While I was up because I didn’t actually need to sleep, I got a letter from Fleur that was a piece of absolute hate-mail. Apparently A Star-Crossed Love had been published and she’d gotten her hands on a first edition copy. That being said, she finished the book in a couple of days and was absolutely livid with how the thing had ended and that I hadn't come to visit. She was more angry about the book than me not visiting since she assumed that I was busy with Princely duties, but still. She let me know that she was very displeased with the ending and would never forget the transgressions that I’d committed against her and my reader-base personally, but when I wrote back and only apologized for not visiting her, she somehow mustered the magical strength to teleport into my room.

I turned my lamp on so I could see her properly, and there she was: beautiful, prepared for bed, and pissed beyond reason. “Evening, Love. What brings you over?” I asked politely.

“I’m going to beat you with a stick, Maximus. Really, how could you let Lily die before she consummated her love with Dusk? And how could you make Dusk only get out of prison long after his son was born!? You’re a monster, you insufferable, evil, hateful, spiteful, evil stallion! Curse you! Curse you to Tartarus and back a thousand times!” Fleur shouted, pointing an accusing finger at me.

I waved. “I’ve missed you, you know? I’ve been meaning to get back in touch, but life has gotten hectic here in the past few months-”

“Shut up! Just shut up! Do you even know what you’ve done!?” She screamed. “You have single handedly destroyed one of the most lovely, most touching and passionate romances of the century by ending it so accursedly that I cannot fathom what kind of wicked being would ever do something so- So- So- evil!”

I scratched my head. “That’s how the story was always meant to end. I only put three tags on my story: harlequin, romance, and tragedy. If you don’t like it, there’s a young fella downstairs who probably wouldn’t mind giving you some good angry sex.”

“I don’t want sex, I want you to release the real ending, you undeniable louse! You are a mouse among stallions! A bee in the bonnet of every mare! You- You- You- You are simply the most awful pony that has ever lived!”

I got out of my bed and walked up to Fleur, staring her down. “If you don’t like the way the series ended, then you can fucking deal with it. I don’t write to satisfy you, I write to satisfy me. I do what I do because I enjoy it. If all you have are hateful words for someone you haven’t seen in two years, then perhaps you shouldn’t be speaking. You know how the epilogue exists? Well it wasn’t supposed to. That was me trying to take the sting out of the news by having Dusk end up with someone to lean on in the absence of Lily, and frankly, I don’t give a damn what you think about my work.”

Fleur drew herself up to her full height. “If I could teleport home I would. You’re a terrible pony.”

I poked her breast. “And you’re getting really annoying. Will you shut up about the book and give me a hug, or are you going to keep bitching until I reach the point where I smack your shit?”

She swatted my hand away. “You wouldn’t dare.”

I used my True Theft to poke her in the back of the throat. She didn’t even flinch. “I would dare. I don’t like being yelled at, Fleur, and I especially don’t like being yelled at by my friends.”

Fleur swallowed hard a few times and crossed her arms, trying to speak past my finger, but failing miserably. She made a face and kept trying to the point where she was trying to squeeze my finger out of her throat, but without a gag reflex, it’s not like I had to worry about it. I ended up adding another finger to her throat and Fleur turned away from me and tried to cough them up, which felt rather strange all things considered, but I still didn’t remove my fingers. She put two and two together and figured that I was the cause of her discomfort and hit me, so I gave her a smirk.

“What? Cat got your tongue?” I asked cheekily.

She gave me a rather rude gesture and glared, so I removed my fingers. “I don’t know how you did that and I don’t want to know, but I assure you that fingers are not things I want in the back of my throat!” I'm just going to leave that one alone.

I rolled my eyes. “It shut you up, didn’t it? Sorry that I lack the patience to put up with bullshit when I don’t feel I deserve it, but get off my arse and we won’t have a problem, yeah?”

Fleur huffed and was silent for a moment. “I can’t believe you ended The Lover’s Days Trilogy in such an awful way.”

I shrugged. “It was always supposed to end like that. There aren’t many tragic books in Equestria and I wanted to leave my mark on the literary scene as being the boldest fellow out there with his writing. I brought passion, love, anger, and heartbreak together in a rather well written way and I like how I did so. I’m not putting out an alternate ending.”

She shook her head vehemently. “I refuse to accept that Lily passed away before she could get married to her true love. I simply refuse!”

I shrugged again. “They loved each other even as they were apart. I found that to be all the sweeter in the end since neither of them ever found another person that they loved so much. There’s an old saying in my world: T’is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.”

“That’s a terrible saying.”

“Doesn’t have to make you happy. I didn’t want to write a story that just made people happy. I wanted people to feel something when they read my stories, to love the characters and to accept them into their hearts as possible friends so that when the tragedy came, they would feel it all the more. I accomplished what I set out to do, so I’m content with what happened.”

Fleur scoffed. “You’re a terrible stallion with a terrible mind. I rather wish I could teleport home now.”

“I can send you back, but you’ll probably fall when I do. What say I put on some tea and we catch up? It’s been too long since we’ve seen each other and I rarely have the time to get a social visit in Canterlot done these days. What do you say?”

“... I suppose I could stop looking at you as an awful writer for a few hours and start looking at you as my estranged friend. What kind of tea do you have?”

“I got that good good. I got that God-damn. I’m your pusha man, I’m your- I’m your pusha man.” I spouted from memory.

Fleur looked at me like I’d lost my damn mind and I suppose that I did for a moment or two. She lead the way downstairs, but when she opened the door, Noir was there, staring her down. “Hello Fleur.”

The pale woman looked up to the dark blue one. “...Hello?”

Noir continued staring at her. “If you could refrain from shouting at my pupil like you have lost your mind, I would greatly appreciate it.” She grabbed Fleur’s horn. “Otherwise, I am ripping this from your head and shoving it somewhere unpleasant. Do we having an understanding?”

“...Understood.” Fleur responded softly.

My mentor held her there for a few more moments and went back into her room shortly thereafter. Fleur turned to me and asked, “What was that terrifying creature?”

“That was my mentor and Mistress in the traditional sense, Noir. She’s very protective of me.” I said casually. “Don’t worry about her too much, I’ll stop her if she tries to rip your horn off.”

“... Have I ever told you that you’re a handsome and talented stallion?” Fleur said loudly.

I raised a brow at her and started walking towards the stairs, not deeming that worthy of a response. Fleur followed quickly and even got in front of me on the stairs to put some distance between her and Noir, or possibly to put me between her and Noir. Either way, I’m pretty sure my mentor wasn’t terribly fond of Fleur promiscuous ways in the first place, so I was happy to let my friend avoid getting her lovely face wrecked. Noir told me that she just wasn’t a fan of Fleur’s general sluttiness and I responded with the fact that she was probably that way because of some psychological trauma, but Fleur started talking to me before Noir could reply, so Fleur and I went into my kitchen and kept the conversation going with some tea.

The tea was good and the company was nice, so we kept the conversation going for awhile. The first thing Fleur mentioned to me was that Fancy had beaten up Night Light on my behalf and would love to hear from me later in the day, so I told her that my group and I were going to be heading to Canterlot later anyway and that she was welcome to join us. I would happily go with her to see my surrogate older brother once my people were armed to the teeth, but then I realized that there was something I wanted her to see. I reached through space and Fleur was shocked to see my True Theft in action, but when I brought out the trinket I’d been planning on showing her, she was even more surprised.

The little thing I had brought out was Sombra’s horn. I’d lost it some time ago due to putting it someplace I didn't think too carefully about, but Fleur was just surprised that I had a corrupted Unicorn’s horn in the first place. When I explained that it was King Sombra’s, the guy who ruled the Crystal Empire with an iron fist, her jaw dropped and she asked how I came across it. I told her the story of reclaiming the Crystal Empire and me stabbing Sombra in the heart with the Warbling Blade and she was absolutely enthralled, so I continued on with the story of what had happened while I’d been on Earth, though I tactfully left out the parts about the formation of the SIAC and Graham.

Fleur mentioned that she’d thrown countless little parties over the years and had missed my presence at all of them. It was rather touching that she brought up the fact that she often thought about me and reread the first two books in the Lover’s Days Trilogy multiple times when she particularly missed me, so I told her about the times I’d thought about her in turn and could list five off of the top of my head. It wasn’t difficult since I actually had missed her, and we just reminisced about the little time we actually had spent together and mused upon the fact that we’d only known each other for such a short time and had such an impact on each others lives.

Before too long, Fleur became tired and had a hard time keeping her eyes open, so I offered her one of my rooms and she gratefully accepted it, though she refused to use any bathroom other than mine in the morning for the simple fact that my bathroom was the one where I kept most of the good stuff. I offered her a glass of wine before bed and she told me that she was fine, though she would rather be sleeping in my bed than alone. I would’ve been open to the idea if I knew that Twilight wouldn’t mind, but I was certain that my fiance wouldn't appreciate me entertaining her wishes for the night, even if my bed was big enough that we didn’t even have to touch each other to sleep in it comfortably. I wouldn’t want Twilight to feel like I was disregarding her wishes, so separate rooms it was.

I went back to my own room and started writing some more of Midnight Stroll and the Stolen Sword. It was an incredibly easy feat that I had no lack of inspiration for, which surprised me since I thought that I’d struggle a bit with coming up for ideas for the story with the new style of writing that I was doing. It was turning out rather good, in my opinion, even if there were a few parts that I thought were weak, but they weren't super pertinent at the moment, so I glossed over them and figured that I could always have Twilight help me hammer out those little issues if I felt like they were becoming too frequent. As it was, I was enjoying myself immensely, building up towards a final battle with a rival in thievery for Midnight that would do the series some justice. This book was turning out rather well, all things said.

I wrote until morning and sent Twilight a little note, asking if she was going to be joining my crew for an early morning run, and if not, then wishing her a good morning for when she woke up. She didn’t reply, so I figured that she was still sleeping, but either way, I made a lot of breakfast stew, though I was going to have to go into town for some more bread. The portions everyone was getting were going to be on the small side, but the stew would make up for it and the cheese would hopefully keep them full for the run. Iron got up before Crimson and Swift, helping me get the table set and generally being a good helper while everyone else was taking their sweet time getting up. At six, Crimson and Swift were up and about, but Nebula was nowhere to be seen, so I got a bite of cheese and went off to wake her up so I could make her sweat before her day even began.

I knocked on the door to her room, and when she didn’t answer, I let myself in because it’s my Goddamn house. She was still sleeping peacefully, so I shouted, “Oi!”

She started from a dead sleep and bolted into an upright position, flinging pillows around the room. “Who!? What!? Fire!?”

“No, none of those things. Get up, Starshine, we got shit to do.”

She groaned. “What time even is it?”

I checked my pocket watch. “Six and four. You’re late for breakfast.”

“Who the buck gets up at this unholy hour!?” She whined.

“It was in the letter. You have five minutes to get dressed and be downstairs.” I warned.

“Give me ten and I’ll be putting a shirt on.”

I looked at my watch again. “Four minutes forty-eight seconds.”

“Ugh!”

I left her room and went back downstairs. Everyone had waited for me to start eating, and true to form, five minutes later, we still hadn't touched our plates because we were waiting on fucking Nebula. I sent Iron to go get her, just in case she was still getting dressed, and when she returned, she told me that Nebula was out cold again and had told her to ‘buck off’. I wasn’t having any of that shit, so I grabbed a fucktonne of ice from the icebox, a bucket from my shed, and filled the bucket with water in two forms until I had plenty of it.

I levitated the bucket with me and looked around the table. “Alright. All of you know that this is going to happen from this day forth.”

Iron eyed the bucket. “...What are you going to do with that?”

“Send a fucking message.” I responded.

Crimson shook his head. “She’s going to kill you.”

I started walking towards the stairs. “Silence, mortal!”

Swift chuckled. “Ah, I remember the ice bucket. Good times.”

I climbed the stairs and headed towards Starshine’s room once more, opening the door wide to find that she was still in bed. I used my Psychokinesis to levitate the bucket over her and dumped all over the upper half of her body. She fucking leapt from her bed and hit the floor, scrabbling like she had been lit on fire or something. Nebula shook her head rapidly as her soaked clothes clung to her and I was pretty sure that she got the point.

“Bucking Tartarus! Was that really necessary!?” Starshine shouted.

“Breakfast. Is. Ready.” I said icily. “The next time you’re late, I’m dropping you in the Everfree and letting you find your own way out.”

“Are you bucking insane!?”

“Yes. I made vegetable stew and it has your name on it. Five minutes, or I’ll be back with more.”

“Fine, I get it! Jeez!” Her teeth chattered.

I levitated the water and ice from her bed and put it back into the bucket with a little difficulty, but at least she wouldn’t have to worry about a wet bed later in the day. When I went back downstairs, Iron was reading, Crimson was styling his mane, and Swift was looking amused up until he saw me. I dumped the water in the sink and put the bucket into the cellar after making sure everyone knew where it would be and sat down while looking at my pocket watch.

Starshine came down four minutes and fifty-two seconds later, still shivering. When she sat down at the table, she gave me a venomous look. “I despise you.”

“Don’t be late to breakfast.” Crimson said disdainfully. “It was in the letter.”

She glared at him. “Whose side are you on?”

Crimson pointed at himself. “I’m the Captain. Next time, I’m the one who’s going to have the honor, but I’m doing it with vinegar instead of water.”

“Expensive, but worthy.” I commented idly.

Starshine shot Swift a glare when he chuckled. “What? You’ll dry off.”

She muttered some mean things about the three of us for a few moments before saying, “So I’m here. What now?”

“Breakfast.” Iron answered curtly, digging into her stew. Her eyebrows raised and she took another bite. “This is a lot better than what they serve at the Barracks.”

“I know, right? Max and Crimson can actually cook, and they’re damn good at it.” Swift complimented.

Crimson and I nodded our heads. “Crimson’s better than me, but thanks for the compliment.”

Starshine sighed. “The best thing about stallions who cook is not having to do it yourself.”

I rolled my eyes. “I have to. Twilight isn’t allowed to cook.”

Crimson shrugged. “I’m a bachelor with high standards.”

Iron nodded. “I like a stallion who can cook. It saves me the trouble of making the same three things over and over again. It’s not like I mind pancakes for breakfast, vegetable soup for lunch, and salad for dinner, but it gets monotonous after awhile.”

Swift grumbled under his breath, but I ignored him. “In fairness, the only things I know how to make either involve eggs or frying things until they aren’t raw anymore.”

Crimson shook his head. “Your stir-fry is actually pretty good. I think it’s the fact that you’re not afraid to experiment.”

I shrugged. “Getting weird is fun. That’s why half of you are sitting at this table.”

My team looked around and Starshine raised a hand. “Alright, I know I’m weird, but who else is weird?”

I continued eating.

Iron rubbed her face. “I mean, I don’t think I’ve done anything weird around Max besides the time I put bread on my nose to see if I could balance it, but that was just the one time at breakfast when Max was still training with The Guard.”

Crimson shrugged. “He could be talking about me. Being homosexual is considered weird by some ponies.”

Iron shook her head. “I don’t think Max is that kind of pony.”

Swift raised a hand. “He might be talking about me. I mean, we did have a fight the first time we met, and you saw what happens when I cook.”

Crimson blanched. “Fair enough.”

I nodded. “Shit’s unnatural.”

“What happened?” Iron and Starshine chorused.

“Macaroni turned purple and poisonous.” I said, shaking my head. “It was absolutely mind boggling.”

Starshine looked interested. “Do… Do you think you could show me? Later, of course, but I’m really curious.”

Swift sighed. “If Max doesn’t mind wasting some food and another bowl or something, we can.”

I nodded. “Feel free, just don’t make a habit of destroying my kitchenware for experiments.”

“Will do, boss.” Swift replied.

Starshine smiled and we stopped talking so we could all get finished up with breakfast. It didn’t take long, but Starshine didn’t eat that much of her cheese, so I took the rest of it since I always have room and when we got up and prepared for our run, she warned everyone that she wasn’t going to be able to make the whole thing with us since she was pretty out of shape due to the fact that she spent most of her days in her lab or reading. It was fine, though I asked her to give it her best anyway and she promised that she would for as long as she could, but when we got out and started our run, she did pretty alright. She made a full circuit before needing to stop to get her breath back, and with some encouragement from Crimson, Swift, Iron, and myself, she was up and ready to go. She made it most of the way into another circuit before needing another break. We ran in place to keep our blood flowing while she was panting, but when she recovered once more, we kept going after making sure that she wasn’t just trying to push herself too hard.

I liked the bonding that running was doing for us so far, though I think Starshine felt a bit out of place since she kept having to take breaks. I doubt that being the last to arrive helped her case very much, but she was still a valued part of the group, and I was going to do my damndest to make sure she knew it. When we passed Twilight’s house, I stopped by and snuck in through her balcony to give her a good morning kiss since I could hear that her heartbeat was upstairs in her room. She’d been getting more and more fond of sleeping in, so I was trying to keep her on schedule, but I mostly just wanted a kiss.

After teleporting myself to catch up with my group, I got off of Crimson since I’d fallen on him and helped him to his feet. He punched me for falling on him yet again and the group got a chuckle out of that, but the important bit was that we needed to get back to the house before Fleur and Noir were left alone together, so I was pressing us to hurry it up a little bit when we found ourselves in view of my house. When we got there, Noir was standing in the kitchen, casually eating some vegetable stew and asked us how our run had gone. I told her that it had been pretty good and that Starshine and Iron were doing a good job of keeping up, though Starshine debated that since she needed so many breaks. I waved her worries aside and told her that she would get back into the swing of things soon enough, but Noir just told her that I wouldn’t have said she’d done well if she hadn't tried at all. Nebula took the compliment because she didn’t know how else to take it and we left it at that.

Once we’d all gotten a shower, I realized that the ladies were on the top floor and that the gentlemen had taken the bottom. It was odd, but I suppose it worked out just fine, though I warned everyone about leaving anything other than soap and other bathroom essentials in the loos since we had other people using them. I invited them to keep their rooms however they wanted, to decorate however they pleased, but keep the bathrooms nice and tidy. It quickly became a new house rule, and we went over them in a mini house meeting just to keep things clear. Starshine went upstairs to set her alarm clock and Crimson asked if he could read my copy of A Single Breath. I told him that he was not, in fact, allowed to touch that book, and he asked why. I told him that it was because that was the first book that I’d ever had published and that it was the first book that had been bound, straight off the press. I had another copy in the bookcase in my sun room that he was allowed to touch and look through along with the other two books in the series, but the books in my study that were under my alias were off limits to everyone. Pretty much everything else was fair game, however.

Crimson collected A Single Breath from the sun room and Swift picked up a bestiary since I’d mentioned that we might be doing some fighting in the Everfree as a part of our training. Iron asked if she could head into town, but I told her that she would have to do it tomorrow during the weekend when we weren’t slated to have some business taken care of and Noir explained that we had to go have weapons collected and made, as well as have Iron’s measurements taken for her uniform. Everyone else had tried their own suits on and they fit rather well, so now we just needed to get Iron taken care of and that would be that.

Fleur eventually got her arse out of bed, and even with a bit of bed head, she still looked damn good. She wasn’t wearing makeup, but the natural look suited her, and if the furtive glances she got from Swift were anything to go by, he and I shared the same opinion. She told me that she would be ready within the hour, so I pretended to write it down and said I would hold her to it and she hit me lightly, saying that I knew what ‘mares’ meant when they gave timeframes. I knew exactly what she was talking about, so I penciled her in for two hours and she gave me a thumbs up before waving at everyone else in the in the room She introduced herself briefly, but when she laid eyes on Crimson, she stopped talking and started flirting, and much to my surprise, he flirted back.

