I woke up in Twilight’s bed, and luckily I’d had a shower the night before. Twilight had been rather against it since she wanted to smell me in her bed, but I just gave her the shirt I’d been wearing and she put it in one of her empty nightstand drawers, which was a little strange in my books, but then again, I’d asked for her hand in marriage, so I was either going to get used to the weird or I was going to get gone, and the latter isn’t an option. Waking up next to her always enforces that feeling in my heart, so when I woke her up before dawn with gentle kisses, I couldn’t say that I was upset. She was a little annoyed that I’d woken her up at four in the morning, but I still don’t sleep all that much as long as I eat plenty, though Twilight does love her sleep.

We rose and I got a mental message from Noir telling me that she and Crimson had been up all night, trading stories and doing their damndest to drink me out of house and home. I wasn’t complaining since they weren’t smoking up my stash, but they could’ve at least asked. It made me think about a ‘Bring your own booze’ policy in my house when I started getting my group together, and that reminded me of the fact that I needed to start getting them together. Before Twilight went back to sleep, I asked her if she would mind if I turned on one of her lamps. She rolled over, grumbling about me and my constant need to do stuff, so I stopped before I could turn the light on and gave her some cuddles until the Sun rose high enough for me to see by its light.

I started sending out letters to my list of possible team members, though the list had gotten a little hazy. True Theft allowed me to never leave Twilight’s bed while I was writing, which was nicer than you might ever know unless you’re a cheatsy Unicorn who teleports stuff into your hands like Celestia and Luna. Either way, I wrote to Starlight first since she was a couple hours behind me, just to annoy her. My plan was to ask people if they were interested in the team first, so I wasn’t expecting a response right away. I did, however, Seal the papers so they couldn’t be read by anyone who wasn’t the intended recipient, so that would ensure that Adstus remained a relatively secret organization unless someone ignored my direct orders as a Prince.

The first response I got was from Swift Strike while I was making breakfast for Twilight. He asked if he could show up before the allotted time at the end of the week and I told him that I could bring him to my house later in the day if he really wanted to get here fast. I don’t know where he got Dragon Fire from, but I was glad he had it since he was one of the people I wanted most in my squad. I handed him a note using True Theft with my Seal on it (which made it an official document) and told him that he was released from duty as a guard whenever he felt like showing the note to Dirge. Dude sent me back a note that said he was already in Dirges office and was going home to pack his essentials as we spoke.

The next reply I got was during my exchange with Swift, and much to my surprise, it was from Iron Hoof. She said that Stalwart, Day, Shaggy, and Moon were all a little scared of Operative training, but that she would happily go through it if it meant fulfilling her dream of being in direct service to The Crown, or rather, The Ring. I wrote back and handed her a similar note to the one that I’d given Stalwart and told her to reply as soon as possible or to just come to my house in Ponyville by the end of the deadline. I started getting notes from the rest of my group including Bronze Stud that basically said that they weren’t confident that they would make it through the rigorous training I had described to them, though they would be happy to serve me as guards. I gave them each a personal note explaining that I was disappointed with their decisions, but respected them all the same.

I had only known Crystal Shade’s name, so my correspondence with her was through Luna, though by the time it was through, she told me that she would be in Ponyville by the end of the deadline, one way or another and that she looked forward to meeting the newest member of Royalty. I sighed when she reminded me that I was a Prince, but the whole thing was one big reminder of the responsibilities I now had. She’d seemed cordial enough in her notes, but I assumed that it was because I was a Prince instead of her just being a amicable person.

While Twilight was in the middle of reorganizing her library for the umpteenth time and I was keeping up a correspondence with multiple parties at once. Starshine Nebula contacted me and told me to stop acting like I was a member of Royalty before she came to wherever I was and handed me in to Celestia herself for treason, perjury, and impersonation. I told Twilight that I was going to be gone for an hour at most and explained why I was leaving, and once I’d done that, I pulled myself through space and time, waited through the acid trip that was the fourth and fifth dimension, and arrived in Nebula’s house.

I went to her front door and knocked a couple of times and she came speeding out of the corridor she usually disappeared down while I was over like there were Hellhounds on her heels. When she came to a stop, staring at me wide-eyed, I waved and said, “Wotcher.”

Nebula continued staring. “...How did you get in here?”

“Alicorn Magic, Baby. I don’t have to explain shit.” I smirked.

“No, you don’t understand. There are so many wards on my house that Luna has trouble getting in here. How did you get past my wards?” She asked shakily.

I held up my left hand. “Alicorn. Magic.”

Starshine ran her hands through her hair and her jaw dropped. “...Are you seriously saying that you’re stronger than Luna?”

“No, I’m saying she’s more versatile than I am. I’m more potent in the things I actually can do. Now, if you don’t mind, we have business to discuss, Love.”

She looked around. “...You teleported in, right?”

“Kinda sorta, not really. I remember where the kitchen is, so unless you want to have a seat on the couch…” I gestured toward her.

She shook her head. “I don’t want to join your team.”

“You get to poison hundreds of people.” I offered.

Her jaw dropped again. “What?”

“I’ll explain why and how if you join my team. There’s even a rather nice looking uniform that you don’t have to wear all the time. Hell, you probably won’t have to wear it at all until you start poisoning people.”

“...What if I don’t want to poison people?”

“If you don’t want to use your research, why do it?” I asked, crossing my arms.

She glared at me. “Maybe I’m just doing it for The Princesses and not for myself.”

“Maybe I could have you arrested on charges of attemtped genocide since I know you still have your ‘Special Sauce’ and the E.Q. to make more of it in this very house.”

“You don’t have the authority for that!” Nebula protested. No, I don’t have the lack of morals to do that.

I strode up to her and flashed her my ring. “Don’t I?”

Her heart started beating erratically. “...Holy shit, you really are the new Prince.”

I raised a brow at her. “You’ll make good money, working with me. By technicalities, you’ll be working under me, but your input will be valued and Crimson will be there.”

She glowered. “Crimson’s dead, you absolute ass.”

My brow stayed raised. “You realize you just called a Prince of Equestria an ‘ass’, right?”

Nebula licked her lips nervously. “You wouldn’t arrest me for something so petty.”

There was an unspoken question between us.

I waited a moment before responding. “You’re right. I wouldn’t.” She let out a breath. “Nor will I have you arrested at all while you’re still working for The Crown. Nebula, I want you on my team, and you’ve come as a special recommendation from Luna herself. Whether or not you accept, Crimson still leads my team and I can find another medic. You’ll still be used in the future. You’ll still be an Agent of The Crown.”

The glare returned. “Unless you know something I don’t, Crimson’s still dead. He went dark almost two years ago. Don’t you try and use him to sway me.” She spat.

I rolled my eyes. “I assure you that he’s alive and well. He’s currently in my home, though I’m willing to bet that he’s asleep since he just spent the night talking to my mentor. Believe me or not, if you accept my proposition, you’ll see him again.”

Nebula licked her lips again. “...You said I have a week, right?”

I nodded. “You do.”

“...I’ll see you then. My house-”

“Your house will either be taken care of or remain untouched. Living in my house isn’t a permanent deal.” I interrupted.

She chewed on that for a moment. “How’s the pay?”

“It’s up for deliberation. My steward slash fiance will help me negotiate a fair price once we get everyone assembled.”

She sighed. “Better than working on commissions, I guess. How big is your house?”

“Big enough to comfortably house eight people.” I responded.

Her eyes widened slightly. “It’s in Ponyville, right?”

I nodded. “It is.”

“That’s where Princess Twilight is, right?”

“Yes, my fiance lives in town.”

She stared at me. “Buck me… Are you saying that I’ll have two sets of Royal eyes on me at all times?”

I gave her a look. “Woman, you can take care of yourself. Don’t make me treat you like a child and I won’t. Believe me when I say I’d rather be looking at Twilight than at you, and that goes both ways.”

Nebula sighed again, but this time in relief. “Good. That’s good. I have enough of Princess Celestia breathing down my neck already.”

I rolled my eyes. “So you’re a definite? You want to join Adstus?”

“I guess I am. If you’re lying about Crimson, however, I’m slipping you Red Menace.”

“I don’t stay dead too good, Love, and you better believe that I’ll fuck you up worse than any of your poisons ever could do to me. Or my mentor will. She’s six thousand years old and very adept at keeping people alive for as long as she wants.”

Starshine blinked. “Wait, are you saying that you’re immortal?”

“What has two thumbs and is an Alicorn Abomination.” I jerked my thumbs toward myself.

“...No wings, no horn. Sorry, but I’m not seeing it.”

I shrugged and reached through the ether to palm her arse. She jumped a meter into the air and landed with a hearty ‘clop’. “It’s in the wizard shit. If we’re done here, I need to go home and enjoy my last few hours of peace before things get hectic.”

She nodded and I pulled myself through the dimensions again, though the trip felt a little shorter than it had the last time. When I popped into Twilight living room/library, she was nowhere to be seen, but I could hear her heartbeat in the kitchen and went to go sit with her for a while since I liked her company. Twilight’s a nice lady, and I like to spend time with her like that. While we were drinking coffee, Noir came over and Twilight started acting rather cold, so I had them clear the air, but the only way Twilight was going to forgive her was if she apologized to Rarity for what she said. Noir refused to do so since she’d only spoken the truth and had said it in the nicest way she knew how, but Twilight wanted what she wanted, so I asked Noir if she would mind too terribly while I went to go ask Onyx if he would help Crimson train my recruits. Noir didn’t make much of a fuss and said that she would go and see her, but she made no promises regarding whether or not she would make it better or worse. I guess that was all I could ask of her, though I did request that she specifically apologize for hurting Rarity rather than apologizing for what she actually said.

Twilight opted to go and collect Spike from Applejack’s house while I went to go see Onyx, and I would’ve offered to see her there, but she was still a little miffed with Noir, so I figured she could use some alone time. I was wrong, of course, but I like alone time when I’m upset, and I think that everyone should take a little space to get themselves sorted if they’re really that upset. Something the girls could stand to learn.

Anyway, the walk over to Onyx’s was just fine and when I got there, Knuckle had the day off for some reason or other, so he was manning the front counter himself. I greeted him pleasantly and he gave me a silent nod, so I asked him if I could have a moment of his time. He looked around his empty shop and told me to stop being a dumbass, so I did and went ahead with voicing my request. He agreed on the condition that he be allowed to do as he used to with Crimson, and I agreed since my employee was one of the toughest fellows out there. Onyx asked when he would start, and I told him that we would begin training after this week when I had my team assembled. Things were setting up pretty well, but when I mentioned paying him, he just asked for a hundred bits a week to make up for the time he was going to lose and asked how long the training was going to last. Without any prior experience in training people, I didn’t really have a clue, so he just said that he would do it until everyone was nice and prepped for good old-fashioned murderizing of faces.

When I left, I just went to Trixie’s house for a visit and that went pretty well. We chatted about current events over some tea and she asked if I was excited to attend her wedding, which had totally slipped my mind in the weird shit that is my day to day life. I didn't’ tell her that since I knew she’d be offended, so I just told her that it had been on my mind and that I’d been wondering what the color scheme was since she’d never actually told me. Trixie let me know that I could just wear a black suit and I would be fine, so I asked about the color of the tie and she told me that blue would be preferable, though she’d already gotten me one. I sent to to my bed with my True Magic and Trixie came at me with a boat-load of questions and I explained how I understood it best to her, though she was fucking lost by the time I stopped talking, which was to be expected. There wasn’t much I really understood myself, but I got it at the ground level and apparently knew my power well enough to pluck estrus and souls from things, so I couldn’t say that I was terribly concerned with gaining a deeper understanding of it. However, I did need to get faster at in, and that would require a live target that I didn’t give a single fuck about.

I ended my visit with Trixie when Orchid showed up because she still doesn’t like me much. I try to be nice to her, but the most we ever accomplish is a certain manner of civility that we only keep to stop Trixie from feeling like we were at war with each other. I know Orchid just doesn’t like me, but that doesn’t mean I have to stop liking her. After all, she makes Trixie happy and that makes me happy, so I’ll deal with it until the time comes when we can’t stand to be in the same room. Hopefully it doesn’t come to that point, but you never know.

I continued on with my day and went to go see my Mum because I felt like it, but then I got a note from Starshine that needed to be addressed. She’d written back that she wanted a lab so she could continue her research and I told her that I had a small-time lab in my house that had never been used by anyone. Like, ever. I didn’t need it for anything, Twilight had her own lab, and Trixie was more into magic than science, so no one ever bothered to actually use the damn thing, though Twilight had commented on it whenever we used the observatory. It was something we actually needed to use, so I told Starshine that I could most likely have my fiance teleport some of her things over if I didn’t have the necessary components, but she assured me that a lab that actually was worth having would be one worth using.

After that, I took my happy arse over to see Fluttershy for a little bit and that was also a nice visit. We sat and talked for a few hours, taking the piss with each other like we used to when we were dating, and sipping on some fantastic tea. Fluttershy’s connection for the stuff had only gotten better over the years and she brewed us up a pot of something called ‘Saddle Arabian Blue Lotus’. It was rather nice, but when she made a second pot of something called ‘Barkelona Blitz’, the shit was absolute bollocks to the taste buds. Like, the tea was so bad, neither of us could stand more than a sip, and it wasn’t because it was strong or particularly flavourful. It was actually just so incredibly similar to Dog food that neither of us could bear to finish a cup, let alone the pot. Fluttershy ended up letting some of her carnivorous animals give it a shot and they were fine with it, thought most were content with a few sips.

The visit with Fluttershy took up a few hours, and by the time I was ready to leave, I received a letter from Swift telling me that he was ready to go. I gave Fluttershy a hug before stealing myself away from her house, though my landing in Swift’s flat was a little rough since I landed on the guy. He caught me pretty well, but we hadn't been expecting me to be in his arms when I arrived, and when he dropped me, I cursed him to high Heaven and back down to Hell for being a shit-burgling, Prince-dropping, arse-head. I got over it soon enough and started taking his stuff to my house with my True Magic, talking to him all the while. When I finished putting his bags in my living room, I asked if he wanted to take anything else with him and he pulled a fucking glaive from a weapon stand and asked if he was ever going to need it. I told him that he probably would since he accepted the job and took that to my place too.

Travelling through the dimensions with Swift was a fucking trip. I was getting used to the acid trip that was my version of teleportation, but as I held onto Swift, he just gaped at the expanse. After a few minutes of silence (or a few seconds, I suppose), Swift asked, “What is this place?”

“This is the fifth dimension, my friend. It might be the fourth and fifth in a visual representation, but that’s what it is.” I replied calmly.

“...Wow.”

“I know, right? It’s a trip your first time around, but you get used to it after a few times. Hopefully an Earth Pony such as yourself won’t have to see it much, but it’s an interesting thing to tell the grandkids about.”

“You’re telling me. This place is wild…” He looked around some more.

I just let us float on for awhile. “Stuff like this isn’t exactly common, but you’ll probably be experiencing some weird shit while working with me. Like I said in my letter, this isn’t an easy detail.”

“I didn’t agree because it was easy. I just feel like I’ve got more to give to Equestria than I’m currently doing as a guard, you know?”

“I don’t understand the feeling, but I know where you’re coming from. I suppose you could say I’ve been giving what I could to Equestria ever since I first got here.”

