Having Noir in my house was and still is the coolest shit ever, though explaining her presence to Crimson in the morning was a little difficult since I had to give him the rundown of why she was there in the first place, and that involved explaining and awful lotta shit. Like, I mean, not just how Noir got inside of me, but my True Magic and how I became an Alicorn-Abomination were also involved and neither of those are terribly short stories. Twilight was right there with me in explaining things, but some of what I said was news to her to, so I also ended up explaining how I unlocked my True Magic in the first place and neither of them understood what the fuck I was talking about. I wasn’t about to explain Quantum Physics to them, but at the very least I could explain Atomic Theory because I kinda understood it.

I ended up talking to Twilight about atoms and how they worked for an hour while Crimson and I got breakfast put together, but when we were getting everything plated, Twilight asked where Noir and I told her that she was most likely still asleep. I used my connection with Noir to ask and didn’t get a response, so I asked my fiance if she cared to wake her up for me. Twilight happily agreed, but after a few minutes, Twilight came back downstairs in a panic, stating that Noir just wasn’t waking up. I asked if she’d tried slapping or water and I she gave the most ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’ look I’d ever gotten from her. I rolled my eyes and grabbed a glass of water, put some ice in it, and reached through space to dump it on Noir. In fairness, It was already cold as fuck inside the house. At least, to me it was cold. Twilight and Crimson said that they felt fine, but I was actually pretty chilly.

I heard Noir's heart go absolutely mad from the kitchen. I fucking died until I heard furious hoofsteps coming down the stairs. Twilight asked me why I’d suddenly gotten paler and I asked her if she could teleport me to the Treebrary for a little bit. Twilight gave me a look and told me to just Shadow Dive there, but I reminded her that I couldn’t do that anymore. Twilight just shrugged and told me to deal with my consequences while Crimson chuckled from the kitchen table. Noir closed in quickly and while she was coming to the bottom of the stairs, I decided to try something that I’d meant to look into yesterday, but hadn't gotten the chance to do. I activated my True Theft, reached into the Treebrary and tried to make my hand come back out behind me. I felt me grab my collar just as Noir locked eyes with me and I panicked hard, jerking myself through space, though when I pulled myself out of the kitchen, I saw some shit.

Now, if you’re reading this, there’s a certain part of Ant-Man that I’m going to have to show you. If you’re somehow a Human in Equestria, then One: Good fucking luck, mate. Two: Think of the scene where Paul Rudd shrinks between the molecules and goes into that one dude's suit and basically sends himself into sub-atomic space. That's what I saw, and boy was that shit ever trippy. I was there for what felt like an hour, but when I popped out in the Treebrary, I checked my pocket watch and saw that it was probably within seconds of me leaving.

It was weird, but at least I can kinda teleport.

My relief didn’t last long because as I was patting myself on the back (Literally. I can do that.), Noir rose from my shadow and she did not look happy with me. I offered her a smile and spread my arms. “Blackberry! Good morning!”

She grabbed me by my face and snarled. “The first sleep I get in five thousand years. Five. Thousand. Years. Ruined. Maximus, I will EAT YOU.”

“... I love you?” I said meekly.

Noir continued to glare at me. “The next time you dump water on me to wake me up, I am chopping. It. Off.”

“Still loving you here.” I tried.

“Maximus, I will stir-fry your penis and make you eat it.” She growled.

“Loving you a bit less.” I said shakily.

She gave me a peck. “How about now?”

“The love’s coming back.”

She let me go and huffed. “That was very inconsiderate of you.”

I rubbed my face. “It’s not my fault you’re a heavy sleeper. Do you wanna go get breakfast, or do I need to apologize?”

“I would like an apology.”

“Blackberry, I’m sorry for waking you up in the most effective manner.” I atoned solemnly.

Noir hit me. “I swear, if this is how you are going to be every day, I am going to recede back into your mind so I do not have to deal with you.”

I tilted my head and rubbed my arm. “How does that make any sense?”

She gave me a longsuffering look. “Because, my simple pupil, if I am in your mind, you cannot speak to me easily.”

“Oh? Do you wanna test that out, or do you wanna shut up and make sure I don’t drive you back to insanity again?”

She rolled her eyes. “I could always just kill you.”

I grabbed her boobs. “I could always just molest you.”

As she was about, to speak, Spike said, “I can’t even look, but you can just grab them whenever!?”

Noir and I looked at him. “Shut up, Spike. She was literally inside my mind. We’ve had sex. She touches the Ol’ Chap like she’s just grabbing a banana for a snack.”

Noir bent down a bit and grabbed my gentleman’s sausage to prove the point and Spike lit up. “...I’m just gonna go…”

When he left, my mentor and I had a chuckle before she teleported us back to my house. Breakfast was lukewarm when we got back and Twilight was surprised that I didn’t have a black eye or something, but when she mentioned it, Noir made it happen so I cussed both of them out. Crimson laughed the entire time, so I wet a finger and used my True Theft to jam it up his nose, which made me feel better and Noir laughed, so I wet a different one and jammed it in her ear. She just glared at me and Twilight coolly raised a brow at me, not amused at my antics at all since she’d been sobered considerably by being sworn at so thoroughly. She calmly told me that if I did something similar to her, that I wasn’t going to be getting a favour any time soon, and before Noir could tell Twilight to stop talking, she carried on and said that I needed to stop being so childish. I was in for a proper scolding, but my eye hurt and I didn’t feel like dealing with it, so I skipped the threats and stuck a finger in a very private area that only I am allowed to access most of the time. Twilight lit up bright red and shut her trap. I asked if she had anything else to say on the matter and she shook her head.

I called a truce and declared a ceasefire in the kitchen. No pranks, no punching, no offense use of my magic. Everyone agreed, though Noir and Crimson still flipped me off as they tried to get my spit out of their respective orifices. I thought it was amusing, but like I said, my fucking eye hurt, so I wasn’t laughing. Breakfast was eaten in relative silence until I apologized for putting my fingers in places they didn’t belong, Noir apologized for blacking my eye, Crimson apologized for laughing at my suffering, and Twilight apologized for chastising me. After that, I told a few jokes and got a few chuckles, so the tension eased up a bit and once we were through with breakfast, I gave everyone a hug to show that there were no hard feelings.

Then I had the best idea ever.

I grinned and told it to the table and we agreed that it would be the best prank since the original whoopee cushion, though Twilight was rather against it. I told her that I could use an object instead of my fingers and she just sighed and told me to use my fingers. With that in mind, I started with Luna in mind and thought of her tongue, stroking it with my fingertip. Now that I think about it, I stroked her tongue with the same finger I’d stuck in Twilight. I wonder if she could taste it? Anyway, I quickly felt Luna try to work my finger out of her mouth, but she just couldn’t and I played with her tongue for a little while before I withdrew it. I tried Celestia next, and no: I didn't wipe my finger off or anything. I was giggling like mad while Noir and Twilight were using a Scrying spell to show off the results. Crimson was calling me a treasonous bastard, Twilight was giggling harder than I was, and Noir was having the time of her fucking life, crying and laughing as Celestia flubbed words and tried to get my finger out of her mouth like Luna had.

I asked if I should try something else and Twilight suggested that I pick her nose and put a bogie in her mouth, but just as I was drawing my finger back, Celestia held a finger up to the fellow she was seeing in Court and smiled falsely. I told everyone to fucking cram it and swore that I would break a snitch’s legs, but right as I finished looking everyone in the eyes, Celestia teleported in right beside me.

“Oh, not you fucking too!” I damn near shouted. “The fuck do you want?”

Celestia glared at me. “Who do you think you’re talking to?”

I pointed a finger at her and drew a breath like I was about to start yelling, but I put the finger down and ran a hand through my hair, letting the breath out in a huff. I took a couple steps away from her, put my hands on my head, and turned around. “Alright, I’m sorry. It’s been a rough morning. What brings you over?” I said, trying to sound like I was calming down.

Celestia stopped glaring. “I thought you might have been messing with me. I see that I was mistaken.”

I sighed and threw my hands out. “Yeah. I’m not. Is there anything else?”

Celestia glanced at Crimson, Twilight, and Noir, all of whom were looking at the ground or generally looking like they wanted to be anywhere but in my house. “...Max, is there something wrong?”

I glared at my housemates and lover. “Crimson, fuck off for the day. I don’t care what you do, just don’t do it here. Twilight, I love you, but I’m not looking at you right now. Noir, you might be able to kick my arse in a fair fight, but don’t you think for a fucking second that I won’t jam my foot so far up your arse that you cough up canvas.”

Crimson scratched his head. “... I guess I’ll get going.” And so he did.

Twilight looked confused. “I love you, amour.”

“I love you too. Go home.” I said tersely.

Twilight teleported out after a moment and Noir looked at me with her chin held high. “We will speak later, Maximus.”

“Bugger off.” I curled my lip.

‘I love you so much right now’ Noir said telepathically.

‘Feeling’s mutual, Blackberry’ I responded.

Celestia gave me a worried look when Noir teleported out. “Max, is everything okay?”

“My housemates are fucking wearing on me, Celestia. I go a little overboard with celebrating Noir coming back to Equus, one night, and they think I need a fucking intervention or something! I’m a grown-ass man, Celestia, and if I think my drinking’s getting out of control again, I’ll fucking handle it!” I said hotly.

She laid a hand on my arm tenderly. “Max, please. I don’t know if Crimson knows you that well, but Twilight and Noir wouldn’t gang up on you unless they were truly worried.” I glared at her. “...I suppose you don’t really want to hear that.”

Noir let me know that she’d collected Crimson and that she’d explained what was going on to Twilight and was casting another scrying spell so we could all keep our story straight. “You’re fucking right about that, Celestia. Fucking seriously, I know if I’m getting out of hand. Shit, it was literally one night! I just got back from the Everfree at that!”

Celestia looked like she wanted to hug me, so I rolled my eyes and came in for one. “Look, Max, I know it might not be what you want to hear, but they’re just looking out for you, okay? Can you even tell me what happened last night?”

I looked off to the side guiltily. “...No.”

“Then maybe you should slow down, let someone else moderate for you. I’m sure Noir would be great at judging when you’ve had enough.” She suggested.

I sighed and let go of her, giving her a look. “This really isn’t helping, Celestia.”

She gave me a sad smile. “Then I hope you’ll come around on your own. I need to get back to Day Court, but if you ever need a friendly ear…”

“I know Celestia. Thank you.” I said evenly.

She nodded and teleported away. When I was sure that she was gone, I threw my arms up and laughed my fucking arse off because I got away with it, clean and kosher. I didn’t celebrate by myself for long because Twilight, Crimson, and Noir came back rather quickly and Noir gave me a fantastic hug.

“That was well put together, Maximus! Very well done!” Noir praised.

She let me go and I faced Twilight with a grin. “So? What did you think?”

Twilight gave me a look. “You know Celestia probably thinks you have a drinking problem now, right?”

“Yeah, but at least she’s not sticking her hoof up my arse. Come on, you’re glad we got away with it too, aren’t you?” I poked her.

She tried looking upset, but she begrudgingly gave up the smile. “Alright, so you’re a phenomenal actor. I was so lost when you started shouting!”

Crimson chuckled. “I still don’t approve of you messing with the Princesses, but I see how you convinced Elfriede that you were a rebel instead of an assassin. How did you manage to trick Celestia so easily? I though she would’ve used a lie detecting spell or something.”

I raised a brow at him. “When did I lie? The story I told her was pure fiction, but she never asked if I was the one who was fingering her mouth.”

He gave me a funny look. “Your version of the truth is warped.”

I shrugged. “I try not to tell lies. I say half of the truth and omit the ugly bits.”

“Try it with me and I’ll be very upset, Max.” Twilight said firmly.

“You don’t pay enough attention for me to ever get caught.” I huffed.

“First, I do pay attention! Second-” My fiance started.

“Hey Twilight, one of my eyes is blue.” I cut in.

She looked at me like I was retarded. “Shut up Max.” She took the time to actually look. “...Oh.”

I rolled my eyes. “Second?”

“...Well, I was going to say that I trust you enough to not really worry about it.” She said, clasping her hands together.

I gave her kiss for being sweet. “Thank you, Cherry.”

“Why do you name your favored women after berries?” Noir asked.

“Well, I don’t think they really have anything to do with each other. Twilight blushes like a cherry and you smell like blackberries.” I explained

Noir looked at me funny. “I do?”

Twilight leaned over and sniffed her. “You smell like a normal mare to me.”

“What does Twilight smell like?” Crimson asked.

“Grapes and wine.” I answered. “How did you not know that I think you smell like blackberries?” I asked Noir.

She shrugged. “It never came up and I try not to intrude on what you think of me. I actively avoid any information that deals with me that comes from you.”

“Huh.” I said eloquently.

Twilight stood next to me and grabbed my hand. “So what are we doing today? Introducing Noir around town?”

Pinkie came out of a cabinet and stepped into my dining room with a donut in her hand. “The party’s going to be here at seven o’clock sharp, so make sure you’re back by then, okay?”

I gave her a look. “How many times do I have to tell you to stop breaking space in my house?”

She shrugged. “I dunno. If you spanked me, it might actually stick!”

I rolled my eyes and Crimson coughed. “Uh, Pinkie. How long have you been in there?”

“I dunno. I don’t keep track of time too good.” Pinkie sneezed and confetti came out.

“You used that one already.” I said casually, looking at the mess I was going to have to clean up.

Pinkie went to sneeze again. “I swear to fucking God, if you sneeze glitter, you’re doing the cleaning!” I warned.

She stopped and started pulling a handkerchief from her mosquito bites. There was another tied to the first one, and another tied to the second one, and so on and so forth. “How about this!?” She yelled, rapidly removing the only reason she looked like she had breasts.

I gave my verdict. “Easier to clean up, so it’s fine.”

Pinkie nodded and climbed back into the cabinet once there was about fifteen meters of linen on my floor. Twilight sighed and Crimson looked at me. “Seriously?”

I shrugged, knowing what he meant. “The girl’s talented, mate.”

He sighed and pinched his nose. “I’m going to go take a walk. I’ll see you all at seven.”

“Later, Licorice Lad.” I said. He gave me a look.

“Licorice Lad?” Twilight asked. “I kinda like it.”

Crimson groaned and left. I was tempted to put a finger in his arse, but he might not have been as opposed to the idea as I might’ve hoped, so I left it out for the time being. “So. Who wants to prank Cadance and Shining too?” I asked.

Noir lifted a hand and Twilight looked uneasy. “I don’t know, Max. Shining isn’t fond of pranks.”

“It’ll be harmless! I’ll just poke him from a bunch of directions and it’ll be funny to watch him freak out.” I said innocently.