She took a quick break from him and went around, shaking hands with everyone in the room. Starshine gave her clipped responses since she knew there was something between her and Crimson. Iron and Swift were nice, though Swift tried to sneak in a few flirtations and was shut down pretty clearly, which made me shake my head since the guy wasn’t exactly bad looking. Fleur skipped Noir entirely and sat next to Crimson for a moment and started talking to him, identifying him as an Operative right away. He’d seen the same thing in her and they really hit it off from there and I could practically taste the salt coming off of Starshine in droves.

I reminded Fleur that we had to get to Canterlot sometime in the day and she excused herself from her conversation with Crimson. Once she was out of the room, Starshine said, “I don’t like her.”

I rolled my eyes. “What? No, we couldn’t tell.”

Swift sighed. “Why do the hottest mares always go for the pretty colts?”

Crimson shrugged. “Put more effort into your appearance and they appreciate that. Your mane looks like you purposefully mussed it up after you got out of the shower and your coat could use some love, to be honest with you. You’re not ugly or anything, so you’ve got that going for you.”

Swift gave him a look. “Thanks a tonne, buddy.”

Crimson looked at him coolly. “If you want to get more mares, you’ve got to shine. I’ve just always been anal about my appearance.”

I cracked up and Noir hit me. “That was not funny, Maximus.”

“It fucking was and you know it.” I grinned.

Crimson rolled his eyes. “Noir, am I a pretty colt?”

“Yes.” She answered flatly.

“Do you want to sleep with me?” He asked.

“No.”

He spread his hands and looked at Swift. “Maybe it’s just he mares you’re interested in. I’m pretty sure Noir only has eyes for Max and Fleur must like pretty colts.”

“Or she likes the dashing rogue thing. Maybe bulky dudes just aren’t her thing.” I chimed in. “I really doubt you have problems picking up chicks, Swift.”

He turned to me and cocked his head. “I’ve never even seen a chicken, let alone a chick.”

I rolled my eyes. “Chick means girl, mate.”

“Oh. Yeah, I don’t have too many problems, but I just don’t attract the looks I used to in Ponyville like I did in Canterlot.” He sighed.

Iron blushed and said nothing, something I took note of, but didn’t say anything about. Noir and I exchanged a knowing look. “I’m not going to say anything.”

She shook her head. “Neither am I. Some men just don’t pay attention like they should.”

Swift looked at us. “Huh? What are you talking about?”

“Nothing.” We replied in unison, both sounding bored.

He pursed his lips to the side and looked back at Crimson. “So what should I do to make my coat shinier or whatever? I thought my shampoo was doing just fine until now.”

Crimson shook his head. “I’ve seen your brand. It’s for colts, bud, not stallions.”

Crimson went on to explain some really boring shit that was terribly, terribly uninteresting, so I talked to Noir and Iron started talking to Starshine, though I think we were all just trying to fill the time until Fleur was ready to go to Canterlot. Damn civilians and their bullshit. Twilight wrote me back a note telling me that she was sorry she’d missed the morning run and asked me to start picking her up when they got to her part of town. I wrote her back that I would request we make a stop for her and told her that I was heading to Canterlot to get some stuff done and to visit Fleur and Fancy for a little bit, though when her reply came, I’d been expecting it to be a bit shorter or more cold. It was actually just pretty normal, all things considered, so I let it go and talked to Noir about it and she said that she couldn’t see anything wrong with Twilight’s choice of diction or phrasing, thus we let it be.

Fleur was ready about an hour and a half later, however, that was only because she didn’t have to apply makeup before coming downstairs. She was wearing one of Roxy’s longer skirts and a nice formal blouse to go along with it and apologized for assuming that she could borrow some of my things, but I told her that it was fine since I didn’t bother turning into Roxy terribly often these days anyway. I received a few stares when Fleur mentioned that the female clothing was actually mine until I explained that Twilight turned me into a girl for slumber parties and shopping and the like, which got me some even stranger looks, so I had to explain that whole story and that took some time out of our schedule.

When I finished, I’d been laughed at more than a few times and Noir just smiled, saying that she could turn me into a girl if everyone wanted to see. Swift, Iron, and Starshine were all terribly interested, and against my wishes, Noir turned me into Roxy for them. I had to catch my trousers and my pants before they fell off, and when I looked up, Iron and Swift were openly staring at me while Starshine was just blinking rapidly.

“Fucking what?” I asked irritably.

“...Don't change him back.” Iron said softly.

I rolled my eyes. “Please change me back. I don’t wanna have to go change.”

Noir shrugged. “Sorry, but I do not believe I speak Equuish at this moment.”

Crimson gave me an appraising look. “You know, you’re actually not half bad.”

“Thanks, Twinkie. I appreciate that immensely.” I said sarcastically.

“No, I agree with Crimson. You’re actually kinda pretty. Like, really pretty.” Swift added.

I curled my lip. “I’ll geld both of you.”

Swift shut up and Crimson looked away.

Starshine smiled shyly. “Wow…”

I gave her a look. “Please stop.”

Noir patted my back. “You may as well go change now.”

I made a noise of disdain and cursed her with every slur I knew, and a few that I’d learned from Briar Rose. When I came back down, I was wearing a black blouse and some jeans because fuck wearing skirts. The Warbling Blade still sat on my hip, and I’d had to trade my lockpicks over to the boots I’d had made for Roxy, but Noir didn’t approve of my outfit and told me to come back with a skirt. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be going anywhere, so I hit her with my tentacle and told her to quit fucking around, but the black look she gave me made my now metaphorical bollocks shrivel and hide deep within.

After changing again, I returned in a navy blue skirt that thankfully had belt loops, though I kept the blouse on. I found out that I could ‘steal’ the hair from my legs by thinking of it as a collective entity, so I just stole the ability to grow hair on my legs while I was at it because why not? When I came back the second time, I was done changing for the day and was tired of Noir’s shit, but she just smiled and told me that I looked much better. With that bullshit out of the fucking way, Noir Shadow Dived us all to Canterlot and we went to Letrotski’s shop to get Iron’s measurements done. Starshine’s shit was already done, so Noir teleported that back home for her, so we didn’t have to spend that much time there. However, Letrotski tried to insist that I wear some of his outfits for him until I threatened to gut him and leave his mangled corpse hanging from a flagpole with his entrails wrapped around his neck and his cock and balls shoved in his mouth.

Did I mention that I was in a shitty mood?

Starshine tried to cheer me up (and flirt with me) by saying that I was very pretty and looked rather nice, but I ignored the fuck out of her. Iron said that I should give being a woman a shot more often since I was so attractive. I told her to shove it and Swift took her place, though he didn’t actually flirt with me. His tactic to get me into a better mood actually worked a little since we basically talked about what he would look like as a female and I mentioned that I’d be afraid to go down on him because of those coconut crushing thighs of his. Crimson idly said that he would go straight for me, if only for a night and I hit him in the dick, which shut him up.

Noir niggled and nagged at me about being pretty and said that I should start wearing my Roxy suit more often, but then I used my True Theft to steal her voice because it suddenly occurred to me and that made my day so much brighter. She could still nag at me telepathically, but I threatened to lose her voice on purpose if she didn’t stop fucking with me and never bother to find it for her again and she promised to stop torturing me since I had more leverage on her.

We eventually got to Coffee’s shop and I was still feeling rather irritable, so I figured dealing with Coffee was going to suck. However, when she saw her sister, their jaws dropped and they approached each other slowly. “Cream?” Starshine asked softly.

“Nebula?” Coffee replied.

They met in the middle of the shop and hugged each other fiercely. “It’s been so long! I’m so sorry I never visit, but you know what the Operative life is like! How have you been?” Starshine babbled rapidly.

Coffee gripped her tightly. “I’m good, sis. It’s good to see you. It’s been what? Five, six years?”

They let each other go and Starshine smiled sadly. “Yeah… It’s been way too long. I didn’t know you still had this shop, and I most certainly didn’t know that you made weapons now!”

Coffee scoffed. “Special requests from special clients only. I don’t put up with the common rabble asking for showpieces, you know. The only things I make are things that will be used, and I’ll be damned if I start making useless baubles again.”

I wanted to chime in, but it seemed like a bad time. “So business first and then personal stuff?” Starshine asked.

Coffee smirked. “Just like Dad always said. What do you and your friends need- Hold up. Tall, dark, and sexy is back, and so is Crimson ass-eater. Where’s the Prince?”

I raised my hand. “Oi.”

Coffee stared at me. “Oi? Is that supposed to mean something?”

“Not really. Just don’t think about it too hard and wear yourself out, yeah?” I replied.

“Ooh, for a cutie, you sure are sarcastic. I like that.” Coffee shot me a half-lidded smile.

Crimson disguised a laugh with a cough and Noir just smiled. “You’ll like it a lot less when I shove my foot where the Sun don’t shine. We’re here for our sharp shit and to get a thing that isn’t sharp.”

Coffee raised a brow and glanced at Starshine for a moment. “You know, I like your friend. If she’s this feisty in a conversation, just think how she’ll be in bed.” She smirked at me.

“The first thing I do with my Kopis is going to be chopping your tail off.” I said flatly.

Coffee blinked. “What?”

Crimson chuckled and Noir shook her head. “Coffee, this woman is Maximus. The Prince.”

I flipped her the two finger salute. “Wotcher.”

Coffee groaned. “You couldn’t have said that before I started trying to get between her legs? Great, now I feel gross!”

Starshine coughed. “She is rather pretty, isn’t she?”

Coffee gave me a look. “Not when that she has a dick.”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t have a dick right now.”

“Interest rising.” Coffee said quickly.

I rolled my eyes the other way. “What happened to business first?”

She sighed. “Fine. I’ll got get your shit. Come on, Star.”

She and Starshine disappeared into the back of the shop and returned with our shit. Noir received her Seax first, and it was quite the lovely piece. She put her Seal on it after concentrating for a minute on what she wanted it to do and when it was emblazoned onto the steel, it looked quite nice. I received my Kopis next, and the thing was absolutely perfect, just as I’d hoped. It was around the length of my arm and had a lovely curve to it that I appreciated, hoping that it would be good for chopping. I loaded my Seal with a few enchantments, though it took some time because I had two things I wanted to do with it. I added ‘Edge’ and ‘Sturdy’ to it so it would hold up, and when Crimson brought his longsword over, I added the same enchantments to it.

We got everyone else’s requests out in the open and Coffee got them written down. Shortly after, I removed my group from her shop save for Starshine and asked if anyone had business in Canterlot. No one had anything they wanted to do, so I asked Noir if she would mind taking Swift and Iron back home. I bid them farewell and thus Fleur, Crimson, and I alighted to her house via teleportation.. She was stunned by the sight of my teleportation and I told her that it was rather disconcerting to see the world through a pinprick when it was all over. She asked what I meant and I told her to wait. After a few moments or minutes of silence, we zoomed through the opposite end of the dimension and she understood what I meant. It was fucking weird as always, and when we got to her parlour, she held onto me for awhile longer before letting go and telling me that it had to be one of the most incredible experiences of her life. I knew it was going to be, but I’m just amazing like that. I had to drag Crimson through the dimensions shortly after since I could only bring one person at a time, but at least it wasn't a difficult or time consuming thing. Apparently, if I don't go with someone, they skip the whole other dimension thing entirely, which is interesting.

Fleur and I went around her house and looked for Fancy, though we eventually found him in his study. Fleur entered first and apologized for being out all night, but Fancy wasn’t exactly upset about that, he was just irritated that she hadn't let him know beforehand. She did, however, have something that would make it up to him waiting behind the door, and when Fancy asked what it was, Fleur played coy for a few moments and asked if he would really forgive her if it was a good surprise. He promised that he would consider it and she opened the door. I was leaning on the wall outside, eating an apple because it made me look like more of an arsehole and Crimson just looked a bit bored with the ordeal. I stole the apple from my house, so don’t you fucking look at me like that, you fuck.

I shooed Fleur back in through the door and walked in, greeting my surrogate older brother with a smirk. “Wotcher, Fancy. Heard you’ve been kicking arse and taking names in my stead.”

He smiled. “If it isn’t my favourite Human! Maximus, Ol’ Chap, it’s very good to see you! Well, I should say Roxy, but you know.”

“The feeling’s mutual, my friend.” I walked over to him and shook his hand over his desk. “Thanks for taking care of Night Light while my hands were tied. I wasn’t allowed to do anything about him at the time.”

Fancy nodded. “I assume Twilight barred you from putting Night Light in his proper place?”

I nodded. “She made me promise that I wouldn’t retaliate against her father when I went to go train under him, so I asked her to marry me. I figured it was a fair enough trade since I tend to be so difficult.”

Fancy smiled more brightly. “Ah, I heard that you two were engaged now. How has she been the past couple of months?”

“She’s been fine, I suppose, but the whole becoming royalty thing has been a bit of a strain on us to be honest with you. We’ve been making it through, but you know how things go when everything starts changing too suddenly.”

He nodded sagely. “I do. So are you going to introduce your friend, or am I going to have to get up and meet him for myself?”

I chuckled. “Crimson! Come on in, mate!”

I heard him walk in and he came to join me by my side. “Crimson tide, sir. It’s an honor to meet you.”

Fancy shook his hand and raised his brows. “I’ve heard some interesting whispers about you, if you are who you say you are. You’re supposed to be one of the best Operatives that we’ve ever had.”

Crimson nodded. “Trained by Daisy Carnival himself. If the rumors about you are true, then you were one of the best Guard Captains we ever had.”

Fancy stroked his mustache. “I was a Captain, and that’s about as good as it got. The damn job is ninety percent paperwork anyway.”

Crimson cracked a smile. “I’ve heard it has its perks and its quirks, but I’m sure that having some sway with the Princesses is a pretty big boon.”

“It could be worse, but you never know. Not to be rude, but may I ask why you’ve accompanied Max and Fleur into our humble abode?”

Crimson’s eyes widened by a fraction. “I was under the impression that I was welcome. I meant no offense-”

“None taken, my boy! I’m sure you’re here for Fleur more so than you are for me,” He passed his wife a knowing smile, “so if you two would like to hold your ‘Book Club’ meeting elsewhere, I wouldn’t mind a little time to catch up with dear Maximus- Er, Roxy. After all, we’ll most likely bore you with our topics soon enough anyway.”

My Captain cast a furtive glance toward Fleur and she winked at him. “...Okay?”

Fleur came over and grabbed his arm. “Come now, Crimson! We have much to talk about.”

Crimson let her lead him out of the room after giving me a confused look, so I just gave him a slight nod and turned back to Fancy. “Fleur might make him straight.” I said casually.

Fancy’s brows raised. “Oh? Is our friend Crimson a confirmed bachelor?”

“He was when I met him, and he said that the last woman he was with turned him gay, so make of that what you will.” I shrugged. “I have the one I want and she either isn’t interested, or she doesn’t like him like she likes me. I’m not exactly worried about competition.”

“A pretty young mare such as yourself shouldn’t have too many issues attracting the fillies after all.” Fancy fingered his pipe.

I looked down at my chest. “Oh yeah. I thought a felt a draft around the legs, but I kinda forgot about being Roxy to be honest with you.” I spun around because why not. “God that was fucking stupid.”

Fancy shook his head. “You’re a strange mare at the best of times. Have a seat! Please, I don’t believe I see your pipe on you, but I’ll be happy to share mine.”

I looked at him, reached through space, and grabbed my pipe while never breaking eye contact. “I got a little more powerful since we last saw each other.”

After having a seat, Fancy and I talked a little about just how powerful I’d gotten and I explained to him that I couldn’t really go into detail about it unless he was a member of the Royal Family or a member of my team and he understood that well enough. We eventually started talking about the introduction of myself into the Royal Family and how I felt about that, and I told him that I honestly didn’t want to be a part of it in any way shape or form. I didn’t trust myself with having too much power since I knew that it could easily corrupt me if I wasn’t careful, but Fancy said that exact thing was a reason why I’d make a good Prince. He’d known a couple and they’d all let their station go to their heads, but he doubted that I would do anything of the sort or become some kind of overly stringent arse like Shining due to my new responsibilities.

After we exhausted that topic, we moved on to the fight between him and Night Light and Fancy actually wasn’t terribly proud of it. We’d talked about it a little bit earlier, but when he mentioned that he’d gone overboard and had come far too close to putting him in the hospital for comfort, I understood his reluctance to talk about it in depth. Instead, we followed up with some of the stuff we had been doing since we’d last seen each other and I told Fancy about my trip to Earth, my time in the Everfree, and the trip to the Crystal Empire.

He didn’t have stories that could really match up to mine, but he too had visited the Crystal Empire and had a few interesting things go on in his life while I was away, like having seen the former Prince Blueballs working as a barista for a few days. Apparently he got fired soon after Fancy saw him for an inability to take orders correctly, and that made me laugh and feel a little sorry for the guy. Not that sorry, mind you, but it just reinforced my ideals that most nobles were useless outside of power struggles and the like due to the nature of their upbringing. Then again, I don’t know how hard it is to write down a particularly difficult order of coffee, so there’s always that.

We moved on to talk about our spouses and Fancy mentioned that Fleur was growing increasingly restless and had even take a break from retirement to do a job for Celestia to put some thrill back into her life. Apparently half-arsed sex just wasn’t cutting it these days and Fancy wasn’t the one who could give her the good dick like she wanted, so he was hoping that Crimson might be able to sate her, even if only for a few hours. I’d only ever heard good things about the guy, so I asked Fancy if he wanted to head to the his usual place and pick up some smokeables so I wouldn’t get too high smoking on my stash and he agreed, so we took a quick walk.

Unfortunately, a lot of people like Fancy and no one recognized me, so we were stopped a few times by sycophants that were looking to cozy up to him since he still had status, even after being arrested for laying Night Light out. He dealt with them much more politely than I would have, but then again, I’d have to get used to dealing with them in time, so I just sat and listened to how he worded things until someone asked me a question or spoke to me directly. Even then, I just snapped my fingers and went into Prince Mode, or rather, ‘Princess’ Mode and handled them accordingly.

After too many stops and far too much talking, we got to Fancy’s usual place and I ordered my special blend since my last batch had gone bad, and when I got it, Fancy wanted to take me to this nice little club he was fond of, so off we went to enjoy some daytime nonsense in a club that seemed to be chock full of stuffy old pricks. I felt out of place since I was one of three women in the joint, and since I was apparently the most attractive one there, I got hit on by some old creeps that I had to gently deny every time they offered to hook me up with either their child or grandchild.

Either way, I just flashed them my ring and told them that I was already promised to someone else, but that opened up the door as to why I was wearing a man’s ring when I was female. My story was that my lover had wanted to give me something from his own personal collection instead and that I’d loved the idea much more than just having something made or picking something out in a store since it seemed so much more personal, but there was one astute fellow who recognized my ring as my Signet Ring and asked if I was betrothed to an unknown Prince.

Plan B involved saying that the ring was an heirloom, passed down by a former Prince that had given up his titles shortly after Luna had been taken from power, but the main thing I was curious about was how the fuckers didn’t realize I wasn’t a Pony. I guess that as a woman, I have some Equine features. In other words, I’m Sarah Jessica Parker, but shorter and with a smaller face. In any case, word quickly spread that I was off the market until some ‘dashing’ fellow tried to whisk me off my feet and received a broken face for his troubles. I didn’t throw any kicks since I was wearing a skirt, but Fancy ended up pulling me off of the guy before I could have a serious case on my hands. In my defense, the guy had palmed my arse while trying to pick me up and I’d started off with a fierce backhand that should’ve been the end of it, but he just grinned and tried to put his hands on me again, so I laid into him to get my point across.