Swift was quiet for another few moments, but before he could say anything, we were thrust into my house and he tripped over his own bags. I got him to his feet and asked him to be quiet long enough for me to hear what Crimson was up to, and when I listened in, he was sound asleep in his room, so I offered Swift a quick tour of my house and showed him the three rooms that had already been claimed. He took another of the rooms on the first floor and we started getting his stuff moved in, though I shouldn’t have been so surprised about how well kempt he’d been while packing. After all, he was a fucking soldier and I really should’ve expected it from him.

Once he was in, I asked him if he wanted to go grab dinner or something and he seemed to think that dinner between two dudes was a little strange, but then I pointed out that I was already a well known figure in Ponyville who had only ever been caught kissing ladies, one way or the other, and that most people would probably assume that he was a friend of mine from somewhere or other. Just to fuck with him, I paid for dinner, but the main event was that Noir and Rarity were there at Blossoms and Blooms. Noir was actually eating while Rarity was picking and poking at her plate, glaring daggers at me the entire time. I figured an apology then and there would be in order, so I excused myself from Swift’s company and came over to give Rarity a half-arsed heartfelt apology. She wasn’t really trying to hear it, but she did say that she appreciated my efforts.

I went back to dinner with Swift and we talked about a few things like the training regimen and how I expected him to help me come up with house rules while we were getting things settled. It didn’t have to be today, but I needed to get everyone on the same page before shit started getting weird or uncomfortable, and getting rules like that in place just so happens to be the best way to accomplish that. Swift and I bounced a few idea while we were finishing up, and when we departed, we changed topics and talked about fights we’d won or lost, depending on how we saw the victory conditions. I was a little surprised to learn that Swift was a killer, but when he explained that he’d been facing a long sentence in Tartarus or a lifetime in The Guard, he’d chosen The Guard because it was his lifelong dream to become one. It was just that his violent streak was a bit more lethal than anyone else’s.

I understood that feeling.

We got back home and Crimson was just waking his arse up, so I asked him if I needed to have Twilight put him back to sleep for a few hours so he could get his sleep schedule correct. He groggily told me that a good Operative can sleep wherever, whenever, and that he was a damn good Operative. While I had my Captain awake, I stole the chalkboard that Celestia had used to teach me and wiped it down before writing down the House Rules that we’d gotten together. They made sense to everyone in the room, though that was because there were only three dudes in the room and none of us had a problem putting both seats down on the loo. Seriously, if I have to touch a nasty toilet seat, so does someone else, not just males either. That’s not to say that we didn’t go put every toilet seat in the house up for the night just because we could.

Noir came back while Swift, Crimson, and I were talking among ourselves about some of our journeys, though it was mostly Swift talking since Crimson and I were trying to get to know him better. When Noir came in, Swift stared at her and she stared right back before asking if he’d ever seen a ‘mare’ before. He was dumbstruck and stuttered out an apology, stating that he hadn't seen a woman her height before and she mussed his hair up like he was a child or something. Noir took me aside and told me about what had gone on with Rarity and apparently she’d guilted the poor woman into reconciling with her. I just told Noir that she was making mistake after mistake and she responded with the facts. Her method had achieved the desired result faster than what my method would have, even if I didn’t like how she did it. Either way, she and Rarity were on speaking terms and the pale woman could hardly bear to look at me, so I guess she was right in a might-makes-right kinda way.

Still, I was rather disappointed in Noir and told her to go to bed without supper, but when she told me that she’d already eaten supper, I repeated myself and pointed straight up since we were in the parlour. I received a look like I was retarded and Noir gave me a hug, so I returned it and we were pretty much fine, though I made it rather clear that I didn’t want her taking out aggression on people just because she could now. She promised to hold her tongue more often than not, and that was all I could ask of her, so we returned to the living room while Crimson was telling Swift about the mission we’d done together.

The night ended with Twilight teleporting into my bed in her sleepwear while I was getting this written down. She literally just popped in out of nowhere and we shared a kiss before she let me get back to my thing, and she did her own thing with her diary while I was filling out my journal. While I’m thinking about it, I had better see if I can get Noir to talk to Onyx tomorrow so they can come up with a training regimen that makes things more streamlined. It’s not like I have to do all of this myself, so I guess I’ll be leaning on them and Crimson pretty hard to help me get things sorted out.

I suppose that’s all for now. Twilight’s done with her writing, so i suppose I should finish up mine.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

So the morning started nice and early since I didn’t actually sleep. The whole sleep-or-don’t-sleep thing kinda throws me off from time to time, but at least I know where I am and don’t really lose much in the way of daylight or midnight oil. I started on a new Midnight Stroll book and it seemed to be coming along pretty well and I even included some Gooses and Ducks with their very own lemonade stand. I miss those guys. I really have to find some new animal friends some time, but then again I would be happy enough with seeing my Pony friends for a little while from time to time. I know I just saw them yesterday, but I miss being able to sit and talk with Rarity and Applejack like I could when we were all still friends. I’m pretty sure Applejack isn’t forgiving me anytime soon, and I need to keep things running as far as Adstus goes right now, but I know that things are going to get even worse when I hit my stride and start ruling a place, if I ever do get the chance. I’m revelling in the fact that I don’t have to right now, but you never know what’s going to happen in the future.

Off to a great fucking start, yeah? Let’s move on.

So I got out of bed around four so I wouldn’t wake Twilight up and started making breakfast since I knew that Swift and Crimson had agreed to rise early with me, and around five, they got off their lazy arses, ate some vegetable stew that I made that wasn’t half bad, and we got to getting set up for the morning run. Luckily Noir had decided to sleep in so she wouldn’t fuck us up entirely, which meant that I was most likely going to be the one running the running, so to speak, though Swift probably has more stamina than I do, if anything than because of his time as a guard. When we got to it, we made three circuits around Ponyville and Crimson said he couldn’t do much more, but Swift and I pushed him for another half-lap and we made it around to Town Hall. I figured we could always walk through town as a cool down, but when Crimson got his breath back, we made it a good jog and started covering a lot of places, but that was when I learned that Swift has absolutely no sense of direction whatsoever. The dude seriously couldn’t find his way out of a soaking wet paper bag if his constant going in the wrong direction was anything to go by. When Crimson and I had to go looking for him, we quickly realized that he wouldn’t be all that good at any sort of Operative work.

Crimson and I guided Swift back home, making him stay in the middle of us so he wouldn’t get lost again, and when my house came into view, we got there a little quicker than usual since we all felt like getting a shower in, and since the Sun was only telling me that it was about eight or nine, which meant that Twilight was most likely awake. I was looking forward to a shower with her, so that was probably why I picked up the pace more than necessary. Crimson told me I was just too full of energy, but Swift backed me up and said that I was just looking forward to seeing the beautiful ‘mare’ that was occupying a room upstairs. Crimson took an issue with that and pointed out that I was devoted to Twilight, and I cut in saying that Twilight was the woman upstairs. Swift gave me a look and said that he actually meant the giantess that was Noir, which made Crimson and I crack up. I explained that Noir was my mentor and probably the single most deadly woman on the planet and Crimson agreed wholeheartedly since he knew from experience that she was faster than he could follow.

I knew that the only people that came close to her skill were Luna and Uror, but Uror is a powerful magic user and I don’t actually know if she can actually fist fight worth a damn. I know Luna’s powerful with magic and with her hands, but I know for a fact that Noir would win in a straight up fight from going all out against both women in the past. I could actually last a full minute with Luna and score the occasional blow, but I was dead in the water against Noir every time. Taking their True Magic into consideration, unless Luna halts the fucking planet or something, then Noir still fucking wins due to her overpowered five minute time-bending since she can use it to learn an opponent's fighting style and their reactions for as long as she wants. Honestly, Noir is scarily powerful, and I know that between myself, who is a single target assassin type, and Celestia and Luna who are both large scale slayers, Noir on her own bridges the gap incredibly well and could probably take all of us at the same time if she really felt like it. These might just be my personal observations since I’ve never seen Celestia fight, but I do know my mentor well, and I know that when she gets serious (which I still haven’t actually seen) she’s a force to be reckoned with in the worst of ways. Celestia might be the biggest unknown right now, but still.

Fucking tangents, but in my defense, I don’t think I’ve ever written about the balance of power between the four most powerful non-god creatures on the planet. I’m pretty sure that Discord is a lowercase ‘G’, and I know for a fact that Uror is one, but Celestia, Luna, Noir, and myself are still incredibly-

Holy shite.

Holy fucking shite.

I rank with those three monsters. I went from getting my arse handed to me by some fucking farm girl to being one of the most powerful beings on the planet… My, how far I have come… I was just thinking about ways I could beat the three big ones while I was writing and I realized that I could reach through reality and literally steal their hearts, or I could rip their souls from their bodies and absorb their powers. Hell, I could straight up just steal their powers, or their senses, or their horns. Hell, I had a completely different power that could fuck them up beyond what the True Theft would, but I’m still not going to write it down. I’ll just keep that one to myself. I really need to get back on topic, but I guess I felt the need to get the whole power balance thing onto paper and I’m just… It’s a little staggering that I rank in terms of sheer mortiferous capacity with Noir…

Speaking of Noir (and getting back on track) she was awake when I got back and was eating breakfast with Twilight. They were talking about something or other, both of them sipping on mugs of coffee and looking rather serious between them, but before I could tune into the conversation, they agreed to pick it up later and Twilight came over to scold me for leaving the house before we could even have so much as a sip of coffee, but I apologized with a kiss and let her know that it would most likely be more of a daily thing since I was trying to get my… personnel, I guess, on track and was doing so by leading through example rather than telling them to do something I wasn’t going to do myself.

Twilight puckered her lips and gave me an adorable little glare while we were standing in the dining room. “Max, I’m really not trying to sound envious or insecure here, but why are you getting staff, but I’m not? I’ve been a Princess for a year and a little extra, but you’ve only been a Prince for two months! I know my house is smaller than yours, but really!”

I grimaced. “When you say it like that, you sound kind of bitter.”

She rolled her eyes. “I, of all ponies, care the least about having servants around the house, but I know Crimson is an Operative and he says that he was given special training by Luna, and I know Swift was an instructor for The Guard since my brother put him into his position a few years ago and introduced us. I’m just wondering why it feels like you’re putting together some kind of Honor Guard when I really don’t think you need it.”

I raised a brow at her. “Who said it was just for me? Adstus is going to be responsible for protecting you too, but they’re going to be based out of my house since I have the space to accommodate them.”

She gave me a look. “We don’t need guards, Amour.”

“We’re the only pair of Royals who go around without them, Twilight. Like it or not, we need to be seen with more officials, one way or the other. So far, my team is the cream of the crop, and we rather need them to be since we’re the fledgling duo since you’re the only one who comes from any sort of nobility. We are the most likely targets if anyone comes for the Royal Family-”

“Max, we don’t need protection! We can take care of ourselves!” Twilight argued.

“You mean like how Cadance and Shining didn’t need protection, despite Cadance being an Alicorn and Shining being one of the most powerful Unicorns in Equestria? They got rolled, Cherry. Whether you see that or not, they got rolled hard and I don’t want to see that happen to us.”

“Cadance and Shining had guards all over the place, Max! They had more guards in Canterlot than anywhere else in Equestria and they still got ‘rolled’,” She threw up some air quotes, “so I don’t really see why you need an Honor Guard!”

I rolled my eyes. “Then how about we agreed to disagree, because when it comes to your safety I’m never going to back down.”

Twilight made an exasperated face. “But that’s what I’m saying! You don’t need to worry about my safety with other ponies because I trust you to be looking out for me! I have your back and you have mine!”

I took her hands. “And that will always be true, but I’m just not confident that we’ll always be enough. Twilight, this isn’t a slight against you or a doubting of either of our skills and prowess: it’s a safety precaution that makes me sleep a little better at night because I know that I have a physical force standing between you and whoever wants to take you from me in my home.”

Twilight gripped my hands and looked at them. “...Does that mean you still want me to move in with you?”

“I never stopped wanting you to.” I answered, my hopes rising.

She looked off to the side. “...I don’t know about that quite yet. I’m sorry, Max. I know you want me to be with you, but the library-”

“Can be run by someone else, anyone else! It doesn’t have to be you, Twilight. Hell, if you really want it, I’ll commission an extension to the house just so we can bring the contents of the Treebrary here, and from there, who knows? Maybe there will be a sudden influx of people who actually want to check out books, or maybe it stays the same and you have the option of staying with me whenever you want because you can set it up so that a magical chime rings whenever someone comes through the library door.”

She bit her lip. “I-I just don’t know…”

I squeezed her hands. “Then don’t give me an answer right now. Think on it, have a night to sleep on it. It’s a big decision for a couple to make, but I want you in my home, Twilight Sparkle, and I want to share all I have with you.”

“...Thank you. I’ll talk to Spike about coming to live here and see what he thinks about it.”

“Please do. In the meantime, I have to clean since Berry hasn’t come around this week-” Twilight’s horn lit up and I could hear my broom start sweeping in my kitchen, and a light feather duster-esque sound came from the living room. “Or you could cheat and do that, I guess.”

She gave me a small smile. “I don’t think anypony really enjoys cleaning.”

“I don’t, but I like having a decent looking house.” I gave her a kiss. “Thank you, Cherry.”

“It’s no problem. You smell nice.”

I rolled my eyes. “ I just got through with a morning run and I’ve been sweating for the past three hours.”

“Your sweat smells nice.” She said haughtily.

I kissed her cheek. “My sweat smells like I need a shower. Care to join me?”

“Hmm… I don’t know… Why don’t you have Crimson or Swift wash your back?”

I frowned. “No one washes a back like you wash my back.”

She hit me lightly and smiled. “Fine, just don’t expect any favours, okay?”

“Can I still hope for one?”

“If you’re good. Come on, sweaty. We’ve got to go get washed up for the day.”

I kissed her cheek. “Let me talk to Noir real quick and I’ll be right with you, okay?”

Twilight gave me a look. “Fine, but you were the one who wanted to take a shower together in the first place. If you’re not upstairs in five minutes, you’re either taking a bath or showering somewhere else!”

“I have like, two more showers in here. That, or I’ll just go to your house and use yours while you aren’t there.” I said cheekily.

She gasped. “You wouldn’t!”

“Oh, you know I would.”

She hit me again. “Just be upstairs in five minutes, okay?”

“I’ll do it in four.” I gave her another kiss and searched for Noir’s heartbeat.

She was in the living room, so I went in to have a word with her, but she was in the middle of a book since I’d spent a little while talking to Twilight and raised a finger to let me know that she would be done with what she was doing in a moment. Once she was finished, she stuck her finger in between the pages and looked at me.

“You wanted something?” Noir asked politely.

“Do you know if I got any new powers from losing my Dark Magic.” I asked bluntly.

She gave me a confused look. “Why would you get new powers for losing some?”

I shrugged. “No real reason. I was just hoping that I was going to shore up my losses, though I guess True Theft is good enough to compensate for any missing powers I may have had.”

“As it should be. True Magic outweighs most other kinds of magic by a wide margin.” Noir opened her book and started reading again since I didn’t have anything else to ask about.

I shrugged and headed upstairs, my heart full and feeling free. She doesn’t know about the new power. Noir, the person I trust with all of my secrets, doesn’t know about the biggest wrench in the works yet, and that makes my dick rock hard. Like seriously, I was so worried about her knowing about the new power (I hesitate to call it magic of any kind) that I haven’t even pulled a prank with it yet, despite Yesu putting it in the category of Prankery. I really didn’t see it as a prank kind of power, but I did see where it could be used as such. However, I needed a test subject that would never rat me out.