Twilight thought about it for a moment and cast the Scrying spell. Noir cast another so we could have multiple angles to work with, and so I started poking and prodding Shining while he was barking orders to a bunch of guards. I started by lightly tugging on his mane, which made him whirl around with a fist ready to deck whoever had dared to mess with him. There was no one to be upset with, so I tapped his back and he whirled around again. I tugged on his tail, palmed his arse, stuck a finger in his mouth, poked his eye (gently), tickled his throat, and gave him a wet willy and stuck my finger up his nose. The fellow was furious beyond belief, but Twilight was laughing too hard to care and Noir was too busy dying on the floor to care about what happened next until I told them both that I was going to drop ice down his trousers. They both watched carefully when I did it, and when Shining felt it, he went bright red and started doing the funniest little dance to try and get the ice cubes away from HIS cubes. Unfortunately for him (luckily for us), his trousers were far too tight for his own good and he had to fish them out in front of a good number of men and women who were having trouble holding back laughter of their own. Shining teleported away and the scene shifted after a few seconds of latency to find him talking to Cadance.

He was going on and on about there being some sort of perverted, prankster ghost in their castle and Cadance was just giving him the oddest look like he’d finally lost his mind or something. I asked Twilight permission to do the next thing and she gave it happily, so when I stuck a finger in Cadance’s honeypot, we waited for her to react. She froze and sat stock still, so I wiggled my finger about and she lit up so brightly, she easily could’ve been mistaken for a Pony shaped Christmas light. I wasn’t done quite yet, so I split my focus a little and eased my middle finger into the back door and she hopped off of her throne, holding the front and the back, absolutely losing her shit while Noir, Twilight, and myself all lost our shit. After a minute of that, I removed the finger from Cadance’s pussy and put it in her mouth, and once she realized that she was tasting herself, she tried her damndest to get my finger out of her mouth. I felt bad for her, so I removed it, but I didn’t feel all that bad for her. I decided that she’d done enough fucking of Shining’s arse to warrant a little of her own and added a second finger to her bum and that almost made her start crying, so I stopped messing with her entirely and had Twilight and Noir shut down their Scrying spells before she actually could. Thankfully I’d recognized it before Twilight could, saving myself some thorough chiding, but Noir still gave me a tongue lashing mentally that I had to try and be serious for.

I asked if there was anyone else either of them wanted to prank, but before they could say anything, one person came to my mind. Noir’s dark smile coupled with my own made Twilight a little nervous, so I told her that she could skip this one, but that it was going so happen one way or another since I could get away with it. Twilight decided to stay, and when Noir pulled up an image of Chrysalis in a strange looking castle of black stone. Now, I’m a little ashamed to say that my first thought was to punch her in the face, but I had too my witnesses for that, so I just made a stop in my kitchen and got a handful of grapes. Twilight asked what they were for and I showed her, placing one in the back of Chrysalis’ throat. The Bug Queen screwed up her face and I’m sure she inhaled the wrong way because she started choking. I wasn’t trying to actually kill her, so after five seconds of that, I poked the grape out of her windpipe and into her mouth and she spat it out, looking at the thing like it had come from nowhere, which it technically had. A few of her servants asked if she was alright, and as she was telling them about the grapes, I put another one in her mouth.

Noir started chuckling at the sheer level of ‘What the fuck?’ on Chrysalis’ face, but there was more to come. She spat that grape out and I filled her mouth with seven of them at once and she spat those out too before I popped one into the other hole. It was pure guess work, and I didn’t like what I felt when I did it, but the green blush on her face was priceless, so I suspended my disgust and added a few more, though Twilight asked what I was doing that was making her blush. I said that I was fermenting grapes and she didn’t understand that, so we moved on to our next victim- target.

Elfriede was looking rather annoyed already, so I figured that she could do with some light pranking. I pulled on her tail a little bit, ruffled some feathers, and tugged on a claw or two before she let out a frustrated shriek and started swiping at the air. I patted her back a bit awkwardly she tried her best to cut my hand off, but I was too quick for her. I wasn’t trying to piss her off too terribly, so I decided that it would be best to move on to some of our friends or something since I was sure that torturing them would be amusing too. Noir suggested that we just keep it to royalty, so I asked if we should revisit the Royal Sisters, but when we Scryed them, Luna was talking to Celestia about a finger in her mouth and Celestia was saying the same thing, but I had the brilliant idea of copping a feel on Celestia first, then switching targets to Luna. I alternated between them, and when their horns lit up and they tried to catch me, I waited, washed my hands, and went back to stick my finger in their mouths. I let Luna taste Celestia this time around. I asked Noir to write me a note real quick, and when she had it in big, blocky letters, I dropped it in front of Luna and she caught it out of the air. She blushed and frowned deeply before showing it to Celestia. Twilight was rather curious as to what the note said since I hadn't actually vocalized my request to Noir, but neither of us told Twilight what was on the paper.

Celestia did it for us, however, and when the words, ‘I wanna see some hot, sister on sister action’ escaped her lips, Twilight gasped and hit me, stating that siblings should never be pressured into doing something like that. Luna obviously felt the same way because she cursed the being who wrote the note like no other. Moments later, Cadance popped in and started spilling her experiences, clearly shaking and quite terrified, though Shining was a lot more stoic about his troubles with the ghost. Celestia and Luna mentioned that they had just come to me, and when they got a certain look in the eyes, Noir teleported herself and Twilight back to the Treebrary and I grabbed the bottle of whiskey I’d been drinking last night. When they arrived a few moments later, I was sitting at my kitchen table staring at it like it had just done a fucking backflip.

Celestia came over and snatched the bottle away from me angrily. “Maximus! Seriously?”

I threw my arms up. “I haven’t even done anything yet!” I let my tongue get a bit lazy.

She gave me a sniff. “I smell alcohol on your breath, you liar!”

I glared at her. “I had a couple sips and stopped! I’m obviously not drunk!”

“The way your talking has told me otherwise. “This bottle was full when you started, wasn’t it?” She asked rhetorically.

Cadance put a hand on her shoulder. “Celestia, are there circumstances that I need to know about?”

Celestia stole my whiskey and continued glaring at me. “It would appear that Max’s drinking really is getting out of hand. Do we need to have a talk, Max?”

I curled my lip at her. “No. God, I wish I could Shadow Dive right now.”

Cadance tilted her head. “The thing you do when you teleport?”

Celestia nodded. “Max lost his Dark Magic, but that’s not important right now. What is important is that a Prince of Equestria seems to be heading down a dark path, again, like you didn’t learn your lesson the first time!”

I rolled my eyes. “Leave me alone, will you? Don’t you have actual royal shit to do?”

Celestia looked at Cadance, but neither of them said anything since they were totally ignoring the royal shit they had to do. Luna spoke up. “Maximus, have you been pranking today?”

Well, I just consider it fucking with people, so… “Arguing, yes. Pranking, no. I just got back from the murder forest. I don’t give a shit about pranking at the moment.”

Luna narrowed her eyes. “Did you violate Cadance today?”

I felt my heart skip a beat and I conjured up some false fury, rising from my seat at the table. “I don’t give a bloody fuck who you are, but dontcha ya fuckin’ dare come into my home accusin’ me of fuckin’ rubbish like that! Anythin’ I do to any woman is fucking consensual, and-”

Celestia and Cadance stepped between me and Luna. “...I don’t think Max has really had the time for pranking, girls.” Cadance said softly after a long moment of silence.

Celestia nodded. “I think our boundary-breaking prankster lies elsewhere. Max, we didn’t mean to upset you-”

“Just get the fuck outta my house already.” I said hotly.

Luna teleported and got in my face. “Can you use your magic for prankery, tricks, or to mess with people?”

I looked at her like she was retarded. “I don’t fucking know. Maybe? I could steal someone’s cake or something, but I don’t know what the fuck else I could use this shit for. I understand it, but I haven’t even had a full day to experiment with it yet!”

Luna levelled a glare at me and I decided to prove that I wasn’t doing anything. I didn’t know how much I could control the visible effects, but I was wearing a long sleeve shirt anyway, so I told them that I was going to go smoke a lot of weed, and as I was walking away, I stuck a finger in everyone’s arse and withdrew it after a moment. The three Princesses (And Shining who’d been silent the entire time), chased me into my living room and I whipped around, asking what the fuck their problem was, running about in my house like they were crazy. Luna immediately accused me of pulling some shit, so I took a few seconds to activate my True Theft and showed them that it was going to take awhile for my power to activate. Then I used it to throw an apple at Luna, though it was caught by magic. Celestia cast a truth spell on me and asked if I’d done it and I snapped at her, telling her that I hadn't done a damned thing and to get the fuck out of my house if they were just planning on accusing me of shit. Celestia huffed, Luna glared at a wall, Cadance apologized, and Shining kept his mouth shut. They left once more and I decided that nine in the morning seemed like a good cut-off for pranks and stole my bottle of whiskey back from Celestia.

I poured myself a drink and paired it with some coffee to help negate the strength both ways and the shit was good. I figured that I would call it ‘Fuck Juice’, though as I write this, Noir tells me that it’s a stupid combination and I’m a stupid guy for drinking it like it’s just regular coffee. I say otherwise, but I was doing something before that little tangent. Anyway, so Twilight and Noir came back to keep me company and that was nice, so I offered them drinks and they reminded me that it wasn’t even noon yet. I stared them both down and sipped on the bottle I’d reclaimed for Celestia, and what the fuck do you know? Celestia makes her third visit to my house and sees me with a bottle in my hand that I was sure she remembered taking from me.

I gave Celestia a wave. She glared at me. Noir came over and took the bottle from me. Twilight walked over and joined my side, so I licked her horn and she hit me. Celestia pinched her nose and sighed. “Max, stop drinking. Please.”

“Never!” I cried valiantly.

She gave me a look and I rolled my eyes. Twilight spoke before either of us could, however. “Celestia, Max doesn’t have a drink-”

I clapped my hand over her mouth. “And I’d like one right about now. Celestia, anything you take from me, I can take back, no matter where you put it, and if I really want something, I’ll fucking get it, one way or another, so don’t bother trying to hide my shit or have me barred from the local pubs. One way or another I’ll get my liquor, and there isn’t a damn thing anyone in this room can do to stop me.”

Celestia set her jaw. “I could always send you to the Moon until you learn to control yourself.”

Silence echoed harshly throughout the room.

“You fucking what, mate?” I asked incredulously.

Luna bristled. “Sister, I assure you that such a minor problem needs no such recourse.”

“I agree, Auntie Celestia. I’m sure Max is plenty capable of controlling himself.” Cadance added in nervously.

Twilight tugged at the hand I still had clamped over her mouth, but Noir shut her up with magic and said, “Perhaps we should show Max what a trip to the Moon looks like? After all, he seems very intent on going.”

I looked at Noir like she’d just stabbed me in the back. “You can’t be fucking serious! You act like me drinking a little more than I should is tantamount to a hostile takeover!”

Noir shrugged. “You do dumb things when you are drunk. Who is to say that you might not decide to steal our hearts and leave us to die slowly, taking power for yourself?”

Jaws dropped around the room and I hit Noir with my tentacle. It usually would’ve been just a hearty spank, but now seemed like a good time to hit her with something shaped like a door. She barely budged when I hit her, the metal soles of her shoes scuffing my hardwood floors. Noir looked down and fixed it before I could bitch at her in my head, but still. My point was not gotten across, so I made her float and she levitated me.I grabbed her hoof with my tentacle and she narrowed her eyes.

“Maximus, do not dare-” Noir started.

Celestia joined her in the air right as I gave Noir a brutal spin to end all spins. It most certainly was an evil thing to do, but before anyone could stay anything, I got Celestia going too. I looked at the rest of the ladies while Celestia and Noir were cursing me. “Anyone care to join them?”

Cadance shook her head, Luna looked amused, Shining looked horrified and a bit confused, and Twilight glared at me angrily, but she still couldn’t talk until Noir apparently got dizzy enough to lose her grip on her magic. Well, I know she did because I got dropped on my arse.

“It was Max all along! Max pulled the pranks! He’s the one who did whatever it was to everypony!” Twilight blurted.

I glared daggers at her and she rose in the air quickly before I set her spinning too, though I didn’t do it as severely as the others. I looked at Luna first since she was the biggest threat and she was just looking at me levelly, as if she didn’t really give a fuck anyway. I gave Cadance a goosy gander and she was obviously mad, but I wagged a finger at her and shook my head. Shining looked furious and marched over to me, opening his mouth to start shouting, but then he got set spinning too. I reminded myself to slow Noir down a little bit since she’d been making terrible noises and Celestia wasn’t far behind her, but I’d set Shining spinning faster than I’d done to Noir and fully intended on leaving him there, but then I remembered that I was going to have to clean up sick if I didn’t give it a rest, so I looked at Cadance and Luna while Shining was screaming his bloody head off like a pansy.

I looked to Luna. “I’ll steal something you want. I can give you a keepsake from the Moon, a piece of the Sun: anything. The only thing I refuse to do is kill something for the sake of getting it.”

Luna nodded. “I will allow you to get away with it just this once. I want a star.”

I raised a brow at her. “Do you know a spell that would make it weightless forever?”

She gave me an odd look. “I do. Why do you ask?”

“Stars are fucking heavy.” I replied simply. “Once it’s out of my hands, it could destroy the planet with its sheer gravitational force.”

Lulu blinked. “...Perhaps just a piece of a star.”

I nodded. “And so it shall be. Find something you want to put it in and come back.” I turned to Cadance and once she knew she had my attention, she walked up calmly and prepared to slap my shit.

I wasn’t about to let that happen, so I made her float and she panicked. “W-W-Wait! I-I forgive you!”

I made her come a bit closer and held a finger under her chin, looking her straight in the eyes. “Do you really?” I heard Noir made a terrible noise and held up a finger. “One moment.” I stopped Noir and slowed Celestia and Twilight down a bit more, but Shining was still going at full tilt. “You were saying.”

Cadance craned her neck to look at her husband. “A-Aren’t you going to slow Shining down too?”

I raised a brow. “No. He and his father hate me already and Twilight’s not telling me to stop. I see no reason to ease the suffering of someone who considers me an enemy.”

She gave me a pleading look. I rolled my eyes. “Fine, but it counts as Shining’s request.” I received an incredulous one. “Oi, he chose to start-”

Shining was sick all over my fucking house. Like, that shit went everywhere, and I do mean everywhere. No one was spared, but before anyone could start being ill from either the smell or the fact that they’d just been covered in sick, Luna cleaned it up with Magic. I gave her a thumbs up and she just shook her head, crossing her arms. I still didn’t stop Shining.

Cadance looked at him for a moment and back at me. “Let him spin.”

I gave her a look. “What for? So he can get sick all over something else?” I stopped him suddenly and he heaved, so Luna put him in a bubble. It was funny.

Cadance sighed. “So my forgiveness for a request?”

I nodded. “Specifically something physical that you may have always wanted, or something that you never thought possible to obtain.”

