you just suck it, fuck it, and chuck it, or is that too personal?”

Orchid and Rarity gasped at my crude language. “Roxanne! Such talk is truly unbefitting of a Princess such as yourself!”

Applejack gave Rarity a look. “Everypony knows that Roxy is the blue-collar Princess, Rares. Rough language comes along with the territory.”

Rarity huffed and Pinkie giggled. “You really should expect it by now, Rarity! You know Roxy doesn't care about saying the proper thing.”

“Still, it’s not like a mare should be using that kind of language anyway.” Orchid protested.

“Buck that.” Fluttershy said softly.

“I agree with Fluttershy, except I would’ve said ‘Fuck’.” I replied.

Orchid sighed and Rarity groaned. “Really Roxy, you’re going to have to act like a lady some time if you’re going to be one.”

“Nah, I’m good.” I responded eloquently. “I am who I am, no matter what set of genitals I might happen to have at the moment and nothing is going to change that.”

Twilight came close and whispered, “You are who you are, no matter what’s attached to your shoulder.”

I stopped cold and caught her arm, drawing her close. The rest of the girls kept walking while I did my best to show Twilight my appreciation through the application of my tongue to hers, though they doubled back once they realized we weren’t following anymore. We were given a little space, and when I finally drew back from our kiss, Twilight was a little dazed and wore a goofy grin, so I got her moving and we rejoined the group. Pinkie asked what the kiss was for and I said that Twilight had said something incredibly relevant and touching, but I didn’t say much more than that.

We carried on as we had been, looking for more snacks and something else that looked like fun. Applejack suggested we go bobbing for apples since Granny was running the booth and we all agreed as long as someone was the designated mane/hair holder. God forbid anyone get their mane wet. It’s not like we had three magical people who either knew drying spells or had E-Z Magic™. Seriously, godly Magic is simple as fuck to use, but I was talking about apple bobbing or whatever. So we followed Applejack to Granny’s own little slice of the party and when we got there, a few people were already trying their luck, most failing miserably. There was this one Donkey who got lucky and nabbed two in one go, but other than that, people sucked at it.

I’ll give you three guesses as to how many tries it took me to get an apple and the first two don't count. Having significantly sharper and narrower teeth meant I could sink them into an apple just that much easier, and even if I didn’t have Human teeth, there’s a simple trick to the shit anyway, though the only person I shared that information with was Pinkie because her mouth was too small to even hope to get a prize. The trick is to just aim for the stem if there’s one present, and thankfully the Apple Family believes in selling their apples whole, straight from the tree without removing the stems. I don’t know if it’s common for certain grocers to take the stems off anywhere else, but in my local farmer’s market back in Wiltshire, most vendors took the stems off because they just didn’t look appetizing. I stole enough of those apples in my early years to know.

Other than Pinkie and myself, Applejack was the only one to get an apple, though Fluttershy said that it was just because she had a big mouth. That earned her a dirty look to which she gave a sheepish smile. I found it hilarious. After we got done drying off, we walked around to find one more game before calling it a day and we eventually got to one that involved a magical tube that shot a weighted cork at targets. You got one practice shot, and after that, you had five shots to hit at least three targets to win a prize. Applejack went first and nailed four, Pinkie and Fluttershy both got two, Orchid, Rarity, and Twilight got one, and Trixie and I nailed all five. We got some decent looking rings that were worthless in the end for our efforts, but the game had been fun and we’d all enjoyed the time we spent together.

After a round of hugs, everyone went their separate ways with Applejack and Pinkie offering to walk their respective dates home. I thought it was a sweet gesture and Twilight felt the same way, though she pointed out that Pinkie wasn’t really masculine enough to be doing the guy’s job, to which I retorted that Rarity was far too feminine to fill the roll. Heh. Gender rolls. I bet they’re better with butter. Bullshit aside, as my wife and I were on our way home, we got a letter from Celestia asking if we were down for a little party for the Alicorns. I was down like a system and Twilight was down like the syndrome. She’s reading over my shoulder as I write and she just asked what that meant, but I’m not telling her anytime soon. She pinched me for it because she assumed it was an insult, which I find offensive. Fucking sperglord, pinching me and shit. She did it again, just for the record.

Anyway, so Twilight and I alighted to the Royal Family Room in Canterlot Castle to find that everyone was already there, making us tardy to the party. I got pinched for that rhyme, but I thought it was cute. I’m really going to have to start pinching back if this keeps up. Where was I? Party, yes. So the first thing I did was grab one of my bottles of wine that I’d gotten from the Everfree and the second thing I did was start pouring shots. Twilight made it to two before I made her sit one out, but she’s not much of a drinker anyway, so she was already a little buzzed. Celestia, Luna, Noir, and myself, however, went to five shots apiece because we wanted to see whose stones were heavier, and as it turned out, no one remembers if we got any further than that. Seriously, Twilight remembers taking two more shots, Cadance had four, Shining got up to five (Though he was feeling it by the third) and apparently one more shot was poured for the drunks in the room before things just went black.

Segue unneeded, I woke up the next morning with a headache to rival the splitting of Equus itself and everything was dark. And squishy. All over my body, something soft and furry was covering pretty much every centimeter of me, including my eyes. I didn’t feel like dealing with that bullshit, but apparently I’d left my bangle on a low setting, so I couldn’t just wriggle myself free underneath the weight of whoever the fuck was on me. I knew that it had to be multiple people because I could definitely feel someone’s privates near my right hand, someone’s breasts around my midsection, and last but not least, I apparently had a dick again and it was resting somewhere warm, damp, and somewhat/not-really tight.

I decided to get rid of my headache by meditating a little bit, but with so many sensations assaulting my senses at once on top of my headache, I couldn’t calm down enough to get my head in the right place to even tap into my mindscape. I did, however, bite the fuck out of whoever was on my face once I’d had enough and they jolted awake with a groan. Much to my displeasure, whoever it was still hadn’t moved much and I was having a hard time getting the proper amounts of air needed to keep on doing that thing I- Well, I’ve died too many times to say I’m good at living, but I try dammit. I kept nibbling on the person who’d picked my face as a resting place until they moved, and when the harsh light of the Sun hit my eyes, I wondered where the bloody fuck I was up until I managed to make out Luna’s face against the blue skies and damnable light.

Now feels like it would be a good time to mention that I could only feel socks on my person and nothing else.

Speaking of wearing little to nothing, Luna’s state of dress was similar to mine in that I
couldn’t see her wearing a damned thing. She groaned again and laid back down, but I was pretty worried about getting discovered by someone who just decided to take a stroll, so I started using my head to free myself from my confinement, despite the fact that moving sucked and I just wanted to be ill all over everything so I could stop being so damn nauseous. Still, I struggled and slithered until I could sit up at the very least, but the sight before my eyes wasn’t necessarily a pleasant one.

My left hand (Still bandaged) rested on Cadance’s arse as she was lying parallel to me with her hooves near my head. Celestia, instead of being draped over my stomach, was now resting on my legs, and Luna was still lying down in the fetal position off to my right, muttering about never drinking anything the ‘blasted Human’ gave her ever again. The thing I was most worried about was who’d been on my aching pelvis, but when I saw another white coat that didn’t look like Celestia, I was nearly ill then and there. As it was, I dry heaved pretty hard for a minute or two, but nothing came up besides my longstanding streak as a straight man. I was a little upset about that, so I shoved Celestia off me, earning myself a few creative curses and a few in Alicin (I assume) before I saw that the person on my dick wasn’t actually Shining Armour. I had no idea who the fuck it was, but I do remember that my first thought was that the sex was either terrible or I’d stretched them out a little too much.

