It’s been a few months since I’ve written in my journals, and that’s a bit shit. With The War ebbing and flowing, being deployed to go fight in skirmishes every week or so, and trying to stay on top of things at home, things just slip between the cracks. Honestly, I keep meaning to get back to it, but it’s hard to squeeze it into the schedule. That and I‘d rather be doing something else, like spending more time with Twilight. For the first half of my hiatus, my right hand was aching fiercely from being overused on a day to day basis while I tried to catch up on paperwork from when I took time off to acclimate to my left arm. I started using it to write again since it was just ridiculous for me to scorn it that much, though it’s not like I can say that in confidence. I still don’t like the damned thing and I still keep it wrapped up. If I don’t have to use it, I generally don’t. I’ve taken to fighting right-handed lately and have been getting pretty decent results, though Noir recently caught me on the training grounds and wanted to see what was up.

It was around five in the afternoon during mid fall when the weather was pretty great, so the sun was starting to dip in the sky. While I was helping out by correcting form with some of our newer recruits, Noir tapped me on the shoulder and gave me a rather stern look. “Pupil.”

“Vassal.” I reminded her.

Her eye twitched. “I wish to speak with you.”

I didn’t have to look to know that we were starting to gather interest rapidly. It was best to get it over with as soon as possible. “Of course, Noir. You know I’ll always have time for you.” I replied kindly.

Her nose twitched adorably at my peace offering, but she was still pissed at me. Noir offered me her hand and pulled us into the Shadow Realm for a quick discussion. “Maximus, I have grave news.”

I sighed. “Are we losing the war?”

“No, nothing of that magnitude.” She assured me.

“But grave nonetheless. What is it, Blackberry?”

“Our connection has been severed.” Noir said darkly. “I believe that dying so many times has purged my soul from yours-” I reached into the ether and pulled out a dark blue orb. “Oh.”

It slowly formed and rose, stretching as it took on the form of Noir, minus all those pesky clothes. It looked at Noir and waved for a moment before looking at me and flipping me off, hopping from my hand onto the floor. My mentor and I watched as it walked over to her and kinda just phased into her like it was nothing. Noir looked at me and frowned.

“A part of me despises you.” She stated unhappily.

“Now you’re really a part of the Royal Family.” I said drily.

Noir rolled her eyes and her horn glowed. “Problem fixed. Stop doing stupid things to yourself, fool.”

“Scars only make me more handsome and rogue-like.” I grinned charmingly. “Admit it, you like a man with battle scars.”

She huffed. “Hardly. Scars mean you are getting hit more often than you are evading or blocking, and that can barely be called an attractive feature in a man.”

I shrugged. “Fuck it, I tried. So our connection is gone. Can we just restore it again?”

“Well… Yes, but I thought that it might be for the best if we leave it where it currently is. It has served us few favours since we have had it and it seems unwise to continue to be bonded in such a manner if you are going to degrade my soul.” Noir said bluntly.

“So I’m a threat to your safety?”

“Essentially.”

“Then I totally understand. I wouldn’t want to entrust my soul to someone who keeps fucking it up.”

My mentor nodded. “I meant to be kind this time, but you insisted on hearing it the worst way possible.”

“It’s a talent, I’m telling you.” I chuckled. “So what? Is there something else you wanted to talk about, or are we good for the time being?”

“Why do you still refuse to reveal your arm to anyone other than Twilight?”

“Skip.”

“What?”

“I said ‘Skip’. It means skip.”

“I am aware of what skip means, I am asking why you are saying it.”

“Because I’m not going to answer you.”

“But you are answering me now as we speak.” Noir narrowed her eyes.

“This I see, that I sew.”

“What? Are you talking me in circles?”

“I’m not talking you into circles, we’re having a dialogue. This is a conversation.”

“You’re distracting me from something, but I can’t remember what I was asking about.” Noir glared at me.

“It must’ve not been that important if you couldn’t hold onto the thought for more than a few seconds, though I often have that problem with jokes.”

She stared me down, but I met her gaze easily. “Your arm, Maximus.”

“What about it?”

“Why will you not show it to me?”

“Because I don’t want to.” I replied modestly.

Her brows furrowed further. “Twilight says that a horrible operation was performed to replace your natural arm with a machine, but she refuses to describe the machine.”

“That’s because I don’t want it seen. I don’t want people looking at it.” Which is why I wear my jackets over my shoulders now.

“I do not understand why.”

“Would you like to be branded on your face?” I asked casually.

Noir gave me an odd look. “Is that a threat or a question?”

“It’s a question.”

“Then of course not. That is a foalish question.”

I pointed at my left arm. “This is my brand. The symbol that reminds me that a piece of myself was stolen for a mistake I don’t even remember making. Why would I want people looking at it whenever they come to talk to me?”

“And wrapping it in bandages is not distracting?”

“It’s less distracting than what lies underneath, and that’s all I’ll say on the matter. Now, are you going to keep buggering me for information you know I’m not willing to share, or are you going to ask me about something else?”

Noir sighed. “You’re allowing it to become a weakness for yourself, Maximus. I’ll bet that it’s invading certain parts of your life, isn’t it?”

I pulled myself out of the Shadow Realm because I was done with that conversation and went back to correcting form on the training ground. Noir followed me and asked for a round so we could blow off some steam, so I agreed, knowing full well that she was just looking for an excuse to hit me with a magically blunted weapon. She wasn’t going to be terribly mean about it, but I knew that the experience was going to suck, one way or another.

Sparring between myself and Noir wasn’t uncommon by any means on the Training Grounds, so we just claimed one of the fighting circles and had a random instructor be the judge while they had a break from dealing with recruits and regulars. Once we were settled into our positions, Noir suggested that we use our preferred daggers, so I pulled out Nacht and she frowned, saying that she had expected me to use the Warbling Blade. I asked if she was trying to get more of a reach advantage on me than she already had and she took my words for what they were. It wasn’t necessarily a jab at her pride, but it was a reminder that she had a clear advantage in the fight on top of me using my off hand.

Our temporary officiator announced the beginning of our sparring match and I went for the gold from the get go. I couldn’t afford to let Noir get started in on numbing me down so she could have the flow of the battle, though it’s not like she couldn’t do that anyway given how much stronger than me Noir is. Still, I thought that she must have appreciated my enthusiasm because she let my rush work until I had about half a step into her before she even made a move to deflect my blow. It was a textbook feint that she’d fallen for since I’d masked it so well, giving me the opportunity to land a blow on the underside of her arm. She took the blow and punched me like the fucking barbarian she is before grabbing my left arm, sending me straight into panic mode.

Instinct told me to try and elbow her in the stomach and she pulled me toward her, stretching the bandages, so I gave in and threw my arm back as hard as I could. My elbow barely made contact with Noir’s stomach, but the piston that ejected when I prepared to throw a punch hit her hard in the sternum. Her grip loosened for but a second. However, that was all I needed to reorient my footing and throw a proper elbow into her stomach. I heard a rib crack when I made contact and I winced before the piston ejected again, harder this time from the pneumatic system linking it to elbow strikes. It’s complicated as fuck, so don’t ask me to repeat Festus’ bullshit, pseudo-everything talk.

Noir let go of my arm and took a step back, giving me a chance to throw a heel kick at her broken rib. I usually wouldn’t have played so fucking dirty, but I knew exactly what she’d been trying to do and she fucking deserved it. I hate when I explain shit to people and they fucking ignore me like I didn’t just spend the last however-the-fuck long telling them how it is! Fucking Christ! Listen!

Bitching aside, Noir was visibly pissed from my little stunt and it showed in her gait. We started picking up more interest and I did my best to fix the bandages around my arm before some serious shit happened that I wasn’t prepared to deal with. When my mentor picked up her pace a little bit, I said ‘Fuck it’ and fled to Celestia’s side since she would probably understand. Sunbutt was in the middle of hearings at the moment when I showed up, so I grabbed my coat from the Training Grounds and threw it around my shoulders before waving up at Celestia.

“Wotcher, Hun.”

She smiled at me warmly. “Hello, Max. Have you already finished with your duties for the day?”

“Sure have. I was screwing around with my guards for awhile up until Noir tried to pull shome bullshit.”

Celestia frown and rested her chin on her palm. “I’m sure Noir had a very violent and archaic reason for whatever she did.”

“I don’t care what her reason was, but the next time she tries something similar, I’m going to fist her.”

Her eyes flickered to something behind me. “Don’t you mean punch?”

“No, I mean I’m going to fist her. How’s that sound, Noir?” I asked.

“Why did a rod come out of your arm?” She asked, her tone level.

“Because it does that now.” I replied irritably.

“If I have seen a part, have I not seen the whole?”

“I believe pressing the issue only makes Max uncomfortable, Noir. Maybe you should let it go.” Celestia half suggested, half ordered.

Noir stuck her chin up at Celestia. “I only receive commands from one Prince, Celestia.”

Celestia’s eye twitched. “Maximus.”

I sighed. “Noir, do I really have to order you to back off?”

She looked at me coolly. “I suppose you have made yourself clear.”

“Thank you.” I nodded.

Noir shook her head. “I do not see why you are so ashamed of it. You broke one of my ribs with your elbow, you know.”

“I wasn’t really trying to do that.” I replied evenly.

“Even more astounding, then. Why are you so reluctant to use something so powerful?”

“Because I was fine the way I was.” I said bitterly. “That’s all there is to it. Now can you just let it go already?”

Noir looked away. “I will stop troubling you over the matter.”

I looked to Celestia. “Do you see what I deal with? I swear this is all your fault.”

The Solar Diarch rolled her eyes. “You were the one who accepted my offer. I never told you that you had to be a Prince.”

“You press-ganged me into it and I had to talk my way out of it at least once.” I retorted.

“C’est la vie, mon ami.” Celestia said, nailing the accent perfectly.

“Baise toi.” I replied.

Her brows raised. “You know a little Prench?”

I waved my hand in a ‘so-so’ gesture. “Je sais assez. I took a job in France back on Earth once, just to see if I could find better pickings over there. Turns out, the French are shitty, suspicious people and being caught without a passport is a one-way ticket to bad places, even if you’re not dealing with the law. Met a stunner while I was there though. She taught me a good amount of what I know.”

“So you would be available for a diplomatic mission to Prance?” Celestia beamed.

I gave her a dead look. “I liked the French from my world about as much as I liked your average Southern American, which is to say, I have a healthy dislike and distrust for them. They all smell like body odour and arse cheeks.”

Celestia gave me an admonishing look. “Maximus, that is a very close-minded and frankly racist thing to say.”

“Do you know how many challengers I get to my throne every day just because I’m not a Pony?”

“I don’t know, ten?” She replied.

I laughed at her. “Try eighty to a hundred. All wanting me to abdicate so a proper Pony can be sitting next to Twilight. No one wants Twilight’s seat, just mine.”

Celestia looked stricken. “You don’t fight them all, do you?”

“I fight one or two a day. Twilight let me start organizing tourneys to find out who I would fight for the day, and I’ve gotta say, it’s been nothing but positive for the castle. We’re making income hand over fist with people buying lots to sell concessions, commemorative items, and all sorts of whatevers. It’s a pretty cool place to stop and see, but it’s over for the day. You can swing by tomorrow around five and it should be on.”

She gave me a puzzled smile. “I’ll be sure to do that, if nothing else than to see how you fight with your right hand. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen you fight using your typical style.”

“His new style is strange.” Noir said, her lips pursed. “I am not fond.”

“Are you mad because it’s ineffective, or are are you mad because it’s not one of yours?” Celestia asked.

“She’s mad because it’s an evolution of hers that I didn’t run by her at all.” I explained.

Noir crossed her arms. “A student should ask their master before altering the style. It is a courtesy.”

“Sure is, love.” I said blandly. “Well, as much as I’d love to stay and chat, dinner is coming up and I’d rather like to spend it with Twilight.”

“You’re welcome to bring Twilight here, you know. It’s been some time since we’ve been able to get the Royal Family together for a meal.” Celestia smiled hopefully.

Noir nodded. “I do miss Shining Armour, much the fool he is. I do find him charming in his own right, however.”

I raised a brow. “Crushing on a married man now, are we?”

Noir matched my brow. “You’ve slept with his wife. You have no room to speak.”

Celestia chuckled. “How about we keep this to ourselves and see if Noir can put the moves on Shining successfully?”

Noir smirked. “I will do you one better: I will successfully have a threesome with them.”
‘

“It’s a bet.” I announced. “What do you want if you pull it off?”

Noir rubbed her chin and looked at Celestia and I with a calculating gaze. “... I would like to be included on your second tryst when you two come together once more. I have heard that both of you are quite skilled and I have witnessed Max’s own skill first hand. A woman becomes curious after so long.”

I looked to Celestia and she nodded at Noir. “It’s fine by me. Ever since our battle, I’ve wanted to have some fun with you.”

I rubbed my hands together. “What’s stopping you from doing it now? Day Court’s over, right? You shortened the hours so the Court Hall doesn’t always have you or Luna in it, right?”

Celestia gave Noir a lascivious smile. “Max is right. I was preparing to leave when he came. I wouldn’t mind entertaining you an hour or so before dinner.”

My mentor shook her head. “After dinner. I prefer to not have time constraints.”

I smiled, catching Noir’s attention. “You are not allowed to watch.”

My face fell. “Aww, why not? You got to watch during every sexual encounter I had after the first one with Twilight!”

Celestia blushed. “Oh. I forgot about that little tidbit.”

Noir gave her a wink. “It just means that I have an idea of how to pleasure you already. Do not get cold hooves now, my sweet drop of sunshine.”

The white mare shook her head gently. “Just a little surprised, tall, dark, and enchanting. Don’t worry your pretty little head over me.”

“Are you sure I can’t watch?”

Celestia stuck her tongue out at me playfully. “Maybe you shouldn’t be such a meanie head.”

“Hush before I fluff you, woman.”

“What does that even mean?”

I gave her a dark look. “You don’t wanna find out.”

