The Sun rose on the first day of my life as Twilight’s husband, and what a glorious sunrise it was. I couldn’t see it since our bedroom was facing the west, but I knew the Sun was coming anyway and I wasn’t being blinded by it, so that was nice. Twilight continued snoozing on my chest for a few more minutes after the sky lightened a bit more, but when she woke up, the first thing she did was look up at me and smile, which was heartwarming to say the least. Knowing that I’m someone’s reason to smile first thing in the morning is wonderful, and it certainly doesn’t hurt that I was still inside Twilight from the night’s activities.

“This is a good feeling. I like this feeling.” Twilight said dreamily.

“I’ve been taking it in all night. Are you jealous yet?” I teased.

Twilight gave me a pouty look. “Maybe just a little.”

I rubbed her back and she laid her head back down. “Then we can stay in bed for a few more hours if you want.”

She sighed. “No, we’ve got things to do before our honeymoon and they’re not going to do themselves. The sooner we get started, the sooner we can leave.”

I groaned. “Well my plan to trick you while you were drowsy went tits up. Let’s just have another go ‘round and face the day after that, yeah?”

Twilight rested her chin on my sternum. “Work first, play later. You know this, Amour.”

“It’s our first day as a married couple, Cherry! Who says we can’t take the day off to enjoy life a little bit before handling business?”

She gave me a stern look that only served to make my lifelong friend more enthusiastic. “I can feel you, Max, and you’d better stop it!”

“I don’t control the damned thing! Stop being so damned attractive and we won’t have a problem.” I gave her a cheeky grin.

“You just wanna use me for sex whenever you want, don’t you?” Twilight narrowed her eyes and raised herself off of me.

“Damn straight. You tied the knot. You’re officially my Royal Cumdump.”

She moved her hands and placed them on my collarbones, gently rocking her hips. “Am I now? Who has more power here, Amour? Who leads our subjects while the other works in the shadows?”

“You’ve got me there.” I grinned up at her.

She smiled back. “So it is possible to shut you up!”

I suddenly bucked my hips and hilted her, causing Twilight to let out a sound somewhere between a hiss and a moan. “What was that? I couldn’t hear you.”

Twilight gave me a dirty look. “That was a foul move and you know it.”

“You took a real jab at my ego, though! That’s the only reason you shut me up!”

“You’re a man, act like one.” She said, faking being fed up.

“I could always ravish you right here and now.” I said casually. “That would be a pretty manly thing to do.”

Twilight gave me a womanly look. “Work, then coitus.”

I let my hands glide up her thighs until they met her waist. “Are you sure I can’t convince you?”

“Quite.” She said firmly.

“Fine. Then feel free to hop off of me at any time.” I smirked.

Twilight blushed. “You said I had a few more hours!”

“No, we’ve gotta get to work, don’t we?” I jibed mercilessly.

Twilight sat back on my hips, solidifying her position. “Make me move.”

I grinned. “You asked for it.”

She had enough time to give me an odd look just moments before I levitated her slightly off of me, just enough so that I could buck freely. Twilight held on for the first few, but she eventually just got on her knees and sat up. However, when she looked down at me, I could see that Twilight was feeling the lust in the air, and so we did the thing that I wanted to do in the first place. It’s because I have great ideas, it really is. Gold star for Max.

After a not-so-quickie, Twilight and I took a shower together and had another quickie, though that one actually didn’t last that long. When we got out of the shower, I had to resist the temptation to ask Twilight for another round just for the simple fact that we were already getting a relatively late start to our day. Still, we were happy to sit with each other at breakfast for just a little longer than we could really spare before heading into our usual areas to take care of business for a bit. I had to sign new training orders for the recruits and some of the veterans I’d garrisoned, get a few more pieces of training equipment to get the obstacle course up to new specs, hear a female Operative whose name was Dill Pickle give a report about some goings on in Mexicolt that I was helping Sabio out with, get in touch with Chumana again so I could offer her a place in Adstus, and do a whole lot of boring bureaucratic bullshit all before the day ended. Twilight had my schedule filled to the brim save for lunch and dinner, but even then we would only get a few minutes with each other.

I decided to get started from the top of my list since signing papers wouldn’t take more than an hour. Yes, I had at least four hours of paperwork, but I’ve already gotten good at skimming information and storing it for later. I can cut down about half of my stack if I’m really going for it, but that’s not usually the best thing to do when trying to efficiently run a small kingdom. Princedom. What-the-fuck ever. After taking the time to get my training paperwork signed and officialized, I wrote out a letter to Chumana asking if she wanted to have a word with me about something rather important. She declined since she was out of the country at the moment, but when I told her that I could bring her to me, she asked if I could just come to her for a bit.

With no real reason to say deny her, I sent off one of my runners to tell Twilight that I was going to be on quick business errand and pulled myself to Chumana’s side shortly after. She was somewhere dark as fuck when I got there, but I could hear her heartbeat coming from my left. She hadn’t noticed my arrival yet (to my knowledge), so with a dastardly plan in mind, I took a couple of cautious steps back and sent my hand through the void. Her arse was nice and scaly, but I was far more worried about the wind I felt come off of the sudden movement.

“Who dares- Maximus?” Chumana said from the darkness.

“The one and annoying. How’ve you been, Chu-Chu?”

“I still hate that nickname.” She said flatly.

“Which is why it’s sticking so well!” I gave her a brilliant smile. “Little side question: why the bloody fuck is it pitch black in here?”

“Dragons see on a different light spectrum. This is common knowledge.” She sighed.

“Not even from this planet. This guy. Right here.” I pointed at my face.

“Can you even see me right now?” She asked.

“Fuck with me and I’ll get you back. I just grabbed your arse to get your attention.”

Chumana rapped my pate with her incredibly hard knuckles. “That’s for being a lecher.”

I rubbed my head. “Ow. I’m going to hold off on commenting about what I felt for the simple fact that I don’t want to get slugged next time.”

She walked away and started light tall candles around the room. “Now I’m curious. Spill it before I punch you.”

I took the time to purposefully ignore the fact that Chumana was naked. “Why would you want to go and do something like that? Violence just isn’t the answer!”

She stopped after lighting her fourth candle and gave me a look. “Does the name Vikar mean anything to you?”

I gave her the blankest look I could conjure up. “Whose name is it?”

Her eyes glowed for a moment. “Kidding! I remember; he’s your distant cousin and he also ripped my fucking heart out.”

She nodded. “You were closed to getting burned.”

I looked around. “There aren’t any candles over here.”

Chumana groaned. “I truly despise you so much right now.” She shook her head and lit the last couple of candles in a single breath.

Now that it was much brighter, I could see that the room was actually cut straight from stone. It looked like it had been built into the side of a mountain or something. Chumana had the curtains drawn so I couldn't see outside, but I assumed that it was still night in this part of the Dragon Lands. The room had tall ceilings and two doors on adjacent walls, a large stone desk facing the windows, and there was a lot paper on said desk. Like, the stacks were fucking ridiculous to say the least, but what held my interest was the ancient-looking sword. There certainly wasn’t a busty Dragoness monitoring my every move while wearing nothing but the scales covering her skin.

Now don’t get me wrong, but I don’t find Chumana attractive. Sexy? Yes. Beautiful in her own way? Definitely. Her body? Fantastic. There’s just one little detail that I just can’t step over, and that’s the whole ‘Dragon’ thing. The snout is freaky, the fire-breathing scares the shit out of me when I think about blowjobs, and what if I cut my sausage on her scales? Nah, I’m good. Strictly speaking on body types, I’d rather be with Uror than pretty much anyone else, but fur isn’t hard to get used to and Twilight’s covered in the stuff. Scales are just a no-go all the way around since they’re hard, sharp, and I’m pretty sure that Dragon labias- Labia? Which is the plural form? Eye tink dey puddy lipz got skalez, and that’s just too much danger for my dongle.

While I was staring off into the corner of the room, ruminating on just how unattractive scales were when one gave it thought, Chumana said, “Is there a reason you’re here, or are you just trying to break one of the top three laws in the Dragon Code?”

“Well, I wanted to ask you about that as well as another thing.” I said.

She tilted her head. “I’ve heard word that you were due to be wed sometime this month. Are you having second thoughts about your mare?”

I waved my hand. “God no. I wouldn’t leave Twilight for twenty-five percent of the female population of Equus being at my beck and call. Plus we already got married, like, yesterday.”

Chu-Chu raised a brow. “Congratulations. What about twenty-six percent?”

“More tempting, but the answer is still no. The reason I’m asking about the Dragon Code is a closely guarded secret that I’m gonna have to ask you to keep hush-hush.”

She nodded. “As long as no one is outright breaking the code, then there is no problem.”

I pursed my lips.

“I don’t understand what that means. Dragons can only smile or frown.” Chumana stated.

“It means that I know of someone breaking the fuck out of the Dragon Code, but he’s not your conventional Dragon, you know?”

She sighed and smoke came out. “It’s the little one that you were with at the Migration, isn’t it? Is he screwing some Pony floozy or something?”

“Said floozy happens to be a friend of mine.” I said drily.

“I would apologize, but most Ponies are slutty by my standards.”

“Don't you guys mate for life?”

“Yes. And?”

“So literally having more than one partner makes you a slut?”

“Yes. And?”

“So what? You fuck someone once and you’re stuck with them for the next four or so thousand years?”

“Yes… And?”

“I’m starting to get tired of you repeating yourself.”

She rolled her eyes. “It’s hard to answer simple questions with complex responses. Sue me.”

“Put a ‘C’ and an 'R' in there right after the ‘S’ and we’ll talk.” I jibed.

“You’re really making me wish that I was dressed right now.”

“Then get dressed. I didn’t tell you to be naked for this.”

“Dragons are typically naked when in their own homes. Did you not know this?”

“Who the fuck just knows this shit!? Ponies are too racist to know shit about other races, dammit! Who do you think I spend all my time around?”

“Huh. I assumed that certain things about Dragons were just common knowledge.”

“Maybe in literally any other place than Equestria. If it’s not about peace and nicey-nice bullshit, no one cares.”

She blanched. “That sounds incredibly sickening. Bridleland was nice and Mexicolt was sketchy, but at least they weren’t all that peaceful. Both regions had their issues.”

“Yeah, mainland Equestria kinda sucks if you’re not a pacifist or a dumbarse, but it’s home. Which brings me to my second thing.” I waited for Chumana to react.

She rolled a hand forth. “And? What is your second topic?”

“I want you to become an Ambassador for the Dragon Lands.” I replied.

“... Why?”

“You’ve got a cool head on your shoulders, you’re not an idiot, and I feel like you’re more of an adapter than most of the other Dragons I’ve met or heard of. For the most part, Dragons seem rigid in their ways and traditions, but you seem to care less about them than most people. Am I wrong so far?”

“It’s not that I necessarily care less, it’s just that I don’t believe that the old ways are necessary anymore. Many of them, at least, though not all.”

“What are some of the ones you’d like to keep?”

Chumana spoke immediately. “The first is that every mating pair of Dragons bear at least two children to keep our population stable. Dragons have slowly been losing numbers for the past few hundred years, and I would like to enforce that forgotten law.”

“A bit totalitarian, but understandable. What’s another?”

She gave me an unreadable look. “I would do away with the Dragon Mating Clauses entirely. I believe a Dragon must be allowed to find love their own way.”

“Is there a specific reason for that?” I asked coolly.

“None that should concern you.” She replied evenly.

“None that should, but it’s one that does.”

“Tch. You’ll get nothing from me by badgering me about it, so back off while I’m nice and placid.”

I nodded. “No problems here. Abandoning that, what do you say to my offer? With Equestria backing you and offering preferential deals, it shouldn’t be a problem to get your position up and going.”

Chumana unfolded her arms and put a hand on her hip. “I’ll think about it. You’re asking me to take on a lot of work for little to no gain.”

“Something I do know about Dragons is that you fellows happen to be notorious for being greedy,” She acquiesced with a nod after a moment. “And since this appears to be true, I’m just going to tell it to you straight. You get power, Chumana. Yeah, there will be people over you, but I’m a fucking Prince, supposed equal member of the Royal Family, and I still answer to Celestia and Luna. Hell, I even answer to one of my own Knights! The kind of power I’m offering you comes with its drawbacks, but the boons are there too. As an Ambassador, you’ll earn a place in your King’s court, a fat paycheck, and plenty of minions to boss around, if you can rein them in.”

“... I’ll admit, it’s a bit more tempting than it was. You’ve made such an obvious appeal to my base nature that I can’t help but feel a little violated.”

“That’s just because you’re naked and I’ve been having myself a look since you lit the place up.” I said casually.

Chumana gave me a womanly look. “There are three things wrong with that statement. One, you’re married. Two, you’re not exactly showing any signs of arousal. Three, your eyes haven’t left my face. You don’t find me attractive in the slightest.”

I sighed. “Can’t you just take a compliment and leave it at that?”

“Must you try so desperately to make yourself seem like a bad guy? You’re doing a good job of acting like one, but the natural flavour isn’t there.”

“Can we try wrapping your tongue around my dick? You’ve got too many sharp teeth for a blowjob, but we can do the tongue thing.”

“My tongue is barbed.”

“... Like the weird-squishy-thingies or the flesh-rending ones?”

“Flesh rending.”

“Swerve baby, swerve!”

“... What is wrong with you?”

“Ain’t nobody fresh like me, I’m just so fresh and clean.” I sang.