Fancy escorted me from the establishment after scolding the fellow I’d beaten up for laying unwanted hands on a ‘mare’ he’d had no claim to and he made me apologize for giving the fellow a black eye or two, but I followed that up with a warning against him touching my bum ever again unless he wanted to come up with a terminal case of throat-punching. When that little catastrophe was over, Fancy asked why I’d been so quick to wipe the look off of that fuckers face and I let him know that the only person that was allowed to try and sneak up behind me and touch me like that was Twilight. Noir didn’t and doesn’t touch my arse, Uror doesn’t, Celestia didn't unless she had spoken permission, and practically no one else ever did it in the first place, so it’s not like it was ever much of an issue.

We walked through the streets and there was another fellow who knew Fancy that started hitting on me, and even after I shut him down, he was persistent that I go on a date with him. Fancy told him that I was only interested in ‘mares’, but the dumbass maintained that I hadn't had a real ‘stallion’ or the right one, so I lifted the corner of my blouse a bit and showed him the Warbling Blade before telling him to fuck off. He tried to take it from me, stating that ‘a pretty mare’ such as myself shouldn't be carrying around such a dangerous thing and I told him that I was an Operative and that I had no time for his stupidity. He mentioned that he liked dangerous ‘mares’ and that he could keep the stupidity to the minimum, but Fancy urged me not to knock this fellow out as well, so I went to walk away from him. He caught my arm as I tried to leave and I paused and looked at his hand and up to his face before asking if he really wanted to make today his last day on Equus.

He let go.

The rest of our walk passed uneventfully, though there was a woman or two that stopped me to compliment my outfit on its simple-yet-cute design and I thanked them for their time, but when they tried to press their luck, I told them that I was taken and only one of them had a problem with that. She got a little pushy until Fancy mentioned that he would happily let her friends know that she’d been trying to pursue an engaged ‘mare’, even after being told that the relationship was happy and without much trouble. The woman left me alone after that, but that made me ask Fancy why so many people were trying to fuck me today and he just chuckled and told me that the summer estrus made some people go a little crazy or get a little desperate if they didn’t get action in the spring.

When we got back to Fancy’s place, we sat outside and had ourselves a smoke and he had one of his servants bring out some bourbon for us since he was just as fond of it as I was. He sipped our drinks and talked some more about people and their general craziness as well as some of the things we hadn't covered about our lovers. I told him that Twilight and I had fought about whether or not to give Spike meat and Fancy was rather surprised that it had been an issue at all since he was rather certain that Dragons needed meat to survive. He’d been assuming that Twilight was giving Spike all he needed up until I told him that she’d argued with me about giving him some of this weird goat thing I’d gotten from the Everfree.

Fancy had actually consumed meat before and hadn't found it to his liking when he’d visited the Gryphon lands, but I encouraged him to try some of my leftover Alligator jerky. He still wasn’t fond, but he said that it was better than most, so I just ate what he didn’t because it was still fucking delicious and I loved the flavour like it was the last thing I would ever get to eat. Crimson and Fleur joined us shortly after and my Captain just had this mildly stunned look on his face like he couldn’t really believe what the past few hours had held for him. I wondered what position Fleur had shown him that blew his mind, but then again, I kind of wanted a turn with her since I could tell from her body language that she’d had to stop based on Crimson’s stamina. Still, I’m currently rather sure that they’ll be making each other’s acquaintance again soon enough, and from the look on Fleur’s face, it’s not like she was disappointed.

Crimson and I left about half an hour after they joined Fancy and myself, so I passed out a couple of hugs and bid them farewell. Crimson got a hug from Fleur and a handshake along with a whispered word from Fancy that he simply nodded in reply to. With that, Crimson and I went back to the Artisan District to go find Starshine, and when we got to her sister’s shop, I could hear them talking about nothing in particular in the back, so I rang the bell and they came out quickly enough for me to not get impatient. Starshine had mostly just been excited to see her sister and vice versa, and they were sad to see their time come to an end. However, I offered them the weekend to themselves and they took it before heading back into Coffee’s shop to do some more talking, I guess. For all I know, they could’ve been doing some twincest.

Crimson and I teleported back to my house, and when we arrived, he told me that we needed to have a word in private, so I lead him into the parlour and we had a seat. “Max. Roxy. Whatever you want to be called. How does she bend like that!?” He asked.

I raised a brow. “We’re talking about Fleur, right?”

He nodded twice. “We are. That mare is beyond what a pony should be able to do in bed. She’s a mare beyond all reason, and I know she came more than twice, but she’s insatiable!” His voice shook a little.

“That’s just how she is. I never had too many problems with her, but I can see where someone without my stamina might have some issues.”

“... You actually had her satisfied?” He asked in hushed tones.

“You can’t satisfy Fleur, mate. That’s lesson number one. No matter how big you are or how long you can keep going, she’s always hungry for more sex and affection. I used to be able to give her enough of both, but when Twilight became the only woman in my life, we had to end things and I rather doubt that she found someone better than me. I think you’re coming close, but I believe you’re scared of her.”

“She did the splits on me and rode.” Crimson whispered.

I shrugged. “She put her legs behind her arms and let me have as much as I wanted. Fleur’s fun. Keep that in mind if you decide to go see her again-”

“If? I’m doing better next time, now that I’ve had a chance to see what and where she likes it. This mare is either going to be the death of me or the start of something new. I rather hope Fancy doesn't mind me giving her some ‘affection’,” He threw up some air quotes, “from time to time.”

“Did he say that he doesn’t like you?” I asked.

“No, he told me to take care of her.”

“Then you have his blessing to nail his wife whenever you’re in town. So does this mean you’re going back to bisexual?”

“Definitely. Stallion’s are nice and all, but I think mares have their perks too. I wouldn’t mind a crack at Fancy, but he doesn’t strike me as the type.” Crimson sighed. “It’s a shame. I’d love to peg that stallion until he can’t walk anymore.”

“He’s a pitcher not a catcher, if I’ve heard correctly.” I commented casually, inspecting my nails. I found a little dirt and cleaned it out.

Crimson silently stared at me. “What?” I asked.

“... You mean I could have them both?” He asked.

“Yeah, probably.”

“Today just got even better. I’m writing them a note and asking for a threesome.” Crimson got up and left, leaving me in a room with a billiards table and no one to play against.

Noir rectified that soon enough, and when she had a seat next to me, I felt like something was up. “Alright, so what’s the deal? I’m sure you’re not here to get your arse handed to you in pool.”

“You would be correct. Maximus, I must leave soon after the Equestria Games tomorrow.” Noir said solemnly.

I sighed. “Well fuck. I don’t want you to go.”

She reached over and held my hand. “If it helps at all, we will still be able to talk through telepathy and the fragment of my soul that is left within you. Meditate tonight and I will be in your mind along with you. Say the word and I will be there.”

I brushed my thumb along her knuckles. “It just sucks that we finally got you into your physical body and we can’t even be together all that long. I know you’re too valuable to just have you sit in my house and babysit slash torture me all day, but having you around is so priceless to me.”

We fell silent for a few moments until Noir said, “I will never truly leave you, Maximus. You know that.”

I gave her a sidelong glance. “You’re supposed to call me Roxy while I’m female., you know.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yes, Roxanne, I know this. However, what I still maintain that I will never willingly leave your side, and when the day comes for us to fight together, know that I will be causing mayhem by your side.”

I cracked a smile. “I might be causing more mayhem than yourself, you know. I have Magic that would allow me to be a savage on the battlefield if I just started stealing Magic from all of our magical combatants and the knowledge of how to use those powers.”

Noir raised her brows. “Steal the Magic at the core of its strength and I’m sure you will become more powerful with Unicorn Magic than Celestia or Luna, if you consume enough opponents that is.”

I sighed. “Hell, if I could just use Twilight and Cadance’s, I’m sure I could do all sorts of damage across the board. However, that’s more along the lines of your job, isn’t it?”

“It is. I happily welcome you to learn and grow at your own pace, however. If you choose to start stealing magic from those you deem unworthy…” Her eyes shot open. “Wait, do you still have Sombra’s horn?”

I caught on quickly enough and grabbed it with my True Theft. “Wanna go test our theory?”

Noir grinned darkly and Shadow Dived us behind my shed after a moment. We came out and I tried reaching into Sombra’s horn and feeling around for something, though the sensation was an odd one. It was like my hand was gliding through grains of sand or something, but nevertheless, I found a ball within it and plucked it from the horn. I put the horn in my pocket and gripped the black, electrified ball hard in my right hand until it collapsed in on itself and my right hand took on a similar color scheme to that of Sombra’s horn. It was definitely interesting to say the least, but I just needed to figure out how to use the new magic now.

On a whim, I flung my hand outward toward my yard, and when it came to a stop, dark grey crystals erupted from the ground in a starburst fashion. With my hand open, I turned it palm up and made the crystals grow a bit more, and when I switched so that my palm faced downwards, the crystals sank into the ground. I figured I might try closing my hand, and when I did, the crystals shattered into thousands upon thousands of pieces, but I wasn’t done quite yet. I needed to get a bit closer, but with Noir hanging back near the shed, I approached the shards littering my lawn and picked them up with my Telekinesis. When I got them all airborne, I started swirling them around me in a loose circle, the fading sunlight glinting off of the shards as they spun, casting a disco ball effect all around me until I broke the circle and used my Telekinesis to guide the shards as a torrent in my ten or so meter range.

They were moving pretty quickly with my mind alone, but when I added my hands to help me visualize and feel for the speed at which they were moving, they got faster and the torrent became more lethal. I whipped the fragments back into a circle and got them spinning faster and faster before launching them forward in a stream as fast as I could push them. I faltered a bit on the release, but the aim was true and my torrent of shards headed toward the forest like it was a river of sharp bullshit. It was a beautiful sight, and even from a good distance away, I could hear the crystals slamming into trees and ringing as they bounced off of each other. It was a wonderful cacophony of violence, and when I had Noir come with me to check out the damage, we were shocked.

Crystals littered just about every tree in the vicinity one way or the other, and they were all looking like they would fucking hurt if you were unlucky enough to get hit by even one of them. Luckily, no one and nothing had been hurt, but it was impressive all the same, and I could feel Sombra’s power trying to settle in next to my True Theft, but Noir warned me that it might have a corrupting influence if I kept it around, so I took Sombra’s horn into my work shed and drilled a hole through it with an auger that I’d been planning to use some other time. I’d actually been meaning to use it in the time I’ve been using to fill out this journal entry, but I guess I could stop writing after this, go to the Equestria Games, and pick up after that when Noir leaves. Either way, I drilled a hole through Sombra’s horn and threaded some soft string through it, making it into a necklace that I could wear and abuse as I saw fit. I’m pretty sure it’s a catalyst of some sort, or maybe Unicorn horns are just magical, but either way, I had it now and it was a little on the big side to be worn as a necklace, so I tied it to the Warbling Blade’s sheath, just in case I ever needed it for something or other. It seemed like a good place to keep it for the time being to me.

Noir complimented me on successfully stealing something that would most likely bring down waves of enemies at the time and I thanked her for the suggestion, though I had no clue as to how I knew how to use Sombra’s power. I guess it might have been because the knowledge was tied to the power after Sombra’s death, meaning that I was going to have to kill and de-horn a Unicorn if I wanted their power and not bother to learn how to use it. Noir suggested I write a letter to Celestia and see if she had any Unicorn prisoners that she didn’t want having certain powers, so I did and Celestia asked what the fuck was wrong with me, even without having told her about murdering Ponies for their horns. Their tasty, tasty horns. I told her that I’d stolen Sombra’s Magic (or at least a part of it) from him through that method and she told me that doing something of the sort was ‘bucking insane’ and that she wouldn’t allow me to rip Magic from her precious little Ponies, even if they’d done something like murder someone else. I thought it was a little unfair since I could use their Magic more than they could, but I guess I understood.

I was tempted to go behind her back and ask Luna since I was pretty sure that she would let me do it, but I wasn’t trying to start shit, so I wrote Twilight a note and asked if she wanted to see me tonight and she said that I was welcome to come to her house if I didn’t mind staying for a sleepover. That was out of the question since Rarity and Applejack still didn’t like me, so I told her that I was probably going to head somewhere exotic or something and she asked where I was going to go. I told her Gryphonia because I felt like it and when she replied and told me to be careful, I asked if she would mind coming to my house to change me back into a dude and she was there instantly, but before we could get up to my room to get the thing done, Twilight wanted a few kisses in the living room and I could feel Iron and Swift looking at us. Iron gave off a vibe of mild envy, though I don’t know what it was directed toward and Swift was just enjoying two attractive women making out in front of him. Crimson spared us a glance, if my guess is correct, and went back to reading A Single Moment.

I eventually made Twilight stop so we could go upstairs, but she just babbled on about how great it was to be taller than me until I reached under her skirt and grabbed her arse, looking her dead in the eyes. Twilight blushed brightly and did the same thing to me, making me go up on my tiptoes for some odd reason that I’m not really aware of. We did some more kissing on different sets of lips before Twilight actually changed me back. When she did, we parted ways rather sadly, but I needed to go eat something and she had to go host a slumber party in a few minutes, so we cut our time together a bit short and promised to spend more time together the next night. After one last kiss and a tender hug, Twilight went home and I went to Elfriede’s room, hoping that she wasn’t in there.

When I dropped in, no one was there, so I had plenty of time to hop into the wardrobe and get comfy. I stole my Dragon Fire and used it as a light to read some Gryphonian literature from one of Elfriede’s personal shelves and from there. I just had myself an Anne Frank style few hours until I heard the chamber door open. I peeked out and saw that Elfriede had some attendants with her, so I waited until I couldn’t see them and couldn’t hear their heartbeats to even think about showing my face. When I was sure that they were gone, I let myself out and Elfriede jumped hard, listening to the snaps, crackles, and pops of my joints. I yawned a bit and sent my crap away before waving her book at her.

“You know, Gryphonian books sure are a lot darker than Pony books. I like that.” I said casually like I hadn't just popped out of the fucking wardrobe.

Elfriede just stared.

I looked at her, then back at the wardrobe. “Didn’t you tell me to be in your wardrobe the next time I came to see you? Well here I am. Coming out of the wardrobe. Like you said to do.” I pursed my lips.

She continued to stare.

“So… I guess you can’t really give me a blowjob and I’m engaged now, so I can’t really do anything for you, but we can still talk, right? I know you’ve gotten my notes since I came back from my home world, so don’t you try to use that against me!”

“... Are you here to assassinate me or something?” Elfriede asked slowly.

“No, you bird brained pussy cat. I’m here for your sweet, bitter arse. Here to assassinate you. Tch, I put you in power! Why would I come back and assassinate you?” I scoffed “Are you doing something that might not be in your best interest?”

She tilted her head at me. “I do not know. That is what being a ruler is, after all. Never quite knowing when you’re trodding on toes or irritating the wrong person. Is there a reason you are visiting now of all times?”

I shrugged. “I’ve put my death squad together and this is the weekend before we start training. I figured I’d get my visits with the people I haven’t seen yet done. How’ve you been?”

The Gryphon Queen blinked at me slowly. “I’ve been… Well, I suppose. You could have come to see me in the middle of the day, however. You are a noble now, are you not? I remember Celestia saying that you’d been named as a Duke before you went off to your Earth.”

“Well, I’m actually a Prince now, so I think it’d be weird if I just showed up in your court with nothing to say and no real reason to be there.”

She tilted her head again. “You. A Prince.” Elfriede took a moment to consider that before cackling madly. You! A Prince!”

I threw the book at her. “Oi! It’s not something I like, so shut your face hole, you cheeky beaky twat!”

She caught it easily. “Ah, that is amusing. Really now, what has Equestria come to? Coronating assassins?”

“I’m not an assassin. If doing something one time defines you as someone who does only that, then I’m also a pervert of the highest degree.”

“Speaking of your perversions…” Elfriede trailed off, her eyes flickering to her bed. “I still have not found a suitable replacement for Adolf. Perhaps you could fill my bed for a night…?”

“I would have to get express permission from my fiance, Princess Twilight. She tends to be rather possessive these days unless we’re sharing someone.” I informed.

Elfriede tutted. “I should have laid you when I had the chance. At least show me what I’m missing, will you?”

I gave her an odd look. “Wouldn’t that just make you want it more?”

“That depends on what it looks like.” She said cryptically.

I rolled my eyes and showed her my wedding tackle, but when I did so, her beak opened and she let out a strangled noise. “Happy now?”

“Y-You would break me!” Elfriede gasped. “No! I regret asking now!”

I stowed the goods. “That’s what I thought. Knowing that one of the most arseholish species have some of the tiniest dicks around makes me smile.”

“They are not tiny to Gryphon females you mammoth.” Elfriede huffed irritably. “They may not be satisfying, but at least they would not split us in half.”

“Aren’t Gryphon dicks barbed?” I asked.

“... Are they not supposed to be? That is half the fun, after all.”

I stared at her. “You lot are some weird fucking blokes, I’ll tell you that much. Other than sex, is there anything else you want to talk about? Like how you manage to keep that arse looking nice and fuckable, despite not exercising for example.”

Elfriede rolled her eyes. “You are just as annoying as I remembered, though your flirtations do make a woman feel prettier.”

“That’s all I’m on this world for. Making the ladies feel pretty and giving the good dick until the end of time.” I sighed. “Curse my wretched fate!”

“Humble, aren’t we.” She scoffed. “I hope you weren’t planning on making this a terribly long visit.”

“I really wasn’t, but now I want to talk about our feelings and who you think is cutest in the court. I think it’s Geoffry.” I batted my lashes at her.

“You know that hideous, ugly creature?” Elfriede spat.

“Not personally. I just said a name. I wasn’t expecting it to be someone you knew.”

“I know Geoffry and he is, by no stretch of the imagination, ‘cute’. Ponies are cute. you, by some ridiculous stretch of the imagination, are cute, but Gryphons do not do ‘cute’.” Elfriede said harshly.

I walked over to her with my hands on my face. “Aww, who’s the cutest little kitty-bird? You are! Yes you are! Does my widdle kitty-bird want some catnip? Ooh! Or maybe some nice sunflower seeds! How does that sound?” I cooed.

Elfriede glared daggers at me. “Cease your nonsense before I end you.”

“What’s wrong my sweet widdle canary-cat? Is someone’s widdle paw achy-breaky? Do you want a bath or a ball of yarn?” I asked, doing my best to be as patronizing as possible.

“I despise you. I truly despise you at the maximum possible capacity-”

“That’s maxim-us capacity.” I grinned.

Elfriede groaned and held a claw to her face. “Why didn’t I kill you? Why did I not kill you when I had the chance?”

“Come on, kitty-bird, you know I’m too cute and cuddly to kill so callously! You know you love every second you spend in my company, and the more you lie to yourself about it, the less happy you’ll be.”

“I hate you.” Elfriede growled.

“You love me.” I grinned.

“I would trade you for the carcass of a woodmouse.”

“You wouldn’t give me up for the biggest cat dick you can find.”

“If I could kill you now, I would.”

“Be careful, my favourite feathered feline: you might hurt my feelings if you don’t profess your undying love for me.”

“The only undying thing here is your despicable nature.” Elfriede said flatly.

“No, my despicable nature comes and goes with the tides. I’m just trying to bring a smile to your beaked countenance.” I said, pouting.

She rolled her eyes. “I would rather be choked to death. You have shown your face. We have traded words. Go home so I can touch myself in peace.”