I looked around some more and saw that we were actually in Uror’s glade of all fucking places, and when I freed myself from the mysterious person’s nether regions, I didn’t bother doing much. I needed to get my hangover out of the way as soon as possible, so I tried meditating again, but to limited success. I still needed to get rehydrated, so I activated my True Theft and had some of the hair of the dog that bit me. I’m not an alcoholic, I just wanted to wash the fur and taste of like, four or five different people from my mouth. I did get some water shortly after that, stealing the bottles I’d gotten from Earth because I fucking could, so why not? After draining two in small gulps, I got through half of the third one before I went back to meditating, though this time it only took a few minutes to get to where I needed to be.

After clothing myself with Magic and grabbing a lot more water for those who would surely be in dire need, I got Luna to drink some before I started trying to wake everyone up. I did Cadance first because I’d probably given her arse a few too many undue squeezes after I sat up. I’d definitely tasted strawberry taffy when I came too, so I was pretty sure that I’d gotten some of her at some point in the night. Taffy Tits was pretty hard to get up and moving, having needed to be damn near babied into drinking her first few sips of water. Still, once I got her started, she was fine to be left alone, so I went to rescue Celestia since I’d so rudely shoved her. She was far more receptive to being given water, and by that I mean she snatched the bottle I’d been having her sip on out of my hand and slammed it like she was shotgunning a beer. She bit back some retching that didn’t sound too pleasant, but she laid back down eventually.

I sorted out everyone’s clothing situation, or rather the lack thereof, by making some color coded robes and doling them out. I went to check on the mystery person who’d been up on my dick and found that I was wrong about not fucking Shining. I was glad that she was Shining Aegis at the moment, but it was going to be kinda fucking awkward to explain to Twilight and Cadance that I’d given her some dick. I scratched my head at that one for a little while before I started writing out notes detailing what had happened to the fullest extent to my knowledge. Needless to say, those notes were shorter than your father’s dick. With little else to do, I started shifting everyone home in turns so they could sleep the rest of their hangovers away before approaching Uror’s Yggdrasil. I could hear Noir, Uror herself, and Twilight all somewhere within the tree, so I shifted inside to find that the smaller two women were cuddled up to the larger one for warmth, which I found to be adorable.

They didn’t wake up when I snapped my picture, so I considered that a plus. I sent it off to my study to be inducted into my scrapbook some time and started trying to rouse Twilight. She swatted me in the face when I tried to gently shake her awake, so I poured a little water in her ear to get her arse in gear. Twilight came alive in moments, pawing at her ear and spluttering about wet willies and ‘bucking buck heads’. I thought that was cute too, so I magicked the water out of her ear and shifted us home a few moments later, encouraging Twilight to get some water in her system. She’d had an accident while drunk, so I got her cleaned up before she could realize what the smell was, though she went to the bathroom anyway for reasons. Once Twilight came out about fifteen minutes later, she climbed into bed and tried to go back to sleep, but I had her drink some water before doing so and snuggled up next to her for a little bit.

While Twilight was recovering, I was weaving a Seal that would hopefully help me unlock the memories of last night, but I couldn’t get it quite right, so I resolved to ask Twilight to cast a memory spell of some sort once she got up and running again. As it is, she’s still sleeping it off while I’m writing this and I’ve received a few notes about last night, though most of them are from Celestia and Luna asking what the fuck happened. I don’t have an answer, but I do know that I found a lot of pictures in my study from last night and a lot of them were of me fucking someone or of someone presenting some baby gravy I’d given them in one way or the other. There were also a few of Cadance and Celestia in various compromising positions, Luna licking Noir’s everything, me fucking Shining Aegis in the arse, and Twilight and Shining Armour playing in a large bathtub while completely naked.

As I’m getting all of this written down, I can’t help but feel like last night was fucking dope, it just sucks that I can’t remember any of it. Apparently I fucked everything that can walk at some point, but oh well. The Grey Days were pretty cool for the most part, and I’ve gotta say that the last little bit was probably the best part. It might be hard to explain, but I can’t imagine the reactions I’ll get when I tell Celestia that she fucked her niece with a strap-on.

Kek.

I suppose that’s all for now. It’s been a wild few days, and I can’t say I’m upset about what happened, though I wonder how Twilight’s going to take it. Eh, there were pictures of her with just about everyone too, so it’s not like she can’t say that she didn’t have some fun of her own. My dick still hurts, even after meditating. I’m not sure if I should be proud or if I should be horrified.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

After a full day of rest, the Castle Staff returned to their positions and everything started back up as life tends to do, though Twilight bugged me all morning about the events of the last night of the Grey Days through notes. She wore yellow livery in the morning to signal that I wasn’t going to get any for the night when I told her that I myself didn’t know that much about it. I promised to show her the pictures that had been taken over the course of the night once we were done for the day and I could get everyone together so we could all be embarrassed together.

Crimson and Fleur were back from a mission, so I gave them half of the day off so that they could recuperate, though that basically meant that they were going to be fucking each other senseless and would most likely be trying to wear Fancy out whenever he got off for lunch. As it was, my guards were doing well when they were getting back to the grind and I caught a few of the ones who’d been on the skeleton crew and asked them if they were slated to receive holiday pay. They were not, so I paid them an extra hundred bits out of my own pocket and told them to let anyone else who’d been on the crew know that I wanted to see them and thank them for holding down the fort while everyone else was playing their days away.

A few of them were at their homes, resting for the day, so I got with Fancy and shelled out the extra bits to him and asked that he pass them out accordingly. It was a few thousand by the time everything was all said and done, but I thought it was definitely a worthy endeavor since I had been out fucking around while things were going on. Nothing noteworthy happened, though one of my insider sources told me that one of Twilight’s maids had shacked up with one of my Operatives in a room down some side hall. I had to get the name of the Operative and it turned out to be a fellow named Score Streak (which I found hilarious) and that he’d been getting around the Castle pretty well during his time off. I needed to put an end to that before he started fathering children, so I took care of business by calling him to my office, which is not my study. My office is on the second story and overlooks the Training Grounds, so when I called Score Streak in via Dragon Fire, I waited a few minutes before he sent back a note saying that he was on his way. I told him to hold onto the note I’d just sent to him and used that to pull him to me, surprising the fuck out of him.

I got a good look at Score Streak, and I have to say that the guy could have given Crimson a run for his money on the looks department. I still thought my best friend looked better, but I was wondering if Score was just looking to do as his name implied or if he was just kinda sluttery-fuckety anyway.

“H-Hey there, Your Highness.” Score said nervously.

“Morning, Score Streak. I’m sure we both know why you’re here.” I said evenly.

“Uh… I’ve been doing a good job collecting info on that Appaloosan Dog cabal?” He tried meekly.

“Cut the shit.” I said coldly.

He flinched. “... It’s the maids, isn’t it?”

“No shit, Sherlock. Quit fucking around in house before I make you impotent.”

He flinched again and scratched his face. “Sorry, boss…”

I rolled my eyes. “No you’re not, you’re psyched that I’m not firing you right now.”

“Can you really blame me on that one, boss? I mean, I kinda expected you to take me out to the Training Grounds to make an example of me like you did with Fire Heart.”

“Fire Heart was a jackass who needed to learn that he wasn’t top dog, so to speak.” I replied flatly. “You weren’t challenging Crimson or Fleur, and you weren’t trying to pull any bullshit with the way I run my affairs, so no, I’m not going to deck you.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you, boss. I’ll keep it in my pants in the Castle, but does that mean Sadelle and Ponyville are free game?”

I nodded. “It does. Keep in mind that if you get someone pregnant and try to bail, I will fuck you up.”

Score’s dark green face paled considerably as he gulped. “Yes sir.”

I nodded once more. “I don’t need to ask to see if you get it. You’re dismissed.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“Go back to ‘boss’ before I trim your tail.”

“Will do, boss.”