Celestia grinned. “I can always give you another spanking, Max.”

“And I can always shove three fingers in your bum at once.” I replied in a warning tone.

She fucking winked. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

“I swear I’ve said that before.” I brooded.

“Don’t pout. It makes you look like less of a man.” Noir chastised.

“Men don’t pout, we brood. I’m brooding.”

“You’re pouting.” Celestia and Noir chorused.

“Fuck both of you. I’ll sneak in and watch you from the closet or something.”

“It’s nothing personal, Max. It’s just that if we let you watch, then Luna is going to want to watch since she’s also a bit of a voyeur and we all know Twilight’s a massive one, so then we have an audience. That’s not even counting whether or not Cadance will be interested.” Celestia reasoned.

I gave her a look. “If you don’t let me watch, I’ll tell everyone that you let me watch anyway and I’ll say some freaky shit about both of you.”

“I’ll beat you.” Noir said simply.

“I’ll make Twilight increase your workload.”

I held up a fist and ticked off my points as I said them. “First off, I can run away to my dimension and you won’t be able to touch me. Second, Twilight wouldn’t listen to you just to mess with me. She’s my wife.” I showed off my index and middle fingers.

Noir flicked my middle finger and that shit hurt. “You talk too much. Celestia and I will be alone for the duration of our time together and that is final.”

“Whatever, Mum. I just wanna see you bang my hot Step-Mum, gosh.” I held my finger.

Celestia made a face. “You would watch your biological mother make love?”

“If she was as stacked as Noir, then fuck no. What kind of sick fuck do you take me for, Celestia?”

“Well, I’ve heard rumors of you and Trixie…” She grinned.

“Shut your cocksucker. I’m gonna go grab Twilight and meet you in the Dining Hall.”

Celestia and Noir waved me off as I pulled myself through the dimensions to Twilight’s side. She was actually on her way to our Dining Hall when I caught her, so I was able to sway her towards coming to Canterlot for a bite to eat. Once we were there, we took up our usual spots in the smaller Dining Hall (The one used for non-official meals) and waited for a few minutes before Luna teleported in. She greeted us when she realized we were there and we started talking about some of the interesting stuff she’d been hearing through the grapevine. Twilight had more straight gossip to share, but she was quickly and effortlessly shunted to the side when Luna decided that she wanted to talk about my side of business more so than Twilight’s.

Luna had actually heard about my tourneys from her guards and told me that she’d attended a few of them. She’d never participated since it would be pointless, but she did like that I was giving all fighters in Equestria a place to test their mettle. While I’d been the one to think of poaching runners-up and generally good fighters from the events, Luna was the one who told me to just put a Guard Recruitment booth on the sidelines for anyone who wanted to work on getting stronger while simultaneously becoming my bitches, so I made a note in my notepad to do exactly that and thanked her for the idea.

Celestia and Noir had come in when I was still talking to Luna, so they had a word with Twilight about some sensitive subject matter that Twilight was still to nervous to talk about with pretty much anyone other than me or the girls. Try as they might, Celestia and Noir couldn’t manage to get Twilight to talk about our sex life in more than the odd blurb or two. It was nice to know that I performed well and that my wife’s mind drifted to our nights spent in each other’s embrace whenever she was asked about it, as if she was trying to relive the memories. It was usually a good way to get myself laid if I kept my tongue in check for an hour or two.

Speaking of getting laid, Cadance and Shining Armour showed up shortly after Celestia and Noir did. If you didn’t catch my insinuation, I slept with Cadance again a couple days before that night with Twilight taking an active role this time. It was our first menage a trois as a married couple and it was pretty damn good for me, at least. Twilight told me that Cadance couldn’t use her tongue very well and was a little too interested in her back door, but other than that, Cadance’s fingers were adept at their craft and that was her saving grace.

Talks of sex aside, dinner was nice and everyone politely avoided staring at my arm or asking any more questions about it. Twilight and I had already told the story of how I lost it and that it had been replaced a couple of weeks ago, so everyone at the table knew that I didn’t really want to talk about it, which only made Noir’s earlier actions that much more selfish. She should’ve respected my wishes, but she will be as she will be. I figure the broken rib was punishment enough, and it’s not like she pressed her luck any further than that. Still, if she’d actually exposed me, I would have broken more than just a rib on her.

Cadance and Twilight made me move so they could talk their bloody heads off for a little while, and as I was deciding who I should bother, I saw that Shining was kind of just staring off into space, not really doing much. I took Cadance’s spot next to him and sighed.

“They sure do like to talk.” I commented.

He spared me a glance. “You haven’t had to deal with Twily, Cadance, and my Mom on Hearth’s Warming Eve. You missed the last one, so you don’t know just how bad it was.”

“This one’s coming up here soon enough. Anything you want in particular?”

He looked at Cadance briefly before saying, “I want to try another mare.”

We’d lowered our voices a bit so we wouldn’t be overheard. “Like who?”

His gaze flickered to someone I should’ve suspected. “I don’t want to say.”

“It’s fine, I have a feeling I know who it is anyway. I’ll help you convince Cadance if you want.”

His head whipped around to look at me. “You will?”

“Yeah. It’s not really fair that you’ve been keeping it in your pants and she’s been coming to see me every once in awhile. Tell me when you want to try and we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

“Wow… Uh, thanks, I guess.”

“No problem. So Noir and Celestia are supposed to go at it after dinner.” I murmured.

“Really?” He gasped. “You can’t be serious!”

Twilight’s gaze flickered over to us for a moment and I waved her off. “Yes, I’m being serious. They don’t want many of us to know, so keep it down.”

“Who don’t they want to know?”

“Everyone but you, basically. I only know because they said something about it in front of me. Actually, they organized it in front of me, but still.”

“... Are you gonna sneak in and watch?”

“Nah. They wouldn’t do it to me, so I’m not going to do it to them. Though I wonder if we should hook up, just to get their minds going.” I teased.

Shining turned bright red. “You’re always doing this, Max! Is your brother-in-law really that attractive to you?”

“No, but I like to mess with you.” I gave him a cheeky grin.

He murmured something that sounded like ‘Buck up or shut up’, and I couldn’t help the blush that exploded across my face. Shining glanced at me and saw my state, knowing instantly that I’d heard him. Neither of us knew what to say about that, so we just stopped looking at each other. I tried not to laugh, but then I wondered if I should actually take Shining up on his offer. Now, take my whimsy with the grainiest of salts because I’m not gay. I know where my preferences lie, but I can’t help but feel like he would be an excellent addition to my list of conquered Royalty. Wrecking his arse could bring me pleasures known only to Cadance… Something to think about another time.

For now, I had to deal with the fact that Shining may have actually been gay for me, and with all the bullshit that would undoubtedly entail. I thought that dealing with it sounded tedious, so I just sat next to Shining awkwardly for a few minutes as I tried to think of something to say. There really wasn’t anything I could respond with seeing as how he was petrified that I’d heard him in the first place, but what really mattered was who got dicked down. It sure as fuck wasn’t going to be me, so I let it be known.

“If we ever were to do anything, you’d be the bottom.” I announced loudly, catching everyone’s attention.

Shining lit up brighter than before and choked on his own saliva. Hacking and coughing, I let him be for a little while as I surveyed the reactions. Cadance looked interested, Twilight looked sickened, Luna looked rather interested, Noir gave me a distasteful look, and Celestia had a little smile on her face.

“I-I would not- We wouldn’t- I’m not a bottom!” Shining sputtered.

Twilight clamped her hands over her ears. “I am so done!”

Cadance looked at the rest of the Royal Family. “Are you sure about that, Sweetie Pie?”

The look of absolute betrayal on Shining’s face was priceless. “Bunny Bear! You swore!”

I soaked in his pain and let it flow through me, the schadenfreude running deep within my veins. “She just asked, mate. You were the one who confirmed.” I said, trying my best not to laugh.

He couldn’t have looked more horrified, even if you went so far as to confirm that he had, in fact, seen Twilight nether regions. I was tempted to say it then, but then I banished the thought before Twilight could read my mind and bitch-slap my arse back into Hell. I sobered a little at the thought of that, but I was still loving the moment.

Cadance let loose a little giggle. “It’s okay, Snuggle Muffin! A lot of stallions like to be bossed around for once!”

Shining lit up and teleported out of the room, leaving Cadance’s former mirth at the door. She teleported off to find him moments later and I let out a sigh. I’d been hoping that Shining would take the knowledge that everyone except Twilight already knew about his sex life well, but I suppose that having a bunch of women giggle and titter at your most intimate moments would suck harder than the vacuum of space. I felt a little bad for orchestrating the event (In a way), but I was having the time of my life up until I saw the initial glimmer of tears in his eyes. It popped up right before I could tell Cadance that her next words were going to leave a bruise, but I was truly kind of staggered that she didn’t feel his vibe from their Covenant. I didn’t have much time to think about it, much to my chagrin, because Twilight was pissed.

“I hope you’re all happy! What did humiliating Shining do for any of you? Honestly? What did making my brother feel like the smallest man on Equus do for you?” Twilight sneered.

Luna scoffed. “It was mostly Cadance and Shining himself. I would insinuate that Max had a hand in it, but he didn’t force Shining Armour to do anything, so don’t blame us for finding humor in your brother’s reaction to learning that we all knew.”

Twilight glowered. “You knew?”

All eyes turned to me and I took a moment to appreciate my hate for the lack of loyalty among royalty.

I gestured with my hand and shrugged. “I just turned them on to the stuff they do, I never told anybody anything.”

“Then just how does everyone know, Max?” Twilight practically snarled.

I crossed my arms and levelled a glare of my own at her. “Your hostility isn’t cute.”

“Do not play with me, Maximus.” Twilight said in a low tone. “No one messes with my br0other.”

“I. Didn’t. Do. Shit.” I made sure to speak as if she were having problems understanding me.

Twilight obviously didn’t like my tone, but she had no ground to stand on with me. “So if it wasn’t you, then who?”

Noir coughed and Twilight turned toward her. My mentor looked at my wife coolly. “I told Luna once I was freed during one of our long nights.”

Celestia shrugged. “I already figured Shining was a bottom, but Cadance told me.”

Twilight fumed and I shook my head. I didn’t want to step back into the line of fire because it would be fucking retarded to do so, but Twilight was pissed at no one and couldn’t really be mad. She sat back down and cast the odd glance at me from time to time while she cooled off, but I gave her the cold shoulder. I’m getting tired of being blamed for things I didn’t do, but it’s not like it’s new shit. It’s been going on since I arrived in Equestria. Twilight continued trying to catch my eye and I continued to ignore her for a few more minutes while everyone sat in silence.

I decided to break the ice by saying, “Walla Walla.”

“What?” The ladies said simultaneously.

“Walla Walla. It’s the song going through my head right now.”

“Shut up, Max.” Luna said.

Celestia sighed. “I suppose we can all approach Shining on our own time and tell him that we accept him for who he is. I hoped that he would already know, but…”

Twilight nodded. “I think it would mean a lot to him to know that everyone still respects him the same, even knowing about his intimate life.”

I picked up an apple and munched casually while Twilight apologized to everyone else for being so hostile earlier, though it wasn’t really necessary. She also apologized for trying to accuse me of spreading Shining’s business around and I let it go since there really wasn’t a point in staying mad. However, I still wanted to tell Twilight to fuck off and sleep on the couch for coming after me so angrily when I didn’t do a damned thing. She caught the vibe and promised to make it up to me, and that alone helped abate some of my frustrations.

Noir and I were scheduled for an appointment and Twilight was still as curious as ever as to what we were doing, but I still refused to tell her about it. She knew it wasn’t something that would affect her or our people, so she let me do what I needed to do. After a hug, a kiss, and a promise to see her later in the night, Noir and I left and Twilight went home.

I stole myself a little bit of Unicorn Magic so I could have something to play with for myself. It wasn’t of any use to anyone since I was just skimming, so I was happy to alleviate a few people of some excess. Noir warned me against using it all too quickly, but I assured her that I would use it as instructed. We parted ways shortly after and I returned to Twilight’s side. As always, she asked how my time with Noir had been and I told her that it had been pretty damned good this time around.

I got this written out shortly after Twilight decided to call it a night. I wanted to go to sleep after her, but I felt the need to get these thoughts on paper. The Seals on these should be enough to ward anyone who isn’t me off, but I don’t suppose someone would go snooping through my shit in the first place.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I woke up early the next morning and started thinking of something I wanted to do with my free time. I couldn’t decide on anything, so I snuggled up next to Twilight and wiggled my way into her personal space until my breath disturbed the fur on the back of her neck. She must have sensed that I was behind her subconsciously because she scooched until her back was flush with my chest. It was nice to have Twilight in my arms, but I was still trying to find out what I should do once I finish up with my usual shit.

The answer to my query came in the form of a letter from Festus saying that he’d made me something good and that he could pick me up for a trip to the Heavens at anytime. It came by way of mechanical bird, so I sent back a note saying that I would get myself there if I could. With that out of the way, I went back to cuddling Twilight. It was a good time.

A couple of hours passed before Twilight deemed it worthy of her time to wake up, though when she did, she just rolled over and buried her face in my chest, something I found to be adorable and endearing. “Wake me up when tomorrow is here please.” She murmured.

“Ring ring, wake up call. You now have Princessing to do.” I chuckled.

My wife groaned and hugged me a little tighter. “I don’t wanna.”

I plucked one of the feathers from her wing and she yelped. “Ooh, pretty!”

Twilight pinched my nipple. “That hurt!”

“Well I wasn’t expecting it to feel good.”

She started poking me in the chest with her blunt horn. “I’m gonna stab you for that!”

I used her feather to tickle her neck and she giggled, jolting away. “I don’t think you are. The power of tickles is far more developed than the power of poking!”

Twilight gave me a sultry look. “Maybe you could poke me?”

“Well, we do have a couple of hours.” I grinned.

And so we spent a couple of hours in a nice way.

