Three days have passed since my last journal entry, though that’s because I convinced Twilight that writing about the same events over and over again would be redundant and more than a little tiresome. She still wants me to write down what happened in the last three days, but I haven’t made a single step as far as my recovery goes. I’m still eating a single piece of fruit every few hours since I can’t hold anything down, there’s still no inflection or intonation in my voice, and every time I look in the mirror, I want to punch the guy in front of me. Honestly, if I never had to look at myself again, I might be a little happier, but fucking mirrors, pools of water, and glass in general all exist for the sole purpose of teasing my hands. It’s to the point that even catching glimpses of myself fills me with a fury that doesn’t fucking help anything.

It’s not like I was expecting to get better in a few days or anything, or that I wasn’t aware that there were going to be bumps in the road, but just keeping my hands and mind busy hasn’t done a damned thing to help me so far. I know Twilight’s sensing my misdirected frustration from our connection and Noir’s been talking me down from the homicidal/suicidal thoughts that have been rearing their ugly heads as often as she can, but they truly do come from the slightest, littlest perceived affront or snub. I’ve gone off on two of the Castle’s staff members for doing little other than asking me if I wanted something one too many times. My moods have been getting unpredictable at best and at worst, I’m like a fucking block of sodium sitting on a shitty raft in the middle of the ocean during a storm. Twilight’s been helping with the volatility by keeping me placated with kisses and gentle admonitions when I get out of hand, but the incidents are becoming more frequent and there’s little I can do about them since…

I fucking hate to admit it, but I don’t feel like me anymore. I feel like a monster in a stranger’s body, a ghost in a shell. Celestia, Luna, and Noir have all been assuring me that they’ve all gone through similar stints of bipolar behavior after certain triggers that left them emotional messes, but none of them would ever give me a straight answer when I asked how long it took for their mood swings to pass. The most exact answer I got was ‘a good while’, but that could mean years when you’re talking to beings that are multiple millennia old. When I get lovely answers like that, it’s hard not to tell the people giving those answers to either go fuck themselves or kill themselves on the spot. I’m ashamed to admit it, but Noir and Celestia have both seen me lose my mind completely in the last few days when I was alone with them, and it hurts to know that I can’t even control it.

Today’s just been a bad day all ‘round. I came close to snapping at Twilight when she lost a bit of her patience with me when I yelled at a maid for accidentally asking me what I wanted to drink twice at breakfast, though it may have just been the fact that everyone else’s cups were empty and I’d yet to touch mine. Still, I’ve heard whispers about me in the halls when people think no one’s listening in. I’ve been compared to Blueblood and the only saving graces I’ve received so far are that I apologize when I’ve lost my steam and that I’m not an arrogant prick. I feel that I should mention that those apologies mean little when the person you’re shouting at is in tears by the time you’re done, but you have to understand. It’s like having tunnel vision that’s only used for rage that comes on whenever the fuck it feels like. You can’t snap out of it, you can’t calm yourself before you go off, and there usually aren’t warning signs to signal when you need some alone time. That in itself is a Hell all its own, knowing that you can’t be around people without walking on eggshells for their safety more so than yours.

Enough about me bitching about how my life sucks. I have good things to look at, so I’m going to write them down before I put myself in a mood again. I have Twilight, who has left my side exactly fifteen times in the past three days to use the restroom alone, and three more times due to me sending her off so she doesn’t get poisoned by my toxic aura. I’ve noticed that she’s been getting a little less cheerful in the past few days, and I know that the cause has to be me, thus I ask her to go take a walk or something while I ‘talk’ to one of the other three resident Alicorns.

Speaking of them, Celestia has been quite supportive with my recovery so far. She’s been tolerant of my moods and has said that I shouldn’t worry about her reprimanding me until I actually lash out and hurt something other than someone’s feelings. At that point, she’ll restrict my access to the more public parts of the Castle, though I’ll probably be spending more of my time in the Castle Gardens since they’re so pleasant. That’s actually where Celestia and I met the other day, and though I’ve officially tainted the area with some undue verbal abuse, I still want to go back so I can get out of the stone walls for a little bit.

Luna has been helpful in her own way. The other morning when Twilight woke up and looked like she needed a good break from my bullshit, I went to Luna and she lead me through some exercises and let me beat on a few training dummies. I actually broke two of the training swords since I’d gotten so caught up in venting my frustrations, but I’ve been assured that they’re a bit a dozen. Twilight’s advised me against hitting things to feel better, so I might not be doing much of that any time soon.

Noir took a turn with me the other day and we met in her room right after I shouted down a Day Guard for barring me access into her room. She actually saved that guy from a severe arse-whooping since he’d been adamant about not letting me into her room and I’d been too caught up in blind fury to remember that I could just teleport myself in if I really wanted to. Sadly, that meant she caught the brunt of my tirade since she’d interrupted in the middle of things, but Noir had more than enough patience to let me wear myself out before trying to talk to me.

All in all, I’ve got a roof over my head, good food to be placed on my plate whenever I feel like I can actually hold it down, and three people who are more than friends to help me through my tribulations. That’s not even mentioning the fact that Twilight’s been putting up with me ever since we met up again in Gryphonia, so I really do need to get my shit together before I end up distancing myself from her.

Anyway, after breakfast, Twilight asked that I show her how to make things from wood, though I was a little hesitant to do so since she was kinda accident prone, but I acquiesced without many protests since she was taking an interest in something I liked to do. On the way to the Gardens, Twilight asked me how I was feeling at the moment and I told her that I was feeling like I was on the level for the time being. She held my hand as we walked after that and I felt a little better about the day, though I was still upset with myself for going off on that innocent maid for no real reason.

When we arrived in the Gardens, I used my True Theft to grab some of my tools from my shed and showed Twilight what they were for on a block of soft wood that wouldn’t take too long to work with. She picked it up pretty quickly and without too many issues. I got one for Twilight to work with and she asked what she should make, so I suggested that she start with a simple bird or something so I could keep pace with her and show her what was going on with the whole woodworking thing.

Twilight and I quickly fell into a rhythm and moved in sync like we’d been practicing it all along so we could show it off. Stroke for stroke with our rasps, we started forming our birds and in the end, they actually looked quite different. Twilight had stopped before I did since she was proud of the rough shape she’d made and wanted to sand it down before she ruined it and I wanted to add some more detail, so we diverted paths and I showed Twilight how to work a piece of sandpaper so she could get the most of it. While I was adding feathers to my bird’s wings, Twilight finished up and I gave her piece a look. It had actually turned out quite nicely for a first sculpture and I told her as much before asking if she wanted to give it legs since we’d only formed the body. She was, of course, confused about how we planned on doing so until I told her that we were going to find a few suitable branch around the gardens to use.

She was still confused, but still followed me around as we went from tree to tree, looking for two perfect branches to use as her bird’s walking sticks. After a good while, we found a couple that were about the same width as my crank drill, so I grabbed my garden shears from my tool shed and clipped them, though I would have preferred to so with a knife. Sadly, that ‘no sharp object’ rule was being enforced heavily for the duration of my mood swings, so I had to make due with having literally every other kind of tool at my disposal.

I showed Twilight how to use the drill and she nearly made a mess of it rather quickly. I told her to start slower and to keep the pressure as consistent as she could and she off and started using magic. I gave her a look for doing what she did and she just gave me the most innocent smile that told me she thought she’d probably just figured that it was no problem. I didn’t say anything to it, but Twilight picked up on my feelings on the matter quickly enough.

“Max, do you have a problem with me using Magic for this?” She asked.

“Not really, it’s just that I feel like woodworking is so much more personal when you use your hands to do it.” I replied evenly.

“Magic is personal too! Everyone’s Magic is a little different. If somepony else were to try using your drill and talking at the same time, your average person would mess it up pretty bad. That is, if they could even operate the drill thingy with Magic in the first place.”

I nodded. “Right. I get what you’re saying.”

“... So do you want me to start using my hands again?” Twilight asked tentatively.

“It’s hard to get a hole started, but it’s easier to keep going once you’ve got it made.” I looked at her. “Either way you want to go, just be sure not to drill too deep.”

Twilight sighed and her aura faded. “Just when I thought I was in the clear.” She muttered.

“You ARE in the clear.” I said a bit hotly.

Twilight cast a glance at me. “How about we take a break for a kiss or two? I wouldn’t mind loaning you a couple to be paid back later.”

Shit, you saw it before I did. “Yeah, I like the sound of that. Can we add compound interest?”

Twilight beamed. “I don’t know if you’re ready for that. I’ll be sure to keep track of it, you know.”

“Please do. I like paying my debts, one way or the other.” I gave Twilight my equivalent of a smile.

She gave me a warm one in turn and cleaned up the mess of sawdust and wood shavings we’d made shortly before scooting across the bench we were sitting on to kiss my cheek. “You should know better than to say that. There are no debts between us, Amour.”

“And yet I feel like I owe you for the past few days.” I took her hand in mine. “I know I’ve been…”

“Difficult?” Twilight suggested. Understatement of the year.

“A lot more than that, but it fits. I’m sorry I’ve been so difficult, but…” I sighed.

She squeezed my hand and kissed my cheek again. “You have to get worse before you get better, Max. That’s what Celestia and Noir keep telling me, and I like to think that they’re right.”

“If being a complete arse all the time means getting better, then I’m not so sure that I should. I mean, I made that woman cry at breakfast and all she asked was what I wanted.”

Twilight removed her hand from mine and rubbed my back. “Nopony deserves to be left bereft of their heart, Max. Even if you did something terrible, you deserve something good.”

I gave her an odd look. “Did you just say ‘nopony’?”

She blushed. “It was a slip of the tongue.”

“I could always slip you my tongue.” I said automatically.

Her brows raised and a little smile played on her lips. “Could you now?”

“Come a little closer and I’ll show you how I make the ‘L’ sound.” I said cheekily.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Are you going to lick my tongue?”

“If you let me, I most definitely will.”

Twilight kissed me and I licked her lips, making her smile again as she wiped them off. “You missed.”

“Maybe I wanted to see if your lips tasted like sugar.” I replied flatly.

“Do they?”

“I’m going to need another taste to tell properly. They’re sweet, and that’s all I can say for now.”

She rolled her eyes again and we did a little snogging in the bright summer day. Thankfully, it wasn’t terribly hot, though it was still quite warm out. Either way, I got to kiss Twilight until we were interrupted by a younger butler that asked me specifically to come to the Reception Hall, the place where meetings are held with dignitaries and the like. He didn’t say who had come to call, but I was still required to go and that annoyed me a little bit. Twilight was supposed to stay behind since she wasn’t needed, but I was vehement about bringing her along and wouldn’t take no for an answer. Twilight was loathe to leave my side as well, so we sent the butler back to ask if she could be with me.

The fellow came back after a while and said that only my presence had been requested and that I was to go alone to meet with Celestia, Noir, and the visiting Queen, but I refused to go unless Twilight was invited along. She said that she would walk me there, and that if I was with Celestia and Noir, they would most likely have me covered for all intents and purposes. I didn’t want to leave my love, however, so I just teleported us into the Reception Hall because I’m an arse and it’s my way or the highway.

I looked around for a moment and saw Noir and Celestia sitting on one side of the table while Elfriede was sitting on the other. The Gryphon raised a brow and looked at me coolly. “I see you’ve decided to ignore my request to come alone.”

“I did.” I replied elegantly.

“If it’s a problem, I can leave.” Twilight said anxiously.

I shook my head. “If you leave, I leave.”

“An ultimatum already? How quaint.” Elfriede said blandly.

I took Twilight’s hand and lead her to the table, sitting next to Noir while Twilight had an empty seat to her side. “It’s not an ultimatum. It’s just that I’m not in the best condition to be doing things without Twilight by my side ride now.”

Elfriede looked at me intently. “Princess Celestia has hinted that you are quite incapable of negotiating and will be for the foreseeable future. I, however, refuse to believe that you are a lesser man who would let something trivial get in the way of politics.”

“I never cared much for politics anyway.” I replied flatly.

“Max, we need you to negotiate today. I know I said you wouldn’t have to do any business for awhile, but Elfriede prefers to parlay with you.” Celestia said.

I snapped my finger under the table and I could feel Twilight’s disappointment. “Then let’s make this quick so I can return to what I was doing.”

Elfriede barked out a laugh. “You think this is going to be a simple arrangement?”

“I am allowed to hope, am I not?” I asked.

She scowled. “I don’t like your tone.”

“I apologize for it, in that case. There is little I can do about it, however.”

She tapped her talons on the table. “It’s obvious that something is wrong with you.”

“That’s why I’m here in Canterlot in the first place. I was in Otterwa briefly, but it was decided that my mental condition was unsuitable for negotiations of any kind.”

Elfriede scowled and I snapped my fingers again, heading back into Person Mode. “It was for the best, in my opinion-”

“I don’t care what petty reasons you have for not showing up in my court at the allotted time, you fool. Gryphonia and Equestria are supposed to be allies, aren’t we?” Elfriede interrupted.

“We are.” I replied.

“Then why did you only send me a feather-plucking letter to let me know that you weren’t coming? You didn’t even write it yourself!”

“Because genocide tends to fuck with people’s heads, especially if you’re the one committing it.” I snapped.

Elfriede blinked. “You committed genocide?”

“Yes, I did.”

“And that’s why you’re mentally unstable?” She asked in disbelief. “Would you care to grow a pair, or would you like to continue being a mouse of a man?”

My breath caught. “I’d think carefully about your next words, Elfriede.”