And with that, Score left hastily and I shook my head at his bullshit. I had another promiscuous staff member to deal with since it was generally my job to dole out punishments, which sucks because it means that most of the Castle Staff are afraid of me while they love Twilight because she always goes easy on people. She’s been burned three times when she gave people second chances, which is why I deal with disciplinary action now. When I called Berry Blitz into my office, I was pretty upset about having to do so, though I knew that there was most likely a good reason for the rumors spreading around about her. I wasn’t sure about who was spreading them, but I needed to make sure that my favourite maid kept her head up in the face of adversity.

Berry was prepared when I pulled her into my office, though the bright, cheery halfwit I knew was replaced by someone who seemed to be teetering on the cusp of emotional defeat and that pissed me off to no end. The first thing I did when I saw her face was hug her and she started crying in my arms as I’d fully expected her to. I held on for a little while as I assured her that I knew that the rumors were false and that I’d be taking care of them posthaste by starting more rumors about someone else. I’d have to do some digging and find out the source of the bullshit, but Berry left my office with a little of the weight that had been burdening her lifted from her shoulders and I had work to do.

I disguised myself as a random Pony I’d seen walking around and started digging up dirt on everyone, putting out feelers to track down my biggest gossip until I found them cleaning a room and giggling to themselves about starting shit in my Goddamn house. I came into the room they were taking care of and let them know that ‘Max’ was expecting them to be in ‘his’ office within the next hour. They both sobered considerably and asked why they’d been summoned and I gave them the most evil smile I could conjure up and said, ‘You’re about to get what you deserve.’. It was a nice moment that I took particular pleasure in, especially when they tried to snipe and threaten to lock me in the room. I seized both of them with Magic and shifted us into my office before changing my appearance and clothes to what I’d been wearing before I started getting down to business.

“So you little shits think it’s fine to go around making my fucking employees feel attacked in a place they call home. Do you think that’s funny?” I asked with a smile.

The female Unicorn rapidly shook her head and the male pegasus said, “No Your Highness! W-We haven’t been doing anything of the sort?”

My smile widened. “Oh really? Would you like to try lying to me twice?”

He gulped. “Your Highness, we-”

“Have been spreading rumors since Castle Arcadia got up and running. Yeah, I’m well aware of what you’ve been doing, Swell Well, and I must say that I didn’t give a shit when it was harmless. I just had one of my favoured staff members come to me in tears because of your God forsaken lies and it’s taking so much effort to not make you bleed right now that you should be on your knees begging me to not send you to the bloody fucking moon!” I burst out laughing, holding a hand to my forehead.

Swell Well and Tulip Bloom started laughing along with me nervously.

“Shut the fuck up!” I roared. “Who the bloody fuck do you think you are? You start fucking rubbish in my house, making my people feel like shit, and you have the Goddamn gall to laugh?” I pointed a finger at each of them and snapped, the word ‘Disgrace’ appearing on their foreheads, though it would only appear to those who’d they’d started rumors about. Twilight and I would see the marks as well as they themselves, but Celestia and Luna wouldn’t be able to do a damn thing about it if they went that far.

Swell and Tulip felt their foreheads and looked at each other before gaping like they’d been branded. I hadn’t actually branded them despite having the intense desire to do so. “Your marks will disappear in two months, and they’re only visible to certain people. I assume you can figure out who.” I said, my tone sub-zero. “Everyone you’ve spread rumors about will see your disgrace, and the best thing is that those marks will return if you start spreading more bullshit, so I suggest you stay on your P’s and Q’s if you don’t want the entire Castle to hate you.”

Tulip started crying and Swell looked like he wanted to. “W-We didn’t mean any harm! We were just livening up the workplace!”

I gave him a look that made him cringe hard. “Save your rubbish for someone who didn’t barely decide to let you keep your jobs.”

Tulip hiccupped and sniveled miserably while Swell stared at his hooves, avoiding looking at me. I stared both of them down like I could wither them away with a look, which I could actually do by the way, but that’s not what I was trying to do. Once the silence had built to an appropriately awkward yet loaded point, I released the tension.

“If I catch you making the same mistake twice, you’re out. I will know, and I will be keeping an eye on both of you to make sure my point stays as clear as it is now. Am I understood?”

Tulip and Swell both nodded rapidly. “Good. You’re dismissed.”

They left in a hurry and I sighed when they shut the door behind them. I don’t like my job because it fucking sucks, but then again, there are worse things to do than dole out punishments. For example, doing paperwork sucks harder than pretty much anything else, and that’s what I was doing when Twilight came to me and asked why I’d branded ‘Disgrace’ onto two of our employees. I explained the situation to her and the exact terms of my punishment and Twilight applauded me for not berating them like I should have. Both of us knew that I could’ve done a lot worse, so my wife gave me a kiss for letting them off easy and said that she was going to back up my decision when she went to go talk to them, which was pretty great.

Once I was done with my day’s paperwork and all that bullshit, I took a stroll around the Training Grounds and went to the Operative specific area that had been set aside for the harder and more dangerous bits of training. Few people ever get hurt on the equipment because one has to pass my inspection before they’re even allowed to try it, and I keep my standards ridiculously high. Crimson’s inspection is good enough to separate the chaff from the wheat, Fleurs inspection gets the cream of the crop, and then I find those with special quirks that make them a cut above others in certain aspects.

As I walked toward it, I could see three of our Operative’s in training running the course, and as one of them fell from the five meter high set of bars that you couldn’t swing from like you would a normal set of monkey bars, I watched as they hit the ground and listened as they broke something or other. I strolled over, taking my time in doing so since everyone knew that Operatives were supposed to get themselves to help without assistance. I kept walking at the same pace until I realized that whoever it was hadn’t moved since I’d seen them fall, so I shifted over and knelt beside them, listening as their heartbeat slowly grew weaker and weaker. I couldn’t see any bones or anything jutting out and his limbs seemed to be perfectly fine, so I took a guess and put my hand on his chest to run a quick diagnostic. As I’d feared, the poor sod had broken his back somehow and I highly doubted that they were going to walk without some heavy assistance, so I used the one exception to the rule. That exception being that if someone’s life is in mortal peril, then Twilight or I should be notified immediately so we could get them to keep on living.

I started the healing process while the guy was unconscious and I heard Crimson’s heartbeat quickly approaching moments before he came to, grunting and hissing. He freaked out a little bit when he realized that he couldn’t feel his legs, but I got him calmed down easily enough, though the healing was still pretty shit for him. He actually started crying when the feeling came back to his legs since his nerves were reconnecting, all of them being tender from reattaching themselves. Operatives in Castle Arcadia are usually banned from crying because it’s a sign of weakness that the enemy can and will exploit, but in this one situation, I told Crimson to give him a pass since I knew that he was feeling something akin to white-hot needles being jammed into every millimeter of his lower body.

Healing didn’t take long, but it did fucking suck. I could have made it painless, but I only do that for people under the age of sixteen because I think experiencing pain makes you mentally and physically tougher when it’s not being applied for unnecessary reasons. Breaking things, large cuts, and heavy chemical irritation of the skin are all things I’ve experienced and they made me more resilient to pain, which is why I make my Operatives train on a similar level to that in which I was trained at. There’s no way in Hell that I’ll actually put them through what I’ve had to deal with, but I did have Luna and Noir weigh in on the regimen I made and they were both shocked at how efficient it was at weeding out the special ones from the ‘rank and file’ Operatives. Not that there are any Operatives who are necessarily normal, it’s just that there’s a baseline for becoming one and so far, I’ve only managed to pull two keepers from hundredsds of applicants.

The guy I just healed had a name and it was Lost Legacy, a fourth generation Operative who was actually Onyx’s third or fourth cousin. They knew each other and Onyx liked the guy for the simple fact that he never gave up, and I have to say that I admired the quality in him myself. Hell, immediately after I healed him, he barely managed to get to his hooves and started walking back toward the beginning of the course before I put a stop to that shit and told him to wait until the nerves in his legs were finished reconnecting. Crimson agreed and made it an order, so Legacy took his arse over to a tree and stood around for a little bit, trying to get his legs to move like he wanted them to.

