Coffee is the best invention for whatever ails you, and I don’t have a doubt in my mind that there is no better substance for a hearty slap in the face when you need it in the morning. Its smooth consistency, the lingering hint of bitterness, the way you can dress it up however you like and make it your own. Sugar, cream, flavourings abound. There really is nothing better than a stiff cup of something warm and brown to get your morning going, even if you have good tea on hand. That was a good half of the reason why the shitty, muggy morning actually wasn’t all that bad, and the other half of it was because I was at home with my lover, both of us just enjoying the day as it was.

Sadly, all good things must come to an end, and Twilight wanting to spend a couple days apart was pretty much the saddest way my morning could have ended. I understood that she wanted to start working on some experiments that she’d thought of and do some extra studying, so I let her have her time without me, but that didn’t mean that I wasn’t at least disappointed by not having her around for a little bit. However, it did mean that I could get with Nashoba and do some experimenting of my own, if you know what I mean. It would be on my docket of things to do later in the day. Immediately after Twilight left, I received a letter from Chrysalis of all people, telling me that I was welcome to come and negotiate in Twilight’s stead in her kingdom.

I politely declined since I still wasn’t feeling quite at my best and I knew she would take advantage of that in any way she could. That, and the woman was a cold-hearted bitch that I didn’t doubt Twilight could handle better than I could, and even then, I was sure that my fiance would call on me if she ever needed something anyway. After making sure I found a proper place for Chrysalis’ note, I gathered the members of my team that were still home and sat them down for a talk.

Iron and Swift sat across from me, looking confused as to why I would hold a house meeting when there were only three of us in the house. “Alright guys, we need to have a little chat about some things that I really don’t want to be talking about.”

Swift tilted his head. “What is it, boss? I mean, we took care of the house while you were out pretty well with some help from Berry Blitz. Briar Rose swore at us a little bit, but I don’t think she was trying to be mean or anything so-”

“I can smell you both all over the place.” I cut in flatly.

Iron lit up red. “Wh-What do you mean?”

“This house reeks of sex, Iron. I can literally smell where you’ve been doing it, and I swear to whatever you hold dear in your life, if you don’t find a way to get that smell out of my couch, I’m going to plug you and geld him.” I jerked a thumb at Swift.

Swift paled. “N-Now that’s just not necessary! I mean, sure we went a little crazy while we had the house to ourselves, but-”

I pointed an accusing finger at him. “The only place in here that doesn't smell like sweat and sauce of two kinds is my room, so I’m not going to bend you over and beat you like tomorrow’s not coming. However, I am going to demand that you get more candles than you can carry and open every fucking window in this place. Seriously, you fucking rabbits, you have your own rooms!”

“Hey, we stayed in our rooms for the first couple of times!” Swift objected.

Iron hit him. “Shush! Our boss doesn’t need to know that kind of stuff!”

I gave them both a bland look. “You boss already knows that you did the dirty dance on his couch, in his kitchen, the dining room, the sun room, the billiards room, and the spare guest room.”

Iron blushed more furiously and Swift looked to be the kind of embarrassed that comes with a little pride. “At least we kept it out of anypony else’s room.” He offered.

“Oh, if you did it in someone else’s room, I’d be making you take your love making out of the house entirely. Keep that in mind if you ever get left here alone again.” I warned.

“Will do, boss. We’ll go get the candles now.” Iron said nervously.

I waved them off and started opening some windows to let the smell out a little bit. It was actually shaping up to be a decent day, but I didn’t want to go out and do anything unnecessary. However, I was supposed to be spending a couple of days away from Twilight anyway, so I wrote her a note and told her that I was heading into the Everfree for a little while to check out my territory and see how it was doing. She wrote back and told me to be safe and to not eat anything that I wasn’t completely sure of, to which I responded that I would be careful and wouldn’t eat anything deadly.

With Twilight taken care of, I started getting some things together for an expedition until I realized that I didn’t actually need to get anything since I could just take it from wherever it was if I really felt like it. True Theft really does make things easier on me, and I did wonder if I could technically use it as a pocket dimension, so with that in mind, I decided to try something weird that had sprouted up in my mind out of nowhere. Without further ado, I dragged myself to the mountain over Esteril and looked down at the town. I wondered for a second if I should do it or how it would even work in the first place, but then I just said ‘Fuck it’ and imagined myself grabbing the town itself. I formed my hand into a scoop so I could take everything that was underneath it as well, and when I opened my eyes, I was fucking staggered.

My hand felt like it was moving through syrup at the rate things were going, but that wasn’t the part that had me amazed. It was the size of my hand that had me flabbergasted, and the sheer size made me wonder if I could just do that naturally with my power. Each enormous finger cast a massive shadow on the town, but I could sense that if a bird were to fly into it or something, that it would be fine. I dunno why, I just knew, okay? Get off my arse. I withdrew my hand from trying to scoop up Esteril and focused on making it larger instead of trying to steal something. It didn’t work while my hand was still visibly attached to my arm, but when I stuck my hand through the dimensions, it grew as large as I wanted it to, so I wrote my name in the salt flats surrounding Esteril. Immature? Yes, but it was satisfying in its own way. So after that, I went back to what I’d been doing before and scooped up Esteril. It really didn’t turn out to be all that hard, and using the space between dimensions as a pocket dimension sounded like a pretty radical thing to me, so I dropped Esteril off and pulled myself back to my house.

On the trip through the dimensions, I caught a glimpse of Esteril floating around in the abyss, the sand and porcelain floating around the outskirts with an unfelt breeze blowing. I didn’t want to bother re-exploring it at the moment, so I let it be and ended up walking right back out of my house so I could head into the Whitetail Woods. I stayed on the main path so I could make decent time heading into the Everfree, but it still took some time, no matter how fast I tried to pick up the pace.

Trekking through the Everfree was fun all by itself, but I wanted some company for my journey, so I called out to Nashoba. It took a few minutes for her to arrive, but when she did, I greeted her with a hug and some good old fashioned affection. She returned my affection with a little of her own and asked why I was a female, so I told her that Twilight was being mean to me. Nashoba offered to drop her off deep in the Everfree somewhere and I told her that it wasn’t necessary.

“So why have you called me, Max? I’m sure we’re not meeting up in the middle of the forest just to catch up on some personal matters.” Nashoba yawned.

“Well, I was going to hunt some stuff and I wanted to know if you were interested in killing some edible things with me. If you don’t have the time, then that’s completely alright, but I do need to get this done before nightfall.” I replied.

Nashoba growled playfully. “You think we can’t bag a few kills before sundown? Please, I have seen at least three herds of Deer and a couple of tastier things that seem like they would be fun to eat.”

“Have you seen any long-legged Alligators anywhere?” I asked.

“I have seen one today, but it chose not to bother me. I thought that was worthy of allowing it to live.”

“Well, I happen to be really fond of the way those things taste, so if you can get us close to it, that would be lovely.”

Nashoba tossed her head. “You underestimate me, Max. I’ll get us to our prey, no issues.” She turned around and patted my leg with her tail. “Are you up for a light run through the forest?”

This is a bad idea. “No, but I’ll give it a shot.”

She stuck her tongue out at me. “Then try to keep up, will you?”

“I can try, but that's about all I can do. We both know that you'll dust me if you get serious.”

Nashoba snorted. “Then I'll keep it at a mild jog-”

“Which is still a full sprint to me.” I interrupted.

She gave me a look. “I’ll eat you.”

I returned it. “I’ll fuck you.”

“...That was unexpected.”

“That was the point. Now, are we going to get this over with, or are we going to prolong me breaking my ankle further?”

Nashoba shook her head and started trotting along, so I followed her to the best of my abilities. I still stumbled on the occasional root or vine that didn’t know when enough was enough, but I didn’t care all that much seeing as how I wasn’t hurting to terribly from any of it. The only thing that would make me pause my progress was Nashoba stopping cold, and after about thirty minutes, that’s exactly what she did.

We stood in front of one of my favourite Alligator-things and it just looked at us for a moment. It stared at Nashoba who just sat down in front of it and licked her chops, but when it looked at me, it actually made a weird hissing noise that made me a little afraid for my anus. I refused (And still refuse) to be punked out by an overgrown salamander with significantly sharper teeth, so I gathered my nuts in my right hand and brought my Kopis out with my left. The Gator took it as a clear challenge to its authoritah and scrambled hilariously toward me, but despite its speed, all I could see was the wasted energy in its movements, the glaring weak point that exposed itself every time it had to turn its head to get another step in, the knobby joints on its legs. It was going to be an easy kill, and I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed by that.

With one swift strike to its face, I cleaved through a good portion of the long-legged Alligator’s skull in one strike. My blow was timed perfectly so it would divert the creatures momentum as it came toward me, though that did mean that I’d have to be quick about getting my blade unwedged. Still, it went okay and I just sent the thing home so I could field clean it when I got back. Nashoba yawned and started trotting off again, so I followed close behind and stowed my Kopis and sheath until I would need them again.

After a few minutes of some rough jogging, Nashoba slowed down and went into a crouch, so I followed suit, keeping an eye and an ear out for anything huntable. I listened in on the heartbeats of about ten different animals, most likely a pod or something from a herd. When I stuck my head up to look in the general direction I was hearing them from, I saw my quarries and plucked two from reality right then and there, storing them with Esteril in the place between the dimensions. Nashoba looked confused for a moment, as did the rest of the herd, but they didn’t pay the disappearance of two of their members much mind since they just went back to grazing a few moments later.

Nashoba turned to look at me, so I gave her a conspicuous wink and she rolled her eyes before stalking toward the herd. I crept the other way so that she would drive them to me if she startled them, but my efforts proved to be for nothing when that black bolt of lightning shot out from nowhere and ripped the head off of one of the Goat-things. The hunt was over as quick as it began, but instead of letting our victory lie where it was, I decided that I wanted a whole goat to myself and used my True Theft to steal the brain of one of the ones rushing right past me. It was a quick and ultimately easy process, but my hand felt pretty gross from holding a fucking brain of all things.

With our quarries taken down, Nashoba and I started to lug them back to my place, though she had to ask what I’d done with the Goats that just disappeared. I told her that I was going to do something stupid with them and she immediately warned me against trying to fuck one of them for many reasons. Once I had her assured that I wasn’t going to just up and fuck myself a Goat because I felt like it, she warned me against using them to ward people away from my house since they tended not to be intelligent enough to do more than charge something, friend or foe. That wasn’t my plan either, but that didn’t mean that I was just going to do nothing with them.

I asked Noir if she would mind helping me barbeque some of my meats and even told her that I got my smoker up and running. I’d seen it in my shed before, but had never paid any attention to it due to the fact that I’d pretty much just gotten used to it filling space instead of serving any particular purpose. Anyway, Noir accepted my invitation and came to help me clean and cook the Alligator and the Goat I’d bagged while Nashoba just nibbled away at hers noisily, making some very disturbing sounds that made me want to just clean and chop her kill so I wouldn’t have to listen to the sound of rending flesh all day.

Noir and I got the meat dried, smoked, pan-cooked, and cured in turns. I didn’t actually cure any of the Alligator meat since it just seemed wrong to me, but Noir and I still had a delicious set of steak dinners that came from my Goat and Gator. When she finished eating, Noir had to dash since she actually had shit to do, but I was just glad that I’d gotten to spend a little extra time with her while I could. My next visit was going to be at the Treebrary, but before I left, I made an impressive pyre around a smaller fire that had already been started and kept my kindling away so it wouldn’t burn until I wanted it to. I had plans for that fire and they were going to fucking serve me, one way or the other.