After that, we had to get our morning routines done and prepare for the day, though we were rather distracted with the prospect of our honeymoon coming up. We were going to travel around for a little bit and see some sights, or rather, we were going to go to places we’d been before and enjoy some time to ourselves while we were there. It would hopefully be a nice, peaceful break that we’d needed for a long time. It had already been postponed for a little bit, but now we were waiting anxiously for the day where we could finally get away from it all for a little bit. For the time being, we had to perform our royal duties, so Twilight and I parted ways with a kiss after breakfast and I may or may not have copped a feel on my way to my office. I didn’t get to see the look on my wife’s face when I did it, but I could feel a little happiness bubble up from her when I did it, so that was a win in my book.

My day was as boring as usual until I went to the tourney to face off against the winner from the day’s festivities. It wasn’t a remarkable fight or anything, but it was a good day to be out and about, sparring for a bit of blood. I still haven’t used my left arm in any of my fights so far, but I find it to be a nice change of pace from my humdrum affairs. Twilight even takes the time to come and watch when I fight the day’s champion, though she always fusses over me whenever the fight is done with. I usually get chided for not being far enough away from the sharp thing, but I’ve explained it to her a thousand times: narrow dodges make for great counters. She still doesn’t like it, but it’s not like she’s telling me to change up my fighting style, especially since I never get hurt anyway.

Twilight and I attended to the final matters of the day in less than an hour, meaning that we had two more to spare before dinner. I just wanted to cuddle and write, but Twilight had a question. “Hey Amour?”

“Yes Cherry?”

“Why don’t we go back to Earth for a little bit? It just doesn’t sit well with me that your brother is pining for your company and we have the time to do something about it.” Twilight said.

I took a deep breath and puffed out my cheeks, holding the breath for a fair amount of time. It wasn’t all that hard, but by the time I felt like letting it go, Twilight was concerned. “Alright.”

“... If you don’t want to then that’s okay, Max.” Twilight replied kindly.

I shook my head. “No, I do need to talk to him. I still want to introduce you to him in your Human form and your Pony form.”

She gave me a gentle smile. “You just want to see the look on his face when he sees me transform.”

I raised a brow. “I want him to see me with a stunner on my arm during the duration of the visit so I can show off. Expect his fiance Beatrix to be nearby while you’re around.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

“From her general personality, I can tell that she’s pretty possessive. You being the tempting little minx that you are, I don’t doubt that she’ll see you as a threat.”

Twilight shrugged. “Maybe I’ll just have to kiss her and prove that I’m a lesbian.”

I gave her a look. “You’re married to a man.”

She grinned and changed me into Roxy. Luckily we were in her personal library, so it’s not like we would be disturbed. “Not anymore.” She changed my clothes to one of her own nicer dresses, though I was sure the livery was mine.

I groaned before perking up. “Hold up, this could be a fucking great prank! Get us some casual clothes and we’ll be off!”

My wife’s smile matched mine. “I like doing your thing sometimes. Do I just have to play along, or can I have an active role?”

“If you want, you can take the lead and I’ll follow you.”

Twilight changed our clothes for us and said, “Alright! I’ll cast an invisibility spell so you can get us to where they live now, make our exit, and then let the games begin!”

“We can’t do anything mind warping right off the bat, right?” I asked.

“We’ll work our way up to it. Your brother and his fiance have seen your Magic before, right?”

“Yup. They shouldn’t be too surprised.”

“Then we’ll start slow and work our way up! This is going to be fun!” Twilight came over and gave me a quick kiss.

I wasn’t satisfied with her meager offering, so I stole another from her lips before she initiated her spells. Once she was Human and we were nice and not seeable, I wrapped my right arm around Twilight’s waist and pulled us through the dimensions, straight into an unfamiliar place. I’d been aiming for Will because I was hoping that he would be home, and home he was, I suppose. It was definitely a new house, but watching him relax on his couch in front of the telly with a bowl of crisps just reminded me of our days watching Netflix, doing the same damn thing all day in between jobs. Our arrival hadn’t made much noise, so I took the chance and looked around for a little while.

It was definitely a nice house, I’ll say that. The kitchen, living room, and Dining room were all open and joined each other seamlessly with hardwood floors that I was particularly fond of. From what I could tell, it was about as big as my living room back in my mansion and that’s fucking saying something. I’d had fifteen odd chairs that all sat around large coffee tables, but I’d never used them. I also had a couch for every five chairs, plus the one in the section of my living room that I actually used. Will and Bea were definitely doing well for themselves if this was what they could afford these days.

Twilight tapped my shoulder and I let go of her waist and went searching for her hand, leading us to where I expected the exit to be. We found it without a problem and exited through teleportation since Twilight could see where we were going. She took the time to remind me that I could have done it too and saved her some Magic, but I told her to kiss me or follow me. If I knew Will, he’d have proximity alarms that went off if you got too close, so I teleported us down the way a bit and had Twilight uncloak us when the coast was clear. We walked back over to Will’s place, and before we could even knock on the door, I heard his heartbeat behind it and smiled at my wife. She picked up on my hint and started speaking.

“If it’s a man, we fuck him.” She said sluttily.

I heard Will’s heart hammer in his chest and couldn’t stop my smile. “If it’s a couple, let’s hope they swing.”

Twilight didn’t know what that meant, but she still played along perfectly before knocking on the door. Will opened it a few moments later after taking some deep breaths to compose himself and looked at Twilight and myself. “Wotcher, ladies. Can I help you?”

I looked to Twilight and she smiled at him coquettishly, which on her still came off a little goofy. “We were just wondering if we could borrow your phone for a moment. Our’s both died on the walk and we need to call a friend to come pick us up.”

Will raised a brow. “iPhones, right?”

I sighed heavily. “She’s the one who convinced me to get one. I hate the damned thing.”

He chuckled and subtly checked me out. Apparently he was digging the form-fitting jeans and cardigan combo over Twilight’s mini-skirt and sweater-vest combo, which made little sense to me. I wasn’t much compared to Twilight and she was the one who was trying to put off the vibe. His gaze slid over to Twilight and did the same thing, taking her form in in the course of a few seconds.

“I’ll do you ladies one better. I’ve got a car, I’ll take you where you want to go.” Will offered.

I chuckled. “So you can take us to your rape dungeon? I don’t think so, mate.”

He grinned devilishly. “The dungeon’s in here, love. I’m sure my wife would be happy to show you around some time.”

Twilight smiled brightly. “Is your wife home?”

“She sure is.” Bea said, turning a corner. Will smiled at her and she just gave him a look. “It’s obvious what you’re after, and I’m frankly surprised you showed up here, but I’m telling you to go to the Safe in Arms Coalition or something and get yourselves straightened out. Hitting up strangers for sex at your age…” She shook her head. “How old are you girls? Eighteen? Younger?”

I raised a hand. “I’m twenty-one and she’s twenty-five, actually. Thank you though.”

Beatrix scoffed. “Show me some ID and I’ll believe it.”

Twilight looked at me. “I don’t think our passports are going to cut it here.”

I shrugged. “They might. Do you have them on you?”

Twilight pulled them out of her hair, totally rocking the fuck out of Will and Bea’s worlds. She handed them off to will and he just stared at them for a moment. “... Did you just pull these from your hair?”

“I guess it would be hair since I’m human right now.” Twilight said ponderously.

I patted her back. “Toes and all.”

Will looked at my passport while Bea looked at Twilight’s. “I can’t read any of this. What fucked up language is this?”

I traded a look with Twilight. “Equuish.” We said in unison.

Will looked at me. “Equuish?”

“Yeah, the common language of Equus.” I smirked.

He looked into my eyes, one forest green ,the other a deep blue. “... Kaid?”

“Sup mate? Still wanna fuck me?”

He lit up bright red and Bea snickered. “You little fucker!”

Twilight giggled. “Can we come in? I’m not used to being Human for long and I’d like to go back to my normal form for a bit.”

They stared at her for a moment before Bea asked, “... You were serious about not being Human?”

Twilight blushed. “Is… Is that a problem?”

I looked to them calmly while they got over their shock. Wiil was the first one to respond. “Uh, yeah. Come on in, love. What was your name again?”

Twilight beamed and shook his hand. “I’m Twilight Sparkle, Max’s wife. He goes by Roxy when he’s female in Equestria, but I’ll call him Max while we’re here so you don’t get confused.”

“... Right.” Will rubbed his forehead and looked at Beatrix. She shrugged and headed inside, so Will, Twilight, and I followed her in. We stood in the living room with Will and Bea both watching Twilight carefully, hoping not to miss the moment she transformed.

Twilight finally announced that she was ready to do it, but she was mostly just shy because she was being stared at. I told Will and Bea to knock it off and just let her work her Magic already, so they stopped staring at Twilight as hard. They were still creeping her out, but it wasn’t as bad now. When Twilight’s body was enveloped in Magic and she came through in her normal form, Will was fucking staggered and Bea fainted. I found both reactions to be hilarious, though Twilight chastised me for laughing when Bea could have been seriously hurt.

In the end, Bea was fine, though Will was a lot more enthusiastic about shaking Twilight’s hand again. He marveled at the smoothness and wonderful texture of her coat and I told him that I’d break his fingers if he got any funny ideas. He stuck one of his fingers in Twilight’s nose and that was fucking amusing, but it wasn’t funny. She cocked back to hit him like she used to hit me and I had to catch her before she broke his fucking arm.

“Twilight! Flick, don’t punch!” I said hurriedly.

My wife gave me a stormy look before flicking the shit out of my brother. I heard the impact and winced, but Will actually gasped at the pain. “Fucking ow! How the fuck can you flick so flipping hard!?”

I sighed. “Dude, Ponies are way stronger than Humans on average, and Twilight’s a Super Pony. She’d kill you if she punched you with the intent.”

Twilight paled. “I’d what?”

“Yeah, that’s why I told you to flick him instead of punching him. You forgot that Humans are squishy when compared to Ponies.”

Will rubbed his arm as he was trying to roll his sleeve up. A dark bruise was already forming where Twilight had gotten him. “Fucking Hell, woman!”

“I-I-I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to leave a bruise or anything!” Twilight cried.

He gave her an irritated look. “Just keep it in mind, will ya? I ain’t too mad at you, so don’t go and cry or something.”

Twilight glared at him. “I am a grown woman. I am not going to cry over flicking someone.”

“Sure sounded like it.” He said blandly.

“Mate.” I said softly.

He flopped a hand in my direction. “I’ll lay off, I hear you.”

“Thank you.”

Bea just shook her head. “Pony.”

“Shh.” Will, Twilight, and I said.

“Will she be okay?” Twilight asked.

Will shrugged. “I dunno. I’ll slap her around with the old knob for a while and see if that snaps her out of it.”

“She might bite it.” I warned. “Be careful, mate.”

He rolled his eyes. “If nothing else, then I get anal tonight since she’s not going to say no.”

“Not happening!” Bea said, snapping out of her reverie.

I lifted a brow. “Anal is-”

“No! We don’t talk about that in this house!” Bea snapped.

Twilight nodded. “I like that rule.”

Will and I looked at each other and shrugged. “I can live without it.” He said.

“The place above it is more appetizing anyway.”

Bea nodded. “Damn straight. Eat Chinese every night and your wife will be the happiest on the block.”

Twilight came back to me and squeezed my hand, saying nothing. The silence didn’t last long as she started inquiring about Bea and Will, staving off the conversation I knew I had to have with my brother. It was going to suck in all the wrong ways, but the longer we put it off, the nicer the time felt and the more natural it felt for Twilight and I to be spending time with them. It was a great feeling that I wanted to capture and put in a bottle for those long days, but emotion doesn’t work like that… Or does it?

Eventually Will had to break Twilight’s stream of questions about the Human World and asked, “Hey Max, can I ask you something?”

“You-”

“Just did. Yeah, gotcha. How long has it been since you’ve been back to Earth? For you I mean?”

“Only a handful of months. I know it’s been years since I’ve visited to you.”

He nodded. “Yeah. Lot’s changed.”

I sighed and sent him a sad smile. “Heard SIAC is doing well.”

Will blushed and looked away. “Yeah.”

Bea put a hand on his shoulder and we all waited for someone to say something else. No one did, so I broke the silence. “So has the change been for the better or for worse?”

Bea was the one who answered. “Crime is down seventy-nine percent in Britain, higher in some countries, lower in others. There are a lot of people who worship you as the Messiah now.”

“You fucking what.” I said.

Will nodded. “You’ve been recognized by the Vatican as being a Saint, even if you weren’t there to receive your rewards.”

“... So people link me to the video after all. I didn’t think it would get to that point.” I whispered.

Twilight held my hand. “Isn’t this a good thing? I mean, it’s not like you have to take over the world or anything. It’s just that people think you’re pretty great for doing a pretty great thing.”

I looked to Will who still wouldn’t meet my eyes. “What do you think, mate?”

“... The numbers don’t lie. The world’s shaping up, Max. Shit’s not popping off like it used to, peace treaties are being signed monthly, commerce is exploding, international affairs is becoming a booming business… It’s amazing, mate.”

I let out a low whistle. “Damn.”

My wife smile brightly at me. “See, Max? Isn’t this great?”

“...Yeah. I guess it is.” I chuckled.

She hugged me and I returned it while Will reached for Bea’s hand. They shared a kiss after a moment, but our conversation wasn’t done. “So, Max…” Bea started.

“Yeah?” I asked.

She looked at Will guiltily and he met her gaze with some shame of his own. “We owe you an apology, mate. We had some time to see the results and…”

Bea picked up where he left off. “The world is really a better place, Max. Crime keeps falling every year, your video is even shown in schools now! Rapists and murderers have confessed to numerous crimes, petty theft is down, political corruption is at an all time low, and things are just… Max, you have to understand what’s going on! It’s like the whole world is shifting back into Pangea and everyone’s reuniting!”

“Cool.” Was my eloquent, adequate response.

They stared at me. “Cool? Is that really it?” Will asked.