She hung in the air for a moment and Luna came over. “May I suggest that you choose a scale from Ignis? He would never give one to you willingly.”

Cadance’s eyes sparkled for a moment. “But Auntie Luna! It’s not just any Dragon’s scale!”

Luna raised a brow. “Of course-”

“Maximus, I am going to kill you.” Noir said weakly.

I reached through space and stuck my hand between her breasts, wiggling it about and making her giggle anemically, which made me chuckle. Luna gave me a look. “Maximus, what are you doing to her?”

“Tickling.” I answered, straightening up completely.

She gave me a look. “You mean like how you tickled our flanks, or do you mean actually tickling?”

“Well, I can describe it to you. It’s actually-” I started.

“Stop!” Noir cried rather pathetically. “That information is to stay between the two of us!”

I shrugged and kept doing what I was doing. “So I’m tickling her, but not a particularly sexy kind of tickling. It’s fun for both parties.”

Luna rolled her eyes. “I’m leaving to go find a proper container for my star fragment. Stop abusing people, sexually, physically, and emotionally while I’m gone.”

I gave her a look. “No. Go get your thing so I can get you your significantly cooler thing, yeah?”

Luna sighed and walked over to Celestia. She patted her cheek and received a gurgle as a response before heading out. I turned to Cadance. “So you want a scale from this Ignis guy?”

She nodded carefully. “Can you put me down first? Your levitation feels different that a normal Pony’s.”

I put her down like she asked, but when she went to go walk back over to Shining for a moment to check and see if he was okay, she winced. The fellow was dangling a bit above his own sick, though thankfully for him, there wasn’t a ton of it in there. Still, Cadance tried to get him and the sick out, but she just could, holding a hand to her mouth when she gave up. She didn’t seem sad or anything, just a bit frustrated.

“Need a hand, Candy Arse?” I asked.

She gave me a glance. “I do, but we need Luna to come back so we can get Shining out of the bubble.”

I stared at her until she turned around and looked at me. I rolled my eyes and just ‘stole’ him out of the bubble. He slurred some curses at me and burped. “I’ll set you spinning again, mate. I really will.”

Shining looked like he was about to start crying. “Noooooo” He moaned like a lil’ bitch.

Cadance kneeled down and held his head to her chest. “You’re okay, Snookums. I won’t let Max spin you anymore.”

“Fuckin’ stop me then. Like I give a shit.” I chuckled.

Cadance glared at me and I stopped tickling Noir long enough to finish a sentence. “Woman, I’ll put a finger in your ‘flank’.”

She lit up bright red. “I bet you’d like that you bucking pervert!” She snapped.

I shrugged. “Not really. It doesn’t do anything for me, but I would love to cop a feel. I won’t, but I’d like to.”

Twilight groaned some dissent, so I addressed her next. “I know you’re okay, so I’ll check on you in-”

Cadance turned my head and slapped me like I’d put two fingers in her arse without her permission. “Forgiveness officially given!” She huffed.

I rubbed my cheek and gave her a look. “Your forgiveness hurts, Cadance. I’d pretend to be more hurt, but I barely even felt that to be honest with you.”

I got a rise out of her. “Do you want it to hurt!?”

“Yeah.” I replied.

Cadance slapped me again, but a little harder this time.

“Hit me like a fucking woman, Cadance! Quit being soft!” I snarled.

She looked at me like I was crazy and Noir shut my mouth with magic before I could incense her further. I tried to turn around, but Noir was levitating me with my back facing her, so there was precious little I could do. ‘Maximus. We will speak later. Give your remuneration and stop doing what you’re doing.’ Noir said telepathically.

I realized what it was that I was doing, but I didn’t know why I was doing it, so I just sat and floated next to Twilight until I calmed down a bit. Cadance was still staring at me like I’d just asked her to fist me or something. Once I was out of that minor fit of insanity, I let my victims down easy since I didn’t need to see to use telekinesis, but Twilight was still woozy from the spinning. I’d expected her to come around faster since I’d gone easy on her, but she was still pretty well done in. My fiance hit me a couple times, but I didn’t really care, but having her push me away when I put my arms around her shoulders didn’t affect me as much I thought it would. It still twinged, but I practically shrugged it off, and from that, I immediately knew something was seriously wrong. Noir kneeled down and whispered something to Twilight that she didn’t share with me and my fiance huffed, clearly not impressed with what she had to say.

Celestia came over and picked me up by my arm rather roughly. “Maximus, you’ve earned yourself a punishment, and no, I don’t want a damn bribe.” She said harshly. “First you misuse one of the strongest powers on the face of the planet so you can bother Luna and myself. Then you practically violate Cadance and pick on Shining for the better part of thirty minutes, and when I come to you and ask for the truth, you lie to my face!” She boomed, using the full Royal Canterlot Voice. It made my ears ring.

Noir left Twilight’s side and put hands on our shoulders. “Celestia, please, this is not-”

Celestia glared at her with a fury that would have made lesser beings spontaneously combust. “Don’t you dare try to stop me, Noir.” She said lethally. “You may be older, but I guarantee that I am far, far too indignant to give so much as a rat’s tail about what paltry excuse you may have for this lying piece of shit right now.”

Noir nodded. “I am not excusing him, I am asking that you take a moment to calm yourself-”

“We are so far beyond that.” Celestia hissed, tightening her grip on my arm. It actually rather hurt.

I stayed silent because Noir wasn’t going to let me do something I would come to regret. “You know he meant no harm, Celestia. That is-”

Celestia’s grip grew tighter still as her hair flickered and flared like it was catching fire. “I don’t give a damn what he meant to do! How the buck I ever thought someone so ingrained in being such a lecherous, hypocritical, megalomaniacal foal would ever make a half-decent Prince, I’ll never know! Blueblood was better than this!”

Twilight stood next to Noir. “C-Celestia? Maybe we should take a breather-”

“No!” Celestia boomed, masking the crack. I don’t think she was paying enough attention to even feel it. “This- This- This bucking asinine foal has gone too far!”

I couldn’t make a noise. I thought it would hurt worse, but it really wasn’t all that bad. I was going to tell Noir about it, but I thought that it would piss her off more than it would help the situation, so I closed my mind off too her to the best of my abilities and tried not to revel in the sick pleasure.

Noir put her hand on Celestia’s. “Please, Celestia. I’m sure that once I can talk to Max, we can get to the root of the issue.”

Cadance nodded. “It’s like you always said, Auntie. Hot heads don’t solve problems, right?”

Celestia gave her one look and she was gone. Cadance teleported back and took Shining home, but she was back again in a few moments. While she was gone, Twilight took over and tried a different approach. “We’re not saying that you shouldn’t be mad, but Max has done worse things-”

Noir suddenly gripped Celestia’s arm. “I swear to the Heavens, if you don’t let go of my pupil right now, I will eviscerate you.” Her hair, while it had done the wavy flowing thing like Celestia’s usually did, but it had instantly burst into flames of blue that ranged from an Egyptian blue all the way to something indiscernible from a night with no Moon.

I guess she found out that Celestia broke my arm.

Celestia’s face contorted into a look of absolute indignation. “Take your hand off of me.” She seethed.

I shit you not, Noir’s eyes turned black when she said that. I don’t mean that the iris’ went dark, or that her pupils expanded a little bit further than they should have. No, Noir’s eyes became an inky kind of black that I’d never seen before, and I actually feared for Celestia’s eternal life.

‘Don’t do it, Noir. Celestia might rough me up a bit, but I rather do deserve it-’ I thought at her.

Noir didn’t respond to me. “You have three seconds.”

Celestia’s face seemed a bit more strained than it had been before, but she refused to lose to Noir in a battle of will. “Take. Your hand. Off.”

Apparently Noir was counting in her head because in the time it took Celestia to say that, Noir started doing her thing. I felt so bad for my former lover, but in fairness, Noir had given her plenty of warning, and while Cadance and Twilight were watching in shock as a figure on of them barely knew threatened what may have been the second most powerful being in existence, Noir walked her fingers up Celestia’s arm, leaving dark purple marks on her fur as she went along. Celestia stared in awe as her hand unfurled against her will, just as I’d known it would, and suddenly all the pain I should’ve been feeling hit me in the dick like it was a hungry duck and the Ol’ Chap was made of bread. In other words, I’d gotten the pain I desired, but when I opened my mouth to say that it hurt a little bit, nothing came out. Instead, I managed a hoarse whisper that didn’t really make much noise. I mean, I wasn’t exactly trying to howl or anything, but it was definitely an irritation.

Noir pushed me back a bit and stood in front of me. “Maximus is under my protection, Sola.”

The shock that had replaced Celestia’s anger was redoubled. Her hand was still forced into the open position as she spoke. “...How do you know that name?” She asked softly.

Noir’s mane was still a wreath of flame. “I know you as well as Lunaris always has. I have seen you through her eyes for thousands of years. If you have no secrets from her, you have no secrets from me.”

Celestia blinked a couple of times and remembered that she was supposed to be angry. “What did you do to me?” She demanded. She’s not telling you anytime soon.

“If you wish to punish Maximus, that is all well and good. Lay another hand on him and I will do to you what you do him. The only reason I have not done so yet is because he begs me to stay my hand.” Noir said, her tone low and lethal. She released her magic on me and I cleared my throat.

“So… How about that darn Manchester United, yeah?” I tried stupidly.

Noir didn’t move a single centimeter.

I stepped to Noir’s left side and held her hand. “Blackberry, I think we all understand that you’re the strongest in the room. Take a breath and let it go. I’m not even really in pain.”

She didn’t break eye contact with Celestia who said, “I don’t fear you, Noir.” Then you’re a fucking idiot.

Noir didn’t need to mince words. “I will show my strength when it is time.”

“And let’s all be on the same side when that happens, yeah?” I tried.

Cadance coughed and everyone looked at her. “Let’s keep everypony on the same side, okay? You’re the Noir that I met in Max’s dream right?” Noir nodded. “Alright. Then how about we agree on a punishment for Max’s prank-”

“He has been been punished enough.” Noir declared.

Celestia fumed. “He hasn’t been punished at all!”

Noir made me let go of her hand and gestured toward my arm. The shirt itself disappeared and now that I got a good look at it, it was kinda nasty. My shit was purple from the shoulder down, and it was looking pretty bad, all things considered. Like, there was actually blood permeating through my skin, and now that the dark shit I’d been wearing was gone, you could see the droplets rise to the surface, forming a perfect imprint of Celestia’s hand. Twilight gasped and went to touch it before thinking better of it and Cadance paled. I looked to Celestia and her eyes had widened slightly, her heart picking up.

“Oh.” Celestia said softly.

“It’s really fine.” I tried. “It’s not that bad.”

Noir looked at me with those black eyes and I tried to meet her gaze. “It is that bad. We need to heal you before your arm and your True Magic become unusable.”

Celestia’s horn lit up and that process was very unpleasant. It was very, very unpleasant. Apparently we couldn’t afford to let my arm be healed over the course of a few days as it was in its current state, so we needed to do a quick, dirty, painful healing before we could just set it and let it go from there. Celestia poured a lot of magic into healing the mere fragments of shards she’d pulverized my bones into, and if it weren’t for Noir’s retarded training and Luna’s ridiculous regimen, I probably would have passed out or begged someone to cut the damn thing off as I wept. Sadly, feeling pain just isn’t something I really do these days, and when I do, it’s rather easy to ignore it. However, having shards of bone be pulled from your muscle just isn’t a fun process and I made the odd hiss from time to time when shards pulled together. Celestia had Cadance pitch in with the secondary healing of my muscles since she was actually pretty adept at healing tissue, and the entire experience was turned into an opportunity for learning and I’ll give you three guesses as to who was most interested in the learning process.

Once she calmed down a bit, Noir apologized to me for not being able to help in the healing process, but I didn’t feel as though it was terribly necessary and said as much. Instead of beleaguering the point, she chastised me for not letting her know that my arm had been broken in the first place and I couldn’t really tell her that I was sorry. She just shook her head and asked if I would mind bringing Jovia out for a few minutes. I nearly shrugged, but Cadance held my shoulder and advised me against moving while I was being put back together. I tapped my ring twice to see if Jovia would indeed come out and she did, floating out and yawning like she’d just had a great nap. Celestia stopped healing me when she came out and asked if I’d seriously dabbled in Black Magic and I looked at Noir scratching my head.

Noir shrugged, but before she could answer, Luna came back with a strange crystal looking thing, and when she saw everyone crowded around me, she asked what was going on. Celestia told her that she’d gotten a little too upset with me and had crushed my arm, and if I hadn't gotten a slight endurance boost from going through the Alicornification process, my arm would literally be useless for the rest of my life, if I could even keep it.. Still, it should’ve been a valuable lesson in not fucking with people, but it wasn’t one I was going to learn any time soon.

Luna asked if I could still get her a piece of a star, so I asked Celestia and Cadance to stop for a moment so I could do that. They both told me that I was about to experience some immense pain if they did stop, but then I told Cadance that I’d get her scale too if she would be willing to Scry the Ignis fellow so I could know who I was looking at. Cadance said that she didn’t want it that badly and Twilight cut in, telling us that Cadance had always wanted one of Ignis’ scales for as long as she’d known her and Cadance blushed, rescinding her previous statement. I told Twilight to stop snitchin’ on people and she asked what the term meant, so I explained that we could’ve gotten away with our prank if she hadn't had such a big mouth.

There was a little dissent when I said that, namely from Celestia and Cadance. Both of them asked if Twilight and Noir had been in on my nonsense and I told on them like I was getting paid to do so, even going so far as to tell them about the Scrying spells that had been used so we could watch as I worked. Celestia and Cadance glared at Twilight and Noir, but my mentor wasn’t phased in the slightest since she was still working out some of that protective/possessive fury. Twilight, however, practically shriveled under their gazes and startled babbling about how she’d thought they were just harmless little gestures when I’d started. I rolled my eyes and asked if we could get to the immense pain already and Celestia cut her magic off then and there. Cadance let it trickle away since she still gave a damn about me being hurt, but when the pain came, it wasn’t unmanageable or anything. In fact, it sucked, but it really wasn’t super shit like I’d been expecting it to me. I just looked at my arms and grabbed my wrist with my right hand, feeding it through the dimensions so I could grab myself some star for Luna.

She came up to me and I put her piece of the second brightest star in the sky (the one after the Sun) into her little whatchamacallit and the crystal thing darkened so that it wasn’t actually blinding. One it took hold, I let it go and drew my hand back, asking Cadance to Scry the Ignis fellow so I could try and coax a scale from his hide. She nodded and did so, but she was rather slow compared to Noir and Twilight, so I just sat there with my arm aching up a storm while it took her two minutes to conjure up a half decent picture of the guy. I asked her to bring us a bit closer with the image and she said that she couldn’t, so I just guided my arm a bit and felt around until I had one of his scales. I tugged at it a little bit, but nothing happened, so I tried easing it away from his hide. Much to my surprise, when I thought about the scale just slipping away from him, it did and I was able to reclaim my hand. Ignis wasn’t terribly happy about losing a scale suddenly and complained about something called a chigger until he realized that he was straight up missing a scale on his arm. Once he knew it just wasn’t there he raged about losing scales while he was only in the first half of his second millennia. We cut the connection after that I I looked at the thing I was supposed to be giving to Cadance.