I raised my brows. “Are you sure I can’t just stick around for a quick peek?”

“You could if you were not engaged. I would not expose myself to a promised man.”

“What if that promised man was the reason you were single?” I wiggled my brows at her.

“...You could tempt me.” Elfriede sat on her bed and laid back on her multitude of pillows.

I sat on her bed and touched her leg. “I’m sure I could come up with something that would convince you, but alas. I must return to my home world and greet the little green men.”

She glared at me. “You just wanted to hear me offer myself to you.”

“Yeah, and?”

She threw a pillow at me. “Get out of my chambers you oaf!”

“Love you Kitty!” I gave her a winsome grin.

Elfriede crossed her arms and continued glaring, so I pulled myself out of her room and figured that I would go home or something. I didn’t have anything better to do, so I appeared in my room and went to bed for reasons. At least I’d finally gotten my time with Elfriede, even if she had been rather hostile during most of it. In any case, I just wanted to write for a few moments and here we are. My writing has taken me into the night a ways, so I guess I’ll go to my workshed and do some woodworking or something to pass the time. There could be something else I spend a few moments doing, but I’m just not feeling at the moment. Eh, Hopefully I’ll just find something interesting. My motivation’s taken a hit and all I want to do is do nothing and sleep.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

So I didn’t do any woodworking, but carving kept me up all night and did me no favours come the morning. I was covered in fine dust and shavings in spades, but my end product of me efforts was rather pretty and fit into my hand pretty well. I’d made a handle for a blade the didn't exist quite yet, but what a glorious handle it was. I’d managed to get the Goat horns I’d poached from my kill some time ago and work them into something usable, but I’d left myself a little extra material so I could properly sand it down and polish it up. From there, I exited the shed to find that it had actually eaten up my night. The sunlight fucking hurt my eyes, so I told it to fuck off and shut myself back into my shed until Twilight came a-knocking and told me that I was going to have to go and get some shit done for the Equestria Games. It was a drag beyond all drags, but I’d told her that I would go, so I was obligated to keep my world, and boy did that Sun burn. Well, for the first few minutes that is.

Twilight ‘made’ me take a shower and comb the shit out of my hair, though how it had gotten there, I’ll never know since I’d been working rather carefully and all that. I was still thinking about making more handles when I got out of the shower and Twilight was impatiently waiting for me in her full Princess regalia, holding my suit for me so I could quickly hop in once I was ready. I sighed and got dressed quickly enough, but I didn’t really care about going off to the Games in any case. I just didn’t want to be bothered in the slightest, and when Twilight told me that Adstus had been invited to come, I got downstairs and asked Crimson, Swift, and Iron if they wanted to come along. They all gave affirmative answers and I groaned again because that meant we were either going to have to have Twilight teleport us or we were going to be taking a train.

Before Twilight teleported us all to the train while it was in motion, I advised my present teammates to wear their Adstus suits, but Iron’s was still in Canterlot for the time being, so I asked Twilight if we could take a quick detour and so we did. Crimson and Swift showed up in their suits and shades while Iron just bore the shades until we got to Letrotski’s shop. It took fifteen minutes for him to put the finishing touches on her suit, so we weren’t actually terribly late or anything. Still, it had taken a little time out of our busy schedule, so Twilight just magicked Iron into her suit and sent her clothes back home before teleporting us onto a train while it was in motion.

There were a fucktonne of people on said train, but Twilight and I got our own privte car for our nearest and dearest, so when we got in there, my clean cut, well put together group of trained soldiers and two killers met a group of strange, straight up odd women that didn’t really seem to go together at all. However, Rainbow and Fluttershy were wearing matching sportswear so that was cute, but they just couldn’t match the aura that me and my team put off. Hell, Noir herself looked like she was way out of place (she’d been in the car before we’d gotten there), and it was only now that I realized that my team had probably overdressed for the event, but then again, they were supposed to be my guards anyway. I want my people to look good, dammit!

I introduced everyone to Crimson, Swift, and Iron since I was sure they would be talking during the train ride to wherever the fuck while I went over to go talk to Noir. “Oi! Why didn’t you come and get me when you left for the train?” I asked irritably.

Noir shrugged. “I did not feel like Shadow Diving you and your team around. Honestly, it would be much easier if you just had a portion of my Magic and used it solely for teleportation.”

“Sorry to make you feel like a transport of some sort, but you couldn’t have given me some advance notice?”

“I gave you as much notice as I had. Twilight was the one who told me that I needed to be properly dressed and that I was expected to attend as one of Celestia’s guards.”

I looked at her outfit. It was a nice old-timey dress that I knew would actually allow a fair amount of movement, but it was still very cumbersome in appearance. “I really hope you brought Mordemor. I don’t think anyone’s going to try anything, but still.”

Noir shook her head. “I can teleport my sweet child to my side whenever he is necessary without using any magic of my own. That sword is bonded to me in certain ways, and if I ever happen to pass in some way, then he will be passed on to you.”

“Well then, it’s great that you’re not going to die unless something throws you in a fucking volcano or something, and even if I do get Mordemor, I’m not going to use that fucking mastadon of a blade.”

“Hopefully you do not receive him then. I don’t believe you will ever find another person who will be able to use him if you choose not to.”

“He’ll make the most lovely momento of you that ever existed.” I said cheekily.

Noir nudged my shoulder with her fist. “Enough of me. I see you have chosen to wear your Prince regalia rather than your Adstus suit.”

“Seemed like a better time for it to be honest with you. That, and I wasn’t sure if I could bring my Kopis with me, and if I couldn’t bring my Kopis, I was pretty sure I couldn’t get away with my armor.”

“But your guards could? Maximus, no one will ever realize that they are wearing armor.” Noir chuckled.

I shook my head. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Celestia or Luna figured it out. They’re both supposed to be here, but if I can have my crew there with their shit, then I’ll take it, even if Crimson is the only one bringing a weapon.”

“I have faith that Coffee Cream will have your things done soon enough. After all, she is quite the expedient worker, though it is a bit unfortunate that you were as put together as you could have been. It would have been quite the show to have your team fully armed and at your back.”

“It would’ve looked cool, but I’m not sure if that would’ve been the best idea. Either way, I brought the Warbling Blade so I can hand that off to Swift if things get hairy.”

Noir gave me a look. “Between Celestia, Luna, and ourselves, what do you think-”

I covered her mouth with my tentacle. “No! Don’t you fucking finish that sentence. Bad shit happens when you’re all like ‘Oh? What could possibly go wrong?’!” I said in a mocking voice. “Seriously! Have you not learned this lesson? Remember what happened when Twilight asked me what could go wrong with her little science experiment not too long ago? She blew up a marshmallow the size of my thumb and it got on everything!”

Noir glared at me until I removed my tentacle. “What could possibly go wrong.” She challenged.

I hit her and she hit me back. That continued on for awhile, us just whacking the shit out of each other until Twilight teleported me into the seat next to her. “Really, Max? You’re going to start hitting Noir while everypony can see?”

“She started it!” I argued.

Twilight gave me a look. “Stop being such a colt and act like you’re an actual Prince.” She snapped.

“Stop acting like my Mum and remind yourself of who I am.” I replied hotly.

She rolled her eyes. “Whatever, Max. Just stop hitting ponies, okay?”

I pinched her and she glared at me. “What did I just say!?”

“I didn’t hit you, I pinched you. There’s a large difference.” I said haughtily.

There were a few giggles from the car and Twilight blushed before snatching my hand away from her arm. She held it firmly between us. “Just knock it off, will you? You’re going to end up embarrassing yourself at this rate!”

I rolled my eyes and snapped softly, heading into Prince Mode. “Say no more, my love. I am who you ask me to be.”

She gave me an odd look. “You just changed moods, didn’t you?”

“I changed the Paths, Cherry. Such things are trivial when compared to the image of our great nation, are they not?” I asked.

“... As long as you behave yourself, I suppose.” Twilight let go of my hand, but I chased her fingertips and held them loosely.

“Twilight, Cherry, do you know how long we’ll be in the Crystal Empire? Or rather, how long we’re expected to be there?”

She eyed me warily. “We’re only supposed to be there for a few days. We’ll be having a meeting in the afternoon on the third day, but the girls are heading back home that morning. Why do you ask?”

“Simple curiosity and nothing more. I was hoping to share a bed with you this evening since we were unable to do so last night.”

“...I’m pretty sure Shining is going to put us in separate rooms.”

“He is not powerful enough to keep me away from you.” I said simply.

“No, but I’d like you to respect my brother’s wishes while we’re in his castle. If we ever get our own, I know you’d expect the same of him.”

“I would expect him to throw a fit and act like he still despises me.”

“...Have you really given him a reason not to?” Twilight asked.

“Has he given me a chance?” I rebutted.

“Shining did give you a chance-”

“No, my love, he did not. When he learned that we were dating, I earned his hatred. When I saved his wife and life, he was quick to forget what I did for him. Granted, I picked Chrysalis out for my own reasons, but it served him and his love more so than anyone else, and frankly, all he has ever been to me is a hateful ingrate. When Shining was on good terms with me, that was because I’d just saved his marriage and absolved him of guilt he should not have been shouldering. Then, when I went to Earth against my will, he turned against me and threw away the progress we’d made. Don’t expect me to be your brother’s whipping boy, Twilight Sparkle. We had an agreement for your father, but we have no such bond for your brother.”

Twilight stared at me. “... Are you seriously saying that you want something in return if I ask you to be nice to Shining?”

I raised a brow at her. “Naturally. One should not expect to receive without giving in turn.”

Twilight colored and squeezed my hand hard. “I give you a lot of things, Maximus. I give you patience and sympathy and love, and I shouldn’t have to give you anything else for you to do something so simple!”

My brow stayed raised. “And you would deny that I give unto you the very same thing you give to me? Twilight Sparkle, can you honestly say that your situation with my family is anything at all like mine with yours?”

She removed her hand from my grasp and turned away from me. “If you want to be an ass, we don’t have to talk.”

I looked at her coolly. “How mature of you. Resulting to insults and petty gestures when you are cornered.”

Her head whipped around and she jammed a finger in my face. “You listen to me, Max. We are through with this conversation. No little snide remarks. No more jabs. D. O. N. E. Done. Okay? Okay.”

I smirked at her because I knew I had her, but I held my tongue since there was no point in continuing down the path we were going. Twilight would only grow angrier if we kept talking, so I was happy enough to let her cool down, but when I tried to get up and visit with someone else, she caught my arm and gave me a look.

I gazed at her lackadaisically. “Can I assist you, my dearest Cherry?””

“... How are you so calm?” She asked hotly.

“It’s the nature of this Path. A ruler must keep a cool head at all times while presenting their argument in a clear and logical manner.” I replied easily.

Twilight let my hand go. “Where are you going?”

“Well, I was planning on talking with Fluttershy, or perhaps introducing Iron Hoof to Applejack since I think they would get along well. Would you like me to sit back down?”

Twilight looked away and I sat back down, gently grabbing her arm. “My love, speak to me. Tell me what ails you.”

Twilight looked at the floor. “... Can you stop talking like that? Please?”

“That depends. Would you rather deal with your immature yet loveable rogue, or your aloof yet suave Prince?” I asked.

“I want Max.” She said shakily.

I held her hands to my lips and snapped. “It’s a change of mindset, Cherry, not a change in personality per se. I’m the same fellow, I just go about things differently.”

She let out a relieved sigh. “I just… When you start talking like that, it sets me on edge, you know? It feels like it’s you, but it’s not the same stallion I fell in love with.”

“I figured as much. Is there something you want to talk about now, or do you just want to let me kiss you like you’ve been kissed a few times before, but this time in the future when compared to the events of the past?”

My fiance giggled. “That’s my Max. Can I have that kiss please?”

I gave it to her and I heard some whispered ‘aww’s from our eavesdroppers. In their defense, it was awfully close quarters and Twilight had gotten a bit loud near the end, though I doubted that they actually heard what I said since I’d kept it nice and low while I was talking. Most of the people knew that Twilight and I were dysfunctional at times anyway, so I wasn’t terribly worried about our image or anything of the like. Even if I was, I wouldn’t have let Twilight say anything that would have made her look bad.

Fluttershy and Rainbow eventually headed into the Ponyville athlete’s cars to give a pep talk or something. We still had a ways to go before we would ever get close to the Crystal Empire, so I was content to flirt with Twilight for a little while and push our little argument from earlier further into the back of her mind, and when Noir came over to join us for a brief conversation, I told a couple of jokes and Noir told me to kill myself, but it fancier words so that Twilight wouldn’t understand. She actually said, ‘Remove thyself from this plane of existence.’, but I knew what that really meant since she’d said it to me a few times before, though Twilight probably thought she was telling me to go into the Shadow Realm or something and had said as much. That’s how I knew what she thought.Duh. I wasn’t about to correct her and I threatened to chop Noir’s left tit off if she corrected her, so we let Twilight think what she wanted her to think.

While we were in for the long haul, I sent Starshine a note, telling her that Adstus had gone to the Equestria Games and would be back in the next few days, and when she wrote back, she thanked me for not making her give up her precious time with her acerbic, lecherous sister to go do some guard duty type bullshit. When she mentioned that, I actually asked my team for a private word and had made it understood that protecting Twilight was the top priority since I could take care of myself for the most part. Crimson tried to test that by throwing a quick jab at me, but I sidestepped it and had my own fist at his chin just as he was about through extending his arm. I was a bit faster than him, and that’s really all I needed to prove that I was capable of reacting in a split second, so Crimson said that he would follow Twilight from the shadows while Swift and Iron acted as an Honor Guard in plain sight.

Twilight, of course, objected to having guards at all when I told her the news, so I offered her a deal: If she could land one punch on me while I was giving her about twenty-percent of my usual capacity, I would keep my guards and she would be responsible for protecting herself. Twilight, thinking that I would allow Magic, agreed in a heartbeat, but when I told her that no Magic would be allowed unless I was allowed to get serious about blocking her blows, she seemed a little less certain. She said that she would give it a shot without magic first and after five punches, she would try five more with and we would see what happened from there.

Thus, Twilight and I stood in the middle of the train car, and our audience looked on in interest. Twilight’s first punch was half-hearted and easily telegraphed, so I redirected it and sent her off in the opposite direction. She tried again, this time putting more arse into it, but then she nearly toppled herself over and I had to catch her. I took the time to teach her how to throw a proper punch, which took a lot longer than you might think it would’ve. Still, once Twilight could confidently throw a half-decent jab, we started again and I let her do her three punches. Each of them were simply bad, but I could feel a bit of wind off of them: something I attributed to her status as an Alicorn.

When we finished with the normal punches, Twilight tried to move on to magical punches, but I kept distracting her while she was trying to cast her spell for bodily improvement. I would suddenly hug or kiss her, tickle her throat, flick her ears, lick her horn, and grab her bum to keep her nice and unsteady. She called it cheating, but Crimson asked how she was supposed to defend herself if someone like me could casually make her lose her focus while we weren’t even in a high stress situation, which was the point of me doing all that in the first place. Twilight asked me to back off and let her cast her spell and stop trying to be a jester, so I did, and when she got her spell up and ready to go, I snapped into Primal Mode and let her have a few swings.

Her first punch was fast, to say the least, and most people probably wouldn’t have even seen it. However, most people hadn't been trained by two monsters that were considerably faster than Twilight and I knew how to dodge things I could barely see in any case, so I swayed out of the way, caught her wrist, and brought her in for a quick smooch. My fiance grew a little rosy around the cheeks and tried another that was equally as fast, but this time, since I knew her dominant hand and her timing, I just swept it to the side and gave her a longer kiss. Twilight gave in for a moment, but when I felt her body tense up, I pushed her away gently and her third punch met nothing but air. She set her jaw and lost all semblance of form on her fourth punch and I just block that one by intercepting it with my palm that time, though that shit rather hurt. It wasn’t easy to block an Alicorn punch like that, but I’d managed and waited for her fifth punch, but she surprised me by using her opposite hand, and when it came swinging, I was mildly surprised for all of a second before I just dodged into her guard and gave her a final kiss.

Twilight sighed through her nose and let me have my kiss and the victory that came along with it, but when she pushed me away, I offered her no resistance. I gave her a ‘What can you do?’ kinda smile and she returned it with a longsuffering one of her own that spoke volumes of her vexation. My fiance asked if we could keep practicing her punches for a little while and I happily started teaching her basic moves that Noir had taught me long ago, as well as some techniques from my street fighting days that were dirtier than your mother’s underwear after a Saturday night at her ‘friend’s’ house. Yes, I’m calling your mother slutty and I’m implying that your father is a limp-dicked alcoholic. Deal with it, faggot. If you’re Twilight, then I’m sure your Dad isn’t all that limp-dicked , and I know your Mum isn’t slutty, so don’t take it too personal, Cherry.

Insults aside, teaching Twilight new moves had been passing the time pretty well, and when Fluttershy came over and asked me if I’d teach her how to throw a punch as well, I happily said yes and got my teach on. Noir came over to supervise and corrected form when I wasn’t paying close enough attention, though for the most part, she stayed silent or suggested beginner’s moves for me to teach them. Rainbow eventually came back from the other cars and asked why Fluttershy and Twilight were punching the air and I told her that I was showing them the proper way to be violent. Rainbow wanted to get in on the action, but she wanted to help teach, so I offered her the same compromise I’d given Twilight: five punches to hit, otherwise, she butts out of my teaching. Rainbow just grinned and popped her knuckles, agreeing immediately, but before Fluttershy and Twilight could clear the way, she was already coming after me. I caught her first punch easily, and when the second one came after what felt like an eternity, I caught that one too with my other hand and pulled Rainbow in close before holding her close to me and dragging her about like we were dancing.

Rainbow eventually got ahold of her senses and pushed me away with a bright blush on her face, but this time, she properly squared up with me. “No one dances with the Dash against her will!”

I rolled my eyes and held a hand out, gesturing for her to come at me, and so she did. Rainbow was about as fast as Twilight was without her Magic, but when it came down to it, she was actually slower, by my reckoning. Maybe I’d just gotten warmed up, or maybe I cared less about being gentle with Rainbow, but either way, her fist was swatted to the side like so many flies. That was her third punch, so when she tried a spinning back-fist, I blocked it handily with a bored look.

“Really? Are you showing off or trying to hit me. Because I really can’t tell.” I said blandly.

Rainbow narrowed her eyes and cocked back for one more punch, so I figured I’d get fancy with it, or rather, as patronizing as possible, and just reached out to grab her forehead while she was coming in for her last punch. Since I had an awful lot of reach on her, Rainbow was just stuck, and due to the firmness of my grip, she wasn’t going anywhere soon. She grabbed myhand with both of hers and tried to remove it, but I wasn’t squeezing all that hard, so it wasn’t that bad for her. The adorable anger on her face almost made me smile, but I figured doing so would be taking it too far, so I just gave her a shallow bow.

“Not bad, Dash. Not bad at all.” I complimented.

She huffed angrily. “You’re just saying that. If this was a real fight, you would’ve creamed me worse than corn! I never even got close to hitting you!”

I shrugged. “Don’t take it to heart.” I pointed at Noir. “She’s the one who taught me, so if you want to be mad at someone, be mad at her. She’s the one who turned me into this, for the most part.”

Rainbow turned to glare at Noir who just offered her a friendly smile and a wave. Rainbow waved back and went to storm off, but I caught her before she could go far. “Rainbow, I’m trained to hurt people. You’re trained for self-defense. It’s just too different, you know? Think of this as a learning experience rather than as a loss.”