I shrugged. “Yeah, kinda. It’s super dope that my shit worked and all, but I don’t really know what to say. I’m glad Earth is a better place to live for it, though I’m just a little staggered that I reached as far as I did. I’ve really done a lot since I went to Equestria…” I trailed off and stared at the ceiling.

Twilight put her cheek on my head. “You really have, haven’t you? I’d like to think that you’ve done a few great things on occasion.” She jested.

I smiled faintly and tried not to think of Esteril. “On occasion is right. I’ve gotta be half decent sometime, right?”

“You finally get it!” Will chuckled.

“Fuck off before I make you gargle your own mayonnaise.” I replied irritably.

“PMSing are we?” Bea smirked.

“Bitch, I’ll choke you.” I warned.

Twilight patted my leg. “Don’t worry, Amour. I’ll do the choking while you sit back and relax for once.”

Will shut his fucking mouth. Bea, however, didn’t have the same idea. “You seem too sweet to do much choking. I rather doubt you’d do much more than flick someone.”

“Have you seen the bruise she gave me?” Will asked, frowning.

Bea rolled her eyes. “You say that like you didn’t deserve it.”

“Abuse is abuse. Lashing out at people is wrong.” I preached.

Everyone in the room gave me a unique look of their own. Twilight spoke first, however. “Max, you’ve killed people.”

“Yes, and?”

“... That’s a bit worse than lashing out at someone.” Bea said slowly.

I turned my gaze to her. “Sure is.”

“So why are you nagging at us?”

Twilight made a frustrated noise and I shot her a grin. “Oh yeah, nag is a slur in Equestria, so Twilight would probably prefer it if you didn’t say nag, nagging, or nagger.”

Will, Bea, and I all looked toward Twilight and she glared at me. “You’re not funny, Max. That word is really offensive to me.”

Will looked at me. “Your lover seems a little on the straight and narrow side for your kinda morals, mate.”

I shrugged. “I still love her, so it’s kinda worth it.”

“Kinda?” Bea and Twilight challenged.

I walked over to Will and placed my right hand on him. “Hey mate.”

“Max.” Twilight said in a warning tone.

Bea looked at her. “What? What’s he planning on doing?”

Will gave me a look and I reached through space, pulling us out of the frying pan and into the alley next to the Rubber Dutchman. I had to get him on his feet when we landed, which was a terribly difficult task since I was now a good foot or so smaller than him. I might have been stronger, but that still sucked. Once he was good, I lead him inside and we ordered a couple of drinks from Markus. Will had to pay for his and Markus added my shit to his tab anyway, so I thought that was fucking awesome since it meant that I didn’t have to worry about expending any of my own funds. My brother was a bit salty, but I told him that it was only proper to treat a lady well. Markus agreed wholeheartedly until Will told him that I was a tranny and a lesbian, both of which made me laugh. I denied the transvestite part, but I do love me some good old fashioned tang. Especially if it’s flavoured.

While I was explaining to Will that Ponies all taste different, Twilight (in her Human form) and Bea walked in with intent to kill. Markus made Will pay for them too, but they weren’t really there for drinks until I suggested that Twilight get some English liquor while she could so she could taste the difference between Earth alcohol and the Equestrian stuff. She gave in after I talked over and under her, an interesting tactic that seemed to piss her off more than a little bit, but when she got a taste of absinthe for the second time, she was in love. Bea had never bothered with it before, so she tried some with Twilight while Will and I were forced to switch to some strong Irish whiskey that would hopefully make us look tougher than our wives.

Bea was the first one to tap out, shortly followed by Will, though that’s not to say that they hadn’t partaken in plenty. Twilight and I were only fine because Earth Spirits tend to be a bit weaker than Pony spirits, and our Alicorn physiology lets us drink whatever we want up to a certain point. We lent the other couple our shoulders on the trip into a nice dark alley so we could teleport back to their place. Once we were back, they were alright to amble about their house for a bit and offered us their guest room, but then we dropped a bombshell on them and explained that we were royalty and had to get back to our Castle before someone found out we were missing. Their jaws dropped as Twilight and I said our goodbyes and returned to Equestria.

We still had some time before the Sun was due to rise and Twilight wanted to try cuddling up to me for warmth since she tended to be cold as a Human. I had no problems with that whatsoever and held her until she changed me back into my male form. With the Sun on the horizon, we took a shower, did our workouts, and got back to work as Prince and Princess of Ponyville and surrounding areas. Nothing exciting or different happened, so it’s really not worthy of mention. I did, however, have time to get this written out, so cheers to that, yeah?

Ah shite, I forgot to mention that Hephaestus summoned me to his shop to give me his present. After all this time, it turned out to be a Kopis he’d named ‘To Kopis Tou Pséfti’ or ‘Liar’s Sword’. Apparently it would maim someone to the point where they wouldn’t be able to fight any more, but not make them bleed to death. It would still hurt like a fucking bitch and it would take awhile to heal, but at least the scar it leaves is supposed to be cool. The sword itself was pretty interesting to say the least. Festus said that he’d made the sword as a special apology, so he’d used most of the same metals he’d used in my arm to make the sword in a damascus billet. It looked seriously amazing with the way the Stygian Iron and Styx Silver played with the Imperial Gold and Celestial Bronze. The handle fit my left hand perfectly and it was effortless to swing, though it needed a new name in the worst of ways. Festus and I spitballed back and forth until we came up with Ol’ Harmless, both of us finding humor in the name. I’d like to say that I came up with it, but Festus was the one who nailed it so perfectly.

Other than that little event, nothing happened today. It was pretty nice.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next morning I woke up as usual, but I wasn’t in my room: No, I was in a fucking lunatic’s daydream after they skip their meds and eat ten tabs of acid. Seriously, the warped walls that were covered in checkered patterns that weren’t consistent color, shape, or dimensional existence. The chair I was strapped to was pretty alright, but I was rather certain that it was made of leather and leather was looked down upon by every sentient race. I looked down at the floor to find that I was still dressed in my nightclothes, thankfully, but I was far more interested in the fact that the floor seemed to be a thin layer of peanut brittle over the empty air. It seemed like quite the drop below me, so I tried looking around the room to quell my immediate panic.

While I was taking in the wonky bookcases and mug that said ‘Kucs ym cikd etilsaCe!’, A somewhat familiar face walked in through the one door and shut it softly. Discord him-fucking-self strode over to the desk before me and had a seat on the high backed chair behind it. We looked at each other for a little while and he just sighed.

“We don’t have to be enemies, Mr. Gadai.” Discord said amiably.

“See, you kinda fucked over some of my closest friends, mate. I realize the position I’m in, but I’m not seeing how we’re going to be friends.” I replied, snapping into Prince Mode.

Discord saw through it immediately. “Turn it off before I send you back to the Big Guy.”

I snapped again. “Alright.”

He nodded. “Let me be frank with you, Maximus: I don’t care about this war anymore. It’s honestly just too easy. I could enchant my forces and steamroll yours, and then take on all of the Alicorns including yourself out all at the same time. What’s stopping me from ruling this planet, Max, if I may call you that?”

I rolled my eyes. “Don’t see what’s stopping you besides boredom, honestly. There isn’t much we can do other than my little side project.” I threw the bait and waited.

Discord showed interest. “Oh? A little side project for me you say? Surely you’re not foolish enough to think of building some kind of weapon strong enough to take me down?”

I snorted derisively. “Fuck that. You break reality in ways we just can’t. Fighting you would be suicide on a stick with a razor-blade and an Anthrax capsule at the center.” Reel him in…

“Then what, pray tell, could you possible have that makes you think you could defeat me?” He asked, tapping a talon on his desk impatiently.

I gave him a look of disbelief. We both knew it was fake, but still. “You don’t know? Are you really telling me that you don’t know who I am?”

His look of interest turned to one of mild disdain. “I will remove your legs. I wouldn’t be so cruel as to rip them off of you, but I will remove them.”

Shit. “Then let me cut to the chase: Athena is working with a group of your supporters on my behalf to get you back into the Heavens.”

The Draconequus blinked twice rapidly. “I beg your pardon?”

“Discord, you’re fighting a war against the Chosen One. I don’t want us to fight this war. I want you to go back to where you belong so you can stop fucking with affairs on Equus, mate. That’s all I want. So what do you want?”

Discord’s reptilian tongue moistened his lips “How is their progress?”

I swallowed hard. “Athena says it will be a century before they have enough sway, but-”

The god rose from his desk and came to tower over me before his impossibly flexible body bent down to look me in the eye. “You’re telling me that I have to wait at least a hundred years to get back to the Heavens?”

“How long have you already been on Equus?” I asked cautiously.

He narrowed his eyes. “Far too long. Make them speed it up.”

“That’s the last thing I asked of Athena. You’ve got to realize, Discord, you ruined your name. We can’t just fix that so easily.”

He stared me down for a long minute, drilling holes into my eyes quite effectively. “Left or right.”

My eyes widened involuntarily. “I’m the guy who’s setting things in motion in the first place, mate! It’s the weight of my name behind the movement that’s making it go as quickly as it is in the first place!”

Discord grabbed my third leg none too gently. “Are you picking the ‘or’ option?”

I froze. “You do that and you never make it back to the Heavens.”

“I could always get Twilight here.” He said blandly.

“Second verse same as the first, plus I’ll come to kill you with the gods on my side.”

Discord blanched and let go of me. “It would seem that we are at an impasse then.”

“Give me some time to talk to your biggest naysayers and we’ll see where that takes us, yeah? For now, why don’t we call a ceasefire or something and make the day a holiday for the soldiers?”

A light twinkled in his eye. “And you know just how to appeal to me, don’t you, you slutty little fox. You have a month to advance progress by fifty years, or I start taking land.”

My blood ran cold. “Then I’d better get cracking.” I said in a toneless voice.

He winked at me. “That you should, good buddy. Before I send you off to do what you need to, I’m going to have to ask you one question.” He waited for my permission.

“I’m not really in a position to say no.” I replied pleasantly. At his lethal look, I said, “I would be delighted to answer your question, Dizzy.”

He gave me another look. “The nickname was both terrible and unnecessary, but I digress. Maximus, who cut off your arm?”

I raised a brow. “I see no reason to hide that information. It was Hephaestus.”

The bandages around my arm undid themselves and I grit my teeth, looking to my right. Discord took notice. “Oh? Is someone a little sensitive about their upgrade? Why Maximus, I never took you for the shy type!”

I tried to even out my breathing, but I was too embarrassed, too stricken to say or really do much, so Discord carried on, stroking and ‘oohing’ and ‘ahhing at my arm until he came to the back of my hand. The paw he’d been touching me with was removed slowly and I felt my bandages rewrap themselves as Discord took a single step backwards.

“What was that?” He asked softly.

“That was my Seal.” I said through clenched teeth.

“... Does that mean what I think it means?”

“Yeah.”

He sighed. “Oh well. There’s nothing either of us can really do about it now unless you want something from me. I suppose I could give you your little ceasefire if you want it that badly. And a little extra time to get those fifty years done, since I really don’t want you to hold a grudge.”

I took a few deep breaths. “Let me have my month after my honeymoon with the rest of it and I won’t hold it against you. Won’t even bring it up.”

“If I catch you working during your honeymoon for extra time, then I’m coming back for one of your little meatballs.” He said darkly.

“You threaten me, I threaten you. Let’s just try and keep things civil, Discord, so we can both get what we want.” I said, forcing my voice to stay level.

He looked me in the eye. “I can make sure you don’t get to the gods, Kaid. the only thing keeping you alive right now is being the Chosen One, and that’s wearing a little thin right about now.”

“Killing one of the Big Guy’s favourite’s really sounds like a good idea.” I replied drily.

He grasped me by my throat, giving me my opportunity. I ripped my left arm free of the restraints, blew a portion of the chair I was strapped to off as I cocked back, and gave the punch as much pepper as I could manage. I got quite a few of the little air brakes to come up when I hit Discord, and when he flew over his desk, I took my chance to escape and went straight to Twilight’s side, though I was still stuck in the chair for a few more moments. Once I’d properly ripped everything off of me, I pulled Twilight off of her throne and into my arms for a moment.

“M-Max! I appreciate the hug, but I was saying something!”

I let her go and turned to the fellow in front of Twilight. Straight, raw fear ran through my veins as I watched the unassuming Pony transform into Discord himself. Twilight looked around me and gasped at the sight while I stood in front of her, hoping to shield her from whatever Discord had in mind. He raised his hand and snapped his fingers, instantaneously teleporting Twilight in front of him. She realized where she was too late as Discord seized her, grabbing one of her breasts and leaning down to lick her face.

“That wasn’t a very nice thing to do, now was it, Maximus.” Discord said, his voice tinged with malevolence.

“She has nothing to do with us, Discord! Let Twilight go!”

She struggled against him as he continued fondling her, but the shock of the moment had worn off. My hand glided through the thing on the Warbling Blade and I sent my fist through the dimensions at a full charge, meeting Discord’s face with a blow heavy enough to knock him back a few meters, but it wasn’t over. Not by a mile. As I thrust my left hand into my chest, I considered that Discord had convinced me to do something that Noir and I agreed to keep between us, for as long as we needed our little weapon stay hidden.

The secret comes in three parts, the first of which happens to be something I’ve already mentioned. The Absolute Berserk Technique is a beautiful tool of destruction, but it by itself wouldn’t do jack shit against a god, which is where the second secret comes in. I still have Dark Magic at my beck and call. After all, it was dangling from the Warbling Blade, the thing that never leaves my side. Sombra’s soul was left weak and nearly imperceptible when Shining, Cadance and I killed the shit out of him, but it still resided in his horn, hiding, seeking the day when it would find a mind worthy of becoming his successor and what do you know? The evil piece of shit likes my style and likes to chime in from time to time. The one time he’d actually mustered enough strength to influence my decisions was in Mexicolt… That was the when Noir lifted her ban on torture. At the moment, I have Sombra’s soul tucked away in the far reaches of the cosmos, but his Magic? Shit, At the point I left off, I’d just grabbed it, fucked Discord up, and stowed it in my chest.