It was probably one of the prettiest little things I’d ever seen. It was a jet black scale that shone in the light with a wonderful iridescence that made me want one for myself so I could see if I could make a knife or something out of it. Honestly, the guy must have been huge since the single scale I took was the size of my fucking palm, but still, it seemed like Cadance wanted it a lot more than I did, so I transferred it to my right hand and gave it to her. She immediately apologized for smacking me, but I told her that I’d been asking for it and would happily continue irritating her if it meant that I’d get to cop a feel. Twilight hit me for that, forgetting that her usual spot was full of bone shards at the moment, and when I winced, she remembered and apologized, although she still nagged me for messing with people in the first place. When I put a finger on her nose, she just swatted my hand away and gave me a stern look, so I asked for a kiss and she told me that she was still mad that I’d spun her around like a top. I apologized for her being mad and was scoffed at since she’s lame like that, but Noir stepped in and told her that she may as well forgive me now since she wasn’t all that mad. After all, she was still concerned, no one had looked up her skirt, and there wasn’t any lasting damage done.

Twilight sighed and gave me a little peck on the cheek, telling me that we were going to be talking about the way I treated people later if I kept things up. Celestia and Cadance started healing my arm again and that’s when the real nagging began. Cadance got the first go since she was the one I’d gone the furthest on and told me that if I ever touched her Princess Parts without permission again, we wouldn’t be talking for a good while. I promised to keep my hands to the visible bits and she gave me a look before threatening to stop healing my arm. I raised a brow at her and prepared to tell her to stop but Noir shut me up and undid a few buttons on my shirt as if she was my mother or something. She brushed the left half aside and I looked down at the formerly black Seal on my pectoral to find that it was glowing brightly with an eerie greyish-blue tint. It didn’t cast any light, but we knew that something was fucked up with my head again.

It was clear that I wasn’t in my right mind at the moment and that something was affecting me, but it wasn’t clear as to why something that had been put in place for the Dark Magic that used to reside within me was going off. Noir theorized that the last vestiges of Dark Magic were working their way out of my system, and after a quick check by her and Luna, we found that I still had a corrupting amount of Dark Magic residing within me and that it had made me go further than I probably would have. It also explained why I was craving pain, or rather, some sort of feeling, and after Noir drew the rest of it out of me, I stopped craving it and the healing sucked all the more. I grit my teeth and bore it for the sake of keeping my arm, but Celestia had said that it was going to take time to heal my arm until it was usable.

I asked if we could take a break and sit in my living room, but Celestia said that it was probably just going to be that much worse if we stopped again. I sighed and took the time to sincerely apologize for spinning everyone and fingering Cadance without an invitation and though the women around me were still upset with me, they told me I was forgiven since I hadn't been in my right mind. I apologized again for not recognizing it this morning when I woke up cold during fucking summer, but Twilight gave me a real kiss and told me that I’d already been forgiven, but Catholic Guilt™ had me feeling pretty awful for treating my friends unfairly, even if I wasn’t really all that upset about making Shining spew. Speaking of, I did get bitched at for that when Cadance told Twilight what had happened since my fiance had been preoccupied, but when Noir reminded her that I was under the influence of magic that turned me into a sadistic masochist, she shut up.

After about an hour and a half of healing, my arm was usable again, though Celestia and Cadance had left a fracture or two since they couldn’t find them. I assured them that it would heal on its own soon enough, but I still wanted to give Celestia something for messing with her and I asked Cadance if she’d known of anything that Shining wanted that I could give him. Celestia waited until Cadance whispered what Shining wanted in my ear and I went upstairs to my Toy Closet and dropped the thing off with him. I came back downstairs to hear Twilight, Noir, Celestia, Cadance, and Luna talking about me behind my back, but I figured that I deserved a bit of bad mouthing for my actions earlier. However, when I left them in the kitchen and went to the living room to brood (Not sulk. Bitches sulk, men brood), I was interrupted after a few minutes by Twilight who was wearing a rather worried look. She sat down next to me and offered her hand to me, but when I hesitated to take it, she reached over and grabbed my own.

“Max, I’m sure you would only do stuff like that to me since you know I’m okay with it.” She said softly. “Don’t beat yourself up over stuff you couldn’t really control.”

I closed my eyes. “I could’ve at least tried.” I squeezed her hand. “...I don’t have an excuse. I deserve a punishment, regardless of whatever influenced my mind.”

Twilight kissed my jaw. “Amour, you know I love you, right?”

I looked at her and gave her a half-assed smile. “I don’t know how, but yeah, I do.”

She covered my hand with her other one. “It’s not because you’re a bad-colt, or because you’re charismatic. It’s because you’re so lovably sweet, and funny, and tender, but at the same time, you’re tough, and stoic, and polite.” I gave her a look for the last one. “Okay, you’re polite when you want to be, but my point stands. You’re not a molester. You don’t torture ponies for laughs. You don’t lie to your friends for anything other than pranks, and you just-”

Her words made my heart ache, so I leaned in and kissed her, savoring the flavour of her lips and the innocent warmth that spread from my head to my toes. Twilight prepared to pull away after a few seconds, but when our lips parted, she came back for another, longer kiss that made me a feel better and took the ache away from my arm and heart. I’ve said it multiple times, but Twilight’s embrace is like the perfect drug to me, and there’s nothing that would ever convince me to give it up. She is my all, and I was so glad that she was still willing to be around me, even though I’d pulled some serious shit earlier.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and absently swatted it away the annoyance seeming less severe since I was still kissing my love, but when it actually pulled me away from her, I was a little upset. I glared at Celestia and she looked at me, brow raised. I looked past her to see that Cadance was wearing a pleasant smile and that Noir and Luna were looking on rather passively.

‘Slip her some tongue next time.’ Noir told me telepathically.

‘Will do.’ I answered.

I looked back to Celestia. “I was enjoying that.”

She gave me a dry look. “I’m sure you were. While you were kissing Twilight, Cadance, Noir and I came up with something you could do to fill your time while you don’t have anything to do instead of pulling pranks on people.”

“Is it kissing Twilight?” I asked cheekily.

I earned myself another look. “No. You’re going to be putting together that team you never bothered telling me about. Thank you for that, by the way.”

“You let me believe Crimson was dead and then you made him my employee. You have no room to talk.” I replied evenly.

Celestia sighed. “Fair enough. Do we need to talk about that?”

“No. You suck sometimes and that’s all there is to it.”

Twilight glared at Celestia. “You two might not need to talk, but we sure do. You might be even with Max, but you still hurt him when he didn’t hurt you, Celestia, and I’m not too happy about that.”

Celestia looked at her sadly. “We will talk, Twilight. I understand that you are upset-”

“Shove it.” My fiance replied hotly.

The Diarch’s eyes widened and I looked at Twilight. “I love you.”

She spared me a glance. “I love you too.”

Celestia let it go at that. “We will have our talk, Twilight. Max, there is something I want you to steal for me.”

“Ask and it’s yours.” I replied.

Twilight made a disapproving noise. “I don’t think you should be giving something to somepony who broke your arm.”

I looked at her. “Well, she helped fix what she broke, so I think that should count for something.”

Twilight gave me a look and I made a face. “I’m giving you something too, but that’ll have to wait for our wedding day. It’s not a favour, but it’ll be pretty.”

Twilight perked up a bit. “Is it a ring?”

I rolled my eyes. “”It might be. It could be the penis for all you know.”

She lit up and Celestia coughed. “The thing I want is a sword.”

I looked at her. “Scry it.”

And so she did. Through the rift, I would see a rather ornate scabbard, though the handle seemed elegant though utilitarian. I was rather fond of it, but the surrounding black stone seemed awfully familiar since I’d seen it earlier in the day. The sword was hanging on a weapon rack that looked similar to one of mine, though the main difference was that those weapon racks actually had things things on them. My weapon racks had been metaphorically collecting dust. I reached in and took the sword, but when I held it, the weight wasn’t negated at all, so I was a little surprised by the weight of it. Celestia’s eyes gleamed, but as she reached for it, I held up a finger and drew the piece from its sheath. When I had it out, I noticed that the metal was white and that the tip and middle were flared a bit and that the thirty or so centimeters from the crossguard were thinner. It seemed like a well balanced, well crafted piece to me, and it was most definitely good for hacking, but the well pointed tip was just as good for piercing. It was a lethal blade, and I was rather fond of it myself, but again, I was sure that the intended recipient wanted it more than I did.

“So why are we stealing a sword from Chrysalis?” I asked.

Celestia blinked. “I didn’t know that she was the one who’d stolen it. This was my sword from millennia past, and I haven’t seen it since Luna and I took the Castle in the Everfree.”

“Huh. Well, Chrysalis probably stole it from ya.” I said bluntly.

She gave me a look. “You don’t know that. I wouldn’t put it past her, but you don’t know for sure.”

I rolled my eyes and looked at Twilight. “Is there anything you want. Cherry? A book, perhaps? A rare scroll?”

Twilight leaned in quickly and pressed her lips against mine for a moment. “As long as I can steal a kiss, I don’t think I want anything from you.”

“I’m sorry, but can I borrow one? I’ll give it back to you later.” I promised.

Twilight smiled and gave me another one, but I knew we wouldn’t be allowed to enjoy it for long. Still, I held onto her until Noir pulled us away from each other. “Am I to be allowed a reward for tolerating you as well?”

I gave her a look. “You could just ask me for something and I’d get it for you. Granted, that’s true for everyone in this room, but it’s doubly so for you and Twilight.”

Noir nodded and Scryed a familiar sword. A grin broke out on both of our faces, but as I reached for it, Celestia stayed my hand with magic. “Wait! Max, that sword is cursed!”

Noir gave her a look. “Who do you think cursed it?”

The white one looked at her. “...That sword roasts hands off of people.”

“It won’t allow anyone to wield it if I don’t want them to. I am allowing Max to wield it for the small amount of time that it will take for him to get it for me.” My mentor responded.

Celestia teleported it and levitated it in the air for a few moments. “This was always a terrifying piece that Luna wouldn’t let me have melted. I suppose I know why now.”

Noir grasped her claymore and unsheathed the behemoth. “Oh my sweet, darling Mordemor! How I’ve missed you so!” She beamed like she was a child with a ten scoop tall ice cream cone before kissing the blade.

‘Now lick it.’ I thought at her.

She gave me a look. “I am not going to lick it.”

Celestia looked between us. “There’s still a link between you two, isn’t there?”

Noir nodded. “I left a piece of my soul with Max to fill the space where I previously occupied. That, and when he placed me into my body, he took a piece of his own soul along with mine.”

Cadance made a strangled noise and Twilight gasped. Luna just nodded and said, “I would expect that to happen. Max does have poor aim.”

“Bitch, I’ll pee on you from here.” I said irritably. She was only a couple of meters away, so it was a real possibility.

Luna glared at me. “Pee on me and I’ll rip it off.”

Noir sheath Mordemor. “I would chop it off if you did something so disgusting.”

Twilight hugged my arm. “How about the ruling Princesses leave my poor little Amour alone?”

Pretty much every eye turned to her, but for once, she actually held firm, so I took her hand in mine and kissed her horn. “Thank you, Cherry.”

Noir sighed and sat beside me on the couch. Silence filled the room for awhile before Celestia asked, “Just to be clear, does Max really have a drinking problem?”

Twilight and Noir shook their heads. “If he did, we would handle it.” Noir replied.

“I think Max would be able to see it for himself.” Twilight said supportively.

Celestia nodded. “Then I suppose there isn’t a reason for me to be here anymore. Max, if you make me taste my sister’s tongue again, I’m anally ruining you.”

My heart started beating strangely and I gagged. “Yeah, no. I’m good.”

She nodded. Luna tilted her chin upwards. “If you make me taste Celestia’s tongue, we’re doing more training. And then I’ll anally destroy you.”

“Note taken. Arse protected.”

Cadance came over and sat on my lap, surprising everyone in the room. In my ear, she whispered, “I wouldn’t mind if you did it again just send me a note beforehand, okay? Pretend to be scared.”

I checked my nails. “You can threaten all you want Cadance, but until you demonstrate to everyone how exactly you fuck Shining in the arse-” She hit me, blushing.

“Insufferable.” Cadance huffed, hopping off of my lap. “I’ll see you later, Max. Goodbye Noir, I hope to see you again. Auntie Celestia, Auntie Luna, Twilight, I love you and I’ll see you later.”

We all said our goodbyes and the Royals Sisters followed her soon after, bidding us goodbye. Noir told me that I wasn’t allowed to reach through the dimensions and give them each a pat on the arse, so I just did it to Twilight while she was still sitting down and my fiance just sighed, saying that this power was the worst possible thing that could’ve been given to me. Noir and I agreed wholeheartedly, but then I started tickling Noir the same way I had been earlier and she hit me a couple of time before I stopped. Twilight asked what I’d been doing to her, and I asked Noir’s permission to tell her, and when I did, Twilight asked why I’d been fondling another girl in front of her. Noir explained that there just wasn’t much we hadn't done to each other, one way or another, except anything including anal. Anal was off limits for both parties. Twilight voiced some displeasure with how close we were, but I reminded her that Noir and I were bonded at the level of our very souls, and I reminded Twilight that I wasn’t exactly lusting after or anything. Noir and I were just fond of messing with each other. Twilight wanted to know for a fact that we weren’t going to be doing anything behind her back, so I swore to her that I would never touch Noir inappropriately for the sake of lust. Twilight didn’t want me to touch her inapproiately at all, so I asked what the issue was.

Noir left the room so we could talk between ourselves, even though she would know what the conversation was about anyway. Once she was gone Twilight explained that she felt a little threatened by the advent of someone who she knew that I loved and cared for so deeply into our physical lives, but I assured her that Noir and I had only had sex the one time and that we’d just never gone further than that. The first really was the last, and though we cuddled from time to time, it was more that I needed comfort or Noir wanted physical affection and I was willing to give it to her since she was so damnably pleasant most of the time. Twilight asked how I could possibly cuddle with someone so much taller than anyone else she’d ever met and I asked her to give Noir a try when it comes to the TLC. Twilight seemed a little interested, but she tried to lie through her body language and said that she wasn’t comfortable cuddling with someone that size and I called her out on it since I thought it would be a pleasant experience for them.