“Tch. You’re a Prince, you fool! Genocide is a part of your job, whether you like it or not!” Elfride spat.

I bristled. “You’ve never laid waste to thousands of lives with your own fucking hand you feathered cunt! Don’t you fucking dare presume that anything you’ve done compares to what I have!”

She held her head high and glared at me. “By my own hand, I have sent hundreds to die, so don’t you think for a moment-”

“You. Didn’t. Kill. Them.” I seethed. “How many children have died by your hand, Elfriede? How many innocent souls have you rended from flesh for the sake of an alliance for a fucking war you don’t want a hand in anyway? How many people have you even sunk a blade in yourself, because when I look at you, I don’t see a murderer. I see a Queen who might have dirt on her hands, but I don't smell the stale stench of blood.”

The plumage around her neck ruffled. “Who are you to make assumptions about me!?”

“I’m the fucker who can literally rip your soul from your body, that’s fucking who.”

Elfriede slammed her fists on the table. “Mark my words, Maximus; you do not want me as an enemy.”

“Who’s more dangerous? The Queen with an army or the guy who can kill them all single handedly?” I hissed.

“Max…” Twilight laid her hand on my arm. “Maybe you should take a breather?”

Elfriede scoffed. “He doesn't need one. This is the voice of a warrior! Not-so-idle threats, the touch of unbridled rage! Maximus needs to speak his mind!”

My lip curled. “My mind is telling me to throw you back to your castle, Elfriede.”

She smirked at me. “While I miss the snark, I’m liking the hostility. Perhaps I really should give you a try, even if your crazy penis would split me in half.”

Twilight lit up bright red. “He’s mine, Elfriede.”

Elfriede raised a brow. “And? I’m sure you could bear to share once or twice.” Piss her off and it's over, bitch.

Twilight levelled a glare at her. “I’ll teleport you to the bottom of the ocean if you touch my Amour.” Atta girl!

Elfriede smirked at her too. “See, Celestia? This is the fire of the new generation. You’ve got a pair of young warriors ready for The War already.”

Celestia shook her head. “At this rate, neither of them will be fighting in it. Twilight is supposed to help handle administrative duties and Maximus was supposed to lead certain missions, but it would seem as though he won’t be able to handle it in the near future.”

“I can ‘handle’ whatever I need to handle.” I said hotly.

She looked at me briefly. “When your mind is whole once more, we shall see.”

I took a deep breath and let it out. “As you say.”

Twilight held my hand and addressed Elfriede. “We should get back on track. What are your terms for assisting Equestria during The War?”

Elfriede raised a brow. “Gryphonia will be fighting for it’s own people. We will be allies and we will coordinate our movements, but the individual battles will be fought separately. This way, no one nation’s force will be subject to the frontline treatment.”

I nodded. “Sounds like a good compromise, though it would be better if we participated in the same battles. Equestria or Gryphonia takes the frontal assault route and then one or the other attacks the enemy from behind, the side, or above to wipe them out. Gryphon's are all flyers, so it would make sense to have them do the phalanx strikes.”

I earned myself a few stares, but Noir backed me up. “He is right. Having Gryphons assault the enemy from the air would be a wise maneuver, given that most armies would be wary of firing straight upwards.”

Elfriede tapped her beak. “Having your Pegasi make clouds so my forces could use them as cover would be an interesting move as well, especially if they were made of Cloudcrete.”

I furrowed my brows. “Cloudcrete?”

Twilight answered. “It’s a construction material made of clouds. It’s comparable to concrete with how hard it is, but it’s lighter than air.”

“Oh. Then why not make a few sky fortresses and keep our flyers there so we can have a mobile strike force that go be anywhere we need them to?” I asked.

Celestia hummed. “That’s actually not a bad idea.”

Noir nodded. “It is a good idea indeed. Why we did not think of it before, I do not know.”

Elfriede tapped her beak again. “Perhaps we should have Maximus weigh in on some of the war tactics since he seems to have such good ideas.”

“When things come up I’ll give you my opinion and ideas, but until then I just want to be left alone for a little while.” I responded.

Elfriede gave me a look. “Royalty doesn’t just get ‘left alone’. You accepted the responsibility of being a Prince, and so you must deal with the consequences.”

Twilight frowned. “Max never wanted to be a Prince in the first place. It’s not like he jumped at the opportunity.”

Celestia blushed lightly and averted her gaze. “I believe Max deserves a little leeway. It’s not like he became a Prince because he desired it in the slightest.”

Elfriede scoffed. “I didn’t want to become a Queen either, but someone had to go and kill my husband.” She shot me a dirty look.

“I could’ve left him alive to beat you whenever he felt like it.” I snarled.

She looked away. “... That’s neither here nor there.”

“That’s what I thought.” I folded my arms.

Twilight jabbed me in the side and gave me a cross look. “That was completely unnecessary.” She whispered harshly.

I looked at the table and didn't say anything, so Celestia picked up the conversation. “How about we have lunch and put these words behind us for the time being?”

Elfriede grimaced. “I cannot eat most of your Pony food, you know.”

I raised a hand. “I have some cured meat at home that I would be willing to share.”

“Interesting. I forgot that you weren’t an herbivore like the Ponies.”

“Just because I spend a lot of time around them doesn’t mean I’m one of them. Race wise, that is.” I reminded.

“You know, you could have your fill of delicious meats if you were to come to Gryphonia for a while.” Elfriede said casually.

“I would request that I be allowed to bring the tall blue one over there along with me.” I pointed at Noir.

Elfriede looked at her. “I thought most Ponies found eating meat to be distasteful at best?”

Noir hooked a finger into her mouth and pulled her upper lip back to show Elfriede her chiseled canine teeth. “I eat meat. It was a tradition long ago.”

Celestia shook her head. “One that fell out of style around the time I was born.”

Elfriede looked surprised. “Oh? So you’re not the oldest being in a room for once?”

Celestia nodded. “That’s correct. Noir predates me by at least two thousand years.”

Noir smiled smugly. “I am most likely one of the oldest beings on the planet.”

“Good going, granny.” I said blandly.

She stuck her tongue out at me and I nodded in her direction since I didn’t feel like trying to smile. Twilight patted my arm and said, “Would you mind letting me try some of your jerky? Ever since we had that thing happen, I’ve been wondering if it tasted any different.”

“Of course. I still have some of my favourite gator jerky left over.” I replied.

Elfriede made a face. “Reptiles are tough and chewy. I’m not fond.”

I raised a brow. “The chewing is the best part.”

“Not if you’re sane, it’s not.”

I shrugged. “I haven’t been sane since I arrived in Equestria.”

Elfriede clicked her beak. “I can’t help but wonder how life would have been for you if you were to have come to Gryphonia instead of Equestria. I don’t doubt that you could have put your thieving ways to good use to keep yourself fed, but I do doubt that you would have become royalty in my land. In fact, I think you may have gotten yourself killed long before you had the chance.”

“He doesn’t die easily.” Noir said factually. “Even if he was to be killed in Gryphonia, he would have survived, one way or the other.”

I nodded. “I’m not good at staying dead.”

Twilight sighed. “I really wish you wouldn’t say that like it’s a bad thing.”

I didn’t feel the need to comment on that.

Celestia coughed. “I believe Max would have adapted to his surroundings in any case, regardless of what country he ended up in. However, I think he would have thrived in Bridleland since he was born in a country analogous to it in the first place.”

Twilight shook her head. “I think Equestria was the best place for Max in any case. It might have been rough, but look how far he’s come! He’s given up being a thief-”

“For being a genocidal Prince.” Elfriede cut in sharply.

Twilight colored and I put a hand on her shoulder. “She’s not wrong, Twilight.”

She shook my hand off of her shoulder. “Regardless, there are more tactful ways to disagree with someone.”

Elfriede huffed. “There’s no need to put it any differently. If Max would have lived in Gryphonia, I believe he would still be a killer, but not to the extent he is now. If he would have went to one of the Briddish Islands, he most likely would have been fine, but no; he ended up in Equestria and now his mind is being torn apart more quickly that any of you probably would have ever anticipated.”

I looked at her and shook my head. “I would have sank in Gryphonia and probably would have come to Equestria for the promise of a peaceful life. I’m glad that I found myself in Ponyville, and I wouldn’t trade the life I have for anything, even if I hate it right now.”

Twilight stroked my arm. “Why is that?”

I gave her a look. “I have you. Nothing in this world is worth trading you for.”

She blushed and kissed me. “Thank you, Amour.”

“You’re welcome, Cherry.” I replied.

A brief look of longing passed on Elfriede’s face. “If you two could stop stroking each other’s egos while there are single women present, that would be wonderful.”

Twilight waved her aside and gave me another kiss. “It’s about time for another hair removal spell. You know I like your face nice and smooth.”

Elfriede groaned and I kept my eyes on Twilight. “Of course. However you want me is how you’ll have me.”

She gave me a pained little smile. “Hopefully you’ll keep that in mind when you go to yell at someone.”

I looked away. “I’ll try.”

Elfriede threw a wadded up piece of paper at us, but was looking at Celestia when we turned our eyes to her. “Can we break for lunch before these two make me physically sick?”

Celestia just gave her a wry smile. “You don’t like looking at true love between two young people?”

“I don’t like looking at the man who killed my husband being happier than I am.”

“He’s not.” Noir, Celestia, and Twilight chorused.

Elfriede raised her brows. “Besides the dead tone in his voice and the hostility, I don’t see what’s wrong with him.”

“Maybe if I defenestrate you, you’ll get the idea.” I said sharply.

She gave me an odd look. “I don’t believe I know what that word means.”

“He’s going to throw you out of a window.” Twilight clarified.

“Or through one.” Noir added.

Elfriede looked at me. “I can fly.”

“I never said I was doing it so you would fall to your death. It would just be for the pleasure of doing so.” I said.

She rolled her eyes. “It’s nice to know that you’re not fearful of violence.”

Celestia sighed. “I think it’s time for lunch.”

There were murmured agreements around the table and everyone rose to head to the Dining Hall. Elfriede had actually been to the Castle before sometime a few years ago, but didn’t remember anything about the layout, so she walked next to Celestia while Noir took the lead. Twilight and I brought up the rear and talked to each other during the walk. We could have teleported, but Elfriede was against it since Magic made her feel nauseous and that would defeat the whole purpose of breaking for lunch, so walk we did.

Lunch was good. I ate an orange because I could actually stomach it and even went for another half of one before I started feeling ill. When that happened, Twilight rubbed my back for a little while until it passed and I had a strawberry to go along with it. Nothing tasted good, but it was alright enough. Elfriede took notice of my lack of an actual appetite, but didn’t comment on it or anything, so I was in the clear for the time being. I ended up giving her a whole hunk of my cured meat and she said that it was tasty once she cut the salty layer off. I gave Noir and Twilight some jerky since they asked and both of them were fond of the flavour, so that was radical and all.

We reconvened to finish negotiations and that shit was boring. I bounced a few more suggestions around for how we could use Gryphons to supplement Equestrian forces and some of my ideas were already taken into consideration. It wasn’t like I had too few or too many to go around, so I tried to keep things on the sane side, but some of my more ‘out there’ suggestions like using Changelings and Gryphons to infiltrate enemy ranks got shot down. Sadly, it didn’t look like the Changelings were going to be joining the war efforts at the moment since Twilight still needed to hammer out the details, but Elfriede was pretty clear that she wanted nothing to do with them anyway. It wasn’t as though she hated them or even disliked them, she just didn’t trust anything that didn’t need to eat physical things to live. I could see where she was coming from on that front, to be fair. Then again, I never did trust something that bled for three to seven days and didn’t die.

God, that was sexist. Well, it’s not like I have to worry about Human women reading this, so I’m in the clear. Now I want to watch Twilight make me a sandwich. Fucking figures.

Getting back on track, Elfriede basically said that the Gryphons weren’t allying themselves with Changelings, but that they would still help Equestria regardless of whether or not we teamed up with the black bug people. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it since they kinda creeped me out, but I figured that Chrysalis wasn’t going to be coming back to Canterlot any time soon, so that was nice and all.

Elfriede took her leave a few hours later, though she’d wanted to talk to me alone for a little bit. I refused her that little thing since I didn’t want to part with Twilight, even though I knew it was a pretty big snub. I told her that I would talk to her once I was stable, but until then, I wasn’t in any shape to be talking to anyone one-on-one unless they were stronger than me, and Elfriede just wasn’t. She didn’t take much offense to it given the reasoning that I might kill her if she said the wrong thing, so with that, I promised to keep in touch via letters and she accepted that without any issues. Noir offered to Shadow Dive her back to Otterwa since it wasn’t technically teleporting, though Elfriede was a little wary. When Noir returned from her quick trip, she said that Elfriede had done just fine and was ‘happily’ sitting on her throne when she left.