She took a deep breath and let it out. “I… I know I should, but it feels like it was just yesterday when I was punching your face in on Twilight’s steps, and now you’re all sorts of cool and shit! It’s not fair!”

I rolled my eyes. “For what’s it’s worth, you’re still faster than I’ll ever be.”

“Yeah, for now.” She said bitterly.

“Fine. At least you’re still cuter than me.” I offered.

She blushed and hit my arm. “Shuddup! Gosh, you’re such a pain in the flank, you know that!?”

I grinned and rubbed my tricep. “You say something? Sorry, I couldn’t hear you over the sound of you hitting those muscles made of steel.”

Twilight groaned. “Max, stop talking and start showing us more stuff, okay?”

Rainbow had a seat. “Yeah! Shut up and get back to teaching, will you?”

I shrugged. “I mean, if the ladies want Max to show off, who is he to deny them such pleasures?”

Rainbow stuck her tongue out at me, Fluttershy giggled, and Twilight rolled her eyes, but I still got back to showing them what was what. Swift eventually came over to watch and to suggest a few things, and even showed off a few of the more complicated punches he knew that the girls could still pull off. I taught them how to hit, and he taught them where to hit. Noir corrected their form when necessary, and the rest of the people in the car just watched on in either amusement or boredom. Rarity voiced some concerns about a Princess learning how to fight, but when Noir told her that she’d been a warrior Princess and a conquering Queen that was responsible for a lot of Equestria’s lands, she shut up about it for fear of getting her feelings hurt again. Rarity straight up blanches whenever Noir addresses her, and when my mentor takes the time to do so, Rarity’s attention is solely on her and she absorbs every word like they hold hidden wisdom within each syllable.

When we were getting ready to finish up with the basics due to Fluttershy's mild fatigue, Applejack asked, “So what’s the need for all this fancy kinda fightin’ anyway? Why not just do what feels natural until somepony comes out of top?”

I looked at Iron and Swift, both of whom were looking at me. I turned my eyes to Crimson and he was looking at Noir, so I turned to Noir who was shaking her head. “You want to take this one, Blackberry?”

“With pleasure.” She looked over to the orange woman. “Now, Applejack, I assure you that this so-called ‘fancy fighting’ is by no stretch of the imagination just something used for show. Yes, it does show skill when used proficiently, and yes, it does look rather nice when performed correctly, but as I learned in my twentieth year on Equus, simply throwing fists at one another is no way to tell the true victor. For example, if Maximus and yourself were to simply ‘go at it’, as it were, then Maximus stand a good chance of losing due to your endurance as an Earth Pony. However, since Maximus knows how to actually use what he has instead of swinging away like some imbecile with rubber limbs, he would undeniably crush you beneath his hoof, or rather, his foot, and that is because of this ‘fancy fighting’. Knowing when, how, and where to deliver a blow are all key factors in delivering the most amount of damage to your opponent while minimizing the damage that you take, and while brute strength has its place, I often find that it is not on the field of battle since there will always be more skilled combatants waiting in the wings-”

“Not in your case.” I interrupted flatly.

Noir nodded her head towards me. “It may not always be the case, but ninety-nine times out of one hundred, that is the result. Raw strength will carry one, but it will only do so for a certain distance, and when the time that raw strength fails you comes, and it most certainly will, then having skill to rely on is key in staying alive. If you do not trust my word as Maximus’ Mistress, then take my word as a being who has seen more battles than your first three grandmothers have seen years on Equus.”

Applejack stared at her like she was fucking crazy. “...What?”

Crimson coughed. “Too long, didn’t listen summary: throwing punches doesn’t mean a thing if you don’t know how to throw those punches and Noir’s older than dirt’s grandfather.”

My mentor glared at him. “I may be your elder, but do not forget who won our contest, Crimson Tide. I will punch you in the berries.”

He gulped and held a thumb up. “Note taken. Lips sealed.”

I chuckled until Noir glared at me. “Is something funny Maximus?”

“No, Noir. You’re just funny looking.” I blurted out before I could stop myself.

Her gaze intensified. “I know were you live.”

I scratched my head and looked away. “Sure is some terrible weather we’re having in the Gryphonia, yeah? I mean, you’d think we’d just teleport to The Games and get them over with.” I chuckled nervously.

Applejack scowled. “I don’t know why everypony seems so scared of you, but you don’t look so tough to me, tall, dark, an’ ugly.”

She received some stares for her bold words. “Applejack, I’m not saying you should be scared of Noir, but she’s stronger than Luna.” I warned.

The cowgirl blinked. “I beg your what now?”

Noir nodded. “I am two thousand years older than Luna. As Alicorns go, I am far stronger than she.”

Applejack shook her head. “That don’t mean nothin’! You could still stand to be knocked down a peg!”

Crimson glowered at Applejack. “Hey, if you wanna get your flank handed to you on a silver platter, then go right on ahead. I’ve seen Noir move, and I didn't see her move.”

“That’s an oxymoron!” Pinkie chimed in happily. “If you didn’t see her, then how did you see her?”

“Noir threw two punches over my shoulders and the only thing I saw move was her arms. I couldn’t see her hands, but I could feel the wind come off of them.” Crimson shivered.

Applejack paled a little and sat back in her seat. Noir nodded. “In your defense, Applejack, your bravery was admirable while it lasted.”

“Shit, I wouldn’t have said anything.” I said.

Crimson scoffed. “You know when Noir’s getting serious better than anyone else. You know when you can push and when to pull out.”

“I can’t get a Pony pregnant. I don’t have to pull out.” I grinned.

Crimson groaned and four women in the car nodded subtly, but I caught some of them and the blushes that followed. Swift sighed. “Dude, you’re so lucky.”

“Max can’t have kids. I wouldn’t call that lucky.” Twilight said, her voice a little sharp.

Swift winced. “Sorry, didn’t mean to touch a nerve.”

Twilight sat down and sighed, staring out of the train’s window. I decided to brighten the mood. “You know, if I really want a kid, I’ll just pay you to put one inside of Twilight for me and I’ll raise it like my own.”

Swift lit up bright red and so did Twilight, but the looks on their faces made me burst out on laughter. “Max! That is not funny!” Twilight objected.

Pinkie giggled along with me. “Oh come on, Twilight! You know Max wouldn’t let just anypony have their way with you!”

Swift shook his head rapidly. “I-I couldn’t do it anyways. Sleeping with my boss’ wife would be a huge no-no.”

“So if he’s not your boss, are you up for it?” Rainbow said, barely managing not to laugh.

“What? No! I mean, I think you’re really pretty, Princess, but you two are practically married already! I couldn’t do that!” The pale orange stallion’s face was bright red.

“I believe the stallion doth protest too much. Perhaps you are simply waiting for the perfect moment to give Twilight a child?” Noir chimed in mirthfully.

“No! Max is the only stallion I need and that’s that! It’s not happening!” Twilight objected vehemently.

“Oh? Do you think Swift is ugly?” Rarity asked, covering her mouth once she was done.

“No, it’s- I- Max is the only pony I want inside me, okay! It has nothing to do with looks!” Twilight sputtered.

Fluttershy’s eyes sparkled. “I don’t know, Twilight. A little fun in the moonlight never hurt anypony.”

“How many times do I have to say Max is the only stallion I want!?” Twilight cried.

“Say it a few more times and you’ll boost my ego another notch.” I gave her a playful smile.

She stuck her tongue out at me. “What? Do you want me to lick your tongue? You know I will.” I said easily.

The car burst out in another round of giggles and Twilight just crossed her arms, glaring outside. “This is why nopony respects you as a Prince!” Low blow, Cherry.

“No, nopony respects Max as a Prince because nopony respects the Princes.” Pinkie said, completely serious.

“Damn straight.” I added tersely.

“I third that motion.” Noir added.

The car fell silent for a moment until Rarity said, “What are you talking about? Ponies respect every member of Royalty!”

I gave her a look. “The Day Guards in Canterlot Castle look at me like I’m another Prince Blueblood. Your average citizen knows who Twilight is and I’m willing to bet that they knew a couple of weeks after she was coronated, but no one knows who I am. Hell, people bow to Noir before they bow to me!”

Noir coughed. “I am an Alicorn.”

I threw my hands up. “So am I! Celestia herself told me that I was an Alicorn, but I don’t get wings or that shit, though it’s not like I want them. I don’t get a crown or some shit to wear around so people know who I am; I get a ring, which is beautifully crafted and well designed, but it’s only a symbol of power if people are looking directly at your hands! Hell, I just came back from Canterlot yesterday and the vast majority of the people that saw it didn’t even recognize it as a Signet Ring! I’m a Ghost Prince, and though I have a modicum of power, it’s literally only because Celestia and Luna get shit done for me.

Twilight scoffed. “At least you exercise some of your power. The only thing I ever get used for is menial Royal duties from time to time that all of the Princesses have to be present for anyway. Take The Game for example! I wasn’t even supposed to go because of extenuating circumstances, but it’s not like it really would have mattered that much if I chose to come or not! I’m just as much a figurehead as you are, Max, but at least you have power!”

I scoffed. “Power I never wanted in the first place. I would happily trade you for a week to see what your side of the deal is like, to see what kind of moves you can make. Like, I’m eighty-percent certain that the reason you feel like you have no power is because you haven’t had a reason to use it yet. As for me? The only thing I used my power to do was make an Honor Guard of sorts, which is something you yourself could do at any time. The main reason you haven’t is because you just don’t see a reason to.”

Twilight pursed her lips. “At least they groomed you to be a Prince. Celestia literally had me sit in a classroom for two weeks and taught just about every manner of etiquette and Equestrian history that she didn’t think I’d already researched for myself. That was pretty much it. I know you don’t like to talk about your training with Luna, but at least you had the attention of both of them-”

“You don’t want it. You don’t want what Luna has to teach you.” I deadpanned.

“You’re missing my point!”

“And you’ve missed mine. I hated every second I spent with Luna and that’s all I’ll say right now, but I guarantee that unless you want to spend three weeks being broken and rebuilt like I was, you don’t want Luna’s attention on you. Seriously, I don’t see why you and Cadance never learned how to fight anyway. I mean, I’m glad you didn’t have to literally stay awake for three weeks straight with breaks just long enough to stop you from going competely insane, but why am I the only one who had to go through that Hellish bullshit?”

Twilight’s expression softened. “... Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” I replied.

Twilight looked saddened, but Rainbow asked, “What could have been that bad? I mean, learning how to fight isn’t that bad.”

“You’ve never been taught by Luna.” Crimson and I chorused.

“I forgot you were taught by Luna too.” I said.

“I’m sure she put you through something worse that what she put me through. I don’t mind talking about my time with Luna.” Crimson said.

And thus began a round of questions about some of Luna’s more brutal teaching methods. I recognized most of them as some of the more pleasant memories I had with her, and others were new punishments to me, but hearing Crimson talk about some of his experiences made me feel a bit better talking about one or two of mine. The two I mentioned were the bamboo monkey bars that tore your hands apart if you tried to swing from one to the next, which included a nest of brambles beneath you, just in case you fell. The other was holding certain positions under weight with scalding cups of water perched around your body depending on where Luna felt like you needed more balance. The brutal parts about that particular exercise were that she would occasionally cane you hard enough to make one fall, but if you moved or tried to hop around to escape the pain, the other four cups would fall and each of them were kept so hot they would blister skin on contact with Magic.

Needless to say, I got a few horrified looks and more than a few hugs. Twilight apologized for thinking that my time with Luna hadn’t been ‘all that bad’, but I told her that I was fine and had made it through okay enough, but she still maintained that Luna should be locked up for what she did to me. There were agreements from the rest of the girls, Swift, and Iron, but Crimson and Noir were on my side when they said that you had to train like your life was at stake to be the best. As it was, Noir had been trained even harder than I had and her teacher’s methods were actual horror stories. Things like being thrown onto a bed of glass to cause scarring under the fur that wouldn’t allow you to feel as much pain, continually burning fur off of one’s body to make it grow back thicker and more resistant to cuts, training with real knives against significantly better opponents just to know that you’re not the top dog. Shit like that.

There are reasons I refuse to talk about some of the things Noir has done for the sake of making me strong.

Crimson and I stole the conversation from Noir when she start reminiscing a bit too much about the bad old days and I started talking about Celestia’s training. Twilight mentioned that Celestia hadn’t done the double voice thing with her and that the yardstick hadn’t made a single appearance, even on the rare occasion she did get something wrong. I considered that rather lucky since the Solar Diarch had one Hell of a swing with that thing and wasn’t afraid to use it if she felt like I wasn’t paying enough attention. Twilight asked how I’d put up with being abused for so long and I told her that since it was for the sake of Equestria, I’d buckled down and dealt with it, though I just wasn’t as fond of Celestia or Luna as I used to be.

We eventually moved off of that topic and most of us retired to a personal car to get a nap in before we cleared the Gryphon lands and entered the wastes. Noir, Twilight, and I stayed up since we didn’t actually need to sleep, but all we talked about was mild fashion thaT I didn’t really give a fuck about. It was simple shit that I could actually keep up with, and when I mentioned that I wanted to buy Twilight a nice little black dress for simple dates or something of the sort, she blushed and told me that she’d already bought one that she thought I would like, though it was a surprise, so I wasn’t allowed to see it quite yet.

With thoughts of sexy things running through my head, I grabbed my current book from my house and started working on it some more since there wasn’t much else for me to do until Twilight let me know that she’d compiled a few hours worth of reading into her diary, so I could view that if I wanted to. I traded her for a few moments and started reading what she’d written down and I have to say that Twilight’s writing was very… Clinical, I suppose. It was well written and quite succinct, but the main thing was that is was so cold and precise that it felt like I was reading a report on her life, or a biography written by a lawyer with bad penmanship. That being said, I could easily follow along with her thoughts and feelings and it was an enlightening read to say the least, but I still felt like she could’ve added in a few conversations to break the bulk of the text up. However, two year old memories aren’t exactly the most reliable, even if one’s memory was as good as Twilight’s, so I let it slide and continued on.

I got about halfway through Twilight’s diary when we arrived in the Crystal Empire and I had no idea how much time had passed at all. Like, I was more than a little disoriented from just not knowing what was up, but I still managed to get out of the train and join the girls for a quick meeting. Spike showed up from the athlete’s car, which surprised me a bit since I’d thought that he hadn’t come at all. Still, there was a great mass of people milling about, so I just stuck next to Twilight and my team stuck next to me while we walked, and once the girls split up from my group, that left us with the members of Adstus, Noir, Twilight, and Spike. Cadance came to greet us soon after we got away from the hoi polloi, but much to my surprise, some dudes with a chariot pulled by oxen came and scooped Spike up rather quickly. My group just stared after him and Twilight just scratched her head before Cadance told us that he was going to be the lamplighter for the opening ceremony due to his heroics during the whole Crystal Empire affair.

Noir asked why I hadn’t been given a similar honor since I’d been right there with him most of the way and done a good deal of the footwork in finding the Crystal Heart, but Cadance just said that people didn’t care much for my unfamiliar face and my lack of hooves. However, the Crystal Empire had a longstanding history of respecting and honoring Dragons, so they held Spike up on a pedestal and I swore that I wasn’t going to save the Crystal Ponies sorry arses if I ever had the chance to do so again. Noir agreed with me wholeheartedly, but Twilight and Cadance just chuckled nervously since they couldn’t tell if I was being serious or not. I really was being serious, even if I can’t say that I was terribly upset with not being a lamplighter like Spike. It was a matter of principal and I just didn’t like the fact that I’d helped out a pocket full of racist cuckbags.

Twilight and Cadance lead the way to Spike and I just sighed and followed a ways behind them as we went along. The Spike thing didn’t really have me feeling down or anything, but something told me that having Adstus come with me was the right call, or rather, I had the vaguest feeling that shit might be going down. It came from deep within my gut, and I trusted my gut a lot more that I trusted the loaded peace that came from Equestria’s longstanding ceasefire. Something was going to happen today, and I was going to have to be vigilant one way or another unless I wanted to be caught completely off guard.

Thoughts of war and fighting aside, my group eventually came upon Spike as he was getting the ‘Royal Treatment’ in a way that Twilight and myself had never gotten. At least, when I asked Twilight if she’d even been fanned and fed while lazing around on a lounger or a similar seat, she said no and I chose to believe her on that. Spike was soaking it up until Cadance came over and started explaining what exactly his duties were. He ignored her for a little bit and told her that he was just having fun with being treated like a King, but I told him to get his head out of his arse and actually try being respectful. He glared at me, but my looks actually mean something like ‘I’m going to hand your arse to you’, so Spike got off his tail and gave Cadance his full attention. She went over his duties one more time and he got them well enough, so his attendant shuttled him off somewhere and a lady with a bowl full of semi-worthless gems followed them quickly, offering them to Spike as they went along.

I watched him got and Cadance turned to me with a look on her face that was somewhere between a smile and a grimace. “So hello, Max.”

I waved. “Hi Cadance. Are you ready to watch some people play sportsball?”

She gave me an odd look. “That’s not an event… Is it?”

“No, it’s a general term for sports that nerds used in my time. I was ever much of a sportsy kinda fellow, so I used the term to talk about football and cricket. Stuff like that. Are you ready to watch some people play sportsball?”

Cadance wrung her hands and chuckled nervously. “I-I sure am…”

I looked at her and narrowed my eyes. “You’re either working up the courage to tell me something or you’re hiding something.”

Noir sighed. “Perhaps she is trying to tell you that you are not welcome here?”

I raised a brow at her and looked to Cadance. “Is that true?”

“What? No! I mean, Shining isn’t happy to have you around or anything, but you know how he is, and that’s on some of his better days.” Cadance took a breath and let it out all at once. “Look, Max, you don’t have a seat with the rest of the royalty. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”

I crossed my arms and tilted my head. “And why is that?”

Twilight put a hand on my shoulder as Cadance winced. “Well, you see, it’s traditional for Princes of Equestria to work the security detail or to plan the after party while the games themselves are going on, so… Well, with Shining on security detail…”

“So I’m the party bitch.” I said, my voice placid. I snapped my fingers softly to avoid getting fucking furious.

“You’re mad, aren’t you?” The taffy Princess asked nervously.

I looked at her.

“Max, it really is an honor to plan the after party, right? I mean-” I stared at her and her voice died in her throat.

Noir placed her hand on my other shoulder. “It is not like you ever wanted to see the events of the day for yourself in any case. This way, you may throw a ‘arse-wrecking’ party like no other has ever been thrown. Just think; you can have Pinkie help you and you could check in on Twilight from time to time by using her as your second in command.”

I nodded and looked to Twilight. “When you see Pinkie, send her my way. She’ll know when to show up. For now, I’m having a chat with Celestia about the amount of respect, or rather, the lack thereof that Princes receive.”

Twilight pursed her lips off to the side. “This is kind of the epitome of what you were saying back on the train, isn’t it?”

I gave her a gentle look. “It is.”

Cadance sighed. “Who knows, Max. You might enjoy planning and throwing the after party more than the actual games themselves.”

I leveled my gaze at Cadance. “You understand how heavy-handed a slight this is to whatever authority I might have is, correct?”

She winced again. “I get it. I really am sorry, Max, but it really is going to be boring beyond belief and that’s about all it’s going to be. As Princesses, Twilight and I aren’t even really allowed to cheer ponies on.”

“And yet your faces are still represented and your power is evident for all to see.” I replied easily.

Cadance didn’t have much to say to that, but Twilight did. “I guess we won’t be seeing much of each other while the games are going on.”

“Of course not. I’ll be doing servant work while you represent Equestria.”