She tried to get out of the act, but I wasn’t having it and had Noir come out of the kitchen so they could give it a shot. I asked them to start with hugs and went upstairs to go change and smoke or something while they prepared to get started. Noir had truly ruined my shirt, so I swapped it for a short sleeve since it was actually a little warm in my house and grabbed my smoking kit and some herb to pass the time. My mentor told me that Twilight had been fond of the hugs once she’d gotten her to my height, and when she went in for a kiss after Twilight meekly suggested that they try it, they started warming up to each other even more. Granted, Noir already loved Twilight because she saw so much good in her and knew her as well as I did, but we were trying to get my fiance up to speed on the whole mutual affection thing.

It was nice to hear that Twilight was comfortable with being Noir’s little spoon after an hour or so of giving each other a shot, and when Twilight fell asleep in Noir’s arms, I had to come downstairs and see for myself. It was fucking adorable. It was so adorable, I had to take a picture of the moment, and Noir smiled warmly for the camera with Twilight in her arms. It was easily one of my favourite pictures of all time and placed it in the ‘Special Moments’ page in my scrapbook once the pictures developed properly. It was a sweet moment beyond all others, and I couldn’t keep myself away from it for too long. I came back and laid my head on Noir’s shoulder for a little while until about four when Twilight woke up. We’d been talking about her and the things we liked about the purple Ali-Mage until she asked who we were talking about blearily. I told her that we’d been talking about her and she asked if she really did snore. I explained that it was a soft snore that always lulled me to sleep when I had trouble getting there, and that she really did look adorable in everything she wore, including the blouse and skirt combo she was wearing at the moment.

Twilight blushed and asked how long she’d been asleep, so we told her and we asked if she would mind going shopping with us. She was all for it and said that she would happily foot the bill, but I told her that I owed it to Noir to pay for her crap, so we went out to Blue’s shop first since that was my favourite place to go and I wanted to introduce them. On the way into town, we saw a gaggle of geese that seemed familiar, so I said hello and they honked back until they recognized who I was. Then I got fucking swarmed with all of them asking me how I’d been except for the one who I assumed had given me the news of their mother’s passing. When Noir started licking her lips, I decided it was time to go and promised to buy them all some bread when we got into town, so I took them by the bakery and passed out a whole loaf of some soft whole wheat bread that I thought they’d be able to digest easily enough. I tore them each off a chunk, and when I finished, I had enough for a little snack.

Twilight, Noir, and I continued on to Blue’s shop and I introduced Noir as my counselor and the voice in my head, which got me hit by my lover come abuser. Blue was thrilled to meet my mentor, though she asked why she hadn't met her before and Noir explained that she’d been bonded to my soul and that I was the only one who could talk to her easily. That, and she was considered a national secret until now, so there was always that. Blue was a little less thrilled, but she hid it well and asked what Noir’s parents had fed her so that she would get so tall. Noir said that she ate bad ‘foals’ and the occasional good one to get her point across and that was when I realized that she actually had canine teeth. Like, they weren’t terribly noticeable, but they were a little pointy and they existed all the same. Noir told me that they were actually there because she’d filed her teeth to a point to eat meat more easily and that was a bit of a scary thought.

Either way, Blue didn’t carry much in Noir size since there weren’t people Noir’s size, well, anywhere to be honest. She did had a few sports bras and some knickers that would fit her since they were geared toward the more well-endowed women anyway, and Blue’s Cutie Mark had something or other to do with Tailoring, so she was able to spend a couple hours on getting Noir a workable piece. Blue sent me off with a special request order and Noir’s measurements so I could go and give them to Rarity, but I was pretty sure she didn’t like me at the moment, so I was a little iffy about going. I asked why Twilight couldn’t go in my stead and Twilight told me that I could easily convince Rarity to do pretty much anything if I put my mind to it. She wasn’t necessarily wrong, so I took my happy arse halfway across town the the Carousel Boutique.

When I got there, I knocked before entering since I was there on personal business, but then I realized that I was most likely going to have to pay for shit anyway since Rarity still didn't like me much. I sighed before just letting myself and when I walked in, Rarity was actually coming to the front room with a dejected look on her face as if something had been worrying her or was on her mind. I felt like I should do something to cheer her up, but then again, the bitch still wouldn’t forgive me over some shit I couldn’t control, so I was leaning more toward a civil discussion.

After Rarity looked up and saw that it was me, her shoulders slumped further and she pinched her nose. “Maximus.”

“Hullo, Rares. I’d like to say I came for personal business, but I rather need you to make some things for a friend.” I gave her a contrite smile.

Rarity rolled her eyes. “What do you want?”

I felt the old beast rise up and prepare to lash out at her attitude, so I snapped my fingers softly and held out the small envelope Blue had given me. “As I said, Miss Rarity, I need some personal effects made for a friend and I happen to be confident in your skill. The people I would trust with this task are few and far between.”

She glared at me. “I’m the only seamstress you know.”

I raised a brow at her. “I am also acquainted with Hoity Toity and I’m sure Fleur would be willing to introduce me to a few more of her friends if I cared to ask. No, I specifically want your handicraft on these garments.”

Rarity blinked and her breath caught. “You know Hoity Toity? Personally?”

I nodded. “I do. He made my the suit I wore for my coronation.”

Her eyes sparkled for a moment, but when she blinked, the sparkle was gone. “Then why don’t you ask him to make what you need?”

“Because he’s neither my friend, nor, in my opinion, as adept in making female clothing and livery as you are.” I said honestly.

She gave me a look. “Flattery will get you nowhere, Darling. Now, if you have nothing else to speak of…” She gestured toward the door.

I walked up to her, staring her down calmly. Rarity frowned hard. “That is not the correct way to leave my shop.”

“Rarity, I’m not asking you for a favor. I’m asking you as a friend-”

“I might’ve been happy that you proposed to Twilight, but make no mistake, Maximus. We aren’t friends.” She said frigidly.

I didn’t let it get to me. “I don’t see why we wouldn’t be.”

“You should be happy I haven’t come after you for sleeping with my sister.” She snapped.

I tilted my head slowly and looked at her like she was fucking crazy. “I didn’t sleep with Sweetie Belle. Who put that frankly disturbing idea in your mind?”

Rarity jammed a finger in my chest. “First you take her virginity and now you lie about it!? For shame, Maximus. I thought you a better stallion than that.”

“I haven’t touched the girl in close to a month, and the last time I did touch her, she complained about me mussing up her hair like I always did before I left for Earth. Rarity, I refuse to sleep with Sweetie Belle for a similar reason to why I refuse to sleep with Pinkie, and that’s because I see them both as children.”

Rarity’s glare could have frozen alcohol. “I’ve heard quite enough from you. Leave.”

I leaned in and looked at her levelly, gazing deep into her eyes. “I did not have sexual contact in any way shape or form with your sister. Call me a liar, Rarity.”

Her nose touched mine. “You. Are. A. Liar.”

I didn’t back down an inch because I was fucking right. “You are blind. How many times have you caught Sweetie Belle lying?”

Rarity thrust a hand behind me. “Get. Out.”

I continued staring at her. “You’re a foolish child, Rarity. I’m ashamed to have slept with someone like you.”

Her breath caught and she brought that hand back to slap me with it, but I blocked it. “Pathetic. Lashing out because of words. I hope you decide to grow up soon, Rarity.”

I turned on my heel and walked out because I didn’t have a reason to be there anymore and I heard Rarity crying as I left, but when I snapped my finger to come out of Prince Mode, I felt like doing the same thing, so I didn't stay like that for long. Then I realized that I was running from my feeling, so when I was halfway to Blue’s, I snapped my fingers and went back to being a sad sack. I still wanted to sit down and brood for a little bit since I was feeling rather hurt by Sweetie Belle’s lies, Rarity’s blindness, and my own harsh retort. I knew I would feel better when I got a hug or something from Twilight, but at the moment, I just felt hated and hateful. I shouldn’t have told Rarity that I was ashamed of sleeping with her, but I’d spoken the truth. It sickened me that I’d actually bothered to give love to someone who took every opportunity to see me as a demon and refused to listen to my defense, and I was a more than a little hurt that she’d called me a liar to my fucking face like it was nothing. Noir told me that she’d been listening to the whole thing and offered to give me a hug when I got back to Blue’s shop if Twilight didn’t.

Getting to her shop didn’t take all that long anyway, so when I came in and saw Twilight, Noir, and Blue talking at the counter, I was glad that the trip had been relatively short. Twilight immediately knew something was up since I came back with my head a little lower than I usually carried it, so she asked how things went with Rarity. I explained what had happened to them, though Noir didn’t need the rundown, and Blue scolded me for telling a woman that I was ashamed of her until I pointed out that Rarity had said that she was ashamed of me multiple times. She couldn’t really argue against that, but she and Twilight did offer to go talk with her for me and I asked them to tell her that I would stop by whenever she wanted to see me if they could convince her that I hadn't slept with that lying little whore. Twilight was a little shocked at my language, but I was sick of Sweetie Belle’s bullshit, like the thing she had pulled with Spike and her sexual harassment. I wasn’t having any more of her bullshit.

Twilight forbade me from going after Sweetie Belle for trying to ruin Rarity’s friendship with me, but I was hot under the collar and frankly, once I was done being sad, the fury had me gritting my teeth, ready to knock Sweetie's out of her mouth. I know it’s supposed to be wrong to hit women, but that little bitch ain’t a woman. Liars aren’t women. Noir actually took me by the hand, sat me next to Twilight, and told me that she was going to see Rarity for herself. Twilight was immediately against the idea, but I was all for it, and once Noir explained that she wasn’t playing around or trying to start nonsense, Twilight gave my mentor her blessing and Noir just teleported there since she’d seen the place with her own eyes.

Noir advised me to allow Twilight to Scry her as she worked, and when she did, we saw that Noir was talking to Rarity and that the pale woman was doing her best to not appear like I’d kicked her in the emotional testicles. It was a valiant effort, but it just didn’t work out that well for her, but when Noir brought her in for a hug, I wondered what the fuck was going until she let me listen in on what she said. The tall, dark blue woman asked what was bothering Rarity and she tried to tell her that it was nothing, but Noir has a way of making people talk, one way or the other. She used tenderness to coax Rarity’s side of the story and she spilled it as she knew it, but when Noir mentioned that she was the friend that I’d been asking her to make things for, Rarity pushed her away and became furious. Noir asked if she really thought that I’d done unsavoury things to her sister, but when Rarity answered, Noir brought up the three times Sweetie Belle had been caught lying about big things, like when she tried to lie her way out of bugging Spike about seeing his privates, the time she stole a few bits from Sugarcube Corner, and when she’d approached me and tried to flirt with me before I went to Earth. I didn’t mention the last two in my journals because I didn’t care to mention the first one and I didn’t really want to write down the time I got clumsily hit on by a child.

Rarity was stuck, and when she tried to bring up the fact that I’d initially lied to her and the girls about my past, Noir pointed out that it had been because I’d been trying to get my shit together. Rarity tried to bring up my general shadiness, but Noir countered with the fact that I was entrenched in secrets that needed to be held. Rarity didn’t have a leg to stand on, and honestly, Sweetie Belle was just too untrustworthy in a lot of people’s eyes, and that was a damn shame. I assume she learned it from watching her sister since Rarity often tried to pull similar shit, though she’d never stolen anything to my knowledge. She had tried to use her coquettish nature to make me do things before, but that just wasn’t what floated my boat at all. While I was standing there and thinking, I started talking about the copious amount of bullshit that Rarity pulled that she was supposed to be above, but when Twilight tried to defend her, Blue was on my side. She knew Rarity at a professional level and she hated some of Rarity’s shady business tactics, though she’d maneuvered around them easily enough since she wasn’t all that evil. Still, Rarity wasn’t that decent a person if you got to know her, and I was pretty sure that her sketchy nature had rubbed off on her sister.

While I was thinking, Noir used my fuel to tear Rarity apart from the horn down, pointing out damn near every flaw between her and her sister. It was a little hard to watch when Rarity sank down to her knees and bawled as though she’d just been told that she only had a few days left to live, and Twilight herself started crying, so I held her for a little while until she calmed down. Noir told Rarity that she was a petty harlot who was too blind to her own evil for her own good and teleported back to us with a satisfied smile on her face.

I looked at Noir and she raised a brow. “That was pleasant. I’ve wanted to do that to her for months.”

I sighed. “Noir. Don’t fucking do that.”

Twilight left my arms and hit Noir. “How could you do that!? How could you say such terrible things to such a nice pony!?”

Blue pulled Twilight away, but held her tongue. I crossed my arms and gave Noir a disappointed look. “That was wholly unnecessary, Noir. If she hurts herself over this, it’s officially on your head.”

My mentor scoffed. “People are responsible for their own actions. If the truth hurts her so severely, then she was obviously not a person worthy of living this life.”

I glared at her. “You’re correct that people are responsible for their own actions, but that was some petty shit. I don’t approve at all.”

Noir shrugged. “You did not want to do it, so I did. I accept your anger, Maximus, for I feel completely justified in my actions.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “You just burned the fuck out of a bridge after building the beginnings of the structure, just for the sake of making someone feel terrible. I know you’re not necessarily a good person, but I expect you to keep words like that out of your mouth when it comes to those I consider my friends.”

She scoffed again. “Like Rarity was being a friend to you. The woman had no respect for you, no patience for your defense, no consideration for your side of the story. Be happy I did not beat her for causing you distress.”

“Physical wounds heal, Noir, but you’ve most likely just fucked Rarity up in the head for a good minute. That’s some despicable shit if I’ve ever seen it.” I said coldly.

Noir looked at me calmly. “Does it affect how you feel about me?”

“I’m disappointed in you. You’re a six thousand year old woman. You of all people should fucking know better.”

“I do know better, but she does not warrant me holding my tongue, especially since she accused you of something that you did not do. Rarity’s blindness and my patience sit on opposite ends of the spectrum, after all.”

I took a deep breath. “Just… Just go have Celestia take care of your clothing situation.”

Noir put a hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it off, giving her a stern look. She returned mine with one of her own. “I am your Mistress. You will not make me feel shame.”

“I’m your best friend. If not me, then who?” I countered.

She frowned, her eye twitching. “...I suppose I will be in Canterlot for the rest of the day.”

“There aren’t many hours left in the day. I might not be happy with you, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t always be welcome in my home. When the Sun sets, go and see Luna or something and have her get your clothing situation sorted.” I said soberly.

My ‘Mistress’ nodded. “I will… Maximus-”

I raised a hand and she gave me a dark look that I met easily. “A half-hearted apology is just empty words. I still have love for you, even if you are a little on the wicked side sometimes.”

Noir sighed. “I suppose I should have taken into account how you would feel. My apology is not half hearted.”

I stopped looking at her. “Be more careful in the future. If I want you to tear someone apart emotionally, I’ll let you know.”

“Max!” Twilight objected. “You can’t just tell Noir to make ponies break down and cry like that.”