Twilight and I fucked off to go do something else for a little while, but the day was getting close to being over, so our options were limited. I was, however, getting rather tired since I didn’t have much in the way of calories to keep me going and I was sure that I’d already lost a kilo in the days since I’d been to Mexicolt, though it wasn’t like I could afford to lose the weight. I was still trying to work out in the mornings or at night, but I just didn’t have the energy to do more than fifty or so push-ups, and that bothered me quite a bit. I suppose I was spending most of my energy being irritable, but you might know how it goes. I hope you don’t if you’re one of the four people I would allow to read this, but if you’re a snooping little piece of shit, I hope you’re well acquainted with how I’m feeling right now and I also hope you die a painful death, but that’s beside the point. I swear to fucking God, if I catch you reading this collection in particular, there’s going to be no end to your suffering. I will steal Noir’s Dark Magic just to inflict a hundred years of suffering on you and you can be damn sure that I won’t give you the same kindness I extended to Graham. No, for violating the deepest parts of my mind, for reading through my suffering like it’s some fucking story for you to enjoy, I’ll find a way to make your pain so, so much worse. Believe me when I say that you’ll wish for death within minutes of catching my eye, you cock-sucking piece of filth.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It’s been a week since I’ve last written and things are finally starting to look up. It’s easier for me to get out of bed (by a slight margin), I can eat a decently sized roll of bread on top of a whole potato, and I can actually bear being asked the same question more than once. I haven’t snapped at anyone in two days and I’ve even found the time to apologize to the people I’ve snapped at again. I think the main thing that’s been helping me get better is Twilight, but that’s not to say that there aren’t still things popping up from time to time. There are still periods throughout the day where I just go completely silent and I don’t even know why. I usually choose to be alone during those times, but all I do is stare at a wall until the odd feeling I get passes. It’s a strange occurrence that has lasted anywhere from fifteen minutes to an hour and a half that leaves me feeling like my mouth is a different thing entirely. I can’t really describe it, but I just can't talk and I don’t want to be around anyone, hence why I go off to be alone. Twilight was worried about me the first couple of times it happened, but there didn’t seem to be anything wrong in particular, so she gave and gives me my space until I’m ready to be in the midst of people once more.

All in all, I can’t really complain about the progress I’m making, even if the ‘sudden silence’ thing is a pretty noteworthy step back. Still, it’s better than snapping at people for no real reason, though I hope it doesn’t become a habit or anything. It’s not as worrisome as constantly being on a knife's edge with my mood, but it’s still something to try and break myself of as soon as possible.

Speaking of things and such, the girls actually came by to visit Twilight and some even came to see me, for what it’s worth. Twilight and I were doing some more woodworking in the Gardens when an older maid came to tell us that we had visitors, so we set our things aside for the time being, cleaned up our mess, and followed the maid to another room that didn’t have a name. When we arrived, the girls swarmed Twilight within moments of her entering the room since she’d come in first, but when I came in shortly afterwards, I got a double hug from Fluttershy and Pinkie. Rainbow gave me a fist bump and I got a nod from Applejack that I returned, but Rarity didn’t have anything for me other than a sideways glance that didn’t tell me much about how she was feeling about me.

“Girls! I’m so glad to see you all!” Twilight said happily when the hugs were done.

“We’re glad to see you guys too.” Fluttershy beamed. “We know you’ve been off doing your royal duties, but somepony didn’t even write us while they were gone.” She shot me a glare.

Twilight gave me a look. “Really, Max? You couldn’t take the time to write our friends?”

I looked at her calmly. “I wrote them for the first few days while I was still heading toward Mexicolt. After that, I didn’t feel like writing very much.”

She put a hand on my arm. “You can say that you stayed busy, Max. I don’t think anyone would take offense to that.”

I nodded and looked at each of the girls in turn. “When I arrived in Mexicolt, there was a lot for me to do. I ended up travelling a ways across the country to do something for the King and when that was over, I went to Gryphonia, collected Twilight, and came here.”

I was met with a few blank looks. “What did you do in Gryphonia?” Rarity asked.

“Nothing. I was there long enough to find a room in an inn and after that, I just came here. I didn’t stay long.” I replied.

Pinkie scratched her head. “Why would you go to Gryphonia if you weren’t going to do anything while you were there?”

“I was supposed to talk to Queen Elfriede, but I didn’t have it in me to do so after some things happened in Mexicolt. I don’t really want to talk about it.” I said.

“Well now I’m really interested! What happened in Mexicolt?” Rainbow asked.

“Nothing I’m proud of. Let’s leave it there.”

I exchanged a look with Pinkie and she wouldn’t meet my eyes, but she did say, “If Max doesn’t wanna talk about it, then we shouldn’t push him.”

That garnered her a few stares. “Since when are you concerned about letting stuff go? I remember you bugging me for weeks about the present I was going to get you for your birthday!” Rainbow said irritably.

Twilight looped her arm through mine and stood close. “Well, I’m not saying that it’s not a bit out of character for Pinkie, but I do agree with her. If Max doesn’t want to talk about it, we can just leave it where it is.”

Rainbow groaned and Rarity scoffed. “Surely you know, Twilight. If Max doesn’t want to talk about it, then perhaps you would be willing to share?”

“Nobody’s telling anyone anything about Mexicolt.” I said sharply.

Rarity glared at me. “Twilight is her own mare, Maximus.”

Twilight hugged my arm. “I am, and I say that if Max doesn’t want you to know, you’re not going to hear a word about it from me. Really, girls. Max just went through something troubling, so why don’t you cut him some slack?”

I looked at Pinkie. “Thank you for backing off.”

She shook her head at me. “You could have come to me, Max. I wouldn’t have been much help, but I would’ve come if you’d called.”

I let my head dip. “Thank you, but I was feeling foolish at the time.”

Pinkie sighed. “I know. We’ll talk more later, and don’t think that I’m going to forget about it.”

“I know you won’t. I’ll see you when the time comes.” I said curtly.

Pinkie nodded and came over to give me another hug. “You’ll be okay, Maxxy.”

Twilight let me go so I could hug her back. “Thank you, Pinkie. I hope I will be.”

Pinkie lingered for a little too long and Twilight removed her with Magic so she could hold my hand. “The time limit on hugs is still in effect, Pinkie.”

“Aww shoot!” Pinkie snapped her fingers before crossing her arms to pout.

Rainbow made a noise of indistinguishable origin. “Why does Pinkie know, but nopony else does!?”

I shrugged. “Pinkie’s Pinkie. That’s all there is to it.”

Pinkie looked at Rainbow. “Max made it clear that he doesn't want anypony to know what happened, so I’m not telling either. Not that I want to say what happened in the first place. It was pretty horrible, after all.”

Rainbow groaned. “The curiosity is killing me! Can you just say what happened and get it out of the way so nopony has to wonder anymore!?”

I closed my eyes and sighed. “I killed someone.”

“...Oh.” Rainbow said quietly.

Applejack looked confused. “You’ve killed ponies before. What makes this one different?”

“When you put it like that, you make the taking of life sound extremely casual.” I responded evenly.

“That’s not what I’m tryin’ to do here, Max, it’s just a little confusin’ is all.” Applejack replied.

I shook my head. “It shouldn’t be. I killed someone and it’s been fucking with my head, hence why I’m here with the Royal Family instead of in Ponyville. I would’ve been happy to spend my time with you girls, but you just don’t know what I’m going through.”

Applejack strode forth and hugged me, much to my surprise. “It’s okay, Max. We understand and we hear ya. Just know that we’ll be here for ya whenever you need us, okay Sugarcube?”

I hesitantly hugged her back. “Thank you, Applejack.”

She held me at arm’s length and looked me in the eye. “If ya have a moment, I need to speak to ya about something here soon. It can wait until after you talk to Pinkie, though.”

I nodded. “I’ll be sure to talk to you, then.”

She nodded and let me go, stepping back to where she’d been standing previously. Rarity looked a little nervous, but when she decided to speak up, Fluttershy was already talking. “Max, are you sure you’ll be okay here? You sound like you did when you were depressed, but now you look like you haven’t really eaten in awhile.”

“It’s been a rough couple of weeks.” I said cryptically.

“... You haven’t been eating, have you?” Fluttershy asked, gaining some steel to her tone.

Twilight held my hand. “He eats what he can.”

“I’ve been doing better here recently. I’m starting to get close to eating average sized meals again.” I said.

Fluttershy looked upset. “You’ve been treating yourself terribly, haven’t you!? Maximus, I don’t know what happened to make you depressed, but I know from the sound of your voice and the way your clothes are hanging off of you that you really do need some love and affection to get better! I know I’m not your mother, but I know your mother and I’m telling her about this!”

I nodded. “I would expect you to, but I’ve already told her everything that happened. We’re not speaking at the moment, so she’s most likely not going to do anything.”

Fluttershy’s face fell. “Oh.”

Twilight squeezed my hand. “You didn't tell me that you talked to Blue.”

“I didn’t feel the need to tell you about it. I didn’t even write it down in my journals.”

“Why not?”

“It wasn’t a very happy exchange. My Mum is very conflicted about how to treat me now.”

Twilight let go of my hand and gave me a one armed hug. “Is that why you’ve been having those episodes?”

“What episodes?” Fluttershy asked.

Twilight waited for me to speak, but when I didn’t, she answered for me. “Max gets really quiet for a little while and goes off to be alone, but no one really knew why.”

“I don’t know if that’s the cause. I didn’t feel as though it affected me that much. To be fair, I somewhat expected her to be a little distant with me after learning what happened.” I said, my voice monotone.

Twilight hugged me a bit tighter and I draped my arm around her. “Max…”

“I should have figured it out. You’re probably right, but at least I’m not yelling at people anymore.” I replied.

“You were going off on ponies? Why would you do that?” Rainbow asked.

“I doubt he could really help it.” Pinkie answered for me. “I’m sure it’s been a rough couple of weeks for Max, and that kind of stress makes ponies lash out, you know?”

I nodded. “I couldn’t really control myself at all. I’ve been getting better, though.”

Twilight smiled sadly. “It’ll be awhile before Max is back at full capacity, but I’m sure he doesn't want to talk about himself anymore than he already has.”

“You speak as if you know what’s on Max’s mind.” Rarity challenged.

“She does.” I replied.

“I do.” Twilight said at the same time.

“Ooh, ooh! Is it because of the true love thing!?” Pinkie asked, switching tones flawlessly.

Twilight smiled a bit more warmly. “It is, but it’s not like I know every thought he has. Just impressions and stuff like that.” Twilight let go of me so I could walk off.

“Wait, where are you going, Max?” Fluttershy asked.

Twilight shook her head. “It’s just that time of the day. Max is probably going to go stare at a wall for a little while, so why don’t we do something and wait for him to come back?”

“Good riddance.” I heard Rarity mutter under her breath.

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned around against my will. I could tell that something was definitely wrong, but my body wasn’t my own and I had a terrible feeling that I was about to regret the next few minutes. My eyes locked onto Rarity as Twilight was chastising her for being mean, but I wasn’t listening to what she was saying. Instead, I felt like there was a dull roaring in my ears that blocked out much of the usual humming that I heard (caused by ambient Magic) and I practically walked through Twilight on my way to Rarity.

Whatever Twilight had been saying was brushed to the back of my mind since I couldn’t really hear it anyway, and when I stood in front of Rarity, I noticed that things were starting to gain a rosy tint. Her fur seemed less white and more pink as the seconds ticked on, and when I felt a hand on my arm, I knew that Twilight was feeling something from me that even I couldn’t decipher. I didn’t feel angry or dejected in any sense. Honestly, I felt like I was at a true neutrality that didn’t budge at all, but when Rarity opened her mouth to say something, I zeroed in on her words.

“Can I help you?” She asked somewhat irritably.

I tilted my head and continued looking at her, the mane gracing her head turning black as more of the ruddy tint was added to it. Rarity looked like she’d been covered in red dye at this point, almost as if she’d been drenched in whatever dye they use for Smarties (The chocolates, not the shitty American whatever-the-fucks by the same name), and frankly, if I could feel most of my range of emotions, I probably would have been scared of what I might do to her. I’d never experienced a literal red haze coming over my eyes, but I knew that my body was telling me that I was furious beyond my own comprehension.

There were some muffled noises in the background and Rarity took her eyes off of me for a moment to reply to them. “I forgot that he would hear me! Honestly, it’s not like I told him to go to Tartarus or anything!”

My hand reached out and tilted Rarity’s face back so she was looking at me again and unlike before, I started noticing that the rest of the world in front of me was becoming hazy. Everything other than Rarity was out of focus, darkening as I remained silent. I felt something ‘click’ inside of me and I recognized it as the secret power I’d received from Yesu in lieu of a different set. Shit was going south real fast as I felt a field envelope me and rather than seeing the world around me, I felt as if I was taking a note from Toph of the Avatar series and was feeling my surroundings. Twilight’s hand was the one on me and I could feel her Magic as she tried to work it, but that just made the world grow darker instead of doing whatever she’d been trying to do. Two people stood on each side of Rarity and put their hands on my chest, trying to push me away, but my feet were firmly set and I wasn’t going anywhere. Something was at play there and I’m not saying what, but I had a feeling that it was the field around me that was making things harder for the indistinct shapes off to Rarity’s sides.

Speaking of Rarity, her eyes met mine and her look of mild irritation had changed into one of fear, raw and powerful. She wasn’t moving and neither was I, regardless of the two people putting both of their hands on me to push me away. Something inside of me told me that they would be better off without their consciousnesses intact, and before I could stop myself, my hands blurred and the two of them were gone from my limited field of view. Rarity glanced at each direction and looked back at me, shaking and trembling.

I didn’t know what had just happened. I barely knew what was going on around me, but I did know that both of the bodies had fallen onto the ground and I hadn’t even felt my arms move. My body was numb as I reached out and put my hand through Rarity’s chest. Her breath caught and I gazed into the windows of her soul, seeing a small young girl being hounded by a dozen or so children. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but they were chasing her with gifts of candy and flowers in their hands as Rarity ran, crying her eyes out. The scene flashed again and I saw her standing in the entrance of a doorway, two older people that looked a bit like her talking to her. Rarity looked at the baby in the woman’s arms and the man continued speaking to her, but I was under the impression that she wasn’t listening to her words. Rarity ran from the doorway and cried again, though I didn’t know why.