With about eight kilos of meat wrapped in wax paper, dried and smoked, I made my way across town and over to Twilight’s house. When I knocked, Spike was the one who answered the door (unsurprisingly) and he welcomed me in within moments of smelling what I had in store for him. He’d already had breakfast, but he just couldn’t wait to get my hot, juicy meat in his mouth, and as he savoured the flavours that tantalized his tastebuds, I fucked off for a moment and found a book to read while he was snacking. The book was good and Spike chewed through a full kilo of what I’d brought for him in about fifteen minutes. Too full to do much else, Spike bid me a good day and went to his room to sleep off the rest of his meal. I, on the other hand, had a fire to go and play with for a little bit.

When I teleported myself back home, Iron and Swift were going at it again in Swift’s room, so I exited the house quickly so I wouldn’t have to hear any of that. Well, more than I already had. I have to say, I really didn’t take Iron for a screamer, but holy fucking shite does that woman have some pipes on her. Getting back to what I was supposed to be doing rather than what I heard when I wasn’t supposed to be listening, I escorted myself outside and got my pyre lit. The next step was for me to grab one of my Goats, so I got it from the space between the dimensions, and much to my pleasure, it was still alive. It wouldn’t be for long, but you know: semantics.

My Goat was pretty scared of the fire, so dragging it over there was a bit of a bitch, but I still managed by seizing it by the horns and pulling with all my might. Once I had it where I wanted it, I used my True Theft to stick its hooves in the ground so it wouldn’t go anywhere and started my chant. “O’ Athena, wise, mighty, and beautiful!” I cried into the muggy morning. “This humble human calls upon your aforementioned wisdom and begs for an appearance or something, I guess! I’m not really used to sacrifices, but I’d rather like it if it works!”

There were some birds tweeting in the background and the gentle, useless breeze picked up for a brief moment, but it could have easily been the weather shifting on its own. I shrugged and slit the Goat’s throat, it’s blood spilling on my boots a little, but thankfully they’re water and blood proof. Unfortunately, my hand was nearly gored by one of the damn thing’s horns while it threw itself about in its attempt to get out of the ground. I saved it the trouble by stabbing it in the head one good time with the Warbling blade and used my True Theft to casually toss the corpse onto the fire.

The smell of burning hair was just awful, but when that went away and the rest of the Goat started burning, things got tasty for a little bit. I had to snack on some of my dried Alligator jerky as the Sun was on the wane while waiting for something to happen, but just as night was beginning to fall, the most amazing thing occurred!

Kidding. Nothing happened.

Sighing, I watched the last of the fire burn from my seat on the ground and waited until it was just coals to get up. My arse was a little grassy, but other than that, the only complaint I had was that I’d wasted an entire Goat’s worth of meat on an experiment that had failed anyway. Sighing some more, I grabbed the other Goat from Esteril and let it run into the Whitetail woods so I wouldn’t have to bother with it anymore. Since there was nothing else for me to do, I scratched my head, muttered some unkind things about acid-trip visions and turned to head back into my house. I figured that I would deal with the shit I’d left behind in the morning, but as I was mentally bitching about my wasted time, someone’s face filled my eyes and I had to take a step back. Seriously, who gets that close for no fucking reason?

While I was stepping back, I took a moment to notice the woman’s face, and it was quite obvious that she wasn’t one of Equus’ usual residents. The woman I was looking at was absolutely beautiful in an inhuman way that made my heart skip a beat, and in the relative darkness, I couldn’t help but notice how she seemed to cast a glow about her like she herself was shining. I took another look at her angelic features and found that she had a Greek nose along with cheekbones that were sharp in their definition, but soft in their application if that makes any sense. They stood out, but they lent her face a stern look that warned me not to cross her unnecessarily, and the angle of her jaw told me that she was a take-no-nonsense kind of person. I wasn’t exactly scared of her, but I was rather curious as to how she managed to sneak up on me of all people.

I waved to her. “Wotcher.”

The woman raised a brow and I looked at her apparel, which consisted of a Grecian toga-dress-thing and a golden clasp that held it in place at the shoulder. She also wore a Xiphos that made me feel like she could have easily ended me at any moment, but had chosen not to for some reason. I hoped that it was because we were both Human, but there was no real way to tell without stepping into her mind since her face didn’t give anything away.

The silence was a bit awkward, so I let my hand fall. “So… I’m assuming you’re Athena?”

She nodded. “I am. You are the sole Human on Equus.”

I smiled sheepishly. “Not really all that Human these days, but I get by better than most.”

Athena levelled a look at me. “You are the first to summon me since the Exodus. Do not presume to waste my time.”

I scratched my head. “Yeah, sorry. It’s just that I was kinda expecting you to show up when I started roasting the Goat.”

She raised a brow again. “The Goat was not necessary, though it was delicious. What do you want from me, Human?”

I gave her a tight smile. “Name’s Roxy, goddess, and I was wondering if I could ask you a few pertinent questions about something in particular.”

Athena rolled her eyes. “I am leaving.”

“Please don’t.”

She just gave me a bored look. “And why, pray tell, should I listen to a mere mortal?”

I looked at her blankly. “Well, first off, I’m not mortal. I’m actually rather hard to kill.”

Her eyes opened slightly. “So you are a Demigod?”

“Kinda sorta. I don’t really know what to call myself at this point other than Max or Roxy, so that’s what I’m sticking with.”

She reached out and grasped my shoulder for a moment and I felt something like a surge of electricity go through my veins, and I really must say that it was a terribly unpleasant experience. When Athena took her hand away, she gave me a nod and continued looking at me, waiting for me to say something. I couldn’t really talk since my tongue felt slightly paralyzed, so I waited for it to pass and spoke when I could.

“The fuck was that!?” I asked indignantly.

“That was me checking your power.” Athena answered airily.

I flipped her the two-finger salute. “That shit hurt!”

She frowned at me. “I do not understand that gesture, though I doubt it is something that a sane woman would use toward a goddess.”

“Then call me fucking crazy! What’s with you powerful types just doing whatever the fuck you want and not expecting somebody to lash out because of it!?”

Athena drew a hand back and went to slap me rather lazily, but I just ducked under the blow and wrapped her up in my tentacle. “Unhand me you cretin!” She shouted.

“Play nice and I might consider it. Otherwise, I’m throwing you into a lake or something.” I threatened.

She bristled. “You would not dare!”

I brought her closer and stuck a finger in her face. “I would dare. I’m pretty sure you’d kick my arse in a straight fight, but I’ll be damned if I let you walk all over me like some kind of fucking doormat.”

Athena’s face grew stormy and out of fucking nowhere, my head exploded in pain and I felt her free herself from my grasp. As I was falling to the floor, grasping my head, she caught me by the collar of my shirt and glared at me.

“You test my patience, Demigod.” She spat.

“And you’re eating mine.” I replied achingly.

Athena huffed and dropped me. “Insolent fool! I can kill you permanently if I truly feel the need, so do your best to keep that in mind.”

“Who says I can’t do the same to you, princess?” I snarled.

Athena glared at me some more. “I say that you cannot. You are forgetting your place, you puny weakling.”

I snorted and spit out some blood. My nose had stopped bleeding, but that didn’t end the headache. “Are all the gods just as arrogant as you, or are some of you actually worse?”

“If you have asked this question in honesty, then you have clearly not met Ares, Mars, or Son Goku.” Athena huffed.

I got back to my feet. “Whatever. Can we be done with the pissing contest and go back to why I even called for you in the first place?”

Athena stuck her chin up and looked down her nose at me. “You called for my wisdom, did you not?”

“Yeah, I did. I need your help with a certain friend of yours.” I spat again, clearing more blood from the back of my throat.

She looked at me intently. “Am I not the first god you have summoned?”

“You are, but there’s this one bastard that I didn't summon and I’d very much like him to go away.”

“... You surely speak of Discord.”

I nodded. “I figured I’d see if I could help you get him the fuck off of Equus before I tried to kill him. All possible routes and all that.”

Athena actually growled. “Do not dare raise a hand against Discord!”

I curled my lip at her. “Then take his psychotic arse back to where he came from.”

“Discord is just a child-”

“He’s one of the oldest beings on this Goddamn planet, Athena, and he needs to be reigned in! I came to you because I had a vision of Discord being kicked out of the Heavens, and in that vision, you seemed like one of his staunch defenders. Be happy I came to you first so we can find a way to end this peacefully, because my other alternative is finding a way to make that bloody arsehole stay dead.”

Athena growled again. “I would bring Discord back to the Heavens if I could, but if your vision showed you the day of Discord’s excommunication, then you should know that there was precious little I could do to save him! I cannot make my father and the council alter their judgements alone!”

“And he really doesn’t have any other defenders? No one?” I asked, wiping blood off of my face.

“We are few.” She answered tersely.

“Maybe it’s because he’s such a fucking arsehole. From what I heard, he’s nearly killed multiple gods, so why are you defending a guy that turned on you and yours?”

Athena gripped my shirt with both hands, our eyes level. “Discord was young and stupid-”

“And now he’s old and evil.” I countered. “Do you even know why I want you to take him back?”

“I do not know, nor do I really care. I warn you now, should you so much as touch a hair on his head…” She trailed off.

I grabbed Athena’s arms. “He’s waging a war against the world, Athena. A full-blown, all encompassing war that’s going to tear this world and its countries apart because he’s bored-”

Athena brought me in close. Too close for comfort. So close, that our noses were actually touching. “It. Is. His. Right.”

“You absolute cunt. You’re just going sit back and watch as hundreds of thousands of lives are lost?” I asked incredulously.

“The gods have agreed to stop interfering with the matters of Equus-”

“And one of your own is doing exactly that!” I argued.

Athena’s face lost some of its stony anger and was transformed into one of deep regret. “It saddens me to say that Discord is no longer one of ours. Discord has no place in the Heavens, so if he has found his place here as the ruler of Equus, so be it.” Her face went from sad to resolute. “If you plan on striking him down, then at the very least, I can help him this way.”

I went into Primal Mode in a single snap.

I moved before Athena could, activating Noir’s Heart-Attack technique in a second, but that was already too long for my tastes. Time felt as though it was slowing down as Athena released my shirt with her right hand and drew her Xiphos, but I knew that I would have just enough time. Athena was underestimating me too heavily for me to do anything other than surprise her, so I activated my True Theft and thought of my hand becoming excessively large. Her blade was coming out of its sheath as I was cocking back for my punch, throwing myself backwards so I wouldn’t get stabbed right off the bat.

Athena’s blade met the air and my fist slid through the dimensions, appearing on the other side of the wormhole at least twenty times larger than it had been. Athena was rocked by my punch, but I didn’t stop there, Preferring to roll backwards until I could get back on my feet, and when I did, Athena let loose a war-cry that chilled me to the bone. She raised a hand, so I wrapped my tentacle around myself to block any normal assaults, but when she swept her hand to the side, I realized that I was a little fucked.

I was thrown against the wall of my cylindrical shield rather hard, but the distance between myself and the wall had been negligible in the first place, so I wasn’t that bad off. Still, I’d been rocked pretty well and had a hard time staying on my feet, but Athena had started this fight, and it was most likely going to end up being a fight to the death. My death. I felt a thrill run through me and my vision cleared like I was looking at the world for the first time again. I’d gotten so used to the thought of never dying that I had felt invincible on some subconscious level, but now that Athena was standing before me, fully prepared to end my immortality, I felt the thrill of combat again, raw and unfiltered.