“That guy’s going to kill himself.” Crimson said blandly.

“Mate, if he makes it through training, he’s going to be one of the best we’ll ever have.” I replied, chuckling.

He punched my right arm and scoffed. “Like I don’t know that. I’m telling you, Max; that guy pushes himself beyond his limits as it is.”

“Maybe that’s why we like him.” I smirked.

“Tch. That’s why YOU like him. I just wish he’d stop trying to run the damn course like it’s going to be gone tomorrow.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

Crimson gave me some side eye. “This is the fourth time in a row that he’s tackling the course. No breaks, no walking back to the beginning. He’s done three there-and-backs already, Max.”

I gave Crimson a dark look. “And you fucking let him?”

My Operator shot me a dirty look. “He’s trying to be you, dumbass.”

“So I set an example. You’re the one who’s in charge of keeping our Ops alive and well.”

“How am I supposed to tell Legacy to sit back and not live up to his full potential? Bucking Celestia, the guy doesn’t understand the meaning of the word ‘enough’!”

“Three times, forwards and back. That’s the limit for Ops in training. Set it in stone if you have to, put it in the handbook. I’ll be putting a sign at the beginning and the end here in a mo’, so lift your tail and get your head out of your arse before I give you a hand with it.”

Crimson grumbled. “I hear you. I’ll have Fleur revise the handbook when I meet up with her in an hour.”

I nodded once. “Thanks, mate. I’ll go have a word with Legacy once I’m done. If he tries to hit the course again, tell him I said he’s done for the day.”

The black dude looked at me. “Since when do you give breaks?”

I gave him a look. “Since when do you let people die on your watch?”

His eyes snapped open. “Fifteen feet wouldn’t kill somepony.”

“He broke his back, Crimson. That’s why I gave him a pass with the crying.”

“I don’t get it. Isn’t breaking your back just as sucky as breaking a leg?”

I’m sure my face was a perfect picture of ‘Did you really just say that?’. “Mate, breaking your back is significantly worse than breaking anything other than your neck. Legacy was dying when I got over here.”

“... Oh.”

I cuffed his head. “Now you know. I’ll let him know that he barely lived through that while you check on the others.”

Crimson subtly flipped me off because we were in public and started jogging toward one of the other recruits while I shifted to the start and end of the course, putting up my signs with some simple Magic. Once I’d done that, I shifted over to Legacy and stared at him until he got uncomfortable enough to start searching for the eyes that were on him. When he realized that it was me, he limped over and saluted.

“Sir! I’ll be back on the course here in-” He began.

“The fuck you are, mate. You’re on light duty for the rest of the day, and if I hear of you doing more than walking the track, I’m making you lose a week of training.” I said, my voice low.

“But sir, I-”

I cut him off with a gesture. “No. You damn near died back there, and I’ll be fucked seven ways to Sunday if I let one of the few good O.I.T’s we have kill himself because he’s trying to match up to me.”

He colored at the compliment. “Yes sir. I understand.”

I gave him a nod. “You’ve got an hour to rest, and then I want to see you walking the track. Not running, not jogging. Walking. When you can walk without limping, step it up a little.”

Legacy bit back a sigh and nodded again. “Yes sir…”

I clapped a hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eye. “I get that you want to do your best, Lost Legacy, but your limits are your limits. You’ll push past them at your own pace, so stop trying to become me or Crimson because you’re not either of us,” He looked away, “and neither of us are you. You’ve got too much potential for you to be chasing our tails.”

He looked back to me, puzzled. “Sir, I don’t understand.”

I raised a brow. “You do realize that there are things Crimson and I specialize in, right?”

“Well, yeah I guess. Er, sir.” He added quickly.

I tilted my head toward the base of the tree that we were standing under. “Have a seat, Legacy. It’s storytime.”

He looked just as puzzled as he had before, but he still sat down. I saw him flinch when he bent his back, so I subtly lent him a little more Magic to speed up the healing process as I sat down. “You know some stuff about me, right? Like that I didn’t always have Magic.”

Legacy scratched his face. “Yeah, it’s pretty common knowledge that you came from a world without Magic.”

I grimaced. “It sucks when people know more about me than I know about them, but whatever. My point is that I used to be a thief back on Earth, my homeworld.”

He nodded. “Everypony knows that too.”

I grumbled about public personas for a few seconds before sighing. “Alright, so what do you think I was good at before I got Magic?”

“I don’t think I really know, sir.”

“Hazard a guess for me.” I said drily.

He coughed. “Well, I hate to jump to conclusions, but if you were a thief, I’m guessing you were good at taking stuff and fighting your way out of trouble.”

I looked at him for a few seconds before I burst out laughing. “Mate, I was good at taking shit, but before I came to Equestria, I couldn’t fight all that well in the first place. Sure, I could hold my own one-on-one with someone bigger than me, but my main way of handling fights was being fast and never getting caught in the first place.”

He stared at me like I’d just told him that the sun was actually a giant piece of candy. “... Sir, I’ve seen you take on six guards at once and knock them all out without getting hit.”

I shrugged. “You’ve met Noir. She’s the one who taught me how to fight, and she’s damn good at what she does.”

“Didn’t you also get trained by Princess Luna?” He asked.

“Yes, but she was mostly doing the physical conditioning and refining my style to the best of her abilities. Noir is the one who actually made me lethal.”

“So why doesn't she teach?”

“She taught our instructors well enough that she shouldn’t have to. Hell, when Onyx, Crimson, Fleur and myself come to start fixing shit, you should probably know that we all learned from Noir. Still we’re getting off topic here. My point is that my specialization as an Operative was infiltration. I managed to get into Otterwa Castle unseen and I’ve made some rounds in Canterlot just to keep my skills sharp. Crimson’s specialization was CQC.”

Legacy stared at me. “I’m sorry, but I’m still getting over the fact that you said you couldn’t really fight when you got here.”

I rolled my eyes. “To be fair, when I got here, my bones were softer than a Pony’s. I got my arse handed to me by Rainbow Dash and I almost got killed by Applejack.”

“... You lost to two of the Elements of Harmony?”

“Like I said, when I got here, I was frail in comparison to pretty much any race on the face of Equus. A tweenager could’ve killed me if they knew where to hit. Granted, they’d have to be agile enough to catch me first, but still.”

Legacy took a moment to mull that over. “So how did you get to be one of the strongest ponies in Equestria?”

“That’s a long story, Legacy.” I chuckled. “Are you done trying to derail me?”

He blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yes sir, sorry sir.”

I patted his shoulder. “Don't sweat it. My point is that you’ll specialize in something, and that you’ll eventually shape up to be a regular badass like Crimson or myself. It’ll take some doing and it’s not something to rush, Legacy. I understand that pushing your limits today means that you’ll be that much closer to your goal tomorrow, but you need to realize that your eagerness to get to the top almost cost you your life, and that’s just not the plan.”

Legacy swallowed hard. “I guess I could scale it back a bit.”

“No shit. That doesn’t mean you should stop giving it your all, it just means that you have to know when enough is enough.”

“... I never have been good at that, to be honest with you.”

“Whaaat? I never would have guessed.” I said wryly.

He chuckled and smoothed his relatively long hair down. “I can’t really say that I’ll do better, but I’ll keep my limits on the brain.”

I nudged him and gave him a grin. “That’s the spirit. Don’t break your back again though. If I wasn’t so closeby, your arse would be in the morgue right about now.”

Legacy’s face flushed. “A-Are you serious? I thought you were just saying that!”

I gave him a look. “I don’t usually say needless shit, Legacy.”

He took his eyes off of me and leaned back against the tree. “... I almost died.”