The memories flashed forward and I saw a slightly older version of Rarity in a bed with some fellow who seemed to be a few years her senior. He spoke to her and she began crying all over again as he left the room without further explanation. The next image came and it was of Twilight and I with my fiance laying on me. I knew that conversation by heart since it was the first time Twilight and I told anyone about us being together and solely with each other, and since it was with the other images, I knew that it had to be a moment of immense pain for Rarity. Once again, something else came up and it was of Sweetie Belle telling Rarity something from across the kitchen table. Rarity slammed her fists on the table shortly after she finished speaking, and the scene shifted to me talking to her in her shop. I didn’t recognize it, but when Rarity fell to her knees and began crying once more, I knew that it was the day I’d told her that I was ashamed of having slept with her.

The images flowed into each other after that and I saw a few more painful memories that left no mark on me whatsoever and that was when I thought that the hidden power that I’d been unable to touch was surfacing. It was the ability to see into someone’s soul within a split second, to examine their lives as I saw fit to gain whatever knowledge I needed, to strike the worst kind of fear in them.

I didn’t break eye contact with Rarity, and as I let go of her face, someone stepped in front of me. I was looking at a blurry pair of breasts until my eyes focused, and when I did, I was looking at a pitch black person with red eyes. It was Noir towering over me with her hands on my shoulders. I felt her push me and I had to step back since she was still far stronger than I could ever be, but my hands blurred again and her hands were placed in front of her. I felt myself rise off of the ground and figured that I was using my own Telekinesis to make myself levitate, and when I was eye level with Noir, my hands blurred again, but so did Noir’s. I could barely follow what was going on, but I somehow knew that I was throwing punches at her that she was blocking with slight difficulty.

My vision deteriorated to the point where the world was almost black and I could only heart the erratic beating of my heart. The strange pattern it was taking told me that I was using Luna’s physical enhancement technique to fight Noir, and the vague sense of motion I felt from my limbs told me that I was throwing everything I had at her faster than I could have with just Luna’s thing alone. I must have added Noir’s technique to it as well, because after an indeterminate amount of time, I felt a pop in my heart and I just knew that I was about to die.

I couldn't stop.

No matter what I did, I couldn’t stop moving. Without having contact to the ground, I couldn't sense where anything was, but I knew where my opponent was and that was all that mattered to the fury within. My heart pounded harder and harder, trying to make up for what it had already lost, but then I felt it start to heal itself like someone was applying Magic to keep me going. I knew that wasn’t the case and that’s when I realized that my hidden power wasn’t paralyzing someone with my eyes; no, it was a far more overpowered thing. I was drawing in Magic. I didn’t know where it was coming from, but I did feel my limbs start moving faster than they had been before, and as I was throwing more blows in attempt to overwhelm Noir, I felt my fist connect to something.

It was the very first time I’d ever landed a blow on Noir.

I don’t know how I knew, but it was clear to me that I’d hit Noir with considerable force and that she had taken it with two more. That was where the connections stopped for a little while, but I didn’t know how much time had passed. My heart was constantly trying to break my sternum with how it was pounding, the pain in my chest the only thing I could feel. It was beginning to get unbearable, but my body didn’t stop moving. I was trapped in a nightmare with shades swirling around me in every direction in a world made of maroon and bright blood red. Things seemed like they couldn’t get worse, and while I was toiling away against Noir, I started wishing that my heart would give out so I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting anyone else.

Suddenly, there was another presence entering the fray and I fought against that one too, but as I struggled to keep up with two opponents, a third came in while I was suffering and I felt multiple blows land as I tried to take on the trio. I still fought my heart out, the pain too much to withstand anymore. My eyes were on fire, tears falling from the intensity of the ache coming from my heart, but it wasn’t just physical pain: it was emotional. I wasn’t fighting because my life was in danger: I was fighting because I was enraged, incensed by the slightest thing. I was going to fight until I died from a heart attack just because Rarity said the wrong thing at the wrong time, and I… It hurt. It hurt to know that I was most likely fighting three of the people who cared the most about whether I existed on Equus and that I was hurting them on occasion just to make myself feel a little bit better. With every blow I landed, I felt like giving up a little more, I felt like shriveling into nothing and just… Disappearing. I felt like the world would be better off without a traitorous, murderous, child-killing piece of contemptible filth like me around.

I don’t know how long I spent fighting Noir, Celestia, and Luna, but I knew that the jig was up when arms wrapped around my own and hands seized my legs. I felt the chains as they were wrapped around my person tight enough to restrain me. I didn’t know if they hurt since I couldn’t feel my body properly, but I did know that I struggled against them. My mouth opened and I roared my frustration against my will, though I might as well have been voicing my lamentations. The last few weeks and the events of the past… However long it was, hit me all at once and I felt warm liquid fly from my lips and I was ill all over myself, but the liquid was too viscous to be anything other than blood. My heart finally started slowing down, but not by much and my body was wracked with pain, my hands and legs crying out their threnody of misery as if it would make a difference in my situation.

My eyes felt like they were thickening, almost as if I was crying blood, and my ears and nose started pouring the same substance. I was truly done: down for the count. I’d dragged my own arse down a path that I couldn’t come back from, and I started… Well, I started seeing visions. I saw things that made me hurt so much more. As I watched the lives of eleven Pony children pass before my eyes in the salt-ridden desert of Mexicolt, I saw just how unhappy they were. I saw that all but one of them were beaten daily on numerous occasions by multiple people. I saw that the one girl who wasn’t beaten was actually a sex slave that had to perform the most unsavory acts that left me feeling sickened to the core, and that beyond the abuse that they all shared, the only things that their future held for them were more disdain for their well-being, more rape and abuse, more of the same that they’d seen since they were old enough to be put to work. I saw each of them fight each other in a pit of brown salt for just one more taste of Manganese Salt or for a few hours of rest that wouldn’t leave them starving for a drop of water. Their lives… Their lives moved me to tears, touched my aching heart in ways that only the abused can understand. The visions I saw of their lives made me happy for the first time in weeks, and as sick as that fucking sounds, I won’t lie and say that I felt any other way. Sabio had been right: I did those kids a favour in ending their suffering. Saving them wouldn’t have saved their hearts or their minds, it wouldn’t have made them any less untrusting or untrustable. Bringing them into Equestria would have ended terribly, but you have to understand: Those kids were raised like you would raise a fighting dog. They were conditioned- No, they were TRAINED to be heartless and evil. They were made into monsters that were prepared to kill, and I knew that each of them had since I’d fucking seen them do it in my visions. My regret began to fade, my remorse softened, and the pain that had been residing within me became bearable, but instead of going away, it just… Well, it was there, I’ll say that.

When the visions faded, I saw myself on the mountain that hovered over Esteril, almost as if I was a god waiting to pass judgement on them for being fucking Sodom. The parallels became clearer and I realized that Jesus- Yesu, had been The Lover, The Forgiver of Evil . I am The Arbiter, The Vanquisher of Evil. It might sound arrogant or imperious of me, but I feel as though that’s exactly what God wanted me to be. Yesu was the ‘Velvet Glove’ and I am the ‘Iron Fist’. I don’t like thinking that, but it feels like it’s the answer I’ve been waiting for concerning my relationship with Capital G. Again, I’m not fond of what it is, but as I learned with being a Prince, It’s not always the thing you want that matters. It’s what you get and how you deal with it, and honestly, I felt like a prick just thinking about it.

That’s when I realized I could actually move on from what I did in Esteril. I saw what those kids were going through and I knew what they would have become when they grew up, regardless of the situation. In the inky abyss that my eyes beheld, I saw their faces, each of them. I knew that the first seven were the ones that I’d found, but the last four were obviously some kind of pissed at me. Those that’d had their marks on my flesh were content that I’d felt more pain than they had in their passing, but the last four were upset that I hadn’t put myself through the same pain for their sakes. I couldn’t speak, but I thought at them, and what I said I’ll not repeat here since it wouldn’t do anyone any good to know. It’s not that I’m ashamed or anything, just that it was rather personal and very fucking wordy. Apparently my thoughts were translated into Mexicoltian since they seemed appeased by my words.

Speaking of appeasement, the pain in my heart faded slowly until I could feel that it was barely beating anymore. My thoughts grew fuzzier and fuzzier until I had a hard time thinking at all, but I saw more visions of Esteril before my heart gave out. I saw it being built and I saw up close and personally how each and every one of the people I’d killed had died. Most of them had been asleep or in the odd period between resting and rising, but a few had been awake and had felt a slight warmth just before being obliterated and their bones heavily irradiated. People near the Epicenters of the blasts had been completely erased from existence, however, and I’d seen that the buildings they’d resided in had been reduced into pure nothingness. It explained why entire blocks of the city had been gone when I’d walked through, and it also explained why I’d only counted seven bodies instead of eleven. Sadly, I couldn’t make sense of many of the visions after that…

Well, all except the last three. The third was an overview of Sombra's life for some odd reason. The second wasn't as much of a vision as it was a visit, but shut the fuck up and read if you’re curious. The first of the two was crystal clear and consisted of Discord fighting a man with long, curly hair, with a beard of the same bright white color, and of a woman with four arms and black skin. The man looked like a Catholic representation of God and the black woman simply had to be Kali (Or Kalika. Whichever.), but why they were fighting Discord, I don’t know. I do know, however, that they were kicking his shit in like it was their sole duty in life. The man conjured up spear of crackling light- Fuck me, I’m retarded. Dude was Zeus. Zeus was throwing his lightning bolts and hitting the mark every time, and on every third or fourth shot, a bolt that was longer than every other one by a wide margin (think javelins versus a pike) and Kali was battering Discord with two war clubs in her top hands and two flamberge style short blades in her lower ones. The Draconequus was seriously getting his arse handed to him on a platinum platter with his balls on the side and when the vision moved on, I could hear the words spoken.

“Discord! You have no place in the Halls of Valhalla, those of Olympia, Svar, or Hades! Take your rotten ways and go to Hell with Lucifer and Satan or take yourself to one of the Lokas! May the one above all forbid you from them with a vengeance and allow you to begone from the immortal realms all together!” Zeus boomed.

Kali spat on him while he was cowering on the ground. “And good riddance! Your ‘harmless mischief’ and instigation has made you worse than Loki himself! May the one above all curse you with immortality in a realm where you exist alone!”

“It was just some harmless pranks! You can’t tell me that putting snakes in Hestia’s boots and blaming it on Vesta wasn’t funny!” Discord wailed miserably.

Zeus growled. “It was a terrible prank that left Hestia with Apophis’ damnable venom coursing through her veins for weeks! Vesta was nearly cast from the Pantheon for your nonsense!”

“But she wasn’t! Isn’t that all that matters?” Discord said.

Kali punted him in the stomach. “You fool! Apophis is one of the few beings that can kill the gods, and you are fully aware of this! Do not presume to claim ignorance simply because you are a newer being!”

Discord whimpered. “I just wanted-” He was kicked again.

“You were given five hundred years to change! Five hundred! You are just over ten millennia old, Discord, and you have no reason to be unable to coexist as we all have learned to do! Begone you oaf, and do not return lest we do unto you as we have done to Kronos!” Kali threatened.

“B-But where do I go!? Satan is evil incarnate, Lucifer won’t protect me, Loki doesn’t think I’m funny-”

Kali stepped on his head. “Like. We. Care. We offered you a place among us as a brother and a friend, yet you turned and stabbed us in our backs like the scorpion you are.” She hissed. “Leave the frogs be and go make a mess of whatever home you choose, but beware of picking one the gods inhabit.”

Discord squealed like a lil’ bitch and cried some more. “B-B-But…”

Another woman came forth from the cloudy floor and presented herself. She was nearly as tall as Zeus, with well tanned skin and a face reminiscent of Uror’s in the way that it was just so damned nice to look at. The woman was beautiful, but I recognized a touch of Noir in the way she walked, just like I’d seen in Kali. Zeus took notice of her quickly and watched as she strode over to place a hand on Kali’s shoulder.

“My friend. Discord has done you no personal harm.” The new woman said softly.

Kali snarled and pressed down harder with her bare foot. “He has done plenty of it to you, friend. I owe this whelp no mercy, and the kindness I’m showing him by not cursing him to eternal death should be more than enough to appease you.”

The woman sighed. “As one of this young god’s victims, I tell you that he is merely gaining his footing-”

“He poisoned you!” Kali cut in.

“It was just a laxative!” Discord sobbed pitifully.

“It wasn’t that bad. I laugh at it now, Kali.” The woman said kindly.

“It does not excuse his actions, Athena.” Zeus said firmly.

“Father, please rethink this! Discord doesn't make the same mistake twice, and he learns from them as a child should!” Athena reasoned.

Zeus’ lip curled. “Just because he doesn’t do the same thing doesn't mean that he is forgivable. Heracles, Horus, and yourself were barely able to save Odin from the Golden Dragon, Xiangliu, and Leviathan. That’s not even considering that he tricked Fenrir into attacking Loki himself or that he coerced Orochi into dry-humping Shang Di!”

“The last one made you laugh!” Discord contested.

“It was all well and good until Shang Di lost his temper! He still kills Hermes’ snakes on sight!”

Athena sighed. “Father, Shang Di will calm in a few more years and he has already caned Discord for that. You know that Discord does not escape punishment for his actions-”

“And yet he still commits crimes against the gods as if they’re laughing matters!” Kali roared, squashing Discord’s face.