Chumana tilted her head as my backup plan worked its Magic. When people start thinking I’m not an arsehole, I hit left field and keep on going. “Is that a song from your world?”

“Yeah. It’s an older one.”

“... A song about being clean? Did you make it yourself?”

“No, some dude made it and it got popular through means that would be really hard for you to understand without a thirty minute lecture.”

She shrugged. “Do I look busy?”

“You might not be busy, but I am. Give my offer some thought and get back with me, okay?”

“I will. Take care, Maximus, and tell Twilight that I said hello.”

“Will do, Chu-Chu.” The blue Dragoness groaned

I left because I had no fucking reason to be there anymore and popped into the Court Hall since it was about time for me to join Twilight for a couple of hours. She usually manages the small claims in the morning and moves up throughout the day, but she’d asked me to come in early the day after our wedding. Most of the time I don’t show up until it’s about four thirty, which is when the big cases are scheduled to be heard, but even then it’s not like we ever get any. Not a lot happens between Ponyville, Sadelle and Cloudsdale, to be honest. Still, I showed up when I was supposed to for boring bullshit.

The first thing I saw was the back of our thrones (sitting side by side), so I walked around and gave Twilight a smile when I saw her. She looked down to me and I knew something was up from the worry in her heart. Something was stressing her out, but there wasn’t anyone trying to have their plea heard or anything when I got in, so it confused the fuck out of me.

While I was coming up the steps to my throne, I asked, “What’s wrong, Cherry? I can’t imagine that-”

“Max, I don’t think you should be in Court today. Things really aren’t looking good for you.” Twilight interrupted.

“What do you mean?” I asked, cutting to the chase.

“I mean that there are dozens of people waiting for my hand in marriage and most of them want to duel you for it! Max, if you’re here, I can’t just tell them to go away!”

I gave her a look before sitting down. “So what? I’ll take care of their grievances and you can continue the day as usual.”

“I don’t want you fighting for the next six hours!”

“Then help me organize a quick tourney or something. If we have everyone go in groups, it’ll be over that much quicker. We can preach teamwork and friendship during a ‘friendly’ bout. The only thing we’d have to solve is who would take your hand if they ever beat me.”

Twilight glared at me. “You’re not honestly thinking of betting our marriage thirty-eight consecutive times, are you?”

“... When you put it like that, it sounds like less fun. We can make a prize whatever we want it to be, Cherry.”

She closed her eyes and I swear she counted to ten before responding. “You just want to watch people fight, don’t you?”

“I’m bored! The Royal Life is boring and kinda shit to be honest with you.”

Twilight buried her face in her hands. “I’m married to a twelve year-old with the attention span of a three year-old.”

I reached over and put a hand on her arm. “But I’m your twelve year-old, aren’t I?”

My wife looked at me. “Well, I’m stuck with you, so yes.”

“Feeling the love here, Twilight.”

She sighed. “Look Max, I get it. I don’t like the Royal Life much more than you do, but it’s our responsibility and we’ve got to take care of our lands. We can’t just do things on a whim anymore. We need to do what we need to do and let the little stuff be taken care of by our retainers, okay?”

I rested my chin on my fist and studied her. “Fuck that. Let’s risk everything we’ve built.”

“Have you finally lost your mind?” Twilight asked irritably.

“No, I just don’t like backing down from challenges that I know I can win. I guarantee you that I could bring down every one of your would-be suitors without weapons or Magic, and with weapons, it’s just that much faster.”

Twilight sighed. “Fine. Fine. If you really think that endangering our bond is worth a few minutes of fun…”

I rolled my eyes. “You’re too smart to think that marriage is the only thing binding us.”

“Well, I was hoping to guilt trip you into shutting up about the whole thing.”

“You know what would be fair? If we held a lottery and picked like, five people to come and challenge me. That would be cool.”

Twilight just gave me a look. “Whatever. I hope you realize what you’re doing right now.”

“Simultaneously establishing myself as a force to be reckoned with among our people and showing that anyone who challenges our marriage will be beaten down?” I half-asked, half-answered.

She squinted at me. “Justifying it doesn’t help.”

I shrugged. “Justified actions are what they are. If you can’t deal with justification, then get out of my kitchen.”

“Shut up, Max.”

“Love you, Cherry~” I sang in reply.

She couldn’t help but smile a little before passing me a look of acceptance. I would totally get what I wanted and she was going to let it slide, so that was some awesome shit in my books. We chatted for a few more minutes before the break was over, but the next seven dudes that came through the door were either there to challenge my authority or to try and uproot me from Twilight’s side. The wildest guy was definitely recording, so I’ll start this little anecdote from right after the fellow before him left.

“I told you, Amour! It’s like all these people just want to fight you!”

I sighed. “It’s tough being the greatest.”

Twilight pinched me. “I really don’t want to see you get hurt, Max.”

“Then stop hurting me!” I said, rubbing my arm.

“You know that’s not what I meant.” She said, sounding exhausted.

“Look, Cherry, I see your concern for what it is and I appreciate it. However, I’m telling you that going through with this is pretty much chock full of positives as long as I don’t do that thing I tend not to do. Trust in my judgement, okay? I’m pretty sure that I can beat most of these money-grubbing, racist cock-snots with an arm tied behind my back and a nail in each foot. Have you never seen me fight?”

She thought about it and shook her head. “No, I’ve never seen you actually fight. I’ve seen you punch Chrysalis, and when you were fighting Noir, I couldn’t really keep up with what was happening..”

My eyes widened. “You’ve truly never seen me fight. Hot shit, you would think.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes. “You need to stop fighting so much.”

I gave her a look. “We’re in the middle of a war.”

“I mean personal fights.”

“Oh, those. They’re usually Honor Duels, to be fair.”

“That’s a crock and we both know it.”

“Well, it’s an honor to be killed by someone as great as me, so yeah.” I checked my nails for dirt.

Twilight puffed. “You’re so full of hot air.”

“Your Majesties? Our next visitor awaits.” Our Crier-guy announced. I forget his name even though I must have heard it at least a dozen times.

“Bring them in.” Twilight and I replied in unison.

And so forth was brought a fellow with a neck ruffle, the tightest of tights, the puffiest of shoulder things, and a feather in his cap to top it all off. The fellow was the perfect picture of some half-wit from the sixteenth century. Of course he was carrying a rapier, but I considered that to be the least of my worries. Instead, I looked down to this absolute clown’s shoes and saw that they were pointed and curled outward like a Christmas Elf’s would.

“Greetings fair Princess Twilight! It is an honor to behold your beauty, your magnificence, your regal aura in pony!” The flamboyant fuck said.

“... Hello.” Twilight replied awkwardly. “May I ask your name?”

“Ah, but of course! My name is Marquis de Rue, and I have come to ask for your hand in marriage, Your Majesty.”

“I’m afraid I’m already married at the moment. She replied too kindly.

“And that is but a crime in itself! I assure you, Princess, that this demon’s wiles-”

“Did you just call my fucking husband a demon?” Twilight cut in.

“I call him as he is! Resist his trickery, Your Majesty, and return to the just world of Ponies! There are no non-Pony races that can love as we do, that can laugh as we do, that can be as happy as we can be! You belong with a Pony, as all Ponies do!” Marquis de Cunt said, completely oblivious to what I was feeling from Twilight.

My wife rose from her throne and marched down it posthaste. She approached Marquis as he stood stock still, at least until she came right up to him and slapped the ever-loving fuck out of his shit.

“Don’t you dare speak of my husband! Period! The filth that leaves your mouth makes me want to arrest you for treason here and now!” Twilight shouted.

Marquis stood firm. “You are entrenched in this monster’s lies-”

Twilight backhanded him this time.

He spat out a tooth and looked at Twilight with fear in his eyes. My wife grabbed his face and brought him close, speaking too low for anyone else in the room to hear them. Except for me and my freaky hearing, of course. “I swear to you that is my final warning. Say something else, Marquis de Rue. Say something else, I dare you.”

He held a stiff upper lip, though it quivered a bit. “I see I cannot reach you through normal means. Drastic times call for drastic measures, I’m afraid.” He suddenly seized Twilight and kissed her.

It’s…

I mean, like, how…?

If you’ve actually been paying attention to my life in this journal, then you know how much I love Twilight. How would you put into words just how badly this fellow fucked up? I mean, honestly? There are things such as breaking your Mum’s favourite china, shattering a window, crashing your car, etcetera etcetera. Marquis’ mistake was somewhere along the lines of getting caught with meth, coke, and heroin after crashing your strict Catholic Dad’s classic car that he’s been working on for the past fifteen years into the house while high on all three of the Unholy Trinity at the same time. That’s how bad this guy done fucked up.

It took Twilight more time to push him away than it did for me to teleport behind him and slam my fist into his eye. I narrowly missed Twilight, but I’m fucking good at aiming punches from all the damn practice I’ve had, so I wasn’t really concerned about clipping her. Marquis’ head jerked back from the blow and Twilight shoved him off of her, practically handing him to me. I spun him ‘round to face me and grabbed him by his throat.

“You have your duel. Here. Now. You have the time it takes to get the rest of my challengers in here to prepare.”

Marquis spat in my face, but I didn’t even flinch. “I will make you rue this day, Demon Prince!”

I wiped his spit off and turned to Twilight who looked pretty fucking livid herself. “Do you have a problem with me doing this?”

She spat on the floor and wiped her mouth with a handkerchief. “Set an example.”

“Planned on it.”

I stormed off toward the Court Hall’s main doors and flung them open. “Any challengers to Prince Maximus will now enter the Court Hall!”

I left the doors open and called for a couple of guards to keep everything orderly. The guards got in before the rest of Twilight’s suitors and my challengers finally got settled, and once they were stationed around the room, I wrote Fancy and asked him to officiate. He said that he would gladly do so, and after I got him to the Court Hall, he, Marquis, and myself all huddled together to agree on the terms of the fight. The rule would be first to collapse or to no longer be able to continue would lose, so basically it was just a last man standing kind of deal. We agreed to use our respective weapons, but when Marquis saw that I was only donning gloves, he laughed.

“You would attempt to contest a rapier, the fastest of blades, with your bare hands!? You truly are insane!” He taunted.

I looked at him before looking to Fancy. “Are you sure that you want to fight him with your hands?” My Captain asked.

“I don’t want Twilight to see me kill someone today.” I replied coldly.

Fancy glanced at Marquis. “... The terms are set then. You will approach each other from ten paces and the duel will commence on my say so. Are we understood?”

Marquis smirked. “I look forward to the Royal Family being pure once more.”

“I’m going to hurt you.” I said, my tone sub-zero. “You will not escape this unscathed.”

That put a damper on his spirits, but his bravado was still going strong. Show-offs will as show-offs do, I suppose. Still, we backed up to the proper spacing and Fancy told us to take it a step at a time. When I was about three rapier-lengths away, Fancy let the fight commence and Marquis made the first move. It was a predictable thrust toward my heart that was shamefully slow compared to what I’d seen in my mindscape, so I did what came naturally and grabbed his blade as I sidestepped it. He tried to pull back, but I was already in his guard and he just wasn’t fast enough to escape the punch to his liver. I’d gotten a fair bit of weight behind it and I’d had more than a little killing intent behind the punch, so it wasn’t a surprise that it slowed him down for a few moments.

Marquis was more cautious after that, circling me slowly with his blade held high, but it just didn’t matter. He wasn’t a challenge for me, so I decided to make this quick, clean, and savage. I actually took up an attack stance before closing in on Marquis’ guard, slipping into the range of his rapier slowly enough for him to take a shot at me. I stopped flat-footed and swayed out of the way, bending backwards like I was trying to limbo my way out of getting pierced. It had the desired effect since it put Marquis’ blade well within my reach for a full second: more than enough time to seize it once more.

My opponent inadvertently helped me right myself when he tried to wrest his blade from my grasp, but with my cut-proof gloves, I wasn’t too worried about him slicing up my hands any time soon. As I was coming up, I had a nice little present prepared for Marquis in the form of a gut punch that drove the air from his lungs. He still held onto his sword, however, but it’s not like it mattered. I sent an uppercut to his jaw that snapped his head backwards and followed it up with another hook to his stomach that made him ill all over my shoes. I fucking hated those shoes, but they were a present from Twilight, so I swept the poor dumb bastard’s silly hat off of his head and grabbed a fistful of his mane before launching three consecutive uppercuts to his mouth.

Now, the tops of pony teeth might not be sharp at all, but the roots sure as fuck are. If it weren’t for the gloves, I might’ve had a few pearly whites in my hand, but as it was, Marquis was either looking at painful Dental Magic in his future or some dentures. Either way, I took the time to break his nose and blacken both of his eyes before I finally let him drop to the floor. He lay and bled on the floor for a bit, his breathing uneven and his heartbeat thudding loudly. I couldn’t imagine that he was getting up anytime soon, so I walked over to pick up his rapier and inspect it. It was a decent piece, I guess.

After I’d tossed the sword to the floor, I looked around the silent crowd. “So who else wants to challenge me?” I called out.

Much to my surprise, three people came forth right off the bat. One was a slight mare with a cream coloured coat and dark brown hair. Another was a stallion with a build like Swift’s, wielding a bladed polearm. The last of the three was a beige guy with a khaki coloured mane and a standard longsword on his hip. I gestured for each of them to come forth and looked around the crowd for more volunteers. There were none.

I spoke to the woman first since I’d noticed her first. “What’s your name?”

“Name’s Tanned Hide, Your Highness.” She replied.

“Why do you want to challenge me?” I asked.