“Yup. Limits, mate. They are important.”

“Yeah…”

“Don't tell me that one little near death experience has you rattled!” I chuckled.

He rubbed his face. “Sir, I kinda owe you my life.”

“Pay me back by being a good Operative when you make it through the last test.” I gently patted his knee and stood up. “For the time being, get your head straight and try not to dwell on it for too long, otherwise your dick will shrivel and you’ll become a ‘filly’.”

He gave me a weird look before he started laughing. I shook my head at him and walked off, looking for someone else to bother or advise for a little bit. I settled on doing some training with our guards since we didn’t have any new recruits and wouldn’t have any more for about five more weeks, though it wasn’t as if we needed them at the moment. Still, I liked keeping my Castle tip-top and that includes The Guard along with my Operatives and Spies. If I can keep them reasonably happy, then I consider my job well done.

I ran into Iron Hoof as she was instructing some of our newer guards on the finer points of our grappling techniques, so I sat back and watched for a little bit, analyzing her movements to the best of my ability. I stepped in right before she was about to dislocate someone’s shoulder with a throw, telling those that were learning to follow her exact movements if they were to ever be in a real fight. I let Iron show them how to properly execute the move on me, and what do you know? She dislocated my shoulder without a hitch, and I demonstrated the proper way to put it back into the socket solo. I let Iron do it again and had her show them how to put someone else’s shoulder back into the proper place if they couldn’t do it themselves and that was fun. Shit hurt, but like I wrote earlier, I’ve experienced far worse on multiple occasions.

Iron felt bad about fucking up my right arm twice, so she offered to let me do the same to her, but I declined her stupid offer because it was stupid. I did, however, tell her to start training again and wandered off to go find Swift since he was usually nearby. As it turned out, he totally was and happened to be doing some sparring with some senior guards that had come from Canterlot, though it wasn’t as if there were any that were a challenge for him at this point. If Crimson had stayed at the same level he was before he became an Operator, Swift would’ve taken his arse for a ride to Pound Town twice over. My pale orange friend had done some growing of his own ever since he became a Senior Instructor and I could tell that he preferred working with people that had some experience under their belt rather than the odd fellow who came from one of the rougher places in Equestria. Still, even with pretty adequate challenges in front of him, Swift requested a sparring match with me and I gave it to him.

We had our oldest guard, a fellow named Oak Root, officiate for us in the square circle before we started to garner too much attention. When Swift does a sparring match, few enough tend to drop what they’re doing to watch, but when I spar, most people want to see how I fight since I don’t really stick to one style, but this time was different. I’ve been working on my own thing for months now, and without the tutelage of Noir or Luna, I’ve been growing more ardent about finding a worthy opponent to try some of my new stuff out on. The main thing that had been holding me back was that I only had a single finisher fleshed out up until about a week ago. Once I got it through my thick skull that a finisher didn’t necessarily have to be one move, I came up with too many combos that seemed viable for me to keep them all straight. Well, up until I ‘inherited’ Discord’s powers. Stroke blacking out from drinking, my mind has gotten a bit more… Flexible, I suppose would be a good word for it. Keeping things on my mind doesn’t take as much effort as it used to and I can switch my train of thought more easily, which I figured would make me better in a scrap if I needed it. Having Swift be my opponent for my first go at using the techniques I made myself was definitely a good thing since he’s easily the most skilled ‘conventional’ fighter we have. By conventional, I mean that he doesn’t really use joint strikes or grapples unless he has to, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a force to be reckoned with in any case. This a long fucking paragraph. I just want to write about the fight at this point, so I’m gonna do that.

Swift and I stood about two meters away from each other since we were using one of the larger rings, and once Oak Root gave us the go ahead, we started circling each other, dropping into our stances. Swift’s brows furrowed as he saw that I wasn’t using a stance that he was familiar with, so he altered his own into a defensive position. That was a mistake. I charged him recklessly and he stood his ground, waiting for my first blow to land, but it never came. I dropped into a slide that he jumped over, but as I was still moving, I pushed myself off of the ground with my left hand and used the momentum I got from rising to send a punch into the leg he was trying to stomp me with, knocking him off balance mid-air. I got to my feet quickly enough and Swift was up about half a second later than I was, but I already had a backward thrust-kick ready to be launched into his stomach.

He was fast enough to block it, but he didn’t expect me to push off of the ground with my balancing foot so I could send a scything kick toward his head. Swift being swift meant that he was able to avoid the worst of the blow, but I still felt it connect on my follow through, and when the beefy fucker grabbed my leg, shit was getting real in quite the expedient manner. Swift threw a punch at my knee that connected pretty decently, but I’d timed my attempt at withdrawing my leg from his grasp well enough that he hit hit me low on the thigh instead of directly on the joint, but by that time, I’d gotten my other foot underneath me and now had a foot over his shoulder. I pushed off of the ground and pulled myself closer with the leg Swift still hadn’t let go of so I could send a heavy knee into his chest, and that was enough to convince him to let go, but now that we had some distance, we were both formulating our next plan of action.

I was having far too much fun with using my unorthodox style for me to get serious quite yet, but I could see that Swift was ready for a real party, so I assumed my attack stance again and we circled each other again, growing slightly closer with every step. Once we were within striking distance, Swift started off with a new combo of punches that I hadn’t seen before, but I was still too used to fighting people who were better and faster than he was, though I did end up taking a glancing blow to my shoulder while I was trying to evade instead of block. I figured that it would be a good time to show off the defensive nature of my new style. I hadn’t come up with a name at the time of the fight, but during the duration of the event, I found the perfect title for it, which will be revealed when I’m done with writing the good shit. I backed off of Swift for a second or two and held my hands away from myself, my right hand cupped and centered over my chest with my left hand extended to intercept any blows that were to come. Swift picked up on the switch in my flow and turtled up in a typical ‘Peek-a-Boo’ boxing guard that protected his jaw and throat, but left his legs completely open to being destroyed.

It doesn’t take a genius to know that leaving one’s legs open to assault during a fight with someone who specializes in kicks is a bad fucking idea, and I knew that it was a fact that Swift was well aware of. That being said, I adjusted my approach accordingly and went for his bait, throwing a heavy low kick that I committed to to completely to throw him off. I could see a glimpse of confusion on Swift’s face as he started to go for a well timed Superman Punch (one of his favourite moves), but I turned with my kick and caught him off guard as I put up a high guard and checked him with my right shoulder, using my momentum from my kick to put some extra power behind it. I knocked him back a little bit, but Swift had his balance back and was already coming for a lightning-fast front kick that would have wrecked my shit if it had connected. I had to use my arms to change the direction of my momentum and used my left arm to grab his leg, dropping low to kick his balancing hoof out from underneath him so he’d do the splits.

Sadly, Swift is flexible as fuck, so he didn’t pull any muscles due to my reaction. However ,he did have to scramble to get his hoof back and get on his hooves while I took my time (relatively speaking) and went back to my new defensive stance, giving Swift a little pause as I swept my left foot forward in a half circle, leaving a clear mark in the dirt. Swift approached carefully, lowering his stance and turtling up to get close to me as I tricked him with my eyes. He got within striking distance of my and I did nothing, following him with my eyes and hands until he sent an exploratory jab toward my stomach. I redirected the blow with my right hand faster than he could react, leaving the left side of his face wide open for a quick jab of my own. His head jerked back as I landed the second real blow of the fight, but I didn’t seize the advantage, instead choosing to back off a little bit and stay on the defensive, waiting for Swift to find out the ‘secret’ to my defensive style.