What he said was lost in the clouds, but Athena shook her head anyway. “Please! Think about this! We all remember our own young years as eternal beings, and we all know that we tormented those around us just as Discord does! Both of you know how long Aphrodite and Venus hold grudges, yet neither of them stay mad at Discord for even a decade! He’s a mischievous child, Father! He will grow out of this!”

Zeus shook his head. “We gave him a thousand chances and he blew every one of them into the North Wind. Discord is exiled, excommunicated, banished, expelled, ousted; Whichever word you want to use, he is OUT.”

Athena closed her eyes and held her hand over them. “Can I at least have a moment with him? Before he leaves?”

Kali and Zeus looked at her like she was crazy. “Have you gone insane?” Zeus asked. “We are not leaving a sympathizer alone with him!”

Kali nodded after a moment. “I second the motion. Whatever you say to Discord can be heard by one of us.”

Athena drew a deep breath and let it out. “I wasn’t asking for a word alone, just that I could have one. Now, if you could stop trying to push him through the Aether with your foot, that would be appreciated.”

Kali rolled her eyes and let off of Discord’s face. Zeus came to stand next to the jet-colored woman as Athena kneeled next to him. She tenderly cupped his face and smoothed down the shocks of black hair that went from the top of his head down the nape of his neck. She didn’t say anything for a little while and just comforted him with her touch as he cried. I would have felt sorry for him if I didn’t hate the fucker with a passion, but then again, I’m still not feeling the full range of my emotions as I’m writing this.

Athena relocated her hand from Discord’s head and placed it on the other side of his face. “Discord, please listen to me.” She waited for him to nod, and when he did, she carried on. “Know that you have your supporters in the Pantheons of all the gods. There are many of us who wish to see you happy, though a bit more house trained. Some of us have grown to love you and your randomness, so please do not forget that. Do not forget that you are loved and cared for, no matter where you go, and know that we will be watching over you, bargaining for your return to the Heavens for as long as it will take. Do not think that it will happen overnight, but do know that we will be rooting for your happiness and success wherever you may go.”

Discord’s entire face trembled. “But where do I go, Athena?”

She sighed. “I do not know. There are still a few realms that would welcome you if you stay on your best behavior, but know that it will take some time for others to warm up to your eccentric ways. Please, Discord. Stay away from your ‘pranks’ and do your best to learn from this. No one wants to see one of our own cast out without a home of their own but…” She sighed again. “You brought this upon yourself. No one has denied this. Take responsibility for your actions and as I literally just said, learn from them! You’re a smart, young god and you have the power to change. Once you prove that you have turned away from your frankly evil ways, I am sure that you will be welcomed into one of the lower Heavens, and then as time passes, you will be welcomed into the greater tiers once more.”

He nodded shakily. “I-I understand. Th-Thank you…”

Athena held his head to her bosom. “I hope you find a good home, Discord.”

And with that, Discord fell through the cloudy abyss and Athena whipped her head around to glare at Zeus. “You bast-”

I didn’t hear the rest of what she said, but I assumed that Zeus had figured that she’d said all she needed to. The scene had faded away quickly and was replaced by another one shortly thereafter, but this time, it was a familiar presence looking at me. I didn’t recognize the face, but I did know the feeling rather well since it was pretty fucking recognizable. God was looking at me, shaking his head slowly while in the body of someone who I assumed was The Rock. I wasn’t really a fan of him in his acting or wrestling careers, so the only reason I even had a guess was because of memes.

“Stop dying.” God’s melodious voice told me.

I felt my body materialize around me and shrugged. I still couldn’t speak, but I could think more clearly. ‘Well, what do you want me to do, mate? Stop living my life?’

God rolled his eyes. “I want you to stop dying. You have an inkling of what you’re supposed to do for me,” I suppose I guessed correctly then, “so I need you to put a halt on giving up the ghost every time something difficult comes your way.”

I shrugged again. ‘Easier said than done.’

He crossed his arms. “Yesu only had to do it once. This is the ninth time you’ve died in all, though you only know of three others.”

‘Isn’t that a lucky number in some religion?’ I thought.

“It is, but not the one I follow.” He scoffed. “Don’t think I’m going to give you another power just because you died again.”

‘Wouldn’t dream of it, mate. Is there anything else you wanted to tell me other than to stop dying?’

He pointed a finger at me. “Treasure Twilight. Thank Noir for not killing you in the first place. Thank Luna for bringing the chains. Thank Celestia for getting your friends out of the room before you hurt any of them.”

‘Can you show me what happened?’

God raised his hand and a one-dimensional screen popped up. It was actually pretty cool, but as I watched me simply stand in front of Rarity, staring her down, I had a feeling that the scene was at its best moment. When I grabbed her chin, I saw Twilight put her hand on me, and when Twilight took her leave, Applejack and Rainbow stepped up. They tried pushing me away with some force, but I didn’t budge much more than an inch or two when they pushed together. After some time, the image went into slow motion and showed me as I backhanded both of them before rewinding and playing it back again. My hands were literal blurs in motion as they snapped outward toward Rainbow and Applejack’s jaws and quickly returned to my side. I left Rarity’s face alone, but after a few more minutes of me staring her down, Twilight ran into the room with Noir right behind her.

Noir took up a position directly in front of me and I saw myself look straight ahead for a few moments before looking up at her. She pushed me away and kept her hands on me: contact that was quickly broken with a flurry of nearly imperceptible motion. After that, Noir took a defensive stance as I was throwing a set of flowing strikes directly at her, levitating off of the ground. She blocked each of them with aplomb, though I could tell she was holding back so she wouldn’t strike out on reflex and end me then and there. Things got worse when I used my Telekinesis to aid me in throwing faster blows, which was something I only learned because God told me while I was watching.

I waited for the moment when I would see myself activate the Heart-Attack Technique (Stupid name, but there’s nothing else to call it.) and when I saw my movements go to the point where I only knew that I was moving because I kept my eyes on my torso, it was obvious that Noir either had to put me down or teleport me somewhere. I don’t know what the rules of teleportation are, but I think it was the fact that I was moving so damn fast that made it so she couldn’t just drop me off on the Moon or something.

My mentor picked up her pace to match mine, but in the in between time, I saw the three hits I managed to land on her in rapid succession. One was a punch that threw her head to the side and the other two consisted of a brutal wheel-kick that hit her face in the opposite direction of the punch and a scissor kick that connected with her left shoulder. Noir’s mane ignited and I saw her bare the chiseled teeth that she was so proud of before responding with a flurry of motion all her own. Some how, some way, I was fighting with Noir and for once, I wasn’t getting my shit pushed in all the way. I actually held my ground for a moment before I lost some after a particularly brutal uppercut from Noir, but I rolled with the punch and flipped backward in the air, landing another kick to her chin as I flipped.

“If you look closer, you will see that Noir’s eyes have turned black at this point.” God said casually.

‘So she’s serious?’ I thought.

“As serious as she is willing to get against you. I will slow it down for you a little bit if you cannot keep up.” He offered.

‘Please do.’

God slowed it down a little bit and I saw that Noir’s eyes were indeed black and that her wings were slowly extending as she landed more blows on me. I actually felt dull impacts in the places she hit like I was going through the fight all over again, and when she broke a bone, I felt that area go numb. I continued to watch while we battled back and forth, neither of us gaining the upper hand. I noticed that my speed increased a little more and I figured that was when I added the other Heart-Attack Technique into the mix. Five blows in rapid succession later, I had Noir backing up slightly as I comboed into move after move. Every kick was followed up by two more that hit either high or mid while my punches were mostly aimed at her head. When Noir went to guard a kick, I threw three punches at her head and all three of them landed. One hit the right side of her chin, another the left, and the third hit her in the left eye. All of those blows could have been knockouts if it was anyone else, but there just wasn’t any give in Noir.

I was mildly surprised that she didn’t kick it up a notch to match me, but I remembered that God had said that she wasn’t willing to go full force against me, lest she kill me with her monstrous strength. I took that as something to thank her for and took another mental note to apologize for the roundhouse that hit her square in the mouth. The blood Noir spat in my face didn’t stop me in the slightest or even make me slow down, but it did make me feel awful about drawing blood with her until I thought about the way she trained me. Honestly, it was her fault that my potential was so damned high in the first place.

For a good while I was getting the best of Noir, and when I sent in a thrust kick that sent her a good two or three meters back, I took the time to watch as Twilight ran off again with the girls following close behind. I switched my attention back to the action and saw that I had literally kicked Noir while she was down, or rather, in the process of getting up, and I winced when I saw more blood from her mouth hit the floor. Regardless of the head trauma she’d probably received, Noir took on my strikes as they came and rose to her hooves as I threw every technique I’d learned from Luna and Noir herself at her. Hell, I even threw some feints that had her blocking nothing that were followed up by savage kicks that ignored my general level of flexibility and punches that seemed to snake under and around her guard when I threw them.

Noir’s eye’s were starting to get a bit puffy from the repeated blows to them and my knuckles were leaving dark patches on her fur as I continued my assault. I knew that either Celestia or Luna would be coming soon, but I also knew that shit wasn’t about to end for a little bit, so I watched on, feeling slightly detached from the situation. It felt as if it wasn’t really me taking Noir down like she wasn’t even a challenge, but I knew from the blank look on my face that it really was the man in the mirror giving my mentor a mountain to climb. I shook my head to clear it and started paying attention to the screen again.

The former Warrior Queen practically turtled up since she couldn’t really block or evade most of my blows, and I knew for a fact that I would have been faster than her on foot. I circled Noir in the air and rained blows down on her like I was doing my best to break her. This carried on for awhile longer until I noticed a flash of white enter the room. Celestia had arrived and yelled at the girls to go get Luna before joining the fight to get me off of Noir.

Due to some wizard shit or something, when Celestia got in reach, I hit her with a heel kick as I flipped forward in the air, catching her in the chin right before I slammed my foot into Noir’s guard. The blow must have been somewhat lightened by the previous impact because Noir actually put her guard down for a moment. Things got a bit complicated from there, to be honest, since Celestia and Noir were both trying their best to corner me so they could knock me out. However, I was still faster and my animal instincts must have been going full force because I was dodging their blows like Noir does mine on the average day, though I noticed that I only straight up blocked a couple of their strikes from time to time. I was pretty sure that I was trying to conserve myself from getting hurt anymore, but not I’m still not entirely certain why I chose to evade instead of guard.

I was doing well against both of them until Celestia landed a kick on my left ankle that left my foot feeling numb. The ribs were all well and good and the cracked jaw was fine, but when my ankle was out of commission, I lost an eighth of my arsenal and things slowly started getting worse for me from there on. Noir took out my right arm when Celestia accepted one of my punches so she could hold me in place, and with a full fourth of my options gone, I was at a severe disadvantage. However, I started to notice that the numb spots were fading after a little while and that’s when I realized that it was the Magic Absorbtion kicking in then and there. Before long, I could use my left foot again, though my arm was taking a little longer to heal than it had. Still, with both of my feet usable, I just had to maintain a little more distance between myself and the Alicorns to keep myself safe enough to continue.

After a I spent a decent amount of time chiseling away at Celestia and Noir’s defenses, Luna teleported into the far corner of the room and flew over as fast as she could with chains in hand. Noir got behind me and Celestia stayed in front since she’d received fewer of my attacks than my mentor had, and when I focused on the Solar Diarch, Noir charged me from behind at extreme speed and wrapped her arms around me faster than I could turn around. Celestia grabbed my legs and held them in place, so with me contained for the time being, Luna started wrapping the chains around me, being sure to bind the ends with thick locks that would prevent me from breaking them. I don’t know why I didn’t use my Psychokinesis to break them, but I wasn’t exactly thinking at the time, so fuck it I guess. It worked and that’s all that mattered.

Celestia and Noir put me on the ground and stepped back and watched as I writhed around in fury, spitting up blood before the liquid life started pouring from the orifices of my head. It was gruesome to watch as I slowly started to calm down, but I knew that it was actually me dying from my internal injuries. Whether they were caused by someone other than myself or not, I highly doubt that the culprit is anyone other than myself. When I finally lay still, Noir sat down next to me and rubbed her eyes. Celestia took up a spot next to her and asked what had happened, but Noir didn’t have the full story. The screen disappeared before anything else could happen, so I looked back to God.

‘Well that didn’t look very fun for anyone.’ I thought rather emotionlessly.

“Someone is quite conflicted, now aren’t we?” He smirked.

‘Not to be unduly rude, but no shit, Sherlock.’

God rolled his eyes at me. “You are rude to everything you meet. I believe you will be forgiven for your trespasses, however, and someone might even be proud of you for laying the smack down out hard.”

‘Was that a wrestling joke?’

God smiled.

I tried to sigh, but couldn’t draw breath. ‘Can I leave now?’

“You have two more minutes before you can come back to life. Is there anything you would like to do before then?”

‘How do I sacrifice one of the goat things in the Everfree?’

He gave me a look. “Filthy Pagan.”

I shrugged. ‘I’ll burn a deer for you or something. They’re pretty tasty.’

“Just eat it and think of me. If you choke and die, I am going to beat you with a switch when you get here.”

‘I’ll be sure to never chew my food again.’ I gave him a winsome smile.

God huffed, which was odd coming from a rather large, rather well built man. “Keep messing with me and I’ll make sure Twilight misses you the next time you die.”

‘You’re the one who keeps opening doors for me!’ I protested in my head.