The shower with Twilight was nice and I ended up giving her a favour before we got in because I felt like it and she really likes the way I smell. I mean, a woman’s heart is in her stomach just like a man’s is, but her lady parts may well be in her nose, if Twilight’s reactions were anything to go by. Maybe it was just me. Eh. Still, I made Twilight’s morning and she made mine by letting me see her naked, so that was all well and good, but after that, I let her know that I was going to see Uror for a private matter and requested that she to get to know Swift a little bit better. She didn’t know him all that well, so she offered to go and grab him for a long talk about beaches and blizzards or some shit while I spoke to Noir again and asked her to go see Onyx so we could get the training regimen on the ball. My mentor agreed and said that she would give him the images and knowledge of the fighting styles she thought would be most useful while she was at it and I gave her a peck on the cheek for being proactive. Noir actually wanted a hug in return, so I gave her one and that was nice.

I departed from my place and pulled myself into Uror’s glade in the Everfree, but when I got there, I immediately noticed that there were a fucktonne of Dryads shifting about. I may have fallen on someone but after a few sincere apologies and offering them a hand up, I was forgiven for my trespasses and started asking questions.

“Oi. So what is this all about?” I asked the fellow I’d fallen on, trying to look over the heads of the myriad of Dryads.

The angry woman huffed. “Why don’t you ask someone you didn’t fall on?”

“Because they wouldn’t be as pretty as you.” I said flatly, sarcasm dripping from my voice.

Luckily, your average Dryad is half-retarded. The green haired woman blushed and coughed. “Well then. I suppose I could tell you. Some Darkie’s been accused of poisoning a pond, but she denies it to no end. I really wish she’d just admit it, but you know how Darkies are.” Bitch, I already hate you.

“I really don’t. I’m guessing Uror and the accused are at the head of the crowd?” I kinda asked.

The cunt nodded. “They are.”

I nodded. “Thanks.”

And with that, I started excusing my way through the crowd until I made it to the front, and when I got there, a woman that looked like her dress was made of hemlock (the tree, not the bush) was strung up on a stake made of roots and Uror stood below her, looking at her with a rather neutral expression, though that could have been her glaring daggers as far as most Dryads were concerned. I pardoned my way over to her, and when a few Dryads reached out to stop me, I swept their hands away either nonchalantly or with a bit of force depending on how hard they grabbed me.

When I got to Uror, she turned and gave me the same look she’d been giving the Dark Dryad. “Maximus. I see you have returned from your time in the Old Castle.”

I nodded. “I have. I have someone I want you to see, but I’ll send her your way later today or some other time. What’s up with the Dark Dryad looking like she’s about to be burned at the stake?”

“She is about to be burned at the stake.” Uror answered simply. “If she cannot provide the name of she who poisoned the pond, she will be burned in her stead.”

“Wait, so do you know for a fact that it wasn’t her?” I asked incredulously.

“No, I do not. She was only caught near the pond while animals began dying after drinking from it. My magic does not allow me to find the truth, though my questions should. Hem, however, refuses to answer any questions.”

I looked up at Hem. “Oi! Dark and mildly poisonous!”

Hem stared at me, absolutely fucking terrified. I could hear her heart hammering over all the others in attendance. She didn’t say a word.

“Did you poison the watering hole?” I asked.

Hem shook her head rapidly, tears forming in her eyes. She seemed to be trying her best not to cry.

Something told me that she wasn’t the one guilty of the crime, but she was, in a way. “Something’s not right here, Leafy Green.”

Uror nodded. “You sense it too.”

“Do you know if hemlock was used to poison the water?”

“I do not.”

“Then why would she stick around the scene of the crime? From what I know of Dark Dryads, she would’ve been trying to find company with the animals around the pond rather than try to poison them. I mean, how often is it that you kill one of them for doing something similar?”

Uror shrugged. “It was but a few full moons ago that something similar happened, but another Dark Dryad was caught doing something similar, though the earth around a fruit bearing tree was poisoned.”

“Can you tell the difference between poisons?” I asked.

“I can.”

“And you didn’t think to check the water to see if someone’s going around framing Dark Dryads?” I whispered to her.

Uror’s eyes narrowed. “What are you implying?”

“I’m implying that a lot of your normal Dryads hate Dark Dryads with a passion and that I wouldn’t be surprised if Hem and the rest of them were being set up so you’ll kill them slowly and painfully.”

She frowned and some of her children backed away a bit. “My children do not hate Dark Dryads to that extent.”

“I literally just met one who was happy to see one of her sisters be burned alive.” I countered.

Uror’s brows raised. “This is true?”

I nodded. “It is.”

“...How troubling… I cannot let this deed go unpunished, Maximus.”

“I’m not saying that you should, but I am saying that you should let Hem down for a moment and use me as your lie detector so we can get to the bottom of this.”

“Can you not have Celestia come and see into Hem’s mind for herself? It would mean much in the way of solidifying her alliance.” Uror bargained.

“Celestia’s not the type to interfere with your rule, but I know someone who is.” I tilted my head back and closed my eyes.

‘Noir?’ I tried.

‘Ring ring ring, no one is home.’ She replied snarkily.

‘Ha ha. If you’re done being an arse muncher, Uror could use some of your interrogational skills.’

‘...I forgot about visiting her. I suppose I can save my visit with Onyx Lock for a few more hours, though I request that you leave when we come to our love making.’ Dammit.

‘I heard that.’ Noir thought at me cheerfully.

‘Shut up and get your giant arse over here.’ I thought irritably.

‘My posterior is not ‘giant’.’ She huffed.

‘It is compared to anyone else’s. Doesn’t mean that it’s not nice to look at, but still, Shadow Dive already!’

I could practically hear her rolling her eyes, and suddenly I felt her presence behind me, so I stepped off to the side and kept my eyes on Uror. The way the Matron’s face lit up was absolutely priceless, and when she gave Noir a hug, I sensed that it had been a reunion that had been a long time coming. Noir held her for a good while, giving off vibes of genuine love and affection that almost felt wrong to let my eyes linger on, so I turned away to give them a modicum of privacy. I noticed that most of the Dryads in the front of the group were either scratching their heads or whispering about the strangeness of the situation, but then again, I suppose m0ost of them were too young to know who Noir was anyway.

When Noir cleared her throat, I turned back around to see her still holding Uror, but both of them were facing me. “So what have I been summoned for, Max?”

I pointed at Hem, who looked more confused than scared at this point, though she was still plenty of both. “Her. She’s been accused of putting snakes in boots and poisoning watering holes.”

Uror gave me a look, though she was still smiling. “Dryads do not wear shoes, and Hem was only accused of poisoning one pond. However, Maximus does not seem to be able to make her speak any better than I, and we seem to be in need of your magical versatility.”

Noir nodded. “I refuse to torture her, but I can enter her mind and see if she is lying.”

I spread my hands and Uror held her arms. “Will you have to let me go to do so?”

Noir sighed. “Sadly I must, my glorious flower, but you will return to my embrace soon enough. For now, we must decide if she is guilty of the crimes she has committed.”

Noir let go of Uror, but the Matron held her hand as they walked up to the stake, and when Noir got there, Uror made some steps for her and she climbed up along side her. My mentor touched her fingertips to the Dark Dryad’s forehead, and after minute, she gave us her verdict.

“Hem is innocent.” She said quietly enough for Uror and I to hear. More loudly, she called out over the crowd, “She who has framed this Dark Dryad, step forth!” I recognized the ring of Dark Magic in her voice and it hurt my ears a little to hear.

There was some shifting about in the crowd, though slowly but surely, someone stepped out from near the front as if they were being compelled to reveal themselves. They literally were, mind you, so when the pink haired, rather innocent looking Dryad stepped forth, there were gasps in the crowd.

“Those who have framed Dark Dryads in the past, step forth!” Noir shouted with her grating voice.

Two more Dryads stepped up from the same area that the first had come from. It seemed like the three of them were the culprits all along, and when Uror saw them come forth, her face contorted into a look of absolute, unadulterated rage that made me afraid of her. I mean, I wasn’t scared of Uror in general since she seemed to like me well enough, but the worst I’d ever seen the woman do was frown mildly and give looks of general disapproval. Now she looked like she was going to create holes to fist, and it didn’t hurt that I recognized a lot of poisonous plants springing up around her feet as she and noir strode over to the truly guilty parties.

Uror lead the way and let go of Noir’s hand halfway there. “My love, do not watch this.” She requested hotly.

Noir simply nodded and closed her eyes, hanging her head.

I watched on in horrified curiosity. Uror stood in front of the three of them, but she paced mack and forth for a few moments before settling on the pink haired one first. The Matron threw a hand back like she was preparing to scratch the fuck out of her, but she didn’t scratch her. No, she really didn’t. Uror thrust her hand into the Dryad’s chest like she was ripping through tissue paper and and pulled out something that looked like a roundish root, dark and bright green… Well, I hesitate to call it blood, but that’s what I’m going with. Dark and Bright green blood gushed forth and I couldn’t drag my eyes away from the abject horror of Uror cramming the root-like thing down her throat. She moved on to the second one who’d fallen to her knees, begging forgiveness, but the look in Uror’s eyes told me that she held no such mercy for those who would plot against their own sisters, taking their lives from them for no other reason than petty hatred.

The Matron took a different path with this one and started by plucking her eyes out one at a time, and I don’t believe those screams will ever stop fucking with my head. Evidently Uror hated hearing them because she reached into that Dryad’s throat and ripped out what I assumed to be her tongue before leaving her to spit up the same green substance that her sister next to her gushing from her chest and mouth. The last Dryad backed away from Uror, but she was quickly held in place by roots that grew up around her legs . More came to encase her hands and the Matron balled her hands up into fists, holding them together before suddenly whisking her right hand to the side.

The Dryad was suddenly missing a leg, but before she could cry or scream, Uror made her left and fly back and forth as if she was slamming her into the ground by proxy, and so the roots followed her commands. When she stopped, the dryad lay lifeless, spitting up the green substance, but Uror had broken the root that held her leg, though I noticed that it was shaped like a large awl now. In one savage motion, the Matron drove the Dryads own leg through her chest and deep into the ground. When the deed was done, Uror slung her hands and the blood was freed from her skin, splattering on the ground.

You know what the worst part was? It wasn’t the frankly sickening deaths. It wasn’t their brutality. No, it was the fact that I could still hear each of their hearts beating until the blood was all poured onto the ground. It was the fact that they lived for minutes after Uror’s swift and brutal punishment that made me feel rather ill. I saw the Matron in a new light that day, and now that I knew that underneath the placid surface that was her flawless beauty lie a lusus naturae like no other I’d ever witnessed besides those in Hell itself, I did fear her. I feared Uror more than Noir because she knew exactly what she’d done. She was aware that what she did was monstrous, even by the bar that had been set so high for me.

It was a good reminder to stop fucking with her before she started frowning too hard.

I was stuck looking at Uror like she was a fucking lunatic beyond Vlad the Impaler for a few minutes while the three conspirators were still having the last vestiges of life drained from them ever so slowly. Noir kept her eyes closed until Uror told her to open them, but while she was smiling, I couldn’t help but see the fierce guardian of the natural order that she was behind that smile. I wasn’t shaken or anything, but I was shocked. Stunned. A little grossed out, for what it’s worth. I mean, I’ve killed the fuck out of some people myself, but never like that. Never.

Uror returned to Noir’s embrace like the last five minutes had never happened and my mentor accepted her like the clearly audible screams that had rang out through the dell had been nothing more than the sound of the wind. I suppose they really were a good match since both of them were savages when they needed to be, but I rather wanted to go home and hold Twilight for a few hours so I could forget about the incident. I walked up to them and asked Uror if she was going to let Hem down since she was innocent and Uror lazily waved a hand to release her. Hem wasted no time in running off into the forest to escape further prosecution, so I asked if I was needed there any longer. Uror and Noir just stared at me for a moment, so I took the hint, bid them goodbye, and took my happy arse home.

Twilight was surprised that I bumped into her when I teleported to her side, but that was because she was sitting on the couch and I’d practically fallen onto it. I really needed to work on my teleportation, but it had gotten me where I wanted to go and I interrupted her conversation with Swift by kicking my boots off and laying on her lap because I just wanted to. Swift picked the conversation back up and I closed my eyes, taking in Twilight’s calming scent for a few minutes before she let me know that she had to get up. When she was out of the room, I rolled over to forestall any talking between Swift and myself, and when I heard her come back, I rolled over again and the pale orange fellow asked if something was wrong. I told him that I’d just watched someone have their heart fed to them and to not mention that to Twilight. He looked at me like I was trying to play a joke on him or something and when Twilight came back, I continued not saying anything, and when I was asked for my input, I didn’t really say much. Twilight knew something wasn’t right, so she did the thing she usually did when I needed a little love and started stroking my hair. I fell asleep on her lap because it was a pleasant place to be, one’s lover’s lap, and she didn’t bother waking me up for a little while, so that was nice.

I noticed that Swift was no longer in the room when Twilight roused me, so we were alone in the house. I couldn’t hear any other heartbeats, so my first assumption was correct, but when I sat up, Twilight asked, “Max, is something wrong?”

I looked at her and then at the floor. “Cherry, I just saw Uror do some stuff you don’t want to hear about. Can we leave it at that?”

“No, we can’t. I think talking about it while it’s fresh is going to be better than reopening a healing wound.”

I sighed. “Uror just killed three of her Dryads in front of me in some brutal ways. They were guilty of getting other Dryads killed in a different but still horrifying way, but still. I didn’t think Uror was… I don’t know her like I thought I did.”

Twilight held my arm and laid her head on my shoulder, shuddering. “This is why I think everypony should just be nice to each other.”

I laid my head on hers. “This is why I think you might be right. Might be.”

“...If it makes you feel any better, I think Swift and I will get along just fine.”

“That actually does make me feel better. Oi, what do you say we go visit Fleur and Fancy for a bit?”

“My first question would be why, and my second question would be if you forgot that he beat my Dad up.”

“The answer to the first one is that I still haven’t made time to go visit them, and the answer to the second one is that I completely and utterly forgot. I wasn’t thinking, Cherry. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Amour. If you want to go visit them by yourself, that’s fine, but if you want to stay here with me… Well, we have the house to ourselves.” She hinted.

I pulled my head away from hers and she took her head off of my shoulder. “...I’m not complaining or anything, but why?”

She blushed. “Well, it just seems like you need something to help get your mind off of the thing with Uror.”

“I love you. You’re the best Pony, best Princess, best wife, and the best friend.”

She beamed brilliantly. “If I wasn’t already planning on giving you a favour, I think somepony might have been getting one anyway.”

I gave her a kiss. “What say we do a little snogging before we get to the better stuff, yeah? I’d like to taste the sweet flavour of your lips.”

Twilight blushed a little harder and said, “Now you’re just trying to make sure you get the most of it.”

“A few words affirming my love for you never hurt anyone, I don’t believe. I just want you to know that I love and appreciate you like nothing else in this world.” I slid my arm behind her shoulders and gave her a gentle smile.

Twilight returned it. “Sometimes I feel like you’re just an ass because you want to be, but then you come along and you’re just sweeter than sugar!”

“No, you’re sweeter than sugar and I’m a cup of coffee. Together, we’re better.” I reached for her necklace and held it like it was fragile, knowing that it wasn’t.