“I wanna be a Princess.” Hide said simply. “Ain’t much to it.”

“Why not challenge Twilight for her seat then?”

“She ain’t the fightin’ type. You can see it from the look in her eye. That mare wouldn’t hurt a bee if it stung her.”

“True. Challenge accepted. You know who Captain Fancy is, right?”

“That fella over there?” She pointed at him.

“Yeah, that handsome stud. Go wait by him.”

“Will do, Your Highness.”

As she walked away, I nodded and turned to the Swift clone. “So what are you after?”

“I just don’t like the idea of a non-Pony ruling over Ponies. It’s nothing personal.” He replied.

“I get it. I really do. What’s your name?”

“Wood Hammer.”

“I’ll fight you, but I’m not holding back. It’s nothing personal, but you’re threatening my authority, so my hands are kinda tied on this one.”

“Hey, even if I lose, at least I’ll know that Equestria’s Alien is strong.” Hammer shrugged.

“That’s a good way to look at things. With your build and temperament, I’d like to try you out as a guard.” I tapped my chin.

“I AM a guard. I just work for Her Majesty Princess Luna in Canterlot.” He admitted.

“... So you’re going against your sworn oaths to the Royal Family for this?”

He nodded. “If you’re willing.”

“Hammer, if I fight you and lose, there are going to be serious repercussions for you whether I want them to be there or not. If I fight you and win, you’re probably going to get kicked out of the Guard. I know fighting for your ideals is important, but Equestria needs loyal soldiers like you now more than ever. Don’t throw away your service to your country and everyone in it just because you don’t like one of the rulers for what he is rather than what he does.”

Wood Hammer mulled it over. “If you really wanted to, you could protect me from all of that and we could have a fair fight.”

“Not from Luna, I can’t. She outranks me, mate, and if you’re one of hers, then you should know that she’s not just going to let it slide.”

He cocked his head at me. “You sound like you’re not her equal or something.”

I pursed my lips. “I’m really not. My power stems from Celestia and Luna.”

“Oh. It’s not like that changes anything.”

I shook my head. “Fine, Hammer. I accept your challenge. I’ll do my best to protect your dumbarse from the ripples of your own mistakes.”

He frowned. “I think I might be looking forward to our fight.”

“I’m not. Go join Fancy over there, yeah?”

Hammer went off to do that and I approached the last fellow. “Wotcher. What’s your name?”

He stared at me.

“Alright. Why do you want to challenge me?”

“I want your eyes.” He whispered.

“... Okay. That’s creepy as shit.”

He smiled at me, showing off some pretty horribly looked after teeth. I could practically smell his halitosis from where I was standing and his general creepy vibe made me pretty sure that this guy wanted to assassinate me. We stood there and looked at each other for a minute or so. Well, I looked, he stared. With the heebie-jeebies thoroughly scattered about my person, I resisted the temptation to just throw him into outer space and forget about the disturbing creature that he was.

“... So you want to duel me for my eyes?” I asked to clarify.

“You won’t feel a thing.” He smiled sweetly, which made my balls shrink.

“... Ya gonna try and kill me when ya do it?”

He just kept on smiling.

“... I don’t wanna fight you.”

Beige guy drew his longsword and a dirk that I hadn’t noticed. “Just stay still, okay?”

“I have not agreed to a duel, whatever your name is.” I announced loudly enough for most of the room to hear.

He suddenly bolted forward and sent a decent overhead slash my way, but I swayed to his right and grabbed his wrist, leading him around in a circle before throwing him away from me. My hands felt dirty from touching that psychotic fuck, but I had a feeling that dirty hands was going to be the least of my problems if I didn’t put this guy down quick. Beige guy came back around and charged me, but unfortunately for him, I had the presence of mind to draw Arsene from where I usually stored it and swatted his blow aside when it came. He recovered quickly with a horizontal slash, but it just wasn’t good enough to keep me on my toes. I blocked his slash and countered with a lightning-quick one of my own, taking his sword hand with ease.

Beige guy backed off rapidly and held his bleeding stump, shrill wailing echoing through the hall. He looked back to me with blood lust in his eyes moments before picking up his sword with his off hand and coming after me once more. I decided to make quick work of him when he lunged in carelessly, smashing his face with Arsene’s spine. He dropped like a sack of rotten potatoes and I called a couple guards over before having him arrested for treason, assaulting royalty, attempted aggravated assault, and attempted murder. All of which carried heavy penalties in the Pony Lands, so I wasn’t worried about seeing Jeeper-Creeper again on this side of the century.

I collected his weapons and passed them off to someone in the crowd for safe-keeping so I wouldn’t have to worry about it for a little bit and went over to talk to Tanned Hide. After noticing a distinct lack of weapons on her person, I asked, “So are you going to try and throw hands, fam?”

Hide nodded. “Ain’t nothin’ like the feelin’ of a bare-knuckle brawl.”

I sighed. “You say that, but then again I’d kill you if I actually got serious. Do you need any extra time to prepare, or do you want to go ahead and get started?”

She nodded again. “I’m ready when you are, Your Highness.”

“Great.” I turned to Fancy. “Same rules as last time, but with fists this time, yeah?”

Fancy sighed. “So are you just going to fight anypony that wants a piece of you, or are you going to slow down after this?”

“Hey, the first two weeks of my rule don’t count! And besides, I always turn down more than I fight.”

“Sounds like ya might be scared of meeting your match.” Hide jested.

I gave her a dull look. “I met my match and she kicked my arse. Then she trained me. Then I met another one of my matches and she kicked my arse too.”

“Ya move pretty well, I gotta say. The mares that took you on musta been something.” She complimented.

“Well, they’re General Noir and Princess Luna.”

Hide blinked. “... I was at the Equestria Games.”

“Yeah, that was crazy.”

“... Are you seriously sayin’ you can fight on par with Princess Celestia and that… Noir?”

“Not quite. They’d both win against me if they put any real effort behind it in a fair fight, but I’m not exactly notorious for fighting fair when I’m not dueling.”

“... I don’t wanna be a Princess that bad.”

I nodded. “Wise move. Know that I don’t think any less of you for making your decision.”

“You might not, but some of the stallions in here are probably gonna be mentionin’ the mare that bucked to you only to back out at the last moment.”

Wood Hammer chimed in. “I won’t think any less of you. I mean, everypony here saw what he did to that one guy with the silly hat while completely unarmed, and then he just turns around and takes care of business with that creepy guy like he wasn’t even trying! Nopony here that’s worth their bits is going to say it’s not a smart move for you to back down if you’re not one hundred percent on beating Prince Maximus.”

I gave him an approving nod. “I really like that attitude of yours. Would you happen to know a guy by the name of Swift Strike by chance?”

Hammer gave me a look. “Yeah, he was my old sparring buddy. Thanks for taking him, by the way.”

I shrugged. “He was a good fit for Adstus. How often did you win against him?”

Hammer bobbed his head back and forth. “It was about fifty-fifty most of the time.”

I gave him a look. “Swift can’t handle me, even with all of the ridiculously hard training I’ve been putting him through. It’s not a bad idea for you to back out too, mate.”

“Nope. I’m sticking to my path.”

“Hard heads make soft arses.” I looked at Fancy. “I don’t think there’s anymore need to talk. Want to get this one started?”

My Captain nodded and announced the rules of my competition with Wood Hammer. I’m not even going to write that one down since it was over in one move. I’d gotten a little irritated with Hammer’s stubbornness and just wanted to end it quickly, so when we were given the signal to start, I activated Noir’s Heart Attack Technique and slipped inside of his reach all too easily. Once I had Arsene against his throat, he conceded without anymore trouble and that was the end of the duels for the day. I was disappointed with the level of challenge I’d been presented with, but I knew that I couldn’t expect every fight to be full of blood and clashes of will.

Being strong sucks sometimes. It’s nice when you need your strength, but it’s boring.

While the hoi polloi was filing out of the Court Hall, I took stock of my condition and found that everything was pretty much fine. The knuckles of my left hand hurt from punching Marquis’ teeth in, but that was about it, to be honest. I wasn’t even slightly tired. I just sighed and went off to go find Twilight who had returned to her throne. I climbed up the steps to my own and plopped down, thoroughly disappointed with the last hour or so.

“Was it worth it?” Twilight asked drily.

“You already know the answer to that.” I replied tiredly.

“I’m just saying. Nothing after that horrid man was necessary.”

“The dumb fuck with the stupid clothes or the psycho fuck that wanted my eyes?”

“... The what now?”

“Yeah, the guy whose hand I cut off was after my eyes.”

Twilight looked at me like I’d lost my damn mind. “And you just fought someone so obviously unbalanced?”

“He drew steel on me.” I shrugged. “I didn’t want any of the guards to get hurt, avoiding him would have made me look like a coward, and I didn’t want him to go after you instead, so I took care of business.”

My wife just shook her head. “Why does everyone have it out for you? I mean, you’ve done some seriously terrible things,” Thanks, love you too. “But it’s not like you’ve done anything to the people who keep showing up here to fight you. I mean, you mind your own business more than pretty much any other member of the Royal Family, but it’s like Ponies just can’t get used to the idea of another Pony falling in love with something that doesn't have hooves!”

“I told you a long time ago that Ponies were racist.”

“Yes, but you never mentioned to what extent!”

I shook my head. “That’s because it would be impossible for me to know the whole truth on that. Still, you see what I deal with now, right?”

Twilight folded her arms and looked rather pensive. “... Maybe it’s time I learned how to fight.”

“I have no problem teaching you, but why do you want to learn?”

Twilight gave me a worried look. “If I can take a bit of the burden off of your shoulders-”

“Nah.”

“‘Nah’?”

“Yeah. Nah.”

She furrowed her brow. “Is there a reason you’re saying ‘Nah’?”

“Yep. I’m not going to have you learn to fight just so you can handle business I can deal with myself. If you really want to take a burden off of my shoulders, let me have sex with your Mum.”

“You’re not doing anything with my Mom other than baking or talking.” Twilight said firmly.

“Can I get a handy? If she’s up for it, of course.”

“No. I mean if your thing touches my Mom, you’re going to be sleeping so far outside of the Castle, you’re going to have to move in with Trixie for a long while.”

“Oooh, that’s the other side of town.” I winced.

“It sure is.” Twilight nodded sharply.

“Have I ever told you how much I platonically like your mother and her general congeniality?”

Twilight rolled her eyes and gave me a smirk. “I might be fond of dresses, but I think it’s clear who wears the pants in our relationship.”

“Keep it up and the only way you’ll be getting off in the next month is with your hands.”

“You know I’m well aware of your little ‘Toy Closet’, right?”

“I’ll put hot sauce on every one of them.”

“I’ll change you into Roxy and let you stay that way for a month.”

“I’ll put two fingers in your bum when you’re least expecting it.”

“Ha! Good luck! I’ve been doing so many squats during my morning routine, you couldn’t slip a piece of paper between my cheeks!” Twilight bragged.

I raised my brows and gave her an approving look. “I knew your bottom had been feeling different lately, but I never thought that you were going so hard with your workouts.”

My wife smiled. “I just want to keep looking good for you. It wouldn’t do if I just let myself go right after we got married, right?”

I gave her a warm smile. “I love you. I really do.”

She blushed lightly and coughed. “I love you too, though I don’t think we really need to reaffirm that.”

“Isn’t it just nice to hear, though? I know I like the way my heart skips a beat when you say it.”

Twilight folded her hands and put them in her lap, acting awfully bashful for someone who’d just been boasting about the tightness of their arse. “Maybe it should be the first thing we say to each other in the morning?”

“Sounds good to me. You won’t hear any complaints from my end.”

My wife smiled and stretched a hand out, so I held it and we just enjoyed the contact for a little bit. We chatted for the next thirty minutes about little to nothing until the people in line for hearings had been reorganized. Now that all of Twilight’s tails and my challengers were gone, things were going slowly, so Twilight told me to go off and take care of my side of business while she presided over court. I didn’t have a reason to object, so I went back to business and, over the course of four hours, got most of my workload completed and notarized. I was in the middle of wrapping up some tedious stuff when I got a visitor in the form of Pinkie Pie.

She’d just come back from doing a mission for me, so I wrote her out a check to be cashed at the Castle's Treasury. The mission was to poison the supplies of one of Discord’s Zhongguo battalions, and I had no doubts that she’d performed flawlessly. Starshine’s ‘Special Sauce’ was all too potent, and if there was anyone left alive, I’d be mildly surprised. Either way, it would be a massive hit to Discord’s advancing forces toward Germaneigh, across P. R. Ussia (Ponies Republic of Ussia), and the Pongolian Steppes. I would have paid Pinkie straight from my own wallet, but my personal Treasure Room was specifically for personal favours and the like while the Castle Treasury was for business. Celestia had driven home the importance of keeping the two separate, so Pinkie got her ten thousand from Castle Arcadia and I kept my money.

I sat and talked to Pinkie for a little while as I skimmed through some more papers, but what we talked about was boring war shit that I already know and probably don’t want to remember if I ever read through this again. Thus, it’s not getting written down. Still, I had a good time with Pinkie, but when she asked why I wasn’t finding a way to spend my day with Twilight, I told her that it was because Twilight and I were playing to our strengths and that running the Castle efficiently was the top priority. I admitted that it did suck an awful lot that I only got to see Twilight every once in awhile throughout the day, but it’s not like we went to bed early or anything. In fact, we spent most of our nights trying to catch up on the time we lose throughout the day. It works well enough for us.