“I do not care. Look at me then look at you. Now back to me and down to the floor. Do you see how my feet don’t touch the ground? Look up again and gaze upon my glory for I am all that is power in this realm, and I am above all. My word is law, my syllables creation itself, and my whispers raze planets. If I wanted to, you and both of your worlds could collide and every one of you would die, so think twice about your back-talk.” God snapped.

I raised my hands. ‘No problems here.’

“That’s what I thought. Stupid Demi-gods, thinking they run the place.” He sniffed.

‘I don’t think I run anything, mate.’

“It’s because you don’t. Now your time is up. Like I said before; stop dying!”

‘I’ll try not to.’ I replied moments before my eyes forced themselves closed.

I need a bathroom break and a snack. I’ll pick this up in a moment.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

So I opened my eyes and woke up in chains, which sucked for obvious reasons. Those reasons being that the chains were tighter than I’d thought they’d be and that my eyes were still feeling sticky from the blood that I’d cried during the fight, but other than that, I was just achy and annoyed, which were both better than being permanently dead. I tried rolling around for a little bit to see if I could make myself fall off the bed, but the chains were too tight for me to do much more that wriggle about. I quickly tired of the pressure and decided to try finding the locks with my True Theft while half-blind, so I excused my left hand through the dimensions and walked my fingers around the chain, which was an odd feeling to say the least. Still, I got it down pat and found one of the locks after a few minutes.

I took it in my hand and stole the hardness of the lock from it and just pulled the thing apart once I cast it aside. That freed my legs up a bit, but I still needed to get my arms loose, so after I shimmied my legs out of the chains and tried standing up from the bed. It worked, but I was a little top heavy and I was still limping a little from the pain in my ankle. It wasn’t too bad, but I figured that taking it easy for a little bit would do me just fine. Once I was standing, I looking around me at the chains and found the second lock. That one was easier to dismantle since I could actually fucking see it, and as I was freed from the rest of my constraints, the ache I was feeling in my arms and hands grew to the point where I just wanted to lay back down.

It wasn’t like I had anything to do, so I took a nap. Don’t look at me like that, you judgemental fuck, dying is tiring! After my quick nap, I looked outside and saw that I still had plenty of daylight left, so I went out into the Castle proper and wandered around for a little bit until I got bored of seeing the same hall over and over again. I figured it was a good time to just teleport to Twilight, so I pulled myself through the dimensions and found that she, Celestia, Noir, and Luna were all in the Royal Family room. I nearly fell onto the table when I arrived, but that’s beside the point, not on it.

When I righted myself, I looked around and waved. “Wotcher, hot babes. Who’s ready for some long dick?”

Twilight gasped and hugged me. “Max! You’re better!”

She crushed me with the power of her love and I had a hard time breathing, so I couldn’t respond right away. I had to stick a finger in her side to make her ease up long enough for me to say, “I’m close to being better, but I’m not quite there. Before we get to the hugging, I need to do some apologizing.”

Twilight let go and kissed me to forestall anymore of my words and I was happy to let her have her way with my tongue for a minute or two, but I had to pull away from her at some point. However, Twilight’s hands entangled themselves in my hair and wouldn’t let go for the life of me, so I let hands go from her waist to her lower back and pulled her in a bit closer to help fill the void of affection that had developed over the past few weeks that I couldn’t have filled in my previous state. I knew that Twilight was happy enough to cry, but as long as I kept kissing her, the tears would simply leak instead of pour from her eyes and I didn’t want to see her cry anyway.

‘Sorry for handing your arse to you.’ I thought to Noir.

‘No apology needed. I am actually rather proud of you.” She said kindly.

‘The fuck? Why would you be proud of me for beating you like a red-headed step-child?’ I asked.

‘For that exact reason. Your moves were flawless; they wasted no energy, flowed together beautifully, were fast and lethal, and were ever-changing depending on what was best for the situation. If you could tap into that again, I would love to fight you once more.’ She thought brightly.

‘I died because my heart exploded, Noir. That was me at the top of my game, though it was pure physical attacks.’

“Speaking of purely physical attacks, there is something we must discuss…’

‘I don’t know why [Omitted]’

‘You’re lying.’ Noir thought, sounding a little upset.

‘Through the power of my brain, I sure am. You’re probably not getting the truth from me. The fewer people who [Omitted]’

‘I think I know what it is anyway. It’s [Omitted].’

‘If that helps you sleep instead of dying of curiosity, roll with it.’

‘... You are infuriating.’

‘I try my best.’

Noir didn’t reply and my kiss with Twilight was starting to run a bit too long for politeness sake, though it had already passed that point three minutes before I pushed her away. Her tears came in torrents and her face screwed up in a way that made my heart melt, so I held her head to my chest and let her rest there for a little while. I looked to Celestia and Luna who were both reading books while Noir was brushing the fur on her arms with a… Well, it was a fucking brush. What else do you brush fur with?

“So let’s get this out in the open. Noir, I’m sorry for treating you like an extra durable punching bag, and Celestia, I’m sorry that I was out of my fucking mind and attacked you as well.” I said succinctly.

Noir rolled her eyes and Celestia nodded sagaciously. “It was clear that you weren’t in control after you kept fighting, despite the hideous sounds of your bones breaking. I must say, Max, you’re quite the monster when you’ve lost all semblance of reason.”

I grimaced. “Not really too proud of that. If I could do that without being so far gone that I have no control over my body, that would be great.”

Celestia nodded. “So you remember what happened?”

“God showed me when after I finally died. At least it wasn’t too bad.” I said for Twilight’s sake.

Celestia levelled a look at me. “You’re not the one who suffered a cracked jaw, two loosened teeth, a broken nose, and two broken fingers.”

Noir huffed. “I have you beat by a mile. Three cracked ribs, a cracked vertebrae, a dislocated jaw, a broken nose, two blackened eyes, a broken wrist, and a chipped horn.”

Luna’s lip curled. “Why we’re not beating you like the cur you are is beyond me.”

I gave her a look. “You did worse to me while we were training, so shut your dick sucker.”

She shut her dick sucker. Unhappily, granted, but she still did it.

I looked back to Celestia. “Sorry for causing so much damage, but as we’ve already established, I wasn’t in my right mind at the time, so I couldn’t really do much about it.”

Celestia waved it aside. “I’ll be calling on a favour from you sometime in the future as a payment.”

Twilight lifted her head from my chest and pushed me into a chair so she could sit on my lap. As she was doing so, I said, “Fine by me, but I’d like to remind you that you could practically ask anything of me and I wouldn’t say no.”

Celestia raised a brow. “So if I asked you to take care of my estrus, you would do it?”

Twilight lifted her head from under my chin. “He can steal it from you or satisfy you once a day. That’s all I’m allowing.”

The white ‘mare’ blinked. “I forgot that he could just take it from someone. I suppose I could keep it for a few days and get rid of it afterwards if that’s the case.”

My fiance nodded and placed her head back on my chest. “That’s fine.”

It wasn’t quite fine by me. “Are you sure you can’t just let me take it from you? I’d like to wait on sex until Twilight and I get married.”

Celestia blinked twice. “... I thought you were particularly fond of sex?”

“I am, but I’ve gotten used to life without it other than the occasional favour from my purple piece of perfection.”

Twilight hummed and I felt the vibrations resonate nicely through my sternum. “I’m sorry I’ve been so strict on you about having affairs, but-”

I patted her back. “Don’t worry about it, Cherry. It’s not like you’ve been sleeping with other people either.”

“I guess we just never got back into the swing of things when you came back from your home planet.”

I shrugged. “I’m not worried about it, so you shouldn’t be either. It’s been nice spending the extra time with you.”

Twilight kissed my cheek and went back to nuzzling my chest. Celestia smiled warmly and addressed me. “I see you’re feeling much better than you were two days ago.”

“I’m also feeling less dead inside. And outside. All around dead, I guess.”

“Oh, it only took you a few hours to come back to life. You were sleeping for the rest of your time.” Celestia informed.

“Speaking of, I am sure that you are hungry.” Noir said.

“Fucking starving, but I figured it was more important to come and see you ladies rather than to go and eat.”

“At least you’ve grown more considerate.” Luna said dryly.

I gave her a look. “I didn’t even punch you!”

“You punched my sister and that is enough to make me want to drop you like a sack of po-tay-toes.”

“It’s po-tah-toe you moron.” I shot back.

Luna gave me a ‘What the fuck?’ kinda look. “Who cares?”

I sniffed. “I do.”

“No you don’t. Stop being difficult.” Noir reprimanded.

“Whatever you say, Blackberry. Just be sure to let me lick your arse before we go eat.”

“Why?” Noir and Celestia chorused.

I shrugged. “Maybe I feel like it.”

Noir rolled her eyes. “Insufferable.”

“Lecherous.” Celestia said.

“Annoying.” Luna huffed.

Twilight clutched my shirt. “Mine.”

I hugged her. “My Queen trumps you pawns, so ha!”

The three elder women in the room just rolled their eyes and rose, but Twilight showed no signs of getting off of my lap, so I just picked her up. My arms were still aching, but a little Telekinesis to keep her airbourne and a little hugging to keep her close fixed that issue rather quickly. There was a conversation shortly before we left that everyone took part in, but I would omit the entire thing anyway, so fucking deal with it. If you weren’t there for it, you don’t need to know, and it’s not like I didn’t evade the fuck out of some questions anyway. Everyone knew I was hiding something big, but they were content to let it be for the time being.

It was actually a little after lunchtime, so I was the only one eating, and boy did I ever eat. After keeping myself on the brink of starvation for weeks on end, I ate everything I could lay my hands on and then I grabbed some jerky from my stores and ate that too. I also had a shot of whiskey to clear my palate for dessert, which surprised everyone in the room. I’d really packed it in and I reckoned that the next bowel movement I had was going to be a terrible experience, but it would be worth it since I had a full stomach for the first time in a long time.

Heh, shitty thoughts. Potty humor. Maybe I could get away with the Shrek thing and make farts my new joke?

Bullshit aside…

After lunch, it was agreed that Twilight and I would spend the rest of the day in Canterlot to see if I really was okay to go home, which was to be expected. I still started writing out letters to Adstus to see where they were all at and it seemed like they had just recently taken a break from staying at my house. Starshine was with her sister, Crimson was staying in Canterlot, visiting with Fancy and Fleur, and Iron and Swift had actually stayed in my house to watch over it for a little while. They’d met Berry Blitz and had almost arrested her for trespassing until they’d learned that she was my maid. Speaking of updates, Iron and Starshine had gotten their weapons from Coffee Cream the other day and she’d even promised to make more things for me in the future at a discounted price since I’d single-handedly paid her rent for a couple of years and made sure that she could afford some nicer materials.

I sent Coffee Cream a letter asking if she would make me a piece of jewelry or two, but she told me to go fuck myself and I was rather tempted to do so. My balls were pretty blue, and I was looking forward to a night of happy recovery favours with Twilight. I might even let her change into Dusk and see if she still finds Roxy as attractive as she used to as a reward for being so nice to me. Then again, I was already planning to make sure that she couldn’t walk straight after a few hours of niceness, so that was cool.

After I wrote letters to my team, I wrote the girls to tell them that I was alright and was feeling better, although I was upset with myself that they’d seen me lose all control like I had. Much to my surprise, Rarity was the first one to write me back and she actually apologized for being the one to set me off, though I found that to be a little on the strange side since I was pretty sure that she still didn’t like me very much. We kept up a correspondence for a while that and the result of that was pretty good. We were officially cool, and if things kept up, we might even start doing things together again.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash were mad at me, however, so that was a definite negative. Applejack was mad because Twilight had to drag her out of the room and Rainbow was mad that no one had thought to get her out of the action until after she woke up. I blame the fact that she was next to a chair on the floor when she got knocked out, but in any case, she was pissed at me for being faster than her with my hands. I apologized and they forgave me since I hadn’t actually done anything to Rarity other than scare the daylights out of her and could take the offenses to their persons as lessons to not fuck with me in the future.

Twilight told me to apologize properly since she was reading over my shoulder as I wrote, but I didn’t think I’d done it wrong. “How else do you want me to apologize, Twilight? I mean, I said I was sorry and meant it. It’s not like either of them need a full page of my deepest regrets or anything.”

Twilight huffed. “Still, it would be nice if you gave them more than a paragraph or two at a time to show them that you actually do care that you hurt them.”

I turned and looked at her. “Why don’t you stop using your mouth to gibber-jabber and start sucking me off or something?”

Twilight scoffed. “Why don’t you put your face between my legs where it belongs?”

I shrugged. “It’s not like that isn’t arrangeable”

She gently pushed me forward. “Keep writing, Mr. Smartass.”

“Why don’t we skip the writing since I’m already done with it? Rainbow and Applejack
have already told me that we’re cool for the time being, though I do still need to talk to our orange buddy and Pinkie.”

“Why don’t you just summon Pinkie from wherever she happens to be? She always comes when you ask her to, even if it’s from completely random space.” Twilight suggested.

I looked around and located the wardrobe. “Good idea, Cherry.” I got up and walked over to it with Twilight following close behind.

“So why do you think Pinkie just pops out of nowhere?” She asked. “It doesn’t make any sense to me, but you seem to get it at a base level.”

“Unless you know how my True Theft works, you’re not going to understand how Pinkie does what she does. I think my power and hers work on the same base level.” I knocked on the thingy.

“Who is it?” Pinkie asked from inside.

“Your lord and savior, Cheese ‘n Rice.” I replied dryly.