Blue held her firmly. “There’s a time and a place for everything Twilight. I don’t agree with what Noir just did, but I do wish that she would do something similar to a few ponies who need to be taken down a notch.”

Twilight and I stared at her and she shrugged. “What? You don’t expect me to be Mrs. Peace and Love all the time, do you?”

I shook my head. “I expect better of you. It’s fine for now, but I think we need to have a talk about hypocrisy and biting one’s tongue.”

Blue sighed and let Twilight go. Twilight took the time to look at each of us in turn and teleported away. Noir followed suit soon after, leaving me and my Mum to talk things out for ourselves, and so we did. I’ll skip that conversation because it was pretty circular and stupid that I even had to have that kind of conversation with a Pony of all things, and my mother at that. The gist was that if I wasn’t allowed to tear people down, no one else should have that privilege unless the recipient truly deserved their harsh words. Blue agreed for the most part, but her main point was that I didn’t get to decide who deserved it, but then I pointed out that I was a Prince and that it was practically my job to do so. I mean, it’s not like I’d abuse that power, but sometimes I just don’t feel like holding my tongue, hence why I took a sharp jab at Rarity in the first place.

In any case, the day had quickly gone to shit and I was tired, so I walked over to Twilight’s house since she was still in town, but when I got there, no one answered the door and I got a little worried. I hoped that she was just asking for a little space, and for the most part, I was happy to give it to her since I knew that I’d like the same thing in a similar situation. That didn’t mean that I didn’t want to be with her while her heart was aching, but I knew that sometimes it was just better to be left alone than to have someone around, especially if that person was a part of the reason for the problem in the first place. Still, there was nothing I wanted more than to erase this day from my memory and just go to sleep, so that’s what I set my sights on doing when I got to my house. I grabbed my bowl and my grass, smoked, and took my happy arse to bed so I could write in my journals for a little while and get caught up to right around here. Pinkie came over and told me that she'd told everyone that the party was off for the time being and I thanked her for knowing when things were getting tense. She accepted my gratitude and gave me a kiss on the cheek, some tissue, and a bit of lotion before bouncing out of my house.

Pinkie's fucking weird sometimes.

It’s come to my attention that I kinda suck, but Noir kinda sucks, and most of the Royals kinda suck too, other than Twilight. Things could definitely be better in my life right now, but things always have to get worse before they get better, right? Shit, I hope that’s the case because I still have some stuff to take care of, and I rather need to get started on it tomorrow.
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Alright, so I sent a letter to Luna and she said that we could get the training equipment for Adstus put onto my land here in a few days. I’ll start sending out notes to get people to come over once the week ends, but hopefully things go a bit more easily than they have been. I can’t imagine that having a house full of lethal people is going to end well for me in the slightest, but then again, Pinkie just returned with my list of countries involved in The War, and it’s actually not that bad. There are a few big countries like Zhogguo, Ponitaly, Camelroon, Egypt, and a few cells in Neighpon that are against us, but mostly it looks like Equestria, Scotchland, Bridleland, and the Dragon Lands (Greenland and Iceland) have the advantage since, well, the Dragons are on our side for the most part. Actually, Greenland is with Equestria, but Iceland is against us, though we have some allies in there. Pinkie really is as effective as she needs to be when it comes to espionage.

I sent the list I had off to Celestia and Luna, but since Luna was the one presiding in the Court Hall, she was the one I got a response from. She was straight up shocked that I had such information, but when she asked how I managed to get this information, I had to tell the Lunar Diarch that it was just a result of using ‘Her’ to her fullest capabilities and Luna was more than a little salty that I was hiding the identity of ‘Her’ from her. I couldn’t blame her since I knew that it was infuriating to not know who you have on retainer especially when it comes to such pressing information, but I told her that the intel was reliable and that she should just be glad that ‘Her’ was on our side. Luna disagreed and demanded to meet her, but I told her that she would never believe it if I showed her who the correspondent.

Luna eventually gave up on trying to weasel information out of me, but she still maintained that she was going to figure out who my contact was, one way or the other, and I warned her against spying on me unless she wanted to get poked in the eye, the bluish one or the brownish one. She was a little less than pleased with that, but she could fucking suck it for all the fucks I gave.

Right now, I’m just worried about the future. I don’t really give a shit about whether or not Luna finds out that I’m using Pinkie as an Operative, but I do give a shit about The War as a whole and the repercussions of today’s actions I feel like a jackass and an utter arsehole, and I’m not really used to feeling this kind of stuff so intensely. My best guess would be that as long as I had the Dark Magic, I still had a certain amount of emotional numbness that persisted even through Noir’s attempts to keep in in check. Now I just feel like I’m constantly being suffocated or something one way or another, but I don’t know if it’s because I actually have to fulfill Prince duties sooner rather than later or if it’s because I’m just stressed out. Either way, I’m hoping that tomorrow’s a better day.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I woke up the morning after my little pranks with my hands aching something fierce, but when I went to go touch the aching places on the dorsal side, I felt some scar tissue that I hadn't had the day before. At least, not that I’d felt. I panicked a little bit and turned on my bedside lamp, checking out the new scars and found that they looked awfully similar to the Alicorn Amulet, but as halves on each side of my hand. I groaned and tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn’t get any sort of rest until my mind calmed down a bit, and when it finally slowed down enough for me to do a little bit of rational thinking, my only reasonable course of action was to ask Noir what was going on, so I got up and went to go wait for her for a little while. I hoped that she would have some words for me on the subject, but I was mostly hoping that I’d get a hug and we would be fine from the troubles of the day before.

As usual, I was the first one up so I made some breakfast for myself and rehydrated some of my jerky to make a decent stew since I wasn’t hungry for just eggs and pancakes like usual. Crimson came out once I finished with the eggs and whatnot, but when I offered hit some stew with meat in it, he accepted a little sample and tried a bit so see if he was one of those Ponies that liked meat. As it turned out, he was rather fond of Gator stew, so we had ourselves a couple of bowls on top of a plate of eggs and began our day with a run around Ponyville after we got a note written out for Noir explaining where we were and where to get her portion of breakfast.

The run was pleasant and the morning was alright. Crimson and I were pretty evenly matched, though I was getting to be in better shape than he was. He would still beat me in a straight race, but I could run for nearly as long as he could at this point without letting my breathing get ragged, and the extensive training we’d both received was good for keeping in shape. We agreed to make it a part of a morning routine so we stayed in good condition, and I told him that I was going to have Celestia start hooking us up with some training equipment so we could keep the rest of our bodies in shape.

After our run, we came back home and Noir was just then getting out of bed, though thankfully the stew was still a little warm. It was still good and Crimson and I both had another bowl while joining her for breakfast. Shit was actually pretty good, but when Noir added a bit of salt, Crimson had a problem with it since she was supposed to be my mentor. I told him that Noir was used to eating salt as a part of her daily diet and it had been that way from the old times. She explained that she didn’t do it for a buzz, rather, she just added salt to her food because it tasted better. I told Crimson that salt to an Alicorn was like eating a leaf off of one of my trees in the greenhouse: it wasn’t going to get you high any time soon.

After a little while, I got restless and so did my housemates, so we figured that a trip to Canterlot would be in order. That, or we could spend the day doing some exercises that would burn off some of our extra energy. We decided on going to Canterlot for the simple fact that I still needed to check and see if I could have Swift join my team and to get the training equipment situation sorted out, so we buggered off to Canterlot via Shadow Diving with Noir and ended up in a random room in the Castle. We walked around for a little bit and got stopped by guards once or twice, but whenever Noir spread her wings or I flashed my Signet Ring, we were allowed safe passage and weren’t bothered for a while longer. We eventually made it to the Court Hall, and due to my status, we weren’t made to fill out much paperwork. Instead, I just had to write down the reason I was there for the Royal records and we were allowed to wait a few places ahead in line since I didn’t want to cut in front ofeveryone per se. It’s not like Noir, Crimson, and I were doing anything in particular with our day, though I still wanted to go check on Twilight. She’d been a little brisk with her last letter earlier in the morning, so I felt that it was pretty pertinent to see if my Cherry was angry with me. I could deal with it if she was, but I figured that coming to Rarity so soon after insulting her wouldn’t bear any fruit in any sense of the phrase.

While I was off in thought, Crimson and Noir were talking about having a little spar some time, though Crimson gave Noir the advantage because of her reach and her age. Noir told Crimson that his quick wit and light hooves would give him a decent chance, but I snapped back to reality and told him that he was going to get fucked up if he tried to get Noir to go all out. Much to my pleasure, he didn’t balk and even welcomed her to try and reach out for a bit more of her power, but Noir assured him and promised me that she wouldn’t go above about forty percent of her full strength since that was the floor of her lethal range for the average Pony. Crimson faltered a bit, but he still relished the challenge of fighting someone stronger than he was. Poor bastard didn’t know that Noir going at forty percent of her strength was still enough to kill him if she wasn’t quite as careful as she needed to be.

Eventually we got to see Celestia and I gave her a wave when we entered the Court Hall. She closed her eyes and I swear she counted to ten before smiling and saying, “Hello, Maximus, Noir, Crimson Tide. It’s a pleasure to see the three of you. How can I help you today?”

I gave her a disarming smile. “There are no pranks or mischief today, Hun, just a little favour I’m sure you wouldn’t mind doing. It’s mostly for you anyway.”

Celestia looked at me like I’d told her that cake was healthy, which is to say, she was rather skeptical. “I mean no offense, but I’m sure that you wouldn’t make me do something for myself.”

I shrugged. “Depends on how you look at it, honestly. I just need some training equipment, kinda like what Luna had for me when I was under her tutelage. Just, you know, less lethal or life threatening in general.”

She blinked twice rather slowly. “...How is this for me?”

“It’s to keep myself, Crimson, and Noir in fighting shape for as long as you need us to be. It’ll actually be for my team, but the only people currently using it will be the three of us.”

“Again, how is this for me?”

“Adstus is going to be under my jurisdiction, but we’ll be doing things for you. Keeping us in good shape will be in the best interest of Equestria once we get the team put together, thus it is in your best interest. It’s for my team and for you.” I said confidently.

“...And you think I’m going to help you with something you went behind my back and asked Luna for? Max, have you lost the decent part of your mind since Noir has been in Equestria?”

I tilted my head. “I didn’t go behind your back. I would have asked you if you were the one in the Court Hall when I came to talk about an unrelated matter, but I just decided to knock out two birds with one stone. It wasn’t meant as a slight to you, just a bit of improper timing, I suppose. It’s not like I asked Luna to keep a secret from you or anything.”

She gave me a look. “I’ll help you with you request, but I want to hear about these things from you first hand if I hear about them at all.”

I spread my hands. “I know you and Luna talk every day. It’s not like I can hide the things I talk with her about from you, and I don’t try to, so I don’t really see the problem here, Celestia. I don’t get it, but in the future, I’ll do my best to try and write you or something so you can know my half and get Luna’s half when you have time, I suppose.”

Celestia nodded curtly. “Thank you for your cooperation. Is there anything else you need?”

“Can I have a hug?” I asked politely.

She passed me a look that told me ‘Go away, fool’. “I don’t want to give you a hug right now. I’m still upset with you for yesterday.”

“Oi! I apologized!” I said, blushing.

“That you did. Besides a hug, is there anything else?”

“...I guess I’ll just stop by the Armory. Take the money for the training stuff out of my account since Luna put extra funds in there for it. I don’t see why she didn’t just take care of it then and there, but you know how weird she can be at times.”

Celestia rolled her eyes and muttered, “Yes, we're the weird ones.” Louder, she said, “I’ll see to it that your request is filled today since I assume you want to get started sooner rather than later.”

“I do. Thanks, Hun.” I gave her a small smile.

I received a look. “Yes, you’re welcome. Is there a reason you’re going to the Armory?”

I nodded. “I’ve got to get Crimson a sword. He has a knife, but that’s pretty much just a symbol of his authority under me.”

Celestia puckered her lips for a moment and steepled her fingers. “There are quite a few to browse through, although I suggest that you have a few custom ones made. Noir’s zweihander-”

“Mordemor is a claymore.” Noir interrupted.

Celestia tilted her head toward her. “Noir’s claymore is obviously customized for her since I’ve never seen a type of steel quite like that. Crimson is going to be your Captain, correct? For your team?” I nodded. “Then he should have a sword that stands above the rest. I would suggest a mare named Coffee Cream, but she is reclusive and acerbic on her best days.”

I held up my pocket watch. “I know her. She made my watch and my pipe. I’ve approached her about making my team some shit in the past, so I guess I’ll see her before we leave town.”

Celestia nodded. “If you want, I could suggest a few sword styles for you.” That’s a bit of an olive branch if I’ve ever heard one.

Noir was about to speak, but I asked her to hold her tongue in my head. “Please. If you think of something that would suit me, I’d like to hear it.”

Celestia cracked a small smile. “From what I saw in your training with Luna, I think a Zhongguo Jian would suit you quite well, if it’s a shorter blade.”

Noir coughed. “It would be a good weapon for Max as long as he had a buckler to go along with it. It would make for a good primary weapon.”

My former lover looked at her. “And it would be supplemented by Nacht and the Warbling Blade, would it not?”

My mentor nodded. “That is the case, though I feel another blade should take the place of the Warbling Blade while in combat.”

I had a problem with that. “Fuck both of you. The Warbling blade stays by my side. I’ll try a Jian, but Nacht and the Warbling blade will always be my back ups.”

Noir passed me a withering look. “You would take a hunting knife into a war?”

“I would take deez nuts into your mouth.” I countered.

Her look intensified and Celestia coughed. “Perhaps we should ask Max is he prefers a slashing or a piercing weapon?”

“Slashing.” Noir and I answered at the same time.

I looked at my mentor. “I like the option of being able to pierce, however. I’m rather fond of your sword, Celestia. Does it have a name?”

“Yes it does. It is called The Sunlight Blade.” Celestia answered proudly.

Noir and I looked at her for a moment before we started cracking up. Celestia blushed lightly. “What is amusing about 'The Sunlight Blade' as a name?”

“We already know of a blade with that name is all.” I replied, smiling. “I’d be happy to have something similar to that if you could have some schematics drawn up for me.”

Noir shook her head again. “That wouldn’t do well if you scaled it down. You really should go with a Sparponian one handed sword. It has slashing prowess and the ability to pierce.”

Celestia nodded her agreement. “It would suit you if you’re more of a shortsword user anyway. It might take a bit longer to forge, but it’ll be a worthwhile blade to have forged, though I would suggest that you have a Kopis instead.”

Noir tilted her head back and forth. “Kopis’ look more elegant, but they are effectively the same thing. It depends on your personal taste.” She transferred the images of a Sparponian sword and a Kopis into my head.

“Huh. I think I like the Kopis a bit better, though I like the safety of the Sparponian sword a bit better.” I said thoughtfully.