Pinkie-chan went off to be kawaii-desu somewhere way the fuck away from me for a little bit, leaving me to finish up my business and head out to the Training Grounds to see what was up. Dinner would be ready soon, but I wanted to see how my guards were doing on the grounds. I just teleported myself out there because I can, and as I walked around the area, I saw that there were a few sparring groups together, both armed and unarmed. I went over to the unarmed one first and observed for a little bit. Noir herself had come up with the style my soldiers would be using. Each Castle had a different style. Canterlot was boxing/kickboxing, the Crystal Empire was more grappling like judo and jujitsu, and my own little slice of the pie had a taekwondo/karate fusion going on.

Come to think of it, each set of guards really were geared toward a specific purpose. Celestia had pushed her Day Guards toward being staunch and stoic, ready to handle anything from a belligerent drunk to someone like Rainbow, who had actually been trained in some manner. They were good all rounders in my books. The Crystal Empire’s guards seemed to lean more towards subduction until further help arrives or the problem fixes itself. That, or wrecking shit when the time comes. I don’t actually know all that much about Crystal Empire Guards, but I do know it’s common knowledge there that Shining’s typical Day Guard style eats shit when compared to the Crystal Guard move-set. My own set of guards are probably going to end up being the best, if my calculations are anything to go by. Noir’s passed out numerous techniques that can be linked together easily for sure-fire hits against equal opponents, and we tend to do a lot of grappling in our combat. I mean, slow kicks are either caught or dodged, which means that one has plenty of opportunity to seize the day and choke the life out of someone.

Maybe it’s just a difference in the movements; the refinement of a six thousand year old being compared to a twenty-something dude with serious mental issues. Maybe I’m just full of myself and think that my people are the best people. I will say that I take pride in running my half of the business, and seeing things run smoothly is a nice feeling that makes the boredom feel a little less soul-sucking. Still, I feel like my guards are the best equipped to fight for their lives out of the rest of the Equestrian Guard, and that makes me happy. I know that Celestia, Luna, and Noir pretty much handpicked my guard with a little extra help from Aurum, but I still can’t shake the giddiness that comes with having the best of something.

I don’t like it.

Power is corrupting, and I’m pretty sure that’s what I’m liking. I may be right and I just like having the best fighters, or I may be wrong and I like having the best fighters because it means I have the best battle force. It’s not like either are necessarily negative or terribly positive, but one is obviously a bit more worrisome for a leader to be gaining joy from. Having the best battalion could lead to thinking that I should take over by force, and that just ends in pieces immediately after. Like, I think it just goes downhill too quickly for me to not be worried about getting power hungry. I’ll keep monitoring for more possible signs, but I mostly trust that Noir and Twilight will keep my head screwed on straight. Hell, Twilight will probably recognize it before I do, in all fairness.

Getting back to my time on the Training Grounds, I took the time to instruct a little bit since the unarmed combat was a fusion of a couple styles I was already well acquainted with. I thought about it for a little bit and sparred with some of the instructors so they could have another chance to experience our style as it’s supposed to be used. I made it a point to come out every other day to freshen up the instructor’s minds on our techniques, but it’s not like Noir didn’t spend entire days on combat training from time to time. She could only fit it into her schedule about once or twice a week, but when those days came, everyone came back aching and itchy from healing Magic. I was obligated to come and take part in a spar with Noir while those days came around, which was a bucket full of suck most of the time. My mentor likes to keep me nice and humble in front of my soldiers, and I appreciate it. I just wish she’d stop doing it so damn well.

I eventually took my leave as the Sun was setting and headed in for dinner. I’d barely worked up a sweat, even in my full Prince regalia, so I didn’t think it necessary to take a shower before a nice nibble. Twilight was already waiting for me with a book in hand when I entered the Dining Hall, so I took my time in taking my place next to her. She marked her spot before giving me a pleasant little smile that set my heart aflutter.

“Good evening, handsome husband of mine. Twilight flirted.

“What a lovely sight, my wonderful wife. How was the remainder of court?” I asked.

She sighed. “Only a few thousand more years of this before we can retire to being Generals or something.”

I took her hand in mine and kissed her cheek. “That’s the spirit, Cherry! Just keep thinking like that and you’ll see the other side in no time!”

She passed me a look. “You think you’re cute.”

“I’m downright adorable, Babycakes.” I winked.

My wife chuckled and shook her head at me. “You’re such a goofball.”

I gave her an easy smile. “It’s all natural.”

Twilight rolled her eyes and her horn lit up, making a magical chime. About a minute later, Twilight and I each had three plates sitting in front of us. One was our actual dinner, another was a side salad that was specially made for each of us, and the third was desert. One might question the lack of the feast that usually accompanies a royal mealtime, but in all honesty, there’s no way I could just let so much food go to waste. Yes, we still ordered an entire castle's worth of food for a week, but it all went to keeping our staff and guards fed. Twilight and I had never actually done the thing where you have food on platters. Even when we had a lot of guests over, we just had daily menus and everything was practically a la carte.

I had steak and hash for dinner since I’m a red-blooded Englishman and Twilight had a girly salad with flowers and a berry vinaigrette of some kind. Her side salad consisted of tulips, marigolds, and lavender; all of which were favourites of hers. My side salad had spinach, imported bacon, and something called ‘ranch’ that I’d fallen in love with during my short stint in America. I’d heard of it in England, but I’d never actually had it until I went back to Earth. Apparently it existed in Equestria, and the shit made salad actually worth eating, so it was a staple in my diet. For dessert, I suggested tiramisu since Twilight had never actually had it and Pinkie knew how to make it. My wife fell in love immediately and scarfed down her piece before coming after mine. I was fond of tiramisu, but from the delight rolling off of Twilight after every bite, I knew she would enjoy my slice more than I ever could. She ended up getting a third piece while I watched in mild amusement, waiting for her to finish with her mild cake binge.

“I swear, you and Celestia could be mother and daughter on some occasions.” I chuckled.

Twilight swallowed the last bite of dessert. “What makes you say that?”

“You just inhaled three Alicorn sized pieces of cake in less than five minutes. You’ve been channeling your inner Celestia for a little bit now.”

She blushed and patted at her lips daintily as if it would make up for the absolute destruction that had occurred earlier. “I would like to think that’s a compliment. A woman should have a healthy appetite, after all.”

“I guess the leafy greens counteract one or two slices.” I teased.

Twilight made a darling little frustrated face at me. “Can’t I just have a little extra cake without you judging me?”

“I’m not judging you. I think it’s adorable to be honest. Now I know what to feed you if I ever piss you off while I’m doing something stupid.”

She looked at her empty plate. “Well now seems like a good time to start.”

“You say that now.” I chuckled. “I think I might just have an apple or something.”

Twilight sighed. “Maybe I should skip the cake. It seems a little fattening.”

“It’s not like your Alicorn metabolism is going to let it go anywhere other than to your hips or your rear, Cherry. Trust me, you’ll only be more desirable for it.” Logic and flattery. Critical inbound. Three.

My wife blushed brightly and looked at her lap. “Really?”

I gave her a cheeky grin. “I can’t lie to you, Twilight. I sort of have to mean what I say.” Confirmation of sincerity and devotion. Two.

“Are you trying to say that me pigging out on cake is a good thing?” Twilight asked incredulously.

“... You know, I kinda am. I mean, your current physique is well aligned with my ideal type, but then again, every time something about you changes, my type changes a little. I just like you as you are, Cherry.” Redirection into sweet nothings and reaffirmation of sexual attraction. One.

Twilight smiled at me lovingly, her heart beating a solid rhythm in her chest “I know you’re being sweet because you want something, but it’s just nice to know that you still mean every word.”

I gave her a mockery of a disapproving look. “I don’t want anything. It’s the day after our wedding and I don’t want you to think that I’m going to drift away from you, especially not from the start. It’d make me look like a right and proper shithead for taking your for granted.” Did it land?

She took my hand and held it firmly. “You’re really good at making up for saying the wrong things at the wrong time.” Fuck.

“Am I better than Tiramisu?” I tried.

My wife pretended to think for a moment, making various faces as she carried on with her antics. I’d rubbed off on her far too much. “Eh. I’d say you’re better, but that’s just because I can’t think of a viable way to use cake in bed.”

“Ouch.” I rubbed my chest.

She shrugged noncommittally before an odd look crossed her face. “Ain’t nothin’ to it, gangsta rap made me do it. What does that even mean, Max? That has to be something from your side of the brain.”

I bit back a smile. “Would you like some frozen water in the shape of a three-dimensional square?”

Twilight gave me a ‘What the fuck?’ kinda look. I was biting back laughter for the stupidest of fucking reasons. Still, having Twilight of all people quote fucking Ice Cube tickled me to no end and I wondered briefly if she was going to start going around calling people racial slurs and taking jabs at Celestia for being white and in charge of most of the planet. That sent me into a round of giggles and Twilight just gave me a vexed (though patient) look. Once I wore myself out, we retired to her personal chambers and I played her some of Ice Cube’s more explicit music from my laptop. I rarely used it these days since it was such a precious thing, but then I did some experimenting because phrasing, semantics, and implicit diction.

Capital G said I could steal anything from anywhere barring the Heavens-------------

I’ll be right back.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Alright. Picking up where we left off. God gave me some pretty clear and precise words when he explained that I could steal anything from anywhere. He said it multiple times with one simple meaning, so I decided to see if I was just an actual fuckwit. While Twilight was getting some things prepared after a long argument that ended with her getting her way, I was creating the most complex Seal I’d ever even thought of conjuring. Even with an Alicorn’s veritable ocean worth of Magic, I barely managed to bring forth the Seal I have officially named ‘Ascend’. It wouldn’t have been so hard if I actually knew what the fuck I was doing and hadn’t ended up blacking out multiple times.

However, after each of my failures, the Magic that I’d stored was stockpiled. With plenty of high calorie food to inhale, however, my Magic was replenished enough to add another layer or two to the Seal. There were sixty-four in all, and I don’t know why it came out to that exact number, but each one of my enchantments was different. Naming them all would take a fucking ridiculous amount of time, but the main acting ones are ‘Find’, ‘Locate’, ‘Raise Perception’, ‘Raise Intuition’, and ‘Targeted Beacon’. Some of the supporting ones were ‘Mental Protection’, ‘Guide’, ‘Resurrect’, and ‘Reinvigorate’. I didn’t know how things were going to go with my helter-skelter reverse summoning/teleportation Seal, so I just tried to make sure that I would be okay standing within its breadth.

Before I could actually get the Seal up to size (Feeling fresh from another feast), Twilight walked into my study, her eyes an amber color, her posture radically different, and a smile I recognized on her face. It wasn’t one she herself had showed me, but I knew who I was dealing with already.

“I figured I would save you the trouble.” God said through my wife.

“Please don’t possess Twilight.” I requested politely.

She chuckled merrily. “It is only a boon to her, my dear son. The only thing that ever comes from being touched by me is good.”

“Tell that to poor Virgin Mary.” I said, forgetting to hold my tongue.

Luckily God laughed. “You don’t honestly believe that little harlot was actually impregnated by me, do you? Virgin! Ha!”

“Wow… it’s really weird when you get all sacrilegious on me.”

“I’m sure it is.” She smiled amusedly. “So would you mind telling me why you’re about to dive headfirst into Purgatory with the wife I told you to treasure?”

“I would not, my good God. I was trying to fling us into Heaven so I could ask you if the time dilation between Earth and Equus was still in effect or if you’re not going to bother with it anymore.”

God snapped her fingers. “It’s gone. Officially a one-to-one ratio. Just keep in mind that if I ever decide that you should go to Earth and you resist me again, it’s only going to get worse because of this.”

“Lesson learned.” I replied obediently like a little wanker. Well, it’s less insulting when you consider that I was getting a second chance from God himself, so I’m going to think like that from now on.

“Good. Is that all you wanted to ask?”

“We could make small talk for a little bit if you’re not busy.”

“I’m technically every atom in this universe, Maximus. I’m always busy, but that doesn’t mean I can’t make some time.”

“Cool beans.”

And so I started chatting with God about some stuff. I told her about my daily life now that I was a Prince and she told me that she destroyed a couple of planets that were getting way too out of hand for her to feel like dealing with. For example, the least complicated one had eight hundred different wars going on between four hundred different countries, all of which were armed with weapons more powerful than your average hydrogen bomb. Each of the countries had a fucking World-Ender all to themselves. A bomb that would destroy the planet. Let that sink in. There were four hundred of those mother fuckers, all on a planet six times the size of Earth. The thing that made Capital G step in was the fact that they had started making space-faring missile-like devices that could warp across galaxies, and that was just too risky.

I learned that God really does like to be praised for doing good deeds from that conversation. Like, dude gets more pleasure from sitting down and having someone compliment his actions than a hyper-sensitive nymphomaniac gets from a twenty-four hour straight marathon of sex with multiple partners. It’s weird knowing that God will let me stroke her ego from time to time to get what I want. Maybe I’m the favourite son?

Heh. I’m better than Jesus. There was a time when I would have thought that I was going to Hell just for thinking that, and I’m proud to say that such a time has come to pass.

Anyway, God left Twilight sitting in a chair and she transitioned back into having control of her body smoothly. She didn’t seem at all perturbed by being possessed by The Almighty. In fact, she told me that God had asked her permission to use her body so she could speak with me and that Twilight had been conscious the entire time. She said she was glad to know that someone like God was the one who made the universe and I just didn’t agree with that. If someone kinder had made everything, then life would be more boring, less shitty, and generally more happy. I understand that it sounds naive to a point, but it is what it is.