“Gosh, I really do love you, Maximus. You’re the best special somepony I could ever ask for!” Twilight smile grew a little.

“Say, how about we skip the favour and save that for another time? We can just talk or something for a little bit, yeah?”

“I’d like that.” Twilight said softly.

And so we talked. We talked about nothing and everything, and depending on how familiar you are with Taoism, you might read deeper into that than necessary. I asked Twilight what she thought about Noir and Uror being in a relationship not unlike ours and she was a little surprised to find that she and Uror were that close. I explained that they’d been loathe to leave each other while I was there and that I’d turned away to give lovers a moment of privacy, especially since they hadn't seen each other in about four thousand years. Twilight talked about how I’d missed her first real official thing as a Princess while I was in the Everfree when she and the girls went to the Rainbow Falls Traders Exchange and that turned out to be a bit of a test of their friendships.

Apparently, I’d also returned a few days after Rarity’s retarded beautification of the town and I found that to be just as stupid as I’d described it, but Twilight had sent the book she’d used to ‘improve’ the town with to Celestia, so it was all well and good. She mentioned that we had the Equestria Games in a few days and I asked why no one had told me about it beforehand, but she didn’t have an answer for me since she’d been planning on missing it due to her first Alicorn estrus cycle. We wrote Celestia a note about that and Sunbutt said that she’d assumed that I would be too busy ‘assisting’ Twilight to help attend, so I wasn’t all that offended. I wrote back that I’d stolen Twilight’s estrus from her, so we could both attend and Celestia sent back an unnecessarily long letter that basically said that she was happy her two newest Royals could come and sit with her while boring shit happened.

Twilight and I continued to talk and enjoy each other’s company for a few hours until Crimson and Swift came back home. I had Twilight help me make dinner by preparing things that were neither flammable or sharp, and I made some onion rings to go along with salad because I didn’t know what the fuck went with onion rings besides fried fish. Dinner was nice, and when Noir finally got back, she had a pleasant smile on her face and a certain bounce to her step. I asked how her date with Uror had gone since she’d practically been there all day and she said that she would be going back the next day to see her after she handled her business with Onyx and couldn’t wait to find her way back into her lover’s arms. Swift seemed rather disappointed by that, but he held his tongue while Noir collected the last of the food I had made and joined us at my dinner table. Twilight and I asked about her relationship with Uror and Noir didn’t say all that much about it, but she did say that they’d known each other for hundreds of years and had been pretty consistent.

The night ended with everyone returning to their rooms and with Twilight giving me that favour she’d talked about earlier. She said reciprocating was out of the question and even went and got some mouthwash when she finished, which was nice because it meant I got minty kisses. We’ve spent hours talking up until now, and the only reason we’ve taken a break now is to start writing in our journals. I didn’t and don’t like writing down the events that happened in Uror’s glade, but the power balance thing is fun and I might talk to Twilight about the possible applications of my powers. It would be an interesting thing to do.

For now, however, I think I might just call it here.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Alright, so about two hours after my last entry, I received a note via Dragon Fire from Luna that said that I was going to be having a visitor in a few minutes, and when I got myself and Twilight down into my living room to prepare to see someone at three in the fucking morning, we made some coffee since we assumed our visitor might like a sip of something warm. Luna hadn't said anything about who we should be expecting, so I was waiting a little impatiently for fifteen minutes until a crystalline woman appeared in the middle of my living room with a few bags and a box nearby. All in all, she was rather unremarkable besides obviously being from the Crystal Empire, but her turquoise coloring and purple mane struck me as a little gross. I just don’t like the colors together, but she seemed like she was respectable enough from her posture and the way she carried herself. I rose from my seat and Twilight followed shortly after, both of us approaching her.

I extended a hand. “Crystal Shade, I presume?”

She gave me a tight smile and shook my hand. “The one and only, Your Highness.”

I made a face. “Call me Max or Maximus. I’m sure you know my fiance.”

Twilight offered her hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss Shade.”

Shade shook Twilight’s hand too and gave her a more pleasant smile. “It’s an honor, Princess Twilight.” So what? It’s not an honor to meet me?

I rubbed the stubble on my face. “I’m sure it’s been a long day for you. We can start talking now or we can wait until the morning. It’s up to you.”

The strained look was back. “Can we wait until morning, Your Highness? I just came back from a mission.” Someone doesn’t fucking listen.

I nodded. “I won’t offer you a choice if there isn’t one. Do you prefer a room on the first story or the second?”

She looked confused. “I thought your house only had two floors?”

I raised a brow. “That’s right. The first story and the second story.”

Twilight patted my arm. “He’s from a country that’s like Bridleland. When he says ‘the first story’ he means the ground floor.”

“Seems awfully redundant, yeah?” I commented.

She rolled her eyes. “Come on, I’m sure you’re tired, Miss Shade.”

Shade nodded and we took her upstairs with Twilight and I levitating her bags. Either of us could have done it by ourselves, but we decided to share the load because we could and when we got to Shade’s desired destination, Twilight and I headed toward my room and went back to what we were doing before she got here. Shit was fine by me, but Twilight nagged at me to write this down, so here I am. The woman’s going to be the life and death of me, but I still love her, as irritating as she can be on the rare occasion.
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Twilight and I talked about how Crystal Shade already seemed to dislike me, though my fiance hadn't picked up on it at all. I explained the telltale signs, like that she had been warmer and had used different diction with her than she had with me. Shade obviously wasn’t fond, but she knew who she’d been coming to work for from the get go, so I didn’t understand why she was taking a detail if she didn’t like the person in charge. I mean, shit was optional, so it wasn’t like she had to be in my fucking house.

My favourite person told me to just stop thinking about it and try to get a little sleep or something, but I wanted to talk to her some more about what she thought about Noir since she usually didn’t give me straight answers. Twilight said that she thought Noir was a bit too protective of me, but I reminded her that I was easily one of Noir’s closest friends and she knew the inner workings of my mind like no other person ever would so I started talking about random things to Twilight, but she didn’t really respond until I mentioned that I was just voicing my thoughts and what I thought about the topics I’d been coming up with. Basically, I was trying to let Twilight into my head, but the way I transitioned from topic to topic just made no sense to her until I broke it down for her. For example, if I was thinking about Celestia’s arse, the most logical next step for me would be the Sun because I call her Sunbutt, which is because she has Suns on her butt cheeks, and from there, I would think about hot arses in general, which would bring me to Twilight because she has the hottest arse around. When I got to the topic of Twilight, I would transition into love and the way it works, which would continue into respect since I feel like you need to have respect for the ones you love, and that would lead me to thinking about what makes someone respectable. If you don’t include the transitional dialect, it goes: Celestia’s arse, the Sun, hot arses, Twilight, love, and then respect, which doesn't really make a lot of sense if you don’t know how they connect.

While I was explaining the way my train of thought worked to Twilight, she actually picked up some interest and lay her chin on my chest, which hurt a little, but it was still a pleasant thing since it was Twilight’s head on my chest. I could feel her jaw work when she talked and when she suggested that we change positions to cuddle some more, I looked at the clock and sighed. I had to get the boys up for another morning run around Ponyville, sadly, and Twilight offered to come with us. I looked at her like she was crazy, which elicited a blush that was cute, but I had to explain that Swift, Crimson, and I were all trained to run long distances without a break and that I might end up carrying her for a good portion of it if she winded herself. Twilight’s resolve was firm, however, so I agreed to bring her along with us and reminded her to pace herself multiple times while giving her tips to help her keep running for as long as she could. She tried telling me that if Pinkie was faster than me, then she would probably be about my speed, but I told her that we were going for distance rather than for speed and she lost some of her steam. I gave her a kiss and told her that we would try and keep things okay for her, but Twilight said that she wanted to see how much running we really do, so I shook my head and made more veggie stew for breakfast.

Crimson and Swift got up on their own and I gave them each a hearty hunk of bread and cheese to go with their meals so we could get the morning started off right, but light, and once our little cadre was collected and ready to go, we got moving. The first quarter of the run was our warm-up, but as I’d been expecting, Twilight kept lagging behind, though I think the encouragement from Crimson, swift and I did a good bit in helping keep her on her feet (so to speak) for the first lap. However, Twilight stopped cold when we finished, panting up a storm and said that it had been a good run. The fellas and I circled back and told her that we had three more laps to go and Twilight looked at us like we were fucking insane, but we added another lap since we’d been going so slowly in the first place. It was pretty obvious the the Ali-mage wasn’t going to keep running with us for the rest of it, so I gave her a sweaty kiss and whispered for her to let me keep the shirt she was wearing since she smelled incredibly enticing at the moment. Twilight lit up and told me that she would happily put it in my drawer so I could have it for later, but for now, she was going to follow us with her wings, so the boys and I got our arses in gear and started jogging around town again.

Twilight stayed with me pretty easily in the air, and luckily it wasn’t really possible to see up the shorts she was wearing, so no one got flashed or earned a punch to the face as far as I knew. Every once in awhile, she’d touch down to doin us for another quarter or so of a lap, but when she lagged behind, she would take off and fly right next to my side again, which was nice. The townspeople usually waved or said hello as we passed, though some bowed when they saw Twilight flapping herself by. Twilight may not have had my amount of people on standby, but she did have the people’s respect in a way that I just didn’t, and I’m sure that she didn’t care about garnering respect or anything like that. She was more of a person to be left alone to their own devices most of the time anyway, though the advent of friends had made her a much more socially apt person.

We eventually finished up and Twilight joined us on the jog from the edge of town to my house, though she was rather heavily winded by the time we got there. Still, we needed a shower and I had an excuse to take one with her, so that was nice. I suggested that Swift and Crimson do the same thing, which had Crimson’s eyes rolling and Swift chuckling since I was pretty sure that he didn’t know that the black guy was gay. Still, it was funny to everyone except crimson, so it was a good laugh. When we actually got inside, we found Crystal Shade sitting on my recliner reading a book while snacking on some unfamiliar biscuits. I figured she knew how to work on a few hours of sleep, so I told her that once everyone got done with their showers, we’d sit down and get the talking started. She continued to address me as ‘Your Highness’, but I let it go for the time being.

Twilight insisted on us taking separate showers, so I let her have the first one so I could sit and smell the sweet wine-like scent of her sweat, which sounds rather creepy since I’m a dude, but when she did it, it was just a weird-but-cute kinda deal. Then again, love consists of doing a lot of weird-but-cute things when you get comfortable with each other. I waited patiently for my fiance to finish up with her stuff, and when she came out after an expedient (for her) forty-five minutes, I made sure that I wouldn’t keep us any longer by giving her a quick kiss and not allowing myself to look at her post-shower self for too long. I have some restraint, so fuck you if you think that’s odd.

I made my shower extra quick, and when I got out, Twilight tried to waste a little time by kissing me, but I only gave her a quick peck and reminded her that we had some people waiting on us since she’d made us waste so much time by not showering together. She, of course, denied her actions having any impact on time saved or wasted, so I let it go and just carried her downstairs since she was insisting on being difficult. Twilight tried to get me to put her down, but I just rolled my eyes and continued doing what I was doing since she could just levitate herself out of my grasp if she really didn’t want to be carried.

We got to the living room, and instead of putting Twilight down, I just held onto her and sat on the couch. Crystal shade was still in the recliner with her book while Crimson and Swift were talking, each of them not sitting on my easy chair because they know the fucking rule. Yes, that is one of my Goddamn rules. My easy chair. mine. I also made a rule about eating sweets that weren’t bought with one’s own money unless permission was given or it was a gift, but that was mostly to keep my pecan tarts safe if I could get my hands on more of them. In any case, I sat down with Twilight on my lap and Shade made a look of extreme distaste that I didn’t miss at all.

“Alright, so we have half of the team here and ready for action, or at least we have the team here. Has everyone had a little time to get acquainted?” I asked politely.

Crimson gave me a look and his eyes flickered to Shade. “We could use a refresher.” He said neutrally.

I raised a brow at him and he shook his head, so I started it. “Alright, so this is just going to be a quick ‘getting to know you’ type deal. Everyone here knows that I’m Maximus, though I go by Max. Max as in leave off the Prince part, the ‘Your Highness’ bit, or whatever else you call royalty. I’m not particularly fond. If you slip up, it’s fine, but keep in mind that I’m really not fond of being reminded that I have a bullshit title.” Crystal looked a little surprised. “Anyway. I’m fond of writing, Twilight, sparring for fun, Twilight, large animals like one of our team members-”

“I’m sorry, Your Highness, but did you just say that one of our team members is a ‘large animal’?” Shade asked.

I gave her a look. “That was either on purpose or you don’t give a fuck about what I say.”

She looked at me innocently. “I don’t believe I know what you’re talking about.”

“Play dumb and I’ll treat you like you are.” I said calmly. “The large animal I’m referring to is a Wolfmother, one of the Guardians of the Everfree. You’ll meet her in time or later today, depending on what her schedule looks like.”

Twilight got off of my lap and kissed my cheek. “I could call her here so we can have her around.”

“If you wouldn’t mind too much, Cherry. I’m pretty sure she likes you enough to come quickly.”

She rolled her eyes. “Some days I think Nashoba likes me more than she likes you.” Twilight still got up and started heading toward the door leading to the porch since it was the closest one.

I picked up where I left off. “So I was on about the stuff I like, yeah?” Crimson and Swift nodded. “Cool. So large animals, Twilight-”

“You’ve mentioned Twilight at least three times.” Shade cut in.

“That’s because I’m rather fond of her. She warrants the extra mentions.” I said.

She set her jaw. “You shouldn’t talk about a Princess like she’s a thing.”

“And you shouldn’t be talking to a Prince however you want, Shade. Max is a respectable guy and he’ll give you the same amount of respect you show him. Keep that in mind.” Crimson said calmly.

She glared at him and crossed her arms. “I’m sorry, Your Highness.”

“It’s okay, silly twat. We all make mistakes.” I gave her a fake smile and she met it with one of her own. “Now. As I was saying. I left off on Twilight, so I guess the next thing would be explosions, pecan tarts, and long walks through dangerous places on my own, at night with only a knife and my wit, though I’d like to have clothes as well.” I jested.

Crystal gave the fakest little chuckle I’d heard in some time, and it took a bit of effort to not flip her off. I looked to Crimson and was about to say something when he said, “What about things you dislike?”

“Oh, the things I dislike can be narrowed down quite a bit. I hate rudeness, blatant disrespect, titles, idiots, sexists, fools, arse heads, people who touch Twilight in ways that she doesn't like, and people who touch me in ways I don’t like.”

“Your Highness-” Crystal Shade started.

“Excuse me, Shade, but Max literally just said that he hates titles. Calling him ‘Your Highness’ counts as a title, like he said earlier.” Swift interrupted.

She cut him a glare. “Where I come from, we address our Royalty with respect.”

“Where I come from, we address our Royalty as they wish to be addressed.” Swift replied hotly. That’s my boy.

“Then we’ll agree to disagree.” She sniffed. “As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted-”

“You interrupted the guy in charge of the whole operation. You really can’t talk about rude.” Swift interjected. You’re the fucking best, mate.

I coughed before Crystal could reply. “Two wrongs don’t make a right, Swift. Let Crystal Shade speak her mind.”

He nodded at me and Crystal glared at him. “As I was saying; isn’t it normal to dislike people who touch you inappropriately.”

I shook my head. “That’s not what I said. Verbatim, I said, ‘I don’t like people who touch me in ways I don’t like.’. That could mean someone I don’t like touching me period while excluding Twilight touching my neck, thighs, or other private areas.”