Which leads me to the third part of the secret: I’ve been stockpiling bits and pieces of Unicorn Magic since I stole Twilight’s Estrus. Never enough to drain someone completely, just about half of their stores for the day, and with so many Unicorn challengers at my little tourneys, wearing special anti-magic rings with my little Seals on them. It was a bloody brilliant idea if I do say so myself; much more efficient than the odd snatch and stroll I got from walking the streets of Ponyville or the halls of the Castle. However, neither one of them could compare to the amount Cadance gave me whenever I asked her for a little. She has no real use for it besides Teleportation and since she’s a fucking Alicorn; she’s got plenty to spare. We already know Unicorn Magic doesn’t work against Discord, so why bother with it in the first place, right? Wrong. Conventional spells don’t work against Discord, but when you start mixing things up, you get something fun. If I created an ‘Activate’ Seal with True Magic that was tainted with Dark Magic and used it at the same time I was casting a spell Noir made after conferring with her Court Mages using Unicorn Magic, then I essentially had a temporo-nuclear bomb in my hand.

Why write all of this down? I know I’ll fucking remember it because it’s my version of a nuke in person, but by now, I either asked you to read as much as you could bear or you’ve succumbed to my Seals. It’s that simple. Now that I’ve explained what I’m using to make the next bit happen, I’ll get on to the next bit.

While Discord was still reeling from my punch, I took three breaths, quick and even as I chanted the focusing Mantra I’d come up with. It’s embarrassing, but it’s like, two and a half seconds long. I’m a little ashamed to say that it’s literally rock-paper-scissors, but I muttered my words and my heart rate skyrocketed. After a second, the crystal clear clarity that I remembered from my Revenant form took over. Discord had hit the ground, but I couldn’t afford to let him get his bearing, so my left arm jolted automatically, using the piston from my forearm to make Discord rise at least a meter off of the ground before he began to fall back down.

I drew my arm back to me, and the thing seemed pretty fucking slow to me, but I knew for a fact that it would be a blur to just about anyone else, barring the obvious of course. It took me less time to pull myself into the space between dimensions than it did to finish a blink, and getting Twilight there was even faster, if my memory serves me. It does, by the way. I spared her a quick glance to see that her face was still painted with fear, though I didn’t know who it was for: me or Discord. The Berserk in me wanted to get straight back into the fight and finish what Discord had started, and the Revenant in my mind wanted the same things, but with more emo bullshit involved. I resisted both of them and compiled my ‘spell’, a brilliant dance of grey, two shades of blue, green, white, pink, and just about any other color you can name.

Look, I stole a lotta Magic from a lotta dudes. So sue me.

Forming the spell took exactly eleven seconds, so Twilight had just enough time to get a grip on herself. “M-Max? A-A-Amour?” She asked weakly.

I looked at her. “I know, Cherry. I know and I am so very sorry, but I need to finish this.”

She shook and shivered. “What- What is this?”

“I will explain later.” I replied solemnly. I traded my spell to my right hand and prepared to leave.

“You can’t kill him, Max! You promised!” Twilight sobbed.

I gave her a look. “I am not going to kill Discord. I keep my word.” I snatched myself back to Castle Arcadia before she could respond.

I appeared directly above Discord, no time having passed at all since I’d been in the other dimension as per usual. The Berserker raged on, but couldn’t slip through the deceptive calm of the Revenant, meaning that the punch I aimed at the back of Discord’s head was calculated for maximum ‘Go Fuck Yourself’, heading caps and all. Dark Magic flumed from the air brakes in thick clouds, warding off any possible interrupters up to a certain point. It wouldn’t turn Cadance away, but Shining might find himself on the other side of Ponyville if he got too close too fast when he finally slows down.

There wasn’t any apparent sound of cracking, and since Dicksword is a god anyway, it’s not like I could kill him, even with one of Hephaestus’ best arms around. Seriously, the two violent thirds of me were loving every millimeter of the murder-machine fused into my flesh and bone, and as I snatched back into the space between dimensions for a quick break, I found myself doing something odd with my face. To explain why I totally wasn't smirking, the thought may have crossed my mind to continue beating Discord into a pulp, but there’s no way I would continue to ravage a helpless opponent. I have more honor than that!

After about half an hour of prayer and practicing my hymns, I wiped golden ichor off of my face and picked Discord’s… Uh… Bedraggled, form and sent myself as far north as I could get without heading to the Crystal Empire. Nope, I went to Festus’ workshop. I lugged Discord around for a little bit, getting more ichor all over my clothes as I searched for the exit to the shop. After a good while, I gave up on finding a conventional door and sat down to practice reading my scripture with Discord for a little bit, just to keep him nice and… Bored. Yeah, let’s go with bored.

Thinking about how to get out of the one place in Heaven that I’d actually been didn’t take very long. Festus had two huge garage doors at the front of his shop, so I just opened one a little bit and slipped out to see a whole new world. There was a mountain just a few hundred meters away, though it was more like an exceptionally large hill with the cloudy floor covering the base of it. There was a gilded marble stairway that wound up the mountain from the bottom to the Grecian Palace atop the summit while many less elegant staircases made their way up to different flat outcroppings of the mountain. The whole thing seemed to glow with a golden-whitish aura that would’ve had me mesmerized if it weren’t for the fact that the Dark Magic numbing my emotions and keeping my heart nice and healthy kept me focused on the task at hand.

I dragged Discord toward the middle of a great open space with many different locales looming in the distance, most of them a little too far out to see. It didn’t really matter to me since I was heading toward the middle anyway, but still. It would’ve been nice to catch more of an eyeful during my first real trip to the Heavens.

Discord started to stir when we were about halfway to our destination, so I gave him some bread and wine for communion and we got back to what we were doing. Namely, I was ignoring the various gods and goddesses popping in from nowhere all around me on my trip to the center of the Heavens. No one tried to stop me, oddly enough, so I was thankful that my journey was going to be a peaceful one for once. I laughed at myself inwardly for thinking of something so incredibly stupid such as me having good luck when it comes to matters of violence, but my self-deprecation was uncalled for.

Nothing happened on my way to the center.

As I neared my destination with directions given to me by a few pleasant minor gods, I could see that there was already a group of people at my destination. Figuring that I’d better face the music while it was playing so I could hurry up and give my speech, I got a move on, stepping a little faster as I dragged the only guy who’s ever killed me and gotten away with it. I mean guy as in male, just to clarify. Applejack totally doesn’t count.

When I got close enough to the group to start picking out faces, I couldn’t recognize a single fucking one of them, so I just carried on as one tends to do when they’re hopped up on Magic and a constant stream of adrenaline. The crowd parted and I walked into the center of the group, but now I recognized Zeus and Kali, both of them looking quite irritated by the presence of myself and Discord. I shrugged it off and came to a stop in the middle of the most powerful beings before God himself.

“Hullo all.” I said loudly, yet calmly. “To address the most important issue first, I would like to thank all of you for leaving Equus alone, by and large. I apologize if you do touch down on Equus and stir things up a bit from time to time, but as long as you don’t do what Discord did, all will be fine.”

Zeus, Kali, a fat Asian dude, a guy with an eyepatch, a dude with a bird-head, and a glowing Japanese looking woman all stepped forward, though the guy with the eyepatch spoke first. “Chosen One.”

I turned to him. “Odin, I presume?” I asked politely.

He nodded once. “You have brought a being that has been banished from the Heavens back to the Heavens. I am sure that you see the folly in your actions.” Odin boomed, his heavy Nordic accent making him a little difficult to understand.

I returned his nod. “I do, Odin. I really do, but I’m very limited on my options right now. I either hope that the gods take Discord back and keep him, or I kill him myself and break my promise to my wife.”

Zeus stepped forward. “You have been using my daughter to try and make Discord’s return happen faster, but now you say her progress isn’t enough!” He bellowed. “What makes you believe that the Heavens are your territory to trod upon!?”

I looked at him coolly. “I mean no intrusion, Zeus, but I want you to take your child back. He was left unattended on Equus and made quite the mess of things-”

“I do not care.” Zeus interrupted.

“You should.” I replied.

He colored. “And it is your place to tell me where my interests lie?”

I extended my hands and made a weighing gesture. “Do you want one of your own to die for good, or do you want to give Discord his last chance?”

Zeus and Odin looked at each other for a moment before the Japanese looking woman stepped forward a bit further. “I am Amateratsu-omikami, but you may call me Ammy.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ammy-sama.”

She regarded me neutrally. “You offer the gods an ultimatum after trespassing on our lands and bringing a banished member of our society along with you. Why have you done this?”

“Discord was molesting my wife and it suddenly became a lot more important to me that he be returned to where he belongs. The gods have the resources necessary to cull Discord and whip him into shape, but there is not a being on Equus beyond myself that can handle him in any sense of the word.”

Amateratsu gave me an even look. “Then kill him and leave.”

Zeus snorted. “Agreed.”

Odin nodded. “The Chosen One may join the Heavens eventually, but it is no place for those with mortal bonds.”

Bird-head stepped forward a bit and screeched annoyingly, though his actual voice was deep and rich. “I vote that we give Discord a taste of Jormungandr’s blood as he was so fond of doing to others.”

Discord twitched on the ground, so I looked around. “I’m either going to have to pray with him again or I’m going to have to have someone kill him before too long.”

“Kill him yourself.” Most of the gods muttered.

I looked around and saw no more familiar faces, so I shook my head. “I swore to my wife that I would stop killing people. I can’t slay Discord.” I reached through space and put Twilight back on her throne since I was thinking about it at the moment.

Zeus pulled a wicked looking athame from the folds of his robes and presented it to me. “Kill him and claim his life, Chosen One. If he has terrorized Equus as you’ve said, then your wife will understand.”

I sighed. “She truly will not care why I killed Discord, just that I have.”

Athena slipped through the crowd and paused at the cusp of the of the circle. She garnered some attention, but when Zeus waved her forward, she was awfully meek with her posture and demeanor. She came to stand by my side and tried pleading Discord’s case for a little while, listing off some of his good qualities while trying to smooth over the bad, but I already knew that the gods were leaning toward an execution pretty hard. Still, she gave it her all, but by the time Discord was making strangled noises as he was beginning to rouse, Athena had been shot down by quite a few of the more major gods. It sucked that she had tried so hard and still ended up eating her loss, but there was nothing else she could do.

She refused to be present for Discord’s execution and I resolved myself further battening down the hatches. “Have you made your case, Athena?” I asked tenderly.

She turned to me with tears in her eyes and teleported away, so I took that as a yes. When she left, I said, “I suppose that’s an affirmative. Is everyone present absolutely certain that we shouldn't be giving Discord just one more shot in the Heavens? No trial period or anything of the sort?”

Zeus handed me his athame. “You’ve come to make things right. Do that which you have come for and leave, Chosen One. Tarrying here will only earn you animosity.”

I picked Discord up with my left hand and held him in the center of the Sun until I couldn’t feel him anymore.

“I’ll be leaving shortly.” I announced.

Zeus looked at where Discord had previously been and looked at me. “... You did not use my dagger, yet I feel that Discord is gone.”

“I have my own weapons.” I replied.

The gods collectively scratched their heads, faces, or ears depending on what they felt like doing at the moment. Kali was the one who spoke up, however. “If you could have slain Discord so easily, why did you even bother trying to get him back into the Heavens?”

I looked at her calmly. “I have killed a lot of people. I was hoping that showing mercy to the biggest bastard would make people understand that I have a decent side to me.”

An unfamiliar fellow stepped forward and Odin beckoned him closer, whispering something into his ear that I couldn’t understand. They both nodded at the end and the unfamiliar fellow up and disappeared a few seconds later. I don’t know why, but I assumed that he was going to go grab a pitchfork and some torches to chase me out of the Heavens. When njo one said anything for a few moments, I decided to cut my visit a little short.

“Gods! As pleasant as it has been to make your acquaintance, I fear that I must return to Equus. If you ever need something that I can give, come to Castle Arcadia and ask for Prince Maximus.” I said. After waiting a few seconds for a response, I prepared to reach through the dimensions.

Then it hit me.

The first wave of power was like being coated in molten lead while having your mind torn asunder, piece by piece, all in the space of a second that takes an hour to pass. The second wave came and eased the pain, but the weight behind it drove me to my knees, and the third wave put me flat on my fucking face. My body felt hot and cold at the same time, blissful yet wracked with pain. I could have ejaculated and urinated at the same time, if that tells you anything about how confusing the sensations were, but once the fog cleared and I was able to get off my lazy arse, I rose and tried to clear my head with my eyes closed. My world had been thoroughly rocked and I was ready to be ill for a moment.

Oddly enough, the sick never came. I felt a little queasy and it passed quickly enough, but I knew that I was going to be fine. I also knew that I was being stared at something fierce and that I was probably glowing or something since I could feel Magic radiating off of my skin. I took a little while to get up since I was feeling especially disconcerted for some odd reason, like my limbs were suddenly too long for my body, but I essentially felt the same until I opened my eyes.

When I beheld the Heavens this time around, I could see so much more than I could previously. The whiteness of the clouds underfoot had turned from brilliant and nearly blinding to swirling with many colours that I had no names for. There was one that I would have compared to blue with the way it made me feel, but it just isn’t something you can describe to a mortal since they won’t ever be able to comprehend what it is. I had a moment of sheer dread and a moment of heart-stopping panic that passed in turns, leaving me feeling like I’d just wasted some time. After all, I was pretty sure that I’d just absorbed Discord’s power and become a god myself. I blinked a few times and the colours below swirled, enticing me to look up and see what I would find.

I saw the difference between mortals and gods in that moment. They may have previously seemed like perfect people, but now I fully understood that your average man had no hope of ever reaching their level of existence, which made me come to a conclusion about myself that I should have accepted a long time ago: I’m speshul. The Life-Giver had created me a step above most others, and there just wasn’t anything else to it. I felt my ego inflate and told myself not to be a pompous fuckboy, thus I stopped being a pompous fuckboy.