With Twilight back to her normal self and the logistics cleared, I pulled us to Earth. Specifically, I pulled us to the old church where I’d originally hidden the pendant I’d stolen the day I came to Equestria. I checked behind the loose brick to find that the note I had left for Maximus was gone and was succeeded by another. It read as such:

[i]Dear Max,

We parted on bad terms, mate. Real bad terms. I… I still don’t think what you did was right in a human rights frame of mind, but what you did… It really changed the world, Max. It’s weird, mate, I’m telling you. I know that if you’re reading this, you’ll see for yourself in time, but if you’re not Max and you’re reading this, fucking kill yourself, bitch ass cunt sniffin’ wanker. Your mother should have aborted you with the umbilical cord.

“Do they have to use such foul language? I swear, whoever wrote this must be your brother or something.” Twilight murmured.

“It was my brother. Keep reading.” I said, returning to the task myself.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry I just… Abandoned you. Again. We’re brothers, Max, and that should have meant more than it did. I’m not good at sappy bullshit like this, so I’m sorry. If you ever do come back, just know I’ve been making these things once a year every year until you show your face again. Check the envelope for the date, dumbass. I’m not going to write it down again just because you’re lazy.

I checked the date on the back of the envelope. Two years had passed since I’d last been back and that threw me through a fucking loop. I didn’t even try, I told Twilight not to try, and I’m warning you not to try. God does whatever the fuck he wants, mate, and I’m pretty sure he just Deus Ex Machina-ed that bullshit. I shrugged it off quickly enough and took the backpack that I’d brought along with me off. Thankfully our casualwear wouldn’t set anyone off, but there was just one little thing.

“My brother’s going to think I’m a furry.” I breathed, my heart freezing in my chest.

“What was that?” Twilight asked patiently.

“You need feet!” I wailed sinking to my knees with my bag in hand.

Twilight walked over and flicked my nose. “Stop that. Noir taught me the spell to change my form, so just give me a moment to get it right, okay?”

“Oh yeah. Never mind.” I said blankly.

My wife just rolled her eyes at me and her horn lit up. A bright magenta light enveloped her for a moment, and when it finally subsided enough for me to actually look at her, my breath caught in my lungs and I couldn’t help but stare. As much of a perfect blend of pretty, cute, and beautiful as she was on Equus, her Earth suit just fit her even better. Her eyes stayed the same brilliant violet and her face kept the same shape, but without the fur, her face seemed smaller, more… Charmingly dainty, I suppose. It was even easier to see the sexy librarian that awaited her if she ever started looking older than she currently did. Still, I felt the Ol’ Chap stir to see what was going on and he liked what he saw.

“Max? I know I look weird, but you don’t have to stare.” Twilight rubbed her arm anxiously.

I blinked a few times. “I- Uh… Wow. I…” Was my grandiloquent response.

“Is that a good wow or a bad one?” She asked hesitantly. “I’m not getting much of a read from you.”

“Good! It’s good!” My voice cracked and my face lit up.

Twilight didn’t seem to believe me. “I don’t believe you.” Guess I was right.

“I-I-I uh... “ I laughed nervously.

“Alright, what’s gotten into you?” Twilight asked. “You’re starting to act like Spike used to when he was around Rarity.

“R-Right. Um… Yeah. So…” I stammered.

Twilight took a couple steps toward me and I froze in place. She tilted her head slightly and came right up to me. My heart was in my throat as she looked up at me, though I couldn’t meet her eyes. “Seriously, Amour. What’s wrong?”

“N-Nothing. It’s just that-” I shut my mouth.

“Just that what?”

I looked anywhere but at her. “You just look really nice as a Human.”

“Oh.”

I mustered up the courage to look at Twilight and she was giving me a contemplative look that was mixed with a bit of worry. We didn’t say anything for a little bit, both of us feeling rather scrambled emotionally.

“Amour?” Twilight asked softly.

I took a short breath. “Yes?”

“D-D… Do you like me better as a Human?”

I was afraid of my answer. I didn’t know what it would be when I spoke. “It’s like looking at the perfect woman, Twilight. I-I… I don’t know…”

She bit her lip. “I… We could try it for awhile. I-I think I could get used to toes and skin.”

With my hand trembling, I reached out to Twilight and she accepted my hand, also shaking lightly. An important moment was coming, and as we closed the short distance between us, I could feel our combined apprehension. What if I liked Twilight better as a Human? What would that mean? Could I really ask her to betray who she was just to make me happy? How would I just standby and watch as Twilight adapted to life as a different species? Oh God, what about periods!? I don’t know shit about them and asking Twilight to suffer for me was just ludicrous! My mind raced as our lips came closer and closer, panic mode fully engaged. Just when I thought I was going to get a headache from the ridiculousness of some of my worries, my flappy things met Twilight’s flappy things and all was right in the world.

We parted, both of us already laughing at our stupid worries. I’d already told Twilight that I would love her in any form, so it came as no surprise that I would love her equally as a similar enough species. I mean, the general shape of her face stayed the same, but I still took out the smart phone I had bought when I last visited my homeland and grabbed Twilight for a selfie. I wanted to remember the moment for as long as I could, so I saved it to the closed-circuit cloud I’d had set up between my laptop and cell. With Twilight’s approval, I shouldered my bag and we went out to see what Wiltshire was like post Cult Leader Reverend Revenant.

To put it frankly, shit was weird. To explain it, the familiar, haunted vibe of Wiltshire was all but nonexistent when we began our stroll through the streets. Of course I kept to the main roads since I had Twilight with me, but even when I glanced down shady alleys that had once held acquaintances of mine on a daily basis, I saw no one. People were still occasionally talking on the walkways, but the conversations I overheard were… Normal, if that makes any sense. There weren’t any whispers of drug deals or loose women. I heard nothing about the latest robbery or murder. There wasn’t so much as a peep about any underground affairs, and that freaked me the fuck out.

However, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Twilight’s first foray into my world. The first thing she noticed was that the air was of a much poorer quality on Earth than it was on Equus, and she had trouble getting her breath from time to time. We took things slow since she couldn’t really handle much at the moment, but with every breath she could spare, my wife was asking about all sorts of things. She asked why there were so many different types of cars, why they smelled so bad, why everything was pretty much monotoned, and why the people weren’t wearing coats despite it being somewhat cold. With my own coat around her shoulders, I explained what I could and how much of it I could possibly dig up, but Twilight wasn’t quite satisfied. I had to tide her over for as long as possible, but I just couldn’t handle the sheer volume of questions when they came.

We took our sweet time in getting to the Cop Shop, but when we got there, things were slow to say the least. Half of the desks that I could see were abandoned, and the few that had people working at them were just that: few. I strolled up to the reception desk with Twilight en tow.

“Excuse me, but could you tell me the whereabouts of a mister Alexander Graham?” I asked the receptionist lady politely.

She smiled brilliantly. “Mr. Reverend! You’ve finally returned from seclusion!”

I blinked at her. “... Do I know you?”

“Oh no sir, not personally, but I know you. Everyone knows you!” She chuckled happily, her eyes bright.

“... Riiight. So… About Graham…?”

“Oh, he was taken to a nursing home years ago. There was something about a disease that left him virtually paralyzed except for these little seizures he would have if anyone ever touched him. It was a real sad story, but he was gone before I worked here, so I never met him.”

I nodded. “I knew he was out of commission, I just didn’t know how badly. Thank you, Miss…?”

“Laura. Laura Bodewig. Can I ask you something, Mr. Reverend?” Laura requested.

“You just did.” I jested, slipping on the mask I had constructed from what felt like a long time ago. “You’re free to ask something else, though.”

She chuckled. “What they say about you is true; you really are a pleasant person to talk to. I was just going to ask if I could maybe shake your hand?”

I extended my hand through the bulletproof glass and offered it to her. She stared for a moment before shaking my it, her face painted in what seemed to be the most bizarre mix of eurekas (It’s a word, dammit) and abject horror. I gave her a winsome smile and waved. “I’ll be off then. Thank you for your help, Miss Bodewig.”

She stared at my arm until I took Twilight and left via teleportation, though I only did that so I could fuck with her. Twilight scolded me for acting like a child while we were floating in the realm betwixt, but I was too busy building up my counter-argument that would have her laughing her arse off after ten seconds. Due to that bullshit Covenant, my wife knew that I was neither feeling properly admonished nor repentful in any sense of the word and I got scolded for that in the span of about fifteen seconds before Twilight realized she wasn’t going to get anywhere before she let me say something.

She held me at arm’s length and gave me the sternest of looks. “Alright, it’s your turn, but I swear to- to-” For once, Twilight struggled to find a word. ”To whatever you hold dearest, that I will pinch the ever-loving afterlife out of your thing if you say something stupid!”

I cupped my lower head. “Your hostility is totally unnecessary, Twilight. Just talk to me, like… Fuck, woman. Talk to me like you used to when you were upset. To put things in a nice way, you’ve been… Scolding me,” There has never been a time where I’ve wanted to say nagging more, “more than peacefully communicating your feelings. When you ask me to do things, they get taken care of and I usually don’t hate it that much. When you na-” Fuck. “Er…”

Twilight took a deep breath. “I get it, Amour. I’ve been… On your case, shall we say, pretty hard the last couple of weeks. We can have a talk about that later, but right now, I want you to see that you probably just tore that poor woman’s understanding of reality apart!” Her shoulders sagged. “You can’t honestly tell me that you just don't care about the consequences of your actions anymore! It’s like you’ve just given up after...” After what?

…………………………………………………………. If there was a decent onomatopoeia for the sound of a sigh, it would go there. Right there. I sighed multiple times as I made the full-stops, and I sighed before answering my wife.

“I honestly don’t want to tell you that I don’t care, but…”

Twilight removed my hands from her arms and set them to my sides. “Why didn’t you tell me that Esteril was still hurting you?” She asked softly.

“I thought I could manage it on my own. I thought I was doing a good job.” I replied neutrally.

“... I don’t know what to say.”

I took a long moment to decide what to say. “I don’t know what to do. Taking time off helped, staying busy helped, and having you around helped. Maybe I need to get Esteril out of this place or maybe…”

Twilight just shook her head. “I’ve told you time and time again that you don’t deserve to hurt so badly after what you did to yourself for your crimes, Max.”

“I know.” I said softly.

Twilight swallowed hard. “I know you know.”

“I do.”

She gathered herself and looked me in the eye, the formerly bright violets of her eyes now dark, wine-like pools. “Say it.”

I looked down. “There’s no need. Some things don’t need to be spoken.”

“I think it needs to be said.”

“I don’t.”

There was a deep, loaded silence full of meaning, but I already knew what Twilight was talking about. I’ve known since she came to collect me from Otterwa , and I’ve been trying to deal with it for so long. I didn’t want her to say it. I wanted her to leave it alone, but I knew it’d been on her heart for weeks now and it might have been selfish of me, but I wished that she would shut up, that she would let it go and that she would just keep her mouth shut.

Twilight took a deep breath. “...I lied to you.”

I closed my eyes.

“Maximus, Out of the thousands of people I’ve met, I married a genocidal, homicidal, child-killing man with a heart that’s slowly hardening, no matter what I do. I love you Max, but...”

I spoke in ellipses.

“Say something, Max.” Twilight requested quietly.

I felt like I couldn’t breath. I didn’t want the next thing out of my mouth to be a sob. I couldn’t bear Twilight telling me that it was over, that the Covenant didn’t bond her as it bonded me. Shaking like a leaf in the wind, through sheer willpower I managed not to throw myself at her hooves and beg her not to leave my sorry, pathetic, tainted self.

Twilight lifted my chin and made me look her in the eyes. “You’re a not a good person, Max. You make decisions only a tyrant could make, but you can’t…” Twilight puffed and shook her head. “You can’t deal with your choices. You put up a good front most of the time, but I’m certain that at this point you’ve been flagellating yourself over every life you’ve taken. You make judgement calls like a cold-hearted bastard when you think you need to, but you can’t deal with the ache that it causes.”

I was steadily trying to blink back the flow of tears, but they came and went, carrying my words along with them. Twilight looked at me sadly. “Amour… I still love you. I know that despite the terrible things you’ve done, my Max is still here, and I think that’s a part of the reason why I’ve been chastising you so much lately. You’re starting to get colder, and I just don’t want to see that happen to you.” She bit her lip and thought for a minute. “Alright, I have a plan. Instead of getting on your case like you’re a bad child, I’m going to communicate to you how I feel and what actions I believe you should take to rectify the error. If you don’t think it’s a problem, we’ll talk about it peacefully, and if you still don’t agree that it’s a problem, then I’ll react accordingly until the desired result is reached.”

A wave of shock hit me, freeing me from my former despair. “... Did you just give me an ultimatum?”

My wife nodded. “I refuse to see you turn into Discord or Sombra. It stops here, Max. Your lean and lethal days end and your nonlethal streak begins as of this moment.”

“... You know I can’t refuse.” I whispered.

She looked at me, her eyes mixing sorrow and resolve into their depths. “You can if it’s what you want.”

“Not without making you miserable.”

“True.”

I looked at my hands, studying the pale skin, the cuticles of my nails, the scars on my knuckles. “...I’ve been fighting for so long, Twilight.”

She grabbed my hands and held them to her lips for a moment. “I’m not telling you to stop fighting, Max. I’m asking you to stop killing.”