“Have Coffee Cream make the crossguard more protective, you fool.” Noir said.

Celestia raised her brows. “I was going to call you a foal, but Noir took the other words right out of my mouth. Crimson, is there a particular style of sword you’d like?”

He looked up at her. “No, Your Highness. A typical longsword is what I’ve known for years and I’m quite happy with it as I am.”

She raised a brow. “Do you have one?”

“...I’ll asked Coffee Cream to make me one, Your Highness.”

Celestia nodded. “As you should. If there is nothing else, I need to get back to work.”

I scoffed at her. “You are working! We’re here on business except for the hug!”

She rolled her eyes. “Goodbye, Max. Take care, Crimson, and don’t kill anyone, Noir.”

Crimson nodded, I crossed my arms, and Noir looked a little too proud for my tastes, but we still left because there was no reason for us to stay any longer. I heard Celestia start giving orders to her steward to make sure that the training bullshit would get taken care of, so Crimson, Noir, and I made our way through town to the Artisan District where Coffee’s shop was. It didn’t take us too long to get there, only about forty-five minutes or so, but we didn’t stop for anything on the way there, preferring to get our shit out of the way before we stopped and grabbed lunch or something. Noir and I have Alicorn’s appetites and Crimson has a fast metabolism, so imagine our hunger when we got to Coffee’s place.

When we arrived, Coffee was actually in the front of her shop, trying to clean the place up a bit for once which surprise the Hell out of me and my party. I think she was more surprised, because she broke into a coughing fit and cursed at us until Noir walked up and slapped her shit for swearing at her. I would’ve chastised her, but Coffee respected Noir’s inability to put up with her shit.

“Alright. So what do you want?” Coffee asked a bit more politely than she usually would have.

I raised a hand. “Oi, we’re here for sharp shit, Preferably well made sharp shit, and you’re the one who makes the best shit.”

Coffee nodded. “Damn straight. You: tall, dark, and sexy. What do you want?” Wait, was she talking to Noir?

Apparently she was, because Noir said, “I want a seax. Do you know how to make them?”

“I sure do. You want me to take your measurements?” The craftswoman asked.

“Yes.” My mentor replied.

Coffee held up a finger and lightly trotted into the back of her shop. She returned a minute later with a tape measure, a notepad, and a fountain pen. She started measuring Noir’s arms and hands so that she could get a proper feel for the woman’s size. Once she was done, she looked at Crimson.

“Is there something you want too?” She asked.

Crimson coughed and pointed toward me. “While I appreciate it, you should probably take a look at the highest ranking fellow in the room.”

Coffee spared me glance. “He can wait. What do you want?”

He sighed. “I need a longsword. Preferably something that I can put a second hand on so I can get a bit more strength behind my swings, but nothing too long.”

Coffee raised a brow. “So a hand-and-a-halfer? I can do that pretty easily. What kind of steel do you want?”

“Can you do the ladder pattern like you did with my knife? It feels like it should be my signature or something.” Crimson smirked.

She returned it. “It’ll cost you extra, big colt.”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m an Operative. I’ve got the scratch.”

She pinched his nipple and he swatted her hand. “Whatever you say.” Coffee took his measurements, but this time she had him T-pose so she could measure the height of his arms from the ground and the length of his arms. It took a little longer than it had with Noir’s stuff, but I was sure that it was a necessary thing for her to do. When she finished, she turned and gave me a disapproving look.

“So what do you want?” She asked irritably.

“To fuck the attitude right out of you. I can do it as a girl or a guy, just tell me which you’d prefer.” I replied just as irritably.

Coffee tried to keep a straight face, but couldn’t. “Alright, that was pretty good. What do you want, O Mighty Prince?”

“First, for you to stop calling me by titles and shit. The name’s Max. Second, do you know how to make a Kopis?”

She raised a brow. “I can make one, but I’ve never actually tried. Might take some time and a bit of trial and error, but I could probably get it done. How do you want it?”

“I’d prefer an extended crossguard so I don't get my fingers chopper off and I want a gentle curve to it. I need it to chop and pierce if that tells you anything.”

“That’s how they bucking work, being swords or knives. Either way. Do you want it as a sword or a knife?” She asked moodily, her attitude returning.

“Sword. I’ve got enough knives.”

“A challenge. Gross.” After taking my measurements, she turned to Noir. “So how did a pretty mare like you get lumped in with a couple of knucklehead stallions like these?”

Noir raised a brow. “I am Maximus’ Mistress and Crimson is a part of the package when it comes to Max these days.”

Coffee blinked a couple times. “...Wait, are you a consort or something?”

I chuckled. “No, she’s saying she’s my mentor, my teacher. She makes me lethal, I make her cuter.”

Noir huffed. “I am not cute. I am magnificent.”

“And so modest at that.” Crimson said sarcastically.

She brought him closer with magic and whacked him one good time. He rubbed his shoulder and gave her a dirty look. “Didn't anypony ever tell you that it’s impolite to hit ponies?”

I gave him a look. “All three of us kill people.”

“So?”

Noir hit him again and he kicked her shit. My mentor gave him a bored look and changed her target to Coffee. “Would you happen to have a rapier? I need to stab this colt.”

Crimson came to stand behind me as Coffee said, “I don’t have any rapiers, but I have a foil if that’ll work.”

Noir looked at both of us and I raised a brow. “If you stab me, I’m spinning you again.”

She quickly looked away. “Nevermind.”

Coffee scratched her head and Crimson breathed a sigh of relief. I rolled my eyes and said. “Alright, we’ve all put our orders in. Coffee, How much do I owe you?”

She wrote down a number on her notepad and handed it to me. It was a little over five hundred bits, so I just wrote her a check and we got on with our day, leaving her to her business. It kind of sucked that we could have bought a house with that kind of scratch, but I wasn’t too concerned about it. Either way, there wasn’t all that much I could do about it, though I was hoping that she would deliver quality shit to us when she finished making. Crimson assured me that Coffee Cream was a perfectionist like no other, and if there was anyone who would be able to make what we needed, it would be her.

I wasn’t all that worried about Coffee Cream, but I was worried about getting around town to have someone make Noir a full set of clothing so she could get out of the itchy, stiff dress she’d been wearing since she’d come back to reality. She assured me that she could continue as she was, but even if she wasn’t really in my good books at the moment, I didn’t want her to be stuck in the same clothes for multiple days, though she assured me that it was a thing from the past that she was accustomed to. Still, we eventually found the shop of some dude named Jeff Letrotski that reminded me a lot of another dude and he told us that he could have a rush order done within four hours depending on what we wanted. Noir took over, and when she was finished and had given the fellow her measurements, we walked around Canterlot and stopped by the jazz joint that I was fond of. They were one of the few places in Canterlot that served actual chips made from potatoes, though they were awfully thick. I rather wished that they had some fish to go with them, but beggars can’t always be choosers and all that.

Octavia was actually playing when we got there, and when she went offstage, I asked the bartender if I was allowed to go visit her since I was a friend. She gave me a look and asked who I was, so I told her that I was Prince Maximus: A fact that she doubted until I flashed her the Old Emerald in my ring. She bowed behind the bar and asked if there was anything she could get me and I asked for a double shot of whatever was strongest. She provided and refused to take my money until I threatened to shove it in her ear like I was a magician with terrible tricks, though that made her laugh more than it made her scared. Still, she allowed me to go backstage and pointed out the right room to me.

Noir and Crimson opted to stay behind and devour chips on chips on chips, but I’d already gotten a basket for myself, so I wasn’t starving like I had been before we’d walked in. Going backstage was easier said than done, however, because I ran out of drink before I got there. I asked for a beer glass filled halfway with liquor and the bartender looked at me like I was crazy until I told her that I could handle that and then some. She just shrugged and gave it to me, so I sipped it on my way to see Octavia. On my way in, I stopped and knocked on the door, waiting for a reply before I came in. When I didn’t get one, I knocked again and she opened the door.

“Well hullo there, Octavia. It’s been awhile.” I gave her a smile.

“Two years to be exact. Why are you here?” She asked, a bit of an edge to her voice.

I shrugged. “I came to see my friend. I got caught up in some Operative business two years ago and I’ve only been in Equestria for a couple of months now. One of those months was spent in the Everfree and the other was in the Guard Barracks. Maybe we could trade some tales about what’s been going on with us?”

Octavia’s gaze softened and she turned on her hoof and walked away, leaving the door open as an invitation. I followed her in and she said, “I was wondering why you were gone so long. You were very good at keeping in touch.”

I shrugged. “It was out of my hands, Love. Didn’t have a choice in the matter.”

“I assumed you did not when you said it was Operative business.” She glanced at my hand and raised a brow. “The ring is new.”

I traded my drink into my right hand and looked at it. “My fiance designed it for me. I’m rather fond of it, even if I hate what it stands for.”

“It is a Signet Ring, is it not?” Octavia asked.

“It is.”

“So you are the new Prince?”

“That I am. How’s the jazz business been going for you?”

“I do more work with the Equestrian Harmonic these days, but I still love my work. I’ve put out two more albums since you’ve been away.”

“I’ll have to buy them and have you sign them for me. After all, no one knows how to work a cello like you do.”

“I learned how to play the bass as well.” She humble-bragged.

“Interesting. Do you play very often, or do you maintain your cello playing most of the time?”

“I most often play the bass for Vinyl. We got engaged.”

“Same here. So when are you two getting married?”

“We do not have a set date yet, but I would be delighted to have you attend.”

“I’ll happily come, especially if it’s for you two. Both of you are fun in your own rights.” I smiled.

Octavia gave me a look. “You may not lay my mare again.”

“Wasn’t expecting to. I’ve got enough ‘mares’ of my own to lay, and they all culminate into the same person.”

“So your beloved is your preferred mare?”

“She is. I rather like her.” I said proudly.

“If you are the new Prince, then does that mean that your love is Her Royal Highness, Twilight Sparkle?”

“She’d blush if you called her that, but yeah. She’s my woman.”

“I know many ponies that have expressed interest in her.” Octavia said none too subtly.

“Give me names and the body count rises.” I said in a low tone.

Octavia shivered and held her elbows. “I think it best that I hold my tongue. After all, a Princess is often lusted after anyway. There is no need for violence.”

“There may be no need, but there is always a desire when one knows that their partner is desired by those who may not have the most admirable intentions.”

She nodded. “I understand the feeling, but one must trust their other half to make their own decisions and to fend for themselves.”

I drained half of my drink and shuddered. “One must trust their other half to speak up when they’re becoming burdened as well, but that shit don’t always happen.”

“It does not. Is there something on your mind, Maximus?”

“No. Not in particular.”

“That isn’t the truth.”

“Burdening you with my troubles isn’t worth it. How is Vinyl doing?”

“She is well, though she has expressed some discontent in her latest ventures. She wishes that she could branch out and explore new kinds of music.”

“Tell her to stop by my house in Ponyville. I have something to show her, I guess.”

Octavia shrugged. “I will, but do not put your hands on her.”

“I’ll be sure to finger her rectum, as per your request.”

I received a womanly look and exited the backstage area shortly after. There wasn’t much for me to do anymore, so I drained the rest of my glass, set it down on the bar near the bartender, and returned to find Noir bashing more chips like they were going out of style. I sat and had some for myself after sitting next to her, and when I reached for her last chip, she used magic to snatch it away from me. She, Crimson, and I burned a few more hours, shooting the shit, talking about nothing in particular while nothing really happened. A fellow with a bass guitar and a lady with a saxophone hit the stage and made some pretty decent music for an hour with breaks in between, and once they finished their set, Octavia came back on stage with another sax player, a fellow with a trumpet, and someone on the piano. That was one Hell of a set, and they ended up playing for a couple hours. By the time we left, we’d eaten up enough time that we could go back to Letrotski’s shop and pick up Noir’s clothes. I was secretly hoping that the extra hundred bits I’d slipped him would ensure some good quality.

We walked back across town and the day was pretty warm, so we stopped and got ice cream since we had that kind of liberty. With our ice cream in hand, we did some more shit, ate some chocolate, and got over to Letrotski’s shop without any real interruptions. Well, plenty of people stared at Noir and a couple of fellows from a theatre asked if she was dressed up for a historical drama or something, and when she told them that she was actually an Alicorn that was older than either of The Princesses, they were shocked and asked how she’d gone so long without being known of. She pointed at me and I explained that she’d been a spirit for awhile, but that I’d returned her physical body to her. I also mentioned that she was a Queen before Discord took over, but they didn’t believe that until she used the Royal 'Canterlot' Voice to bowl them over. Shit was funny.

We got to the little clothing shop and Letrotski had actually had four outfits made for Noir by three of the less experienced seamtresses and tailors while he himself had a hand in making the original. Apparently the dude had gotten some inspiration and had drawn up two casual outfits that were kind of old-timey and made another dress in lighter materials that accentuated Noir’s figure rather well. She wasn’t terribly fond, but he’d also had some matching lingerie made for each outfit, and frankly, I was shocked that the guy was so effective. When he told me that the extra hundred bits I’d given him had gone toward the livery, I paid him quadruple the original amount we’d agreed on since he’d made twice the number of things we’d asked for. He tried to negotiate for the cost of materials and enough to pay his employees a moderate bonus, but since I was already writing a check, he didn’t have much time to talk. When I gave it to him, he blinked a couple of times and asked why I was paying so much. I told him it was because I liked what he had made and that making multiple things that my near and dear mentor liked was worthy of a little extra. He was happy to give the majority of his earnings to his employees and that made me want to pay him more, but instead, I asked if he would mind helping me with a little pet project in the future. The very near future. Crimson stood nearby while Noir looked a little anxious, so I asked if I could have a word with Letrotski in a moment and took Noir aside.

When I got Noir outside (Alone, of course), she thanked me for paying for her things and swore to return the favour someday, which pissed me off a little. I told Noir that I hadn't helped her for the sake of a favour in return, rather, I’d done so because she was one of the people I trusted most in the world and I wanted to repay her for her loyalty. When Noir went to speak, I put a hand on her arm and told her that if she really wanted to repay me, then she could help me gauge the abilities of my team members so I could lead them more effectively, but she said that she would go a step further and would happily become one of my Generals if I ever got my own kingdom. There was something about the way she said it that raised a flag in my mind, but even now, I don’t think that Noir would hide such important information from me if she knew something about Twilight and myself getting a place of our own to rule.

Noir and I went back inside to find Crimson and Letrotski conferring about fashion, and even though my main man had been removed from the Equestrian Equation for a year or so, he still had some interesting insight on the subject because he’s a fucking twink and they all do. It’s a stereotype that I’m embarrassed that he fills, but the dude does fill it and these are my fucking journals, and I’m beholden to no one within their pages, so go fuck yourself if you think I’m being homophobic. I ain’t scared of no one besides Noir and maybe Discord, so again, go fuck yourself.