Even through Primal Mode’s general lack of emotional depth, the smile on my face came easily and I couldn’t help but hear the words of God and Noir echo through my head. Phrases like ‘Stop dying!’ and ‘If you die to an opponent that I can beat, I will kill you.’ crossed my mind, making me want to draw my Kopis. I rethought that and drew Nacht first, the length of the fighting dagger being a fair bit shorter than my Kopis. I held Nacht in my right hand so I could grab my main weapon with my left, and when I had them both in hand, Athena and I circled each other slowly.

“No mere man or woman has dared raise a blade to a god in thousands of years.” Athena muttered, outraged. “This shall be your last day on Equus, you sow’s daughter.”

“I’m better off being the daughterof the sow than being a gilded piece of shit from that sow’s arse!” I called back.

Athena lifted her left hand and snapped, Grecian armor covering her in an instant. “Your blood will dye the rugs of my bed chamber!”

I snapped out of Primal Mode. “I’m going to hate-fuck you if you keep talking dirty to me like this, Love.” Wonder how she’s going to like that.

Athena barked out a harsh laugh. “If you can best me, you may lay me, fool!”

“Are you sure your rotten snatch won’t give me a disease or something?” I asked cheekily.

Athena stopped circling. “The only disease you will catch from me is death, Demigod!” Nice to know she keeps the pussoir clean, I guess.

I snapped back into Primal Mode and started my rush toward her, but Athena had the same plan that I did and charged like she’d been expecting me to do the same. While running, I flipped my grip on Nacht so that the pommel was closest to my thumb, and just before we got within range of each other, we both started out slashes and Kopis met Xiphos in a shower of sparks. The sound of steel against bronze rang throughout my backyard, and neither of us were willing to give any ground just yet, so Athena came in for another swing with her Xiphos while I ducked underneath it and tried to score a hit on her thigh.

Athena managed to get her leg out of the way mere moments before my blow would have connected, but there’s an advantage to wielding two weapons, and it should be really fucking obvious: You can fire off twice as many attacks as someone with a single weapon. It takes more time to master correctly, however, if you use whatever style you pick up to its fullest advantage, you’ll be able to land the needed blows for a good victory. Unfortunately, I was literally going up against someone older than Noir who had far more time to hone her fighting skills against a wider variety of opponents.

Surprisingly, we were going blow for blow when either of us managed to land a scratch on the other, but nothing was worthy of a defeat or a victory quite yet. Athena was warming up and so was I, but I was already using a technique that pushed me past my normal limits just to fight on par with her, and it looked like she was only going to get that much better the longer the fight went on.

All of a sudden, Athena took the advantage with a rapid thrust that landed itself in my right shoulder, hitting the bone as I tried to sway away from it. The wound was deep, but not terribly wide, so I could deal with it for a little while, but I was becoming more and more tempted to see if I could actually use both Heart Attack techniques at the same time. When Athena managed to score a deep gash on my thigh and I lost a bit of mobility, I decided that it was better to try sooner rather than later since Athena could actually make me stay dead. I broke off from the engagement a bit to take a breath and initialize Luna’s technique, but Athena stayed on me pretty well, chasing me around until I actually got backed up against my house.

She made slash after slash, but I dodged them and blocked to the best of my abilities, taking fewer and fewer blows as we carried on until I sent a middle kick straight into Athena’s stomach that got her to back off a bit. I hadn’t been using my feet for anything other than footwork, and now that I had Luna’s technique active as well, I was feeling better about my chances in the fight, though the pain in my chest was warning me that I was on a definite time limit. Still, getting her off of me had been the plan and it had worked well for the time being, so it was pertinent beyond all other things to press the advantage I’d given myself.

I rushed Athena with every ounce of speed I could conjure up and managed to ram Nacht into her side while she was getting back up from the heavy kick I had thrown her way. Much to my dismay, there wasn’t much of the blade that had gotten past her armour and all I could do was hack at her with my Kopis until I could free it from her side. Sadly, I spent much of my time defending myself from Athena’s blows while trying to jerk Nacht back into my loving arms, and when she sent a kick that started low and would have gone straight up the middle, I lost my patience and ripped Nacht free from the rent in her chestpiece.

After backing up a bit, Athena and I started circling each other again, this time wary of each other. “You have done well to get this far, foolish Demigod.”

“Save it for when I have my blade at your throat.” I snarled in response.

Athena materialized a Spartan shield. “I will save it for now. Few mortals have ever made me draw my shield, and those that did were back in the early days of my godhood. I believe you have met your better, Demigod.”

I turned off both Heart Attack techniques to save some energy. “You’re the first god I’ve met besides the One Above All and you’re leaving a terrible first impression.”

“Whatever shall I do.” Athena said blandly.

“Die?” I replied. “That would be nice.”

She snorted and rolled her wrist around. “Are we going to keep talking, or are you going to let me slaughter you, my little piglet?”

“Were you serious about letting me sleep with you if I win?” I asked.

Athena pointed her sword at me. “Filthy mortals and your insolent minds. Is sex all you can think of?”

“Well, I wanna impale you one way or the other, so…” I shrugged.

She wasted no time in clearing the distance between us, leaving me with a precious few seconds to start up my techniques once more, but this time, I focused on evading and reached into myself with True Theft before throwing so much as a slash in her direction. It meant that I had to drop Nacht so I could keep holding my Kopis, but when I found what I was looking for, it was all worth it.

The little bubble that was the knowledge Noir had given me responded well to my touch, holding onto my finger like it was just raring to be used. I hated to activate something without knowing exactly what it would do, but I needed to win this fight more than any other I’d ever had unless I wanted to make Twilight live the rest of her long life without me. That thought crossed my mind and I no longer had any qualms about releasing Absolute Berserk, which was a rather painful experience.

My body felt like I had lit it on fire from the inside out, but that pain was negated by the fact that I was now practically dancing circles around Athena. After picking Nacht up with my True Theft, I had to swap weapons and begin my counter-attack after some reorganization. Athena held her shield like a champ, taking blow after blow with it like I was throwing plush dolls at her without a care in the world. She even managed to jab at me when I was vulnerable, but the extra boost I’d gotten from Absolute Berserk wasn’t doing her any favours. I was just too fast to catch, and when I dodged around behind her to hack at one of her hamstrings, she was just too slow to avoid the blow.

Athena roared in pain and fell to one knee, turtling up to avoid getting hit again. Still, I was faster that she was and managed to make a step-jump off of her shield. Unsurprisingly, Athena whipped around to face me since she knew I was going to be behind her, but what she didn’t account for was what I was trying to accomplish, and that was taking her fucking head off. Athena got the picture quickly enough, but not in time to avoid me bringing my Kopis down on her left shoulder. I cleaved straight through the flesh and bone due to the momentum I’d gotten from falling, and the place where her arm formerly occupied was now spouting golden ichor that sprayed like a faucet.

The Goddess of Wisdom cried out in shock when I hacked her arm from her side, dropping her sword and clutching at the wound. “You bastard!” She bellowed.

I stepped in front of her and held my blade against her throat, deactivating my techniques and trembling from Absolute Berserk’s rampage. My body was aching something fierce, but I could deal with it for the sake of victory. “Do you admit defeat?” I asked wearily.

Athena took it for disdain. “Do not look down upon a goddess! Should I have been serious about our contest, you would have lost from the start!”

I took a deep breath. “Do you admit defeat?”

She snarled at me. “Take your victory and choke!”

I let my left arm drop and landed flat on my arse in front of her. “Fucking Christ, woman. Fucking Christ…”

Athena grabbed her arm and it sewed itself back onto her arm. “I will have my revenge, Demigod.”

“Can’t we just leave it here or have another row? There’s no need for vengeance in a fair fight.” I moaned.

She dissipated her shield and grabbed her sword. “Why would I not just strike you down while you’re at your weakest?”

I activated my True Theft and looked at her. “We were both holding back in that fight, Athena.”

She motioned to stick her sword in my face, but I jammed a finger in a place that was unusually wet for what had just happened in the past ten minutes. Athena’s eyes shot wide open and she fumbled with her sword, cutting her hand in the process while I just wiggled my finger around. I got back to my feet while Athena clutched at her crotch, her mouth wide open. Just as she was about to speak, I added a second finger into her moist entrance and she let out a moan that was more angry than sexually pleased.

“I’m sorry, were you saying something?” I asked casually, catching my breath.

Athena’s well tanned skin didn’t hide the intense blush on her face very well, the light she emanated growing rosier around her cheeks. “You- You- I cannot believe this!”

I curled my fingers inside of her and stroked like she hadn’t been ready to kill me just moments ago. “I’m sorry, Love, but you also tried to go for the groin when we were fighting.”

Athena’s hands went white and her eyes glistened. “This is sacrilege! Heresy! Molestation!”

I tilted my head. “I thought the Ancient Greeks were all about debauchery and hedonism in general.”

“I am a maiden you fool! Never before have I been touched by another in this way!” Athena looked like she was ready to cry.

“And I’m not looking to die permanently.” I replied easily. “I’ll remove my fingers if you promise not to interfere with my worldly goals.”

Athena’s blush grew deeper and she looked away. “I would be more likely to slay you if you stopped.” She muttered in a low tone.

I raised a brow and she looked backto me. “I will not surrender to your advances, Demigod scum!”

I rotated my fingers so that I could curl them upwards and found her G Spot within moments. “You don’t have to surrender, just enjoy. Well, and you have to promise not to interfere with me or my nation in a negative way.”

Athena grit her teeth, but I didn’t miss the moan that she let loose. “I swear that I will end you one day!”

I calmly walked up to her, limping from my thigh wound from earlier. Athena’s eyes were at my chest since she was still bent over, but I raised her chin so she was looking at me anyways. “How many times have you had an orgasm, Athena?”

She jerked her chin away from my hand. “Eat dirt and die.”

I stroked her hair. “Will today be the first?” I ground my fingers against her inner nodule.

“A thousand deaths would be too little for you~” She crooned.

“I’ll take that as a yes. Keep in mind that if you ask, I’ll never tell a soul about what you want me to do for you.” I whispered into her ear.

Athena turned her head towards me and spat in my face. “Drown in sewage, you filth!”

I wiped her spit off of my nose and let my fingers brush against her hymen. Her eyes grew wide when she felt the contact and she seemed to shiver. “Here I am trying to do something nice for you as the victor and yet you’re being unpleasant. I could always stop, you know.”

“Do I need to tell you to stop!?”

I raised a brow at her. “You don’t want me to.” I pressed against her hymen again and felt her walls squeeze my fingers.

She glared at me, her teeth bared. “Stop.”

I used my True Theft to phase through the obstruction and allowed myself to go a bit deeper. “Stop what?”

She squeezed her eyes closed. “Remove your fingers from me at once!”

“Can I have a promise or a please?”

Athena took a deep breath. “I promise not to interfere with matters on Equus.” She said through her teeth.

“That’s all well and good, but I’m looking for something about Equestria.”

“I promise not to meddle with Equestrian affairs.” She spat on my boot. “Are you happy, you bastard?”

I shrugged and continued stroking her from the inside. “Happier than I was. Do your really want me to remove my fingers, or do you want me to promise not to take your virginity?”

“... Do not take my virginity.” She muttered.

“Wish granted.” I said happily. “I promise to leave your hymen intact, but we’re still going to have plenty of fun.”

Athena looked up at me. “I hate you.”

“You know, if you promise to play nice, I’ll show you something nicer than just my fingers.” I wiggled my brows at her.