It was weird.

After having chosen to be a humble god based on my own principles, I felt my personality solidify, letting me track down the occasional thing that I wanted to increase or decrease such as my mercy or my feelings toward straight-up murder. I only sought out the important traits, but it still took a bit of time, and as I was sorting that out, I was greeting the rest of my fellow gods as their junior.

I turned off my Dark Magic and quelled the Absolute Berserk technique. “Wotcher. The name’s Maximus.”

There were a lot of blank stares.

“So I think I’ll claim Equus as my domain. If you’d like to come and visit, I welcome you to swing by and give a few greetings.” I looked at my left arm and rotated my wrist a few times, clearing the rest of the tattered bandages from it before I snapped my fingers and had the whole things redo itself.

Some big bastard in red and black armour straight from the Warhammer 40k series came from the crowd and made a familiar three-fingered gesture over his heart, pushing the claw away from him in my direction. Nothing happened, so I shrugged and started walking toward Festus since I could feel his aura nearby. The gods let me pass on my way to him, but when I slowed down to come and talk to him, he stepped to the side up until he realized that I was staring directly at him. He stepped out of the crowd and stood with his arms crossed.

“Festus.” I said amiably.

“Max.” He replied gruffly.

I held up my left arm and pointed at it. “This is a large piece of the reason I was able to defeat Discord.”

He raised a brow. “You finally likin’ it?”

“It is not as repulsive as it was at the moment. Thank you.”

“No problem, kid. Couldn’t leave ya without a hand anyway.”

I nodded at him. “It is appreciated. I will return to visit you some time, though I open the same offer to you.”

Festus gave me a look. “I ain’t makin’ ya shit for free.”

I chuckled. “There’s only one more thing I want you to make for me and I’m willing to pay for it. We’ll speak on the matter later, of course.”

He shrugged. “I got time now.”

“Wasn’t Discord a friend of yours?” I asked.

The gods around us scoffed. Festus shook his head. “Discord didn’t have too many friends here, kid. Tartarus, not many of the gods have friends.”

I rolled my eyes. “You’ll have to introduce me to some of yours some time.”

“Don’t got none.”

“I am actually offended. I literally just extended the meta-phorical hand of friendship to you.”

He gave me a look. “Why would ya wanna be friends with the guy who cut your arm off?”

“Because you don’t suck all the time.” I replied bluntly. “I’m willing to forgive you since your hands were tied in the first place, and I doubt Athena wants to be my friend at the moment, so you’re my next best bet.”

Festus snorted. “Nothin’ good comes with bein’ friends with the Olympian’s monkey.”

“I’m not looking for perks, mate.”

“Then what are you lookin’ for?”

“A rock hard cock and twelve inches of two hour loving.” I said flatly. “Whether you want to be a friend of mine or not, I’m considering you one, so suck my bollocks and go swing your hammer at a screw or something.”

He cracked a grin. “Come on, kid. I owe you a favour, don’t I?”

“Nah, I’ll owe you one if you can make what I have in mind, however.”

“Sounds like a good deal to me. You think you know how to shift?”

“Shift?”

“Go from place to place without walkin’. Shiftin’ through space.”

“You mean teleporting? I’m sure I could figure it out.”

Festus nodded and shifted out, so I figured that since I was a god now, dream rules applied to everything. I wasn’t necessarily wrong, but the cookie I conjured up was a little dry. Not inedible, mind you, but I prefer chewy over crunchy any day when it comes to my biscuits. That being said, I shifted to Festus a few moments later and I started giving him a description of the limiter bracelet that I wanted.

Now, I have to say that I wasn’t conflicted at all about limiting the awe-inspiring power coursing through my body. It’s like my veins were filled with gushing gold and I felt absolutely pleasant as I just existed, but I knew that I was going to get addicted to the power if I didn’t find a way to keep it choked down to a reasonable level. I was already aching to do something with the… No. Alright, It’s comparison time. If you consider your average Unicorn to be a teaspoon of honey, then an Alicorn is like a bucket full. A god of my caliber, which is to say around lower-mid rank, is like a decently sized fishing pond. With my ludicrous amounts of power, I had a conundrum, but that could wait for another time. For the time being, I asked Festus if I could borrow a few small gems and some metalworking tools and he let me get right to it.

I’d watched a few instructional videos on how to maintain and repair jewelry while bored one day, but it’s not like that knowledge would have helped with what I was doing anyway. No, all I had to do was shove a properly colored gem into the correct Cutie Mark on my Prince ring and that was that. God Magic is overpowered to the edge of the universe and back, but it is what it is, and it sure is useful.

After a few hours of chilling and taking the piss with Festus, he finished up my request and asked me to help him test it out. It was really just an excuse to see who could throw bigger fireballs while under heavier constraints, and due to his status as a lower-high tier god, he out did me by a mile, though it’s not like either of us had been expecting any less. Just because Festus had more juice than me didn’t mean that I wasn’t powerful in my own right. Hell, Festus himself said that if it came down to a fight, he would lose because he wasn’t a fighting kinda guy. He’d been in few enough of them and managed to hold his own because he didn’t care about getting hurt, but against someone who wasn’t looking to cause pain, he would be screwed.

With my new accessory bound to my right wrist, I bid Festus a fond farewell and stole the Dark Magic from myself and put it back in Sombra’s horn since I didn’t need it anymore. I doubted that I would ever have a need for it anymore, so I thought of just giving it to someone trustworthy and mindful of forbidden objects and the like. Celestia immediately came to mind, so while I was drifting through the space between dimensions, I decided to make her my first stop. I didn’t want to be rude or anything, so I shifted to to the Castle Gates and asked the Day Guards to let me in. By now, I was recognized enough that they only held me up long enough to look at my face, so that was nice.

I took my time in getting to the Court Hall, but even as I tried to wait in line, there were a few people that were adamant about me being allowed first dibs on Celestia. I made it clear that my word would be law and had everyone settle down, but the commotion that had been caused was enough to get me summoned into the Court Hall in any case. Celestia gave me a womanly look like I’d actually done something wrong.

“Max, why are you riling up our subjects in my Castle instead of your own?” Celestia asked drily.

I shrugged. “I didn’t start anything, and I’d watch my tone if I were you.” I smirked playfully.

She wasn’t as amused. “I suggest you watch yours, Max. It’s that time of year again and I’m not putting up with any of your nonsense right now.”

I lifted my chin and looked at her confidently, debating on whether or not I should let her know that I was officially the strongest being on the planet, bar none. I decided against it and said, “You really might want to hear my news before you keep being a meanie head.”

She rolled her eyes. “If you’ve just come to tell me that you played a good prank, now is really not the time.”

I shrugged. “It’s only a prank if you consider life a joke anyway.”

That got her attention. “... Max, what is your news?”

“Discord is dead.” I announced.

Celestia’s face froze and her eyes glazed over for a moment, making me feel as though smoke was going to start pouring from her ears at any given moment. It didn’t, but when Celestia started making her way toward me, I was sure that she was either going to hug me or hit me. She took her sweet fucking time coming over to me, but something was definitely off. The closer she came, the shorter she seemed to be, from what my memory told me. I knew Celestia was a tall woman, about two meters high, but as she came closer, I realized that she seemed a bit not-taller than me anymore. When she came to a stop in front of me, I no longer had to look up to talk to Celestia. Well, I didn’t have to look up as far. I was still a few centimeters shorter than her, but we were almost eye-to-eye now.

“Maximus, I swear to you, if you are lying, that I will break your legs.”

“I’m telling you the truth.” I responded calmly.

Celestia seized me by my jacket and kissed me fiercely, not waiting for me to do a damned thing before she teleported us into her room. I was prepared to stop things before they went beyond things I could actually explain, but Sunbutt got a hold of herself soon enough. That, or the taste of her own tears on her lips was a mood-killer. She held me at arm's length and looked me up and down, smiling before a look of befuddlement splashed itself across her features.

“Max, are you taller?” She asked, tilting her head.

I looked down. My clothes had grown to scale, apparently, but nothing else seemed different. “Maybe someone shrunk the world while I was taking care of Discord?”

Celestia’s brow furrowed. “There’s something wrong with you. Your magical aura is going wild!”

I raised my hands. “Relax, Celly, I’m handling it. Everything’s good.” I held up my bracelet and showed it to her. “This little doohickey limits how wacky my magical juju gets, dig?”

“What?”

I rolled my eyes. “If it was important, I’d be explaining it to you right now. For the time being, if we have a threat that we can’t handle, I’ll take care of it. Questions?”

“... Max, what is that Magic?” She asked slowly.

“Powerful. Addictive. Versatile. I limit the strength of what I can use pretty well, to be honest with you. There are fifty notches on my bracelet and I’m sitting at five right now.”

“... What can you do with that much?” She asked hesitantly.

I thought about it.

I turned it down two more notches.

“Alright, so five was probably a bit much for a practical demonstration. You see, it goes up in a certain order of magnitude that I’m not really used to yet.” I chuckled sheepishly.

Celestia shook her head. “So you’re going to stay at three?”

I sparked a ball of electricity into existence, but the fucking shrieking killed my ears, making me die a little on the inside. I dispelled it quickly and shook myself to clear my head. Once I was done doing the wobble, I looked to Celestia to find that she was actually out cold on her bed, so I went over and turned my bracelet up a few notches before touching her forehead. She began to rouse slowly, giving me time to power down and give her some space. Celestia rubbed her face and stretched when she sat up, yawning as if she’d just had a fantastic nap.

“Sorry about that, Hun.” I said softly. “I didn’t expect it to be so loud.”

Celestia shook her head. “I couldn’t have lasted more than a couple of seconds… That was brutal.”

“Now you see why fighting Discord was supposed to be tricky.” I sighed. “I don’t know why I was able to kick his arse in so easily, but I did, he’s dead.” I paused. “And I kinda stole his power, hence the limiter bracelet.”

Her jaw dropped and she looked like she wanted to faint. “Y-You have Discord's Magic?”

I gave her a look. “I know you meant that two ways, and I’m frankly offended. I just thought I would let you know that Discord’s out of the picture and that you could probably start negotiating for peace and severe reparations for war debts.”

“... I’ll… I’ll get started on that.”

“Radical. Can I have a hug before I go? I need to tell Noir the good news, but I’d like to get some affection in before I go.”

Celestia gave me my hug and walked away with that dumbfounded look on her face like her world had been turned upside down. I thought it was amusing, but nothing good would probably come of it in the long run, so I said sucks to that assmar and fucked off to go say hi to Noir. She was back at my Castle, but much to my displeasure, she was holding my wife and comforting her on one of the sofas in Twilight’s study. I briefly considered wiping both of their minds of pertinent information and it was quite tempting.

If I wiped Twilight’s mind, I could make her forget that she’d made me promise to never kill again and then I’d be in the clear for killing Discord, opening up the opportunity for me to make the promise again on my own and stick to it. If I made sure Noir didn’t witness it, she couldn’t abandon me for messing with Twilight’s mind. Sure, it would be a terrible thing to do, but it was well within my power to make it happen, and no one could change that. Still, I stood and watched as Noir held Twilight and murmured assurances to her for a moment before I spoke.

“It’s over.” I said softly.

Noir’s head whipped around to look at me. “Maximus? When did you arrive?”

“About half a minute ago. Can I speak to Twilight for a moment, Blackberry?”

She pursed her lips. “I believe I should stay.”

“I think so too.” Twilight said softly.

I nodded. “Alright. Twilight, I’m sorry.”

She curled up into Noir’s arms and didn’t say anything to me, softly weeping as the pain in her heart bled over into mine. I didn’t like that at all, so I dialed my bracelet up a few notches and gave Twilight a little emotional numbing to make it feel a little better. I didn’t change what she was feeling, just the intensity of the ache it was causing. Noir rubbed Twilight’s arm and fixed me with a cold glare.

“I may not know what is going on, but I believe it is time for you to go, Max.” My mentor said stonily.

I gave her a longsuffering look. “I believe it’s time you heard the good news, Noir.”

She continued glowering at me. “What news could you possibly consider good while it causes pain to your wife?”

“Discord is dead.”

Noir’s eyes grew wider and wider. “You jest.”

“I do not. I speak the truth.” I replied pleasantly.

Twilight was showing visible signs of distress while Noir was elated beyond comparison. “The Great Demon is dead!? He is truly gone!?”

I nodded. “He is.”

Noir rocked Twilight back and forth, tears of joy springing from her eyes. “Oh glorious day! Tell me, pupil, did he suffer? Did you rend his flesh from his bones and make him choke-” Twilight shoved herself away from Noir and rose from the couch quickly, marching up to me to get in my face.

Twilight was now shorter than me by a great deal and it showed. She glared at me while craning her neck up to look at me, so I knelt for her and she slapped me. However, her hand stopped cold on my face and it didn’t hurt that much, but Twilight herself seemed fine. I checked my bracelet and saw that I’d left it on a higher setting to alleviate her pain, so I twisted it down from fifteen to three.

“Sorry, Cherry. I forgot to turn down my power level. If you’re still mad-” She slapped my shit again, but this time it hurt. She caught me again with the other hand and that one hurt just as much as the last, and not just on a physical level.

“You lied to me!” Twilight shouted, full Canterlot Voice initiated.

I met her gaze with difficulty. “I’m sorry.”

She slapped me again. “You broke your vow, Max!” Another one. “How could you!?” Twilight wailed.

“The gods wouldn’t take him back.” I replied. My face was starting to swell and the stinging in my soul wasn’t helping.

She gripped me by my lapels and pulled me so that I was nose to nose with her. “You promised…” My wife said, her voice thick with heartache.

“... I’m sorry.” I said softly.

Twilight let me go and pointed toward the door. “Go. I don’t care where, just- Just go!”