He came in again with an out-boxer’s stance this time and stayed on the tips of his hooves as he danced around me. I saw plenty of opportunities to lash out and get a hit in, but I was committing to defense and wanted to see if it really was the stronger side of my style like I thought it was. Swift threw three rapid feints that I simply leaned back to avoid, but when he threw a very real straight right, I used my left hand to ‘wax off’ his punch and upset his balance, which gave me a pretty good chance to ram my knee into his ribs and push him away from me. I saw irritation bloom on Swift’s face along with confusion, but I wasn’t ready to go back to attacking quite yet. I kept my stance and Swift dropped his guard entirely, doing something I rarely ever saw him do: he set his right hoof forward, shrugged his right shoulder, and let his arm hang loose at his side.

Swift had been working on something of his own for the past few weeks and as I evaluated the sudden change in his stance, he threw a series of stomps toward my shins that would have hurt if I hadn’t used kicks to redirect them and land a few blows for myself. However , Swift’s whip-like punch caught me off guard since I’d barely seen him move his shoulder, and the thing that sucked harder than getting hit was the fact that he’d changed the direction of the punch mid-flight, landing a good one on my jaw. I rolled with the blow to the best of my ability, rotating my body to throw a spinning kick toward his shoulder, but he sent out another insanely fast punch that hit me in the ankle, making both of us grimace. I backed off and took a deep breath, ignoring the irritation I was feeling in favour of resolving myself.

Swift and I took a moment to shake off the result of the trade and took up the stances we’d clashed with once more. The direction of Swift’s punches may have been unpredictable, but he definitely traded power for versatility in that regard. That, and I was pretty sure that those whipping punches were a bitch on his joints since they started with the shoulder and were directed by the elbow. I doubted that he could keep it up for long, but I had a plan for that anyway. I switched back to my attack stance and Swift grinned moments before sending out a normal straight left that had some power behind it. I caught it with my own left hand and jerked him toward me. We traded kidney shots, but we had each other by the forearm and neither of us were going to let go as we hammered away at each other for a solid seven seconds. I’d finally had enough and used something Noir told me I probably shouldn’t try to use unless I was sure that I could pull it off, that being a catch.

As my skilled opponent went for one last punch, I jumped as high as I could and made his fist meet air as I wrapped my legs around his left arm and twisted with my body, bringing us down to the ground, locking Swift in a textbook armbar. I had his back on the ground, but Swift knew how to deal with a joint lock from years of practice in The Guard. What he wasn’t expecting was for me to slam my heel into his nose and let his fury-fueled strength curl his arm so that I could get to my feet. Swift kipped up and glared at me, his face dripping with blood and his teeth gritting together so hard, I could practically hear them cracking already. We didn’t need any words for the message to be clear: My next hit had better knock his arse out.

I gave him a little space and went back to my defensive stance, giving him a cocksure grin that probably didn’t help him feel like packing my teeth into my stomach any less. I gestured for him to come at me and he sure did, though he started using kicks to keep me at a distance, mostly going for low stomps and sweeps that I avoided easily enough up until he put his full power behind a rising uppercut that I would’ve likened to a Shoryuken. Unfortunately for Swift, I just redirected the punch with my left hand and chopped him in the throat, making him gag for just a second too long. My style, Riptide, showed its true colors as I honed in on the places I suspected major arteries to be, starting with his elbows. I used my left hand to bruise his joints and make them weak while using my right hand to cause bruising under his fur that appeared pretty damn quickly, much like Noir’s own technique.

Short aside: The technique I’m talking about is the one Noir used to make Celestia let go of my arm when she pulverized the bone. If you’ve been reading this, you know you’re already doomed to a meaningless death (or you’re someone I allowed to read this), but you should remember that Celestia’s arm bruised rapidly when Noir walked her fingers along it, forcing her hand to open. I think that happened in the forty-seventh collection of my journal entries. Aside over.

I don’t know how I figured it out, but Riptide was perfect since my redirections often showed me the weak points needed to disable limbs. I’d discovered it accidentally while training on my own in the mindscape, but I’d learned to fixate on those minute little points and strike with just enough force to not fuck someone up for the rest of their life. Within moments of showing Riptide’s true colors, I had Swift’s right arm completely disabled and he could barely move his neck. I backed off and reassumed the stance, but Swift just grimaced and stayed on one knee, his breathing laboured like he’d just got done chain-smoking tobacco residue mixed with dabs or something.

“Oi, you alright mate?” I asked.

He tried to shake his head, but he just clutched his neck and closed his eyes, unable to respond. I walked over and turned up the juice on my limiter so I could heal him properly, and once he could breathe again, he gasped for air like he’d been drowning just moments prior. I gave him a little space while Oak Root announced me as the winner, earning some groans and congratulations directed toward me from the crowd. It took Swift a minute or two to get back on his hooves, but when he did, he promptly left the circle to go be ill. I joined him shortly and made his sick fall on Chrysalis because I’m a dick like that sometimes.

“Shit Swift, I wasn’t trying to kill you back there. You need another jump-start, or are you getting there?” I inquired, rather concerned about his well being.

Swift shook his head and coughed a few times. “Max, what the buck was that!? It was like you stuck a hot railroad spike wherever you hit me!”

I sucked some air through my teeth. “Ooh, didn’t know it felt like that. I thought you’d be the perfect guy to try my new style on.”

“Buck, dude! Next time you wanna spar, don’t bucking do that shit!” He snapped.

“I really am sorry, Swift.” I placated.

He took a deep breath and ran his hand over his close-cropped mane. “It’s alright, I just don’t suggest using that against someone you’re not trying to put down. I don’t even know what you did, but even I can tell that if you woulda hit me in the wrong spot, we probably wouldn’t be talking right now.”

I winced. “Damn, that’s not good. At least I have something that’ll make someone stay down without killing them.”

Swift gave me a dirty look. “I prefer dying to getting hit with that again, Max.”

My eyes widened. “It was that bad?”

“Yes.”

I frowned hard. “Fucking shite, that’s not good. That’s not good at all. Does anything still hurt?”

He stood up straight and shook his head. “No, I’ll be alright. I just need a break and a drink.”

I used my True Theft to grab my pocket watch and checked the time. I feel like it’s worthy of my time to mention that I enchanted it to always tell the correct time without needing to be wound. “There’s only a couple more hours in the day, so you might as well take them and get a headstart on resting up. Next time, I’ll just beat you with Noir’s stuff.”

“I really don’t know if I wanna fight you again to be honest.” Swift said quietly, not looking me in the eye.

“... Holy fuck mate.”

He shook his head. “I’ve been stabbed and had both of my hands broken at the same time and that still didn’t suck as much as the last part of the fight, Max. Seriously, you’re gonna kill somepony if you keep hitting ponies like that.”

“... I’ll work on it then. Maybe Noir can help me dial it down a bit.”

“I hope she can. Otherwise nopony’s ever going to want to spar with you when you take up that stance.”

“I could always just not use it. I’ve got too many weapons in my arsenal to be attached to that one just because I made it.”

He stared at me. “You made that? I thought it was one of Noir’s or Luna’s secret things that they only ever taught you.”

“Nah, they taught me a few techniques that I can’t really show off per se, but you’ve seen pretty much all of my fighting styles. I decided to make one for myself based off of what I’ve learned over the course of my training.”

Swift looked at me in disbelief. “Dude, stop doing things. Just, like, sit down on your throne and just stop for a day. Please.”

I chuckled at that, but I stopped when I realized he was serious. “Oh shit, you’re not kidding.”

“No, I’m really not.”

I pursed my lips. “I can’t really do that, but I can scale it back a bit. I’m sorry you got fucked up by my experiment, but at least I know that I can’t do that shit to normal people now.”

“Max, I’m just glad you didn’t try to spar with Iron using that. I was about to cry before you healed me, and I doubt that she would’ve held out as long as I did.”

“Shite mate, I’d apologize again, but I already meant it the last two times I said it.”

“Like I said, we’re cool. Just don’t ask to spar with me for like, the next week.” He shook his head and started walking off, leaving me feeling like a massive dickhead.