She rolled her eyes but kept a strained smile like I wouldn’t notice. “Thank you for clarifying.”

I nodded and looked to Crimson. “Would you care to share some of your personal interests and dislikes?”

He gave me a nod. “I like beaches, Tortoises, Ravens, romance novels, and carnival food, though I hate the feeling I get after gorging myself on it like a fool every time. I dislike ponies who are rude to my friends, idiots, most young ponies, most old ponies, Dragons in general because they’re generally not my kind of company, and mares who don’t know when to stop. Swift?”

Swift chuckled. “My turn?” I nodded. “Alright then. I like sparring, good fights, flying fast, exercising with friends, good food, some bad food, Cats-”

“Wait, mate, did you just say you like cats!?” I asked incredulously.

He looked at me. “Uh… Yeah?”

I shook my head vigorously. “Nope. This is a dog slash Wolf house, Swift.” I jerked my thumb behind me. “Ya gotta go.”

“Wait, seriously!?” Swift’s jaw dropped.

“Nah, I’m fuckin’ with ya.” I grinned.

He gave me a dirty look. “This is why Twilight hits you.”

“No, she hits me because she can’t keep her hands off of me. Speaking of my love, she’s on her way in with Nashoba.” I looked toward the back door.

“How do you know that, Your Highness? I can’t see them.” Shade said.

“He can hear them.” Crimson explained. “Max’s hearing beats any Ponies, any day of the week.”

She made a face. “Doesn’t that get intrusive to a certain point?”

“Yes, it does, but it’s not something I can turn on and off. It exists, so I choose to ignore a lot of what I hear.” I said.

“...So how good is your hearing, Your Highness?” Shade asked carefully.

“I can hear your heartbeat from the front door if you’re standing at the back door. That is to say, there isn’t a conversation in this house that I don’t hear, regardless of where you go. Again, I choose to ignore what I hear and I don’t hold conversations held in privacy against anyone since I understand that somethings need to be voiced, though not necessarily to me.”

Shade puckered her lips slightly and set her jaw. I could hear her heartbeat pick up slightly, so I asked, “Is that a problem.”

“No, Your Highness.” She replied.

“Alright, I can put up with you constantly calling me ‘Your Highness’ despite me asking you not to. I can put up with the pointed looks, and the eye rolling, and even the hypocrisy, but don’t fucking lie to me. I don’t put up with that shit in my house, so keep it honest, or get going.” I folded my arms and glared at her.

She looked at me as Twilight and Nashoba came the the hall. My fiance had a seat next to me on the and Nashoba sat upright on the floor, swinging her gaze between Swift and Shade. “I’m here. What do you want?” Nashoba asked.

Swift’s jaw dropped again and Shade’s joined his on the floor. “D-Did that giant Dog just talk?” Swift asked.

“She’s a Wolf.” Twilight smiled.

“She’s a Wolf.” I nodded sagely and Twilight looked at me.

Before she could say anything, Crimson said, “She’s a Wolf.”

Twilight turned her gaze to him and Nashoba said, “Call me a Dog again and I’ll eat you. I’m a Wolf, and the first among my kin at that.”

Swift gulped. “Understood.”

Crystal Shade rubbed her eyes. “Sh-She can talk?”

Nashoba looked at me. “Why are Ponies so very stupid?”

I patted her head. “Twilight and Crimson are above average intelligence and Swift isn’t the brightest spoon in the forest canopy, but he’s alright.”

Crystal colored slightly and I raised a brow at her. “Problem?”

“You just implied that I was stupid.” She said, her voice edgy.

“Call him Max and prove him wrong.” Crimson said airily.

She cut him a sharp glare, but I forestalled her response. “Nashoba, are you in the mood to tell us some things about yourself?”

Nashoba looked at me like I was stupid. “No.”

I rubbed her ears. “Does the ear rubbing bother you?”

“No. Keep going.”

And so I did. “Well, since Nashoba’s in the mood to rip throats out, why don’t we move onto you, Shade?”

Crystal Shade moved her jaw around a bit and stared at me. “To be honest, I don’t believe I feel like talking.”

“Sucks for you, because I have some questions. The first one is why are you here if you hate males?” Twilight made a choking noise and Crimson raised his brows.

“I don’t hate males.” Crystal said rather unconvincingly.

I raised a brow. “So you just hate Crimson, Swift, and I?”

She set her jaw and didn’t say anything.

“Look, if you don’t want to be here, then why are you? Adstus isn’t a group that you can be in if you despise the leader and the Captain, so what’s the problem? If you’re not a flaming sexist, then what is it?”

“There isn’t anything. Your Highness.”

I pursed my lips to the side and looked around. Crimson was looking at me calmly, Swift twiddled his thumbs like he couldn’t keep his hands still, and Twilight was looking at me anxiously. Nashoba didn’t seem to give a fuck. I’d had my mind made up before I started looking around anyway, but I let my eyes settle on Crystal Shade for a few moments. She was clearly pissed, but there was little other than spite in her gaze.

I didn’t have much to say. “Pack your shit and get out. If you share the secrets you’ve encountered, you will be charged with treason of the highest order. If you need it in more official terms: Crystal Shade, you are hereby dismissed from Adstus.”

She grit her teeth and rose slowly. “I challenge you.”

I crossed my arms and looked at her calmly. “For what?”

“I challenge you for the right to be a member of Adstus.”

Crimson’s brows raised and Swift looked rather interested while Twilight held my arm firmly. Nashoba yawned and said, “You will lose.”

“Shut up, you unnatural freak.” Crystal hissed.

Nashoba let out a low, bone chilling growl. “I look forward to making dirt on your grave.”

I chuckled and patted her back. “That’s very kind of you, Nashoba. Crystal, I really don’t suggest antagonizing something that can end you faster than you can blink from this distance. If my friend here wants you dead-” I shook my head and started laughing. “Ah, shit! Let me stop before I get you killed. Yeah, I accept your challenge. I choose bare-knuckle fighting. Let’s head out back.” I rose and Nashoba joined me.

“Max! No!” Twilight said firmly.

I raised a brow at her. “It’s my team. If she can prove herself worthy to stay on it, then why would I deny her the right?”

“Amour, I just don’t want to see you get hurt.” Twilight said pleadingly.

“Trust me, Princess. I know when to stop.” Crystal said coldly.

That put a smile on my face. “Alright then. If you win, you get to be the Captain of Adstus. If you lose, you leave. How’s that sound, love?”

Shade grinned darkly. “Sounds perfect. We go until one of us isn’t moving.”

I showed her the pearly whites. “Sounds good to me!”

Twilight stood suddenly and stomped her hoof. “Max, no! If you don’t want Crystal on your team, then that’s all! It doesn’t have to go further!”

I closed my lips and Twilight a pleasant smile. “She’s disrespected me, my team, and my companion. I’m not letting that go!” I laughed jovially.

Twilight’s face got stormy before her face went slack and her pupils shrank. “Max, no.”

I nodded and held my hand up before snapping loudly. The smile left, the laughter was gone, and so was my patience. “Stay here. I’ll end this quickly.” I said stonily.

Twilight sat back down slowly. “Don’t hurt her. Please?”

I nodded. “Noir taught me well. It’ll be no issue.”

I turned to Crystal and she was giving me an impatient look. Crimson and Swift rose, so I lead the way out to my backyard. Nashoba joined my side and when we all got to the lawn, Swift and Crimson stood on either side of us so they could officiate while Nashoba circled us slowly. Crystal and I faced off and she took up a stance that I didn’t recognize, but it seemed more suited for punching and strong kicks than light attacks of either kind. I didn’t doubt that she had a list of run-and-gun finishers that would floor someone unused to fighting someone more skilled than them, but I was in Primal Mode and her face was looking like it needed a fist-kiss like no other.

No one insults my Goddamn pupper.

I assumed a purely defensive stance because I was going to enjoy this more than I should, and Twilight had asked me not to hurt her. In Max-Speak, that means don’t make her bleed, so I was probably just going to make her see that I outclassed her. That, or she would continue going until she was too tired to move, and I could definitely work with that since I was pretty sure I could go indefinitely. Not much ran through my mind while I was preparing for the fight, but that was because Primal Mode doesn’t allow much room for thought. Speaking of having no room for though, I barely paid attention while Swift went over the rules of the challenge for reasons of officiation. When they both raised a hand, I felt my body loosen slightly and when those hands went down, it was on.

Crystal started the clash by throwing a high kick that came from nowhere, though it was slow and simple compared to what Noir and Luna threw at me during both of their training regimens. I just leaned back and avoided it since it would’ve been hard to get hit by it, even if I wasn’t paying attention. She learned quickly enough that kicks were going to work when I put my guard down and just swayed out of the way of her heavy, though well put together blows. I actually felt a tinge of disappointment from the fact that she wasn’t getting all that close to connecting, so I closed of her kicks by moving in and throwing my hands into her face quickly. She jolted back too late to miss the strike, but I hadn't been intending on hitting her in the first place, so I didn’t.

I created some space between us for a moment, but I closed the gap just as fast as I’d made it and threw more feints at her that she had a hard time keeping up with. I wasn’t even going at my full force anyway, but I decided to fuck with her a little bit and grabbed one of her arms while she was trying to block blows that weren’t connecting. I went for a hip toss that was simple since she was smaller than me, but she recovered quickly enough and threw out a low kick that I just stepped on since my timing was decent enough. Shit, my timing was good, actually, because I pinned her hoof to the ground and could have destroyed her knee if I really wanted to, but I didn’t because I’m nice like that.

I let Crystal Shade have her hoof back and she started throwing punches that I blocked with ease, and when she came in for a tight hook that probably would have hurt, but I just met her fist with a palm and stopped her momentum cold before chopping her in the throat rather quickly. She choked and back off to regain her breath, but I didn’t let her have a moment of respite. At speed, I rushed her, but when she threw a half-arsed punch that wasn’t very dangerous, I dodged behind her, picked her up, and unceremoniously dumped her on her back because it wasn’t a very hard thing to do. Shade got to her hooves a little more slowly than she had the last time, but she just grit her teeth and kept coming at me.

I was starting to get annoyed with her persistence, little by little, so when she threw a straight punch that had some force behind it, I countered with an uppercut that I didn’t think would be all that harsh. I was wrong, of course, but Shade’s head snapped back and she wobbled a bit on her hooves, and I wasn’t about to let her have the time to shake it off. I moved in and decided I would come in for the kill and show her that she wasn’t my equal in any way, so when she put her guard up, I started pummeling it with flowing strikes, every hit doing a little bit more to split her guard, and when it cracked enough for me to get in, I decided to attack her arms instead of her face, and every time she threw a punch, or when she TRIED, I should say, I just beat the attempt back until she stopped using her arms.

The only thing was that not using her arms meant that I could start doing the same thing with her legs, thought the rapid kicks I used to disable her legs weren’t as effective as flowing strikes. Still, after she tried throwing three kicks that weren’t anywhere close to connecting, I used an axe kick to intercept her fourth and she cried out, falling to her arse. She couldn’t really move her arms well enough to grab her leg, but she tried, her hands twitching like crazy.

I stood and walked around for a little bit while Swift came in. “Crystal Shade, do you surrender?”

“No!” She shouted, trying to get back onto her hooves.

I came over and gave her a hand, and when she was on her hooves again, I was tempted to give her props for not nut punching me like I’d expected her to. I wasn’t thinking that the fight would go on much longer, so I figured I would end it sooner by taking up an offensive stance, and when Crystal didn’t make a move toward me, I just came in with a lightning fast thrust kick that she tried to block. Emphasis on tried. I blew her back a good distance and she didn’t look like she was going to get back up after that, so Crimson came over to her and asked if she wished to continue. She couldn’t breathe due to the kick to the stomach, so I waited patiently for her to either get up or stay down for a while longer, but then she got to her hands and knees, pushing herself to her hooves one more time. Her hands shook pretty hard when she tried to form fists, but she could still make them, so I decided to end it in the next blow. I strode over to her, blocked a meager punch, and countered it with one I actually put some effort behind. I caught Shade as she was falling and threw her over my shoulder.

Crimson and Swift looked at me. “Alright. So what are we doing now?” Swift asked.

I snapped softly. “I’m going to drop Crystal and her shit off in Canterlot Castle. Crimson is going to see if he can source us another Operative, and you’re going to groom Nashoba’s coat because it could be a little shinier as far as I’m concerned.” I said with a straight face.

Nashoba came up beside me. “This male is not going to touch me.”

“Is that because you’re not going to let him, or because he’s terrified of you?” I asked.

“Both.” She answered.

“Fair enough. Swift, you can skip brushing Nashoba’s fur, but I want to see that mane shine, soldier!”

He looked at me and I glared at him. “Do you have a problem with personal hygiene, Swift?”

“...I’m pretty sure you’re messing with me.” He said skeptically.

“Don’t make me put this ‘mare’ down.” I warned.

He rolled his eyes and Crimson chuckled. “Don’t worry, Max. I’ll make sure his mane shines like the Sun itself and I’ll get you your Operative. However, I think that between you, myself, and ‘Her’, we should be good.”

I shrugged. “If you think so, then so be it. Besides, I might just have Nebula act as our medic and a member of the Excursor team.”

Crimson nodded and Crystal started stirring, so I set her down and she looked up at me, a little dazed. “I lost, didn’t I?”

Swift nodded. “Yup.”

I gave him a look. “You lost because I’m a monster when it comes to hand-to-hand combat. I’ll ask Twilight to teleport you and your things to Canterlot or the Crystal Empire, depending on where you want to go.”

“... Just send me back to the Crystal Empire. I’m still an Operative, right?” She asked.

“It’s not my place to dismiss you from that position.” I said evenly.

She blinked at me. “You’re not like I thought you would be.”

“You thought I’d be some pumped up arsehole of a bloke that thought a little title and some land would make him better than everyone, didn’t you?” I asked flatly.

“... Kinda.” She admitted.

I shook my head. “I came from nothing, love. Every time I look at what I have now, I’m reminded of that and it keeps me nice and humble. Frankly, I am a narcissist, but I don’t believe I deserve most of what I have half the time. I might’ve put forth the effort for it, but that’s me repaying the universe for being a shitty person in the past.”

Crimson chuckled. “The worst people get the best things.”

I tilted my head in his direction. “True. If there’s anything about me that you should know, it’s that I HATE being a Prince. I never wanted to be a noble, let alone a member of The Royal Family.” I offered her a hand.

Crystal took it and got to her hooves unsteadily. “You’re not as bad a stallion as I thought.”

“But you still don’t like me.” I guessed.

“... I think I respect you more now, Your-” She paused. “Max.”

I gave her a lopsided smile. “Glad we got that little bit cleared up.”

Crystal nodded and sighed. “You were right. Back when you said I don’t like males. I just… I never have, and I never will, but I thought that working under you wouldn’t be so bad. I just couldn’t shake the feeling that you were waiting for me to slip up, to take some kind of bait that I couldn’t see.”

Crimson shook his head. “That’s not who Max is. Unless you give him a reason to distrust you, he’ll feed you with a long handled spoon until you prove yourself worthy of a decent amount, and if he likes what he sees from the beginning, then that’s all there is to it.”

Swift raised a hand. “I kicked his butt and he was cool with me.”

Crimson gave me a look. “He tricked me into admitting that I was gay and told me that he was going to use that to make me flirt with guards the first time I met him.”