“Cheese ‘n Rice? How do I know you’re going to save me!?”

“I’ll let you out of the closet so you can bugger in some booty holes.”

“I dunno, those tend to be pretty unclean…” She replied uneasily.

“I’ll let you eat Twilight out for thirty minutes.” I offered.

Twilight shoved me. “Max! My privates are not your bartering tool!”

“Hey, I want them more than anyone else alive, maybe even the dead people too!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Pinkie, I’ll let you use a vibrator on Roxy if you come out.”

Pinkie sprung from the wardrobe with streamers, ticker tape, and confetti trailing behind her. When she landed, there were two solid clops from her hooves and she flung her arms above her head. “Pinkie Pie has come out of the closet!”

I gave her a look. “I thought you were bisexual anyway.”

Pinkie pulled out a vibrator and a controller from her hair, turning about suddenly. “I’m Pinkiesexual! Whatever I want to sex on, I’ll sex on!”

Twilight made a face. “That’s not how you use that word.”

“She can sex however she wants, Cherry.” I chastised.

Twilight leveled a glare at me. “Don't encourage her, Max. Pinkie, I’m going to go and take a walk or something so you can have some alone time with Max.”

Pinkie blinked at her. “But what about my alone time with Roxy?”

Twilight tilted her head. “Nopony said anything about you and Roxy.”

Pinkie blinked a couple more times. “I get it! You’re trying to trick me so you don’t have to share her!”

Twilight raised a brow. “I don’t mind sharing with you from time to time, but the limit of that sharing is ultimately decided by Max, you know.”

“I know that, but I want to have a turn! It’ll just be a little playtime!” Pinkie shook the toy at Twilight.

My fiance looked at me. “Are you okay with this?”

I shrugged. “You have to clean me up afterward.”

Twilight nodded. “Done.” she closed her eyes and I saw the world get a little bit taller and my shirt get a little tighter, but before my trousers could fall, Twilight changed my clothes and I was wearing a black skirt with a pink blouse.

I groaned. “You know I don’t like pink, Cherry!”

Twilight shrugged. “It matches the toy. Let me know before you two start, okay? I want to watch.”

“Whatever you say, perv.” I replied flippantly.

My lover gave me a peck on the cheek and teleported out of the room, leaving me alone with Pinkie so we could have our chat. “So what did you want to talk about, Pinks?”

Pinkie sighed and stowed the toy and its controller in her hair. “Look, Max. I know it might be a bit hard to talk about, but I’ve been to Esteril before. A few times, actually.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I’m just telling you now that those kids really are better off without the memories they would have had of the place. I talked to Carlos and Manuela before they… Passed away, and both of them tried to trick me into staying to lessen their workload instead of escaping like I tried to help them do. They just didn’t want to leave…”

“Drugs and Stockholm Syndrome will do that to you.” I said quietly.

Pinkie shook her head sadly. “There was only one of them that could have been saved and I saw him die while I was there during my last visit. Marcurio was a sweet guy but he was… He was in the wrong place for a heart like his.”

“He’s not suffering anymore, Pinkie. None of them are. Wherever they end up, they’ll be happy without their next fix, or whatever little trinket got them through the next day. They’ll finally find a place where they can be alright.” I smiled at her sadly.

She returned my smile. “Here I am, supposed to be comforting you and you’re trying to comfort me. A guy who wiped an entire town off of the map is being nice.”

I winced. “When you put it like that, I seem like a pretty big piece of shit.”

“Well…”

“... Fair enough.”

Pinkie just gave me a disappointed look. “You really should have thought harder about that mission, Max. You could have saved yourself a lot of pain by going it about it the right way.”

“The right way didn’t work, Pinkie. Sabio and Corona Rey both said that they’d tried to make an assault on the town and limit the traffic coming from it, but there was nothing they could do. La Canalla was just too powerful for them to take down without the full weight of their army behind them.”

“And I guess they have it now that La Canalla is pretty much doomed. I mean, you did kill practically every Pony or Dog that was in the upper echelons when you burned the place.”

I nodded. “Not much would have survived that.”

“Max, Sunfire could probably kill you too. For good.”

“Nice to know for future reference.” I tapped my chin. “So other than making me feel bad about something I already feel kinda bad about, is there any other reason you wanted to talk to me?”

Pinkie whipped out the vibrator again. “No, not really. I guess I should have gotten to you before you fought Noir, but that’s all over now and you’re feeling better.”

“I guess I’ll be writing Twilight then, huh?”

“You could always just call her with your necklace, you know.”

I rolled my eyes and grasped the charm. “Twilight, your presence is needed.”

A few moments later, Twilight popped in and the fun began, and I must say that Pinkie is quite good at keeping someone on the brink of an orgasm for however long she wants. It’s actually pretty astounding that she was able to push me to the edge so many times, yet keep me below the threshold that would have allowed me to get off like I desired so greatly. It was still a good time though.

After Pinkie finished with what she wanted to do and Twilight licked me clean, I wrote Cadance a note and started a few correspondences with some people I’d been a tad out of touch with. The taffy toned Princess was the first to respond and asked if I could use my special powers to brighten her day a bit, so I had Twilight pull up a scrying spell so we could see what her reactions were and I teased Cadance for a little while before letting her get off like Pinkie had with me. Needless to say, my fingers were sticky when I was through and Twilight wanted a taste before I could get to it myself. I decided to get Cadance off again since Twilight had been greedy, despite Cadance telling me that once was plenty. I told her that one more wouldn’t kill her and had her writhing around in bliss on her bed within minutes. When I finished, I made sure that I got to my fingers before Twilight did and cleaned them off myself. Strawberry taffy still isn’t my favourite flavour, but knowing that it came from Cadance makes my day feel a little bit better.

Cadance sent a sloppy letter of thanks for my efforts and I replied with one that thanked her for the gift she had given me and Twilight since we’d seen and heard some of her delicious moments of orgasmic wonder. Cadance was, of course, embarrassed by this, but she admitted that she got a certain thrill out of knowing that she’d been watched during some rather intimate moments. We agreed to do it again some time and ended our conversation shortly after, but by that time, I’d received quite a few letters that I had to respond to anyway.

Chumana was surprised to hear from me, though she thought it was nice that I spent the time to say hello. We talked for a little bit and she said that she would visit sometime to see how I was doing whenever she decided to come back to Equestria and I told her that I might see her sooner than that if the Dragons were going to be joining The War. She said that she knew that Iceland was leaning toward Discord while Greenland was leaning toward Equestria, so there was currently a schism in the works in the Dragon Lands that was affecting them greatly, pretty much fracturing their unity to the point where one more big event would break it entirely. I requested that she keep her chin up and join the Equestrian side of things, but Chumana said that she’d already convinced her father to ally their court with Celestia. With that tasty tidbit tucked tightly away, I turned my attention back to Twilight for the night and we went at it like we were two hormone filled teenagers with nothing better to do.

I'm not getting changed back to Max tonight since Twilight just wants to hold me for awhile, though it’s not like I'm complaining. Twilight’s warm and loveable, even on her worst days, and today shaped up to be a pretty good one, all things considered. Yes, there was still the issue of me going all Saddam on a town and of me assaulting four of my friends, but while I’m with Twilight, it gets hard to care about that as much. Maybe I’ll apologize again in the morning since I really do feel bad about it. However, apologizing when you’ve already been forgiven is pointless and a waste of time. I think I’ll just sleep on it and see what I come up with afterwards.

For now, it seems like a pretty good time to catch some shut eye and rest my weary soul with my lover’s embrace warming me through the night. Who’s my favourite cuddle slut? Fucking Twilight, that’s who!

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When we woke up for the next day, I was feeling a little sluggish, but otherwise fine. Twilight asked to see my journal entries so she could read them over breakfast and I had no reason to tell her no, so I let her have a go then and there before we even got out of bed. She conjured up a Magic light and read for a little while, making different noises as she came to different parts in my collections. They usually take some time to get through, but Twilight’s a fucking quick reader if she wants to be, even if she’s just reading for fun. The woman honestly soaks up knowledge of all kinds like a sponge.

Twilight skimmed forward a bit to read my last couple of collections and didn’t get her nose out of my journal until I told her that I was going to be taking a shower alone if she didn’t get her arse in gear. She begrudgingly put it down and joined me for the ceremonial washing of backs and other areas, but before she could even dry off properly, she was trying to get dressed so she could get back to reading. I forestalled her attempts by catching her hands as she was putting on her kickers and pressing my dangly-bit free hips against her rear.

“Going somewhere?” I whispered sensually.

Twilight turned around and gave me a quick peck. “Yes, actually. I want to read what you were feeling during the days when you were still down and out.”

“I didn’t write much about them. I was experiencing the same thing over and over again, so beyond the mention of something new or intriguing, there isn’t much to read about, Cherry.”

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, making my attention dip below her collarbones. “You say that like your mind isn’t a strange and wonderful thing, Max. I don’t necessarily enjoy reading about your life sometimes, but it’s fascinating all the same.” She paused, “Are you listening to me?”

My eyes flickered up to meet hers for a moment. “Uh-huh.”

“Tch.” Twilight covered her breasts and I gave her a look. “You can look all you want later.” She chastised, blushing mildly.

“That’s not going to satisfy me in the moment, now is it?” I asked.

She lazily flung her hands to her sides, making her breasts do a wonderful little jiggle. When she realized her mistake, she covered them again. “Roxy, will you look at me?”

I looked her in the eyes. “I was looking at you. I was staring at you, actually. A little on the rude side, but you had all of my attention.”

Twilight lit up a brighter shade of red. “You’ve seen them before, so I don’t get why you’re so obsessed with them now!”

I rolled my eyes. “Every time I look at you, it’s like doing so for the first time all over again. I can practically see your pale blue panties-” I stopped. “Wait, you don’t still have those, do you?”

She looked away, the tint on her face creeping down her neck. “My butt got too big for them.” She murmured abashedly.

I came a little closer and squeezed her ‘flank’. “And what a wonderful turn of events that happened to be!” I said cheerfully.

Twilight’s hand touched the small paunch she’d started to grow. “I’m getting fat.”

I poked it and my eyes shot up. “Holy shit, Cherry.”

Her lip started to quiver, so I continued on with what I was doing. I swept her hand away and pressed my thumbs against the lump of muscle that she’d acquired. “Seriously, Twilight, those are some fucking abs if I’ve ever felt them! Have you been doing sit-ups?”

She pushed me away. “Stop it!”

I grabbed her hands before I was too far away. “Twilight, that’s not fat you adorable little wizard.” I chuckled. “That’s straight muscle.”

Twilight looked at me, confused. “It’s what?”

I guided her hand to my stomach and flexed. “You feel the ridges there? That’s all muscle, Cherry, not pockets of fat.”

“I-I thought only stallions got muscles on their tummies.” She said, staggered by the news.

I tilted my head and looked at her, confused. “Where did you learn that from?”

“The girls and my Mom. They all told me that mares aren’t supposed to have muscles on their tummies.”

“Was Applejack around when the girls said that? Or Rainbow?” I asked.

Twilight blinked. “... Come to think of it, no, they weren’t. I thought they just had little pockets of chub from eating so much all the time.”

“Nah, that’s all muscle, and now you’re starting to get some too!” I gave her a winsome grin.

“A-Are you sure that’s a good thing?” She inquired nervously. “I mean, I don’t know why my Mom would lie to me…”

“Well, she was probably saying that you shouldn’t have abs if you want to be feminine. I actually find it impressive that you’ve put forth the effort to develop them so early.” I gave her a peck.

“... So my ‘abs’,” She held up some air quotes and my attention dipped, “Make me less feminine?”

“Nuh-uh.”

“My eyes are up here.” She said tartly.

“They sure are.”

She flicked my nose. “Oi! You said I could look at them all I wanted later! It’s officially later!”

Twilight just tapped her hoof as I rubbed my nose. “Will you just tell me if you find it attractive or not?”

“Well, I don’t really have an answer for you.” I said, a little upset about my nose-pain.

“And I can’t get a positive or negative vibe from you.” Twilight sighed. “Can you at least tell me why you can’t give me an answer?”

I shrugged. “I want you however you come. I like you soft and huggable, but if you want to be firm and cuddleable, you could always be the big-spoon.”

“So you’re saying that you can’t really give me a straight answer?”

“That’s the straightest answer you’re going to get. If it makes you feel any better, building muscle is a sign of good health.” I offered.

“... It does make me feel a bit better.” Twilight levitated her knickers back into her hand. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to get dressed.”

I nudged her hand out of the way and pressed my breasts against hers. “What’s the rush, Cherry? We can pick up where we left off last night and I can even do something new for you. I thought of it this morning while you were reading and I think you’ll like it~” I said coquettishly.

Twilight’s flat look told me that I wasn’t going to have any luck. “I suggest you get dressed too. I’m not going to let just anyone see you naked.”

I put on my best pouty face. “Oh come on, Cherry! If we’re not going to do anything, at least turn me back into a guy.”

“Nope.”

I groaned and Twilight patted my cheek patronizingly. “It’ll be okay, Amourette. You’ll make it through the next few days just fine.”

“Days!?” I exclaimed.

She grinned deviously and kissed me. “How’s that for a mood killer?”

I pinched her nipple and she yelped. “Fucking potent. You’d better not be serious.” I warned.

She rubbed her injured mammary and glared at me. “Just for that, it’s going to be a full week!”

“I’ll stop talking to you.”

“That doesn’t affect me like it affects you.” She droned.