Cadance and Twilight looked away, so I turned my attention to Cadance. “I assume Shining has vehemently debated Twilight and I sharing a room in any case?”

Cadance looked at me pleadingly. “... I didn’t want to fight with him, Max. It’ll only be a few days!”

Twilight unfolded my arms and held the left one. “Cadance is right, Max. A few days won’t kill us.”

I shook her off and reached through space, pulling myself out of the situation. I could feel my blood boiling, even through the Prince Mode facade and I didn’t want to snap at anyone. It would be a good while before I came to a less furious state, but when I got there, I was still floating through the dimensions. The nice thing was that, to my knowledge, no one could teleport here and bother me since teleportation worked on a different plane of existence, so I was just floating, looking at the fractals. It was actually a pretty good place to get some meditation done, so I just closed my eyes and leaned back, wading through the weightlessness before I actually calmed down. I pulled myself out of the alternate dimension and back into the room I’d left from, but when I got back, I just fell into Noir, though she caught me easily.

I was looking at Cadance when I got back and she blinked. “Did- Did you just teleport five inches to the left?”

I raised a brow at her. “I went to an alternate dimension to calm myself. I am still upset.”

“... You don’t sound like it, to be honest.” Cadance said warily.

“Max, you’re not using the ‘Path’ thing, are you?” Twilight asked, sounding rather disappointed.

“Twilight, I am a Prince and I am here as a Prince. Being my normal self would have ended with with a loud argument and me going home to spite Celestia for making her Princes less than figureheads.” I replied.

Twilight closed her eyes and cover her mouth with both hands. “Max, just be yourself!”

I gave her a condescending look. “I was warned against being myself multiple times. I created this path because being my self did not suit the duties of a Prince.”

Twilight looked at me sadly but didn’t say anything, so I turned to Cadance. “Either you fight with Shining or I do. If need be, I will find a place to stay other than the Crystal Castle for I simply refuse to stay somewhere I am not welcome.”

Cadance held her hands to her bosom. “Max, you know you’re always welcome in my home-”

“Not according to your husband.” Noir said casually.

Cadance glared at her. “What Shining has to say about Max doesn’t matter! Everypony here knows that he just hates him for loving Twilight anyway.”

Twilight blushed. “Oh.”

I looked at her. “I told you I would never lie to you, and yet you still need other people to confirm the things I tell you. I suppose I should be offended.”

My fiance looked at the floor and ground the tip of her hoof into the crystal. Noir patted my shoulder and said, “If we’re done stating the obvious, then perhaps we should have a talk with Shining about respecting the bond between his sister and my pupil.”

Cadance sighed. “I’ve tried, Noir, I really have, but Shining just… He doesn't like Max.”

“No one likes me, they learn to live with me.” I said flatly. “Perhaps I should offer to roll over and die a couple of times to prove that I truly do love Twilight.”

Cadance looked at me beseechingly. “Max, Shining knows that you love Twilight with all your heart, he just hates that you hurt her…”

“So do I.” I said softly.

Twilight held my hand. “How many times do I have to tell you to stop blaming yourself for your disappearance? You weren’t even in control of it, Max!”

I gripped her hand. “I should’ve just gone the first time I was called, but then again, you’re usually right when I know I’m wrong.”

“...I’m going to pretend that you said that I’m usually right.” Twilight said.

“You can also add in that I said that your eyes are glittering amethysts and that your hair is purple silk.” I kissed her cheek and she blushed.

Noir patted my shoulder and joined Cadance’s side. “Perhaps I should speak to Shining on Maximus’ behalf? I can be terribly persuasive.”

We all looked at her and Cadance said, “As much as I would be okay with that, let’s just say that you did and have you not do that.”

“You are terrifying at times.” I said casually.

Noir huffed. “I will have you know that I am terrifying all of the time, thank you very much.”

“Not when you’re cuddling Twilight.” I said airily.

My mentor blushed. “Hush.”

I nodded and Twilight asked, “So what are we going to do about the sleeping situation? I kind of promised Max that we could sleep in the same bed while we were here.”

Cadance coughed and looked away. “Well, I’m not saying that you should, but you are an Alicorn. It’s not like you have to listen to Shining or myself anyway. I mean, it’s not like Shining is going to place a ward on your room or anything.”

I raised a brow. “And if he does?”

The taffy Princess’s eyes grew hard. “Then I’ll be extra mean to him. No hugs, no kisses, no hand-holding. Nothing at all.”

I pretended to wince. “Ow, someone’s pulling out the big guns right away. I like your style, Cadance.”

She gave me a half-smile. “Thank you.”

Twilight coughed. “And what are we going to do about the party and Max’s involvement? I’m sure you’d rather be by my side, right Amour?”

I nodded. “I would much rather be holding your hand or generally distracting you from the games.”

She smiled. “Then it’s settled. We’ll just have to go behind Shining’s back and we’ll have a talk with Celestia about getting Max a proper seat for the games.”

Cadance averted her gaze and wrung her hands some more. “About that…”

I was tempted to groan, but Princes aren’t supposed to, so I didn’t. “What is it, Taffy?”

Cadance looked at me. “It’s just that, well, Equestrian Royalty have seats specially made for them. They’re practically thrones, after all.”

“So even if I am allowed to attend the games, I’ll be relegated to the equivalent of a folding chair?” I asked.

Noir nodded. “I just conferred with Luna. She is firmly against you being represented at the games.”

“Sexism is fun.” I said drolly.

Twilight wove her finger into mine. “It won’t be that bad, Max. Maybe Celestia will see reason and-”

Celestia teleported just off to Twilight’s side. “I apologize for my tardiness, but I’ve been coordinating the seating arrangement. Luna’s told me that Max wishes to to be represented as a member of the Equestrian Crown. Is that correct?”

I looked at her. “It is. Why am I slated to plan a party?”

“Well, from the bonfire you held two years ago, it would seem that you throw pretty decent parties. I thought you would be more interested in doing that than with security detail. That, and Shining Armor refuses to plan parties since he’s too macho.” Celestia smiled.

I gave her a blank look. “If you wanted someone to plan a good party, you could have asked Pinkie and told her what you expected.”

Celestia’s smile wavered. “You don’t want to plan the party.”

“I would like to be represented as a member of Equestrian Royalty.” I replied.

“Are you alright, Max? You sound like you did when I was teaching you.” Celestia said carefully.

“I’ve entered the Prince Path to avoid coming off as overly hostile. Tell me, Celestia, why give me a position of ‘power’ if I effectively sit in the shadows and do nothing?”

Celestia looked at Crimson, Swift, and Iron. “Are you sure we should be having this conversation in front of Adstus?”

I looked at them. “Stick together and scout the premises. Crimson, treat this as a training exercise and teach teach what you can. Swift Strike, Iron Hoof, please do your best to learn what Crimson has to offer.”

“Will do, boss.” Crimson replied.

I blinked. “Am I going to need a codename for you to use other than ‘boss’?”

Iron nodded. “It’d help if you don’t want ponies to know that you’re the one in charge.”

“Then call me ‘Grey’ when we’re on official business.” I ordered politely. “When we’re off duty, Max will work just fine.”

Crimson nodded his approval and looked to Swift and Iron. “Alright, we have our orders. The first thing we need to do is figure out the general layout…” He said, walking away.

I turned to Celestia. “They are gone. Conversation or no?”

She sighed. “Look, Max, Equestria’s Princes have all the same powers and rights as a Princess-”

“But they do not have equal representation.” Noir interjected.

Celestia frowned. “What do you mean by that?”

Twilight raised a hand. “Well, when I was made a Princess, everypony knew within a few days. Every time I’d go outside, I’d have paparazzi flocking around me for the first few weeks, but Max has been a Prince for months and we’re still telling ponies that he was the one who got coronated.”

Celestia looked amused. “You say that like it’s a bad thing. I was under the impression that you would prefer your privacy, Max.”

I levelled a look at her. “And you are not mistaken. However, my current level of privacy has been given to me because no one knows who I am. Do you see the problem there, Celestia?”

She scoffed. “No, I honestly don’t. If I could rule from the shadows and let my little Ponies think that Luna was their only Princess, I would happily do so. Sadly, people need something to look up to and thus I’m stuck with being the face o0f Equestria. Really Max, are you complaining about not being recognized?”

I tilted my head at her. “What use is power if you have no respect? How do you lead if no one knows that they are supposed to follow you? In your lessons you said that I would be a face known across the lands, yet here I am, doing work you could have just as easily delegated to a member of your staff or someone who plans parties for fun. I’m not complaining, Celestia, I’m asking why you’re keeping me a secret.”

Her brows raised and Twilight looked at me funny. “I don’t think that’s what’s happening here, Max.”

Noir scoffed. “That is exactly what is happening.”

Cadance chimed in. “Auntie Celestia, is that true?”

Celestia cleared her throat. “Twilight, could you fill my position for a moment while I speak with Max?”

Twilight cocked her head to the side. “I guess I can, but, and I really don’t mean to come off as disrespectful, why am I the only pony leaving?”

Celestia looked at her. “If you wouldn’t mind, Twilight.”

My fiance looked at me and I beckoned her to lend me her ear. I gave her a quick kiss and whispered, “I’ve got plans with Celestia that I can’t tell you about right now. Trust me to tell you when the time comes, okay, Cherry?”

Twilight teleported us a few meters away. “What kinds of plans?” She asked quietly.

“Again, trust me to tell you when the time comes. Until then, just know that I’ll protect you to the best of my ability until the time comes where I can’t move a muscle and my teeth don’t work any longer. I love you, Twilight Sparkle.”

She gave me a worried look before coming in for a quick kiss. “I love you too, Maximus. I’ll see you soon. Well, I hope I do.” She teleported away.

I walked back over to Celestia, Cadance, and Noir. “Alright, so war talk, I assume?”

Celestia nodded. “War talk. We need to keep this quiet, just in case anyone is listening.” She cast a bubble around us.

Noir raised her head slightly and tapped her horn against the glowing golden sphere. “Could I get a few more inches of clearance?”

Celestia nodded and the bubble grew a bit. “Max, I need you to be a secret for as long as possible. Right now, Discord isn’t making a move, but if he knows that we have a weapon that could end him...”

“My source told me that Discord has no plans to make a move until we can mount a force worthy of breaking into a true world war. For the time being, we’re safe, but once you get enough soldiers together, all Hell is going to break loose, or rather, the gates of Tartarus are going to open.” I warned.

The white woman blinked. “I beg your pardon? You mean Discord is waiting for us to be able to mount a counter-attack?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying. ‘Her’ has told me that Discord doesn't have that much patience, but that he’s willing to wait for the show to start properly. What I’m saying right now is that we need to find a happy medium and that exposing me as a new Prince will likely matter rather little since he already knows who I am.”

“...That’s very worrying.” Celestia said, staggered.

Noir nodded. “Quite. However, if I can see him in person, I can give Max the knowledge he needs to take Discord down then and there.”

I cracked a dark smile. “Then we can end it sooner rather than later. Still, I hope he doesn't believe in fighting fire with fire, otherwise we aren’t going to be in the best position.”

Celestia looked at me strangely. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that Discord is stronger than any of us, and if we start using mass-kill techniques, I’m confident that he could beat us at our own game.” I said solemnly.

That killed the mood a bit. Cadance spoke up. “Then maybe we should keep the fighting to the usual stuff? I don’t like the idea of sending normal ponies off to war to lose their lives, but…”

Noir and I shook our heads, but I deferred to her. “Max and I will be participating in skirmishes and full on battles, even if Celestia and Luna choose to keep their hands out of The War directly. Either way, things are going to get messy quickly, and our best bet is going to have Max and myself slay as many enemies as we can. This way, we minimize our own casualties and maximize our effectiveness.”

Celestia nodded. “Then I’ll keep the armies on standby and Luna along with myself will stay our hands, though I’m sure Luna will be eager to fight as well. The three of you by yourselves should mean hundreds of our own soldiers get to live.”

I raised a hand. “If not thousands. Noir fights like a true demon, but I’ve never seen her get serious. I’ve seen Luna get close, and I doubt there will be much that can stop her.”

Noir smiled grimly. “When I truly put my heart into a fight, things get bloody. Very bloody. Hopefully I will finally see what you are capable of at your fullest potential.”

“I hope that I don’t have to release it. As we are, is there anything else we need to address besides me being kept a secret?”

Celestia shook her head. “I really do want you to plan that party, Max. Call it a favour if you will, but I want it to be you.”

I sighed heavily. “If you’re asking for it as a favour, then I see no reason to deny you that. I will cash that in at a later date, however.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’d give you whatever you want anyway.”

“So you say. What if I asked for Luna’s hand in marriage along with Twilight’s?” I challenged playfully.

Celestia gave me a look. “I believe that is more up to her than to me.”

“But how would that make you feel?” I asked, steepling my fingers.

Her look turned into one of disapproval. “I know what you’re doing. I don’t like what you’re doing.”

I nodded and let it go. Noir picked it up and said, “I think Luna would make a terrible match for my pupil anyway. They may be physically compatible, but I don’t think they would last long in a real relationship.”

“Auntie Luna’s kinda scary at times.” Cadance said quietly.

“She doesn't scare me.” I lied.

Noir gave me a look. “She’s one of the five things that terrify you.”

I returned it. “So are you.”

Celestia looked between us. “Why does Luna scare you, Max?”

“For similar reasons as to why Noir scares me. Let’s leave it at that.” I suggested.

“What are the other three things you’re afraid of?” Cadance asked.

“Lava, deep water, and being buried alive.” I rattled off quickly.

Celestia thought about that for a second. “... All of those are sure-fire ways to keep an immortal out of the way.”

I spread my hands. “Which is why they’re things you should be afraid of too.”

Cadance shivered. “I understand being buried alive, but why lava and deep water?”

Noir took over. “Lava can encase a person and burn them severely. Say, if you were to be thrown into a pit of lava, then it would form a shell around you and encase you forever, or it would simply carry you underground forever until time itself ends. Needless to say, it would be a horrible fate for an immortal. After that, deep water would mean that you drown continuously forever. I have been tempted to see what it would be like to drown continuously, but I have neither the time nor the inclination to push the limits of my immortality.”

Cadance stared at her. “That’s terrifying.”

I nodded. “That’s why I’m afraid of those three things.”

“But why are you afraid of a pony you love and Luna?” Cadance asked.

Celestia cleared her throat. “It is most likely because Noir and Luna tend to be very warlike. They both killed many people in their times.”

I sighed. “What I wouldn’t give to see you two go at it for a couple rounds.”

"That can be arranged.” Celestia said offhandedly.

Noir and I stared at her. A smile crept onto my face. “Really?”

“Why not? A live demonstration could be the finale to The Games.” Celestia said casually.

I looked at Noir. “What do you say? Are you willing to go up against Luna.”

She pulled a face. “I do not want to.”

I blinked at her. “...What?”

Noir shrugged. “I do not want to fight Luna.”

I stared at her for a moment. “Why not?”

“I would win. I know everything about how Luna fights and she knows nothing of my style. It would not be sporting or fun.”

Celestia nodded approvingly. “Perhaps there could be a contest between her and Max then.”

I shook my head. “If Luna gets serious, I lose. That’s all there is to it. What I’d really like to see is someone who could actually challenge Noir or Luna. Like, actually be their equals.”

Cadance shook her head. “I’m obviously more of a lover than a fighter.”

I rubbed my chin. “A demonstration between Shining and I would be interesting, but not fun. I know I would win if I got serious, even if I wasn’t trying to go straight for the win.”

Celestia held her tongue, though it was obvious that she wanted to say something.

Cadance gave me a look. “Why are you so eager to see a fight?”

“Because demonstrations of different skills and styles are fun to watch. They really do get the blood pumping something fierce.” I replied.

Noir nodded. “I would like to see Swift Strike and Shining Armor go a few rounds myself. Perhaps you could convince Prince Shining to engage in some activities for himself?”

My eyes widened. “Oh! I would happily set up a tourney of some kind! We could-”

“I am willing to battle Noir.” Celestia said suddenly.

We fell silent, the three of us all looking at Celestia.

“I’m sorry Celestia, but did you just say that you want to have a go with Noir?” I asked incredulously.

She nodded. “I do. I’ve never seen Noir in action and it would give me a good excuse to use the Sunlight Blade for the first time in millennia.”

Noir touched her face. “I have never actually seen you fight, Celestia. I accept your challenge.”

I snapped my fingers. “I’ve got a serious hard-on for this fight.”

Cadance blushed and I got glares from the other two ladies. “Go back into Prince Mode, you fool.” Noir commanded.

I rolled my eyes and snapped again. “A happy Harpy is a quiet one.”

She glared some more. “Keep it up and I will show you how good I am with a phallus-tipped lance.”

I raised my hands. “No need for violence. Save it for your battle with Celestia.”

Celestia smiled darkly. “Will we be wearing armour? I can fight without it if you’d like.”

Noir nodded. “Rarely have I ever worn armour, but then again, for my first two battles, I went naked above the waist.”

Cadance blushed and covered her mouth. “Oh my gosh! Seriously?”

Noir nodded and Celestia shook her head before saying, “It was an old custom, even older than using animal hides as armor, as deplorable as that was.”

I picked at my suit. “Which reminds me, I need to have Letrotski make me a suit fitting for a Prince made of silk and that tactical fiber. I rather like the fit of my Adstus uniform.”

Noir nodded. “I was tempted to wear mine, but a dress seemed more suiting for what I’m here to do.”

Celestia nodded. “You might be here as a Royal Guard, but don’t let that stop you from enjoying the fun.”

I resisted the temptation to roll my eyes. “So I’m the only one who won’t even be able to see the games?”

Celestia pursed her lips and Cadance averted her gaze. “Please don’t think of it like that. Think of it as you having one of the most important jobs in the lineup.” Celestia reasoned.

I gave her a look and she couldn’t meet my eyes. “Right. Just as a tip or reminder, whichever you’d like to call it, I fully expect to be present for your match with Noir.”

Celestia nodded. “I’ll teleport you to the side of the ring myself.”

“If she does not, I will.” Noir added.

“And if they both don’t, then you can count on me. You can even have my seat if you want it.” Cadance offered. Someone really doesn't like fighting.

I cracked a small smile. “Thank you, all of you. I’m rather eager to see what the reigning Princess and the former Queen will do when it’s down to the wire.”

Celestia and Noir smiled at each other. “Until we meet on the field of battle.” They said simultaneously, grasping each other’s forearms.

I looked at Cadance. “Old people are strange.”

She nodded. “I think the thousands of years made them go a little loony.

Noir snorted. “It was a common greeting for duelists in my time.”

“It carried on, even through the fall of the Alicorns.” Celestia said.

“Interesting. Now, if we’re done here, I have some nonsense to attend to.” I said. Ideas for prankery were already filling my head.

Celestia seemed to be psychic as fuck. “Max, I don’t feel as though I should have to tell you that there will be children at this party.”

Dammit. “I’ll separate the age groups.” I promised.

She gave me a look. “Fine, but make sure you have attendants watching for them at all times.”

I nodded. “It will be as you say.”

Cadance looked between us. “I don’t get it.”

“Never trust Max’s brownies.” Celestia warned.

“Max can barely bake.” Noir covered smoothly.

Celestia raised a brow and looked at Noir before her brows raised for a moment. “What the kitchens make should be fine, but the rest of the things he himself bakes are going to be nearly inedible. Hopefully he’s been nursing that poor skill.”

“Your words would wound me if my skin wasn’t so thick.” I said casually.

Cadance reached over and poked me. “How thick is it?” I could go so many places with that.