She looked up to the sky. “... I am tempted by your pleasures of the flesh.”

I removed my fingers from her now sodden entrance before licking them clean, sure that she was watching me. She tasted like dates. “Then follow me.”

I started walking back toward my house before turning around to check and see if Athena was following. She wasn’t, so I prodded her other entrance with my finger and got her arse in gear. She had some dark mutterings to go along with it, but she didn’t threaten to kill me or anything, so that was good. I lead her onto my porch, through the living room, and up into my room without anyone interrupting us, but that was mainly because Swift and Iron were asleep in Swift’s room, most likely exhausted after a long day of fucking each other like they were rabbits or something.

When I got Athena into my room, she looked around. “Your sense of decor is simply atrocious.”

“Your taste in friends is worse by far.” I replied sharply.

“Insolent bastard.” Athena replied.

“Uppity cunt.”

“Lecherous leech!”

“Pompous sow.”

“Daughter of a sow!”

“You already used that one.”

“What makes you think that I care?”

I shrugged. “Presumptuous twat.”

Athena growled and stood next to me. “Why bring me to this place?”

I raised a brow at her and pointed at my bed. “Have a seat, please.”

“...What is it?” She asked.

“My bed. This is where I sleep.”

Athena walked over to it and sat as if she was sitting on an oversized venus flytrap. “Okay. Are you going to apply your fingers once more?”

I walked over to her and knelt. “Not quite. It’s a little weird to ask since we were just fighting to the death, but do you mind if I touch you?”

She curled her lip at me. “You have cleaved my arm from me and violated my depths. You have already touched me.”

I shrugged and put my hands on her calves. “Fair enough. I’m going to have to ask you to let me do what I do, however.”

She glared at me some more. “If you bite me, I will break your neck a dozen times.”

“Do you mean that metaphorically or literally?”

She just glared some more, so I said, “I promise I won’t bite you. Now just lay back and enjoy, alright?”

Athena followed my instructions and laid back so I could finally get started on what I’d set out to do. Yes, I know it’s straight up retarded to go down on someone who was about to kill you, but things had made a significant turn for the better in my books. I was going to get to taste a goddess, and that same goddess wasn’t going to kill me, so I considered it a job well done. While I was giving Athena a lick or two, I couldn’t help but wonder why she was letting a guy who was planning on killing one of her friends go down on her, but I tried not to focus on it too much and let my tongue do all of my talking.

I brought Athena to a climax a few times, just to show her that I’m totally worthy of existing, and when I was done, I cleaned up the mess she’d made. “So? How was it?” I asked.

Athena was splayed across a portion of my bed. “... I have missed out on so much throughout the years.”

I patted her thigh and sat next to her. “Yup. You sure have.”

She lazily turned her head to look at me. “You have some redeeming qualities I suppose…”

“I’m really not all that bad. I just don’t like being talked down to or threatened.”

“Neither do I. Nor do I like it when my friends are threatened.”

“...What’s stopping you from taking Discord to another plane and ruling it yourselves? I mean Hell, I’m sure you have the firepower to take a place over if you really felt like it.”

Athena looked at the canopy above my bed. “We could, but I do not wish to leave Olympus.” She sighed. “If only Discord had taken any of the warnings he was given to heart…”

I rubbed her leg. “Keep fighting to bring him back, Athena. Giving up won’t solve a damn thing, but persistence shines through, no matter what.”

She looked at me again. “I do not need to be cheered up by a Demigod.”

“I’m sure you don’t. I’m just saying, however, that you can keep up the fight for as long as it’s necessary. If you make it so that I don’t have to kill Discord to save Equus, then I’m perfectly fine with that.”

“So you are not solely out for Discord’s blood?”

I sighed. “ At this point I just want him gone.”

“... I will try to sway the gods, but it will take time.”

“We don’t have time, to be honest with you. Discord’s waiting to make his first strike, and it could come at literally any moment, Athena.”

“Then your troubles are many. Know that I will not aid you against my brother.”

“I was pretty sure that you wouldn’t. However, if you wouldn’t mind helping Discord see that this isn’t the right path…” I trailed off.

“I will see what I can do, but I make no promises.” Athena sat up and looked at my hand. “You may remove yourself from my person.”

I took my hand back as she fixed her toga-thing. “That’s all I can ask of you. Thanks for coming, Athena.” And thanks for cumming.

She cut me a glare. “Do not think that this means anything. All you have done is show me that carnal desires are not something that always need to be repressed.”

I raised a brow at her. “And I’ve been ‘insolent’ while doing it.”

Athena stood up and smoothed out her dress. “You most certainly have. I will return to the Heavens now.”

“But what about my reward for winning our fight?” I asked flippantly.

She gave me a confused look. “Was tasting a goddess not enough for you?”

“It was really more of a favour for you than for me.” I replied.

She blinked. “I thought all mortals wished to bed a goddess.”

I held up two fingers. “Not mortal, and I didn’t bed you; I went down on you. Gave you oral sex. Those are completely different things.”

“Oh.”

“You’re how old again?”

She narrowed her eyes. “I fail to see how my age has anything to do with this.”

I rolled my eyes. “Right. So do I get something for winning or not?”

“Well… It is a custom for the loser to receive a prize for besting a foe…”

“You can’t think of anything, can you?”

“Would you like a quest?”

I gave her a ‘What the fuck?’ kinda look. “What would that accomplish?”

“Slaying a great beast would do you some good, I do believe. If you have doubts about whether or not you could pull off such a feat...” Athena shrugged.

My look turned into one of boredom. “I erased an entire town. Killing one beast isn’t going to be a test, and on top of that, I already know what you’re doing. It’s not going to work.”

She cursed under her breath. “Then what is it that you do want?”

I looked away from her and tapped my chin. “I want… Well, I suppose I want to see the Heavens myself.”

“No.”

“That was fast.”

Athena sniffed. “A mere Demigod would not be allowed into the Heavens.”

I held out my left hand and conjured up my Seal. “What if I was The Lord’s Sword?”

She barely looked at my Seal, just giving it a passing glance before her eyes went straight back to it. “You… You cannot- I-” She was at a loss for words.

“Yes, I’m one of God’s chosen few. Feel free to bask if you want, but keep your head on.”

Athena slowly came closer and kneeled before me, reaching out with her hands as if she were going to grasp my Seal gingerly. “You are a chosen of The Almighty?”

“I am.”

“Would- Would you mind putting your Seal on me? So I can prove that I have met you while you are still doing your earthly duties?” Athena asked desperately.

I gave her an odd look. “Why would you want that?”

“It may help me bring Discord back! If you inscribe your words into you Seal, I can say that I have your support to take him back into the Heavens!”

I tilted my head. “I thought my words meant nothing to you?”

“And I apologize. Chosen One,” Athena said rapidly, “but I was unaware of your stature before this! Please do not hold my rudeness against me for both of us know that it was a sin committed in ignorance.” She looked up at me hopefully.

I looked at her coolly. “You tried to kill me permanently and you treated me like a dog. What do I owe you, Athena?”

She chewed her lip. “You owe me nothing, but by doing this, you may help further our goals!”

“... Fine, but I want you to swear on the River Styx that you will come to my call three times.”

“Agreed! I swear on the River Styx that I will come to your call three times!”

I miniaturized my Seal and thought about what I wanted to say. “Alright, I have my message. Where do you want me to place the Seal?”

She held up a hand. “If you would be so kind.”

I gently held it and placed my Seal on the dorsal side. “So can you tell me why my word has so much power?”

Athena rubbed the Seal cautiously. “It is just that those who serve the One Above All are special in many ways. Often they are chosen to become new gods or goddesses depending on their desires and many of our ranks were once Chosen such as yourself.”

“So what?” I asked. “If the Chosen ascend to godhood, why treat them any differently than you would any other god?”

She continued to gaze at the Seal. “New gods are rare enough as it is, but having a god with new powers that have not been given to any other is a different case in itself. There are rumors that you are to become one of the strong few. If Yesu’s experience in ascension has any similarities to yours, then you may become one of the One Above All’s hands in the works. Having connections to you would be beneficial to any god!”

“So I’m just another tool for advancement?” I sneered.

Athena blanched. “I would request nothing more of you, Chosen One. With this, you may have given me all I need to bring Discord back to the Heavens.”

I nodded. “See to it that you have something to trade if you want something from me. If our relationship thus far hadn’t consisted of threats, degradation, and a full-blown fight to the death, we might be on different grounds right now.”

“... I see your forgiveness is not granted easily. It would be folly for me to let things lie where they are.” Is this what having the upper hand feels like when you’re talking to someone more powerful than you?

I raised a brow. “And what are you going to do about it?”

Athena bit her thumb and narrowed her eyes, looking away from me. “I would grant you a blessing, but to aid you now would be to go against Discord… I cannot give you anything of value that would be fit for a warrior like yourself…” Athena looked at me, conflict in her eyes. “We have agreed that I will come to your call three times, but what if I were to grant you three conditional favours to go along with it?”

“The conditions?”

“One is that you do not use what I give you to strike Discord himself, or that you ever try to use me in a plot against him.”

I sighed. “He’s my biggest concern right now, Athena. I’m a Prince of the nation he’s going to war with. Ninety-nine point nine percent of what I can even fathom to ask you for consists of-” I blanked out for a second. “Wait, if you can find some sort of thing that contain Discord…” I trailed off, looking at Athena.

She gave me a sad look. “Hephaestus and Vulcan haven’t made any more containment boxes since Discord trapped three of the Roman gods in them for a laugh.”

I grimaced. “Fuck. There goes that plan.”

Athena sighed. “Chosen One, I suggest that you take my offer and keep them for use at a later date. Having a goddess’ favour can never be a bad thing.”

I rubbed my face. “I need Kali’s favour. Killing Discord would be so much easier than trying to deal with him in a way that doesn’t make you my enemy.”

“Any yet you found it in your heart to try a different path. I sense that you have walked the path of bloodshed, more so than most soldiers.”

“About five thousand more people have died by my hand than any average soldier.” I informed.

“... For the sake of defeating Discord?”

I nodded.

“... That is no small sum, even for a Demigod.”

“Call me a talented bastard.” I said flippantly. “Though I’d appreciate it if you started calling me Roxy instead of what I am.”

“I will not address you by a false name.” Athena said firmly.

“Guess I shouldn’t put it past a goddess to know that ‘Roxy’ is only a pseudonym.” I replied drily.

She nodded. “May I ask your true name?”

“Would it give you any manner of power over me?” I asked.

“No, but it would be an honor to be the first god to hear the name of the latest Chosen One.”

“Isn’t ‘Roxy’ good enough? I mean, it’s the name I answer to these days and it’s what I prefer to be called, honestly.”

“I will not address you by a false name.” Athena repeated.

I took a deep breath and sighed. “Then my name is Kaid. Kaid Gadai.”

Athena looked at me intensely for a moment. “Are you aware of what your name means, Kaid Gadai?”

I scratched my head. “Well, I know ‘Kaid’ means leader or something in an african language. I think my Dad was just fond of it because it was the abbreviation for his name.”

Athena nodded. “You are correct with your first name meaning leader, but did you know that ‘Gadai’ means ‘thief’?”

I looked at her for a moment before I cracked up. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me!”

“I do not see what is funny.”

I chuckled on for a few more seconds. “It’s nothing that would concern you, Athena. Just something funny about my past.”

She nodded. “I assume you were a hunter of thieves?”

“Not quite.” I said through a smile.

Athena gave me a confused look. “You do not have the build of an executioner.”