I put my left hand on her shoulder and pushed her through the dimensions onto the bed in the main room before getting dressed myself. My hair was still a bit wet since it was so damn long (About three-quarters of the way down my back) but it wasn’t terrible. Twilight came back in as I was putting my pants on and put me in the silliest outfit I’d ever seen. It was pale pink and frilly as fuck with stockings and a bonnet to go along with it. I just took everything off with my True Theft and Twilight put it back on.

I pointed a finger at her. “Keep it up and I’ll put this bonnet in your stomach.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes. “You wouldn’t.”

“You won’t shit for the week I’m supposed to be Roxy.”

“That’s so disgusting!”

“It was supposed to be. Keep this shit to yourself and let me go back home and find something worth wearing.” I snapped.

Twilight rolled her eyes and teleported a skirt and a V-Neck into her hands. “Will these do?”

“Trousers.”

She sighed and exchanged the skirt for some denim jeans. “You’re so difficult, you know that, right?”

“The pot keeps calling the kettle black and neither of them get any lighter.” I sniped.

“I don’t get it.” Twilight said.

“Then don’t think about it too hard and change me back into my normal self.”

“Not happening. You’re just way too cute as Roxy for me to pass this chance up!”

“I despise you so much, I’m going to cut my hair in the most horrendous way just to spite you.”

Twilight gasped. “Oh my gosh, no! Your hair is so beautiful!”

I gave her a look. “It’s hair.”

Twilight returned my look with one of her own. “It’s lovely and you know it. I could spend hours just talking about how much I want hair like yours!”

I grabbed a lock and looked at it. “It’s just wavy. Put some curlers in your hair and you’ll get the same effect.”

“But it won’t be as natural as it looks with yours! Your hair is special, Roxy, and I’ll even brush it for you if you really don’t want to deal with it.”

I rolled my eyes. “If it really means that much to you-”

“Oh, it really does!” Twilight said giddily.

I raised a brow and rubbed my cheek. “Starting to get weird, Cherry.”

She huffed. “You know everyone likes your hair. All of the girls envy it, and you just take it for granted!”

“I’d rather have straight hair like yours anyway. It’d be easier to manage, at least.”

Twilight put her hands on her hips and my eyes went to her chest again. “We’re getting your hair done before we go to Ponyville and I don’t want- Stop staring at my boobs, you pervert!” She magicked her clothes on and gave me a frustrated look.

“Again, it’s later!”

“You really are insufferable sometimes, you know that?”

“It’s just how I do.” I took my clothes from her and started getting ready for the day.

Twilight watched as I got to putting my shirt on and realized I didn’t have a bra anywhere nearby. I reached out into the ether and grabbed one from my dressers and had Twilight help me since she wasn’t doing anything else, and when I was ready to go, I collected the Warbling Blade from the sink (I’m never far from it) and strapped it on shortly after. We were actually a little late for breakfast due to our conversation and the extended shower we’d taken, but it was all well and good. Twilight had her face buried in my journal throughout breakfast, so it was up to me to represent us to Luna, Celestia, and Noir, though they were all well aware of Twilight’s social skills when it came to her reading. In essence, they fall through the fucking floor and she won’t put the book down for anything other than the necessities.

When breakfast was over, Noir wanted to have a word with me about something, so I followed her to a private room, leaving Twilight in the Grand Study to finish up with my journal. Noir and I made some small talk about how things had been for her in the Castle, how I was getting along with my team (Although she already knew about that), and how much she’d missed me being my usual asinine self while I was still reeling from the Mexicolt incident. We eventually got to brass tacks, but it was nice to talk to her about something other than fighting or war for once.

A mild silence fell silently before Noir asked, “So how long do you think you could continue to use the techniques that Luna and I taught you without dying? I know they must be incredibly strenuous on your heart while both are in play, but can you give me an estimate?”

I scratched my head. “I honestly have no clue. I didn’t know it was even possible to pull both of them off at the same time.”

“You have shown that it is possible, and with the benefit of you becoming nearly as strong as Luna when you use both, I think it may be something you should look into.” Noir advised.

“I really don’t think it’s a good idea. I’m pretty sure that my heart would have exploded sooner if I wasn’t healing myself as I was going along.”

“Ah, your Magical Absorption is also something you should look into. It would make little sense for you to ignore it now that you know that you have it.”

“I’ll tickle it with my True Theft some time and see how it wants to activate, but other than that, I don’t know how to use it. I mean, it could be just a general area of effect or it could be linked to people in a certain range. Hell, it could be anything, honestly, and I don’t know how I would even be able to test it.”

Noir stood up straighter. “Do your tickling and find out.”

I rolled my eyes, but I still reached into myself and tried to locate the little sphere. I knew where it was, but just like it had been before when I tried to touch it, it stayed out of my reach and I was unable to corner it in the weird pocket-dimension style area where my powers reside. I poked my True Theft to see how it was doing and it hugged my finger and I poked the other thing and it rolled around my fingertips like it was one of those weird silver ball thingies that people use to play with. What were those called? Fushigi or something? Whatever, it was doing what those things did.

“Yeah, I can’t reach it.” I said after a few minutes. I withdrew my hand from my stomach and pursed my lips.

Noir raised a brow. “Are you just saying that, or can you truly not touch it?”

“It won’t let me do anything with it. It kinda just floats out of my reach whenever I get close and it doesn't come to my hand when I ask or command it to. I don’t think it likes me very much.”

Noir sighed. “As powerful a weapon as that is, it must only be activated in moments of extreme duress. Perhaps I shown show you the same treatment you showed me and see if that would do the trick?”

I blanched. “Please don’t beat me up for the sake of experimentation.”

“Could I persuade you to allow me to beat you for other reasons?” Noir asked facetiously.

“Extremely kinky sex, but that’s about it.” I said sarcastically.

We both sighed. “I’m at a loss, Blackberry. I don’t know what to do, to be honest with you.”

Noir nodded slowly. “I suppose that there is one more life-risking technique I could teach you.”

“... I don’t think I want it.” I responded anxiously.

Noir shrugged and touched my forehead with her thumb, knowledge flowing into my mind. “That was a technique taught to me by my own master. As you know, I was trained to be expendable, but as one of the few people who could live through Absolute Berserk, I became one of the most respected warriors on the battlefield. All because of this technique.”

“Not your skill with a blade?” I asked.

“Please. I was mediocre when I was young just as most soldiers are. I was better than most, but still mediocre by my standards.”

“Your standards are fucking space-bound. Anyway, how did Absolute Berserk make you a threat?”

“It releases one’s full potential, just like you did when you activated my body-enhancing technique along with Luna’s. Celestia may very well have one of her own if you have the time to learn it from her, though I believe that it is the same or similar to Luna’s.”

“I really don’t want to tear my heart apart again. Let’s just save that for the time when I need it and leave it for that time alone, yeah?”

“It is up to you to use it or not. I can only provide you with more techniques to defend yourself with.” Noir smiled. “Did I mention how proud I was of you when you used your levitation to put us on equal ground?”

“No, but I can feel it now.” I smirked.

Noir patted my head like I was her kid or something before hugging me. It sucked that I was below boob level now, but I could deal with it for the time being. “I love you, Roxy. You really are a joy.”

I hugged her back. “You’re the best, Noir, even if you did give me PTSD.”

“All the best warriors have it in some shape or form. It was the same in your world, no?”

“I know a lot of people had it, but I wouldn’t say that it’s a good thing by any stretch of the imagination.”

Noir tutted. “You say that, but you also know that people in my time could actually bear to kill one another without weeping for the loss of life.”

I grabbed her mammoth mammaries and tried to look over them. “Oi, just because killing people fucks someone up in the head doesn't mean that they’re soft!”

I couldn’t see Noir’s face, but I was pretty sure she was giving me a look. “Sure, Roxy. Whatever you say.”

I huffed and used my True Theft to tickle her in between her breasts in the way she was so fond of and Noir shoved me for it, but it didn’t dislodge my hand from her cushiony fun bits. Noir was giggling like mad as I flopped my hand about and eventually sank to her knees, squishing her breasts together to make my hand stop. Our eyes met while she was working out the last of her giggles and we just broke out in more giggles because reasons. I don’t know what those reasons were and I doubt Noir did either, but it made her let her guard down, so I capitalized on the opportunity and started wiggling my hand about some more until she squeezed her breasts together again.

We had some more fun after that since Noir knew where I was ticklish and we basically just ended up tickling each other for a good ten minutes until we laughed ourselves out. We ended up on the floor, panting heavily from the physical exertion of tickling and being tickled, and when Twilight came in to check up on us, she saw Noir and I laying down, doing a whole lot of nothing.

“Alright, I felt a lot of happiness coming from Roxy and I wasn’t here to witness it. What happened?” Twilight asked.

“Noir and I just spent the last however the fuck long it was tickling each other for no discernible reason. It was fun” I sighed.

Twilight came over and knelt next to me. “Have I ever told you two that your relationship is weird?”

“No, but we already know this. You should be glad that we are so close, given the alternatives.” Noir said.

“Who said I wasn’t?” Twilight asked. “You two being so close means that Roxy can come to you whenever she wants to talk about something, even if it’s about me.”

I rolled over to look at my fiance. “I’d just come and talk to you if I had a problem. I’m not really the type to tell other people my problems-”

“I know.” Twilight said flatly.

I felt my face grow warm, so I used my True Theft to tickle her side. “Hush woman!”

Twilight succumbed to my tickles. “Roxy, stop! I came here before going to the bathroom!”

Noir crawled over and hugged her before going after her other side. “You should have thought twice about doing so!” She said mirthfully.

Twilight guffawed and shrieked. “Please!”

We kept going for a few more seconds, but ultimately let Twilight go. She teleported off immediately and came back a few minutes later. “You two are awful.”

Noir and I smiled. “We’re the best and you know it.” I said cheekily.

Noir went over to give Twilight another hug. “We only torture you out of love, dear Sparkle.”

Twilight begrudgingly hugged her back. “If you didn’t give such good hugs, I’d be upset with you right now.”

“Then I suppose it is a good thing that I give such great hugs.” Noir let her go and I snuck up behind her for my own hug.

Twilight put her hands on mine. “Hugging from behind works better when you’re taller than me.”

I sighed. “If you’d just change me into a guy, it’d be less of a problem.”

“Hmm… No.” Twilight turned around and smiled at me evilly.

I put my hands on her waist and locked eyes with her. “Are you sure? I can do a lot of nice things for you when I’m Max instead of Roxy.”

“I think you’ve earned yourself some Roxy time.” Twilight said in a singsong voice.

Noir just smiled. “You do look rather cute today.”

“Fuck both of you.” I muttered.

“You have,” Noir said mirthfully. “though we have not spent any ‘Quality Time’ together with you as Roxy.”

“Well that’s just too bad, iddinit?” I deadpanned.

Twilight looked at me imploringly. “I’d actually like to see how you and Noir… Pair up, I suppose, when you spend ‘Quality Time’ together.”

“Change me back into a man when we’re done and I’m in.”

Twilight and Noir shared a look before Twilight said, “I’ll change you back in two days and that’s the earliest you’re getting.”

I flipped her off. “Didn’t you tell me once that the nonconsensual transforming of someone’s person was illegal?”

Twilight blinked. “W-Well…”

Noir raised a brow. “He has a point.”

“You did it too, you big blue twat!” I said irritably.

“Yes, but I do not care which of these petty little laws I break.” Noir answered, checking her fingertips.

I used my True Theft to flick one of her nipples and she gave me an irritated look. “That was not nice.”

“Breaking laws is worse than flicking nipples.” I said firmly.

“How would you feel if I flicked yours?” Noir asked.

“Like you just flicked me in the nipple, duh. Gosh Noir, aren’t you supposed to be smart or something?”

Noir picked me up with Magic and held me Princess style. “I could always drop you, you know.”

“See, you could do that, or you could be nice and hold me like you love me.” I suggested.

Noir dropped me on my arse. “And that is how much I love you.” She turned to Twilight while I was still muttering curses. “I believe you may have Roxanne to yourself. I really should have spent my time in wiser ways than in a tickling contest, but it may be a while before we see each other again.”

Twilight helped me to my feet. “Well thank you for helping me torture Roxy for a little bit longer. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t tickle her the way you do, so it’s good you got her when I couldn’t.”

“It was no issue.” Noir said before giving Twilight another hug. She looked to me and gave me one too, though I pinched her bum because I could and she had dropped me on mine. Noir picked me up by my heels and handed me off to Twilight who carried me out of the room.

Twilight went and got our things packed and said goodbye to Celestia and Luna since we’d already gotten to bid Noir farewell. We teleported back home because fuck trains and fucked around doing a whole lot of nothing before settling in for the night so I could get this written down. We really haven’t done much in the past few hours other than enjoy being home, and Twilight went off to go see how Spike was doing. She caught him doing stuff with Applebloom in the privacy of his own room, so that was funny, though it was a little sucky that it was Twilight who caught them. Not that I'd rather be stuck in that situation again, but I'd rather it be me than Twilight.

Other than that, I’m glad to be home and glad that I can get on with my life. More shit’s likely to litter my path here soon, but hopefully previous events have made it so that I’ll be able to handle the coming waves like a ship at sea.

Here’s hoping there aren’t any icebergs in the way.

Author's Notes:

When typing this chapter, I had to deal with burned fingers thanks to some clumsiness on my part at work. Now that I'm writing this A/N, I burned my shit again. I need leather hands.

As Always, Arrest the Cardiac

Stay Cool, Kids.