I looked at her for a few more moments before I left. I didn’t know how long she would stay mad at me or if she would ever forgive me, but I… Well, what the fuck was I supposed to do? Go back and try to explain everything to her? Try and make up for breaking a promise she forced out of me anyway? Nah, I just wanted some peace and quiet for a little while, but Noir rose from my shadow as I was walking toward my study. She grabbed my arm and spun me around, grabbing my shoulders when I came to a stop.

“If you do not go back in there and swear to never let Twilight down again, I will beat you black and blue.” Noir growled.

I gave her a look. “I’m stronger than you. Don’t threaten me.”

Noir cocked a fist back and I sighed. “I’ll talk to her, but I’m sure she doesn’t want to look at me right now.”

She lowered her hand. “Make this right, Maximus. Do what you need to do.” Fucking jackass, I just saved the world!
Why am I apologizing for this shit!?

I sighed again and turned my bracelet up to five, the baseline for shifting. Once I was back in Twilight’s study, I found her sitting on the same couch, crying her eyes out alone and full of sorrow. I didn’t enjoy watching her suffer, so I sat down next to her and wrapped my arm around her waist. She slammed a fist into my chest, but it didn’t hurt either of us, so it was okay if she wanted to pound away at me for a little bit. She did just that and I took my lumps and abuse like the doormat I happen to be when it comes to Twilight.

When she’d finally worn herself out after about a minute and a half (Twilight doesn’t throw many punches), Twilight buried her head into my chest, poking me with her horn rather uncomfortably, but I dealt with it as I held her. I knew exactly what and why she was feeling what she was feeling, so I thought of all the words I had in my repertoire, sorted through them to find the sincere ones, and then pared those down to find a few choices. The right thing to say struck me in parts.

“Cherry, I’m so sorry I let you down… Only now do I see that there was another way, but even now I don’t really regret killing Discord. He’s killed millions of people over the years, erased races, stolen peace from so many innocent people… I feel justified in just killing Discord on its own but breaking my promise to you… Discord needed to be dealt with, and when he grabbed you and started doing those awful things,” I took a deep, calming breath. “I couldn’t wait for something to come along anymore. Discord needed to go back to the Heavens, but none of the major gods wanted him back. It was implied that I was to either kill Discord or bring him back to Equus with me, but even when I’d defeated him, there was no way to make him stay down.”

Twilight sniffled in my arms, her body feeling a little cold. “I get it, Max.”

I squeezed her a little tighter. “I’m so sorry, Twilight. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” I whispered.

She was silent for a little while. “... Don’t expect any favours any time soon. Or snuggling.”

“This is cuddling, right? Or is this comforting?”

“Cuddling is out too. Comforting is perfectly acceptable.” Twilight murmured.

“... The next few weeks are going to suck.” I sighed.

My wife rubbed my arm for a few seconds. “... You got more muscular over the course of two hours… How?”

I hummed. “Well, I’m the strongest being on this planet right now, so…”

Twilight went rigid in my arms before relaxing slightly. “... Max, can I ask you something?”

“Anything, Twilight.”

“... Why haven’t you just erased my memory or made it so that it looked like you turned Discord back into stone or something? You could’ve gotten away with killing Discord if you really wanted to if you’re actually the strongest now.”

I hugged her a little tighter, but Twilight made a pained noise after a few seconds and I let up immediately. “Shite! I’m sorry Cherry, are you okay!?” I asked hurriedly, panicking.

She rubbed her arms and looked back at me. “You got so strong…” My wife murmured shakily.

I rotated my bracelet from the five notch to the first one since it had rotated while I was hugging my wife and wrapped my arms around Twilight again, this time giving her a test squeeze. “How’s that?”

“A lot better. Is your bracelet directly related to your strength?” She asked.

“It limits my strength,” I pressed the little silver button on the bracelet and locked it in place. The gold one would release it, but I only needed the silver one at the moment.

Twilight turned once more and gave me a puzzled look. “Why wouldn’t you want to be at your strongest?”

“Twilight, I was only using a tenth of my power and I hurt you without even thinking about it. It’s better if I don’t walk around as a wrecking ball until something needed to be wrecked.”

She grabbed my right hand and traced my bracelet with her fingers. “... You’re terrified of this new power, Max. Maybe you should get rid of it?”

I sighed. “I can’t. It’s bound to my anima, and if I get rid of it, then I’ll go back to being mortal and there’ll be a bomb powerful enough to split Equus in half if I don’t contain it properly.”

Twilight took a deep breath. “You’re a walking weapon of mass destruction.” She said numbly.

“Ow.”

My lover held my arms around her a little more tightly. “It’s not a bad thing, Max. You’re so powerful, you don’t have to kill anyone ever again, right?”

“I swear on the River Styx that I will never kill again if there is another option that will work out for the better.” I oathed, a heavy breeze blowing around the room, rustling papers and making Twilight shiver.

She gripped my arms. “What was that?”

“A magical oath.” I murmured.

“... So that means you really mean it?”

“It means that I’m never giving myself another inch to not mean it. I’ve put you through too much for me to keep breaking my word. I can’t ask you to trust me again so soon, but I can tell you now that I will never outright betray you, Twilight. No harm will ever come to you through my actions through any ill will of my own.”

Twilight relaxed in my arms. “I believe you.”

I would’ve blinked if my eyes were open. “Do what?”

“I said I believe you.” Twilight answered.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought you said. I mean, I’m glad and all, but why?”

“You’re telling the truth. You’re even unhappy just because I’m unhappy, even though you’re still walking on air from finally ridding Equus of Discord, and I don’t want to be mad at you for saving the world, so I’m not going to be. It’s still going to be a week before I let you do more than touch my arms, but that’s for lying to me.”

“So you’re letting me off easy?” I asked softly.

She was quiet for a full minute. “I may have been beyond emotion with you earlier, but that was no excuse to hit you like I did.”

“Is that bothering you?”

“... Yeah.”

“It was well warranted, in your defense. If, for example, I caught you sleeping with another man without telling me first, I could see myself being so hurt that I would lash out and hit you on purpose. I understand that I pushed you to that point-”

“No, it’s not your fault, Amour.” Twilight interrupted. “I’m my own woman and I’ll make my own decisions. I let my feelings get the best of me and I struck you, even though you just did something that made you the biggest hero on Equus, so if anyone is at fault here, it’s both of us.”

I hugged her a little tighter before relaxing and letting her rest her head on me. “I’ll take what I can get then. Thank you, Cherry.”

“It’s okay. For the record, you’re forgiven for killing Discord, even though I don’t really want to let it go…”

“Then hold onto your forgiveness until you’re actually ready to put it behind us.” I reasoned.

“I’ll be ready soon enough… There’s just one thing I want you to do before we shut up for a little bit and let the real comforting begin.”

“Anything.”

Twilight grabbed my left hand and I felt my heart leap into my throat: she was well aware of the fact that I didn’t want her to touch the abomination, but there she was, doing exactly that. “Max, do you love me?”

I swallowed my heart and answered, my breathing quick and uneven. “More than anyone else.”

She nodded and lifted my hand to her chest, placing it between her breasts so that I could feel her heartbeat. I was stuck between feeling like a filthy wretch and being ecstatic that Twilight was willing to accept the arm for what it was, but what caught my attention was the sensation of Twilight’s cool fur beneath my metal fingers. I could feel the steady thump of her heart, but I didn’t understand what she was trying to do.

“Amour?”

“Yes Cherry?”

She took a breath. “It feels odd when your try to caress me with your right hand, like it’s an unfamiliar gesture. I know you don’t like it, but… Can you start touching me with your left hand again?” She asked nervously.

I ate a few things in that moment. I ate my pride, some disgust, a lot of reluctance, and a mouthful of shame as I brushed my hand along Twilight breast. She didn’t say anything, but I knew she was waiting for more, despite her earlier vehemence against doing anything of the sort. I took a breath to steady myself and let it rest against her mammary, though it was Twilight who had to apply pressure since I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I didn’t jerk my hand away or try to distance myself from her like I had the last few times and she took her victory for what it was.

I let my hand fall and Twilight put it back where it had originally rested before she put it over her heart. “That’s… That’s going to take some getting used to.” I breathed.

Twilight leaned into me. “You’re doing better than you were.” She sighed easily, some of the stress leaving her body.

“I suppose we’ll figure out just how much better I’ve gotten in a week.” I muttered.

“You need to accept it as a part of yourself, Max. The sooner the better.”

“I’m trying.”

“I know, and I’m proud of you for dealing with it as well as you have so far.” Twilight unraveled my arms and scooted away from me so she could face me. “There’s still more to do. Once we can get you to leave the bandages off, I think you’ll be happier for it.”

My right hand went to my left arm without me thinking about it. “Yeah, sure thing.”

Twilight gave me a gentle smile. “You’ll be okay, Max. I promise.”

I looked at my arm. “I could just cut the metal bit off and make my arm grow back. I’m strong enough to do that…”

Twilight offered me her hand, so I extended one of my own, but she slapped it aside. She wanted my left hand, so I gave it to her. “If that’s the way you want to do things, you won’t hear any complaints from me, but I think that keeping your new arm just proves that nothing can change who you are at your core.”

I mulled it over. “It’s a lot easier to say that when it’s not your arm.”

Twilight’s horn lit up and my bandages started to undo themselves, but this time, I was able to keep my breathing level. I still didn’t like looking at the damned thing. “... If I get one too, would it help?”

“I would stop you before you went through with it. I’ll come to terms with it, Twilight, so please don’t do something that drastic just to make me feel better.”

She stroked the fine mesh that made up my palm. “It feels a little like satin.” She murmured.

“Huh.” I rubbed it with my right index finger and found that she was right. “How curious.”

My wife gave me a funny look. “You didn’t even know what it felt like?”

“I keep it wrapped up. You’re the only one I allow to see it like this. I haven’t even shown Noir or Nashoba what my arm really looks like.”

“Right…” Twilight pursed her lips.

“Something on your mind?” I asked.

She blushed brightly. “N-Nothing important!”

I tilted my head. “I won’t judge you for your thoughts, Cherry.”

Twilight rubbed my palm with her thumbs. “... I was just wondering what your fingers would feel like.” She steadily grew redder as she spoke, even as she cast furtive glances my way.

I could feel my own face heat up a bit. “Ahem. Uh… May- Maybe I could show you in a couple weeks.” I said anxiously.

Twilight didn’t have anything to say to that, but she did have something for me. She leaned forward and drew me closer to her for a kiss and I may have let her take control to show her that I really was apologetic. She already knew it, but I could tell that she appreciated the sacrifice on my part. It’s not that Twilight necessarily prefers being in control of a kiss, it’s just that she likes it when I’m submissive on occasion and it’s different. My wife took things at her pace and I was fine with the results, though it wasn’t a terribly long kiss.

When she pulled away, Twilight gave me a smile I hadn’t seen in awhile. It was loving, yet frustrated and it touched me in just the right way. “Maximus, what am I going to do with you? I can’t stay mad at you, I always end up apologizing, and now I have to choose between being upset, overjoyed, proud, hurt, irritated, captivated, and aroused! You make my life so difficult!”

I booped her. “I told you that I was ‘interesting’, and in my book, that’s usually a bad thing. Interesting thieves get pegged, interesting events are often violent, and interesting stories tend to have the strangest endings. All of those are unrelated to each other, but still, my point stands.”

My wife gave me a womanly look and reached up to grab my chin, pulling me down to her level so she could lick my face with her freaky, kinky tongue. “So you were warning me all along? Thanks a lot, Amour.” She said wryly. “I guess ‘Better late than never’ applies to your elaboration pretty well, doesn’t it?”

I wiped her slobber off my gob. “You never asked. You’ve read my journals, you should’ve put two and two together because I know I’ve explained it in there somewhere.”

Twilight closed her eyes, folded her arms, and brainstormed for fifteen seconds. “Darn it.” She muttered crossly.

I smirked. “Git rekt, skrub.”

My wife glared at me and I felt the boys retract a little. “What I really meant to say was that your patience and poise is astounding, Cherry. It’s absolutely impeccable in the face of adversity. When you were in Discord’s clutches and refused to just stand there and take it, fighting back as hard as you could, I was proud. I am proud.” I said sincerely.

The corner of Twilight’s mouth was raised, but she wasn’t smiling. “The thing is that I know you just pulled that straight out of your heart, but there’s the problem. You said something so incredibly amazing that makes my heart want to melt just to get out of trouble.”

I scratched my head, my face hotter than it’s been since Mexicolt. “W-Well… Maybe it’s just that… You know…”

My wife rolled her eyes. “You perform best under pressure, we both know that. Do I need to remind you of the time you couldn’t get hard for casual-”

I made a ‘gleg’ kinda sound ”No-God-please-no-we-don’t-need-to-go-there-again-what-did-I-do-to-deserve-that-”

Twilight shut me up with Magic, raised her hands and mimicked pushing a breath out, then breathing in. I followed her instructions dutifully. “Breathe, Amour. Sometimes I don’t even get wet when I touch myself and it’s just a waste of time all together.” She said tenderly.

I couldn’t look her in the eye. “It happened for three weeks.”

“Yes, but you still- Er, performed when I asked you to. It was just during the daytime, Amour.”

I managed to turn my head in her general direction. “Can we talk about something else? Why don’t we embarrass you for a change?”

Twilight gave me a look flatter than a one-hundred and eighty degree angle. “Really?”

“... I love you?”

“I love you too, for some peculiar reason.” Twilight said, her voice devoid of inflection.

“Careful now, lover-girl. You might hit me in the feelings if your voice gets any deader.” I chuckled.

“I’m pretter sure ‘deader’ isn’t a word, ‘lover-boy’.” Twilight replied with a little smile.

“It sounds so much more patronizing when you say it.”

She rolled her eyes. “Trust me, it’s plenty patronizing already.”

I started to reach for her with my right hand, but thought better of it and offered her my left, the bandages still undone. If my robot parts could tremble, they would’ve done right around that point, but such is the life of the augmented man. Twilight accepted it readily.