“No, Lord forbid I become something like that. I was a thief, Athena. I never knew my name fit me so perfectly.”

She blinked at me a few times. “But… You are a Chosen One.”

“Yes.”

“... You could not have been a mere thief.” Athena chuckled to herself. “I see that I must take your words as jest.”

“Tell yourself what you want. I used to be in the business of stealing things.”

Athena chuckled some more and heartily patted my leg before sitting next to me. “I find you amusing, though your joke may have gone over my head at first, I see it for what it is now.”

I just gave her a blank look. “I’m really not joking, Athena.”

She rolled her eyes and showed me a pleasant little smile. “I believe you protest too much. Next you will tell me that oxen grow from trees!”

I didn’t let my face slip at all. “Yeah, no. I’m a reformed thief.”

“Your joke is wearing a little thin, dear Kaid.” Athena said with a smile.

I shrugged. “Like I said, believe what you want. Is there anything I can help you with before you go?”

She shook her head. “There is nothing I need. I will return once I have news from the Heavens.” Athena rose from my bed and crossed her arms. “When I return, I will bring you your reward for winning our contest.”

“Sounds good to me. Good luck, goddess.”

“Well wishes to you, Kaid Gadai.”

A bright light began to fill the room and I had to turn away from it to avoid being blinded by Athena’s damnable showing off. I wasn’t that upset about it, but I would have preferred it if she didn’t try to make my eyes turn to dust just to leave my house. Still, I’d met a goddess and she hadn’t killed me for being a disrespectful little prick, so that was a win in my books, and now I had something to look forward to. I was going to have to tell Twilight that I performed a sexual favour for someone without telling her beforehand, but I was pretty sure that I wouldn’t be in the doghouse too long if I explained the events leading up to the licky-licky.

With my experiment having proven a success, I thought about pressing my luck and going for the help of another god, but I had to face the facts; The gods don’t want Discord back and now that he’s out of their hair, they don’t care what happens to him or what he does. There’s a reason I went to Athena first, and that’s because I knew she would at least offer some response to the giant thorn in my side that is Discord. Zeus and Kali didn’t like Discord, that much was sure, but I didn’t know for certain that they would be willing to help me out against him. Hell, if Athena’s original attitude was anything to go by, then the gods are haughty, pretentious, narcissists that don’t really give a damn about what happens on Equus and trying to contact them would be foolish anyway. There were gods that sympathized with Humans of course, but I didn’t know if any of them would be willing to help me out. There were just too many variables that I needed to explore.

No, I needed to remember what god would hate Discord the most, but the only one I could remember that would still despise him would be Odin. I didn’t know how to summon him, so I was pretty much just limited to the Greek and Egyptian gods since I actually knew how to appease some of them. I’m still not willing to bet that I’ll be able to get much help from the gods, but I need to keep trying with the offerings that I can give them and see if I can get a blessing of some kind for the coming battles, or one for general purposes. For that, I would actually need some sort of encyclopedia on the gods so I could narrow things down a bit, but the patrons I had in mind were pretty much the craftier gods. Sadly, I didn’t know if they would be able to help me at all with my war against Discord, but it was worth a shot, at least.

With my plans for tomorrow settling themselves into my schedule nicely, I wrote Twilight and wished her a good night before writing Noir and telling her that I’d met her match. Twilight wrote back before Noir did and asked me if I’d had an affair or something, so I invited Twilight to come over for a little bit so I could explain things. She told me to hold on for a few minutes, so I went downstairs and prepared a couple glasses of wine so we could have a drink as we talked. Twilight arrived just as I was considering sending her another message, and when she arrived, she was still in her night clothes, though she had her hair pulled back into a sexy ponytail that made me want a little more than conversation.

I offered Twilight her glass of wine and invited her to join me in the living room so we could talk. “Alright Cherry, I know this looks bad already-”

“You didn’t even ask my permission!” Twilight said irritably.

“I didn’t sleep with her.” I replied.

“You’re supposed to ask before you do anything sexual!”

“Well, she was going to kill me if I didn’t slip some fingers in her, so you know. And if you let me explain, you’ll know why I was scared of getting killed by her.”

Twilight gave me a look. “You have sixty seconds to explain yourself.”

“Wasting no time here. Okay, so I summoned a goddess that originated from my world and asked her to help with the Discord situation since she used to be a friend of his, but she couldn’t help me and found out that I was planning on killing him, so we had ourselves a fight, except this wasn’t just any fight. The goddess I summoned, Athena, can actually kill people like us permanently, so I needed to win and I did, but it left me exhausted and aching something fierce. Since I was in such a state, Athena wanted to put me down so I wouldn’t hurt Discord, but I stuck a finger in her lady parts and she froze up, so I added another one, and then she beat around the bush for a little bit before essentially asking me to get her off. I did it to save my life!”

Twilight’s head tilted pretty far to the left. “That story makes no sense, but I know it’s the truth. What even is your life, Roxy?”

“It’s a life no one else could possibly inherit.” I sighed. “So that’s the gist of why I went down on a goddess for the sake of the war efforts.”

My fiance just shook her head. “Why would you go to Discord’s friend for help against him?”

I gave her a look. “It was obviously a part of a larger plan, Twilight. I mean, I could explain it all for you here and now if you want.”

Twilight nodded. “Explain it to me then.”

For the sake of not repeating myself, I’ll skip Twilight’s questions and say that she left my house about two hours later after making me repay her for messing up. The powerful taste of wine overrode Athena’s unique flavour before Twilight left, though it’s not like it was a bad combination or anything, just a bit odd. Twilight left me with no release, so once I finish writing this, I’m probably going to grab a vibrator and take care of myself since no one else has cared to today.

All I ever do is give give give, but I never receive. Such is the life of a mere immortal prick.
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Waking up alone always sucks since it usually means nightmares for me, but it sucked even more than usual last night. I got out of bed and marched myself into the bathroom to get some stuff done before slipping into my morning routine, but I wasn’t really feeling it, which made it that much more tedious. Twilight was still upset with me for doing stuff for Athena, but I could deal with her irritation since I knew that it was pretty much just that. She wasn’t terribly mad or anything, so that’s why I wasn’t too disturbed by the prospect of having her mad at me again. Still, not having Twilight around sucks and she’s the only one in Ponyville who can change me back to a male, so making her mad at me would only make things worse for me in the end.

While I was getting my morning routine done, I thought about what had happened with Athena and the reality that I’d barely escaped being killed for good by the skin of my teeth was settling in pretty nicely and I was really starting to grasp that I’d risked my life on a long-shot bet that wasn’t guaranteed to work out. I was glad that it had, but it was a near miss that could have all come tumbling down if I didn’t shove my fingers somewhere special with Athena, and just thinking about how close I’d really come to taking a long walk off of a short pier with concrete boots made me wonder if I was biting off more than I could chew when it came to dealing with the gods. I couldn’t get away without acting at least somewhat reverent for terribly long, but it just really isn’t in my nature to show deference to anyone who disrespects me as casually as Athena did. My unwillingness to show venerance for the gods may well be my downfall if I’m not careful and that’s a little worrisome. I don’t know if I could get away with using the Prince Path to talk to them since it seems to be geared more toward making me think of myself as a ruler, but fucking HELL, anything's better than getting my arse perma-killed by some god who can’t figure out humility. Honestly, I can’t complain about the way things went with Athena, and even if I wanted to, there wouldn’t be a fucking point to it. Hopefully her dad doesn’t think I’m despoiling his daughter or anything.

Dear God, don’t let the rest of the lesser gods be elitist pricks.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next morning didn’t hold much for me. Crimson and Starshine had until the next day to come back, and I wasn’t exactly pushing for them to show up sooner than that, so I just took Iron and Swift out for our morning run and trained them myself since Onyx had gotten the memo that we wouldn’t be reconvening for another day or so. I wasn’t as well versed in the different styles as he was, but I could still manage to teach a little bit and correct their forms when they made a bigger mistake. All in all, the morning was well spent.

After training was done for the day, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with the rest of my time, so I decided to make some rounds and pick up some necessary goods so Crimson wouldn’t have to go shopping when he got back. It was an incredibly easy process with True Theft, helping me get enough to fill my depleted pantry and stock my ice box. Sugarcube Corner actually had some pecan tarts, so I bought all of those, stuck a note on them, and sent them back home. Touching my tarts is a huge no-no, and if I were to find out about some miscreant getting their mitts on my tasty, precious tarts… There would be a special kind of Hell to pay.

With shopping over and done with, I walked over to Applejack’s farm to see what she was up to since we still hadn’t actually had our talk. I was hoping that she wasn’t going to ream me or something, but I figured that it was a needless worry since she had seemed pretty cool when we’d last met in Canterlot. Granted, I’d knocked her arse out cold within the blink of an eye and there wasn’t much I could do to make up for that, but she’d said that she was okay. Rainbow, on the other hand, wanted a rematch with a handicap that we were going to have to figure out.

When I walked down the dirt path leading to Applejack’s house, I heard the occasional sound of heavy impacts against what I assumed was wood; a sure sign of bucking if I’d ever heard one. Odds were that it was either Applejack or Macintosh, so I followed the sound for a little while, picking my path through the medium sized Apple Trees freely since their was plenty of space in between them. I don’t really go into the orchard much, so I find it pretty easy to get lost in there, hence why I was going to ask the bucker to point me back to the main path.

Much to my surprise, it wasn’t Applejack or Macintosh bucking a tree, but Apple Bloom doing so in their stead. She was quite focused on her task, jumping into the air up to about two-thirds of a meter, then striking with incredible power at the pinnacle of her jump. She usually finished off her bucks with a little flip, which, to a mindful eye, would tell one that she’s either doing more pushing than kicking or she’s perfected the range she needs to buck in such a pointlessly fancy way. I figured that she was doing it to keep herself entertained or something of the like, so I just sat back and watched for a few more bucks until I felt like approaching.

I meandered over to Apple Bloom, stopping a handful of steps away. “Oi, Apple Bloom!”

She landed her flip and looked around for me, finding me after looking the opposite direction first. “Oh, hey Roxy! What brings ya to the farm?” Is it me, or is her voice deeper?

“Applejack said that she wanted to talk to me and I figured that I could bear to do it sooner than later. I see you’re bucking up a storm over here.” I cracked a smile.

Apple Bloom wiped off her forehead. “Gotta pull my weight now that I’m old enough to help out with the heavier chores. I ain’t exactly a filly no more, Roxy.”

I strode over and mussed up her hair with a wide grin. “You’ll always be a filly in my eyes, Apple Bloom. No matter how tall you get or how much you start to look like Macintosh, you’ll always be widdle Apple Bwoom to me.”

She smacked my hand and smoothed her hair out, her face flushed. “Gee, thanks bud. I really wanted Spike’s big brother to tell me I don’t qualify as a mare today.”

I gave her a goofy smile. “Glad to make your wishes come true. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“I need a hundred bits and a team of workers on the farm.” Apple Bloom muttered.

I gave her a look. “I can give you the bits, but you know Applejack would never deal with too many people plowing her fields if she doesn’t know them.” If you know what I mean, that is.

Apple Bloom tilted her head and gave me a look. “Was that second part supposed to mean somethin’ else?” She knows what I mean!

I gave her a blank look. “Dunno what you mean, but I’m sure you just have a dirty mind.”

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t, and I’m sure you don’t have a hundred bits to just be throwin’ around.”

I stared at her for a moment. “Apple Bloom, who’s the richest person in to-”

“Filthy Rich.” She answered immediately.