Nashoba barked. “That was funny.”

Crimson flipped her off, but the gesture meant nothing to her so she let it slide. Crystal, on the other hand, looked at me like I was crazy. “You don’t really sound like a good pony.”

I shrugged. “I’m not a Pony, so I’m not a good one. I’m not a good person either, but I treat people with civility until they give me a reason not to. Crimson met me when my tongue was a bit looser and Swift was ordered to fight me while I was training with the guards at the Barracks in Canterlot. Both events happened just before I did some growing up on two separate occasions.”

“Most ponies only have to grow up once.” Shade said evenly.

“Max has a really hard head.” Crimson drawled.

“Keep it up. I’ll put you on your arse, you red-headed stepchild.” I replied.

“My mother never remarried.” Crimson said, confused.

“I’ll still stick my foot up your arse.” I huffed. I turned to Crystal and said, “A deal’s a deal, however. I hope you didn’t unpack quite yet.”

She nodded solemnly. “I know. For what it’s worth, you really are a monster with your hands. You weren’t even trying, were you?”

I gave her a look. “If I gave it some real effort, I probably would’ve killed you. I was trained by a six thousand year old warmonger and Luna herself.”

Crimson scoffed. “I was trained by Luna, but your mentor, Noir, is a whole ‘nother beast.”

I smirked. “I know, right? Imagine being trained by her and Luna at the same time without a moment’s rest.”

Crimson shivered. “Buck that.”

I turned back to Crystal Shade. “For what it’s worth, I think you would’ve done pretty well against me before I was trained by Luna.”

Swift waved his hand from side to side. “You weren’t doing much attacking, but I know you from before you were trained by Luna. You weren’t as good as you are now, but you were still a force to be reckoned with. You did come back and beat me, after all.”

Crimson chuckled. “Maybe you two should go at it again and see who wins?”

Swift gave him a look. “Maybe we should go at it for the Captain spot.”

Crimson gave him a dark smile. “That’s a nice thought. Why don’t we do that real quick?”

I looked at Shade. “You wanna watch this, or do you wanna get packed and get back to the Crystal Empire?”

She looked between them. “... I know Crimson’s one of the best Operative’s we have. I want to see if he lives up to his name.”

I nodded and had Crimson and Swift get a little ways away from Crystal so she wouldn’t have to go too far to avoid getting caught in the scrap .I gave the rules for the contest, those being first fall to a ten count or a knockout, and thus Crimson and Swift began on my go. Shit was actually pretty fun to watch. Crimson was still swift and lethal, but the fellow who’s name was Swift had him when it came to sheer power behind his punches. The thing was, Crimson wasn’t limited to punches, and when he started throwing in kicks that made it harder for Swift to gain ground, the pale orange fellow tried to mimic what I had done with the flowing strikes, only to learn that keeping up a rhythm of blows took time and concentration. He did, however, get a bad hit off on Crimson’s knee that made both of them pause for a moment, and then Swift changed up his style.

Swift actually could use the average guard’s kickboxing, but he was fucking great at it, pressing Crimson well with quick and heavy kicks that alternated randomly occasionally connecting from time to time. Crimson, however, hadn't been trained by Luna for shits and giggles, and gave better than he got most of the time. When swift landed a mid kick that actually seemed to hurt quite a bit, Crimson stopped having fun with it and got serious, hitting nerve clusters on Swift’s legs to make him stop kicking and attacking his funny bones to weaken his punches. Swift was having a hard time keeping up until Crimson threw a feint that he barely got his guard up for, but when Swift realized that it wasn’t a real blow, it was already too late. Crimson got a heavy double-hoof buck straight into his stomach, effectively flooring him for a good five seconds. When Swift got back to his hooves, the fight was already over since he wasn’t getting his breath back and Crimson knew how to seize the advantage.

Swift ended up losing after a salvo of brutal jabs to his throat and jaw, all of them connecting from the sides of his guard. He just couldn’t turtle up well enough to get Crimson off of him, but the fight had been fun to watch in any case. The former combat instructor took his loss well and my Captain accepted his victory without gloating too much, so that was nice. However, with that done, we took Crystal inside and helped her gather her shit so we could send her off. I was a little put off that Luna’s recommendation hadn't worked out, but Twilight was happy that no one was hurt too badly and that the worst that had come out of either fight was just a limp. She told med that she’d watched from the window while I’d dodged around Shade up until I actually started fighting back, but she didn’t understand the nuances and said that I was lucky that I didn’t get hit a lot of the time. Crystal Shade was already back in the Crystal Empire by the time Twilight and I had a chance to talk, so she had to take Swift and Crimson’s word that me never getting hit was all skill, not just luck. She also chastised the fellas for fighting unnecessarily, but I just hung back and let them explain that they were fighting for the spot of Captain of Adstus and that Crimson would have taken it either way since he actually had organizational skills, which is why I put him in the position in the first place.

After we were all done getting chewed out by Twilight (besides Nashoba), I put on No Country For Old Men since I personally love the movie and it’s one of my favourites. I can’t name an actor in it besides Tommy Lee Jones, but that’s because I just like movies. I’m not a fanatic about them or anything. In any case, Noir and Onyx came in while the movie was still coming through the opening sequence and Onyx just grumbled about magic and technology being cheaty and shitty in turn. I mentioned to him that my projector and laptop were pure technology and invited him to watch the movie with us. Noir didn’t need an invitation and made Nashoba lay down so she could use her as a pillow. Well, I say she made her do it, but she actually just asked politely and Nashoba likes her enough to do it. With my three trainers in the room, I mentioned that we were going to have to have a word when the movie was over. Noir told me to shut up and I threw a smelly boot at her that Nashoba looked at rather hungrily. Suffice to say, I took my boot back with my Telekinesis before she could get her nibble on.

The movie was good, though everyone who was either a Wolf or a young Pony was confused out of their gourd. I told them that the fellow in the pool could have been anyone and that they would never know if the woman in the house had won the toss, so they could suck it or fuck it one way or the other since the movie had been left open ended anyway. Crimson told me that it was very unsatisfying, but that it had been good, but it had been far too violent for Twilight and Swift was bursting with questions about the things from my world. Noir and I answered them in turns since she knew everything about my world that I did and more since she could draw different conclusions from what she’d learned than I could. Onyx was silent, thought he asked why the small trains were so flimsy when compared to the high-tech muskets and I told him that it was because those ‘high tech muskets’ were called guns, and that those guns were made to fuck shit up. In fairness, I was surprised to hear that Equestria had muskets, but Onyx told me that they were banned across the world because they were too noisy and the only reason they could be used would be for war. The young folk hadn't even heard of them, but apparently they had been around for a little while

That gave me some ideas.

While I was thinking about those ideas, Noir reminded me that I’d wanted to have a talk with her, Crimson, and Onyx, so I took them to the Parlour and gave as rundown on what I wanted me and my soldiers to be able to do. Onyx and Noir told me that Ponies weren’t meant to climb, most weren’t fond of swimming, and that unless we suddenly had a war in a jungle, learning survival skills would be pointless because Ponies had always eaten grass when times got particularly tough. Honestly, I didn’t give a fuck about what Ponies didn’t do, I wanted that shit to happen and it would, even if I had to lead those lessons myself, but when I suggested that we use Ponyville lake to practice swimming, Onyx let me know that there was literally a Kraken under the surface that would happily leave Ponies alone since it had struck a deal with Celestia for peace when Ponyville was first founded. Any extra-Pony race would be fucked up, but Ponies would be okay, so I suggested that we use one of the ponds and Crimson said that he’d seen snapping turtles sunning around the banks of most of the ponds in Ponyville park, and plus they weren’t the most hygienic thing, so that was out.

I asked if the survival training was out of the question and Noir backed me up, saying that if my team could survive the Everfree, they could survive most jungles out there if it ever came to that. Crimson seemed quite perturbed by the idea, though he said that as long as we had a back-up gong in, he’d be less terrified with doing some training. Onyx said that he was too old to be fighting the forces of the Everfree right away since he was actually getting close to his sixties, but I caviled with him and said that I’d gone into the Everfree without a drop of combat training, a knife, and my own wits and had come out alive. It may have taken me a month to do so, but I survived until I got a weapon strong enough to whack whatever would come after me away. Crimson said that as long as I went in with the team, we would most likely be fine if I was really that strong, and I reminded him about the True Theft. I could rip his soul from the Afterlife as long as he wasn’t in The Great Beyond quite yet and put it back in his body if I felt the need to keep him around.

I got stares for that. I asked if anyone wanted to try giving up their soul for a minute, and Noir hit me, but it was worth it to see the looks on their faces.

When I was done being completely serious, Onyx asked me what True Theft was and I told him that it was Alicorn Magic that rivaled Celestia and Luna’s power. Noir was feeling herself a little bit and said that my True Theft would never beat her strongest magic, but when the thought crossed my mind that I could just take her magic and learn how to use it for myself, she paled and stared at me.

I smirked at her and raised a brow at her. “Problem, Blackberry?”

“Crimson, Onyx. I believe we have spoken all we need to concerning the training. I wish to speak with my pupil in private.” Noir said softly.

Onyx got up. “Sounds fine to me. Come on, Little Monster. I’ve got some work at the shop I need your help with.”

Crimson followed him and asked, “Why would you need my help? Hay, I don’t know a tumbler from a cow pie!”

“You know what a tumbler is and that’s a good start.” The older fellow said gruffly.

Crimson muttered under his breath and shut the door behind him. Noir hadn't stopped staring at me. “Maximus, do you know if you can truly steal magic from another?”

I nodded. “I know it for a fact. God said it could be anything. anything.”

Her breath caught. “We must try. All I ask is that you do not try to take it by force.”

I shook my head. “Once you feel me grab it, just relax, alright? Otherwise I’m going to be ripping it out.”

She winced. “That sounds like pain on a different level from that which I have faced.”

I grimaced. “I’m pretty sure it’s rather scarring. If it starts hurting too much for you to bear, let me know and I’ll stop for sure.”

Noir took a deep breath. “You swear you will not keep my greatest strength?”

“I swear-eru Noiru-san.”

She glared at me. “Take this seriously before I send you to Tartarus.”

I held my hands up, activating my True Theft. “Oi, it’s just me trying to lighten the situation. I swear on Twilight that I won’t take your shit from you against your will.”

“You had better not.” She took another breath. “Okay. I am prepared.”

I reached out across the room, my hand appearing in front of Noir just before it penetrated her in the least kinky of ways. She winced at the feeling. “It feels rather strange, like you are touching me at the core of my being.”

I rolled my eyes. “I am touching you at the core of your being. Now, let me just feel around for a moment…” I searched for a little bit, feeling medium sized spheres of different textures and temperatures.

I didn’t really know what I was looking for, but I figured that I was looking for something that felt like time itself, and time was fucking slimy, so I thought hard about finding something slimy for a second and two different balls touched my hand. That sounds really dirty, but I was pretty sure that things couldn’t get any more intimate than they already were, so fuck you, I guess. My heart really wasn’t behind that one. Huh. Anyway, I let the balls go away and focused on finding them again, and they came a bit quicker this time. I thought about Noir’s Unicorn Magic and a slightly smaller ball came to my hand, but it was just the one and it nestled in my hand rather quickly, so I quickly realized that the more specific I was, the faster I would get the desired result. Still, it took a bit of time to find thee little balls and Noir was getting impatient.

We’d been sitting for about thirty minutes when she’d had enough. “What is the problem? Can you not find it?”

I started and accidentally smacked one of the little balls that I think was her current thought. She blinked a few times and eased back into her chair, looking rather confused. “I could have sworn that something was on my mind…”

I raised my brows. “Sorry, Blackberry. You startled me and I think I hit your Thought Bubble.”

She searched my mind for what I meant. “...Wow. That… That is rather… Unsettling, I should say.”

“Yeah, sorry. I’ve been experimenting. Should’ve told you sooner.” I said, letting my concentration ease up a bit.

She nodded. “All is well. Please, continue as you were, though I must ask if you have found my power yet.”

“I found it. It’s cold and gooey.” I said casually, taking it in my hand. “Alright, are you ready?”

My mentor shuddered. “I can feel you holding it. I am ready, just be gentle as you remove it.”

“Will do.” I began the process of gently removing her True Magic, but I met no resistance, so I sped up a little bit until Noir made a face. “Is something wrong?”

“I can feel it leaving me, but it does not hurt. Please, continue.”

I nodded and took it the rest of the way, and when I had it out, we both looked at the little sphere for awhile. Noir came to stand next to me and we watched as the little thing grew clock-shaped eyes and gazed at us. Its lips and ears came next, though I don’t think it could actually speak. It was dark blue in coloration, so it was obviously Noir’s magic, and as it slowly turned into a Pony, it became clear that it was actually transforming into her, but without clothes. Once it was fully grown, it smiled and waved at us. We waved back and I traded it off into my right and and it sank in slowly, waving all the way. Shit felt like it was working its way through my veins into my heart, but when it got there, it didn’t quite feel right, and the next time I know, Noir is across the room again and I have her power in my hand, but not out of her. We’d jumped back in time about five minutes. I let her power go and gave her the grandest smile I could possibly manage.

“It fucking worked!” I beamed, removing my hand.

“What do you mean, ‘it worked’?” She searched my mind again, the feeling tingling in my brain. When she finished, her eyes lit up. “You instinctively used my power! It worked!”

We rushed each other and hugged. “Alright, now we just need to find out if I can keep it for more than the time it takes to settle in!” I gave her a smile.

She returned it. “Surely you can! I believe you must calm yourself and not let your heart become to excited.”

We settled down and tried again standing up. I entered her just as gently as before, but I removed her power more quickly than I had before, and once I felt it come into my heart like it had last time, I concentrated on letting it mingle with my True Theft instead of letting my magic kick it out, and when I sensed my True Theft getting ready to make it exit the facility in a rather rude manner, I reached into myself and held my True Magic for a little bit. It spun in my hand happily, and within my body, it grew into a hand and shook mine, which was fucking weird, but suddenly, I my head started hurting and my mind flooded with nearly unintelligible images. I knew what hatred, happiness, anger, love, despair, hope, fear, bravery, and true neutrality physically felt like, and that shit was weird. Like, I knew the textures and the temperatures that I would be looking for if I ever needed to find a certain emotion. I knew what things like good health, ill will, conniving thoughts, and insanity felt like too, not just emotions. It was like my magic had wanted to help me, for me to know it all along, but I think it was due to the fact that I wasn’t a native, one born of Equusian Magic who knew innately how to use their magic that I didn’t know how to reach it. I felt a tingle of envy toward Noir and the rest of the Alicorns who already knew what it had taken me so much time and effort to learn, but then I realized that I was the first to know that magic- I suppose I should capitalize that now since it’s a living thing… I’m the first to know that Magic itself is alive, which is frankly amazing. Emotions, feelings, concepts. All alive.

Fucking magical bullshit-as-fuck Pony world. Bringing life to shit and shit. Watch, I bet you literal shit is going to be alive next.

After I was done shaking hands with True Theft it swatted my hand, which I assumed was it telling me to leave, so I removed my hand from my chest and looked at Noir. “So Magic is alive.”

My mentor gave me a look. “Magic is energy. Energy is not alive.”

“I just shook hands with my Magic.” I said.

She blinked. “Oh.”

I raised my brows and let them drop. “Yeah. Oh. So is there a way I can bring you back in time with me?”