“Are you sure I can’t charm you out of cutting down my week of punishment?” I asked, knowing the answer.

Twilight gave me the exact look I’d been expecting. “I’d be rather disappointed in you if you were serious about that.”

I chuckled. “I knew you were going to say that. Max one, Twilight tree-fiddy.”

She gave me an odd look and skipped the meme. “It’s really the other way around. I let you get away with a lot of things, you know.”

“If you’re counting teasing and pranks, then that’s not even fair.” I pouted like a man.

“I am counting teasing and pranks.” She lowered her voice a little. “Otherwise, I’d be the one in trouble.”

“In quantity, yes, but not in severity.” I said, preparing to back up my words with solid logic.

Twilight acquiesced. “When you’re right, you’re right.” She reached over and patted my leg. “So when are we going to tell everyone else that The War is officially over.”

I gave her a weary smile. “When it’s actually over. Just because Discord’s gone doesn’t mean the leaders of countries like Zhongguo or P.R. Ussia are just going to lay down their weapons. There are probably still going to be some battles going on around the world, but I’ll probably just take it upon myself to end things peacefully.” I frowned. “It wouldn’t be like, super evil if I just went out and started changing minds now, right? I mean, Celestia knows all those guy’s faces by heart, yeah? I just need to transfer some memories around and sway them before the fighting can go any further. How’s that sound?”

Twilight blinked at me. “Uh… Didn't we have this conversation when you came back from Earth?”

“Yes, but now it’s on Equus and you’re personally invested in the matter.” I stated matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, that’s not gonna change my answer. My Magic works on the same general principle, so I don’t think it’s evil at all to just make some warmongers mind their own business. Hay, I say that you take a look at how their people live, what their lives are like, and see if you can make things better.” Twilight shrugged. “Just a suggestion.”

“You’re such a Utopian Tyrant.” I chuckled.

Twilight furrowed her brow. “Am not!”

“Are too.”

“Am not!”

“Are too.”

“If I’m one, then you and Celestia are too!” Twilight huffed.

“Cherry, we are.” I replied.

She blushed. “... I may have forgotten that you admitted that to me before.”

“And I told you about Celestia, but I don’t think you listened to that conversation.”

“I may have skipped it.” She admitted.

I smiled at her. “Can I give you a hug?”

“Do you really have to ask?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know what I’m allowed to have while I’m on punishment.”

Twilight rose and pulled me to my feet so she could hug me. “Hugs and kisses are fine as long as they’re brief.” She let go, signalling for me to do the same.

I didn’t want to, but I held myself to her rules. “Can I have a kiss goodbye?”

My wife gave me a little smile to go along with a roll of her eyes. “Off to finish saving the world, Mr. Hero?”

“Oi, it’s a livin’.” I smirked.

Twilight reached up and placed her hands on my shoulders, unable to wrap her arms around my neck like she used to. We both pursed our lips to the side at this revelation. “I don’t like you being so tall.”

“I’m pretty sure I can change my height. Wanna feel my full power for a few seconds?” I asked a little hesitantly.

Twilight appeared quite interested. “When we have some spare time, I’d like to study you when you let loose, but for now I guess I can just do some quick observations.”

I took a step away from her and pushed the little gold button. “Are you sure you don’t want to grab a pen and some paper or something?”

Her hands came up and she was instantly holding a notepad and one of my ball-points. “Ready when you are, Max.”

I nodded. “Then here we go.” I twisted my limiter up forty nine notches in bursts of seven because I’m anal like that sometimes.

It wasn’t a terribly jarring transition, but it was definitely noticeable as I went through my ‘milestones’, though maxing out was still fucking wild. It took me a second or two in order to get my bearings, but once I was up to speed, I looked over at Twilight and saw that she’d practically frozen in place, the only signs of her status as a member of the living being the rise and fall of her chest and the occasional blink here and there.

I gave Twilight a nervous smile. “Cherry? You there?”

My wife blinked a couple of times and shook her head. “I’m Twilight. It’s nice to meet you.” She robotically extended a hand, her cheeks pink and her pupils disturbingly heart-shaped.

I shook her hand uneasily. “Hi Twilight, I’m your husband.”

A look of pure joy crossed her face. “Already!?”

I let go of her hand, but she held on and spun herself into my arms, looking up at me dreamily. “Twilight…?”

“Yes, my husband?” She sighed.

“... I’m going to take a few centimeters off the height now. You wanna put your hands on my shoulders so we can find the right size?”

Twilight hopped to in a second. “Will I get a kiss for this?”

“Yeah, when I change back.” I answered a bit tersely.

She pouted adorably. “Promise?”

“Promise.”

She smiled brilliantly and rested her chin on the weird part of the ribcage that sticks out from the sternum. It didn’t hurt in my God Form, but it probably would have sucked if I wasn’t practically invincible. I started shrinking slowly, altering the size of my clothes to match my new height until I reached the point where Twilight could comfortably rest her arms around my neck. I still ended up being about six centimeters taller than I was, but I liked the feeling. I tried changing into Roxy while Twilight was still practically hanging off of me. I shrunk further and changed clothes, but I noticed that I had a bit more to spare in the chest area. If Twilight is bordering a D-cup, then I was definitely a C-cup and it was fucking lovely. I’d always wanted some bigger breasts while I was Roxy. I looked around to my arse and saw that there was a little extra there too, and when I grabbed myself a handful, it was quite pleasant. With the main things taken care of, I looked back to Twilight to see her staring at me all over again.

“... I’m changing back now.” I told her, going back to being Max.

“... Wow…” She breathed.

I stared at her and spun my bracelet back down to the fifth indicator and just like that, the spell on Twilight was broken and she started blinking. “Whoa… That was intense.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “Alright, so I probably shouldn’t go full power in front of you.”

Twilight blushed. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m guessing that it’s harder for Ponies to accept the full strength of a god.” I smiled sadly.

“Maybe I’ll get used to it?” Neither of us believe that.

“Maybe. I really do have to get things taken care of before The War carries on and more lives are lost, though, so goodbye kiss time?”

Twilight gave me a five second kiss that was free of tongue, much to my dismay. “You’ll get a nicer one when you’re finished with what you need to do, okay?”

I had a funny feeling. “How much punishment time did God Mode knock off?”

“Well, it kinda reminded me of why I fell in love with you and why I still love you...” Twilight curled a lock of her mane and ground the tip of her hoof into the ground. She was acting like she used to when we first became a thing and that made me smile.

I stole a quick kiss from my wife and beamed. “I’ll be back, beloved.”

She returned my smile with a warm one of her own. “I’ll be waiting.”

I shifted through space and wound up in front of Celestia, though I was standing in between her and Luna. “Well hullo ladies.”

Luna wrapped me up in a hug from behind and squeezed like her life depended on it. “Maximus! Today will be forever named after thee and thy accomplishments! Oh huzzah!” She gushed.

I shifted out of Luna’s grasp and caught her as she was falling over. “Thanks, Lulu, but there’s a second half to my mission.”

She hugged me again, but this time I could hug back. “Rest, Maximus! Your work is done! Let Celestia and I handle the rest of the rabble and return to Twilight so you may celebrate.” Luna let me go and gave me a thousand watt smile.

I patted her shoulder. “Thanks again, Lulu, but it’ll be faster if I do it.”

She narrowed her eyes slightly and tilted her head. “Celestia and I already have the information regarding the ‘clean-up’. Please, it is not your problem anymore.”

I just looked at her for a moment and made a decision that I still can’t find a legitimate reason to regret: I stayed my hand. “Okay. It’s your task, not mine.”

Luna beamed once more. “Excelsior! When the coals have been drenched, there will surely be a feast of fortune in your honor!”

I smiled bashfuly and rubbed my neck. “That’s pretty cool, but can we just celebrate the end of The War?”

Celestia walked around and stood beside Luna, saying, “Why, pray tell, would you not want to be recognized for your valiant endeavor?”

“Since when does that sound like my style? Let me be the hero from the shadows, tell the people we defeated Discord together for all I care. Just don’t put me in a position where even more shit can go to my head.” I shook my head.

The ancient sisters regarded each other for a moment. “... We’re not going to let you go unrecognized, you know.” Celestia said slowly.

“It would be unfathomably disrespectful to you and what you’ve done.” Luna added.

“We’ll have you share the glory with someone else.” Celestia announced.

“Nah. We all did it or Discord just got bored and left.” I challenged.

Celestia frowned hard. “I don’t see why receiving praise for your success makes you so uncomfortable.”

“It just does, okay? At least let me share some of the spotlight so I’m not the center of attention.” I requested.

Sunbutt still wasn’t happy. “Fine, but you were the one who defeated him in the end.”

Moon Moon nodded sharply. “Agreed. Regardless of whether or not you say the Royal Family was present, you will still receive some manner of accolades.”

I groaned. “First off, please no. Second, Luna, you’re going archaic again, and you have been for this whole conversation.”

“It slips out when I am excited.” She defended haughtily.

“Whatevs, Sugartits.” I droned. “Seriously though, I don’t want a day named after me either.”

“The Grey Days will be celebrated starting tomorrow and there’s nothing you can do about it.” Celestia said firmly.

“Ugggggghhhh. Fuck you so much right now.” I groused.

Luna licked her lips and I gave her a look. “Stop that.”

She looked at me innocently. “What? Should you not receive a little extra for going above and beyond?”

Celestia whacked her. “Don’t mind her, Max. She was fond of sleeping with heroes in the old times and I suppose it’s stuck around.”

Luna rubbed her arm and gave her sister a dirty look. “Cease your ruination of my fun at once.”

Celestia gave a ‘Shut up, fool.’ kinda look and I just shook my head. “Look, I’m going home. You ladies sort the bullshit out, I’m gonna go do Max stuff. Any problems with that?”

The sunny one gave me an amused look. “You’re free to do as you please. Hay, you could go ahead and close down Castle Arcadia tomorrow and spend the day with your friends and family. I know Canterlot is practically shutting down for the festivities.”

I shook my head. “So things are already in motion?”

“They are. It will be a three day festival.” Luna said proudly.

“That’s pretty cool. I guess I’ll run it by Twilight and see what do.”

They nodded simultaneously and I found that to be a little strange, but shrugged it off. “So has anyone told Cadance and Shining the news yet?”

They exchanged a look. “We may have forgotten to inform them. I will teleport there and give them the news in person.” Luna said.

“I’ll get started on swaying our little dictators, if that’s how we’re splitting this up.” Celestia half-asked.

Luna nodded. “I will meet with you once I have shared the news. Maximus, you should most likely expect to see Cadance and Shining shortly enough.”

“I’ll make some tea, then. I’ll see you two tomorrow, I suppose.” I waved them off.

They both pulled me in for a hug at the same time as per custom and I shifted out once we said our goodbyes. Twilight was surprised to see me again so soon, but when I told her that I’d agreed to let Celestia and Luna handle the rest of the hard work, she was pretty happy about it. I told her about the new holiday coming up and she immediately wanted to get preparations started, but it was getting to be a little late in the work day. However, there’s no stopping Twilight when she has her mind set on something, so I followed her around the Castle and wrote out notes to our friends and family as we walked along. I invited pretty much everyone who’d been at our wedding to come back for the Grey Days.

Once we had the word spread around the Castle that The War would soon be over, Twilight and I retired to the Castle Gardens and she did some reading in the moonlight while I wrote this stuff out. I’ve got to say that today has been a fucking roller coaster like no other, but I’m glad it turned out the way it did. I still have to go five days without cuddling Twilight in any way, shape or form, though the blow is softened by the knowledge that I just saved a few hundred milli0on lives in one fell swoop by dipping Discord into the Sun after beati- Praying. Helping him pray the gay away.

I’m glad that Twilight only feels the odd twinge from my broken promise, but it still sucks that she was feeling hurt at all. I’ll make it up to her as soon as I can by being the best man that I can be for her. I let myself slip during preparation for and the actual war itself, but without the weight of the world literally resting on my shoulders, I feel so much… Better. Better is an inadequate word, but it says it all. I don’t feel like I’m waiting for the world to end anymore, and now that I’m the Guardian of Equus, Equestria finally feels safe again. This is my solemn vow to only use my power for really good pranks, fun sex, or the good of the world as a whole. In that order.

Nah, I’m just faffing about at this point. When I chose to be a humble god and let Luna convince me to stand by, allowing them to handle the rest, I accepted my role as a Joker in the deck, a trump card above most others. It’s going to be weird, learning how to balance being powerful beyond my wildest nightmares while keeping the mindset of someone who's been weak for most of their life. I just asked Twilight to try and keep me humble to the best of her abilities and she promised that she would tell me if my power is starting to get to my head.

… I don’t feel like I should be done writing yet. The Sun is on the rise and Twilight is starting to get a bit restless, but there’s something I wanted to write down before I finished up for the time being.

No matter what, I will never become Discord. I will never become as callous to the needs of mortals as the gods.

Those two sentences go hand in hand, and they mark my mantra for the fucking weirdness that’s going to come at me face first once the eye of the storm passes. If I know life in Ponyland, things are going to get quiet for some time, but there’s always something bigger and badder looming up ahead. What that ‘bigger’ and ‘badder’ thing doesn’t know is that I’ll be preparing, plotting. I already have plans for the gods should they descend and start bullshit, and I have special plans for most of my comrades. Call me paranoid, but I’ve always been this way, so fuck you.

I don’t know what’s coming, but for now, it’s time to relax.

Relatively speaking, of course.

Author's Notes:

And so I apologize for ending The War so abruptly, but it was to the point where I just didn't give a shit about it anymore. It was killing my flow, and I just felt like there was too much for me to handle, which made me feel strangled. I'm not happy with how I ended the arc, but I am happy that it ended. I feel like A Thief's Tale got better because of it. There are a couple mini-arcs after this that I had fun writing, nad there'll be another big arc coming up soon enough. Kinda.

As Always, DIG THROUGH THE DITCHES AND BURN THROUGH THE WITCHES

Stay Cool, Kids