“Wrong. I have a personal fortune large enough to buy most of Ponyville, including Town Hall.”

Apple Bloom chuckled. “You’re still a funny fella, you know that?”

I gave her a queer look. “Apple Bloom, how do you not know that I’m the wealthiest person in town?”

She rolled her eyes again. “Because you’re not. I don’t know why convincin’ me that you are is so important, but I’m tellin’ ya that it just ain’t gonna work.”

“Ask Mary the Mayor or Twilight if you don’t believe me. Both of them keep tabs on that sort of thing.” Well, Twilight keeps tabs on my banked wealth. What I have in my shed is pretty much mine to waste as I please. As it is, there’s over two thousand bits just going to waste. There might even be upwards of five thousand, though it’s not like I keep tabs on it.

Apple Bloom gave me a bored look. “Now why would I go and do that?”

“Because you doubt me, duh. Jeez, and here I thought you trusted my word.”

“It’s not that I don’t trust you it’s just that… Well, to my knowin’, you don’t do much other than write and… Prince… Stuff.”

“I was an Operative before I was a Prince, and doing my Operative thing paid rather well. Hell, being a Prince doesn’t even pay at all, but between being an Operative and a writer, I’ve made my scratch.”

“Whatever you say, Roxy. Is there a reason you’re interruptin’ my important work?”

“Well, I was hoping you were your sister, but I could always try harassing you for a laugh.”

She gave me a womanly look. “She’s fixin’ up the barn with Big Mac.”

“You mean they’re hooking up in the barn.”

“No, I mean they’re patchin’ the roof. What does ‘hookin’ up’ mean?”

“I’ll tell you when you’re older. Which way do I go to get to the farmhouse?”

She pointed behind me. “I’m old enough to know what you’re talking about now, Roxy!”

“You’re old enough when I say you’re old enough, Bloom.” I smirked.

She picked up an apple from one of her baskets and threw it at me. “Buck off!”

I caught it easily. “Language! Such a foul mouth on such a little filly!”

Apple Bloom gave me a look of such utter frustration that I had to laugh. “Ah! Alright, alright. I’m done now.”

“Good.” She huffed.

I turned to leave in the direction she’d indicated. “Make sure you don’t wet the bed with your big girl panties on tonight, okay Sweetie?”

I heard Apple Bloom make an exasperated noise. “What do I have to do to prove that I’m a mare now!? I swear, nopony gets it!”

I’d only made it a few feet, so I turned around and looked at Apple Bloom. “If it makes you feel any better, I still don’t consider most adult Ponies to be adults.”

That puzzled her. “Why not?”

“Too innocent. Too trusting. Too nice.” I shrugged. “Ponies in Equestria have had it easy for a long time. The fire has been bred out of most of you, and the few of you that do have that fire are usually too reluctant to use it.”

“So we don’t commit crimes, aren’t suspicious of everypony, and we aren’t buck heads. Yeah, Max, we’re the immature ones.”

“Who said you were immature? Honestly, depending on who you talk to, Ponies can be some of the most mature people around. However, being mature isn’t the same as being an adult.”

Apple Bloom gave me a ‘What the fuck?’ kinda look. “Don’t you have to be mature to be an adult?”

“You also have to be able to survive on your own without help for ninety-nine percent of the time, be able to be alone, not jump to conclusions all the fucking time, take care of your own business without having to be told to do it, and most importantly, you’ve gotta not be fucking retarded. Out of those five things, Ponies in Equestria tend to fail at least three of them.”

“Which three?”

“Any of them.”

“So you just put your own standards on stuff and call it law?”

I gave her a look. “I’m a Prince, Apple Bloom. That’s literally my job.”

“Oh yeah…”

I shook my head and started walking again. “Have fun, kid. Hopefully I’ll see you soon.”

“I’m not a kid, I’m a mare!” Apple Bloom called after me.

I raised a hand to show that I’d heard her and continued on my way. I wasn’t really sure how I was going to get to the farmhouse since I couldn’t really see past all the trees, but then I started thinking and stopped being a fucking loon and just used my True Theft to pull myself into the barn. When I stumbled in, I could hear the sounds of hammering going on above me, but I was on the floor where the cows are usually kept at night. I didn’t know how many floors were above me since the last time I’d been inside Applejack’s barn was right around the time she’d killed me, but I was willing to bet that there weren’t more than two for me to see. Of course I slapped myself for taking so long to just walk the fuck up there instead of just going and doing it, but we can’t all be perfect.

I got my stupid arse up the stairs and looked around through the dusty light filtering in through the shutters on the first floor. There was a ladder just chilling next to one of the windows, so I assumed that it was how Applejack and Macintosh had gotten onto the roof. Sadly, it was outside and it was blocking the window, so I had to go out and climb up it since I didn’t want to fuck anything up. Getting to the roof wasn’t a big issue since the ladder was sturdy enough, but the slope of the roof made it a bit hard to get around. I found a sweet spot around the middle that didn’t make me feel like I was about to fall off of it, but wasn’t as steep as going to the top.

It wasn’t long before I heard hammering sounds on the other side, so I took a little time to get over and saw the orange and red siblings toiling away at their work. I didn’t want to bother them while they were busy, so I climbed up to the pinnacle of the roof and had myself a seat, looking over Ponyville while I did so. The view was nice, but it wasn’t something I’d write home about. Now seeing Canterlot from Noir’s room is a sight to behold, though it’s still a little odd that Celestia didn’t keep it reserved for Twilight.

Applejack and Macintosh finished up quickly enough, though when they went to climb their way down the ladder, neither of them noticed me. I took that as the perfect cue to start fucking with them, so as Macintosh lead the way down the ladder, I used my True Theft to grab it and give it the slightest little shake. I could see Macintosh tense up and cling to the ladder for dear life and decided that scaring the piss out of someone as they’re climbing down from a potentially lethal height might not be the best idea. Instead, I just pulled myself through the dimensions and put myself next to the barn door so they would pass me on their way to the farmhouse.

As they rounded the corner a minute or so later, I was about to speak to them, but there was a bright flash and a small spiral of fire to accompany a letter from Celestia. The flash was usually used to signal that a message was important, but I’d never received a message from Celestia that involved fire in any way. I assumed that it meant that whatever it was happened to be the most important thing on my itinerary at the moment, but I rarely enough have the time to make for my friends, and I really did owe Applejack a talk after I’d gone and cold-cocked her.

I was looking at the letter as Applejack called out to me. “Hey, Roxy. Wasn’t expecting to see you today.”

I looked to her and shrugged. “It’s nice out and I still owe you a little talk. I would have came by yesterday, but I had business to attend to in the form of a Goat and some arrogant lady. It’s not really a story worth getting into.”

Applejack walked up to me and stopped a meter or so away while Macintosh just came and patted my shoulder before heading off. “It’s fine, Sugarcube. Thanks for comin’ by.”

“No problem. Now, should we just hop to it or do you want to break the ice first?”

She gave me a small smile. “I just wanted to give ya some good news is all. Well, I don’t know how good you’d consider it, but it makes me feel better.”

I returned her smile. “Then let’s hear it. I’ve always got an ear for good news.”

Applejack nodded. “I forgive ya, Max. Well, I’m not holdin’ the fact that you just up and disappeared for two years against ya anymore.”

I blinked a couple of times. “Now why would you go and do that?”

“Because it was just pointless! All I was doin’ was makin’ myself miserable just because I couldn’t get over somethin’ that hurt you a lot more than it ever hurt me. I mean, Twilight’s four years older than you now when she only used to be two, and everypony got to experience so much while you were gone, but you had to go and get your home country sorted out while we all just kept livin’ our lives. Yeah, we were upset that you were gone, but Twilight’s told me that you let it get to you a lot more than you let ponies know.”

I raised a brow. “What does the last part have to do with anything?”

“It’s the fact that you beat yourself up more than anypony else ever would, and you do it on your own without anypony tryin’ to make ya feel guilty. You already feel bad for not being here, so why should I hold somethin’ against you and try and make you feel even worse?”

“Huh.” I pursed my lips.

Applejack looked at me intently. “... Do you need me to say I’m sorry or somethin’?”

“No, I already forgave you. I’m just wondering what made you feel this way.”

Applejack blushed. “N-Nothin’ important. Just kinda came to the conclusion, ya know?”

“You were lying for half of that.” I said blandly.

She looked away. “Can we not talk about it and say we did?”

“Can we talk about it and say we didn’t?” I countered.

I received an odd look for my words. “That wouldn’t do me no good, Roxy.”

I shrugged. “Depends on what it is.”

“Trust me, it ain’t nothin’ for you to be worried about. Why don’t you tell me about that letter in your hand instead of grillin’ me?”

I held up the missive and cracked the seal that was on it. I hate copying other people’s writing, but summaries are fine. Basically, Celestia wanted my arse in Canterlot as of the moment she sent the missive, so I bid Applejack farewell with a quick hug and took off via teleportation. I arrived in the Royal Family room to find no one there, so I took it upon myself to just go to Celestia’s side since I was sure that she was somewhere around the castle.

As it turned out, my next destination was the Meeting Hall, though why the entire Royal Family save for myself was already present, I didn’t know. “Alright, who left the toilet seat up this time?” I asked cheekily.

I received glares from Celestia and Luna while Noir just rolled her eyes. “This is no laughing matter, Maximus.” Luna said scathingly. “One of our most fearsome enemies has joined Discord in The War.”

“Well fuck me up Shit Creek with a cricket bat, why don’t you?” I muttered. More audibly, I said, “So this is a game plan meeting?”

Celestia gestured toward a seat between her and Twilight, most likely reserved for myself. “Join us and we’ll talk.”

I strode over quickly and looked to Twilight. “You haven’t been waiting on me, have you?”

Twilight turned her head in the opposite direction, clearly giving me the cold shoulder. Celestia answered instead. “We have, and now that you’re here, we can finally begin.”

I waited for a moment and looked at her. “... I have nothing else to say.”

She nodded. “Good.” Celestia arose and looked around the round table. “Now is a critical time, everyone. Discord’s army has been growing stronger by the day and now that he’s accessed some of Tartarus, things will only be getting worse. As it is, I managed to shut the gates of Tartarus and Seal them for another fifty years, but it cost me a lot of Magic, and I have no idea how long it will take Discord to figure it out.”

I tapped her arm. “So why don’t we have two more of our people who can enchant Seals go to Tartarus and reinforce yours? If it only takes him days to figure it out, then we’re still doing better than we were.”

Celestia bit her lip. “Luna and Noir must keep their Magic at full capacity until their time comes, otherwise I would have sent them to do so already.”

“Then why don’t you send me? I can put my Seal on it, do some reconnaissance, and pull myself back home if things ever get hairy.” I asked.

“No!” Noir, Luna, and Celestia all said in unison. Celestia was the one to speak first, however. “We are not sending you to Tartarus. Roxanne, that is literally the place where the worst of the worst go to serve their sentences, and many of the people that I’ve personally sent there were only able to be defeated by the Elements of Harmony. No, there are too many adversaries there that would kill you until you stayed dead.”

“Not only would they kill you, but knowing that you are a Prince of Equestria would turn you into a toy for whatever sick desires they may have. Someone of your stature should not be allowed anywhere near Tartarus without Magic that can destroy the entire country itself.” Luna said firmly.

I raised a brow. “I literally can destroy that whole country, ladies. And Shining. Ladies and Shining.” He gave me a look. “What? Do you want to be counted as a lady too?”