Noir sighed. “Just point him in the general direction of the person who is to assist him with this ‘party’. I’m sure my pupil would like to be able to have some free time, and if he can get things started sooner rather than later, then he will have more than usual.”

I nodded and Cadance actually just teleported me away when Celestia dropped the bubble. When I opened my eyes after the teleport, I was standing next to a white-haired woman that seemed to be around middle-age. She told me to get out of her way so she could go find the Prince and I flashed her my ring, so she curtsied and apologized for her rudeness and we got started on the party preparations. The first thing I did was ask for a second attendant so I could keep planning things long into the night and I sent a note off to Twilight that basically explained that I would meet her in her room around one in the morning. She told me to wake her up if she was asleep by the time I got there and I promised to do so, and with that, I started getting the groundwork hashed out then and there.

The main thing I wanted to do was separate the party room into a drinking age and a non-drinking age kind of split, so we got that taken care of, and when we started getting the party favours together, I basically had the kitchens spike everything that would hide the flavour of alcohol decently enough, and on the kiddy side, I had them mark down cupcakes and such things as possible whatchamacallits to eat. Of course I included healthy snacks on both sides, but I also included fresh baked bread and other such alcohol absorbing things to both sides, just in case someone got sneaky. While hashing out the hors d'oeuvres with Glimmer Glow, I realized that it was about time for her to go home, so I sent her off with some well wishes and she stopped for a moment to talk to me. She really just wanted to thank me for being much more polite and more involved than Blueblood had ever been and I told her that since Celestia herself had asked me to organize the party as a personal favour, I couldn’t really say no since I was a sucker for a pouty face. That earned me a laugh and Glimmer told me that she would contact Shimmer, her sister, and tell her that it was time for her shift to start.

Shimmer Shine came in a little later than I would’ve liked, but that gave me plenty of time to show the Crystal Castle cooks how to correctly make some stuff that I planned on putting in basically every confection in the adult side of the party and a couple of the things I thought would be less popular on the kid's side without being bothered or asked what exactly I was doing. I thought it was going to be great, but then again, I’m the fucking greatest anyway, and don’t let anyone ever tell you any different.

With my new attendant by my side, we started working on the decorations and the layout of the party, but when I said that I had no idea what were were supposed to do as far as the color scheme, Shimmer suggested that we represent every country’s flags around the room with the Equestrian one in the middle, and from there, make the adult side of the room have various different types of food based on what flag the tables were under. The kids side would be less adventurous, but would still contain plenty of exotic foods to go along with their buffet. I doubted that a lot of it would be eaten, but still, I wanted everyone to have a taste of something a bit foreign and new while maintaining a certain kind of grandeur that comes with a thing that only happens every four years. I thought it was a little odd that there were Olympic style games that happened every two years, but that one was dedicated to the Ponies and the other was for all races, but that wasn’t really my call. I would’ve much rather been doing the party for the Equus Olympics, but it wasn’t a big deal at the moment.

The kitchens lost a lot of their staff around midnight, but we pretty much had the menu sorted and my notepad was full of things to go over later. Shimmer suggested that we call it a bit early since she thought I might be tired, but I was fine, so I wrote a note to Twilight and told her that I would be heading over soon to give her a kiss goodnight. She wrote back and told me that she waited with baited breathe, so I started getting the seating organized with Shimmer, but we were having some difficulty since we didn’t know which countries liked each other more. However, Glimmer was more acquainted with the relations, so we agreed to go over it with her early in the morning and Shimmer lead me to my room.

My shit was already there, which was nice, but I wanted to take a bath, so I hopped in the shower real quick and got dressed in some regal sleeping clothes that I’d gotten while I was a Baron. With that out of the way, I reached through the dimensions and pulled myself next to Twilight and fell on her bed face first. I’d caused her to make a dark, thick line on the page she was writing on, so she called me a butthead for that, although I still got a kiss on the cheek. I asked her how the first day of the games had gone and she said that Spike had performed his duties perfectly. I accepted that news as it came and asked Twilight if she wanted to cuddle or keep writing. She opted to write hence me writing about this.

We’re sitting here with the lamps on, relaxing and doing whatever, and I can’t help but feel like I’m just… Bored, I guess. I’m terribly disinterested in getting the party put together, but I do like having my pranks and the fun stuff being put together and mixed around. Sure, I lost an entire tree of my weed to my pranks, but still, they’re going to be fucking great. I even made sure that I gave the kitchen staff a special recipe for ‘fancy’ cookies that I wanted every member of royalty to get a piece of. Basically, they were just stuffed with budder, but I hoped that the different tastes and general desire to not offend Celestia would be enough to get them to try the cookies.

Oh boy, is the party going to be fucking hilarious.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Twilight and I didn’t end up sleeping since we both wanted to do a couple hours of spooning before our day got started, so we ended up inhaling a lot of things at breakfast the next day. I wished Rainbow and Fluttershy good luck on their relay race since I would be too busy overseeing the party to attend, but Pinkie promised to tell me how they did after the event, so that was nice. Cadance asked how the party planning was going so far and I told her that I was scheduling meeting with ambassadors from Maretonia, Bridleland, Saddle Arabia, Mexicolt, Ponitaly, Scotchland, Neighpon, and Germaneigh to get their national dishes on the menu. Shining asked if I needed any extra help with anything, which surprised the fuck out of Cadance, Twilight, Noir, Celestia, and myself, of course, so I asked if he would mind helping me set up security for the party, just in case some people had a few too many drinks and couldn’t hold their liquor.

Celestia chastised me for adding liquor to the beverage list in the first place, but I told her that the attendants would make sure that anyone under the drinking age would stay on their side of the room and that those who had clearly had a few drinks would stay on their side. She didn’t give me much trouble after that, though Shining asked why I was inviting trouble via alcohol onto myself and I told him that I just didn’t believe in dry parties. It was supposed to be a celebration after all. He agreed to setting up a few guards in the party room, which meant that there was one less thing I had to worry about, so I thanked him and made another sweet potato get in muh belly.

With breakfast out of the way, I left before anyone else and met Gimmer for the seating arrangements and we got a diagram written down on my notepad. It seemed to work well enough, and since we were going to have the table with the leaders in the middle of the room, we gave them plenty of space so they wouldn’t be bothered by anyone unless they so chose. After the seating arrangements were done, we got the decorators started on their tasks, which was tedious as fuck. Getting things properly aligned was a bitch and a half, but we got it done, and by the time lunch rolled around, Glimmer and I were both ready for a break.

I met with the Royal Family for lunch and I quickly tired of the vegan fare, so I brought out some of my preserved meats and ate that, though Shining took particular interest and asked what kind of fruit looked like a cured piece of venison. Noir told him that it was meat and he looked a little green, so I didn’t bother offering him a piece. My mentor, however, asked for some jerky, so I gave her a few strips to go with her salad and she cut them with her salad before mixing them in. Celestia and Luna weren’t bothered at all, and Cadance just shrugged it off after a moment, but Twilight and Shining lost their appetites, which I apologized for. Twilight told me that it was fine and Shining asked how I could stand to eat another living creature, so I told him that I’d tried talking to it before I killed it and found that it was just another Kendani. I gave him a quick lecture about being an omnivore, and when Celestia and Luna backed me up, he didn't’ have to much to say.

I went back to decorating after lunch, and that was a bitch. Getting the tables and what not set up took time, and getting them dressed up took a little more time, but I was glad that we were nearing the end of the project. Pinkie swung by to tell me that Flutters and Dash took silver in the relay race thing and that Spike made a fucking fool of himself by not knowing the words to Cloudsdale’s anthem. I shook my head at the news and asked if anyone had talked to him yet and she said that she thought he’d done a good job. I rolled my eyes at her and asked Glimmer if she minded taking care of the decorating for a little bit and she agreed. It’s not like she had a fucking reason not to. I mean, we had it planned out already, so all she needed to do was follow the plan and keep things up.

Pinkie led me to Spike’s room and I found the guy packing up for the trip back home. “Oi. Whatcha up to, mate?” I asked, closing the door behind me.

Spike glanced over his shoulder. “Oh, hey Max. I’m just getting packed up, you know?”

“We don’t leave until the day after tomorrow, Spike.” I replied.

“... I wish we would leave a little sooner.” He said softly.

I looked at him and he kept packing. “Talk to me, mate. What’s going on?”

Spike took a deep breath and sighed rather hard. “Dude, I didn’t even light the torch. Twilight lit the torch for me on the opening day, and I thought I could start fires with my mind until she told me!”

I choked down a chuckle. “And? I would’ve thought I could start fires with my mind if someone lit something up with Magic while I was thinking about it.”

Spike sighed again. “I just felt so… Dumb, I guess. Dumb and useless. Then, I just had to try and redeem myself by singing the anthem after Cloudsdale won the relay race and I flubbed that so bad, everypony was laughing at me!”

“Yeah, that one’s pretty bad to be honest with you. If it makes you feel any better, your pants could’ve fallen and they would’ve seen your wang.”

He turned and gave me a look. “I have two, dude.”

I broke out into some giggles. “Mate, I am so calling you Dik-Dik from now on!”

“Please don’t.”

I quelled my laughter. “Alright, since you asked so nicely. Wang-Mang.” I chuckled some more.

He sighed again and I walked over to him, laying a hand on his shoulder. “Look Spike, it might seem bad now, but you’re still the fucking hero of this place. Sure, you flubbed the anthem, but to everyone else, it looks like you got the lamplighting thing done right. Just keep your head up and don’t let a single failure get to you, alright? There’s no point in being down on yourself forever, so bolster yourself against the tides, grab your life by the nuts and tell it that you’re the one in control, not your feelings!”

Spike looked at me like I was fucking crazy or something. “Dude, are you bucking crazy or something?”

“Yes, in a manner of speaking. I’m not the craziest thing out there, but I’m not sane. Don’t let that impede the meaning of my words, however, and take them for what they mean. Don’t let your embarrassment make you feel like shit, mate. Own it and have a laugh at yourself, take the piss with it and don’t let it cause you to feel ashamed, yeah?”

He rubbed his face with a claw and sat on his suitcase. “Heh. Heh heh. I guess when I think of it as somepony else doing it, it’s a little funny.”

“Right? Hell, make it your new thing! Just come up with alternate lyrics to songs and the like and smile all the while!” I patted his shoulder and gave him a grin.

He gave me a small smile in return. “Thanks, Max. You know, Twilight came by and tried to cheer me up, but it just didn’t work. Maybe you’re just better at it.”

I rolled my eyes and smirked at him. “I’m also better at peeing while standing up and writing about sex. Twilight’s good at cheering up girls to be honest with you. Unless you’re lying about have two dicks, then I don’t think she’s going to reach you like I can.”

Spike shook his head. “I’m just glad you’re there for me when Twilight can’t be. It’s nice to have you back, bro.”

“It’s nice to be back. I’ve said it in the past and I’ll say it again: if you ever need anything,” I jerked my thumb toward my chest, “Maximus is the name, and dirty humor is the game.”

Spike laughed and smiled. “Thanks, Max. I think I’ll be just fine.”

I nodded and reached through the dimensions, fishing around for something until I found a decent grip on the box I was try to grab. “Oi, can you send this to Luna for me?”

Spike stared at me. “Uh, dude? Why don’t you just do it?”

“Because she would know if I just dropped it in her lap, duh. With this, I have plausible deniability.”

“Are you trying to get me in trouble?” Spike asked.

“No, I’m trying to make Luna come here and see if she can stick both of your private bits into both of her private bits.”

Spike lit up. “... Luna scares me.”

“She scares me too, which is why I like to laugh at her. Pinkie told me that you should always laugh at things that scare you, and I try to take that to heart.” I said.

“You listen to Pinkie?” Spike asked, shocked.

I gave him a look. “She’s actually rather bright for her level of sanity.”

“If you say so…”

I shrugged. “Anyway. I gotta get back to planning party bullshit. You know how to get ahold of me if you need me.”

“I sure do. See you later, Max.”

I gave him a quick salute and headed off in the general direction of where I’d been. The party room was practically on the other side of the castle, so it took me a good while to get over there, but when I did, I found that Glimmer had gotten a few things wrong with the decorations and corrected those mistakes myself. It took a little time, but after I got it done, we moved on to getting the nonperishable party favours put together in the kitchens and finished getting the flags up where they needed to be. The tables were looking fine, the food stands were properly positioned with equal spaces between them, the drink table was ready for action, the crystalware was clean and looked rather nice, the alcohol selection was perfect, and the menu was looking well put together. Glimmer and I did double checks of everything and realized that we still hadn’t done the music at all, so I sent her off to find a band on short notice, and when she came back a couple of hours later, she told me that she had a few auditions lined up for tonight and a few for the morning.

We went out into the town and saw a band called A Perfect Sphere that did some interesting alternative music that I thought was nice, but I was looking for a more classical vibe. With that one having fell through, we sallied forth and met another band that went by the name of Mum and Sons that was more folky than what we were looking for, so I told them I would keep them in mind for some other kind of party and we kept looking. There was a fellow that went by the name of Gracile Chimpanzee who had some great fucking music, and I do mean that his shit was great. I thought that the Nu Jazz-esque vibe would work wonders for the atmosphere, so I booked him and told him that he could get his equipment to the Crystal Castle sometime before the next day and he told me that he would happily get it over there and set up that very same night.

With the music out of the way, Glimmer went home and Shimmer came by to check on the stuff. She found a few things that needed to be touched up that Glimmer and I hadn’t gotten quite right, but when she took care of things, shit got done correctly and we were done for the day at eleven. I told Shimmer to have a good night and went back to my room for another shower and the usual shit before sending a note off to Twilight. She told me that we actually needed to sleep in separate rooms tonight, so I just sat down at the desk in my room and started writing this entry. I don’t think too much has happened today in the way of interesting events, but tomorrow is promising to be far cooler since I have Celestia and Noir’s fight to look forward to.

That’s all for now, I suppose.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

So I got up a little late today since I was fucking tired from having to keep track of all the party bullshit, but I was rather glad that I’d had an assistant to help me get shit done for most of it, even if I was bearing the brunt of the rubbish. Still, it was looking to be a good morning, and that’s all I wanted out of my day, so I got up and headed to breakfast when Glimmer came by to collect me. Crimson, Iron, and Swift cornered me before I could get there and asked for a word, but all they wanted to say was that Guard duty was terribly boring. I still couldn’t really shake the ominous feeling I’d had when we first arrived, so I warned them to keep their eyes peeled, just in case.

We went to breakfast soon after our brief little discussion and it was perfectly fine. The food was decent and the bread was fresh and warm, but my appetite was saving itself for the after party that would be going on later in the day. Unfortunately, despite having finished the preparations for the party a little early, I still didn’t have any free time and was slated to keep an eye on things in the kitchen for the majority of the day and to correct and placement errors with the food on either the kids side or the adult side. It was looking to be a boring day until the final event, but I didn’t particularly care about anything that was going on anyway.

Glimmer handled a few of the tasks that I was supposed to be taking care of while I took the odd break, but in fairness, I gave her just as many breaks as I got so we wouldn’t get burnt out on doing the same bullshit over and over again, and when everything was in place except for the hors d'oeuvres, we took a break together and went to watch the final event since there was nothing else to do. The last thing of the games was an event called ‘Ice Archery’, which was archery with ice arrows that made little to no sense to me. It was pretty impractical if you ask me, but there was apparently a lot of hype behind it because it was so hard to do. In any case, shit went awfully sideways real quick.

The first fews shots of the match went off without a hitch and things were looking just fine from where I was standing, but lo and behold, nothing good ever lasts. Some dumbass misfired terrible and sent an arrow straight up, but no one except for myself really gave a damn about what happened to it. I followed it with my eyes and watched as it hit a cloud, quickly freezing the moisture within and turning the whole damn thing into a iceberg, which really shouldn’t have fucking happened if this world made any kind of sense. Sadly, it tends to not do that at the best of times and at the worst of times, it makes my reality crumble before me, so the next thing I knew, that same iceberg started falling toward the earth rapidly, so I acted on impulse and put myself underneath it on the field. Thoughts raced through my mind and the only thing I could think to do was levitate it, but I couldn’t do so until it was within my range. I got odd looks from onlookers until people realized what I was doing, and when they did, the iceberg had finally gotten everyone’s attention.

I had no idea what to do, but suddenly the idea to use Sombra’s magic came to mind and I stole it from his horn on my belt and creating pillars that would prevent the thing from crashing down on me. When it collided with my four pillars, however, there was a loud shock-wave that sounded throughout the coliseum. I was struggling to keep the pillars intact with my mind, but I had another way to keep it from crushing everyone, so I created one more pillar for myself and got myself into the air until I was high enough to try levitating the hulking mass. It took a good deal of effort without trying, but I managed to get the iceberg off of the pillars and that made me start wondering just how heavy the damned thing actually was and how powerful I’d actually become. However, I didn’t have to worry about the former for long since there was a gout of green flame coming from my right side melting the ice.

Spike had stepped in and was helping me with the former cloud, and after a few more seconds, there were gouts of black, golden, and blue flame from different directions that told me that told me Celestia, Noir, and Luna were all pitching in as well, which I found to be incredibly useful. I couldn’t let my magic up, however, since Noir told me that they were going to stop until they got the water to evaporate, so I ended up holding the water that was left over with my Telekinesis for a few minutes while they got the cloud to go back to being a cloud. Thankfully I was far enough away to avoid being soaked, and it didn’t hurt that everyone was doing their best to avoid singing me, so that was nice.

When all of that was finished, I started lowering my pillars of crystal back into the ground from whence they came, and when I had my feet on the ground once more, the earth had covered itself up and the field looked like nothing had happened at all. Spike ran over to me and gave me a man-hug that I happily returned, and when Celestia, Luna, and Noir came over, I hugged each of them in turn since they’d done a good deal of saving the day themselves. However, the only hand I lifted in victory was Spike, and that was because I felt like he could use the confidence boost. The crowd had been silent for the most part except for some excited babbling up until then, and when I lifted my little brother’s arm, they erupted in cheers and I gave him a smile. The bystanders chanted his name and totally ignored me, but I didn’t care all that much in the moment. I was just glad that my quick thinking had saved some lives and all that.

Celestia took the time to make an impromptu announcement that thanked me for my quick thinking, though when she mentioned my name, I noticed that none of the Crystal Ponies in the crowd seemed all that excited since I wasn’t an established race. When Celestia thanked Spike and Noir for helping melt the iceberg, however, they received an ovation from everyone. I couldn’t care much less about getting praise for doing the right thing, but it’s not like the crowd hadn’t gone fucking wild for me as well. Again, it was just the Crystal Cunts that chose to ignore the fact that I’d quite possibly saved their lives.

Before Celestia ended her speech, she mentioned that there would be a final event unlike any of the others in the competition, and that it would be a full on sword-fight. There were murmurs in the crowd referring to what the bloody fuck she was talking about, but when Celestia said that she herself would be participating in the event, the crowd went wild all over again and she waved a hand before teleporting to a ring in the middle of the field. I was already present, so no one had to come and get me or anything, so that was nice. When Noir rose from Celestia’s shadow, there were shouts of treachery until Noir walked around to look Celestia in the eye from a respectable distance away. The two giantesses both held their right hands out to their sides, and with a second of each other, their preferred blades appeared in their hands.