“I have never actually tried that. I suppose we could try touching each other while you use my Magic to transport us through time.”

I nodded and grabbed her boob before closing my eyes and thinking about going back in time. I opened them and Noir was giving me a look. “Alright, so I don’t think I know how to use your True Magic.”

She swatted my hand away and held her own hand out. “Then give it back. I miss having it.”

I backed away from her and started whistling. She looked at me sternly, so I sighed, reached in, and gave her the Time Magic back because I’m a nice guy who does nice things. She grimaced when I put it back inside of her, but other than that, nothing happened, so there was that. She told me that she was going to try reseting time with me in her grasp, but I don’t remember the keyword she apparently told me, so I guess Noir’s True Magic is rather straightforward. However, she did tell me that she used it to tickle my pickle in front of Twilight without my permission, so I hit her, but she hit me back because it technically hadn't happened. I hit her for hitting me and she did the same to me and that continued as we went into the living room. Nashoba was sitting on Swift, talking to Twilight about something or other and Swift was either stuck or too terrified to move. Noir and I asked her to find another seat, so she waited until Noir and I sat on the couch to climb on top of me, my lover, and my mentor. It was nice, warm, and soft. I took a brush that I’d never actually used and Had Twilight groom her head for me since I couldn’t quite reach and started talking to Swift, who was looking much better without a Dire Wolf on his lap. However, that meant I had one on mine and she was getting rather warm.

Nashoba was soaking up the affection, however, though I’m pretty sure that the brushing of her coat wasn’t doing her mood any harm. When Twilight made her head shine, she passed the brush to me so I could do the majority of the work, and that took a good fifteen minutes since I had so much Wolf to cover. Noir said that she wasn't brushing her butt, so Nashoba hit her with her tail and I heard the thud. It sounded like it hurt. Noir wasn’t bothered by it, however, and just grabbed her tail to avoid getting hit again. She let go when Nashoba rolled off of us, and when she started staring my mentor down, neither one of them was budging. Or blinking. They went for like, five minutes before Nashoba blinked first with Noir doing so shortly after. After that, Noir rolled her eyes and told her to make me brush her butt if she really wanted someone to do it and I told her that it just wasn’t how the lineup worked. Nashoba started looking at me with malicious, evil, Dog-eat-Dog intent. The puppy-eyes weren’t helping her case any, however, so I rolled my eyes and grabbed the brush because I was feeling like a nice guy who does nice things from time to time.

Once I was done with the injustice of brushing my puppers butt, she made me do her tail I poked her in the bum with the brush. She let out the cutest little yip and threatened to bit my hand off if I ever did it again, so I told her that I would seal her mouth with my Seal and make her never be able to bite again, though that brought up the problem of her never eating again, so I told her not to bite my hand off. I rather like my hands.

Nothing really happened, but Crimson came back when the Sun fell below the horizon and he seemed like he was mentally exhausted, so I asked him if he wanted to play a trivia game with Twilight and myself, though he just gave me the single finger salute that I returned with my home country’s own special spin. I was pretty sure that Onyx had bored him to death with talk of locks and their inner mechanics, and when I asked, Crimson told me that he’d actually been giving him tips on how to help me run the team, how to keep everyone’s spirits up when times got hard, and when to slap me around to knock some sense into me. General second-in-command bullshit, I suppose. Either way, Crimson was not in the mood for trivia, he still didn't want to arm wrestle me, and he was going to be making dinner since he didn't feel like frittatas were acceptable. I needed to get rid of the eggs, however, so I made them for Nashoba while he got the prep work done for his fettuccine carbonara. I may have eaten some for myself, but no one said anything, so that was nice.

Dinner was fantastic since Crimson had to pose as a gourmet chef for one of his missions, though he only told us that after he made dinner and everyone asked where he’d gotten the skill from. In the house, we were actually the only two people who could cook any sort of meal besides... Well, Noir knew how to make beef stew, but that was pretty much it, and Twilight got a little peckish once Noir brought up the fact that she ate meat again. The food was too good to let it go to waste, so I told a few knock knock jokes to get her mind off of it, though most of what I got from around the table were groans. Noir apologized to me telepathically for being a bit tasteless, but I told her that it was fine since I’d brought up the subject of cooking in the first place.

Swift mentioned that he’d inherited his mother’s cooking skills, which is to say, he once turned a simple vegetable soup consisting of carrots, peas, and potatoes into a purple mass that glowed. He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair, but no matter what he did, he couldn’t explain what had happened to it. Every time he tried to cook something, it turned purple. I told him to show us with an open pot and had him boil some macaroni noodles so we could see what exactly went on and he just pinched the bridge of his nose while it came up to a rolling boil.

Then shit got weird.

The water slowly started getting a purple tint, but Twilight couldn’t identify any kind of magic being used, so we all watched in shock as the macaroni dissolved into the water and started to congeal, turning the water a purple the same color as Twilight’s coat. I turned the stove off, absolutely staggered with what the fuck I had just seen. When we turned around to look at Swift, He had one arm tucked under the over and his mouth covered. He spread the hand over his mouth and looked at us, having completely expected the outcome.

“Every time.” Swift walked off into the living room and grabbed a book he’d been reading from my study.

“How.” Crimson said. He looked at Twilight, Noir, and myself.

I shrugged. Twilight looked at the noxious mix. Noir said, “I have been on this planet for thousands of years, and I have no answer.”

We left it at that. I had Twilight send the pot over to Luna to see what she could make of it and she sent it back with a note telling us not to send over Starshine’s work without giving her notice first. We explained that it was actually just Swift Strike’s cooking which shocked her. She said that she’d never seen anything like that before and asked what he’d been trying to make, so we told her about it just being normal macaroni and she wrote back that she would take a look at the pot some other time, but when we collected it, the purple sludge was moving. I didn’t know how to make it die, so I had Noir burn it with Black Fire out in the far reaches of my yard, and the shit didn't burn. It seemed to glow more brightly, so I just grabbed the goop with my True Theft and sent it into space where it couldn’t hurt anyone anymore. Twilight didn’t ask me to write in my journal last night, so I’m actually filling this out nearly a full day after the events. Still, Noir helped me remember pretty much anything I forgot, so everything that’s important is there.

I actually slept that night, though I woke up to Twilight squirming around in the bed, muttering about purple tentacles. I woke her up and held her for a few hours because she obviously needed it and it’s not like it was actually required for me to sleep. Hell, I’m pretty sure that Alicorns can go on indefinitely as long as they have sufficient caloric intake, and apparently I’m a fucking Alicorn or something, a fact that I half-assedly confirmed with Celestia early when the Sun rose. She asked if Twilight was awake through our letters and she wasn’t, so Celestia told me to head to my living room or a private area so we could have a conversation that would hopefully clarify things. I went to my sun room since I liked the view and had a couple cuppas along with a kettle to refresh them since I figured we might be talking for a little bit.

While I was wondering if I should’ve used a different cozy-thing to put my kettle on, watching the forest as i thought, Celestia popped in. She was facing me when she came in for once, so that was nice. “Good morning, Max. I see you’ve made tea.” She looked a little confused.

I raised a brow. “Would you prefer coffee? Because I can make coffee and would happily do so.”

Celestia made a face. “I’d prefer not to drink your mud-water, thank you. Tea is perfectly fine, I just assumed that you were more of a coffee person.”

“I am,” I said flatly, “but I’ve never seen you drink a cup of coffee in the year or so I’ve known you. However, the first thing we ever did together was drink tea with Twilight, so…” I made a ‘There you go’ kind of gesture.

She took the seat next to me and retrieved her cup and saucer from the inn table. “I see you’ve also put out some cookies. Someone’s feeling awfully thoughtful this morning.”

“It’s because I’d really like this question answered, Hun. I know I’m not a Revenant anymore, but what makes an Alicorn an Alicorn?” I asked.

Celestia shrugged helpfully. “Most of my little Ponies would say that it’s the horn and the wings, but I personally believe that it is the Magic within that makes an Alicorn an Alicorn. You appeared in the Alicorn Realm. We saw your deeds, good and bad, as you’ve done throughout your time in Equestria, or should I say on Equus? You have True Magic. Your appearance in the Realm called me to investigate. I would say that you are an Alicorn.”

I sighed. “Isn’t it possible that it’s just that beings with True Magic can go there? What if Discord or Uror want to show up? I doubt there’s anything stopping them.”

Celestia sipped her tea and said nothing.

“...Am I missing something here?”

She waited to respond. “As far as I am aware, the only people that have been there have been Ponies and yourself. In the thousands of years I’ve guarded the Alicorn Realm, the only people that have gone in were yourself, Luna, Twilight, and Cadance.”

I nodded slowly. “So when do I get my hooves and wings?”

Celestia chuckled. “Hopefully never. You are far more interesting as a Human.”

“Oi! I could be sarcastic and asinine as a Pony!” I objected.

The Solar Diarch rolled her eyes. “Is there really anything stopping you from being polite from time to time? I swear, your sanity waxes and wanes with the tides as they rise and fall most days.”

I activated my True Theft and jammed my thumb into her side. She made the funniest little noise and glared at me. “What? My sanity is waning!”

She reached over and hit me. “Hush, you insolent foal.”

“Oh no, you wouldn’t like me when I’m quiet. It means I’m thinking, and thinking means plotting.” I grinned.

Celestia rolled her eyes. “Whatever you say. Plot against Discord all you want, but leave your pranks in your past.”

“Like you have any room to fucking talk!” I chuckled.

She gave me a sly smile. “Perhaps I do, I most likely don’t. How were the candied yams I sent over?”

“Delicious, but they made my teeth the same color as Applejack you twat.” I said irritably. “Oi, you wanna stick around to see Swift cook breakfast? The guy’s a natural in the kitchen”

“I’m afraid I’m only here for a little conversation.”

I drained half my cup and cast a sidelong glance at Celestia. “I have a full pot of tea and no one polite to drink it with. Are you telling me that you wouldn’t be willing to help me get through it?”

Celestia had been sipping her tea up until then, but she stopped. “What did you do to the tea, Maximus?”

I smirked. “Whatever do you mean, Hun?”

Her shoulders slumped and she groaned. “Max, I have Court all day! Honestly, can your pranks not wait until the first of the week when nopony wants to come to Day Court?”

I just grinned at her and refilled my cup. “If it makes you feel any better, the tea is a Dragon Pearl hybrid that I’m particularly fond of. How is it?”

“Bitter.” She replied saucily.

“Huh. Freshen up your cup and tell me if it’s still bitter.” I requested politely.

She rolled her eyes. “I’m not just letting you prank me, Maximus.”

I gave her a look. “I’ve already gotten you. I just want you to enjoy the tea for what it is at this point.”

“How did you already- You didn’t!” Celestia exclaimed.

I smiled. “That’s a classic.”
‘

Celestia teleported a mirror into her hands and checked her teeth, but when she looked at them, they were white. “...So you didn’t?”

“I’m a new school kinda guy.” I sipped my tea casually.

She stared at me for a moment and I swear I could hear her stomach gurgle. “You-” Another gurgle. “You’re terrible!” Celestia held her stomach while I held back a smile.

“Have fun with Day Court, Mudbutt!” I cackled.

She glared daggers at me and teleported away, leaving me with a pot of tea all to myself. I sighed and poured a little more into her cup, waiting to see if she would come back. She actually did a few minutes later and she still had the same hateful look and murderous intent in her eyes.

“I hate you so very much right now.” She seethed.

“But I love you like you love your little Ponies right now, if not more.” I gave her a quivering smile.

“I will get my revenge. Maybe not today, maybe not this decade, but I will pay you back for this-” Her stomach gurgled and she whimpered. “Oh stars above, someone put an arrow through my heart.”

I laughed. “If it makes you feel any better, it’s only supposed to last an hour. I’d call a sick day and start plotting your revenge if I were you.”

She glared at me hotly. “Be wary of those you trust as well, Maximus. I’ll even use Twilight to get back at you.”

I rolled my eyes. “She sucks at pranks. Besides, consider this payback for all the times you broke skin on my knuckles while you were giving lectures and I’m sure you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me.”

Celestia grabbed my arm and moaned as her stomach churned once more. She teleported out soon after and I sat back and had myself a biscuit. It was nice and soothing since I’d actually dosed both cups, but I was going to let Celestia suffer a little more before I told her that they were the antidotes to what ailed her, but when she came back and didn’t sit down, I just looked at her and waved my biscuit.

“How’s the throne doing?” I asked.

“Alright, I’ve found what I’m going to do to you in return, and it’s a spell I swore to only use against my worst enemy.” Celestia panted.

I blinked. “...Try a biscuit, won’t you?”

She glanced at the biscuits. “I don’t think adding more to my stomach is going to make it better.”

I shrugged. “If you don’t want one, don’t have one. Suffer as you please.”

Celestia levitated a biscuit to her hand. “If these cookies are laced with more laxatives, I’m going to break your femurs and make you wait until I feel like fixing them.”

I bit my biscuit and chewed slowly. Celestia did the same and sat down. I heard her stomach churn a bit more softly and she inhaled three more before I could stop her. “Dammit, Celestia!”

She was still chewing and tilted her head.

“The biscuits are anti-diarrhetics! You’ve probably just constipated yourself!” I groaned. Inwardly, I was laughing my arse off.

“...Are you saying that I’m going to have to drink more of your tea to balance it out?” Mudbutt asked softly.

“If you want to have a bowel movement in the next week, yeah, most likely.”

“Why? Why do you do this to me?” She asked, tears rising in her eyes.

“Because I hate you and want you to suffer more that I want you to have fun.” I rolled my eyes. “Well do the same thing to Luna, yeah? Slip her some tea tonight when I invite you both to dinner?”

She pursed her lips and I put dispelled the Seal I’d put on the underside of a biscuit before adding another and handing it to Celestia. “Here, this should return you to gastro-intestinal normalcy.”

My former lover looked at it skeptically. “I ask you this now in confidence: is this an extension of your prank?”

I shook my head. “No, this is the end of thirty minutes of torture and the beginning of normals poos for you." She made a face at my language. "I didn’t make it terribly specific, but you’ll have one more go after eating it, and that should be all for the day. It’ll just be purging the rest of the Magic from your system since you’ve put a lot in there.” I waved my hand over the rest of the biscuits and dispelled the rest of the Seals.

Celestia took a bite. “So how did you set this prank up? Did you individually mark each of the cookies with your Seal?”

I nodded. “It goes by faster when you’re doing the same thing over and over again. The reason I had to use the Dragon Pearl hybrid tea was so I could actually mark it, you know. I don’t do pranks thoughtlessly, after all.”

She looked a bit interested. “...What if I offer to help you prank Cadance again?”

I smirked at Celestia. “How do you feel about Poltergeists?”

The Solar Diarch frowned hard. “I dislike them greatly.”

I tapped my ring twice. “Trust me, you’ll like Jovia. She’s a treat, after all.”

Celestia tilted her head and started as Jovia extricated herself from my ring, stretching and yawning. “Good day, Master Maximus.”

“Good morning Jovia. Did you have any interesting dreams?” I asked.

She beamed at me and was about to speak when she laid eyes on Celestia. “...Mistress Celestia?”

Celestia looked confused. “I… I know you. I can’t recall your name, but I most definitely know you.”

Jovia’s face lit up and she floated over to quickly give Celestia a ghostly hug. “Oh Mistress! How I have missed you so!”