“Will you get on with it?” Twilight huffed.

I spared her a glance. “Alright then. So I can kill single targets and wreck armies. I’ll be fine in Tartarus, and as it is, we need all the help we can get with the situation. Keeping me here so I can sit on my hands is pointless beyond all reason.”

Noir rapped the table with her knuckles, drawing my attention. “You are not allowed to go. So say I.”

I gave her a look. “Shut up, stupid-head. My pee-pee is longer than yours.”

Noir raised her brows. “Do you want to bet on that?”

I looked down at my breasts. “Forgot I was a woman.”

“That’s what I thought. If it makes you feel any better, I would only allow you to go to Tartarus if we were hunting for your familiar. Sadly, you no longer possess Dark Magic, so it would be a pointless endeavor.” Noir shook her head.

I held up my ring. “I have Jovia, remember? She’s pretty much as close to a familiar as I want to get unless you count Nashoba.”

Noir barked out a laugh. “Please! You will always be more of a Wolfmother’s familiar than her yours.”

Celestia coughed. “Getting back to the topic at hand, there has been intel coming in of Tirek leading a small battalion against Mareopolis’ oceanward border. Roxy, we need you and Noir to lead the charge against them while they’re still on their boats, and while there will be upwards of thirty, I’m sure that you will find a way to soften the blow against our soldiers.” Something doesn’t sound quite right...

“Is there something you haven’t told me yet? Something terrible and sucky that I don’t even want to know about but have to ask about anyway because it’s important to the mission at hand?”

Celestia sat back down in her seat and sighed. “Yes, there is.”

Luna piped in impatiently. “Tirek is one of the greatest enemies that Celestia and I have ever faced, succeeding Sombra by a wide margin.”

I leaned forward, clasping my hands together and staring at Luna. “Are you seriously telling me that a guy that you two already had trouble with thousands of years ago is weaker than the guy you want to send Noir and I up against?”

“Much weaker.” Celestia murmured.

I looked to Noir. “Oi.”

She looked at me. “Pip pip cheerio.”

I grinned. “Just like taking on the Spanish Armada.”

Noir frowned. “I don’t like boats.”

“Do you like fire?” I asked.

“I like fire, but in small amounts. I say we burn the ships as we make our way through them.” Noir propositioned.

“I’m assuming we’ll be fighting every boat.” There really wasn’t a doubt in my mind.

Noir smiled brightly. “Until we tire of the challenge! If only you were strong enough to be left by yourself when fighting demons.” She sighed theatrically. “Sadly, we will have to stay together, but we can still count the boats as we sink them.”

I gave Noir an odd look. “You haven’t been keeping up with my mental training, have you?”

She tilted her head. “I have not. I assumed that having my knowledge of our techniques would be enough to suffice. Would you like me to stay diligent with your training?”

I waved a hand. “No, you’re misunderstanding. I’m saying that I think I’ve found a way to makes my kicks a part of my flowing strikes, and I’ve reduced the time it takes to slip into it by a full second, so things are looking good on my end.”

“Have you been keeping up on your weapons training as well?” Noir asked neutrally.

“It’s what I’ve been focusing on. I usually start a fight club and wait until my opponent's first strike to get my weapons out so I know how to get them situated quickly, or head into a war and try swapping weapons around to see what feels best. I think I’m liking the Nacht and Kopis combo the most so far, but I’m not quite sure.”

Noir made a face. “You would be progressing faster if I was teaching you.”

I tilted my chin upward at her. “I successfully used the Absolute Berserk technique without dying.”

Her eyes widened. “... Perhaps you could be left alone for a few minutes.”

Celestia looked at us in turn. “I feel as though that technique has not been mentioned before.”

“It hasn’t. It’s a secret that my master passed down to me, which I have passed down to Roxanne, which she in turn shall pass on to her disciple.” Noir said succinctly.

Twilight jabbed me in the ribs. “Why does that sound incredibly dangerous?” She asked in a lethal tone.

I rubbed my ribs. “Because it is?”

Twilight’s eyes practically smoldered from the heat in her gaze. “Get your head out of your flank, Roxy.”

I looked away from her and rubbed my neck. “So when do we leave to go take care of the impending armada?”

Celestia gave me a pitiful look. “It will be five days before they are within our reach. You should be able to see them from the shore, but if you want to take care of them before they even get that close, we will have boats prepared.”

“What about the people on the boat?” I asked. “If we take the armada on from the front, our soldiers are going to get chased down and killed.”

Noir rapped the table again. “I can fly us most of the way there. It will mean that I will not be able to use my wings while I fight, but then again, I am not terribly concerned about it.”

I nodded. “Great. While we’re chewing through demons, what is Tirek going to be doing?”

“Trying to kill you.” Luna said blandly.

“Lovely. So what makes this guy so fierce? Is his Magic overpowering? Is he a great combatant with his hands? Army of highly trained fighters?””

“All of those.” Celestia rubbed her temples. “It doesn’t help at all that he eats Magic.”

“He what, mate?” I asked.

“I’m a little lost here.” Shining said. “Can we back up a bit?”

Celestia nodded. “Of course. Where do you want to start?”

“Let’s start at what everyone is supposed to be doing.” Shining hinted.

Luna rolled her eyes. “There is no need for the Crystal Empire to be involved in this, Shining Armor. This is a Mainland Equestrian issue that you need not worry about. However, we do feel it necessary to keep you informed of the goings on.” Luna stared Shining down, challenging him.

He backed down, but Cadance stood up. “Let us help! I don’t know what we can do, but there has to be something Shining and I can do to make this easier!”

Celestia sighed. “There is little anyone can do. We need to see if Noir can take down Tirek before we think about reinforcing the Seal on the gates of Tartarus, and if that goes well, then we’ll do it. As for right now, the best you can do, Cadance, is make sure that the Crystal Empire doesn’t get caught off guard while the ill wind is blowing.”

Cadance sat down slowly, obviously disgruntled. “... I guess you’re right.”

“No one likes this, Cadance.” Luna said. “If I could have things my way, Noir and I would be leading the charge against Tirek ourselves instead of having Roxy ‘sub in’ for me.”

“Nothing like fighting demons for your country after all.” I drawled.

Luna nodded sagaciously. “There truly is nothing like it. As one of your mentors, I wish you the best of luck in facing Tirek’s battalion.”

I ran a hand through my hair. “Thanks, but I have another question.”

“What is your question?” Celestia asked.

“What about Adstus? Are they going to be following me into battle?” I asked.

“No. Adstus will be staying with Twilight since one of your members has still yet to see any real combat. Once there is a less challenging battle ahead of you, we will allow Adstus to take part in more skirmishes.”

I nodded. “Good. I was worried about Iron Hoof getting thrown into the fray before she’s ready.”

“I will write Onyx Lock a note and tell him to focus on training Iron and Starshine until they can properly defend themselves against opponents as strong as Swift Strike.” Noir said.

“Yeah, while we’re gone Onyx can get Adstus whipped into shape and we can go kick some arse.” I replied.

“Things won’t be that easy, Roxy. Tirek’s demons are some of the most brutal beings on the face of this planet, and they won’t hesitate to do unspeakable things to you.” Celestia said softly.

“Guess who’s not getting caught in the first place?” I replied.

“You may not have a choice.” Luna said. “There are many techniques that the demons possess that would aid in your capture. This is why you and Noir shall be sticking close to each other while leading the primary assault on Tirek’s forces rather than splitting up.”

Twilight grabbed my hand, though she still wasn’t looking at me. “... Don’t get caught, okay?”

I squeezed her hand. “I’ll do everything in my power to avoid that, Cherry. I don’t want me to get caught either.”

“Good.” She sniffed.

I brought her knuckles up to my mouth and brushed my lips over them. “I’m sorry, Cherry.”

Twilight turned her head toward me ever so slightly. “For what?”

“A few things. For being late today. For going off to do something incredibly dangerous. For doing that thing with Athena.”

“What?” Luna asked. “You can’t seriously be doing this right now.”

Twilight’s ears flicked. “Apologies accepted.”

I squeezed her hand again and scooted a bit closer to her since I was officially cleared to do so. Luna just shook her head while pretty much everyone else looked on in mild confusion. It wasn’t as if it mattered much, but I did understand that the timing was weird. In my defense, getting the cold shoulder from Twilight bothers me more than it would your average person.

“If you two are quite done, we have an incoming invasion force preparing to strike.” Luna said irritably.

“I’m listening, Lulu. What else do we need to cover?” I asked.

Celestia coughed. “You and Noir shall leave at the end of the week to go to Mareopolis, though I suggest that you change into your normal form before you go.”

I looked to Twilight. “Can we do that now, actually? I need to spend some time training before I have to start killing things.”

Twilight gave me a look. “I’m not going to do it before your week is up.”

“I’ll turn you back. Having you stay as a woman only puts a bigger target on your back while dealing with Tirek’s forces.” Celestia said.

A minute later, I was done with the transformation and Twilight and I were walking out of the Meeting Hall together. We weren’t talking, but Twilight let me hold her hand, so I assumed that I wasn’t too deep in the doghouse. Twilight and I were only going to have a few more days to spend together, so it was unspoken that we would spend them together in the comfort of one of our homes, though it would most likely be hers, if nothing else than because she would request it to be that way. I had no problems with it, but Adstus was due to return the next day, so I needed to be home when everyone else was there so I could tell them what was going on. Things were picking up a bit already, but it was important that I maintain a level head until I was allowed to go all out.

Twilight and I ended up spending the night at my place, much to my surprise. When I asked her about why she’d chosen my place, she told me that it was because she missed my bed, but I knew that she’d really just gotten tired of trying to be mad at me and wanted to apologize for being distant. It wasn’t necessary at all, but I loved her for her consideration. I suppose I forgot to mention that Adstus wasn’t happy about their standing orders to sit and train for a while, but when I told them that Noir had a mission for them, they perked up. Starshine was looking forward to using a new poison she’d made, Swift and Crimson were just tired of being inactive, and Iron was looking forward to a chance to prove herself to her colleagues since she was the rookie of the group. Hell, it would probably be her first real experience in combat if I’m not mistaken, but I’m sure that the rest of my team has her back if need be.

For now, I’m tired of writing. I might pick it up when I’m closer to heading toward Mareopolis, but I think I’m just going to focus on spending as much time with Twilight as I can.
______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It’s been four days since I last wrote and things have been going pretty well. I’ve taken to doing my own training in the morning, waking up before the rest of my team to train just a little harder and continuing with my training until at least two in the afternoon. Keep in mind that I’m actually pushing myself to the point where I use Noir’s technique to keep going on the rare occasion that I haven’t made it up to my self imposed limit. Yeah, the last four days have consisted of doing more than I thought I could, and then going beyond that. Twilight usually welcomes me home with open arms since she likes the way my perspiration smells, but I always want a shower immediately after she touches me.

As of right now, Onyx and Crimson are handling Adstus beautifully, making the training a little more intense than it has been. Most nights, everyone goes to sleep worn out from the day’s events, but soon enough they’ll be ready for an excursion into the Everfree. As it is, they’re ready for just about any force I’ve ever fought against as long as the numbers aren’t too heavily weighted in the opposition’s favour. No, I think my team will fare just fine, no matter how they decide to follow up their training.

I departed from Ponyville after a hug and a kiss from Twilight and many well wishes from my friends that came even more torrentially than they had been when Twilight let it slip that I would be facing demons from Tartarus. Fluttershy begged me to stay and Pinkie warned me against getting lost in the midst of battle which surprised the fuck out of everyone except me, but I told Pinkie to stay on her own toes and to keep bringing me intel whenever she could. Of course I asked Pinkie to do this for me away from the group, but still. I felt it necessary to mention.