Either way, I stepped into their conversation and listened to what they had to say, and when I mentioned that I was looking for someone skilled in design and production to help me come up with a uniform for the team I was putting together, Crimson’s eyes lit up and Letrotski looked quite interested in what I had to say. We took some time and I wrote Letrotski a check for a thousand bits to make Noir some more clothes and livery before we got down to the real business. Noir herself was in charge of designing what she wanted to wear along with the seamstresses and the pair of tailors, and Letrotski trusted them enough to get her shit done right, so he, Crimson, and I went to a back room and I started getting out some rough sketches of what I wanted. Essentially, I wanted suits that would allow freedom of movement, so they needed to be made out of a light material, but I told Letrotski that I wanted them to be slash and stab resistant if not stab proof. He was surprised that I basically wanted suits made of silk that were practically suits of light armor, but when I flashed him my Signet Ring and told him that I was Prince Maximus of Equestria, his jaw dropped and so did he, though he only dropped to one knee. I gave him the order to rise and asked that he keep this project a secret from anyone without a Royal Seal, and he swore that he would. Once we got that little bit out of the way, I learned some interesting things about Letrotski, like that he actually knew a guy who knew a guy who’d been making plainclothes armor for mercs for some time now. I asked him if he could contact him and get materials to make what I needed and he told me that it would be his first priority and that he would contact me as soon as he had the suits made.

Once we had that sorted, we got the design finished and the rest of the process was pretty much just deciding on where to place the Seals. I suggested that they go over the left breast, and they told me that it was quite tasteful, though both of them seemed surprised that I didn’t suggest that we just throw it on the back. I was a little offended, but that didn’t dissuade me from suggesting exactly that just to fuck with them. Letrotski was hesitant to tell me that it was a bad idea, but Crimson told me to shut up and I just gave him a shit eating grin. I also suggested that we have the Seals be different for every person in my team, and when I was asked to expound upon my meaning, I told them that I wanted the seals to match everyone’s color schemes. I put my seal on paper for Letrotski and said that I wanted mine in grey and blue, Crimson’s in black and red, and Noir’s in black and blue. We would get the rest of the team set up, but when I went over to the wardrobe and asked for Pinkie, Letrotski looked at me like I was crazy until she stepped out. I had him take our measurements and get our stuff situated. It took a few minutes, but once he had everyone measured, Pinkie dived off into the wardrobe and off into oblivion once more, but when Letrotski went to check where she’d gone, he was shocked to find that she wasn’t in there anymore. Crimson and I told him to not think about it too hard, even though I understood what Pinkie was doing to a point.

We caught Noir helping design a new series of old fashioned elegant dresses that the seamstresses absolutely loved, though when she mentioned that bright colors defeated the whole ‘modesty’ thing, they started pointing out that some parts of Noir’s own designs were meant to show off features of a woman’s body and she let them run with the ideas they had since she didn’t really care that much either way. Still, I think everyone had a bit of fun while we were there and I got my armor situation sorted out, so that was nice. I helped Noir carry some of our bags and we went outside to Shadow Dive home, surfacing in my closet as per the usual. Crimson was the last one out and I asked him why it had taken him so long to finally come out of the closet, but Noir was the only one who got the joke and I got hit for making it.

It was worth it.

Noir and Crimson wanted to head out back to settle their little score, but I advised Noir to avoid dirtying any of her clothes since they were new. She totally ignored me and went out back to go make Crimson regret asking for a match. I went out with them and officiated. I’d describe the fight, but all that happened included Noir throwing two punches at Crimson that he never had a hope of dodging and him surrendering before she actually hurt him. It was amusing to hear him admit defeat before ever getting hit, but when Noir asked me if I wanted to go a round, I asked that I be allowed to use Primal Mode and she said no, so my verse was the same as the first. With that being said, I asked if anyone had plans for the day and Crimson suggested we all go for a run. Noir actually had gotten someone to come up with a quick bit of sporting apparel in an hour so she actually could come with Crimson and myself, so I agreed to the run and we had some fun. Noir was a little faster than either of us due to the sheer length of her strides, but when we put forth a little effort to keep up with her, things got a little rougher because Noir was trying to run us ragged anyway. She underestimated my stamina, however, and I had a little bit more to give than Crimson. We managed a few circuits around Ponyville before he gave in and I stopped with him since I’m nice like that. Noir circled back after she realized we weren’t behind her and we let Crimson catch his breath. We were on Twilight’s side of town, so I suggested that they go and do some bonding or some shit while I said hi and they wished me the best of luck since the circumstances weren’t looking good.

As I headed to Twilight’s, I let the sweat drip and collect where it felt like after taking my shirt off since I knew that showing up like that would attract her attention. I sure got plenty of looks on my way to her house, and the confidence boosting wolf-whistles I got from a few ladies on the way there were enough to put a smile on my face. I’d caught my breath by the time I got there, but when I showed up on Twilight’s stoop, she was the one who was breathless for a few seconds. I let Twilight stare for a little while, but when I went to speak, she put a finger to my lips and licked my face, which was weird, but weird in a good way.

“Am I that appetizing?” I asked huskily.

Twilight’s eyes were full of fire. “I want you inside of me.”

I stared at her for a moment. “...Twilight.”

She grabbed my hand and started tugging me inside, so I let her. “Less talking, more bucking, okay?”

I held on firmly and kicked the door shut behind us. “Cherry, where’s Spike?”

“He’s at Applejack’s for two weeks and Fluttershy’s for two more. Why are you still talking?” Twilight asked irritably,

I dug my heels in when she tried to drag me upstairs. “Twilight Sparkle, are you in estrus right now?”

She looked at me, the same lustful look in her eyes. “Does it really matter? I just want my sweet, sweaty amour in my bed. Right now. This moment.”

I tried to pull my hand away from her, but she held fast. “Twilight Sparkle, we have an agreement!”

She started glaring. “Oh hush, won’t you! I know that!”

I tried to be patient. “Then won’t you please honor it? We wait until our wedding night and not a moment sooner, right?”

Twilight jutted her chin forward. “Either you take care of it or I find somepony else to do it.”

Fucking what.

I slowly tilted my head and looked at her like she’d just lost her damn mind. “Did you just say that you were going to cheat on me?”

She levelled a look at me. “I will if you don’t give me what I want.”

“Name one time I’ve put my hands on you.” I asked softly.

My fiance gave me a weird look. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“The last time I put my hands on you was when I was so drunk, I didn’t realize what I was doing, right? I apologized from the bottom of my heart, right?”

She shook her head. “Honestly Max, what does that have to do-”

“Twilight, I swear on your grave, on the life we have together, if you hurt me like that, I will never forget it.”

Twilight looked at me like I’d said something she wasn’t expecting. “Excuse me?”

I cupped her face softly. “If you cheat on me, I won’t forget that. That act is something I will never forgive you for, Twilight, so think very hard before you do it.”

She shoved me. “Do you think you know what this is like, Max!? Do you think you know what estrus is like!?”

I tilted my head and came closer. “Describe it to me.”

“I-It’s like a never ending fire! It just makes you feel so hot like you need to be doused in ice water, o-or that the only thing that will ever satisfy you is the feeling of having somepony reach you in the deepest way! It’s such an intense desire that only an Alicorn- Max, what are you doing?” Twilight asked fearfully.

I thrust my left hand into her, searching around for whatever the fuck it was that she was feeling. Twilight’s breath caught and she panicked hard, but she was so stunned that my hand was inside of her that she just didn’t move, and I figured that I had a very limited amount of time before she fainted or something from shock. While I was feeling around, I felt a few things, like a prickly thing that had to be the panic, something that tingled, which had to be the shock, but I had to keep going to feel something else, and then I found it. I found the incredibly hot, rather dirty feeling ball of whatever-the-fuck and I plucked it out from around the area I thought that Twilight’s womb occupied. Once it was out, I could practically feel it looking at me and my hand started gravitating toward my nether regions against my will, but I have more willpower than I do libido these days, so it wasn’t that hard to keep it from going there. I swapped hands and the heat intensified.

Then the ball grew eyes, lips, and a nose. It gave me a sultry look. I chose to ignore that.

I looked at Twilight. “How are you feeling?”

She stared at the ball. “Oh dear Celestia…”

“...Did I get the right thing?” I asked.

Twilight blinked a few times. “...I think so… Max, is that my estrus in physical form?”

“It’s not in a physical form. This is a representation that makes sense to me.” The ball winked and licked its lips. “I think it wants to blow me.”

“...It has a mind of its own.” Twilight breathed.

“Bitch, it might do.”

The ball spun around to look at Twilight and she gasped. The little thing started to warp and wiggle until it took a humanoid shape, but of course it looked like a Pony after a few minutes. I don’t know if it was me or the Estrus Construct, but it made a pole and started dancing on it and I couldn’t help but feel the familiar hunger that came with wanting to fuck something until it stopped moving. I looked at Twilight, but all I could see was shock in her.

“Twilight.” I said, my voice a bit deeper than it usually sounded.

She started and looked at me. “I’m sorry, what?”

“How about I take you up on that offer? It might be good for us to consummate our relationship.” I smirked.

Twilight circled me and started backing away toward the library. “...Amour?” She asked weakly.

I followed her. “Yes, Cherry?”

“Y-You’re scaring me.”

I blinked a couple of times and looked at the thing in my hand. It stomped its foot and pointed toward Twilight. My Twilight. “Don’t be scared, Cherry. It’ll be okay.”

“M-Maybe we should just put that s-somewhere. S-somewhere away from us…” She suggested, still backing away.

I cocked my head and looked at the thing. It was jumping up and down in my hand while pointing at Twilight. “...Maybe you’re right. Get Cadance here and tell her to bring a crystal.” I said softly.

Twilight was gone in an instant and the little Estrus Construct glared at me, pulling at its mane, its mouth open in a silent scream. I knew that what I was feeling wasn’t coming from me now, and I knew how to deal with a little extra sexual appetite. I was rock hard and if Twilight wasn’t going to be here to help me with it, then I was going to have to take care of myself. When that thought crossed my mind, the Estrus Construct stopped pulling at its hair and crossed its arms, turning more Human than Pony. It started tapping its foot and rolled its hand forward, gesturing for me to get on with it if I wasn’t going to fuck Twilight, but before I could unzip my trousers, Cadance and Twilight reappeared and the lust came back. The thing grew a dick and pointed towards them while gently stroking itself and I just looked at it like it was fucking stupid. That was a turn off and the heat that I hadn't realized had been spreading through my body stopped and went cold.

I looked at the crystal in Cadance’s grasp and reached for it with my left hand, stealing it from her. The Estrus Construct realized what was happening and fell to its knees, folding it’s hands and practically begging for mercy. I raised a brow at it and shoved it into the crystal. With that settled, I memorized what it looked like and dropped it off into the Castle in the Everfree because I might need it later.

“Well that’s taken care of. No one’s cheating on anyone, no one’s practically raping anything.” I looked down. “And I’m still harder than diamonds. Thanks for the crystal, Candy Arse.”

Cadance stared at me. “Max, I make it a habit to not use coarse language, but what the buck was that?”

“Estrus in physical form.” I answered simply.

“You told me that it wasn’t in a physical form!” Twilight protested.

“It’s easier to explain like that. I know how much you like the truth and exact answers.” I replied.

Twilight facepalmed and Cadance looked confused. “I’m sorry, did you just say that the little naked pony that was touching itself was actually estrus?”

“Twilight’s estrus to be exact.” I said proudly.

Cadance turned her gazed to Twilight. “...Is that true?”

Twilight clutched her necklace. “Cadance, Max reached into me and pulled it out. I don’t feel hot anymore so yes, I’m assuming that it was my estrus.”

I came over to Twilight and held her face gently, gazing deeply into her eyes. They flickered down for a moment and she laid a hand on my chest, tracing my muscles. “How’s your sex drive feeling?” I asked huskily.

She gave Cadance a glance and whispered, “I could do with a favour or two while you’re dressed for it.”

Cadance pretended not to hear that. “So… Can I go back home and forget that whatever just happened actually did happen?”

Twilight and I looked at each other for a while longer before I turned to her and asked, “Well, Twilight and I have her house to ourselves for a while, so unless you wanna watch what happens after this…” I spread a hand and pursed my lips.

Cadance was silent for a long moment. “Can I watch?”

Twilight blushed hard and I shrugged. “It’s fine by me.”

“Th-That’s fine by me too.” Twilight said a bit anxiously.

Cadance bit her lip and looked off to the side. “...Maybe I shouldn’t. I don’t think Shining would be too happy to find out that I watched his sister and the stallion he despises most go and do… Things.”

I shrugged. “It’s up to you. Neither of us are ever going to tell him about what we do.”

Twilight laughed nervously. “It would be a bit weird if I said anything to him.”

Cadance balled a fist over her heart. “Well… What harm-”

“Nope, don’t say that.” I interrupted. “Bad things happen when you finish that.”

She gave me a look. “Don’t be superstitious.”

I returned her look with a droll one of my own. “We live in a place where mentioning something makes it happen within minutes most of the time.” I turned to Twilight. “Remember when we said that we wished you had some cake and Spike came downstairs and started baking one for no reason?”

Twilight pursed her lips. “I think you’re just being superstitious, Amour.”

I rolled my eyes. “Say what you want. I think you’re about to bring some bad juju down on us and I’m not having it.”

Twilight went to start talking and I kissed her to forestall anymore of that needless noise. Instead of doing more noise making, I picked her up so we could do some of the better kind of noise making with Cadance following a little ways behind. I don’t feel like describing that since I feel like it just doesn’t bear repeating, but I spent the rest of my day at Twilight’s and Cadance went home eventually. I filled my journal out to right aboooout… Here! Kek.

I sit here with Twilight on her couch, writing things down and I realize how fucking bullshit my ability is. It’s some slept on bullshit that I never even put that much thought into the applications of, but now that I see that I can take anything… I’m a little scared. More scared than I was when I had Dark Magic… But I know now. I know what I have to take from Discord and it can’t be his Soul for fear of turning evil myself. It can’t be his will because his might be stronger than mine. No… I don’t even want to write it down, but I have an idea, and it just might work.

Author's Notes:

Writing this chapter was fun, and no, before you say it, you did not call the fact that Max was going to be able to teleport with True Theft. It's great that you came to that conclusion on your own, but this chapter was written at least two weeks before Chapter Forty-Six was posted. I keep a nice backlog of chapters so I can write when I feel like it, but now that I'm working, that backlog might get cut down a bit.

That being said, I hope you enjoyed the shenanigans and the expansion of what Max can use his powers for. If you have any comments, questions, or concerns, leave a comment or send me a PM. I'll most likely address it when I have the time, but for now, go bite the face off of a five pound gummi-bear and tell me that's it's not satisfying. I dare you.

As Always, Stick Your Fingers In Multiple Bums

Stay Cool, Kids.