Celestia hugged her back hesitantly and looked a little shocked. “I’m sorry, but could you tell me where I know you from?”

“Why, I was one of your maids long ago! I cannot tell you how long it has been since you graced those halls with your presence, but they always seemed so empty without your sovereign light! It is good to see you again, it is the greatest joy!” The poltergeist let her go and spun around doing a little dance in the air to music that wasn’t playing.

Celestia just stared. “Wait… I remember your voice, your name! Cinder Heart! My favourite handmaiden from the Old Castle!” She smiled brightly, then sadly. “Wait… You… You didn’t pass on?”

Cinder Heart smiled sadly. “Many of us who were awake when your sister revolted did not.”

“...I never knew.” Celestia said softly.

I held her hand for a moment. “If it makes you feel any better, none of them have turned into evil spirits.”

Cinder Heart shook her head. “You are wrong. There was one who took over a cadaver since they knew Black Magic in their days of life, but the presence disappeared from the Ether around the same time you came and took me into your service.”

“I stand corrected.”

Celestia sighed. “Then I will have an exorcist go there and perform the funeral rites my people were denied.”

The friendly Poltergeist touched Celestia’s cheek. “Do not be saddened, Mistress. There is no pain in the Ether, only boredom. Now that we know that Mistress Luna was not in control of her actions, I have felt many of our people move on since they see that holding their grudges will do them no favours.”

Celestia gave her a small smile. “Thank you Cinder Heart-”

“Please, Mistress, my name is Jovia now. Master Maximus went through the trouble of giving me a new name, and I find it to have a nice ring to it. Do you feel the same?” Jovia asked a little nervously.

Sunbutt gave her a genuine smile. “A new name for a new journey, no? It’s lovely, Jovia.”

I smiled to myself. “So do you still want to pull that prank real quick, or do you want to catch up with Jovia?”

They looked at me and back at each other. Jovia said, “I like pranks! I have not pulled one in many years!”

Celestia nodded. “Then we’ll do both in turns. I’ll be sending you to the Crystal Empire, the place Princess Amore and King Sombra once ruled. The current Princess in Power is Mi Amore Cadenza, and when you get there, I want you to go wild. Call her name while invisible, whisper in her ear, caress her wings, so on and so forth. Maximus will be adding in some of his own touches, so I believe this will be fun.”

I grinned evilly. “I might have some fun for myself. I won’t go too far, but I’m sure tummy rubs are on the table.”

They both looked at me like I was a strange little fellow, so I gave them the two finger salute. “Let’s just get on with it, yeah?”

And so we did. Celestia teleported Jovia to the Crystal Castle and she went invisible for a while. Cadance and Shining were eating breakfast when we sent her over, so Jovia didn’t have to think to hard about making the odd piece of fruit fall off of the table every few minutes. Cadance and Shining were visibly disturbed since neither of them were doing it, and through Celestia’s Scrying spell, I could see that they were becoming more and more disturbed. Cadance started jolting and whipping her head side to side and rubbing her shoulder, so I tried to time my one-handed juggling with some of her antics, and when I got started, Jovia spooked Cadance enough to make her shriek and run over to Shining who held her. I started tossing the fruit at them with a high arc so it wouldn't actually hurt if it hit them, and when we saw Cadance’s horn light up, I turned my True Magic off, Celestia stopped her Scrying spell and we both picked up our cups of tea and started talking about the weather around Canterlot. Moments later, Cadance and Shining were standing on the other side of my table, so I faked it so I looked like I was startled and spilled a bit of tea on my lap.

“Fucking oi! Don’t fucking teleport into my house without permission you fucking wankers!” I said, pretending like I was pissed.

Celestia looked over and magicked my lap clean. “Maximus, I assure you tthat such language was not necessary. However, he is right, Cadance, Shining. You both know it’s very rude to invite yourself directly into someone else’s home, even if we are all a part of the Royal Family.”

Shining glared at me. “Don’t pretend like you weren’t the one pranking us-”

“If you’re talking about events that have happened in the past hour, I assure you that he wasn’t. We’ve been sitting together for most of the morning so far.” Celestia defended.

Cadance looked at Shining. “I don’t think Max can give hugs with his power, Shining. I’m telling you, somepony wrapped their arms around me and gave me a kiss on the cheek! I could feel it!”

I leveled a glare at both of them. “If that’s the case, then there’s literally no way I could’ve done that shit.” I activated my true Theft and showed them my arms. “You see how the right one has the jewel and the left one is all swirly and black? The left one is the only one that can reach through dimensions. “Now, if you don’t mind, go fuck yourselves.”

Celestia hit me and I stuck my tongue out at her. “What Max actually means is that he doesn’t appreciate you blaming him for every little occurrence that seems to be a prank. From what you’ve said so far, it sounds like you’ve been invaded by a friendly ghost of some kind, though I would have to inspect the area it affected to know for sure.”

Cadance looked unsure. “I don’t know… I wouldn’t put it past you two to pull pranks this early in the morning.”

I rolled my eyes. “I didn’t even know you were up. I thought there was a time difference between Equestria and the Crystal Empire.”

“There is a slight one, but it’s not too steep.” Celestia covered smoothly.

I sipped my tea. “Okay then. If you two hadn't made me spill my tea on myself, I’d offer you a cuppa, but I’d rather you just go back to your haunted castle and have your fun with that.”

Cadance shivered. “I don’t think I like that idea.”

Shining shook his head. “I’m not a fan myself. It didn’t bother me too much, but still. If it’s bothering Cadance, I don’t want to make her go back. I can handle things back home if you wouldn’t mind having Cadance in Canterlot for a few days, Celestia.”

Celestia nodded. “I would be happy to have you, Cadance, but it is ultimately up to you. Do you want to be run out of your home by a petty ghost?”

Cadance shook her head and grew a bit of a back bone. “No! I’m not afraid of some ghost! It just took me by surprise is all!”

I scoffed. “You were about to make a mess on my floor when you got here.”

Shining shot me a glare. “Keep talking.”

“I’ll spin you, mate.” I threatened.

He shut up.

Cadance patted his arm. “Let’s go do some research on exorcising spirits and see what we can come up with. I’m sure the library will have something.”

He nodded and Cadance gave me an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry that we accused you of something you didn’t do, Max, but you know your track record.”

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever you say, Candy Arse. Have fun pegging your husband.”

She and Shining looked at me. “What does that mean?” Cadance asked.

Celestia blushed and sipped her tea. “Don’t worry about it too much and just have fun while you do it, I suppose. I’ll see you two later.”

They nodded and teleported out, and when they were gone, Celestia gave me a look. “Really, Max. I assure you that Shining is far too rigid a stallion for such acts.”

I looked her in the eye. “Cadance herself told me that he loves it when she uses the strap-on I gave them.”

Her jaw dropped.

I shrugged. “They do what they do. Wanna bring Jovia back now?”

Celestia shook her head and my favourite ghosty reappeared a few seconds later with a smile on her face. “Well? Did they come here after my ministrations?”

“They sure did, you evil little minx. It was fucking great!” I beamed at her and rose for a hug.

Celestia chuckled lightly. “It was rather funny, though I believe they may come to suspect that it was you since the touching stops from here on.”

I rolled my eyes. “They can’t prove shit anyway. Speaking of proving things, I’ve gotta get the boys together and go for our morning run. We’re already a couple hours late, but as long as we get it done, you know?”

Celestia nodded and Jovia waved me off as I caught up with Swift and Crimson in the kitchen. Crimson made the usual soup, which meant that it was far better than anything I would’ve made, so that was nice, though Swift gave me a dirty look when I asked him to cook tomorrow. I went and got Twilight up for the run since she’d requested that she be able to join us, though when she went to take a shower beforehand, I told her that it was pointless since we were going to be sweating while we were out. She conceded to my point, ate breakfast, and we ran like we usually did though Twilight still flew when she ran out of petrol.

When we got back home, Noir told me that she was going to Canterlot to check on her orders and I asked if I could go with her, though she basically just told me that I was invited to go anywhere she went, and if I wasn’t, then I would be one way or another. Twilight had to go home and do some stuff around the house and make sure our friends knew that she was still alive, so I told her to say hi for me and thus Noir, Crimson, Swift, and I went to Canterlot to go grab our stuff.

Letrotski had done fucking great on our shit, if I do say so myself. I took one of my throwing knives and tried stabbing through the fabric of my Adstus uniform while it was on a mannequin and made no progress or damage to it, so I was thrilled. Crimson liked the design and the way his his colors looked with my Seal, and we got Swift measured and Letrotski got some people working on his stuff. He said it would be done in a couple of days, so that was nice. Noir teleported all of our shit home when we got it, though she mentioned that she was going to be residing in Canterlot soon enough. That saddened me a bit, so I tried not to think about it too hard and I had her send Pinkie’s suit to her after I attached a note to it so we wouldn’t have to bother giving it to her later.

While we were getting our shit done and were preparing to head back home, I received a letter from Starshine that said she was already at my house with most of her shit and that she just needed to know why no one was answering the door. I had pour group walk back into Letrotski’s shop, asked Noir to bring Starshine in, and got her measured for her suit. Crimson avoided her pretty well, though that meant she was asking me where he was the entire time she was getting measured, and when the seamstress was done, she was starting to get a little snippy until Swift backed me up and said that Crimson was just doing something else, though he was around here somewhere.

When I made the last call for Crimson, he showed up and Starshine stuck to his side like glue because she’s fucking crazy like that, and Noir Shadow Dived us all back to my house so we could get the meet and greet over with. I took a moment to make some tea, bring out some lunch wine, and to grab Nashoba before we got started. Noir said that she was going to start getting her stuff packed while we were doing our thing and that just drove the fact that her staying with me wasn’t meant to be a permanent thing home. Soon enough, my wonderful, thoughtful, violent mentor would be leaving me for Celestia and Luna to claim a place as a General and that made me feel like I was losing her. Noir promised that we could still see each other in the mindscape, so I took what I could get and got everyone settled down for the house meeting. I was in my easy chair, Crimson in the lounger, Swift in the recliner, and Starshine was in some random chair that I thought was a little uncomfortable, but she apparently loved it. Nashoba, as always, took the couch since no one else was there.

Nothing important was said, though it became clear rather quickly that Starshine would be spending most of her time and her salary on upgrading my lab. It was fine for what she needed at the moment, but there were a few instruments from home that she realized that she needed and would happily shell out a few bits to get them. I figured that what I had would do, but you know what they say about assuming. Crimson reminded everyone of the rule about unwanted contact and Starshine got the picture, though she still obviously lusted after him and wanted nothing more than to have him all to herself. Swift promised that he wouldn’t touch Noir in the ways he wanted to, which got a laugh out of Crimson and myself, though we laughed harder than we should have because Noir ended Shadow Diving right behind his chair as he described the way her breasts bounced. The look on his face when Starshine asked if he was planning on wooing her was hilarious since he’d broke out into the cheesiest grin.

Noir whacked the back of his head and told him to lust after a woman in his league and Crimson and I couldn’t stop laughing. Swift grew bright red and looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but where he was. He asked how long she had been there and Starshine told him that she’d showed up behind him right after his comment about her ‘big, bouncy, perfect flank’. It was amusing.

Later in the day, I wrote Iron Hoof about showing up before the deadline but she didn’t have Dragon Fire, so she didn’t reply. However, minutes after I wrote the damn thing, I heard a knock and my door and the Devil did appear. I reassembled everyone and had Iron Hoof introduce herself and tell us a little information that we should know about her and I conducted the tour. Iron was a little excited and a lot nervous to be in a Prince’s house, but she played it off pretty well and I couldn’t help but think that she would make a good Operative based on those characteristics. Sure, her morals would need some tweaking for it, but she had the physicality and the mindset for it, so I was hoping that she would be good for it.

I sat Noir and Crimson down for a quick chat and talked about the weapon choices of our little cadre. Crimson and I were both using swords, though his longsword wasn’t much like my Kopis at all. Iron said that she’d felt most comfortable wielding a warhammer during the extended training for the Guard, and Swift had his glaive, so now we just needed to know what kind of knives to get them and we needed to have official weapons for Adstus made for them. Something to be done the next day during a trip to Canterlot and when we saw Coffee Cream. I pointed out that Coffee and Starshine looked very similar and Crimson said that it was because they were sisters. Twins, actually. That didn’t surprise me all that much, to be honest, and that had been one of my first guesses as to why they looked so alike.

I got Starshine, Iron, and Swift together and told them that they were all going to be receiving new weapons. Starshine would only be getting a knife, and she was perfectly fine with that. She said, however, that she wanted two stilettos since she’d used them during her combat oriented mission to much success. Iron wanted a blade somewhat like my Kopis that was called a Kukri, though it would be a much smaller version. Swift wanted a good old fashioned hunting knife, but the size he wanted put it in the Bowie Knife category, so with all of our desired shit written down, I told them that we would be heading to Canterlot in the next day to get the stuff done.

After that, I sat down and wrote some more of Midnight Stroll and the Stolen Sword. It was turning into a better, more action packed tale than my others since it was a pure work of fiction in that the only sword I had ever stolen had been a rapier instead of a gladius like the one I put in the book, and I’d never used it in a fight since that would depreciate the value.

Once I finished with my book for the night, I popped into Twilight’s house for a little bit to find that she was writing in her diary for the night with Spike snoozing in a chair with a book over his face. I gave her a kiss goodnight and went back home since that was all I’d wanted and started writing in my own journal to get my thoughts down. It’s been taking a little time, but it’s nowhere near as long as some of my other entries that took multiple days to compile, though I guess that’s because I put my entries together in weird little collections that don’t make sense to anyone but me.

If you don’t like it, get hit by a horse and buggy or something. You won’t catch me givin’ a single fuck.

… I feel weird about the whole Adstus thing right now. I mean, everyone’s here. It’s happening. I think I’ll pick my journals up when we start training, but for the time being, I believe I’ll devote the time I usually spend on them to woodworking or something. I’m sure Twilight will understand, and even if she doesn’t, I just don’t… I just don’t feel it these days. I feel like I’m constantly pumping out information, and it’s overloading me a little bit. I just want a few days where I can relax and do something more mind numbing or something, anything to get my head straight. Maybe I just feel this way because Twilight isn’t here and I only saw her for a few minutes tonight.

In any case, here seems like a good place to stop. Fucking Pony world. I can’t stop quite yet. I just had to shake hands with my True Theft again and it tickled my palm with its middle finger like a little twat. I tried removing a few other things, like my hope, my happiness, and my sadness, and they all gave me different responses. Hope and happiness didn’t like being outside for long and they seemed a little skittish, but sadness just seemed to be there like it had nothing better to do, so I put him back where he belonged and felt around for any other kind of Magic that might have been laying dormant. I found my secret power, True Theft swatted me away, and a third that I didn’t recognize bumped up against my fingertips, but always eluded my grasp when I tried to feel it. I don’t know what it is or why it’s there, but I’m sure that it’ll be useful if i ever need it. Hopefully I never do, but you know how these things go.

And with that being said, I need some Goddamn alone time. Left hand? Check. Lotion? Check. Scrapbook of me and a few other pretty ladies? Check. It’s gonna be a good time.

Author's Notes:

I actually had to edit this chapter multiple times because of my laptop's bullshit. It sucked, but I made it through, though I must say that reading the same thing over and over again because the changes you made didn't get saved sucks ass.

On another note, who fucks horses? I'm pretty sure it's legal in like 23 states, so who even does that?