Once I was in Canterlot, I took my time in getting to the Castle since there really was no need for me to rush. If we were running low on time, I would surely be notified, so I walked up to the guards on duty outside the Castle Gates. “Good day, gents. Prince Maximus here for General Noir.” I said pleasantly.

The guards didn’t move an inch, so I waved. “Hello?”

They still didn’t move, so I went over to poke them and found that shit wasn’t even bothering them, so then I started listening more carefully and realized I couldn’t hear their heartbeats. On the contrary, I couldn’t hear anything. That worried me to no end, so I rushed past the guards and into the Castle itself, snatching myself from where I was to Celestia’s side. When I zooped out of the space between the dimensions, I found myself next to a bound and gagged Celestia who was kneeling beside Luna, also bound in a similar fashion. My first instinct was to scan the room for any possible conspirators, but when I looked around the room, nothing was happening. Celestia and Luna were bound, frozen in time, sitting in an empty room, so my next plan of action was to free them of their bonds and see if I could rouse them from whatever illusion was being cast over them.

I cut them free of the ropes that were confining them, but when I looked into Celestia and Luna’s eyes, all I saw was empty pools of magenta and greenish blue, so I left them where they were and teleported myself to Noir’s side, but I wasn’t expecting her to be struggling against a fucking Centaur in the Castle's Grand Hall. The large red fellow was taller than Noir by about half a meter and was far more heavily built. Wielding two morning stars, the bastard was keeping Noir on her metaphorical toes during every second of their clash, not letting up and inch on her. Mordemor was taking a beating like no other, and since I was now in the middle of the fray, I had to get the fuck out of the way before the demonic looking fucker took my bloody fucking head off with a swipe meant for Noir.

With a lunge, I made my way out of the battle zone until I was a few meters away. The big red bastard had no eyes for me, but instead was doing his best to subdue Noir with his twin morning stars. They seemed like they were a real bitch to deal with, so I tried activating my True Magic so I could reach inside of the motherfucker and just end the fight, but when I entered his form, my hand felt like it was catching fire. My little attempt to rip the bastard’s heart out had worked against me since his attention was now on me, but Noir managed to land a deep gash on his chest while he was distracted.

Sadly, Noir’s blow was the only one she was landing any time soon because the big red fucker swung one of his spiked balls at her and sent her clear across the room. He and I locked eyes and I drew Nacht with my right hand, both it and my Kopis already having been on my hips. I kept my left hand free and my right on grip while our time-stopping shit-burglar started walking toward me, his maces swinging gently as his hooves clopped loudly on the marble floors.

“I am Tirek, Lord of Southern Tartarus. What is your name, mortal?” Tirek announced, his voice deep and gravelly, like he gargled with broken glass just to make his voice that much more intimidating.

“My name’s Max, and I’m supposed to be the guy who takes you down.” I answered less than confidently.

Tirek chuckled mirthlessly. “Another mortal to the slaughter. The tall one was fun, but I feel as though you won’t be half the challenge she-”

I snatched one of his eyes out of his skull.

The demon lord-guy-thing stopped in the middle of his sentence and blinked a couple of times with his right eye while the lids of his left simply wavered and flapped creepily. “... Did you just take one of my eyes?” Tirek asked blankly.

I held it up for him to see. “Look here, mate. I don’t think this is going to go down like you want it to. Why don’t we take a rain check on this and we’ll scrabble-dabble-do this later, yeah?”

Tirek reached up and poked his empty eye socket, now oozing a sickly black liquid. “You know I’m going to keep you as a pet and rape every one of your defenseless holes until you die, right?”

A shiver went down my spine. “Tough talk, but I feel like I’m only getting half of your attention. I’ll let you know right now that I’m a wily one; you’ve really got to keep an eye on me.”

Tirek started getting a little too close for comfort, so I threw his eye over his shoulder, hoping that he would at least think to catch it or something. Sadly, he did not and I knew for a fact that he could outrun me, so I did what I thought was best and reached back into the inferno that was the inside of Tirek’s body and pulled him out of the Castle and into the space between the dimensions. After looking around for a little bit, I heard Noir groan and some stones shifting, so I went a ways down the hall and found my mentor picking herself up out of the remains of a pillar. Needless to say, it was a very large and rather heavy pillar, but she managed to get out just fine on her own. I would have helped, but she really did just chug through being buried under a pillar like a real champ. Gold star for Noir.

Noir freed herself after a moment or so of me getting close enough to do anything, so we just looked at each other for a little bit. “There wasn’t a plate on the train that hit you. Sorry.” I quipped.

My mentor panted for a few more moments. “I am going to kill that thing.”

“Well, I shoved him in a special place where we can get everyone together and jump him.”

She looked at me. “... Good boy. Good boy.” She sat down on some of the rubble behind her.

I had a seat on some adjacent piece of pillar. “Got your arse handed to you.”

“I underestimated him greatly.”

“Yeah, don’t do that. Get serious with him next time and blow his face into oblivion.”

Noir gave me a look. “Who made you my Master?”

I grinned. “Why, you did Blackberry.”

She inhaled and let her breath out slowly. “If only I could go back in time that far.”

I patted her leg with my True Theft. “There there, Noir. At least your Master is a guy you taught yourself.”

She gave me a dull look. “And for all the teaching I did, he learned little of how to properly kill something stronger than him.”

I raised a brow. “I’m not the one who just got out of a pile of rubble.”

Noir flipped me off and I just had to smile. She’d taken a real arse whooping and I just found that to be the most amusing little thing. “So what’s the gameplan for when we face him next time?” I asked.

“I kill him a hundred times, you kill him once, and then I kill him a hundred more times.” She replied with finality.

I patted her arm and stood up. “Well, we’ve got to go find Celestia and Luna. I’m sure this time-stop thing has ended by now, and we’ll probably need to get you patched up.”

Noir stood and stretched in an odd fashion. She’d actually dislocated a hip and her right arm while she was busy with kissing the pillar she’d crashed into, and the noises she made while popping her joints back into place were pretty shit, honestly. She was good to go after a few minutes of rest, however, so we alighted to Luna’s shadow. As it turned out, they were still frozen in place, meaning that we were going to have to go back and kick Tirek’s arse before everything went back to normal.

The universe itself hates me.

When Noir and I were as prepared for the coming battle as we were going to get, I dragged us into the place between the dimensions, thinking of landing near Tirek. The motherfucker was simply gone without a trace, and no matter where we looked for him, he was just… Nowhere. It was an infuriating turn of events and I wanted nothing more than to pull his bright red arse to me and have a go, but Noir suggested that we go through the Shadow Dimension and peer at him through his shadow so we know where he’s at. It sounded like a better idea than mine, so we went with it.

After a few seconds of abyssal darkness, Noir waved her hand a bit and then there was light. We were positioned under Tirek, but it was clear that he was on the deck of a boat, evidenced by ropes and wooden floors. Noir stuck her head into the mirror like window and had herself a look around before waving for me to do so as well. Once I’d gotten a good idea of what the ship looked like, I dipped my head back into the Shadow Dimension and Noir brought us back to the castle.

“Alright, first things first: What the fuck do we do right now?” I asked.

Noir stroked her chin. “Undoubtedly this stopping of time has been caused by Tirek eating my True Magic. We must meet him on the battlefield, Maximus, but I will need a day to rest. For the time being, I need you to stock up on energy and prepare for conflict with Tirek.”

I nodded. “I’ve already taken one of his eyes. Here’s hoping I can pop the other one and slip a dagger in there.”

My mentor blinked at me. “You have done what now?”

“I’d show you, but ripping out his eye in the first place was pretty gross. It’s actually around here somewhere, but I don’t know where I threw it exactly.” I shrugged.

“... It may be somewhat beneficial for us to strike Tirek now if that is the case. I wonder why he was not able to eat your Magic?” Noir mused.

I scratched my head. “Beats me, to be honest with you. My best guess is that it’s because my Magic is specifically located in my hand and isn’t an area of effect type deal.”

Noir shook her head. “Something that simple could not be the cause. Perhaps it is the origin of your Magic that keeps it from Tirek’s grasp?”

“Quite likely, I suppose, but are you sure you don’t need medical attention or anything? You did just get sent through a pillar after all.”

“Worry not, Maximus. I have been hit harder in my long life.” Noir said with a pained grin.

“I find that easy enough to believe, but I’m pretty sure you need more than just a little rest.”

She waved off my worries. “I will be fine, my pupil. As tough as you think I am, I am a little tougher.” Almost as if God was watching for shits and giggles, Noir coughed up a little blood and spat out a clot from her squashed nose.

“... Fluttershy” I tapped my chin.

Noir gave me a pleading look. “Not Fluttershy.”

“Flut~tershy” I sang.

“Please. Anything thing but her! Rest me on a bed of nails, hang me in a gibbet, dangle me over a fire; just don’t take me to Fluttershy!” Noir bawled theatrically.

“But she’d take such good care of you!”

“Leaving would bring her to tears and we don’t have much time to stop Tirek. Taking a day to recuperate is already being generous.” Noir said seriously.

“So we go to my house and have Starshine look you over.” I stated.

Noir nodded and offered me her hand, so I took it with my right and pulled us to my house with her left. Our landing was fine, but arriving suddenly in the middle of the living room while there’s a discussion going on is strange at the best of times. I picked Starshine out from her usual chair and had Noir take a rest on one of my chairs with higher backs. Noir gratefully took a seat and Starshine ran off to gather some medical equipment, and upon returning with her things, she began to give Noir a pretty decent battlefield diagnosis after checking her breathing and general physical condition. She gave my mentor the clearance to do whatever needed to be done, but for the time being, all that needed to be done was get Noir somewhere she could rest properly and feed her enough to get her Alicorn healing powers kickstarted.

I wrote Twilight a note that told her that Canterlot Castle was frozen in time and that I was pretty sure that only Alicorns or people possessing True Magic could enter while it was trapped in time. I didn’t have much in the way of details about it, but I told Twilight all I could about the situation before I called for Nashoba. She arrived mere minutes after I summoned her and I gave her the skinny on the situation before asking for her help. Nashoba practically jumped at the opportunity to hunt stronger game, and I was thankful that she would finally have a chance to let loose and get her paws dirty with saving Equestria. It would be the first real fight we’d taken part in together for some time, and with her and Noir running the Vanguard, I would be able to pick whatever I wanted from Tirek.

Nashoba went to go comfort Noir (Or mock her) in my room and I spent my time training in my head, practicing with using my True Theft in combat. I didn’t know how well it would work against Tirek himself since the bastard was able to fight on par with Noir, but I did know that I could get close to his level if I activated all three of my life endangering techniques at the same time. Hopefully I wouldn’t need to do so, but we just don’t know how the battle tomorrow is going to go. As it is, I’ve spent a lot of time worrying and writing, but there isn’t much that seems like it’s helping. I really do hope that the battle goes well, for everyone’s sake, but the main thing that’s worrying me right now is the fact that I never got a response from Twilight. I hope she’s okay… Well, I know she’s excited in a good way from our connection, but that makes me pretty sure that she hasn’t read my note. Still, I’m sure she’ll have her own battle to fight or something, so it’s good that she spend her time as happy as possible.

Tirek… I’m waiting until we meet again. Your arse is mine for the taking, and there’s nothing that can stop me from turning you into glue, Seabiscuit.