For some reason, I just couldn’t comprehend that. I couldn’t understand the concept of living the rest of my life without ending someone else’s. Make no mistake; I garner no joy from killing in the slightest. I don’t like killing people, but I’ve accepted it as a necessary evil that I have to deal with from time to time, and it’s just so… Incongruous, I suppose, that I had to take a moment to think about whether or not I could even do that. However, anyone who knows me should have a sneaking suspicion as to what my answer was. If not, fuck you.

“... I vow to you that I won’t willingly kill another sentient being for as long as I live, Twilight. I- I… I’ll find another way to subdue my enemies.” I oathed.

My wife let out a deep breath before panting for a few seconds. I’d been quiet for some time and her lung capacity wasn’t all that great. “Max… You don’t know how much hearing you say that means to me.”

I gave her an unsteady smile. “Anything to make you happy.”

Her smile flickered. “I- I didn’t corner you, did I?”

“It’s… It’s okay. You’re right anyway.”

“... I just used your love to force you to do something I wanted you to do.” Twilight said numbly.

I wasn’t in any shape to sugarcoat harsh truths at the moment. “It’s okay though.” I replied dumbly.

“... Can we go home?” She asked.

“Yeah.”

And thus I pulled us into our bedroom. It was still night when we returned and we quickly got rid of the travel gear we’d packed. Twilight and I both lingered on our respective sides of the chamber, casting furtive glances at each other over the course of a few minutes. I was reeling from the proverbial kick to the bollocks that Twilight had just given me paired with the slap in the face. On Twilight’s end of the suffering, I could feel waves of regret, shame, disappointment, guilt, and a tinge of happiness all rolling off Twilight in alternating patterns. They cycled through each other and blended on occasion, making me want to go over and comfort my wife and seek comfort for myself. My heart welled up with the combined weight of my pain and Twilight’s as I felt a familiar, disgusting Magic fill the air. I grit my teeth as my heart pounded, closed my lips as tightly as I could possibly get them, but it was meant to be.

As the final notes escaped my lips, I saw the song in a new light. It didn’t make me feel any better by a long shot. In fact, all it had done was tell Twilight that I felt like she’d exposed my deepest secrets and was hurting me terribly, which I wouldn’t have fucking done. As it was, Twilight was now bawling her Goddamn eyes out because bullshit fucking Goddamn stupid arse Song Magic made me spill my feelings. I felt like a fucking fool. As Twilight’s husband, it was still my duty to hold and to comfort her, even if it was me who poured salt in the wound in the first place, but when I approached, Twilight erected a barrier and sank to the floor. I placed my hand on the translucent wall and had a seat as close to her as I could get, trying to be there for her and failing miserably.

Twilight cried for awhile, and when she went from wailing to sobbing, I knew that it was going to be awhile longer before she calmed down. Even then it wasn’t guaranteed that we would share a bed for the rest of the night. That thought was cast out like a pariah when I saw that the Sun was already on the rise, leaving us with around an hour to wrap up the mess that was our first day as newlyweds.

It was a fucking disaster. Eventually the time came for us to start our normal duties, but Twilight was still sitting on the floor, despondent and unresponsive. I started sending out letters to our inner circle to shoulder our burden for the day so Twilight could take some time to recuperate. I myself was feeling like Tirek had vigorously used me as a doormat while equipped with cleated horse shoes, but I had to keep things moving, so after getting Castle affairs sorted, I asked Twilight if she wanted to see any of our friends, but she said she just wanted to be alone for a little while before teleporting off to God knows fucking where. With Twilight gone, it was up to me to keep Arcadia on solid footing, so I wasted no time in getting myself to the Court Hall and giving out orders. My Guard and Operative paperwork was to be brought to the Court Hall so I could tackle that while dealing with the usual rabble, and Twilight’s paperwork was added to it as well.

In between bullshit hearings that I didn’t give a singular fuck about, I flew through my stacks and started working on Twilight’s when the day was halfway through. I’d already been at it for six hours when I finished my workload, but my wife’s stack of papers was at least fifty percent higher than mine. It was a brutal way to get shit done, but there just wasn’t really another choice. Of course I had a fucktonne of challengers come for Twilight’s love and my title, but I sent them off by telling them that I would break their legs the next time they came to my Castle with such bullshit. A couple of dumb fuckers thought I was full of hot air. A couple dumb fuckers were escorted out of my Castle with shattered kneecaps.

Did I mention that my patience was at an all time low?

I never realized just how much Twilight had to deal with until I saw it for myself. The grass really wasn’t greener on her side, but I can’t really say that what I deal with is easier by comparison. Without a doubt, Twilight’s workload sucks more than mine does (To me) because Twilight likes bureaucracy. She likes proper paperwork and being alerted to every little mishap. I, on the other hand, trust my Heads of Staff to know what the fuck they’re doing and generally try not to micromanage anything other than combat training. Our styles of management are just too different, to put it bluntly.

For the thousandth time, I sighed as I signed my name at the bottom of a needlessly wordy paper as the final plaintiff came to voice their dissent. I was hoping that whoever it was wouldn’t be challenger number eighty-one since we already had a nice round number going on, but eighty-one is nine squared, so I wouldn’t be all that upset. I like numbers sometimes. Get over it.

As I was saying, the last person to come in for the day was a man with a beard so matted and scarred and a face so ugly, I thought he’d been disfigured in some horrible blender accident. I withheld judgement on him since I didn’t know what he was going to present, but I knew there was something off about the guy. Just… Off, I guess. I couldn’t put my finger on it. The guy didn’t seem dangerous or anything, but his apparel looked like he’d totally disregarded the fact that he was coming to see Royalty. I mean, the dude looked like he’d come straight from fixing up a car or something since he was wearing a jumper covered in burns, grease, and the occasional shaving of metal. His boots even seemed to be steel toes, though what kind of heavy machinery there was in Ponyland, I couldn’t find a reasonable guess. I also wondered why the sole of one boot was ten or so centimeters taller than the other, but it didn’t seem that important.

That’s when I realized he had proper feet.

While that fact was striking me across the face, the fellow coughed a couple of times and waved. “Yo.”

I waved back. “Sup?”

He shrugged. “Figured I should come and meet you. You’re Maximus, right?”

“I am.” I answered eloquently. “Most people would call me Prince Maximus, but It’s not like I’m going to press the issue.”

“Good. Titles are for fools and pompous jackasses anyway.” The fellow snorted and spat on my floor.

“I live here, mate. Don’t spit on my floors.” I requested.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a greasy rag before dropping it on the floor and cleaning his saliva with his foot, making a large black mark of my formerly slate tiles. “Sorry. I tend to forget the house trainin’ when I’m out of the shop.”

“It’s fine. Speaking of words and such, are you a God or a Human?”

“Does it matter?” He asked irritably.

“Not really. You seem cool enough as is.” I replied casually.

“That’s because I am, Chosen One.” He smirked. I think. It was hard to tell, dude was that fucking ugly.

I tilted my head. “So you’re a god. Judging from what I know of you, I’m guessing you’re Hephaestus?”

He nodded. “Call me Festus. It’s less of a mouthful.”

“Festus it is, then. Call me Max.”

“Will do, kid. Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, we can get to why I’m here.” Festus scratched his beard and I saw literal sparks fly.

“I’ll admit, you’ve got most of my attention at the moment.”

He gave me a look. “A god comes to talk to you and only gets most of your attention?”

“Mate, I just had a fight with my wife last night and she’s fucking AWOL right now. I’d be a loon if I wasn’t at least a little worried about her right now.”

“Tch. At least your wife isn’t sleepin’ around on you with your brother.” Festus muttered.

“Ares and Aphrodite are still pulling that shit?” I asked incredulously.

“Like clockwork.” He sighed. “I barely even care anymore. Aphrodite is the mother of whores anyway.”

“Love and lust do go hand in hand.”

“Bitches, man.” Festus groaned. “Whatever, I’m here to ask you for a favour.”

“You’ve won some points with me already. Whatcha need?”

“I need your left arm.”

I chuckled. “I guess the alcohol in Olympus must be strong.”

“It’s cute that you think I’m kidding.”

“... Alright, my left arm happens to be my favourite limb, actually.”

Festus shrugged. “I’ll replace it if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“How about we just not take it and it’s all good?”

He spread his hands. “Look, I need your left arm because The Big Guy told me to get it. All I know is that you pissed him off somethin’ fierce, and if I don’t want to spend the next fifty thousand years in Hell with Satan and Beelzebub as my tormentors, I gotta get it.”

“Wait, God Himself told you to take back the gift he gave me?”

Festus lifted up his right hand. “I swear on the River Styx that I’m not lyin’ to ya, kid. If you come quietly, we can make this pretty damn painless.”

I pulled myself to the space between the dimensions and floated for a bit.

Hephaestus appeared in front of me.

I teleported to Noir.

Hephaestus appeared next to her.

I prepared to go anywhere else.

Hephaestus caught me by the arm. “You’re not comin’ quiet-like.”

I looked at his hand. “In all fairness, would you really want to have your arm cut off?”

“No, but-”

I punched him in the nose and Noir spun around to look at what was going on, but that was the last I saw before I was lifted into the air by my throat and slammed onto a table in a place I’d never been before. Straps came from nowhere and held me down, limiting my movement and what I could see. The ceiling above me had a hanging light that wasn’t too bright, but what worried me the most was the look on Festus’ face when he loomed over me.

“Cheap shot, kid.”

“Sure there’s not a chance we could talk this out?” I asked in a small voice.

“Pretty sure. I’ll try to make this quick, but remember this: you’re the one who had to take the painful route.” He shook his head as he walked away.

“Wait! Isn’t that pretty much up to you!? Mate! Come on!” I struggled against my bonds to no avail.

Festus came back and put a hand on my preferred arm. “It’ll take less than two minutes to get you sorted, and I already made you something nice as an apology, so let’s just get this over with.”

I stared at him wide eyed, pure terror running through my veins. “Festus, don’t do-”

He raised his arm and I saw a rounded bronze cleaver gleam in the low light of wherever we were. The cleaver fell and… It’s hard to write about. Even looking at my new arm now, it’s hard to accept. Festus’ cleaver cut through my arm as a hot knife does butter and pain laced my entire left side. I couldn’t feel anything below the midway point of my bicep, and I’m still thankful that I wasn’t allowed to see what it looked like. I did, however, feel the hot, viscous blood soak my side as I started going into shock, but before I could reach that oh-so-sweet state, Festus jammed something into the bloody stump that had once held, and let me fucking tell you. It was like someone had drilled through my arm when it was whole and had somehow poured plasma into the newly made tube. I knew my arm was gone, but I couldn’t even think straight while the torment carried on.

Then, as suddenly as it had came, the intense burning was replaced by a numbing coolness that spread from my bicep up to my shoulder and down to my fingertips. I balled my left hand into a fist and it felt… STRANGE. Like, it felt as though my fingers were the texture of a finely woven fabric, but it really made no sense to me at all. I I felt two rings slip onto my index and ring finger on my right hand before I opened my eyes after realizing that I hadn’t actually gone blind. Festus was standing over me, giving me a tight smile.

“Worst two minutes of your life, right?” He asked.

“Top five.”I breathed.

He gave me an odd look. “Your life must suck.”

“Made it worse.” I closed my eyes again.

Festus patted my chest and I felt the restraints slide off of me. After catching my breath, I sat up and looked at him before saying, “I’m going to fuck your life up for this.”

“I wouldn’t expect much less from ya, kid. It’s not every day someone just up and chops your arm off.”

I’d avoided looking at it until that point. When I did, I couldn’t help but curl my lip. “My life is wrapped plastics and classics. Fucking fantastic.”

“I coulda gave you a model that doesn’t have touch or heat sensors.” Festus shot back.

I lifted the mostly black and silver monstrosity. “Fucking forgive me if I’m not thrilled about losing both my arm and my Magic.”

Festus tilted his head. “You still got the Magic, kid. Hell, with the Arcane Streamliners I put in that model, you should be running at full capacity in no time.”

I continued staring at it. “... It’s just not the same.” I uttered.

He laid a consoling hand on my shoulder. “I know, kid. I know.” He pulled off one of his gloves and shoved his sleeve up to show me that he had a bronze arm of his own. “Trust me, yours hurt less than mine did.”

I just stared at him. “Why would you ever put someone through this, knowing full well what it feels like?”

“My life’s on the line. A man’s gotta do what he’s gotta do to survive. I know you gotta know that.” Hephaestus reached down and picked up a duffel bag. “Stick around and we’ll talk some more, alright? Don’t gotta be here.”

“In all honesty, I’d just like to go home right now.”

“Just not in the cards for ya, kid. Athena wants to talk to ya too, so…” He trailed off and shrugged. “If it makes ya feel any better, I’m real sorry about this, kid. If I didn’t have to, I wouldn’ta done it.”

I stared at the duffel bag for a few more moments. “... Just go.”

He nodded and flashed out with a few sparks, so I looked around his shop for a bit. It seemed to be your typical mechanic’s place with a couple of lifts and everything, but it was the things on those lifts that were noteworthy. One held an automaton of a golden Dragon (A quadrupedal one) that was staring at me intently. I met its stare until it fucking blinked and looked away: something I found unsettling. I looked to the other lift and saw that there was what seemed to be a fusion between a chariot and a motorcycle. It was an interesting combination and it seemed to be an automobile of some sort since there wasn't a place to hitch anything to it.