I felt pretty terrible about fucking Swift up, but in my defense, I had to learn what my aptly named Flowing Water style could do. The Crashing Waves stance (the offensive form) hadn’t been the best attack style I’ve used, but Riptide (the defensive form) was apparently too harsh to use in anything other than a life or death fight. I sent a note off to Noir and Luna asking if they could take some time to help me hammer out some of the dangerous bits of my style, but they were both pretty pissed at my description of the effects. Noir was livid that I’d used it against Swift and promised that she would be around shortly to teach me a lesson and Luna threatened to snitch me out to Twilight if she ever caught me doing something similar again. Apparently it was a forbidden technique that Noir’s master had perfected and had only transcribed on one scroll, which had been hidden in the Old Castle in the Everfree Forest. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out who found it, and Luna had kept the secret to herself for thousands of years since she’d accidentally killed someone while following the scrolls instructions during a sparring match.

I felt Noir’s presence appear in my shadow not even half a second before something hard and finger-sized hit me in the right side of my neck. Pain blossomed from where I’d been hit and I hissed before I got hit in the ribs. I knew what Swift was talking about then and there, so I bided my time while waiting for the pain to subside, but it just didn’t. I achingly turned to face Noir, holding my neck and my side before I turned the power on my limiter up once more and let the Magic work its… Well, you know. I popped my neck and stretched a bit, but Noir tried to jab me in the throat. Since I was sitting at full power, I just shifted out of arm’s reach reach and gave her the two finger salute.

“The message was clear when you hit me in the ribs, Noir. Fucking knock it off.” I snarled.

Her lip curled. “Who taught you that technique?”

“Fucking nobody. I figured it out for myself.”

She glared harder. “Oh really?”

“Yeah, really. Think about it: would I have used that shit against one of my few true friends if I knew that it hurt that fucking bad?” I asked, a little pissed.

Noir’s steely gaze softened slightly and she rolled her jaw around. “How did you manage to figure it out?”

“I stole some of my old books on anatomy and acupuncture from Earth. I didn’t think fusing a pseudo-science with biology would do anything, but I trained in the mindscape for a few weeks and found out that I could disable limbs by hitting nerve clusters that were around arteries. None of the constructs I made could show pain, so I never figured out that the shit hurt.” I explained.

My mentor scowled at me. “So you just decided to try a technique you knew nothing about on a friend?”

“It’s a part of the style I made! I just wanted to see how I would do against someone who used a typical style at a high level and Swift is the best boxer I’ve got in my Guard.”

Noir gave me an odd look, one that was a mix of confusion, offense, and irritation. “You made your own style? Why?”

“You have your own style. Luna has her own style. Celestia has her own style. I wanted to see if I could make something that worked well for me.” I explained.

The giantess popped her neck and levelled a merciless look at me. “Perhaps you could show me during a match.”

“Nah.” I replied flatly.

She glowered at me a little harder. “You would balk when a stronger opponent comes to face you? Coward.”

“I’m not going to give you an excuse to humiliate me in front of my guards, Noir. I under-” she threw a punch at my face that I stopped with Magic. “Bitch, did you just try to fucking sucker-punch me!?” I leaned around her hand and gave her an incredulous look.

Noir took her hand back and assumed a fighting stance, so I sent her to the Moon because she fucking tried to sucker punch me. I was pissed. I altered my sight so that I could zoom in on the ever-present satellite, locating Noir with ease. I could see that her hair was whipping about like she was working herself up into a right and proper fury, but the problem was that I’m no longer the weakest member of the Royal Family. If I really wanted to, I’d wipe the floor, the dirt, the grass, and the bottom of the fucking ocean with her given that I was pissed enough to do so. Imagine how pleased I was to feel Noir try to use my shadow as a gate to get back onto Equus. I may or may not have spit on my shadow, knowing that it would pass through and hit her, but you really must understand that Noir betrayed my faith in her when she tried to sucker-punch me like a fucking wanker, costing her more than a little bit of my respect.

I snatched Noir from the shadows and threw her a good fifteen meters, lowering the power on my bangle to eleven, which augmented my strength and speed enough to fight Noir to the point where she would have to use more than two-thirds of her power. The last time I’d made her go above fifty percent, I died and got told to stop doing exactly that. Now was a whole different story. I was pissed, Noir was pissed. There was piss and vinegar everywhere, dammit, and I wasn’t going to clean it up!

Noir used her wings to close the distance between us, stopping about three meters away. I could see that her eyes were already black and that she wasn’t holding back, so I turned up the power on my bangle to nineteen to match her. At notch number twenty, I can shift to the Moon and back with absolutely no problems, so yeah. Shit was looking pretty bad at the moment, so I erected a half-meter thick dome of transparent polycarbonate, leaving some holes at the top and bottom so we wouldn’t have to worry about suffocating. Noir and I didn’t bother circling each other or trying to figure out what the other person was doing: We simply showed off the style we were going to use for about thirty seconds apiece before rushing each other in the middle of the dome.

By some nonverbal agreement of sorts, we traded blows to the jaw when we met, though I was sure to use my right hand. I wasn’t trying to kill her, after all, but Noir was trying to put me down HARD. I got the worst of the trade and got knocked back a few meters, rolling horizontally until I pushed myself off of the ground mid-roll and got to my feet. I didn’t have much time to get my bearings since Noir was already on top of me, doling out a hard knee to my stomach followed by a rather painful elbow to my back. If she wasn’t going to be nice about it, then I saw no reason to play any other way. I tackled her and she set her hooves into the dirt, making furrows as I pushed her along while she rained blows down on my back. I had no idea if I would work, but I did a low front-flip to surprise her and my heel made contact with her face, but she grabbed my leg and slammed me on the ground a few times before throwing me.

Just because my strength and speed were on par with Noir didn’t mean that it was going to make up for thousands of years of combat experience and we both knew that, so I did what comes naturally to a thief: I started cheating. I slowly got to my feet and Noir took her time in getting over to me, so I flipped her off before snapping into the Primal Path. With my fucks safely stored away in Scrooge’s vault (before the events of Christmas of course), I healed myself and started heading toward Noir, seeing her face contort further as she realized what I’d done.

“You honorless bastard!” Noir roared, using her wings to catapult herself towards me.

“Traitorous cunt.” I said stonily, settling into my Riptide stance.

Noir didn’t know what she was dealing with, which kinda sucked for her because all I had to do was catch the punch she threw at me with my left and stop her momentum entirely, the air-brakes on my arm struggling against the magical bandages before they ripped through them and my shirt. My perfidious mentor’s face turned into one of confusion briefly before I attacked her arm with everything I had, hitting as many of her weak points as I could as fast as my arms would possibly allow me to. I’d fucked her forearm up by the time she’d used her wings to get away from me, but the damage was already done. Noir couldn’t form a fist with her left hand anymore and she was obviously displeased with that little turn of events.

“You!” She bellowed. “You cheating pig!”

“Simple sow.” I deadpanned.

She grit her teeth and her eyes went from black to red

I didn’t know what that meant, and I didn’t really feel like finding out. Sadly, I didn’t have much of a choice. I don’t know what actually happened since I woke up after she was done, but I do know that I was missing all of my teeth and one of my eyes when I woke up. After a quick check to see if anything was broken, I learned that everything was broken, but for some odd reason, I wasn’t quite dead. I blamed the whole godly immortality thing, which came in handy when I had to start healing myself. I must say, growing your teeth back fucking sucks, but since I wasn’t at thirty or above, I had to take my time with everything I did, though the fingers, foot and eye I couldn't feel were definitely going to need to be replaced. Once the bones in my face had healed enough for me to open my left eye, I fixed the bones in my right arm so I could release some more power and speed up the healing process. After that, it was only a matter of seconds before I was whole again, though I was covered in my own golden blood.