With Celestia wielding the hand-and-a-half Sunlight Blade and Noir wielding the two-handed Mordemor, Noir had the advantage on reach, but in a normal fight, Celestia would have a speed advantage. The thing was, I had no clue if Celestia was even as good a fighter as Luna was, so this was going to be an interesting bout to watch. When both ladies discarded their scabbards, they looked in my general direction and with my enhanced perception, I noticed that they were actually looking at me. Then again, Luna was standing right next to me, so she offered me her hand and teleported us both into the middle of the ring, standing between Noir and Celestia. I looked at them both and approached Celestia while Luna approached Noir.

“Celestia. Are you prepared for combat?” I asked, looking up to the taller woman.

Celestia nodded. “I am prepared.”

“Then fight to your heart’s content.” I smirked.

I backed off a couple of steps and Noir told me to approach her as well, so I went over and asked, “Noir. Are you prepared for combat?”

Noir nodded. “I am prepared.”

“Then fight to your heart’s content.” I gave her a shit-eating grin.

I met Luna in the center of the ring and she suddenly pointed off to her left, my right. I raised my left hand and pointed in the opposite direction ,and with that, we left the ring to stand on either side. Luna called out the terms of the fight officially “Three full strikes or three hard falls, no mixing, no matching. If either contestant is held to blade, then the contest is over. If there is a deadlock, then both parties may request a break. If both parties hold each other at blade, then there will be a call to reset and each contestant will meet one of the judges. Surrendering is an option, though cheating by using magic will be witnessed by all and will be called out as such. With that being said, on the count of three, you may begin.”

Luna looked to me and I began the count. “One!” Small pause.

“Two!” Another pause.

“Three!” I bellowed from the top of my lungs.

And so they met in the middle with a clash of blades that had been rather simple for me to follow. I could easily tell that Celestia and Noir were obviously showing incredible amounts of restraint in that moment, and that neither of them felt like doing so. Celestia had thrown a diagonal slash that came from the high left and Noir parried it with a well practiced upward slice of her own, making Celestia back off a little. However, that didn’t keep her away for long since Celestia came in for a slightly faster thrust that Noir dodged by swaying quickly, and from that movement, Noir threw a heavy-looking overhead, slash that Celesia blocked with both hands. Now seems like a good time to mention that both of them were only using one hand for their swords at pretty much any given moment beside for blocking or parrying, and it didn’t surprise me in the slightest.

Noir and Celestia backed off of each other and circled quickly, both of them dropping their guards to walk faster, but neither of them saying so much as a word. Suddenly, like someone had dropped a match onto a pool of petrol, the action ignited once more and Noir made the first strike, coming out of the gate with a two-handed horizontal slash that had gotten a bit harder to follow from the sheer speed at which she threw it. However, Celestia had evidently seen it coming and parried with a hard upward cut that brought Noir’s sword to shoulder level, but Noir utilized the momentum to come at her with a diagonal slash that Celestia parried with a rising one of her own. The ring of metal against metal was painful music to my ears, and the dance of their blades was truly a sight to behold, and for the first round, neither of them had gotten terribly serious. To put it into perspective, if they were fighting at their current levels against me, I would most likely win, but I knew for a fact that both of them had more to give. Noir had it in spades, but Celestia was the unknown here.

Luna called a break after a two minute bout and Noir came over to me quickly, holding Mordemor over her shoulder. “Celestia is a far better opponent than I previously believed her to be. There is no mistake that she is more capable than Luna.”

I grinned. “So what? Are you going to lose to some pumped-up kid that’s only two-thirds your age?”

Noir smiled darkly. “We will step our game up in the second round. You will see a true fight from here on.”

My mentor turned around and we looked over to see that Celestia and Luna were preparing to get ready, so I jumped and patted Noir’s shoulder. “Go get em’, tiger!”

Noir turned slightly and gave me a nod. “It will begin on your call.”

With that in mind, I waited until Celestia turned around and finished rolling her wrist with her blade in hand to shout, “Begin!”

And just like that, Noir kicked up a cloud of dust that I had to wave out of my face, but I could still see sparks fly from her collision with Celestia. It was an impressive go, and when they broke apart, they matched each other perfectly. They’d sped up considerably, and every time one of them threw a blow that would have cleaved a competent sword-fighters head from their shoulders, the other met it with a blow that would have done the same. The crowd roared on in support of Celestia against the unknown Alicorn, and when Celestia scored the first blow against Noir, I was ever so tempted to tell her to get her head out of her arse and into the game. I felt like an oppressive parent that just wanted their kid to well in sportsball, but I really just didn’t want to see my Mistress lose, and when Noir sent out a blindingly quick thrust that scored on Celestia’s shoulder, it proved that Noir could go tit for tat since Celestia’s cut had been in the same place.

They backed off of each other after that, and when they each put both of their hands on their blades, I knew that the fecal matter had just gotten awfully tangible, which probably would’ve given a warmonger wood if he knew the calibre of the women dueling. Noir opened the next clash with a salvo of overhead and diagonal slashes that comboed well into horizontal slashes and rising vertical cuts that kept Celestia on her toes- Er, the tips of her hooves, I guess. There didn’t seem to be an end in sight for Noir’s onslaught, but without warning, Celestia parried with force and Noir took but a second to recover. However, a second was all that Celestia needed to capitalize, and from there, she almost started pushing Noir back, but the only thing that seemed to make Noir give ground in any fashion was when Celestia thrusted and tried to alter the path of her blade from forward to horizontal. On her second attempt of that tactic, or rather, on her third thrust, Noir blocked the tip with the flat of her blade and actually started pushing Celestia back, her hooves creating furrows in the grass, opening it up to dirt. The white mare glared hard and set her jaw as she set her hooves in place, ceasing the movement, but my mentor had another idea.

With a flick of her wrist, Celestia practically fell forward since the tip of her blade no longer had any kind of purchase on Noir’s, and my mentor looped her sword around and brought it rather close to Celestia’s face, damn near taking one of her cheeks off, but the Solar Diarch twisted out of the way and avoided being mutilated. However, she’d lost a little of the fur on her face. Celestia grew a little frustrated with the Amazon and stood up. If she wasn’t already white, I’m sure her knuckles would have been on her blade. Celestia and Noir circled each other slowly, but this time around, they possessed a certain kind of near-feline grace that spoke volumes of their experience in combat, of their willingness to end lives by the tip of a blade. Chills ran down my spine as I watched them and I couldn’t help but feel a little giddy, but before they could clash, Luna announced the end of the second round and the two warriors came back to their corners.

I looked at Noir and she looked at me, but there was nothing that needed to be said. She was finally serious. She wasn’t in a blood-rage or going berserk or anything of the like, but she’d finally gotten serious. Don’t mistake that for Noir being at her most dangerous, however, since she had plenty more to give if she decided to get reckless, but at the same time, understand that I would have been killed in the second round with the assaults that she and Celestia had thrown at each other. I was willing to bet that the next round would be practically invisible to the average person’s eye, but all that mattered to me was that I finally get to witness Noir fighting someone at the top of her game, that she draw the line in the sand as being the strongest Alicorn.

I could actually feel a stirring in my loins. It was some weird shit.

When Noir and Celestia faced each other, the crowd roared once more, but I waited for the calm to initiate the storm. “Begin!” I shouted as loud as I could.

Befre I’d even gotten the last syllable out, they were already at it, this time, both of them kicking up clods of dirt and grass before they met in mid air. This was no longer a simple contest. The final strike would be one that could end a life, and that in itself was pure excitement, distilled from two worthy combatants that’d had thousands of years to hone their craft. The ring of steel against steel rang clearly throughout the entire stadium, so loudly that I had to cover my ears from fear of being deafened, but I couldn’t afford to close my eyes for even a second unless I wanted to miss the grandest fight of my life. Noir and Celestia landed simultaneously after pushing off of each other, but they didn’t stay on the ground long. It didn’t take a genius to know that they were officially going at it as hard as they could without using magic, techniques, or bloodlust to back up their swing, but I was still incredibly honored to be witnessing such a fight from up close.

Noir and Celestia landed once more and began battling around the ring, actually making a circle that lit up with sparks as they moved. The crowd was abuzz with murmurs of shock and awe, and when they came to bear in front of me, I backed off to avoid getting hit by one of Noir’s long sword strokes, though one thing was clear to me that I believed Luna could see as well: Noir was in serious mode, but Celestia was using more of her power than her opponent was and that disappointed me a bit. I wanted to see Noir absolutely throw away her desire to match her opponent, but I knew that she was enjoying the fight more than I was, so I held my tongue and watched as their blades shimmered in the broad daylight, each of them a flurry of motion that I could keep up with, but just barely.

Just when I was thinking that Noir was going to let it keep going just so she could enjoy the fight, I felt the air cool as if an unseen breeze was coming through the stadium. I’d felt that same breeze once before while training with Noir, but I hadn't realized what it was until just then. The breeze was Noir ticking into the upper echelons of her power. A similar feeling, but one of a warm radiance came and I recognized it as Celestia herself reaching for more strength, and as the feelings battled back and forth on my skin, so did the women they were emanating from. Their blades were heat waves in the air to the average observer, but to me, they were crystal clear, sharpened and in focus more than they had been before. It felt as though time slowed down in the ring, and as Celestia and Noir each threw vertical slashes at each other, I saw Noir pull a trump card move as she twisted her hips and turned her vertical swing into a diagonal one flawlessly. Before Celestia could regain her balance, Noir backed up slightly and the tip of her blade came rather close to the white woman’s throat.

They stood there, both of them panting gently as Celestia summoned her sheath and stowed The Sunlight Blade. Noir summoned her own sheath a few moments later and stowed Mordemor before coming closer to Celestia. When she was about a meter away from her, Noir knelt down and presented her sword to Celestia who took the opportunity to unsheathe her own blade and tap either side of Noir’s shoulders.

“Rise, Noir of Equestria.” Celestia said, her voice magically amplified.

Noir rose. “You have bested me in a contest of strength, and as a reward for this feat, I offer to you the position of General within Equestria’s armies. Should you choose to accept, you will be knighted and as a Knight of The Dawn, your blade will not serve my own purposes, but Equestria’s.” Celestia announced.

Noir was silent for a moment. “I will accept the position of General, but I refuse your offer to be a Knight of The Dawn.”

There were gasps and shouts of outrage from the crowd, but when Celestia raised her hand for silence, it came quickly. “I understand. Do you wish to be knighted under another member of The Equestrian Royal Family?” Celestia asked, fully expecting my mentor’s answer.

Noir turned to face me and Luna came to Celestia’s side, all three of the most powerful Alicorns giving me their full attention. “Prince Maximus. Come forth.” Celestia requested. I say request, I mean demand.

I strode forth confidently and stopped about two-thirds of a meter from Noir. Celestia joined my side and whispered some instructions to me, so I followed them. “Kneel, Noir of Equestria.”

Noir took a step closer to me and I smiled down at her. She wasn’t much shorter than me, even on one knee, so I said, “I’m going to need you to stop being so much taller than me.”

Noir chuckled. “I am your mentor, Maximus. You are supposed to look up to me.”

The crowd gasped at the ‘juicy bit of gossip’ (Glimmer’s words, not mine) and I reached through the dimensions to grab my Kopis. “Soon-to-be General Noir. Do you wish to be knighted under your humble, modest, and frankly handsome pupil?”

Celestia nudged me and I gave her a smile while Noir scoffed. “Handsome is a stretch, but yes, I do.”

The crowd gasped again. “Ow, my pretty, pretty feelings.” I drew my blade. “Noir. My mentor, my friend, my confidant. I knight you under the Flag of Equestria through the authority given to me by Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.” I tapped both of her shoulders gently with the back of my blade. “From this point forward, you will be known as both a General and a Knight of Guile. If you would present your blade.” Noir lifted Mordemor and I prepared my Seal. When I was finished, she unsheathed a portion of her claymore and I placed my seal near the hilt. “May you bear my Seal whenever trouble arises, and may you never have to worry about actually having to use it. I’m sure most Ponies are going to recognize you anyway, seeing as how you’re an Alicorn, but I digress. Rise, Noir of Equestria, and let me give you a congratulatory hug.”

Noir rolled her eyes and rose, but she kept herself at eye level to give me a hug, which was nice. The bystanders cheered, and when Noir looked to Celestia for approval, the shorter woman also gave her a hug. Luna was the last in line, but Noir still got another hug from her, and with that out of the way, I levitated myself a bit off of the ground until Noir pushed me back down. I crossed my arms and glared up at her, but she just wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me in for a side hug that was rather nice.

The last event had gone off smoothly, but the bad feeling I’d had came to a head out of the fucking blue when a giant cube appeared in the middle of the stadium. An ugly looking motherfucker with a goatee in a chair that seemed to be made out of leather waved at everyone and sipped a cuppa, except the cup disappeared down his throat instead of the tea, leaving him with a handful of liquid suspended in mid-air. My skin erupted in goosebumps and I turned to look at Noir who was bearing her teeth in an animalistic way that made me fear for that shitwad’s life, but when I realized that I was most likely looking at Discord himself, I felt a similar fury rise up from my stomach. Sadly, there was nothing I could do at the moment, but still.

“Greetings, Ponies, from the wonderful land of Zhongguo! I msut say, the food here is simply di~vine, but that’s not the reason I’ve come calling. I must say, that little scrap between two of my top four favourite ruling Ponies was something else! I bet most of you didn’t even see the last round, no?” He waited for a response, but there was nothing doing. “Ah, well, I suppose I can get to the point of my little appearance. As some of you little guttersnipes may know, I’ve been reformed by the Elements of Harmony, though it’s mostly been the work of Fluttershy.” He looked off in a random direction and waved. “However, I get bored, and for the past few years, I’ve been REALLY bored. I mean, who can play Mr. Nice Guy all the time? Am I right, Max?”

“Go fuck yourself.” I replied.

“Such language!” Discord pretended to be offended. “You know, it’s swear words like those that make me want to have a nice little war in the first place. Well, that, and I’m just really bored. I’ll tell you what.” He smacked his lips and flowers started falling from the cube. “Why don’t I tell you where my armies are?” He smiled maniacally. “Everywhere. The rules of engagement will be given to your rulers as I see fit, and if those rules are broken, then I’ll step in and even the playing field, and as one of the oldest beings on the planet… Well, let’s just say that I know how to ‘take care’ of other immortals.” He tapped his chin. “I suppose I could let Luna participate in the skirmishes as long as she promises not to use magic.” Luna seethed silently. “However, I think I’ll allow both of the Princes to do as they please.” He chuckled. “It’s not like either of them are particularly worthwhile anyway. I mean, one had a rod so far up his rear that it comes out of his mouth and the other used to be some street urchin thief!” Discord had himself a laugh. “Oh dear, it’s funny to know that my opposition is going to be so meager.”

I was fucking pissed.

Discord stroked his goatee. “As for you, my sweet, sweet Noir, I do believe that I’ll allow you to fight as you please. Consider it a reward for finally making it back into the realm of the living, though I still don’t know how you managed that. I mean, I could just pop in and steal that information from your mind, but what fun would that be? I think I’ll just ask the next time our paths cross.”

Noir’s hair whipped around her body in a torrent of flames, her eyes smouldering and her wings flared, prepared to launch herself at the target above. I could feel myself vibing off of Noir’s anger through our connection, and that anger was so potent, I could practically taste the blood I hungered for. This absolute bastard had stolen four thousand years from Noir. He’d stolen her people, her sister, and her very own body. In comparison, he’d just killed me a few times, but I wasn’t exactly ‘happy’ about that either. No, Noir, Luna, Celestia, and I were all out for blood, and we would receive what we wanted, one way or another

Discord looked directly at us and smiled brightly. “Until we meet again, Ponies. Human. I’m sure we’ll all have quite the time.”

Without further ado, Discord snapped his finger and the cube screen disappeared. Twilight teleported to my side and shook me, so I looked at her. “Max? D-Did Discord just say that there was going to be a war?”

I nodded. “I’m going to take him. His arse is mine.” I said venomously.

Celestia looked at me. “Maximus, you need to start training Adstus. Now.”

I nodded again. “Training starts when we get home. Do your damage control for now.”

“I will. Go keep the party up and running for later tonight. I don’t want anyone panicking about this.”

“Will do.” I turned to Noir and touched her arm. “Blackberry.”

She was still glaring evilly at the space the cube had occupied.

“Noir, he’s gone. We’ll have our chance at him soon, okay? Just keep calm and try not to explode.”

She turned her gaze to me and I winced. “Kill it with fire[.”

I held her arm firmly. “We will. I’ll cast him into the Goddamn sun myself, Blackberry.”

She panted heavily, her breathing evening out. I gave her a quick hug and lead Twilight to the party room, answering a flurry of questions as we walked. She asked how long I’d known that Discord was planning a war, how she’d not known, why it had been a secret, and if he was actually being serious. My answers were: for months, a spell, so it wouldn’t cause mass panic, and yes, he was. Twilight didn’t like my answers at all, but when we got to the party room, I told her to try and do some damage control with the citizens of Ponyville and she went off to go do so. Glimmer numbly helped me keep the party up and running for a few hours until she collapsed out of nowhere and I forced her to have a seat and a glass of water. The woman had apparently had just about enough bullshit for the day, so I told her that she could go home if she really wanted to, but she denied the fact that she was worn out and stuck by me until it was time for the party.

The party itself was reserved until people started getting drunk and high at the same time. The kids side was pretty mellow compared to the adult’s tables, which I found to be hilarious. Celestia accused me of drugging every official at the party and I admitted that I did, but we both agreed that everyone needed to relax for a while and forget that war had just been declared against us. Well, we agreed until Celestia got a few of the cookies that I’d intended for the rulers and got incredibly high. She was leaned back in her chair for a little bit, dazed and confused, so I poked and prodded her for awhile as she weakly tried to bat my hands away. Noir got a few of the cookies as well, but she had a lot more fun with it and stroked Cadance’s hair as Cadance did the same to hers. Shining didn’t like cookies, but the brownies were laced nearly as heavily too, so he still got rather high, so I talked to him for a little bit and he was actually a rather relaxed high-guy.

I had a chance to talk to the King-person of Maretonia and he was a prick, so I’ll skip the conversation with him. The Chancellor of Germaneigh was a blatant racist, which I thought was very tasteless as far as the German stereotype went. I mean, I was pretty sure that he was also kinky as fuck, but the leiderhosen- leederhosen- lederhosen was a little much for me. The guy from Ponitaly was so stereotypically Italian that I felt like he was going to make me chicken parmesan at any given moment, but when I met him at the Neighponese food table he seemed like a nice enough fellow.

The rest of the party is a little hazy since I was happily munching on baked good with plenty of extra goodness inside, but I’m sure it was nice. I’ve finaloly sobered up enough to write this down, and with Twilight passed out in a super-high stupor, I think it’s best to get a few more thoughts jotted down. The fight between Celestia and Noir was the best I’ve ever seen, hands down, but the thing that happened after that worried the fuck out of me. We don’t know when Discord’s going to move, and since Celestia and Luna have already gone back home to Canterlot to start getting a standing army prepped for action, there isn’t much I can do right now. Noir’s going to be riding home with me, but when we get back, she’ll be heading to Canterlot to fulfill her duties as a general, which means that I’ve got a lot of work to do. I really do hope that things work out better than they have previously, but you just never know.

Let’s hope there isn’t any extra bullshit that goes down any time soon, yeah?? I think we’ve officially got a big enough mountain on our plates as is.

Author's Notes:

This chapter was pretty fun to write, but the fight scene between Noir and Celestia was easily my favourite part. I've wanted to do that for some time now, and I'm glad that it turned out the way that it did.

On another note, What does horse pussy taste like? Taco Bell? Slim-Jims? Why do horses smell like Slim-Jims anyway?

As Always, Party Hardy

Stay Cool, Kids