I turned my attention to some of the weapons lining the rafter and walls, but they were mostly made of that same bronze material that the cleaver had been made of, and I didn’t really want to think about that. I kept looking around and saw many marvels that I don’t know how to describe. I can say that it was a fucking trip to see a place that was such a mix between modern and ancient, as the two were nearly indecipherable from each other. Hephaestus truly was one talented bastard, but my mild admiration of him was well tempered by the dormant fury that was pounding at the back of my head. I wanted Hephaestus to suffer for what he fucking did to me, but I couldn’t overpower him.

Yet.

After having a good look around the shop, I closed my eyes and avoided the inevitable for a few more seconds before I lifted my left hand to my face. The fingers were slightly warm to the touch and I could feel the smoothness of my cheek with them, but it… It just wasn’t the same. It wasn’t my hand, my fingers, my warmth. I pulled the alien machination away from my cheek and looked at it. My ‘skin’ was made of a mesh so fine, I could barely make it out, even with my advanced sight. The metallic plates that were placed on the spaces between joints flexed and moved as I tried my hand out, but when I tried to check the range of motion on my wrist, it did a complete fucking one-eighty and I just…

How do you deal with that? How the fuck do you just get used to having a robot arm when you had a normal one not even ten minutes ago? I rotated my wrist back to its original position by willing it to do so, but it just completed the circle and freaked me out a little more. I decided to stop getting worked up over my hand and chose to start getting worked up over the rest of my arm. Most of the plates that made up the arm were a matte black that drew in light, but underneath, I could see cords and coils that were made of silver and gold. There was more silver than gold, but it was balanced in a way that made the piece look better, now that I think about it. At the moment, I didn’t give a shit about the tasteful navy blue accents or the marvelous engineering that went into making something that blended high-technology with high-Magic.

Hephaestus returned with a sigh and came over to the table that I was still sitting on. “Have some time to cool off a bit?”

“I’ve heard it’s unwise to threaten a god.” I replied evenly.

“It generally is, but I ain’t exactly most gods, kid. Unlike most of em, I was raised by modest folk until I came back to Olympus, so I understand the value of revenge. If you can get it, go for it, but don’t expect me to lie down and take it.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

He nodded. “Not a chance I could buy your peace, is there?”

I looked at him like he was fucking spastic. “What could you possibly offer me that would smooth over the fact you cut my bloody arm off?”

“Most people would say that getting an arm with Stygian Iron, Imperial Gold, Styx Silver, Celestial Bronze, and Cretian Cobalt is payment enough.”

“Those people probably didn’t lose their dominant hand.”

“Ah. Shit. Well, I could make ya something. Ya want a nice sword with some cool enchantments?”

“I have a sword. It cuts. That’s all I need a sword to do.”

“I could make ya a sword that would only cut what ya really wanted to cut. And it could set stuff on fire too.” He wiggled his brows.

“If you made me a weapon, it’d have to be something I can use without killing someone.” I said blandly.

Festus looked interested. “A challenge then. I’ll do it.”

I gave him a look. “Mate, weapons are meant to kill people. That’s why they’re weapons.”

“Eh, gimme a couple a’ days, kid, and I’ll have somethin’ worthy of note for ya.”

“Unless you’re giving me my fleshy arm back, I don’t really care to have whatever it is.”

“No can do. I’ll be sure to keep your new thing in the same range as your usual color scheme.”

“Lovely.”

“You betcher ass it is.” He said triumphantly. “Athena’s coming closer so she’s probably going to figure out that you’re in here soon enough. Any questions about the arm?”

I sighed. “If it’s here to stay, I might as well learn some shit about it.”

“That’s the spirit, kid. Now listen here…” He went on to explain a lot of shit that I kinda paid attention to. I wasn’t really in the mood to listen to him, but I tried anyway and found out that I could do a few extra things with my new hand.

For example, I could break most boulders with ease, and if my body could bear the strain, I could basically lift whatever I wanted as long as I didn’t damage the place where metal met flesh and bone. It wouldn’t be a problem anyway since the arm was attached via a probe in the bone, but it was still something to look out for. Apparently my punches could be ‘charged’, as it were, by the advent of a piston that made up the majority of the weight in it. Festus had me approach the gold Dragon and cock my arm back like I was going to punch it with killing intent, and as my arm went back, the piston slid out more and more. When I was fully prepared to throw a punch, the piston was sticking out of my forearm diagonally by about sixteen or so centimeters. Festus told me to throw the punch and I looked at the Dragon. It looked back at me like it knew I was about to do something stupid, but I was curious as to what would happen.

I threw my punch with some gusto and was fucking thrown forward by the sheer force of the blow. Almost instantaneously there were these ‘air brakes’ (Festus’ words, not mine) ejecting up and down the length in my arm, growing in size the higher they went. Festus explained that since I’d put everything I had behind the punch, all of the brakes had shot up. If I threw a softer punch, I could throw more of them before I had to wait for the brakes to return to their operating positions. It was a simple enough system, all things said.

Festus also explained some special tricks I could do now, so that was cool. Most of them were sexual, so cool is an adequate word. He also explained that my Seal was NOT pre-carved into the back of my hand. Turns out, he had actually left the space blank so my seal would have a place to form. The arm is magical as fuck, if you haven’t caught that by now. He showed me the Seal on his own arm, which consisted of a blacksmith’s hammer crossed with a pair of tongs over an anvil. It was a simple design, but it explained what he was all about. He went on to explain that the Seal on the arm facilitated faster enchanting and decreased the time it took to size Seals and would probably amplify whatever enchantment I loaded into it.

Despite all the nifty little quirks and whizzimabobs, I just wasn’t feeling the arm. I still wanted to deck Festus, I still wanted to go cuss God out for making Festus cut off my fucking arm, and I still didn’t like the fact that a part of me, a part of who I am was removed and replaced so… Easily. It boggles my mind how quickly my life went to shit after riding the high that was my wedding day. Fucking Christ, just look at the contrast! I was on Cloud-fucking-Nine and now I have to change up my whole combat style, Twilight’s somewhere between Equus and the Goddamn Moon, and I’ve been fucking mutilated! At this point, I was wondering if I should just duck out of Equestrian affairs with Twilight and go live with Uror or something and avoid having my dick cut off and replaced with a rubber chicken.

“Not sellin’ ya on the arm, am I?” Festus asked.

I gave him a dull look. “It’s neat-o, Buster Brown.”

He rolled his eyes. “It’ll come in handy more often than not That wasn’t a pun, it was experience talkin’.”

I just shook my head and sighed. “So how long has Athena been here?”

Festus shrugged. “Since I explained the drill function. You wanna talk to her now?”

“I’m just surprised that she’s been waiting until we were done. I figured she would be interested.”

“I have listened to enough of Hephaestus’ lectures to know the gist.” Athena said drily from behind me.

He scoffed. “You don’t even get the difference between a washer and a nut. At least this kid knows what a ballistic fist is.”

Athena walked around me to form a triangle between the three of us. “The ramblings of a mad genius are still ramblings.”

Festus looked at me. “And with that, I got some better shit to be doin’ right now. Holler if ya ever need somethin’, kid.”

I nodded and he went deeper into his shop to go fiddle with himself or something. I didn’t pay that much attention to him since Athena was saying, “We have made a little progress in our endeavors, Chosen One.”

I raised my brows. “Good to hear. How much progress have we made?”

“Between myself and Son Goku, we have managed to sway many of the neutral parties and minor gods towards voting Discord back into the Heavens.” She smiled.

“So how close does that put us to having Discord back where he belongs?”

“At this rate, it will only be a hundred or so more years before we can start gaining favour from the major gods.” Her smile widened.

“Yeah, no, I need you to work ninety-nine years faster.”

“... I beg your pardon?”

“You’re forgetting that I’m a Prince, Athena. I help run a country, and I’m currently at war. I don’t have a hundred years to spare.”

Athena scowled. “What would you have me do? Marshaling favour is not a quick process when one is dealing with Discord.”

I sighed hard. “I… Fuck. Well, you tried.”

She crossed her arms and glared at me. “There is no try. I am succeeding in my plight, regardless of your ridiculous standards!”

“Have you been telling people that the Chosen One wants Discord back in the Heavens?”

Athena pursed her lips. “... I suppose that would motivate the gods a touch.”

“Give it a shot and see how far you get. If you need another one of my Seals or something, let me know.”

She flashed me the back of her right hand. “I still have the first one. It will do.”

“Good. Is there a reason for me to be here anymore?”

“Few Humans get a chance to visit the Heavens.”

“I can come whenever I want. Today’s not the day.”

Athena blinked. “How would you manage such a feat?”

“That’s for me to know and for you to think about on your own time. I’m gonna go drink myself into a stupor.” I reached through the dimensions and pulled myself into my liquor closet.

After a very thorough and extremely judicious decision, I grabbed a bottle of brown and a bottle of clear before heading for the cabinet of crystal in my study. I stood in front of it for all of two seconds before my left hand shattered the bottle it was holding. I’d been aware that I was exerting pressure, but I didn’t realize just how much I’d been putting into squeezing the bottle. Since I didn’t want to bother with the mess, I called Jovia out of my Signet Ring and she oozed out. She commented on my new arm since it was glaringly obvious due to the lack of a sleeve on that side, but I didn’t feel like explaining that my day had gone from bad to worse in the worst of ways. My favourite little ghosty gal cleaned up my mess dutifully and asked me if I needed anything else. I asked her to stick around for a little while as I unscrewed the surviving bottle of white liquor.

“Master, I don’t believe consuming so much at once is a good thing.” Jovia said as I was chugging me some booze.

I took a break and burped. “I need a drink. I have a drink. You’re my drinking buddy.”

“But Master, I can’t drink!”

“You don’t have to.” I started in on the bottle again.

Jovia phased a finger through the neck and stopped the flow. “This is not healthy. Where is Mistress Twilight?”

“Fuck if I know. She’ll come back when she’s ready.”

The Poltergeist gave me a look befitting of a woman from any given time period. “Go after her and stop trying to drown yourself.”

“Nah.” I tried to dislodge her finger from the bottle.

Her hand just move along with the bottle. “Master Maximus!”

“What do you want me to do, Jovia?” I asked irritably. “I don’t want to talk to fucking anyone right now and it’s killing me that you think my problems are just going to be solved by running to Twilight arms. Not this time, Jovia. Not this time.” I sighed.

She kept her finger in my bottle and had me explain what all had occurred between myself and Twilight, and then I went on to explain why my arm was made of metal. Jovia let me have my drink after that and kept me company for a few minutes before floating off to go find Kurama so she could see if the Foxmother could soothe my aching soul. I doubted it, but as I breached the three-quarter point on my bottle, Aurum and Kurama came in through the door to my study and judged me with their eyes.

“I see you’re making progress.” Aurum snorted.

“Sure am.” I slurred, stoppering my bottle.

“You’re not going to keep drinking? I was under the impression that one carries on until the bottle is empty.” Kurama commented.

“You’d think so.” I sighed. “Can I help you?”

“It’s been brought to our attention that you’re entering a spiral.” Kurama said kindly. “We would like to ask if there is anything we can do to help you feel better.”

“Wanna drink?”

Aurum snorted again. “Be miserable on your own. Just be sure to get your head out of your dirt-hole before tomorrow.”

“I’ll fucking punch you, mate.” I snarled.

He bore his teeth at me. “Try me, Human.”

I held up my left arm. “I’m officially more dangerous than you without a weapon, kitty. Put your claws away before I hurt you.”

Kurama’s tails danced across Aurum’s coat. “Do not allow Maximus to irritate you so, Aurum. He is hurting and drunk.”

Aurum shook his mane. “True enough. I can give it a pass for now.” He turned around and left the room, leaving me to talk to Kurama.

She came over to my desk and sat in front of it. “Lashing out will get you nowhere, Maximus.”

“Fuck off.”

Kurama’s tails flickered and she looked to my arm. “That is not your natural arm. It smells of blood, metals, and chemicals.”

“No shit.”

“This is a part of the reason you are upset, is it not?”

“It’s about a third of it at this point. The rest of it is Twilight and war stuff.”

Kurama walked through my desk and laid a paw on my arm. “A piece of you has been taken and replaced. I imagine that your mental state is suffering for it.”

“Sure is.”

“... It is odd. How do you feel about having this new thing?”

“Violated. Violated to the very core of my being. A part of who I am was stolen from me and replaced with something so casually…” I shuddered. I wanted nothing more than to lay down and go to sleep.

Kurama picked up on it. “Sleep on the matter and take a day to collect yourself, Maximus. You will come to accept this for what is.” Fuck that, I’m staying drunk.

I looked at my new hand. “... How?”

“You will adapt, as all rulers must do. This is only the beginning of a new chapter, my Prince, and you will soon see the boons that come with your new arm.”

“I’m having a hard time seeing the benefits to losing something I was born with.”

She sighed. “Dwelling on it will do you no favours, but I can’t imagine what you are going through right now. I suggest that you take the time to rest and properly sort yourself out.”

I shook my head. “I… I just need some time.” I muttered.

Kurama phased back through my desk on her way back to her original position. “That you do. I will return in the morning to see how you are doing.”

I nodded. “Cool.”

She gave me a lingering look before leaving, and from there, I sent myself off to bed. After taking the time to wash off the blood that had stained my side and the area around the place where flesh met metal, I came out of the restroom to smoke a couple of bowls of my usual stuff and laid down, allowing the void to take me when it found the time to collect my consciousness.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next morning saw me waking up to mild pain in my left arm. I had to work it and loosen the joints for a little while, but after that, it was fine. I let my Head of Staff know that both ruling parties were going to be out of it for the day and spent my morning writing in my journal, trying to get caught up. Once I found a good point to pause, I sat in my study for a little while and let my mind reach a wonderfully blank state. It was good for a moment of relief, but afterwards, my first thought was that I needed to find Twilight before something happened to her.