I sat up and realized that I was somewhere rather grey and cold. And dusty. I blinked a few times and rubbed the blood out of my eyes so I could see that a big blue and green thing was looming off in the distance. Apparently I was on the Moon, where I had just sent Noir. I laid back down and thought of a suitable punishment for her and came up with one in seconds, though I felt pretty evil for it. Bitch basically killed me over something I hadn’t been aware of, so I figured that she could do with a little pain of her own.

I stood up and dusted myself off, sniffling every once in awhile. Honestly, I was so upset that I was crying like a little bitch, but once I got myself under control, I shifted myself to Noir’s current location, which was the Royal Family Room. Noir was currently being yelled at by Twilight, who happened to screaming bloody murder like she was going to rip Noir pieces herself. Twilight paused when I entered the room and stared at me, and when Noir turned to look at what had attracted my wife’s gaze, she glared at me. I strode up so her and as she went to say something I silenced her with Magic, locked her in place, and grabbed her head with my hand, putting my right thumb on her forehead. I let her her speak once I had her where I wanted her.

I let her speak because I’m nice. “Get your hand off. Of. Me.” Noir seethed.

“Do you have anything else you want to say before I do this?” I asked neutrally.

She gained some steel in her tone. “There is nothing you can do to me that-”

I raped her mind and dredged up the memories that she kept repressed and had kept that way for thousands of years. Instantaneously, Noir started shrieking and begging for mercy, collapsing to her knees as every memory of significance came and went, tearing her mind apart from the beginning to the end only to be reformed and torn asunder once more. I ended my punishment after thirty seconds, but that was only because I felt like I owed Noir something I suppose. It had still been years of psychological damage that I’d dredged up, but I’d only pulled about a quarter of what I’d found to the forefront of her mind. While Noir was shaking on the floor, weeping and muttering to herself, I looked to Twilight.

“Well that’s that. Let’s go home.” I said in a bored tone.

Twilight stared at me in horror. “... What did you do to her, Max?”

I shrugged. “Brought up some bad memories. She won’t die from it.” I looked around and saw Celestia and Luna both staring at me with the same expression Twilight had. “What? Is it the blood on my face or the blood on my clothes that’s bothering you?”

Celestia shook her head ever so gently. “Max... “

“Yes?”

“... Did you just violate Noir’s mind?”

“She ripped me apart and put me on the Moon. I let her off easy.” I replied.

Luna covered her mouth and looked away while Twilight and Celestia just kept staring. “If it makes you feel any better, she rather deserves it. Literally broke every bone in my body. Had quite a few of ‘em sticking out when I put myself back together.”

Twilight put a hand to her forehead and sat down. “This is a dream. There’s no way Max would ever do something like that to Noir and there’s no way Noir would do something like that to Max. It’s just ridiculous.” She chuckled.

Celestia was looking at Noir who’d started pleading for her parents to help her. “... Max, you realize that was evil, don’t you? That’s something Discord would do.”

“Well one can only be pushed so far, Celestia. Noir betrayed my trust by trying to fight me when I told her no, then she tore me apart. I’m not kidding when I say I was missing limbs when I woke up, and I don’t believe that Noir had any justifiable reason for attacking me in the first place. She’s earned her punishment and more, but I’m feeling more merciful than she was apparently.”

The Solar Diarch blinked a few times. “... So you feel that you’re justified in raping your mentor’s mind?”

I nodded. “She did far worse to my body. That, and she betrayed me.” I shrugged. “What do you want me to do, give her the cold shoulder for trying to kill me?”

Celestia pursed her lips. “Well… Look at it this way, Max-”

“Nah.” I interrupted.

“Nah?” She asked.

“Yeah, nah. I don’t give a damn. I couldn’t possibly, by any stretch of the imagination, care less about why Noir decided to hurt me because if she can feel a tenth of what I’m feeling right now, then I’ll be alright with that.”

Celestia rubbed her face. “... How long will it take her to go back to normal?”

“I dunno. I’ve never violated someone’s mind so you tell me.”

“Max… Do I really need to tell you that two wrongs don’t make a right at this point?” She asked softly.

“I could have heightened every one of her senses so she’d beg for death. I could have sent her to the moon and stole her powers. I could have ripped her soul from her body and put it in something until I felt like she deserved being around again. No, this was a good punishment for stabbing me in the back.” I nudged Noir with my foot and she barely responded, still bawling.

Twilight just chuckled and shook her head. “You really aren’t funny Max. Tell Noir to stop acting, because I didn’t think this was all that humorous in the first place.”

“This isn’t a joke Twilight. I’m coated in my own blood because Noir tried her hardest to kill me. Now that I think about it, she probably used the technique that was passed down from her master to do it. Sadly, I also know that technique, but I’ve never attacked someone I was supposed to love with it.” My voice trembled slightly.

Twilight stared at me, a smile frozen on her face. “Max, I’m asking you to tell me that you didn’t just break Noir.”

I shrugged. “I can’t lie to you.”

Her eyes filled with tears and she took a deep breath. “Y-Yeah… I thought you were gonna say that.”

“You can feel what I feel, Twilight. You know how much I’m hurting right now, so don’t think I just did something like this casually.”

Twilight nodded a few times. “I’ve wanted to cry since you woke up.”

I tilted my head toward her and looked back to Celestia. “So do you want to deal with the traitor, or should I?”

Celestia’s face turned into a mask of anger, hardened by today’s events. “If you hurt Noir again, I swear there will be Tartarus to pay, Maximus.”

“I’ve already gotten my point across, Hun. If I deal with Noir, I’m sending her to Uror’s glade because unlike her, I still have loyalty and love in my heart.”

Celestia cooled off a bit, hearing the veracity and, most likely, the pain in my voice that was beginning to seep out. “Uror is Noir’s lover, isn’t she?”

“She is.” I replied.

“If you’re not going to end Noir’s suffering, then at least let Uror give her some comfort.” Celestia said softly.

I started to wave a hand over Noir, but the absolute and mind-engulfing rage I’d been swallowing until then nearly made me kill her then and there. Luckily, Twilight was there to remind me of my promise, so I sent her off without another word and shifted myself to the top of Canterlot Castle. I took a deep breath and let my the hurt flow through my throat, my voice carrying for kilometers upon kilometers. I shattered every window in the Castle, and I later learned that some people who’d been in the path of my vocal assault had been temporarily deafened, their ears ringing for some time. Once I’d finished with that breath, I shifted to the empty plains between Canterlot and Ponyville before erecting a mountain just so I could shout it down. It took a few tries, but I reduced the thing to rubble in less than five minutes.

I cleaned up my mess and had myself a good cry because I just… I was in pain. Noir had spat on my devotion, my respect, my love, and my trust for her all in one fell swoop.

I don’t really feel like writing anymore. Twilight’s telling me that I shouldn’t dwell on it since all this happened like, a week ago, but it’s hard not to be upset. I didn’t even want to write it down. I was just going to pick up my journals some time in the next few months and mention that Noir had fucked up big time and that she’d effectively ended whatever there had been between us, but Twilight thinks that getting it all on paper is going to make me feel better. I was perfectly happy pretending like Noir just went to stay with Uror so she could spend more time with her, but some people just don’t understand that the little lies we tell ourselves to keep us from hurting that much more are worthy of being told some times.

I wonder if this would’ve ever happened if I’d just left Noir bonded to my soul.

I want to know what would’ve happened if I didn’t give her the best gift of her entire Goddamn life.

Would she have still stabbed me in the back if she was dependant on my company to stave off the loneliness?

Maybe I just want to know why she hurt me...

Author's Notes:

Second longest chapter to date. And to think, I could've topped Chapter Twenty-Five with like, a hundred more words. Oh well.

This took a good four to five hours to edit, like damn dude. Fucking italics.

As Always, Save the Cheerleader, Save the World.

Stay Cool, Kids