As I pulled myself to her, I grabbed the pendant Twilight gave me so long ago and waited through a brief trip through the other dimension until I zooped into existence next to her. My wife was currently in the Crystal Castle, specifically in the Dining Hall. She looked at me when I popped in and our eyes met for a moment. Her eyes closed and she sighed, looking down at her lap. I had a seat next to her and looked around for Cadance and Shining. I saw them to the left of Twilight and waved awkwardly with a tight smile. Shining nodded and Cadance gave me a pained smile in return, so I figured that they knew the score.

“Cherry.” I said softly.

Twilight grimaced. “Yes?”

“I need you right now.”

“... Does it have anything to do with why I couldn’t feel you for a couple hours yesterday?”

“Probably.” I gave her a sad smile.

She closed her eyes. “Max, I… I need to apologize. I never should have said any of that. It was… It was cruel.”

“You spoke your mind. I can’t hold a grudge against you for that.”

My wife looked at me, her eyes full of pain. “But you’ll never forget what I said and I doubt that you’ll just be able to brush it off. I didn’t need to say anything about that. I just needed to ask you for a promise, but I just had to go and abuse your love… Max, how can you even bear to look at me right now?”

“Because I’m not mad at you and I don’t really have a reason to be. You said some hurtful things that upset me and ditched me, but you needed to get it off of your chest and get some time away. I get it.”

Twilight looked at me. “... I know you do, but I’m having a hard time with it, Max. It was just… How could I do something like that to you?”

I shrugged. “Worse has happened since then.”

“... Max, that was literally yesterday morning. What could have possibly been worse than that barring something to do with The War in such a short span of time?” She asked, fearing the answer.

I glanced at my left hand, covered in bandages as it was and Twilight’s eyes followed mine. “Oh! Did you get hurt?” She asked worriedly.

I pursed my lips. “Yeah. And I got some bad news, but it’s mostly the arm right now.”

Twilight reached for my hand tentatively. “What happened? Is- Are you okay?”

“Physically yes. I’ll be fine.”

She went to touch my hand and I drew it away, offering her my right one. Twilight took notice. “... Did you get burned? Cursed? Withered?”

I sighed. “None of them. I don’t really want to talk about it, Twilight.”

Concern etched her countenance. “I would really appreciate it if you would show me what happened, Max.”

I rubbed my arm insecurely and looked away from her. “It’s… It’s too soon, Twilight. Not yet.”

She touched the mechanical abomination and I shuddered hard, jerking away from her. “Amour…”

I swallowed my disgust. “I’m okay.”

“You’re really not.” She sighed. “I’m in no position to ask anything of you right now…”

“... You can always ask.” I murmured. “No matter what.”

Twilight gently touched my arm once more and I couldn’t stop the shivering, though I did manage to stay in place. “If we go home, will you tell me what happened?”

I swallowed again. “I’ll try.”

She removed her hand and nodded before looking toward Shining and Cadance. After rising and telling them that she was grateful for their hospitality and understanding, she asked them to be on standby for a Royal Family Meeting and came over to teleport us back home. Once we were in our chambers, Twilight gently prodded me for information and I told her bits and pieces at a time until she got the whole picture. It was just too difficult for me to say what had gone on all at once, but Twilight now knew that I had a radically different arm and was trying to simultaneously console me for my loss and express her remorse over saying unnecessary things. I told her to stop what she was doing and to just let me hold her for a little while, and she granted me that kindness.

I embraced Twilight for a few hours, never touching her with my left arm since it was just too much for me to handle. With the bandages on it, I could tolerate having it around, but they slipped from time to time until Twilight used some magic to make them stay in place. She also made them more waterproof, which was nice of her. Twilight still wanted to see what had happened to my arm, but I wasn’t prepared to show it to anyone quite yet. The thing just made me feel as though I wasn’t whole, like I was missing a piece of myself that made me… Well, me. I tried not to stare at the abomination, but I knew that Twilight wanted to see for herself just what I was so ashamed to show anyone. I tried explaining to her that it was effectively a symbol of weakness for me and that I just didn’t want to think about it, but my wife just wanted to be there for me when she knew I was suffering, and I appreciated that.

Twilight and I spent most of our day off trying to patch ourselves up. It sucked, but I managed to get Twilight to feel a little bit better about using love to get what she wanted and I got my journals written with my new hand. My writing was neater and I was able to go on autopilot for a few paragraphs, just letting my thoughts flow into my hand and allowing it to carry out the actions as they came. I didn’t like using it, so I’ve been writing these last few paragraphs with my right hand, which is why things are a little sloppier than usual. I just don’t like using my left hand anymore, and it’s a good thing I can fight with my right, otherwise I’d be killing people with overpowered punches.

At five thirty-two, Twilight had finally convinced me to let her see my arm. I didn’t look as I removed the bandages, and when she was done examining it, she used Magic to rewrap it for me. Twilight remained silent for a good while.

“... Amour…”

I grit my teeth and took a few deep breaths to quell the aftershocks of the panic attack before answering. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“... It’s magnificent.” She whispered, awed beyond comprehension. I could sense her mind working to unravel the secrets that Festus’ work held, and I imagined that she was drawing certain comparisons to my world from the one anime I showed her. In my defense, Full Metal Alchemist was damn good. Yeah, shit’s obvious if you’re from the Human world, but I’m not blonde, I’m taller than most of the people I meet these days, my brother is older than me and never actually died, and I can’t transmute shit, so don’t compare me to that irritable little fucker.

“It’s not stuck on you.” I tried to keep the venom out of my voice, but I was feeling like Bitrex personified.

My wife placed her hand on my back. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, you’re just voicing your opinion. I have no excuse for talking to you like that.” I replied.

Twilight placed her head on my shoulder and hugged Festus’ little ‘gift’. “It’s a part of you now, Amour. It’s going to be hard to get used to, but it won’t be this jarring forever.”

I wanted to tell her that she didn’t have to fucking live with it, but I managed to halt myself before I took another shot at her. “You don’t understand, Twilight. It’s… I don’t know how to describe it.”

“You’re right. I don’t understand. I do however, love you enough to tell you that you need some time to normalize. Meditate for awhile, center yourself, feel the way your arm reacts to your attention. If you don’t try to get used to it, you never will.”

I heard the truth in her words. “... I’ll give it a try if you let me go.”

“You’ve got to get used to me touching it some time.”

“Now’s not that time.”

She let go, though she held my hand and that irritated me. It was better than the other thing, but still. “I can give you a little time to yourself if you want.”

“If I needed more time alone, I would’ve wouldn’t have come for you. If you don’t mind sticking around for awhile longer, I’d like you to stay while I meditate.”

Twilight gave me a small, genuine smile. “I don’t mind at all, Amour.”

I thanked her and we took to our bed to sit back to back for awhile. Twilight decided to try catching up her diary while I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing for three breaths, drowning out all other sensations other than Twilight’s warmth. When I found myself in tune with my surroundings, I reversed my attention from outward to inward and took stock of what I felt. It was odd to me that I could now sense each of my different types of Magic, but what was even more surprising was that the auric brilliance my God-given Magicks put off was nearly matched by Festus’ creation. Granted, they all felt different and the density of the power in the God-given Magicks was far greater than the arm’s, but the intensity of the ‘light’ was quite close.

I tried probing into the arm to feel what it was made of with my mind as I’d done before when it was still made of flesh, and found that the non-visible components of the contraption were so incredibly complex, I was shunted out and my attention was forced outside of my body. I had been kicked out of my meditative trance, and that had given me a headache like no other and a gushing nosebleed, just to make things better. After I got cleaned up, I told Twilight what happened and she apologized profusely for getting me hurt, but I waved her off and told her that it was my own fault for not actually doing what she suggested. She still felt bad, but I gently admonished her for it due to the fact that it really just wasn’t her fault. When my logic was all on the table, Twilight kinda had to accept it for what it was and we moved on.

With that experience out of the way, I tried meditating again and didn’t try to focus in on the arm too hard this time. I did try and test its vibe, but it reacted like my right arm did, telling me that it was under my control. The Magic in the arm was unfamiliar to me in a strange way. I’ve seen and felt a lot of different Magic, but that in the arm felt like it was… Languid, would be a good word, as compared to the usual high-energy quality that other Magicks possess. I couldn’t do anything with it, so I tried to analyze it, but I felt a familiar pressure start quickly forming in my head and abandoned that train of thought. There wasn’t much I could figure out about the arm, so I just tried to focus on integrating it and its Magic into my core. The process was easy and damn near seamless, but I could still feel the place where man met machine and it just felt awful.

I sighed, slipping out of my meditation and Twilight took notice. “That didn’t sound like a happy sigh.”

“I got the thing regulated with my flow, but I can still feel where I stop and it starts, Twilight. It’s not natural.”

“It’ll get better, Amour. You just have to give it some time before things can get better.”

I sighed again. “I know. Care to join me for a bowl?”

“It’s better than having you drink yourself into a stupor.” Twilight remarked flatly.

“I lost an arm and you were nowhere to be found, under duress thousands of miles away. I needed a drink.” I replied darkly.

“... Just please don’t make a habit of it.” Twilight requested softly.

I shifted around so I was laying down next to Twilight, looking up at her. “I don’t like dealing with the hangover. Plus, I get kinda grouchy when I drink all the time.”

She rubbed my chest for a few moments as she answered. “And it makes your breath stink. Stinky breath means no kisses.”

I cracked a small smile. “I know what you’re doing.”

“Do you want kisses or not?”

“I dunno. I could lend you one if you want it that bad.” I said, giving in.

“Why, I happen to know that I have the softest lips in all of Equestria! You should be groveling for a chance to place your lips upon mine!”

I sat up and scooted back a bit so I was still next to Twilight. “O’ fair Princess, hallowed be thy name! Let thine merciful whims bless mine evening with their ways and lend themselves to a kiss to be shared!”

My wife beamed. “Handsome Prince, art thou truly such a lecher? To steal the virtue of mine lips and call it a simple flight of fancy!”

I cupped her face with my right hand. “Thine brands I would bear for but a kiss, fair Princess. Perhaps thou couldst consider that which my heart holds for you as you decide?”

Twilight rolled her eyes and held my hand to her face. “Such tenderness from a barbarian is uncommon to be sure. Mayhap I will entertain thine wishes?”

I smirked, enjoying the game. “Mayhap I ask for this not for mine self, but for thee?”

“Oh? Pray tell, how couldst this possibly be for I?”

“To what point is there to have the softest lips if no one experiences them? Who shall sing thine praises when nary a soul has known your embrace!?”

She giggled and kissed me. “That was for playing along.”

I gave her a weary smile. “It was the least that I could do.”

“Amour, you don’t owe me anything. In fact, I owe you. A lot.”

“You’ll never owe me anything other than an apology, Twilight.”

“So I can’t be in debt with kisses anymore?”

I gave her a look. “Use your common sense, woman. You’re always going to be at least three kisses behind on your next payment.”

“I could give you six now as an advance.” Twilight teased playfully.

I just smiled at her. “Thank you.”

Twilight smiled back lovingly. “You’re welcome. It’s just easier to show you that I love you when we’re having fun.”

I gave her a longer, meaningful kiss. I hoped that it expressed my forgiveness and acceptance of her harsh truths, but I don’t know if Twilight received the message or not. I do know that when she pulled away, I wasn’t expecting her to say, “I’m sorry I lied to you, Max. Even if I only did it to help you, I shouldn’t have lied to you.”

“I understand, Twilight. Maybe you should just work on sugarcoating things in a less obvious way?” I offered her a meek smile.

She chuckled. “I’ll try. I love you, Maximus, and nothing will ever change that.”

“I love you too, Twilight. The same is true for me.”

She gave me a hug and I returned it before we split up and prepared for bed. I was glad that my night clothes included sleeves, but I was mostly thinking about the fucktonne of paperwork I was going to have to deal with upon my return. Explaining the new arm was going to be tough, and it was going to be a load of suck to deal with in the future, but at least I knew that Twilight was working just as hard as I was to accept it as a new part of our lives. That’s the main reason I haven’t just detached the thing and let it lie somewhere in a volcano: Twilight doesn’t hate it and I kinda need an arm.

Twilight and I have agreed to go back to Earth some time so she can experience the full thing. I suggested that we go back tomorrow, but Twilight wants to take a part of our honeymoon there. We’ve agreed that using Magic in obvious ways is off the table since we don't want to fuck up the natural order and we aired out a few more grievances. They weren’t anything serious, so I won’t record them here, but I can honestly say that the past couple of days could have ended worse. Twilight and I could have separated because of our fight, I could be lacking a left arm, and I could be lacking a favour from Hephaestus himself. All of the shitshows kinda turned out the best way they could have, in all fairness.

It’s hard to look on the brighter side of life when you want nothing more than to sulk and swear at one’s luck, but there’s nothing I can do. For now, I’m taking my arse to bed with my wife and hoping that the next couple of days are alright.

Author's Notes:

Chapter Chapter Chapter, I made you from my mind

Chapter Chapter Chapter, I claim this bitch as mine

Another 20k words and hopefully I reclaim my spot on the top ten longest stories. I want that shit back. The next one is a doozy, so be prepared for that. Gird thy loins and squeeze em' tight.

As Always, Left Hand Free

Stay Cool, Kids